[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (#913)
Live! From Calais, France
May 1, 2019

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match
Stacy Kirkland vs. Zed

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match
Sebastian Davis vs. Mac Flasher

Last Man Standing Match
Jack Bullet vs. John Law

Los Defenestrators vs. Banned From Everywhere
Beverly Cambridge vs. Matt Folz
Clan Quinn vs. The Darlings
Junior Winchester vs. Shizuru
Kylie Mignolio vs. Bridget O'Malley


Card subject to the crushing weight of reality

[Deadly]

The lights flicker in an abandoned arena.



A lone figure stands among the ruins. He's barely more than a shadow.



??: Kings used to battle here. Champions. Gods.

The figure slowly moves toward the light.

??: Today it's nothing more than a dump. A monument to failure. To wasted potential.

The figure finally steps into the light.

KB: I am Kieran Bourne. I am here to bring this sport back to it's former glory. I am here to resurrect what has long been buried. But most of all, I am here to fight.

Kieran smirks.

KB: I'll see you soon, and on that day you will reap it.

[Jack Quinn]

<we see Moose and John Roberts sitting in the Destroyitarium>

MHJ: I'm not doing this

JR: Why not?

MHJ: Because why would either of us give a shit about it?

JR: Because I am writing you to give a shit about it?

MHJ: Just go tell him yourself

JR: You want me to tell him this to his face, after all the bad things I've written for you to say to him over the years?

MHJ: Fair point. Look, why don't you just go find Brian and tell him yourself?

JR: Because sometimes I lose my temper and call racist assholes, who are being racist assholes, racist assholes, and Facebook frowns on that sort of brutal honesty and bans you for a week.

MHJ: Brutal

JR: You're telling me. So come on, just do this. Look, I know the booker, I'll put in a good word for ya.

MHJ: <sighing> FINE!

<Moose leaves and the camera follows him until he gets to the Darling Suite. He knocks on the door, Alex opens it up and immediately gets ready for a fight, then relaxes when he sees the look on Moose's face>

MHJ: <annoyed> I am supposed to give you a message to give to Brian.........<clears throat and pulls out a piece of paper>

DANIEL JONES!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH<gasps for air>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

AD: Ok.. that all?

MHJ: Yup

<Alex shuts the door and Moose walks away and we fade>

[Sportsguy]

We fade in and see OOWF World Heavyweight Champion Matt Folz. He takes a break from watching the NFL Draft and looks into a ninja cam.

Matt: I'd like to start by briefly addressing our Onslaught Champion... (Smiles) Sorry about that, make that our FORMER Onslaught Champion. Sebastian, not that you deserve one but I will give you an explanation for what I did on Wednesday. It's not that I don't like you- see you'd have to be relevant to me for me to have an opinion on you one way or the other. See you went after the the person I care about the most so I retaliated by costing you the thing you cared about the most. So sad too, very close to the record, such a shame. Anyway, I'm done with you now, you can go. The adults are talking now.

Moving on to a real contender- Beverly, this will be the 4th straight week you and I are squaring off in some fashion. And like you, I hate the fact that this is a non title match. I didn't win this Championship not to defend it. You have my word that I absolutely want to give you another Championship match soon. And I look forward to you and I getting in that ring and tearing the house down again.

FADE

[Deadly]

Kieran Bourne is WALKING~! through the streets of Calais, France.

KB: People have asked me "Kieran, why didn't you make your debut in your home country of Ireland?" The truth is, I was there. For the last month I've been watching. I've been biding my time and waiting for the perfect moment. And now, finally, the time is right. The hunt is on. Good luck...

Bourne smiles and walks away.

[Leo]

Sexy Female Journalist 3.14 stands in front of an OOWF banner.

Pi: My guest at this time is supposed to be “Silver Eagle” Jack Bullet, but it could be an eagle perched on top of a coatrack, who knows?
Jack Bullet in street clothes then enters the set. He turns and smiles, the light pings off his teeth. He then grows more serious and points a finger in the camera.

JB: John Law, I’m not surprised that you beat up the messenger without understanding the message. Despite some issues with Carl reading my handwriting I was trying to issue a pretty generic promo on you purposely.

Pi: And why would you intentionally want to phone it in…or, I guess, Carl it in, on John Law?

JB: Everybody knows I’m coming out of a pretty tough time and I don’t want to revisit some darker parts of my past. I’m not strong enough yet. You see, John Law randomly and indiscriminately beats up people to make him feel like the man deep down he knows he isn’t. There is no rhyme or reason to it. John Law is like a shark, just destroy what is in your way and keep moving.

Pi: And you’re different?

JB: I’ll give you three names that shows I’m different. Christian Carter, Demon Smoke, Nick Fleming. All three made me go to a dark part of myself and all three never returned from making me go there. They are nowhere to be seen. John Law, I don’t want to make you another statistic, I don’t want to make you another ‘what happened to that guy.’ I’m begging you for your own good, to not make me hurt you. You are the shark and I am the lion. I am calculating, I am cold, I am cunning, but only when I have to be. Only when I am pushed to the point. Then is your decision to make. You choose to live or die on Wednesday. Remember those three names, etch them in your soul. Christian Carter, Demon Smoke, Nick Fleming. All three came to me, I didn’t go to them. The next time somebody steps up and wants to feel like they’re carrying something around in their jock strap don’t give me a fourth name to list. I’m telling you this as a friend.

Pi: Uh…that seems unlikely.

JB: John Law, I can be your friend or your end. But if you think I’m just another mile marker on your highway through the OOWF, then it’s obvious that you don’t know Jack.

Bullet walks off and we fade.

[Leo]

Zed enters the God Complex and is blocked by who appears to be a Roman Centurion holding a spear.

RC: Halt, who goes there?

Zed: Uh…it’s me, Zed.

RC: You may pass, sir, Zed.

Zed walks past looking confused and comes upon BRICK~! wearing armor.

Zed: What is going on here?

BRICK~!: We have to be on guard for Stacy Kirkland. She’s insane. She could waltz in here like she did last time and take us out with a giant wooden cross.

Zed: If I remember right, she took me out with a giant wooden cross, while you peed yourself in a pew.

BRICK~!: Semantics.

Zed: Would you care to give me the definition of that word.

BRICK~!: ………

Zed: How about did it dawn on you that maybe we don’t have old timey soldiers holding spears in a Christian place of worship just a week after Easter.

BRICK~!:………

Behind them they can hear the guard speaking to someone else

RC: Halt, who goes there?

Voice: It’s me, Zed.

RC: Go forward, sir, Zed.

Stacy Kirkland then enters the frame. BRICK~! shakes his fist and yells at the soldier.

BRICK~!: You just let Zed through you idiot. Did you think there are two Zeds? Didn’t I tell you not to let a black woman in with a stomach you could do your laundry on and a booty that doesn’t quit.

SK: I’m going to take that as a compliment.

BRICK~! jumps back and puts his hands up as if he’s ready for a fight. Kirkland smirks.
SK: Calm down. I’m not here to beat you up…at least at the moment. I’m here to issue a challenge to Zed.

Zed: You already have an Intercontinental Title shot on Mayhem.

SK: You can act like that title means something all you want. A belt is only as good as the person holding it. Right now, I’m the greatest champion the OOWF has ever seen. I’ve successfully defended the DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Championship 1,000 times. That is unheard of in any sport. I am the most dominant champion the OOWF has ever seen. And I’m here to say one thing to you, Zed. You should be coming after me and my title, not me after yours. But I’ll wrestle the match booked on Wednesday for one reason only: Stacy Two Belts will sell a lot of T-shirts.

BRICK~!: Wouldn’t that be gimmick infringement?

SK: Can you define gimmick infringement?

BRICK~!: ………

SK: See you on Wednesday and make sure to have my new belt shined up real nice and pretty so it looks good in publicity shots after the match.

Kirkland exit and we hear the solider off camera.

RC: Halt, who leaves…

We then hear the clank of armor and a slamming noise. A referee counts one…two…three.

SK (off camera): Make that 1,001 defenses!

FADE

[Road Warrior Shark]

~~~ Fade into the OOWF Interview Banner, we see a furious Sebastian Davis, pacing back and forth. ~~~

Davis: Alright Motherfucker. Go ahead. Keep dismissing me. Matt Folz, keep sticking your nose in my business. I beg you. You know, Miss Jamie looked pretty good covered in frozen slush. You know what she'll look even better in? A black veil, standing beside your coffin. Matt, you started this, but I'm about to end it. How you ask? By Ending You. I told you before, you don't get to decide when you're done with me. I'll never be done with you, not until that belt is Mine.

I've called my shot in this company since day one. I walked in here and in less than two weeks had a title on my shoulder. For over four months, I laid waste to everyone that crossed my path. So believe me when I tell you, that World title you strut around with? That is going to be mine. I'm taking it from you soon, Very Soon.

If you're lucky, you'll get the chance to rebuild your house when I'm done with you. Others won't be as lucky. Mac Flasher, The eye of the storm is bearing down on you this week. I'm about to blow you over, destroy everything & everyone you hold dear, take back my Onslaught Title and leave nothing but carnage in my wake. Why, you ask? Because that's what happens during Hurricane season. You've seen the forecast. You've been warned.

~~~ Davis knocks the camera to the ground, and we get our customary sideways view of his boots as they walk away ~~~

[Fire-Babe]

GM the Danny and Asst GM the Vic come to the Destroyitarium. Lucky is the only one there, busy with his never ending paperwork.

AGMtV: Where's Fire?

L: Um....why?

AGMtV: Because she's skipped all of her promotional appearances for almost two weeks now.

L: Oh, she has been busy.

AGMtV: Doing what?

L: How did she put it....oh, right. "Grading her face off."

Kayfabe walks behind Lucky and throws a red pen. Lucky catches it without turning around.

AGMtV: How did you--

L: What I meant to say was, she is sequestering herself from all contact with any possible way she could be spoiled for Avengers: End Game.

Kayfabe wanders through again...then shrugs and disappears.

AGMtV: Why doesn't she go see it?

L: At the risk of having a pen thrown at me again...I'll just say that she and Lucas are looking for the perfect time and place...or...something...

AGMtV: Whatever...tell her we promise that no one will spoil anything.

L: Good because that totally would NOT sparkle with her.

AGMtV: ....It's not because she has to fight her ex this week, is it?

L: *batistalaughs*

Danny and Vic leave, as Lucky just shakes his head.

[Chris Eco]

Los Defenestrators, Ecosistema and Voltaje, walk up to the NEW~! Onslaught Champion, Mac Flasher, as he is unloading bags from his car.

Voltaje: ¡Señor! ¡Señor Flasher!

Ecosistema: ¡Nuestro campeón! ¿Podemos ayudar con your bags?

Mac Flasher: (throwing his belt over his shoulder) Uh, sure - who are you guys?

Voltaje: Soy El Voltaje, un gran luchador! Y él es mi compañero de tag team, Ecosis--

Mac Flasher: Yeah, sorry, I know Ecosystem. Just didn't recognize him under the mask. I'm not letting you near my bag.

Ecosistema: Pero no soy Ecosystem! Soy Ecosistema! Mucho mucho different!

Mac Flasher: Mucho different? Did you give up on Duolingo the first day, Juni?

Voltaje: Mira, esse. We just wanted to congratulate you. Eres the champ, el perro grande.

Ecosistema: EL PERRO GRANDE! MAC REIGNS!

Voltaje: Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo, do, do . . .

Ecosistema: Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo, do, do . . .

Mac Flasher: Great, guys, just great. Perfect harmony, and hey, if the champ ever needs a Mactourage containing one of my sworn enemies under a flimsy mask, you'll be the first . . . well, you'll be in the first ten or so people I call, okay?

Voltaje: Mucho thanks.

Ecosistema: Many gracias.

Mac Flasher walks off, taking his own bags and shaking his head.

FADE

[L!zz~]

(The Frenemies are with Dorothy, their manager, who may or may not accompany them to matches when/if necessary going forward)


Bridget: Dorothy, we are going to see management.

Kylie: This line up has to be a mistake.

Dorothy: You are referring to your match, I am assuming.

Bridget: Yes, I bet Fire put him up to it to try to divide us.

Kylie: Or Moose threatened him.

Dorothy: I highly doubt that.

Bridget: I wouldn't put anything past the two of them.

(Kylie nods in agreement)

Dorothy: While I agree with that, I asked for and was granted the match.

(The former tag champs stare at her in shock)

Bridget: What? WHY?

Kylie: We're partners.

Dorothy: Yes, yes you are a very good team together..(waving her hand around) However..

Bridget: We are a great team.

Dorothy: No. You are a very good team. I'll be generous and add a second very. But you are not *great*. You can be, though.

Kylie: (glances at Bridget) What are you getting at?

Dorothy: You're called the Frenemies, correct? (the two nod) There is a lot of unresolved issues between you.

Bridget: Oh not this again.

Kylie: (in a monotone, bored voice) I. Do. Not. Still. Have. Feelings. For. Mac.

Dorothy: This has nothing to do with Macintosh! (annoyance clouding her face she continues) You two have faced each other many times, and suddenly became a tag team. Do you know why Fire and Moose are so good together?


Bridget: They are siblings?

Kylie: I mean..yeah...siblings.

Dorothy: No! Because they know each and every weakness the other has and is able to be the counter point to it. They learned that not because they are siblings but because their years of battle against each other.

Bridget: So, you're saying...

Kylie: To be even better, we have to fight each other?

Dorothy: I'm not trying to start a war between the two of you. I'm trying to create a better team. And this is Phase 1.

Bridget: Phase 1?

Kylie: How many phases are there?

Dorothy: As many as I need. Are you in?

(The Frenemies face each other, grins slowly spreading across their faces)

Both: We're in.

Dorothy: Good. Now..let's get down to business. V'OG? You up there?

V'OG: As always my fair lady.

Dorothy: Good. Got that footage I wanted ready? (gestures for the duo to sit) If, so, Roll it.


(We fade as a screen falls from the ceiling and video starts to come into focus)

[L!zz~]

(The OOWF Champion Matt Folz is sitting, enjoying a hot beverage on a chilly morning, presumably waiting for his wife to join him, when his opponent this week, Beverly Cambridge approaches his table)

Beverly: Mind if I sit a moment?

Matt: (rises slightly, gentleman that he is, and gestures for her to join him) Would you like a coffee? (Raising his arm to beckon the waitress)

Beverly: I'll get one to go, thanks. I won't take up much of your time. Waiting on Jamie?

Matt: She had a hair emergency this morning. (a slow grin spreads across his face)

Beverly: (laughs) It's the weather here. Mine has been frizzy as heck.

(The waitress approaches and Bev orders a latte to go, when the waitress departs, she turns back to Matt)

Matt: So, look at us! Two sworn enemies having coffee together.

Beverly: Well if Fire and Moose can have coffee together and live to tell the tale....

Matt: (chuckles and sips his drink) What's this really about, Bev?

Beverly: I want that Championship rematch you said you'd give me.

Matt: This is how you are asking for it?

Beverly: I could have found an SFJ and spouted all types of nonsense, but you have been polite in your promos, why should I do anything different?

Matt: I appreciate that actually. (leans forward) So what do you have in mind?

Beverly: Go big or go home right? PPV of your choosing. No Holds Barred.

Matt: I like it. Want me to speak to who ever is running this joint now?

Beverly: (as her latte is delivered, reaches for her wallet, but Matt waves her off) Yes, please and thank you for the coffee. (rising, as Jamie heads over to the able)

Matt: You're welcome. Thank you.

Beverly: For what?

Matt: Every once in a while it's nice to be asked for a match with out someone bashing you over the head.

Beverly: (laughs) Oh I hear you on that on. Morning Jamie. (Waves a hand as she heads off)

Jamie: (sits) What was that about?

Matt: Work stuff. So, c'mon lets order. I'm starving.

(we fade as everyone gets on with their day)

[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (#913)
Live! From Calais, France
May 1, 2019

LOS DEFENESTRATORS vs. BANNED FROM EVERYWHERE

Ecosistema locks up with Awesome Bill to start. Ecosistema gets the best of Awesome Bill with a couple armdrags, and then Eco runs up the turnbuckles for a spinning crossbody . . . and Awesome Bill just walks out of the way a'la Samoa Joe. Splat. Bill shakes his head and then begins to jab Ecosistema, whip to the turnbuckles, charge - and Ecosistema drops down and rolls out of the ring, Bill just turning himself in time to slam his shoulder rather than his sternum. Grabbing his shoulder, Bill rolls out of the ring . . . and Ecosistema rolls back in. Bill rolls in . . . and Ecosistema rolls out the other side. We have a couple rounds of this until Justin Sane blocks an exit for Ecosistema, who spins around to Bill . . .

Ecosistema: Break de bailando!

Ecosistema does a quick spin dance, and then shoots double guns at Bill. Bill looks around confused, but the audience is chanting "Dance," so Awesome Bill does a little shimmy to cheers. Ecosistema then spells "W-O-R-M" and gets on the ground, gesturing for Bill. The two begin to do the worm . . . but Ecosistema pops up and STOMPS Bill in the back of the head! Eco goes for the cover, good for only two! Ecosistema quickly tags in Voltaje.

Razz: Wow! I can't believe the fun-loving Ecosistema played a nasty trick like that and then bailed like a coward!
Russ: Does it remind you of anyone at all? Say, anyone who might be obviously under the mask?
Razz: CM Punk? Is it CM Punk? I heard he was making masked appearances!

Voltaje locks Bill tight into the Chinlock of Excitement, but Bill fights his way up with elbows - but Voltaje reverses into a Russian Leg Sweep and then unloads with kicks, pushing Bill into the corner and stomping away! Voltaje backs up to the other corner and charges with FLIPPY NONSENSE-nobody home, Bill pulls out of the way and tags in Justin! Justin hits Voltaje with flail strikes before coming off the second rope with some flippy nonsense of his own, sending Voltaje into the ropes in 619 position. Justin charges to try it out, but Voltaje scouts it and shoves Justin to the floor. Voltaje rolls out and rolls Justin in, with Bill coming down to make sure Voltaje doesn't take liberties . . . but then Ecosistema comes out behind Bill and rolls him up!

The referee comes out of the ring to explain to Ecosistema that neither he nor Bill is the legal man, and that you can't roll people up outside the apron.

But MEANWHILE, inside the ring, Voltaje ducks a swing from Justin, and spits BLUE MIST into Justin's eyes! Voltaje rolls him up into a small package as the referee gives up on Ecosistema and Bill - 1-2-3!
WINNERS in 8:22 . . . Los Defenstrators!

Razz: That's crazy that a Mexican team would use green mist!
Russ: Crazy indeed, Razz, almost like they have an obviously Japanese wrestler on their team.
Razz: Yeah, they must have been watching tapes of OOWF legend . . .
Russ: Say it, say it, say it . . .
Razz; Ghosthead!

SHIZURU vs. JUNIOR WINCHESTER

Winchester attacks Shiz before the bell and dumps him to the floor. As Junior argues with the referee, Betty Sue takes off her cowboy boot and waits for Shiz to stand, then SLAMS it upside his head! Betty Sue rolls Shiz back into the ring and Winchester covers, but Shiz kicks out at two.

Winchester pulls Shiz to his feet and lifts him for a suplex, slingshots him off the top rope into a JACKHAMMER! He covers again, but once again Shiz kicks out. Winchester traps Shiz in a sitting abdominal stretch and hammers him with elbows to the ribs. The crowd is firmly behind Shiz, and they start clapping and stomping and soon enough Shiz hulks up and fights to his feet and escapes from the hold. Junior tries a few punches to Shiz’s head, but they have no effect, Shiz stands up straight, points at Junior and the crowd yells “YOU!” He hammers Junior with several shots to the head backing him to the ropes, he then grabs Junior and sends him to the ropes and connects with a big boot, but Winchester doesn’t go down! Instead, Shizuru springs off the middle rope and connects with a spinning kick to the face that sends Winchester out of the ring to the floor.

Shizuru grabs Winchester and lifts him onto the apron and tries to bring him in with a suplex, but on the outside Betty Sue grabs his leg! Winchester falls on top of Shiz, Betty Sue keeps hold of the leg, one…….two……..THREE! They steal the win!
WINNER in 5:39 – Junior Winchester

Winchester slips out of the ring and celebrates with Betty Sue, while Shizuru tries to explain what happened, to no avail.

KYLIE MIGNOLIO vs. BRIDGET O’MALLEY

Bridget O’Malley is out first and strides to the ring. Bridget poses in the center, then goes to her corner and stretches. Kylie Mignolio receives a tremendous reaction from the crowd. She smiles and waves, then slaps hands with the fans as she runs down the aisle. Kylie slides into the ring and poses on the turnbuckles, and then meets Bridget in the middle of the ring. Referee Masato Misawa steps between them and gives them their instructions, and then calls for the bell.

The ladies stand toe to toe and size each other up for a moment, and then Kylie offers her hand. After a brief hesitation, Bridget shakes it. The handshake breaks directly into a lock up. Bridget forces Kylie’s arms up and drives several short kicks into her midsection. Kylie yanks her hands free and catches one of the kicks, trapping Bridget’s leg and pulling her into a suplex. Bridget rolls on landing, but Kylie dives onto her and grabs a headlock. Bridget hooks Kylie and rolls, holding her shoulders down for a one count. Kylie kicks out but hangs onto the hold. Bridget tries it again for another one, and this time Kylie lets go when she kicks out. Kylie rolls to her feet and drops a knee into Bridget's neck before she can get up. Kylie pulls Bridget to her feet and sends her into the corner. Kylie charges, but Bridget slips up and over the ropes to the apron. Kylie puts on the brakes, but Bridget grabs her head and slams it into the turnbuckles. She steps back into the ring and takes Kylie over with a snapmare. Bridget sits Kylie up and drives a kick into her spine, then backs off a couple steps and hits a rolling neck snap. Bridget covers, but Kylie kicks out at two.

Bridget sits Kylie back up and drives several knees into her back. She plants the last one and pulls Kylie’s head back, wrapping an arm around her neck to lock on a dragon sleeper. Kylie struggles but refuses to tap. She pushes to her feet, still in the hold. She pushes at Bridget’s arm, and manages to loosen it enough to turn over. She grabs Bridget around the waist and snaps her over with a Northern Lights Suplex. Kylie bridges, but Bridget kicks out at two. Kylie rolls to her feet and sprints for the ropes. She tries a clothesline but Bridget ducks. Bridget aims a knee at her stomach on the return trip, but Kylie tumbles over it and keeps going. Kylie comes back with a body press, but Bridget snags her out of the air with a powerslam. Bridget hooks the leg and Misawa counts One...Two...Kylie kicks out!

Bridget is up first and stalks Kylie as she gets up. Bridget nails Kylie in the back of the head with a pair of forearms, and then shoves her face-first against the ropes. Kylie bounces off, and Bridget hits a standing dropkick to the back. Kylie starts to tumble over the ropes, but Bridget grabs her around the waist and rolls her up. She rolls through and into a German Suplex. Bridget bridges, but Kylie rolls a shoulder just before three. Bridget rolls to her feet and pulls Kylie up. She tries for a suplex, but Kylie blocks. A second attempt is also blocked and Kylie reverses, snapping Bridget over. Kylie pulls Bridget up and bundles her into the corner. Kylie hits a series of knees to the midsection, followed by an Irish whip. Bridget stops her momentum and hangs on to Kylie’s arm, pulling her forward to bury a knee into her stomach. She hooks Kylie for a gut wrench, but Kylie elbows free. Kylie sprints for the ropes and leapfrogs Bridget, coming back with a bulldog. She covers, and Misawa slides into position. One...Two...Bridget kicks out!

Kylie pulls Bridget up and slings her to the ropes. Kylie nails a superkick, then grabs Bridget as she falls and sends her into the corner. Bridget reverses, following Kylie in with a leaping knee to the head. She doubles Mia over and hooks her for a Butterfly Suplex, but Kylie stands up, dropping her into the turnbuckles. Bridget ends up hanging in the tree of woe, and Kylie gets a running start to nail a stalling dropkick. Kylie pulls Bridget up and sets her up for the Sharpshooter, but Bridget kicks her back. Bridget kips up, and Kylie catches her with a Springboard Cross Body! Misawa counts One...Two...Three! Bridget kicks out! The bell sounds!
WINNER (9:34) Kylie Mignolio!

Russ: Was that three?
Razz: I think so. Let’s take a look.

Instant replay confirms that Bridget was a milli-second too late in her kick out and the decision stands.

JACK BULLET vs. JOHN LAW – Last Man Standing Match

Bullet comes out first, as he stops at the top of the ramp to play to the crowd, he suddenly lurches forward and falls face first to the floor. The camera pans up and we see why. Standing behind him is John Law holding a lead pipe. He glares down at Bullet, who is unconscious. Law yells for the referee to start the count, but before he does, Shizuru storms out and attacks Law!

Shiz and Law brawl up and down the ramp, Shizuru grabs the lead pipe and is about to use it on Law when Junior Winchester shows up and POPS Shiz with a super kick! Law and Winchester throw Shizuru into the ring and proceed to beat the snot out of him. Jack Bullet struggles to his feet and staggers to the ring, he slides under the bottom rope and falls across Shizuru protecting him from the onslaught from Law and Winchester. The two grab a chair and repeatedly bring it down on Bullet’s back before security finally breaks it up and gets them to the back. The crowd boos the shit out of this. Medics check on Shiz and Bullet, Jack looks like he has no idea where he is at the moment, surely he will be in concussion protocol for this.
WINNER – no match

Russ: This is absolutely disgusting! Jack Bullet is likely concussed because of that animal John Law!
Razz: I mean……it WAS a last man standing match
Russ: Are there no rules in the world of professional wrestling?
Razz: Well, not really in a last man standing match……..
Russ: The thought of incapacitating your opponent, it just has NO place in wrestling!
Razz: It WAS a last man standing match , Russ, That’s kind of the point……

THE DARLINGS vs. CLAN QUINN

What many expected to be a bloodbath, given their history, turned out to be one hell of an actual wrestling match. Clann Quinn and The Darlings put on a clinic of tag team wrestling, with a minimum of outside the ring mayhem.

After nearly forty-five minutes of war, the end comes when La Ecosistema wanders down to the ring to do color commentary………poorly. At one point he drops his headset, which is to say he threw it over the table in the direction of the ring. As he went to get it, he grabbed Fire’s ankle as she hit the ropes, tripping her up and sending her right into a Darling Driver from Alex! Alex covers and gets a surprise three count while La Ecosistema feigns innocence. Moose chases him up the ramp, but he escapes to the safety of the back.
WINNERS in 44:21 – The Darlings

BEVERLY CAMBRIDGE vs. MATT FOLZ

The two get introduced and Matt surprisingly offers his hand in a show of good sportsmanship. Beverly accepts it and the two step back before the bell rings. The two lock up and Beverly surprises Matt by riding him down to the canvas and then rolling him into a half nelson cradle for 2. Matt gets back to his feet, locks up again and takes Beverly over with an arm drag and quickly follows up with a running knee. Matt waits for Beverly to get to her feet and then hits her with a lariat that sends her over the top rope. The crowd boos as Sebastian Davis makes his way to ringside. He gets up on the apron and Matt quickly knocks him off with a right hand. Beverly climbs back to the apron and Matt grabs her looking to suplex her back into the ring. Matt gets her halfway up before Sebastian grabs his leg. Matt falls backwards, Beverly lands on top of him. The referee doesn't see Sebastian holding Matt's foot down as he counts, 1...2...3. It's over just that quickly.

Winner (Pinfall, 2:11) Beverly Cambridge

Afterwards, both Matt AND Beverly seem pissed off about the result. Sebastian just smirks at them both as he makes his way to the back.

SEBASTIAN DAVIS vs. MAC FLASHER – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match

With OOWF Official Angelo Barros waving Sebastian Davis and OOWF Onslaught Champion, Mac Flasher to the center of the ring, he holds Mac’s title above his head and commands both men to shake hands. They oblige, but not before Sebastian times pulling Mac in for a short clothesline just as the bell rings. While Barros chides Sebastian for his timing, the challenger claims that everything is on the up and up while Mac lay on the mat in a daze. Sebastian turns his attention to Mac, who pulls him down in a small package that gets 1. Sebastian is first up and begins stomping away at Mac’s neck and back, keeping the champion on the defensive while signaling around his waist that he’s reclaiming something this evening.

As the fans jeer the gesture, Sebastian pulls Mac up by his hair and whips him into the turnbuckle, staying a step behind and laying into him with a running knee to the gut. Mac falls in a heap while Sebastian stays on top with a chin lock that he flows into an armbar.

Razz: “That’s Hold No. 713! ARM bar!”
Russ: “That’s maybe the second hold we’ve seen in this match”
Razz: “Sebastian has a list of far more than 1,004 holds. Give him time.”

Mac is able to wiggle free thanks to a nearby rope.

Mac Flasher has used his first rope break.

Mac stands up and ducks a running shoulder block by Sebastian, waiting for the Texan to turn around into an Ace Crusher. Mac cannot even try a pin as Sebastian has the wherewithal to roll outside almost immediately.

Russ: “He didn’t quite get all of that Ace Crusher.”
Razz: “You’re telling me. Sebastian was able to roll out of the ring with zero issues.”

Sebastian checks his jaw as Mac teases Kennywood’s Open (tope con hilo). Sebastian heads for the hills as Mac puts on the brakes and plays to the crowd, which is having the grandest time taunting Sebastian.

Sebastian cautiously heads back to the ring as Mac teases an outside jump once more. Finally, with Barros’ count reaching a dire number, Sebastian rolls back in; but not before commanding Barros to hold Mac back. Mac backs away, though Barros leans in and holds him by the torso, unaware of the eye poke that Sebastian delivers. Mac covers his eyes as Sebastian nails the champion with a spear and gets 2.5. Mac, still trying to get vision back in his right eye, swings wildly and misses Sebastian by a mile as the two get up. Sebastian tries a Cattle Driver, but Mac is able to block. A suplex attempt is also blocked as Mac powers Sebastian into the corner. Even with the fuzzy vision, Mac delivers two uppercuts, two hammerfists, a left hand, a right hand, a left hand, a right hand, a kick and a knee before a forearm across the jaw ends the flurry.

Russ (to himself): “Up … Up … Down … Down … Left … Right … Holy shit! Razz! Mac just gave Sebastian the Konami Code!”
Razz: “All I saw were some fists that are unbecoming of an Onslaught champion.”

Right as rain to Razz’s declaration, Barros chats with Mac about the closed fists.

Mac Flasher has received his first warning.

Mac continues on the assault, whipping Sebastian into the opposite corner and signaling for Mister Rogers Neighborhood Trolley. Mac runs into a big boot and a rope-aided cover that Barros cuts off at 2, when he glances up.

Sebastian Davis has been given his first warning.

Sebastian powers Mac up for a Hurricane Slam that gets 2. This time he partially connects on a Cattle Driver as Mac is able free his legs and take most of the impact on his back. That also gets 2. Sebastian pounds the mat and screams at Barros about his cadence before grabbing Mac by his hair and driving a knee to his gut. With Mac doubled over, he tries for a scissors kick, but get caught in a standing powerslam that gets 2. Mac gets to his feet first and rallies the crowd behind him before unleashing a hellacious standing lariat that needs a western-Pennsylvania-based name, but his creator is way too lazy to think of one at the moment. That gets 2 as Sebastian gets a foot on the ropes.

Sebastian Davis has used his first rope break.

Mac stays on the assault, punishing Sebastian with forearms to the back before trying to hoist him in a Flash Drive. That gets him nowhere. A rake to the eyes gives Sebastian a quick edge again as he whips Mac into the ropes and positions himself for back body drop that Mac spots in time before sliding over Sebastian’s back and hitting a lightning-quick Duquesne Incline (Unprettier). Sebastian kicks out at 3.01, then looks incredulous as Barros calls for the bell.
WINNER (pinfall, 13:20) and STILL OOWF ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION, Mac Flasher.

Barros and Sebastian argue all the way to the back about the speed of the count as Mac retrieves his title and holds it high while starting an “EIGHT DAYS!” chant before the feed cuts to an ad for OOWF AfterDark’s newest docuseries “Inside Firewoman’s Basement.”

STACY KIRKLAND vs. ZED – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match

Back and forth match for much of the contest. The end comes when Kirkland grabs the DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal title and SLAMS it upside Zed’s head! She rolls Zed into the ring and covers him, putting her legs on the bottom rope. Rev. BRICK~! tries to warn the referee, but he doesn’t see it. Kirkland gets the three count and the title!
WINNER in 21:48 and NEW OOWF Intercontinental Champion – Stacy Kirkland

Kirkland holds her titles high in the air as the crowd boos loudly. Mac Flasher rushes to the ring to try and explain what has happened, but to no avail. We fade to black with the champ standing tall at the top of the ramp.

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out OOWF Storming the Beach 2!, May 26, Live! From Le Havre, France. And don’t forget to catch next week’s MidWeek Mayhem, May 8th, Live! from Reims, France.

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