MNF 32/Male Bag 15
Aug 9, 2012 14:13:48 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Aug 9, 2012 14:13:48 GMT -5
Check out Monday Night Flaw 32 and Male Bag 15 on iTunes, Stitcher or www.flawedcast.net/mondaynightflaw then come back here and vote! Also, don't forget to vote for the special one-on-one preliminary qualifiers here natecorbitt.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=kotr
Nicole Crawford
AJ is goatface's Boss!
Yes! Yes! Um wait, I wasn't saying yes to Goatface.
hi
ciao
ciao
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May happiness follow you wherever you go! \
May the wind always be at your back.
Jon Drouin
My Second E-mail to your show! Ever!
Hey fellas!
I've enjoyed your shows this past week. Chris's wife Sarah was a wonderful addition to the show, and is clearly the best reader amongst the three of you. I would love to hear her as a regular host on your show (although she's still second to Cam Gullet as far as recent guest hosts). A ndy, while I thoroughly enjoy listening to your gravelly voice, the show didn't miss a beat when Cam replaced you. Can you have Cam on the show again?
Meanwhile, Mr. Demko wasn't bad... it's just.... he's not Chris Alt. It just wasn't the same without Chris Alt on MNF. He's my favorite host and I can't imagine listening to this show regularly without him.
I want to thank Dustin Faber again for recommending your podcast to me a few weeks ago at church. If I may, I'd like to invite everyone to check out Dustin's own podcast "The 16-bit Catholic" on iTunes, or check out his blog at dustinfaber.blogspot.com. He's a super guy.
[ And that JB King sure is funny. AJ Lee has a big hairy bush. Tee Hee Hee. I'm probably not supposed to joke about these things, but that may explain why Daniel Bryan grew out his beard, so he had a chance to fight through the foliage. I just hope AJ doesn't start dating Troy Polamalu. If those two tried to shower together, imagine how quickly the shower drain would clog and and induce flooding! Their household plumbing would be completely destroyed in mere hours. And imagine if they tried to 69. They would look like the Polynesian Cousin It. Please don't read this part on the air, as I don't want to get in any trouble at Church ].
Did you hear about the Kevin Nash - Chris Jericho comments this week? Basically, Nash described t he title reigns of Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit, describing them as "the end of the business." And Jericho stood up for his buds, and fired back at Nash. bleacherreport.com/articles/1289367-wwe-news-chris-jericho-takes-on-kevin-nash-via-twitter Is Nash serious or trolling? Thoughts?
I'm looking forward to listening to this King of The Ring you guys are doing. Good Luck to all, but especially Cam, as I thoroughly enjoy his work.
Best Regards,
Jon Drouin
James Enright
Bad Stuff 'Bout Adam Dan
Adam Dan? More like Adam DANdusky.
Adam Dan? More like Adam DAN Alstyne. (see what I did there, I took two
well known kid fuckers and made Adam Dan's name sound like theirs, thereby
making it look like Adam Dan is also a kid fucker, whether or not he is is
up to you guys, but this guy is a last name is a first name guy and every
last name is a first name guy I know is a kid fucker [i.e. Fred Solomon])
Adam Dan? More like Adam GAY.
WHAMMY! PLAY MY MUSIC! (Call Me, Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen, pleeeeeeease).
Adam Dan
So... you want the belt???
Revered Sir Enright,
You persistently proclaim your ambition to procure a belt. Is that because
you consistently disintegrate your own belts, you corpulent microphallic
dolt?
As a token of my benefaction, I present you a belt worthy of such plumpish
gluttony.
Good day, Sir.
-Master Gator
Michael Hodge
Blackface GM?
Hey, Chrandemko.
I heard SmackDown got a new black face GM, and I was really disappointed to learn it wasn't an ultra-racist Johnny Ace bit.
On to business, I didn't realize Australia was the world's backyard. Tom Roper wrestling there proves it.
I Googled the guy, and the top result was a square dancing site. I knew it wasn't the same guy because I've seen a youtube clip of Roper wrestling. There's no way he's coordinated enough to square dance.
To say that Tom Roper is also known as Ryan Dangerfield is like saying
that Snoop Dogg is also known as Snoop Lion -- it may be true, but no
one gives a shit.
Ryan Dangerfield? More like Ry-Endangering Your Opponents.
Ryan Dangerfield? More like Nobody's Ever Heard of You.
I'll put more effort into my second-round e-mail when I'm not facing a jobber. I promise.
Have fun. Play safe.
Your pal,
Hodgey
Tom Roper
We can get together!
So when I heard about this King of the Ring concept, I originally thought
it was either a podcast about Cam Gullett's latest adventures to Florida on
Fleet Week or Nate Corbitt announcing that he'd finally captured his
precious.
Instead I have to write emails and be entertaining? Shit. I'm as successful
in that field as JB KING in the National Spelling Bee. Guess I'll have to
cut the field down to size.
- Adam Dan should be disqualified immediately, as the only PPV he can be
booked on should be Survivor Series.
- Scott Taylor should be forced to recap Ring Ka King this week to fit the
theme. In Punjab. A fitting punishment for the Great Khali promo of each
week's Monday Night Flaw.
- by the way, thanks for the sporting team suggestions Scott. It seems
those four teams have about as much combined success as you do convincing
people to give a shit about TNA!
- Stuart Little is clearly above this, being a 25647-time former champ.
Ironically, that's also the amount of nations above Scotland in the Olympic
medal count at the moment. I think at this point they're trying to
repatriate Nate Corbitt as a starting center for the national Basketball
team.
- I guess James Enright's forfeiting because I swear I saw him representing
America in the shot put the other night. looking svelte, buddy!
- is JB KING dead yet? No? I have a solution and its called the new entrant
for Spain in the skeet shooting at London 2012. #firstolympicfatality
Okay, enough of the insults, I have a couple of legit questions.
Who the fuck is Michael Hodge?
What happened to Brian VanAlstyne's rampage? My guess is that he's busy
watching TiVod footage of the teenage gymnasts at the Olympics at the
moment. See you in 5 years Brian!
Can you get Alan Capps on again next week? I'd be fascinated by a first
hand account of the original Greek Olympics he visited on holiday back when
he was my age.
That's all for this week fellas. Good luck to everyone in King of the Ring,
except Michael Hodge (if that is a real person)!
T(h)om
Austin Sanders
*Cums*
*This email is early due to it being a wonderful day.*
Why hello everyone! It's cherry blossoms and falling kitty's outside. As
you can tell I'm in a good mood this week. Because during the last weeks
emails, I was angry and filled with rape hate. I was finally noticed by all
of my peers on the malebag! YAY! and I was
you're Intercontinental champion! DOUBLE YAY! I'm so very happy this week
and I just want to hug all of you with my best Barney the dinosaur hugs!
Although I would understand if you would think my gleeful hugs were an
attempted rape. No no no yes no no no no...That's not me this week.
Let me explain my happiness to you all! And no it's not that I found
Christ, But good for you Faber! ""GOD"" for you for finding the lord! Lolz.
puns. Just another reason for me not to kill myself. I love puns.
PUNSHOUSE.COM! go there fa...errr saints.
Now back to my good news. If you listen back about 2 weeks ago, I said some
pretty mean spirited stuff. Some stuff I'm not proud of.....some. If you
haven't listened to malebag 13, you can go to flawedcast.COM and listen
there. Haaha, I know it's dot net. We like to joke here on the malebag.
Don't worry Andy, I'm sure you'll make it to the big leagues someday at the
"dot coms".OR you can listen on the stitcher app! Did you know that's how I
got to know about this wonderful show? No? COLD HARD FACTS! I LOVE
REFFRENCEING OTHER PODCAST SHOWS! IT'S HYSTERICAL, ORIGINAL, AND NEVER GETS
OLD AT ALL!, UNLIKE ME!
*Stares at Cam.*
Wow, I'm REALLY getting off track. So as I was saying...I got my notoriety
I've been so very crack head "I'll suck ya dick for a dollar" Attention
I've desperately waited for! I was in awe! I was champion! I WAS FINALLY
HAPPY FOR ONCE!
Everyone hates me.
My happiness turn to frowns and I was down all day. I tried to not give a
flying fuck about what others thought about me, but it didnt work. I tried
to also do the things that made me happy. Play a game, work out, Chill with
my family, skin a cat, improve my Randy Savage voice impression, Stand in
front of Chick-fil-a with a "fuck you faggot" sign (very accurate cam),
sing "Don't stop me now" by queen in front of locals on the street WHILE
standing in front of chick-fill-a with a fuck you faggot sign. And finally,
Just being with my loving sexy smart and caring Girlfriend......oh
wait.....
I was just a pile of sad. But something inside of me turned on my flame. I
had this sudden urge to...well...be plesent. I was just happy to be alive!
And you know what, I have to think it was all Fabers doing. No one has
ever wanted to trade me their biological daughter just to legally call me a
son. I cried again, but it wasn't a "bad" cry or "rape" cry, It was finally
a happy cry. I saved those tears, just to prove myself I COULD be happy.
Here is a picture of what it looks like.
static2.travelandleisure.com/images/amexpub/0010/3797/200911-w-pools-golden-nugget.jpg
Yeah I got some work to do in my basement, BUT LOOK! A HAPPY GIRL IN MY
BASEMENT! FINALLY!!!!!
THANKS FABER!
So because of my happiness, I want to say nice things about everyone
who participated last week! And yes, this IS technically what Faber did
last week. But you know what they say, flattery is the best form of Faber!
But before I do that, I just want to say a few things in regards to last
weeks emails.
First off, um..ok...Chris. Andy. Straw dogs was a movie. And
you apparently didn't get my joke. I was basically saying that I wanted Vin
to get raped. ehhh it was probably redundant anyway because he was touched
by his father and mouth fucked by Depsop. And no, these arn't jokes. You
wanna know what theses are? COLD HARD FACTS!
Also, you are now thinking of Sarah reading last weeks email.
ALRIGHT-A-ROONIE! AFC IS OPEN! And now handing out free equality
and complements.
Lets see here...who emailed first...mmm...lets seeOH WAIT IT WAS
ME...again...for like the third week in a row and probably this weeks too.
5 stars for consistency!
James Enright. You're fat. Am I Enright?
No. No I am En'WRONG sir. You are big boned and don't let anyone tell you
other wise sweetie.
Nicole. The great little mouth! Oh I'm sure that's a lie, since you're
marrying Andy. (That's my complement to you big stuff. wink wink your dick
is like a hung manatee wink)
Also Nicole, by the sound of those "Yes's" on last weeks malebag, You seem
strong and aggressive enough to make ANDY tap out in bed. 5 stars for
wearing the pants in the house.
Jon Drouin. I hope you email in more. But be warned, people are vicious on
here. But as long as you can change you're personality on a dime like Cliff
can, I'm sure you'll fit right in.
Demko. Never leave. You're like the hot girl in the bar with no
friends surrounding her. But before you get the chance to ask her for a
drink she just leaves. Demko, please don't leave like hot women at the bar.
Hodgie. I honesly don't know much about you, but Keep emailing in. You'll
be the third Faber in no time, second btw is me.
Cam Gullet. Fuck you and you're sexuality. God hates fags queer bag. See, I
even made a song about how homo you are and it's ironically in the tune of
"Happy and you know it"
If you're Gullet and you know it clap your hands
(clap clap)
If you're Gullet and you know it clap your hands
(clap clap)
If you're Gullet and you know it and your shit dick clearly show it, if
you're Gullet and you know it, clap your hands
(clap clap)
Whatever, fuck you.
Clifsnotes. Read above statement fag-a-tron.
Stu Little. I enjoyed you're email last week! I will offer a
friendly challenge, if you and I are opponents at king of the ring, I
am declaring that you get off your bagpipe and come out of retirement from
rapping cause I want to beat you at your own game! This is a friendly
challenge and I hope you accept. May the best man win. Oh and don't worry
about me not being in king of the ring, Cam's a faggot.
Dustin, I would gladly step aside if you ever asked my to. And would even
not email in the week I face you. My words from above have said enough to
make you out to be this awesome Bibleman. I hope this complement is "GOD"
enough for you! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.aw man....Puns.
JB Kink. What happens when you take 40 letters and 40 spell checks? You get
a successful, funny and ironically not ripping me off email! I'm assuming
you're champ this week. But stop calling people fags man, it's hurtful.
James Ryan, you need to stop being so hateful man. These people here think
you hate fags. It's killing your rep. But good way to put pedo in his
place. At home with an ankle bracelet. Can't wait for him to make a
"pout" video just as much as I can't wait for you're "trout" video. For
those who don't know, he cought a fish. It's a trout.
Now for you're host!
Andy. You have a big dick. There's your new running gag for ya.
Chris. Nice AJ Lee wife!
Sarah. Good for you being a nice AJ Lee wife!
And finally. The listeners. The ones that don't email in or download and
delete this show out of niceness.
*The fallowing is very raw. listener discretion is advised*
Noncontributing listeners, you are the reason rapist get off on rape. You
are the reason millions of rapes go unnoticed every decade you ugly fat old
fucks.
I'm going to throw you at wal mart and leave you their with not parental
supervision. I'm going to set you on fire like Hitler and you're going to
have to jack off like you never had before just put out the flames. 5 stars
for Hitler comparisons.
I wish I could go back and time and kill you right before you were born. At
least you're parents would show up on my doorstep in present time and
tearfully thank me because if it werent for me, they wouldn't have the time
to do the things they would really want to do. Like not raising a fuck up
faggot as a child. Then you're mother would suck me right there while
you're father would just watch and say "Now I can enjoy stuff like this
cause you killed my personal satin." THEN YOUR FATHER WOULD GIVE ME A RUB!
The only bad thing is that "the rub" is 20 dollars. Ask Bj Drag Kink on how
that happened.
Now if you got a problem with me, you have a reason to email in now. But
you probably won't. Whatever. Have fun playing the new game "Cam Gullet" at
you're retard school for failed retards. It's when you walk around eating
jiz out of a mayo jar and try to see how many women will kiss you. However
this game is a trick and you can never win. because 1- You're ugly, no
woman wants to see you're pizza face. 2. You're retarded, and this isn't
Forest Gump. Dreams of falling in love don't come true for people like you
non-contributing assholes.and 3- It's cum. It's depsops cum. That jar was
hole fucked by depsop. It happened and there's nothing you can do about it.
Fuck. You. Faggots.
I AM AND SHALL FOREVER BE THE COLONEL. AUSTIN. FUCKING. SANDERS!
And I am the most original world heavyweight champ for life.
Love peace and penis greases
TheTallOne
PS. you lost Gullet. Cry to your mom. Oh wait. Shes dead. at Waffle house.
Thanks for the Cam lesson on Facebook. Buttmuffler.
PSS. I love life.
PSSS. Clit? Clilt? CLILT?! YES! YES! YESSSSSSS!
PSSSS. I'm officially a maineventer now faggots.
(look at picture below)
encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSS3OMcLcA1s6noSqERA95IMzU0QFyas2yMnvZUm-SOWYMvP7V4tA
Cam Gullett
THE CHAMP IS HEEEEEERRREEE!!!!!
I am the 4 time, 4 time, 4 time, 4 time, Best male whore in Arkansas!!!!
Oh yeah, and I have this belt thing too, whatever.
So Austin Sanders think he is going to finally fuck a faggot this week on
his way to the King of the Ring tournament? NOT UP IN HERE!! If there is
going to be any gay sex going around this dump then it will be me doing the
fucking. Speaking of which, you're welcome for the eye candy, Ryback.
Austin Sanders says that if I beat him then he will only email MNF every
other week as though that is some incentive to vote against me. Nobody even
gives a shit how often that little child emails this show, well DevSop
probably cares how often children email the show, but nobody gives a flying
fuck what that piece of shit thinks. A real threat to the listening
audience would be for me to say that if I were to lose then I would go back
to emailing 2-3 completely unfunny emails to the show every week as opposed
to the one that I currently send.
JB King is champion once again and if you combine that with George W. Bush
getting a second term in office then you truly have reason to believe that
retards can accomplish anything that normal people can. Gud jerb Kieng!
I sincerely hope that everyone enjoys Austin rehashing old jokes that have
been made about me countless times already as there is literally no new
ground to be broken in the war against me. It's kinda like how I have to
find a new rest stop every few months because eventually there are just no
new dicks to suck.
Could I actually be King of the Ring? It wouldn't be any dumber of a
concept than when the WWE let Mable and Bad Ass Billy Gunn be Kings.
Speaking of stupid things in wrestling; fuck you Kevin Nash. Wrestling died
when Eddie and Benoit hugged after Wrestlemania XX? Yeah because everyone
remembers King Mable vs Diesel and the finger poke of doom as being high
points in wrestling mythology and will be telling their children all about
that one day. Kevin Nash is to wrestling what Austin Sanders is to the MNF
male bag. They are both tall pieces of shit who can barely string a logical
thought together and always come off the rails right when you think they
are about to be good and worthwhile.
I have been here since day one, and have provided countless hours of laughs
to all of the loyal listeners out there, not by necessarily always being
funny myself, but more from allowing myself to be the punching bag of the
entire flawedcast network and I have done so without complaining once. I do
this because by doing so I can make myself more than a man. I do this
because I can be a symbol. Not a symbol of hope, protection, and all that
Batman bullshit. Nay, I represent a symbol of gay jokes, whoring, and a
bullseye for the hackneyed joke tellers who contribute to this male bag and
to people looking to get a few bucks for meth alike.
Austin is none of those things, well other than the whole being a cum
dumpster thing, he is that. Austin cannot even hold my jock on his best
day, mostly because I have already promised that special time to El
Serpiente Maracon, because he makes me feel pretty; but also because
Colonel Sanders' jokes are about as funny as the idea of letting DevSop
watch your young children is.
In all seriousness, Sanders, go die in a ditch you useless, one note joke
fuck.
As always, "Dashing" Cam Gullett, cohost of the wildly popular Army of
Dorkness.
Dustin Faber
Why go on?
Hello to my favorite podcast!
I'll share something with you: I didn't watch Monday Night Raw. I don't
have cable, so I usually end up finding a feed from the UK, which works
well enough. But I didn't have it in me to watch RAW on Monday. And
frankly, I didn't miss it. Not at all.
I have so many other projects going on, and with football season coming up,
I now ask myself if it's even worth it to invest time into trying to watch
WWE until Royal Rumble season gets here. I'll still watch PPVs, as I watch
them at my friend Craig's house and enjoy spending that time with friends
(and I usually bring over more than a soda, unlike some cheapskates on this
network: Newsflash Chris, pizza won't eat up your life savings. You could
even go to the grocery store and get some wings. Or a pound of jelly belly
jelly beans. Or buy some subway sandwiches. Or throw in a gift card to
Hobby Lobby. Their yarn is fantastic!
Where was I? Oh yeah, not wanting to watch RAW. Am I justified, or am I
just a pathetic fool who is out of touch with the WWE Universe. Owen Hart
gave his life for us, ya know.
Other quick thoughts
Kevin Nash said in an interview with grantland.com that wrestling died when
Benoit and Guerrero won the belts, because of their size, and that guys
like CM Punk and DB aren't anything special. Forgive me, but his fingerpoke
of doom did more to kill wrestling than the size of any wrestler. He's such
a clownshoes. I hate Kevin Nash. What a jerk.
And that's all I got. Chris and Andy, keep up the good work.
P.S. What happened to El Serpiente Maricon? That dude was a genius. He
should start reading classic literature on air. Here's a starter passage
from A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. "*It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of
foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity,
it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the
spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us,
we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all
going direct the other way"*
Stu Little
KOTR Contenders and More
Hey Andy and Demko/Sarah/Nicole/Dev/Cam/James/Chris(?)(delete as applicable),
I just want to say how much of an honour it was last week to have the lovely Sarah Alt read out my e-mail. Chris, you're a lucky guy, and I feel really fortunate to be able to put my words in your wife's skilled mouth. I certainly didn't mind her spitting them out. But it's made me realise, we could have another female co-host on the show at any time, even this week, so I've decided that in the interest of being a gentleman, I will go through my e-mail and alter anything potentially offensive to a more worksafe version.
(note: Chris, read out the main parts, Andy, read out the phrases in [ ] as they come up)
I begin with the upcoming King of the Ring. More specifically the contributors taking part in the qualifying rounds. These 5 men and one [gender realigned person] will fight tooth and nail against each other, to determine who will be the afterthought in the voting once the previous champions have gotten the initial votes. Let's run down the participants, shall we?
James Enright? More like...go run in front of a moving tank, you Gomer Pyle wannabe fatty.
Adam Dan- Given the average length of your messages, I doubt your wife will let you on the computer long enough for you to write an e-mail of enough quality. Or that God will even let you LIVE long enough to draft one up if she did.
Michael Hodge- Actually, he's my favourite out of the bunch to make it furthest, since he e-mails so rarely he's likely to get through simply on the lack of contempt the listeners have for him compared to the rest of the field.
Tom Roper- yeah, I really rate the chances of a man who begged to be made a target so he could tear into people, but was too lazy to actually do that. [intercourse] you, you lazy Kangaroo-[mating], botch-prone [female sanitary device]. I know you play Poker competitively, so it's fitting you'll get Straight Flushed like the piece of [excrement] you are.
Austin Sanders- Like most 19 Year Olds, you're quick to get started, but do you have the stamina to go the distance? I'm not convinced. As you would say, [fornicate] you, [bundle of sticks].
By the way Andy, when discussing gay angles in wrestling this week, you used the phrase "Fagaroo"(it's okay, Fag means cigarette here, so no edit necessary). Does Austin know you borrowed his pet name for Tom?
And last, but not least Cam Gullet. I don't know what to say about you, other than...you're Cam Gullet. Point made.
Michael Demko- hey, I'm not going to risk the well-being of this show by continuing to provoke Aaron, the man with his finger on the button. I'm just not qualified to deal with terrorists.
Onto this week's WWE Programming.
Shortly after being announced as the new GM of SmackDown, Booker T said the show "was about to blow up!". Is that some of the "insurgency" the theme song refers to? Bring back Mohammed Hassan!
Tensai cut a little promo before his match with Sheamus, and speaking of the former A-Train, you said last week that he got in trouble for posting a Tout where he said driving with a Japanese person was dangerous. Are you sure he got in trouble because it was offensive, or was it because he broke Kayfabe by speaking english? Because he hasn't spoken anything other than Japanese since returning, and this promo was no exception. No idea what he said, but I could swear he mentioned Sulu at one point.
Antonio Cesaro gets booed for saying hello in five different languages. I'm reminded of that Futurama episode where Bender joins the Robot Fighting league, which is basically just another form of wrestling, with one of his opponent's being "The Foreigner". Cesaro should just cut out most of the work and just come out yelling "I'm not from here! I have my own customs! Look at my craaazy passport!". Also, why hasn't he started trying to get real heat by calling American Footballers pussies compared to rugby players, for wearing all that protective gear?
Every time I see that Summerslam commercial with the meteorologist, I'm a little disappointed that it's not actually a vignette for a soon to be debuting superstar. You have to admit, a wrestler with the gimmick of a broadcast journalist called "Skip Thunderstruck" wouldn't be that out of place on the current season of NXT.
Anyone else think it would be funny to see AJ imitate Vince's powerwalk for her entrance rather than do her usual skipping?
We got another appearance from Brock Lesnar this week, but rather than do the sensible thing and have Brock Lesnar destroy Shawn Michaels to get massive heat from the San Antonio crowd and send a message to HHH, he just spoke for the first time in months. And what a promo! I think it went something like:
"I'll see you, HHH, COO, Multiple Time WWE Champion and featured "Blade: Trinity" player, at Summerslam, a WWE Pay Per View (or PeePeeVee, to use the parlance of our times) Production being held at the Los Angeles Staples Center on August 19th, where the two of us shall have a scheduled professional wrestling bout which I intend to be the victor of, not just for ample monetary compensation, but because I strongly dislike you. And you, Shawn Michaels, Hall of Famer, Multiple Time WWE Champion and former Playgirl Centerfold, I intend to see at an undisclosed time before the aforementioned date, which you should take as a not so subtle threat that I intend to visit some grievous harm upon your person, because I strongly dislike you too. Thank you both and goodnight."
Something like that. But the biggest question I have about this week's Raw is...when is Del Rio going to have Sheamus arrested for stealing his car and damaging it? Given the witnesses and various videotaped evidence(including some that Sheamus himself filmed) of him committing the crime, this really should be an open and shut case. Though Jerry Lawler didn't seem to think so. Tell me something, does "Joyride" mean something different in the america than it does here? Because for us, it can mean stealing someone's car and riding it around without their permission, and it's a crime, and according to wikipedia, during The Troubles in Ireland, the Provisional IRA took it upon themselves to punish joyriders with broken fingers and/or kneecaps, so maybe Sheamus should be a bit worried? Not to mention, if there's a WWE Regulation that says a World Champion has to relinquish his title to the Number 1 Contender if he fails a sobriety test, then surely the same would apply if the champion was in prison?
(to the tune of Sheamus' theme)
#It's a Shamefull Thing, Anal Rape,
Your prostate squashed like a sour grape,
You try to bear the weight of five guys,
ONE IN THE EYES! ONE IN THE EYES!
And so on...
I think I'll end on that note. Take care Andy and whoever.
Stu
JB King
The Champ is Here!
Suck my nuts.
-Johnny
At least that is what Andy Crawford wanted me to originally post. But I
figured Andy and Poochie deserve better. Do I still have my special
olympic’s theme from 2006? Oh well, I will give a very short email this
week. The real attention should go to the KOTR qualifiers. And seriously,
after last week, how can I possibly top giving Andy drive heaves and make
Chris go into a seizure? If you listen carefully, you can hear him slowly
turn into the Joker during my email. Or from what I gathered from Sarah’s
description, Chris turned into the Grimace from McDonalds. You’re welcome
Andy, I’m sure I gave you 5 weeks worth of laugh drops to help end several
episodes. Anyway, let's get this over with.
Cam Gullet wins gold medal for sucking OJ Simpson dick. – Iron Sheik
AJ Lee looked very nice in her outfit. She was wearing white despite being
on her period. But no worries, with that thick of a bush nothing is getting
through there. She can do her job with complete confidence. If anything she
might get a thin red streak on her birdsnest. And in case you need help
with a visual on that, imagine she is putting a triangle choke on Ruffio
from the movie Hook.
Aj seriously makes me miss Eve in power. That bitch knew how to fill out a
business suit. Don’t believe me? Here.
boards.420chan.org/wooo/src/1344279551690.jpg
Quick reply to Dustin Faber for last week, con sur thwelvo raspier booboo
mewrt Cam Gullet con hert de fuck you lodi Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce
soir con Jesus cock.
Hey look Stu, I know what to get you for Christmas! A Little Jimmy action
figure.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m877ma3PjY1rnpaqeo1_400.jpg
If Sarah or Nichole is reading my email this week then…..YES YES YES YES
YES! Sorry, I was trying to get a pop out of Bryan VanAlstine this week.
Also, note to Andy, hows that lez-remix I talked to you about last week
coming along? Also, Sarah, domestic violence works both ways. Chris showed
me the cracked ribs. Not cool.
Cam Gullet has raisin balls and a grasshopper dick. –Iron Sheik
Booker T hires Teddy Long as his advisor, was it any coincidence that 10
minutes later a 6 man tag team match was announced as the main event?
Speaking of black people’s interests, what was up with the footlocker crew
arguing with Daniel Bryan on Raw?
Ok, lets speed things up question time.
Question One: Is Jerry Lawler being horrible on purpose? In case you
haven’t noticed (coughChris) Jerry Lawler has been insufferable. He lies
about chants, makes racist jokes, remains incoherent and even defended
Sheamus for grand theft auto. Way to go hero! Be a star! Steal a car!
a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/s480x480/625412_507122812635522_1137411328_n.jpg
Anyway, like I said to you think Lawler is doing this on purpose to help
fuel his beef with CM Punk? Jerry Lawler is THE inside man on angles if you
ask me. He worked with Andy Kauffman and was always willing to work as the
mole for ECW. So do you think he is being a team player again or is he just
THAT bad now?
Well that’s all tonight, Short and sweet. Good luck to everyone who
qualifies in the KOTR. I'm looking forward to it more than Cam Gullet looks
for murder boners during an ADR.
Love peace and penis grease,
Your (probably former) Champion
Johnny
Nicole Crawford
AJ is goatface's Boss!
Yes! Yes! Um wait, I wasn't saying yes to Goatface.
hi
ciao
ciao
iPhone, macchina fotografica, computer portatile, televisione, gultar, orologio marca ......
siamo in possesso di un grande attività, il prezzo può essere offerto il 60% di sconto e spedizione gratuita
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s i t e: cart-looooo . com
May happiness follow you wherever you go! \
May the wind always be at your back.
Jon Drouin
My Second E-mail to your show! Ever!
Hey fellas!
I've enjoyed your shows this past week. Chris's wife Sarah was a wonderful addition to the show, and is clearly the best reader amongst the three of you. I would love to hear her as a regular host on your show (although she's still second to Cam Gullet as far as recent guest hosts). A ndy, while I thoroughly enjoy listening to your gravelly voice, the show didn't miss a beat when Cam replaced you. Can you have Cam on the show again?
Meanwhile, Mr. Demko wasn't bad... it's just.... he's not Chris Alt. It just wasn't the same without Chris Alt on MNF. He's my favorite host and I can't imagine listening to this show regularly without him.
I want to thank Dustin Faber again for recommending your podcast to me a few weeks ago at church. If I may, I'd like to invite everyone to check out Dustin's own podcast "The 16-bit Catholic" on iTunes, or check out his blog at dustinfaber.blogspot.com. He's a super guy.
[ And that JB King sure is funny. AJ Lee has a big hairy bush. Tee Hee Hee. I'm probably not supposed to joke about these things, but that may explain why Daniel Bryan grew out his beard, so he had a chance to fight through the foliage. I just hope AJ doesn't start dating Troy Polamalu. If those two tried to shower together, imagine how quickly the shower drain would clog and and induce flooding! Their household plumbing would be completely destroyed in mere hours. And imagine if they tried to 69. They would look like the Polynesian Cousin It. Please don't read this part on the air, as I don't want to get in any trouble at Church ].
Did you hear about the Kevin Nash - Chris Jericho comments this week? Basically, Nash described t he title reigns of Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit, describing them as "the end of the business." And Jericho stood up for his buds, and fired back at Nash. bleacherreport.com/articles/1289367-wwe-news-chris-jericho-takes-on-kevin-nash-via-twitter Is Nash serious or trolling? Thoughts?
I'm looking forward to listening to this King of The Ring you guys are doing. Good Luck to all, but especially Cam, as I thoroughly enjoy his work.
Best Regards,
Jon Drouin
James Enright
Bad Stuff 'Bout Adam Dan
Adam Dan? More like Adam DANdusky.
Adam Dan? More like Adam DAN Alstyne. (see what I did there, I took two
well known kid fuckers and made Adam Dan's name sound like theirs, thereby
making it look like Adam Dan is also a kid fucker, whether or not he is is
up to you guys, but this guy is a last name is a first name guy and every
last name is a first name guy I know is a kid fucker [i.e. Fred Solomon])
Adam Dan? More like Adam GAY.
WHAMMY! PLAY MY MUSIC! (Call Me, Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen, pleeeeeeease).
Adam Dan
So... you want the belt???
Revered Sir Enright,
You persistently proclaim your ambition to procure a belt. Is that because
you consistently disintegrate your own belts, you corpulent microphallic
dolt?
As a token of my benefaction, I present you a belt worthy of such plumpish
gluttony.
Good day, Sir.
-Master Gator
Michael Hodge
Blackface GM?
Hey, Chrandemko.
I heard SmackDown got a new black face GM, and I was really disappointed to learn it wasn't an ultra-racist Johnny Ace bit.
On to business, I didn't realize Australia was the world's backyard. Tom Roper wrestling there proves it.
I Googled the guy, and the top result was a square dancing site. I knew it wasn't the same guy because I've seen a youtube clip of Roper wrestling. There's no way he's coordinated enough to square dance.
To say that Tom Roper is also known as Ryan Dangerfield is like saying
that Snoop Dogg is also known as Snoop Lion -- it may be true, but no
one gives a shit.
Ryan Dangerfield? More like Ry-Endangering Your Opponents.
Ryan Dangerfield? More like Nobody's Ever Heard of You.
I'll put more effort into my second-round e-mail when I'm not facing a jobber. I promise.
Have fun. Play safe.
Your pal,
Hodgey
Tom Roper
We can get together!
So when I heard about this King of the Ring concept, I originally thought
it was either a podcast about Cam Gullett's latest adventures to Florida on
Fleet Week or Nate Corbitt announcing that he'd finally captured his
precious.
Instead I have to write emails and be entertaining? Shit. I'm as successful
in that field as JB KING in the National Spelling Bee. Guess I'll have to
cut the field down to size.
- Adam Dan should be disqualified immediately, as the only PPV he can be
booked on should be Survivor Series.
- Scott Taylor should be forced to recap Ring Ka King this week to fit the
theme. In Punjab. A fitting punishment for the Great Khali promo of each
week's Monday Night Flaw.
- by the way, thanks for the sporting team suggestions Scott. It seems
those four teams have about as much combined success as you do convincing
people to give a shit about TNA!
- Stuart Little is clearly above this, being a 25647-time former champ.
Ironically, that's also the amount of nations above Scotland in the Olympic
medal count at the moment. I think at this point they're trying to
repatriate Nate Corbitt as a starting center for the national Basketball
team.
- I guess James Enright's forfeiting because I swear I saw him representing
America in the shot put the other night. looking svelte, buddy!
- is JB KING dead yet? No? I have a solution and its called the new entrant
for Spain in the skeet shooting at London 2012. #firstolympicfatality
Okay, enough of the insults, I have a couple of legit questions.
Who the fuck is Michael Hodge?
What happened to Brian VanAlstyne's rampage? My guess is that he's busy
watching TiVod footage of the teenage gymnasts at the Olympics at the
moment. See you in 5 years Brian!
Can you get Alan Capps on again next week? I'd be fascinated by a first
hand account of the original Greek Olympics he visited on holiday back when
he was my age.
That's all for this week fellas. Good luck to everyone in King of the Ring,
except Michael Hodge (if that is a real person)!
T(h)om
Austin Sanders
*Cums*
*This email is early due to it being a wonderful day.*
Why hello everyone! It's cherry blossoms and falling kitty's outside. As
you can tell I'm in a good mood this week. Because during the last weeks
emails, I was angry and filled with rape hate. I was finally noticed by all
of my peers on the malebag! YAY! and I was
you're Intercontinental champion! DOUBLE YAY! I'm so very happy this week
and I just want to hug all of you with my best Barney the dinosaur hugs!
Although I would understand if you would think my gleeful hugs were an
attempted rape. No no no yes no no no no...That's not me this week.
Let me explain my happiness to you all! And no it's not that I found
Christ, But good for you Faber! ""GOD"" for you for finding the lord! Lolz.
puns. Just another reason for me not to kill myself. I love puns.
PUNSHOUSE.COM! go there fa...errr saints.
Now back to my good news. If you listen back about 2 weeks ago, I said some
pretty mean spirited stuff. Some stuff I'm not proud of.....some. If you
haven't listened to malebag 13, you can go to flawedcast.COM and listen
there. Haaha, I know it's dot net. We like to joke here on the malebag.
Don't worry Andy, I'm sure you'll make it to the big leagues someday at the
"dot coms".OR you can listen on the stitcher app! Did you know that's how I
got to know about this wonderful show? No? COLD HARD FACTS! I LOVE
REFFRENCEING OTHER PODCAST SHOWS! IT'S HYSTERICAL, ORIGINAL, AND NEVER GETS
OLD AT ALL!, UNLIKE ME!
*Stares at Cam.*
Wow, I'm REALLY getting off track. So as I was saying...I got my notoriety
I've been so very crack head "I'll suck ya dick for a dollar" Attention
I've desperately waited for! I was in awe! I was champion! I WAS FINALLY
HAPPY FOR ONCE!
Everyone hates me.
My happiness turn to frowns and I was down all day. I tried to not give a
flying fuck about what others thought about me, but it didnt work. I tried
to also do the things that made me happy. Play a game, work out, Chill with
my family, skin a cat, improve my Randy Savage voice impression, Stand in
front of Chick-fil-a with a "fuck you faggot" sign (very accurate cam),
sing "Don't stop me now" by queen in front of locals on the street WHILE
standing in front of chick-fill-a with a fuck you faggot sign. And finally,
Just being with my loving sexy smart and caring Girlfriend......oh
wait.....
I was just a pile of sad. But something inside of me turned on my flame. I
had this sudden urge to...well...be plesent. I was just happy to be alive!
And you know what, I have to think it was all Fabers doing. No one has
ever wanted to trade me their biological daughter just to legally call me a
son. I cried again, but it wasn't a "bad" cry or "rape" cry, It was finally
a happy cry. I saved those tears, just to prove myself I COULD be happy.
Here is a picture of what it looks like.
static2.travelandleisure.com/images/amexpub/0010/3797/200911-w-pools-golden-nugget.jpg
Yeah I got some work to do in my basement, BUT LOOK! A HAPPY GIRL IN MY
BASEMENT! FINALLY!!!!!
THANKS FABER!
So because of my happiness, I want to say nice things about everyone
who participated last week! And yes, this IS technically what Faber did
last week. But you know what they say, flattery is the best form of Faber!
But before I do that, I just want to say a few things in regards to last
weeks emails.
First off, um..ok...Chris. Andy. Straw dogs was a movie. And
you apparently didn't get my joke. I was basically saying that I wanted Vin
to get raped. ehhh it was probably redundant anyway because he was touched
by his father and mouth fucked by Depsop. And no, these arn't jokes. You
wanna know what theses are? COLD HARD FACTS!
Also, you are now thinking of Sarah reading last weeks email.
ALRIGHT-A-ROONIE! AFC IS OPEN! And now handing out free equality
and complements.
Lets see here...who emailed first...mmm...lets seeOH WAIT IT WAS
ME...again...for like the third week in a row and probably this weeks too.
5 stars for consistency!
James Enright. You're fat. Am I Enright?
No. No I am En'WRONG sir. You are big boned and don't let anyone tell you
other wise sweetie.
Nicole. The great little mouth! Oh I'm sure that's a lie, since you're
marrying Andy. (That's my complement to you big stuff. wink wink your dick
is like a hung manatee wink)
Also Nicole, by the sound of those "Yes's" on last weeks malebag, You seem
strong and aggressive enough to make ANDY tap out in bed. 5 stars for
wearing the pants in the house.
Jon Drouin. I hope you email in more. But be warned, people are vicious on
here. But as long as you can change you're personality on a dime like Cliff
can, I'm sure you'll fit right in.
Demko. Never leave. You're like the hot girl in the bar with no
friends surrounding her. But before you get the chance to ask her for a
drink she just leaves. Demko, please don't leave like hot women at the bar.
Hodgie. I honesly don't know much about you, but Keep emailing in. You'll
be the third Faber in no time, second btw is me.
Cam Gullet. Fuck you and you're sexuality. God hates fags queer bag. See, I
even made a song about how homo you are and it's ironically in the tune of
"Happy and you know it"
If you're Gullet and you know it clap your hands
(clap clap)
If you're Gullet and you know it clap your hands
(clap clap)
If you're Gullet and you know it and your shit dick clearly show it, if
you're Gullet and you know it, clap your hands
(clap clap)
Whatever, fuck you.
Clifsnotes. Read above statement fag-a-tron.
Stu Little. I enjoyed you're email last week! I will offer a
friendly challenge, if you and I are opponents at king of the ring, I
am declaring that you get off your bagpipe and come out of retirement from
rapping cause I want to beat you at your own game! This is a friendly
challenge and I hope you accept. May the best man win. Oh and don't worry
about me not being in king of the ring, Cam's a faggot.
Dustin, I would gladly step aside if you ever asked my to. And would even
not email in the week I face you. My words from above have said enough to
make you out to be this awesome Bibleman. I hope this complement is "GOD"
enough for you! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.aw man....Puns.
JB Kink. What happens when you take 40 letters and 40 spell checks? You get
a successful, funny and ironically not ripping me off email! I'm assuming
you're champ this week. But stop calling people fags man, it's hurtful.
James Ryan, you need to stop being so hateful man. These people here think
you hate fags. It's killing your rep. But good way to put pedo in his
place. At home with an ankle bracelet. Can't wait for him to make a
"pout" video just as much as I can't wait for you're "trout" video. For
those who don't know, he cought a fish. It's a trout.
Now for you're host!
Andy. You have a big dick. There's your new running gag for ya.
Chris. Nice AJ Lee wife!
Sarah. Good for you being a nice AJ Lee wife!
And finally. The listeners. The ones that don't email in or download and
delete this show out of niceness.
*The fallowing is very raw. listener discretion is advised*
Noncontributing listeners, you are the reason rapist get off on rape. You
are the reason millions of rapes go unnoticed every decade you ugly fat old
fucks.
I'm going to throw you at wal mart and leave you their with not parental
supervision. I'm going to set you on fire like Hitler and you're going to
have to jack off like you never had before just put out the flames. 5 stars
for Hitler comparisons.
I wish I could go back and time and kill you right before you were born. At
least you're parents would show up on my doorstep in present time and
tearfully thank me because if it werent for me, they wouldn't have the time
to do the things they would really want to do. Like not raising a fuck up
faggot as a child. Then you're mother would suck me right there while
you're father would just watch and say "Now I can enjoy stuff like this
cause you killed my personal satin." THEN YOUR FATHER WOULD GIVE ME A RUB!
The only bad thing is that "the rub" is 20 dollars. Ask Bj Drag Kink on how
that happened.
Now if you got a problem with me, you have a reason to email in now. But
you probably won't. Whatever. Have fun playing the new game "Cam Gullet" at
you're retard school for failed retards. It's when you walk around eating
jiz out of a mayo jar and try to see how many women will kiss you. However
this game is a trick and you can never win. because 1- You're ugly, no
woman wants to see you're pizza face. 2. You're retarded, and this isn't
Forest Gump. Dreams of falling in love don't come true for people like you
non-contributing assholes.and 3- It's cum. It's depsops cum. That jar was
hole fucked by depsop. It happened and there's nothing you can do about it.
Fuck. You. Faggots.
I AM AND SHALL FOREVER BE THE COLONEL. AUSTIN. FUCKING. SANDERS!
And I am the most original world heavyweight champ for life.
Love peace and penis greases
TheTallOne
PS. you lost Gullet. Cry to your mom. Oh wait. Shes dead. at Waffle house.
Thanks for the Cam lesson on Facebook. Buttmuffler.
PSS. I love life.
PSSS. Clit? Clilt? CLILT?! YES! YES! YESSSSSSS!
PSSSS. I'm officially a maineventer now faggots.
(look at picture below)
encrypted-tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSS3OMcLcA1s6noSqERA95IMzU0QFyas2yMnvZUm-SOWYMvP7V4tA
Cam Gullett
THE CHAMP IS HEEEEEERRREEE!!!!!
I am the 4 time, 4 time, 4 time, 4 time, Best male whore in Arkansas!!!!
Oh yeah, and I have this belt thing too, whatever.
So Austin Sanders think he is going to finally fuck a faggot this week on
his way to the King of the Ring tournament? NOT UP IN HERE!! If there is
going to be any gay sex going around this dump then it will be me doing the
fucking. Speaking of which, you're welcome for the eye candy, Ryback.
Austin Sanders says that if I beat him then he will only email MNF every
other week as though that is some incentive to vote against me. Nobody even
gives a shit how often that little child emails this show, well DevSop
probably cares how often children email the show, but nobody gives a flying
fuck what that piece of shit thinks. A real threat to the listening
audience would be for me to say that if I were to lose then I would go back
to emailing 2-3 completely unfunny emails to the show every week as opposed
to the one that I currently send.
JB King is champion once again and if you combine that with George W. Bush
getting a second term in office then you truly have reason to believe that
retards can accomplish anything that normal people can. Gud jerb Kieng!
I sincerely hope that everyone enjoys Austin rehashing old jokes that have
been made about me countless times already as there is literally no new
ground to be broken in the war against me. It's kinda like how I have to
find a new rest stop every few months because eventually there are just no
new dicks to suck.
Could I actually be King of the Ring? It wouldn't be any dumber of a
concept than when the WWE let Mable and Bad Ass Billy Gunn be Kings.
Speaking of stupid things in wrestling; fuck you Kevin Nash. Wrestling died
when Eddie and Benoit hugged after Wrestlemania XX? Yeah because everyone
remembers King Mable vs Diesel and the finger poke of doom as being high
points in wrestling mythology and will be telling their children all about
that one day. Kevin Nash is to wrestling what Austin Sanders is to the MNF
male bag. They are both tall pieces of shit who can barely string a logical
thought together and always come off the rails right when you think they
are about to be good and worthwhile.
I have been here since day one, and have provided countless hours of laughs
to all of the loyal listeners out there, not by necessarily always being
funny myself, but more from allowing myself to be the punching bag of the
entire flawedcast network and I have done so without complaining once. I do
this because by doing so I can make myself more than a man. I do this
because I can be a symbol. Not a symbol of hope, protection, and all that
Batman bullshit. Nay, I represent a symbol of gay jokes, whoring, and a
bullseye for the hackneyed joke tellers who contribute to this male bag and
to people looking to get a few bucks for meth alike.
Austin is none of those things, well other than the whole being a cum
dumpster thing, he is that. Austin cannot even hold my jock on his best
day, mostly because I have already promised that special time to El
Serpiente Maracon, because he makes me feel pretty; but also because
Colonel Sanders' jokes are about as funny as the idea of letting DevSop
watch your young children is.
In all seriousness, Sanders, go die in a ditch you useless, one note joke
fuck.
As always, "Dashing" Cam Gullett, cohost of the wildly popular Army of
Dorkness.
Dustin Faber
Why go on?
Hello to my favorite podcast!
I'll share something with you: I didn't watch Monday Night Raw. I don't
have cable, so I usually end up finding a feed from the UK, which works
well enough. But I didn't have it in me to watch RAW on Monday. And
frankly, I didn't miss it. Not at all.
I have so many other projects going on, and with football season coming up,
I now ask myself if it's even worth it to invest time into trying to watch
WWE until Royal Rumble season gets here. I'll still watch PPVs, as I watch
them at my friend Craig's house and enjoy spending that time with friends
(and I usually bring over more than a soda, unlike some cheapskates on this
network: Newsflash Chris, pizza won't eat up your life savings. You could
even go to the grocery store and get some wings. Or a pound of jelly belly
jelly beans. Or buy some subway sandwiches. Or throw in a gift card to
Hobby Lobby. Their yarn is fantastic!
Where was I? Oh yeah, not wanting to watch RAW. Am I justified, or am I
just a pathetic fool who is out of touch with the WWE Universe. Owen Hart
gave his life for us, ya know.
Other quick thoughts
Kevin Nash said in an interview with grantland.com that wrestling died when
Benoit and Guerrero won the belts, because of their size, and that guys
like CM Punk and DB aren't anything special. Forgive me, but his fingerpoke
of doom did more to kill wrestling than the size of any wrestler. He's such
a clownshoes. I hate Kevin Nash. What a jerk.
And that's all I got. Chris and Andy, keep up the good work.
P.S. What happened to El Serpiente Maricon? That dude was a genius. He
should start reading classic literature on air. Here's a starter passage
from A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. "*It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of
foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity,
it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the
spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us,
we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all
going direct the other way"*
Stu Little
KOTR Contenders and More
Hey Andy and Demko/Sarah/Nicole/Dev/Cam/James/Chris(?)(delete as applicable),
I just want to say how much of an honour it was last week to have the lovely Sarah Alt read out my e-mail. Chris, you're a lucky guy, and I feel really fortunate to be able to put my words in your wife's skilled mouth. I certainly didn't mind her spitting them out. But it's made me realise, we could have another female co-host on the show at any time, even this week, so I've decided that in the interest of being a gentleman, I will go through my e-mail and alter anything potentially offensive to a more worksafe version.
(note: Chris, read out the main parts, Andy, read out the phrases in [ ] as they come up)
I begin with the upcoming King of the Ring. More specifically the contributors taking part in the qualifying rounds. These 5 men and one [gender realigned person] will fight tooth and nail against each other, to determine who will be the afterthought in the voting once the previous champions have gotten the initial votes. Let's run down the participants, shall we?
James Enright? More like...go run in front of a moving tank, you Gomer Pyle wannabe fatty.
Adam Dan- Given the average length of your messages, I doubt your wife will let you on the computer long enough for you to write an e-mail of enough quality. Or that God will even let you LIVE long enough to draft one up if she did.
Michael Hodge- Actually, he's my favourite out of the bunch to make it furthest, since he e-mails so rarely he's likely to get through simply on the lack of contempt the listeners have for him compared to the rest of the field.
Tom Roper- yeah, I really rate the chances of a man who begged to be made a target so he could tear into people, but was too lazy to actually do that. [intercourse] you, you lazy Kangaroo-[mating], botch-prone [female sanitary device]. I know you play Poker competitively, so it's fitting you'll get Straight Flushed like the piece of [excrement] you are.
Austin Sanders- Like most 19 Year Olds, you're quick to get started, but do you have the stamina to go the distance? I'm not convinced. As you would say, [fornicate] you, [bundle of sticks].
By the way Andy, when discussing gay angles in wrestling this week, you used the phrase "Fagaroo"(it's okay, Fag means cigarette here, so no edit necessary). Does Austin know you borrowed his pet name for Tom?
And last, but not least Cam Gullet. I don't know what to say about you, other than...you're Cam Gullet. Point made.
Michael Demko- hey, I'm not going to risk the well-being of this show by continuing to provoke Aaron, the man with his finger on the button. I'm just not qualified to deal with terrorists.
Onto this week's WWE Programming.
Shortly after being announced as the new GM of SmackDown, Booker T said the show "was about to blow up!". Is that some of the "insurgency" the theme song refers to? Bring back Mohammed Hassan!
Tensai cut a little promo before his match with Sheamus, and speaking of the former A-Train, you said last week that he got in trouble for posting a Tout where he said driving with a Japanese person was dangerous. Are you sure he got in trouble because it was offensive, or was it because he broke Kayfabe by speaking english? Because he hasn't spoken anything other than Japanese since returning, and this promo was no exception. No idea what he said, but I could swear he mentioned Sulu at one point.
Antonio Cesaro gets booed for saying hello in five different languages. I'm reminded of that Futurama episode where Bender joins the Robot Fighting league, which is basically just another form of wrestling, with one of his opponent's being "The Foreigner". Cesaro should just cut out most of the work and just come out yelling "I'm not from here! I have my own customs! Look at my craaazy passport!". Also, why hasn't he started trying to get real heat by calling American Footballers pussies compared to rugby players, for wearing all that protective gear?
Every time I see that Summerslam commercial with the meteorologist, I'm a little disappointed that it's not actually a vignette for a soon to be debuting superstar. You have to admit, a wrestler with the gimmick of a broadcast journalist called "Skip Thunderstruck" wouldn't be that out of place on the current season of NXT.
Anyone else think it would be funny to see AJ imitate Vince's powerwalk for her entrance rather than do her usual skipping?
We got another appearance from Brock Lesnar this week, but rather than do the sensible thing and have Brock Lesnar destroy Shawn Michaels to get massive heat from the San Antonio crowd and send a message to HHH, he just spoke for the first time in months. And what a promo! I think it went something like:
"I'll see you, HHH, COO, Multiple Time WWE Champion and featured "Blade: Trinity" player, at Summerslam, a WWE Pay Per View (or PeePeeVee, to use the parlance of our times) Production being held at the Los Angeles Staples Center on August 19th, where the two of us shall have a scheduled professional wrestling bout which I intend to be the victor of, not just for ample monetary compensation, but because I strongly dislike you. And you, Shawn Michaels, Hall of Famer, Multiple Time WWE Champion and former Playgirl Centerfold, I intend to see at an undisclosed time before the aforementioned date, which you should take as a not so subtle threat that I intend to visit some grievous harm upon your person, because I strongly dislike you too. Thank you both and goodnight."
Something like that. But the biggest question I have about this week's Raw is...when is Del Rio going to have Sheamus arrested for stealing his car and damaging it? Given the witnesses and various videotaped evidence(including some that Sheamus himself filmed) of him committing the crime, this really should be an open and shut case. Though Jerry Lawler didn't seem to think so. Tell me something, does "Joyride" mean something different in the america than it does here? Because for us, it can mean stealing someone's car and riding it around without their permission, and it's a crime, and according to wikipedia, during The Troubles in Ireland, the Provisional IRA took it upon themselves to punish joyriders with broken fingers and/or kneecaps, so maybe Sheamus should be a bit worried? Not to mention, if there's a WWE Regulation that says a World Champion has to relinquish his title to the Number 1 Contender if he fails a sobriety test, then surely the same would apply if the champion was in prison?
(to the tune of Sheamus' theme)
#It's a Shamefull Thing, Anal Rape,
Your prostate squashed like a sour grape,
You try to bear the weight of five guys,
ONE IN THE EYES! ONE IN THE EYES!
And so on...
I think I'll end on that note. Take care Andy and whoever.
Stu
JB King
The Champ is Here!
Suck my nuts.
-Johnny
At least that is what Andy Crawford wanted me to originally post. But I
figured Andy and Poochie deserve better. Do I still have my special
olympic’s theme from 2006? Oh well, I will give a very short email this
week. The real attention should go to the KOTR qualifiers. And seriously,
after last week, how can I possibly top giving Andy drive heaves and make
Chris go into a seizure? If you listen carefully, you can hear him slowly
turn into the Joker during my email. Or from what I gathered from Sarah’s
description, Chris turned into the Grimace from McDonalds. You’re welcome
Andy, I’m sure I gave you 5 weeks worth of laugh drops to help end several
episodes. Anyway, let's get this over with.
Cam Gullet wins gold medal for sucking OJ Simpson dick. – Iron Sheik
AJ Lee looked very nice in her outfit. She was wearing white despite being
on her period. But no worries, with that thick of a bush nothing is getting
through there. She can do her job with complete confidence. If anything she
might get a thin red streak on her birdsnest. And in case you need help
with a visual on that, imagine she is putting a triangle choke on Ruffio
from the movie Hook.
Aj seriously makes me miss Eve in power. That bitch knew how to fill out a
business suit. Don’t believe me? Here.
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Quick reply to Dustin Faber for last week, con sur thwelvo raspier booboo
mewrt Cam Gullet con hert de fuck you lodi Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce
soir con Jesus cock.
Hey look Stu, I know what to get you for Christmas! A Little Jimmy action
figure.
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If Sarah or Nichole is reading my email this week then…..YES YES YES YES
YES! Sorry, I was trying to get a pop out of Bryan VanAlstine this week.
Also, note to Andy, hows that lez-remix I talked to you about last week
coming along? Also, Sarah, domestic violence works both ways. Chris showed
me the cracked ribs. Not cool.
Cam Gullet has raisin balls and a grasshopper dick. –Iron Sheik
Booker T hires Teddy Long as his advisor, was it any coincidence that 10
minutes later a 6 man tag team match was announced as the main event?
Speaking of black people’s interests, what was up with the footlocker crew
arguing with Daniel Bryan on Raw?
Ok, lets speed things up question time.
Question One: Is Jerry Lawler being horrible on purpose? In case you
haven’t noticed (coughChris) Jerry Lawler has been insufferable. He lies
about chants, makes racist jokes, remains incoherent and even defended
Sheamus for grand theft auto. Way to go hero! Be a star! Steal a car!
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Anyway, like I said to you think Lawler is doing this on purpose to help
fuel his beef with CM Punk? Jerry Lawler is THE inside man on angles if you
ask me. He worked with Andy Kauffman and was always willing to work as the
mole for ECW. So do you think he is being a team player again or is he just
THAT bad now?
Well that’s all tonight, Short and sweet. Good luck to everyone who
qualifies in the KOTR. I'm looking forward to it more than Cam Gullet looks
for murder boners during an ADR.
Love peace and penis grease,
Your (probably former) Champion
Johnny
