MNF 22/Male Bag 5
May 31, 2012 21:19:36 GMT -5
Post by Andy on May 31, 2012 21:19:36 GMT -5
Check out Monday Night Flaw 22 and MNF Male Bag 5 on iTunes, Stitcher and Flawedcast.net and then cast your votes!
Gran Serpiente
Chuparme La Polla!
Hola Andres y Cristóbal! Como estan?
¿Por qué no más gente vote por mí la semana pasada? ¿Son racistas?
Serpiente Enmascarada es un racista, también . También es Cam Gullet. Mierda ese tipo en el culo.
Eso es todo por esta semana. Atornille ustedes ... Me voy a casa.
Coma una polla,
El Gran Serpiente
Hi Andrew and Christopher! How are you?Why not more people vote for me last week? Are racist?
Masked Snake is a racist, too. You is Cam Gullet. Shit such ass.
That's all for this week. Screw you ... I'm going home.
Eat a cock
The Great Serpent
Serpiente con Queso
El Campeón... Está... Aquí!
Hola señores! Yo soy El Serpiente Con Queso, y yo soy impresionaaaaaante... ¡Oh, usted no sabía? Tu culo mejor llamar a alguieeeeeeen! ¡Ahora, tocar... mi... música!
Serpiente Enmascarada y El Gran Serpiente no son auténticos. Yo soy la verdadera Serpiente. Yo soy el mejor que hay, la mejor que había, y lo mejor que alguna vez será.
Para ser el hombre, tienes que superar al hombre. ***¡¡¡El WHOOOOOOOO!!!*** Y ninguno de ellos son hombres de verdad.
¿Quién es mejor que El Serpiente Con Queso? ¡Nadie! ¡Nadie! Oh, es verdad! Es DAMN verdad! Es tiempo para tomar las chicas en un viaje a la Montaña Espacial, gordito!
Más amo de ustedes, pero tengo un problema con un escritor regular. El señor Dustin Faber no es relevante. Sus mensajes no pertenecen a los otros en la programa. ¡Conozca su rol, y cierra la boca! Espero que es violada por una familia del purcupines. Pero no te digo nada que no sepamos ya.
Eso es todo. ¡Hasta la próxima! ¡Tenga un día bueno!
-Serpiente Con Queso
Hello gentlemen I am the Snake With Cheese, and I am aaaaaaaawesooooome! ... Oh, you did not know? Your ass better call somebooooodyyyyyy! now play ... my ... music!
Masked Snake and The Great Serpent No are authentic. I am the real snake. I am the best there is, Best there was, and best there ever will be.
To be the man, have to beat the man. *** WHOOOOOOOO! *** And none are real men.
Who is better than The Snake With Cheese? No! No! Oh, and s true! It's DAMN true! Is time to take the girls on a ride to Space Mountain, fat boy!
I love most about you, but I have a problem with a regular writer. Mr. Dustin Faber is not relevant. Your messages do not belong to the others in the program. Know your role, and shut up! Hope is raped by a family purcupines. But I say nothing but already know.
That's all. Until next time Have a nice day!
Snake With Cheese
Stu
Fuck the World
Hey guys,
Really? REALLY? I'm joint second-to-last with with 2 peons and 2 made up imposters? After all I've done? I was the MUST READ champion of this network for 8 non-consecutive weeks, and this is how I'm repaid? Unbelievable.
Andy-DAMN RIGHT I'll take credit for english tv shows even though I'm scottish. We INVENTED the television after all, so really, everything on it can be traced back to us. Been a busy week for me, patriotism wise. Not only am I setting that matter straight, but I gave Army of Dorkness a bit of a lesson in geography. God knows Cam needs it, since the only map he's ever had to use was the one to the VD Clinic.
Chris- did you really not get that I was doing a take off of Christian's old theme last week, or were you really singing it, but you're just tone deaf?
Cliff Snotes or Cliff's Notes, or whatever the fuck your name is- Make all the excuses you want kid, we know you're backpedaling and saying you can't really contribute that much lately because with your single win, you realise you're just the flavour of the week to the rest of these people, well except Cam. The only flavour he likes is sailor spunk.
JB King- I have nothing to say to you. Your perpetual failure to achieve anything of note is satisfaction enough. Shame, because I did vote for you last week.
Serpiente Enmascarada- No cuido sobre el fútbol. Usted es estúpido, pero yo tengo intensidad, integridad y intelligencia. ¡Es verdad! ¡Es verdad! ¡MEJOR EN EL MUNDOOOOOOOOOO! ¡Y si usted no es trague con eso...tengo dos palabras para usted...aspírelo! ¿Qué? ¿Qué? ¿Qué? ¿Qué? ¿Qué? ¿Qué?
To everyone else except Gator (who actually voted for me): Go run through traffic. Failing that, expect a flaming haggis to come through your bedroom windows sometime soon. Well, except ol' Cum Gullet. Killing him would be a mercy, so instead I'm just going to arrange for his dick to get stapled back on and let the loss of business send him into even more of a downward spiral than he's currently in.
Well, now that's off my chest...
Just some highlights of SmackDown this week:
-In the opener, Eve Torres came out because John Laurinaitis is away on an "International Business Trip", which I think is code for "bailing Jericho out of Brazillian jail". I'm surprised Del Rio's flirting with her was seemingly so effective, as ADR makes a less convincing heterosexual than Cam Gullet. He also asks "Do you want to make Mr. Laurinaitis proud? The answer is C." C? It wasn't a multiple choice question!
-The Uso's take on O'Neill and Young, over the thorny issue of dance moves. The useless black guys from NXT beat the actual former tag team champions/second generation superstars. And all this came after making fun of the Usos' Hakka. WWE does realise that racism still counts when minorities do it, right? If they dropped the jokiness and added more guys, they'd practically be a second incarnation of the Nation of Domination. Okay, the THIRD incarnation, after the short lived tag team of Brian VanAlstyne and Cam Gullet, whose name meant something a little different. Also, with them, so did the phrase "tag team".
-When they hyped an upcoming appearance by Ryback I thought for a moment it was going to be a 20 minute interview with JR where he answered all questions by shouting non-sensical catchphrases. Of course not. He takes on a couple jobbers known as Brian Edwards and Kevin Bendl. They may have the names of newscasters, but they actually looked like an off brand AJ Styles and Lo Ki.
-Sheamus was meant to apologise for genuinely running into an injured man. However, being ginger than thus without a soul, he opts not to say he's sorry, apparently believing that you shouldn't have to apologise for mistakes that were actually your own fault. And why not? Cam's mother never apologised for keeping him. He goes on to say if you look up Ace's arse you're find David Otunga and Eve up there. So THAT'S what Otunga disguises his TARDIS as! I hope Neil Gaiman doesn't write a story about it.
-Damian Sandow and Yoshi Tatsu had a rematch, Sandow hitting the same neckbreaker Layla uses before using a cover Thom's mother is very familiar with.
-As Big Show defends his actions as being necesary to support his family, I again ask...why are faces seemingly so bad with money? Wouldn't Big Show be making at least 6 figures a year? He can't eat THAT much a week. Storylines like this must come directly from Vince, because only someone with so little money worries could really fail to grasp that. I'm also reminded of when Shawn Michaels was broke in-storyline and had to work for JBL, but from how he told it in promos, it wasn't so much that he really needed the money himself as it was his extended family all seemed to be mooching off him and couldn't get off their own asses to find jobs themselves.
If WWE are going to use this sort of storyline, they should at least do it right. Bring back Kaval(or if he's unavailable, Kevin Bendl) and explain that since he's left WWE he's not been able to find regular work, and has become a hobo, and every match he competes in, he has to win or order to get fed this week. I can see all sorts of little details for this gimmick. He comes out to silence as he can't afford theme music. He's so desperate he resorts to cheating, using a loaded bindle as a foreign object. The Warrior's Way can be renamed The Food Stamp. When facing Antonio Cesaro, he can bite his nipples because the hunger's so bad he hallucinates that they're REAL pepperoni slices. It can even turn out that because he's been unemployed so long, he couldn't afford to renew the trade mark on "Kaval" and had to go by his real name, Adam Dan. Between all this and the Chemo explaining his baldness, he'd be sure to be the most sympathetic face in history!
-Before our main event began, Daniel Bryan showed up to attack Kane with a chair. Well Kane did make his return in December last year and I did say WWE couldn't got 6 months without turning him one way or the other...
On to Raw, which I caught up with the next day rather than watch live, which meant I could watch the Memorial Day video package while simultaneously listening to the 10 minute remix of Hey Ya. What better tribute could be made? Semper Fi.
-Big Show opens Raw and continues to retcon all his good deeds out of existence by claiming they were calculated business moves and NOT sincere. A wrestler playing a character? What a TWIST! In a baffling logic turn, after admitting this, he then complains about no one apparently caring about his fate, and being instantly cheered up by Brodus Clay's dancing after his termination. Actually, he almost turned instantly face again by bringing up Cena's godawful Jim Carrey impersonation, but unfortunately didn't really critique it enough for that.
-After ADR and Santino have a battle of epic foregone conclusionism, Big Show threw Alex Riley into a wall to send a message to the lockeroom. Oddly, CM Punk didn't seem to care that this happened to his new best friend. Maybe he still hadn't got that 50 bucks he owed him.
-Tyler Perry Presents a Tag Team successfully retained against the Jack Offs. Meh, I'm just waiting for them to go heel and get their wins by having Little Jimmy interfere in their matches. Afterwards, Dolph Ziggler storms out in frustration, saying "I'm Better Than This!". Last time that happened, it was Drew MacIntyre after Wrestlemania and it went absolutely nowhere. So good luck, Ziggles.
-Backstage, Big Show gets in the way of an injured Santino. A trainer informs Big Show that Santino is hurt...then just fucks off and leaves him defenceless. Show seems to be about to do harm to him, when Brodus Clay steps in and tells Big Show to say his beef to his face, rather than "behind my back". "Behind my back" apparently means out in the ring to millions of people on live tv. Anyways, a match is made for later, and Big Show promises that Brodus won't be walking afterwards. Really? I would have went with "I'm gonna make you extinct!" myself?
-John Laurinaitis comes out, accompanied by his executive assistant Eve, and legal/quantum mechanics advisor David Otunga. He's here to reveal his cover to WWE '13, which he claims will be bigger than Pac-man. Wow, look out Jon Meredith, Chris Alt might have just found his new co-presenter for Gamer and Proud. It wouldn't be much of change. One's called Johnny and has an iritating voice, and the other's Laurinaitis. He's interrupted by CM Punk, who compares Johnny to Pac-man in that they both have no testicles. That's true. Pac-man jr. was delivered by a stork, rather than conceived. Hey, maybe I should replace Jon. It'd give me a chance to talk about John McClintosh's Caber Toss 2012(say that 3 times fast). They're adding Create-A-Tosser this year!
Punk unveils the REAL cover, which features himself. Somehow nobody present in the ring saw this coming and are genuinely shocked, Otunga nearly dropping his Sonic Thermos in surprise. Still, I'm sure Johnny will at LEAST be DLC for the game, along with the other Dynamic Dude.
-Punk takes on Bryan in an Over The Limit rematch, which if Bryan wins, will bag him another title shot. Pretty good outing, with Punk losing due to AJ inadvedantly distracting him, but she helps him out when Kane shows up to attack both men. So it evens out. Punk still seems unsure, but he's not considering that after breaking up with Bryan, she's now ALLOWED to put meat in her mouth.
-Christian took on Miz while Cody Rhodes sat in to do guest commentary. He calls Christian old. I at first thought this was ludcrous, then a couple of things dawned on me that might prove him right. He WAS a main eventer for TNA. His best friend is a retired Hall of Famer. Didn't "Peep Shows" stop getting called that some time in the sixties? His ring attire is closer to sweat pants than trunks. Oh my God. It's true. Christian IS old. I know he doesn't look it, but remember, he IS Canadian. They've got free healthcare up there. Chris Jericho is actually 67. That's why his musical (and some fashion) tastes seem to skew late 1970s, and he thinks it's okay to mock foreign nation's flags. He's just set in his ways. It all makes sense now. Christian, that's not awesomeness you reek of. Someone just forgot to change your Depends. Christian nearly gets beat when Cody distracts him, but he rallies once he finds his medication and gets the victory.
-Backstage, John Laurinaitis needs to talk to Otunga and Eve in private. Ignoring the camera 3 feet away from them, Eve tells Teddy to go get her a coffee. Otunga says he doesn't need one, but he would like a fez. Johnny chews Otunga out for losing to Cena last week, and Eve for letting Sheamus get away with not apologising. Otunga tries to make amends by asking for a match with Sheamus, thinking that all red haired people are related and that he can get Amy Pond to put in a good word for him.
-Miz is still in the ring and doing his usual bitching, until Randy...Orton takes offence at someone besides him wasting people's time by talking slowly in a monotonous tone of voice and delivers an RKO.
-David Otunga tries really hard, but he can't stand up to Sheamus' fury over the fact there's never been an Irish Companion on the TARDIS.
-Big Show comes out to face Brodus Clay, who he compares unfavourably to Doink. Pipebomb! Show then beats Brodus around the ring. Truth and Kofi try to make the save because they can't watch an endangered species like the Funkasaurus get manhandled like that, only for Big Show to knock them down. Then Big Show clears a table, and probably because he remembers he can't chokeslam anyone bigger than HHH that impressively, breaks an end off and uses that to beat down Brodus, before leaving. Big Show is well and truly back as a monster...and who could blame him? I certainly know how it feels to have the people turn their backs on you after so many...weeks of entertainment. Sometimes you have to make a stand, like how I've went this whole e-mail without making a Nate Corbitt joke. #(yes Chris, this is a fucking HASH TAG this time)Heel.
Stu the angry scotsman.
P.S. What's the funniest crowd reaction or chant you've ever heard at a live wrestling event? Over here at ICW there's a ridiculously skinny wrestler called Jamie Feerik, who upon his debut was greeted with "Get Some Steroids" *clap clap clapclapclap*, and then later, people started singing the "Feed The World" chorus from the Band Aid song "Do They Know It's Christmas". Also as I've said before, teabags have happened at their shows in the past, and the most frequent victim has had to put up with people not only reminding him, but also bombarding the ring with teabags. It got to the point that they had to actually get the ring announcer to ask us to not do it during matches because it posed a safety hazard during.
Zom
BRAINS
GUERHGURHRHGUGHRUGHGURHRUGHRHGUGHGHRUR
- Zom Roper
Serpiente
MNF de correo electrónico
Hola Señor Andy y Señor Chris!
Presentación de La Serpiente Enmascarada!
¿Quién es La Serpiente Enmascarada?
No, Señor Chris. La Serpiente Enmascarada no es Tyler Houston.
No, Señor James y Chico Cam. La Serpiente Enmascarada no es Andy Gaston.
La identidad de la Serpiente Enmascarada es un secreto!
Señor Stu, ¿Viste el fútbol?
¿Escocia v de los Estados Unidos de América?
CINCO goles a UNO gol! U S A! U S A! U S A!
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco...
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLES!
U S A! U S A! U S A!
¿Escocia utilizar su equipo de chicas?
U S A! U S A! U S A!
Escocia fútbol que renunció como la mamá de Cam Gullet en un baño de Waffle Casa.
U S A! U S A! U S A!
Señor Andy y Señor Chris: ¿Prefiere el alcohol en México? Margarita? Tequila? Mojito?
La Serpiente Enmascarada es un Campeon del Mundo!
Gracias a los punshouse.com votantes!
Campeones del Mundo son compadres Stu, Nate, y las Notas de Cliff.
Los amigos son el "Principales Evento Mafioso".
JB King es un miembro honorario.
Señor Andy y Señor Chris, Perdón por las imitadores de habla de español.
No preste atención a la Gran Serpiente y imitadores de Serpiente Enmascarada.
Gran Serpiente es no compadres como Señor Fred, Señor Dustin Faber, y Señor las Notas de Cliff.
Gran Serpiente es compadres como Señor Maxine y Señor Chyna.
¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí!
Gran Serpiente escribe como Adám Dan y Cam Gullet y Cletus Van Dam!
¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí!
Gran Serpiente es una falsificación, como Ron México.
¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí!
Gran Serpiente es tan interesante como Damian Sandow v Heath Slater match de lucha libre.
¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí!
Gran Serpiente fantasías con una sexual conquista con Katie Vick.
¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí!
Gran Serpiente y Cam Gullet visitar la marina.
Los Marineros de la Armada tienen un trío homosexual con Gran Serpiente.
Cam Gullet observa y masturba.
¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí!
Señor Andy y Señor Chris: ¿Dónde está Rey Mysterio?
¡Atención! Tengo un MUY MUY MUY importante anuncio!
Serpiente Enmascarada tiene DOS consecutivos Campeonatos del Mundo.
Si gano SIETE Campeonatos del Mundo consecutivos ...
Voy a REVELAR mi IDENTIDAD SECRETA!
Voy a DESENMASCARA!
En el Cuatro de Julio!
Día de la Independencia!
Buenos Noches,
El Serpiente Enmascarada!
Hello Mr. Andy and Mr. Chris!
Presentation of The Masked Snake!
Who is the Masked Snake?
No, Mr. Chris. The Serpent is not Tyler Houston.
No, Mr. James and Chico Cam. The Serpent is not Andy Gaston.
The identity of the Masked Snake is a secret!
Mr. Stu, did you see the football?
¿Scotland v United States of America?
Five goals to one goal! U S A! U S A! U S A!
One, two, thr ee, four, five ...
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLES!
U S A! U S A! U S A!
Scotland ¿girls use your equipment?
U S A! U S A! U S A!
Scotland football who resigned as the mother of Cam Gullet in a bathroom of Waffle House.
U S A! U S A! U S A!
Mr. Andy and Mr. Chris: Do you prefer alcohol in Mexico? Margarita? Tequila? Mojito?
Masked Snake is a World Champion!
Thanks to the punshouse.com voters!
World Champions are compadres Stu, Nate, and Cliff Notes.
Friends are the "Main Event Mafia."
JB King is an honorary member.
Mr. Chris and Mr. Andy, Sorry for the imitators of speaks Spanish.
Pay no attention to the Great Snake and Snake Masked imitators.
Great Serpent is not buddies like Mr. Fred, Mr. Dustin Faber, and Mr. Cliff Notes.
Great Serpent is friends with Mr. Maxine and Mr. Chyna.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Great Serpent writes as Adam Dan and Cam Gullet and Cletus Van Dam!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Great Serpent is a forgery, as Ron Mexico.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Great Serpent is as interesting as Damien Sandow v Heath Slater wrestling match.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Great Serpent sexual fantasies with a conquest with Katie Vick.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Great Serpent and Cam Gullet visit the marina.
Sailors of the Navy have a homosexual threesome with Great Serpent.
Cam watches and masturbates.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Mr. Andy and Mr. Chris: Where is Rey Mysterio?
Warning: I have a VERY VERY VERY important announcement!
Masked snake has TWO consecutive World Championships.
SEVEN If I win consecutive world championships ...
I will reveal my secret identity!
I will unmask!
On the Fourth of July!
Independence Day!
Good Night,
The Masked Snake!
JB KingStill no gimmick, still no gold
So when are we going to get the awesome episode of Monday Night Flaw hosted by myself and Stuart Little? Andy threatening to fire Chris last week gave me the idea. Oh sure Stu is chopped hagus now but I think it would be a hilarious change of pace. We can call the episode “THE LAST KING OF SCOT-LAND” How will we make things better you ask? Well for one it wont sound like its being hosted by a 17 year old high pitched drunk. Plus it will done by someone funny! Hey don’t blame me for that one blame Chris over there! And Chris will be replaced by an actual wing man, and someone who can do good Cam Guzzllet jokes! Finally, something we can all agree on, we will be replacing Scott “Nite-Quil” Taylor’s TNA Recap with Spanish recap from EL SERPIENTE! It wont be read by me it will be read by Stu just for shits and giggles. Don’t act like you don’t want to hear Willy from the Simpsons try to conjugate Spanish.
Speaking of snake, it looks like Serpiente wins again. Me Gusta? How many Serpiente rip offs are there now? Is there a Serpiente Negro played by the racist JB KING yet? How about Serpiente Culo played by Robconway? Im just glad to see that Adam Dan failed so miserably as Gran Serpiente. DUN DUN DUN! That’s right JB KING is now playing the heel. Time to be like Chris Jericho in 1997 and unmask all these losers. And don’t worry I already know who the original Serpiente is. Its not hard to check proxies and IPs with a little effort. What, you thought photoshop was all I could do? But no worries, I’ll keep the secret…unless I win this week. In the meantime, I will take this opportunity to insult Snake by claiming CHRIS LOPEZ is Serpiente. And until the real serpiente rises his gimmick will be tarnished knowing it is played by him. Look it that Andy, a feud to make the belt mean something! YOUR WELCOME!
Maybe I should calm down about this. Maybe I should take up a relaxing game like golf. Too bad Im terrible at it. Because like Nate Corbitts health, I know I will suffer from too many strokes. (PUNSHOUSE.COM) Too mean? Its not my fault he can headbutt the ground when he lets out sneeze, screw Douchey. Speaking of lingering death, whats up with Thom pulling a Matt Hardy? I haven’t seen a Kiwi job like that since Steve Erwin died, but at least he knew when to sell a move and lay down for talent.
Hot damn is it question time already? Well lets go then.
QUESTION ONE: After Y2J pulled off treason or whatever in a shitwhole country, surely the PR and writing staff will take every precaution to make sure they don’t screw up again. Sure enough this week on Raw, Hurricane Paul came to New Orleans and instantly destroyed the entire urban community of Monday Night Raw. Maybe Truth and Kofiquences came out because they were offended by Big Show’s excessive use of the term “you people” last night. That’s right lets let a guy who is now a CONTRACTED hitman throw “concussion” causing punches to black people in New Orleans. One of which he tossed through a barricade/levy. The only way they could have made that more offensive was Big Show coming out to Shane Helms’ theme. STAND BACK! THERES A HURRICANE COMING THOUGH! Why I the only one that caught this?
QUESTION TWO: And I the only one that thinks AJ will end up with Big Daddy Kane? Forget about CM Punk, Kayfabe wise, Kane has had a relationship/stalker storyline with way more divas then anyone else. Chyna, Terri, Tori, Lita, Trish, Katie Vick, and even XPAC one time. Because once you go Kane the rest seem plain. I haven’t seen a set up coming from that far away since DevSop was on “to catch a predator”. Bryan: NO NO NO I MEANT GRAPE DATE WITH A G! Anywho, If they are going to be using Kane they might as well use him the best way they know how, some shitty love story line. Strangely enough, psycho AJ and Kane could work. Thoughts?
QUESTION THREE: Time to get all Dustin Faber-y and bring the laughter to a halt. Time for a serious question! Has it been a blue moon already? Anyway, I wanted to get into the subject of guilty pleasures. What wrestlers do you enjoy or appreciate that seemingly everyone else hates? I for one, do actually enjoy Randy Orton. Outside of his feud with Kane I seriously cant remember a bad match he had lately. Some people don’t dig his “slow style” but I think as a “apex predator” being methodical and picking an opponents weakspots make sense, kinda like how every heel did it back in 80s and early 90s. And lets face it, his RKO is a nice “pop” move. I also think Alberto Del Rio is a tremendous asset. He took the time to learn the language and adapt to WWE’s style which is clearly not easy for some people and can work a great match. So Chris thinks hes a bad asset yet he supports Sin Cara ring? Its funny how Chris can get behind the botch machine known as Sin Cara and not Del Rio, so maybe you can enlighten me. Basically, I just wanted to know (outside of Steiner… Andy) what wrestlers you love that everyone else hates.
QUESTION FOUR: Lastly it seems like WWE Creative is going overboard again. There is an actual WWE tshirt of CM PUNK with the quotation, “I did crazy chicks” and that’s it. It seems like WWE creative is taking ideas like Cams mouth, ANYTHING GOES! So does this mean we are going to get anything on a shirt if a superstar says it? Just because Dwayne got away with it doesn’t mean we have every bad one liner gets a tshirt. Where were these following meme tshirts for sale…
-Would you like a receipt with your paperbag?
-Cena’s lady parts
-Its Iced Coffee!
-HES FAT!
-I did it…for da rock
-Zack Ryders got a t-shirt?
-I Choppy Choppy Your Peepee!
-I’m from Winnipeg you idiot!
-GGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! (ok so that’s Zandig but whatever)
-Look out! Hes gotta bicycle!
-And finally “ITS ME AUSTIN!” on the front with “AH SUNNAVAH BITCH!” on the back. I would have bought in the shirt stands. What other ones would you have liked to see?
God I love this podcast. Only here can we see multiple white guys well over there thirties pretend to be luchadors. Only here can we make assumptions about a ginger who takes just as many jokes as he does dicks. Hes like my refrigerator, you can open them both up and shove as much meat as you want in there, only difference is, my fridge doesn’t fart and giggle when I pull the meat out (CAMSASS.RAM) But don’t tell Robconway that because he would just call that a midnight snack. (ROBSHOUSE.FART) Only here can we imagine a old midget having a mirror match with a potato head doll.(PUNSHOUSE.COM) Only here can we mock a co-hosts pubic hair, or as DevSop likes to call it, Kryptonite (BRYANSVAN.RAPE) And of course only here can we mock a guy who has had a horrible condition which I wouldn’t wish on anyone…
…Speaking of Adam Dan, whats with all the recent beef towards me bro? I thought we were cool and on the same page. Are you upset that Im taking all the good Cam Guzzlet jokes? If I would have known your cancer in your blood would be replaced by hatred I probably would have taken the latter. You don’t think I would go after that useless title If I wanted? Holy shit can you image if we started a feud on PUNSHOUSE? Dan: JB KING sucks that idiot cant even win emailer of the week. Followed by Nate and his minions chant “SIL-VER MED-AL!” clap clap clap clap clap “SIL-VER MED-AL!” And I would rebute with an awesome joke and the retards would just eat it up. Hell I could even lie to them and say you still had cancer and they would chant it anyway. “YOU-STILL-GOT-IT!” clap clap clap clap clap “YOU-STILL-GOT-IT” But even in your darkest hour of defeat you could still look to the words of your sexually depressed lady. “Goddamnit just because you beat cancer doesn’t give you permission to beat your dick on the computer that “I” bought. Now get off your lazy ass and go find a job you worthless piece of shit.” –shorthand of course.
Oh Shit, is King shooting? HI COLT CABANA!
You hear that? That’s the sound of Andy and Chris handing me the intercontinental title. THAT EASY. A prestigious title held by the greats of Cliff, Cam and yourself. TO THE HARLEY RACES! TO THE BERRY WHINDUMS! TO THE RIC FLAIRS! AND THEY CAN ALL KISS! MY! ASS! And in the ultimate swerve King would throw this useless title to the ground making history. And Im sure just as many people are actually tuning in now as when Shane Douglas did it back then. Thankfully, this isn’t real, Im not competing for that belt, I don’t hate you, and you can stay safe in the land of make believe. At least now you know why Andy feels Im above this useless strap.
Love, peace and penis grease.
Johnny
Dennis
What the funk?
Dear MNF,
So it seems Big Show is going on a ultimate rampage. Anyone notice the beat up on only "black" superstars? I smell a match brewing with Clay, Kofi, and R-Truth vs Big show w/ Al Sharpton as guest referee. I also loved how Show was able to lift his foot and smash the announce table. That's a work out alright! It seems that Punk and the Yes Man are playing with Kane's emotions. In other news! Miz threw a fit and Randy shut his shit up... Like a boss!
I don't have much to contribute with an e-mail this week since I didn't catch the start of WWE Raw. So this is my curtain call ladies.
Boat Man out!
Adam Dan
Der Champ Ist Da!
Adam Dan's penis is so small that Cam Gullet's mom refused to service it. Nate Corbitt is still unable to wrap his hand all the way around it, though. PUNSHOUSE.COM!!!
Adam Dan's balls are so ticklish that while Cam Gullet's mom is playing hide-and-seek with them he sounds like Chris reading a JB King email . GIGGLESHITS.ALT!!!
And speaking of the Altar Boy, what happened to his hair, anyway? I had more hair on my asshole when I was going through chemo. BALD-TAINTS.CHEMO.ASS!!!
And Chris, how stupid are people in Arkansas? You didn't realize that Andy actually edited in my email from last week the following morning? Wow... there's either something in the water there, or you're getting a dose of contact-retardation from Cam Cam & Jon Boy. ARKANSAS-IS-FOR-RETARDS-AND-SPOUSAL-ABUSERS.GOV!!!
Now back to JB King. Perpetually in second place, eh, champ? I would say I know what that feels like, but hey, at least I made cancer tap out. You're getting your ass handed to you by the likes of Bitty and some random fictional Mexican. JB-QUEEN.NUMERO.DOS!!!
And why doesn't anybody rip on Dustin Faber? He DOES have the greatest theme music on the Malebag, but should that preclude him from our directed rage and ire? I think not. If I win again this week, I vow to hand over my title to that lonely basement-dwelling troglodyte so he can experience the full wrath of the Monday Night Flawtards. It's about as pleasant a feeling as when my wife decides it's Pegging-With-The-Hot-Poker Night. GATORS-SEX-LIFE.TMI!!!
On a completely unrelated note, that was the best you could bring last week, Cam? Jesus Christ you're lame. I'll let you slide, though, as I'm sure you were quite preoccupied on your excursion to the oil rig last weekend. I hope you are slowly crushed to death in the bed of a dump truck full of loosely closed jars of flesh-eating virus. CAM-AND-RIGGERS.YUP!!!
I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.
-Adam Dan
Cliff
---Live via Satellite on The Titan Tron---
Hey guys,
Once again, sorry I can’t be appearing live this week, as I’m busy filming Knucklehead 2, so I’ll need to keep this brief. Originally I wasn't going to e-mail you this week, but I thought that you might like to hear the refreshing sounds of English.
My long ass question and discussion:
Rumors are that Vince wants Sheamus to reach Cena's level as the WWE Poster Boy for investors, for the kids, for press, and the charities - a role that Punk and Orton don't want. A few years ago, Sheamus had significant momentum as a heel from feuds (and clean wins) with both John Cena and Triple H. However, that seems like ancient history today, especially when you consider how he was used (or rather, not used) for all of 18 seconds in the last two Wrestlemanias.
So if Sheamus is going to be one of the Corporate Faces of the WWE, doesn't he need to go over somebody substantial this year? I don't think his recent history does that. There's only a handful of guys on the planet that can put Sheamus over to where Vince wants him. While I would enjoy a feud with Jericho or Triple H, it would be too obvious that those veterans are at the stage of their careers where they are putting guys over. Stone Cold, Undertaker, and HBK are a bit unreasonable. So my short list of Sheamus opponents includes: Cena, Punk, The Rock, and Brock. And I'll add Batista as a fifth guy, but he's a half step behind the other four. That's about it.
So in looking at those five, I don't think Punk-Sheamus makes sense right now; as I'd keep Punk on a separate path. I don't think The Rock would do it as he wants a bigger money maker. But any of the other three work for me. Cena has done the Face vs Face thing well enough in the past with (off the top of my head) Shawn Michaels, The Rock, CM Punk, Batista, and Randy Orton, so I think it could work well with Sheamus. Also, Sheamus-Brock or Sheamus-Batista as a co-headliner at SummerSlam or Survivor Series would certainly be a draw.
Did I miss anyone? Any predictions or desires on a big feud for Sheamus the rest of this year, and what are your overall thoughts on Sheamus needing a big win to get over?
Cliffs Notes
Dustin
Grading The Wrestler
On Sirius XM's Busted Open radio show today, Hacksaw Jim Duggan was promoting his new book and mentioned that he didn't like Mickey Rourke or The Wrestler, due to the movies depiction of the main character living a pathetic life. I've never heard your opinions on The Wrestler. Did you like or dislike it, and why?
Other pontifications:
• Speaking of media, what was your favorite wrestling book? My favorite was Dibiase's autobiography, Every Man Has His Price, and Foley's first book.
• Give me a top three to five list of your favorite entrance themes of all time, excluding ones that use licensed music (like Punk and Hollywood Hogan). Can't go wrong with glass shattering in my book.
• On Twitter the other day, CM Punk said that he hated his match with DB on Monday Night. I'm assuming he was talking about the technical part of the match instead of the storyline, since his Twitter usually breaks Kayfabe. When you hear a wrestler say how much they liked or hated a match, does that influence your opinion on the match quality? Or could you care less about what the performer thinks?
Thanks for answering my questions. God bless. Bye Bye.
Serpiente Maricón
¡Hooooolaaaaa!
¿Qué pasa, vaqueros sexys? Presentando la Serpiente Maricón! Heeeeeeeey!
Creo que Chris es super caliente. Si nunca termina su relación con Cam Gullett, Voy a ser su nuevo sancho!
Una vez tuve sexo con Randy Orton. Puso mi pene en su boca y puse su pene en mi boca! Luego tuvimos sexo anal. Yo soy homosexual.
¿Oigo que Dustin Faber es un católico?
¡Está bueno! Me gusta ser molestado!
King de JB pobre no puede con el concurso de correo electrónico. Siempre será número uno en mi corazón. Y mi culo!
Bueno, esto es todo para mí. Tengo que irme. Tengo a masturbarse a fotografías de Jimmy Valient. Buenas noches, mis amantes
-El Serpiente Maricón
What's up, sexy jeans? Introducing the Serpent Faggot! Heeeeeeeey! I think Chris is super hot. If you ever end your relationship with Cam Gullett, I'll be your new sancho!
I once had sex with Randy Orton. He put my penis in his mouth and put his penis in my mouth! Then we had anal sex. I am homosexual.
Do I hear Dustin Faber is a Catholic?
It's good! I like to be molested!
Poor JB King can not win the contest email. He will always be number one in my heart. And my asshole!
Well, that's it for me. I have to go. I have to masturbate to pictures of Jimmy Valient. Good evening, my lovers
-The Serpent Faggot
Cam
Adam Dan likes his girls so young that he makes DevSop look like Ashton Kutcher in comparison.
Adam Dan sucks more dick than my mom in a Waffle House bathroom, RIP mom.
When you invite Adam Dan out for a steak dinner, he never calls you again, and he leaves a tumor in your to-go bag.
Adam Dan hates black people.
Adam Dan's heartbeat is proof that God either doesn't exist or that cancer only kills worthwhile people.
Sincerely,
"Dashing" Cam Gullett
Gran Serpiente
Chuparme La Polla!
Hola Andres y Cristóbal! Como estan?
¿Por qué no más gente vote por mí la semana pasada? ¿Son racistas?
Serpiente Enmascarada es un racista, también . También es Cam Gullet. Mierda ese tipo en el culo.
Eso es todo por esta semana. Atornille ustedes ... Me voy a casa.
Coma una polla,
El Gran Serpiente
Hi Andrew and Christopher! How are you?Why not more people vote for me last week? Are racist?
Masked Snake is a racist, too. You is Cam Gullet. Shit such ass.
That's all for this week. Screw you ... I'm going home.
Eat a cock
The Great Serpent
Serpiente con Queso
El Campeón... Está... Aquí!
Hola señores! Yo soy El Serpiente Con Queso, y yo soy impresionaaaaaante... ¡Oh, usted no sabía? Tu culo mejor llamar a alguieeeeeeen! ¡Ahora, tocar... mi... música!
Serpiente Enmascarada y El Gran Serpiente no son auténticos. Yo soy la verdadera Serpiente. Yo soy el mejor que hay, la mejor que había, y lo mejor que alguna vez será.
Para ser el hombre, tienes que superar al hombre. ***¡¡¡El WHOOOOOOOO!!!*** Y ninguno de ellos son hombres de verdad.
¿Quién es mejor que El Serpiente Con Queso? ¡Nadie! ¡Nadie! Oh, es verdad! Es DAMN verdad! Es tiempo para tomar las chicas en un viaje a la Montaña Espacial, gordito!
Más amo de ustedes, pero tengo un problema con un escritor regular. El señor Dustin Faber no es relevante. Sus mensajes no pertenecen a los otros en la programa. ¡Conozca su rol, y cierra la boca! Espero que es violada por una familia del purcupines. Pero no te digo nada que no sepamos ya.
Eso es todo. ¡Hasta la próxima! ¡Tenga un día bueno!
-Serpiente Con Queso
Hello gentlemen I am the Snake With Cheese, and I am aaaaaaaawesooooome! ... Oh, you did not know? Your ass better call somebooooodyyyyyy! now play ... my ... music!
Masked Snake and The Great Serpent No are authentic. I am the real snake. I am the best there is, Best there was, and best there ever will be.
To be the man, have to beat the man. *** WHOOOOOOOO! *** And none are real men.
Who is better than The Snake With Cheese? No! No! Oh, and s true! It's DAMN true! Is time to take the girls on a ride to Space Mountain, fat boy!
I love most about you, but I have a problem with a regular writer. Mr. Dustin Faber is not relevant. Your messages do not belong to the others in the program. Know your role, and shut up! Hope is raped by a family purcupines. But I say nothing but already know.
That's all. Until next time Have a nice day!
Snake With Cheese
Stu
Fuck the World
Hey guys,
Really? REALLY? I'm joint second-to-last with with 2 peons and 2 made up imposters? After all I've done? I was the MUST READ champion of this network for 8 non-consecutive weeks, and this is how I'm repaid? Unbelievable.
Andy-DAMN RIGHT I'll take credit for english tv shows even though I'm scottish. We INVENTED the television after all, so really, everything on it can be traced back to us. Been a busy week for me, patriotism wise. Not only am I setting that matter straight, but I gave Army of Dorkness a bit of a lesson in geography. God knows Cam needs it, since the only map he's ever had to use was the one to the VD Clinic.
Chris- did you really not get that I was doing a take off of Christian's old theme last week, or were you really singing it, but you're just tone deaf?
Cliff Snotes or Cliff's Notes, or whatever the fuck your name is- Make all the excuses you want kid, we know you're backpedaling and saying you can't really contribute that much lately because with your single win, you realise you're just the flavour of the week to the rest of these people, well except Cam. The only flavour he likes is sailor spunk.
JB King- I have nothing to say to you. Your perpetual failure to achieve anything of note is satisfaction enough. Shame, because I did vote for you last week.
Serpiente Enmascarada- No cuido sobre el fútbol. Usted es estúpido, pero yo tengo intensidad, integridad y intelligencia. ¡Es verdad! ¡Es verdad! ¡MEJOR EN EL MUNDOOOOOOOOOO! ¡Y si usted no es trague con eso...tengo dos palabras para usted...aspírelo! ¿Qué? ¿Qué? ¿Qué? ¿Qué? ¿Qué? ¿Qué?
To everyone else except Gator (who actually voted for me): Go run through traffic. Failing that, expect a flaming haggis to come through your bedroom windows sometime soon. Well, except ol' Cum Gullet. Killing him would be a mercy, so instead I'm just going to arrange for his dick to get stapled back on and let the loss of business send him into even more of a downward spiral than he's currently in.
Well, now that's off my chest...
Just some highlights of SmackDown this week:
-In the opener, Eve Torres came out because John Laurinaitis is away on an "International Business Trip", which I think is code for "bailing Jericho out of Brazillian jail". I'm surprised Del Rio's flirting with her was seemingly so effective, as ADR makes a less convincing heterosexual than Cam Gullet. He also asks "Do you want to make Mr. Laurinaitis proud? The answer is C." C? It wasn't a multiple choice question!
-The Uso's take on O'Neill and Young, over the thorny issue of dance moves. The useless black guys from NXT beat the actual former tag team champions/second generation superstars. And all this came after making fun of the Usos' Hakka. WWE does realise that racism still counts when minorities do it, right? If they dropped the jokiness and added more guys, they'd practically be a second incarnation of the Nation of Domination. Okay, the THIRD incarnation, after the short lived tag team of Brian VanAlstyne and Cam Gullet, whose name meant something a little different. Also, with them, so did the phrase "tag team".
-When they hyped an upcoming appearance by Ryback I thought for a moment it was going to be a 20 minute interview with JR where he answered all questions by shouting non-sensical catchphrases. Of course not. He takes on a couple jobbers known as Brian Edwards and Kevin Bendl. They may have the names of newscasters, but they actually looked like an off brand AJ Styles and Lo Ki.
-Sheamus was meant to apologise for genuinely running into an injured man. However, being ginger than thus without a soul, he opts not to say he's sorry, apparently believing that you shouldn't have to apologise for mistakes that were actually your own fault. And why not? Cam's mother never apologised for keeping him. He goes on to say if you look up Ace's arse you're find David Otunga and Eve up there. So THAT'S what Otunga disguises his TARDIS as! I hope Neil Gaiman doesn't write a story about it.
-Damian Sandow and Yoshi Tatsu had a rematch, Sandow hitting the same neckbreaker Layla uses before using a cover Thom's mother is very familiar with.
-As Big Show defends his actions as being necesary to support his family, I again ask...why are faces seemingly so bad with money? Wouldn't Big Show be making at least 6 figures a year? He can't eat THAT much a week. Storylines like this must come directly from Vince, because only someone with so little money worries could really fail to grasp that. I'm also reminded of when Shawn Michaels was broke in-storyline and had to work for JBL, but from how he told it in promos, it wasn't so much that he really needed the money himself as it was his extended family all seemed to be mooching off him and couldn't get off their own asses to find jobs themselves.
If WWE are going to use this sort of storyline, they should at least do it right. Bring back Kaval(or if he's unavailable, Kevin Bendl) and explain that since he's left WWE he's not been able to find regular work, and has become a hobo, and every match he competes in, he has to win or order to get fed this week. I can see all sorts of little details for this gimmick. He comes out to silence as he can't afford theme music. He's so desperate he resorts to cheating, using a loaded bindle as a foreign object. The Warrior's Way can be renamed The Food Stamp. When facing Antonio Cesaro, he can bite his nipples because the hunger's so bad he hallucinates that they're REAL pepperoni slices. It can even turn out that because he's been unemployed so long, he couldn't afford to renew the trade mark on "Kaval" and had to go by his real name, Adam Dan. Between all this and the Chemo explaining his baldness, he'd be sure to be the most sympathetic face in history!
-Before our main event began, Daniel Bryan showed up to attack Kane with a chair. Well Kane did make his return in December last year and I did say WWE couldn't got 6 months without turning him one way or the other...
On to Raw, which I caught up with the next day rather than watch live, which meant I could watch the Memorial Day video package while simultaneously listening to the 10 minute remix of Hey Ya. What better tribute could be made? Semper Fi.
-Big Show opens Raw and continues to retcon all his good deeds out of existence by claiming they were calculated business moves and NOT sincere. A wrestler playing a character? What a TWIST! In a baffling logic turn, after admitting this, he then complains about no one apparently caring about his fate, and being instantly cheered up by Brodus Clay's dancing after his termination. Actually, he almost turned instantly face again by bringing up Cena's godawful Jim Carrey impersonation, but unfortunately didn't really critique it enough for that.
-After ADR and Santino have a battle of epic foregone conclusionism, Big Show threw Alex Riley into a wall to send a message to the lockeroom. Oddly, CM Punk didn't seem to care that this happened to his new best friend. Maybe he still hadn't got that 50 bucks he owed him.
-Tyler Perry Presents a Tag Team successfully retained against the Jack Offs. Meh, I'm just waiting for them to go heel and get their wins by having Little Jimmy interfere in their matches. Afterwards, Dolph Ziggler storms out in frustration, saying "I'm Better Than This!". Last time that happened, it was Drew MacIntyre after Wrestlemania and it went absolutely nowhere. So good luck, Ziggles.
-Backstage, Big Show gets in the way of an injured Santino. A trainer informs Big Show that Santino is hurt...then just fucks off and leaves him defenceless. Show seems to be about to do harm to him, when Brodus Clay steps in and tells Big Show to say his beef to his face, rather than "behind my back". "Behind my back" apparently means out in the ring to millions of people on live tv. Anyways, a match is made for later, and Big Show promises that Brodus won't be walking afterwards. Really? I would have went with "I'm gonna make you extinct!" myself?
-John Laurinaitis comes out, accompanied by his executive assistant Eve, and legal/quantum mechanics advisor David Otunga. He's here to reveal his cover to WWE '13, which he claims will be bigger than Pac-man. Wow, look out Jon Meredith, Chris Alt might have just found his new co-presenter for Gamer and Proud. It wouldn't be much of change. One's called Johnny and has an iritating voice, and the other's Laurinaitis. He's interrupted by CM Punk, who compares Johnny to Pac-man in that they both have no testicles. That's true. Pac-man jr. was delivered by a stork, rather than conceived. Hey, maybe I should replace Jon. It'd give me a chance to talk about John McClintosh's Caber Toss 2012(say that 3 times fast). They're adding Create-A-Tosser this year!
Punk unveils the REAL cover, which features himself. Somehow nobody present in the ring saw this coming and are genuinely shocked, Otunga nearly dropping his Sonic Thermos in surprise. Still, I'm sure Johnny will at LEAST be DLC for the game, along with the other Dynamic Dude.
-Punk takes on Bryan in an Over The Limit rematch, which if Bryan wins, will bag him another title shot. Pretty good outing, with Punk losing due to AJ inadvedantly distracting him, but she helps him out when Kane shows up to attack both men. So it evens out. Punk still seems unsure, but he's not considering that after breaking up with Bryan, she's now ALLOWED to put meat in her mouth.
-Christian took on Miz while Cody Rhodes sat in to do guest commentary. He calls Christian old. I at first thought this was ludcrous, then a couple of things dawned on me that might prove him right. He WAS a main eventer for TNA. His best friend is a retired Hall of Famer. Didn't "Peep Shows" stop getting called that some time in the sixties? His ring attire is closer to sweat pants than trunks. Oh my God. It's true. Christian IS old. I know he doesn't look it, but remember, he IS Canadian. They've got free healthcare up there. Chris Jericho is actually 67. That's why his musical (and some fashion) tastes seem to skew late 1970s, and he thinks it's okay to mock foreign nation's flags. He's just set in his ways. It all makes sense now. Christian, that's not awesomeness you reek of. Someone just forgot to change your Depends. Christian nearly gets beat when Cody distracts him, but he rallies once he finds his medication and gets the victory.
-Backstage, John Laurinaitis needs to talk to Otunga and Eve in private. Ignoring the camera 3 feet away from them, Eve tells Teddy to go get her a coffee. Otunga says he doesn't need one, but he would like a fez. Johnny chews Otunga out for losing to Cena last week, and Eve for letting Sheamus get away with not apologising. Otunga tries to make amends by asking for a match with Sheamus, thinking that all red haired people are related and that he can get Amy Pond to put in a good word for him.
-Miz is still in the ring and doing his usual bitching, until Randy...Orton takes offence at someone besides him wasting people's time by talking slowly in a monotonous tone of voice and delivers an RKO.
-David Otunga tries really hard, but he can't stand up to Sheamus' fury over the fact there's never been an Irish Companion on the TARDIS.
-Big Show comes out to face Brodus Clay, who he compares unfavourably to Doink. Pipebomb! Show then beats Brodus around the ring. Truth and Kofi try to make the save because they can't watch an endangered species like the Funkasaurus get manhandled like that, only for Big Show to knock them down. Then Big Show clears a table, and probably because he remembers he can't chokeslam anyone bigger than HHH that impressively, breaks an end off and uses that to beat down Brodus, before leaving. Big Show is well and truly back as a monster...and who could blame him? I certainly know how it feels to have the people turn their backs on you after so many...weeks of entertainment. Sometimes you have to make a stand, like how I've went this whole e-mail without making a Nate Corbitt joke. #(yes Chris, this is a fucking HASH TAG this time)Heel.
Stu the angry scotsman.
P.S. What's the funniest crowd reaction or chant you've ever heard at a live wrestling event? Over here at ICW there's a ridiculously skinny wrestler called Jamie Feerik, who upon his debut was greeted with "Get Some Steroids" *clap clap clapclapclap*, and then later, people started singing the "Feed The World" chorus from the Band Aid song "Do They Know It's Christmas". Also as I've said before, teabags have happened at their shows in the past, and the most frequent victim has had to put up with people not only reminding him, but also bombarding the ring with teabags. It got to the point that they had to actually get the ring announcer to ask us to not do it during matches because it posed a safety hazard during.
Zom
BRAINS
GUERHGURHRHGUGHRUGHGURHRUGHRHGUGHGHRUR
- Zom Roper
Serpiente
MNF de correo electrónico
Hola Señor Andy y Señor Chris!
Presentación de La Serpiente Enmascarada!
¿Quién es La Serpiente Enmascarada?
No, Señor Chris. La Serpiente Enmascarada no es Tyler Houston.
No, Señor James y Chico Cam. La Serpiente Enmascarada no es Andy Gaston.
La identidad de la Serpiente Enmascarada es un secreto!
Señor Stu, ¿Viste el fútbol?
¿Escocia v de los Estados Unidos de América?
CINCO goles a UNO gol! U S A! U S A! U S A!
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco...
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLES!
U S A! U S A! U S A!
¿Escocia utilizar su equipo de chicas?
U S A! U S A! U S A!
Escocia fútbol que renunció como la mamá de Cam Gullet en un baño de Waffle Casa.
U S A! U S A! U S A!
Señor Andy y Señor Chris: ¿Prefiere el alcohol en México? Margarita? Tequila? Mojito?
La Serpiente Enmascarada es un Campeon del Mundo!
Gracias a los punshouse.com votantes!
Campeones del Mundo son compadres Stu, Nate, y las Notas de Cliff.
Los amigos son el "Principales Evento Mafioso".
JB King es un miembro honorario.
Señor Andy y Señor Chris, Perdón por las imitadores de habla de español.
No preste atención a la Gran Serpiente y imitadores de Serpiente Enmascarada.
Gran Serpiente es no compadres como Señor Fred, Señor Dustin Faber, y Señor las Notas de Cliff.
Gran Serpiente es compadres como Señor Maxine y Señor Chyna.
¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí!
Gran Serpiente escribe como Adám Dan y Cam Gullet y Cletus Van Dam!
¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí!
Gran Serpiente es una falsificación, como Ron México.
¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí!
Gran Serpiente es tan interesante como Damian Sandow v Heath Slater match de lucha libre.
¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí!
Gran Serpiente fantasías con una sexual conquista con Katie Vick.
¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí!
Gran Serpiente y Cam Gullet visitar la marina.
Los Marineros de la Armada tienen un trío homosexual con Gran Serpiente.
Cam Gullet observa y masturba.
¡Sí! ¡Sí! ¡Sí!
Señor Andy y Señor Chris: ¿Dónde está Rey Mysterio?
¡Atención! Tengo un MUY MUY MUY importante anuncio!
Serpiente Enmascarada tiene DOS consecutivos Campeonatos del Mundo.
Si gano SIETE Campeonatos del Mundo consecutivos ...
Voy a REVELAR mi IDENTIDAD SECRETA!
Voy a DESENMASCARA!
En el Cuatro de Julio!
Día de la Independencia!
Buenos Noches,
El Serpiente Enmascarada!
Hello Mr. Andy and Mr. Chris!
Presentation of The Masked Snake!
Who is the Masked Snake?
No, Mr. Chris. The Serpent is not Tyler Houston.
No, Mr. James and Chico Cam. The Serpent is not Andy Gaston.
The identity of the Masked Snake is a secret!
Mr. Stu, did you see the football?
¿Scotland v United States of America?
Five goals to one goal! U S A! U S A! U S A!
One, two, thr ee, four, five ...
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLES!
U S A! U S A! U S A!
Scotland ¿girls use your equipment?
U S A! U S A! U S A!
Scotland football who resigned as the mother of Cam Gullet in a bathroom of Waffle House.
U S A! U S A! U S A!
Mr. Andy and Mr. Chris: Do you prefer alcohol in Mexico? Margarita? Tequila? Mojito?
Masked Snake is a World Champion!
Thanks to the punshouse.com voters!
World Champions are compadres Stu, Nate, and Cliff Notes.
Friends are the "Main Event Mafia."
JB King is an honorary member.
Mr. Chris and Mr. Andy, Sorry for the imitators of speaks Spanish.
Pay no attention to the Great Snake and Snake Masked imitators.
Great Serpent is not buddies like Mr. Fred, Mr. Dustin Faber, and Mr. Cliff Notes.
Great Serpent is friends with Mr. Maxine and Mr. Chyna.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Great Serpent writes as Adam Dan and Cam Gullet and Cletus Van Dam!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Great Serpent is a forgery, as Ron Mexico.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Great Serpent is as interesting as Damien Sandow v Heath Slater wrestling match.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Great Serpent sexual fantasies with a conquest with Katie Vick.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Great Serpent and Cam Gullet visit the marina.
Sailors of the Navy have a homosexual threesome with Great Serpent.
Cam watches and masturbates.
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Mr. Andy and Mr. Chris: Where is Rey Mysterio?
Warning: I have a VERY VERY VERY important announcement!
Masked snake has TWO consecutive World Championships.
SEVEN If I win consecutive world championships ...
I will reveal my secret identity!
I will unmask!
On the Fourth of July!
Independence Day!
Good Night,
The Masked Snake!
JB KingStill no gimmick, still no gold
So when are we going to get the awesome episode of Monday Night Flaw hosted by myself and Stuart Little? Andy threatening to fire Chris last week gave me the idea. Oh sure Stu is chopped hagus now but I think it would be a hilarious change of pace. We can call the episode “THE LAST KING OF SCOT-LAND” How will we make things better you ask? Well for one it wont sound like its being hosted by a 17 year old high pitched drunk. Plus it will done by someone funny! Hey don’t blame me for that one blame Chris over there! And Chris will be replaced by an actual wing man, and someone who can do good Cam Guzzllet jokes! Finally, something we can all agree on, we will be replacing Scott “Nite-Quil” Taylor’s TNA Recap with Spanish recap from EL SERPIENTE! It wont be read by me it will be read by Stu just for shits and giggles. Don’t act like you don’t want to hear Willy from the Simpsons try to conjugate Spanish.
Speaking of snake, it looks like Serpiente wins again. Me Gusta? How many Serpiente rip offs are there now? Is there a Serpiente Negro played by the racist JB KING yet? How about Serpiente Culo played by Robconway? Im just glad to see that Adam Dan failed so miserably as Gran Serpiente. DUN DUN DUN! That’s right JB KING is now playing the heel. Time to be like Chris Jericho in 1997 and unmask all these losers. And don’t worry I already know who the original Serpiente is. Its not hard to check proxies and IPs with a little effort. What, you thought photoshop was all I could do? But no worries, I’ll keep the secret…unless I win this week. In the meantime, I will take this opportunity to insult Snake by claiming CHRIS LOPEZ is Serpiente. And until the real serpiente rises his gimmick will be tarnished knowing it is played by him. Look it that Andy, a feud to make the belt mean something! YOUR WELCOME!
Maybe I should calm down about this. Maybe I should take up a relaxing game like golf. Too bad Im terrible at it. Because like Nate Corbitts health, I know I will suffer from too many strokes. (PUNSHOUSE.COM) Too mean? Its not my fault he can headbutt the ground when he lets out sneeze, screw Douchey. Speaking of lingering death, whats up with Thom pulling a Matt Hardy? I haven’t seen a Kiwi job like that since Steve Erwin died, but at least he knew when to sell a move and lay down for talent.
Hot damn is it question time already? Well lets go then.
QUESTION ONE: After Y2J pulled off treason or whatever in a shitwhole country, surely the PR and writing staff will take every precaution to make sure they don’t screw up again. Sure enough this week on Raw, Hurricane Paul came to New Orleans and instantly destroyed the entire urban community of Monday Night Raw. Maybe Truth and Kofiquences came out because they were offended by Big Show’s excessive use of the term “you people” last night. That’s right lets let a guy who is now a CONTRACTED hitman throw “concussion” causing punches to black people in New Orleans. One of which he tossed through a barricade/levy. The only way they could have made that more offensive was Big Show coming out to Shane Helms’ theme. STAND BACK! THERES A HURRICANE COMING THOUGH! Why I the only one that caught this?
QUESTION TWO: And I the only one that thinks AJ will end up with Big Daddy Kane? Forget about CM Punk, Kayfabe wise, Kane has had a relationship/stalker storyline with way more divas then anyone else. Chyna, Terri, Tori, Lita, Trish, Katie Vick, and even XPAC one time. Because once you go Kane the rest seem plain. I haven’t seen a set up coming from that far away since DevSop was on “to catch a predator”. Bryan: NO NO NO I MEANT GRAPE DATE WITH A G! Anywho, If they are going to be using Kane they might as well use him the best way they know how, some shitty love story line. Strangely enough, psycho AJ and Kane could work. Thoughts?
QUESTION THREE: Time to get all Dustin Faber-y and bring the laughter to a halt. Time for a serious question! Has it been a blue moon already? Anyway, I wanted to get into the subject of guilty pleasures. What wrestlers do you enjoy or appreciate that seemingly everyone else hates? I for one, do actually enjoy Randy Orton. Outside of his feud with Kane I seriously cant remember a bad match he had lately. Some people don’t dig his “slow style” but I think as a “apex predator” being methodical and picking an opponents weakspots make sense, kinda like how every heel did it back in 80s and early 90s. And lets face it, his RKO is a nice “pop” move. I also think Alberto Del Rio is a tremendous asset. He took the time to learn the language and adapt to WWE’s style which is clearly not easy for some people and can work a great match. So Chris thinks hes a bad asset yet he supports Sin Cara ring? Its funny how Chris can get behind the botch machine known as Sin Cara and not Del Rio, so maybe you can enlighten me. Basically, I just wanted to know (outside of Steiner… Andy) what wrestlers you love that everyone else hates.
QUESTION FOUR: Lastly it seems like WWE Creative is going overboard again. There is an actual WWE tshirt of CM PUNK with the quotation, “I did crazy chicks” and that’s it. It seems like WWE creative is taking ideas like Cams mouth, ANYTHING GOES! So does this mean we are going to get anything on a shirt if a superstar says it? Just because Dwayne got away with it doesn’t mean we have every bad one liner gets a tshirt. Where were these following meme tshirts for sale…
-Would you like a receipt with your paperbag?
-Cena’s lady parts
-Its Iced Coffee!
-HES FAT!
-I did it…for da rock
-Zack Ryders got a t-shirt?
-I Choppy Choppy Your Peepee!
-I’m from Winnipeg you idiot!
-GGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! (ok so that’s Zandig but whatever)
-Look out! Hes gotta bicycle!
-And finally “ITS ME AUSTIN!” on the front with “AH SUNNAVAH BITCH!” on the back. I would have bought in the shirt stands. What other ones would you have liked to see?
God I love this podcast. Only here can we see multiple white guys well over there thirties pretend to be luchadors. Only here can we make assumptions about a ginger who takes just as many jokes as he does dicks. Hes like my refrigerator, you can open them both up and shove as much meat as you want in there, only difference is, my fridge doesn’t fart and giggle when I pull the meat out (CAMSASS.RAM) But don’t tell Robconway that because he would just call that a midnight snack. (ROBSHOUSE.FART) Only here can we imagine a old midget having a mirror match with a potato head doll.(PUNSHOUSE.COM) Only here can we mock a co-hosts pubic hair, or as DevSop likes to call it, Kryptonite (BRYANSVAN.RAPE) And of course only here can we mock a guy who has had a horrible condition which I wouldn’t wish on anyone…
…Speaking of Adam Dan, whats with all the recent beef towards me bro? I thought we were cool and on the same page. Are you upset that Im taking all the good Cam Guzzlet jokes? If I would have known your cancer in your blood would be replaced by hatred I probably would have taken the latter. You don’t think I would go after that useless title If I wanted? Holy shit can you image if we started a feud on PUNSHOUSE? Dan: JB KING sucks that idiot cant even win emailer of the week. Followed by Nate and his minions chant “SIL-VER MED-AL!” clap clap clap clap clap “SIL-VER MED-AL!” And I would rebute with an awesome joke and the retards would just eat it up. Hell I could even lie to them and say you still had cancer and they would chant it anyway. “YOU-STILL-GOT-IT!” clap clap clap clap clap “YOU-STILL-GOT-IT” But even in your darkest hour of defeat you could still look to the words of your sexually depressed lady. “Goddamnit just because you beat cancer doesn’t give you permission to beat your dick on the computer that “I” bought. Now get off your lazy ass and go find a job you worthless piece of shit.” –shorthand of course.
Oh Shit, is King shooting? HI COLT CABANA!
You hear that? That’s the sound of Andy and Chris handing me the intercontinental title. THAT EASY. A prestigious title held by the greats of Cliff, Cam and yourself. TO THE HARLEY RACES! TO THE BERRY WHINDUMS! TO THE RIC FLAIRS! AND THEY CAN ALL KISS! MY! ASS! And in the ultimate swerve King would throw this useless title to the ground making history. And Im sure just as many people are actually tuning in now as when Shane Douglas did it back then. Thankfully, this isn’t real, Im not competing for that belt, I don’t hate you, and you can stay safe in the land of make believe. At least now you know why Andy feels Im above this useless strap.
Love, peace and penis grease.
Johnny
Dennis
What the funk?
Dear MNF,
So it seems Big Show is going on a ultimate rampage. Anyone notice the beat up on only "black" superstars? I smell a match brewing with Clay, Kofi, and R-Truth vs Big show w/ Al Sharpton as guest referee. I also loved how Show was able to lift his foot and smash the announce table. That's a work out alright! It seems that Punk and the Yes Man are playing with Kane's emotions. In other news! Miz threw a fit and Randy shut his shit up... Like a boss!
I don't have much to contribute with an e-mail this week since I didn't catch the start of WWE Raw. So this is my curtain call ladies.
Boat Man out!
Adam Dan
Der Champ Ist Da!
Adam Dan's penis is so small that Cam Gullet's mom refused to service it. Nate Corbitt is still unable to wrap his hand all the way around it, though. PUNSHOUSE.COM!!!
Adam Dan's balls are so ticklish that while Cam Gullet's mom is playing hide-and-seek with them he sounds like Chris reading a JB King email . GIGGLESHITS.ALT!!!
And speaking of the Altar Boy, what happened to his hair, anyway? I had more hair on my asshole when I was going through chemo. BALD-TAINTS.CHEMO.ASS!!!
And Chris, how stupid are people in Arkansas? You didn't realize that Andy actually edited in my email from last week the following morning? Wow... there's either something in the water there, or you're getting a dose of contact-retardation from Cam Cam & Jon Boy. ARKANSAS-IS-FOR-RETARDS-AND-SPOUSAL-ABUSERS.GOV!!!
Now back to JB King. Perpetually in second place, eh, champ? I would say I know what that feels like, but hey, at least I made cancer tap out. You're getting your ass handed to you by the likes of Bitty and some random fictional Mexican. JB-QUEEN.NUMERO.DOS!!!
And why doesn't anybody rip on Dustin Faber? He DOES have the greatest theme music on the Malebag, but should that preclude him from our directed rage and ire? I think not. If I win again this week, I vow to hand over my title to that lonely basement-dwelling troglodyte so he can experience the full wrath of the Monday Night Flawtards. It's about as pleasant a feeling as when my wife decides it's Pegging-With-The-Hot-Poker Night. GATORS-SEX-LIFE.TMI!!!
On a completely unrelated note, that was the best you could bring last week, Cam? Jesus Christ you're lame. I'll let you slide, though, as I'm sure you were quite preoccupied on your excursion to the oil rig last weekend. I hope you are slowly crushed to death in the bed of a dump truck full of loosely closed jars of flesh-eating virus. CAM-AND-RIGGERS.YUP!!!
I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.
-Adam Dan
Cliff
---Live via Satellite on The Titan Tron---
Hey guys,
Once again, sorry I can’t be appearing live this week, as I’m busy filming Knucklehead 2, so I’ll need to keep this brief. Originally I wasn't going to e-mail you this week, but I thought that you might like to hear the refreshing sounds of English.
My long ass question and discussion:
Rumors are that Vince wants Sheamus to reach Cena's level as the WWE Poster Boy for investors, for the kids, for press, and the charities - a role that Punk and Orton don't want. A few years ago, Sheamus had significant momentum as a heel from feuds (and clean wins) with both John Cena and Triple H. However, that seems like ancient history today, especially when you consider how he was used (or rather, not used) for all of 18 seconds in the last two Wrestlemanias.
So if Sheamus is going to be one of the Corporate Faces of the WWE, doesn't he need to go over somebody substantial this year? I don't think his recent history does that. There's only a handful of guys on the planet that can put Sheamus over to where Vince wants him. While I would enjoy a feud with Jericho or Triple H, it would be too obvious that those veterans are at the stage of their careers where they are putting guys over. Stone Cold, Undertaker, and HBK are a bit unreasonable. So my short list of Sheamus opponents includes: Cena, Punk, The Rock, and Brock. And I'll add Batista as a fifth guy, but he's a half step behind the other four. That's about it.
So in looking at those five, I don't think Punk-Sheamus makes sense right now; as I'd keep Punk on a separate path. I don't think The Rock would do it as he wants a bigger money maker. But any of the other three work for me. Cena has done the Face vs Face thing well enough in the past with (off the top of my head) Shawn Michaels, The Rock, CM Punk, Batista, and Randy Orton, so I think it could work well with Sheamus. Also, Sheamus-Brock or Sheamus-Batista as a co-headliner at SummerSlam or Survivor Series would certainly be a draw.
Did I miss anyone? Any predictions or desires on a big feud for Sheamus the rest of this year, and what are your overall thoughts on Sheamus needing a big win to get over?
Cliffs Notes
Dustin
Grading The Wrestler
On Sirius XM's Busted Open radio show today, Hacksaw Jim Duggan was promoting his new book and mentioned that he didn't like Mickey Rourke or The Wrestler, due to the movies depiction of the main character living a pathetic life. I've never heard your opinions on The Wrestler. Did you like or dislike it, and why?
Other pontifications:
• Speaking of media, what was your favorite wrestling book? My favorite was Dibiase's autobiography, Every Man Has His Price, and Foley's first book.
• Give me a top three to five list of your favorite entrance themes of all time, excluding ones that use licensed music (like Punk and Hollywood Hogan). Can't go wrong with glass shattering in my book.
• On Twitter the other day, CM Punk said that he hated his match with DB on Monday Night. I'm assuming he was talking about the technical part of the match instead of the storyline, since his Twitter usually breaks Kayfabe. When you hear a wrestler say how much they liked or hated a match, does that influence your opinion on the match quality? Or could you care less about what the performer thinks?
Thanks for answering my questions. God bless. Bye Bye.
Serpiente Maricón
¡Hooooolaaaaa!
¿Qué pasa, vaqueros sexys? Presentando la Serpiente Maricón! Heeeeeeeey!
Creo que Chris es super caliente. Si nunca termina su relación con Cam Gullett, Voy a ser su nuevo sancho!
Una vez tuve sexo con Randy Orton. Puso mi pene en su boca y puse su pene en mi boca! Luego tuvimos sexo anal. Yo soy homosexual.
¿Oigo que Dustin Faber es un católico?
¡Está bueno! Me gusta ser molestado!
King de JB pobre no puede con el concurso de correo electrónico. Siempre será número uno en mi corazón. Y mi culo!
Bueno, esto es todo para mí. Tengo que irme. Tengo a masturbarse a fotografías de Jimmy Valient. Buenas noches, mis amantes
-El Serpiente Maricón
What's up, sexy jeans? Introducing the Serpent Faggot! Heeeeeeeey! I think Chris is super hot. If you ever end your relationship with Cam Gullett, I'll be your new sancho!
I once had sex with Randy Orton. He put my penis in his mouth and put his penis in my mouth! Then we had anal sex. I am homosexual.
Do I hear Dustin Faber is a Catholic?
It's good! I like to be molested!
Poor JB King can not win the contest email. He will always be number one in my heart. And my asshole!
Well, that's it for me. I have to go. I have to masturbate to pictures of Jimmy Valient. Good evening, my lovers
-The Serpent Faggot
Cam
Adam Dan likes his girls so young that he makes DevSop look like Ashton Kutcher in comparison.
Adam Dan sucks more dick than my mom in a Waffle House bathroom, RIP mom.
When you invite Adam Dan out for a steak dinner, he never calls you again, and he leaves a tumor in your to-go bag.
Adam Dan hates black people.
Adam Dan's heartbeat is proof that God either doesn't exist or that cancer only kills worthwhile people.
Sincerely,
"Dashing" Cam Gullett