[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (#856)
Live! From Cheyenne, Wyoming
April 25, 2018

OOWF World Tag Team Title Three Way Dance
The Circle vs. Texpress vs. The Saints of Sinners (Matt Folz & Stan Fulton)

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match
Jack Bullet vs. Demon Smoke

Mac Flasher, Bridget O'Malley & Firewoman vs. Mai Muyo, Zed & Stank
Kylie Mignolio vs. Shizuru-Mume Maguniku Cox
Beer Money vs. Banned From Everywhere



Card subject to Yellowstone super eruption

[Chris Eco]

Late, late, late at night after the show, Firewoman's phone buzzes as she's brushing her teeth. She frowns and picks it up.

New Message from Junichiro Muyo

Firewoman opens it up.

Hope the rest of your night was a little less exhausting. Also - in case you were wondering who called in the bomb threat - I got an audio file for the call from a contact, and it sure sounds like *someone* who is being prevented from wrestling after assaulting one of his co-workers with FIRE may have been inclined to not let anyone else wrestle that night either. You can listen when I next see you. As if you don't already know it's true.

Fire sighs.

[Sportsguy]

We fade in and see Matt Folz, Moose, Stank, Stan Fulton, Jaime Folz and 13 sitting and having dinner.

Stank: Fire couldn't make it tonight.

Matt: Hey, you don't have to sugarcoat it. I understand why she can't stand the sight of me right now. If the best of 7 had gone the other way I might have reacted the same. I'll back off, you talk to her though. But remind her that she signed a valid contract and we all expect her to live up to it. Right now we have bigger problems.

Jaime: Still upset about losing your Championship babe?

Matt: I am, but hey give Jack some credit. He beat me straight up so (Turning to Moose, Stank and Stan) let's give him a pass this week. No reason to send him a message. No the problem we have is Juni. For a man who supposedly has no power this card has his fingerprints all over it.

13: How so?

Moose: Placing Lucas and Fire against one another this week for instance.

Stank: Eh, we've been up against one another before.

Matt: In the Invitational? Sure. For a Championship or a Number One Contendership? Sure. On opposite sides of a meaningless 6 man tag? Makes no sense. UNLESS someone wanted to cause more tension between Fire and the rest of the Saints. Does that sound like anyone we know?

Jaime: Not all bad though, he's giving you and Stan a chance at the Tag Championships.

Stan: In a glorified handicap match. A token to show how 'fair' he is. There's not a chance in hell Matt and I are going to be allowed to walk out of that ring with those Championships.

13: Do you think there's a chance you're all over reacting?

Moose: Perhaps. But knowing Juni possibly not. IF he's declaring war we're ready, we'll get Fire on board, we have a tenuous alliance with Zed should we need him...

Stank: And Mai?

Matt: Let Jaime, Stan and I handle that. No need to put too much pressure on her right now, but when the war starts she'll make the right decision. Moving on to happier subjects (Matt grabs a package from under the table and hands it to Stan) A welcome back gift to my old friend.

Stan: You shouldn't have.

Matt: It was no trouble at all really.

Stan: No, I mean you really shouldn't have bothered. I have the feeling I'm not going to like what's in this box.

Matt: Just open the package you tubby bitch. See I was offended when you insulted my fashion sense a few days ago, I thought I'd help you out.

Stan sighs, opens the package and pulls out this shirt. Stan has an absolutely disgusted look on his face as the rest of the table starts to laugh.

Matt (Laughing so hard he can barely get the words out): You should see your face right now. I couldn't resist, that's the shirt I'm sending my dad as a gift. Your real presents are under the rest of the paper there.

Stan: Very funny.

Stan digs through the rest of the package and pulls out this shirt and this hat. He smiles.

Stan: Thank you.

Matt: You're welcome. We might not agree much on football but I think we can both agree he was a badass motherfucker on the field. Especially in those early years he was un fucking coverable.

Stan: Indeed he was.

Matt holds up his glass and the others respond in kind.

Matt: Ladies and Gentlemen, to the Saints.

Moose/Stank/Stan/Jaime/13: To the Saints.

FADE

[L!zz~]

(Off screen, Kylie finds Fire, alone, contemplating things)

Fire: (looks up) Not really a good time.

Kylie: (holds out an envelope) I was asked to give you this by someone we both know.

(Fire eyes it suspiciously before reaching for it)

Fire: Thanks

Kylie: (nods, turning on her heel she leaves)

(Turning the nondescript, plain envelope around to examine it, she slowly slides it open)

"Fire,

"I have something that could help you..

K can put you in touch with me.

Take care,

B"

(A thoughtful expression on her face, Fire slowly tears the papers to shreds. Reaching into her bag she finds a lighter and sets it a flame)

[DrMcAwesome]

*the scene finds SHIZURU-MUNE MANGYUNIKU-COX standing outside the posh and very lavish suite of JUNICHIRO “ECOSYSTEM” MUYO while knocking on the door with urgency. After what seems to be about 90 seconds, JUNICHIRO opens the door*

JUNICHIRO: “Oh …”

SHIZURU-MUNE: “Sizzlechest ready to fight New Orleans Saints. Sizzlechest join No. 1 Super Genius in glorious battle.”

JM: “Well, you seem to be dressed the part in your camouflage track suit and your … Camo man thong … I’d have preferred to have not seen that.”

SM: “Sizzlechest ready for battle. Sizzlechest need orders.”

JM: “Well … Buddy … I haven’t quite …” *a wry smile can be seen through the slight opening in JUNICHIRO’s mask* “… Actually. I have a great mission for you.”

*SHIZURU-MUNE perks up*

JM: “What I want you to do, Private Mangyuniku-Cox is to join the Saints of Sinners.”

SM: “Sizzlechest is spy?”

JM: “Well … Yes. But don’t be reporting back to me with any information you learn. The Saints have put these invisible cameras everywhere, and our mission would be compromised if you were found out. But just be yourself. Don’t change anything about what you do.”

SM: “Sizzlechest double cross when time is right?”

JM: “No. That would be too soon. Fight alongside the Saints. Help them when they ask … Just know what side you’re truly on. Team Ecosystem.”

*with a tear developing in SHIZURU-MUNE’s eye, he salutes JUNICHIRO*

JM: “You’re … Ummmm … Dismissed. Now go join the Saints! Make your general proud!”

SM: “FOR NO. 1 SUPER GENIUS!”

*SHIZURU-MUNE runs off, presumably toward the Destroyitarium while JUNICHIRO can be heard sighing in relief as the scene fades*

[DrMcAwesome]

*MAC FLASHER is spotted by an INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA while enjoying a meal at Ric’s Diner when JUNICHIRO “ECOSYSTEM” MUYO also spots him and grabs an unoccupied seat*

JUNICHIRO: “Well if it isn’t my favorite current OOWF World Champion! But I see that you’re traveling light.”

MAC: “Yeah. Training session. I left the title in my hotel room.”

JM: “No … I meant Ms. O’Malley.”

MF: “Yeah. Bridget is a bit jammed after Mayhem. I guess she wasn’t too fond of my accidental effort to cost her a match against Stank.”

JM: “Typical woman, I suppose.”

MF: “Yeah. I guess.”

JM: “Well, I hate to waste your time because that also means that I’m wasting my time; but have you made a decision on my offer from earlier this week? The one that Bridget seemed to come around on rather fast.”

MF: “You as the official in Johnstown?”

JM: “That very offer.”

MF: “While I still don’t trust you as far as I can throw you, I do trust that you’ll do everything you can to ensure that you’ll do what’s best for the only person involved that you care about – Junichiro Muyo, the businessman.”

JM: “Am I really that transparent?”

MF: “I can almost see it through your mask.”

JM: “Very well, then.”

MF: “Speaking of that mask. Are you going to officiate with that thing on in Johnstown? Seems like it’s not extending itself to allowing you see peripherally.”

JM: “Mac, when your face has been massacred like mine has by Moosehead Jack … You learn to see in different ways. I’ll be fine in Johnstown. I’ll call a fair match and I’ll see everything I need to see.”

MF: “I somehow doubt that, but what other choice do I have?”

JM: “The choices have always been yours, but you pigeonhole yourself into doing what your hokey idea of ‘right’ is instead of making decisions based on you and your needs. This is why you’re in this situation to begin with. You let Zed’s words dictate that you sign that contract. You were within your right to refuse this challenge … You did the ‘right’ thing for everyone but you.”

MF: “Why do you suddenly care about me?”

JM: “I don’t. I’m just offering my observations and what I observe is someone who is still afraid to own his own path in OOWF. You let everything come to you and then you act like a victim when it doesn’t go your way. Just like you’re already crafting the excuse if Bridget beats you at Home Sweet Hell.”

MF: “She won’t beat me, unless you screw me over.”

JM: “I see you already have your excuses perfected. Well, I’ll let you go. Just don’t let this conversation affect my other offer to you. Ultimately, that whole mess with the Saints of Sinners is going to be the most important thing to Junichiro Muyo, the living human. Hopefully, your decision will be the right one.”

MF: “I’m sure it will be.”

*an annoyed MAC stands up and pays his check at the counter while JUNICHIRO nods his head up and down as the scene fades*

[Fire-Babe]

Firewoman is still looking pensive as she sips her coffee and is joined by Stank

S: Hey...um..are we okay?

Fire holds up her left hand to show that the engagement ring is still there.

S: Oh okay--

FW: I mean, I tried to take it off but your fucking grandmother--

S: Woman, do NOT swear with my grandmother's name!

FW: --won't let me.

The moment is tense for a bit, and then they both relax some.

S: I am trying to understand all this, but...I mean, I'm sorry you lost--

FW: *batistalaughs* You think that's what this is about? That I'm all boohoo-y because I lost? *batistalaugh again*

S: Isn't it?

FW: Man, I thought you of all people would get it. I know Matt doesn't. It's not about losing a match.

S: ....

FW: It's about losing my mind......

S: ....

FW: ...

S: Woman.....

FW: Yes?

S: Will you QUIT being so gotdamn MELODRAMATIC! The SAINTS are your GOTDAMN FAMILY, as broken as that is, and not to mention the BEST GOTDAMN wrestlers in this promotion's HISTORY!

Fire blinks at him.

S: You don't have to like everyone and hang out and sing kumbaya, but you damn sure better have our backs when all the shit hits the fan, because we damn sure have had yours!

Stank storms off leaving Fire, for a change, speechless. After he's a good distance away, Ecosystem comes from out of the shadows.

Eco: I --

FW: Told me so. I know. *sigh* At least YOU get it.

Eco: Yep.

FAAAAAAAAAAADE

[snelson66]

FADE into the Destroyatorium where the Saints are ... around doing their own thing. The Crusher Stan Fulton, wearing his new Vikings Hall of Fame shirt, is standing around, not sure what he should be doing. 13 wanders over.

13: “You look lost.”

SF: “You’re not wrong. It’s a strange feeling.”

13: “Like you belong, and yet, don’t?”

SF: “I take it you’re not unfamiliar with the sensation.”

13: “Every day. Every day.”

Fulton looks over at her, surprised.

SF: “Still? After all this time?”

13: “Sure. The Saints will always be Moose, Stank and LD. Anyone else, though a part, are around the edges. You must have noticed that.”

SF: “Well sure. After Poe and Fire left, those three were the Saints. I helped where I could, but I know I felt like an extra on a film set and those three were the stars.”

13: “And now that Fire is back?”

SF: “Hard to say if she’s a star or an extra. Depends what she wants I suppose.”

13: “And then there’s Matt.”

Fulton smiles a bit.

SF: “Good ol’ Matt. He might never admit it, but I think all those years he wanted to be a Saint. Might be why he hated me so much at times as I kind of fell into it.”

13: “You really think you fell into being a Saint?”

SF: “Listen, I have so many self-esteem issues it’d make medical journals. I’ll never feel like I belong. And now? There’s a war coming and Moose needs bodies. So here I am. Cannon fodder. I don’t expect to live through this.”

13: “What are you talking about?”

SF: “My health’s not what it was five years ago. I didn’t go to South Korea for the scenery. Which was nice, I’ll give you. It was for the Eastern Medicine.”

13: “And?”

SF: “And they held a few things off for a time. But nothing in this life is forever. Except Fire’s temper and her ghost band.”

Fulton and 13 smile a bit at this.

SF: “So much has changed since I was here. Now I feel like an outsider. And not the ‘crashing WCW with bad knees or a horrible alcohol problem Outsider’ either. But Moose thinks he needs me here.”

13: “We all think that, Stan.”

SF: “Thanks. I think I’ll go take a walk.”

Fulton leaves quietly as 13 watching him go, the rest of the Saints not even noticing he was there to begin with.

FADE

[Leo]

"Silver Ealge" Jack Bullet stands tall in a hovercraft skimming the marshlands of...Wyoming? Are there marshlands in Wyoming? Fuck it.

JB: I know what you're thinking, "Jack Bullet what are you doing in a hovercraft skimming the marshlands of Wyoming that might or might not exist." Really, what are any of us doing just a bit above the ground struggling to stay buoyant. Matt Folz couldn't rise above last week on Mayhem and Demon Smoke won't rise above this week. I'm new the OOWF Onslaught Champion and I plan to have more than a cup of coffee with the title belt. Folz, I know you're coming for a rematch. But, first, I have the rubber match with Demon Smoke to contend with. I won the first, he won the second. But this time I've got more than pride on the line. Your lessons are over Smoke. You want this, you won't take it on my charity.

The hovercraft veers to the left and zooms off as the scene fades.

[blownspot]

It's exactly 3:26am when Stank suddenly sits up in bed screaming, for ONCE waking up Firewoman instead of the other way around. Fire whips around and stares at Stank wide-eyed.

FW - What the actual HELL!?!

Stank - I had a BAD DREAM that Juni was lurking in the shadows with some sort of brilliant insight into your life that I just couldn't "get" and YOU agreed with him accept... oh yeah.... THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING HAPPENED!

Firewoman rolls her eyes and turns back over, pulling the covers back up past her shoulders.

FW - Go back to sleep!

She then completes the turn, lying on her belly, making a show of fluffing up her pillow before resting her head on it and facing away from Stank.

Stank - It's 3:26. Don't you want to go for a run, or something?

FW - No. I want to sleep. I have a ton of shit to do in a few hours.

Stank - Well I'm going for a run.

FW - Whatever.

Fire squeezes her eyes shut, as the mattress bounces slightly while Stank gets up out of bed. She hears him open the closet, retrieving his running shoes then feels him plop back down on the bed. She pictures him pulling on his sweats halfway up his legs, like he ALWAYS DOES, before slipping on his shoes, then leaning back halfway on the bed to pull his sweats the rest of the way up past his hips which JUST the PICTURE OF THIS IN HER HEAD annoys her to no end. Without opening her eyes, or turning to look, she yells...

FW - WHY can't you STAND UP and pull your pants on LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, THEN put on your shoes!?!

With her eyes still closed, she feels Stank lay the rest of the way to the bed before resting the back of his head on her butt.

Stank - One... You and I both know I'm not normal... Two... I just wanted to rest my head here before I go out.

FW - The broccoli and cheese I had before bed MIGHT make you rethink that.

Undeterred, Stank remains there silently for a few seconds before speaking.

Stank - I think I may have figured out 3:26.

FW - What?

Stank sits up then rises from the bed.

Stank - You wouldn't understand. Go on back to sleep. I'll be back.

Firewoman quickly pushes herself up and whips around just in time to watch Stank walk out the door. She silently stares after him before mumbling to herself.

FW - Asshole.

*Fade*

[snelson66]

FADE in on the Spin Hansen Memorial Training Center and Orange Julius Stand. Working out is The Crusher Stan Fulton. As he’s finishing up, in walks Matt Folz. Folz takes the weight bench next to Fulton.

SF: “Matt.”

MF: “Stan.”

SF: “Big week.”

MF: “You’re not wrong.”

SF: “So did you want to go over anything?”

MF: “Naw. I think we know enough to have a good idea what’s going to happen.”

SF: “True enough. Though you never know; odd things have happened before.”

MF: “Seriously? It’s going to go exactly as planned.”

SF: “You sure?”

MF: “I can’t believe you’re doubting.”

SF: “So... cornerback or d-lineman with pick 14 for the Packers and o-line for the Vikes at 30?”

MF: “Exactly what I’d do.”

SF: “Good. Listen, I have a VIP tickets to the Vikings draft party at US Bank Stadium. There’s going to be a huge garage sale of stuff the Vikings aren’t moving to their new offices. Never know, could be some Randy Moss stuff there.”

Folz thinks it over for a minute or so.

MF: “So after we win the OOWF World Tag Team Championships, we get on a private plane to Minnesota and spend hours with rabid Vikings fans? Pass.”

Fulton scoffs.

SF: “Pretty much figured that was going to be your response. I’ll ask Stank.”

MF: “Based on what I saw on OOWF-TV before I got here, he might want a day off.”

SF: “What’d I miss?”

MF: “Forget it. It’s nothing. I was making a joke.”

SF: “You know you’re no good at that. Your sense of humor is warped from growing up in Wisconsin. There’s probably a 90% chance your mother was drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon during her pregnancy.”

You’d think Folz would get mad from Fulton talking about his mother...

MF: “At least she wasn’t 400 pounds... all of it hotdish.”

SF: “Touché.”

Folz and Fulton fist bump as Fulton heads to the showers and Folz ramps up his workout.

FADE

[Jack Quinn]

<Fulton exits the gym where Moose is waiting for him, they head toward the Destroyitarium>

SF: Jack

MHJ: Crush

SF: To what do I owe the pleasure?

MHJ: I wanted to make something clear

<Fulton shoots Jack a look, but keeps walking>

MHJ: Do you know why I asked you to come back?

SF: Extra muscle against Juni

MHJ: To a point, but not entirely. If I just wanted muscle, I could have recruited Ghost or something

SF: Fair point

MHJ: You said something the other day about the Saints being me, LD and Stank, and to some degree, that is always going to be true, but that doesn't make you any less of a Saint. You and Folz are Saints, you are not the B team, you are not the nWo Saturday night crew, you are Saints. The reason I brought you back was because what you bring to the Saints was missing

SF: And what is that?

MHJ: You are the most agile big man in pro wrestling, ANYWHERE

SF: What about Lucas?

MHJ: Lucas is a BMF, but he doesn't have your martial arts background, you add something to the Saints, you and Folz can be absolutely unstoppable.

<the two stop in front of the Destroyitarium and Moose turns to Fulton>

MHJ: This wasn't charity. If I didn't think you could be a weapon of mass destruction, I wouldn't have called you. I called you because the Saints need you, and I need to know that you are in 100% for this, that you absolutely have our back the way we have yours

<Fulton thinks about it for a moment, smirks, then speaks>

SF: Yes sensei

<Moose smirks and extends his hand and Fulton shakes it>

MHJ: Good, then let's burn that motherfucker down.

<they head into the Destroyitarium and we fade>

[Zed]

Zed and BRICK~! are chatting quietly among themselves when they are interrupted by SFJ18

SFJ18: Hello, Zed.

Z: ... I haven't seen you in forever.

SFJ18: Yeah ... not much need for me when you have a manager.

Z: So what's different today?

SFJ18: Well, the Network wants to know your thoughts on the stipulation for the main event at Johnstown.

Z: So that's your question.

SFJ18: I guess.

Z: You sound thrilled.

SFJ18: I'd really rather be anywhere else.

Z: Cheyenne is pretty shit, I agree. To answer your non-question, though, I'm laughing my ass off.

SFJ18: Really?

Z: Absolutely. I'm clearly living in Mac's head rent-free. That's not news. But to sell his soul to the devil himself, Junichiro Muyo, to ensure I don't interfere with his play date with 37? I mean, hot damn! I'm kind of a big deal! It's just a shame that Mac feels the need to deprive the fans of my presence that night and put the spotlight on himself once again, but I guess I shouldn't expect anything else.

SFJ18: Well, that's all I've got.

Z: It's not all I've got! Come here, camera.

Zed stands up and looks directly into the INC.

Z: Mac, watch this, and listen very, very closely. There will come a day, probably not too far from now, when you will regret your deal with the devil. You will regret it because Junichiro will show his true colors, as he always does. Your gamble will come up snake eyes. Your homecoming will be unraveled. And I won't have anything to do with it! I'll play along with your little stipulation. I'll humor you.

But when that day comes, you'll face another, far more startling, far more terrifying realization. After Junichiro shows his true colors, he'll find a new fascination. Someone else to screw over, some other financial conquest to chase, some new catchphrase, anything else to bother his time with but you, because he will have already achieved the means to his end as far as you are involved. And when that day comes? I will still be here. In a moment of weakness and stupidity, BRICK~! and I brought you to this company. And by God, we will remove your stain from this company. You can ban me from Johnstown for one night, but you can't ban me from your mind, your conscience, your every waking thought and every sleeping nightmare. I will not rest until you are broken, beaten, defeated, and taking your sorry ass back to Johnstown for the rest of your pathetic life.

You didn't sell your soul to the devil, Mac. You sold your soul to Junichiro Muyo. I am the devil, and giving me a night off won't change that. You and 37 will get another reminder of that tomorrow.

Zed sits back down and looks at SFJ18

Z: You can leave now.

SFJ18 nods quietly and walks away. FADE.

[DrMcAwesome]

*an INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA finds SHIZURU-MUNE MANGYUNIKU-COX standing outside the Destroyitarium while pounding on the door. This goes on for about 30 seconds until STAN ‘CRUSHER’ FULTON answers the door*

CRUSHER: “What in the hell are you?”

SHIZURU-MUNE: “Sizzlechest here to join New Orleans Saints.”

*CRUSHER examines SHIZURU-MUNE from head to toe, noticing the same getup from his attempts to join JUNICHIRO MUYO*

CF (while turning inside): “FIRE! DID YOU ORDER A STRIPPER?”

*LUCAS ‘STANK’ MANN rushes to the door*

STANK: “Fire better not have ordered no damn … Oh. Sizzlechest.”

SM: “Yes, Stinkyman. Sizzlechest here to join New Orleans Saints.”

S: “And what makes you think that you can join …”

*the proverbial lightbulb goes off over STANK’s head as he recalls SHIZURU-MUNE receiving orders from ECOSYSTEM to ‘spy’ on the SAINTS OF SINNERS*

S: “I know why you’re here, Sizzlechest. But Crusher and I don’t handle membership applications. That’s handled by our buddy, Matt.”

*STANK turns inside and bellows*

S: “HEY MATT, SIZZLECHEST IS CALLING YOU OUT!”

*MATT FOLZ, in mid-shave, rushes to the doorway*

MATT: “Again?”

S: “Yeah. Your little buddy says he can make you tap out in less than a minute.”

MF: “That motherfucker! I have half a mind to …”

*just as MATT makes a quick lunge toward SHIZURU-MUNE, HAPPY DETH BAT IV holds him back as MOOSEHEAD JACK pops into the doorway*

MOOSE (in a very condescending tone): “Guys. This is no way to treat our newest member.”

CF: “What in the hell are you talking about?”

MHJ: “This is how we’re winning the war with Juni. Who is going to know more about the enemy than the enemy’s biggest fan?”

MF: “He was sent here to …”

MHJ (interrupting): “He was sent here from the heavens to lead us to glorious victory.”

S: “Moose. Have you lost your damn mind?”

*MOOSE pulls the other SAINTS into a huddle just out of an earshot of SHIZURU-MUNE*

MHJ: “Guys. I know what this is. Nobody is saying that we can’t have a little fun before leaving him for dead. Plus, if Eco has any humanity, he’ll regret the end result of this little trick.”

*the huddle breaks*

MHJ: “Sizzlechest! Come on in. There’s so much that we need to teach you about what we are and what our plans are.”

*the SAINTS escort SHIZURU-MUNE into the Destroyitarium as the scene fades*

[Fire-Babe]

Stank notices that Fire was NOT at their huddle, so goes looking for her. He finds her talking to a new referee whose name I haven't figured out yet.

FW: Okay, so we'll try you out in the Kylie/Sizzlechest match.

NewRef: Sizzlechest?

FW: It's a long story. You do well there, we'll see about full time, okay?

NR: You got it Miss...uh, Ms.....

FW: Fire is fine.

NR: Miss Fire.

He rushes away eagerly. Fire rolls her eyes, and then sees Stank. She smiles, and then remembers they are mad at each other so goes back to her usual scowl.

FW: What?

S: Do I need a reason to talk to my fiance?

FW: *shrugs* I guess not...

S: New referee?

FW: We'll see.

*Awkward silence*

S: Should have come running. There was a beautiful sunrise.

FW: I saw it from the window.

S: Oh...well, I was thinking, Cheyenne is really beautiful--

FW: I'm not selling the house in Louisiana to move here.

S: No, no that, it's just...that'd be a pretty name.

FW: Huh?

Stank takes Fire's hand.

S: You know...for a girl someday....

FW: Oh....

Fire barely conceals a smile.

FW: It'd be a terrible name, unless you want to pre-order her sex tape.

S: What? Ew, gross.....why do you wanna go there?

FW: It's obvious. Never name girls after cities or otherwise geographic locations.

S: Why is that.

FW: Allow me to demonstrate. *taking her phone* I'll Google "One Night In...."

She shows him the results

S: *reading* "One night in Paris" ... "One Night in Chyna" ....

FW: "One Night in Cheyenne"

S: Yeah... I see what you mean.

Fire smirks.

S: So you did miss the pre-Mayhem Saints meeting.

Fire ceases smirking.

FW: Look, I'll honor the bet. I'll allow the marketing and branding as "one of the Saints" and I will ALWAYS have everyone's back--

S: Even Matt?

FW: ....Maybe.

S: ...

FW: Probably.

S: Okay well--

FW: But I would have had everyone's back anyway, so that's not different. But I will NOT hang out and pretend that everything is just fine and we're one big happy family, because we are NOT and we're not GOING to be.

Before Stank can answer, Fire is called away to deal with some ring construction issues.

[Jack Quinn]

<Moose pulls Stan, Stank, 13 and Folz aside>

MHJ: I need a favor

Sta: What's up?

MHJ: I need you to get what's on these lists and get them back here as fast as possible

<Moose hands them each a list>

Sta: Flowers?

SF: homeless people?

13: This is a lot of stuff

MHJ: Go to catering, hell Fulton, doesn't your company still supply us with shit for the cafeteria?

SF: Yeah

MHJ: Ok, 13, check there, there's got to be a lot of that shit just laying around

13: ok

MF: Jack, where the hell am I going to find a teacher and some children>?

MHJ: I don't know, wait, use Jamie as the teacher, just find the kids

MF: Again, WHERE, am I supposed to just "find kids"

MHJ: I don't know, don't we do that Make a Wish shit?

MF: I feel pretty certain there has NEVER been a Make a Wish kid that has requested the Saints......

MHJ: Just do what you can

SF: What is all this for, anyway?

MHJ: We're going to show Sizzle what the Saints are all about!

Sta: Flowers?

MHJ: Trust me

<Stank, Folz, 13 and Fulton head off and Moose heads toward Sizzle>

<to be continued>

[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (#856)
Live! From Cheyenne, Wyoming
April 25, 2018

KYLIE MIGNOLIO vs. SHIZURU-MUME MAGUNIKU COX

Kylie and Sizzlechest meet in the center of the ring and we're treated to a true cruiserweight show of excellence. Given their sizes and talents, they seem to be competing not just for the win, but also to see who can wow the crowd the most with their aerial feats and inherent floppiness. The quickly exhaust the jump-off-turnbuckle-to-mat and then jump-off-apron-to-floor bits, so they have to ratchet things up a bit. Sizzlechest pulls Kylie out to set her on the Bosnian announce table, and then climbs to the barricade for an OMG MOONSAULT! The table breaks and they lay in a heap. The referee starts the count, but slowly they both get to their feet and stagger back into the ring. Sizzlechest recovers first and looks around to see what he can do to finally put Kylie away without killing them both. He rolls out of the ring and desperately looks for something under it, finally spying a ladder. He pulls it out, and boy it's a tall one. He struggles to get it into the ring. He and Kylie battle over it but Sizzlechest holds her off with a snapmare, punctuated with a well-placed downward elbow to the clavicle. That will probably need to be addressed in medical. He gets the ladder set up and starts to climb....it's a EIGHTEEN FOOT LADDER! Meanwhile, Kylie has recovered and goes after him with one good arm and one being held very close to protect that shoulder and minimize the pain. She climbs up after him on the other side. They fight on the top and Kylie pushes Sizzlechest off. He lands on the mat with a thud and Kylie looks to the crowd to see what she should do. They cheer her on, and so she decides to go for it! SHOOTING STAR PRESS FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER~! She lands with a crash and manages to get an arm over Sizzle's chest. One, two, THREE~!
WINNER in 15:41 – Kylie Mignolio

After the match, the medics respond to both, and Commissioner Firewoman comes down to admonish the referee over failing to notice a ladder being used in a non-ladder match, berating him as they both walk up the ramp and presumably to her office.

BEER MONEY vs. BANNED FROM EVERYWHERE

As Beer Money (Skurge and SYB) stand in the ring – with both taunting ringside fans – “Insane in the Brain” plays out Banned From Everywhere and their donkey companions Drunkey and Drunkette. The good-natured tandem of Awesome Bill from Dawsonville and Justin Sane take time to glad-hand fans along the aisle before entering the ring and uncharacteristically taking the brawl right to Beer Money with Bill and Skurge pairing off while Justin and SYB roll around on the canvas and eventually to the outside. “Junior” Hale calls for the bell as Bill works a wrist lock into a hammerlock and into a quick body slam. A jumping leg drop gets Bill a quick count of 1 as Skurge easily powers out. Bill and Justin work a pair of quick tags as Bill throws Justin into Skurge and dropkicks the two down as that pin gets 1.5 before Justin is vaulted into Bill’s grip.

As Bill gently puts Justin down, Skurge rakes Bill’s eyes and makes a fast tag to SYB, who dropkicks Justin out of the ring and yells insults at Bill while Skurge hammers Bill down with a series of hammer fists. Beer Money isolates Bill and works him over in their corner as SYB isn’t hesitant to use the tag rope or Skurge’s hockey stick to help separate Bill from oxygen. All done when Hale’s view is blocked, of course. Justin’s protests allow Beer Money to dust out more punishment – legal and illegal – on Bill as he struggles to free himself from his predicament.

Russ: “Awesome Bill desperately needs a tag to his partner, Justin Sane.”
Razz: “But the reality is that Justin is the hot tag in this match. That’s not the best thing for Banned From Everywhere.”
Russ: “SYB could be the legal man, though. Justin could hold his own against him.”
Razz: “Point taken, partner.”

SYB, the legal man after the double-team beatdown, waits for Skurge to place Bill in the Tree of Woe before hitting a sliding dropkick on the worn-down Georgian. As Bill falls and rolls onto his back, SYB yells “TEABAGGGGAHHHHH!” before a sit-down splash catches nothing but canvas. Bill clubs SYB before crawling toward his corner. Bill makes the tag to Justin, who comes in a house of fire … Only to be returned to his corner as Hale missed the tag while tending to Skurge as he complained of an untied boot. SYB mockingly waves to Justin before Bill catches him in a release German suplex that sends him skidding across the ring. Bill’s crawl toward Justin is cut off as Skurge drops an elbow on Bill to draw Hale’s ire and a trip back to his own corner. As SYB collects his wits, he’s too slow to halt Bill’s lunge toward Justin with a tag and Justin coming in as a house of fire with right hands for SYB and a left jab for Skurge, who had inserted himself into the fray. As SYB is downed by the right hand of Justin, the Marylander climbs to the top turnbuckle as Bill pops up and launches him toward SYB. Skurge races around the ring to pull Bill down and under the ropes while SYB sprays Justin’s eyes with Axe Body Spray just before Banned From Space connected. SYB covers the blinded Justin, with a pull of the jeans just to make certain as Hale counts off 3.

Your winners (pinfall, 9:25), Beer Money.

Skurge and Bill brawl to the back as SYB sits in the ring, equally excited and stunned that he made the cover for his team.

MAC FLASHER, BRIDGET O’MALLEY & FIREWOMAN vs. MAI, ZED & STANK

As all six combatants – Mai Muyo, Zed and Stank in the red corner and Mac Flasher, Bridget O’Malley and Firewoman in the blue corner – sort out their strategy, Mel Creech calls for a bell as Mai, Zed and Stank rush the blue corner as Firewoman takes a shot from Mai, Mac from Zed and Bridget from Stank. Bridget and Mac tumble to the outside with Zed and stank following as Firewoman battles with Mai as both use speed and some acrobatics to wow the Cheyenne crowd. As order is partially restored on the outside, Mai whips Firewoman into the corner and tags in Zed, who hits a step-up boot to the side of Firewoman’s head. Zed tags in Stank, who looks at Firewoman, before tagging Mai back in.

Russ: “Obviously we know who wears the pants in that relationship.”
Razz: “It isn’t about who wears the pants, it’s about who recognizes that a harmonious relationship is built on not beating down your woman in the corner of an OOWF ring.”

Mai takes a wristlock and tries to flip it into a Friendship Bracelet (arm bar submission), but Firewoman powers out of the predicament and tags in Bridget, who runs through Mai with a clothesline and a pair of shoulder tackles. Bridget controls Mai on the mat before parking her in the corner and tagging in Mac. Mac allows Mai her freedom, as she tags in Zed, who walks toward Mac before spinning 180 degrees and tagging in Stank. Mac and Stank test their strength, with Stank gaining control before Mac flips out of the knuckle lock and plants a spinning heel kick to Stank’s head. Mac walks over to tag in Firewoman, who looks at Mac like he’s speaking in tongues before opting to tag in Bridget.

While Bridget and Stank square off, Zed ambushes Mac with a clothesline to trigger a brawl on the outside. Before long, Bridget forgets Mai and joins the fracas on the outside with Mai in quick pursuit. Stank is left to wonder what is going on as Firewoman is urging her teammates to at least take it to the ring. Stank cracks an inaudible joke to Firewoman, who immediately starts laying into Stank with a furious rant as Creech throws his hands in the air and calls for the bell.

The referee’s decision is no contest (7:39).

The brawl continues on the outside as Zed and BRICK~! simply pull up their tent stakes and walk away, leaving Mai to fend off Bridget as Mac gives chase to Zed, who is verbally bashing Mac about anything he can think of. Stank and Firewoman continue their argument with Stank playing the part of confused participant and Firewoman playing the part of a very angry lady.

JACK BULLET vs. DEMON SMOKE – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match

Mike Elevenbee stands in the center of the ring with a general crowd hum behind him.
ME: Our next match is scheduled for one fall under Onslaught Rules with a 15 minute time limit and is for the Onslaught Title. Introducing first, from Chicago, Illinois, at a weight of 227 pounds, Demon Smoke.

“Until It Breaks” by Linkin Park plays as the entrance stage is engulfed in black smoke. Demon Smoke emerges and heads to the ring.
ME: And his opponent, at a weight of 215 pounds from Des Moines, Iowa. He is the OOWF Onslaught Champion, The “Silver Eagle” Jack Bullet.

Jack Bullet comes out from the back holding Coat Rack Steve Richards. Ellsworth the Eagle is perched on top and squawks to the fans as they cheer the weird trio to the ring. Bullet
wears the Onslaught Title around his waist.

Russ: Just when it looked like Bullet was going to submit to Matt Folz last week, he turned the tables and made the now-former champion tap out.
Razz: Matt Folz will get that belt back sooner rather than later. It won’t matter if it’s against Jack Bullet or Demon Smoke.
Russ: This is the third match under Onslaught Rules between Bullet and Smoke. The series is tied at one win each. This is the rubber bout and this time, the Onslaught Title is on the line.
Razz: There’s no question that a win here would rally vault Demon Smoke’s career. And I guess Bullet has been trying to help him in his own, but even he’s not a big enough of a chump to simply hand the belt over to Demon Smoke.

Referee Angelo Barros calls for the bell. Bullet and Smoke shake hands. Smoke tries to pull Jack in for a short arm clothesline like he did in their last encounter. However, Bullet ducks, comes up underneath Smoke, picks him up and drops him over his knee for a reverse atomic drop. Bullet holds onto Smoke and flips him with an overhead belly to belly suplex.
Russ: Jack Bullet opens up like a house of fire. He’s energized by being the new Onslaught Champion and will be fighting hard to keep it.

Smoke pops up and backs toward the near ropes, but Bullet presses him. He grabs Smoke by the wrist and whips him off to the opposite side. Bullet throws a clothesline. Smoke ducks under it and comes off the opposite strands. He tries a running kick, but Bullet grabs the leg, steps into Smoke and swings him over with a capture suplex.

Razz: Plagiarism! Matt Folz did that move to Bullet last week.
Russ: Bullet is always learning and adapting. He saw a move he liked and he’s incorporated it into his arsenal.

Bullet goes for a chinlock, but Smoke quickly gets his feet underneath him, pushes up and breaks with a jaw jacker. Smoke goes to the near corner. He skips up to the second turnbuckle. Bullet stumbles forward and Smoke comes off for a flipping neckbreaker. He scrambles for the cover and gets a two count.

Smoke pulls Bullet up by the head and jumps forward with a bulldog. He covers again for a two count. Smoke pulls Bullet up by the head again, this time hooking the tights and hits a swinging vertical suplex. He floats over for another two count. Smoke pulls Bullet closer to the near corner and heads to the top turnbuckle.

Russ: Could we be seeing the Fury Cutter so soon into this bout?
Razz: If Demon Smoke wants to prove himself and take the title from Bullet this is how he does it.

Smoke perches on the top rope for the Shooting Star elbow drop. Bullet gets up and scales the ropes from the inside. He rocks Smoke with a Eureopean uppercut. Smoke slams down on the top rope and sways back. Jack lands a couple punches. He picks Smoke up on his shoulder, spins as he comes off the ropes and drops him with a top rope Kinnuku Buster.
Russ: Another move we’ve never seen before from Jack Bullet. He makes the cover.
One…two…three!

ME: Your winner at 6:27 and STILL Onslaught Champion, “Silver Eagle” Jack Bullet.

Bullet claims the title belt from ringside and holds it up for the cheering fans. Angelo Barros checks on Smoke, who lies on the mat not moving. Barros makes a signal to the back and paramedics emerge with a stretcher.

Russ: It looks like Demon Smoke suffered a possible neck injury from that top rope maneuver. It’s certainly a dangerous move.
The folks at home can see a replay of the finish.
Razz: Look right there. You can see how Smoke’s neck snaps up at a sharp angle as they hit the canvas. A Kinnuku Buster is similar to a Muscle Buster, but instead of landing on your back, you drop straight down to your rear and it puts way more pressure on the neck.
Bullet gets down on the mat and is seen talking to Smoke. Paramedics gently roll him over, put a neck brace on him and load Smoke onto the stretcher. Bullet walks back with them, holding onto Smoke’s hand. Smoke raises his other arm and the crowd cheers as the scene fades.

THE CIRCLE vs. TEXPRESS vs. THE SAINTS OF SINNERS – OOWF World Tag Team Title Triple Threat Match

The Measuring Sticks of the Tag Team Division, Texpress, make their way out first, looking to somehow take advantage of one of their disfavored clusterbombs to keep setting records for their legacy. The newest incarnation of the Saints of Sinners team, Stan Fulton and Matt Folz, come out next to a mixed reaction, since the fans are glad to have Stan Fulton back. Finally, the lights dim, the fog comes up and The Circle ascends in the mist, World Tag Team Championships held high. They enter the ring, hand their championships over, and here we go!

We’re apparently in full on tornado-tag mode, as Fulton tackles Zane down and Folz clotheslines Ghosthead to the ground. Chad goes over to help his partner escape the surprise ground and pound, but seeing Ghosthead flip over on top of Folz, Shannon opts to leap on top of Chad and ground him with a zig zag! Shannon into the quick cover, Fulton breaks it up as Chad simultaneously kicks out at two—Zane is behind Folz now, and lifts the BIG man up and drops him with a straight back suplex. Stan rolls out of the ring, Zane gets up and eats a spin kick from Shannon, who is quickly rolled up by Chad—kickout at two by Shannon, right into a LaBell Lock on Chad! Chad is close to the ropes and makes it there.

Meanwhile, Ghosthead and Matt Folz are outside of the ring trading blows—Matt gets the better of the exchange, pulls Ghosthead in for the German—Ghosthead elbows his way out, Matt has to release, Ghosthead DROPS Matt with a backfist, but here’s Stan Fulton booking it around the ring—Stan off the middle of the steps, and the sun is briefly blocked out as Stan SQUASHES Ghosthead with a leaping splash! Back in the ring, Shannon has been trying to ground Chad despite his trying to chain wrestle out—Zane suddenly grabs Shannon off and throws her out of the ring on top of Stan as he’s rising to knock him down. Zane and Chad stand tall in the ring to cheers, and they watch their four competitors rise up outside . . . they shrug, hit the ropes, run, Chad goes through the ropes as the larger Zane leaps over, double tope suicida onto the four below! The fans are going BANANA~!

Chad rolls Ghosthead into the ring as Zane throws some blows outside—Chad begins to tune up the band in the corner, aiming for the World Tag Team Champion, Ghosthead rises, Chad charges, Ghosthead catches him, spins him around, release German—CHAD LANDS ON HIS FEET! Ghosthead rises off the toss, Chad hits the Superkick! Chad about to go for the cover—and he’s yanked off by Matt Folz, who broke free from Zane as Stan pulled Zane in for a one-on-one fight—Matt Folz throws Chad with a German! Now Matt grabs onto Ghosthead—Tazmission! Ghosthead’s not going to tap with the gold on the line, but he’s already so out of it that he’s losing oxygen quick and fading—but now Shannon is back in the ring and breaks it up with a running elbow!

Shannon and Matt start exchanging blows, when Chad is back up—Shannon knocks Matt back a moment, Chad lines him up, but Matt pulls Shannon in the way and she eats Chad’s superkick! Shannon is down and rolls out of the ring, Matt charges Chad, they roll out of the ring—just as Stan drop toeholds a charging Zane into the steel steps! Stan’s in the ring, looking straight at the barely kneeling Ghosthead, having eaten a superkick and being choked out . . . and Fulton charges with a RUNNING SENTON! I don’t know if he has a Ferrari engine, but the woozy Ghosthead just got flattened by an Army tank! One . . . two . . . we got new champions!

Winners in 15:22 . . . and NEWWWWW OOWF World Tag Team Champions . . . Stan Fulton & Matt Folz . . . The Saints of Sinners!

Stan Fulton gets up and brushes himself off, very pleased at his opportunism as Zane tries to regain his bearings after the hard steel shot. Matt breaks free of Chad belatedly and grabs the Tag Team Championships, bringing them into the ring, slapping Fulton on the back and handing him his gold, as the Saints pose to mostly-boos.

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Bloodbath in Paradise 8 PPV Live, May 27, LIVE! from Honolulu, Hawaii! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem, Live! April 29th from Johnstown, PA!

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