[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (#861)
Live! From Phoenix, Arizona
May 23, 2018

Gauntlet Match
Shizuru-Mume Maguniku-Cox vs. The Draculs

Jack Bullet vs. Kylie Mignolio
Stan Fulton vs. Chad Madison
Matt Folz vs. Zane Myers
Mac Flasher vs. Ghosthead
Mai Muyo, Zed & Stank vs. Firewoman, Bridget O'Malley & Shannon Mann




Card subject to the OOWF melting

[Jack Quinn]

<Moose is sitting in the Destroyitarium watching a tape of the Dracul's wreaking havoc in PHWF. At one of the more violent parts, Sizzle walks in and comes up to Jack>

S: Number One New Orleans Saints of Sinners Sizzlechest Manbeef in love!

MHJ: She really laid one on ya out there!

S: <whispering> Next time she will use lips!

MHJ: Ehh, you know, I talked to her and she's........she's not so sure you are tough enough for her

S: WHAT?!? Sizzle already proved he's tougher than Head of Ghost!

MHJ: I know that, and YOU know that! But Shannon still isn't sure, so I set up a match for you this week.

S: Sizzle face Head of Ghost again?

MHJ: No <pointing to the television> these guys

S: Which one?

MHJ: All of them

S: ALL OF THEM?

MHJ: Think about it, you get to beat up THREE different guys in one night! All for Shannon!

S: Shannon HAS to love Sizzle after that!

MHJ: Of COURSE she will. Now, you need to start training. Here, this is the number for a place in Phoenix, a guy I know will train you. Make sure you show up at this place at night, alone. When you get to the door, knock three times and say Snowqualmi Sasquatch Succotash Suaree, and make sure you say it JUST like that. Also, do NOT wear red......or is it blue.....doesn't matter, just tell those guys you are the one Jake Walker sent......

S: Not Mooseyhead Jack?

MHJ: No, no......this is top secret, even *I* can't know where you are. And when you come back Wednesday, you will be ready to kick the shit out of these guys!

<Stank walks up to Moose as he's talking to Sizzle>

S: Stinky Mann! I am going to meet men to get hard and beat up three men to make Shannon love Sizzle!

Stank: You are going to........you know what?........I HEARD you were starting the new New Orleans Saints of Sinners training program! Jack have you ever seen someone who is so naturally a New Orleans Saint of Sinner?

MHJ: Not in my entire life. I'm telling you Stank, even I'm worried what'll happen once Shizuru runs this outfit! God have mercy! Now, Sizzle, this is important, you cannot tell ANYONE else where you're going, got it? Eco is going to ask you, he will pretend like he cares about you, he thinks we would hurt you, can you believe that?

S: New Orleans Saints of Sinners would never hurt Sizzle!

MHJ: Not a chance, now, time to go <Moose pulls some keys out of his pocket and hands them to Sizzle> take this......it's in spot 289

S: Sizzle........Sizzle doesn't know.......

MHJ: SHHHHHHHHH, just go

<Sizzle nods and takes off out the Destroyitarium, Moose and Stank look at one another and laugh>

Stank: The Draculs are out of control, I heard Nate complaining about them the other day, they are going to tear Sizzle to pieces

MHJ: Let me worry about the Draculs

<Moose slaps Stank on the shoulder and they start to walk away>

Stank: I can't believe you let him use your car

MHJ: Wasn't my car

Stank: Then who.......

<the scene changes and it is the middle of the night, we see Eco walking through the parking lot talking on his phone, he gets to his spot - number 289 - only to find it empty>

[snelson66]

OOC:

May 17, 2018 0:05:56 GMT -5 Jack Quinn said:

MHJ: Not in my entire life. I'm telling you Stank, even I'm worried what'll happen once Shizuru runs this outfit! God have mercy!

Love the Tombstone reference, Moose

[snelson66]

FADE in to a restaurant parking lot somewhere between Salt Lake City and Phoenix. A Kia Sorrento pulls into a spot and out steps Matt & Jamie Folz and The Crusher Stan Fulton. No, this is not an episode of OOWF Road Trip. That comes later.

Fulton and the Folzs (Folzes? Folzez? Or is Folz the singular as well as the plural?) walk into the dining establishment and take a seat. The server takes their order after a short wait and walks away.

JF: “It sure is nice to see you two getting along again. Been what? 2010 since you got along?”

SF: “I don’t know if we’ve ever gotten along. There are some deep seated rivalry issues between us.”

MF: “Right. Wisconsin is better than Minnesota and the Packers are better than the Vikings. So Stan there always has that inferiority complex.”

SF: “Dude, you saw the tweets about the drunkest cities in the country? I think half of the top twenty were in Wisconsin or North Dakota. Most in Drunken Sconnie land. You have nothing to be proud of.”

Both are smirking while the back and forth continues with Jamie rolling her eyes during much of it.

SF: “And that’s why Minnesota will secede from the US and become Canada’s most southern province.”

JF: “And the US will need to remove a star from the flag?”

MF: “Naw, we’ll recognize Puerto Rico as a state to replace them. Gain for us.”

The bantering dies down finally.

SF: “So, another singles match week before I’m certain we face Texpress at Bloodbath in Paradise.”

MF: “Filler. I would guess we both lose this week, opposite of last week.”

Kayfabe brings the drinks to the table and dumps Matt’s ice tea into his lap.

MF: “GEEZ! Alright, I’ll stay in character!”

SF: “Hi Kay. Nice to see you again.”

Kay leans over, gives Fulton a kiss on the cheek and tosses a towel at Matt. She waves to Jamie and walks off.

SF: “Be careful. She’ll probably bring us our food. Wouldn’t want a steaming bowl of chili in your lap.”

MF: “Right. I looked like I pissed myself now.”

SF: “So you are a Drunken Sconnie.”

MF: “Har har. I’ll be right back.”

Matt heads to the bathroom leaving Stan and Jamie at the table.

JF: “He truly is glad you’re back. Matt knows you have his back if things go wrong.”

SF: “Well he’s a Saint now. We’ve always got each other’s back.”

JF: “I know. And he’s been concerned that Fire and Mai will be on the opposite side. So having you backing up him, Stank and Moose without question is one thing off his mind.”

SF: “How are you doing though? No one, other than Matt I suppose, asked you your opinion on being around this Saints bubble of insanity. That had to be tough.”

JF: “It wasn’t easy. When Matt was a face, everyone treated me with kindness and we hung out. Now they all keep their distance. None of the SFJs talk to me anymore and it gets lonely sometimes.”

SF: “I can only imagine. That’s why Martha stopped being on the road with me. Well, that and she’s running my business; better than I could, by the way.”

JF: “How is Martha? I haven’t seen her for some time.”

SF: “She’s doing well. She got married last summer. Bought a house. Oh, and she’s going to be joining me on the road soon. Apparently there’s paperwork I need to fill out and sign so she’ll be joining us in Hawai’i.”

JF: “Good place to join us. Be nice to see her again.”

Matt comes back from the bathroom; his pants are relatively dry.

SF: “Stuck your crotch under the air dryer, huh?”

MF: “Shut up.”

Jamie and Stan laugh as we...

FADE

[Jack Quinn]

May 17, 2018 7:52:22 GMT -5 snelson66 said:

OOC:

May 17, 2018 0:05:56 GMT -5 Jack Quinn said:

MHJ: Not in my entire life. I'm telling you Stank, even I'm worried what'll happen once Shizuru runs this outfit! God have mercy!

Love the Tombstone reference, Moose

Thank you. I've probably quoted half that movie through the years. It just always seems to work.

[Jack Quinn]

<Moose walks into the Cafeteria and gets Fire's drink from Dave Barista Batista Davidson and is about to head over to Fire's table when he catches a promo on OOWFtv>

SFJ17: Dr. Inferieri...........seriously?

Dr.I: What? I went back to school! Well......TO school......do you have a question?

SFJ17: Can you tell us about the injuries sustained by Awesome Bill From Dawsonville, Justin Sane, SYB and Skurge last night?

Dr.I: Ohh, very serious injuries indeed. There was severe damage to several lower occipital protuberances among the men, also damage to the lateral glutial ligaments, and uh, some strain on collateral lateral ligaments, as well as damage to the MCL, ACL, PCPL, NHL and NCAA ligaments.

SFJ17: So their prognosis is poor?

Dr.I: I am afraid they may not make it

SFJ17: That is rather shocking news considering they have a match for the pay per view in just ten days!

Dr.I: Well, I mean, they ARE improving.

SFJ17: But you just said.....

Dr.I: They have been under my care for several days now.....

SFJ17: This just happened last night....

Dr.I: They will be in my care for several days now, and I have faith that they will make a full, speedy recovery from their case of......rigor mortis......pox

SFJ17: <staring at Dr. Infieri> Rigor Mortis Pox

Dr.I: Worst case I ever saw. Affects the conjuctive, reductive..........stuff and......AHEM. Do you have any further questions? My patients need my immediate supervision and um..........care.....yeah. Thank you!

<Infieri walks off, Moose shakes his head and walks over to his sister and sets her drink down>

MHJ: I think I know why Eco hasn't been cleared

FW: <absently sipping her coffee> because Eco is still hurt

MHJ: That's bullshit and you know it

FW: It is what it is

MHJ: Fire, I know damn well that even to be a referee you have to be cleared to compete by the medical staff. Juni was the ref, so he was cleared, and the deal was, the second he was cleared, my suspension was up.

FW: And then you attacked again, and got re-suspended

MHJ: I got suspended for WHAT?

FW: Attacking Juni!

MHJ: I NEVER TOUCHED HIM

FW: What?

MHJ: Go back and watch the tape.

FW: Oh

MHJ: Yeah, oh

FW: Oh well, you're still suspended

MHJ: WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?

FW: MY PROBLEM?

MHJ: <sitting back and taking a deep breath> Fire, I am fucking trying here, and you are being even more fucking difficult than usual

FW: It wasn't MY idea to join the Saints

MHJ: But you DID agree to join the Saints if you lost, WHICH YOU DID

FW: I am here when you need me

MHJ: Really, you sure about that? Cause it sure seems you are jammed firmly up Eco's ass right about now

FW: I am taking care of business with him

MHJ: And not joining the Saints, WHICH you agreed on, you gave your word and you are not living up to it........you know what that makes you?

FW: <angrily getting to her feet> DON'T. FUCKING. SAY. IT.

MHJ: <leaning in and snarling at her> then don't fucking MAKE me say it.

<Moose turns and storms off in one direction, Fire in another, and we fade>

[Fire-Babe]

OOC: Put this before Moose's. I tried to do it from the admin settings and couldn't get it to move.

Firewoman comes STRAGGLING~! in, ball cap and sunglasses. Possibly really sleepy. Maybe hungover. She slouches into her office chair.

L: Where were you? Stank and I waited and then we had to get on the road.

FW: I was busy.

L: He wanted to wait but I convinced him you'd figure it out. He was not happy.

FW: Lucky, Where were we?

L: Salt Lake City.

FW: And what is Salt Lake City known for?

L: *sigh* Mormons.

FW: Not just Mormons but SUPER-Mormons.

L: Right. And exactly how many young men and-or women did you pull away from the path of righteousness?

FW: *annoyed* It's bad luck to count, Lucky. What do you want?

L: Well, first I want to tell you that Moose is waiting for you for coffee.

FW: Great....and second?

L: Second is that I tried to pick up your prescriptions and the pharmacy said there weren't any.

FW: Yeah, I already picked them up.

L: .....you. Really.

FW: Don't you believe me?

L: I know it's been a significant length of time since you've been out...hunting.

FW: Had to make up for lost time.

Firewoman gets up glaring at him, and heads out to find Moose.

[Chris Eco]

Ecosystem is LIMPING~! on crutches into a local pub where Chad, Zane and Bridgette are getting food.

Zane: What happened to you?

Eco: Late-onset broken ankle from Moosehead Jack's vicious attack.

Bridgette: Uh-huh.

Eco: I've been told it will take at least five, maybe six months to heal.

Chad: I've had a broken ankle. It takes two.

Eco: Ah, but that was probably an early-onset broken ankle. Very different. But actually, Chad, may I speak with you privately?

Chad looks at Bridgette and Zane.

Bridgette: Feels like a set-up.

Zane: On the other hand, you can probably take anyone he's got.

Chad gets up and takes Eco's crutches.

Chad: Sure, let's go to the bar.

Chad walks away.  Eco hops over on one leg.

Eco: Not funny, Chad!

Bridgette: (yelling) Beg to differ!

Eco sits down on a stool by Chad.

Eco: So. A couple weeks ago I was telling Firewoman I could see how lonely she was, and one of my examples was that she hadn't talked to you in forever.

Chad: Oh yeah. I saw. Same old Ecosystem, "Oh no, ignore reality, you're actually all alone, I'm the only one who will ever care about you, let me isolate you from everyone else, ooh, check out these pills--"

Eco: I want you to reach out to Firewoman.

Chad: Excuse me?

Eco: Look, maybe you have a point about the moves I've made in the past to isolate people for their own benefit--

Chad: For your own benefit.

Eco: --but I couldn't isolate Lisa now even if I tried.  She's surrounded by the Saints, and worse, she's bound to be surrounded by them.  And I need her to remember that, wrestling stipulation or no stipulation, there are better people out there, people who care about her and yet somehow manage to care about other people too.  And to remember that bringing those people back into your life is worth a sacrifice, and even worth breaking your word.

Chad: Just to be clear . .  .

Eco: Yes.

Chad: You're including yourself in the group of people that care about other people?

Eco: Sure!

Chad: . . . 

Eco: Some people!

Chad: . . .

Eco: . . . Specifically, Andrew Jackson, Ulysses S. Grant and Benjamin Franklin? Paper is people too . .. 

Chad stands up, picks up the crutches and is about to walk them back . . . but then roughly tosses them back to Ecosystem.

Chad: I might talk to her. It won't be because of you. Also, pro tip - people usually don't hope on the foot in the cast.

Chad walks off.

FADE

[Chris Eco]

Ghosthead is sitting on the famous Hole-in-the-Rock in Phoenix, meditating, when Mai Muyo awkwardly climbs up the rock, and sits down across from him. Ghosthead does not move or acknowledge her presence. Mai then takes out her headphones and puts them in her ears; the rap music is loud enough that we can hear it through the headphones. Ghosthead winces slightly, but does not move. A little more time passes, and Mai starts bobbing her head up and down, whisper-rapping along.

Ghosthead: I take it this will only increase in volume until I acknowledge your presence.

Mai takes out her headphones.

Mai: Sorry, what did you say?

Ghosthead: It appears I mistook your obnoxious millennial habits for a calculated strategy. What business do you have with me?

Mai: Oh, I just wanted to talk to you about our tag team success last week.

Ghosthead: If you are seeking a permanent arrangement, I am afraid I have no interest in such a pairing.

Mai: Of course not. You and I are not built to team. You and I are built to constantly be on a collision course.

Ghosthead: I am willing to humor this if it will end this conversation. Explicate.

Mai: Look, no one is going to make a DVD about the blood feud between Mai and Ghosthead. But whether it's for the World Championship, or the World Tag Team Championships, you and I are standing on opposite sides of the ring a lot. It's not from any abiding hatred, it's not connected to any faction loyalties. It's because you and I look at a championship, just like you looked at Mac's World Championship the other night, and you and I both say, in different language, that shit is mine. That is my championship, my destiny, and you motherfuckers are just renting it on borrowed time.

Ghosthead: . . . Perhaps Fire had more than an ounce of wisdom in assessing you.

Mai: That I'm only out for myself?

Ghosthead: You identified the statement. I did not.

Mai: Fine. You know what? Maybe I am right now. And because I am right now, I'm giving you a single warning. Not even a warning. Information.

I have decided that Mac Flasher's World Championship is mine. I know you think it is too. I'm just letting you know that if you proceed down this path, you will have Mai Muyo breathing down your neck. And you can decide for yourself, given everything you've seen, if you really want to fuck with Mai Muyo right about now.

Mai gets up to walk off.

Ghosthead: Megumi.

Mai: Yes?

Ghosthead: Try not to become a puppet.

Mai: For Matt Folz?

Ghosthead: You identified the person. I did not.

Mai thinks about retorting, but just walks off.

FADE

[Sportsguy]

We fade back in to Mai walking away, coincidentally Matt and Jaime Folz are walking by.

Matt: I couldn't help but overhear the end of your conversation.

Mai: What do you want Matt?

Matt: Mike McCarthy fired, for one thing. All these rumors about signing Dez Fucking Bryant to go away for another.

Mai just rolls her eyes.

Mai: What do you want with me? Is Ghosthead right, am I just your puppet?

Matt laughs.

Matt: Seriously? I'm just trying to help you kiddo, whether you believe that or not, that's my only objective. Now, I won't lie to you. When the war starts do I want you on our side? Of fucking course I do. But I'm not trying to manipulate you into it. You have to make that call on your own. If you don't want my help or my advice, feel free to tell me to fuck off.

Jaime: Matt, Stan and myself care about you Mai. We always have and you know that. The 3 of us just want you to be happy and to be your true self, that's all. But it doesn't matter what the 3 of us want, it damn sure doesn't matter what the fans want, the only question is: What does Mai Muyo want? And if the answer to that leads you down a path you aren't familiar with then we're here to help you.

Matt: Stan, Jaime and Myself are going to a 11 am showing of Deadpool 2 tomorrow. We'd love for you to join us but like I said, it's your call, more than welcome to tell me to fuck off. Have a nice night kiddo.

Matt and Jaime start to walk off when Mai calls out after them.

Mai: If this is a trick to get in my head and get me to take it easy on Fire on Wednesday, it's not going to work.

Matt (Shrugs): Do whatever you have to do.

FADE

[L!zz~]

(Walking hand in hand, Kylie and Josephine are seen heading towards medical. Josephine is wearing her Sunday best, in her hand is a brightly patterned gift bag)

Kylie: Now remember Josie, Mr. Bill is hurt, so you can't go jumping on him and rough housing.

Josie: I know. I won't. He's my friend. And Drunky and Drunkette, he lets me play with them. I wouldn't hurt him.

(Kylie pauses outside of the room before pushing open the door and ushering her niece in side. Spying Bill, she leads her off)

Kylie: Bill? (softy) Are you up for visitors?

Bill: (turns, smiling) Why lookee who done come to pay Ole Bill a visit! My little lady! Why Missie Jozeypines , you sure do look beayootful!

(Kylie lifts Josie so she can give Bill a hug and a kiss on the cheek, than settles her on the chair next to the bed, pushing it close)

Josie: Thank you Mr. Bill. (hands him the gift bag) I done brought you this.

(Kylie smiles, but cringes inwardly as Josie speaks Bill)

Bill: (taking the bag) Why your visit is gift enough sugar pie! Well, ole Bill's hands aren't working so right, help me out will ya?

(Josie leans over, first pulling out the card she made for him)

Bill: (eyes widen) You done madified me this here treasure?

Josie: (nods) Yessir. All by my lonesome.

Bill: Jason, buddy! Lookitchere, that ol Jozeypines done madified Bill a card with dinner onnit!

Jason: That's macaroni, Bill.

Bill: Now, didn't I just say that? Pay some mind. (opening the card, sees she drew a picture of herself, Bill, Jason and the Donkeys having a tea party) Thisse here, this is my new most favor-ite thing.

Josie: (smiling she empties the bag of all his favorite treats and magazines that they picked up for him)

(Bill spends some time examining and oohing over each item, before sitting back)

Kylie: I think we better go and let Mr. Bill rest, Josie

Josie: (looks about to fuss but than nods) Ok Titi. Can we come back?

Kylie: Yes, we can if Mr. Bill would like that.

Bill: He sure would little darling.

Kylie: We'll come back tomorrow. (Lifts Josie so she can give Bill another hug and kiss)

Bill: I sure would 'preciate that.

Josie: We'll check on the donkeys!

Bill: I sure would 'reciate that too.

(Kylie gathers Josie and leads her out as Bill opens his card again)


FADE

[DrMcAwesome]

*an INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA finds MAC FLASHER on a familiar couch as the shot zooms out over the shoulder of DR. DRE GAINES feverishly taking notes as it seems that MAC has been on one for quite a long time*

MAC: “… I guess what makes this whole mess confusing for me Dr. Gaines is that I trusted Bridget. I trusted Ecosystem. And neither were at fault. I mean, why would Bridget help Zed and BRICK~! get another piece of me? Why would Ecosystem put himself in harm’s way as a sacrifice just so the Saints of Sinners can do what they did in Johnstown?”

DR. GAINES: “Who do you blame, Mac?”

*MAC takes off his sunglasses to show two still kind of blackened eyes with a few scratches that are just now starting to heal before answering*

MF: “I blame myself. I allowed Bridget to coax me into thinking that this year was going to be different. I blame myself for thinking that Zed was actually going to leave Johnstown without some kind of bullshit. I blame myself for thinking that nothing bad would come of a reluctant union with Ecosystem.”

DG: “Yo, this is OOWF. You can’t be blaming you for the acts of others. Everyone had to think that Zed was going to leave town after his match. The only one that stuck to any kind of stipulation was Moosehead Jack, who didn’t lay a finger on Eco … Though he really wanted to and settled for pimpslapping you instead.”

*MAC shoots a glare at DR. GAINES*

DG: “So, let me ask you this: You on that Team Eco trip?”

MF: “It isn’t the Eco vs. Saints thing that I’m concerned about. It’s Mac vs. Zed. If Zed takes one side, I have to take the other. If that makes me Team Eco, then I guess that’s the price I pay for wanting Zed’s head on a platter. Zed started this, and while I won’t guarantee that I’ll end it, I will make damn certain that he’s on the business end of a few heavy losses. At least enough that he sees no merit in continuing. This won’t end until one of us can no longer stand, and nobody in OOWF has been able to keep me down for very long. Not Zed. Not the Saints of Sinners. Nobody.”

DG: “So, this is really going to end with you fools killing each other some day?”

MF: “If he’s lucky.”

DG: “Where does B-Dawg sit in all this?”

MF: “B-Dawg?”

DG: “Your girl. Bridget.”

MF: “She can make her own choices, but she’s not a dumb person. She knows that where Zed sits, she’s not welcome at that table.”

DG: “Knowing what you know now, would you have taken that fight in Johnstown?”

MF: “I can’t speculate on what I can’t change, Dr. Gaines. All I can do is ensure that I get my chances to retaliate. I’ve spent too much time hiding in the embarrassment that comes with knowing that I allowed myself to walk into a trap. No offense to the Saints, but that wasn’t even the worst beating they’ve put on me …”

DG: “Does Mai Muyo still have your bat?”

MF: “No, but I haven’t the foggiest idea as to where it got to.”

*DR. GAINES stands up and opens a cabinet in his office and pulls out the same DeMarini CF Zen (-3) BBCOR Zero Dark baseball bat that once was in MAC’s possession*

MF: “Tessie! Where did you …”

DG: “The good doctor has his ways.”

*DR. GAINES hands “TESSIE” to MAC*

DG: “Mac. Through this war, you will see peace. Go find your peace.”

*MAC exits the room, making sure to drop off his co-pay at the reception desk as the scene fades*

[Leo]

Jack Bullet walks into an office and sits down in a chair without being asked to sit. Across the desk from him is Victor DeNiro and Danny Taylor. Bullet doesn't wait for any pleasantries.

JB: Stop booking Kylie and me against each other.

Taylor signs to DeNiro

VD: You don't have say in the booking process.

JB: We keep having non-title matches against each other. Trade wins back and forth. Nothing happens. So, here's the ultimatum, one last match for the Onslaught Title and that's it between us.

VD: Or what?

JB: I'm sick and tired of this Game of Thrones "winter is coming" bullshit. You know who sits around and talks about a great war coming and then don't do anything. Cowards. Eco is a coward. Moosehead is a coward. I wouldn't be surprised if this is all some big ruse because somebody in creative stole Lucky's HBO Go password and came up with a ratings winner. No more war is coming, war will be here and I will fire the first shot. I will force this war. The match on Mayhem is already booked. One more match for the Onslaught Title after that, or you tell all those cowards I'm coming and hell's coming with me.

Bullet never raises his voice for the above. He then stands and walks out before DeNiro can respond for Taylor. FADE.

[Sportsguy]

We see Matt and Jaime Folz inside Ric's looking to get some breakfast when they pass by Firewoman sitting alone. Matt looks at his wife.

Matt: Why don't you grab a table and order for me, I'll be there in a moment. Get me...

Jaime: ...Two eggs sunny side up, bacon, crisp hashbrowns, rye toast drowning in butter and a large orange juice.

Matt: Is it any wonder why I love you so?

Jaime: Don't take too long, we're meeting Stan in an hour.

Matt nods. Jaime walks off and Matt turns back and sits uninvited at Fire's table.

Fire: I'm not taking it easy on her.

Matt: Why is it both of you felt the need to say that? For fuck's sake, I KNOW that. Should just lock you in a cage and let you two get your issues out once and for all.

Fire (irritated): What do you want Matt?

Matt: Jesus, you're pissed off this morning. You'd think you'd be in a better mood considering how much free time you have now.

Fire: What the hell are you talking about?

Matt: I mean not having to help Eco anymore must have really cleared up your schedule.

Fire: Excuse me?

Matt: He may not officially be back in power, but you can tell he's pulling the strings.

Fire: How so?

Matt: Who else would put you and Stank on opposite sides again this week? Give me ONE reason this match is set up other than to cause tension between you and your fiancee.

Fire: You're reaching here.

Matt shakes his head.

Fire: If you're being honest with yourself, you don't believe that anymore than I do. Eco's using you. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't care about ANYONE but himself. You're backing the wrong horse here and you know it. Now the Saints have been INCREDIBLY patient with you, letting you pout, letting you work out whatever issues you have, but our patience is wearing very thin here. You're either with us or you're against us, make up your mind pretty fucking quick.

Matt walks away and joins his wife as we....FADE

[L!zz~]

(Kylie is once again seen with Josie, this time Kylie is frowning at her phone)

Kylie: Fu..(catching herself) udge.

Josie: (gives her a side ways look)

Kylie: Change of plans honey, Pi has to cover for one of the other ladies and can't watch you. You're going to have to come with me.

Josie: No, please Titi! I don't like going there.

Kylie: I know honey, but there is no choice.

Josie: (crosses her arms in a huff)

Kylie: Josep..(she stops as she feels a tap on her leg and looks down) Oh..um hi Opus.

Josie: (eyes widen greets her friend) Opus! It's been forever! Three whole days! (gently hugs her friend)

Opus: (pats the little girl with one of his wings. Looking at Kylie, he gestures to Josie than himself with the other)

Kylie: (looks confused, so he repeats the action) Oh. You want to watch Josie?

Opus: (nods, babbling in Penguin as Josie jumps up and down begging her aunt to let her stay with Opus)

Kylie: I don't know Opus, I mean I appreciate the gesture but..I'm just not sure.

Opus: (narrowing his little eyes he "speaks" and gestures animatedly)

Kylie: Ok ok..I wish Fire was here to translate and this shows you just how desperate and how insane I am..but ok..yes, I'd appreciate you watching Josie for me. Thank you.

(Josie and Opus briefly celebrate, while Kylie lays down rules and Opus nods to show his understanding)

(Kylie hands Josie her backpack and Opus reaches his wing to hold Josie's hand)

Kylie: (begins to head off) Keep her safe Opus. Please.

(Opus nods, shoos Kylie away)

Kylie: (begins to walk away than pauses, turning, calling after them) And no cards!

(Opus and Josie both choose to ignore her as they hurry as fast their little feet and flippers will carry them)

[Leo]

Moosehead Jack sits at the bar in the Destroyitarium smoking a cigar and thinking about drinking a glass of Jack Daniels, but he's still off the hooch for now. Everyone else is out doing whatever they do on...what is it, Sunday morning. Yeah, it's Sunday morning. Maybe they're all at church. Jack chuckles softly to himself as he ponder that notion.

He then hears a faint murmuring from outside, sounds like a mob chanting. Well, he always thought himself a bit of Frankestein's Monster, bring on the pitch forks. Jack rises and shuffles to the big entrance doors to the Destroyitarium. He opens them to see about a hundred protesters chanting the word "coward" and holding signs that say thing like "Sheephead Jack" and "Saints of Softies." Jack Bullet is on a megaphone.

JB: What do you want?

Crowd: OOWF Civil War!

JB: When do you want it?

Crowd: Now!

JB: Who can give it to you?

Crowd: Sheephead Jack

JB: But he won't, why?

Crowd: Coward!

Moosehead Jack walks down the front steps and stands next to Jack Bullet. The crowd screams louder and shakes their signs. Moosehead bends over to address Jack in a lowered voice.

MJ: You know why I don't squash you right now and scare these fans of yours away to prove who the real cowards are? Because, I like the gamesmanship. You've got an edge to you lately Bullet. And I respect it. I like it. But remember, I know where it's coming from. I know where you bleed. It's from a six-year-old named Josephine. The more you love here, they more you hate others. I understand it, Jack. You think hastening the war helps you, then do it. If you want to light the spark, I'll hand you the fucking match. Better someone else do it than me. This bush league pysch out shit you're doing here, it's laughable man, but I appreciate the effort.

Moosehead Jack turns around and walks back inside as the fans continue to chant. FADE.

[Sportsguy]

Later in the day we see Jack Bullet leaving Changing Hands Bookstore in Phoenix. He's just opening his car door when Matt Folz pulls in.

Matt: Ah, a fellow reader nice!

Jack looks at Matt suspiciously. Matt laughs.

Matt: I don't take any offense to that, really. But I'm unarmed and alone, no Saints around. I'm killing time while Jaime's at the salon across the street getting a mani/pedi.

Jack: Uh huh.

Matt: I go to a bookstore every town we go to, it relaxes me. I love the big chain stores too, don't get me wrong, but the Mom and Pop places like this are my favorites. That looks like quite the haul you got there, mind if I take a look?

Jack hands over the bag, Matt smiles as he takes a look through it.

Matt: Lot of kids books, for Josephine I presume.

Jack: Yeah. Think it's important for youngsters to read early.

Matt: You and I totally agree on that, from age 6 to when I finally went to college my mom and I went to the library every single week. I've got nothing against TV, movies or video games obviously but even today I've always got a book going. Nice choices for Josephine: Bernstain Bears and Encyclopedia Brown, two of my favorite series as a kid. I also....and thank fuck you're older than me because otherwise I'd really be dating myself... I loved those Choose Your Own Adventure books too.

Jack: Those were my favorites actually.

Matt: Yeah, they were pretty great. Well, I'll let you get going.

Matt hands the bag back to Jack and then extends his hand.

Matt: You're a good man Jack...

Matt waits til Jack takes his hand before continuing.

Matt: ...Sadly for you, I can't say the same about me.

Jack sees what's coming but with both hands full he can't stop Matt's left hook from connecting and knocking him down. Matt follows with a few hard kicks to the ribs and then a knee to the face that causes blood to come out of Jack's nose. Matt then picks up Jack and slams him through the driver's side window of Jack's car.

Matt: I meant what I said, you are a good man. In a different time and place I could have seen us becoming pretty good friends. But I didn't do this. You did. You couldn't leave well enough alone could you? Moose wanted to do this after you beat me for my Onslaught Championship, out of respect to you I convinced him not to. We were giving you almost a free pass until you started this shit. See every member of the Saints is at least a 2 time Grand Slam Champion. Stan's already a hall of famer and the rest of us will be as soon as we decide to retire. The last thing we are are cowards. The war starts when WE decide it does, not on anyone else's timetable. Now I do hope you take this as a warning: Stop fucking with us.

Matt whistles and walks into the store, leaving Jack bleeding on the ground as we......FADE.

[Jack Quinn]

<time passes and we see Moose sitting in the Destroyitarium with his feet on the table watching OOWFtv (only $6.66 per month!) when a bloody Jack Bullet walks into the room>

JB: Where's Folz?

MHJ: I am not my brother's keeper

<Jack looks around the Destroyitarium, suddenly realizing that he is in the lion's den, realizes that there are no other Saints around, then looks at Moose>

JB: I could start this war right now

MHJ: <spreading his arms wide> you could, but you won't

JB: What makes you so sure of that?

MHJ: Because your anger does not really lie with the Saints

JB: <scoffing> oh really?

MHJ: Nope. Tell me, what have we done to you?

<Bullet points to the bloody nose, cuts to his face and glass in his hair>

MHJ: That wasn't retaliation for calling us cowards

<Bullet just looks at Jack>

MHJ: Jack, you were right, I know where the anger comes from. You see us, and you see Josephine. You see us as the enemy. You have your head in too many of those kids books, the Saints may be the big bad wolf, but I think you need to up your reading level just a bit, and you will realize that the pigs are the enemy here.

<Bullet looks at Jack again>

MHJ: He who has the power pulls the strings. You are being manipulated, but not by the big bad wolf.

<Bullet shakes his head and turns and walks from the Destroyitarium without incident and we fade to black>

[Leo]

Kylie Mignolio returns to her hotel room. She finds Jack Bullet sitting on the bed. Josephine is playing Guess Who with Opus, Coat Rack Steven Richards and Ellsworth the Eagle.

Josie: Do you have glasses.

Ellsworth squawks and Josephine flips down the pictures of those wearing glasses.

Kylie: Jack, what are you doing here?

JB: Don't you think I was better to leave Josephine with than a poker playing penguin?

KM: I feel like we impose so much on you already. I didn't want to trouble you...what's wrong with your nose.

Bullet stands and tries to exit past Kylie. She blocks his way.

KM: What happened?

JB: I bought Josie some books. They're on the table over there. Carl can come around later and get Ellsworth and CRSR.

Josephine: The coat rack cheats.

KM: You are not leaving until you tell me what happened.

JB: I had a run in with Matt Folz. It's nothing. As Opus might say, I overplayed my hand. I'll see you Wednesday at Mayhem. Look, I asked for a title match between us and then that's it. I want this series in the ring between us to be over with.

KM: You didn't ask me about that first. I like wrestling you, Jack. The matches are fair and clean. It's what I got into wrestling for in the first place, not to be jumped by the Saints and beaten like a pulp. I want to wrestle and you wrestle.

JB: Look, winter is coming and I'm thinking of siding with the White Walkers, God help me. You keep that little girl safe. I'll talk to you soon.

KM: Jack, wait...

Kylie calls after him, but the door closes and we FADE.

[L!zz~]

(time has passed)

(We are back in Kylie's hotel room. Josie is reading one of the books to Ellsworth)

Kylie; I mean...he wasn't even in the arena..how was I supposed to ask him? I only had a few minutes..I couldn't miss another interview. (Flopping down she accepts the drink Opus hands her) Thanks.

Opus: (sets one by CRSR)

Kylie: What do you think Steve? Am I missing something here? (She glances at him than back at Opus)

Opus: (sets out a box of crackers that Kylie had in the room, than hops up on the couch settling next to Kylie, patting her leg with his wing, he murmurs to her)

Kylie: I know. He's a great guy. We're really becoming close and I'm actually learning a lot from him. (Opus meeps) You're right again. They are putting us in all these matches for a reason. (Meep) And I was playing it safe. (Lying her head back she sips her drink, glancing at her niece and the eagle reading another book)

Opus: (sips his drink, than a string of meeping)

Kylie: I know... we'll all have to choose sides. Sooner rather than later.

(Opus meeps)

Kylie: Of course. That is understandable.

(Opus clinks glasses with her, than reaches for a cracker)

Kylie: (turns to Steve) Want a cracker?

(We fade as Opus turns on Netflix)

[Chris Eco]

Ecosystem is whistling outside Kylie's hotel room when Jack Bullet walks out. Bullet assumes a fighting stance.

Eco: Come on. Me? Jump you? My arm is in a sling.

Eco shows his right arm tied up.

Jack: I thought you broke your ankle.

Eco: Oh, it's kind of a wandering break, if that makes sense.

Jack: It doesn't make sense.

Eco: Very rare. Doesn't have anything to do with the crutches being inconvenient.

Jack: I'm sure.

Eco: Jack, I heard about your plan, the one where you say we're all cowards, and you're going to start the war yourself. I have to say, it's a good plan. I like your plan. Except that it sucks. So why don't you let me do the plan, and then, it might be really good.

Jack whacks Eco in the arm.

Eco: Ow! My broken . . . front . . . arm . . . bone.

Jack: Junichiro Muyo. Are you willing to look me in the eye, take off that ridiculous fake sling, and tell me that you're not a coward?

Ecosystem steps in front of Jack Bullet.

Eco: Jonathan Bullet. If that is your real name.

Jack: It's not, thanks for asking.

Eco: I am absolutely the biggest coward in this company.

Jack Bullet is a little taken aback.

Eco: I wasn't always this way. Once upon a time, I was the hero of this company. Watch the tapes back. The Face of the Year. I stood down Poe, the Mad Titan of this company, and I took him down . . . for a few days. Then he took me down with his new friends . . . The Five. The Saints. A rose by any other name smells like a rose and so does a pile of shit.

I never found the heart of a hero again. I decided that if I couldn't be the great hero, I would be the Big Bad. I ate Moosehead Jack's charred flesh. I joined Moosehead Jack and broke my own sister's ankle. I drugged and brainwashed a woman to make her my slave of violence. I hired armed guards to shoot at my own wrestlers. I bound a man and his wife while they slept, cut flesh from their legs, and taped the flesh inside the mouth of the other.

Jack: I'm sorry, you did WHAT?

Eco: I know, the guns went too far.

Jack: Wasn't talking about the guns.

Eco: Look, the guy totally got back at me. He broke up my stable!

Jack Bullet blinks.

Eco: The point is, Jack, it sounds weird now, because I made a choice. I could either go down that path, the path where you die in the ring and only take solace in how many others you take with you. That's Moosehead Jack's path. Or . . . I could medicate that man, that Joker, away. Bury his painted grin deep down, and leave you with the man before you.

A harmless coward.

Jack, if you really think you can be a one-man army, then by all means, go be a one-man army. You'll be a big tough guy, you'll sell a million t-shirts, Moose will never get to say you're being manipulated by me or anyone else . . . well, he actually will say it anyway, because he's a pathological liar, and before you say it, yes, it takes one to know one.

But if the choice forces itself . . . and it will . . . then yes, if you fight alongside me, you may have to worry that I'm manipulating you. But if you let the wolf tell you that he's a wolf, and yet allow him to depose the cowardly pig . . . then you won't have to worry. You will know you were manipulated.

Jack: This wolf comes as a wolf.

Eco: Stop being so educated.

Jack smirks, and slaps his hand on Eco's shoulder roughly, giving him a half-shove toward the wall.

Jack: You had another choice. You could have tried to be a hero again.

Eco: . . . I don't know if it's too late to try.

Jack pauses, lets Eco go, and walks off.

FADE

[Chris Eco]

May 19, 2018 22:52:15 GMT -5 Sportsguy said:

Matt: Stan, Jaime and Myself are going to a 11 am showing of Deadpool 2 tomorrow. We'd love for you to join us but like I said, it's your call, more than welcome to tell me to fuck off. Have a nice night kiddo.

Earlier that day . . .

Stan, Matt, and Jaime are sitting at Deadpool alone, with the rest of the audience giving them a wide berth. Mai Muyo walks in with a tub of popcorn just as Deadpool kills himself in the first ten minutes.

Stan: Hey, italics, spoliers!

Mai: Is he coming back to life, or did you invite me to some arthouse short film?

Matt: Good to see you too, kiddo.

Matt reaches for a handful of popcorn, and Mai grabs his wrist and slams it against the chair.

Mai: I am here to play nice with you. But I paid eight dollars and eighty-seven cents for this tub of popcorn, and I am not going to let you take even one kernel from me, do you fucking understand?

Matt: Sheesh, kiddo, fine.

Mai sits next to Jaime, and immediately rests her head on her shoulder.

Mai: Popcorn?

Jaime: Sure.

Jaime grabs a handful of popcorn and eats it.

Matt: Hon, you want to grab me some--

Jaime: You heard her. This is ours. Get your own.

Stan chuckles. Matt rolls his eyes.

FADE

[DrMcAwesome]

*BRIDGET O’MALLEY is walking through Phoenix, Arizona when she sees a familiar silhouette in the window of a medicinal marijuana dispensary. Without hesitation, she walks in, but not before fiddling with her iPhone for a particular reason*

BRIDGET: “So, that’s where you got to!”

*the INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA spins to reveal BING-BONG behind the counter*

*BING-BONG trumpets excitedly as BRIDGET opens a translator app*

BO’M: “I know! I’m happy to see you, too! You look good!”

*BING-BONG trumpets softly*

BO’M: “No, I am not dressed like April O’Neil. This yellow is totally not the same shade that she wore in the cartoon.”

*BING-BONG sighs and trumpets*

BO’M: “I know. Things between Mac and I have been strained since that card in Johnstown.”

*BING-BONG growls*

BO’M: “Yeah, I think Zed was behind it, too. So, on a happier note … Do you work here?”

*BING-BONG trumpets with pride*

BO’M: “You run this place? Nice! Care if I look around?”

*BING-BONG emerges from behind the counter and gives BRIDGET a tour*

BO’M (while looking at the containers): “So, you named the strains after OOWF finishers and special moves? I see ‘Flash Drive’ and ‘GTH’ … Ohhh, there’s ‘Endgame’ and ‘Stankonia 2.0.’”

*BING-BONG nudges a jar toward BRIDGET with her trunk*

BO’M (examining the jar): “O’Mallet, huh? I’d love to, but this really isn’t my thing … Plus, this isn’t a recreational-use state.”

*BING-BONG trumpets at almost whisper level*

BO’M: “Wait. So, you’re saying that this is covered under the OOWF medical plan and that every active wrestler has a working prescription in any medicinal-use state?”

*BING-BONG nods excitedly*

BO’M: “Well, I guess it would be rude of me to not take your offer then.”

*BING-BONG takes the jar to the counter while whistling “Because I Got High” by AFROMAN*

BO’M: “So, let me ask you … Do you miss OOWF?”

*BING-BONG sighs*

BO’M: “I get that. It was a lot of fun while you were there. The parties that the SFJs crashed while on the road because who was going to deny a 6,000-pound elephant access to the club?”

*BING-BONG huffs*

BO’M: “I mean … A not 6,000-pound elephant.”

*BING-BONG nods in approval while handing BRIDGET a paper bag*

BO’M: “How much do I owe you?”

*BING-BONG pats BRIDGET on the shoulder with her trunk while trumpeting*

BO’M: “So, it’s free as long as I patch things up with Mac and talk him out of joining Team Eco? You want him to be a Saint?”

*BING-BONG sighs and growls*

BO’M: “So, he’s to stay out of this war at all costs? I mean, he’ll never go for that, but if that’s your request…”

*BING-BONG hugs BRIDGET with her trunk before waving goodbye*

BO’M: “I will stop by when we’re in Phoenix again. Thanks, again!”

*BRIDGET leaves the dispensary while BING-BONG grabs some cleaner to wipe down the counter as the scene fades*

[Jack Quinn]

<cut back to the Destroyitarium, which is filled with a haze of smoke. Moose and Stank are sitting at a table>

S: So..................yeah

MHJ: what?

S: I um...............wasn't there something about an elephant?

MHJ: ephelants are funny

S: Did you say ephelant?

MHJ: did I?

S: Wasn't there something you were going to do.......

MHJ: I was going to beat up an ephel.....Boing Bong

S: RIGHT! You should........you should totally do that

MHJ: Do what?

S: I dunno

<they sit in silence for a moment>

MHJ: Hey, did you know Bing Bong was back?

S: The elephant?

MHJ: Who?

S: Bing Bong

MHJ: What about him?

S: Her

MHJ: Who?

S: She

MHJ: What?

S: She is a he

MHJ: Who is?

S: Bing Bong

MHJ: What about her?

S: I don't.........remember?

<another long pause>

MHJ: What was this?

S: Ummmmmmmmmmmmm.......I think it was some To Be Edited in Later mixed with some Astro Thunder Plunder Buster

MHJ: Damn

S: We should have waited for Markelle and Bobby

MHJ: Who?

S: Folz and Fulton

MHJ: Who?

S: <laughing hysterically> you sound like an owl

MHJ: Who? heh, I do <Moose starts laughing hysterically>

S: Owlhead Jack

<they both start laughing uproariously and eventually calm down>

MHJ: What?

S: I didn't say........hey man I'm HUNGRY

MHJ: Oh my god, me too! I wonder if there's food in the cafeteria?

S: <wide eyed> I'll bet there is!

MHJ: We should totally go

S: Totally

<they sit for a long time in silence>

MHJ: Why do they call it the squared circle?

S: <making a noise like he had never considered that before> it's not a circle AT ALL!

MHJ: Not even a little

S: We should get pizza

MHJ: Oh my god! yes! Where's Stan and Matt?

S: Who?

<this continues on for quite some time, but for now, we'll fade>

[DrMcAwesome]

*MAC FLASHER, albeit a bit unsteady while he doesn’t know why, can be found in his hotel suite while BRIDGET O’MALLEY catches the attention on the INVISIBLE NINJA CAMERA as she enters the living area with a plate of brownies*

MAC: “Ooooooohhhhhh shit! Another batch of brownies. These are amazing. What relative gave you this recipe, again?”

BRIDGET: “My grandmother on my mom’s side.”

MF: “Ruth? The ex-hippie?”

BO’M: “There’s no ex about it. She’s still fighting the machine.”

*a dash of realization and a look of panic steak across MAC’s face*

MF: “So … This inspiration to bake brownies wouldn’t have anything to do with a recent visit you made? Right? Because I had like eight of the last dozen. I believe that’s what a certain sect of users would call a ‘heroic dose.’”

BO’M: “Well, I did have to use the last of the Banned From Space that Bing-Bong had given me. This batch is chock full of The Last Nail”

*MAC is in a full-blown panic*

MF: “Oh … No. I’m never going to be clean by Wednesday. You’re never going to be … We’re going to be suspended and lose … Our Doritos.”

BO’M: “Doritos?”

MF: “Yeah. I could really use about 2-3 bags of Doritos. Like the kind you get at Sam’s Club. I’d destroy it all. Like … Where’s the nearest Sam’s Club?”

BO’M: “Mac. Darling …”

MF: “Wait. The Darling Twins are back? Someone better warn Moose. Actually, I’m sure he probably knows … He’s probably got that in that book of …”

*KAYFABE walks in and delivers about a dozen bags of Cool Ranch Doritos before examining the dilation of MAC’s pupils and shaking her head*

BO’M: “No. I meant you.”

MF: “But … I’m not a Darling. I don’t even think that they like me all too much.”

BO’M: “This has nothing to do with them. This is about you.”

MF: “I mean, I guess I’d join Team Darling if that was an option. I mean, I’d still be able to … Ummmmm …”

BO’M: “What, Mac?”

MF: “… Join Team Darling?”

BO’M: “God, you’re even worse to speak to when you’re in an altered state of mind.”

MF: “You kind of did this.”

BO’M: “It’s because I need to talk to you about something.”

MF (opening a bag of Doritos): “Yeah?”

BO’M: “Yeah. This whole war that’s about to go down. Maybe. Someday. Do you think it’s in your best interest to join any side? Like maybe you should just focus on Zed, if that’s your thing, and avoid all the other stuff.”

MF: “Well, Zed dooooooeeeessss have that agreement with the Saints of Sinners. That could be bad for us if Zed calls on their help.”

BO’M: “They’ll probably send Sizzlechest after you while focusing on Ecosystem or some shit.”

MF: “But Moose gave him a bat. Plus, dude is in love with Shannon Mann. This is like Edra Cox all over again, only … Ummmmm … Actually, no. It’s like … Uhhhhh … That episode of Scooby-Doo where the Harlem Globetrotters …”

BO’M: “Mac! Focus!”

MF: “Actually that plant isn’t a focus … It’s a ficus. And it’s artificial.”

BO’M: “You’re absolutely impossible. How about I just order a pizza and we talk about this when you come down?”

MF: “Pizza? I’m in!”

*BRIDGET pulls out her iPhone while MAC stares at the artificial ficus as the scene fades*