MNF 35/Male Bag 18
Aug 30, 2012 12:47:36 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Aug 30, 2012 12:47:36 GMT -5
Check out Monday Night Flaw 35 and Male Bag 18 on www.flawedcast.net/mondaynightflaw or iTunes then come back here and vote!!! YOU GET TWO VOTES, NIMRODS!!!
Austin Sanders
Plane, Stupid Austin
Sup Faggots!®
As much as I would like to get right into my first full email since
my...uh...um... hate speech from a few weeks ago, I think I should do
something I haven't done here on a long time. THE QUESTIONS! Andy Loves
these so fucking much, almost as much as James Enright loves cutting the
line at cicis pizza to get the last "ultimate meat lovers" slice. Did I say
slice? I meant the whole kitchen. Seriously James, diet or you're going to
die.
1. I like to believe we are all similar to somebody in this world. And I
don't just mean a look-a-like friend, that person can come from any genre.
Such as musicians, celebrities, politicians and athletes. In this case, Pro
wrestlers. So my first question is, who do you think looks, sounds, and
acts like certain pro wrestlers from WWE or TNA relative to all of
the entire flawedcast crew. This also includes yourselves Crandy. My choice
for Enright would be Yokozuna. Cause you know, Yokozuna has a big head and
messed up teeth.
2. "I don't always go on wrestling message boards.
But when I do,
It's always about a John Cena heel turn."
I fucking hate this question so much. "Duuuuuhhhh, when do you think John
Cena will turn heel?? I THINK WRESTLEMANIA CAUSE IT WILL MAKE SENSE WHEN HE
FACES THE ROCK! NOT LIKE HE CAN STILL BE A BABYFACE OR ANYTHING!! durrrrr
I'm a Punshouse voter that never votes for Austin Sanders!"
Oh my God, just shut the fucking shut up! Cena Isn't turning heel. At all.
Ever. Vince will never do it. Cena will never agree to it. And if your
argument consist of "well Hogan did", that's invalid because that was a
different time and a different company. Back then, the "TNA" way
of thinking in the mid 90's was great, but clearly not anymore. I want to
see Cena turn heel too, don't get me wrong. But I just never see it
happening. So my question is, why do people keep asking this question when
they know deep down it's a stupid thing to ask. I know it's my opinion and
I might be in the minority, but I just see this question all the time and
it drives me nuts.
3. Last question. I'm not sure if anyone has every asked this on here so
forgive me if it was already asked. What if there was a "major" accident
that befell upon half if not most of the WWE wrestlers and those wrestlers
all died. How would WWE continue after such a horrible event? Pray to God
it never happens but It's just a weird thought.
Now that you're depressed as fuck, lets read some shit email a 19 year old
wrote!
First off, I would like to say sorry to Stu. I didn't meant the things I
said last week, you had the title. It wasn't personal, just Emailing. You
understand right Stu? Ok good! I'm glad we're buddies again! And if you
ever want to see your family again, you'll send your pot of gold ASAP you
fucking jew leprechaun. Better hurry too, James Enright can smell flesh
from across the world. I've heard your people are magically delicious.
Speaking of fat pieces of shit, Jon Drouin. Jon, you are Cliffs Notes.
There. I've ruined the joke. Now be the nice "Cliffs Notes" and not Jon
Drouin. That was the stipulation of the Faber vs Snotes battle. If you
lost, you would have to be nice Cliffs Notes. Not puss out and be your 4th
persona. Take your defeat as a man and fully contribute to your losing
stipulations. People who can't hold their end of a losing bargain sicken me.
James EnFat-ass. Feeds family of three? More like feeds family of me!
But really James, thank you for serving our country no matter how important
or un-important your position was. Who says A
Austin Sanders
.....Uhhh.....
Totally didn't mean to send that early.........awkward.......
uh..... what the fuck was I saying? oh.....Thank you James for serving our
country.
That was strange. I didn't even legitimately push send. I though your
emails couldn't send if it wasn't legitimate. Well I guess we can all learn
something from this experience. Regardless if you send your
email legitimately or illegitimately, it can still happen either way.
*Btw, if there were any misspellings in the last email, forgive me.*
Scott Taylor. Did you know that gay marriage is legal in Canada? Jesus it
must be hell up there.
As Colbert once said-
JB Kink-
And finally.....Cam.
Cam. I know that you won. I know that you defeated me. Not a single person
in the world could say I beat you during King of the ring even if the votes
were in my favor.
I will never be fully gone. But I do know how you can shut me up for a good
month.
Malebag 23. Cam vs Sanders in 5 weeks. If you win again, I will be gone for
an entire 31 days. And no, I won't bullshit on this promise. However. In
order for me to agree to this fight as well, you must give up something. I
don't know what you should give up. That's up to you. I won't dictate what
you choose to un-hand.
You got 5 weeks gay boy, choose your words wisely faggot ®
Well that's it for this week. You can vote for me on Punhouse. Whatever
I'll never be champion. This system is flawed.
Get it. Puns. Flawed. Punshouse. Flawedcast. I'm so alone.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
TheTallOne
PS.Guess what.
PSS.I don't
PSSS. Give
PSSSS. A
PSSSS. Flying
P ∞ . Fuck.
It's going to keep happening. It's happening, and there's nothing you can
do about it. ®
James Enright
New Show Ideas
Good evening chaps!
Just like the British Empire, the sun doesn't set on the Flawedcast
Empire. There's a gajillion shows available to fit almost anyone's
interests. The Flawedcast Network dominates and fucks the mouths of other
cheese-dick podcast networks. However, I believe that the Flawedcast
Network could be extra, super dominant. We already serve a variety of
different interests but I'm thinking FURTHER specialization. How's about
this:
-The first ever interactive podcast game show called "Is That a Cancerous
Asshole Growth or a Bus Driver Seat Induced Hemorrhoid?" hosted by Adam Dan
and Andy Gaston. We are provided the show's website, we view the
disgusting pictures and guess along with you guys and win treats for
guessing correctly. BRILLIANCE!
-Hipsters are a genre that the Flaw hasn't quite delved into yet. WELL NO
MORE MY BROHAMS. Stu Little hosts the "Mint and Vintage Hats, Bro" Show.
Stu talks about all the ironic and cool hats he wears that we just all
don't understand. He's so unique with his kooky hat selection and he makes
sure to tell us about it. Crack open a PBR and put on your fedoras boys
and girls, we're about to get some good vibes BRAH.
-Finally, this network has been lacking a show for kids. A lot of us that
are part of this Flawedcast Network have children. Wouldn't it be nice to
entertain them? This is where Chris Alt and Cam Gullett step in. Join
Chris Alt and his life partner Cam on an adventure on the rails kids!
"Chris and Cam's Railroad Jam!" Join Chris and Cam as they talk about
trains and take kids on their adventures as hobos hiding away on train
cars. Hear the train horns! Listen to their wacky stories! Hear them talk
about all the exciting places they've seen like Arkansas and Pittsburgh!
Don't miss this kids! It's gonna be a hoot! ALL-ABOARD! CHOO-CHOO!
So there's my ideas. What do you think? HUH? HUH? I think we're sitting
on a gold mine here.
PLAY MY MUSIC! (Good Time by Owl City ft. Karly Rae Jepsen)
-Jim "Army" Enright
#TeamFaber
Stu Little
James Enright? More Like......zzzZZZzzzzZzZZZzzzz
Hey guys,
Someone give James Enright a 21 Gun Salute, because she sure as shit died on his ass TWICE last week with that pitifull attempt at humour. Now I know why they call that show "Wait Till Next Year", because listening to that e-mail felt like losing twelve months of my life. I never thought I'd say this to Fred and Nate, but...you guys are better than this. Cut your ties with GI Sloppy Joe while you still have some dignity left. And James, I actually do WISH I was a proctologist, because the amount of money I'd make with just the one procedure to get your unusually shaped head out of your cavernous rear-end would allow me to retire before 30.
Maybe I'm severely behind on this, but this week was the first I heard that Tom Roper retired from wrestling.
#LEAVE THE MEMORIES ALONE...
Onto this week's happenings:
On SmackDown, CM Punk's turn to the darkside is complete with his attack on Jerry Lawler leaving him unable to be on the show. Not because I give a shit about King's condition, but because it guaranteed more Michael Cole on his own. Damn you to hell, Punk!
Santino cut a promo where he talked to his cobra sock. This was ALMOST entertaining when Santino told the thing it was to blame for them losing the US Title. I actually for a moment thought Santino would continue to blame the sock, leading ultimately to him pulling it off and delivering a vicious beatdown, but just like having Little Jimmy in a wheelchair, this was another unfulfilled dream.
Randy Orton surprisingly tapped out to Alberto Del Rio in the main event, resulting in one more Sheamus/ADR match for the title. This feud is becoming the modern equivalent of Test vs. Scott Steiner, which I suppose makes Ricardo Rodriguez Stacy Keibler. He's got legs and he knows how to use them...by doing a dropckick twice a year.
Raw was much more revelatory, as CM Punk debuted his new James Enright inspired hairstyle. And since Straight Edge doesn't apply to cheeseburgers, expect his physique to follow suit soon. We also see the effect a 3 Hour Runtime has on pacing of a feud as Punk challenged Jerry Lawler to a match, and King boldy responded..."I'll think about it". I hear the next phase for filling time is changing pinfalls to a 12 count.
We also got HHH's emotional speech where he considered retiring...despite the fact that as far as I was concerned, he was meant to be retired anyway, what with Undertaker being his "last worthy opponent" and the COO position supposedly meant to stop him from getting involved in matches all that much. I mean, I think John Laurinaitis wrestled as many, if not MORE matches than HHH has over the last year. But whatever. Play the retirement montage music so many other legends of the game have had...
#We Can Get Together...
AJ came out and attacked Vickie Guerrero after a Divas match. She would have came out sooner, but she didn't want the static electricity from her bush to make Layla's hair all frizzy again.
Finally this week, unmentioned on the main show was the news that Chyna will be starring in a wrestling porn parody film. Now, I'm sure there's a lot of negatives you can list about this, but for me, the worst thing from reading the description of the project is just how LAZY they were. Parody? They're using actual wrestling names, and not porn pun versions. It's not that hard guys! Just off the top of my head, there's...
XXX
Kanal
CM Spunk/CM Pump
Sin Cameltoe
Fuckasaurus (with the Fuckadactyls)
Jack Shagger
Michael Hole
Hooker T
David Well-Hunga
The Jiz
Dolph Diddler
Jake "The Trouser Snake" Roberts
Chris Bendover(Still Too Soon?)
Kevin Gash
Scott Ball
"The American Cream" Musky Loads
DP
Knuckledeep Schwartz
One Man Gangbang
#Bukkake Bukkake! SIX-TY-NINE! Bukkake Bukkake! Lay Mysterio!
Muff Shagwell
and finally, Teddy Long.
Is that so difficult?
Take care guys,
Stu
#TeamFaber
Dustin Faber
hahahahaha
Matt Kemp. LOLOLOLOL.
On a serious note, I have a theory about this year's upcoming Royal Rumble
match with The Rock and CM Punk. I think........hey......HEY!
DUDE!
OK JAMES ENRIGHT, STOP EATING MY
COMPU..FGLKDFSGJFLESERESGFD.............................
JB King
Respect
Whoa whoa whoa wait…hold on.
Adam Dan? I lost to Gator? Seriously? QUE EL FUCK GUYS? I am good enough to
defeat everyone else this week, and then I get trolled out of King of the
Ring? Good going on the joke votes there you dipshits. Once again I am
voted out of greatness. Call me thirteen and lock me Bryan’s basement
because I got screwed. First Serpiente and now this. I am the fucking world
champion and I demand RESPECT! I was clearly screwed out of this now
pointless tournament just so no one else had to face me. Adam Dan’s new
gimmick will be worn out and boring by the time he is up again making him
and easy advancement for next time. I am in no mood for jokes now. I demand
an apology from the Jerry Lawler of Monday Night Flaw, Chris Alt. Chris get
in here.
Chris, I demand and apology not only to me, but to the entire Monday Night
Flaw universe (IE the other six people that listen) for letting us deal
with Thom fucking Roper. Did you listen to what we suffered through?
Hearing Andy trying to be Australian was legit rape to my ears. And because
it was legit, my eardrums shut it down and I missed most of the podcast
afterwards. How dare you put your job, financial stability and professional
responsibility in front of the clearly more important duty of ignoring Andy
during a Smackdown recap, Instant messaging Demko during the impact recaps,
and let out massive farts and child-like giggles during the Raw results.
Now apologize.
Alright Alright. Enough of this bullshit let’s move onto the jokes.
James Enright. I hope you have realized you have to learn to take a joke
around here. I hope with a ‘heavy heart’ you have let bygones be bygones.
Because I know under that gigantic D-sized breast of yours is a kind
cholesterol filled heart. I would say “don’t sweat the small stuff” but I
know your body sweats just from eating so I won’t bother. James Enright has
more slants in his teeth than a hungry Godzilla. And Andy, I know you tried
to start a trend by getting our contributors to make a James Enright move
set. Sadly, I was the only one that helped. Remember, this is Monday Night
Flaw. You literally need to give them instructions to get things to happen
around here. Just saying. Here’s some more moves by the way, “The
crossed-teeth chicken wing” “The Torture Rack of Lamb” and “The Pork
Shoulder Breaker” Also, thank you again for your service James. However the
only way you will make Captain is when you eventually lose your foot to
diabetes and are forced to wear a peg leg and pirate outfit. Take care
Captain Fat Beard.
Jon Drouin, the Tensai of Monday Night Flaw. Congrats on your first (or
whatever snarky number) title win. I hope you can take the heat. Cam is
going to jump on you like James Enright jumps on a dropped Cheeto. By the
way Andy, Cam Gullet doing the double Camel Clutch is called the “Cam-Gul
Clutch” with a mandatory murder boner. Hope that straightens things out.
Jon, I know you are a double crossing, backstabbing piece of shit for
sabotaging Dustin Faber’s workout last week. And while you are way too
green to win King of the Ring, I do wish you the best of the luck.
Hopefully you make a bigger and more impactful splash than Tony Scott did
last week.
Does that count for a Drouin-ator or whatever the hell we call the insult
this week? Oh well.
Speaking of unnecessary insults to mankind, welcome back Austin Sanders!
How was anger management? Hope you’re faggot tourrets has calmed down. Then
again how funny would it be if Austin came up to people and did a Daniel
Bryan YES/NO argument chant with someone. Except the YES part is replaced
by FAG. I’m sure it will bring up a lot of high school memories for Cam.
PS That was a gay joke
PPS that is how you do a follow up to PS
PSSS that is not how to do it
PSP because I like video games
PPP(and maybe one more P)S go fuck yourself.
It’s question time!
Question One: Looks as if creative is trying way too hard to make Punk look
like a heel. It’s not working though. While he is past the point of shades
of gray (don’t say it Chris) Punk can still having trouble becoming a full
heel. Beating up Jerry Lawler from all kayfabe stand point should be more
than enough to get booed, instead he got cheered like when JBL tossed
hornswoggle into a cage a few years back. And having Raw in his hometown
next week isn’t going to help the storyline either. It reminds me of 2001
when Austin would do everything in his power to get the audience to boo
him. From beating the living hell out of Lita to singing off key, almost
nothing worked. So what do you think Punk has to do to finally get the
crowd to fully embrace him as a heel?
Question Two: Wrestling chants. When was the last time you used a wrestling
catchphrase or chant outside of wrestling? Chris mentioning James Enright
assaulting a Waffle House waitress with a feed me more chant, and it got me
inspired. Do you guys do a YES chant whenever something goes your way?
Chris, did you chant ECW when you saw those two pregnant chicks fighting at
the Greyhound station? I went to a local abortion clinic and started a
“She’s hardcore” chant when a woman went through with it. For those that
decided to not go through with it. I would chant “You still got it.”
Suffice to say I didn’t go over so well. In any case, when do you guys use
wrestling catchphrases and/or chants outside of here or in a wrestling
capacity? Work? Video games? Sex?
Question Three: Gotta love that continuity or Kane-inuity from this week.
Kane’s segment was amazing. I guess one of the writers watched a lot of
Seinfeld. I seriously hope they eventually make Daniel Bryan and Kane into
a tag team. They have potential of being the funniest tag team since Booker
T and Goldust. But this question is about continuity. It seems recently
that some people in creative are bringing closure or continuity recently to
a lot of bad angles. From the Raw GM finale, May Young’s kid to this. But I
just wanted to know if there is anything you would like to see brought back
up. Personally I wish they would bring up the fact that almost every feud
Jerry Lawler has been in was from him attacking someone from behind, just
ask Bret Hart. Because apparently he would never do that like when Punk did
it. Fucking moron. Maybe next week the board of directors will punish AJ
Lee for ‘bushwhacking’ Lisa Minnelli. Because I thought the GM’s were on a
no tolerance fighting policy, oh well. Anyway, is there anything you’d
guys like to see brought back up?
Well that’s all for today. Looks like Cam and Jon are up next so you guys
can just stop here and go to bed. But before you do that I just wanted to
let you know who the Poochie of the week was, congrats to Triple H! Now get
off my TV and hire more useless luchadors.
#POOCHHHIE
#RESPECT
Love, peace and penis grease.
Your World Champion.
Johnny
Jon Drouin
King of the Ring!
Chris and Andy,
Wow. What a week!
First of all, I am so excited to win my VERY FIRST TITLE on your show. While I’m sure the Heavyweight Champion is a prestigious title, The Intercontinental Championship has such a storied history. Now I get to have my name listed alongside legendary emailers like Chris Alt and Cam Gullett and Tom Roper. Thank you for this terrific honor.
But that’s just the start. Here I am, a brand new e-mailer to your show, a guy who hasn’t even received a single vote in the weekly competition, and suddenly I'm caught up in a whirlwind of competition and excitement! I’m in a headline feud as one of the final two emails. How does one prepare for such a big event? I can’t imagine.
Dustin Faber introduced me to your show, and let's be honest – he is clearly a role model of mine. He asked me to substitute for him in the King of the Ring, but let me make this clear: I am just a one week fill-in for #TeamFaber, but I will do my best to represent. And if I should be so fortunate to receive more votes than Cam this week, I will proudly step aside so Dustin Faber can return to his rightful place in this tournament. Anything to help Dustin.
But this is a terrible burden that I have to carry. While I enjoy listening to many of the personalities on this network, Cam Gullett is clearly my favorite regular host that is not named Chris Alt. So now, to honor Dustin Faber, and to uphold the rules and regulations of this honorable network and show, I need to write an email that directly confronts Cam.
I can’t imagine that anyone else on this network envies my position. Who wants to shoulder the burden of crafting an entire email devoted to mocking and insulting Cam Gullett? I mean, these King of the Ring emails usually read like evil, mean spirited comedy roasts, but here I am with an opponent who only deserves praise. Cam works hard on his own podcast, and selflessly pitches in to help other podcasts when they are short-handed. I hold no ill will towards Cam Gullett. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I find it honorable when everyone mentions Cam’s support for the Navy.
I've tried, but I am not strong enough. I cannot say a bad word about Cam. This burden is simply too much for me to bear. But one thing I’ve learned, is that when you are carrying a heavy burden, there is no shame in asking for help.
So I sought out the wisdom and words of another. I searched far and wide, and contacted a few other emailers and Flawedcast hosts, but I couldn’t find anyone who was willing to step up and help me write something negative about Cam Gullett. But just when I was about to give up hope, I found someone. I found someone who was willing to carry this burden, someone that was willing to write some things about Cam Gullett for this contest. Interestingly, this person was on your show about four weeks ago, but suddenly disappeared without a trace. I think everyone is wondering what happened, and if there would be a return.
Chris, I do need to speak directly to you for a moment. There will be some things said about Cam. But sadly, you do get caught in the crossfire. I want to be explicitly clear that these are not my words. I, Jon Drouin, am a huge Chris Alt fan, and I wouldn’t dream of saying anything critical about your behavior. It would mean a lot to me, if you would acknowledge that you understand this, and that the comments below are not mine, and are just part of this competition.
Are we good? OK.
Chris, if you are reading this email, I'd like to kindly ask you to step aside for just a moment, so that Andy may provide one of his patented Introductions:
There is one person with the fortitude to shoulder this burden.
There is one person who has previously dealt with Cam Gullet.
There is one person who has graciously volunteered to actually say a negative word about Cam Gullett.
Making a Triumphant Return to the Flawedcast Network and to Monday Night Flaw and to The MaleBag
From The United States of America…
From the County of Pulaski…
The One and Only…
SARAH ALT
Sarah writes:
“Annoying things about Cameron:
He's NEVER wrong.
His voice carries.... His regular talking voice is as loud as most people's yelling voice.
He thinks he's hysterical.
He likes Prince.
He refuses to believe that he's a Ginger, but it's written all over his face.
(His hair is mostly brown but his beard is as red as they come).
And you can tell him to keep his shoes off my coffee table.
He and Chris both act like their mothers never demanded that they keep their shoes off the furniture.”
Ladies and Gentlemen, I cannot follow Sarah’s phenomenal words with any amount of justice.
However, I must repeat myself. These are not my words. I don’t have anything bad to say about Cam, or Chris Alt, or even Cam’s mom. Sarah even mentioned Cam’s mom. Who on earth would ever bring her into this challenge?
#TeamFaber cannot be denied. I am honored to have played my very small part in this grand Tournament. I am merely a Steward for Sarah Alt's words, and I am merely a Knight in Dustin Faber's Army. Please join me in wishing Cam Gullet well, but voting for #TeamFaber. I look forward to listening to Dustin Faber in the next round.
Thanks again,
Jon Drouin.
Cam Gullett
Yo me quiere un poco de agujero de la gloria!
Dustin Faber, the man I nicknamed The Catholic Curbstomper is afraid to go
one...on one...with The Dashing Franchise? You'd think a good Catholic like
him wouldn't turn down just an easy opportunity to get up close and
personal with a raging homosexual like me, Cam Gullett!!
And now I am stuck in a match against this new comer, Jon whatshisname.
Between you and me I think this "church" that Jon and Dustin met at is
actually what we in the business like to call a "Truckstop Discotech."
Jon Drouin? More like Jon Droolin....for cock!
WWE is in Australia right now. Any chance Tom Roper finally gets his
opportunity to have Damien Sandow throw him around the ring like his own
personal Rosa Mendes?
Ziggler coming out to Jericho's music and using his entrance this week was
phenomenal. It reminded that it is actually possible to imitate Y2J without
being a humorless piece of shit. 'Sup Cliff Snotes?
On a completed unrelated note, I have officially sued Ryback for his
stealing my "Feed Me More" catchphrase as it is really causing confusion
amongst my many faithful customers.
Not sure if you guys saw the story or not, but one of the Funkadactyls got
arrested for a DWI recently. Apparently Cameron offered a $10,000 bribe for
the officers to let her go. I usually just offer up my services for an
upcoming bachelor party. Different scams for different Cams I suppose.
Jon Drouin is a man who has went by many names. Some might even go so far
to call him the man of a 1000 douchebags; copyright James Ryan.
Well I am the man of 1001 douchebags, as my many clients will attest: #1
Arnold Bar, #2 Armmie Barts, #3 Armel Baron, etc.
Jon Drouin is like a Hydra of asshole. Every head that gets cut off is just
replaced by an even less funny, but sometimes ethnic, asshole.
Is Cam Gullett breaking kayfabe too much in one email? Hi Dwayne and Phil!
Welcome to King of the Ring, Johnny Boy. Now put a dick in your mouth!
As always,
"The Dashing Franchise" Cam Gullett!!
Austin Sanders
Plane, Stupid Austin
Sup Faggots!®
As much as I would like to get right into my first full email since
my...uh...um... hate speech from a few weeks ago, I think I should do
something I haven't done here on a long time. THE QUESTIONS! Andy Loves
these so fucking much, almost as much as James Enright loves cutting the
line at cicis pizza to get the last "ultimate meat lovers" slice. Did I say
slice? I meant the whole kitchen. Seriously James, diet or you're going to
die.
1. I like to believe we are all similar to somebody in this world. And I
don't just mean a look-a-like friend, that person can come from any genre.
Such as musicians, celebrities, politicians and athletes. In this case, Pro
wrestlers. So my first question is, who do you think looks, sounds, and
acts like certain pro wrestlers from WWE or TNA relative to all of
the entire flawedcast crew. This also includes yourselves Crandy. My choice
for Enright would be Yokozuna. Cause you know, Yokozuna has a big head and
messed up teeth.
2. "I don't always go on wrestling message boards.
But when I do,
It's always about a John Cena heel turn."
I fucking hate this question so much. "Duuuuuhhhh, when do you think John
Cena will turn heel?? I THINK WRESTLEMANIA CAUSE IT WILL MAKE SENSE WHEN HE
FACES THE ROCK! NOT LIKE HE CAN STILL BE A BABYFACE OR ANYTHING!! durrrrr
I'm a Punshouse voter that never votes for Austin Sanders!"
Oh my God, just shut the fucking shut up! Cena Isn't turning heel. At all.
Ever. Vince will never do it. Cena will never agree to it. And if your
argument consist of "well Hogan did", that's invalid because that was a
different time and a different company. Back then, the "TNA" way
of thinking in the mid 90's was great, but clearly not anymore. I want to
see Cena turn heel too, don't get me wrong. But I just never see it
happening. So my question is, why do people keep asking this question when
they know deep down it's a stupid thing to ask. I know it's my opinion and
I might be in the minority, but I just see this question all the time and
it drives me nuts.
3. Last question. I'm not sure if anyone has every asked this on here so
forgive me if it was already asked. What if there was a "major" accident
that befell upon half if not most of the WWE wrestlers and those wrestlers
all died. How would WWE continue after such a horrible event? Pray to God
it never happens but It's just a weird thought.
Now that you're depressed as fuck, lets read some shit email a 19 year old
wrote!
First off, I would like to say sorry to Stu. I didn't meant the things I
said last week, you had the title. It wasn't personal, just Emailing. You
understand right Stu? Ok good! I'm glad we're buddies again! And if you
ever want to see your family again, you'll send your pot of gold ASAP you
fucking jew leprechaun. Better hurry too, James Enright can smell flesh
from across the world. I've heard your people are magically delicious.
Speaking of fat pieces of shit, Jon Drouin. Jon, you are Cliffs Notes.
There. I've ruined the joke. Now be the nice "Cliffs Notes" and not Jon
Drouin. That was the stipulation of the Faber vs Snotes battle. If you
lost, you would have to be nice Cliffs Notes. Not puss out and be your 4th
persona. Take your defeat as a man and fully contribute to your losing
stipulations. People who can't hold their end of a losing bargain sicken me.
James EnFat-ass. Feeds family of three? More like feeds family of me!
But really James, thank you for serving our country no matter how important
or un-important your position was. Who says A
Austin Sanders
.....Uhhh.....
Totally didn't mean to send that early.........awkward.......
uh..... what the fuck was I saying? oh.....Thank you James for serving our
country.
That was strange. I didn't even legitimately push send. I though your
emails couldn't send if it wasn't legitimate. Well I guess we can all learn
something from this experience. Regardless if you send your
email legitimately or illegitimately, it can still happen either way.
*Btw, if there were any misspellings in the last email, forgive me.*
Scott Taylor. Did you know that gay marriage is legal in Canada? Jesus it
must be hell up there.
As Colbert once said-
JB Kink-
And finally.....Cam.
Cam. I know that you won. I know that you defeated me. Not a single person
in the world could say I beat you during King of the ring even if the votes
were in my favor.
I will never be fully gone. But I do know how you can shut me up for a good
month.
Malebag 23. Cam vs Sanders in 5 weeks. If you win again, I will be gone for
an entire 31 days. And no, I won't bullshit on this promise. However. In
order for me to agree to this fight as well, you must give up something. I
don't know what you should give up. That's up to you. I won't dictate what
you choose to un-hand.
You got 5 weeks gay boy, choose your words wisely faggot ®
Well that's it for this week. You can vote for me on Punhouse. Whatever
I'll never be champion. This system is flawed.
Get it. Puns. Flawed. Punshouse. Flawedcast. I'm so alone.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
TheTallOne
PS.Guess what.
PSS.I don't
PSSS. Give
PSSSS. A
PSSSS. Flying
P ∞ . Fuck.
It's going to keep happening. It's happening, and there's nothing you can
do about it. ®
James Enright
New Show Ideas
Good evening chaps!
Just like the British Empire, the sun doesn't set on the Flawedcast
Empire. There's a gajillion shows available to fit almost anyone's
interests. The Flawedcast Network dominates and fucks the mouths of other
cheese-dick podcast networks. However, I believe that the Flawedcast
Network could be extra, super dominant. We already serve a variety of
different interests but I'm thinking FURTHER specialization. How's about
this:
-The first ever interactive podcast game show called "Is That a Cancerous
Asshole Growth or a Bus Driver Seat Induced Hemorrhoid?" hosted by Adam Dan
and Andy Gaston. We are provided the show's website, we view the
disgusting pictures and guess along with you guys and win treats for
guessing correctly. BRILLIANCE!
-Hipsters are a genre that the Flaw hasn't quite delved into yet. WELL NO
MORE MY BROHAMS. Stu Little hosts the "Mint and Vintage Hats, Bro" Show.
Stu talks about all the ironic and cool hats he wears that we just all
don't understand. He's so unique with his kooky hat selection and he makes
sure to tell us about it. Crack open a PBR and put on your fedoras boys
and girls, we're about to get some good vibes BRAH.
-Finally, this network has been lacking a show for kids. A lot of us that
are part of this Flawedcast Network have children. Wouldn't it be nice to
entertain them? This is where Chris Alt and Cam Gullett step in. Join
Chris Alt and his life partner Cam on an adventure on the rails kids!
"Chris and Cam's Railroad Jam!" Join Chris and Cam as they talk about
trains and take kids on their adventures as hobos hiding away on train
cars. Hear the train horns! Listen to their wacky stories! Hear them talk
about all the exciting places they've seen like Arkansas and Pittsburgh!
Don't miss this kids! It's gonna be a hoot! ALL-ABOARD! CHOO-CHOO!
So there's my ideas. What do you think? HUH? HUH? I think we're sitting
on a gold mine here.
PLAY MY MUSIC! (Good Time by Owl City ft. Karly Rae Jepsen)
-Jim "Army" Enright
#TeamFaber
Stu Little
James Enright? More Like......zzzZZZzzzzZzZZZzzzz
Hey guys,
Someone give James Enright a 21 Gun Salute, because she sure as shit died on his ass TWICE last week with that pitifull attempt at humour. Now I know why they call that show "Wait Till Next Year", because listening to that e-mail felt like losing twelve months of my life. I never thought I'd say this to Fred and Nate, but...you guys are better than this. Cut your ties with GI Sloppy Joe while you still have some dignity left. And James, I actually do WISH I was a proctologist, because the amount of money I'd make with just the one procedure to get your unusually shaped head out of your cavernous rear-end would allow me to retire before 30.
Maybe I'm severely behind on this, but this week was the first I heard that Tom Roper retired from wrestling.
#LEAVE THE MEMORIES ALONE...
Onto this week's happenings:
On SmackDown, CM Punk's turn to the darkside is complete with his attack on Jerry Lawler leaving him unable to be on the show. Not because I give a shit about King's condition, but because it guaranteed more Michael Cole on his own. Damn you to hell, Punk!
Santino cut a promo where he talked to his cobra sock. This was ALMOST entertaining when Santino told the thing it was to blame for them losing the US Title. I actually for a moment thought Santino would continue to blame the sock, leading ultimately to him pulling it off and delivering a vicious beatdown, but just like having Little Jimmy in a wheelchair, this was another unfulfilled dream.
Randy Orton surprisingly tapped out to Alberto Del Rio in the main event, resulting in one more Sheamus/ADR match for the title. This feud is becoming the modern equivalent of Test vs. Scott Steiner, which I suppose makes Ricardo Rodriguez Stacy Keibler. He's got legs and he knows how to use them...by doing a dropckick twice a year.
Raw was much more revelatory, as CM Punk debuted his new James Enright inspired hairstyle. And since Straight Edge doesn't apply to cheeseburgers, expect his physique to follow suit soon. We also see the effect a 3 Hour Runtime has on pacing of a feud as Punk challenged Jerry Lawler to a match, and King boldy responded..."I'll think about it". I hear the next phase for filling time is changing pinfalls to a 12 count.
We also got HHH's emotional speech where he considered retiring...despite the fact that as far as I was concerned, he was meant to be retired anyway, what with Undertaker being his "last worthy opponent" and the COO position supposedly meant to stop him from getting involved in matches all that much. I mean, I think John Laurinaitis wrestled as many, if not MORE matches than HHH has over the last year. But whatever. Play the retirement montage music so many other legends of the game have had...
#We Can Get Together...
AJ came out and attacked Vickie Guerrero after a Divas match. She would have came out sooner, but she didn't want the static electricity from her bush to make Layla's hair all frizzy again.
Finally this week, unmentioned on the main show was the news that Chyna will be starring in a wrestling porn parody film. Now, I'm sure there's a lot of negatives you can list about this, but for me, the worst thing from reading the description of the project is just how LAZY they were. Parody? They're using actual wrestling names, and not porn pun versions. It's not that hard guys! Just off the top of my head, there's...
XXX
Kanal
CM Spunk/CM Pump
Sin Cameltoe
Fuckasaurus (with the Fuckadactyls)
Jack Shagger
Michael Hole
Hooker T
David Well-Hunga
The Jiz
Dolph Diddler
Jake "The Trouser Snake" Roberts
Chris Bendover(Still Too Soon?)
Kevin Gash
Scott Ball
"The American Cream" Musky Loads
DP
Knuckledeep Schwartz
One Man Gangbang
#Bukkake Bukkake! SIX-TY-NINE! Bukkake Bukkake! Lay Mysterio!
Muff Shagwell
and finally, Teddy Long.
Is that so difficult?
Take care guys,
Stu
#TeamFaber
Dustin Faber
hahahahaha
Matt Kemp. LOLOLOLOL.
On a serious note, I have a theory about this year's upcoming Royal Rumble
match with The Rock and CM Punk. I think........hey......HEY!
DUDE!
OK JAMES ENRIGHT, STOP EATING MY
COMPU..FGLKDFSGJFLESERESGFD.............................
JB King
Respect
Whoa whoa whoa wait…hold on.
Adam Dan? I lost to Gator? Seriously? QUE EL FUCK GUYS? I am good enough to
defeat everyone else this week, and then I get trolled out of King of the
Ring? Good going on the joke votes there you dipshits. Once again I am
voted out of greatness. Call me thirteen and lock me Bryan’s basement
because I got screwed. First Serpiente and now this. I am the fucking world
champion and I demand RESPECT! I was clearly screwed out of this now
pointless tournament just so no one else had to face me. Adam Dan’s new
gimmick will be worn out and boring by the time he is up again making him
and easy advancement for next time. I am in no mood for jokes now. I demand
an apology from the Jerry Lawler of Monday Night Flaw, Chris Alt. Chris get
in here.
Chris, I demand and apology not only to me, but to the entire Monday Night
Flaw universe (IE the other six people that listen) for letting us deal
with Thom fucking Roper. Did you listen to what we suffered through?
Hearing Andy trying to be Australian was legit rape to my ears. And because
it was legit, my eardrums shut it down and I missed most of the podcast
afterwards. How dare you put your job, financial stability and professional
responsibility in front of the clearly more important duty of ignoring Andy
during a Smackdown recap, Instant messaging Demko during the impact recaps,
and let out massive farts and child-like giggles during the Raw results.
Now apologize.
Alright Alright. Enough of this bullshit let’s move onto the jokes.
James Enright. I hope you have realized you have to learn to take a joke
around here. I hope with a ‘heavy heart’ you have let bygones be bygones.
Because I know under that gigantic D-sized breast of yours is a kind
cholesterol filled heart. I would say “don’t sweat the small stuff” but I
know your body sweats just from eating so I won’t bother. James Enright has
more slants in his teeth than a hungry Godzilla. And Andy, I know you tried
to start a trend by getting our contributors to make a James Enright move
set. Sadly, I was the only one that helped. Remember, this is Monday Night
Flaw. You literally need to give them instructions to get things to happen
around here. Just saying. Here’s some more moves by the way, “The
crossed-teeth chicken wing” “The Torture Rack of Lamb” and “The Pork
Shoulder Breaker” Also, thank you again for your service James. However the
only way you will make Captain is when you eventually lose your foot to
diabetes and are forced to wear a peg leg and pirate outfit. Take care
Captain Fat Beard.
Jon Drouin, the Tensai of Monday Night Flaw. Congrats on your first (or
whatever snarky number) title win. I hope you can take the heat. Cam is
going to jump on you like James Enright jumps on a dropped Cheeto. By the
way Andy, Cam Gullet doing the double Camel Clutch is called the “Cam-Gul
Clutch” with a mandatory murder boner. Hope that straightens things out.
Jon, I know you are a double crossing, backstabbing piece of shit for
sabotaging Dustin Faber’s workout last week. And while you are way too
green to win King of the Ring, I do wish you the best of the luck.
Hopefully you make a bigger and more impactful splash than Tony Scott did
last week.
Does that count for a Drouin-ator or whatever the hell we call the insult
this week? Oh well.
Speaking of unnecessary insults to mankind, welcome back Austin Sanders!
How was anger management? Hope you’re faggot tourrets has calmed down. Then
again how funny would it be if Austin came up to people and did a Daniel
Bryan YES/NO argument chant with someone. Except the YES part is replaced
by FAG. I’m sure it will bring up a lot of high school memories for Cam.
PS That was a gay joke
PPS that is how you do a follow up to PS
PSSS that is not how to do it
PSP because I like video games
PPP(and maybe one more P)S go fuck yourself.
It’s question time!
Question One: Looks as if creative is trying way too hard to make Punk look
like a heel. It’s not working though. While he is past the point of shades
of gray (don’t say it Chris) Punk can still having trouble becoming a full
heel. Beating up Jerry Lawler from all kayfabe stand point should be more
than enough to get booed, instead he got cheered like when JBL tossed
hornswoggle into a cage a few years back. And having Raw in his hometown
next week isn’t going to help the storyline either. It reminds me of 2001
when Austin would do everything in his power to get the audience to boo
him. From beating the living hell out of Lita to singing off key, almost
nothing worked. So what do you think Punk has to do to finally get the
crowd to fully embrace him as a heel?
Question Two: Wrestling chants. When was the last time you used a wrestling
catchphrase or chant outside of wrestling? Chris mentioning James Enright
assaulting a Waffle House waitress with a feed me more chant, and it got me
inspired. Do you guys do a YES chant whenever something goes your way?
Chris, did you chant ECW when you saw those two pregnant chicks fighting at
the Greyhound station? I went to a local abortion clinic and started a
“She’s hardcore” chant when a woman went through with it. For those that
decided to not go through with it. I would chant “You still got it.”
Suffice to say I didn’t go over so well. In any case, when do you guys use
wrestling catchphrases and/or chants outside of here or in a wrestling
capacity? Work? Video games? Sex?
Question Three: Gotta love that continuity or Kane-inuity from this week.
Kane’s segment was amazing. I guess one of the writers watched a lot of
Seinfeld. I seriously hope they eventually make Daniel Bryan and Kane into
a tag team. They have potential of being the funniest tag team since Booker
T and Goldust. But this question is about continuity. It seems recently
that some people in creative are bringing closure or continuity recently to
a lot of bad angles. From the Raw GM finale, May Young’s kid to this. But I
just wanted to know if there is anything you would like to see brought back
up. Personally I wish they would bring up the fact that almost every feud
Jerry Lawler has been in was from him attacking someone from behind, just
ask Bret Hart. Because apparently he would never do that like when Punk did
it. Fucking moron. Maybe next week the board of directors will punish AJ
Lee for ‘bushwhacking’ Lisa Minnelli. Because I thought the GM’s were on a
no tolerance fighting policy, oh well. Anyway, is there anything you’d
guys like to see brought back up?
Well that’s all for today. Looks like Cam and Jon are up next so you guys
can just stop here and go to bed. But before you do that I just wanted to
let you know who the Poochie of the week was, congrats to Triple H! Now get
off my TV and hire more useless luchadors.
#POOCHHHIE
#RESPECT
Love, peace and penis grease.
Your World Champion.
Johnny
Jon Drouin
King of the Ring!
Chris and Andy,
Wow. What a week!
First of all, I am so excited to win my VERY FIRST TITLE on your show. While I’m sure the Heavyweight Champion is a prestigious title, The Intercontinental Championship has such a storied history. Now I get to have my name listed alongside legendary emailers like Chris Alt and Cam Gullett and Tom Roper. Thank you for this terrific honor.
But that’s just the start. Here I am, a brand new e-mailer to your show, a guy who hasn’t even received a single vote in the weekly competition, and suddenly I'm caught up in a whirlwind of competition and excitement! I’m in a headline feud as one of the final two emails. How does one prepare for such a big event? I can’t imagine.
Dustin Faber introduced me to your show, and let's be honest – he is clearly a role model of mine. He asked me to substitute for him in the King of the Ring, but let me make this clear: I am just a one week fill-in for #TeamFaber, but I will do my best to represent. And if I should be so fortunate to receive more votes than Cam this week, I will proudly step aside so Dustin Faber can return to his rightful place in this tournament. Anything to help Dustin.
But this is a terrible burden that I have to carry. While I enjoy listening to many of the personalities on this network, Cam Gullett is clearly my favorite regular host that is not named Chris Alt. So now, to honor Dustin Faber, and to uphold the rules and regulations of this honorable network and show, I need to write an email that directly confronts Cam.
I can’t imagine that anyone else on this network envies my position. Who wants to shoulder the burden of crafting an entire email devoted to mocking and insulting Cam Gullett? I mean, these King of the Ring emails usually read like evil, mean spirited comedy roasts, but here I am with an opponent who only deserves praise. Cam works hard on his own podcast, and selflessly pitches in to help other podcasts when they are short-handed. I hold no ill will towards Cam Gullett. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I find it honorable when everyone mentions Cam’s support for the Navy.
I've tried, but I am not strong enough. I cannot say a bad word about Cam. This burden is simply too much for me to bear. But one thing I’ve learned, is that when you are carrying a heavy burden, there is no shame in asking for help.
So I sought out the wisdom and words of another. I searched far and wide, and contacted a few other emailers and Flawedcast hosts, but I couldn’t find anyone who was willing to step up and help me write something negative about Cam Gullett. But just when I was about to give up hope, I found someone. I found someone who was willing to carry this burden, someone that was willing to write some things about Cam Gullett for this contest. Interestingly, this person was on your show about four weeks ago, but suddenly disappeared without a trace. I think everyone is wondering what happened, and if there would be a return.
Chris, I do need to speak directly to you for a moment. There will be some things said about Cam. But sadly, you do get caught in the crossfire. I want to be explicitly clear that these are not my words. I, Jon Drouin, am a huge Chris Alt fan, and I wouldn’t dream of saying anything critical about your behavior. It would mean a lot to me, if you would acknowledge that you understand this, and that the comments below are not mine, and are just part of this competition.
Are we good? OK.
Chris, if you are reading this email, I'd like to kindly ask you to step aside for just a moment, so that Andy may provide one of his patented Introductions:
There is one person with the fortitude to shoulder this burden.
There is one person who has previously dealt with Cam Gullet.
There is one person who has graciously volunteered to actually say a negative word about Cam Gullett.
Making a Triumphant Return to the Flawedcast Network and to Monday Night Flaw and to The MaleBag
From The United States of America…
From the County of Pulaski…
The One and Only…
SARAH ALT
Sarah writes:
“Annoying things about Cameron:
He's NEVER wrong.
His voice carries.... His regular talking voice is as loud as most people's yelling voice.
He thinks he's hysterical.
He likes Prince.
He refuses to believe that he's a Ginger, but it's written all over his face.
(His hair is mostly brown but his beard is as red as they come).
And you can tell him to keep his shoes off my coffee table.
He and Chris both act like their mothers never demanded that they keep their shoes off the furniture.”
Ladies and Gentlemen, I cannot follow Sarah’s phenomenal words with any amount of justice.
However, I must repeat myself. These are not my words. I don’t have anything bad to say about Cam, or Chris Alt, or even Cam’s mom. Sarah even mentioned Cam’s mom. Who on earth would ever bring her into this challenge?
#TeamFaber cannot be denied. I am honored to have played my very small part in this grand Tournament. I am merely a Steward for Sarah Alt's words, and I am merely a Knight in Dustin Faber's Army. Please join me in wishing Cam Gullet well, but voting for #TeamFaber. I look forward to listening to Dustin Faber in the next round.
Thanks again,
Jon Drouin.
Cam Gullett
Yo me quiere un poco de agujero de la gloria!
Dustin Faber, the man I nicknamed The Catholic Curbstomper is afraid to go
one...on one...with The Dashing Franchise? You'd think a good Catholic like
him wouldn't turn down just an easy opportunity to get up close and
personal with a raging homosexual like me, Cam Gullett!!
And now I am stuck in a match against this new comer, Jon whatshisname.
Between you and me I think this "church" that Jon and Dustin met at is
actually what we in the business like to call a "Truckstop Discotech."
Jon Drouin? More like Jon Droolin....for cock!
WWE is in Australia right now. Any chance Tom Roper finally gets his
opportunity to have Damien Sandow throw him around the ring like his own
personal Rosa Mendes?
Ziggler coming out to Jericho's music and using his entrance this week was
phenomenal. It reminded that it is actually possible to imitate Y2J without
being a humorless piece of shit. 'Sup Cliff Snotes?
On a completed unrelated note, I have officially sued Ryback for his
stealing my "Feed Me More" catchphrase as it is really causing confusion
amongst my many faithful customers.
Not sure if you guys saw the story or not, but one of the Funkadactyls got
arrested for a DWI recently. Apparently Cameron offered a $10,000 bribe for
the officers to let her go. I usually just offer up my services for an
upcoming bachelor party. Different scams for different Cams I suppose.
Jon Drouin is a man who has went by many names. Some might even go so far
to call him the man of a 1000 douchebags; copyright James Ryan.
Well I am the man of 1001 douchebags, as my many clients will attest: #1
Arnold Bar, #2 Armmie Barts, #3 Armel Baron, etc.
Jon Drouin is like a Hydra of asshole. Every head that gets cut off is just
replaced by an even less funny, but sometimes ethnic, asshole.
Is Cam Gullett breaking kayfabe too much in one email? Hi Dwayne and Phil!
Welcome to King of the Ring, Johnny Boy. Now put a dick in your mouth!
As always,
"The Dashing Franchise" Cam Gullett!!
