MNF 25/Male Bag 8
Jun 21, 2012 14:50:25 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Jun 21, 2012 14:50:25 GMT -5
Check out Monday Night Flaw 25 and Male Bag 8 on iTunes, Stitcher and the NEW and ACTUALLY FUNCTIONAL Flawedcast.net and come back here and VOTE!!!
James Enright
I want the belt (does the belt hand motion thingie)
Chris Alt? More like Chris GAY!
John Byrne
Chris Alt is going down, Down to ChinaTown (not my pole)
I'm telling you what brother, Chris Alt is a whiner. As a Champeen, he
does not RULE.
He is a complainer, and surely not a fighting champion. I'm telling you -
He is not cool.
Just like Dubstep.
He is lame. Just like Halo. I mean brother, Halo was cool, back in 2000.
Ha! Just like Alt.
He just got done jobbing in a non-title match to a sprinkler fer Christ's
sake brother.
Monster is not awesome. Monster is not bitchin'. Monster IS NOT COOL -
and neither is ALT!
You know what is cool - Me being Intercontinental Champeen!
I vow to use all International objects and only break on a 5 count!
Dennis Boatman-Williams
Kane has been mind fucked!
Good God almighty! It's the Boat Man! Jesus Christ!
Hello MNF,
Well John Laryngitis has been fired this week after Big Show was trapped like a fat rat in the cage this past Sunday night. I recently watched some of John L. matches via Youtube (Mean Mark *Undertaker back in WCW* vs Johnny Ace), and boy I cannot believe how terrible he preforms. He made Zach Ryder look like a World Heavyweight champion. The last match of Raw was an utter joke so no need to talk on it. Mick Foley returns for this week as GM so yeah on that. I guess TNA doesn't want him right now so yeah! Mick Foley! Every match was boring to me but two matches had there moments. 1st that made me just mind fucked was AJ skipping about in a kane mask and her own uniform and fucking Kane's mind up. I guess AJ is a better step up then the dead cheerleader Kane was banging (Refer to the Kane & HHH/Evolution feud) I do have to say that Swagger and Dolph's match up was pretty damn amazing to watch though I didn't catch the end of it. Sigh.... Heath
Slater that som'bitch done got he bell rung. Fucker is tone deaf but he can break glass... That was dumb. Let's talk about the PPV from Sunday. I had no idea that Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel where still in the WWE and that was a shock to see the Fatal-4-Way Tag match for the #1 contenders match for the WWE Tag titles that are surprisingly still around. Weird eh? But rest easy guys! Two guys that are wearing pink trunks and pads are on their way to become WWE tag champs. Oh and their black to! Fun huh? Don't turn your back on these two. But back to Kidd and Justin put on a hell of a show on Sunday and I hope to see them back in action in the tag division. Still waiting for the 1,000th episode to see what the new WWE Title will look like, I have seen snap photo's of the work in progress and boy. It looks fairly good but I hope the final finish of the title looks a shit ton better then that piece of shit use to be spinner belt.
Interesting rumor is going around that Alberto Del Rio is going to leave the WWE real soon (Plans to leave before the 1,000th episode)
Ric Flair was reportedly fired by TNA so Flair could be a guest Raw & SmackDown! General manager. Maybe!
Jericho is set and ready to come back to WWE after his suspension and will be at a Raw event with his band "Fozzy" to preform.
Rumor has it that Randy Orton wants out of WWE. Not to sure how true but I doubt this is true.
Well that's my E-mail!
This has been.
The Boat Man and if your not down with that........
I'll be coming for you Nigga!
Cool facts I found out that you may already know:
Paul Heyman and Teddy Long both managed for Mark Calloway (aka Mean Mark aka The Undertaker) back in WCW
William Regal once managed HHH (Aka Paul Levesque) back in the WCW
Funny shit back in history!
Stone Cold whopped Booker T's ass in a grocery store
Cam Gullett
FINALLY, the Cam has come BACK...to the mail bag!!
Or does that whole stealing a gimmick from a current-ish wrestler work when
some no talent, zero vote getting assclown like Cliffs Notes en Mascarada
do it?
Congrats to the NEW Intercontinental Champion, The Altar Boy...Chris Alt!
I haven't heard that much whining and crying out of an Alt since I told his
sister to get rid of that little baby, err mistake.
Usually when an Alt is refusing something so vigorously it is because Sarah
is still one glass of wine short of being depressed enough to give Chris
access to her ever elusive rusty wagon wheel.
But enough cheap shots at the Altar Boy, onto making fun of Jon Cena's
marriage falling apart, amirite?
In case you guys didn't see, Kenny from the spirit squad took to the
twitter machines to let everyone know that Jon Cena had multiple affairs
with now former divas including Mickie James, before she turned into Mickie
Bella mind you. Apparently his marrying that Cindy Lou Who looking chick
led to Mickie having a "meltdown" backstage which then prompted John Cena
to get her fired. What a classy guy this kid is. It reminds me of the time
that I got some MidShipmen court marshalled because one of them refused to
let me eat his ass AFTER I gave him the best rogering of his life.
Did everyone else enjoy the lesson that Vince taught us by having AW turn
on the PR department to joing the Minstrels of Darkness? I bet that racist
pieces of shit JB King had to take his white robes to the dry cleaners
twice this week. Believe me, jizz is not something you want to try and wash
out of your clothes by yourself.
With AJ coming to prance around the ring this week I guess it is safe to
say that the whole, her being a Harley Quinn-like character thing can just
be scrapped, ya know, now that she has basically the EXACT SAME COSTUME!
You think that they ever play Cyndi Lauper's "Girls just wanna have fun" in
Iran townsquares and then die from laughter shouting "But you can't!"
Thom Roper is from Scotland, eh? Well at least there is one worthwhile
contributer to Monday Night Flaw from that taint-like country.
Dustin Faber IS a nice guy. He is the nicest supporter of institutionalized
pedophilia I have ever known.
Lastly, and this was really odd, I got this box in the mail yesterday from
a Shean Walsh and it had £1,000,000 Pound Sterlings in it so thanks for the
free gift suckers!
As always,
"Dashing" Cam Gullett, your resident , racist, raging homosexual, reamer of
asses, retarded, rapist, cohost of Army of Dorkness.
Adam Dan
Man Up, Chris
So Chris, you can dish it out but you can't take it, huh? You certainly
dish out the blowjobs, too. That actually explains why you have hair on
your face but not your head, because clearly it's only pubic transfer from
blowing Cam 6 times a week. ARKANSAS_IS_FOR_GAY_LOVERS.COM!!!
I'm sure your wife is happy you're bald, at least. Since you have trouble
getting stiff from non-video-game women, she can still get off by grinding
on your shiny dome. FOREHEAD_RIDES.FUN!!! (Coincidentally, Nate Corbitt
rides *his wife's* forehead for fun. It's the biggest slide he's ever been
allowed on. PUNSHOUSE.COM!!!)
You spend how many hours each week recording podcasts? And your longest one
by far was with BVA? It really shows where your true interests lie. And no,
Chris, that's not a good thing. It's illegal in most countries, actually.
DEVS_WINGMAN.XXX???
Finally onto your children. Your poor, poor children. I mean that
literally, Chris. They must be poor with all the money you spend on video
games and daiquiris. Grow up, and grow a set of balls you infantile,
fairy-drink degenerate. Your kids are counting on you. CPS.GOV!!!
So don't be such a whiny fucking pansy, Chris. When the target is on you,
cowboy up and eat some ass. Cam's ass. That way you can wind up with that
soul patch on your chin you've always wanted. FUZZY_TAINT.CAM!!!
Yours Insincerely,
Adam
Dustin Faber
A winner is me!
When I was a child, I looked at wrestling as a dream I could never attain. Men like Steve Austin, DDP, Foley, they achieved wrestling success that I could only achieve on a trampoline, wrestling for plastic while they chased gold.
I never, ever thought I would win a championship in any field. I would send emails to MNF asking genuine questions, staying out of the title hunt. It would have been great to experience success on the level of Cliffs Notes, but I knew I couldn't write consistently funny insults and quips.
So I went the opposite route: killing everyone with kindness, even if people wouldn't return it. No matter: I do it for the good of the show, not to get rewards. Everyone does a great job entertaining me, do the least I can do is put over that talent.
But then, the unthinkable happened: I somehow won the belt. Dustin Faber, MNF champion!! Unlike some people, I appreciate the title. It was with tear filled eyes that I told my daughter, "look what Daddy did: Daddy fulfilled a lifelong dream. From jobbing on a trampoline to the ugly Jared Kluthe to winning a prestigious title, your daddy finally did it!" she responded by spitting up on my face, but no matter: I made my family proud.
That said, there is something sad about people who hang on too long. Like television podcasts, some people just don't know when to call it a day. Therefore, I would like to take this opportunity to relinquish this title and go out on top. Not many people get a chance to go out on top, so I would like to do just that: retire as an undefeated champion.
Perhaps the great Andy Gaston can put together a King of the Ring-style tourney to give this belt a rightful owner. Sure I'll still email thought-provoking questions, as I feel I'm the best when it comes to "serious" topics, but as far as competing for a title, I'll leave that up to JB and Stu, as they deserve it more than anyone else in this federation.
Dustin Faber has left the building.
Stu Little
Picking Up The Pieces
*Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme*
Now this is the story all about how,
this show got flipped, turned upside down,
So if you'd like to take a moment and just sit in awe,
I'll you how I became champ of Monday Night Flaw,
Iiiin East Glasgow, Scotland, Born and Raised-
wait, what? Dustin Faber won? Really?
*record skip*
Ah, fuck it.
Congratulations Dustin on breaking through. I wish I could say I wasn't disappointed, but I bear no ill will or bitterness towards you, except maybe for how your brief little question about an off-season provoked at least a LITTLE bit of discussion between Chris and Andy, but when I did a much more detailed bit on it in a prior e-mail, all those assholes did was get hung up on how I made a Dallas reference. Pro-tip for e-mail writers...be funny, or be thought provoking. Not both. Chris and Andy don't have the attention span for- OOH! A BUTTERFLY!
Anyway, back to Stu's e-mail.
don't have the attention span for both.
Also, there was ONE VOTE between us. Dammit Andy, was me skipping a Doctor Who reference for one week REALLY so bad that you'd hold out on me like that? I was going to do a thing this week about Otunga thinking Brodus Clay was a Slitheen, but you can forget it now.
Also I put all that effort into my rap and I don't even get the IC title? Instead, it's given to Stumbly McSentenceBotch Chris Alt instead? He doesn't even redeem himself with his attempts to not accept it, because he suggests that it should instead go to Cliff(who never mentioned the previous champ Nate in his last e-mail) or Scott, who I think is ineligible because he's not a standard e-mailer. He has an actual weekly segment on the show, making him a minor presenter. If you want to give him his due, why not credit him for THAT?
Thom Roper- So you're really a Scotsman huh? I knew there was a reason I liked you. I don't know why you're embarassed by it though. Australian, Scottish...either way you're related to drunken criminals. Kudos too on mocking the 16-Bit Catholic for not getting with the times. But at least he's not like mister "Stay 8-Bit" Chris Alt. You're only 4 years older than I am Chris. I turn 28 next week and I don't need you making me feel older. Go reminisce about Pong on your own time.
JB King- Did you expect I'd let you just shoot on me like that, saying my earlier wins don't count? If you actually think that I was just the right gay-guy at the right place, at the right time, then you're a bigger delusional bastard than I thought you were, King! You've been here as long as I have and you have no excuse for not winning a title much, much earlier. It's not my or Chris and Andy's fault you got desperate and begged for a "King's Komedy Korner", or lost your audience for a while by attacking Nate's mother out of the blue. And I'm not the one jobbing to a spam e-mail. You're better than this, dammit! I believe in you!
With that out of the way, onto my topic for this week. Seeing AJ "Rule 63" Kane on Raw had me thinking about distaff counterparts, or in other words, opposite gender versions of fictional characters. Comic book heroes have this all the time e.g. Batman and Batgirl, Superman and Supergirl, but this isn't done so much in wrestling. There's a bit of it with second generation women's wreslters like Nattie and Tamina copying their family's moves or entrance music, but they could do so much more. Like for instance, 20 some years from now, the Women's Division could be in the grip of the powerfull faction known as Divalution. Lead by The Dame, Aurora Rose McMahon Helmsley, backed up by "The Nature Girl" Ashley Flair, "The Legend Slapper" Brandy......................Orton, and Davina "The Animal" Batista(who uses the theme music "I Wax Alone").
Other possibilities include: Samoa Joan, CM Pink, Danielle Bryan and Sin Cameltoe. Which male wreslters would YOU like to see a Diva version of?
Take care, and please, work through this rift that has developed between you two over the IC Title fiasco. The Flawedcast Network doesn't need it's own version of The Megapowers Exploding.
Stu
P.S. What's the difference between The Flawedcast Network and Cam Gullet's mom? The Flawedcast Network has only went down on an expectant audience of dozens ONCE.
Cliff's Notes
Welcome to FLAW! IS! CLIFFS NOTES!
But there is no joy this week. I spoke the truth two weeks ago, as I am a Prophet.
Don't blame Andy - he was just the Messenger of the bad news on the Flawedcast. Ratings for this show are down. The Male Bag was once the top dog of this network, but it has now fallen into third place, behind Flawedcast Prime, and behind Offensive Foul. But there's hope. We had more voters this week, and it's because they heard my brilliant Revelation a few weeks ago. We might be turning this battleship around, but it takes time.
There are still listeners that are embarrassed to be here. The rampant mediocrity has eaten away at the foundation of this show. Like termites chewing away at the foundation of a house. Or the foundation of societal values being torn apart from a neighborhood when Brian Van Alstyne moves in.
Don't blame me. I raised the bar. El Serpiente Enmascarada, and my Revelation, and my other two victories on this show clearly sent a message to others that they need to keep up. Just imagine how last week's show would have looked had I not come along and forced everyone else to keep up with me:
Stu would have provided a 20,000 word email with full reviews of Raw, Smackdown, Superstars, NXT, and Z! True Long Island Story. Instead, he came up with his rap epic.
JB King would be photoshopping racist Brodus Clay, Teddy Long, and Tag Team images and making inappropriate mom jokes. Instead, he dug deeper and found inspiration from the greatest high-school coming of age film of my generation.
Dustin "The Cat" Faber would be asking about great European championship feuds in the 90s. Instead, he revealed he has a pulse.
Tom Roper would not have killed himself and risen from the dead.
Adam Dan would have embarrassed himself by sending a long, boastful email plagiarizing an original idea. Instead, he embarrassed himself by sending a short, quiet email plagiarizing a standard useless Dustin Faber email.
And Cam Gullet would have e-mailed last week, probably to brag about the awesomeness of MySpace. Instead, he made the show so much better by not emailing!
If you put my email last week, or Stu's or King's into an episode ten weeks ago, it would have easily won the title. But not anymore. I've raised the quality of this show, but there's only so much that I can do. We now we have more work, to keep striving for excellence.
And I have a plan to save you.
The first part of the plan is an invitation.
An invitation to all of our listeners, that have not written in to this once great show. Look to me as inspiration. Now is your time. You see, just a few months ago, I too was keeping to myself, and quietly listening to this podcast while traveling the lonely roads of this great Nation, peddling my wares. But after a few weeks of listening, I took a chance. I knew there were risks, but I did it anyways, because that's the type of man I am.
I decided that I would send an email to people that were strangers! I knew that I would be judged, but I didn't care anymore. I would break these chains that held me back. I sat down at my laptop in a dimly lit hotel room, and crafted a letter. It took me three cases of PBR to finish it, and countless edits, but I wanted it to be perfect. I stared at my browser, and paced the room for 10 minutes. I finally gathered my courage and hit "SEND".
I did it! I sent an email to people that I had never communicated with! And I now waited with anticipation. From the thousands of emails that they would receive, would Andy and Chris select my email to read on the air? I nervously bit off all of my fingernails while waiting for Andy to publish the podcast. When he finally did, I listened to it. And YES! YES! YES! They read my letter! And even better! They liked me. And they invited me to write back. And look at me now! Just look at the greatness that I have achieved in a few short months.
So let me help encourage you. You can do it. Peel yourself off of the couch cushions. Emerge from your parents basement. Turn on your computer. And write a few words to this show! [Andy: Insert the correct email address here] I'm sure that there's somebody else out there that we would enjoy hearing from. You can help me make this show better. I give you my solemn word that I will not insult or mock you for the first week, I will actually praise you for striving for excellence. Come on in, the water's fine. It's not like I'm asking you to speak to a girl. And you can't possibly be as dreadful of a human being as Cam or Brian. They've set the bar pretty low.
The second part of the plan.
Andy. Congrats on your 101st podcast. But listen. I'm trying real, real hard to work with you here. Could you at least feign interest in my email this week? No more perfect games distracting you? Stupid Matt Cain. And your female companion had to interrupt you during MY e-mail! I'm sure she's a lovely girl and all, but after 101 podcasts, do you think you could learn to lock out the dogs and women, and maybe do something about the railroad and the motorcycles? Block off the road or the railroad a mile up the track so there are no more interruptions? I don't think it's too much to ask, since I'm only, you know, TRYING TO SAVE YOUR SHOW.
And the third part of the plan.
Chris Alt.
Do I really need to list the reasons? Of Course!
I see through your facade. You really want to "hand" me the Intercontinental Belt? You think I take hand-outs? Do you really think that giving hand-outs will encourage excellence? No! I am not a welfare queen. It was the Protestant work ethic and the hard working immigrants and the Capitalistic Economy that built this nation. They earned their rewards. That is what created our nation of excellence. It was not the hand-outs of central state socialism that inspires excellence. These socialist schemes that you promote ruined the economies of Russia and the Eastern European State. And you and the other liberals want to encourage entitlement payments. You are DISCOURAGING EXCELLENCE! Your liberal policies are similar to the socialist Russia and Communist China economies that are the perfect examples of Mediocrity that we see today. Don't insult me. It is your same behavior that continue to drag this podcast down towards mediocrity.
And then, after you try to hand me the IC Title, you try to take it back and give it to Scott Taylor! You typical liberal. Taking things that don't belong to you, and giving them to others to try to curry favor. Redistribution of Wealth from the Central State! You Socialist! Move to Russia or China if you want to continue this immoral, unethical behavior. Don't take what isn't yours to give!
If you had your way, the socialism and Unions would reign on WWE programming. Think of how bad that would be. Instead of watching matches and performers based on ability and excellence, like CM Punk and Daniel Bryan, we might be getting headline matches of the guys who had been there the longest. Which means here in 2012 we would be getting headline feuds of Hulk Hogan, Rick Flair, and Sting. Who could possibly want to watch that?
Andy, I mentioned this last week, but to no avail. The campaign must continue. It is time to fire Chris Alt. After his stunt on Monday night's show, and his ridiculous pouting, he clearly has no respect for This Show, and his emailers, and his audience, and his network, and Andy, and most importantly, me.
It is time for FireChrisAlt.com
So I went ahead and checked to see if this address was available. And it is. But interestingly, if you type in this address, google asks "did you mean FireChrisAult.com?" Apparently the current Nevada football coach is named Chris Ault. Has this been mentioned before? If not, Andy how the hell did you miss this? Anyways, I say we just save time and money, and use this website to list our grievances. I'm sure they don't mind if we share. I've added my signature and comments to the petition here: www.ipetitions.com/petition/firechrisault/signatures Andy, I'll invite you to post this link on the message boards once you post this podcast. So there are now 46 signatures on this petition to fire Chris Alt/Ault. That appears to be about half the listening audience. What more do you need?
And finally, we get to our new champion, Dustin Faber.
Dustin, Dustin, Dustin. While I must congratulate you on rising above your normal mediocre emails, I'm sorry, but your email was not worthy. It was not excellent. You cannot obtain excellence by mocking me with sarcasm. It doesn't matter that I still haven't figured out exactly which part was sarcasm, or how exactly you were mocking me. I hope you feel good about yourself, but your 15 minutes are up. It is time for you to sit back down, and let the grown ups like me and Stu and JB King provide the excellence around here.
Onto Wrestling!
I enjoyed the Cyndi Lauper segment on Raw, because I visualized Heath Slater as Cam Gullet, and Roddy Piper as Stu. It made more sense that way.
I'm enjoying the Kane-Bryan-Punk story, but I'm not sure if this adds to Punk's legacy. Maybe there's still time for Punk and Bryan to have a feud that spans many PPVs and the eventual Iron Man Match, but I kinda feel they should have done that first before interjecting Kane. Also, I think that the WWE may be under-utilizing Punk. I kind of feel that he should be given more time on Raw, perhaps a secondary story line with him bumping into Paul Heyman backstahge?
Also, I have this weird vision of AJ sewing her Kane mask and outfit together last week while humming Cult of Personality and stabbing small animals with needles.
So Ziggler is free of Jack Swagger, but still treading water with moral victories by looking good in his losses. And the dirt sheets say Sheamus-Big Show is rumored to be next on the horizon. I can't imagine that the WWE will do a three-way feud on both shows... so is it back to the midcard for Ziggler?
I hear there's this fellow named Chris Jericho returning next week. Is he any good? I'm not familiar with his work.
And on that note, I must leave you.
I am listening. I am watching. And I will return.
Cliffs Notes.
JB King
Gonna regret sending this
Hey Andy and random no selling ‘yep’ statue. Has Chris taken a beating yet? I
hope so. He deserves it. With his kind attitude and his angel like giggles. That
prick had it coming. By the way, was anyone else laughing there asses off at the
loud cricket noise in the background during the ENTIRE podcast? THAT or Andy got
good at editing. Also, Im glad Andy’s purse dog stepped up and got more words in
at the end of the show then Chris did. Proof that one bitch can be replaced by
another on this podcast. By the way if Andy is reading this I will put in the
extra effort to accommodate to your reading style. I will use small words, lots
of swear and a shit load of prepositions just to make you feel at home. Congrats
on the 100th podcast Andy, just what the cops need, more evidence. Hopefully
Chris stops being a whiny bitch and sells your jokes better than your fiancé
sells your dick. Oh shit is King shooting early? HI NICHOLE!
Well that’s one vote I lost already. But that’s ok because i’ve learned
something this week…
(((Why cant we be friends: WAR)))
…you two are friends. As a matter a fact, were all friends here. And I don’t
want to see something as stupid as a title break everyone apart or ruin a good
show. The voters do that enough already.
On the subject of the results Im not that surprised. Once again the former world
champion fights for last place again. Keep it up Cliff. Your Jericho impression
is in full swing now. Why don’t you go away for another 3 weeks and have people
pretend to give a shit about you. Oh sure I came in 4th of like what 8 people?
Just remember, Cliff, Nate, Faber and even Stu have all gotten one or less votes
in multiple weeks, while I can only drop to the middle. So Im not that bummed.
And how can I NOT beat a guy offer people Millions of Dollars! Millions of
Dollars! I know Cliff and Stu pander pathetically but that’s ridiculous. Did
people seriously vote for money or does Solly have 4 accounts now?
(Randomjewandmoneyjoke.com)
There is some good news though. Congrats go to Faber. Way to stick it to M.C.
SCOT-LAND this week. You see Scott, you should have used Busta Knee Cap to help
you out there with your rap game. But now that I think about it, I think Dustin
should step up as the new hype man. He can wear a Viking helmet and clock chain
and go by the name Faber Flav (add that to the list Andy). How about we get
Daniel Bryan on here as the rapper Goat-Faced Killa. What no Wu-Tang pandering?
Fuck it, I liked this idea. And like what Dev Sop says to a small girl bending
over to tie her shoes…”I can get behind that!” (BRYANSVAN.CLASSIC) Also, did
Nate even bother to contribute this time or is he still busy in his Keebler tree
baking cookies? Maybe its because he wife put the labtop on top of the coffee
table and Nate cant reach for- OH GODAMNIT NOW IM DOING REACHING JOKES! FUCK YOU
CHRIS!
And also i-wait - ….ok THIS JUST IN CAM GULLET FINDS NATE CORBITT SHORT! MORE AT
11! Wait Cam just noticed this now? That’s our Cam, the only premature baby
that’s late to a party.
Well that joke sucked harder than Cam during college rush week so ONTO THE
QUESTIONS
Question One: I Called it! Big Daddy Kane is stuck with AJ. Like I’ve said
before and your about to say again, “Once you go Kane, the rest seem plain.” Im
already guessing Chris is getting Rock hard for a Harley Quinn like character AJ
is becoming. Way to pander to the geeks WWE. Or is Chris no selling boners now
too? In any case, do you think AJ will betray Kane in less than month? Or is
this something that can develop into something awesome? Im sure Chris is slowly
stroking over the idea of AJ calling Kane “Mista K” and Daniel Bryan “B-Man”. By
the way, if this ends up with AJ catching on fire or giving birth to a tentacle
monster than I give up.
Question Two: Goddamnit, Big Show is gonna win the WWE title isn’t he? I know
Punk’s reign has to end soon enough but why do I have the bad feeling that Punk
is dropping it to Show? Another reason to have Show face Cena at SummerSlam? I
hope not. Do you think this is likely to happen? Also, who do you want or think
will be fighting for the strap at Summerslam?
Question Three: Whats Jake Swinger doing in the impact zone Taz? After watching
the Swagger/Ziggler match I saw a bitter sweet. Im glad Ziggler is still looking
strong, but it was sad to see Team Jack Off break up. And from what I gather,
Jack Swagger has nothing now. Does this mean he’s going back to Smackdown? Build
a better character? Get his Soaring Eagle mascot back? Go to TNA? I cant
remember another guy falling from grace this hard since the Miz. Just wanted
your thoughts on whats next for the All American American.
Question Four: Whos next to beat up Slater? First Vader came in and almost Bryan
Knox’d a match last week. And now we had Piper, Cindi Lauper, Laya and….Nicole
Bass(?) come and beat up Slater. Just wanted your thoughts on who you would like
Slater get involved with for the next few weeks since this seems to be a
reoccurring theme.
Finally, its time to get to the subject of Chris Alt’s new belt….forgive me.
Andy has left me with no choice. its time for me to be your mercy angel and put
you out of your misery, like a true friend should. I will be your Tiger Woods to
Cams Mom. Accept your fate. You will no longer have to deal with that cursed
belt soon enough.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNG CHILDREN…..and Nate
Corbitt.
(((Requiem for a Dream - Clint Mansell)))
Dear Chris. It has come to my attention that you have been handed the
Intercontinental title. A title I should have never lost. A title you will now
regret having. I’m not sure how to approach this so I will simply start by
saying….I hate you! You are a piece of shit. You are a blubbering bitch. Fuck
you for No selling a Jim Carrey joke. You are suppose to laugh at everything
Andy laughs at even when you don’t have a clue on whats going on, which is a
good 80% of the time. You lying sack of shit. How fucking sad is it when I have
to agree with Cam? You really are a piece of shit for not seeing the cable guy.
DON’T WALK AWAY NOW! I know you are pussy and refuse confrontation but you are
going to take this raw bitch. You think you are fucking better than me with that
belt? Shut the hell up you asshole. You fat bald piece of shit. You useless
cunt. YOU SANDOW! I hope you fucking die in windowless van fire as your fucking
children watch and cry as Bryan becomes their new uncle/sugar daddy. But dying
in a fire is too good for you. NO! I hope you contract Camerons AIDS, hell
you’ve already tasted his cock. And it wasn’t that hard at all to make you do it
either. All he had to do was decorate it like a sandwich you were eating more
balls than Pacman. Do you enjoy staring at that red dick Chris? Does it make you
want Buffalo Wild wings afterwards? Can you ever look at a hot wing or gingerly
red drumstick again? I serious hope the next time you decide to ditch your
family and stuff your useless fat fucking face at Buffalo Wild wings, you stare
closely at a hot drumstick and whisper to yourself “I miss Cams cock..” But that
doesn’t explain why Cam is allowed to titty fuck you . That’s a great visual I’m
sure. Speaking of which…
PUT ON YOUR 3D GLASSES NOW.
Do you enjoy looking up at that red head shouting “push them together bitch!” at
you? Were your b cups sore afterwards? Did the tears help? Even after all that,
its still not enough for Cam either, which is probably why he fucked your crack
whore sister. You wanna know why he nailed her? He wanted to know what it felt
like to fuck an ATTRATIVE fat guy. When Cam goes down on her does it look like
her bush caught on fire with Cams red afro in the way? Sadly you wouldnt do
anything about it. Not just because you appreciate rape, and not just because
you are a cowardly bitch, but because you are too busy eating a sandwich and
stuffing your fat fucking face. Where will your laziness end Chris? Fuck, no
wonder your kids hate you. Even Chris Benoit is shaking his head at you and that
guys dead. HOWS THEAT FUCKING POSSIBLE? Why don’t you love them Chris? The only
thing that’s thinner than your love for your family is your hair line you bald
cunt.
You think im done? NOT EVEN CLOSE. I have no faith in your future. Why does it
take a decade for you to get teaching degree in fucking Arkansas? How can
someone with a head that big be so fucking stupid. Is it that hard to learn
above a 8th grade level? I cant possibly think of a world where random kids
would listen to as a teacher when God knows your owns kids don’t do that. You
have already failed as a dad Chris. Hey Andy, you know whats the difference
between Chris and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four. Step the fuck up
and pay some bills nerd! Maybe this is why Chris isn’t allowed to fuck his wife
anymore, cant feed ‘em cant fuck ‘em. Forget the fact you have a tiny cock. You
limp dicked bastard. Is that why your lady gets random meth heads to satisfy her
as you say in your dreams? How can you watch that Chris? Do you enjoy 2 meth
heads shoving a cock in each end a spinning her around like a rotisserie
chicken? Seriously are you thinking of sex or chicken right now? STOP THINKING
OF FOOD GODDAMNIT! YOU FATTY! Fuck you and your vaginal mouth. Your beard and
crusty lips remind me of a Persian grandmas snatch. If Cams cock chaps your lips
THAT much then I suggest you start using lip balm. Stop being selfish and think
of those poor sailors that have to inject their beef into your birth defected
mouth and jagged teeth you stubborn prick.
Andy is an absolute SAINT for putting up with your douche-baggery. He works a
whole 23 minutes on each episode! How DARE you no sell the show you self
conscious bitch. You are suppose to do whats good for the show and you no sell
everything? Andy decided to give you a gift…A FUCKING GIFT and you rejected it
like your kids’ gender. You do not deserve this job you giggling asshole. I
sincerely, honestly, SERIOUSLY hope you get hit by a bus so the world will no
longer have to deal with the absolute worst intercontinental champion in the
face of existence. And to think Chris if you would ha--- LOOK AT ME GODDAMINT!
You could have simply avoided all of this hatred, this onslaught of pain, this
pipebomb, THIS HARBRINGER OF DEATH I BRING UPON YOU……if you simply would have
accepted my Xbox Live invites. Keep that in mind next time you selfish prick.
Spare me your approval, its not worth it.
Go fuck yourself Chris. You useless fat, limp dicked, bald, lazy, retarded,
child beating, cock eating, piece of shit.
Your peoples Champ,
Your hero,
Your Hall of Famer,
Your King.
Love, Peace, Penis Grease,
Johnny
James Enright
I want the belt (does the belt hand motion thingie)
Chris Alt? More like Chris GAY!
John Byrne
Chris Alt is going down, Down to ChinaTown (not my pole)
I'm telling you what brother, Chris Alt is a whiner. As a Champeen, he
does not RULE.
He is a complainer, and surely not a fighting champion. I'm telling you -
He is not cool.
Just like Dubstep.
He is lame. Just like Halo. I mean brother, Halo was cool, back in 2000.
Ha! Just like Alt.
He just got done jobbing in a non-title match to a sprinkler fer Christ's
sake brother.
Monster is not awesome. Monster is not bitchin'. Monster IS NOT COOL -
and neither is ALT!
You know what is cool - Me being Intercontinental Champeen!
I vow to use all International objects and only break on a 5 count!
Dennis Boatman-Williams
Kane has been mind fucked!
Good God almighty! It's the Boat Man! Jesus Christ!
Hello MNF,
Well John Laryngitis has been fired this week after Big Show was trapped like a fat rat in the cage this past Sunday night. I recently watched some of John L. matches via Youtube (Mean Mark *Undertaker back in WCW* vs Johnny Ace), and boy I cannot believe how terrible he preforms. He made Zach Ryder look like a World Heavyweight champion. The last match of Raw was an utter joke so no need to talk on it. Mick Foley returns for this week as GM so yeah on that. I guess TNA doesn't want him right now so yeah! Mick Foley! Every match was boring to me but two matches had there moments. 1st that made me just mind fucked was AJ skipping about in a kane mask and her own uniform and fucking Kane's mind up. I guess AJ is a better step up then the dead cheerleader Kane was banging (Refer to the Kane & HHH/Evolution feud) I do have to say that Swagger and Dolph's match up was pretty damn amazing to watch though I didn't catch the end of it. Sigh.... Heath
Slater that som'bitch done got he bell rung. Fucker is tone deaf but he can break glass... That was dumb. Let's talk about the PPV from Sunday. I had no idea that Tyson Kidd and Justin Gabriel where still in the WWE and that was a shock to see the Fatal-4-Way Tag match for the #1 contenders match for the WWE Tag titles that are surprisingly still around. Weird eh? But rest easy guys! Two guys that are wearing pink trunks and pads are on their way to become WWE tag champs. Oh and their black to! Fun huh? Don't turn your back on these two. But back to Kidd and Justin put on a hell of a show on Sunday and I hope to see them back in action in the tag division. Still waiting for the 1,000th episode to see what the new WWE Title will look like, I have seen snap photo's of the work in progress and boy. It looks fairly good but I hope the final finish of the title looks a shit ton better then that piece of shit use to be spinner belt.
Interesting rumor is going around that Alberto Del Rio is going to leave the WWE real soon (Plans to leave before the 1,000th episode)
Ric Flair was reportedly fired by TNA so Flair could be a guest Raw & SmackDown! General manager. Maybe!
Jericho is set and ready to come back to WWE after his suspension and will be at a Raw event with his band "Fozzy" to preform.
Rumor has it that Randy Orton wants out of WWE. Not to sure how true but I doubt this is true.
Well that's my E-mail!
This has been.
The Boat Man and if your not down with that........
I'll be coming for you Nigga!
Cool facts I found out that you may already know:
Paul Heyman and Teddy Long both managed for Mark Calloway (aka Mean Mark aka The Undertaker) back in WCW
William Regal once managed HHH (Aka Paul Levesque) back in the WCW
Funny shit back in history!
Stone Cold whopped Booker T's ass in a grocery store
Cam Gullett
FINALLY, the Cam has come BACK...to the mail bag!!
Or does that whole stealing a gimmick from a current-ish wrestler work when
some no talent, zero vote getting assclown like Cliffs Notes en Mascarada
do it?
Congrats to the NEW Intercontinental Champion, The Altar Boy...Chris Alt!
I haven't heard that much whining and crying out of an Alt since I told his
sister to get rid of that little baby, err mistake.
Usually when an Alt is refusing something so vigorously it is because Sarah
is still one glass of wine short of being depressed enough to give Chris
access to her ever elusive rusty wagon wheel.
But enough cheap shots at the Altar Boy, onto making fun of Jon Cena's
marriage falling apart, amirite?
In case you guys didn't see, Kenny from the spirit squad took to the
twitter machines to let everyone know that Jon Cena had multiple affairs
with now former divas including Mickie James, before she turned into Mickie
Bella mind you. Apparently his marrying that Cindy Lou Who looking chick
led to Mickie having a "meltdown" backstage which then prompted John Cena
to get her fired. What a classy guy this kid is. It reminds me of the time
that I got some MidShipmen court marshalled because one of them refused to
let me eat his ass AFTER I gave him the best rogering of his life.
Did everyone else enjoy the lesson that Vince taught us by having AW turn
on the PR department to joing the Minstrels of Darkness? I bet that racist
pieces of shit JB King had to take his white robes to the dry cleaners
twice this week. Believe me, jizz is not something you want to try and wash
out of your clothes by yourself.
With AJ coming to prance around the ring this week I guess it is safe to
say that the whole, her being a Harley Quinn-like character thing can just
be scrapped, ya know, now that she has basically the EXACT SAME COSTUME!
You think that they ever play Cyndi Lauper's "Girls just wanna have fun" in
Iran townsquares and then die from laughter shouting "But you can't!"
Thom Roper is from Scotland, eh? Well at least there is one worthwhile
contributer to Monday Night Flaw from that taint-like country.
Dustin Faber IS a nice guy. He is the nicest supporter of institutionalized
pedophilia I have ever known.
Lastly, and this was really odd, I got this box in the mail yesterday from
a Shean Walsh and it had £1,000,000 Pound Sterlings in it so thanks for the
free gift suckers!
As always,
"Dashing" Cam Gullett, your resident , racist, raging homosexual, reamer of
asses, retarded, rapist, cohost of Army of Dorkness.
Adam Dan
Man Up, Chris
So Chris, you can dish it out but you can't take it, huh? You certainly
dish out the blowjobs, too. That actually explains why you have hair on
your face but not your head, because clearly it's only pubic transfer from
blowing Cam 6 times a week. ARKANSAS_IS_FOR_GAY_LOVERS.COM!!!
I'm sure your wife is happy you're bald, at least. Since you have trouble
getting stiff from non-video-game women, she can still get off by grinding
on your shiny dome. FOREHEAD_RIDES.FUN!!! (Coincidentally, Nate Corbitt
rides *his wife's* forehead for fun. It's the biggest slide he's ever been
allowed on. PUNSHOUSE.COM!!!)
You spend how many hours each week recording podcasts? And your longest one
by far was with BVA? It really shows where your true interests lie. And no,
Chris, that's not a good thing. It's illegal in most countries, actually.
DEVS_WINGMAN.XXX???
Finally onto your children. Your poor, poor children. I mean that
literally, Chris. They must be poor with all the money you spend on video
games and daiquiris. Grow up, and grow a set of balls you infantile,
fairy-drink degenerate. Your kids are counting on you. CPS.GOV!!!
So don't be such a whiny fucking pansy, Chris. When the target is on you,
cowboy up and eat some ass. Cam's ass. That way you can wind up with that
soul patch on your chin you've always wanted. FUZZY_TAINT.CAM!!!
Yours Insincerely,
Adam
Dustin Faber
A winner is me!
When I was a child, I looked at wrestling as a dream I could never attain. Men like Steve Austin, DDP, Foley, they achieved wrestling success that I could only achieve on a trampoline, wrestling for plastic while they chased gold.
I never, ever thought I would win a championship in any field. I would send emails to MNF asking genuine questions, staying out of the title hunt. It would have been great to experience success on the level of Cliffs Notes, but I knew I couldn't write consistently funny insults and quips.
So I went the opposite route: killing everyone with kindness, even if people wouldn't return it. No matter: I do it for the good of the show, not to get rewards. Everyone does a great job entertaining me, do the least I can do is put over that talent.
But then, the unthinkable happened: I somehow won the belt. Dustin Faber, MNF champion!! Unlike some people, I appreciate the title. It was with tear filled eyes that I told my daughter, "look what Daddy did: Daddy fulfilled a lifelong dream. From jobbing on a trampoline to the ugly Jared Kluthe to winning a prestigious title, your daddy finally did it!" she responded by spitting up on my face, but no matter: I made my family proud.
That said, there is something sad about people who hang on too long. Like television podcasts, some people just don't know when to call it a day. Therefore, I would like to take this opportunity to relinquish this title and go out on top. Not many people get a chance to go out on top, so I would like to do just that: retire as an undefeated champion.
Perhaps the great Andy Gaston can put together a King of the Ring-style tourney to give this belt a rightful owner. Sure I'll still email thought-provoking questions, as I feel I'm the best when it comes to "serious" topics, but as far as competing for a title, I'll leave that up to JB and Stu, as they deserve it more than anyone else in this federation.
Dustin Faber has left the building.
Stu Little
Picking Up The Pieces
*Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme*
Now this is the story all about how,
this show got flipped, turned upside down,
So if you'd like to take a moment and just sit in awe,
I'll you how I became champ of Monday Night Flaw,
Iiiin East Glasgow, Scotland, Born and Raised-
wait, what? Dustin Faber won? Really?
*record skip*
Ah, fuck it.
Congratulations Dustin on breaking through. I wish I could say I wasn't disappointed, but I bear no ill will or bitterness towards you, except maybe for how your brief little question about an off-season provoked at least a LITTLE bit of discussion between Chris and Andy, but when I did a much more detailed bit on it in a prior e-mail, all those assholes did was get hung up on how I made a Dallas reference. Pro-tip for e-mail writers...be funny, or be thought provoking. Not both. Chris and Andy don't have the attention span for- OOH! A BUTTERFLY!
Anyway, back to Stu's e-mail.
don't have the attention span for both.
Also, there was ONE VOTE between us. Dammit Andy, was me skipping a Doctor Who reference for one week REALLY so bad that you'd hold out on me like that? I was going to do a thing this week about Otunga thinking Brodus Clay was a Slitheen, but you can forget it now.
Also I put all that effort into my rap and I don't even get the IC title? Instead, it's given to Stumbly McSentenceBotch Chris Alt instead? He doesn't even redeem himself with his attempts to not accept it, because he suggests that it should instead go to Cliff(who never mentioned the previous champ Nate in his last e-mail) or Scott, who I think is ineligible because he's not a standard e-mailer. He has an actual weekly segment on the show, making him a minor presenter. If you want to give him his due, why not credit him for THAT?
Thom Roper- So you're really a Scotsman huh? I knew there was a reason I liked you. I don't know why you're embarassed by it though. Australian, Scottish...either way you're related to drunken criminals. Kudos too on mocking the 16-Bit Catholic for not getting with the times. But at least he's not like mister "Stay 8-Bit" Chris Alt. You're only 4 years older than I am Chris. I turn 28 next week and I don't need you making me feel older. Go reminisce about Pong on your own time.
JB King- Did you expect I'd let you just shoot on me like that, saying my earlier wins don't count? If you actually think that I was just the right gay-guy at the right place, at the right time, then you're a bigger delusional bastard than I thought you were, King! You've been here as long as I have and you have no excuse for not winning a title much, much earlier. It's not my or Chris and Andy's fault you got desperate and begged for a "King's Komedy Korner", or lost your audience for a while by attacking Nate's mother out of the blue. And I'm not the one jobbing to a spam e-mail. You're better than this, dammit! I believe in you!
With that out of the way, onto my topic for this week. Seeing AJ "Rule 63" Kane on Raw had me thinking about distaff counterparts, or in other words, opposite gender versions of fictional characters. Comic book heroes have this all the time e.g. Batman and Batgirl, Superman and Supergirl, but this isn't done so much in wrestling. There's a bit of it with second generation women's wreslters like Nattie and Tamina copying their family's moves or entrance music, but they could do so much more. Like for instance, 20 some years from now, the Women's Division could be in the grip of the powerfull faction known as Divalution. Lead by The Dame, Aurora Rose McMahon Helmsley, backed up by "The Nature Girl" Ashley Flair, "The Legend Slapper" Brandy......................Orton, and Davina "The Animal" Batista(who uses the theme music "I Wax Alone").
Other possibilities include: Samoa Joan, CM Pink, Danielle Bryan and Sin Cameltoe. Which male wreslters would YOU like to see a Diva version of?
Take care, and please, work through this rift that has developed between you two over the IC Title fiasco. The Flawedcast Network doesn't need it's own version of The Megapowers Exploding.
Stu
P.S. What's the difference between The Flawedcast Network and Cam Gullet's mom? The Flawedcast Network has only went down on an expectant audience of dozens ONCE.
Cliff's Notes
Welcome to FLAW! IS! CLIFFS NOTES!
But there is no joy this week. I spoke the truth two weeks ago, as I am a Prophet.
Don't blame Andy - he was just the Messenger of the bad news on the Flawedcast. Ratings for this show are down. The Male Bag was once the top dog of this network, but it has now fallen into third place, behind Flawedcast Prime, and behind Offensive Foul. But there's hope. We had more voters this week, and it's because they heard my brilliant Revelation a few weeks ago. We might be turning this battleship around, but it takes time.
There are still listeners that are embarrassed to be here. The rampant mediocrity has eaten away at the foundation of this show. Like termites chewing away at the foundation of a house. Or the foundation of societal values being torn apart from a neighborhood when Brian Van Alstyne moves in.
Don't blame me. I raised the bar. El Serpiente Enmascarada, and my Revelation, and my other two victories on this show clearly sent a message to others that they need to keep up. Just imagine how last week's show would have looked had I not come along and forced everyone else to keep up with me:
Stu would have provided a 20,000 word email with full reviews of Raw, Smackdown, Superstars, NXT, and Z! True Long Island Story. Instead, he came up with his rap epic.
JB King would be photoshopping racist Brodus Clay, Teddy Long, and Tag Team images and making inappropriate mom jokes. Instead, he dug deeper and found inspiration from the greatest high-school coming of age film of my generation.
Dustin "The Cat" Faber would be asking about great European championship feuds in the 90s. Instead, he revealed he has a pulse.
Tom Roper would not have killed himself and risen from the dead.
Adam Dan would have embarrassed himself by sending a long, boastful email plagiarizing an original idea. Instead, he embarrassed himself by sending a short, quiet email plagiarizing a standard useless Dustin Faber email.
And Cam Gullet would have e-mailed last week, probably to brag about the awesomeness of MySpace. Instead, he made the show so much better by not emailing!
If you put my email last week, or Stu's or King's into an episode ten weeks ago, it would have easily won the title. But not anymore. I've raised the quality of this show, but there's only so much that I can do. We now we have more work, to keep striving for excellence.
And I have a plan to save you.
The first part of the plan is an invitation.
An invitation to all of our listeners, that have not written in to this once great show. Look to me as inspiration. Now is your time. You see, just a few months ago, I too was keeping to myself, and quietly listening to this podcast while traveling the lonely roads of this great Nation, peddling my wares. But after a few weeks of listening, I took a chance. I knew there were risks, but I did it anyways, because that's the type of man I am.
I decided that I would send an email to people that were strangers! I knew that I would be judged, but I didn't care anymore. I would break these chains that held me back. I sat down at my laptop in a dimly lit hotel room, and crafted a letter. It took me three cases of PBR to finish it, and countless edits, but I wanted it to be perfect. I stared at my browser, and paced the room for 10 minutes. I finally gathered my courage and hit "SEND".
I did it! I sent an email to people that I had never communicated with! And I now waited with anticipation. From the thousands of emails that they would receive, would Andy and Chris select my email to read on the air? I nervously bit off all of my fingernails while waiting for Andy to publish the podcast. When he finally did, I listened to it. And YES! YES! YES! They read my letter! And even better! They liked me. And they invited me to write back. And look at me now! Just look at the greatness that I have achieved in a few short months.
So let me help encourage you. You can do it. Peel yourself off of the couch cushions. Emerge from your parents basement. Turn on your computer. And write a few words to this show! [Andy: Insert the correct email address here] I'm sure that there's somebody else out there that we would enjoy hearing from. You can help me make this show better. I give you my solemn word that I will not insult or mock you for the first week, I will actually praise you for striving for excellence. Come on in, the water's fine. It's not like I'm asking you to speak to a girl. And you can't possibly be as dreadful of a human being as Cam or Brian. They've set the bar pretty low.
The second part of the plan.
Andy. Congrats on your 101st podcast. But listen. I'm trying real, real hard to work with you here. Could you at least feign interest in my email this week? No more perfect games distracting you? Stupid Matt Cain. And your female companion had to interrupt you during MY e-mail! I'm sure she's a lovely girl and all, but after 101 podcasts, do you think you could learn to lock out the dogs and women, and maybe do something about the railroad and the motorcycles? Block off the road or the railroad a mile up the track so there are no more interruptions? I don't think it's too much to ask, since I'm only, you know, TRYING TO SAVE YOUR SHOW.
And the third part of the plan.
Chris Alt.
Do I really need to list the reasons? Of Course!
I see through your facade. You really want to "hand" me the Intercontinental Belt? You think I take hand-outs? Do you really think that giving hand-outs will encourage excellence? No! I am not a welfare queen. It was the Protestant work ethic and the hard working immigrants and the Capitalistic Economy that built this nation. They earned their rewards. That is what created our nation of excellence. It was not the hand-outs of central state socialism that inspires excellence. These socialist schemes that you promote ruined the economies of Russia and the Eastern European State. And you and the other liberals want to encourage entitlement payments. You are DISCOURAGING EXCELLENCE! Your liberal policies are similar to the socialist Russia and Communist China economies that are the perfect examples of Mediocrity that we see today. Don't insult me. It is your same behavior that continue to drag this podcast down towards mediocrity.
And then, after you try to hand me the IC Title, you try to take it back and give it to Scott Taylor! You typical liberal. Taking things that don't belong to you, and giving them to others to try to curry favor. Redistribution of Wealth from the Central State! You Socialist! Move to Russia or China if you want to continue this immoral, unethical behavior. Don't take what isn't yours to give!
If you had your way, the socialism and Unions would reign on WWE programming. Think of how bad that would be. Instead of watching matches and performers based on ability and excellence, like CM Punk and Daniel Bryan, we might be getting headline matches of the guys who had been there the longest. Which means here in 2012 we would be getting headline feuds of Hulk Hogan, Rick Flair, and Sting. Who could possibly want to watch that?
Andy, I mentioned this last week, but to no avail. The campaign must continue. It is time to fire Chris Alt. After his stunt on Monday night's show, and his ridiculous pouting, he clearly has no respect for This Show, and his emailers, and his audience, and his network, and Andy, and most importantly, me.
It is time for FireChrisAlt.com
So I went ahead and checked to see if this address was available. And it is. But interestingly, if you type in this address, google asks "did you mean FireChrisAult.com?" Apparently the current Nevada football coach is named Chris Ault. Has this been mentioned before? If not, Andy how the hell did you miss this? Anyways, I say we just save time and money, and use this website to list our grievances. I'm sure they don't mind if we share. I've added my signature and comments to the petition here: www.ipetitions.com/petition/firechrisault/signatures Andy, I'll invite you to post this link on the message boards once you post this podcast. So there are now 46 signatures on this petition to fire Chris Alt/Ault. That appears to be about half the listening audience. What more do you need?
And finally, we get to our new champion, Dustin Faber.
Dustin, Dustin, Dustin. While I must congratulate you on rising above your normal mediocre emails, I'm sorry, but your email was not worthy. It was not excellent. You cannot obtain excellence by mocking me with sarcasm. It doesn't matter that I still haven't figured out exactly which part was sarcasm, or how exactly you were mocking me. I hope you feel good about yourself, but your 15 minutes are up. It is time for you to sit back down, and let the grown ups like me and Stu and JB King provide the excellence around here.
Onto Wrestling!
I enjoyed the Cyndi Lauper segment on Raw, because I visualized Heath Slater as Cam Gullet, and Roddy Piper as Stu. It made more sense that way.
I'm enjoying the Kane-Bryan-Punk story, but I'm not sure if this adds to Punk's legacy. Maybe there's still time for Punk and Bryan to have a feud that spans many PPVs and the eventual Iron Man Match, but I kinda feel they should have done that first before interjecting Kane. Also, I think that the WWE may be under-utilizing Punk. I kind of feel that he should be given more time on Raw, perhaps a secondary story line with him bumping into Paul Heyman backstahge?
Also, I have this weird vision of AJ sewing her Kane mask and outfit together last week while humming Cult of Personality and stabbing small animals with needles.
So Ziggler is free of Jack Swagger, but still treading water with moral victories by looking good in his losses. And the dirt sheets say Sheamus-Big Show is rumored to be next on the horizon. I can't imagine that the WWE will do a three-way feud on both shows... so is it back to the midcard for Ziggler?
I hear there's this fellow named Chris Jericho returning next week. Is he any good? I'm not familiar with his work.
And on that note, I must leave you.
I am listening. I am watching. And I will return.
Cliffs Notes.
JB King
Gonna regret sending this
Hey Andy and random no selling ‘yep’ statue. Has Chris taken a beating yet? I
hope so. He deserves it. With his kind attitude and his angel like giggles. That
prick had it coming. By the way, was anyone else laughing there asses off at the
loud cricket noise in the background during the ENTIRE podcast? THAT or Andy got
good at editing. Also, Im glad Andy’s purse dog stepped up and got more words in
at the end of the show then Chris did. Proof that one bitch can be replaced by
another on this podcast. By the way if Andy is reading this I will put in the
extra effort to accommodate to your reading style. I will use small words, lots
of swear and a shit load of prepositions just to make you feel at home. Congrats
on the 100th podcast Andy, just what the cops need, more evidence. Hopefully
Chris stops being a whiny bitch and sells your jokes better than your fiancé
sells your dick. Oh shit is King shooting early? HI NICHOLE!
Well that’s one vote I lost already. But that’s ok because i’ve learned
something this week…
(((Why cant we be friends: WAR)))
…you two are friends. As a matter a fact, were all friends here. And I don’t
want to see something as stupid as a title break everyone apart or ruin a good
show. The voters do that enough already.
On the subject of the results Im not that surprised. Once again the former world
champion fights for last place again. Keep it up Cliff. Your Jericho impression
is in full swing now. Why don’t you go away for another 3 weeks and have people
pretend to give a shit about you. Oh sure I came in 4th of like what 8 people?
Just remember, Cliff, Nate, Faber and even Stu have all gotten one or less votes
in multiple weeks, while I can only drop to the middle. So Im not that bummed.
And how can I NOT beat a guy offer people Millions of Dollars! Millions of
Dollars! I know Cliff and Stu pander pathetically but that’s ridiculous. Did
people seriously vote for money or does Solly have 4 accounts now?
(Randomjewandmoneyjoke.com)
There is some good news though. Congrats go to Faber. Way to stick it to M.C.
SCOT-LAND this week. You see Scott, you should have used Busta Knee Cap to help
you out there with your rap game. But now that I think about it, I think Dustin
should step up as the new hype man. He can wear a Viking helmet and clock chain
and go by the name Faber Flav (add that to the list Andy). How about we get
Daniel Bryan on here as the rapper Goat-Faced Killa. What no Wu-Tang pandering?
Fuck it, I liked this idea. And like what Dev Sop says to a small girl bending
over to tie her shoes…”I can get behind that!” (BRYANSVAN.CLASSIC) Also, did
Nate even bother to contribute this time or is he still busy in his Keebler tree
baking cookies? Maybe its because he wife put the labtop on top of the coffee
table and Nate cant reach for- OH GODAMNIT NOW IM DOING REACHING JOKES! FUCK YOU
CHRIS!
And also i-wait - ….ok THIS JUST IN CAM GULLET FINDS NATE CORBITT SHORT! MORE AT
11! Wait Cam just noticed this now? That’s our Cam, the only premature baby
that’s late to a party.
Well that joke sucked harder than Cam during college rush week so ONTO THE
QUESTIONS
Question One: I Called it! Big Daddy Kane is stuck with AJ. Like I’ve said
before and your about to say again, “Once you go Kane, the rest seem plain.” Im
already guessing Chris is getting Rock hard for a Harley Quinn like character AJ
is becoming. Way to pander to the geeks WWE. Or is Chris no selling boners now
too? In any case, do you think AJ will betray Kane in less than month? Or is
this something that can develop into something awesome? Im sure Chris is slowly
stroking over the idea of AJ calling Kane “Mista K” and Daniel Bryan “B-Man”. By
the way, if this ends up with AJ catching on fire or giving birth to a tentacle
monster than I give up.
Question Two: Goddamnit, Big Show is gonna win the WWE title isn’t he? I know
Punk’s reign has to end soon enough but why do I have the bad feeling that Punk
is dropping it to Show? Another reason to have Show face Cena at SummerSlam? I
hope not. Do you think this is likely to happen? Also, who do you want or think
will be fighting for the strap at Summerslam?
Question Three: Whats Jake Swinger doing in the impact zone Taz? After watching
the Swagger/Ziggler match I saw a bitter sweet. Im glad Ziggler is still looking
strong, but it was sad to see Team Jack Off break up. And from what I gather,
Jack Swagger has nothing now. Does this mean he’s going back to Smackdown? Build
a better character? Get his Soaring Eagle mascot back? Go to TNA? I cant
remember another guy falling from grace this hard since the Miz. Just wanted
your thoughts on whats next for the All American American.
Question Four: Whos next to beat up Slater? First Vader came in and almost Bryan
Knox’d a match last week. And now we had Piper, Cindi Lauper, Laya and….Nicole
Bass(?) come and beat up Slater. Just wanted your thoughts on who you would like
Slater get involved with for the next few weeks since this seems to be a
reoccurring theme.
Finally, its time to get to the subject of Chris Alt’s new belt….forgive me.
Andy has left me with no choice. its time for me to be your mercy angel and put
you out of your misery, like a true friend should. I will be your Tiger Woods to
Cams Mom. Accept your fate. You will no longer have to deal with that cursed
belt soon enough.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNG CHILDREN…..and Nate
Corbitt.
(((Requiem for a Dream - Clint Mansell)))
Dear Chris. It has come to my attention that you have been handed the
Intercontinental title. A title I should have never lost. A title you will now
regret having. I’m not sure how to approach this so I will simply start by
saying….I hate you! You are a piece of shit. You are a blubbering bitch. Fuck
you for No selling a Jim Carrey joke. You are suppose to laugh at everything
Andy laughs at even when you don’t have a clue on whats going on, which is a
good 80% of the time. You lying sack of shit. How fucking sad is it when I have
to agree with Cam? You really are a piece of shit for not seeing the cable guy.
DON’T WALK AWAY NOW! I know you are pussy and refuse confrontation but you are
going to take this raw bitch. You think you are fucking better than me with that
belt? Shut the hell up you asshole. You fat bald piece of shit. You useless
cunt. YOU SANDOW! I hope you fucking die in windowless van fire as your fucking
children watch and cry as Bryan becomes their new uncle/sugar daddy. But dying
in a fire is too good for you. NO! I hope you contract Camerons AIDS, hell
you’ve already tasted his cock. And it wasn’t that hard at all to make you do it
either. All he had to do was decorate it like a sandwich you were eating more
balls than Pacman. Do you enjoy staring at that red dick Chris? Does it make you
want Buffalo Wild wings afterwards? Can you ever look at a hot wing or gingerly
red drumstick again? I serious hope the next time you decide to ditch your
family and stuff your useless fat fucking face at Buffalo Wild wings, you stare
closely at a hot drumstick and whisper to yourself “I miss Cams cock..” But that
doesn’t explain why Cam is allowed to titty fuck you . That’s a great visual I’m
sure. Speaking of which…
PUT ON YOUR 3D GLASSES NOW.
Do you enjoy looking up at that red head shouting “push them together bitch!” at
you? Were your b cups sore afterwards? Did the tears help? Even after all that,
its still not enough for Cam either, which is probably why he fucked your crack
whore sister. You wanna know why he nailed her? He wanted to know what it felt
like to fuck an ATTRATIVE fat guy. When Cam goes down on her does it look like
her bush caught on fire with Cams red afro in the way? Sadly you wouldnt do
anything about it. Not just because you appreciate rape, and not just because
you are a cowardly bitch, but because you are too busy eating a sandwich and
stuffing your fat fucking face. Where will your laziness end Chris? Fuck, no
wonder your kids hate you. Even Chris Benoit is shaking his head at you and that
guys dead. HOWS THEAT FUCKING POSSIBLE? Why don’t you love them Chris? The only
thing that’s thinner than your love for your family is your hair line you bald
cunt.
You think im done? NOT EVEN CLOSE. I have no faith in your future. Why does it
take a decade for you to get teaching degree in fucking Arkansas? How can
someone with a head that big be so fucking stupid. Is it that hard to learn
above a 8th grade level? I cant possibly think of a world where random kids
would listen to as a teacher when God knows your owns kids don’t do that. You
have already failed as a dad Chris. Hey Andy, you know whats the difference
between Chris and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four. Step the fuck up
and pay some bills nerd! Maybe this is why Chris isn’t allowed to fuck his wife
anymore, cant feed ‘em cant fuck ‘em. Forget the fact you have a tiny cock. You
limp dicked bastard. Is that why your lady gets random meth heads to satisfy her
as you say in your dreams? How can you watch that Chris? Do you enjoy 2 meth
heads shoving a cock in each end a spinning her around like a rotisserie
chicken? Seriously are you thinking of sex or chicken right now? STOP THINKING
OF FOOD GODDAMNIT! YOU FATTY! Fuck you and your vaginal mouth. Your beard and
crusty lips remind me of a Persian grandmas snatch. If Cams cock chaps your lips
THAT much then I suggest you start using lip balm. Stop being selfish and think
of those poor sailors that have to inject their beef into your birth defected
mouth and jagged teeth you stubborn prick.
Andy is an absolute SAINT for putting up with your douche-baggery. He works a
whole 23 minutes on each episode! How DARE you no sell the show you self
conscious bitch. You are suppose to do whats good for the show and you no sell
everything? Andy decided to give you a gift…A FUCKING GIFT and you rejected it
like your kids’ gender. You do not deserve this job you giggling asshole. I
sincerely, honestly, SERIOUSLY hope you get hit by a bus so the world will no
longer have to deal with the absolute worst intercontinental champion in the
face of existence. And to think Chris if you would ha--- LOOK AT ME GODDAMINT!
You could have simply avoided all of this hatred, this onslaught of pain, this
pipebomb, THIS HARBRINGER OF DEATH I BRING UPON YOU……if you simply would have
accepted my Xbox Live invites. Keep that in mind next time you selfish prick.
Spare me your approval, its not worth it.
Go fuck yourself Chris. You useless fat, limp dicked, bald, lazy, retarded,
child beating, cock eating, piece of shit.
Your peoples Champ,
Your hero,
Your Hall of Famer,
Your King.
Love, Peace, Penis Grease,
Johnny