[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (#859)
Live! From Santa Fe, New Mexico
May 9, 2018

Mac Flasher & Bridget O'Malley vs. Zed & Stank
Saints of Sinners & Beer Money vs. Texpress & Banned From Everywhere
Jack Bullet & Kylie Mignolio vs. Shannon Mann & Shizuru-Mume Maguniku-Cox
Mai Muyo vs. Firewoman
Ghosthead vs. Heywood Jablomee



Card subject to.........ummmmmmmm.......Trump building a border wall around New Mexico because he thinks it is part of Mexico?

[Jack Quinn]

<Sizzle comes back to the Destroyitarium, clearly dejected by his loss to Ghost. He walks up to the bar where Moose is sitting smoking a cigar>

S: Number One Super Villian Sizzle let New Orleans Saints of Sinners down. Sizzle must drink.

MHJ: <to Lou> Get him a bottle of our finest whiskey

<Lou pours Sizzle a drink, he downs it and almost falls off the stool>

MHJ: There you go, have another <Sizzle does> Feel better?

S: Sizzle is sweating

MHJ: That means it is working, have another <he does>

S: Sizzle tried against Ghost

MHJ: I saw! Man that match could have gone either way, you had him on the ropes, he almost certainly cheated! Have another drink. <he does>

S: Sizzle is feeling.......<hic>

MHJ: You're not going to let Ghost do that to you, are you?

S: Do <hic> what?

MHJ: BEAT YOU!

S: But.......he did

MHJ: No! He just THINKS he did! Have another <he does>

S: Sizzle seems to remember not winning

MHJ: WHAT? He's scared of you! He was about to get himself intentionally disqualified! He was done! I've seen that look on his face before, he was about to tap! Have another <he does>

S: Sizzle <hic> almost won?

MHJ: TOTALLY! Do you know who you face this week?

S: Bullet Jack and Kylie Minogue

MHJ: Mignolio. Have another <he does> And who is your partner?

S: I feel spinny.......Sizzle's partner is......ummmm

MHJ: Shannon Mann, and you know who that is, right?

S: Ghostie's wife?

MHJ: YES! And do you want to know what I heard?

S: <taking another drink on his own> huh?

MHJ: <leaning in> I heard she was SO impressed with the way you beat up Ghosthead, that she demanded to team with you, Sizzle.......I think she LIKES you!

S: Like, like-like?

MHJ: TOTALLY! She thinks it was hot the way you slapped Ghost around!

S: <drinking again and nearly falling off the chair> Sizzle doesn't remember slapping Ghostie around......

MHJ: Oh you TOTALLY did it! <leaning in closer to Sizzle> you know what you should do? You should go find Shannon and put the moves on her. Let her know why they call you Manbeef

S: But.......Sizzle still loves Edra......

MHJ: <pouring him another> Listen, she is fish food at this point, she's not coming back. It's great that you held the flame for her for so long, but have you SEEN Shannon?

S: She IS pretty........<drinks again>

MHJ: And she is TOTALLY into you!

S: Won't Ghostie be mad?

MHJ: Who cares? You beat him up so bad, what is he going to do? Now, you need to take this full bottle of whiskey that Lou just got me <Lou gives Moose a sideway glance and hands Sizzle a fresh bottle> and go storm into that locker room and tell Shannon that Sizzlechest Manbeef is more man than she can handle and you are going to rock her world. Don't take no for an answer!

S: Sizzle not sure.....

MHJ: Do you want her?

S: Well, I mean........yes?

MHJ: Sizzle, you are a NEW ORLEANS SAINT OF SINNER, we TAKE what we want! Are you sure you want to be a Saint?

S: YES!

MHJ: And are you a man?

S: YES!

MHJ: And you take what you want?

S: YES!

MHJ: THEN GO GET HER TIGER!

S: SIZZLE IS A NEW ORLEANS SAINT OF SINNERS MAN! SIZZLE TAKE WHAT HE WANTS! SHA-NA-NON MANN WILL LOVE SIZZLE!

<Sizzle grabs the bottle of whiskey and staggers out of the Destroyitarium singing love songs to Shannon, Lou stands behind the bar and gives Moose a look>

MHJ: What?

L: Boyo, there is a special place in hell for people like you.

MHJ: <lighting a new cigar> goddamn right there is. Put that whiskey on his tab.

<Moose laughs and sits back and exhales a cloud of smoke and we fade to black>

[Sportsguy]

We fade in and see Ecosystem leaving the arena. He stops as he sees Matt Folz leaning against his car.

Matt: Hey there.

Eco doesn't respond as he scans the lot for the other Saints.

Matt: Relax, just you and I. Wanted to talk that's all.

Eco: What do you want Matt?

Matt: You can stop this all tonight you know.

Eco: Stop what? The war?

Matt laughs.

Matt: No, the war is an inevitably, as is the Saints victory. I'm talking about this shit with Sizzle... you can stop this all tonight. Give him a call, tell him to stop this charade and he retains the ability to walk away.

Eco: Hey, I was surprised as anyone that he decided to join the Saints. What makes you think I had anything to do with it?

Matt: Motherfucker PLEASE. You think I'm buying that bullshit?

Eco: I can't control what people do.

Matt: Look, the Saints? We're assholes. We admit it and we don't give a fuck what the crowd thinks about us one way or the other. But we admit it. We're upfront about it and we've never hidden that fact. So I'll do you the courtesy of telling you that we will eventually, to paraphrase a favorite movie of mine "Take turns beating that kid until there's nothing left to beat." It's what we do. And you KNOW that, so the blood will be on your hands, not ours.

Eco: How so?

Matt: For whatever reason Sizzle idolizes you. He'd do anything for you. So he'll take beating after beating after beating, from us, from Ghosthead, from whoever thinking that's what you want him to do. You're the only one who can stop it. And if you don't.... like I said, we'll do what we do.

Matt opens Eco's car door for him and moves out of the way.

Matt: Have a nice night Eco.

FADE.

[snelson66]

FADE in to the Saints locker room where The Crusher Stan Fulton and Matt Folz, the OOWF World Tag Team Champions, look over the upcoming card.

SF: “Why do you talk to Juni? You know that’s just going to rile him up.”

MF: “Meh. Nothing wrong with a bit of riling.”

Fulton rolls his eyes.

SF: “All things must be in balance, Matthew. You’re leaning too far on the cliff’s edge. Eventually the pebble under your feet will give way.”

MF: “You know what you can do with all this mumbo-jumbo nonsense, right?”

SF: “Yes. I do. Continue to enlighten my brethren until they achieve inner peace.”

Folz lets out a Batista laugh.

MF: “You really think the Saints of Sinners will achieve inner peace?”

SF: “In my dreams, I have seen that the only way they win this war is to end it in peace.”

MF: “In pieces, more like.”

Fulton shrugs.

SF: “So... who’re these partners of ours this week? Beer Money? Bobby Roode and Cowboy James Storm? I thought WWE has them under contract.”

MF: “No. Skurge and SYB.”

SF: “Who call themselves Beer Money.”

MF: “Correct.”

SF: “A name which Anthem Sports now holds the copyright on?”

MF: “Also correct.”

SF: “And they haven’t been given Cease and Desist letters why?”

MF: “I think Anthem would then have to admit that Skurge and SYB were using it long before Storm and Roode.”

SF: “Ah. Legacies. Let me look.”

Fulton pulls out his iPad Air 2 and checks the OOWF Archive entry for Beer Money.

SF: “Huh. Hockey fans. Hell, Matt. Let’s go watch the Stanley Cup Playoffs and have some beers.”

Folz thinks for a minute... which, being a Packer fan, is about all he can accomplish without an aneurysm.

MF: “Not a bad idea. Who’s playing tonight?”

SF: (checking his iPad) “Caps/Pens at 6 local time, followed by Preds/Jets.”

MF: “Let’s go. We’ll stop for a case or two on the way. What the hell does New Mexico have for beer?”

SF: “Guessing not a lot of call for Labatt’s or Molson.”

Folz and Fulton lock up as they leave arguing about who gets to drive as we...

FADE

[Sportsguy]

Just a quick OOC: I know it's been a while since you've been around, but Matt (Neither the character nor the idiot posting right now) doesn't drink. Damn good promo otherwise.

[Jack Quinn]

<cut to Danny's office where we see Moose walk in and flop down in a chair and put his feet up on GM the Danny's desk>

MHJ: Danny boy! How the hell are ya? Cat still got your tongue?

<Danny just frowns and gives Moose a look. Vic comes over and puts his hand on Danny's shoulder calming the big man some>

MHJ: So. To what do I owe this honor?

Vic: You're suspended

MHJ: Yep, I am suspended until Juni grows a set and comes back

Vic: So, do you want to explain to us what happened on Sunday?

MHJ: Eco, Mac and Bridget got the holy shit beat out of them

Vic: And WHAT were you doing there?

MHJ: Beating the shit out of them

Vic: But you were suspended

MHJ: I'm suspended, not dead

Vic: Suspended means you CANNOT PARTICIPATE IN ANY OOWF ACTION

MHJ: Really? Hmmm. <standing up> Do you have to be medically cleared to be a referee?

Vic: What?

MHJ: What I'm saying is, you would never send an unhealthy person to the ring, even as a referee, right? They have to be cleared, you know how it is, it would look bad if you put an unhealthy referee out there and something happened to him, so the referees have to be cleared, right?

Vic: Well.....that's an internal issue that we have to take on a case by case basis.....

MHJ: You realize I could just go ask my sister exactly how it works

<Danny motions to Vic, Vic nods>

Vic: What do you want

MHJ: <putting his hands on the desk> I want Juni reinstated immediately, ending my suspension, so I can get my fucking hands on him

<Vic looks at Danny Danny just cocks his head a bit and smiles>

Vic: We'll get back to you shortly

<Moose smirks, turns and walks out of the office and we fade>

[Fire-Babe]

Firewoman is busily shuffling papers in her office with Justin's help between file cabinets, desk, and inboxes and outboxes, aided by Justin who seems to anticipate everything she needs before she asks, so it's a continual version of this:

FW: Justin, can you hand me--

JS: Here you go, boss-lady.

FW: Oh...thanks.

Et cetera. Moosehead Jack comes in with two coffee and sits down on one of her guest chairs, feet propped up on her desk. He extends one hand containing a cup to Fire.

FW: What's this?

MHJ: I don't know. Rumor has it, there's some coffee in there, but between all the syrups and whipped cream and sprinkles, it's hard to tell.

FW: Hilarious.

MHJ: I waited Batista's for 30 minutes.

FW: Well, I forgot.

MHJ: Uh huh...did you also forget that people not medically cleared can't be referees?

FW: Huh?

MHJ: Ecosystem....you cleared him to referee. Thus, he's medically cleared, thus my suspension is over.

FW: You're kidding.....

MHJ: Have I EVER kidded you?

FW: *shrugs* probably.

MHJ: Put me on the card.

Firewoman knocks Moose's feet of her desk, scattering papers.

MHJ: HEY!

FW: Justin can you please....*Justin is already picking things up*.....um, thank you.

MHJ: You made me almost spill my coffee!

Fire grabs it and smells it.

FW: Huh....

MHJ: Totally straight....I am STILL on the wagon DESPITE not getting what you PROMISED.

FW: Which was?

MHJ: Joining the Saints. Quinn Siblings of Destruction tag team champion--

FW: Look, your antics at the pay-per-view landed Juni right back IN the hospital. So he's NOT medically cleared AGAIN, so your suspension STANDS. Now GET OUT OF MY OFFICE.

Moose glares at her a bit, snarls, and shoves himself out of the chair to storm out, but turns before he goes.

MHJ: YOU HAVE NOT HEARD THE LAST OF THIS!

FW: I WASN'T LISTENING TO THE FIRST OF IT!!

Moose slams out of the room.

[Fire-Babe]

Later....Firewoman is sipping her latte from before, and staring whistfully out a window in an isolated part of the arena. She barely notices Ecosystem join her...barely, but she does notice.

FW: I'm not in the mood, Juni.

The camera pulls back to reveal Junichiro "Ecosystem" Muyo, bearing the bruises and other signs of his beatdown at the end of Home Sweet Hell. He walks gingerly up to her.

Eco: It's nice up here...quiet.

FW: It was.

The two stand in silence for a long while. Fire starts to relax a bit. Juni seems to want to attempt to start a conversation a few times, but then just lets the silence lay for a bit longer.

FW: Okay...what do you want.

Eco: I just...I wanted to say thank you.

FW: For.....

Eco: Letting me referee that match.

FW: The match that got you back in medical? *scoff* Sure, you're welcome.

Eco: You had no way of knowing that....*Fire gives him a look*...well, you don't control him.

FW: No kidding.

Eco: And....for trying to get me my company back. I really can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

FW: Yeah well....

Eco: And you know, I've been kind of racking my brain...trying to figure out why....I mean, after everything, you of all people are the LEAST likely to have a reason to help me.

FW: There's a long list like that.

Eco: Yeah, but you're top three, at least. And then I figured it out.

Firewoman raises an eyebrow.

Eco: You....you just seem....lonely.

FW: Don't be ridiculous.

Eco: No, I see it. I watch you sometimes--

FW: Okay, that's creepy.

Eco: Not like THAT. Just....when you're working, overseeing ring set up, or organizing the hotels or ...whatever....you're really focused on it....probably pathologically so...but then you'll stop, and just....like you take a mental step back and ...I can see....I can see that you're just lonely.

FW: .......go to hell, Juni. I have friends.

Eco: Really? Let's take the roll call. Chad? When's the last time you talked to him?

Fire doesn't answer.

Eco: Your alleged family in the Saints? The ones you can't stand to be in the same room as?

FW:.........well, Lucas--

Eco: About that.....how's that going, with all the animosity between you and your <df>"family"</df>

FW: It's.....fine.

Eco: Uh huh.....did you set the date yet?

FW: ....

Eco: ....

FW: What's your point?

Eco: My POINT is.....

Fire has turned to walk a bit away, but Juni...gingerly...hurries to come around to stand in front of her, to look her in the eyes.

Eco: My point is, Fire, that none of those people are on your level.

FW: ......what the hell?

Eco: You have always had an intriguing combination of skills....intelligence, sadism--

FW: Sadism is something we all share in this company.

Eco: Yes, but not like yours. Sure, Moose can be calculating, but if given the choice, he'll err on the side of simple brutality every time. You plan...you calculate...you find the weakest spot and exploit it when someone least expects it.

FW: Now you're just trying to butter me up.

Eco: Seriously, Fire, it's why I recruited you for Trinity.

FW: Is that what we're calling it now?

Eco: Well, not now, it's what I called it then, though. Before I got....better.

FW: Uh huh.

Eco: Fire...there have only been three people in this company with the same focus, the same drive, the same....savagery. And you and I are two of them.

FW: ......

Eco: None of your other so called friends, your family, understand that. I don't think even Stank comprehends just who and what you are.

Fire looks away, as if she's considering this.

Eco: And that, my dear, is why you are lonely.

FW: Who's the third?

Eco: I don't think we need to--

FW: *snapping back around to look at him* WHO.

Eco: Someone who is no longer here...someone who sent me a VHS tape 11 years ago to get you on board...

FW: ......shut up.

Eco: Who you shouldn't have married but did--

FW: STOP.

Eco: And it worked for a while because let's face it, the best marriages are built on friendship.

FW: .....

Eco: .....

FW: Eco.....

Eco: Hm?

FW: Are you asking me to marry you?

Eco: WHAT? God no...ick...I mean sorry I don't want to offend you, but you are just....not my type.

Firewoman cracks a smile.

FW: I was kidding, Juni.

Eco: Although...I mean, an OPEN marriage, for our different ... interests--

FW: Juni.

Eco: Okay, okay.....but I did get you to smile.

FW: Good bye, Juni.

Eco: Have a good evening, Fire.

Juni limps away, and Fire goes back to staring out the window, now with a slight smile.

[snelson66]

May 3, 2018 16:35:31 GMT -5 Sportsguy said:

Just a quick OOC: I know it's been a while since you've been around, but Matt (Neither the character nor the idiot posting right now) doesn't drink. Damn good promo otherwise.

We’ll just say he was thinking of beer as an offering or gift.

[Sportsguy]

We see Firewoman sitting and having a Cinnamon Raisin English Muffin when someone places a cup of coffee down next to her. She glares as she looks up and sees Matt Folz.

Fire: I'm not going to take it easy on her.

Matt: Of course you're not, hell I know that.

Fire: What do you want then?

Matt: You do understand that Mai and I aren't in the same stable right? Whether you like it or not you and I ARE.

Fire just glares.

Matt: Hey, I get why you've avoided being in the same room with me since I beat you. Truth be told I might have done exactly the same thing in your position. You don't have to come out to dinner with us- although you're certainly invited. You don't have to hang out and watch sports with me- although again, you're certainly invited. You don't even have to say a fucking word to me. But what you do have to do is this: You have to know that as long as we're in the same stable, If you need my help or someone to watch your back you have it. As long as you do the same for me. I won't take up any more of your time but I had to get that off my chest.

Matt gets up and walks away as we FADE

[Fire-Babe]

Firewoman watches him go and rolls her eyes. She grabs the coffee and gets up to throw it away, but doesn't see Mai Muyo. The two run into each other and coffee goes everywhere. There's a pause, everyone stops what they are doing to look up. The stand off music from The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly plays. The two women look at each other tensely when finally it is Fire that breaks the tension with a smile.

FW: Don't sweat it, Mai, I was going to throw it out anyway.

MM: Oh....so...we're good?

Fire walks the rest of the way to the trashcan and throws the cup and what is left of the coffee therein away. She grabs two wads of paper towels and walks back over and hands one to Mai.

MM: Cos, I mean, I can't help but notice that you're still wearing the friendship bracelet, and....

Fire continues to remove coffee from herself.

MM: I...um...I saw Matt....are you and he okay?

FW: *batistalaugh without looking up from what she's doing* Matt still thinks it's about losing....he'll never get it. I don't suppose any of you will.

MM: I can't say that I do either.

FW: *stops and looks up* No, I don't suppose you would.

MM: What does that mean?

FW: That would require Mai Muyo to think about someone other than herself.

MM: What is that supposed to mean?

FW: I mean, I admit, I'm the poster child for self-centeredness around here, or at least one of them. But if my brother was fighting to get HIS company, his LEGACY back...I'd be there helping him.

MM: Wait, are you saying--

FW: Fortunately for him, he's got me.

MM: *getting angry* Hey, he doesn't NEED my help.

FW: No, because again, he's got ME. He doesn't NEED you. LUCAS doesn't need you. Hell, even Matt and Jaime don't NEED you.

MM: What, you think they actually need YOU?

FW: *batistalaugh* No....no, no, no, Mai, again you don't get it. You're just like the rest of them......but you will, soon.

MM: What do you mean.

FW: *starts to walk a slow circle around Mai* Mai....none of you know what you've started......but you all will....soon.....starting with you. Starting Wednesday.

MM: ....

Fire stops in front of her and holds out her hand. Mai looks at it confused, and then Fire takes the paper towels Mai had been using.

FW: Have a nice night, Mai.

Fire puts both paper towel wads in the trash can and starts to leave, but then hesitates. She grabs the friendship bracelet on her own wrist and pulls it until it snaps apart. She pulls out her lighter and sets it on fire, then drops it into the trashcan. Mai watches her go before becoming aware of the fire in the trashcan, so she grabs a fire extinguisher and puts it out.

[snelson66]

FADE back in on catering. Mai Muyo has the fire out in the trashcan when The Crusher Stan Fulton walks up next to her and they both look at the departing Firewoman.

MM: “Things are getting pretty weird around here.”

SF: “And for this place, saying that really means something.”

MM: “She scares me, Stan.”

SF: “Scares me too. And I’m on her side. Imagine what those on the other side are going to face.”

Mia shivers.

SF: “Right? Just remember this, my friend. It’s better to be behind her than in front of her.”

Mai looks up at Fulton.

MM: “You just like staring at her ass.”

Fulton shrugs.

SF: “I'm not saying there aren't multiple benefits to not being in her line of sight.”

MM: "Don't let Stank hear you saying that."

SF: "Not like he doesn't know."

MM: "And there were a lot of double-negatives in that sentence too."

Fulton grabs a bagel, walks off as Mai contemplates the nature of the OOWF Universe as we...

FADE

[Leo]

Jack Bullet and Kyle Mignolio sit at a table in catering, talking while Josephine plays on a Tablet next to them. Bullet suddenly stops what he's saying and looks around concerned.

JB: Do you smell smoke? Like burning trash?

Bullet's musing is interrupted by Sizzlechest Manbeef who comes up and slams a foot down on the table. However, he can't hold his balance and falls over. Manbeef jumps up and puts his elbow on the table, trying to look nonchalant, but he slides off again. Sizzlechest then grabs a chair from the next table, spins it backwards and sits down.

JB: Can we help you Shiz?

SM: Sizzlechest not need help of great American. Sizzlechest make Eagle Man great again and he get no thanks, just like Donald Duck.

KM: Do you mean Donald Trump?

SM: Him too.

SM: Now Sizzlechest being courted by New Orleans Saints of Sinners. They think he big deal. Eagle Man think Sizzlechest always little deal. You not real friend. Saints real friends.

JB: They're not who they are portraying themselves to be to you. They just want you on their side and not Eco's.

SM: If that true, where you? Where you to save Sizzlechest from Moose Man and the Partridge Family if they so bad. You play house with Kylie Minogue. You do locomotion in the butt.

Suddenly Bullet whips out his hand, takes Manbeef by the back of the head and slams it down on the table.

SM: I see I say bad thing. I leave now.

Manbeef stands up, takes a step and Flair Flops to the floor.

KM: Jack! You didn't have to do that. I don't mind Josephine watching wrestling in the ring, but I don't like her to see violence outside it.

Josephine: He had it coming. (Josephine doesn't look up from her Tablet and continues to play away)

JB: I don't want anyone talking bad about you or insinuating anything about us. It's not my real family, but being with the two of you these past weeks have made me feel better than I've had in a real long time.

KM: Well, honestly, me too. You've been so great to Josephine and me and I can't every repay you for that.

Bullet picks up Josephine and carries her as she plays away on her tablet. Kylie, Jack and Josephine step over Sizzlechest and exit.

SM: Ow!

FADE

[Jack Quinn]

<the Texpress bus pulls into the arena in Santa Fe. Chad, Zane and Bridgette all step into the sunshine and stretch. Zane looks in a different direction and shields his eyes. We see two men on horseback approaching. As they get closer, we see it is Awesome Bill from Dawsonville and Justin Sane, both decked out in their finest cowboy gear>

ABFD: You ol' boys Chad and Zane?

JS: Known by some as Texpress?

Zane: <looking around, then deciding to play along> yassir

ABFD: We just done rodified in from La Cienga. I'm Shotgun Bill from Dawsonville and that chere is Six Gun Justin Sane. Somma tha folk calls us Banned From Everywhere

Zane: <shaking their hands> Nice to make your acquaintance. That there's Chad Madison and my lovely wife Bridgette

JS: We heard you boys been havin' a bit of an issue with them Saints of Sinners

Zane: You could say that

ABFD: Well son, we's here to let you know that we done gotified your back this chere week at Middle of the Week Mayhem. Me an Six Gun done had us a coupla run ins with them Saints in the past.......theys meaner than rattlesnake with an itch in it's butthole. We's here to help.

Zane: Well boys, we're much obliged. Say, why don't you boys settle up and join us 'round the campfire for some dinner.

JS: Much obliged, we've rode a long way, the horses are done in, and we're powerful hungry.

Zane: Meet us back here in an hour

<Justin and Bill nod and ride by, both tipping their hats at Bridgett - ma'am - then heading around the side of the arena>

Chad: What. The. Hell. Was. That?

Bridgette: Shug, I think that means they are on our side

Chad: Was this ever in doubt?

Zane: I like those guys

Chad: <shaking his head> You never cease to amaze me.......

Zane: Gather up some firewood and start a fire

Chad: ummm........you were serious about that? We can get perfectly done steak inside......

Zane: Come on cowboy! Arena life is making us soft, I think it's time we spent a couple of nights under the stars

<Chad shakes his head and we fade>

[snelson66]

FADE back in as Texpress and BFE sit around the campfire, eating beans and recreating the campfire scene from Blazing Saddles. Bridgett is not amused and walks back to the bus.

After dinner, the boys sit around the fire, tin cups of coffee in their hands (Bill’s has a bit of PCPL in his cup) when a voice from the darkness calls out.

V: “Ho, the fire. I’m unarmed. Can I join you? It’s powerfully chilly out here.”

ABFD: “Come in, stranger. But keeps ya hands where we can see ‘em.”

Leading a donkey laden with prospecting gear comes The Crusher Stan Fulton. We can see his Tag Team Championship belt laid over the donkey’s neck like a championship horse would have roses. Fulton ties the donkey’s leads to a nearby cactus and sits down at the fire.

ABFD: “I’m-a Shotgun Bill from Dawsonville and that chere is Six Gun Justin Sane. Them boys over there be Cowboy Chad and Insane Zane. What’s yer name, stranger?”

SF: “They call me Stagecoach Stan. Me ‘n ol’ Bessie there been searching for som-more gold round these parts. Found a bit as you can see and staked a claim. Headed back for some more supplies and saw your campfire. Mighty kind of you to share your fire.”

CM: “Where’d you get the donkey, Stan?”

SF: “Me n’ Bessie been travelin’ these parts for some time. Spent a few years hol’d up in Durango when I got a bad case of bone shave. But I’m feelin’ better now. Happy to be back in the world.”

ZM: “Bill, you know that Stan is one of the guys we’re fighting tonight.”

Bill leaps to his feet and draws on Stan. Ol’ Stagecoach however just sits drinking his coffee.

ABFD: “You’se one of the Saints Gang? Gimme one good reason I shouldn’t put you down now?”

SF: “Well, first, I’m unarmed as I said.”

Fulton opens his duster... really slow... to show that he truly isn’t packin’.

ABFD: “And second?”

SF: “I’m not a wanted man, Bill. Would you shoot an unarmed man in cold blood? Besides, I don’t believe in violence for violence’s sake.”

JS: “Ye yellow, stranger?”

SF: “Nope. Just don’t feel the need to fight unless it’s needed. Met a man, ya see, while walking the desert. Taught me not only how to fight, but how not to.”

JS: “Who was he?”

SF: “A Shaolin monk. Went by the name of Caine.”

CM: “You have got to be kiddin’ me.”

ABFD: “Naw, I believe ol’ Stagecoach. Yer alright, Stan. If we have to fight each other tonight, I know ya’ll be honorable.”

Fulton just nods.

SF: “Well, I thank ya for the warmth of the fire and of the company, but ol’ Bessie and me gotta be movin’ on. Headed for Laredo. You boys have a good night.”

JS: “Good night, Stagecoach.”

ABFD: “Good night, Stan.”

CM: “Oh geez.”

Fulton gathers Bessie’s reins and walks off into the night as we...

FADE

[Leo]

Texpress and BFE return to sitting around the fire as Stagecoach Stan goes off into the night. From the opposite direction the sound of more footsteps can be heard.

Awesome Bill From Dawsonville: Who goes there? Show your hands!

A man in a white outfit with a black mask and a gun belt on his hip slowly emerges into the light with his hands held high.

Man: Easy now friends. I'm just passing through.

ABFD: I've heard tell of you. You're Bullet Jack the outlaw lawman.

Justin Sane: How can you be an outlaw lawman?

JB: Well, I'm not sanctioned by any governing body. I just kind of travel around and help those who need my assistance.

Chad Madison: You wouldn't happen to a know a Shaolin monk doing the same thing, would you?

JB: Caine and I have crossed paths a time or two.

Zane Meyers: Well, Bullet Jack, what brings you to our fire tonight. You're not tracking Stagecoach Stan are you?

JB: Well, not tonight and not directly. But you see, he runs with some people I have business with.

CM: The Saints Gang, we all know them well.

JB: You see, they're working on a new recruit. A man who once called me friend and now I don't know what to call him. However, I've got a lady and her young'un in my protection and I can't have him or his associates causing them harm.

ABFD: You think a shootout at high noon with the Saints could be in your future Bullet Jack.

JB: If they come after the miss and the kid, for sure. And I think their new associate might be misguided enough to try something, thinking he's doing right, when he's doing something powerful wrong.

CM: Well, Bullet Jack, you're welcome to rest by our fire and have some of our baked beans.

Madison farts and the other three men follow in tune.

JB: I think I'll just keep moving, but I thank you for the momentary ear and warmth of your fire.

Bullet Jack hikes out of site back the way he came. A screech can be heard in the night and then Bullet Jack yells "Hi-Ho Ellsworth Away!"

FADE

[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (#859)
Live! From Santa Fe, New Mexico
May 9, 2018

GHOSTHEAD vs. HEYWOOD JABLOMIE

e join the action with local talent Heywood Jablomee already in the ring, and we all know what that means. "Divide the Hate" starts and Ghosthead makes his creepy entrance, which thrills the crowd, although they are excited to see their hometown boy on the big stage. Junior Hale calls for the bell. Jablomee decides he wants to start off with a test of strength. Ghosthead glowers down at him, and even though his expression never changes, you know he's got to be thinking "Are you serious?" Jablomee is, so eventually Ghosthead relents. They join hands and let's just say that Jablomee has VASTLY underestimated Ghosthead's strength, or overestimated his own...or both. Either way it isn't long before Ghosthead has Jablomee on his knees.....

(The camera shoots to Beer Money in the back, laughing hysterically).

Ghosthead grabs Jablomee and in one smooth movement transitions into the HORROR DRIVER~! which echos off every part of the arena. He makes the academic cover, one, two, three~!

WINNER in 1:01 – Ghosthead

As Hale is raising Ghosthead's arm, and it is barely raised when "Party Boy Song" hits and Shizuru-mune Mangyūniku comes not only walking, but WALKING~! down the ramp, straight to the ring. Ghosthead observes this. Mangyūniku slides in and attempts to go chest-to-chest with Ghosthead, which is not really happening as he's incapable of moving Ghosthead at all. He backs up and, oh good, he's got a microphone.

SM: Sizzlechest been in mourning for lo these many months. Sizzlechest decide it time for mourning to end.

The crowd cheers, because who wouldn't?

SM: But it no good for Sizzlechest to be alone. Sizzlechest need a woman to keep company with, to warm Sizzlechest's toes on cold nights, to soothe Sizzlechest's weary brow.....

The crowd cheers this too, and some poor misguided woman in the crowd yells "Take me!!" This makes Mangyūniku smile.

SM: Sizzlechest sorry, pretty lady, but Sizzlechest need real woman, one who understand demands of the road. That why Sizzlechest decide he want...he MUST have.....

SHANNON MANN!!

There is a pause as the crowd takes this in, and then starts to react, settling on a "Ghosthead's Gonna Kill You" chant. Mangyūniku looks at Ghosthead and again goes chest-to-chest (sort of) as for the first time we see the barest inkling of a look of incredulousness on Ghosthead's face. Mangyūniku has dropped the microphone so we can't hear what he's saying, but it appears to be all manner of explanation of why he CLEARLY is the better man for Shannon. It appears Ghosthead has heard enough when without warning .... VEX VICE~! Ghosthead wraps Mangyūniku up in the hold and he almost IMMEDIATELY taps out. But this isn't really a match, so all Hale can do is try to pull Ghosthead off. Hale signals to the back for help and a few more referees run down. Eventually, they pry the men apart. Ghosthead is stoicly furious. Mangyūniku is apoplectic as he's escorted away, professing his undying love for Ghosthead's wife.

MAI MUYO vs. FIREWOMAN

Russ: This next match should be very interesting folks. Mai Muyo and Firewoman have had their run ins with each other over the past two weeks, you can see there's some bad blood there. Let's head down to the ring.

"Hero" brings Mai Muyo down to the ring, and for the first time in quite a while there's a small but noticeable scattering of boos mixed in with cheers. She warms up in the ring as "I am the Fire" brings Firewoman down. Neither woman takes their eyes off the other as the referee calls for the bell.

Both women come right to the center of the ring and start talking trash to one another. Fire says something about Mai's brother and Mai rears back and slaps Fire across the face. Mai kicks Fire in the gut and then charges in wildly allowing Fire to catch her with a powerful spinebuster. Fire picks Mai up and buries a knee into her gut and follows up with a lungblower that gets a two count. Gutwrench suplex gets another two count. Fire picks Mai up and whips her into the corner, Fire charges and nails a big splash. Fire covers for 2. Fire stomps on Mai, saying "Now you see what you've started Mai? Soon you'll all see." Fire goes to pick Mai up again but Mai with a short right hook to the ribs to drive Fire back.

Mai takes a second to catch her breath from Fire's assault and turns Fire around and launches her across the ring with a Release German Suplex. Mai picks Fire up by the hair and plants her with a vicious looking Brainbuster. Swinging neckbreaker gets 2. Mai shoots Fire off the ropes and nails her with a Spinning Heel Kick. Double underhook suplex is followed by side backbreaker for 2. Mai with a Side Russian Leg Sweep and she sets up for the End Is Here, but Fire thumbs her in the eyes. Fire with a Moose Killer and she heads up top. Fire leaps off with a BFE but Mai moves out of the way. Mai rolls Fire up in a La Magistral Cradle and gets the 1....2....3.

Winner (Pinfall, 8:32) Mai Muyo.

Mai gets her hand raised and then slides out of the ring and shocks everyone by grabbing a steel chair. She rolls back into the ring, sees Fire getting up to her feet and takes a home run swing, knocking Fire out and opening a huge cut on her forehead. The crowd is booing now as Mai takes two big shots to Fire's perpetually injured ribs. We see Stan Fulton, Matt Folz and Jaime Folz coming down to the ring. Matt holds his hands up and gets between Fire and the chair before Mai can swing again. Stan gently grabs the chair away from Mai, and Jaime puts her hand on Mai's shoulder and leads her away from the ring. Matt and Stan help a badly bleeding Fire to the back.

Russ: Wow, lots to unpack there folks. Fire's not going to be happy when she comes to.

Razz: But you notice that Matt did exactly what he promised. Fire was in trouble and Matt immediately came out and came to her aid, even against one of his best friends.

Russ: You know there's going to be more to this story later. We're going to take a commercial break, back to more action right after this.

JACK BULLET & KYLIE MIGNOLIO vs. SHANNON MANN & SHIZURU-MUME MAGUNIKU-COX

As Shannon and Sizzle make their way to the ring, a slightly woozy Sizzle tries to hold Shannon’s hand and put his arm around her, and she does not take kindly to that. The match goes back and forth with Shannon carrying the bulk of the work for her team. Anytime Sizzle is in the ring, he says this move is for her, and states his love for her. Shannon is clearly getting annoyed with him. Finally she chops him HARD across the chest to tag him in, then flips him into the ring. As Sizzle lies there dazed, Shannon jumps off the mat and heads to the back. Bullet takes the opportunity and hits a bridging German Suplex on Sizzle for the one…….two……three!
WINNERS in 9:31 – Jack Bullet & Kylie Mignolio

SAINTS OF SINNERS & BEER MONEY vs. TEXPRESS & BANNED FROM EVERYWHERE

This clusterbomb starts with Stan and Chad Madison in the ring. Chad looks for a textbook chain wrestling start to the match, but Folz is uninterested and reverses into a suplex. He then whips Chad into the heel corner before catching him on the rebound with a vertical suplex. Pleased with his opening (and probably conserving energy on a busy night), Folz tags in Stan Fulton. Stan drops a leg on the downed Madison and stomps on him a couple of times before Chad gets an elbow up to Stan’s gut, staggering Fulton.

Chad shoves Stan into the face corner, running him head-first into the top turnbuckle, before tagging in Zane Myers. Chad holds up Stan for an axe-handle from the second rope by Zane before making his way out of the ring. Stan fires back with some heavy strikes, then charges in on Zane as he stumbles towards the ropes, but Zane stumbles and Stan goes tumbling out of the ring. This triggers chaos at ringside, as all eight competitors swarm towards each other in a complete brawl trying to protect their legal men.

After several raucous minutes, Zane gets Stan back into the ring, and he brings a ton of offense with him. Zane is relentless in his assault … so much so he doesn’t notice a blind tag by Skurge, who enters the ring and nearly decapitates Zane with a clothesline. Skurge dominates for a spell, slowing down Zane and working his legs, until Zane makes a hot tag to Justin Sane.

Justin lands a couple of punches, but Skurge just gets a wicked smile on his face as Justin mounts his offense. SYB tries to distract Justin with a cheap shot from the apron, but Justin instead spins around and lands the hardest strike yet to Stan, dropping him from the ring apron. With Justin sufficiently filled with rage and anger, the lights begin the flicker in whatever stupid roller skating rink or bingo hall we are using in Santa Fe. Finally, the lights go out completely, we hear a lion’s roar, breaking glass, and a clip of Homer Simpson shouting “D’oh!” over the PA, and …

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUGHAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK!

When the lights come back on, Awesome Bill is draped over a ringside barricade with a mimosa in his hand, Chad is scooping popcorn at the concession stand wearing a “Kiss the Cook” apron, Stan is out cold at ringside, Folz is on the outside inexplicably holding a stuffed raccoon, SYB is setting up to record Episode 248 of the Beer Money podcast, and Skurge is piggybacking Justin in the center of the ring, with Stan standing in the corner facing them.

Sensing Justin’s helplessness in his current location, Zane charges in for a spear. Justin ducks reflexively, and Zane instead goes shoulder-first into the falling Skurge. Skurge slumps into the mat, and Justin quickly rolls over for the cover. Stan can’t even be bothered to break up the pin at this point, seeing Skurge’s eyes rolled into the back of his sockets from the inadvertent head-shot.

Winner (Pinfall, 14:12), Texpress and Banned From Everywhere!

MAC FLASHER & BRIDGET O’MALLEY vs. ZED & STANK

Great back and forth tag match between these four. Stank shows why he is the BMF of the OOWF and Zed, Mac and Bridget show why they are the future of the OOWF. The match continues for over 40 minutes, with the fans booing everything Stank and Zed do while cheering the shit out of Mac and Bridget. The roof almost pops when Bridget makes the hot tag to Mac after being Ricky Morton for a while. Mac comes in and cleans house, catching Stank with a clothesline into the corner, then reversing a waistlock and turning it into a DDT on Zed. The end comes when Mac has Zed lined up for a SUPERKICK, but he moves and he catches Bridget! Stank SPEARS THE SHIT out of Mac and they tumble between the ropes to the floor while Zed falls on Bridget and rolls her up, including a handful of tights, and gets the one two three!
WINNERS in 43:16 – Stank and Zed

Stank and Zed celebrate as they walk to the back, Mac tries to explain what happened to Bridget, but she seems rather annoyed and heads to the back, leaving the world champion alone in the middle of the ring as we fade to black.



Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Bloodbath in Paradise 8 PPV Live, May 27, LIVE! from Honolulu, Hawaii! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem, Live! May 9th live! from Santa Fe, New Mexico!

For all your OOWF shopping needs, check out www.cafepress.com/oowfshirts
For all your OOWF History needs, visit the OOWF Archives at www.oowfwrestling.com
Join us for OOWF Chat on Wednesday nights!