[Chris Eco]

For the first "Batista Presents Consejo Nuevo de Lucha Ligera", see the 2009 Thread.



Batista walks down a dark hallway in full business attire when someone slaps him on the back from behind. Batista spins around.

Batista: (angry) Hey, who's there?



Shawn Michaels: Whoa, Dave, it's me.

Batista: Shawn! Sorry about that. Sometimes I'm just walking for miles inside a pit of danger and I assume--

HBK: That no one follows you?

Batista: Yeah. I'm just kind of used to . . . walking alone.

HBK: Totally get it. Won't take too much of your time, but just wanted to touch base, since uh, you know, I thought we might get things kicked off with a little more fanfare? Maybe tell a little story, maybe announce your #1 pick in the middle of the ring?

Batista: I forgot, who was our #1 pick? Stan Stasiak?

HBK: You're never going to believe this - still on the board.

Batista: (chuckles) Seriously though, Shawn, I think you're great, I'm glad you're on the team. The only guidance I have from Ecosystem is that we're doing the same thing as 2009, we feature our amazing light heavyweights, but we take all wrestlers he's never had in this company before. A couple times, we've had too many egos get in the way with our regulars, and frankly, I think some of the fanfare encourages that.

HBK: Sure, totally, I get it.

Batista: Great. I know you do, I just . . . well, I shouldn't have been worried.

HBK: But you're worried.

Batista: You know, it's just, Jericho and I didn't get along last time, he's a big Shawn Michaels guy, I was worried if I got the actual Shawn Michaels, maybe . . .

HBK: Maybe I'd be an even bigger diva.

Batista: You do have a reputation.

HBK: Look Dave, I get it. I get what it mean to run a company, I'm not going to be in your way. But you know, that doesn't mean I can't ask for a little teensy favor here and there.

Batista: A favor.

HBK: Little, teeny, tiny, teensy favor.

Batista: What do you want?

HBK: Well, if I ask, are you going to . . . GIVE ME WHAT I WANT?

Batista: You think you're funny.

HBK: Yeah, yeah, I do.

Batista: What do you want, Shawn?

HBK: Well, it would be nice if your #1 pick could at least have a World Championship match. Just a one-on-one opportunity. I mean, if we're doing light heavyweight stuff and you can't compete for it anyway, seems like it kinda makes sense--

Batista: Sure. Probably would have done it anyway. Is that it?

HBK: Well, I don't know, if you would have done it anyway, does it really count as my favor? Seems like I should get another one.

Batista: Here we go.

HBK: Okay, this is an easy one. Let me choose my opponent.

Batista: You want to choose your own opponent? Let me guess, Barry Horowitz in a blindhold match?

HBK: Dave, have a little faith in me. I didn't get to be Mr. Wrestlemania by taking it easy, okay? I'm asking you to trust me not just as a wrestler, but as a coach. Let me scout who the fans want to see.

Batista: One condition.

HBK: Hit me.

Batista: Top ten. Pick someone for our top ten picks. No Barry Horowitz, no Harvey Whippleman, no El Dandy--

HBK: WHO ARE YOU TO DOUBT EL DANDY?

Batista: Shawn.

HBK: All right, all right. Someone from the Top 10. But--I'm going to announce it in that ring, among the fans, and maybe at least try and get the people going?

Batista: (gestures) The floor is yours.

(To be continued . . . )

[Chris Eco]

We throw it over to Logan Paul and Taz at the 2023 Draft Rotating Announcers’ desk.

Logan Paul: What’s going on, everybody, Logan Paul here for Consejo Nuevo de Lucha Ligera, sponsored by PRIME. I’m here with my partner in crime Taz, here for the big announcement on our World Championship main event. And I’ve got only one question, Taz – is it going to be you?

Taz: You’re a smart guy, aren’t you, Logan? Look, Dave told him he can pick anyone drafted in the first ten rounds—I know you wouldn’t know anything about that.

Paul: Wow, Taz, you’re really going to go there?

Taz: Hey, you’re a rookie! There’s no shame in Round 13! I’m just saying, I am eligible, and maybe if Shawn’s gonna come out here and pick me, he could at least have given me the respect of a heads up, give me a call, make sure I had a nice suit on.

“Sexy Boy” hits and Shawn Michaels comes down the ramp, to cheers from the live 2023 Pun’s Draft Audience.

HBK: Cut the music, cut the music. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s great to be here with you, it’s great to have this opportunity to choose my opponent for the CNLL World Championship, and Taz . . . it’s not you, buddy, I’m sorry.

(Good natured booing from the audience.)

Taz: Outrageous! Did you see him just disrespect me like that?

Paul: I thought it was going to be disrespectful if he did pick you without notice?

Taz: That’s not the point! The point is, you give me notice, and then you pick me!

HBK: No, the man I’m going to choose today is an example of when the student becomes the teacher. This man was already an incredible talent before he came to sit under the ol’ NXT learning tree, and the talent he has become since . . . I can’t say much more than I’m proud to be facing him. So put your hands together for . . . ADAM COLE BAY-BAY!

PA System: You know it’s all about the BOOM!

Adam Cole comes down to the ring, throws up his fingers for the cheer to the audience, and extends his hand to Shawn, who gives him a shake then a hug. Cole takes a microphone of his own from the side.

Cole: Shawn, I don’t know what to say besides thank you. You know, long before I was training under you, you were an inspiration to me. You were the man who showed me what it meant not just to be an entertainer, not just to be a wrestler, but to be a superstar. And I can’t think of what—

A static sound interrupts the arena, with black and white lights on the big screen.
PA: ERIC, ERIC, ERIC, ERIC WORLD ORDER . . . FOR LIFE FOR LIFE FOR LIFE.

Io Shirai comes out, flanked by Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods! They’re wearing matching eWo shirts.

Taz: Hey, it’s Io and New Day! The newest signings to the CNLL roster, when Kenny Omega was traded in a blockbuster deal.

Paul: Taz, who is “Kenny Omega”?

Taz: Don’t worry about it, you wouldn’t have liked him anyway.

Io: (in slow, deliberate English) Enough with this nonsense!

Xavier: NON-SENSE!

Io: Nobody cares!

Kofi: NOBODY!

Io: Nobody cares about Adam Cole!

Xavier: Oh wow, she really just said it.

Kofi: That’s cold, Io, that’s cold.

Xavier: Listen, Chugs, we love you, DaParty loves you, Shawn, it’s a fine pick, but like . . . was it your best pick?

Kofi: I mean, no disrespect, you were NXT champion way back when—when were you NXT champion?

Xavier: I think it was back when AEW got started, and then they were kicking their ass in the ratings, and then he ran away to the competition maybe?

Kofi: GOT ‘EM! (Looks over to Io.) No offense, Io.

Cole: Look, look, look. I know you guys, I love you guys, but I don’t need to hear you talk all night. If you want a fight, I’m right here.

Io: WOOOOOW. You want to fight?

Kofi: Man wants to fight! Hey, who do you think he wants to fight? The former King of the Ring? The woman they call one of the best wrestlers of all time? Or the man who won the (Kofi, Xavier, and Io hip swivel) DOUBLE-U DOUBLE-U E WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP at WRESTLEMANIA?

Cole: Kofi, I don’t really care. If you want this opportunity, come take it from me.

HBK: Hold on, hold on, hold on. No one is coming down and taking anything. Kofi, Xavier, I respect everything you’ve done, Io, I had one of the greatest women in this industry as my bodyguard for a long time, so when I say I believe you’re one of the greatest to do it, man or woman, you know that comes from the heart. But I asked to pick my opponent, and my choice stands. We’re not doing the stupid pro wrestling thing where the first person smart enough to jump the other guys gets added to the match, okay?

Xavier: Shawn, I’m hurt. You thought we were going to jump you? And mess up my pretty hair?  Break Io's nails?

Kofi: You thought I was going to bruise these pretty hands? Oh no no no no. See, you’re asking the wrong question. When you see two handsome gentlemen jumping ship from another company, wearing some stylish black and white, you should be asking only one question.

Cole: What question?

Io: (deliberately) Who’s the third man?

Taz: SHAWN, WATCH OUT!

Just then, Brock Lesnar is in the ring! Steel chair to the back of Shawn Michaels, and he’s down! Adam Cole spins around, steel chair to the face of Adam Cole! Lesnar drags Adam Cole up, GERMAN SUPLEX! Michaels has rolled out of the ring as Lesnar is stalking Cole again with the steel chair, while Io and the New Day laugh!

Kofi: Get em’ Brock! Get ‘em!

Paul: I can’t believe it! Brock and Kofi working together!

Taz: Who’s gonna stop the Eric World Order?

Paul: I don't know Taz, but I assume we'll find out immediately after this commercial break, sponsored by PRIME!

To be continued . . .

[Chris Eco]

We return to Brock Lesnar sizing Adam Cole up from behind with the chair when some familiar, if older, music hits:





Taz: It’s--it's Bayley!

Bayley in full ponytail and NXT getup storms down the ramp. Io Shirai is shocked, grabbing her head.

Io Shirai: YOUR HAIR!

Brock is laughing in the ring as Bayley slides in and walks up to him.

Bayley: (audibly) You put that down NOW, Brock!

Brock makes a surprised face, drops the chair, and puts his hands up—before grabbing Bayley by the throat and pushing her into the corner.

Paul: Oh, come on Brock!

Taz: Okay, someone’s gotta stop this. (Taz puts his headset down.)

Paul: Taz, where are you going?

Kofi and Xavier yell for Brock to cut it out, it’s too far, etc., but Io gestures for them to stay back. Suddenly, Taz is in the ring, and grabs Brock from behind—TAZMISSION! Brock is flailing in the Tazmission! He manages to get his feet down, pulls Taz up on his back and throws him off violently . . . but now Adam Cole is up, SUPERKICK to Brock! Brock falls down, rolls out of the ring and stumbles—right into a SWEET CHIN MUSIC from Michaels on the floor!

Kofi and Xavier run over and grab the dazed Brock, carrying him up the ramp with Io directing traffic as Michaels and Tazz yell after them. Adam Cole walks over to Bayley to check on her . . . and the fans start chanting (slowly, but it’s catchy) “Adam Cole Bayley.” Cole notices, whispers to Bayley, they walk to the middle of the ring and throw up the two fingers.

Cole/Bayley/Crowd: AD-AM COLE BAY-LEY!

Paul: Folks it is MADNESS over here at CNLL! And I’m being informed by headset now that we now have two official matches announced for CNLL Begins!

CNLL Begins

Shawn Michaels v. Adam Cole
For the CNLL Campeonato Mundial 

Brock Lesnar v. Tazz

[Chris Eco]

We're backstage with the Eric World Order in the trainer's room, with Lesnar holding an ice pack to his head, and the New Day and Io Shirai at his side. Vince McMahon approaches in full announcer gear.



McMahon: Gentlemen, I'm with the Eric World Order, and boy, do some folks not like what you gentlemen and lady did out there.

Kofi: What we did out there? Are you talking about that gang assault on our poor sweet Brock Lesnar?

Xavier: Recap time! Brock went out there and faced two men at once--Shawn Michaels and Adam Cole, two of the best to ever do it--and faced them down like a man!

Shirai: A MAN!

Xavier: And what did they do? They had their little announcer buddy Taz jump in to make it three on one, and assaulted Brock!

Brock: I might press charges! I know some lawyers!

McMahon: Well, Brock, you did have a steel chair--

Kofi: Oh, no one has used a chair in wrestling before?

McMahon: --and further, you did put your hands on a woman.

Xavier: Heat of the moment, won't happen again--

Io Shirai steps forward.

Shirai: (halting but loud) You listen, Mac-Mahon! She deserved it. She got involved where she did not belong. Bayley! I'm calling you out!

Kofi: Calling you OUT!

Shirai: I will rip that ponytail off. And I will, bring back, the Bayley I respect!

Xavier: Book it, McMahon! Bayley vs. Io Shirai! Book that match.

McMahon: Folks, I'm just a friendly ring announcer, I don't have that kind of authority.

All pause.

Xavier: Really?

Brock: Hey, why did I even come here if you're not booking me?

Kofi: Look, I don't care who's doing the booking, I'm making a match right now. McMahon, what you should have been asking, if everyone on this roster is so concerned with keeping women safe, then why didn't Logan Paul come into that ring, hmm?

McMahon: I assume because he was calling the--

Kofi: I'll tell you why! Because he's a coward! Logan, I'm calling you out! Kofi Kingston, Logan Paul, one on one, if you've got the guts!

McMahon: Well, you heard it here first folks. Two challenges made, if they'll be accepted--

Voice: Hey uce, make that three.

Jimmy Uso comes into the trainer's room.



Uso: Look, I don't like how y'all handled yourselves out there. But you know it's all love between us. And Xavier, I already got a match. Uso Invitational Ladder Match for the United States Championship. I'm 'bout to go out there with Batista and announce the contenders, but I thought I'd come back here face to face and say you my #1 uce. You deserve the opportunity.

Xavier: Jimmy, it means a lot, thank you.

Xavier and Jimmy Uso shake hands.

Jimmy: I know you not gonna beat me, but I'm just saying, you deserve the opportunity.

Kofi: Yoooo.

Brock: You gonna take that, Woods? That's not even Main Event Jey! That's Mid-Card Jimmy!

Xavier steps to separate the two.

Jimmy: Oh you funny? Those last two superkicks must have scrambled your brains, you need a third to scramble them back, I got you!

McMahon: Folks, there's a lot of action over here - when we come back, General Manager Dave Batista will announce our Women's Championship Match!

CNLL Begins

Shawn Michaels v. Adam Cole

For the CNLL Campeonato Mundial

Logan Paul v. Kofi Kingston

Jimmy Uso v. Xavier Woods v. ??? v. ??? v. ??? v. ???
Uso Invitational Ladder Match for the United States Championship

Io Shirai v. Bayley

Brock Lesnar v. Tazz

Soon to be announced: CNLL Women's Championship Match!

[Chris Eco]

Okay, I'm going to straight rip off Eric and drop a ChatGPT promo here to set this one up (will return to the women's match)

Prompt:

Write me a narrative, in the form of a script for a play, of professional wrestler MVP challenging Dave Batista to fight his client, professional wrestler Shinsuke Nakamura. Dave Batista has returned from acting to run a wrestling company, and has no intention of fighting himself, but he gets convinced to accept the challenge. Shinsuke Nakamura tells Batista how much he respects him, but appears to be confused between Dave Batista and the movie characters he portrays, especially Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy.

Result (with s couple insertions in BOLD to clean up):

[The stage is set up to look like a professional wrestling ring. MVP is standing in the middle of the ring holding a microphone, while Shinsuke Nakamura is standing beside him.]

MVP: Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you tonight to issue a challenge. A challenge to one of the greatest professional wrestlers of all time, Dave Batista.

[The crowd erupts into cheers and applause.]

MVP: You see, my client, Shinsuke Nakamura, has been looking for a worthy opponent. Someone who can match his skill, his strength, and his passion for this sport. And we believe that Dave Batista is that opponent.

[Shinsuke Nakamura nods in agreement.]

MVP: Now, I know what you're thinking. Dave Batista has retired from wrestling to pursue a career in acting. But let me tell you, ladies and gentlemen, the fire of the wrestling ring still burns within him. And we're here tonight to reignite that fire.

[The crowd cheers even louder.]

MVP: So, without further ado, I'd like to invite Dave Batista to come out here and accept our challenge.

[The crowd eagerly awaits Batista's response. After a few moments, Batista's entrance music hits and he makes his way down to the ring.]

Batista: [grabbing a microphone] Alright, alright, calm down. I appreciate the offer, MVP, but I'm not here to wrestle. I'm here to run a wrestling company.

MVP: Come on, Dave. You can't tell me that the thought of stepping back into the ring doesn't excite you.

Batista: [sighs] Look, I've had my time in the ring. It's time for the younger generation to take over. But, you know what? I do have a soft spot for Nakamura here.

[The crowd cheers at the mention of Nakamura's name.]

Batista: So, I'll tell you what. I'm not going to fight you, MVP.

MVP: Yeah, I know, I was asking about Nakamura.

Batista: Sorry, I clearly don't listen very well.  But I will make a match between Nakamura and someone from my roster.  And that person, for clarity, is me.

MVP: [smiling] That's all we ask, Dave.

Shinsuke Nakamura: [grabs the microphone] Dave Batista, I have so much respect for you. Your work in movies like as a member of the Guardians of the Galaxy has been very inspiring to me.  The way you still fight after Thanos killed your whole family.

Batista: [chuckles] Thanks, Shinsuke. But, just to be clear, I'm not Drax.

Shinsuke Nakamura: [looks confused] Drax? 

Batista: [smiling] It's a character I played in a movie. But, that's beside the point. You want a match? You got it.

[The crowd erupts into cheers as Batista exits the ring and the wrestlers prepare for their match.]

[The lights go down and the play ends.]

--

Lesson learned: I should have better conveyed that Batista originally has no intention of fighting but gets convinced, and that Shinsuke is confused in the sense that he thinks Batista is Drax.  Otherwise, not bad ChatGPT.

[Chris Eco]

A second effort from ChatGPT here:

FADE IN:

INT. CNLL ARENA - DAY

David Bautista stands in the center of the ring, wearing a CNLL T-shirt and a microphone in hand. The crowd cheers as he raises his arms to quiet them down.

BAUTISTA:
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to CNLL! We have an exciting announcement today. As the general manager of this company, I am proud to announce that our Women's Championship will be defended at our next event.

The crowd cheers loudly as Bautista continues.

BAUTISTA:
And the two competitors vying for the championship are none other than Rhea Ripley and Ronda Rousey!

The crowd cheers as Rhea Ripley's theme music hits, and she enters the arena.

RIPLEY:
G'day, mate! I'm Rhea Ripley, and I'm here to become the Women's Champion.

The crowd cheers as Ronda Rousey's theme music hits, and she enters the arena, eating multiple Subway sandwiches.

ROUSEY:
*muffled* Excuse me while I finish these delicious Subway sandwiches.

The crowd laughs as Rousey finishes her sandwiches and begins to speak.

ROUSEY:
I'm here to prove that I'm not just an MMA fighter, but I can dominate in the wrestling ring too.

RIPLEY:
You can't dominate me, love. I'll take you down under.

ROUSEY:
What did you say? I can't understand you with that thick accent.

RIPLEY:
*irritated* I said I'll take you down under! That means I'll beat you, mate.

ROUSEY:
*confused* What does that have to do with Subway sandwiches?

Suddenly, Gail Kim's theme music hits, and she enters the arena.

KIM:
Hold on just a minute. I'm Gail Kim, and I'm a legendary professional wrestler. I think I should be added to this match.

The crowd cheers as Bautista considers her request.

BAUTISTA:
Well, you do have a point, Gail. But why should we add you to the match?

KIM:
Because not only am I a legendary professional wrestler, but I'm also sponsored by Quiznos' Subs. I can't stand to see Ronda Rousey acting like Subway sandwiches are the best sandwiches in the world.

The crowd cheers as Bautista nods in agreement.

BAUTISTA:
You know what, Gail? You make a good argument. You're in the match.

The crowd erupts in cheers as the three women face off in the ring. Suddenly, the macarena music starts playing, and Bautista leads the crowd in a macarena dance.

BAUTISTA:
Come on, everyone! Let's show these ladies how to do the macarena!

The crowd joins in, and the three women reluctantly start doing the dance as well.

FADE OUT.

Original prompt:

SPOILER: Click to show

Write me, in the form of a screenplay, a scene where movie star David Bautista is the general manager of a wrestling company called CNLL, and he is announcing that two women will compete for the Women's Championship: professional wrestler Rhea Ripley, who uses a lot of Australian slang, and former MMA fighter Ronda Rousey. Both women come out and insult each other, but Ronda Rousey is difficult to understand because she is eating multiple Subway sandwiches the whole time. After some talking, professional wrestler Gail Kim comes out, and says she should be added to the match, both because she is a legendary professional wrestler but also because she is sponsored by Quiznos' Subs and is disgusted to see Ronda Rousey acting like Subway sandwiches are the best sandwiches in the world. Bautista then adds her to the match. They then end by leading the crowd in a version of the macarena dance.

[Chris Eco]

Jimmy Uso is in the ring sitting on top of a ladder with a microphone.

Uso: Who’s ready to hear the rest of the Uso Invitational? (Cheers.) That’s good, cause I got to admit, I don’t have no rhyme, I don’t have no reason, I’m just calling out people I think are dope. And I’ma start with one guy I grew up knowing was dope, one of the best in the world to ever do it, put your hands together for Ultimo Dragon!

Ultimo Dragon enters to a pop. He salutes Jimmy atop the ladder, who salutes back, and poses on top of the turnbuckles.

Uso: Second mans I got, he’s a little more current, but you know he’s a vet. When he’s in the ring, the ring shines like a diamond. Put your hands together for Roddy Strong!

Roderick Strong comes out to a good reaction. He walks into the ring and shakes hands with Ultimo Dragon.

Uso: And now, (jokey dropped voice) if I can be serious for a moment, (pop), this man has influenced a generation—
Voice: BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, hold on a minute there pard’ner.

Eddie Kingston comes on down the ramp.

Eddie: I know, you’re going to call out Lance Storm, hate to break it to you, he’s not in this match no more, and, spoil-ah alert, neither is ya friend R-Truth. They been demoted.

Uso: I’m sorry, uce, do we have a problem here?

Eddie: No, Jimmy, YOU gotta problem! What you’re doing out here is very disrespectful! You’re calling out all your buddies, wanna talk about best in the world, and you disrespect the man who IS the best in the world!

Strong: Eddie, are you talking about—

Eddie: That’s right, I’m talking about the only man who gets to be called best in the world, my close personal friend—
“Here Comes The Money” plays as a familiar face shuffles out.

Eddie: SHANE MCMAHON!

Jimmy: Eddie, man, what is he paying you?

Shane: Hey, hey, hey! I will not have you demeaning my good friend like that!

Eddie: That was demeaning, very mean!

Shane: Eddie Kingston is a great and loyal friend!

Eddie: He pays me very well to be his friend!

Shane: And even if my father doesn’t see fit to throw his weight around here, I am not going to sit back and watch as this show gets dragged down with a bunch of guys who never made it and who couldn’t draw a dime if you gave them a pen and paper.

Eddie: Hey, they probably don’t even know who’s on the dime! IT'S ROOSEVELT!

Shane: The last two slots in this Invitational go to Eddie Kingston, and the “Best In The World” Shane McMahon. PLAY MY MUSIC!

CNLL Begins

Shawn Michaels v. Adam Cole

For the CNLL World Championship

Batista v. Shinsuke Nakamura

Rhea Ripley v. Ronda Rousey v. Gail Kim

Triple Threat for the CNLL Women's Championship

Logan Paul v. Kofi Kingston

Jimmy Uso v. Xavier Woods v. Ultimo Dragon v. Roderick Strong v. Eddie Kingston v. Shane McMahon

Uso Invitational Ladder Match for the United States Championship

Io Shirai v. Bayley

Brock Lesnar v. Tazz
JUST ANNOUNCED: Street Fight

Soon to be announced:
What will Lance Storm and R-Truth do now?  
Does Shane's statement suggest there is more to Mild Mannered Announcer Vince McMahon than meets the eye? 
Will we have any kind of tag team match?
Find out soon!