[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (#916)
Live! From Bordeaux, France
May 22, 2019

Best of Seven Series - Match 1
The Darlings vs. Frenemies

Saints of Sinners vs. Beverly Cambridge, Jack Bullet & Los Defenestrators
Sebastian Davis & Kieran Bourne vs. Mac Flasher & Zed
Shizuru vs. Junior Winchester vs. John Law




Card subject to {insert French joke here}

[Leo]

“Silver Eagle” Jack Bullet and Jim Brockmire, disgraced baseball announcer now with the Oakland Athletics, enter a smoke filled bar following Mayhem.

Bullet: Why did you bring me here?

Brockmire: So, you can grab the bull by the horns. You have to walk into the lion’s den and/or the den of vipers, or whatever clichés you want to toss out there. Look, normal people drink and have fun. We’re not normal people, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be around them and pretend a little.

Bullet: I don’t think I’m ready to be here.

Brockmire: I don’t even know where here is. Supposedly, you’re still in France, but this looks likes we’re somewhere south of El Paso.

Kayfabe walks by and spills a drink on Brockmire’s shoes.

Brockmire: Hey, watch out! Isn’t that the woman from the diner.

Bullet: Kayfabe is everywhere.

Brockmire: Ok, then. I’m just going to say she looks like Flo from Progressive and I find that strangely erotic.

Kayfabe comes back by and slips a piece of paper with her phone number on it into Jim’s jacket pocket.

From a back entrance of the bar comes members of the God Complex, including BRICK~!, Mac Flasher, Zed, Kylie Mignolio and Bridget O’Malley.

BRICK~!: I know we’re supposed to be religious goodies, but sometimes you’ve got to go into the lion’s den, or the den of vipers, or what have you.

They all notice Jim and Jack and pay them no mind, except for Kylie who just kind of stands and looks. Jack exchanges the stare.

Brockmire: And I think that’s my cue to go meet the talking brick, because he probably knows the drug dealing elephant.

Jack moves forward and Kylie retreats, moving to the dance floor and looking for a way out. Jack takes her arm and pulls her in. Playing is “Reminds Me of You” by Van Morrison.

Bullet: We can’t just stand here. You might as well dance with me.

Thinking of no excuse not to, Kylie just kind of falls into his arms and they start moving around the dance floor.

I miss you so much, I can't stand it
Seems like my heart, is breaking in two

KM: I don’t know if I have anything more to say to you, Jack. I made my peace when you had your concussion recently.

My head says no but my soul demands it
Everything I do, reminds me of you

Bullet: Yeah, Shizuru told me. You made your peace, but I didn’t make mine. And I don’t know if doing such to a comatose man counts.

Kylie goes to pull away angrily. Jack let’s go and raises a hand as a pausing gesture.

Bullet: Okay, maybe not fair. But let’s say you owe me one. I need to make peace with people and look them in the eye. I’d rather start with you than with Firewoman or John Law.

Kylie nods silently and they go back to dancing.

Ain't goin'down, no more to the well
Sometimes it feels like, I'm going to hell

Bullet: What I had with you and Josie, I know it was real. In a way that scared me. I had failed one family, I didn’t want to fail another. Especially one that needed the white knight on the noble steed. So, I drank, I got fake married, twice if you count the mishap with Firewoman, I drank some more. And it wasn’t because I lost my soul to Fire, I lost it long before she took whatever she thinks she has from me.

Seems like the spirit, is pushing me onwards
I'm able to see, where I tripped and went wrong

Kylie pulls Jack closer and buries her head into his shoulder.

KM: I can understand the fear. Did you think being a defacto mom to Josie was easy. I’m glad she’s off the road now and safe. But sometimes I wish she was still here with me…especially at this moment with you.

And the scene is interrupted with a literal record scratch sound. The scene slam cuts to the Saints of Sinners entering the bar – Firewoman, Moosehead Jack, Matt Folz and Stacy Kirkland.

FW: Why the hell aren’t we drinking back at the Destroyaterium?

MJ: Stacy, care to take that one?

SK: Because bitches need taught lessons.

MJ: Oh, she’s learning fast.

Zed immediately jumps up and goes for Stacy, but Folz steps in and catches Zed with a right hand.

Brockmire: Oh, good, a bar fight. Mr. BRICK~!, let’s say you and I go find a shady spot and watch the festivities. Now is this real, or just pretend for storyline.

Kayfabe takes her number out of Jim’s pocket.

Bridget and Mac jump up and fly into the fracas. Kylie runs in as well. Jack sighs.

Bullet: Oh, what the hell.

Bullet runs, jumps on a round wooden table, leaps to grab a chandelier and swings into the battle. He takes out most of the crowd. He misses Moosehead Jack, who breaks a beer bottle on the bar.

MJ: Matt has your title. Fire has your soul. Stacy has your balls. Think I’ll just cut your heart out of your chest and do some Hannibal Lecter shit with a nice chianti for funsies.

Jack takes a fighting stance to take on Moose, but Fire is up from the pile and pushes Jack back against the jukebox. She balls up a fist for a punch, but the pendant around her neck starts glowing green. Her hand slowly starts to open. She looks at it.

FW: Oh, c’mon!

Kirkland flies in with a spear and impales Bullet into the jukebox. It breaks with a loud crunch.

SK: Bitch, we are far from over.

Zed catches Kirkland from behind and gives her a back suplex through a nearby table.

MF: I could say the same.

Fire super kicks Zed. Everyone is brawling. The sound of sirens can be heard in the near distance.

Brockmire: I’m not spending a night in a French jail again. BRICK~!, this church of yours, does it have communion wine?

BRICK~!: Bottles of it, but I thought you weren’t drinking.

Brockmire: Not sure if drinking the blood of Jesus counts as booze. Let’s discuss on the way.

And as BRICK~! and Brockmire slip out the back, the lights of the police illuminate the bar as fighting continues and we fade.

[Road Warrior Shark]

~~~ We fade inside the Spin Hansen Memorial Training Center, where we find Kieran Bourne doing some impressive box jumps in the corner. He puts another crate on top of his stack, then turns on the spot and assumes a defensive pose, only to find Sebastian Davis standing there. ~~~

Kieran: I thought someone was watching me.

Sebastian: Good instincts. I like that.

Kieran: What do you want? I'm a little busy here.

Sebastian: Fair enough. I don't know what your deal is with Cambridge, and I frankly don't care. But she's tight with Flasher, Zed, and that crew. Since you and I are on the same side of the ring this week, I figured I'd give you fair warning. Don't fuck around on me this week.

Kieran: (tensing up) Excuse me?

Sebastian: I didn't stutter. I'd rather fight those two by myself than sit back and get 'Sting-ed' out there. If you show up on Wednesday, you had better be 100% on board with winning the match.

Kieran: So instead of coming to me to try and work together, you're here to threaten me? That seems like bad business.

Sebastian: Yeah, well I don't exactly do things the way everyone else does. That's part of the reason I've accomplished as much as I have so far. I'm not afraid to call a spade a spade, and I'm not afraid to stand up to anyone; you, the World Champ, the GM, even the interview chick they have tailing me.

Kieran: I've seen how you operate.

Sebastian: Good. I'll make you a promise.

Kieran: And what is that?

Sebastian: I promise if you show up, shut up, and pay attention, you'll go to the pay window this week.

Kieran: I don't know who you think you are talking to me like that.

Sebastian: Then pay attention. I'm the guy who just spent nearly five months as Onslaught Champion. I'm the guy who calls his shot and then makes it happen each week. I talk the talk, and Then I walk the walk. That little four way match you and I were part of last week? My hand got raised. So Trust Me when I tell you this; do what I say, when I say, and how I say it, and the God Complex won't have a Prayer of surviving the Hurricane that is heading their way.

~~~ Davis turns away from Bourne, pauses for a moment, then walks out. Kieran stares at the spot where Sebastian was standing in silence, then we watch him make another impressive jump, and we fade.... ~~~

[Jack Quinn]

<as the promo finishes, Kay shows up in a football referee outfit and blows a whistle>

K: Five aspirin penalty, heel, Sebastian Davis, catch phrase infringement

<with that, Kay grabs a chair and swats it upside Davis' head, sending him to the floor.>

SD: Owwww

<Kay drops the chair, tosses Davis a bottle of aspirin, and walks away>

[Fire-Babe]

Fire is sitting, alone, at a vinyard's wine tasting room. There's two full flights of wine glasses for tastings, one that had been tasted and one, sitting in front of Fire, that has not. She's just blankly staring at them. Moments pass, and Stank emerges from the back with their host...

S: Emil, you have quite the set up back there.

E: Zank yoo, Msr. Mann....Eet haz been een my family for centuries.

S: Well, that explains why these are all such delightful vintages....Which is your favorite Lis?

FW: Hm?...oh, uh.......that one.

She absentmindedly points to one.

E: Très bien. I shall get the case together tout de suite.

He goes off to get the case. Stank calls back.

S: Make it half that one and half the first one!

E: Mais bien sûr.

S: Fire...you didn't try any of them?

FW: No, I smelled them, though. You can learn a lot about wine by--

S: Lis, I thought you'd like this, but all you've done is mope around the whole time. You missed a fantastic tour.

FW: It's a kitchen.

S: Where they make wine!

FW: I'm sorry, I just...I don't know....I just feel....meh.

S: I don't get it...you're tag team champ, The Saints are ALMOST as unified as they were before, Stacy is fitting in--

FW: Stacy is abusing a referee, which I would NEVER have tolerated when I was commissioner...

S: So put your foot down!

FW: *shrugs and shakes her head* Not really my job anymore.

S: Is that it? You want to be commish again?

FW: Not on your life.

S: Is it Ecosystem?

FW: That is NOT ECOSYSTEM.

S: Well, dammit woman, what is it? OH, wait...I know...side effects.

FW: ....of what?

S: Quitting smoking.

FW: ....oh......maybe....

S: Honey, I would love to snap my fingers and make you snap out of this funk....

FW: But you don't have an Infinity Gauntlet?

S: .....

FW: ....

S: Fine....joke around....but don't think I haven't noticed that you're attitude is less ....Firewoman-like than usual.

Fire opens her mouth to say something but at that precise moment Emil returns with their case of wine. Stank pays, takes the case and he and Firewoman get into their car and leave.

[Road Warrior Shark]

~~~ Fade into The Hallway of Random Encounters (tm) and we find Kayfabe standing with Ladder. Nothing seems amiss, until THWACK! Kay drops to the floor. Ladder stands there helplessly watching Sebastian Davis pummel Kayfabe with Clangy Pole. Blood begins to pool on the floor below her. Davis pulls Kay up and delivers a Hurricane Slam into a nearby crate. Kay moans and tries to get up. Davis sighs. He knocks Ladder to the floor, then pulls Kay to her feet and hits the Spring Break Plunge into the fallen Ladder! Kayfabe lies motionless on the debris. ~~~

Davis: I don't play by your rules, Bitch.

~~~ Davis snarls and walks away from the scene. The commotion draws the attention of a few backstage hands. Davis reaches a corner and runs into SFJ #44, mouth agape and mic in hand. ~~~

SFJ #44: What... what just happened here?

Davis: I just broke Kayfabe.

~~~ He knocks the mic from her hand and walks away smirking ~~~

[Chris Eco]

Ecosistema and Voltaje are backstage with their stolen Tag Team Championships in front of an OOWF banner.

Local Journalist: Excusez-moi, but Los Defenestrators, it's five hours until the show and your writer is stuck on a train coming back from a court hearing. Can you provide some quick comments?

Ecosistema and Voltaje look over to where Kayfabe is being helped onto a stretcher. She is unable to help herself up and just flips the Local Journalist off.

Ecosistema: Si! Es muy simple, senorita. Voltaje y yo, we left with the championships dos weeks ago, we left with the championships this week. That makes us two-time champions!

Voltaje: Woo! Rock y roll! Soy la gnarliest double champion ever!

Local Journalist: Your Spanish is degrading. Also, isn't that from a 2008 Neverending Promo?

Ecosistema: Okay, primero, I can't even find the accent marks on this keyboard.

Double birds from Kayfabe.

Ecosistema: Segundo, El Neverending Promo de Dos Mil y Ocho was comedy GOLD. Por que sabes Voltaje was OOWF Rookie of the Year?

Voltaje: . . . .

Ecosistema: . . . oh, lo siento, that was Voltage! Una persona totalmente diferente! What a loco mistake, am I correcto?

Local Journalist: Yes. Very loco.

Ecosistema: The point is this, senorita. (Pause.) I forgot my point. Amigo, por favor, my point.

Voltaje hands Ecosistema an index card labeled Cheap Heat.

Ecosistema: The point is, we dislike France, the people who live here smell muy malo, the people in the arena tonight are specifically mucho ugly, and we will beat the Saints of Sinners in the precise manner that a local sports team recently lost a disappointing match.

Voltaje: Those local sports teams! They sure are not very bueno, unlike the sports teams in the places that we reside!

Ecosistema: Indeed! So let todos los viewers know - tonight, Los Defenestrators become THREE-TIME CHAMPIONS! Vominos!

Los Defenestrators leave with their stolen championships.

Local Journalist: . . . What are they even adding?

FADE

[DrMcAwesome]

*“BLACK MAGIC” STACY KIRKLAND and OOWF Official GAVIN “JUNIOR” HALE are on their way to a local shop in Bordeaux, France to look at some decorative items for JUNIOR’s closet as they are met by BRIDGET O’MALLEY, who coldcocks STACY with a baguette; because why the hell not? BRIDGET covers STACY, but JUNIOR stays upright*

BRIDGET: “Aren’t you going to count?”

JUNIOR: “That baguette attack was illegal. I am disqualifying you for use of an illegal object.”

BO’M: “What? Do you not understand that the entire point of the DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Championship is that there are no rules aside that it’s on defense 24/7?”

J (yawning): “I know. Stacy defended the championship about 275 times last night. I need to wear a padded glove to count off all the pinfalls. But it doesn’t change the fact that you are disqualified.”

BO’M (while grabbing JUNIOR by the lapel of his very wrinkled and kind of yellowed official’s shirt): “YOU WILL NOT TAKE THIS FROM …”

*STACY uses the same baguette that BRIDGET just used a minute ago to knock her off her feet*

1 … 2 … 3. WINNER AND STILL DDT IRONMAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION! “BLACK MAGIC” STACY KIRKLAND

STACY: “Make that 420 defenses this week, Junior.”

*JUNIOR takes out a notepad and adds another tally beside the day’s list of defenses*

SK (leaning down to BRIDGET): “Maybe next time, you’ll play by the ddddddddddddddddddddgghghjjgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg …”

*everyone just stops and looks around while scratching their heads*

B’OM (now sitting up): “What the hell was that?”

J: “I think that was Dr. McAwesome’s cat, T.J., walking across his keyboard.”

SK: “How long was this T.J. on the … Oh no.”

*all three look around waiting for KAYFABE, who never arrives. JUNIOR grabs his phone and calls the OOWF offices to explain the situation*

J: “I understand.”

*BRIDGET and STACY both look at JUNIOR*

J: “Well, it was explained to me that with Kayfabe broken by Sebastian Davis, Dr. McAwesome’s cat, T.J., is the new DDT Ironman Heavy Metal champion.”

WINNER AND NEW DDT IRONMAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION, DR. MCAWESOME’S CAT, T.J.

SK: “How? She’s not even … We’re not …”

J: “With Kayfabe broken, almost anything goes during the week. Sebastian’s actions have created anarchy in our world. So, since Dr. McAwesome’s cat, T.J., walked across the keyboard for three seconds while he was writing a line by Stacy, that counts as a pin.”

*BRIDGET smirks while STACY is apoplectic*

SK: “Junior! We’re going to find this cat right now.”

J: “Can’t. OOWF restricts intercontinental travel on the day of a MidWeek Mayhem.”

SK: “But I’m the Intercontinental Champion. That rule doesn’t apply to me. I should be able to travel to Pennsylvania right now and …”

BO’M: “You will do no such thing. T.J. is the sweetest cat, and she’s only 6.9 pounds. You will wait until Kayfabe is no longer broken then I’m sure that someone will figure out how to get the championship away from T.J.”

J: “Bridget’s right. Violence against animals is ill-advised.”

SK: “Then I’ll find this Dr. McAwesome and make him take the …”

J: “No can do. He’s going to be busy all day with a podcast then work. Unless you can catch him during his lunch break at the office, he’s out of the equation until at least tomorrow.”

SK: “This is all nonsense. There’s a cat prancing around with MY championship that I can’t even challenge?”

J: “Vic says that’s the rule until Kayfabe returns.”

BO’M: “So, Junior. I guess that means you’re …”

*STACY drills BRIDGET in the jaw, knocking her on her backside*

SK: “You do not grant Junior his freedom, only I can. That’s not anything Kayfabe controls*

*STACY grabs JUNIOR by the collar of his shirt and walks away while BRIDGET sits on the ground and rubs her jaw as the scene fades*

[Leo]

Leo calls his friend Ron Adams of Ligonier, Pennsylvania. Leo will be seeing Ron this weekend in Columbus, Ohio, at Cinevent, a classic movie convention and poster auction. Ron sets up as a dealer every year.

Ron: Hey, Leonard, what's up?

Leo: Is Joe with you? I don't have his number and need to talk to him.

Ron: Yeah, he's right here with me. We're loading the vans so we can leave early tomorrow for Columbus. Is there something I can do for you?

Leo: Can do? Yes. Would do? No, that's why I need Joe.

Ron: Is this illegal?

Leo: Let's pretend you didn't ask that.

There is a moment of silence and then "Crazy" Joe Russell gets on the line.

Joe: Nard-Dogg, what can I do for you?

Leo: I need you to go over to Johnstown and steal a guy's cat.

Joe: No problem. I'm on it.

Joe hangs up. Leo waits a few moments and his phone rings.

Joe: You didn't give me an address.

Leo: I don't know where the guy lives, but he works at the newspaper over there. Just walk into the newsroom and yell Dr. McAwesome to see who looks up. He's the guy with the cat. If he wants to know who you are, just say you're Carl from Fresno. And take your fencing swords.

Joe: I was planning on it.

Joe hangs up and we fade.

[DrMcAwesome]

*the feed shows an 18-month-old calico cat on a couch, laying next to a wrestling championship belt. The viewer is to assume that this cat is DR. MCAWESOME’S CAT, T.J., but we all know what happens when one assumes*

CAT (softly): “Meow.”

*TRANSLATION~!: “Leo! Do you want this championship? Gonna send your friends Ron and Joe over to get this back? Well … You forgot one thing. You forgot that I am the Keyboard Warrior. You forget that just like I ended Stacy Kirkland’s championship reign, I will walk all over you and your buddies, and I’ll do it while purring. I’m fucked up on catnip right now. Do you think I’m scared? Do you think you’re getting this back without these claws taking a part of you home with me? Think again, buddy. You will know my location by the trail of discarded toys. Come find me.”

*DR. MCAWESOME’S CAT, T.J., stretches her front legs then bats at the DDT Ironman Heavy Metal Championship as the scene fades*

[Jack Quinn]

<we fade out and get a commercial for the God Complex edible rosary beads, when we come back, we are in a semi-darkened room, a cloud of smoke is slowly dissipating and we see we are in Bing Bong's Dispensary. Bing Bong reaches under the counter and places three small bags on the counter and looks at TJ>

BB: Now this is Panda, from Mexico. Very good stuff. This is Bava, different, but equally good. And this is Choco from the Hartz Mountains of Germany. Now the first two are the same, forty-five an ounce – those are friend prices – but this one.. .(pointing to the Choco) ...this one's a little more expensive. It's fifty-five. But when you roll in it, you'll know where that extra money went. Nothing wrong with the first two. It's real, real, real, good shit. But this one's a fuckin' madman.

TJ: Meow (remember, I just got back from Pet Smart)

BB: Am I Carl From Fresno? Are you in the Utility Access of Obvious Doublecross? No. You're in my house. People who know the difference between good shit and bad shit, this is the house they come to. My shit, I'll take the Pepsi Challenge with that Pet Smart shit any ol' day of the fuckin' week.

TJ: Meow (That's a bold statement.)

BB: This ain't Pet Smart, TJ. This is a seller's market. Stuffed mice are fuckin' dead as disco. Nip's comin' back in a big fuckin' way. It's this whole seventies retro. Bell bottoms, cat nip, they're as hot as hell.

<TJ takes out a roll of money that would choke a horse to death.>

TJ: Meow <Give me three hundred worth of the madman. If it's as good as you say, I'll be back for a thousand.

BB: I just hope I still have it. Where'd you get all that money?

TJ: Meow <I have this DDT title money coming in now, you mind if I use here.....?

BB: Mi casa, su casa

TJ: Meow <Mucho gracias>

<TJ opens the bag and dumps some on the floor and starts rolling around as jazz fusion plays louder and louder. TJ's eyes go wide, then he jumps to his feet, pupils dilated and takes off down the hall and we fade>

[Leo]

Leo receives a call back from "Crazy" Joe Russell.

JR: That cat was crazy. It was screeching and clawing and biting. I think maybe it had a gun. Anyway I didn't get it.

Leo: Did you even go to Johnstown?

JR: I sure did. Would I lie to you about that?

Leo: How about how crazy the cat was?

JR: Yeah, that I lied about. So, I get to the newspaper. I call out for Dr. McAwesome. This guys waves me over. I said I'm Carl from Fresno, give me the cat. He hands me a Whopper out of a Burger King bag and said 'I don't have the cat you're looking for.' So, I left.

Leo: Christ, you really are Carl From Fresno.

JR: That's what the other guy said. Hey, man, a free hamburger is a free hamburger.

FADE

[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (#916)
Live! From Bordeaux, France
May 22, 2019

<we cut to a table in the studio where Russ, Razz and Nash sit>

Russ: Ladies and Gentlemen due to some technical difficulties our video feed for this week’s Mayhem is down. Now, the show is already complete, and let me tell you, the crowd in Bordeaux was……
Razz: OFF THA HOOK!
Russ: ……..right. So, this week Razz, Nash and myself will host the OOWF Recap Show……
Razz: Which is looking for a name, I mean, it’s MidWeek Mayhem, but like MidWeek Recap Riot or something
Nash: I really hope your wife didn’t let you name your kids
Razz: Hey, it was just off the top of my head
Nash: Which is a low bar, a REALLY low bar…….how many phone books are you sitting on?
Razz: Hey Russ, how is it possible that Nash was medically cleared for this? I think he blew a quad sitting down
Russ: Is this how it is going to be all night? How about we get started and talk about our first match of the evening, a three way dance.

JOHN LAW vs. SHIZURU vs. JUNIOR WINCHESTER

Nash: So, Big Bossman versus Taka Michinoku versus Jamie Noble?
Russ: That is insulting!
Nash: To who?
Razz: Look Nash, I know you’re trying to be cool and all…….
Nash: You should try it
Razz……but these guys aren’t some dime store knock off! Law is one of the better violent big guys, Shizuru has come a long way since his Sizzlechest days and Winchester could be the next big thing in the OOWF
Russ: Well, if he wants to be the next big thing, he might have to wait until next week as Shizuru picked up the win in this one.
Razz: The end was sick, what the hell was Law doing on the top rope?
Russ: Seems he was going for a moonsault on Winchester, but Shizuru caught him and crotched him on the top.
Razz: With him out of it, Shizuru ducked a superkick from Winchester, hit the psycho driver and got the win!
Nash: The never ending Shizuru push just marches on. You would think this guy was Roman Reigns!
Russ: that is insulting!
Nash: To who?
Razz: Shizuru
Nash: Ok, yeah, that is fair. Look, so what is next for these cats, you got three guys who seem to be spinning their wheels a bit
Russ: Well, I would think Shizuru would be in line for a shot at Mac Flasher’s onslaught championship
Razz: And Law still has some unfinished business with Jack Bullet
Nash: Does he though? Bullet whipped his ass pretty hard. What about Winchester?
Russ: He’s been quiet lately, and there are rumors that he may not be long for the OOWF.
Razz: Woah! Breaking news from Russ!
Nash: I remember when I left WWF for WCW, Bischoff let me name my price
Russ: Yeah, Bischoff was not a smart guy
Nash: His stupidity made me a LOT of money
Russ: How about we move on to our next match?

SEBASTIAN DAVIS & KIERAN BOURNE vs. MAC FLASHER & ZED

Russ: Davis and Bourne take on, and defeat, Mac Flasher and Zed, this match was not what I expected
Razz: This match was over thirty minutes of awesome Russ: The pace these four kept up was simply remarkable.
Russ: I was a bit surprised by the end, I will say that. Beverly Cambridge showed up and she and Bourne argued about halfway up the ramp. Inside the ring, Zed and Mac had Davis at their mercy
Nash: It should have been smooth sailing for Mac and Zed, they have teamed before, they know one another well, but they lost because of an error
Russ: Zed went for a superkick on Davis, but Davis moved and caught Mac. Taking advantage of the situation, Davis threw Zed out of the ring and rolled Mac up for the pin and the win. I am sure it was just a minor miscommunication between the two.
Nash: Yeah, right
Razz: It happens Nash. Zed simply missed. The God Complex is united, they are the real threat around here, I am telling you, the Saints may not think it, but the God Complex will be the ones to finally take them down
Nash: You mean like the Dudes With Attitudes beat the Four Horsemen?
Razz: Well, that is not exactly the best…….
Nash: Or maybe the Union. Maybe they will take out the Saints like the Union took out……ummmm
Razz: Ok Oz, we get your point
Russ: The fact remains, the God Complex looks to be on solid ground. There certainly did not appear to be any bad blood between Zed and Mac tonight……
Nash: What about between Mac and Bev?
Russ: That is being worked out as we speak, I am sure
Nash: Sure, of course
Razz: Do you ever have anything positive to say?
Nash: I am positive you are dwarfed by Sky Low Low
Razz: Hey Nash, how about we take this to the ring?
Nash: Nah, dwarf tossing is illegal
Razz: You son of a…..
Russ: If we could get back on the show?
Nash: I just want to know what is up between Bourne and Bev?
Russ: That is a good question, Bourne seems to think Bev has done him wrong, but Bev doesn’t seem to have a clue what he’s talking about
Razz: Sounds like they’re married.
Russ: Our next match is the first match in a best of seven series between The Frenemies and the Darlings……….

THE FRENEMIES vs. THE DARLINGS – Best of Seven Series – Match 1

Nash: That reminds me of the time, back in ’82 I think, when me and Scott Hall beat Bronco Nagurski and John Tolos in a best of seven series, only took us two matches to do it……
Russ: You and Hall. Faced Bronco Nagurski and John Tolos. In 1982. And won a best of seven series in two matches.
Nash: In front of 121,000 people at the Egg Dome in Tokyo
Razz: You sure it wasn’t on the moon? And maybe you rode unicorns to the ring?
Nash: Are you questioning my memory?
Razz: What? Noooooooo I would never…….Nooooo. I am calling you a liar
Russ: ANYway. A few weeks ago Alexis Darling made it very clear that she wanted the tag titles – currently held by Clan Quinn, who are certainly no strangers to the Darlings……
Razz: Well, technically Los Def hold the titles
Russ: Yes, but they aren’t the recognized champions
Nash: Possession is nine tenths of the law
Russ: Somewhere Leesa is violently disagreeing with you
Nash: Who?
Russ: Never mind.
Razz: You know, the bigger wild card in all of this, and something that some of us seem to have forgotten about until just as he was typing this…….

<we cut to a hospital room, it is dark, there are ventilators running, machines beep slowly and we see Kayfabe lying on the bed, struggling to survive after the dastardly attack from Sebastian Davis. As the camera pans in on Kays face, her eyes suddenly open wide, and one eye begins to twitch. Machines start going off as she begins pulling IV’s from her arm, nurses rush in and try to sedate her, the camera man gets knocked down to the floor, leaving us a sideway view, but we see Kay’s feet hit the floor, the sound of more fighting, then we see Kay walk toward the door and leave the room>

Razz: …….but Kylie also has the guaranteed title shot from the Imperial Onslaught
Russ: And she could use that guaranteed shot for any title in the OOWF. She could challenge Stacy Kirkland for the Intercontinental title, she could challenge Matt Folz for the world title, she could challenge Clan Quinn for the tag titles, hell she could even challenge Mac for the onslaught championship!
Nash: Why would she do anything other than challenge for the world title? That is a no-brainer
Razz: Well, she still has about four months to do it, makes you wonder what she is waiting for though
Russ: Folks, I’ve gotta say, this match was excellent. I think some people sleep on the Darlings, but as far as pure wrestlers go, they are two of the best in the world.
Razz: I was a little surprised to see them get the win here, I figured the Frenemies would come out hot
Nash: What the hell is a Frenemie?
Razz: Someone who is your enemy, but kinda your friend too
Nash: Like Hogan?
Razz: EXACTLY like Hogan
Nash: How are they not heels?
Russ: Do you want Kay here? You JUST saw what happened!
Nash: If I were Sebastian Davis, I would be considering getting the hell out of Dodge for a bit
Razz: So, best of seven, who ya got?
Russ: Well, the Darlings clearly have the experience in teaming, and the overall resume, but the Frenemies were recent champions, they ended the Saints of Sinners historic run, so I am going to say Frenemies in six
Nash: SIX? When was the last time a best of seven didn’t go seven?
Razz: Didn’t you just say you and Hall beat Bronco Nagurski and John Tolos in a best of seven in two matches in ’82?
Nash: Ok, fine, SINCE then? Look, the Frenemies are barely even on the same page, Dorothy Mantooth has them fighting one another in the gym, but is Kylie’s focus REALLY there? I don’t think so. Darlings sweep
Razz: Look, far be it for me to actually agree with Nash on anything, and he is crazy if he thinks the Darlings sweep, the Darlings are legendary when they are engaged, but sometimes they go weeks without saying anything and you start to question their dedication. If they are mentally in it, they can win, but if they’re not, no matter what is going on with Kylie, the Frenemies win.
Russ: It’s Main Event time, and quite honestly, this one is going to be bowling shoe ugly
Razz: Why ARE bowling shoes so damn ugly?
Russ: I assume so no one will steal them?
Razz: Someone get Wikipac to look that shit up!

LOS DEFENESTRATORS, JACK BULLET & BEVERLY CAMBRIDGE vs. THE SAINTS OF SINNERS

Russ: This match……..it was just chaos. You had Moose trying to decapitate Ecosistema to get his mask off
Razz: Seems a bit excessive
Russ: It’s Moose
Razz: Fair point
Russ: You had Stacy and Jack Bullet tearing into one another, and you had Fire and Volaje brawling outside the ring
Nash: While inside the ring, you had Folz and Bev put on an absolute clinic
Russ: That is no exaggeration folks, this match went almost 45 minutes and for the VAST majority of the match, it was Bev and Folz in the ring while the rest of them tried to murder one another
Razz: It was some off tha hook old school wrestling too, Russ. Bev looked the best I’ve seen her tonight, she had a counter for everything Folz did
Nash: And it wasn’t enough.
Russ: Well, Folz managed to hit the Olympic slam and get the pin when Kieran Bourne came out to the top of the ramp and distracted Bev
Nash: If you can’t keep your focus while you’re wrestling the world champ, then you shouldn’t be in the ring
Razz: Well, there was also an insane amount of chaos going on outside the ring, I am surprised either of them could focus on the match
Russ: Also, in a move that will no doubt infuriate Moose and Fire, Los Defenestrators were once again able to escape with the world tag team titles, leaving Moose and Fire toy replicas from the OOWF Shop Zone!
Razz: Los Def certainly like poking the bear
Russ: Not the best idea in the world in my view. Folks, we are out of time! For Razz and Nash, I’m Russ, have a great night!

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out OOWF Storming the Beach 2!, May 26, Live! From Le Havre, France. And don’t forget to catch next week’s MidWeek Mayhem, May 29h, Live! from Paris,q France.

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