MNF 39/Male Bag 22
Sept 28, 2012 21:23:15 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Sept 28, 2012 21:23:15 GMT -5
Check out Monday Night Flaw 39 and Male Bag 22 on www.flawedcast.net/mondaynightflaw or iTunes or Stitcher then come back here and vote!
AND don't forget to vote for the King of the Ring!
natecorbitt.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=kotr&thread=8898
Dustin Hawes
Cena causes cancer by Dustin (less drunk than Faber) Hawes
Hey cocktuplets and cunt lips,
I realize this whole campaign for breast cancer is for a good cause, but
when Cena says you can't see cancer, i have to call bull shit. I saw that
shit everywhere the other day. Oh, fuck me. Uggghhhh, My bad, that was
diabetes. Apparently, i accidentally walked right into James Enright's
family reunion. Listen, that place was fucked up. They had a spit where
they were cooking bourbon basted James Gandolfini stuffed with cream
cheese and imitation crab meat, and a buffet with 2,000 deep fried refried
chicken fingers with cool whip for a dipping sauce. There was a diverse
array of quarter pound burgers from various fast food restaraunts. They had
dozens of twinkies cut up and they put them all in the world's largest
cereal bowl. They called them twinkie-Os. They had powdered sugar covered
sugar cubes and they were having a deep fried butter and cheese eating
contest. It was highly disturbing.
Anyways, the other day I was trying to go to work. After commuting for
several hours i decided i better quit that fucking job at Kroger i
apparently have since it is just not worth the drive every day from Salt
Lake City to fucking Phoenix since that's the fucking closest one. Nope,
instead i landed a gig as A.J.'s cunt critter tamer. It's a traveling act
but it is worth the pay. Ehhh, fuck it KROGER BOYS STAND UP!!!!
Anyways, last weeks smackdown was the best in a long while. I mean, i still
passed the fuck out during it but what i saw was good. And my thoughts on
raw are that the Punk/Heyman thing is going exactly as well as expected.
Also, Jerry Lawler sounds as fucked up as Laotian children trying to
interpret Wacka Flacka Flame lyrics to a group of their tweener friends. I
mean jesus, I've heard better shit come out of Rumplestilskinn's dick.
Peace,
KROGER BOY NUMBER 1
Spence Hopkins
Something something *snarl* something *Spence*
What up blueberry cocktarts.
I am very happy to have finally made a name for myself here on the mailbag, and to think it took a god damn entire week to ascend to the heavens and finally hear that squirrel boy's laughter come out of Altar Boy's face. So, here we are, mailbag 22. And unfortunately for Andy (or anyone else with an Ultimate Warrior impression) if wrestling has ever taught me anything, it is that you never leave a dead horse without first maiming the 100% entire fuck out of it first. So, with that in mind.....
WARRIORS! LIZARDS! DENDROPHILIACS! GINDER MAHAL'S EYEBROW TWEEZERS! I STAND BEFORE YOU NOTHING MORE THAN A LAPDOG OF DISEMBODIED IMPURITY! THE GODS HAD ENCOURAGED THE WRATH OF DISEMBOWELED PARAKEET CANNIBALISM ON THE SOMEWHAT MASSES OF OBVIOUSLY UNINTELLIGENT FANS TO THE SO CALLED TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION! MEANWHILE, THOUSANDS OF WICKEN JEWS ARE FORNICATING ON THE GLISTENING CORPSE OF CHRIS BENOIT AND MISTING HIM WITH THE EVER ENERGIZING SEMEN OF THE IMPULSIVE BADGER! AND A PRESTIGIOUS HERD OF JIZZ POSSUMS ARE ALL THAT STANDS BEFORE THE GODS AND THE REMAINS OF the benoit prophecy! WARRIORS! THE GODS HAVE FORETOLD THE STORY TO THE CHOSEN ONE, THAT MILLIONS WILL VANQUISH IN THE JOHN CENA CURE FOR CANCER AFTER THE 5 CHEMOTHERAPY TREATMENTS OF DOOM END IN a string of invisible breast cancer that COMPLETELY DISSIPATES HEATH SLATER'S gorgeous bust line. WARRIORS! WILL YOU STAND IN THE GARDEN OF HALLUCINATIONS AND WALK TO THE SWIMMING POOL OF BROKEN DREAMS? WILL YOU PROVIDE THE CHOSEN ONE WITH THE TELEPHONE NUMBER OF JEFF HARDY'S CRIMSON DRUG AMBASSADOR? WOULD YOU BASK IN THE STEAM ENGINE'S GLORY AND FULFILL THE MISSION BY DELIVERING THE PACKAGE OF WORTH TO THE POST OFFICE OF TRIGONOMETRY? AAAAAAAAGGGHHHH! WARRIORS! WILL YOU INJECT THE SHOT OF EFFERVESCENT INSULIN INTO THE APATHETIC TISSUES OF PAUL HEYMAN'S BULBOUS ANUS? or...... Warriors...... WILL YOU GO TO THE DOCTOR'S FORESEEABLE OFFICE AND PROVIDE ME WITH THE PRESCRIPTION BOTTLE OF EVENTUALLY ENDING ENERGY THAT I....... so. desperately. neeeeeeeeed! SNARL! *then proceeds to finish off his prescription bottle of aderal*
Yup, this occurred. This occurred and there hath not a maneuver in which you can use to change the outcome. *trademark*
Spence
Cam Gullett
Hey Tyler and Andy...wait a second
*checks email address*
Almost made that mistake again...
Hey Troll King and Kingslayer, calm down Chris.
I really enjoyed listening to that trainwreck, calm down Enright, of a
recap show this week. Listening to Autism Sanders get drunker off of 4
beers than Chris Alt from a couple of mai tais was hilarious. What a nerd.
Speaking of nerds, Daniel Bryan is no longer a vegan because he developed a
soy intolerance. A vegan with a soy intolerance is almost as unfortunate as
if I were to develop a sudden allergy to cum. Because I'm gay!
I wish the best of luck to my Army of Dorkness cohost, James Ryan tonight
as he goes man on fish for the KOTR crown! I would say a bad thing about
Hodgey here, but his iHop podcast with Solly is just so lovely that I can't
bring myself to poke fun of that flappy headed gay fish.
Cliff Snotes is baaaaack!! And he is actually funny again. It's great.
Welcome back you old dirty bastard. Hopefully you aren't too pissed about
your buddy Jon Drouin being inducted into the "Suck my dick" club.
How hilarious was it that right after they announced Daniel Bryan and
Kane's tag team will be saddled with that awful Team HellNo name that
Sandow and Rhodes came in with Rhodes Scholars which is a thousand times
better than Team HellNo. How dumb do the voters have to be to do something
so asinine?
*Looks at this week's Heavyweight Champion Austin Sanders* Nevermind.
As always,
The Big Red Dashing Franchise Game of the Voiceless Nature Boy" Cam
Gullett!! Woooooooooo!!
Dustin Faber
i am not luc longley!
Hello Monday Night Flaw!!!!
For starters, I can't believe the WWE and Hulu signed a deal to put their
shows on the web. We ditched cable a few weeks ago, and the most
frustrating thing was trying to find a live stream of RAW that didn't slow
down or stutter (Smackdown is easy because the WWE actually loads that onto
their Youtube Page). Now I can watch wrestling on Tuesday nights! Yippee
Skippee!
Hey you, get your damn hands off of her! Woah, that's an old movie
reference! Speaking of old movie references, I had a question about the
film Jaws. Is that Shark real? It looks more real than the alligator in
Hook! Because cripes, it terrifies me to no end. I am so sad! I am so
happy! I don't know what I am and why I'm referencing Hook in 2012!
Play my music! I DON'T CARE THAT YOU ALREADY PLAYED IT ONCE, CUE MY MUSIC
AGAIN! NOW CAMDAMNIT!
THANKS! Speaking of thanks, I want to thank Andy Gaston and Tyler Houston
for their really funny show. This likeable chap named Jon Druin told me
about them at church, and I had to listen. And they know football better
than replacement referees! It's a funny show and I encourage everyone to
illegally pirate it, it's that darn good!
Oh.
I almost forgot.
sjkafdjioeruwoi
Fifth, I head Atom Dan talk some trash about me! I don't know why, as I
listen to Dandora Mobile Radio every time he records it and releases it!
But if he wants to throw down fisticuffs, I'm waiting. Atom Dan, I have
something to say to you! I think, OMG snack packs are in my refrigerator!
Score!!!!
Oh, speaking of things that are cold and in the dark, J.B. King, I don't
know why you think that you are still alive. I READ ABOUT YOUR DEATH IN THE
IOWA STATESMAN NEWSPAPER! AND PRINT DON'T LIE BC I WATCHED THE WIRE! HAVE A
LOOK FOR YOURSELF!
Finally, I wanted to compose a scenario for you. What if, instead of
breasts, milk for babies came out of a penis instead? I'll let that
horrible mental image sink in as I sign off for the week.
Bye Bye,
Dustin Faber
Your straight-edge friend and host of the defunct Six-Minute Show.
Austin Sanders
Rape is nice.
"The subject line isn't true. Rape ISN'T nice and how dare you fucking
giggle at that."
I. AM. YOUR. NEW. WORLD. HEAVYWEIGHT. CHAMPIONS. OF. THE. WORLD!!!!!!!!!
AND I DEMAND NEW MUSIC!
Rape me by nirvana would be nice. You know, the music you didn't put in for
my CZW recap when I fucking asked you to. Butt Muffler. I understood that
it sucked but I thought we was bros, bro.
Anyway. QUESTIONS!
1.I'm Champion.
2.LOL JK rape is actually nice.
Damn that was worst than last week. ANYWAY ON WITH THE SHOW!
14 weeks since I've joined the cunt party here on the malebag. 14 fucking
emails I've shitted outta my brain along the way.
14 emails from Stu that have either 1. Been Funny. 2.Not funny at all. Or
3. Too Scottish for me to give a shit.
14 emails from BJ Kink that have been the best use of my decoder ring I
found in a cereal box since my early emails.
it didn't work as well as I thought it was going to, but then again that's
what I expect from a Cap'n Chronic box.
Or maybe you just need to fucking spell better.
Get aborted.
Oh and btw, I guess I should congratulate you on you're 4 week title reign
because just like Andy Solcum, you hit it out of the park every week. But
I'll address it like you're uncle Coach Z would since you two are so much
alike.
"Hey man, you did a great JJJEEEERRRRARBBBBBB."
And 14 emails from Cam that ironically matches the number of loved ones
he's lost to Breast cancer yesterday. OH IF ONLY YOU WERE AWARE ENOUGH!
Too bad you weren't, cause their dead now.
Oh and Cam, sorry to hear about your cat. You'd think
he'd would've survived a bigger fall.
Too bad it can't. Cause it's dead now. RIP Tiddybomboms The fuckable cat.
Fuck you faggot.
INTERMISSION!
When a child asks "What's the difference between Jam and Peanut Butter?"
What's Brain VanAlstynes answer?
"I can't Peanut Butter my dick up your ass."
ALSO Brain sounds like Jimmy Palmer from South Park. I never noticed this
until Andy told me BEFORE we recorded.
Yup you're right Andy, it's all a bit.....
So finally I should acknowledge the person who not only has a hand in me
being champ, but encouraged me to email in all together.
And that person....
Is Chris Alt.
Chris, remember 14 weeks ago. You were acting like a rape baby about being
a FAKE CHAMPION! IT WASN'T EVEN REAL YOU 9/11 LOOKING MOTHER
FUCK................It really erked me the wrong way. And kind of still
does.
But even with you're stupidity, I was able to finally able to jump into the
fun. So remember this. As much as I hate Cams Gayness, Cliffs Multiple
personality disorder, and BJ "Why haven't you be aborted yet" Kinks
spelling errors. It was YOUR idiotic rant and stupidness that made me go
over the edge. ALWAYS remember that.
Why don't you kill yourself?
There was wrestling but who cares.
XOXOXOXOXO
TheTallOne
PS. JB King, I'd hang myself too if I was finally dethroned by a 19 year
old tourettes dumbass.
PSS. Oh and James Ryan, I DID get that Capri sun Andy promised me for being
on MNF. Its Flavor is "PLANEfully" bitter though.
PSSS. I like the other S's so shut up. It's like, my favorite letter.
unlike the letter H. H is a loser letter and needs to join Dan and I in the
unemployment line.
Though it DOES completes Cam's HIV. Good call Chris.
PSSS. I'm champion. it happened. IT HAPPENED! AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN
DO ABOUT IT! ni%%ers.
Cliff Snotes
FOUR
Yes.
Four.
I'm going to turn my back on you, and resume my countdown from four. And when I turn around, you had better not pull a twelve inch shaft out of your pants and whack me with it.
WELCOME!
TO FLAW
IS
CLIFF
SNOTES!
Hello to The Slayer of Kings. Hello to the Leathery voice of the Flawedcast Network. And hello to all of our new listeners in the back room of the North Cincinatti Kroger.
Broadus Clay vs Tensai! It's unique! Three years ago, something like this would have been your Smackdown World Championship. But then they had to insert Big Show. I'm hopeful that they do something interesting, but I fear that Broadus was simply handed a script with Mark Henry's name crossed off.
Farewell, Beth Phoenix. I appreciate your talent, your hard work, your professionalism, and your beauty. I wish the WWE had used you better over the last few years. Enjoy your retirement and your new life with your boyfriend Edge. Wait - Edge? Nevermind. See you at King of the Ring.
My dear friend, Mister Faber. Have you been playing with the electric outlets recently? Do we need to start calling you GoldDustin? Whatever is going on right now... I like it.
Good Luck to our King of The Ring Finalists. I'm rooting for Michael Watson to defeat James Enright.
And finally, I need to address our CEO. An opportunity has presented itself to you. This is one of those rare moments where it's in everyone's best interest for you to use your executive power. Don't wait until next week. Do it now. Make your announcement, RIGHT HERE IN ALBANY NEW YORK.
On MNF, JB King was declared the new IC Champ. Soon after awarding the titles, you read a brilliant email that happened to mention JB. Andy, forget due process, and forget the comments of all other emails on this here Male Bag. I don't care if there was an insult in that email, aside from the author saying "I love you" to JB King. Reward this author for his performance of recapping Honey Boo Boo, and immediately crown him as the NEW Intercontinental Champion!
Thanks Andy.
I am Cliff Snotes.
Stu Little
Truce?
Hey guys,
Hey, how about that controversial sports related incident this week, huh? Boy, I sure am incensed at that specific series of events. Damn you, responsible parties! *fist shake*
In happier news, Cliff returned! Good to have you back buddy. Though by pure coincidence I'm sure, we never got an e-mail from Jon Drouin. I hope he's okay. Has anyone spoken to him?
Well done to Austin for winning his first e-mail championship. I hope you celebrated the same way as your wrestling namesake, with a beer bash...or given you're only 19, a Dr. Pepper bash. Also, are you allowed to say "faggot" so much because you sound like a slightly more butch Mr. Slave from South Park?
Smackdown this week saw the return of Edge, who despite claiming to have used his time off to really become a fan again and watch the show, still had to ask how Daniel Bryan and Kane became tag team champions. I guess even he didn't think Night of Champions looked worth buying at the time. Also as much as I enjoyed the segment, I do think they missed an opportunity when Bryan asked Edge if he ever thought of his ex-wife. His reply SHOULD have been "Which one?". Vickie, Val Venis' sister, or the other one?
So they were doing a thing with a referee on Raw this week, and I have to ask, when AJ was telling him off backstage, it made sense to me that SHE would be starring off into the distance, because she's crazy, but why was HE doing the same thing? Where did he learn to act, a fucking soap opera?
Also if they're going to have CM Punk reveal he Anaconda'd AJ(or "made sure her bush had a straight edge"), wouldn't it be better if they were still involved and he used it to manipulate her, like a much more disturbing version of the Edge/Vickie thing? Or maybe have Punk reveal she was still texting him, and has leverage over her due to a potential Sexual Harassment lawsuit? Punk's just as much of a dirtbag in that scenario, but is smarter and isn't just provoking a powerfull enemy that way. Oh well, maybe he could at least reveal he has a video of her sleeping in his bed, which he sends out in a Tout next week or something.
Did the room Jerry Lawler did his satellite transmission from look like a green screen effect to anyone else?
Kane's waiter name should have really been Glen. Bad, WWE. Also, Team HellNo? Clever, but...no, they're Team Friendship goddamn it! Alas, this abomination is instead what came to pass...it came to pass, and there's no alternate scenario that we can bring about through any efforts we could devise™.
Finally, something a bit more serious. There's a dispute that's been growing. It started off as a bit of harmless fun, but from what I've been hearing, it's spiralling out of control and could threaten to tear apart the Flawedcast Universe. I am of course referring to the James Enright situation. James, we've had our exchanges, and I think it's fair to say you came out the worse on that, but I haven't done said anything since because I haven't been directly provoked. I don't know if you've been continuing to attack me on Wait Till Next Year, because I don't listen to the show. That's not a judgement on those who do, I respect their choices. But if you HAVE been saying more about me James, then...I forgive you. I forgive you, and I implore you to seek a peacefull resolution to this. I'm offering you an Olive Branch(that's an Olive BRANCH, Andy and Chris. Don't you dare make an Olive Garden reservation joke here. We're better than that, and James doesn't need that sort of abuse). Please take it James, because really....War. What IS it good for? In my opinion, absolutely nothing.
James, you have nothing to prove to anyone. You're an Iraq veteran, and more impressively a PARALEGAL! I'm not half the man you are. Hell, I'm not even an eighth of the man you are. In fact, you put everyone else on this network together, and they wouldn't make up ONE James Enright. You don't deserve the jokes you get about your size. You need to be an even bigger man and stop this.
James Enright? More like...The Greatest Living American, amirite?
Think on that, gentlemen
Stu
Michael Hodge
Kay Oh Tee Arr Pee Pee Vee Finals
Hey, Chrandy.
I honestly didn't expect to be here in the Finals, and I'm sure most of the listeners feel the same way. After all, how does a guy who admits to not watching the current product even weigh in on this show, much less make it to the Pee Pee Vee Finals? By completely ignoring the current product and focusing on my opponents. That's how.
Here's who I had to get through to make it here:
Tom Roper? More like Cryin' Dangerfield
Stu Little? More like Stu Little, Stu Late
Adam Dan? More like Adam Dan
And now we come to the Golden Shower of
the Flawedcast Network.
Allegedly, James Ryan is an actor. I say "allegedly" because I couldn't find any record of him ever having acted in anything. Of course, I did only use one source: the entire Internet.
James calls himself the Beer Baron, which is fitting, since he knows a ton about beer and his mother wishes she'd been barren.
James recently shaved off his beard. I guess hobo-chic isn't in with the hipsters anymore. Speaking of which, can you really call them "skinny jeans" when they're stretched out over your beer gut?
James is a frequent contributor to Flawedcast Network shows and is also occasionally the co-host of Army of Dorkness. Cam
Gullett? More like Dr. Girlfriend.
Seriously though, the Male Bag just wouldn't be the same without James. It'd be a merciful 15 minutes shorter every week.
In closing, hey James: Chris Jericho called. He wants his everything back.
Have fun. Play safe.
Your pal,
~Hodgey
James Ryan
Royal Coronation?
Greetings ladies and germs, this is it! This is the one we've all
been waiting for! The reason we've listened for the last couple of
months! The reason Chris Alt is back from his Spa Day after being
forced into the Belly of the Beast known as Honey Boo Boo! The KING
OF THE RING FINAL!!! But first, some live RAWing for your earholes!!!
Mystery Guest: Not so fast James! I was also there for your live raw
report, so it only seems fitting that I come in and join you now. By
the way, nice job on the BooBoo recap there Chris. It was missing that
lovely Scott Taylor like flare to it with the missing ratings and
opening. Oh well, you have plenty of time to get it down right when
you do the next HBB recap on Monday.
WAIT A MINUTE FANZ!!! We've got a 2nd Live RAW Viewer tonight!!!
That's right hoes! OMGSWERVE!!!
I want you to welcome my new tag team partner on the Male Bag!
J....B......KING!!!!!
NOW START THA FUCKIN SHOW!!!
CM Punk verbally dresses down a Foot Locker employee in the ring! He
tells him to hit the local Lens Crafters cause "he no see no good."
Referee McDouche looks like he can't wait to punch out CM Punk. NO!
Bad acting!!!
Then "My Fall TV Boner" AJ Lee skips to the ring!!! Thankfully she's
wearing shorts again! Linda's pants suits could not possibly contain
the Rainforest that was hiding her General Manager Vagina!
Or...gasp...by wearing shorts, does that signal that she finally hit
the salon and got her bushwacked.
JB King: BUSH IN THE WORLD!!
Next up, KOFI Annan vs Dolphin Diddler!
JR: Kofi's the Black RVD
JB: Jamaicans wish they smoked that much weed
JB: So let me get this strait…we get a 5 star match from Kofi and
Ziggler and the replay we get is R-Truth throwing water on Leissa
Minnelli? Way to push your future champion WWE.
JR: Attention WWE Universe, get on your Twitters soon! We're having a
good old fashioned Tag Team Naming Contest!
JB: Burning Goat! Team InsideAJ!! Adam Dan presents: Twins!!
Goatface Killas!!!!!
JR: YES! If there isn't an option for "The Goatface Killas", then I
will have lost all faith in the world. Come on you Mogoloids on
Twitter!!!
THE KING IS BACK!!
JR: OMG ZOMBIE LAWLER!
JB: Orange Goblin
JR: Tell me he owns that king's throne in his double wide.
JB: Hey Lawler how's Kaufman doing?
JR: Did Benoit try to make you tap?
JB: Satan must have said hey your not Brian Lawler and sent him back
JB: I would agree with you about terrible Jerry looks. (Who has a
throne in a double wide?) But then I just saw that Geico/Eddie Money
commercial…Jesus Christ.
JR: UP Next ! Tag Team Action! Mush Mouth and Black Cena vs Fredo
Corleone and the Long Island Premature Bald Tard!!!
JB: Titus O’Neil = Mush Mouth Why does his dog bark sound like a
masturbating seal? #Arararata
JR: Tits O'Neal get the surprise butt secks powerbomb on Santino for
the win! But then takes about 20 minutes to finally pin Santino.
JB: Titus doing that ‘search for your wallet first’ pin was hilarious.
Way to send those coloreds back another 20 years there, mush mouth.
JR: Black people hate snakes! He had to make sure the Cobra wasn't alive.
JB: He kept telling himself it's not a white girl make your move!
JR: A local homeless man hits the ring! No, it's MICK FOLEY!!!
And...Cult of Personalty hits... Foley's here to pick up Cena's slack!
JB: Punk may use his mic as a pipe bomb, But Foley with a mic is like
a Hobo with a shotgun.
JR: You think Alt will get that reference?
JB: It's a movie, you hillbilly!
JR: Thankfully Mick's teeth aren't that lovely shade of tar they were
the last time he was on tv.
JB: Mick’s teeth are pretty bad but I’ve seen worse on this network.
Hell, James Enright makes Mick’s teeth look like Gary Buesy’s.
JR: Look at the fat guy in the crowd standing in between Punk and Foley.
JB: Is he asleep? Lawler Part 2!
JR: i think it's Enright. Photobomb!
JB: He has all of his teeth so maybe not.
JR: Photoham!
JB: Fatobomb!
JB: Legit question. Why is the bare knuckled fighter being tapped?
JR: Wade Barrett says he's open for business. is he a male prostitute?
JB: the thing i never got is that they always said he was a bare
knuckled boxer, but exactly 0% of his offense was punches Let's see
bad tattoos, bad facial hair,loves fisting yup sounds like Cam.
JB: This 6 man tag is the perfect scenario for politics right now. One
side with a black guy and one side with a white guy all fighting for
the latino vote. Go mittens? #IWUZBORNINMEXICO
JR: Can they just deport Sin Cara already
JB: he'd botch that too
JR: deport them all. i actually like ADR.
JB: i love ADR
JR: he's a little boring. but he's old school
JB: i dig him. i don't understand why people esp Alt hate him
JR: his wrestling tastes are retarded
JB: because he is a fat pos. he loves sin cara but hates the guy that
never botches?
JR: he loves sin cara? Is he 12?
JB: B A STAR sheamus,. legit rape. get the darkie.
JR: I hate sheamus. even more that I know he weaseled his way into
HHH's BFF circle.
JR: BRODUS CLAY time!
JB: Bad dancing kid lol
JB: BRAZZERS Dose assess
JR: I saw that kid. Nice Tit Tats
JB: Oh no it's enright
JR: HOSS FIGHT!!!
JB: It's like Andy and James hugging it out.
JR: PN NEWS with the splash!
JB: A 2nd ENRIGHT HITS THE RING! Big Show, Tensai and Funkasauraus
all in the same ring? #3facesofENRIGHT
JR: HE RAN RIGHT INTO A FIST
JB: FIST!!!! BRAZZERS Arrive fist leave
JR: Cam 3:16
JB: Cam 3:16 Austism Sanders 3:16: Arrive, Get Fisted, Leave Hungry
JR: Austin Sanders:
JR: CENA hits the ring! #RiseAboveCancer
JB: #GoDownonAIDS is Cam's
JR: Cena's such a pandering turd
JB: Stop booing the anti-cancer you drunk troll
JR: We want cancer clap clap clap
JR: Monkey frankin? who speaks like this?
JB: Steroids does this to you
JR: He's like a roided up Ned Flanders
JB: Why is Heyman breast feeding the belt?
JR: that fat guy is back in the middle...sleeping agaain
JB: Cannot unsee James Enright in the background
JR: and he's wearing a "What we eatin' after the show?" face
JB: After party at cracker barrel!
JR: Cena hit Punk with his fleshlight! "oh wow, umm...thanks for your
lead sex toy..." -Black chick in crowd
JB: Homeless on homeless violence!
JR: mick sold like a gun shot!
JB: RAPE TIME! Heavy breathing!
JR: RYBOCK!! CUT! SCENE! That's the end of RAW.
KING'S KUESTION KORNER!
JB: Hey Andy, did you miss me? Here is the latest message from WWE’s PSA!
Forget about Bryan blowing the Doctor, let’s talk about Kane giving an
imaginary handjob to Daniel Bryan. No lube or spit? Bryan is truly
hardcore!
JR: From meatballs to Meet Balls!
Question One: Ok, I’m sure by now we all got a kick out of the Brazzer
and porn jokes in wrestling lately. But let me tell you something. Did
you know Ricardo Rodriguez was in a porno? No seriously. How has this
not come to bite him in the ass yet? (Yes that is low hanging fruit go
for it Andy). Here is a pic of him as an extra in this film.
I also heard that he has been wrestling house shows with Sin Cara as a
masked wrestler named (shit you not) “EL LOCAL”. Awesome. It’s funny
back stories like this that make me either enjoy or hate a wrestlers
even more. My question is, what hilarious back story or interesting
secrets have you learned about a wrestler or diva that made you change
or solidify your attitude towards them?
Question Two:...
JR: Question Two Nothing!!! Onto the main event! The King of the
Ring Grand Finale! The Piece de Resistance! If Chris is reading that
one, good luck pal. It's French.
Michael Hodge. Husband. Father. Friend. Canadian. Destroyer of
Dreams. Crusher of Scots. Human Chemo to Adam's Human Cancer.
I love things Canadian. Let's see Wolverine. Todd McFarlane created
Spawn. Pamela Anderson, but her breasts are American.
Words of advice. Tebow does his Tebowing. Don't follow the footsteps
of your fellow Canadian and pull a "Benoiting" on your family.
#TAPOUT
Digging around on your Facebook profile, I see that you live in
beautiful St Catharines, Ontario. That place is stunning and looks
like a great place to raise a family.
However, perusing the map of your fine town, two points of interest
stick out like a sore thumb. Could this be the real reason that
Hodgey moved to St. Catharines? There's a "Dick's Creek" and "Balls
Falls"! #SAYHELLOTOYOURNEWNEIGHBORCAM!!!
I just want to point out that according to wikipedia, since 1998, St.
Catharines has had one of the highest obesity rates of any "centre" in
Canada. A 2001 analysis by Statistics Canada showed that 57.3 percent
of its residents were overweight. This has caused some elements of
the media, including CTV, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation[ and
the Globe and Mail to dub St. Catharines as Canada's "fattest" city.
#SAYHELLOTOYOUR2NDNEWNEIGHBORENRIGHT!!
Congrats! You have now invited a blatant Homosexual Deviant and a
burly BarrelAss into your once safe haven of St. Catharines! The
towns folk hate you, your poutine rations have been slashed and worse
of all, Honorary Mayor, Dave Thomas, no Enright, not the Wendy's Dave
Thomas, has denounced your family name and called you a "HOSER"!
This should have been all avoided, but you had to enter the King of
the Ring! Get out while you still can! There's still time! Oh,
wait, your window of opportunity is closed!!! Canada has now changed
its National Anthem lyrics to accomodate the new members of your town!
O Canada!
You homo, native fag!
True fat ass love in all thy asses command.
With clogged hearts I don't see my thighs,
The True North queer and free!
From fat and wide,
O Canada, we lean against a chair for thee.
God keep our land gluttonous and free!
O Canada, we lean against a chair for thee.
O Canada, we lean against a chair...I broke the chair for THEE!!!!
James Ryan and JB King
The Golden Voice and The Solid Gold Racist
MNF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD!!!
AND don't forget to vote for the King of the Ring!
natecorbitt.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=kotr&thread=8898
Dustin Hawes
Cena causes cancer by Dustin (less drunk than Faber) Hawes
Hey cocktuplets and cunt lips,
I realize this whole campaign for breast cancer is for a good cause, but
when Cena says you can't see cancer, i have to call bull shit. I saw that
shit everywhere the other day. Oh, fuck me. Uggghhhh, My bad, that was
diabetes. Apparently, i accidentally walked right into James Enright's
family reunion. Listen, that place was fucked up. They had a spit where
they were cooking bourbon basted James Gandolfini stuffed with cream
cheese and imitation crab meat, and a buffet with 2,000 deep fried refried
chicken fingers with cool whip for a dipping sauce. There was a diverse
array of quarter pound burgers from various fast food restaraunts. They had
dozens of twinkies cut up and they put them all in the world's largest
cereal bowl. They called them twinkie-Os. They had powdered sugar covered
sugar cubes and they were having a deep fried butter and cheese eating
contest. It was highly disturbing.
Anyways, the other day I was trying to go to work. After commuting for
several hours i decided i better quit that fucking job at Kroger i
apparently have since it is just not worth the drive every day from Salt
Lake City to fucking Phoenix since that's the fucking closest one. Nope,
instead i landed a gig as A.J.'s cunt critter tamer. It's a traveling act
but it is worth the pay. Ehhh, fuck it KROGER BOYS STAND UP!!!!
Anyways, last weeks smackdown was the best in a long while. I mean, i still
passed the fuck out during it but what i saw was good. And my thoughts on
raw are that the Punk/Heyman thing is going exactly as well as expected.
Also, Jerry Lawler sounds as fucked up as Laotian children trying to
interpret Wacka Flacka Flame lyrics to a group of their tweener friends. I
mean jesus, I've heard better shit come out of Rumplestilskinn's dick.
Peace,
KROGER BOY NUMBER 1
Spence Hopkins
Something something *snarl* something *Spence*
What up blueberry cocktarts.
I am very happy to have finally made a name for myself here on the mailbag, and to think it took a god damn entire week to ascend to the heavens and finally hear that squirrel boy's laughter come out of Altar Boy's face. So, here we are, mailbag 22. And unfortunately for Andy (or anyone else with an Ultimate Warrior impression) if wrestling has ever taught me anything, it is that you never leave a dead horse without first maiming the 100% entire fuck out of it first. So, with that in mind.....
WARRIORS! LIZARDS! DENDROPHILIACS! GINDER MAHAL'S EYEBROW TWEEZERS! I STAND BEFORE YOU NOTHING MORE THAN A LAPDOG OF DISEMBODIED IMPURITY! THE GODS HAD ENCOURAGED THE WRATH OF DISEMBOWELED PARAKEET CANNIBALISM ON THE SOMEWHAT MASSES OF OBVIOUSLY UNINTELLIGENT FANS TO THE SO CALLED TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION! MEANWHILE, THOUSANDS OF WICKEN JEWS ARE FORNICATING ON THE GLISTENING CORPSE OF CHRIS BENOIT AND MISTING HIM WITH THE EVER ENERGIZING SEMEN OF THE IMPULSIVE BADGER! AND A PRESTIGIOUS HERD OF JIZZ POSSUMS ARE ALL THAT STANDS BEFORE THE GODS AND THE REMAINS OF the benoit prophecy! WARRIORS! THE GODS HAVE FORETOLD THE STORY TO THE CHOSEN ONE, THAT MILLIONS WILL VANQUISH IN THE JOHN CENA CURE FOR CANCER AFTER THE 5 CHEMOTHERAPY TREATMENTS OF DOOM END IN a string of invisible breast cancer that COMPLETELY DISSIPATES HEATH SLATER'S gorgeous bust line. WARRIORS! WILL YOU STAND IN THE GARDEN OF HALLUCINATIONS AND WALK TO THE SWIMMING POOL OF BROKEN DREAMS? WILL YOU PROVIDE THE CHOSEN ONE WITH THE TELEPHONE NUMBER OF JEFF HARDY'S CRIMSON DRUG AMBASSADOR? WOULD YOU BASK IN THE STEAM ENGINE'S GLORY AND FULFILL THE MISSION BY DELIVERING THE PACKAGE OF WORTH TO THE POST OFFICE OF TRIGONOMETRY? AAAAAAAAGGGHHHH! WARRIORS! WILL YOU INJECT THE SHOT OF EFFERVESCENT INSULIN INTO THE APATHETIC TISSUES OF PAUL HEYMAN'S BULBOUS ANUS? or...... Warriors...... WILL YOU GO TO THE DOCTOR'S FORESEEABLE OFFICE AND PROVIDE ME WITH THE PRESCRIPTION BOTTLE OF EVENTUALLY ENDING ENERGY THAT I....... so. desperately. neeeeeeeeed! SNARL! *then proceeds to finish off his prescription bottle of aderal*
Yup, this occurred. This occurred and there hath not a maneuver in which you can use to change the outcome. *trademark*
Spence
Cam Gullett
Hey Tyler and Andy...wait a second
*checks email address*
Almost made that mistake again...
Hey Troll King and Kingslayer, calm down Chris.
I really enjoyed listening to that trainwreck, calm down Enright, of a
recap show this week. Listening to Autism Sanders get drunker off of 4
beers than Chris Alt from a couple of mai tais was hilarious. What a nerd.
Speaking of nerds, Daniel Bryan is no longer a vegan because he developed a
soy intolerance. A vegan with a soy intolerance is almost as unfortunate as
if I were to develop a sudden allergy to cum. Because I'm gay!
I wish the best of luck to my Army of Dorkness cohost, James Ryan tonight
as he goes man on fish for the KOTR crown! I would say a bad thing about
Hodgey here, but his iHop podcast with Solly is just so lovely that I can't
bring myself to poke fun of that flappy headed gay fish.
Cliff Snotes is baaaaack!! And he is actually funny again. It's great.
Welcome back you old dirty bastard. Hopefully you aren't too pissed about
your buddy Jon Drouin being inducted into the "Suck my dick" club.
How hilarious was it that right after they announced Daniel Bryan and
Kane's tag team will be saddled with that awful Team HellNo name that
Sandow and Rhodes came in with Rhodes Scholars which is a thousand times
better than Team HellNo. How dumb do the voters have to be to do something
so asinine?
*Looks at this week's Heavyweight Champion Austin Sanders* Nevermind.
As always,
The Big Red Dashing Franchise Game of the Voiceless Nature Boy" Cam
Gullett!! Woooooooooo!!
Dustin Faber
i am not luc longley!
Hello Monday Night Flaw!!!!
For starters, I can't believe the WWE and Hulu signed a deal to put their
shows on the web. We ditched cable a few weeks ago, and the most
frustrating thing was trying to find a live stream of RAW that didn't slow
down or stutter (Smackdown is easy because the WWE actually loads that onto
their Youtube Page). Now I can watch wrestling on Tuesday nights! Yippee
Skippee!
Hey you, get your damn hands off of her! Woah, that's an old movie
reference! Speaking of old movie references, I had a question about the
film Jaws. Is that Shark real? It looks more real than the alligator in
Hook! Because cripes, it terrifies me to no end. I am so sad! I am so
happy! I don't know what I am and why I'm referencing Hook in 2012!
Play my music! I DON'T CARE THAT YOU ALREADY PLAYED IT ONCE, CUE MY MUSIC
AGAIN! NOW CAMDAMNIT!
THANKS! Speaking of thanks, I want to thank Andy Gaston and Tyler Houston
for their really funny show. This likeable chap named Jon Druin told me
about them at church, and I had to listen. And they know football better
than replacement referees! It's a funny show and I encourage everyone to
illegally pirate it, it's that darn good!
Oh.
I almost forgot.
sjkafdjioeruwoi
Fifth, I head Atom Dan talk some trash about me! I don't know why, as I
listen to Dandora Mobile Radio every time he records it and releases it!
But if he wants to throw down fisticuffs, I'm waiting. Atom Dan, I have
something to say to you! I think, OMG snack packs are in my refrigerator!
Score!!!!
Oh, speaking of things that are cold and in the dark, J.B. King, I don't
know why you think that you are still alive. I READ ABOUT YOUR DEATH IN THE
IOWA STATESMAN NEWSPAPER! AND PRINT DON'T LIE BC I WATCHED THE WIRE! HAVE A
LOOK FOR YOURSELF!
Finally, I wanted to compose a scenario for you. What if, instead of
breasts, milk for babies came out of a penis instead? I'll let that
horrible mental image sink in as I sign off for the week.
Bye Bye,
Dustin Faber
Your straight-edge friend and host of the defunct Six-Minute Show.
Austin Sanders
Rape is nice.
"The subject line isn't true. Rape ISN'T nice and how dare you fucking
giggle at that."
I. AM. YOUR. NEW. WORLD. HEAVYWEIGHT. CHAMPIONS. OF. THE. WORLD!!!!!!!!!
AND I DEMAND NEW MUSIC!
Rape me by nirvana would be nice. You know, the music you didn't put in for
my CZW recap when I fucking asked you to. Butt Muffler. I understood that
it sucked but I thought we was bros, bro.
Anyway. QUESTIONS!
1.I'm Champion.
2.LOL JK rape is actually nice.
Damn that was worst than last week. ANYWAY ON WITH THE SHOW!
14 weeks since I've joined the cunt party here on the malebag. 14 fucking
emails I've shitted outta my brain along the way.
14 emails from Stu that have either 1. Been Funny. 2.Not funny at all. Or
3. Too Scottish for me to give a shit.
14 emails from BJ Kink that have been the best use of my decoder ring I
found in a cereal box since my early emails.
it didn't work as well as I thought it was going to, but then again that's
what I expect from a Cap'n Chronic box.
Or maybe you just need to fucking spell better.
Get aborted.
Oh and btw, I guess I should congratulate you on you're 4 week title reign
because just like Andy Solcum, you hit it out of the park every week. But
I'll address it like you're uncle Coach Z would since you two are so much
alike.
"Hey man, you did a great JJJEEEERRRRARBBBBBB."
And 14 emails from Cam that ironically matches the number of loved ones
he's lost to Breast cancer yesterday. OH IF ONLY YOU WERE AWARE ENOUGH!
Too bad you weren't, cause their dead now.
Oh and Cam, sorry to hear about your cat. You'd think
he'd would've survived a bigger fall.
Too bad it can't. Cause it's dead now. RIP Tiddybomboms The fuckable cat.
Fuck you faggot.
INTERMISSION!
When a child asks "What's the difference between Jam and Peanut Butter?"
What's Brain VanAlstynes answer?
"I can't Peanut Butter my dick up your ass."
ALSO Brain sounds like Jimmy Palmer from South Park. I never noticed this
until Andy told me BEFORE we recorded.
Yup you're right Andy, it's all a bit.....
So finally I should acknowledge the person who not only has a hand in me
being champ, but encouraged me to email in all together.
And that person....
Is Chris Alt.
Chris, remember 14 weeks ago. You were acting like a rape baby about being
a FAKE CHAMPION! IT WASN'T EVEN REAL YOU 9/11 LOOKING MOTHER
FUCK................It really erked me the wrong way. And kind of still
does.
But even with you're stupidity, I was able to finally able to jump into the
fun. So remember this. As much as I hate Cams Gayness, Cliffs Multiple
personality disorder, and BJ "Why haven't you be aborted yet" Kinks
spelling errors. It was YOUR idiotic rant and stupidness that made me go
over the edge. ALWAYS remember that.
Why don't you kill yourself?
There was wrestling but who cares.
XOXOXOXOXO
TheTallOne
PS. JB King, I'd hang myself too if I was finally dethroned by a 19 year
old tourettes dumbass.
PSS. Oh and James Ryan, I DID get that Capri sun Andy promised me for being
on MNF. Its Flavor is "PLANEfully" bitter though.
PSSS. I like the other S's so shut up. It's like, my favorite letter.
unlike the letter H. H is a loser letter and needs to join Dan and I in the
unemployment line.
Though it DOES completes Cam's HIV. Good call Chris.
PSSS. I'm champion. it happened. IT HAPPENED! AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN
DO ABOUT IT! ni%%ers.
Cliff Snotes
FOUR
Yes.
Four.
I'm going to turn my back on you, and resume my countdown from four. And when I turn around, you had better not pull a twelve inch shaft out of your pants and whack me with it.
WELCOME!
TO FLAW
IS
CLIFF
SNOTES!
Hello to The Slayer of Kings. Hello to the Leathery voice of the Flawedcast Network. And hello to all of our new listeners in the back room of the North Cincinatti Kroger.
Broadus Clay vs Tensai! It's unique! Three years ago, something like this would have been your Smackdown World Championship. But then they had to insert Big Show. I'm hopeful that they do something interesting, but I fear that Broadus was simply handed a script with Mark Henry's name crossed off.
Farewell, Beth Phoenix. I appreciate your talent, your hard work, your professionalism, and your beauty. I wish the WWE had used you better over the last few years. Enjoy your retirement and your new life with your boyfriend Edge. Wait - Edge? Nevermind. See you at King of the Ring.
My dear friend, Mister Faber. Have you been playing with the electric outlets recently? Do we need to start calling you GoldDustin? Whatever is going on right now... I like it.
Good Luck to our King of The Ring Finalists. I'm rooting for Michael Watson to defeat James Enright.
And finally, I need to address our CEO. An opportunity has presented itself to you. This is one of those rare moments where it's in everyone's best interest for you to use your executive power. Don't wait until next week. Do it now. Make your announcement, RIGHT HERE IN ALBANY NEW YORK.
On MNF, JB King was declared the new IC Champ. Soon after awarding the titles, you read a brilliant email that happened to mention JB. Andy, forget due process, and forget the comments of all other emails on this here Male Bag. I don't care if there was an insult in that email, aside from the author saying "I love you" to JB King. Reward this author for his performance of recapping Honey Boo Boo, and immediately crown him as the NEW Intercontinental Champion!
Thanks Andy.
I am Cliff Snotes.
Stu Little
Truce?
Hey guys,
Hey, how about that controversial sports related incident this week, huh? Boy, I sure am incensed at that specific series of events. Damn you, responsible parties! *fist shake*
In happier news, Cliff returned! Good to have you back buddy. Though by pure coincidence I'm sure, we never got an e-mail from Jon Drouin. I hope he's okay. Has anyone spoken to him?
Well done to Austin for winning his first e-mail championship. I hope you celebrated the same way as your wrestling namesake, with a beer bash...or given you're only 19, a Dr. Pepper bash. Also, are you allowed to say "faggot" so much because you sound like a slightly more butch Mr. Slave from South Park?
Smackdown this week saw the return of Edge, who despite claiming to have used his time off to really become a fan again and watch the show, still had to ask how Daniel Bryan and Kane became tag team champions. I guess even he didn't think Night of Champions looked worth buying at the time. Also as much as I enjoyed the segment, I do think they missed an opportunity when Bryan asked Edge if he ever thought of his ex-wife. His reply SHOULD have been "Which one?". Vickie, Val Venis' sister, or the other one?
So they were doing a thing with a referee on Raw this week, and I have to ask, when AJ was telling him off backstage, it made sense to me that SHE would be starring off into the distance, because she's crazy, but why was HE doing the same thing? Where did he learn to act, a fucking soap opera?
Also if they're going to have CM Punk reveal he Anaconda'd AJ(or "made sure her bush had a straight edge"), wouldn't it be better if they were still involved and he used it to manipulate her, like a much more disturbing version of the Edge/Vickie thing? Or maybe have Punk reveal she was still texting him, and has leverage over her due to a potential Sexual Harassment lawsuit? Punk's just as much of a dirtbag in that scenario, but is smarter and isn't just provoking a powerfull enemy that way. Oh well, maybe he could at least reveal he has a video of her sleeping in his bed, which he sends out in a Tout next week or something.
Did the room Jerry Lawler did his satellite transmission from look like a green screen effect to anyone else?
Kane's waiter name should have really been Glen. Bad, WWE. Also, Team HellNo? Clever, but...no, they're Team Friendship goddamn it! Alas, this abomination is instead what came to pass...it came to pass, and there's no alternate scenario that we can bring about through any efforts we could devise™.
Finally, something a bit more serious. There's a dispute that's been growing. It started off as a bit of harmless fun, but from what I've been hearing, it's spiralling out of control and could threaten to tear apart the Flawedcast Universe. I am of course referring to the James Enright situation. James, we've had our exchanges, and I think it's fair to say you came out the worse on that, but I haven't done said anything since because I haven't been directly provoked. I don't know if you've been continuing to attack me on Wait Till Next Year, because I don't listen to the show. That's not a judgement on those who do, I respect their choices. But if you HAVE been saying more about me James, then...I forgive you. I forgive you, and I implore you to seek a peacefull resolution to this. I'm offering you an Olive Branch(that's an Olive BRANCH, Andy and Chris. Don't you dare make an Olive Garden reservation joke here. We're better than that, and James doesn't need that sort of abuse). Please take it James, because really....War. What IS it good for? In my opinion, absolutely nothing.
James, you have nothing to prove to anyone. You're an Iraq veteran, and more impressively a PARALEGAL! I'm not half the man you are. Hell, I'm not even an eighth of the man you are. In fact, you put everyone else on this network together, and they wouldn't make up ONE James Enright. You don't deserve the jokes you get about your size. You need to be an even bigger man and stop this.
James Enright? More like...The Greatest Living American, amirite?
Think on that, gentlemen
Stu
Michael Hodge
Kay Oh Tee Arr Pee Pee Vee Finals
Hey, Chrandy.
I honestly didn't expect to be here in the Finals, and I'm sure most of the listeners feel the same way. After all, how does a guy who admits to not watching the current product even weigh in on this show, much less make it to the Pee Pee Vee Finals? By completely ignoring the current product and focusing on my opponents. That's how.
Here's who I had to get through to make it here:
Tom Roper? More like Cryin' Dangerfield
Stu Little? More like Stu Little, Stu Late
Adam Dan? More like Adam Dan
And now we come to the Golden Shower of
the Flawedcast Network.
Allegedly, James Ryan is an actor. I say "allegedly" because I couldn't find any record of him ever having acted in anything. Of course, I did only use one source: the entire Internet.
James calls himself the Beer Baron, which is fitting, since he knows a ton about beer and his mother wishes she'd been barren.
James recently shaved off his beard. I guess hobo-chic isn't in with the hipsters anymore. Speaking of which, can you really call them "skinny jeans" when they're stretched out over your beer gut?
James is a frequent contributor to Flawedcast Network shows and is also occasionally the co-host of Army of Dorkness. Cam
Gullett? More like Dr. Girlfriend.
Seriously though, the Male Bag just wouldn't be the same without James. It'd be a merciful 15 minutes shorter every week.
In closing, hey James: Chris Jericho called. He wants his everything back.
Have fun. Play safe.
Your pal,
~Hodgey
James Ryan
Royal Coronation?
Greetings ladies and germs, this is it! This is the one we've all
been waiting for! The reason we've listened for the last couple of
months! The reason Chris Alt is back from his Spa Day after being
forced into the Belly of the Beast known as Honey Boo Boo! The KING
OF THE RING FINAL!!! But first, some live RAWing for your earholes!!!
Mystery Guest: Not so fast James! I was also there for your live raw
report, so it only seems fitting that I come in and join you now. By
the way, nice job on the BooBoo recap there Chris. It was missing that
lovely Scott Taylor like flare to it with the missing ratings and
opening. Oh well, you have plenty of time to get it down right when
you do the next HBB recap on Monday.
WAIT A MINUTE FANZ!!! We've got a 2nd Live RAW Viewer tonight!!!
That's right hoes! OMGSWERVE!!!
I want you to welcome my new tag team partner on the Male Bag!
J....B......KING!!!!!
NOW START THA FUCKIN SHOW!!!
CM Punk verbally dresses down a Foot Locker employee in the ring! He
tells him to hit the local Lens Crafters cause "he no see no good."
Referee McDouche looks like he can't wait to punch out CM Punk. NO!
Bad acting!!!
Then "My Fall TV Boner" AJ Lee skips to the ring!!! Thankfully she's
wearing shorts again! Linda's pants suits could not possibly contain
the Rainforest that was hiding her General Manager Vagina!
Or...gasp...by wearing shorts, does that signal that she finally hit
the salon and got her bushwacked.
JB King: BUSH IN THE WORLD!!
Next up, KOFI Annan vs Dolphin Diddler!
JR: Kofi's the Black RVD
JB: Jamaicans wish they smoked that much weed
JB: So let me get this strait…we get a 5 star match from Kofi and
Ziggler and the replay we get is R-Truth throwing water on Leissa
Minnelli? Way to push your future champion WWE.
JR: Attention WWE Universe, get on your Twitters soon! We're having a
good old fashioned Tag Team Naming Contest!
JB: Burning Goat! Team InsideAJ!! Adam Dan presents: Twins!!
Goatface Killas!!!!!
JR: YES! If there isn't an option for "The Goatface Killas", then I
will have lost all faith in the world. Come on you Mogoloids on
Twitter!!!
THE KING IS BACK!!
JR: OMG ZOMBIE LAWLER!
JB: Orange Goblin
JR: Tell me he owns that king's throne in his double wide.
JB: Hey Lawler how's Kaufman doing?
JR: Did Benoit try to make you tap?
JB: Satan must have said hey your not Brian Lawler and sent him back
JB: I would agree with you about terrible Jerry looks. (Who has a
throne in a double wide?) But then I just saw that Geico/Eddie Money
commercial…Jesus Christ.
JR: UP Next ! Tag Team Action! Mush Mouth and Black Cena vs Fredo
Corleone and the Long Island Premature Bald Tard!!!
JB: Titus O’Neil = Mush Mouth Why does his dog bark sound like a
masturbating seal? #Arararata
JR: Tits O'Neal get the surprise butt secks powerbomb on Santino for
the win! But then takes about 20 minutes to finally pin Santino.
JB: Titus doing that ‘search for your wallet first’ pin was hilarious.
Way to send those coloreds back another 20 years there, mush mouth.
JR: Black people hate snakes! He had to make sure the Cobra wasn't alive.
JB: He kept telling himself it's not a white girl make your move!
JR: A local homeless man hits the ring! No, it's MICK FOLEY!!!
And...Cult of Personalty hits... Foley's here to pick up Cena's slack!
JB: Punk may use his mic as a pipe bomb, But Foley with a mic is like
a Hobo with a shotgun.
JR: You think Alt will get that reference?
JB: It's a movie, you hillbilly!
JR: Thankfully Mick's teeth aren't that lovely shade of tar they were
the last time he was on tv.
JB: Mick’s teeth are pretty bad but I’ve seen worse on this network.
Hell, James Enright makes Mick’s teeth look like Gary Buesy’s.
JR: Look at the fat guy in the crowd standing in between Punk and Foley.
JB: Is he asleep? Lawler Part 2!
JR: i think it's Enright. Photobomb!
JB: He has all of his teeth so maybe not.
JR: Photoham!
JB: Fatobomb!
JB: Legit question. Why is the bare knuckled fighter being tapped?
JR: Wade Barrett says he's open for business. is he a male prostitute?
JB: the thing i never got is that they always said he was a bare
knuckled boxer, but exactly 0% of his offense was punches Let's see
bad tattoos, bad facial hair,loves fisting yup sounds like Cam.
JB: This 6 man tag is the perfect scenario for politics right now. One
side with a black guy and one side with a white guy all fighting for
the latino vote. Go mittens? #IWUZBORNINMEXICO
JR: Can they just deport Sin Cara already
JB: he'd botch that too
JR: deport them all. i actually like ADR.
JB: i love ADR
JR: he's a little boring. but he's old school
JB: i dig him. i don't understand why people esp Alt hate him
JR: his wrestling tastes are retarded
JB: because he is a fat pos. he loves sin cara but hates the guy that
never botches?
JR: he loves sin cara? Is he 12?
JB: B A STAR sheamus,. legit rape. get the darkie.
JR: I hate sheamus. even more that I know he weaseled his way into
HHH's BFF circle.
JR: BRODUS CLAY time!
JB: Bad dancing kid lol
JB: BRAZZERS Dose assess
JR: I saw that kid. Nice Tit Tats
JB: Oh no it's enright
JR: HOSS FIGHT!!!
JB: It's like Andy and James hugging it out.
JR: PN NEWS with the splash!
JB: A 2nd ENRIGHT HITS THE RING! Big Show, Tensai and Funkasauraus
all in the same ring? #3facesofENRIGHT
JR: HE RAN RIGHT INTO A FIST
JB: FIST!!!! BRAZZERS Arrive fist leave
JR: Cam 3:16
JB: Cam 3:16 Austism Sanders 3:16: Arrive, Get Fisted, Leave Hungry
JR: Austin Sanders:
JR: CENA hits the ring! #RiseAboveCancer
JB: #GoDownonAIDS is Cam's
JR: Cena's such a pandering turd
JB: Stop booing the anti-cancer you drunk troll
JR: We want cancer clap clap clap
JR: Monkey frankin? who speaks like this?
JB: Steroids does this to you
JR: He's like a roided up Ned Flanders
JB: Why is Heyman breast feeding the belt?
JR: that fat guy is back in the middle...sleeping agaain
JB: Cannot unsee James Enright in the background
JR: and he's wearing a "What we eatin' after the show?" face
JB: After party at cracker barrel!
JR: Cena hit Punk with his fleshlight! "oh wow, umm...thanks for your
lead sex toy..." -Black chick in crowd
JB: Homeless on homeless violence!
JR: mick sold like a gun shot!
JB: RAPE TIME! Heavy breathing!
JR: RYBOCK!! CUT! SCENE! That's the end of RAW.
KING'S KUESTION KORNER!
JB: Hey Andy, did you miss me? Here is the latest message from WWE’s PSA!
Forget about Bryan blowing the Doctor, let’s talk about Kane giving an
imaginary handjob to Daniel Bryan. No lube or spit? Bryan is truly
hardcore!
JR: From meatballs to Meet Balls!
Question One: Ok, I’m sure by now we all got a kick out of the Brazzer
and porn jokes in wrestling lately. But let me tell you something. Did
you know Ricardo Rodriguez was in a porno? No seriously. How has this
not come to bite him in the ass yet? (Yes that is low hanging fruit go
for it Andy). Here is a pic of him as an extra in this film.
I also heard that he has been wrestling house shows with Sin Cara as a
masked wrestler named (shit you not) “EL LOCAL”. Awesome. It’s funny
back stories like this that make me either enjoy or hate a wrestlers
even more. My question is, what hilarious back story or interesting
secrets have you learned about a wrestler or diva that made you change
or solidify your attitude towards them?
Question Two:...
JR: Question Two Nothing!!! Onto the main event! The King of the
Ring Grand Finale! The Piece de Resistance! If Chris is reading that
one, good luck pal. It's French.
Michael Hodge. Husband. Father. Friend. Canadian. Destroyer of
Dreams. Crusher of Scots. Human Chemo to Adam's Human Cancer.
I love things Canadian. Let's see Wolverine. Todd McFarlane created
Spawn. Pamela Anderson, but her breasts are American.
Words of advice. Tebow does his Tebowing. Don't follow the footsteps
of your fellow Canadian and pull a "Benoiting" on your family.
#TAPOUT
Digging around on your Facebook profile, I see that you live in
beautiful St Catharines, Ontario. That place is stunning and looks
like a great place to raise a family.
However, perusing the map of your fine town, two points of interest
stick out like a sore thumb. Could this be the real reason that
Hodgey moved to St. Catharines? There's a "Dick's Creek" and "Balls
Falls"! #SAYHELLOTOYOURNEWNEIGHBORCAM!!!
I just want to point out that according to wikipedia, since 1998, St.
Catharines has had one of the highest obesity rates of any "centre" in
Canada. A 2001 analysis by Statistics Canada showed that 57.3 percent
of its residents were overweight. This has caused some elements of
the media, including CTV, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation[ and
the Globe and Mail to dub St. Catharines as Canada's "fattest" city.
#SAYHELLOTOYOUR2NDNEWNEIGHBORENRIGHT!!
Congrats! You have now invited a blatant Homosexual Deviant and a
burly BarrelAss into your once safe haven of St. Catharines! The
towns folk hate you, your poutine rations have been slashed and worse
of all, Honorary Mayor, Dave Thomas, no Enright, not the Wendy's Dave
Thomas, has denounced your family name and called you a "HOSER"!
This should have been all avoided, but you had to enter the King of
the Ring! Get out while you still can! There's still time! Oh,
wait, your window of opportunity is closed!!! Canada has now changed
its National Anthem lyrics to accomodate the new members of your town!
O Canada!
You homo, native fag!
True fat ass love in all thy asses command.
With clogged hearts I don't see my thighs,
The True North queer and free!
From fat and wide,
O Canada, we lean against a chair for thee.
God keep our land gluttonous and free!
O Canada, we lean against a chair for thee.
O Canada, we lean against a chair...I broke the chair for THEE!!!!
James Ryan and JB King
The Golden Voice and The Solid Gold Racist
MNF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD!!!