MNF 1000/ Male Bag 13
Jul 27, 2012 12:25:10 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Jul 27, 2012 12:25:10 GMT -5
Check out Monday Night Flaw 1000 and MNF Male Bag 13 on iTunes, Stitcher or www.flawedcast.net/mondaynightflaw then come back here and vote for the emailer of the week!
Austin Sanders
AUSTIN 3:16 SAYS, BEYONCE HAD THE BEST MUSIC VIDEO OF ALL TIME! OF ALLLL TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *Not relative to the fallowing email.*
**This email might be relatively Nate Corbet, because I got a house to move
into! **
Hello Chris and Andy. I want to be serious here for a moment and
publicly apologize for including Andys mother in my crude sketch. I could
sense the awkwardness in his voice when I heard him say something about his
mother being dead on the last malebag. I love to be mean and a dick in
these emails but I think I may have gone too far there. I'm sorry
Andy.............................................I should've included Adam
Dans dead mother. Way funnier.
Also, The Golden voice was correct when he announced I was hailing from
parts unknown. That's Cincinnati's OTHER name. HOW BOUT THEM BENGALS!
So because I'm writing this early, I have no idea whos facing who in King
of the Ring, or if it even starts this week. The only thing I AM certain of
is that I AM YOU'RE NEW.......WORLD.....HEAVYWEIGHT......CHAMPION!
So that's a thing.
I want to save a lot of my funny stuff for who I'm facing in particular.
I'm hoping for Cam in the first round. Many amazing ideas for him that I
dare not conjure up now...
But I still want to be a blip on everyone"s radar. So instead of making
long paragraphs directed at one person ,(or in Cliffs case, one dyke ) I've
decided to target mini jabs at other emailers in this letter. It's all in
good fun, and it'll be nothing too extream.
Adam Dan. You are the 9/11 of emailers
WE'RE OFF TO A GREAT START!
Cam Gullet.
Best. Joke. Ever.
JB King? MORE LIKE JB *DRAG *QUEEN!
#Fag
SEE! It rhymes!
Stu's little Penis.
#ScottsNeedsPenisPumps
Tom Roper is to wrestling, as Hitler is to _______
Fill it in.
Faber......#TooMuchRespectToHate.
I AM the new Faber after all.
Scott Taylor. Foreshadowing
"I got special things planed"
And finally Cliffs Notes.
WELL that's all for this week. Make sure you send your emails toCZW IS
LIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
HEY FAGGOTS! It's this sites one and only CZW recaper here.
Now Cue...MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MUSIC!
(Please play "Rape me" By Nirvana)
(Also hand the reading glasses to Andy if you haven't already Chis)
For anyone who wants understand what I'm reviewing, You can go to
PUNSHOUSE.COM to see the link of the CZW video I'm reviewing. SEE Cliffs
Notes, THAT'S how you get viewers on punshouse. Idiot.
This isn't the show in it's entirety, just it's "best moments".
More specifically "the best moments of CZW tournament to the death 2011!"
I'm already DIEING to know what the best moments are!
The video starts with 2 fat men in t-*shits* throwing each others assholes
into long florescent light bulbs tubes. I NOW feel like I'm writing a more
Cam Gullet version of 50 shades of grey.
Lots of sexy back in forth action in this S&M session, when A greased up
rapist decides to play "bowling to the crotch" with the pins being
a florescent light bulb and his nuts the lightbulbs are resting on. These
men are willing to put their bodys on the line and run the ropes knowing
full well that the ropes are ALSO attached to light bulbs and having it
shatter all over their backs. Genius's I tell you. They must have gotten
A++ In special ed class along with fellow students like Cliffs Notes.
Fuck you retard.
The match comes to a end when One of the fat guys puts the other fatass
though a table via FireMans carry. And get this, The table has FUCK PENCILS
STICKING OUT OF IT. hardcore. This match was one of the
most disgusting I've ever seen. I spit on this match. 5 stars for saliva.
Next we get our next match are just a bunch of table spots. 5 stars for
your best moments of a match being table spots.
Our next match is.....More.....lightbulbs......and tables.....and holy shit
this guy is legit on fire....
Ok no more jokes, CZW is a piece of shit. I was trying to wing
this review for a huge laugh *and a slow clap*. But in real time, as I'm
writing this, This shit is disturbing. There's no point to recaping ANY of
this because it's all the fucking same. I have no clue who these wrestlers
are but they certainly get no respect from me. I was trying to make
jokes....no joke can justify this garbage.
Cam Gullet.
Well I tip my hat to you Scott. I don't think I'm cut out for a CZW
recaper. I was going to do this big feud with you but I can't do it under
CZW rules.....However.....I don't know if YOU can recap CZW like I tried to
do. As a friendly challenge, I'd like you to try to recap CZW. Not for
questioning you and your ability. Just to see how far you will go into
watching this shit. In fact, review the video I tried to review.
Well I guess I'm done here. Too bad I don't have a huge joke to end on. OH
WAIT A MINUTE! I DO!
Cam Gullet.
XOXOXOXOXO TheTallOne
PS. I'm 6'8 ,all muscle you Nazis.
PSS. Titties.
Vin Tanner
#teamfaber vs #teamsnotes
From the Desk of Flawed GM Vin Tanner,
Andy and Chris,
Cliff is kind of being a bitch about his demands, but I'm too lazy to make
up ground rules. Fine by me. Chris, you are for sure going to be the
judge. Call em as you see em.
Good luck to both the competitors,
Vin Tanner
PS Oh and someone tell Austin Sanders to get an original thought. Every
insult is the same formula. Swear word + homophobic epithet. You're like
a 12 year old boy. I thought Cliff was a one trick pony. At least he has
a trick.
Michael Demko
MAYBE! MAYBE! MAYBE! MAYBE! Nah... probably not.
Dear Altar Boy and Ol' Creepy Giggle Himself,
I know by this point, it's a cliche, but I'd like to take a moment to
introduce myself. My name is Michael Demko, and I am the self-proclaimed
Platinum Voice of the Flawedcast Network (your move, James Ryan). With the
1000th RAW being on tonight, I felt the urge to watch for the first time in
several months. I have no delusions that my simple e-mail here will contend
with any of the Monsters of the Male Bag, like Stu. I have no bones to pick
or feuds to start with anyone. Hell, I don't even think anyone will give a
shit about the epic goddamn e-mail I'm about to produce. But I just have
some observations to share and questions to ask of the two of you. Let's
get started:
Firstly, I'd like to compliment the WWE promo team for putting together
some QUALITY montages. That opening was phenomenal, and I really feel like
they caught the essence of 20 years of RAW in a 3 1/2 minute clip-set.
Is it just me, or did X-Pac look stoned and/or 60? It was awesome seeing
him on live WWE TV again, but dear god, that man has not aged gracefully. I
mean, none of the DX guys are still in great ring shape these days. I'll
admit, I marked out a bit when they 'got the band back together'.
Next up - it's "Where In The World Is Jack Swagger's Career?" I have a
question - if Brodus Clay is the only living, breathing funkasaurus IN
CAPTIVITY... does that mean there are free range funkasauri somewhere out
there, on their own hidden island? Is Jeff Goldblum on his way there to
verify their existence? And if he's the only one left, then how will the
funkasaurus species continue? I've seen the pictures of James Ryan in his
leopard print suit. I believe we already have an unreported funkasaurus on
our hands. Thank god. Let's get these two together!
OK - the Mae Young's son joke, albeit a bit... er... ham-fisted... was a
pretty damn good self-deprecating shot by the WWE.
"Turn out the lights, the reception's OVER!" - close your mouth, Slick.
You're gonna let flies in. To his credit, though, Slick is the only person
I've ever seen who's made a 'WHAT!?' chant work for him. Classic Slickster.
AJ is the new GM of RAW? Oh good, more unfocused, schizophrenic people
involved in the creative process.
If "Frodo Bryan <clap clap clapclapclap>" doesn't become a thing, I want my
money back. Same goes for Andy's "Matalo matalo, Kane Kane!' chant idea.
That's just fantastic.
Did anyone else expect Sheen's Skype feed to show lines of coke or a dead
porn star (maybe Chyna?) in the background?
Looks like the One Man Band got One-Man-Gangbanged. (Pop-quiz hotshots: One
Man Gang - dead or not?) Seeing the APA backing Lita up was my second
official markout moment of the night. Welcome to RAW IS GERIATRIC!
Bryan's concerned that Charlie Sheen's insult was his low-point of the
night? How about having SEAN FUCKING MOONEY, a guy who hasn't even tasted
obscurity's boot in 15 years, interview you? I'd call that a lower-point.
Really looking forward to that Sheen/Bryan feud.
James Ryan - you can die a happy man, now. GENE OKERLUND was behind G-TV!
Congrats.
No Stone Cold, but we get treated to the Undertaker? Oh goody. I found it
amusing that Undertaker's the bald one now, and Kane's the one with hair.
Can't these two EVER get on the same page?
I've always thought Cena's shirt was attempting to convey that we can't
Copyright him, which I thought was weird. Thank you WWE for finally proving
that the Money in the Bank isn't a guarantee. And thank you even more for
using Cena as your proof. The destination was totally worth the journey.
Punk's heel turn COMPLETELY blindsided me. Loved his full-on dead eyes heel
turn. Markout moment #3. Anytime the WWE can surprise me, I'm happy. THIS
is how you properly build a feud with The Rock, Cena. You can learn a thing
or two from Phil.
Anyways, I hope this epic length e-mail has helped to push this episode of
the Male Bag over the 4 1/2 hour mark, so that I can go record my first
(well, second) "TV For Vendetta" podcast (with my broadcast partner, Brian
VanAlstyne) tomorrow night without any pressure. This time, I promise I'll
leave the mic on, and the porn off. I don't need Andy firing me on my first
day on the job.
Keep it 8-bit Chris,
Michael Demko, the self-proclaimed Platinum Voice of the Flawedcast Network
Cam Gullett
Jb King is the Dylan Donnelly of the MNF listeners.
After listening to this week's recap show I am officially convinced that
Alan Capps is too old to remember what the difference between heel and
face wrestlers. He thinks Ziggler is on a face turn? Hey old man, it's
clearly Jericho that is turning face. Get a new hearing aide already.
Friendly reminder: Cliff is still a pussy.
After Lita beat Heath Slater on Raw, I can officially say that I am tired
of all this ginger on ginger crime.
I am glad to see that the WWE Board of Directors decided that Johnny Ace
was unfit to continue running Raw but a clearly insane 98 lb girl is the
best choice moving forward indeed.
Hey Austin Sanders, go die in a ditch you cum craving sycophant.
Punk turning Heel against Rock was a brilliant move. He is obviously never
going to replace Cena as the company's top babyface so he might as well
become the company's biggest heel. It's kinda like when Cliff realized that
he could never actually be as funny as MNF's top face, Stu Little, so he
decided to try and become the company's top heel, but he failed miserably
because he is an unfunny twat.
As always,
"Dashing" Cam Gullett, cohost of Army of Dorkness!!
James Ryan
1000 Episode of RAWZ!!!
Greetings MNFers! It's me, James Ryan, The Golden Voice of the
Flawedcast Network bringing you a very special 1000th RAW episode live
emailing!
Vince comes out to a roar! Thank you Vince! Thank you Vince! Well,
at least thank you for the some of the episodes! Hokey Smokes! Here's
comes the oldest teennagers in professional wrestling!!! DX hits the
ring! #UnderwareOn!
Didn't there used to be more of us?!? Gulp! New Age Outlaws and
X-Pac head to the ring!?!?!?
Jerry Lawler quote #1 of the night: "They could start another Attitude
Era tomorrow!" God, I hope not, Lawler!
#Where'sChyna? Oh, she's probably getting DPed in some low rent skin
flick. AvengersXXX.com!
HHH just threatens us all by say he'll see us when RAW hits 2000. Fuck.
1, 2, 3, Say Suck It...OH SHIT!!! Hallelujah!!! Wait a minute! James
Ryan, The Golden Voice of he Flawedcast Network hits the ring!!! Wait,
I'm not at RAW, I'm at home!
NO! It's Damien Sandow! Tom Roper's BFF! Sandow hits the ring and
belittles the entire DX Army. #BarbaricBuffons
Sandow nows says that if DX destroys him, he'll be a martyr. And on
that, DX huddles up to figure out what to do against a superior
intellect. On 3, WHOA BUNDY! No. GO BAYSIDE! Negative! It's Option
#3! Sweet Chin Music and Pedigree on Sandow!
Aaand Good Ol Evil JR hits the ring with a devilish goatee. Jim Ross
returns tonight to remind us all that he's alive and well and still
not the voice of Monday Night Raw. #FuckYouVince
Up next is some crazy 6 man tag of Rey Mysterio, Sin Caca, and
Sheamus, who according to JR has no reverse gear vs Jericho, his
epilepsy jacket, Hollywood, Florida's own Dolph Ziggles, and
Albertoooooooo Delllllll Rioooooooooo!!!! Anyone else dig that Alberto
has a Big A on his crotch? Ladies, check out my Dong, it's a Grade A
Certified Dick!
JR just called Dolph the Hottest Superstar in the WWE right now.
Uh-huh. Surprise, surprise, Sheamus picks up the win in this 6 Man
with a pin over the Teflon Canadian, Jericho.
TOUT! And it's stupid TOUT videos can...holy shit, Charlie Sheen is
now on RAW! Break out the blow and hookers! #TIGERBLOOD
Sheen just said Sheamus likes to party like he used to...Sheamus, the
WWE Champion, does mountains of coke off of pornstars tits??? He's
now my new favorite wrestler!!! Sheamus Montana would like you to say
hello to his little friend! Hornswoggle! #WINNING
Now we've got Hacksaw Jim Duggan! HOOOOOO!!!!! Roddy Piper and Lil
Jimmy....HOLY SHIT! MAE YOUNG'S HAND SON!!! I've seen it all. Less
than one hour in and this is the greatest show ever. This couldn't
possibly be the pinnacle of entertainment for the night, could it!?!?
Brodus Clay and Dude Love and two hot black chicks dance in the ring!
Hey Tazz, what's Jake Swigger doing in the Impact Zone?!?!?
#WasteofTime
HOLY SHIT TRISH STRATUS! Er, teaching HHH about the joy of yoga...ok.
And then X-Pac tries to cozy up to a married woman with his grizzly
date rapist voice! Isn't it time he heads back to rehab for the
evening? Promises.com!
Wedding time! What? This couldn't have been on Hour 2? Alright.
NICE! The Doctor of Style, Slick is the Reverend! #JIVESOULBRO
Slick is apparently being paid in Yardbird. Whatever the fuck that
may be. I wasn't aware that was a tradable commodity. #BlackPeople
The #YES Man hits the ring in White Tux! Let's get this show on the
road! Time for AJ hits the ring and she is looking fine tonight.
#Bonerific
Slick is knocking it out of the park. Only a black guy could pull
this off. I want to book Slick for my wedding now. GIGANTIC NO! chant
breaks out. What the hell is wrong with you assholes? This is true
love! Stop ruining this!!! You know, I don't really remember Slick
being that big of a part of RAW. I know he was managing during the
pre-RAW, Prime Time Wrestling.
Swerve. Oh no. AJ says no! Vince hits the ring. Fuck you Vince,
you're already married to Senator Linda. Stay away from this Jail
Bait Cooze!
Oh shit! Vince names AJ the new GM of RAW! What the fuck? Huh?
LIGHT IT UP! #NOFUCKINWAY #DumbestWayOutofWeddingStoryline
Daniel Bryan is rightfully so pissed off in the ring and now CM Punk
runs out to stick his nose in it. Daniel claims he is the Greatest
Superstar of all time. Literally hundreds of dead Superstars are
spining in their graves! #BenoitsGoinKillYou!
But the Rock comes down to put him in his place. Rock says Daniel is
the spawn of a homeless lumberjack and an Ommpa Loompa then gives him
a Rock Bottom! #OompaLoompaButtVagina
Always great to see Bret Hart on RAW. IC title match! Mr. Perfect
namedrop! #TowelToss and #GumSlap
It's Christian vs Miz! Miz's facial hair looks like Booger's facial
hair. Miz wins the IC title, congrats Booger.
Narcotics Ambassador, Charlie Sheen pops back up on my screen to read
a preprovided script. He says Daniel Bryan has no clue how to treat a
woman. That's rich! Tell me more, Charlie!
Serious HHH comes out and wants to eat Brock Lesna at Summerslam! HHH
tires to whine his match to happen after Heyman shoots him down and
says No Way Jose.
Now Stephanie and her Juggs hit the ring. I have not missed this twat
on my television. Stephy drops some revisionist history about Heyman
and her lovely family! I will say, if Heyman had the money backing
that Vince had, maybe ECW would have been the one to have won the
wrestling wars. Steph then just lunges and falls on Heyman cause
she's itching to get a lawsuit thrown at her too! The family that goes
to court together, pays resolutions together!
#DONTTALKABOUTMYFAMILY!!!!
Lesnar hits the ring and starts fucking up HHH,but HHH of couse gets
the advantage and tosses Brock out of the ring. Brock gets his "Fuck
Off" on and it's bleeped before we go to commercial.
What I've learned from TOUT thus far: only nerds, virgins, and lame
asses send in their videos. Speaking of which, I gotta go make a, uh,
err, video...totally not for TOUT.
The Fink may look ancient, but god damn his voice is gold! One Man
Ginger Band is out! Who's going to flush this turd this week?? TL
Hopper???
NO! IT'S LITA! Ginger on Ginger Crime! Her tits look amazing! And I
would like to mouth fuck her.
Jerry Lawler quote of the night #2: "She's really pouring her heart
out tonight." Real smooth, Old Man.
Lita looks hotter than I remember her to be and she's got more tats.
Tits McGee hired the APA! Farooq and Bradshaw head to the ring! HOLY
SHIT ANIMAL!!! VADER!!! DDP!!! SID!!! DOINK!!! RIKISHII!!! SOME
OTHERS! Lita with the Titty Twister on Slater! JBL with the
Clothesline from Hell! and then a Moonsault for the pin on Ginger
Spice! All the dirty old men in the ring try to raise Lita's arm up in
victory!
Up next: Zack Ryder is an idiot. Claims G-TV was created by Gene
Okerlund. However, he tells that to John Cena. Cena's not having any
of that nonsense tonight. Didn't Cena break Ryder's heart a few
months ago by hooking up with The Real Oompa Loompa Butt Vagina, Eve
Torres? Or has that been swept under the rug because of Cena's
divorce? Oh well.
Kane now gets confronted by 6 guys who most likely won't be in the WWE
for RAW episode 1050!
Undertaker wakes from his post Wrestlemania slumber to help out his
brother! They proceed to hand out 6 pink slips and then celebrate in
the ring! #YoureFired
Main Event Time!
Jerry Lawler quote #3: Lawler said that when Cena told Punk he'd cash
in the Money in the Bank has never happened before! Either he's
forgotten or he's just that stupid. RVD told Cena he would cash in at
ECW's One Night Stand 2006.
Ref Bump, Big Show hits Cena with a Spear! But Punk only gets a 2
count! Cena wakes up and slaps the STFU on Punk, so Show blasts Cena
again for the DQ! Big Show destroys Cena and Punk decides it's not
his fight. Rock gallops down to the ring to take on Big Show! Rocky
barely hits the Spinebuster and then goes for the People's Elbow...and
ladies and gentlemen, we've got a heel turn! CM Punk nails Rock with
the clothesline. Rock sells it like he was shot with a gun and flops
around the ring like a fish gasping for air. #GAYFISH Punk hits a
GTS on Rock, and the crowd boos him like the good sheep that they are.
Well, 3 hour RAWS should only be used for special events like this or
the Draft. I am not a fan of having 3 hour RAWs every week. Too much
filler and not enough matches. I for one, have watched RAW from
episode #1. I remember the episodes at the Manhattan Center, and RAW
was an essential part of my youth. The Monday Night Wars were the
thing my father and I would watch on Monday Nights. We'd watch WCW
Nitro before and during dinner and then RAW at night. I really wish
Max Moon took his revenge on HBK tonight or at least Damien Demento
showed up to back up the Undertaker and Kane. All in all, it was cool
seeing DX in full, Cena not cashing in, Daniel Bryan going nuts, and I
guess a handful of the other Legends who showed up. Hey, we even got
a Macho Man sighting on the Catch Phrase video! Here's to 1000
episodes, and here's to another 1000 more!
Check me out on the returning Army of Dorkness!
James Ryan, The Golden Voice of the Flawedcast Network!
Stu Little
Not going quietly
Hey guys,
Fun show this week. 1000 episodes is a real milestone and what better way to celebrate than by getting a 1000 year old man to co-host. Chris, I hope you thanked Methuselah Capps for filling in for you. I totally understand why you wouldn't do the whole thing. Because what's the point? That wasn't just the 1000th episode, but the last, thanks to the webmater's promise of it being The End this week. But I'm not going to go out quietly. I'm going to speak my mind one more time, and nothing will stop me. Let me tell you something about Aaron, guys
And that's my final word on the matter. Sorry about those comments I made about your mother, Andy. It was just for effect and more about Aaron, I hope you know.
Not much to really say about this week's Raw, though if the anniversary means something to you obviously you've been watching wrestling for quite a long time, so I will ask, what for each of you is the single biggest suspension of disbelief about watching wrestling? It could be the idea that in wrestling, obesity somehow makes you TOUGHER, or how someone who's been an asshole for years can get instantly forgiven as soon as one other asshole does something bad to them, or maybe even the notion that the RKO is somehow an effective offensive move. For me personally, it's how in wrestling, referees can be so fucking terrible at their jobs. If I messed up as much as a pro wrestling referee did at my work, I'd be damn near unemployable, yet referees always manage to keep their jobs. Maybe Adam Dan should try the profession out. Even if I could somehow buy that they fail to see or hear some cheating going on, or that the slightest physical contact can knock them out for minutes, how is it they come across as if they've never watched a wrestling match in their entire lives? Remember when Jeff Jarrett would win seemingly every match with a guitar shot? Apparently every referee in those situations was somehow unaware he did that, otherwise, they'd have confiscated it before the match even started. Similarly, managers known for interference would be automatically banned from ringside, but I guess they must pinky swear to them that they'll behave that one time. And whenever a ref does get knocked out, no replacement bothers to come out until someone goes for a pinfall afterwards. They're either the laziest fucks in the world, or their dressing room as far away from the entrance as possible. I know there's some really stupid, unbelievable gimmicks in wrestling, but referee incompetence is so pervasive it's really more of an issue for me. How about you?
Anyway, that's all. Guys, it's been an honour and a privilege. Take care...forever.
Stu Little, Would Be Saviour and Unintentional Reckoning Bringer of Monday Night Flaw
P.S. I'm sorry. I'm So Sorry.
JB King
One down, one to go
Good evening to Andy “Go to Sleep” Gaston and Chris “Asshole Nightmare” Alt.
Have to say James Ryan did an excellent job for our introductions last
week. And while I’m sure you guys did such a “great” job on my introduction
already, I still can’t help feel some minor jealousy towards the intros Stu
gets week in and week out. Therefore, as a champion, my one request is to
please read my new introduction before we get started with the email. Use
your “Overlord” powers to turn back time and start fresh now, thanks.
(waits for Andy to reverse time)
Originally hailing from Oxnard California now a permanent resident of
Brazzers.com
A two time Intercontinental Champion
A three time Chris Alt spit-take Champion
The first recipient of the Andy slow clap of the week.
A former World Heavyweight Champion
The only Grand Slam Champion of Monday Night Flaw
AND the only emailer to win all four prestigious awards in the same week!
He is the west coast killa
The Fat chick thrilla
Has more silver than a Peruvian villa
Hates the blacks because they never pay their billas
The current reigning and defending Intercontinental Champion
J
B
KING!!!!
Thanks, now let’s kill this momentum with a shitty email.
Looks like I was one vote away from being a double champion again. So much
for all these “DVDA” shirts I made for your Flawedcast store. I’m sure they
won’t be as big as Austin Sander’s shirt that simply says “Fuck that
faggot” on it. You sir, are a marketing genius. You should be working for
Apple or B-A-Star.
Speaking of queers, congratulations to James “Hollywood Faggot” Ryan for
getting your second win. The Golden Voice and the Silver Tongue of the
Flawedcast network are now both champions. West Coast Bitches! That’s
right, a guy that can’t write and a guy that can’t read are now your
champions. Proving that even Make-A-Wish mutants such as us can amount to
something besides getting a useless handshake and from John Cena or a weak
body more damaged and brittle than Nate Corbitt’s heart.
Speaking of mutants, where the hell is Bryan? Haven’t heard from him in a
while. I guess he took a first class flight to St. Louis after hearing
about May Young’s son. That’s one 13 year old handjob you do not want to
miss out on I guess. Matter of fact, I was thinking of making a joke of
having Bryan being stricken from the record like Penn State, but that would
mean he actually accomplished something around here.
Looks like I gave Cam Gullet the knockout punch. Oddly enough, you would
think Cam is use to taking shots to the mouth from guys. Oh well. I’m sure
as soon as the cops release him for that thing he did in Colorado he will
get the belt back again. The things that Carrot Top looking idiot does for
attention. What? Fuck you guys I’m sure I’m not the only one that did this
joke already. Thanks Alan you geriatric fuck. Although it was nice to see
you dancing with Brodus Clay on Raw. As out of shape as you looked, at
least you were looking better than X-Pac.
It was great to see Adam Dan refine his role as the son of May Young and
Mark Henry. Fuck you, you abomination of Christ. I retract my statement
from last week, please contribute. As a matter of fact go see if you can go
bother Aaron so he can do all of us a favor and put you out of your
pathetic misery. Your tombstone will be as blank as your sperm without meds.
Oh wait, he’s not IC champ? My bad, carry on.
Austin Sanders who writes your emails? Iron Sheik? Calm down Coronel
Clusterfuck. I love the bitterness you bring to the table but occasionally
you need to put a clever twist on it. If you are using Sheik as ghost
writer, drop him now. Believe me! I had that asshole write an email for me
back in Male Bag 8 and I still get shit for it. There, I mentioned you. Now
give me $20 for the rub. Please try not to get this confused from the “rub”
Cam Gullet offers for that price.
Well I think I pissed off enough people so let’s just get on with the
questions.
Question One: Looks like Kharma has been let go by WWE. I haven’t heard of
pre-mature release like that since Andy was talking about his sex life. Hey
you said it Mr. Finger poke of doom, not me. Anyway do you think it’s legit
or a kayfabe write off? Also, do you think she will head back to TNA
immediately or wait to go back to WWE when the time is right?
Question Two: Was Slick Drunk? Is ‘yard bird’ a black code word for meth?
Sherman Hemsley was more coherent than Slick on Monday and that Jive
Turkey is in hell. Which brings up the question, what was your favorite
moment involving watching drunk or incoherent wrestlers on camera. PS. JBL
on tranquilizers in Japan doesn’t count.
Question Three: The Fabertooth Tiger serious question of the week. Here’s
something to think about. Let’s say the MITB briefcase came with two
different options. The first of course is the ability to cash in for a
world title shot whenever. But now there is a second possible option. You
have the power to fire any active wrestler on the roster. Not announcers,
backstage hands, or higher up management, just the wrestlers. Would you be
willing to sacrifice your (possibly) only world title shot in order to get
rid of a wrestler you absolutely can’t stand for personal satisfaction or
heat? This would be quite an interesting way to write off wrestlers when
their contracts run out instead of the same old “farewell/injury” angle.
Answer this as a wrestler and as a fan.
Well that’s it for this week. Best of luck to both Cliff and Dustin who are
more than likely closing the show. And good luck to the last 2 participants
who are looking to get into the KOTR. Well, except Cam…and Adam Dan…and
Thom. You know what, fuck it, see you next week Austin and Aaron.
Ps. Did anyone else find it disturbing how much Paul Heyman looked like
Danny Devito when his ponytail is undone. Fucking amazing.
Love Peace and Penis Grease
Johnny
Dustin Faber
The finale
I want to take a moment to praise Cliffs Notes. Cliffs Notes cured Atom Dans cancer. Cliffs Notes lost his virginity before his Dad. Cliffs notes is so great, the mountains cry and nature rejoices when he breathes. Women swoon and men stare in wonder at God's greatest creation.
Hehehehe, oh that's rich! You see, that's what we call being disingenuous, or sarcasm. I can admit when I'm being a fraud, but you lack that ability. You've been a fraud from day one, yet we'll never hear that from you.
You wanna go on talking about saving us. Last time I checked, you weren't Jesus or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, so explain what great divine powers you have. Explain to us how you plan to save us, because I'm still waiting for something. Anything.
All you've brought to us lately is a mediocre gimmick courtesy of a washed up wrestler. Sounds like you are saving us from a quality show.
You keep asking me to follow in my fathers footsteps and embrace the dark side. Curse God and abandon my faith. Throw back a bottle of whiskey and abandon my straight edge lifestyle. It's tempting some nights to throw it all away for one good time. But then to look my daughter in the eye and tell her I've abandoned everything I stand for?
Turn away from what I love just to please the biggest jackass our great podcast has ever seen?
Who in the blue hell do you think you are?
Scratch that. I have a poem to close out this email to. And since you are Cliffs Notes, I'll have Chris read it carefully so you fully understand.
There once was a man from Sweden,
Who planted a garden west of Eden.
I forget the rest, but go fuck yourself.
Love,
Dustin
CliffsNotes
Dustin 3:16 - I just prayed for your ass!
WELCOME!!!! TO FLAW. IS. CLIFFSNOTES!!!!
I was thinking the other day about Ric Flair's retirement from WWE. From how it started, with the arrogant CEO deciding he was going to make a legendary superstar retire, even though the superstar had more left in the tank. And the CEO made a big deal about a big matchup, putting it on a grand stage for everybody to see what would probably be the last match in a majestic career. And the instrument of destruction, the challenger that would end Ric Flair's career, was the good, holy, outspoken Christian on the roster. And this good Christian man, with tears in his eyes, at the tail end of the match, would whisper to his opponent in as masculine a way as possible "I Love You", before superkicking the hall of famer into retirement.
Probably not relevant. Anyways, did you guys watch Raw? How about that show?
I knew the event was going to be special when they brought back Roddy Piper to play jump rope with Little Jimmy. They missed out though. They should have brought back Carlito, too, and had him chase Little Jimmy into a dead end, except Little Jimmy would paint a small doorway onto the wall to escape through! That would have been awesome television.
So yeah, I'm glad we didn't have to see Chynna. I completely agree with the "No porn stars on WWE programming" policy. This probably explains why the Hulkster wasn't around. G reat to see X-Pac again on Monday night, though.
Although, as bad as X-Pac looked.... Hey Undertaker... it's time. You look old. When Kane is the healthier and more normal looking one in the ring, it's time to step aside.
I did like Daniel Bryan in that white tux. It helped make him look like he was about to snap. I think he should keep wearing that for the next month.
I can't tell you how excited I am about the CM Punk heel turn. It certainly was a surprise, but this perfectly sets up the rest of the year for the Title. Because now we can get a heel CM Punk taking on a returning face Randy Orton! And then in the fall, we can go back to Punk-Cena for a few months, and maybe even another CM Punk-Triple H feud! This is going to be great! And then, at the Royal Rumble, the script practically writes itself! The Rock can beat CM Punk for the title, while Cena wins the Royal Rumble, and Ta-Da.... Rock-Cena II at Wrestlemania for the title. Throw in Triple H-Undertaker III, and Big Show-Brock Lesnar, and we have ourselves the greatest Pay Per View of ALL TIME. That would be super fantastic awesome!
Speaking of The Rock, hey Andy... on MNF you and Alan discussed the hypocrisy of the WWE giving Rock a title shot, just by asking for it. Not earning it. I agree. That's really odd of the WWE. Instead of rewarding the guys that are there every week, instead of rewarding the guys that have won multiple matches and titles in 2012, instead of rewarding the guys that have carried the show for the last, say 15 weeks, The Powers That Be decide to let a guy with ONE SINGLE WIN this year get a headlining match. I mean, what kind of media and entertainment company promoting a competition would do something as illogical and unfair as that?
Sorry. Got off on an irrelevant tangent there.
Hey Chris, just wanted to take a minute to say that I've really enjoyed your work on Gamer and Proud. Keep up the fantastic work!
Oh yeah, I know this is a wrestling show, but Chris mentioned this on MNF, so I need to comment. It's been a rough week in Pennsylvania. But I'm just tired of all the whining. All I've heard is how unfair everyone is treating Penn State, and there's a steady stream of whining "woe is me" and "it's not fair" and "you're punishing the innocent" and wait until the Paterno family publishes their own investigation, and Penn State is so great and mighty. Frankly I'm sick of it. Let me make this clear. Anyone who has to keep talking about how great they are and keep bragging about past accomplishments when they've been very mediocre recently really has a self-confidence problem. Penn State, you're not that great. And you fucked up repeatedly with your douchebaggery. Nobody owes you anything! Penn State, if you want to belong in a community, you need to respect those around you, and not piss them all off by constantly being a jackass! Otherwise, they'll look for an excuse to kick you out of their club, or association, or network, or whatever. And if you are punished, or suspended, or banned then just shut the hell up and don't whine about it. I fucking hate Pennsylvania. Whiny crybaby losers.
By the way, Chris - did you get that package I sent to you? The Case of Strawberry Margarita Mix, the Gallagher DVD box set, and the X-Rated lithographs of Cortana, Lara Croft, and Agent Rayne?
Sorry. I got off on another tangent. Not sure what's going on with me this week. Where was I...? O h yes. Something about Pennsylvania losers... I must have been speaking of Dustin Faber!
So now it's time to say good bye to the disrespectful petulant, Dustin Faber. I'm sure Dustin will list some reasons he's jealous and angry, and we can all have a laugh at how he embarrassed himself trying to measure up to me. But let's have a celebration and a going away party for Dustin! I'm sure Dustin will send in a goodbye letter next week, but the precedent has been set by JB King and seconded by the Flawedcast this past week. We only celebrate events on the wrong week on this network.
Dustin, I'm glad you have something to fall back on. I started to listen to your podcast this past week. It would be much more appropriate for you to be honest with your listening audience, and rename the show to "Just Download It and Delete It."
So goodbye Dustin. Take your prayers and your kooky voice with you. Chris, your choice is easy. There is greatness, and there is mediocrity. And it is time to send away the boring "Dear Abby" letters to your show. And then we can refocus and get on to my next championship.
Chris and Andy - I'll see you next week. I'm looking forward to the 3-hour Raw as much as I am to being rid of Faber.
I AM AND ALWAYS SHALL BE CLIFFSNOTES!
Austin Sanders
AUSTIN 3:16 SAYS, BEYONCE HAD THE BEST MUSIC VIDEO OF ALL TIME! OF ALLLL TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *Not relative to the fallowing email.*
**This email might be relatively Nate Corbet, because I got a house to move
into! **
Hello Chris and Andy. I want to be serious here for a moment and
publicly apologize for including Andys mother in my crude sketch. I could
sense the awkwardness in his voice when I heard him say something about his
mother being dead on the last malebag. I love to be mean and a dick in
these emails but I think I may have gone too far there. I'm sorry
Andy.............................................I should've included Adam
Dans dead mother. Way funnier.
Also, The Golden voice was correct when he announced I was hailing from
parts unknown. That's Cincinnati's OTHER name. HOW BOUT THEM BENGALS!
So because I'm writing this early, I have no idea whos facing who in King
of the Ring, or if it even starts this week. The only thing I AM certain of
is that I AM YOU'RE NEW.......WORLD.....HEAVYWEIGHT......CHAMPION!
So that's a thing.
I want to save a lot of my funny stuff for who I'm facing in particular.
I'm hoping for Cam in the first round. Many amazing ideas for him that I
dare not conjure up now...
But I still want to be a blip on everyone"s radar. So instead of making
long paragraphs directed at one person ,(or in Cliffs case, one dyke ) I've
decided to target mini jabs at other emailers in this letter. It's all in
good fun, and it'll be nothing too extream.
Adam Dan. You are the 9/11 of emailers
WE'RE OFF TO A GREAT START!
Cam Gullet.
Best. Joke. Ever.
JB King? MORE LIKE JB *DRAG *QUEEN!
#Fag
SEE! It rhymes!
Stu's little Penis.
#ScottsNeedsPenisPumps
Tom Roper is to wrestling, as Hitler is to _______
Fill it in.
Faber......#TooMuchRespectToHate.
I AM the new Faber after all.
Scott Taylor. Foreshadowing
"I got special things planed"
And finally Cliffs Notes.
WELL that's all for this week. Make sure you send your emails toCZW IS
LIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
HEY FAGGOTS! It's this sites one and only CZW recaper here.
Now Cue...MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MUSIC!
(Please play "Rape me" By Nirvana)
(Also hand the reading glasses to Andy if you haven't already Chis)
For anyone who wants understand what I'm reviewing, You can go to
PUNSHOUSE.COM to see the link of the CZW video I'm reviewing. SEE Cliffs
Notes, THAT'S how you get viewers on punshouse. Idiot.
This isn't the show in it's entirety, just it's "best moments".
More specifically "the best moments of CZW tournament to the death 2011!"
I'm already DIEING to know what the best moments are!
The video starts with 2 fat men in t-*shits* throwing each others assholes
into long florescent light bulbs tubes. I NOW feel like I'm writing a more
Cam Gullet version of 50 shades of grey.
Lots of sexy back in forth action in this S&M session, when A greased up
rapist decides to play "bowling to the crotch" with the pins being
a florescent light bulb and his nuts the lightbulbs are resting on. These
men are willing to put their bodys on the line and run the ropes knowing
full well that the ropes are ALSO attached to light bulbs and having it
shatter all over their backs. Genius's I tell you. They must have gotten
A++ In special ed class along with fellow students like Cliffs Notes.
Fuck you retard.
The match comes to a end when One of the fat guys puts the other fatass
though a table via FireMans carry. And get this, The table has FUCK PENCILS
STICKING OUT OF IT. hardcore. This match was one of the
most disgusting I've ever seen. I spit on this match. 5 stars for saliva.
Next we get our next match are just a bunch of table spots. 5 stars for
your best moments of a match being table spots.
Our next match is.....More.....lightbulbs......and tables.....and holy shit
this guy is legit on fire....
Ok no more jokes, CZW is a piece of shit. I was trying to wing
this review for a huge laugh *and a slow clap*. But in real time, as I'm
writing this, This shit is disturbing. There's no point to recaping ANY of
this because it's all the fucking same. I have no clue who these wrestlers
are but they certainly get no respect from me. I was trying to make
jokes....no joke can justify this garbage.
Cam Gullet.
Well I tip my hat to you Scott. I don't think I'm cut out for a CZW
recaper. I was going to do this big feud with you but I can't do it under
CZW rules.....However.....I don't know if YOU can recap CZW like I tried to
do. As a friendly challenge, I'd like you to try to recap CZW. Not for
questioning you and your ability. Just to see how far you will go into
watching this shit. In fact, review the video I tried to review.
Well I guess I'm done here. Too bad I don't have a huge joke to end on. OH
WAIT A MINUTE! I DO!
Cam Gullet.
XOXOXOXOXO TheTallOne
PS. I'm 6'8 ,all muscle you Nazis.
PSS. Titties.
Vin Tanner
#teamfaber vs #teamsnotes
From the Desk of Flawed GM Vin Tanner,
Andy and Chris,
Cliff is kind of being a bitch about his demands, but I'm too lazy to make
up ground rules. Fine by me. Chris, you are for sure going to be the
judge. Call em as you see em.
Good luck to both the competitors,
Vin Tanner
PS Oh and someone tell Austin Sanders to get an original thought. Every
insult is the same formula. Swear word + homophobic epithet. You're like
a 12 year old boy. I thought Cliff was a one trick pony. At least he has
a trick.
Michael Demko
MAYBE! MAYBE! MAYBE! MAYBE! Nah... probably not.
Dear Altar Boy and Ol' Creepy Giggle Himself,
I know by this point, it's a cliche, but I'd like to take a moment to
introduce myself. My name is Michael Demko, and I am the self-proclaimed
Platinum Voice of the Flawedcast Network (your move, James Ryan). With the
1000th RAW being on tonight, I felt the urge to watch for the first time in
several months. I have no delusions that my simple e-mail here will contend
with any of the Monsters of the Male Bag, like Stu. I have no bones to pick
or feuds to start with anyone. Hell, I don't even think anyone will give a
shit about the epic goddamn e-mail I'm about to produce. But I just have
some observations to share and questions to ask of the two of you. Let's
get started:
Firstly, I'd like to compliment the WWE promo team for putting together
some QUALITY montages. That opening was phenomenal, and I really feel like
they caught the essence of 20 years of RAW in a 3 1/2 minute clip-set.
Is it just me, or did X-Pac look stoned and/or 60? It was awesome seeing
him on live WWE TV again, but dear god, that man has not aged gracefully. I
mean, none of the DX guys are still in great ring shape these days. I'll
admit, I marked out a bit when they 'got the band back together'.
Next up - it's "Where In The World Is Jack Swagger's Career?" I have a
question - if Brodus Clay is the only living, breathing funkasaurus IN
CAPTIVITY... does that mean there are free range funkasauri somewhere out
there, on their own hidden island? Is Jeff Goldblum on his way there to
verify their existence? And if he's the only one left, then how will the
funkasaurus species continue? I've seen the pictures of James Ryan in his
leopard print suit. I believe we already have an unreported funkasaurus on
our hands. Thank god. Let's get these two together!
OK - the Mae Young's son joke, albeit a bit... er... ham-fisted... was a
pretty damn good self-deprecating shot by the WWE.
"Turn out the lights, the reception's OVER!" - close your mouth, Slick.
You're gonna let flies in. To his credit, though, Slick is the only person
I've ever seen who's made a 'WHAT!?' chant work for him. Classic Slickster.
AJ is the new GM of RAW? Oh good, more unfocused, schizophrenic people
involved in the creative process.
If "Frodo Bryan <clap clap clapclapclap>" doesn't become a thing, I want my
money back. Same goes for Andy's "Matalo matalo, Kane Kane!' chant idea.
That's just fantastic.
Did anyone else expect Sheen's Skype feed to show lines of coke or a dead
porn star (maybe Chyna?) in the background?
Looks like the One Man Band got One-Man-Gangbanged. (Pop-quiz hotshots: One
Man Gang - dead or not?) Seeing the APA backing Lita up was my second
official markout moment of the night. Welcome to RAW IS GERIATRIC!
Bryan's concerned that Charlie Sheen's insult was his low-point of the
night? How about having SEAN FUCKING MOONEY, a guy who hasn't even tasted
obscurity's boot in 15 years, interview you? I'd call that a lower-point.
Really looking forward to that Sheen/Bryan feud.
James Ryan - you can die a happy man, now. GENE OKERLUND was behind G-TV!
Congrats.
No Stone Cold, but we get treated to the Undertaker? Oh goody. I found it
amusing that Undertaker's the bald one now, and Kane's the one with hair.
Can't these two EVER get on the same page?
I've always thought Cena's shirt was attempting to convey that we can't
Copyright him, which I thought was weird. Thank you WWE for finally proving
that the Money in the Bank isn't a guarantee. And thank you even more for
using Cena as your proof. The destination was totally worth the journey.
Punk's heel turn COMPLETELY blindsided me. Loved his full-on dead eyes heel
turn. Markout moment #3. Anytime the WWE can surprise me, I'm happy. THIS
is how you properly build a feud with The Rock, Cena. You can learn a thing
or two from Phil.
Anyways, I hope this epic length e-mail has helped to push this episode of
the Male Bag over the 4 1/2 hour mark, so that I can go record my first
(well, second) "TV For Vendetta" podcast (with my broadcast partner, Brian
VanAlstyne) tomorrow night without any pressure. This time, I promise I'll
leave the mic on, and the porn off. I don't need Andy firing me on my first
day on the job.
Keep it 8-bit Chris,
Michael Demko, the self-proclaimed Platinum Voice of the Flawedcast Network
Cam Gullett
Jb King is the Dylan Donnelly of the MNF listeners.
After listening to this week's recap show I am officially convinced that
Alan Capps is too old to remember what the difference between heel and
face wrestlers. He thinks Ziggler is on a face turn? Hey old man, it's
clearly Jericho that is turning face. Get a new hearing aide already.
Friendly reminder: Cliff is still a pussy.
After Lita beat Heath Slater on Raw, I can officially say that I am tired
of all this ginger on ginger crime.
I am glad to see that the WWE Board of Directors decided that Johnny Ace
was unfit to continue running Raw but a clearly insane 98 lb girl is the
best choice moving forward indeed.
Hey Austin Sanders, go die in a ditch you cum craving sycophant.
Punk turning Heel against Rock was a brilliant move. He is obviously never
going to replace Cena as the company's top babyface so he might as well
become the company's biggest heel. It's kinda like when Cliff realized that
he could never actually be as funny as MNF's top face, Stu Little, so he
decided to try and become the company's top heel, but he failed miserably
because he is an unfunny twat.
As always,
"Dashing" Cam Gullett, cohost of Army of Dorkness!!
James Ryan
1000 Episode of RAWZ!!!
Greetings MNFers! It's me, James Ryan, The Golden Voice of the
Flawedcast Network bringing you a very special 1000th RAW episode live
emailing!
Vince comes out to a roar! Thank you Vince! Thank you Vince! Well,
at least thank you for the some of the episodes! Hokey Smokes! Here's
comes the oldest teennagers in professional wrestling!!! DX hits the
ring! #UnderwareOn!
Didn't there used to be more of us?!? Gulp! New Age Outlaws and
X-Pac head to the ring!?!?!?
Jerry Lawler quote #1 of the night: "They could start another Attitude
Era tomorrow!" God, I hope not, Lawler!
#Where'sChyna? Oh, she's probably getting DPed in some low rent skin
flick. AvengersXXX.com!
HHH just threatens us all by say he'll see us when RAW hits 2000. Fuck.
1, 2, 3, Say Suck It...OH SHIT!!! Hallelujah!!! Wait a minute! James
Ryan, The Golden Voice of he Flawedcast Network hits the ring!!! Wait,
I'm not at RAW, I'm at home!
NO! It's Damien Sandow! Tom Roper's BFF! Sandow hits the ring and
belittles the entire DX Army. #BarbaricBuffons
Sandow nows says that if DX destroys him, he'll be a martyr. And on
that, DX huddles up to figure out what to do against a superior
intellect. On 3, WHOA BUNDY! No. GO BAYSIDE! Negative! It's Option
#3! Sweet Chin Music and Pedigree on Sandow!
Aaand Good Ol Evil JR hits the ring with a devilish goatee. Jim Ross
returns tonight to remind us all that he's alive and well and still
not the voice of Monday Night Raw. #FuckYouVince
Up next is some crazy 6 man tag of Rey Mysterio, Sin Caca, and
Sheamus, who according to JR has no reverse gear vs Jericho, his
epilepsy jacket, Hollywood, Florida's own Dolph Ziggles, and
Albertoooooooo Delllllll Rioooooooooo!!!! Anyone else dig that Alberto
has a Big A on his crotch? Ladies, check out my Dong, it's a Grade A
Certified Dick!
JR just called Dolph the Hottest Superstar in the WWE right now.
Uh-huh. Surprise, surprise, Sheamus picks up the win in this 6 Man
with a pin over the Teflon Canadian, Jericho.
TOUT! And it's stupid TOUT videos can...holy shit, Charlie Sheen is
now on RAW! Break out the blow and hookers! #TIGERBLOOD
Sheen just said Sheamus likes to party like he used to...Sheamus, the
WWE Champion, does mountains of coke off of pornstars tits??? He's
now my new favorite wrestler!!! Sheamus Montana would like you to say
hello to his little friend! Hornswoggle! #WINNING
Now we've got Hacksaw Jim Duggan! HOOOOOO!!!!! Roddy Piper and Lil
Jimmy....HOLY SHIT! MAE YOUNG'S HAND SON!!! I've seen it all. Less
than one hour in and this is the greatest show ever. This couldn't
possibly be the pinnacle of entertainment for the night, could it!?!?
Brodus Clay and Dude Love and two hot black chicks dance in the ring!
Hey Tazz, what's Jake Swigger doing in the Impact Zone?!?!?
#WasteofTime
HOLY SHIT TRISH STRATUS! Er, teaching HHH about the joy of yoga...ok.
And then X-Pac tries to cozy up to a married woman with his grizzly
date rapist voice! Isn't it time he heads back to rehab for the
evening? Promises.com!
Wedding time! What? This couldn't have been on Hour 2? Alright.
NICE! The Doctor of Style, Slick is the Reverend! #JIVESOULBRO
Slick is apparently being paid in Yardbird. Whatever the fuck that
may be. I wasn't aware that was a tradable commodity. #BlackPeople
The #YES Man hits the ring in White Tux! Let's get this show on the
road! Time for AJ hits the ring and she is looking fine tonight.
#Bonerific
Slick is knocking it out of the park. Only a black guy could pull
this off. I want to book Slick for my wedding now. GIGANTIC NO! chant
breaks out. What the hell is wrong with you assholes? This is true
love! Stop ruining this!!! You know, I don't really remember Slick
being that big of a part of RAW. I know he was managing during the
pre-RAW, Prime Time Wrestling.
Swerve. Oh no. AJ says no! Vince hits the ring. Fuck you Vince,
you're already married to Senator Linda. Stay away from this Jail
Bait Cooze!
Oh shit! Vince names AJ the new GM of RAW! What the fuck? Huh?
LIGHT IT UP! #NOFUCKINWAY #DumbestWayOutofWeddingStoryline
Daniel Bryan is rightfully so pissed off in the ring and now CM Punk
runs out to stick his nose in it. Daniel claims he is the Greatest
Superstar of all time. Literally hundreds of dead Superstars are
spining in their graves! #BenoitsGoinKillYou!
But the Rock comes down to put him in his place. Rock says Daniel is
the spawn of a homeless lumberjack and an Ommpa Loompa then gives him
a Rock Bottom! #OompaLoompaButtVagina
Always great to see Bret Hart on RAW. IC title match! Mr. Perfect
namedrop! #TowelToss and #GumSlap
It's Christian vs Miz! Miz's facial hair looks like Booger's facial
hair. Miz wins the IC title, congrats Booger.
Narcotics Ambassador, Charlie Sheen pops back up on my screen to read
a preprovided script. He says Daniel Bryan has no clue how to treat a
woman. That's rich! Tell me more, Charlie!
Serious HHH comes out and wants to eat Brock Lesna at Summerslam! HHH
tires to whine his match to happen after Heyman shoots him down and
says No Way Jose.
Now Stephanie and her Juggs hit the ring. I have not missed this twat
on my television. Stephy drops some revisionist history about Heyman
and her lovely family! I will say, if Heyman had the money backing
that Vince had, maybe ECW would have been the one to have won the
wrestling wars. Steph then just lunges and falls on Heyman cause
she's itching to get a lawsuit thrown at her too! The family that goes
to court together, pays resolutions together!
#DONTTALKABOUTMYFAMILY!!!!
Lesnar hits the ring and starts fucking up HHH,but HHH of couse gets
the advantage and tosses Brock out of the ring. Brock gets his "Fuck
Off" on and it's bleeped before we go to commercial.
What I've learned from TOUT thus far: only nerds, virgins, and lame
asses send in their videos. Speaking of which, I gotta go make a, uh,
err, video...totally not for TOUT.
The Fink may look ancient, but god damn his voice is gold! One Man
Ginger Band is out! Who's going to flush this turd this week?? TL
Hopper???
NO! IT'S LITA! Ginger on Ginger Crime! Her tits look amazing! And I
would like to mouth fuck her.
Jerry Lawler quote of the night #2: "She's really pouring her heart
out tonight." Real smooth, Old Man.
Lita looks hotter than I remember her to be and she's got more tats.
Tits McGee hired the APA! Farooq and Bradshaw head to the ring! HOLY
SHIT ANIMAL!!! VADER!!! DDP!!! SID!!! DOINK!!! RIKISHII!!! SOME
OTHERS! Lita with the Titty Twister on Slater! JBL with the
Clothesline from Hell! and then a Moonsault for the pin on Ginger
Spice! All the dirty old men in the ring try to raise Lita's arm up in
victory!
Up next: Zack Ryder is an idiot. Claims G-TV was created by Gene
Okerlund. However, he tells that to John Cena. Cena's not having any
of that nonsense tonight. Didn't Cena break Ryder's heart a few
months ago by hooking up with The Real Oompa Loompa Butt Vagina, Eve
Torres? Or has that been swept under the rug because of Cena's
divorce? Oh well.
Kane now gets confronted by 6 guys who most likely won't be in the WWE
for RAW episode 1050!
Undertaker wakes from his post Wrestlemania slumber to help out his
brother! They proceed to hand out 6 pink slips and then celebrate in
the ring! #YoureFired
Main Event Time!
Jerry Lawler quote #3: Lawler said that when Cena told Punk he'd cash
in the Money in the Bank has never happened before! Either he's
forgotten or he's just that stupid. RVD told Cena he would cash in at
ECW's One Night Stand 2006.
Ref Bump, Big Show hits Cena with a Spear! But Punk only gets a 2
count! Cena wakes up and slaps the STFU on Punk, so Show blasts Cena
again for the DQ! Big Show destroys Cena and Punk decides it's not
his fight. Rock gallops down to the ring to take on Big Show! Rocky
barely hits the Spinebuster and then goes for the People's Elbow...and
ladies and gentlemen, we've got a heel turn! CM Punk nails Rock with
the clothesline. Rock sells it like he was shot with a gun and flops
around the ring like a fish gasping for air. #GAYFISH Punk hits a
GTS on Rock, and the crowd boos him like the good sheep that they are.
Well, 3 hour RAWS should only be used for special events like this or
the Draft. I am not a fan of having 3 hour RAWs every week. Too much
filler and not enough matches. I for one, have watched RAW from
episode #1. I remember the episodes at the Manhattan Center, and RAW
was an essential part of my youth. The Monday Night Wars were the
thing my father and I would watch on Monday Nights. We'd watch WCW
Nitro before and during dinner and then RAW at night. I really wish
Max Moon took his revenge on HBK tonight or at least Damien Demento
showed up to back up the Undertaker and Kane. All in all, it was cool
seeing DX in full, Cena not cashing in, Daniel Bryan going nuts, and I
guess a handful of the other Legends who showed up. Hey, we even got
a Macho Man sighting on the Catch Phrase video! Here's to 1000
episodes, and here's to another 1000 more!
Check me out on the returning Army of Dorkness!
James Ryan, The Golden Voice of the Flawedcast Network!
Stu Little
Not going quietly
Hey guys,
Fun show this week. 1000 episodes is a real milestone and what better way to celebrate than by getting a 1000 year old man to co-host. Chris, I hope you thanked Methuselah Capps for filling in for you. I totally understand why you wouldn't do the whole thing. Because what's the point? That wasn't just the 1000th episode, but the last, thanks to the webmater's promise of it being The End this week. But I'm not going to go out quietly. I'm going to speak my mind one more time, and nothing will stop me. Let me tell you something about Aaron, guys
And that's my final word on the matter. Sorry about those comments I made about your mother, Andy. It was just for effect and more about Aaron, I hope you know.
Not much to really say about this week's Raw, though if the anniversary means something to you obviously you've been watching wrestling for quite a long time, so I will ask, what for each of you is the single biggest suspension of disbelief about watching wrestling? It could be the idea that in wrestling, obesity somehow makes you TOUGHER, or how someone who's been an asshole for years can get instantly forgiven as soon as one other asshole does something bad to them, or maybe even the notion that the RKO is somehow an effective offensive move. For me personally, it's how in wrestling, referees can be so fucking terrible at their jobs. If I messed up as much as a pro wrestling referee did at my work, I'd be damn near unemployable, yet referees always manage to keep their jobs. Maybe Adam Dan should try the profession out. Even if I could somehow buy that they fail to see or hear some cheating going on, or that the slightest physical contact can knock them out for minutes, how is it they come across as if they've never watched a wrestling match in their entire lives? Remember when Jeff Jarrett would win seemingly every match with a guitar shot? Apparently every referee in those situations was somehow unaware he did that, otherwise, they'd have confiscated it before the match even started. Similarly, managers known for interference would be automatically banned from ringside, but I guess they must pinky swear to them that they'll behave that one time. And whenever a ref does get knocked out, no replacement bothers to come out until someone goes for a pinfall afterwards. They're either the laziest fucks in the world, or their dressing room as far away from the entrance as possible. I know there's some really stupid, unbelievable gimmicks in wrestling, but referee incompetence is so pervasive it's really more of an issue for me. How about you?
Anyway, that's all. Guys, it's been an honour and a privilege. Take care...forever.
Stu Little, Would Be Saviour and Unintentional Reckoning Bringer of Monday Night Flaw
P.S. I'm sorry. I'm So Sorry.
JB King
One down, one to go
Good evening to Andy “Go to Sleep” Gaston and Chris “Asshole Nightmare” Alt.
Have to say James Ryan did an excellent job for our introductions last
week. And while I’m sure you guys did such a “great” job on my introduction
already, I still can’t help feel some minor jealousy towards the intros Stu
gets week in and week out. Therefore, as a champion, my one request is to
please read my new introduction before we get started with the email. Use
your “Overlord” powers to turn back time and start fresh now, thanks.
(waits for Andy to reverse time)
Originally hailing from Oxnard California now a permanent resident of
Brazzers.com
A two time Intercontinental Champion
A three time Chris Alt spit-take Champion
The first recipient of the Andy slow clap of the week.
A former World Heavyweight Champion
The only Grand Slam Champion of Monday Night Flaw
AND the only emailer to win all four prestigious awards in the same week!
He is the west coast killa
The Fat chick thrilla
Has more silver than a Peruvian villa
Hates the blacks because they never pay their billas
The current reigning and defending Intercontinental Champion
J
B
KING!!!!
Thanks, now let’s kill this momentum with a shitty email.
Looks like I was one vote away from being a double champion again. So much
for all these “DVDA” shirts I made for your Flawedcast store. I’m sure they
won’t be as big as Austin Sander’s shirt that simply says “Fuck that
faggot” on it. You sir, are a marketing genius. You should be working for
Apple or B-A-Star.
Speaking of queers, congratulations to James “Hollywood Faggot” Ryan for
getting your second win. The Golden Voice and the Silver Tongue of the
Flawedcast network are now both champions. West Coast Bitches! That’s
right, a guy that can’t write and a guy that can’t read are now your
champions. Proving that even Make-A-Wish mutants such as us can amount to
something besides getting a useless handshake and from John Cena or a weak
body more damaged and brittle than Nate Corbitt’s heart.
Speaking of mutants, where the hell is Bryan? Haven’t heard from him in a
while. I guess he took a first class flight to St. Louis after hearing
about May Young’s son. That’s one 13 year old handjob you do not want to
miss out on I guess. Matter of fact, I was thinking of making a joke of
having Bryan being stricken from the record like Penn State, but that would
mean he actually accomplished something around here.
Looks like I gave Cam Gullet the knockout punch. Oddly enough, you would
think Cam is use to taking shots to the mouth from guys. Oh well. I’m sure
as soon as the cops release him for that thing he did in Colorado he will
get the belt back again. The things that Carrot Top looking idiot does for
attention. What? Fuck you guys I’m sure I’m not the only one that did this
joke already. Thanks Alan you geriatric fuck. Although it was nice to see
you dancing with Brodus Clay on Raw. As out of shape as you looked, at
least you were looking better than X-Pac.
It was great to see Adam Dan refine his role as the son of May Young and
Mark Henry. Fuck you, you abomination of Christ. I retract my statement
from last week, please contribute. As a matter of fact go see if you can go
bother Aaron so he can do all of us a favor and put you out of your
pathetic misery. Your tombstone will be as blank as your sperm without meds.
Oh wait, he’s not IC champ? My bad, carry on.
Austin Sanders who writes your emails? Iron Sheik? Calm down Coronel
Clusterfuck. I love the bitterness you bring to the table but occasionally
you need to put a clever twist on it. If you are using Sheik as ghost
writer, drop him now. Believe me! I had that asshole write an email for me
back in Male Bag 8 and I still get shit for it. There, I mentioned you. Now
give me $20 for the rub. Please try not to get this confused from the “rub”
Cam Gullet offers for that price.
Well I think I pissed off enough people so let’s just get on with the
questions.
Question One: Looks like Kharma has been let go by WWE. I haven’t heard of
pre-mature release like that since Andy was talking about his sex life. Hey
you said it Mr. Finger poke of doom, not me. Anyway do you think it’s legit
or a kayfabe write off? Also, do you think she will head back to TNA
immediately or wait to go back to WWE when the time is right?
Question Two: Was Slick Drunk? Is ‘yard bird’ a black code word for meth?
Sherman Hemsley was more coherent than Slick on Monday and that Jive
Turkey is in hell. Which brings up the question, what was your favorite
moment involving watching drunk or incoherent wrestlers on camera. PS. JBL
on tranquilizers in Japan doesn’t count.
Question Three: The Fabertooth Tiger serious question of the week. Here’s
something to think about. Let’s say the MITB briefcase came with two
different options. The first of course is the ability to cash in for a
world title shot whenever. But now there is a second possible option. You
have the power to fire any active wrestler on the roster. Not announcers,
backstage hands, or higher up management, just the wrestlers. Would you be
willing to sacrifice your (possibly) only world title shot in order to get
rid of a wrestler you absolutely can’t stand for personal satisfaction or
heat? This would be quite an interesting way to write off wrestlers when
their contracts run out instead of the same old “farewell/injury” angle.
Answer this as a wrestler and as a fan.
Well that’s it for this week. Best of luck to both Cliff and Dustin who are
more than likely closing the show. And good luck to the last 2 participants
who are looking to get into the KOTR. Well, except Cam…and Adam Dan…and
Thom. You know what, fuck it, see you next week Austin and Aaron.
Ps. Did anyone else find it disturbing how much Paul Heyman looked like
Danny Devito when his ponytail is undone. Fucking amazing.
Love Peace and Penis Grease
Johnny
Dustin Faber
The finale
I want to take a moment to praise Cliffs Notes. Cliffs Notes cured Atom Dans cancer. Cliffs Notes lost his virginity before his Dad. Cliffs notes is so great, the mountains cry and nature rejoices when he breathes. Women swoon and men stare in wonder at God's greatest creation.
Hehehehe, oh that's rich! You see, that's what we call being disingenuous, or sarcasm. I can admit when I'm being a fraud, but you lack that ability. You've been a fraud from day one, yet we'll never hear that from you.
You wanna go on talking about saving us. Last time I checked, you weren't Jesus or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, so explain what great divine powers you have. Explain to us how you plan to save us, because I'm still waiting for something. Anything.
All you've brought to us lately is a mediocre gimmick courtesy of a washed up wrestler. Sounds like you are saving us from a quality show.
You keep asking me to follow in my fathers footsteps and embrace the dark side. Curse God and abandon my faith. Throw back a bottle of whiskey and abandon my straight edge lifestyle. It's tempting some nights to throw it all away for one good time. But then to look my daughter in the eye and tell her I've abandoned everything I stand for?
Turn away from what I love just to please the biggest jackass our great podcast has ever seen?
Who in the blue hell do you think you are?
Scratch that. I have a poem to close out this email to. And since you are Cliffs Notes, I'll have Chris read it carefully so you fully understand.
There once was a man from Sweden,
Who planted a garden west of Eden.
I forget the rest, but go fuck yourself.
Love,
Dustin
CliffsNotes
Dustin 3:16 - I just prayed for your ass!
WELCOME!!!! TO FLAW. IS. CLIFFSNOTES!!!!
I was thinking the other day about Ric Flair's retirement from WWE. From how it started, with the arrogant CEO deciding he was going to make a legendary superstar retire, even though the superstar had more left in the tank. And the CEO made a big deal about a big matchup, putting it on a grand stage for everybody to see what would probably be the last match in a majestic career. And the instrument of destruction, the challenger that would end Ric Flair's career, was the good, holy, outspoken Christian on the roster. And this good Christian man, with tears in his eyes, at the tail end of the match, would whisper to his opponent in as masculine a way as possible "I Love You", before superkicking the hall of famer into retirement.
Probably not relevant. Anyways, did you guys watch Raw? How about that show?
I knew the event was going to be special when they brought back Roddy Piper to play jump rope with Little Jimmy. They missed out though. They should have brought back Carlito, too, and had him chase Little Jimmy into a dead end, except Little Jimmy would paint a small doorway onto the wall to escape through! That would have been awesome television.
So yeah, I'm glad we didn't have to see Chynna. I completely agree with the "No porn stars on WWE programming" policy. This probably explains why the Hulkster wasn't around. G reat to see X-Pac again on Monday night, though.
Although, as bad as X-Pac looked.... Hey Undertaker... it's time. You look old. When Kane is the healthier and more normal looking one in the ring, it's time to step aside.
I did like Daniel Bryan in that white tux. It helped make him look like he was about to snap. I think he should keep wearing that for the next month.
I can't tell you how excited I am about the CM Punk heel turn. It certainly was a surprise, but this perfectly sets up the rest of the year for the Title. Because now we can get a heel CM Punk taking on a returning face Randy Orton! And then in the fall, we can go back to Punk-Cena for a few months, and maybe even another CM Punk-Triple H feud! This is going to be great! And then, at the Royal Rumble, the script practically writes itself! The Rock can beat CM Punk for the title, while Cena wins the Royal Rumble, and Ta-Da.... Rock-Cena II at Wrestlemania for the title. Throw in Triple H-Undertaker III, and Big Show-Brock Lesnar, and we have ourselves the greatest Pay Per View of ALL TIME. That would be super fantastic awesome!
Speaking of The Rock, hey Andy... on MNF you and Alan discussed the hypocrisy of the WWE giving Rock a title shot, just by asking for it. Not earning it. I agree. That's really odd of the WWE. Instead of rewarding the guys that are there every week, instead of rewarding the guys that have won multiple matches and titles in 2012, instead of rewarding the guys that have carried the show for the last, say 15 weeks, The Powers That Be decide to let a guy with ONE SINGLE WIN this year get a headlining match. I mean, what kind of media and entertainment company promoting a competition would do something as illogical and unfair as that?
Sorry. Got off on an irrelevant tangent there.
Hey Chris, just wanted to take a minute to say that I've really enjoyed your work on Gamer and Proud. Keep up the fantastic work!
Oh yeah, I know this is a wrestling show, but Chris mentioned this on MNF, so I need to comment. It's been a rough week in Pennsylvania. But I'm just tired of all the whining. All I've heard is how unfair everyone is treating Penn State, and there's a steady stream of whining "woe is me" and "it's not fair" and "you're punishing the innocent" and wait until the Paterno family publishes their own investigation, and Penn State is so great and mighty. Frankly I'm sick of it. Let me make this clear. Anyone who has to keep talking about how great they are and keep bragging about past accomplishments when they've been very mediocre recently really has a self-confidence problem. Penn State, you're not that great. And you fucked up repeatedly with your douchebaggery. Nobody owes you anything! Penn State, if you want to belong in a community, you need to respect those around you, and not piss them all off by constantly being a jackass! Otherwise, they'll look for an excuse to kick you out of their club, or association, or network, or whatever. And if you are punished, or suspended, or banned then just shut the hell up and don't whine about it. I fucking hate Pennsylvania. Whiny crybaby losers.
By the way, Chris - did you get that package I sent to you? The Case of Strawberry Margarita Mix, the Gallagher DVD box set, and the X-Rated lithographs of Cortana, Lara Croft, and Agent Rayne?
Sorry. I got off on another tangent. Not sure what's going on with me this week. Where was I...? O h yes. Something about Pennsylvania losers... I must have been speaking of Dustin Faber!
So now it's time to say good bye to the disrespectful petulant, Dustin Faber. I'm sure Dustin will list some reasons he's jealous and angry, and we can all have a laugh at how he embarrassed himself trying to measure up to me. But let's have a celebration and a going away party for Dustin! I'm sure Dustin will send in a goodbye letter next week, but the precedent has been set by JB King and seconded by the Flawedcast this past week. We only celebrate events on the wrong week on this network.
Dustin, I'm glad you have something to fall back on. I started to listen to your podcast this past week. It would be much more appropriate for you to be honest with your listening audience, and rename the show to "Just Download It and Delete It."
So goodbye Dustin. Take your prayers and your kooky voice with you. Chris, your choice is easy. There is greatness, and there is mediocrity. And it is time to send away the boring "Dear Abby" letters to your show. And then we can refocus and get on to my next championship.
Chris and Andy - I'll see you next week. I'm looking forward to the 3-hour Raw as much as I am to being rid of Faber.
I AM AND ALWAYS SHALL BE CLIFFSNOTES!
