PHWF 2: PHWF Tournament Quarterfinals
Feb 15, 2007 21:24:07 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Feb 15, 2007 21:24:07 GMT -5
PHWF 2: PHWF Championship Tournament Of Champions- Quarterfinals
JF- Welcome to Pun's House Wrestling Federation! Tonight we get one step closer to crowning our first PHWF Champion! We are LIVE in the parking lot of the historic Harbor Point Restaurant on 156 Harbor Point Rd here in Cummaquid, MA. Call (508) 362-2231 for reservations. I am Joey Fashions and with me as always is Don East.
DE- Holy fuckin' shit! We're gonna see wrestling again! I LOVE this stuff!
JF- I know you do, Don. Tonight, our quadrupal main event is the quarterfinals of the PHWF Championship Tournament Of Champions. The heavily favored Moosehead Jack will face the always-feisty Johnny Adrenaline. Can he win with a bullet-wound in his leg? We will see, later on here tonight! Also, crowd-favorite Chris Alt will face up-and-comer Spin Hansen, who's size and strength have put him where he is today. Chris Alt has been nothing but reprehensible in other leagues, but for one reason or another, he is focused and displaying nothing but amazing wrestling skill here in PHWF and the crowd loves him for it. And Matt "Gimmickman" Brown will face LD Williams in what will, most-assuredly be a bloodbath. And multi-time champion of many different things all over the place, Attitude Adjuster will face the former OOWF World Champion Chris Cole. This group of eight will be whittled down to four, as everyone becomes one step closer to PHWF gold.
DE- And the rest of the roster will face each other to win the most amazing belt since belts were invented, the N-SANITY CHAMPIONSHIP! 12 man battle royal action!
JF- No, you big dummy. There will be 6 qualifier matches and those 6 winners will face each other in the Ultimate N match on the 25th. The N-Sanity Title will be suspended from THREE cables forming a giant N above the ring. So SUCK THAT TNA!
DE- What's TNA?
JF- Don't worry about it. So let's go down to the ring for some ACTION! Viet Cong Viper vs. Courtney Shaw, RIGHT NOW!
Viet Cong Viper vs. Courtney Shaw
Viper squints his eyes at Courtney Shaw as if he can't believe that he's seeing a woman in the ring...oh, wait...no nevermind, he's just asian. They lock-up and Viper looks like he is easily overpowering Courtney, but she fights back! She's out-muscling the former OOWF World Heavyweight Champion! A swift sidekick from Viper ends that however. He follows that with a spinning kick to the side of the head. He then hits Guile's Flash Kick from Street Fighter! He leaps up onto the toperope and hits the Sun Myung Moonsault! Could that be it? 1! 2! NO! She kicks out! She slowly gets up, Viper is right back on the offensive and KICK TO THE BALLS from Courtney! The ref didn't see it! DDT from Courtney. She goes up and hits a moonsault of her own! Viper kicks out and blocks a series of punches and kicks, he goes for a spinning back kick, Courtney catches him in midair and slams him down. She signal for the Denial Twist and nails it! The crowd is eating it up! Then out of no where Ecosystem hits the same move onto Viper! The referee disqualifies Courtney! She looks in disbelief and chases Eco out of the ring.
Winner in 3:03- Viet Cong Viper
JF- Oh my God! What is Ecosystem's problem? Does he really think he's helping Courtney or is he trying to piss her off? She might have won again and now she's 0-2 because of one man: Ecosystem.
DE- She's got titties!
JF- That's beside the point, Don. She's now got every reason to kick Ecosystem's ass and I hope she does.
DE- I wonder if she's showering right now. Can I go check?
JF- No Don. And quit being such a creep. Coming up next Kenji makes his debut against Mastor Gator. No one knows much about the mysterious Kenji. Let's see what he can do!
Kenji vs. Master Gator
Kenji comes out accompanied by a writing staff and ten beautiful Asian women. Somewhere, Ecosystem is crying. Master Gator enters and attempts to hit on the women, then realizes none of them speak English or are attracted to men. The bell rings, and the two wrestlers lock up. Master Gator throws Kenji into the air about 20 feet, but Kenji stays in the air. Gator is exceptionally confused.
JF-Apparently, this match is being conducted under Dragonball Z rules!
Gator tries to hop off the ropes into the air, but it doesn’t work. Kenji swoops down with a flying clothesline to Gator. Gator goes down, but Kenji forgets to stop and goes face-first into the mat. Both wrestlers kip up…into each other, colliding heads. They then fall back over, and kip up in OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS! Good call. Gator knees Kenji in the gut, and snap suplexes him.
DE-If Gator can keep this match on the ground and not 20 feet in the air, he has a good chance.
JF-I hate our jobs.
Gator pulls out a couple more suplexes, but then Kenji REVERSES INTO A…suplex. Not too many options. Kenji hops into a Butterfly Dragon Magic Pose, and holds it as Gator gets up. He lets fly with an ENSEGURI OF DOOM! but Gator DUCKS! and punches Kenji INSTEAD! PWNAGE! Kenji gets angry and starts flashing red.
JF-Uh-oh! Kenji’s life force is diminishing!
DE-Or he’s powering up!
JF-I give up.
Kenji flies 5,003,549 feet into the air, except not really, because after 30 he hits the celing. Ouch. He blasts Gator with a RYU-KI-SHEN-BLAST! Gator is knocked out, and Kenji goes for the pin.
Winner in 3:07—Kenji
Pun comes out with a mike.
Pun: Okay, that was fine this time! But in the future…no more flying. I’ll come to a decision on the laser blasts.
One of Kenji’s writers cries.
JF- That was ridiculous.
DE- That was AMAZING! I never knew wrestling was so cool!
JF- That doesn't usually happen is wrestling.
DE- Well I'm certainly glad that it does!
JF- Well if someone can find Ecosystem, he has a match next against The Knife. Knife has placed Eco on his list of seven deadly sinners, so he's got motivation to want to defeat Eco. Let's go down to the ring!
Ecosystem vs. The Knife
Eco comes running into the ring looking behind his shoulder. He seems to have lost Courtney for the time being. The Knife enters the ring and kneels in prayer. Eco nearly rips his head off with a clothesline! This match is on! Knife is on the defensive as Eco hits a birage of punches. Knife counters with a side kick and a spinning legdrop. He goes for the pin which gets one. As Eco tries to get up, Knife nails a Slash to the back of his head. He tries another pin and gets two this time. He wearing Eco down. He stays on top of Eco with more martial arts kicks until Eco catches his leg. Overhead capture suplex! Eco hits the rope and does a Lionsault! He can't quite keep him down for three though. Eco throws Knife to the ropes and does a big back body drop. He signals for Endgame and hits it. This match is over! When all of a sudden Courtney comes off the tope rope with Denial Twist! Where did she come from!? The ref rings the bell, Knife wins by disqualification.
Winner in 4:21- The Knife
Courtney attacks Ecosystem. She is beating the holy hell out of him until Tex comes running in? Courtney stands up, not sure of what to expect. Tex levels her! Eco and Tex are beating the crap out of her. The Knife gets up and walks off, indifferent. Who will save this woman? Then Mastor Gator slides into the ring! Gator looks at the situation and CRUNCH!!! Ecosystem is DEAD! Tex dives out of the ring and drags Eco out, helping him to the back. Gator helps Courtney up and then leaves without an explanation.
JF- Oh my God! What just happened? Gator actually did something selfless! I don't understand!
DE- He saved Courtney. I would. She's got TITTIES!
JF- There might have been other motivation besides that.
DE- NOPE! Had to be the TITTIES!
JF- Can I have you fired?
DE- I don't think so!
JF- Goddammit. Well here's Ryan Insert vs. Ryan Tab. Who will win this clash of the N-Sanity titans!?
DE- And who gets to see Courtney's TITTIES!?
JF- I hate you. Please die.
Ryan Insert vs. Ryan Tab
Insert comes in to the greatest song ever written "The Final Countdown" by Europe and he looks pissed. As soon as Tab slides in to the ring Insert dives onto him. He furiously beats him with a dozen hard punches to the sides. He throws Tab to the ropes and hurricanranas Tab out of the ring. Tab slowly stands up and Insert jumps to the toprope and hits the Ryancanrana! Insert is focused. He slides Tab back into the ring and waits in the corner for Tab to get up, he runs by him to the corner and runs up the turnbuckles, does a backflip catches Tab for an inverted DDT, Tab spins and reverses it into his own inverted DDT! Tab finally has a moment to recover. He thinks for a second and decides to do something crazy. He throws Insert out of the ring and hits the back rope. He leaps over the rope and does a 360 plancha over the rope! Tab leaps up and pumps his fist in the air. He slides Insert into the ring and does a slingshot body splash which only gets a two count. He pulls Insert up, throws him at the ropes and armdrags him down. He leaps tp the toperope and hits the Tubula Rosa perfectly! Unfortunately a Tubula Rosa is an inverted 900 degree splash and he goes 900 degrees landing directly on his head. He does manage to drive his head into Insert's stomach however and it looks like it hurts him, but Tab is holding his neck in pain. Insert slowly gets up and Tab is in pain. Insert pulls Tab up, throws him to the ropes and does a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He leaps strait up to the toperope and hits The Final Countdown! Then he slides out of the ring instead of making the pin? He grabs a chair and slides back in. He opens the chair, places the chair around Tab's neck and goes back to the toperope. FINAL COUNTDOWN ONTO THE CHAIR! Tab's neck was already hurt and now Insert may have broken it! The ref rings the bell and ends this match by DQ, but Insert doesn't care. He's done what he set out to accomplish.
Winner in 7:21- Ryan Tab
JF- OH MY GOD! What was Ryan Insert thinking? He could have won the match, but he chose to possibly end the career of Ryan Tab. I don't understand.
DE- That was the most amazing neck snappage I've ever seen!
JF- Have you seen a lot of that Don?
DE- No! I've never seen it before, so that was the most amazing one.
JF- Welcome to Pun's House Wrestling Federation! Tonight we get one step closer to crowning our first PHWF Champion! We are LIVE in the parking lot of the historic Harbor Point Restaurant on 156 Harbor Point Rd here in Cummaquid, MA. Call (508) 362-2231 for reservations. I am Joey Fashions and with me as always is Don East.
DE- Holy fuckin' shit! We're gonna see wrestling again! I LOVE this stuff!
JF- I know you do, Don. Tonight, our quadrupal main event is the quarterfinals of the PHWF Championship Tournament Of Champions. The heavily favored Moosehead Jack will face the always-feisty Johnny Adrenaline. Can he win with a bullet-wound in his leg? We will see, later on here tonight! Also, crowd-favorite Chris Alt will face up-and-comer Spin Hansen, who's size and strength have put him where he is today. Chris Alt has been nothing but reprehensible in other leagues, but for one reason or another, he is focused and displaying nothing but amazing wrestling skill here in PHWF and the crowd loves him for it. And Matt "Gimmickman" Brown will face LD Williams in what will, most-assuredly be a bloodbath. And multi-time champion of many different things all over the place, Attitude Adjuster will face the former OOWF World Champion Chris Cole. This group of eight will be whittled down to four, as everyone becomes one step closer to PHWF gold.
DE- And the rest of the roster will face each other to win the most amazing belt since belts were invented, the N-SANITY CHAMPIONSHIP! 12 man battle royal action!
JF- No, you big dummy. There will be 6 qualifier matches and those 6 winners will face each other in the Ultimate N match on the 25th. The N-Sanity Title will be suspended from THREE cables forming a giant N above the ring. So SUCK THAT TNA!
DE- What's TNA?
JF- Don't worry about it. So let's go down to the ring for some ACTION! Viet Cong Viper vs. Courtney Shaw, RIGHT NOW!
Viet Cong Viper vs. Courtney Shaw
Viper squints his eyes at Courtney Shaw as if he can't believe that he's seeing a woman in the ring...oh, wait...no nevermind, he's just asian. They lock-up and Viper looks like he is easily overpowering Courtney, but she fights back! She's out-muscling the former OOWF World Heavyweight Champion! A swift sidekick from Viper ends that however. He follows that with a spinning kick to the side of the head. He then hits Guile's Flash Kick from Street Fighter! He leaps up onto the toperope and hits the Sun Myung Moonsault! Could that be it? 1! 2! NO! She kicks out! She slowly gets up, Viper is right back on the offensive and KICK TO THE BALLS from Courtney! The ref didn't see it! DDT from Courtney. She goes up and hits a moonsault of her own! Viper kicks out and blocks a series of punches and kicks, he goes for a spinning back kick, Courtney catches him in midair and slams him down. She signal for the Denial Twist and nails it! The crowd is eating it up! Then out of no where Ecosystem hits the same move onto Viper! The referee disqualifies Courtney! She looks in disbelief and chases Eco out of the ring.
Winner in 3:03- Viet Cong Viper
JF- Oh my God! What is Ecosystem's problem? Does he really think he's helping Courtney or is he trying to piss her off? She might have won again and now she's 0-2 because of one man: Ecosystem.
DE- She's got titties!
JF- That's beside the point, Don. She's now got every reason to kick Ecosystem's ass and I hope she does.
DE- I wonder if she's showering right now. Can I go check?
JF- No Don. And quit being such a creep. Coming up next Kenji makes his debut against Mastor Gator. No one knows much about the mysterious Kenji. Let's see what he can do!
Kenji vs. Master Gator
Kenji comes out accompanied by a writing staff and ten beautiful Asian women. Somewhere, Ecosystem is crying. Master Gator enters and attempts to hit on the women, then realizes none of them speak English or are attracted to men. The bell rings, and the two wrestlers lock up. Master Gator throws Kenji into the air about 20 feet, but Kenji stays in the air. Gator is exceptionally confused.
JF-Apparently, this match is being conducted under Dragonball Z rules!
Gator tries to hop off the ropes into the air, but it doesn’t work. Kenji swoops down with a flying clothesline to Gator. Gator goes down, but Kenji forgets to stop and goes face-first into the mat. Both wrestlers kip up…into each other, colliding heads. They then fall back over, and kip up in OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS! Good call. Gator knees Kenji in the gut, and snap suplexes him.
DE-If Gator can keep this match on the ground and not 20 feet in the air, he has a good chance.
JF-I hate our jobs.
Gator pulls out a couple more suplexes, but then Kenji REVERSES INTO A…suplex. Not too many options. Kenji hops into a Butterfly Dragon Magic Pose, and holds it as Gator gets up. He lets fly with an ENSEGURI OF DOOM! but Gator DUCKS! and punches Kenji INSTEAD! PWNAGE! Kenji gets angry and starts flashing red.
JF-Uh-oh! Kenji’s life force is diminishing!
DE-Or he’s powering up!
JF-I give up.
Kenji flies 5,003,549 feet into the air, except not really, because after 30 he hits the celing. Ouch. He blasts Gator with a RYU-KI-SHEN-BLAST! Gator is knocked out, and Kenji goes for the pin.
Winner in 3:07—Kenji
Pun comes out with a mike.
Pun: Okay, that was fine this time! But in the future…no more flying. I’ll come to a decision on the laser blasts.
One of Kenji’s writers cries.
JF- That was ridiculous.
DE- That was AMAZING! I never knew wrestling was so cool!
JF- That doesn't usually happen is wrestling.
DE- Well I'm certainly glad that it does!
JF- Well if someone can find Ecosystem, he has a match next against The Knife. Knife has placed Eco on his list of seven deadly sinners, so he's got motivation to want to defeat Eco. Let's go down to the ring!
Ecosystem vs. The Knife
Eco comes running into the ring looking behind his shoulder. He seems to have lost Courtney for the time being. The Knife enters the ring and kneels in prayer. Eco nearly rips his head off with a clothesline! This match is on! Knife is on the defensive as Eco hits a birage of punches. Knife counters with a side kick and a spinning legdrop. He goes for the pin which gets one. As Eco tries to get up, Knife nails a Slash to the back of his head. He tries another pin and gets two this time. He wearing Eco down. He stays on top of Eco with more martial arts kicks until Eco catches his leg. Overhead capture suplex! Eco hits the rope and does a Lionsault! He can't quite keep him down for three though. Eco throws Knife to the ropes and does a big back body drop. He signals for Endgame and hits it. This match is over! When all of a sudden Courtney comes off the tope rope with Denial Twist! Where did she come from!? The ref rings the bell, Knife wins by disqualification.
Winner in 4:21- The Knife
Courtney attacks Ecosystem. She is beating the holy hell out of him until Tex comes running in? Courtney stands up, not sure of what to expect. Tex levels her! Eco and Tex are beating the crap out of her. The Knife gets up and walks off, indifferent. Who will save this woman? Then Mastor Gator slides into the ring! Gator looks at the situation and CRUNCH!!! Ecosystem is DEAD! Tex dives out of the ring and drags Eco out, helping him to the back. Gator helps Courtney up and then leaves without an explanation.
JF- Oh my God! What just happened? Gator actually did something selfless! I don't understand!
DE- He saved Courtney. I would. She's got TITTIES!
JF- There might have been other motivation besides that.
DE- NOPE! Had to be the TITTIES!
JF- Can I have you fired?
DE- I don't think so!
JF- Goddammit. Well here's Ryan Insert vs. Ryan Tab. Who will win this clash of the N-Sanity titans!?
DE- And who gets to see Courtney's TITTIES!?
JF- I hate you. Please die.
Ryan Insert vs. Ryan Tab
Insert comes in to the greatest song ever written "The Final Countdown" by Europe and he looks pissed. As soon as Tab slides in to the ring Insert dives onto him. He furiously beats him with a dozen hard punches to the sides. He throws Tab to the ropes and hurricanranas Tab out of the ring. Tab slowly stands up and Insert jumps to the toprope and hits the Ryancanrana! Insert is focused. He slides Tab back into the ring and waits in the corner for Tab to get up, he runs by him to the corner and runs up the turnbuckles, does a backflip catches Tab for an inverted DDT, Tab spins and reverses it into his own inverted DDT! Tab finally has a moment to recover. He thinks for a second and decides to do something crazy. He throws Insert out of the ring and hits the back rope. He leaps over the rope and does a 360 plancha over the rope! Tab leaps up and pumps his fist in the air. He slides Insert into the ring and does a slingshot body splash which only gets a two count. He pulls Insert up, throws him at the ropes and armdrags him down. He leaps tp the toperope and hits the Tubula Rosa perfectly! Unfortunately a Tubula Rosa is an inverted 900 degree splash and he goes 900 degrees landing directly on his head. He does manage to drive his head into Insert's stomach however and it looks like it hurts him, but Tab is holding his neck in pain. Insert slowly gets up and Tab is in pain. Insert pulls Tab up, throws him to the ropes and does a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. He leaps strait up to the toperope and hits The Final Countdown! Then he slides out of the ring instead of making the pin? He grabs a chair and slides back in. He opens the chair, places the chair around Tab's neck and goes back to the toperope. FINAL COUNTDOWN ONTO THE CHAIR! Tab's neck was already hurt and now Insert may have broken it! The ref rings the bell and ends this match by DQ, but Insert doesn't care. He's done what he set out to accomplish.
Winner in 7:21- Ryan Tab
JF- OH MY GOD! What was Ryan Insert thinking? He could have won the match, but he chose to possibly end the career of Ryan Tab. I don't understand.
DE- That was the most amazing neck snappage I've ever seen!
JF- Have you seen a lot of that Don?
DE- No! I've never seen it before, so that was the most amazing one.
