MNF 29/Male Bag 12
Jul 19, 2012 15:04:39 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Jul 19, 2012 15:04:39 GMT -5
Check out Monday Night Flaw 29 and Male Bag 12 on iTunes, Stitcher or www.flawedcast.net/mondaynightflaw then come back here and vote for the email champion of the week!
Thom Roper
Oh dear.
Good day, people who engage in coitus!
It's your network's only TNA recap fan, Thom Roper, here with your
weekly Scott Taylor's TNA Impact recap...recap!
Now kindly play my musical accompaniment!
(Cue 'We Can Get Together')
Scott Taylor said stuff! Chris Alt used the Earhurter! Andy killed my
will to still listen! AJ Styles has knocked up more women than Cam
Gullett in his nightmares! Half the wrestlers were smaller than Nate
Corbitt! I fell asleep! Fuck you, Scott Taylor, you made me watch this
BULLLLSHIITTTTTTTTTT!
See you next week!
....oh, btw. Adam, can you experiment with moving Dandora's mobile
studio underwater this week? I'd appreciate it.
James Enright
I WANT DA GOLD! WHERE DA GOLD AT!?
Stu Little doesn't know how to use the three seashells.
Austin Sanders
I HATE AUSTIN! I HATE AUSTIN!
*I'm typing this email early due to fucking Cliffs mother.*
Fuck you Faggot.
Hello Chris and Andy. Ok let's try this one more time. I'm assuming you
both had a spark of common sense this week, as I AM YOUR NEW
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION! If I'm not, congrats to FUCK YOU I should've
been champion. Piece of shit.
I'll continue the funny stuff soon, I just want to get my one and only
question out of the way so it doesn't ruin the swing of things. I know Andy
loves emailers asking questions sooooooooo much, but It's nice to get the
non funny stuff outta the way.
Last year we had the summer of Punk. I was really excited about him leaving
with the title because it could've had the potential of him coming back
anytime. Unfortunately, I hated how he came back after 2 weeks to feud with
Kevin "Ryan Dangerfeild" Nash of all people. It could have been SO much
more. So my question is, what could've made that storyline just as amazing
as the weeks heading into Money in the Bank 2011? I think that this
storyline could have continued to this day if they played with
Punks appearances right.
'Now that THAT'S outta the way, lets have some mean spirited fun" as depsop
would say.
A few things need to be addressed. First off, Cam, you have no friends.
Sorry for lying to you.
Second off, Whats with all the lack of mention of me? I know I'm the Collin
Dalene of the flawed cast network, but good lord I'm still a person. I
expected there to be some jab at me for being a rookie. I'm new, I was late
with my first email and my user name is THETALLONE! Jesus, not one of you
fuckwits decided to acknowledge me. I mean you know I'm tall, just be lazy
with it and do a reverse Nate CorBitch joke. Oh Nate, I pity you're
shortness. No wonder why your name is in the word "Unfortunate". Not just
for you're height, just the fact that you're alive.
PUNSHOUSE.No really this guy needs to get euthanized.
Also, Tom Roper took my PROMISED intercontinental belt. Come on you two,
You know the wrestling rules. Don't allow a jobber to be a champion of any
sort. If you do, you have a gillberg on your hands.
#TomIsNotBetterThanGillberg
If Andy and Chris wondering why I keep spelling it Tom and not Thom, it's
because H is a loser letter. I hope the letter H dies.
Fuck that letter.
Well I guess I better get to the penis filled punching bag, Cliffs Notes.
Cliffs Notes? More like future rape victim!
#DepsopWillMakeAnException
Cliff, you DID say my name last week.The reason why I didn't include you
in the paragraph above is because you are not a person. You accused
yourself of being ME, the one and only Austin Sanders. May I point out that
Austin Sanders is not a faggot like you, and I don't think your writing
skills are good enough to cover up that you're a butt muffler either.
Also, that was a nice little Skit you put on. But not to steal your little
gimmick, I'm just gona show you how it SHOULD have happened.
I think it should have gone something like this.
Randy Orten-"Cliffnotes.........is a...................."
MR.MCMAHON-" CLIFFSNOTES! YOU'REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE A
FAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.....no really."
Gallagher (Andy)- If I had to slice dice smash and gash anything with the
sledge-o-matic, It would have to be Cliffs Notes Prostate! FUUUCKKK THAT
GUY!!
Peter from Family Guy (Chris)- Hey look everybody, Cliff is sooo ugly. Does
anybody see how ugly he is. Cliff is sooooooooooo ugly. Hehehehehehehehehe
Brain from Family Guy (Chris)- Well Peter this is almost as bad as Cliffs
Notes getting to meet Jeffery Dahmer from the grave.
Andys child (Chris)- ......................................................
Andy- I fucking hate that political fucktard. He should start being funny
again! Also where's food. I always loveeeeeeeee food.
Chris- You're something else cliffs notes.
Andys Mom (Chris)......................
Katelyn, Chris's daughter- I hate him cause he eats his veggieburgers! YUCK!
Punshouse voters- Dauhhuh I tink Cliff Note is best EVARRR DAHAHAHA! IMA GO
play WITH ANTHRAX!! WEEEEE
Chris's self respect-................................
Randy Orten- ..............................................Faggot
That's generally how I would do it. Maybe add a few more characters but if
I add more than 15, it would start getting into Game of Thrones territory.
Which I know you Cliff can't fallow cause you're a special needs child.
Fuck you retard.
Lastly, I can't wait for King of The Ring! I always wanted to be the Mabel
of something! And if I'm not in the king of the ring, I guess I'm ok with
it. Not like it meant anything the last 10 years. I wonder if Cliffs Notes
can count THAT high.
Fuck you retard.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
No really, Cliff, you're a pussy for backing out.
TheTallOne
PS- You're Mom was great.
Cam Gullett
Is Cliff funny again yet? Don't worry, I'm still waiting from last week.
Speaking of which, Cliff being a gigantic pussy is no real surprise, but it
was very meta of him, err "Vin Tanner" to command Cliff to answer Dustin
"The Catholic Curbstomper" Faber's challenge. I hope Faber fucks him up
harder than a Catholic priest at an all altar boy sleepover.
Speaking of gay sex, I am your reigning and defending Intercontinental
Champion of the World for the 3rd time. It's unprecedented how often I take
shots from guys.
I know that Andy was wanting us to cutback on the amount of inside jokes,
but we can still makes jokes about me liking to have guys inside...of me,
right?
Big congratulations to my broadcast partner and YOUR NEW HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, THE GOLDEN VOICE...JAMES RYAN!!
I look forward to our continued success as the dominant tag team of the
Flawedcast Wrestling Federation, which is something I just made up for this
email.
I see us as being like other great tag teams where both guys were equally
as good and each guy went on to have a successful career, such as: The
Rockers, The Smoking Guns, Harlem Heat, MNM, The Hart Dynasty, Curt
Hawkins & Zack Ryder. I mean the list just goes on and on, amirite?
Friendly reminder: Cliff is a pussy.
I don't have DirecTV, but I did send them, and Viacom, a thank you letter
on behalf of all the people who don't have the ability to accidentally
stumble upon TNA right now.
Raw 1000 should be fun next week right? More than a few places on the
interwebs are speculating that we actually get a full DX reunion next week,
minus the crazy amazonian bitch part, and no I don't mean that fatty John
Cena.
How hilarious is it going to be when John Cena becomes the first guy to not
successfully cash in a Money in the Bank briefcase? Not nearly funny enough
to ease the pain when Dolph Ziggler probably gets fucked out of his like
he's JB King at a spelling bee.
I would make a joke about Austin Sanders, but he seems way too pre-occupied
with making love to faggots so his ear and mouth are probably too full of
cum to even notice.
Speaking of which, stop me if you've heard this one, I have gay sex with
sailors! All the time! I am actually being double penetrated as I type this
email. I felt like my Aids was starting to weaken so I got some especially
sickly looking seamen tonight.
Good luck and godspeed to everyone trying to get the belts away from The
Army of Dorkness this week. I look forward to the upcoming King of the Ring
in which I am almost positive that Stu Little will win thus replacing that
goofy-eyed fuck, Forest Whitaker as the NEW Last King of Scotland!
As always,
"Dashing" Cam Gullett, cohost of the soon to be returning Army of Dorkness!!
James Ryan
Good to be The King?
Wait? What? Hold the iPhone! I won? I'm the Champ?!? Holy Shit!
Cue my "Cena Surprised Face"! On second thought, cue my "Yao, Bitch
Please Face"!
Well, ladies and gentlemen and Adam Dan, we're off and running with
another West Coast Live RAW emailing!
I got home a little late tonight and only saw the end of the Big
Show/CM Punk promo. I'm a little pissed cause I obviously missed some
amazing work. Though I did happen to hear Big Show's reply to Punk's
line that the crowd hates Show or he's a bald fatso, that sounded
something out of The Big Lebowski, "Well, you know, that's just like
uh...your opinion, man."
Black on Black Tag Team Turmoil!!! THIS IS RACIST! clap clap,
clap-clap-clap! This match was probably Match of the Night in the Red
States of our country! I swear I just heard "White Bread" AW just say
something about the LAPD. Jerry Lawler just said "Darren Young's
running his mouth! Errr, I mean AW!" Yes, Jerry, they do all look
alike. If you didn't think Jerry was wearing his Klansman cap before,
he just said R Truth was standing on the apron like a "caged animal."
Welcome back Racist Lawler! WhitePower.org! Veiled Racist Lawler
shows up every so often on RAW. He's like everyone's drunk uncle on a
family holiday! Back to action, a quick Trouble in Paradisio kick to
Tits O'Neil's face, into Truth's Flatliner for the 1, 2, 3. Get to
the back of the bus, African-American Express!
WWE.com/TOUT. #FUCKOFF!
Zack Ryder's in the ring and he can eat a bag of dicks. I will just
say that he is as big of douche in person as he looks like on
television! Though his hair plugs do look fantastic in person! You
should look into those, Alt, Pun, Andy, AM I MISSIN ANY1?!?
Glad Ryder tapped out to Del Rio's Flying Dorito-Taco Arm Breaker!
Karma's a son of a bitch, Ryder, and I'm your Papa Shango, son.
You'll rue the day you smirked at my cheetah-print jacket at Comic
Con, you fan boy...hold that thought cause, oh Lordy, Nate Corbitt, I
mean REY MYSTERIO IS BACK!!!
The One Man Band is now out and tonight's returning Legend
is....Rikishi!...And his large dimpled Anus waddle to ringside, and no
I'm not talking about JB King! Let the Slater hazing continue!
Slater eats a Samoan Rimjob for a late dinner! #MakeaDifference!
Mmmm, now Eve hits the ring, and pre-DICK-tibly, she has chosen Miz as
her mystery tag partner. And the crowd reacts as if all of their
grandmothers and pets simultaneously died or exploded. Most people
were silent, possibly holding back tears and some were just politely
cheering. And this is in Vegas! Aren't you assholes supposed to be
shit-housed?? Not a good reaction for the Miz! Just another excuse
for him to be in HHH's dog house. Really hoping Daniel Bryan kicks
Miz's face off tonight. #YES!
I may have an anger issue tonight. First Ryder and now Miz. Maybe
I'll just listen to Dandora Moblie Radio. That always seems to calm
my inner rage! Dandora Radio, found exclusively on Flawedcast.net!
Miz looks like he's been taking hair tips from JBL and dirt-stache
tips from a bunch of 9th graders. #NaziPeachFuzzPervert!
Post Match, Daniel Bryan drops the Love Bomb on AJ!
OMGWILLYOUMARRYME!?!?!? Holy shit, this is actually happening. And
I'm digging it! That diamond ring really goes with her jelly
bracelets. #SHESAIDYES!!! LIGHT IT UP!!!!
Breaking News: The Yes Lock has now been renamed the WEDLOCK!
Next up, it's Republican Party Hopeful, Jack Swagger vs Ryback and all
of his 231 teeth! Ryback just used the triple powerbomb move, thus
stealing one of Jericho's 1004 moves. Yes, I know Lesnar used it in
the past too. #FeedMeBore WebMd.com/Sleep-Disorders
Speaking of Jericho, he interrupts the former Male Cheerleader turned
Money in the Bank winner. Jericho looks pretty baked and all I see in
his red eyes are the words "Urge to Kill Rising" when Ziggles tells
him him that he hasn't won a big match or a match in forever, which is
ironic because before Money in the Bank, Ziggler wasn't winning shit
pretty recently too.
In tonight's production of "You Haven't Won in Forever Theater" the
part of Chris Jericho will be played by Jon Bon Jovi! Bon Jovi then
proceeds to drop Cheerleader Dolph with a "You're An Idiot if You
Didn't See That Coming From 100 Miles Away" CodeBreaker.
Ziggler needs a new catchphrase or nickname cause "Show Off" just
isn't cutting it. How about "Hot Shot"?
Buzzword of the night: TOUT!
I suggest we all send in our TOUT videos about Chris Benoit and his
best RAW moments! Or my personal favorite RAW moment in 2001 when
Triple H tore both his quads!
Next the WWE reminds us that they have at least one more African
American wrestler hiding their roster! NAACP.ORG!
Vince must think it's Martin Luther King Day for some reason. As that
brings the tally up to 8 African American wrestlers/managers on
toinght's RAW, if you include seeing Bobby Lashley twice! Too bad
they've all fought each other! Hooray Diversity!
Now it's JTG vs Brodus Clay! Brodus Clay hits the ropes and looks
like he's running in quick dry cement. JTG does his best Tracy Morgan
impression with "Look at me! I'm a dinosaur!" You and your new
wrestling attire lose.
"One Foot Out the Door" Curt Hawkins tweets that he didn't even think
JTG was on the roster anymore! Bitch, please!
I don't know if anyone has touched on this subject yet, but Brodus
Clay invites children into the ring after his matches to dance. I'm
watching you. #Sandusky
This just in Daniel Bryan and AJ's Wedding Registry can be found at
your local Vegan Co-Op and Hot Topic! One of those places is where
Chris Alt gears up at! #BRONY
Main Event time, already?? That was a fast RAW. Punk vs Show was
pretty solid, and then John Cena showed up. He announced he will cash
in the MITB briefcase on next week's magical 1000th episode of RAW!
Here's to hoping he's the first guy not to win! Or Rock prevents him
from winning.
Well, I hope with this email, I'm not a transitional champion, but I
only work with what I got from RAW! Kinda like what I did with the
Creep Show! If you're in a coma, you should really give that a listen
too.
Good Day to You, Sirs,
James Ryan
The Golden Voice of the Flawedcast Network and co-host of Army of Dorkness
Stu Little
One Gaston Too Many?
Hey guys,
Andy, I'm sorry for putting you through all that last week. I know it was difficult for you to get through, but if anything, it shows you just why I can't come on this show, even if I had the means to do so. Though I note with some disappointment not one person voted for me. I didn't expect to win this week, but I had hoped for a little love. Is it because I failed to call SmackDown "SmackDoon"? Or is it that people just have it in for the Scottish? I mean, how else do you explain Drew MacIntyre's fall from grace? Or Roddy Piper never speaking with anything approaching a convincing accent? Or the Highlander reboot starring a CANADIAN? Anyway, I've learned my lesson. From now on, I'm sticking to speaking 'MERICAN all the way! Now how 'bout some cheeseburgers and french fries....Y'ALL? *exagerrated sound of hocking a loogie and spitting it out, complete with spitoon "Ting!"*
About the King of the Ring, guys...maybe you're taking the wrestling analogy a bit too far? What's next? A Wellness Policy? Well I'd expect that that would result in Andy being kicked to the curb, so that's out. Dress Code? Actually, wearing proper pants, Nate Corbett's fake stiltlegs could be hidden more easily. Or should Cam Gullet by some miracle become more popular and be at risk of winning the world championship, will there be a Screwjob where Andy watches the polls and when someone else gets a lead of one vote over Cam, he'll go "CLOSE THE DAMN POLLS!". When defending his actions, Andy would say "Andy Gaston didn't screw Cam...half the lineup of the Arkansas Travelers screwed Cam!".
Welcome to the World Champion Club, James. You and your Army of Dorkness partner Cam both have titles this week too. Which I guess makes you the Justin Gabriel to his Heath Slater. Especially since like Heath, Cam's accustomed to fat guys sitting on his face.
Cliff- why yes, we DO both know what it feels like to win two weeks in a row. Of course, I know what it's like to win 5 week's in a row too, so...don't ever compare yourself to me, you ass kisser. I'm team Faber all the way.
Mr. Aaron Gaston...I take umbrage with some of the complaints you've been making about the content of the show. I know this is likely to make me even more of a target for you, and god help me if you turn out to be the true identity of Vin Tanner, but someone needs to stand up for the boys in the back, and if anyone is a locker room leader around here, it's me, even if I always make sure to leave before Cam comes out of the showers and tries to start a towel fight. But I digress, onto my issues. For one, you maintain there's been nothing original on this show for quite some time. Ahem...who exactly was doing raps before me? No one. And who's done them since? No one...except you last week, and you were recycling a Dr. Dre quote rather than come up with something yourself. And speaking of coming up with something yourself...yeah it's real easy when you're the webmaster and can read all our e-mails as they come in and insert your own responses into the very same Male Bag. This is an advantage that the rest of us DON'T have.
Secondly, who are you to talk about our output? Most of us have been mailing in week in and week out since the beginning of this show, and even those of us who aren't multiple-time champions have still had the task of coming up with something to say everytime. Me most of all. Have you got any idea the stress of being hyped up so much by Andy and Chris as much as I have, to have my wins used as a rally to tell everyone else to up their game, and my losses resulting in me being labelled as "slipping"? And now, Chris Fucking Alt has declared that he thinks I'll be a 20 time champion before the end of the year. Thanks asshole, no pressure there. So to have you waltz in for a few weeks and make your snide comments...it irks me more than a little. We don't tell you how to do your job as Webmaster, do we? Though maybe if we had, we would have got a more stable and somewhat functional version of the site sooner than we had. I say "somewhat" functional, since the audio players don't have any volume controls. Good Job. Good Effort. Oh wait, is that too much of a cliche? Well let me take my cue from your alias of Spidey, who's recently had his movie series started again. Shut the fuck up, or I'll reboot your ass with my foot.
I am so dead, aren't I?
Anwyay onto this week's wrestling. I generally enjoyed Money In The Bank for the most part, outcome of the main event and a few other things aside, like during the Prime Time Players match, I got really thrown off by Kofi and R Truth coming out in suits. When have they ever done that on a show? It really clashes with what their characters are meant to be like. Also, when they were restraining Little Jimmy, the way R Truth was posing made it seem like he had the fictional boy on a leash. Someone call Child Services! Also did you catch when AJ took the bump in the WWE Title match and Booker T said "That would never have happened with an experienced official!". Yeah, those Pro Wrestling Refs, they're built like Brick Shithouses, and they always have their wits about them. Good eyesight too, so they never get caught unawares, am I right?
I'm really enjoying AW's work as a ringside cheerleader/heckler during the Prime Time Players' matches, but I wonder if he'll be allowed to ad lib as much after this week's edition of Raw. When Kofi started to be isolated, he said "Ladies and gentlemen, the part of the LAPD this evening will be played by the Prime Time Players". Funny line, but jeez, Rodney King only died last month! This WEEK!
Every time Heath Slater calls himself "The One Man Band" without actually coming out DRESSED as a one man band
i.imgur.com/KxFRi.jpg
I die a little inside.
Given all the hype Brock Lesnar's response to HHH's Summerslam challenge is getting, wouldn't it be great if next week, his music hit, he walked in, then just said "No.", turned, and walked out again? Also a DX Reunion? Really? I hope the theme song lyrics are at least altered.
#Are you ready?
You think you can tell us what to do?
You think you can tell us what to wear?
You think you're better?
*record skip*
HHH:Well you're not. I'm the COO, and you're fired!
And then Shawn can follow up with "And no one is better than our lord and saviour, Jesus Christ. And if you're not down with that, I've got two words for ya...Bless You."
Also this week, I saw Bray Wyatt's in-ring debut, or re-debut on NXT. Just a squash match, but it was really interesting to watch as it was a showcase for his character's personality and quirks. He made the way he just dominated the guy seem so effortless, and all the pauses to do weird shit like lie under the ropes on his back and laugh, or dancing with his opponent before doing his finisher was all great. One issue I do have with it though is that the commentary team mentioned his background, specifically that he comes from a wrestling family. I think that's a mistake. The character's appeal to me is that he's some scary weirdo who seems to have jumped right out of the opening titles of True Blood and no one really knows what his deal is. You acknowledge his past like that and I think it demystifies him. Plus, like with Mike McGillicutty, when I'm presented with a second or third generation superstar who doesn't go by his father's name, it's just stupid. The only advantage I see in it is they incorporate the original part of his character's history from FCW where he supposedly went to jail for setting his father's shrimp boat on fire. I can get behind the idea of Captain Mike Rotunda burning to death on the Bayou.
Anyway, that's it for this week guys. Take care.
Stu "Apple Pie, Baseball, Second Ammendment" Little
Aaron Gaston
Dear Stu
Due to copyright infringement I was unable to respond within your email so I am forced to respond as such...
{Chris please read Stu's words}
{Andy please read the response irritatingly sarcastic and short}
Mr. Aaron Gaston...
(Good. I appreciate the respect.)
I take umbrage with some of the complaints you've been making about the content of the show.
(where did you learn that word? Possibly one of my letters to MNF? You unoriginal prick)
I know this is likely to make me even more of a target for you,
(got that right)
and god help me if you turn out to be the true identity of Vin Tanner,
(why the fuck would i do that)
but someone needs to stand up for the boys in the back,
(more like stand up in back of the boys)
and if anyone is a locker room leader around here, it's me,
(kinda like Sandusky)
even if I always make sure to leave
(this is one hell of a run-on sentence) before Cam comes out of the showers and tries to start a towel fight. But I digress,
(that's an understatement)
onto my issues.
(that's what I'm here for, to solve YOUR issues)
For one, you maintain there's been nothing original on this show for quite some time.
(see my earlier comment)
Ahem...who exactly was doing raps before me?
(2-pac, Snoop, Justin Timberlake)
No one. And who's done them since? (Fergie, Gwen Stefani, Usher)
No one...except you last week,
(you forgot to address me as mr Aaron Gaston or Spidey, but please continue)
and you were recycling a Dr. Dre quote rather than come up with something yourself.
(it's called a quote. I even gave credit)
And speaking of coming up with something yourself
(like a website that would eventually be overrun by insolent twink fairy boys?)
...yeah it's real easy when you're the webmaster and can read all our e-mails as they come in and insert your own responses into the very same Male Bag.
(membership has it's privileges)
This is an advantage that the rest of us DON'T have.
(try making your own hugely popular podcasting website, maybe I'll give it a listen)
Secondly, who are you to talk about our output?
(the creator, technically you are here by my good graces)
Most of us have been mailing in week in and week out since the beginning of this show,
(because you are losers)
and even those of us who aren't multiple-time champions have still had the task of coming up with something to say everytime.
(must be hard for you toiling away each week TYPING!!! Next time our servers crash at 3:00am maybe we'll call you? You could hurriedly type a long drawn out email to solve it. Or better yet after the hours of hilarity recorded, we'll send you the traces to edit)
Me most of all. Have you got any idea the stress of being hyped up so much by Andy and Chris as much as I have,
(no idea, please describe it)
to have my wins used as a rally to tell everyone else to up their game,
(seems to be working well)
and my losses resulting in me being labelled as "slipping"?
(because you are)
And now, Chris Fucking Alt has declared that he thinks I'll be a 20 time champion before the end of the year.
(not exactly JFK's man on the moon speech but I get where you're headed)
Thanks asshole, no pressure there.
(minimal at most)
So to have you waltz in
(i so like dancing...)
for a few weeks and make your snide comments
(correction - accurate depictions)
...it irks me more than a little.
(god forbid you were to become irked, I probably wouldn't like you when you become irked)
We don't tell you how to do your job as Webmaster, do we?
(careful honcho)
Though maybe if we had, we would have got a more stable and somewhat functional version of the site sooner than we had.
(as opposed to say... PAYING for your entertainment?)
I say "somewhat" functional, since the audio players don't have any volume controls.
(i set the volume around here!)
Good Job. Good Effort. Oh wait, is that too much of a cliche?
(yes)
Well let me take my cue from your alias of Spidey, who's recently had his movie series started again.
(you mean my 100+ million dollar franchise?)
Shut the fuck up, or I'll reboot your ass with my foot.
(face! Ass! Boot your face, ass! It's cute, like you're learning to cuss)
(i would hate to have to I.P. ban your computer from our website.
(Because of your utter lack of respect and total incompetence I am now going to begin the forced removal of this show an it's sister show from flawedcast.net effective immediately. I was encouraged by The Voice and a couple others but you sir are solely to blame. Goodby now)
-Spidey
Dustin Faber
I am empty
I wanted to start off with a WWE-related question. With Summerslam coming
up, no matter how hard I try, I can't shake that awful Cee-Lo Green
performance at last year's event. That really sucked. Are there any musical
acts that you've seen perform at PPV events that you actually enjoyed? I
wasn't able to watch it live, but I can't imagine the WWE ever topping Ray
Charles singing America the Beautiful at Wrestlemania 2.
I can't go on anymore.
Not like this. Cliff's Notes, these past few weeks have been a tumultuous
time. I'm sick of it. No more public prayers, no more audio recordings, no
more bloated praise. In one week, I can finally put this to rest.
I'm glad our anonymous general manager Vin Tanner ordered this challenge to
go on as planned. Malebag 13. When I defeat you, you drop this ridiculous
gimmick for the good of our show. For every great email Stu Little, James
Ryan and Austin send in, we're forced to listen to you rattle on about God
knows what. Male Bag 14 will be a pleasant one, when you send your final
email as the bastard child of Jericho, and we can all move on with our
lives.
Moving on. That's a loaded question, for there is another possibility. I'm
very confident that I'll defeat you, but the other day, that voice in my
head said, "What if you lose? What if Cliff's Notes destroys you and you
have to walk away?" Admittedly, that thought creeped into my head on day
one, but it didn't get much volume until just recently.
You see Cliff's Notes, I may not have your cutting edge insults. I may not
have your ingeneuity. What you did with the Serpiente Gimmick was something
I could have only dreamed of! But what I do have is dedication. You see, I
listen to every single minute of Monday Night Flaw. When Chris and Andy are
tired and they wonder if anyone listens the whole way through, I'm sitting
at my desk nodding my head. I'm here. I'm here every second. You? Well, I
have no idea how you spend your free time, but given the fact that you like
to shine the spotlight on yourself every chance you get, I can picture you
skipping parts of the show that don't directly mention your name.
This is why I have to win Cliff's Notes. I'm here every week, and if I
lose, I have nothing. A win to you is just another trophy, another honor to
put on your resume, another championship belt to add to your reign of
terror. But for me and my sole championship? A win will keep me alive, a
win will keep me connected to this podcast I absolutely love. Without this
show, I am nothing.
I will win Cliff. I have no other place to go.
CliffsNotes
#TeamSnotes
WELCOME TO FLAW IS CLIFFSNOTES!
Mr. Vin Tanner. Sir, my first instinct is to ask you to reconsider your decision. But it's clear that you are an egotistical power-hungry son of a bitch, not unlike Vice McMahon and Andy Gaston. So I won't waste your time or anyone else's.
Dustin Faber has challenged me to a duel. And you, Mr. Tanner, are demanding my participation. I have spoken to my attorney, and it appears that your decision is air-tight. However, I am invoking my rights as per the Standard Duel Terms and Conditions, similar to the procedures used by the Medieval Code of Chivalry, the Pirate Code, and the Jedi.
These are my Terms:
Number 1. Dustin is the Challenger, therefore, I elect that Dustin's email will be read first. I elect to have my response read second.
Number 2. In order to provide a level playing field, I select Andy as the reader of both emails. However, as Andy has mentioned James Ryan may participate, I will allow The Golden Voice to take Andy's place as the Speaker. As long as it is the same person reading both emails, I will be satisfied.
Number 3. It has been made extremely clear over the last few shows that most emailers and listeners are clearly on #TeamFaber. Therefore, allowing this showdown to be judged by the voters at punshouse.com would be a foregone conclusion and a travesty of justice. I will not allow this duel to be decided by the same group of sycophants and hypocrites and losers that cast votes for spam emails. I demand that this duel will be overseen by someone who has shown neutrality. This man has has shown great reluctance towards voting, and therefore, I know that he will carry this great burden with the utmost respect. I demand that the sole judge for this competition is Chris Alt.
And Finally, Number 4. Chris, after this is all said and done, I insist that you once again break out your Vince McMahon voice. I want to enjoy hearing Mr. McMahon telling Dustin Faber that he is fired.
Speaking of which, l et's take a moment to celebrate the end of Dustin's run with Monday Night Flaw and The Male Bag. I do want to thank Dustin personally. Dustin, your behavior has certainly entertained me. Last week, you finally embraced the hatred. Oh yes, your anger came out. And I enjoyed your seething, angry, violent words. It is lovely that I can toy with your emotions, and I can be the instrument that pushes you towards the dark side, and towards rejecting your Catholic Teachings. You're Welcome.
But you know, you can also thank me for your popularity. Let's be very clear. I MADE YOU. Everyone that mentioned #TeamFaber last week, everyone who ordered your t-shirt, everyone who drew a poster, every one that chanted your name... they didn't do it out of love for you. Oh no. They are on #TeamFaber not because they love you Dustin, it's because they hate me. These people would not care about you unless I had my talent, and they would not care about you unless they were filled with envy. They are jealous of me, and you are just the right guy, in the right place, at the right time.
And when you are defeated next week, none of these people will care about you. None of these people will remember you. But they will still care about me, and they will remain envious of me.
But you know what's funny? Well, funny for me and sad for you? Even if you were to get lucky and win, it won't mean much. These hypocrites will STILL forget about you, and still won't care about you. And they will still be envious of me and my exceptional talent. My championships will always be remembered, but within a few weeks, Dustin you will go back to being a quiet, forgotten, boring emailer.
I am the one that people tune in to listen to. I am the Best In The World at whatever I choose to do. And next week will be the end of #TeamKayFaber
I am CLIFFSNOTES.
JB King
It's time to step up
Hey guys and hello to all of the Monday night flaw listeners. By the time
you hear this, you are probably waiting in line for the Dark Knight Rises.
And guess what losers, Snape kills Batman and the shark eats Bane! Suck on
those spoilers! I’m sure our listeners are more pissed off than when Chris
got his algebra test results back. (SolveX.com)
Well you give advice to Aaron and look what happens. Thankfully I believe
in the miracle of birth control so if you planned on raping my unborn
children I suggest you start dry humping my waste bin full of rubbers or my
carpet under my computer. Also, I’ve come to the conclusion about Aaron.
With all the talk of mouth fucking and after listening to “Scorched Uranus”
it’s clear that Cam Gullets mom was not fucked to death by Tiger Woods, but
instead it was the done by a black faced Aaron Gaston. RIP Cinnamon. By the
way Andy, he IS the more talented Baldwin.
He wants us to bring something exciting to monday night flaw, and when we
present ideas to him, he wants to kill our families? He wants me to bring
something new to the table but I have no idea how to pander to you unless I
start bringing up shit from 1999. He thinks he knows everything, but does
he know why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch? And some people say it is
unfair that he can instantly respond to emails but who cares. It’s all for
fun. He has every right to say what he wants like we do. Suck it up
pussies. Even if I have to wait a whole week to respond to his insults, I
will still gladly wait until the next episode to say “Thanks Douche”.
But he is right in some retrospect. We need to do more and make some
changes around here to make this show better. I do try and help around here
but there is only so much you can do to make Scott Taylor’s recaps fun.
(PS. The new bingo cards are on the way) Good job to James Ryan, no
problems here. But please stop jinxing my goddamn Dodgers. Cam Gullet,
stand up for yourself goddammit. You are the biggest reason why intelligent
design is bullshit. If you applied half of the effort you do deep throating
irrationally lost sailors in landlocked Arkansas to putting effort into
your emails, you would be a 15 time champion by now. You are homo and no
one will ever love you. Now go fuck yourself.
Adam Dan please stop contributing. You’ve dropped the ball on jokes more
times than your parents have dropped you on your head as a baby. Dustin,
grow a pair and destroy Cliff. Even God was an asshole back in the old
testament. So surely you can be a prick once and a while. Cliff, I hope you
went to therapy over your multiple personality disorder. Please remember
the voices in your head is not from Allah but the tumor in your cerebral
cortex. Oh well fuck that faggot, go team Faber. And Stu, don’t ever try to
pull that phonetic Scottish email again. Unless of course you want to do a
rap in phonetic Scottish, that would make my day and I’m sure Andy would
just LLLOOVVVVEE that. Until then, stick with the King’s English, hopefully
just not mine.
It’s question time!
Question One: Haircuts! Apparently you homos enjoyed talking about hair
styles during a Monday Night Flaw podcast, so let’s run with it! Just
wanted your thoughts on how some wrestlers look now. Jack Swagger looks
like the love child of Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell and a Gorilla
(RIP Cinnamon). The Miz dropped the fauxhawk and aged by 20 years looking
like a young Tim Robbins. And apparently Chris Jericho is looking more and
more like Gordon Ramsey every week. Do you prefer the old hairstyles or do
you see these as improvements? Also, who is dire need of a touch up or make
over? Jesus Christ. We are actually doing this…somebody play RuPaul’s song
now during this segment.
Question 2: Am I the only thinking AJ will be the one that turns on Daniel
Bryan during the wedding? Chris, you have the notion that Daniel may do
something despicable to AJ to get heat. In my opinion, it just seems like
the perfect opportunity for AJ to finally get back at Daniel over the
embarrassing moment when he broke up with her back in April. Just wanted
your thoughts.
Question Three: Tout……tout, let it all out. These are the things I can do
without. What is WWE going to accomplish by pushing Tout? There is no way
anything good can make it to air unless it is the most generic response or
a child saying how much they love certain faces in the company. I’m pretty
sure Cam and Bryan have already sent pictures of their manginas to WWE
Tout. Which gives me an idea. Andy we need to get the entire Monday Night
Flaw army to send inappropriate tout videos to WWE. I’m sure Chris is
already working on his favorite moment of Heidenreich raping Michael Cole
on television. I’m sure Aaron will be happy to submit his thoughts on Owen
Hart bringing a new meaning to the term “suicide dive”. Nate Corbitt can
talk about his small cameo he had as juror number four in the little’s
people court with Hornswaggle and DX. As a suggestion Nate, you should
submit the video in Keebler gibberish to help get the point across. Thom
Roper should get on this because I’m sure this is the only way he will ever
be allowed on WWE television. Bryan we all know how much of a fan you are
with necrophilia, so the Katie Vick angle appreciation is right up your
ally. And I will be happy to talk about May Young giving birth to a hand.
Not because it was funny, but because it furthers the point that God
doesn’t want us to have interracial children. Surprisingly, that sounds
less racist than my original tout talking about the black tag champs from
raw fighting the black tag team from smackdown which I called “The Crips vs
Bloods” match. It’s a modest start but at least I’m trying to bring
something new to the table. Do you guys like this idea?
Well that’s it for this week. Still looking forward to this Dustin/Cliff
fight even if it’s being postponed worse than Pacquiao/ Mayweather. It also
makes me wonder who is going to win King of the Ring once we get that
going. Will Dustin win? Will I win King of the Ring? Who’s got the best Cam
Slam? Will Chris pass his Algebra class? Will Aaron save Monday Night Flaw?
And why the fuck DO kids love cinnamon toast crunch so much? I guess I will
spend my time finishing my time machine to get the results.
Step up guys, I believe in you.
Love Peace and Penis Grease.
Johnny
Aaron Gaston
Dear Johnny
Kids like cinnamon toast crunch because it's fucking tremendous.
-Aaron
PS Fucking Tremendous.
Thom Roper
Oh dear.
Good day, people who engage in coitus!
It's your network's only TNA recap fan, Thom Roper, here with your
weekly Scott Taylor's TNA Impact recap...recap!
Now kindly play my musical accompaniment!
(Cue 'We Can Get Together')
Scott Taylor said stuff! Chris Alt used the Earhurter! Andy killed my
will to still listen! AJ Styles has knocked up more women than Cam
Gullett in his nightmares! Half the wrestlers were smaller than Nate
Corbitt! I fell asleep! Fuck you, Scott Taylor, you made me watch this
BULLLLSHIITTTTTTTTTT!
See you next week!
....oh, btw. Adam, can you experiment with moving Dandora's mobile
studio underwater this week? I'd appreciate it.
James Enright
I WANT DA GOLD! WHERE DA GOLD AT!?
Stu Little doesn't know how to use the three seashells.
Austin Sanders
I HATE AUSTIN! I HATE AUSTIN!
*I'm typing this email early due to fucking Cliffs mother.*
Fuck you Faggot.
Hello Chris and Andy. Ok let's try this one more time. I'm assuming you
both had a spark of common sense this week, as I AM YOUR NEW
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION! If I'm not, congrats to FUCK YOU I should've
been champion. Piece of shit.
I'll continue the funny stuff soon, I just want to get my one and only
question out of the way so it doesn't ruin the swing of things. I know Andy
loves emailers asking questions sooooooooo much, but It's nice to get the
non funny stuff outta the way.
Last year we had the summer of Punk. I was really excited about him leaving
with the title because it could've had the potential of him coming back
anytime. Unfortunately, I hated how he came back after 2 weeks to feud with
Kevin "Ryan Dangerfeild" Nash of all people. It could have been SO much
more. So my question is, what could've made that storyline just as amazing
as the weeks heading into Money in the Bank 2011? I think that this
storyline could have continued to this day if they played with
Punks appearances right.
'Now that THAT'S outta the way, lets have some mean spirited fun" as depsop
would say.
A few things need to be addressed. First off, Cam, you have no friends.
Sorry for lying to you.
Second off, Whats with all the lack of mention of me? I know I'm the Collin
Dalene of the flawed cast network, but good lord I'm still a person. I
expected there to be some jab at me for being a rookie. I'm new, I was late
with my first email and my user name is THETALLONE! Jesus, not one of you
fuckwits decided to acknowledge me. I mean you know I'm tall, just be lazy
with it and do a reverse Nate CorBitch joke. Oh Nate, I pity you're
shortness. No wonder why your name is in the word "Unfortunate". Not just
for you're height, just the fact that you're alive.
PUNSHOUSE.No really this guy needs to get euthanized.
Also, Tom Roper took my PROMISED intercontinental belt. Come on you two,
You know the wrestling rules. Don't allow a jobber to be a champion of any
sort. If you do, you have a gillberg on your hands.
#TomIsNotBetterThanGillberg
If Andy and Chris wondering why I keep spelling it Tom and not Thom, it's
because H is a loser letter. I hope the letter H dies.
Fuck that letter.
Well I guess I better get to the penis filled punching bag, Cliffs Notes.
Cliffs Notes? More like future rape victim!
#DepsopWillMakeAnException
Cliff, you DID say my name last week.The reason why I didn't include you
in the paragraph above is because you are not a person. You accused
yourself of being ME, the one and only Austin Sanders. May I point out that
Austin Sanders is not a faggot like you, and I don't think your writing
skills are good enough to cover up that you're a butt muffler either.
Also, that was a nice little Skit you put on. But not to steal your little
gimmick, I'm just gona show you how it SHOULD have happened.
I think it should have gone something like this.
Randy Orten-"Cliffnotes.........is a...................."
MR.MCMAHON-" CLIFFSNOTES! YOU'REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE A
FAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.....no really."
Gallagher (Andy)- If I had to slice dice smash and gash anything with the
sledge-o-matic, It would have to be Cliffs Notes Prostate! FUUUCKKK THAT
GUY!!
Peter from Family Guy (Chris)- Hey look everybody, Cliff is sooo ugly. Does
anybody see how ugly he is. Cliff is sooooooooooo ugly. Hehehehehehehehehe
Brain from Family Guy (Chris)- Well Peter this is almost as bad as Cliffs
Notes getting to meet Jeffery Dahmer from the grave.
Andys child (Chris)- ......................................................
Andy- I fucking hate that political fucktard. He should start being funny
again! Also where's food. I always loveeeeeeeee food.
Chris- You're something else cliffs notes.
Andys Mom (Chris)......................
Katelyn, Chris's daughter- I hate him cause he eats his veggieburgers! YUCK!
Punshouse voters- Dauhhuh I tink Cliff Note is best EVARRR DAHAHAHA! IMA GO
play WITH ANTHRAX!! WEEEEE
Chris's self respect-................................
Randy Orten- ..............................................Faggot
That's generally how I would do it. Maybe add a few more characters but if
I add more than 15, it would start getting into Game of Thrones territory.
Which I know you Cliff can't fallow cause you're a special needs child.
Fuck you retard.
Lastly, I can't wait for King of The Ring! I always wanted to be the Mabel
of something! And if I'm not in the king of the ring, I guess I'm ok with
it. Not like it meant anything the last 10 years. I wonder if Cliffs Notes
can count THAT high.
Fuck you retard.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
No really, Cliff, you're a pussy for backing out.
TheTallOne
PS- You're Mom was great.
Cam Gullett
Is Cliff funny again yet? Don't worry, I'm still waiting from last week.
Speaking of which, Cliff being a gigantic pussy is no real surprise, but it
was very meta of him, err "Vin Tanner" to command Cliff to answer Dustin
"The Catholic Curbstomper" Faber's challenge. I hope Faber fucks him up
harder than a Catholic priest at an all altar boy sleepover.
Speaking of gay sex, I am your reigning and defending Intercontinental
Champion of the World for the 3rd time. It's unprecedented how often I take
shots from guys.
I know that Andy was wanting us to cutback on the amount of inside jokes,
but we can still makes jokes about me liking to have guys inside...of me,
right?
Big congratulations to my broadcast partner and YOUR NEW HEAVYWEIGHT
CHAMPION OF THE WORLD, THE GOLDEN VOICE...JAMES RYAN!!
I look forward to our continued success as the dominant tag team of the
Flawedcast Wrestling Federation, which is something I just made up for this
email.
I see us as being like other great tag teams where both guys were equally
as good and each guy went on to have a successful career, such as: The
Rockers, The Smoking Guns, Harlem Heat, MNM, The Hart Dynasty, Curt
Hawkins & Zack Ryder. I mean the list just goes on and on, amirite?
Friendly reminder: Cliff is a pussy.
I don't have DirecTV, but I did send them, and Viacom, a thank you letter
on behalf of all the people who don't have the ability to accidentally
stumble upon TNA right now.
Raw 1000 should be fun next week right? More than a few places on the
interwebs are speculating that we actually get a full DX reunion next week,
minus the crazy amazonian bitch part, and no I don't mean that fatty John
Cena.
How hilarious is it going to be when John Cena becomes the first guy to not
successfully cash in a Money in the Bank briefcase? Not nearly funny enough
to ease the pain when Dolph Ziggler probably gets fucked out of his like
he's JB King at a spelling bee.
I would make a joke about Austin Sanders, but he seems way too pre-occupied
with making love to faggots so his ear and mouth are probably too full of
cum to even notice.
Speaking of which, stop me if you've heard this one, I have gay sex with
sailors! All the time! I am actually being double penetrated as I type this
email. I felt like my Aids was starting to weaken so I got some especially
sickly looking seamen tonight.
Good luck and godspeed to everyone trying to get the belts away from The
Army of Dorkness this week. I look forward to the upcoming King of the Ring
in which I am almost positive that Stu Little will win thus replacing that
goofy-eyed fuck, Forest Whitaker as the NEW Last King of Scotland!
As always,
"Dashing" Cam Gullett, cohost of the soon to be returning Army of Dorkness!!
James Ryan
Good to be The King?
Wait? What? Hold the iPhone! I won? I'm the Champ?!? Holy Shit!
Cue my "Cena Surprised Face"! On second thought, cue my "Yao, Bitch
Please Face"!
Well, ladies and gentlemen and Adam Dan, we're off and running with
another West Coast Live RAW emailing!
I got home a little late tonight and only saw the end of the Big
Show/CM Punk promo. I'm a little pissed cause I obviously missed some
amazing work. Though I did happen to hear Big Show's reply to Punk's
line that the crowd hates Show or he's a bald fatso, that sounded
something out of The Big Lebowski, "Well, you know, that's just like
uh...your opinion, man."
Black on Black Tag Team Turmoil!!! THIS IS RACIST! clap clap,
clap-clap-clap! This match was probably Match of the Night in the Red
States of our country! I swear I just heard "White Bread" AW just say
something about the LAPD. Jerry Lawler just said "Darren Young's
running his mouth! Errr, I mean AW!" Yes, Jerry, they do all look
alike. If you didn't think Jerry was wearing his Klansman cap before,
he just said R Truth was standing on the apron like a "caged animal."
Welcome back Racist Lawler! WhitePower.org! Veiled Racist Lawler
shows up every so often on RAW. He's like everyone's drunk uncle on a
family holiday! Back to action, a quick Trouble in Paradisio kick to
Tits O'Neil's face, into Truth's Flatliner for the 1, 2, 3. Get to
the back of the bus, African-American Express!
WWE.com/TOUT. #FUCKOFF!
Zack Ryder's in the ring and he can eat a bag of dicks. I will just
say that he is as big of douche in person as he looks like on
television! Though his hair plugs do look fantastic in person! You
should look into those, Alt, Pun, Andy, AM I MISSIN ANY1?!?
Glad Ryder tapped out to Del Rio's Flying Dorito-Taco Arm Breaker!
Karma's a son of a bitch, Ryder, and I'm your Papa Shango, son.
You'll rue the day you smirked at my cheetah-print jacket at Comic
Con, you fan boy...hold that thought cause, oh Lordy, Nate Corbitt, I
mean REY MYSTERIO IS BACK!!!
The One Man Band is now out and tonight's returning Legend
is....Rikishi!...And his large dimpled Anus waddle to ringside, and no
I'm not talking about JB King! Let the Slater hazing continue!
Slater eats a Samoan Rimjob for a late dinner! #MakeaDifference!
Mmmm, now Eve hits the ring, and pre-DICK-tibly, she has chosen Miz as
her mystery tag partner. And the crowd reacts as if all of their
grandmothers and pets simultaneously died or exploded. Most people
were silent, possibly holding back tears and some were just politely
cheering. And this is in Vegas! Aren't you assholes supposed to be
shit-housed?? Not a good reaction for the Miz! Just another excuse
for him to be in HHH's dog house. Really hoping Daniel Bryan kicks
Miz's face off tonight. #YES!
I may have an anger issue tonight. First Ryder and now Miz. Maybe
I'll just listen to Dandora Moblie Radio. That always seems to calm
my inner rage! Dandora Radio, found exclusively on Flawedcast.net!
Miz looks like he's been taking hair tips from JBL and dirt-stache
tips from a bunch of 9th graders. #NaziPeachFuzzPervert!
Post Match, Daniel Bryan drops the Love Bomb on AJ!
OMGWILLYOUMARRYME!?!?!? Holy shit, this is actually happening. And
I'm digging it! That diamond ring really goes with her jelly
bracelets. #SHESAIDYES!!! LIGHT IT UP!!!!
Breaking News: The Yes Lock has now been renamed the WEDLOCK!
Next up, it's Republican Party Hopeful, Jack Swagger vs Ryback and all
of his 231 teeth! Ryback just used the triple powerbomb move, thus
stealing one of Jericho's 1004 moves. Yes, I know Lesnar used it in
the past too. #FeedMeBore WebMd.com/Sleep-Disorders
Speaking of Jericho, he interrupts the former Male Cheerleader turned
Money in the Bank winner. Jericho looks pretty baked and all I see in
his red eyes are the words "Urge to Kill Rising" when Ziggles tells
him him that he hasn't won a big match or a match in forever, which is
ironic because before Money in the Bank, Ziggler wasn't winning shit
pretty recently too.
In tonight's production of "You Haven't Won in Forever Theater" the
part of Chris Jericho will be played by Jon Bon Jovi! Bon Jovi then
proceeds to drop Cheerleader Dolph with a "You're An Idiot if You
Didn't See That Coming From 100 Miles Away" CodeBreaker.
Ziggler needs a new catchphrase or nickname cause "Show Off" just
isn't cutting it. How about "Hot Shot"?
Buzzword of the night: TOUT!
I suggest we all send in our TOUT videos about Chris Benoit and his
best RAW moments! Or my personal favorite RAW moment in 2001 when
Triple H tore both his quads!
Next the WWE reminds us that they have at least one more African
American wrestler hiding their roster! NAACP.ORG!
Vince must think it's Martin Luther King Day for some reason. As that
brings the tally up to 8 African American wrestlers/managers on
toinght's RAW, if you include seeing Bobby Lashley twice! Too bad
they've all fought each other! Hooray Diversity!
Now it's JTG vs Brodus Clay! Brodus Clay hits the ropes and looks
like he's running in quick dry cement. JTG does his best Tracy Morgan
impression with "Look at me! I'm a dinosaur!" You and your new
wrestling attire lose.
"One Foot Out the Door" Curt Hawkins tweets that he didn't even think
JTG was on the roster anymore! Bitch, please!
I don't know if anyone has touched on this subject yet, but Brodus
Clay invites children into the ring after his matches to dance. I'm
watching you. #Sandusky
This just in Daniel Bryan and AJ's Wedding Registry can be found at
your local Vegan Co-Op and Hot Topic! One of those places is where
Chris Alt gears up at! #BRONY
Main Event time, already?? That was a fast RAW. Punk vs Show was
pretty solid, and then John Cena showed up. He announced he will cash
in the MITB briefcase on next week's magical 1000th episode of RAW!
Here's to hoping he's the first guy not to win! Or Rock prevents him
from winning.
Well, I hope with this email, I'm not a transitional champion, but I
only work with what I got from RAW! Kinda like what I did with the
Creep Show! If you're in a coma, you should really give that a listen
too.
Good Day to You, Sirs,
James Ryan
The Golden Voice of the Flawedcast Network and co-host of Army of Dorkness
Stu Little
One Gaston Too Many?
Hey guys,
Andy, I'm sorry for putting you through all that last week. I know it was difficult for you to get through, but if anything, it shows you just why I can't come on this show, even if I had the means to do so. Though I note with some disappointment not one person voted for me. I didn't expect to win this week, but I had hoped for a little love. Is it because I failed to call SmackDown "SmackDoon"? Or is it that people just have it in for the Scottish? I mean, how else do you explain Drew MacIntyre's fall from grace? Or Roddy Piper never speaking with anything approaching a convincing accent? Or the Highlander reboot starring a CANADIAN? Anyway, I've learned my lesson. From now on, I'm sticking to speaking 'MERICAN all the way! Now how 'bout some cheeseburgers and french fries....Y'ALL? *exagerrated sound of hocking a loogie and spitting it out, complete with spitoon "Ting!"*
About the King of the Ring, guys...maybe you're taking the wrestling analogy a bit too far? What's next? A Wellness Policy? Well I'd expect that that would result in Andy being kicked to the curb, so that's out. Dress Code? Actually, wearing proper pants, Nate Corbett's fake stiltlegs could be hidden more easily. Or should Cam Gullet by some miracle become more popular and be at risk of winning the world championship, will there be a Screwjob where Andy watches the polls and when someone else gets a lead of one vote over Cam, he'll go "CLOSE THE DAMN POLLS!". When defending his actions, Andy would say "Andy Gaston didn't screw Cam...half the lineup of the Arkansas Travelers screwed Cam!".
Welcome to the World Champion Club, James. You and your Army of Dorkness partner Cam both have titles this week too. Which I guess makes you the Justin Gabriel to his Heath Slater. Especially since like Heath, Cam's accustomed to fat guys sitting on his face.
Cliff- why yes, we DO both know what it feels like to win two weeks in a row. Of course, I know what it's like to win 5 week's in a row too, so...don't ever compare yourself to me, you ass kisser. I'm team Faber all the way.
Mr. Aaron Gaston...I take umbrage with some of the complaints you've been making about the content of the show. I know this is likely to make me even more of a target for you, and god help me if you turn out to be the true identity of Vin Tanner, but someone needs to stand up for the boys in the back, and if anyone is a locker room leader around here, it's me, even if I always make sure to leave before Cam comes out of the showers and tries to start a towel fight. But I digress, onto my issues. For one, you maintain there's been nothing original on this show for quite some time. Ahem...who exactly was doing raps before me? No one. And who's done them since? No one...except you last week, and you were recycling a Dr. Dre quote rather than come up with something yourself. And speaking of coming up with something yourself...yeah it's real easy when you're the webmaster and can read all our e-mails as they come in and insert your own responses into the very same Male Bag. This is an advantage that the rest of us DON'T have.
Secondly, who are you to talk about our output? Most of us have been mailing in week in and week out since the beginning of this show, and even those of us who aren't multiple-time champions have still had the task of coming up with something to say everytime. Me most of all. Have you got any idea the stress of being hyped up so much by Andy and Chris as much as I have, to have my wins used as a rally to tell everyone else to up their game, and my losses resulting in me being labelled as "slipping"? And now, Chris Fucking Alt has declared that he thinks I'll be a 20 time champion before the end of the year. Thanks asshole, no pressure there. So to have you waltz in for a few weeks and make your snide comments...it irks me more than a little. We don't tell you how to do your job as Webmaster, do we? Though maybe if we had, we would have got a more stable and somewhat functional version of the site sooner than we had. I say "somewhat" functional, since the audio players don't have any volume controls. Good Job. Good Effort. Oh wait, is that too much of a cliche? Well let me take my cue from your alias of Spidey, who's recently had his movie series started again. Shut the fuck up, or I'll reboot your ass with my foot.
I am so dead, aren't I?
Anwyay onto this week's wrestling. I generally enjoyed Money In The Bank for the most part, outcome of the main event and a few other things aside, like during the Prime Time Players match, I got really thrown off by Kofi and R Truth coming out in suits. When have they ever done that on a show? It really clashes with what their characters are meant to be like. Also, when they were restraining Little Jimmy, the way R Truth was posing made it seem like he had the fictional boy on a leash. Someone call Child Services! Also did you catch when AJ took the bump in the WWE Title match and Booker T said "That would never have happened with an experienced official!". Yeah, those Pro Wrestling Refs, they're built like Brick Shithouses, and they always have their wits about them. Good eyesight too, so they never get caught unawares, am I right?
I'm really enjoying AW's work as a ringside cheerleader/heckler during the Prime Time Players' matches, but I wonder if he'll be allowed to ad lib as much after this week's edition of Raw. When Kofi started to be isolated, he said "Ladies and gentlemen, the part of the LAPD this evening will be played by the Prime Time Players". Funny line, but jeez, Rodney King only died last month! This WEEK!
Every time Heath Slater calls himself "The One Man Band" without actually coming out DRESSED as a one man band
i.imgur.com/KxFRi.jpg
I die a little inside.
Given all the hype Brock Lesnar's response to HHH's Summerslam challenge is getting, wouldn't it be great if next week, his music hit, he walked in, then just said "No.", turned, and walked out again? Also a DX Reunion? Really? I hope the theme song lyrics are at least altered.
#Are you ready?
You think you can tell us what to do?
You think you can tell us what to wear?
You think you're better?
*record skip*
HHH:Well you're not. I'm the COO, and you're fired!
And then Shawn can follow up with "And no one is better than our lord and saviour, Jesus Christ. And if you're not down with that, I've got two words for ya...Bless You."
Also this week, I saw Bray Wyatt's in-ring debut, or re-debut on NXT. Just a squash match, but it was really interesting to watch as it was a showcase for his character's personality and quirks. He made the way he just dominated the guy seem so effortless, and all the pauses to do weird shit like lie under the ropes on his back and laugh, or dancing with his opponent before doing his finisher was all great. One issue I do have with it though is that the commentary team mentioned his background, specifically that he comes from a wrestling family. I think that's a mistake. The character's appeal to me is that he's some scary weirdo who seems to have jumped right out of the opening titles of True Blood and no one really knows what his deal is. You acknowledge his past like that and I think it demystifies him. Plus, like with Mike McGillicutty, when I'm presented with a second or third generation superstar who doesn't go by his father's name, it's just stupid. The only advantage I see in it is they incorporate the original part of his character's history from FCW where he supposedly went to jail for setting his father's shrimp boat on fire. I can get behind the idea of Captain Mike Rotunda burning to death on the Bayou.
Anyway, that's it for this week guys. Take care.
Stu "Apple Pie, Baseball, Second Ammendment" Little
Aaron Gaston
Dear Stu
Due to copyright infringement I was unable to respond within your email so I am forced to respond as such...
{Chris please read Stu's words}
{Andy please read the response irritatingly sarcastic and short}
Mr. Aaron Gaston...
(Good. I appreciate the respect.)
I take umbrage with some of the complaints you've been making about the content of the show.
(where did you learn that word? Possibly one of my letters to MNF? You unoriginal prick)
I know this is likely to make me even more of a target for you,
(got that right)
and god help me if you turn out to be the true identity of Vin Tanner,
(why the fuck would i do that)
but someone needs to stand up for the boys in the back,
(more like stand up in back of the boys)
and if anyone is a locker room leader around here, it's me,
(kinda like Sandusky)
even if I always make sure to leave
(this is one hell of a run-on sentence) before Cam comes out of the showers and tries to start a towel fight. But I digress,
(that's an understatement)
onto my issues.
(that's what I'm here for, to solve YOUR issues)
For one, you maintain there's been nothing original on this show for quite some time.
(see my earlier comment)
Ahem...who exactly was doing raps before me?
(2-pac, Snoop, Justin Timberlake)
No one. And who's done them since? (Fergie, Gwen Stefani, Usher)
No one...except you last week,
(you forgot to address me as mr Aaron Gaston or Spidey, but please continue)
and you were recycling a Dr. Dre quote rather than come up with something yourself.
(it's called a quote. I even gave credit)
And speaking of coming up with something yourself
(like a website that would eventually be overrun by insolent twink fairy boys?)
...yeah it's real easy when you're the webmaster and can read all our e-mails as they come in and insert your own responses into the very same Male Bag.
(membership has it's privileges)
This is an advantage that the rest of us DON'T have.
(try making your own hugely popular podcasting website, maybe I'll give it a listen)
Secondly, who are you to talk about our output?
(the creator, technically you are here by my good graces)
Most of us have been mailing in week in and week out since the beginning of this show,
(because you are losers)
and even those of us who aren't multiple-time champions have still had the task of coming up with something to say everytime.
(must be hard for you toiling away each week TYPING!!! Next time our servers crash at 3:00am maybe we'll call you? You could hurriedly type a long drawn out email to solve it. Or better yet after the hours of hilarity recorded, we'll send you the traces to edit)
Me most of all. Have you got any idea the stress of being hyped up so much by Andy and Chris as much as I have,
(no idea, please describe it)
to have my wins used as a rally to tell everyone else to up their game,
(seems to be working well)
and my losses resulting in me being labelled as "slipping"?
(because you are)
And now, Chris Fucking Alt has declared that he thinks I'll be a 20 time champion before the end of the year.
(not exactly JFK's man on the moon speech but I get where you're headed)
Thanks asshole, no pressure there.
(minimal at most)
So to have you waltz in
(i so like dancing...)
for a few weeks and make your snide comments
(correction - accurate depictions)
...it irks me more than a little.
(god forbid you were to become irked, I probably wouldn't like you when you become irked)
We don't tell you how to do your job as Webmaster, do we?
(careful honcho)
Though maybe if we had, we would have got a more stable and somewhat functional version of the site sooner than we had.
(as opposed to say... PAYING for your entertainment?)
I say "somewhat" functional, since the audio players don't have any volume controls.
(i set the volume around here!)
Good Job. Good Effort. Oh wait, is that too much of a cliche?
(yes)
Well let me take my cue from your alias of Spidey, who's recently had his movie series started again.
(you mean my 100+ million dollar franchise?)
Shut the fuck up, or I'll reboot your ass with my foot.
(face! Ass! Boot your face, ass! It's cute, like you're learning to cuss)
(i would hate to have to I.P. ban your computer from our website.
(Because of your utter lack of respect and total incompetence I am now going to begin the forced removal of this show an it's sister show from flawedcast.net effective immediately. I was encouraged by The Voice and a couple others but you sir are solely to blame. Goodby now)
-Spidey
Dustin Faber
I am empty
I wanted to start off with a WWE-related question. With Summerslam coming
up, no matter how hard I try, I can't shake that awful Cee-Lo Green
performance at last year's event. That really sucked. Are there any musical
acts that you've seen perform at PPV events that you actually enjoyed? I
wasn't able to watch it live, but I can't imagine the WWE ever topping Ray
Charles singing America the Beautiful at Wrestlemania 2.
I can't go on anymore.
Not like this. Cliff's Notes, these past few weeks have been a tumultuous
time. I'm sick of it. No more public prayers, no more audio recordings, no
more bloated praise. In one week, I can finally put this to rest.
I'm glad our anonymous general manager Vin Tanner ordered this challenge to
go on as planned. Malebag 13. When I defeat you, you drop this ridiculous
gimmick for the good of our show. For every great email Stu Little, James
Ryan and Austin send in, we're forced to listen to you rattle on about God
knows what. Male Bag 14 will be a pleasant one, when you send your final
email as the bastard child of Jericho, and we can all move on with our
lives.
Moving on. That's a loaded question, for there is another possibility. I'm
very confident that I'll defeat you, but the other day, that voice in my
head said, "What if you lose? What if Cliff's Notes destroys you and you
have to walk away?" Admittedly, that thought creeped into my head on day
one, but it didn't get much volume until just recently.
You see Cliff's Notes, I may not have your cutting edge insults. I may not
have your ingeneuity. What you did with the Serpiente Gimmick was something
I could have only dreamed of! But what I do have is dedication. You see, I
listen to every single minute of Monday Night Flaw. When Chris and Andy are
tired and they wonder if anyone listens the whole way through, I'm sitting
at my desk nodding my head. I'm here. I'm here every second. You? Well, I
have no idea how you spend your free time, but given the fact that you like
to shine the spotlight on yourself every chance you get, I can picture you
skipping parts of the show that don't directly mention your name.
This is why I have to win Cliff's Notes. I'm here every week, and if I
lose, I have nothing. A win to you is just another trophy, another honor to
put on your resume, another championship belt to add to your reign of
terror. But for me and my sole championship? A win will keep me alive, a
win will keep me connected to this podcast I absolutely love. Without this
show, I am nothing.
I will win Cliff. I have no other place to go.
CliffsNotes
#TeamSnotes
WELCOME TO FLAW IS CLIFFSNOTES!
Mr. Vin Tanner. Sir, my first instinct is to ask you to reconsider your decision. But it's clear that you are an egotistical power-hungry son of a bitch, not unlike Vice McMahon and Andy Gaston. So I won't waste your time or anyone else's.
Dustin Faber has challenged me to a duel. And you, Mr. Tanner, are demanding my participation. I have spoken to my attorney, and it appears that your decision is air-tight. However, I am invoking my rights as per the Standard Duel Terms and Conditions, similar to the procedures used by the Medieval Code of Chivalry, the Pirate Code, and the Jedi.
These are my Terms:
Number 1. Dustin is the Challenger, therefore, I elect that Dustin's email will be read first. I elect to have my response read second.
Number 2. In order to provide a level playing field, I select Andy as the reader of both emails. However, as Andy has mentioned James Ryan may participate, I will allow The Golden Voice to take Andy's place as the Speaker. As long as it is the same person reading both emails, I will be satisfied.
Number 3. It has been made extremely clear over the last few shows that most emailers and listeners are clearly on #TeamFaber. Therefore, allowing this showdown to be judged by the voters at punshouse.com would be a foregone conclusion and a travesty of justice. I will not allow this duel to be decided by the same group of sycophants and hypocrites and losers that cast votes for spam emails. I demand that this duel will be overseen by someone who has shown neutrality. This man has has shown great reluctance towards voting, and therefore, I know that he will carry this great burden with the utmost respect. I demand that the sole judge for this competition is Chris Alt.
And Finally, Number 4. Chris, after this is all said and done, I insist that you once again break out your Vince McMahon voice. I want to enjoy hearing Mr. McMahon telling Dustin Faber that he is fired.
Speaking of which, l et's take a moment to celebrate the end of Dustin's run with Monday Night Flaw and The Male Bag. I do want to thank Dustin personally. Dustin, your behavior has certainly entertained me. Last week, you finally embraced the hatred. Oh yes, your anger came out. And I enjoyed your seething, angry, violent words. It is lovely that I can toy with your emotions, and I can be the instrument that pushes you towards the dark side, and towards rejecting your Catholic Teachings. You're Welcome.
But you know, you can also thank me for your popularity. Let's be very clear. I MADE YOU. Everyone that mentioned #TeamFaber last week, everyone who ordered your t-shirt, everyone who drew a poster, every one that chanted your name... they didn't do it out of love for you. Oh no. They are on #TeamFaber not because they love you Dustin, it's because they hate me. These people would not care about you unless I had my talent, and they would not care about you unless they were filled with envy. They are jealous of me, and you are just the right guy, in the right place, at the right time.
And when you are defeated next week, none of these people will care about you. None of these people will remember you. But they will still care about me, and they will remain envious of me.
But you know what's funny? Well, funny for me and sad for you? Even if you were to get lucky and win, it won't mean much. These hypocrites will STILL forget about you, and still won't care about you. And they will still be envious of me and my exceptional talent. My championships will always be remembered, but within a few weeks, Dustin you will go back to being a quiet, forgotten, boring emailer.
I am the one that people tune in to listen to. I am the Best In The World at whatever I choose to do. And next week will be the end of #TeamKayFaber
I am CLIFFSNOTES.
JB King
It's time to step up
Hey guys and hello to all of the Monday night flaw listeners. By the time
you hear this, you are probably waiting in line for the Dark Knight Rises.
And guess what losers, Snape kills Batman and the shark eats Bane! Suck on
those spoilers! I’m sure our listeners are more pissed off than when Chris
got his algebra test results back. (SolveX.com)
Well you give advice to Aaron and look what happens. Thankfully I believe
in the miracle of birth control so if you planned on raping my unborn
children I suggest you start dry humping my waste bin full of rubbers or my
carpet under my computer. Also, I’ve come to the conclusion about Aaron.
With all the talk of mouth fucking and after listening to “Scorched Uranus”
it’s clear that Cam Gullets mom was not fucked to death by Tiger Woods, but
instead it was the done by a black faced Aaron Gaston. RIP Cinnamon. By the
way Andy, he IS the more talented Baldwin.
He wants us to bring something exciting to monday night flaw, and when we
present ideas to him, he wants to kill our families? He wants me to bring
something new to the table but I have no idea how to pander to you unless I
start bringing up shit from 1999. He thinks he knows everything, but does
he know why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch? And some people say it is
unfair that he can instantly respond to emails but who cares. It’s all for
fun. He has every right to say what he wants like we do. Suck it up
pussies. Even if I have to wait a whole week to respond to his insults, I
will still gladly wait until the next episode to say “Thanks Douche”.
But he is right in some retrospect. We need to do more and make some
changes around here to make this show better. I do try and help around here
but there is only so much you can do to make Scott Taylor’s recaps fun.
(PS. The new bingo cards are on the way) Good job to James Ryan, no
problems here. But please stop jinxing my goddamn Dodgers. Cam Gullet,
stand up for yourself goddammit. You are the biggest reason why intelligent
design is bullshit. If you applied half of the effort you do deep throating
irrationally lost sailors in landlocked Arkansas to putting effort into
your emails, you would be a 15 time champion by now. You are homo and no
one will ever love you. Now go fuck yourself.
Adam Dan please stop contributing. You’ve dropped the ball on jokes more
times than your parents have dropped you on your head as a baby. Dustin,
grow a pair and destroy Cliff. Even God was an asshole back in the old
testament. So surely you can be a prick once and a while. Cliff, I hope you
went to therapy over your multiple personality disorder. Please remember
the voices in your head is not from Allah but the tumor in your cerebral
cortex. Oh well fuck that faggot, go team Faber. And Stu, don’t ever try to
pull that phonetic Scottish email again. Unless of course you want to do a
rap in phonetic Scottish, that would make my day and I’m sure Andy would
just LLLOOVVVVEE that. Until then, stick with the King’s English, hopefully
just not mine.
It’s question time!
Question One: Haircuts! Apparently you homos enjoyed talking about hair
styles during a Monday Night Flaw podcast, so let’s run with it! Just
wanted your thoughts on how some wrestlers look now. Jack Swagger looks
like the love child of Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell and a Gorilla
(RIP Cinnamon). The Miz dropped the fauxhawk and aged by 20 years looking
like a young Tim Robbins. And apparently Chris Jericho is looking more and
more like Gordon Ramsey every week. Do you prefer the old hairstyles or do
you see these as improvements? Also, who is dire need of a touch up or make
over? Jesus Christ. We are actually doing this…somebody play RuPaul’s song
now during this segment.
Question 2: Am I the only thinking AJ will be the one that turns on Daniel
Bryan during the wedding? Chris, you have the notion that Daniel may do
something despicable to AJ to get heat. In my opinion, it just seems like
the perfect opportunity for AJ to finally get back at Daniel over the
embarrassing moment when he broke up with her back in April. Just wanted
your thoughts.
Question Three: Tout……tout, let it all out. These are the things I can do
without. What is WWE going to accomplish by pushing Tout? There is no way
anything good can make it to air unless it is the most generic response or
a child saying how much they love certain faces in the company. I’m pretty
sure Cam and Bryan have already sent pictures of their manginas to WWE
Tout. Which gives me an idea. Andy we need to get the entire Monday Night
Flaw army to send inappropriate tout videos to WWE. I’m sure Chris is
already working on his favorite moment of Heidenreich raping Michael Cole
on television. I’m sure Aaron will be happy to submit his thoughts on Owen
Hart bringing a new meaning to the term “suicide dive”. Nate Corbitt can
talk about his small cameo he had as juror number four in the little’s
people court with Hornswaggle and DX. As a suggestion Nate, you should
submit the video in Keebler gibberish to help get the point across. Thom
Roper should get on this because I’m sure this is the only way he will ever
be allowed on WWE television. Bryan we all know how much of a fan you are
with necrophilia, so the Katie Vick angle appreciation is right up your
ally. And I will be happy to talk about May Young giving birth to a hand.
Not because it was funny, but because it furthers the point that God
doesn’t want us to have interracial children. Surprisingly, that sounds
less racist than my original tout talking about the black tag champs from
raw fighting the black tag team from smackdown which I called “The Crips vs
Bloods” match. It’s a modest start but at least I’m trying to bring
something new to the table. Do you guys like this idea?
Well that’s it for this week. Still looking forward to this Dustin/Cliff
fight even if it’s being postponed worse than Pacquiao/ Mayweather. It also
makes me wonder who is going to win King of the Ring once we get that
going. Will Dustin win? Will I win King of the Ring? Who’s got the best Cam
Slam? Will Chris pass his Algebra class? Will Aaron save Monday Night Flaw?
And why the fuck DO kids love cinnamon toast crunch so much? I guess I will
spend my time finishing my time machine to get the results.
Step up guys, I believe in you.
Love Peace and Penis Grease.
Johnny
Aaron Gaston
Dear Johnny
Kids like cinnamon toast crunch because it's fucking tremendous.
-Aaron
PS Fucking Tremendous.
