[Andy]

In a cold empty high school gymnasium sixteen wrestlers are gathered around a wrestling ring waiting...

Far off Voice of a Handsome Man- Gentlemen!

A handsome man comes walking across the gymnasium with a clipboard in his hand. He climbs into the ring to address the crowd.

Handsome Man- Sorry...Lady and Gentlemen. Didn't mean to exclude you there, Gator.

Courtney- Ha!

Handsome Man- Thought you'd like that one...let's cut to the chase here. I know you are all curious as to why you've all been invited here. My name is Nate Corbitt, but you may call me The Punisher. Welcome to Pun's House. I have invited the sixteen of you here to showcase the finest wrestling on the planet. I hand-selected you all because you're better than everyone else. You are the elite. But I want to see who's the best. I know 14 of you already know each other from that other league, but let me introduce the others. MGB. He's been terrorizing the south territories and has won 14 world titles from different leagues around Texas and its neighboring states. He'll bring us southern credibility. Mastor Gator is a formor OOWF superstar who made the mistake of leaving for the WWE. After being criminally mishandled he was uncerimoniously tossed out on his can and we can't even speak his old name. Tough break Gator.

Gator- I'll get over it.

Pun- Courtney Shaw is the greatest female wrestler I've ever seen. After a few leagues tried her out in their women's divisions they quickly realized that she was a division killer. She looked for a league that would give her a fair shake and we are that league.

Courtney- Thanks.

Cole- Shut up, whore.

LD Williams- Ha ha!

Courtney- Listen you son of a bitch, I'll take you to the mat!

Gator- I'd let her take me to the mat.

FF Capslock- Bong.

Pun- Alright assholes. And finally Ryan Insert. Another keyboard guy.

Chris Alt- Yeah, it stopped being funny a long time ago.

FFC- I still think its funny.

Alt- Of course you do.

Pun- He's one of those flippity shit guys. He's the only man who can hit the 900 splash. We barely snagged him away from TNA. Quite a bidding war there. You'll do well here, Ryan.

MGB- I don't have to wrestle the mexican, right?

Pun- You'll wrestle whoever I tell you to and like it. So I'm posting the PHWF Championship Tournament of Champions. The preliminary round takes place on February 5th in this very gymnasium. The winner of this will be our new PHWF Champion. WHO'S HOUSE!?

All- PUN'S HOUSE!!!

PHWF Championship Tournament of Champions preliminary round

Moosehead Jack vs. FF Capslock

Concrete TG vs. Johnny Adrenaline

Chris Alt vs. Donovan Viper

Spin Hansen vs. Courtney Shaw

MGB vs. The Knife

LD Williams vs. Ecosystem

Attitude Adjuster vs. Master Gator

Chris Cole vs. Ryan Insert




ALL HAIL LORD PUNISHER!!!

[National Champion Chris Cole]

<Chris Cole walks up to Chris Alt>

Cole: Viper is a tough draw.

Alt: I know. Who do you have?

Cole: Some nobody punk. Look it doesn't matter. The brackets are set up perfectly. We both are set to ride into the finals IF we watch each other's backs.

Alt: This isn't OOWF man. We have a chance to blaze new trails.

Cole: Or the two of us can dominate this place as much as we dominate over there. Look I know the two of us are the best damn wrestlers in the world. The problem is we know half this roster are slimely no good sons of bitches and the other punks we know nothing about. We need to make sure nobody screws us out of what is rightfully ours. You watch my back to the finals, I'll watch your back to the finals. Then we go out there and show them how we roll in the Set.

Alt: I'll think about it.

[Deleted]

***OOC***

Can we PLEASE finally get an Alt, Capslock, and Insert stable at some point? Pretty Pretty Pleeeeeeeease?

Hell, we can even call them "The Board" for short.

[Jack Quinn]

<Jack and Capslock both look at the lineup>

FFC: Looks like its on again Moose

MHJ: Yep, almost two weeks to wait

<Silecne for a moment before both men slowly turn to each other>

FFC: Why wait?

<with that Jack and Lock tear into one another brawling around the gym knocking over chairs and hitting each other with basketballs. Finally the rest of the wrestlers break them up and GM Pun runs over>

Pun: That's what I like to see! But save it, save it for the tourney!

MHJ: Good think the boss saved your ass Lock!

FFC: Let him go! Jack I am going to destroy you!

<to be continued>

[salmonjunkie]

Viper looks at the tournament slots.

DV: Finally! A match against that damned Altarboy. Why is it that I return to OOWF and rock 3 Piece Set's world and never got a one on one match against Alt or Harris?

Just then Chris Cole and Chris Alt bumrush Viper.

(stomp stomp stomp)

Alt: IT'S BECAUSE WE WERE TAG TEAM CHAMPS, YOU FUCK!

Cole: I STILL HATE YOU! EVEN OVER HERE!

DV: goddammit....

[Andy]

Later on, Capslock catches up with Moosehead Jack looking around for a small room with a single lightbulb he can do promos out of.

FFC- Jack.

MHJ- Yeah. What's up?

FFC- I know for a fact that you have pull over in OOWF. I don't know how, but you always seem to get the bookings you want and I've never gotten my one on one shot at you. But this is a new page, and a new beginning and you don't have any pull over here yet. And I finally get to get my hands on you. You can't hide behind politics here.

MHJ- I don't hide behind politics. LD and I engaged you and Stank whenever it was called for.

FFC- But you never engaged me. You sneak-attack, you come with friends, you have your lackeys attack for you. For such a badass, you really are a pussy, Jack.

MHJ- Ha! Yeah, Moosehead Jack. Pussy. Right. I know what you want to do here. You want me to get all flustered and angry so I make a mistake is the match. Well I'm gonna be as calculated as ever. I'll be meticulous and I'll chop you down like the big tree you are. Bigger they are...

FFC- Save it. I'm just letting you know that when I beat you and humiliate you and send you packing back to OOWF with your tail between your legs.

MHJ- Don't be too disappointed when you have to introduce people to the new PHWF Champion Moosehead Jack.

FFC- Don't you be too disappointed when you lose in the first round of the tournament and never come near the PHWF Championship. Its awfully tough to climb a wall with baggage as big as me hanging on your back. Because, mark my words Jack, as long as I live and breath, you will never succeed here. Better watch your ass, buddy.

[wld]

**L.D. Williams and Ecosystem meet in the hallway**

Eco: “So, we have a match in the first round…”

LD: “Yep.”

Eco: “But, we’re both heels…aren’t we?”

LD: “Also true.”

Eco: “This is gonna make for a lot of dull promos.”

LD: “What would you like me to do about it?”

Eco: “Develop a personality? Or, like, you could cut a promo about how you respect my ability, may the best heel win, etc, etc.”

LD: “Dude, One, I don’t. Two, Nobody says etc, etc. Three, that’s the only kind of promo I ever do.”

Eco: “That’s true. For a badass, you are pretty respectful. So, you’re looking to change things up over here?”

LD: “I’m thinking about it.”

Eco: “Comedy-like?”

LD: “With you, Johnny and AA here? I wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Eco: “Chickenshit Heel?”

LD: “See above answer.”

Eco: “Well, you could always turn face.”

LD: “There’s an idea…”

**Williams picks up a chair and brains Eco, then executes the Angel’s Wings, dropping Eco face-first on the chair. Blood immediately begins to pool under Eco’s head.**

LD: “Or, maybe I’ll just stop being respectful.”

**Williams walks away whistling to himself.**

[Sparty]

MGB reassembles the talent at the end of the gym:

MGB: I am sorry to bring you all back here, but Mr. Punisher did not do me justice in his small introduction.

An introduction of that size is for someone of the stature of The Knife. An introduction of that size is for someone who has NEVER won a title anywhere. That was not an introduction that was worthy of THE wrestling messiah.

For I am Matt "GimmickMan" Brown, to be known to all you pissants as MGB. I am a 14 time terratorial champion from the south. I've won titles from New Mexico all the way across to Georgia. I've done everything down there. I've since relocated myself from the hick-infested town of Austin, Texas to the much cleaner, much superior city of Toronto, Ontario.

Now, I am here in the PHWF and I plan to take it by storm. Man, woman, child: if you get in my way, mark my words, I will make you pay.

The Knife, you, sir, are in my way. If you're smart enough to put two and two together, you should know what that means.

I will stop at NOTHING to take the PHWF World Heavyweight Championship. It will be mine one way or another.

You're either with me or against me. You better hop on now if you want to be affiliated with the soon to be PHWF Champion.

[Jack Quinn]

<Moosehead Jack is stopped by the Not-Sexy-Enough-For-the-OOWF Journalist 7 as he leaves the gymnasium>

7: Moose, would you care to comment on FF Capslocks comments earlier? Is it true that you have power over in the OOWF?

MHJ: Capslock is an idiot. Do you REALLY think GM the Rick would give ME any power? And if I had any power, do you think Crete would still be breathing?

As far as things here, Lock, things here will be no different than they are in the OOWF. Face it, you are a big man who likes to talk a lot, well talk all you want. You'll find it hard to talk when you are spitting up blood. I came to the PHWF for one thing, to win the world title...

7: Because it will bring you money and fame?

MHJ: No, because it brings me fresh victims every night. I am done holding back, Lock, you remember getting beaten bloody in our Taipei matches? You remember feeling your flesh tear? You remember the warm blood running down your face? Good. I want you to remember that, I want you to keep that in mind, because that, my friend, is just the tip of the iceberg. February 5th you become the first victim. Nothing personal, its just the way it has to be

Trust me

[Courtney]

<Shirtless-Sawyer-lookalike-male-journalist stops Courtney Shaw as she walks down the hallway>

Sawyer: Courtney...Courtney, can I have a moment?

CS: Well, hello there. You can have several.

Sawyer: So what do you think of your opponent, Spin Hansen?

CS: Who?

Sawyer: You know, the guy you have to wrestle?

CS: Oh yeah...Well, suffice to say, I've never heard of him. I've never even laid eyes on him, but you know what? That doesn't bother me. You think I'm scared? You think it bothers me that (1) he's a man, (2) He outweighs me by 200 pounds and (3) he's over a foot taller than me. You think that frightens me, shirtless wonder? Guess what? It doesn't. Spin "Freakin" Hansen. Whoop-De-Fricking-Doo. You may not know who the hell I am, but I do. I'm Courtney Shaw and I've beaten everybody...EVERYBODY in my path and when I meet up with Hansen, that's not gonna change. I'm gonna make my mark in the PHWF and make all the stupid men respect me. You got it?

<Sawyer shakes his head in fear.>

CS: Good. <softens> So, you wanna go back to my place?

Sawyer: Sure.

<They leave and pass Gator, who collapses in a fit of jealously and tears.>

[Deleted]

***Gator collects himself and walks back to his lockerroom. He dons his black trenchcoat, and is greeted by Homely Female Journalist 7.***

HFJ7: GatorBait, what're your thoughts about being here in the PHWF?

Master Gator: First off, you dumb bitch, that's my old name. My slave name, if you will. I have been forced to pander to the fans for long enough. You and all your imbecile counterparts will now refer to me as Master Gator. The PHWF commissioner has given me free reign over here, and I have every intention of delivering levels of ultra-violence only seen in Thailand.

***In walks Walter Bernard King, Doctorate of Adult Pleasure Services.***

Wally: Hey, Gator! Nice to see ya, mate! In need of any of my services?!?

***Out of nowhere, two strikingly hot women dressed neck-to-toe in dark green leather lay out Wally B. King with the move formerly known as the Call of the Wild.***

Master Gator: Not anymore, Wally. I'd like you to meet my Gator Aides, Molly & Holly. You've just been hit with the Tail Whip. I can't tell you much about them, yet, but I can tell you they're definitely not from Tennessee. Let's go, ladies.

***Fade to black.***

[Jack Quinn]

<As Gator is leaving the "arena" Moosehead Jack walks up to him, the two stare at each other for a moment>

MHJ: So, we get to see the real Gator

MG: Damn right

MHJ: That's good to know.

MG: What's it gonna be Jack?

<Jack extends his hand in an uncharacteristic show of respect, Gator reluctantly shakes it>

MG: This really means nothing you know

MHJ: I know. If out paths cross, you know what to expect, and so do I, until then, how bout a friendly little wager

MG: On what?

MHJ: Who can break the most bones and leave the most blood

MG: You're on

<Jack and Gator part ways>

[williamssl]

Come on, Moose. Make one of the two walk away snickering after having stinkpalmed the other.

[The Knife]

The Knife is behind the gymnasium reading his bible. He writes down something in a notebook.

TK- MGB. You have shown yourself quite early to be the embodiment of pride. You are Lucifer, the demon of hubris.

He writes this down in his notebook. It now says this:

* Lucifer: Pride- MGB
* Mammon: Greed-Chris Cole
* Asmodeus: Lust- Courtney Shaw
* Leviathan: Envy- Donovan Viper
* Beelzebub: Gluttony- Attitude Adjuster
* Satan: Wrath- Moosehead Jack
* Belphegor: Sloth- Ecosystem

TK- Proverbs 6:16. six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him.

[National Champion Chris Cole]

OOC: Cool, I'm Greed.

[Jack Quinn]

SATAN!! HELL YES!

[salmonjunkie]

I am Leviathan! A giant squid!

[williamssl]

OK folks - I stay up to date on Punboards with the "10 most recent posts" option, and recently PHWF and fantasy baseball stuff has taken over. I can't do anything about fantasy baseball, but Solly and I were talking about this PHWF thing....

We both acknowleged that we could neither play in this league credibly, hence our not signing up:

Him being a 72 pound jew who would rehash all of Stone Cold's promos and nothing else.
Me being a 1-dimensional Beavis.

So a few things:

• 'Das cool dat you gots a fantasy wrestling thing going on. And not that our opinions matter worth shit anyhow.
  
• That being said, this is Punboards, and there seems to be a certain "tongue in cheekyness" missing in all of this. An opportunity to lighten this up a bit.
  

Therefore, a proposition:

• Solly and I combined are "the Powers that Be". We have the opportunity to insert ourselves into the general creative and mix things up...for good, for bad, or for "WTF?????" We will speak as one voice and not go completely overboard.
  
• This includes us revising promos or posts to follow a more Punboard-esque flavor
  
• In turn, you can book us however you want to...short of killing us or writing us off and out of the Fed. If that means we're taking turns assraping a Raggedy Andy doll...so be it.
  

So...ya with us?

[The Jewish Cunthead]

williamssl said:

If that means we're taking turns assraping a Raggedy Andy doll...so be it.

Hey Mr. One Voice, don't give them any ideas. Besides, I think someone in the OOWF already raped another wrestler.

[salmonjunkie]

lack of tongue in cheekyness? Tex, you have no idea what you're in for. We get pretty stupid over in OOWF. Imagine how much sillier we will be here.

[Andy]

There is only one power that be's over here, Tay-has. I really don't think anyone needs their posts gone over and revised. We're some silly bitches when we get it rolling. If you want a role as some sort of fictional what-have-you, then you would be welcomed.

I would recommend reading some OOWF stuff if you have time though. Its both a hoot and a holler.

[Spinch]

(Spin Hansen is standing in front of an pile of ash, out on a mountainside somewhere!)

SH: Does this place look familiar to anyone else? It's where I gave my first promo. A promo that was full of rage, venom, and bile. A promo given from a different Spin Hansen. Well... I might have reformed my ways a bit since then. But I haven't lost that rage that I carried back then. Not in the least.

I came here to the PHWF to do two things... obtain the PHWF World Championship, and kick a lot of ass on the way to it. I'm not going to be the same Spin Hansen that you see on OOWF-TV every week... this is where I let go of all of my anger. Focus it to a pinpoint. Let it build on itself... and unleash it on whatever sucker's standing in my way.

And Courtney... looks like you're in my way next. I don't care that you're a woman. I don't care that who you've beat, and I especially don't care that you seem to think that you're going to take me out. Nothing's going to stop me. Nothing at all. So go ahead. Talk your talk. Convince yourself that you're going to win. And prepare yourself for the bitter sting of failure.

Why?

Because I'm Spin Freakin' Hansen... and there's not a damn thing that you can do about it.

[National Champion Chris Cole]

[Chris Cole is strolling through the PBWF backstage hallways. He is surrounded by his posse]

Posse Guy #1: Chris, are you sure about this? What possible good does this do for your career to be in a dump like this? You are a former OOWF World Heavyweight Champion. That is big time. This is well....

Posse Gal#1: I agree. This place is dirty and the talent is not very....um...talented.

Cole: I know that. Look I'm set out to prove just how great I am. I'm going to singlehandedly give this shit Fed some credibility. People will come from miles and miles to get an up close look at "The Main Event".

Posse Guy#2: Have you even seen the riff raff they have here though? Do you really want to associate with them? For starters there is a woman on the roster who competes with the men!

Cole: Really? Is she hot?

Posse Guy#1: Hard to say. Sources tell me there are risque photos circulating but I've never seen even one.

Posse Gal#2: I heard that Master Gator dude and some Jewish guy made up the whole story though. My sources tell me there are no photos.

Cole: Photos or not, you guys are serious about this woman wrestling?

Posse Gal#1: Dead serious. Chris this is a situation you don't want to get into. If you beat her fast which you would you gain no additional respect. If you let her get a halfway decent showing against you it won't look good. I think I should put it into your contract that you won't be facing that opponent.

Cole: Why the hell not? I'll give her the wrestlingmatch of her life. She'll be screaming my name by Night's end. [looks towards Posse Gal#2] Who know what I mean. [Posse Gal#2 blushes] Don't worry about any of that now though. I'm facing a rook but not that rook. I'm going to wipe the floor with this joker.

Posse Gal#1: Absolutely

Posse Guy#2: No doubt.

Posse Guy#1: I know it sir.

Cole: Now let's go have some drinks. And somebody call my publicist. If I'm going to hang around this dump we need to get some soundbites out to the local media.

[Attitude Adjuster]

Attitude Adjuster and Johnny Adrenaline are standing around a hallway, looking a little lost.

AA: So this is the PHWF?

JA: Apparently.

AA: I didn’t think it existed. I thought it was just something we made up so we could hold tag team titles and continue to piss people off in the OO...

JA: WHOOOAAAAAA!!!!

AA: Don’t you mean WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

JA: No, I meant WHOOOOOAAAAAAA!! You can’t say “OO(beeeeeep)” here.

AA: You’re saying we can’t reference the OO(beeeeep) in the PHWF?

JA: Apparently.

AA: Damn FFC is all over the place.

JA: Capslock is here? Where? He might attack us!

AA: I mean the Federal Communication Commission.

JA: Oh.

AA: Anyway, so this place exists.

JA: Apparently.

AA: And we have the Pun’s House Wrestling Federation tag team titles?

Johnny looks at his waist, sees a brand new shiny belt. much better than the leather straps and oversized belt buckles used in the OO(beeeeeeeeeep).

JA: Yep.

AA: So we’re still The Chickenshit Heels.

JA: Of course. Without us, the PHWF would have no marketable stars.

AA: Cool! So let’s get a sandwich, some drinks and hang out at the spa. Where’s our locker room?

JA: Well, there’s bad news with that. Because the PHWF spent so much money on these brand new shiny belts...

AA: Yeah, mine even fits!

JA: Well, they couldn’t afford to bring in our entourage.

AA: They WHAT???? We’re all alone?

JA: Afraid so. No Ric, no Ron, so no sandwich shop, no bar, no spa.

AA: No Abdullah, no Jesus, no Repo Man, no Fred the Monkey?

JA: Unfortunately, no.

AA and JA look around longingly for someone to say “DAMN!”

AA: This sucks.

JA: Well, there is one good thing.

AA: What could possibly be good about this?

JA: I found the Box O Promos.

AA: The Box O Promos! Sweet!

AA rifles through the box, opening each sheet of paper and remembering great promos yet unused. A tear streams down his face.

JA: Is that a tear? You’re not turning face, are you?

AA: Ah, man, we’re not going to go through this shit over here, too, are we?

[Chris Eco]

(Ecosystem gets off the ground bleeding as Courtney and Sawyer Lookalike walk by.)

Eco: Huh. My head hurts.

Courtney: You're bleeding.

Sawyer: A lot.

Eco: No! LD Williams made me bleed my own blood!!

Courtney: Who are you, anyway?

Eco: Not as overpromoted as you.

BRICK~!: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Sawyer: Who is that?

BRICK~!: Hi. I'm a talking brick. I was brought to life by Eco.

Courtney: Ah. Your name is Eco.

Eco: Yes.

Courtney: There is no way that's your real name.

Eco: Oh yeah, and YOU use your real name.

Courtney: Courtney?

Eco: Oh. Maybe.

Sawyer: Dude, we should take care of your giant head wound.

BRICK~!: Oh, he's had worse.

Eco: Besides, I'm Sloth. The personal embodiment of a deadly sin. Can't die.

Courtney: You're hallucinating now.

Super Mario, Attorney At Law: MAMA MIA! ATTSA HEAD WOUND!

Courtney: ...And so am I.

Eco: You're going down, LD! You're going down!

(Eco superkicks Sawyer Lookalike in the face.)

Courtney: NOO!! ATTRACTIVE BOY!!

BRICK~!: Who cares. I hate LOST.

Hurley: Oh yeah?

(Hurley jumps on BRICK~!)

Hurley: OWWW!!!!!!!

Super Mario: OH! MAMA MIA!

Courtney: I'm leaving.

Eco: Do you need a tag partner?