MNF 26/Male Bag 9
Jun 28, 2012 23:52:55 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Jun 28, 2012 23:52:55 GMT -5
Listen to the new episode of Monday Night Flaw and the MNF Male Bag on iTunes, Stitcher or at www.flawedcast.net/mondaynightflaw then come back here and vote for who you think is the emailer of the week. You get TWO votes!
Austin Sanders
*Fuck, this email is outdated a bit* TheTallOne
Before I start, I need to stress the fact that I'm ONLY a causal listener.
I don't email the show, I don't vote and I certainly don't try to compete
against Legendary emailers like Cam Gullet.(I'm joking of course, as Cam is
a cum snorting butt buddy who loves to get RKO'ed on sailors huge tube
stakes just for fun. Seriously, that guy is a insult to gay people
everywhere. Cam, Please abort yourself.)
Sorry where was I, I was sidetracked by brutal honesty. Oh, The
intercontinental title situation, that's right.Though I have a pretty
social life, sometimes I stay in and listen to nerdy stuff like this. I am
indeed apart of the 99%. So many people listen to this awesome little time
waster of a show but only around 10 people email, 4 of them are actually
any good and one of them Cam Gullett. (Sorry, I just can't helped being
honest. It's a sin to lie you know. Just ask Dustin Faber.)
However, there is one man who has a championship that hasn't emailed the
show before. In fact, he's one of the host. This man is Chirs. And if
you're wondering on why I told you a little back story before I got to you
Baldy, it's a couple of reasons really. And here's one of them.
1. You threatened to take our freedom away.
On MNF, you were insulted at peoples decision to vote for a spammer rather
than King or Cliff. Ok, I understand that. You're right. You have a point.
These people probably take a hour or so out of their day to write to this
show and they severely get out done by a fake. At least Zombie Ropper was
funny and was meant for mailbag despite taking only a minute to make.But
that's not what I'm talking about. You wanted to take away the peoples
freedom to vote. That's a dictatorship. Only self righteous people want to
be dictators. So let me get this straight, "YOU" want to vote "FOR US" so
we can get better champions? Newsflash, if you're wondering why we barely
vote for Stu anymore it's because we have a chance to criticizes him and
have him listen to us so he's forced to give US what WE want. If the
championship was still dictated by the host, we would be forced to listen
to 20 minute long emails that we zone out of after minute 5. Last week,
Stub realized that what he was doing wasn't working. So he did something
different and fun which almost got him another run as champion, but this
time, a champion the LISTENERS want. Not just 2 people. In fact, if you
think about it, we wouldn't have had one of the greatest emails that Cliff
provided us, or Dustin would have never got a chance to be champ. The
voting process MAKES the Male bag. Taking that away is like taking a dick
away from Cam. But I guess I don't have to worry about that because I'm
sure Andy makes the decisions. In fact, that's my next point.
2. Andy is GOD.
While you own a number of privileges as co-host, you have to remember
something baldy. Andy, whether you like it or not, Still created this show.
Thus making him leader of MNF. And what he says goes. Yes, the rules say
only emailers. But guess who's the only person who can over rule his OWN
rule. God. And when I say God, I mean Andy. And you want to know why he put
that title on you in the first place?
3.Intresting shows make for interesting result you idiot.
WHO THE FUCK IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULDN'T JUMP ALL OVER THIS IDEA. Everyone
on here is a clever smartass. Imagine the amount of fun we all would have
taking shots at a host! That's interesting as fuck.
4. You took Fabers moment and pissed all over it cause you were being a
whiney cunt.
^^^Read above statement baldy.
And now on to the 5th and final reason. You ready for this?
5. It isn't a real title.
This could have been MORE than a justifiable reason to email in the show
for being a causal listener like myself. But you decided to make a big
deal out of something that ISN'T. FUCKING. HOLDABLE. It's just a fucking
concept. Andy gave you this "title" to ensure fun for the next Malebag. He
wasn't doing it to screw the fans over, he was doing it because Cliff was
jokingly on a roll railing Chirs. And guess what? That shit was funny. You
know what's Even funnier? GIVING CLIFF A REASON TO CONTINUE IT. But no, You
ruined the main segment of the show because you didn't want something that
wasn't real, made it all about you, stole Fabers moment to shine, telling
us we're idiots, and on top of all of that, you're suggestion on trying to
hitler up this entire show.
In conclusion, if you want to vacate the title. Fine. But guess what. It
doesn't really matter at this point cause it's rare that a champ STAYS a
champ for more than a week on this show. But do you want to know what my
BIGGEST problem with ALL of this is?
You tried justifying that Cam would be a better anything.
Wow.
You ballsy motherfuck. I'll give you this, you have nuts bigger than
Sandows. But don't think that's ANYWHERE close to enough to get you out of
a lifetime of public shame. I'm ending the email here cause I can't be
associated with anyone trying to justify Cam anywhere.
Fuck you.
XOXOXOXO TheTallOne.
Adam Dan
JB King Es Una Pieza De Mierda
James Enright? More like James En-TER-MY-BUTT-HOLE-ALL-right!!!
What? You expected something more from me? I just take funny things that
other people say, put my own spin on them, then beat them into the ground
until they were no longer really that funny in the first place. Because,
you know, I'm about as funny on my own as being diagnosed with cancer. You
don't like it? Fine. Call up that pork-loving kike, Solly, and sue me. The
wife and I just spent $35,000 over the last 18 months on in vitro because
of my retarded sperm, so I'm not even valued at the server fees at 1AND1.COM
!!!
So I guess this is the part of the email where I'm supposed to rip on JB
King for being an illiterate rapist of the English language. OK. For
starters, JB, there were no fewer than 3 emailers who were able to craft
perfectly-spelled and grammatically-accurate emails in fucking SPANISH; and
you couldn't even muster up some 3rd grade English? I mean, Christ, I've
left Taco Bell remnants in the toilet that more closely resemble
intelligible words than that email.
On top of that, you actually copped to needing to use spelling and
grammar-check tools? I learned most of this shit when I was 9, and my
chemo-riddled brain cells still retained most of it. Where the fuck did you
grow up? No, seriously, I want to know so I can send buttsex-loving Cam
there to wipe it out with his AIDS.
If there was just 1 bit of advice I would give, JB, it would be to learn to
use apostrophes and commas. Those are the short, hooked, stubby-looking
punctuation marks that closely resemble your short, hooked, stubby-looking
apparatus you tuck back between your legs when you go trolling for
poontang.
When used below letters they are called "commas", and they are typically
there to signify either the separation of consecutive items in a list,
consecutive complete thoughts, or to offset addressing a person by name
(see: sentence 1 of the preceding paragraph).
When used above letters they are called "apostrophes", and they are
typically there to signify either possession or the contraction of 2 words
into a shortened word. For instance, when you say "Don't stop, big boy" to
the trucker who's jerking his cock on your chin, "don't" means "do not",
and the apostrophe is there in place of the "o" if you were to mash the 2
words together.
In closing remarks to you, JB, I'm not sure how much of this you have
actually comprehended, so I'll close by trying Spanish again and say
simply: "Por favor, muerte ti mismo."
Your Formerly-Cancer-Ridden, Formerly-Unemployed, Never-Funny-On-His-Own
Hackjob,
-Adam
P.S. Tom Roper? More like Tom RAPER!!!
Cam Gullett
After listening to this week's recap show I'm not sure which handicap match
was worse to listen to: last week's match where JB King was the inverse of
Ryback taking on the combo of spelling and grammar, or this week's
thrilling battle of Thom Roper vs comedy and timing!
When JB King is typing out an email does he see the green and red
underlines and then just give some money to a Republican?
After the first week of Cliff's Notes doing the whole "Save Us" gimmick, I
really thought that he was going to finally break through the glass ceiling
and get on Stu's level full-time. His subsequent emails let me know that he
is really more like the Jericho from his last run where he came in with a
ton of promise and then just lazily shat the bed every week and yet the MNF
voters gave him another title run, over the superior Stu. It's official
your voters are worse than Vince Russo. I mean Christ, they even put me in
3rd place this week. How incompetent can a voting public be? (Remembers
back to 8 years of George W. and then makes a sad face)
Can we get a "How to speak Australian" commercial for the phrase "Jump the
shark" and it just be a picture of Thom Roper? That guy makes worse pop
culture referential jokes than Seth McFarlane and THAT'S saying something.
James Enright? More like James EnRight Gay Guy, amiEnright?
Thom Roper thinks I even have dignity to find on a sunday morning? Ha! I
haven't had dignity since 1997 when my parents sent me away to summer camp
in Pennsylvania with good ole Uncle Jerry.
Hey you know what might have made crazy AJ talking to herself funnier and
more interesting? If she had been talking to a set of CM Punk, Daniel
Bryan, and Kane action figures.
Also how fucking dumb was it to arbitrarily award Daniel Bryan a title shot
at MITB for winning that three-way elimination match rather than put a
stipulation on the match where if Bryan or Kane wins then they get a title
match out of it? Very dumb getting is Yoda McMahon these days.
Speaking of dumb, can we make JimBob King repeat grade school english
classes again ala the Billy Madison route? It would at least give Thom
Roper more chances to make terrible fucking jokes with references to shit
that nobody cares about. It's like an Australian version of what I do on
Army of Dorkness.
Time to get back to work guzzling down load after load for the sailor boys
here in landlocked Arkansas. Good job with that terrible fucking premise
each and every week everyone. Seriously, good job good effort.
"Dashing" Cam Gullett, cohost of Army of Dorkness.
Brian VanAlstyne
The Countdown
I've taken the punishment, it will soon be time to dish it out.
The countdown starts now…
5
DevSop
PS. Vin Tanner is a character in the Magnificent Seven. I'd be worried about taking handouts.
Cliffs Notes
A New Hope
WELCOME TO FLAW! IS! CLIFFS NOTES!
To all the newcomers this week: Welcome. I hope you can make this show more excellent. It's nice to see we had more votes at Punshouse.com last week. Andy: how are the ratings?
As for our regulars...
Hey JB. I appreciate the apology on Monday night, but I know it was just an attempt to steal the thunder from the e-mailers. So just a reminder to you: My education of the Spanish Language is from LA gang movies, spaghetti westerns and the Taco Bell Menu. And I still have a better grasp of that language than you have of English. So if I have a down week, just remember that I won this damn crown three weeks in a row using two different languages, and now five times overall. If only there was some wrestling catchphrase regarding a 5-time champion that I could borrow.
Cam, don't even try. You are striving for mediocrity, and failing miserably. Your attempts to insult me are pathetic at best, but more likely they are embarrassingly incorrect and nonsensical. I would say you are beneath me, but that's exactly where you like to be. I advise you to follow AJ's lead, and just stick with talking to your mirror, as this is a more appropriate battle of wits for you.
Chris Alt. Hey buddy. How was your week? You know that "little kid" tone of voice you use when speaking to your daughter? Is that the same voice you use with Cam, or do you need to slow down closer to the pace of Randy............ Orton?
Look, my opinion of you is pretty well documented. As I've stated elsewhere, and I know it won't be believed, but I am not Vin Tanner. Chris, if I paid $12 to Andy, you would already be fired. I must quote you from last week's Male Bag. You said, "But I am certainly the Paul Heyman that put him on the map in the first place." Really Chris? Your mediocrity put me on the map?
<<< Deep Breath >>>
You typical Liberal! Taking credit for other peoples work! This is what I've been talking about for the last three weeks! Have you been paying attention? Mediocre cockroaches stealing other people's work! Have you heard any Spanish e-mails lately? No! Because they were exposed! And you're again trying to steal someone else's work! This is just like that other mediocre Liberal that claimed he invented the Internet! Oh wait a minute.... QUIT HANGING OUT WITH YOUR GAMER AND PROUD CO-HOST! He steals ideas from other shows too! Is that where you get this from? Andy - you'd better act quick, or Chris is going to take all the credit for the success of Flawedcast Prime! The time is now, Mr. Tanner! Fire Chris Alt!
Moving on.
It's time for me to focus on my next problem that I must solve in my quest for Excellence. Time and time again I have proven my Excellence, and yet, I am still mocked. Once again, I need to refer to a sentence from last week's Male Bag.
And I quote " Sure I'll still email thought-provoking questions, as I feel I'm the best when it comes to "serious" topics, but as far as competing for a title, I'll leave that up to JB and Stu, as they deserve it more than anyone else in this federation."
Holy Mother Loving Crap.
Dustin Faber. I didn't think it was possible, but you have reached perfection. That is the most perfectly stupid s entence that could possibly be written (without including the word "Cam"). Have you been paying any attention? Or do you just skip ahead and listen for your music? JB and Stu DESERVE it more than anyone else? Let me help educate you. I am the Best In The World at what I do. And your e-mails are more appropriate for a podcast that is used to induce a coma. Hint: It takes four hours.
And amazingly, this is isn't just a single mistake. You've exposed your stupidity before. Remember this one? " I'm the Dean Malenko of Flawedcast. Very efficient, but nothing too terribly exciting like JB King."
Heaven help you, Dustin. Dean Malenko! Your hero is mediocre! What did he ever accomplish? He was technically proficient, but not the best. I am the man of 1,004 serious topics, not you. I make people think about diverse topics such as Mexican Food and Economic Systems and International Soccer and the football coach of Nevada, not you. I entertain people. Not you. Has JB King had an email called "The Best Thing that's ever happened on this show!"??? No.
I didn't want this to get personal, but you brought this on yourself. So I did some research into you. And I found out your secret. Or rather, your family secret. Yes, I know about your father. Your father was once Catholic, but he fell from grace, and turned to the dark side. I know it embarrasses you, and it eats away at you, because deep in your soul, you know that you are meant to follow him and renounce your Catholicism! He has invited you to join him, and you are tempted every day to join the dark side. You know you want to! Go ahead! Join him! Your God can't save you! It's been scientifically proven on WWE programming by Shawn Michaels that if God is your tag-team partner, that you will lose. It is your destiny. Let go and join your father! Embrace the Hate Dustin! Find your anger and hatred! Join The Dark Side!
OK. OK. OK. That was a little extreme and below the belt. I need to backtrack.
It was wrong of me to drag your father into this. But your sister....
Yes, I found out the truth about her.
And yes, I'm going to share your sister's secret. I know this will hurt.
Your sister once worked at a Waffle House.
I know! It's embarrassing. But the truth needs to come out! A Waffle House!
Dustin, your hero should be Scott Steiner, because you are a giant lump of confused mediocrity. You talk about your efficiency in serious topics, but you make critical mistakes! You insult me! You wave your Catholic flag and your Straight-Edge Flag to no avail amongst the heathens and drunks that listen to this show! And you think that makes you special? You have your own Catholic Podcast, but you come hang out in a place with Brian Van Alstyne!
Dustin, it is time for you to crawl back to your own show. Stop emailing this show and boring us. Go away.
I am Listening. Always.
Cliffs Notes
JB King
I'm JB KING DEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR
*Please play Conjunction junction as my opening theme music*
Yes, I told Andy to make sure they play this as my theme. I don’t have a problem playing along with jokes. That being said, please play the next song that will mock me and let’s get started! This is going to be more fun than listening to JB KING and Scott Steiner in a spelling bee!
*ABC: Jackson 5*
Hey guys,
I just heard the results. Congratulations to Cliff Notes. Good job! Yay! Good effort! You have five titles now right? That’s almost as many gimmicks you’ve gone through. Can’t wait to see how your latest gimmick plays out. It will be like how Nate can’t wait to see if he is allowed on the tea cup rides this year. Another Cliff gimmick? This reminds me of what Cam Gullet’s mom said before Tiger killed her. “Stop shoving this down my throat you’re going to kill me.” Speaking of things being shoved down our throats, welcome back Thom! Nice comedy routine there sunshine. I would tell you don’t quit your day job but Botchamania is running thin on material. Which is ironic considering how desperate you get for any material as Andy pointed out. By the way, thanks for no selling most of Thom’s “jokes” last night guys. Maybe now he knows how his poor opponents feel. Damnit Chris, where was your cricket when we needed it? Hey guys, what is the difference between Thom and Cam’s mom? (wait for it) One person is known for making $25 a night by laying on his or her back so some fat guy can mount them, and the other is Cam’s mom. But at least she knew when to stay dead Thom. RIP Kathy. I have no idea if her name is Kathy. Was I close Chris? Who cares, she never used her real name after 5pm anyway. RIP Cinnamon. Maybe I should repeat these RIP jokes a few more times so Thom can steal that too next week.
So now I have to make fun of a fat solider Andy? Did you make a personal hit list or something? I have no idea where I should take this. Are you asking for a ‘Full Metal Jacket’ Private Pile joke? I already mocked Thom tonight; I don’t need to insult two useless pieces of shit that ended up blowing their brains out. I’ll move on.
I’m not going to mention too much on NXT. Chris already botched trying to sell it to everyone enough already. You want to mock Scott Taylor and then pull that nonsense last night Chris? Sure Scott is so formulaic that you could make a Bingo game out of his recaps but at least he tries. By the way, you will receive those Bingo cards next week. Good luck guys. Back on topic, I love how Chris points out that he can’t understand a creepy old guy (Dusty Rhodes) with a lisp and yet still defends TV for Vendetta. Way to make Bryan feel awkward Mr. Gay Serpent. Hopefully you show a little more enthusiasm in your next FCW-ummm I mean NXT recap so we don’t have to hear Andy get up to pee outside. Wait a minute! This just in Cam Gullet thinks Heath Slater will win NXT season one! Alright screw this, I’m going back to the gay jokes.
I am only going to say a few things about TNA this week. Andy, I know you don’t watch it, but I suggest you get the sound clip of Christopher Daniels screaming “No, No, No! Shut up! NO!” It will work wonders as a new sound drop for Cam Gullet or Jon Meradeth in the future. Second, thanks TNA for making that erection killing music video of Velvet Sky by showing her kid. First they tell her happy 30th birthday and now they show us her kid? I guess they really don’t want Vince to hire her. Feel free to do your bad Vince impressions now. It can’t be any worse than Thom’s southern impression.
(waits for impressions)
*Let’s Dance: David Bowie*
Uh oh, it’s a bad sound drop which can only mean one thing, QUESTIONS!
Question One: Who else is excited for the Raw MITB Ladder match? We have three wrestlers over 40, two of which can’t walk let alone do high spots in a match, and John Cena. Despite all this, I have more faith in the match then you guys do. I know John Cena and Jericho are more than capable of carrying the match. And the way Kane has been lately, he might just be able to keep up like he did with Punk and Bryan. However, do you think they should open up two more spots for this match? Possibly a returning Rey Mysterio and Miz? At least with this match, we can almost guarantee that John Cena won’t close the show leaving Punk and Bryan to end the PPV. Jokes aside, is it that big of a deal to have a small amount of vets do MITB over six to eight young guys with zero build before a world title shot?
Question Two: What do you think is next for David Otunga and Eve? Ever since Big Johnny got “fired” David Otunga and Eve may or may not have to be repackaged. I’m sure Otunga will still be booked in matches and his character can still carry over without a boss or authority figure. But what about Eve? I want my sexy librarian back. Why is she off TV? Did she fail a drug test? Did she get pregnant or worst of all….did she turn 30? NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Just wanted your thoughts on the future of David Otunga and Eve.
Question Three: The Faber Flav serious question of the night. Yeah Booooooy! Last night you were talking about hardcore wrestling in the midst of a Benoit conversation. Most people feel hardcore wrestlers are garbage. Having Sabu try to work a technical match is like asking Nate Corbitt to do a slam dunk or asking JB KING to write an essay. You hear that Thom? That’s called a reaction. If you were talented you could get them too. By the way, If Andy and Chris no sold that last joke then consider me more read in the face then Cam is ummm, well, you know. Whoops I pulled a Thom Roper! Holy shit, are we still on the question segment? Where was I? Oh yes, just wanted your thoughts if your favorite hardcore matches consisted of actual hardcore wrestlers or technical wrestlers. What matches can you think of?
Well that’s it for me tonight. Still working on my comeback. I’m sure I’ve been barraged by spelling and grammar jokes by now. Come to think of it, if that’s the worst thing people can think of on this club of misfits, than that’s fine. I mean sure, Bryan tickles young children’s’ assholes with his hair lip (or at least that’s what I’m guessing he has with THAT god awful voice) BUT JB KING IS THE REAL MONSTER! Oh sure, Adam Dan butchers the English language worse than his cancer butchered his brain, BUT JB KING BUTCHERS COMMAS! Cam Gullet may eat more wieners than Kobiashi, BUT JB KING CAN’T EAT SYNTAX! And Nate Corbitt may be a withered old midget whose heart makes Dick Cheney look like Superman, but at least he can spell “hart attaq” am I right? I can make a Dick Cheney joke without any worries; after all, I was the head writer for Bush administration.
YES! I’M BACK BABY!
Luv, piece N penis greese
Johnny
Stu Little
Fight The Power!
Hey guys,
Guess I better right to it with all the people I need to address, starting with our NEW General Manager
Fuck you Vin Tanner, and your demands. I don't take orders from THE MAN, I'll leave that to Cam Gullet when he inevitably offers to be your gimp in exchange for not firing his ass from Army of Dorkness. And quit rapping? Well pardon me for trying to attract a more diverse audience to this network which is largely composed of cracker-ass crackers. The occasional e-mail from Thai isn't enough, as he brings up his ethnicity ironically or to beg us to pay for his band's new tour bus...which actually works. Damn you, liberal guilt! It seems it was all for naught though, as no one responded to my rap with one of their own, meaning I won the battle automatically, and as a result, I feel no need to continue to represent on the network. So don't worry, the next time I win the World Championship, I won't be attaching a spinner or bling to it. I'm still Stewie From The Block. But keep pushing me, and I'll pay FIFTEEN dollars to Andy so I can be the COO of the network and fire you! #PeoplePower
Dustin Faber- Kudos on gracefully bowing out of competition and not dragging your run out longer than is necessary. You showed a lot of class, and easily sidestepped a situation where people could have been calling you a faber champion.
James Enright- ......................who? Am I supposed to be impressed or intimidated by you being in the Army? I know you must still be riding a high since Don't Ask Don't Tell got repealed, but don't get cocky. Okay, poor choice of words. Don't get overconfident. Also, don't worry about Andy singling out your weight as a talking point. Yeah, we're REAL short on fat, balding guys on this network(!) But since it's there for the taking, I will ask, did it disappoint you that your daughter Kelly Kelly went into wrestling instead of the military? Yeah, low hanging fruit! I may not be doing Doctor Who or Justified jokes, but I can still pander to Andy and Chris with the best of them.
JB King, or is it JK Bing? For all we know, he's been botching his NAME too all this time as well. Either way...dear god that was awful. I don't need to die to know what purgatory feels like now, as I'm pretty sure that e-mail gives a pretty good approximation. I don't have to make a joke about you having a three way with two other guys in the voting, since your effort was already a pretty huge clusterfuck. You messed up most with the attempts to slam Chris, by going for the gay jokes. That's desperate, not to mention unnecessary, when there's so much good material to use for Chris. The girlish laugh, the mishandling of e-mails, living in Arkansas, being stuck in the 1980s with his video game references...hell even look at some of his facebook profile pics for material. Check out that one with the balloon for instance. Why are we picking on Brian VanAlstyne when THIS guy looks way more like a John Wayne Gacy type? Lots of missed opportunities, King. No excuses, not even your apparent mental disability. Hey Andy, have you given him Eugene's theme yet? The only thing that kept me giving your usual vote to Cam Gullet was...well basic common decency of course.
Not much to say about wwe this week, just that in Brodus Clay's SmackDown match against the Big Show, it was really glaringly obvious that "Somebody Call My Momma" is not appropriate music for trying to look tough and no nonsense by just storming down to the ring rather than dancing. I mean, what are they going to do with him if they turn him heel? Change the lyrics?
#Somebody Fucked Your Momma!
Somebody Fucked Your Momma!
Somebody Fucked Your Momma!
It Was Me, I Fucked Your Momma!
I'll end by speaking to another contributor to MNF. As usual, I listened to this week's show all the way through the ending theme, but this week, instead of the usual extended Llama sounds, it was Thom Roper clamouring for someone to take a shot at him. Well, as his fellow birthplace countryman, I will take it upon myself to put him in his place. You may think that there's room on this show for TWO witty scotsmen, but to quote the greatest movie of all time- There Can Only Be One.
So Tom, you think you're hot shit, do you? Why? Surely not for your wrestling, because I'm pretty sure the six people who listen to this show is the biggest audience you've ever performed for. How does it feel to know that no matter how hard you work, you'll probably not even manage to be as well known as Nathan Jones? Shit, you probably won't even reach the level of Outback Jack. And both of those guys were eclipsed by The Bushwhackers. That's right, a pair of NEW ZEALANDERS. But how is that any different from the way things are now? New Zealand gave the world the beautifull vistas of the Lord of the Rings movies. Australia gives us a wasteland. New Zealand gaves us the Flight Of The Conchords. Australia gave us Yahoo Serious. New Zealand was the shooting location for Lord of the Rings, Xena, and the Spartacus series. Australia's been coasting on the Mad Max films for decades, and most people only really like the second one. The third one didn't really do your people any favours either by depicting you as being such pushovers that Tina Turner could conquer you. Though to be fair, it did introduce the world to Nate Corbitt and JB King when they portrayed Master Blaster. PUNSHOUSE.COM and KINGSHOUSE.EDU!
All your good actors leave and look at the shit they'll do to not have to go home again
Hugh Jackman took the lead role in Van Helsing
Chris Hemsworth recently co-starred in a movie with Kristen Stewart
Nicole Kidman became Tom Cruise's Beard
and Steve Irwin committed Suicide by Stingray
That's how bad it is Down Under. Where Women Glow and Men Plunder. And if only that was your biggest problem. We all know you suffer an inferiority complex, Thom. It's pretty obvious that the reason you shot yourself was because you looked at Damian Sandow and his Grapefruit Sized ballsack, and it just made you despair even more at your peanut shell equivalent. It must have made you cry worse than that time your brother was eaten by a dingo, or when you blubbed like a bitch at Scott and Charlene's wedding in Neighbours. Next time you see him on your screen, do yourself a favour, and as the man on the australian One Dollar Bill would say.."Just Walk Away, and there will be an end to the horror".
Later
Austin Sanders
*Fuck, this email is outdated a bit* TheTallOne
Before I start, I need to stress the fact that I'm ONLY a causal listener.
I don't email the show, I don't vote and I certainly don't try to compete
against Legendary emailers like Cam Gullet.(I'm joking of course, as Cam is
a cum snorting butt buddy who loves to get RKO'ed on sailors huge tube
stakes just for fun. Seriously, that guy is a insult to gay people
everywhere. Cam, Please abort yourself.)
Sorry where was I, I was sidetracked by brutal honesty. Oh, The
intercontinental title situation, that's right.Though I have a pretty
social life, sometimes I stay in and listen to nerdy stuff like this. I am
indeed apart of the 99%. So many people listen to this awesome little time
waster of a show but only around 10 people email, 4 of them are actually
any good and one of them Cam Gullett. (Sorry, I just can't helped being
honest. It's a sin to lie you know. Just ask Dustin Faber.)
However, there is one man who has a championship that hasn't emailed the
show before. In fact, he's one of the host. This man is Chirs. And if
you're wondering on why I told you a little back story before I got to you
Baldy, it's a couple of reasons really. And here's one of them.
1. You threatened to take our freedom away.
On MNF, you were insulted at peoples decision to vote for a spammer rather
than King or Cliff. Ok, I understand that. You're right. You have a point.
These people probably take a hour or so out of their day to write to this
show and they severely get out done by a fake. At least Zombie Ropper was
funny and was meant for mailbag despite taking only a minute to make.But
that's not what I'm talking about. You wanted to take away the peoples
freedom to vote. That's a dictatorship. Only self righteous people want to
be dictators. So let me get this straight, "YOU" want to vote "FOR US" so
we can get better champions? Newsflash, if you're wondering why we barely
vote for Stu anymore it's because we have a chance to criticizes him and
have him listen to us so he's forced to give US what WE want. If the
championship was still dictated by the host, we would be forced to listen
to 20 minute long emails that we zone out of after minute 5. Last week,
Stub realized that what he was doing wasn't working. So he did something
different and fun which almost got him another run as champion, but this
time, a champion the LISTENERS want. Not just 2 people. In fact, if you
think about it, we wouldn't have had one of the greatest emails that Cliff
provided us, or Dustin would have never got a chance to be champ. The
voting process MAKES the Male bag. Taking that away is like taking a dick
away from Cam. But I guess I don't have to worry about that because I'm
sure Andy makes the decisions. In fact, that's my next point.
2. Andy is GOD.
While you own a number of privileges as co-host, you have to remember
something baldy. Andy, whether you like it or not, Still created this show.
Thus making him leader of MNF. And what he says goes. Yes, the rules say
only emailers. But guess who's the only person who can over rule his OWN
rule. God. And when I say God, I mean Andy. And you want to know why he put
that title on you in the first place?
3.Intresting shows make for interesting result you idiot.
WHO THE FUCK IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULDN'T JUMP ALL OVER THIS IDEA. Everyone
on here is a clever smartass. Imagine the amount of fun we all would have
taking shots at a host! That's interesting as fuck.
4. You took Fabers moment and pissed all over it cause you were being a
whiney cunt.
^^^Read above statement baldy.
And now on to the 5th and final reason. You ready for this?
5. It isn't a real title.
This could have been MORE than a justifiable reason to email in the show
for being a causal listener like myself. But you decided to make a big
deal out of something that ISN'T. FUCKING. HOLDABLE. It's just a fucking
concept. Andy gave you this "title" to ensure fun for the next Malebag. He
wasn't doing it to screw the fans over, he was doing it because Cliff was
jokingly on a roll railing Chirs. And guess what? That shit was funny. You
know what's Even funnier? GIVING CLIFF A REASON TO CONTINUE IT. But no, You
ruined the main segment of the show because you didn't want something that
wasn't real, made it all about you, stole Fabers moment to shine, telling
us we're idiots, and on top of all of that, you're suggestion on trying to
hitler up this entire show.
In conclusion, if you want to vacate the title. Fine. But guess what. It
doesn't really matter at this point cause it's rare that a champ STAYS a
champ for more than a week on this show. But do you want to know what my
BIGGEST problem with ALL of this is?
You tried justifying that Cam would be a better anything.
Wow.
You ballsy motherfuck. I'll give you this, you have nuts bigger than
Sandows. But don't think that's ANYWHERE close to enough to get you out of
a lifetime of public shame. I'm ending the email here cause I can't be
associated with anyone trying to justify Cam anywhere.
Fuck you.
XOXOXOXO TheTallOne.
Adam Dan
JB King Es Una Pieza De Mierda
James Enright? More like James En-TER-MY-BUTT-HOLE-ALL-right!!!
What? You expected something more from me? I just take funny things that
other people say, put my own spin on them, then beat them into the ground
until they were no longer really that funny in the first place. Because,
you know, I'm about as funny on my own as being diagnosed with cancer. You
don't like it? Fine. Call up that pork-loving kike, Solly, and sue me. The
wife and I just spent $35,000 over the last 18 months on in vitro because
of my retarded sperm, so I'm not even valued at the server fees at 1AND1.COM
!!!
So I guess this is the part of the email where I'm supposed to rip on JB
King for being an illiterate rapist of the English language. OK. For
starters, JB, there were no fewer than 3 emailers who were able to craft
perfectly-spelled and grammatically-accurate emails in fucking SPANISH; and
you couldn't even muster up some 3rd grade English? I mean, Christ, I've
left Taco Bell remnants in the toilet that more closely resemble
intelligible words than that email.
On top of that, you actually copped to needing to use spelling and
grammar-check tools? I learned most of this shit when I was 9, and my
chemo-riddled brain cells still retained most of it. Where the fuck did you
grow up? No, seriously, I want to know so I can send buttsex-loving Cam
there to wipe it out with his AIDS.
If there was just 1 bit of advice I would give, JB, it would be to learn to
use apostrophes and commas. Those are the short, hooked, stubby-looking
punctuation marks that closely resemble your short, hooked, stubby-looking
apparatus you tuck back between your legs when you go trolling for
poontang.
When used below letters they are called "commas", and they are typically
there to signify either the separation of consecutive items in a list,
consecutive complete thoughts, or to offset addressing a person by name
(see: sentence 1 of the preceding paragraph).
When used above letters they are called "apostrophes", and they are
typically there to signify either possession or the contraction of 2 words
into a shortened word. For instance, when you say "Don't stop, big boy" to
the trucker who's jerking his cock on your chin, "don't" means "do not",
and the apostrophe is there in place of the "o" if you were to mash the 2
words together.
In closing remarks to you, JB, I'm not sure how much of this you have
actually comprehended, so I'll close by trying Spanish again and say
simply: "Por favor, muerte ti mismo."
Your Formerly-Cancer-Ridden, Formerly-Unemployed, Never-Funny-On-His-Own
Hackjob,
-Adam
P.S. Tom Roper? More like Tom RAPER!!!
Cam Gullett
After listening to this week's recap show I'm not sure which handicap match
was worse to listen to: last week's match where JB King was the inverse of
Ryback taking on the combo of spelling and grammar, or this week's
thrilling battle of Thom Roper vs comedy and timing!
When JB King is typing out an email does he see the green and red
underlines and then just give some money to a Republican?
After the first week of Cliff's Notes doing the whole "Save Us" gimmick, I
really thought that he was going to finally break through the glass ceiling
and get on Stu's level full-time. His subsequent emails let me know that he
is really more like the Jericho from his last run where he came in with a
ton of promise and then just lazily shat the bed every week and yet the MNF
voters gave him another title run, over the superior Stu. It's official
your voters are worse than Vince Russo. I mean Christ, they even put me in
3rd place this week. How incompetent can a voting public be? (Remembers
back to 8 years of George W. and then makes a sad face)
Can we get a "How to speak Australian" commercial for the phrase "Jump the
shark" and it just be a picture of Thom Roper? That guy makes worse pop
culture referential jokes than Seth McFarlane and THAT'S saying something.
James Enright? More like James EnRight Gay Guy, amiEnright?
Thom Roper thinks I even have dignity to find on a sunday morning? Ha! I
haven't had dignity since 1997 when my parents sent me away to summer camp
in Pennsylvania with good ole Uncle Jerry.
Hey you know what might have made crazy AJ talking to herself funnier and
more interesting? If she had been talking to a set of CM Punk, Daniel
Bryan, and Kane action figures.
Also how fucking dumb was it to arbitrarily award Daniel Bryan a title shot
at MITB for winning that three-way elimination match rather than put a
stipulation on the match where if Bryan or Kane wins then they get a title
match out of it? Very dumb getting is Yoda McMahon these days.
Speaking of dumb, can we make JimBob King repeat grade school english
classes again ala the Billy Madison route? It would at least give Thom
Roper more chances to make terrible fucking jokes with references to shit
that nobody cares about. It's like an Australian version of what I do on
Army of Dorkness.
Time to get back to work guzzling down load after load for the sailor boys
here in landlocked Arkansas. Good job with that terrible fucking premise
each and every week everyone. Seriously, good job good effort.
"Dashing" Cam Gullett, cohost of Army of Dorkness.
Brian VanAlstyne
The Countdown
I've taken the punishment, it will soon be time to dish it out.
The countdown starts now…
5
DevSop
PS. Vin Tanner is a character in the Magnificent Seven. I'd be worried about taking handouts.
Cliffs Notes
A New Hope
WELCOME TO FLAW! IS! CLIFFS NOTES!
To all the newcomers this week: Welcome. I hope you can make this show more excellent. It's nice to see we had more votes at Punshouse.com last week. Andy: how are the ratings?
As for our regulars...
Hey JB. I appreciate the apology on Monday night, but I know it was just an attempt to steal the thunder from the e-mailers. So just a reminder to you: My education of the Spanish Language is from LA gang movies, spaghetti westerns and the Taco Bell Menu. And I still have a better grasp of that language than you have of English. So if I have a down week, just remember that I won this damn crown three weeks in a row using two different languages, and now five times overall. If only there was some wrestling catchphrase regarding a 5-time champion that I could borrow.
Cam, don't even try. You are striving for mediocrity, and failing miserably. Your attempts to insult me are pathetic at best, but more likely they are embarrassingly incorrect and nonsensical. I would say you are beneath me, but that's exactly where you like to be. I advise you to follow AJ's lead, and just stick with talking to your mirror, as this is a more appropriate battle of wits for you.
Chris Alt. Hey buddy. How was your week? You know that "little kid" tone of voice you use when speaking to your daughter? Is that the same voice you use with Cam, or do you need to slow down closer to the pace of Randy............ Orton?
Look, my opinion of you is pretty well documented. As I've stated elsewhere, and I know it won't be believed, but I am not Vin Tanner. Chris, if I paid $12 to Andy, you would already be fired. I must quote you from last week's Male Bag. You said, "But I am certainly the Paul Heyman that put him on the map in the first place." Really Chris? Your mediocrity put me on the map?
<<< Deep Breath >>>
You typical Liberal! Taking credit for other peoples work! This is what I've been talking about for the last three weeks! Have you been paying attention? Mediocre cockroaches stealing other people's work! Have you heard any Spanish e-mails lately? No! Because they were exposed! And you're again trying to steal someone else's work! This is just like that other mediocre Liberal that claimed he invented the Internet! Oh wait a minute.... QUIT HANGING OUT WITH YOUR GAMER AND PROUD CO-HOST! He steals ideas from other shows too! Is that where you get this from? Andy - you'd better act quick, or Chris is going to take all the credit for the success of Flawedcast Prime! The time is now, Mr. Tanner! Fire Chris Alt!
Moving on.
It's time for me to focus on my next problem that I must solve in my quest for Excellence. Time and time again I have proven my Excellence, and yet, I am still mocked. Once again, I need to refer to a sentence from last week's Male Bag.
And I quote " Sure I'll still email thought-provoking questions, as I feel I'm the best when it comes to "serious" topics, but as far as competing for a title, I'll leave that up to JB and Stu, as they deserve it more than anyone else in this federation."
Holy Mother Loving Crap.
Dustin Faber. I didn't think it was possible, but you have reached perfection. That is the most perfectly stupid s entence that could possibly be written (without including the word "Cam"). Have you been paying any attention? Or do you just skip ahead and listen for your music? JB and Stu DESERVE it more than anyone else? Let me help educate you. I am the Best In The World at what I do. And your e-mails are more appropriate for a podcast that is used to induce a coma. Hint: It takes four hours.
And amazingly, this is isn't just a single mistake. You've exposed your stupidity before. Remember this one? " I'm the Dean Malenko of Flawedcast. Very efficient, but nothing too terribly exciting like JB King."
Heaven help you, Dustin. Dean Malenko! Your hero is mediocre! What did he ever accomplish? He was technically proficient, but not the best. I am the man of 1,004 serious topics, not you. I make people think about diverse topics such as Mexican Food and Economic Systems and International Soccer and the football coach of Nevada, not you. I entertain people. Not you. Has JB King had an email called "The Best Thing that's ever happened on this show!"??? No.
I didn't want this to get personal, but you brought this on yourself. So I did some research into you. And I found out your secret. Or rather, your family secret. Yes, I know about your father. Your father was once Catholic, but he fell from grace, and turned to the dark side. I know it embarrasses you, and it eats away at you, because deep in your soul, you know that you are meant to follow him and renounce your Catholicism! He has invited you to join him, and you are tempted every day to join the dark side. You know you want to! Go ahead! Join him! Your God can't save you! It's been scientifically proven on WWE programming by Shawn Michaels that if God is your tag-team partner, that you will lose. It is your destiny. Let go and join your father! Embrace the Hate Dustin! Find your anger and hatred! Join The Dark Side!
OK. OK. OK. That was a little extreme and below the belt. I need to backtrack.
It was wrong of me to drag your father into this. But your sister....
Yes, I found out the truth about her.
And yes, I'm going to share your sister's secret. I know this will hurt.
Your sister once worked at a Waffle House.
I know! It's embarrassing. But the truth needs to come out! A Waffle House!
Dustin, your hero should be Scott Steiner, because you are a giant lump of confused mediocrity. You talk about your efficiency in serious topics, but you make critical mistakes! You insult me! You wave your Catholic flag and your Straight-Edge Flag to no avail amongst the heathens and drunks that listen to this show! And you think that makes you special? You have your own Catholic Podcast, but you come hang out in a place with Brian Van Alstyne!
Dustin, it is time for you to crawl back to your own show. Stop emailing this show and boring us. Go away.
I am Listening. Always.
Cliffs Notes
JB King
I'm JB KING DEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR
*Please play Conjunction junction as my opening theme music*
Yes, I told Andy to make sure they play this as my theme. I don’t have a problem playing along with jokes. That being said, please play the next song that will mock me and let’s get started! This is going to be more fun than listening to JB KING and Scott Steiner in a spelling bee!
*ABC: Jackson 5*
Hey guys,
I just heard the results. Congratulations to Cliff Notes. Good job! Yay! Good effort! You have five titles now right? That’s almost as many gimmicks you’ve gone through. Can’t wait to see how your latest gimmick plays out. It will be like how Nate can’t wait to see if he is allowed on the tea cup rides this year. Another Cliff gimmick? This reminds me of what Cam Gullet’s mom said before Tiger killed her. “Stop shoving this down my throat you’re going to kill me.” Speaking of things being shoved down our throats, welcome back Thom! Nice comedy routine there sunshine. I would tell you don’t quit your day job but Botchamania is running thin on material. Which is ironic considering how desperate you get for any material as Andy pointed out. By the way, thanks for no selling most of Thom’s “jokes” last night guys. Maybe now he knows how his poor opponents feel. Damnit Chris, where was your cricket when we needed it? Hey guys, what is the difference between Thom and Cam’s mom? (wait for it) One person is known for making $25 a night by laying on his or her back so some fat guy can mount them, and the other is Cam’s mom. But at least she knew when to stay dead Thom. RIP Kathy. I have no idea if her name is Kathy. Was I close Chris? Who cares, she never used her real name after 5pm anyway. RIP Cinnamon. Maybe I should repeat these RIP jokes a few more times so Thom can steal that too next week.
So now I have to make fun of a fat solider Andy? Did you make a personal hit list or something? I have no idea where I should take this. Are you asking for a ‘Full Metal Jacket’ Private Pile joke? I already mocked Thom tonight; I don’t need to insult two useless pieces of shit that ended up blowing their brains out. I’ll move on.
I’m not going to mention too much on NXT. Chris already botched trying to sell it to everyone enough already. You want to mock Scott Taylor and then pull that nonsense last night Chris? Sure Scott is so formulaic that you could make a Bingo game out of his recaps but at least he tries. By the way, you will receive those Bingo cards next week. Good luck guys. Back on topic, I love how Chris points out that he can’t understand a creepy old guy (Dusty Rhodes) with a lisp and yet still defends TV for Vendetta. Way to make Bryan feel awkward Mr. Gay Serpent. Hopefully you show a little more enthusiasm in your next FCW-ummm I mean NXT recap so we don’t have to hear Andy get up to pee outside. Wait a minute! This just in Cam Gullet thinks Heath Slater will win NXT season one! Alright screw this, I’m going back to the gay jokes.
I am only going to say a few things about TNA this week. Andy, I know you don’t watch it, but I suggest you get the sound clip of Christopher Daniels screaming “No, No, No! Shut up! NO!” It will work wonders as a new sound drop for Cam Gullet or Jon Meradeth in the future. Second, thanks TNA for making that erection killing music video of Velvet Sky by showing her kid. First they tell her happy 30th birthday and now they show us her kid? I guess they really don’t want Vince to hire her. Feel free to do your bad Vince impressions now. It can’t be any worse than Thom’s southern impression.
(waits for impressions)
*Let’s Dance: David Bowie*
Uh oh, it’s a bad sound drop which can only mean one thing, QUESTIONS!
Question One: Who else is excited for the Raw MITB Ladder match? We have three wrestlers over 40, two of which can’t walk let alone do high spots in a match, and John Cena. Despite all this, I have more faith in the match then you guys do. I know John Cena and Jericho are more than capable of carrying the match. And the way Kane has been lately, he might just be able to keep up like he did with Punk and Bryan. However, do you think they should open up two more spots for this match? Possibly a returning Rey Mysterio and Miz? At least with this match, we can almost guarantee that John Cena won’t close the show leaving Punk and Bryan to end the PPV. Jokes aside, is it that big of a deal to have a small amount of vets do MITB over six to eight young guys with zero build before a world title shot?
Question Two: What do you think is next for David Otunga and Eve? Ever since Big Johnny got “fired” David Otunga and Eve may or may not have to be repackaged. I’m sure Otunga will still be booked in matches and his character can still carry over without a boss or authority figure. But what about Eve? I want my sexy librarian back. Why is she off TV? Did she fail a drug test? Did she get pregnant or worst of all….did she turn 30? NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Just wanted your thoughts on the future of David Otunga and Eve.
Question Three: The Faber Flav serious question of the night. Yeah Booooooy! Last night you were talking about hardcore wrestling in the midst of a Benoit conversation. Most people feel hardcore wrestlers are garbage. Having Sabu try to work a technical match is like asking Nate Corbitt to do a slam dunk or asking JB KING to write an essay. You hear that Thom? That’s called a reaction. If you were talented you could get them too. By the way, If Andy and Chris no sold that last joke then consider me more read in the face then Cam is ummm, well, you know. Whoops I pulled a Thom Roper! Holy shit, are we still on the question segment? Where was I? Oh yes, just wanted your thoughts if your favorite hardcore matches consisted of actual hardcore wrestlers or technical wrestlers. What matches can you think of?
Well that’s it for me tonight. Still working on my comeback. I’m sure I’ve been barraged by spelling and grammar jokes by now. Come to think of it, if that’s the worst thing people can think of on this club of misfits, than that’s fine. I mean sure, Bryan tickles young children’s’ assholes with his hair lip (or at least that’s what I’m guessing he has with THAT god awful voice) BUT JB KING IS THE REAL MONSTER! Oh sure, Adam Dan butchers the English language worse than his cancer butchered his brain, BUT JB KING BUTCHERS COMMAS! Cam Gullet may eat more wieners than Kobiashi, BUT JB KING CAN’T EAT SYNTAX! And Nate Corbitt may be a withered old midget whose heart makes Dick Cheney look like Superman, but at least he can spell “hart attaq” am I right? I can make a Dick Cheney joke without any worries; after all, I was the head writer for Bush administration.
YES! I’M BACK BABY!
Luv, piece N penis greese
Johnny
Stu Little
Fight The Power!
Hey guys,
Guess I better right to it with all the people I need to address, starting with our NEW General Manager
Fuck you Vin Tanner, and your demands. I don't take orders from THE MAN, I'll leave that to Cam Gullet when he inevitably offers to be your gimp in exchange for not firing his ass from Army of Dorkness. And quit rapping? Well pardon me for trying to attract a more diverse audience to this network which is largely composed of cracker-ass crackers. The occasional e-mail from Thai isn't enough, as he brings up his ethnicity ironically or to beg us to pay for his band's new tour bus...which actually works. Damn you, liberal guilt! It seems it was all for naught though, as no one responded to my rap with one of their own, meaning I won the battle automatically, and as a result, I feel no need to continue to represent on the network. So don't worry, the next time I win the World Championship, I won't be attaching a spinner or bling to it. I'm still Stewie From The Block. But keep pushing me, and I'll pay FIFTEEN dollars to Andy so I can be the COO of the network and fire you! #PeoplePower
Dustin Faber- Kudos on gracefully bowing out of competition and not dragging your run out longer than is necessary. You showed a lot of class, and easily sidestepped a situation where people could have been calling you a faber champion.
James Enright- ......................who? Am I supposed to be impressed or intimidated by you being in the Army? I know you must still be riding a high since Don't Ask Don't Tell got repealed, but don't get cocky. Okay, poor choice of words. Don't get overconfident. Also, don't worry about Andy singling out your weight as a talking point. Yeah, we're REAL short on fat, balding guys on this network(!) But since it's there for the taking, I will ask, did it disappoint you that your daughter Kelly Kelly went into wrestling instead of the military? Yeah, low hanging fruit! I may not be doing Doctor Who or Justified jokes, but I can still pander to Andy and Chris with the best of them.
JB King, or is it JK Bing? For all we know, he's been botching his NAME too all this time as well. Either way...dear god that was awful. I don't need to die to know what purgatory feels like now, as I'm pretty sure that e-mail gives a pretty good approximation. I don't have to make a joke about you having a three way with two other guys in the voting, since your effort was already a pretty huge clusterfuck. You messed up most with the attempts to slam Chris, by going for the gay jokes. That's desperate, not to mention unnecessary, when there's so much good material to use for Chris. The girlish laugh, the mishandling of e-mails, living in Arkansas, being stuck in the 1980s with his video game references...hell even look at some of his facebook profile pics for material. Check out that one with the balloon for instance. Why are we picking on Brian VanAlstyne when THIS guy looks way more like a John Wayne Gacy type? Lots of missed opportunities, King. No excuses, not even your apparent mental disability. Hey Andy, have you given him Eugene's theme yet? The only thing that kept me giving your usual vote to Cam Gullet was...well basic common decency of course.
Not much to say about wwe this week, just that in Brodus Clay's SmackDown match against the Big Show, it was really glaringly obvious that "Somebody Call My Momma" is not appropriate music for trying to look tough and no nonsense by just storming down to the ring rather than dancing. I mean, what are they going to do with him if they turn him heel? Change the lyrics?
#Somebody Fucked Your Momma!
Somebody Fucked Your Momma!
Somebody Fucked Your Momma!
It Was Me, I Fucked Your Momma!
I'll end by speaking to another contributor to MNF. As usual, I listened to this week's show all the way through the ending theme, but this week, instead of the usual extended Llama sounds, it was Thom Roper clamouring for someone to take a shot at him. Well, as his fellow birthplace countryman, I will take it upon myself to put him in his place. You may think that there's room on this show for TWO witty scotsmen, but to quote the greatest movie of all time- There Can Only Be One.
So Tom, you think you're hot shit, do you? Why? Surely not for your wrestling, because I'm pretty sure the six people who listen to this show is the biggest audience you've ever performed for. How does it feel to know that no matter how hard you work, you'll probably not even manage to be as well known as Nathan Jones? Shit, you probably won't even reach the level of Outback Jack. And both of those guys were eclipsed by The Bushwhackers. That's right, a pair of NEW ZEALANDERS. But how is that any different from the way things are now? New Zealand gave the world the beautifull vistas of the Lord of the Rings movies. Australia gives us a wasteland. New Zealand gaves us the Flight Of The Conchords. Australia gave us Yahoo Serious. New Zealand was the shooting location for Lord of the Rings, Xena, and the Spartacus series. Australia's been coasting on the Mad Max films for decades, and most people only really like the second one. The third one didn't really do your people any favours either by depicting you as being such pushovers that Tina Turner could conquer you. Though to be fair, it did introduce the world to Nate Corbitt and JB King when they portrayed Master Blaster. PUNSHOUSE.COM and KINGSHOUSE.EDU!
All your good actors leave and look at the shit they'll do to not have to go home again
Hugh Jackman took the lead role in Van Helsing
Chris Hemsworth recently co-starred in a movie with Kristen Stewart
Nicole Kidman became Tom Cruise's Beard
and Steve Irwin committed Suicide by Stingray
That's how bad it is Down Under. Where Women Glow and Men Plunder. And if only that was your biggest problem. We all know you suffer an inferiority complex, Thom. It's pretty obvious that the reason you shot yourself was because you looked at Damian Sandow and his Grapefruit Sized ballsack, and it just made you despair even more at your peanut shell equivalent. It must have made you cry worse than that time your brother was eaten by a dingo, or when you blubbed like a bitch at Scott and Charlene's wedding in Neighbours. Next time you see him on your screen, do yourself a favour, and as the man on the australian One Dollar Bill would say.."Just Walk Away, and there will be an end to the horror".
Later