PHWF 2 (continued)
Feb 15, 2007 21:25:05 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Feb 15, 2007 21:25:05 GMT -5
JF- What's next for us, Don?
DE- FF Capslock, the man who shot a moose last week, will face a block of CONCRETE! Can the one-man Moose-slayer defeat solid concrete? I can't wait to see!
JF- Is there a name for the disease you have?
DE- Couldn't tell ya! Let's go down to the ring!
JF- Capslock vs. Concrete. RIGHT NOW!
FF Capslock vs. Concrete TG
Capslock enters the ring and the ref pats him down. Concrete looks relieved that he comes up with nothing. FF extends his hand and Concrete shakes it. They dance around each other for a while until Concrete finally makes the first move, sliding under FF's legs, jumps up onto his shoulders, spins around and tries to do a frankensteiner, but FF pulls him back up and hits a powerbomb! He does a big splash and tries a pin, which gets only two. He pulls CTG up, throws him to the ropes and does a big boot. He leans down to pick CTG up and CTG hooks the legs and rolls FF over! 1! 2! No! Capslock barely gets up in time. CTG is up before FF and greets him with a dropkick. Concrete to the toperope and hits a walkup moonsault. But he only gets two again. Capslock is up and Concrete tries a cross-body block, FF catches him and does a fallaway slam out of the ring! The ref goes to check on Concrete and FF looks on in concern, when he is leveled from behind by a barbed-wire chairshot from Moosehead Jack! FF slowly gets up and turns around. HEART PUNCH! Moose slides out of the ring before he gets noticed. Concrete comes back in and FF is getting up groggily. Concrete is confused but hits a Cement Mixer and pins him.
Winner in 7:14- Concrete TG
JF- Oh my God! Why would Moose help Concrete win? Could his hatred of Capslock actually eclipse his hatred of Concrete? This is amazing!
DE- Of course moose hate concrete. That's why they live in the woods.
JF- Our final Ultimate N qualifying match is next. Who will join Concrete, Viper, Knife, Kenji and Tab in this innovative match?
DE- I'm guessing either S-Y-B or Tex.
JF- Good guess, Don. Let's see if you're right.
SYB vs. Texas
Texas comes down the ramp wheeling along four cryogenically frozen heads as “Bush Was Right” by the Right Brothers plays over the PA system. SYB is already waiting in the ring, and stomps in Tex’s general direction to attempt to prevent him from getting in the ring. Unfortunately, by “general direction”, we mean “other side of the ring”. Tex slides in and this match is ON! Tex lets fly with some lariats, and Redneck Whips SYB into the corner. Redneck Whips are like Irish Whips, except they don’t get reversed and fell out of fashion after the Civil War. Texas goes for the splash, but SYB ROLLS OUT OF THE RING! That’s his finisher! Maybe!
Kemp: Texas! Stop!
Texas listens to Jack Kemp and does NOT run into the turnbuckles. There goes SYB’s strategy! Texas rolls out of the ring to give pursuit, but SYB rolls BACK IN THE RING! Clever! This continues for approximately 5 minutes.
Crowd: BOR-ING! BOR-ING!
Goldwater: Don’t listen, Tex! Stay the course!
Texas is taken aback by this sudden drop in his approval ratings, when SYB flies in with a DROPKICK OF DOOM! He kind of just bounces off. SYB then just punches Tex in the face.
Tex: OW!
Tex punches SYB in the face. They continue punching each other, and then stop to rub their faces. They go into the indie pose of mutual respect, but it doesn’t go over well.
Crowd: WE WANT REAGAN! (Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap)
Reagan: They’re calling my name!
Reagan’s head slams against the side of his jar, and he rolls off the cart and under the ring.
Tex: REAGAN!!!
Texas hops out of the ring and pulls Reagan out from under the apron. SYB takes the opportunity to baseball slide Texas in the face. Texas falls back and Reagan’s head goes flying into the arms of two doctors standing by the ring.
Reagan: I hope you’re both Republicans…
The referee thinks that was too ham-handed. In the meantime, SYB rolls Tex into the ring and goes to the top rope. CANNONBALL!!!
Nixon: Wait…Cannonball?
SYB just curls up into a ball and dives onto Tex. He then rolls him up with both legs, an arm, and a third buttcheek on the rope. Luckily for him, the referee is Stevie Wonder.
Winner in 10:49--SYB
JF- S-Y-B won a match!? Oh my God!
DE- Yeah, he did. Weren't you watching?
JF- That's amazing!
DE- People win all the time. We've seen five other winners already, why is that amazing?
JF- I don't have the time. So the Ultimate N is set! Now let's see who will advance in the PHWF Championship Tournament. First up is MGB vs. LD Williams.
MGB vs. LD Williams
Both men are announced and wait for the bell to ring, when it does, both men come to the center of the ring and slowly circle. MGB decides to boast and yells to everyone who will listen, I AM THE WRESTLING MESSIAH!! LD Williams responds with a right to the chops that drops MGB to the mat. MGB doesn’t take long to recover and takes Williams to the mat with a double leg take down. Both men roll around on the mat trading punches. Eventually the action spills out of the ring. Williams gets to his feet first and whips MGB into the ring post opening a gash over his eye. With MGB on the floor, Williams tilts his head back and drops several elbows down on the cut, making it worse. Williams pulls MGB to his feet and walks him over to the guard rail and slams his face into the steel, but MGB blocks the shot and elbows Williams into the steel. MGB spins around and catches Williams with a discus clothesline that sends him over the rail into the fist row. MGB follows him into the crowd and the brawl continues through the seats, sending people scattering. MGB picks up a chair and slams it across Williams back. The two men continue to fight and MGB picks up a wooden chair and breaks it over Williams head, opening a gash on Williams head as well. MGB picks up a shard of the broken chair and goes shades of Tully Blanchard and Magnum TA and tries to gouge out Williams eye. LWD looks for an escape and sees a little old lady sitting there knitting amid the mayhem. He grabs her knitting needle and jabs it into MGB’s leg. MGB howls in pain and limps toward the ring while LDW recovers and picks up a steel chair and throws it at the retreating MGB bouncing it off his head and sending him over the railing to the floor around the ring. Despite the fact that they have been brawling for several minutes around the ring, the referee has decided to show some leeway and not count them out. Williams follows MGB over the railing and wraps the microphone cord around his throat and chokes him out with it. MGB responds by grabbing someone’s drink and slamming it into Williams face. Williams turns and charges at MGB ahd gets hit with the Stock Market Crash on the floor! Williams may be dead! MGB pulls him up and rolls him into the ring, then takes his time climbing into the ring himself, favoring the leg he had been stabbed in. MGB drops an elbow across Williams chest and goes for the casual cover, but Williams slips out of it at two and reverses it into a STF! MGB quickly gets to the ropes and forces the break, but Williams is pissed now. He stomps away at MGB’s leg and locks on the figure four. Once again MGB gets to the ropes to force the break. As MGB is getting to his feet he reaches into his tights and pulls out a small chain that he wraps around his hand, as Williams pulls him to his feet, MGB blasts Williams between the eyes with the chain. It didn’t quite have the desired effect. Williams snarls at MGB through the blood on his face and backs him into the corner with a barrage of kicks and chops. Williams has MGB trapped in the corner stomping a mud hole in him, LDW pulls MGB out of the corner and drops him with a DDT in the middle of the ring. Williams pulls the chain off of MGB’s hand and hammers him in the face with it, opening more cuts and drawing more blood. Williams stops pounding on MGB and pulls him to his feet, slips behind him and hits a series of German suplexes. Williams they climbs to the second rope, keeps the chain on his hand and drops a fist right between MGB’s eyes with the chain wrapped fist. Williams covers, but MGB rolls his shoulder at two. Williams pulls MGB up and tries a whip to the ropes, but MGB reverses it and catches Williams with a belly to belly suplex. MGB covers, but only gets two as Williams rolls his shoulder just in time. Now it is MGB’s turn, he hauls Williams to his feet and lifts him for a vertical suplex and holds him there forever, then falls back, floats over and gets another two count. MGB looks a little frustrated now, he pulls Williams up and whips him to the ropes and hits a fallaway Samoan slam, another cover only gets two once again. This time MGB gets in the referee’s face and argues with him, when he turns his attention back to Williams, Williams drops him with a clothesline, then pulls the big man to his feet and DESTROYS him with a t-bone suplex. Williams covers and appears to get three, but MGB had his foot on the bottom ropes. Williams tries to pull MGB up, but MGB hits a low blow that doubles Williams over in pain. MGB gets to his feet and bounces off the ropes and connects with a Clothesline From Hell! MGB covers and puts his feet on the ropes and just barely gets a tainted three count.
WINNER in 21:01 - MGB
JF- That low down dirty cheater!
DE- LD Williams?
JF- No, weren't you watching?
DE- I fell asleep.
JF- Well, let's go to the ring again. Moosehead Jack, who 10 days ago was shot in the leg, seems to have gotten some measure of revenge on FF Capslock, but now he has to get past current tag team expert Johnny Adrenaline, who is proving to be quite a singles superstar as well. Perhaps a bullet wound is just what Johnny needs to get past Jack. Let's see what happens.
Johnny Adrenaline vs. Moosehead Jack
Johnny Adrenaline comes down to the ring dressed in cowboy attire wielding a rifle. OMG CONTINUITY~! The ref makes him leave the weapon outside of the ring. Moosehead Jack limps down to the ring and starts the match. "You'll never take me down! I'm a champ-een steer rassler!" Johnny exclaims, but Moose really isn't amused. He starts attacking the delusional Adrenaline with punches and knees. Johnny rolls him over and tries to ride him. He slaps Jack's leg, trying to get him to gallop but inadvertantly hits Jack's bullet-wound. Jack is pissed. He does a suplex, a snap suplex and a brainbuster in succession. He stands triumphantly, ready to finish this already when a loud CRACK rings out through the parking lot. Moose falls down cluthing his other leg. Capslock has Johnny's rifle! He shot Jack AGAIN! Moosehead Jack wins!
Winner in 2:56- Moosehead Jack
JF- How many goddammed matches are gonna end in disqualification today?
DE- MANY!
JF- Its getting ridiculous. What is this, WCW?
DE- No, its PHWF!
JF- I know, I was just saying...nevermind. Attitude Adjuster vs. Chris Cole, RIGHT NOW!
Chris Cole vs. Attitude Adjuster
Cole grabs AA immediately and knees him in the face. AA falls back, hits the rope and comes back with a forearm. AA hits the back rope again and drives Cole down with a HARD lariet. Cole looks surprised as hell. He gets up and AA is waiting on the toperope!? He comes off with a flying knee to the face! Who knew he could even do that? Cole is down. AA attempts a pin. 1. 2. Kickout. Cole gets up and AA grabs him for the Attitude Adjustment! But Cole back body drops him as a counter. Cole shakes off the grogginess and thows AA into the ropes and catches AA with a big spinebuster. He pulls AA up and does a gutwrench suplex. He tries to pin AA, but only gets two. Cole waits for AA to get up and clothelines him back down. He goes to the corner and does a elbow off the second rope. Cole wants to end this as quickly as possible. He pulls AA up and tries to lift him for the Headliner, but he's just too heavy! Cole has to drop him. AA hits the Attitude Adjustment! He tries to pin Cole, but he kicks out at the last minute! He almost had him! He slaps on THE CLAW! This could be it! Cole is struggling! He's pulling himself towards the ropes, AA clamps down harder! Cole is writhing in pain! He reaches as hard as he can, and he gets to rope! AA looks frustrated. He drags Cole back to put on another Claw, but Cole does a low blow! The ref didn't see it! Cole tries another Headliner and he gets it this time! Pin. 1! 2! 3!
Winner in 7:00- Chris Cole
JF- I almost thought Attitude Adjuster was gonna win that one!
DE- But he didn't!
JF- No he sure didn't. Its time for our main event. The big, yet surprisingly agile Spin Hansen will face master technician Chris Alt. Neither of these men has won a world title so they both have a drive in this tournament! But only one can advance. Let's check it out!
Chris Alt vs. Spin Hansen
Spin and Chris Alt both go through their entrances and make their way to the ring. The referee calls them both to the center of the ring and goes over the rules and such, then Alt and Spin shake hands and wait for the bell. The ref calls for the bell and this one is underway. Alt darts out of the corner and immediately takes the larger Spin to the mat with a double leg take down, then grabs an arm and tries a fujiwara arm bar trying for the quick submission win. Spin blocks the armbar and works his way to his feet and backs Alt into the corner, the ref wants a clean break and gets it. The two men slowly circle back in the middle of the ring, Alt shoots in again and tries for another double leg take down, but this time Spin is ready for it, he catches Alt and lifts him up on his shoulders for a powerbomb, but Alt slithers out of the move and lands behind Spin and hits the ropes and tries a cross body block, but Spin catches him and hefts him up and into a falling chokeslam. Spin covers, but Alt is able to kick out at one. Spin pulls Alt to his feet and sends him into the corner and follows him with a big clothesline. Spin lets Alt stagger out a few steps, and then blasts him with an enzuguri. Alt falls face frist to the mat, Spin hits the ropes and drops a leg across the back of Alt’s head and rolls him over but still only gets a one count. Hansen pulls Alt up and sets him on the top rope and climbs to the second rope setting him up for a superplex. Alt blocks the move and hammers away on Spin’s head, but the big man will not fall, So Alt grabs Spin’s head and he leaps off the top rope to the floor, guillotining Spin’s throat on the top rope on the way down. Spin falls to one knee in the middle of the ring trying to get his breath back, Alt leaps to the apron and waits for Spin to get back to his feet, as soon as he does, Alt spring boards into the ring and catches Spin with a clothesline. Alt covers, but Spin is out at one. Alt pulls Spin to his feet and hits an enzuguri that staggers the big man, Alt tries to go for a piledriver, but Spin reverses it into an Alabama Slam! Alt’s head bounces off the mat and his eyes roll into his head. Spin pounces and goes for the cover, but somehow Alt kicks out at two. Spin keeps Alt grounded and works on the lower back trying for the submission win. Spin locks Alt in the bow and arrow driving his knees into the small of Alt’s back trying for the submission win, but Alt refuses to give up. Spin finals breaks the hold and pulls Alt to his knees and bends his head back and locks on a sleeper hold, then falls back into a full body scissors! Alt is in trouble now! There is no way he can make it to the ropes and Spin is squeezing him like a python. Alt is fading fast. The referee checks his arm, it drops once, twice, thr….NO! Alt fights to his feet, expending a tremendous amount of energy no doubt, he finally breaks free with several elbows to the midsection, then hits the ropes and….gets caught in a thunderous spinebuster by Spin. This is it. Spin covers and hooks the leg, one, two, ALT KICKS OUT! Spin remains in control. Hansen pulls Alt to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a power slam, another cover gets a two count. Spin once again pulls him up and picks Alt up and they head to the ropes. Spin climbs to the second rope and sits on the top rope and pulls Alt up on the ropes with him. Spin goozles Alt and lifts him for a chokeslam! As they are falling though, Alt shifts his weight and slips behind Spin, landing on his back as they hit the mat! Alt quickly hooks Spin’s arms and locks on a full nelson/camel clutch combo and sits back hard on Spin! Hansen has no escape, he fights through the pain for several minutes, but finally he can’t take anymore, risking permanent injury, Hansen instead decides to tap out.
WINNER in 18:41 – Chris Alt
JF- Oh my God! What a match! I don't think Spin has EVER tapped out!
DE- Yeah he has, he did right there.
JF- I mean before this.
DE- He hasn't been here all day.
JF- FUCK YOU! JUST FUCK YOU! I'M LEAVING! THIS SHOW IS OVER!
DE- FF Capslock, the man who shot a moose last week, will face a block of CONCRETE! Can the one-man Moose-slayer defeat solid concrete? I can't wait to see!
JF- Is there a name for the disease you have?
DE- Couldn't tell ya! Let's go down to the ring!
JF- Capslock vs. Concrete. RIGHT NOW!
FF Capslock vs. Concrete TG
Capslock enters the ring and the ref pats him down. Concrete looks relieved that he comes up with nothing. FF extends his hand and Concrete shakes it. They dance around each other for a while until Concrete finally makes the first move, sliding under FF's legs, jumps up onto his shoulders, spins around and tries to do a frankensteiner, but FF pulls him back up and hits a powerbomb! He does a big splash and tries a pin, which gets only two. He pulls CTG up, throws him to the ropes and does a big boot. He leans down to pick CTG up and CTG hooks the legs and rolls FF over! 1! 2! No! Capslock barely gets up in time. CTG is up before FF and greets him with a dropkick. Concrete to the toperope and hits a walkup moonsault. But he only gets two again. Capslock is up and Concrete tries a cross-body block, FF catches him and does a fallaway slam out of the ring! The ref goes to check on Concrete and FF looks on in concern, when he is leveled from behind by a barbed-wire chairshot from Moosehead Jack! FF slowly gets up and turns around. HEART PUNCH! Moose slides out of the ring before he gets noticed. Concrete comes back in and FF is getting up groggily. Concrete is confused but hits a Cement Mixer and pins him.
Winner in 7:14- Concrete TG
JF- Oh my God! Why would Moose help Concrete win? Could his hatred of Capslock actually eclipse his hatred of Concrete? This is amazing!
DE- Of course moose hate concrete. That's why they live in the woods.
JF- Our final Ultimate N qualifying match is next. Who will join Concrete, Viper, Knife, Kenji and Tab in this innovative match?
DE- I'm guessing either S-Y-B or Tex.
JF- Good guess, Don. Let's see if you're right.
SYB vs. Texas
Texas comes down the ramp wheeling along four cryogenically frozen heads as “Bush Was Right” by the Right Brothers plays over the PA system. SYB is already waiting in the ring, and stomps in Tex’s general direction to attempt to prevent him from getting in the ring. Unfortunately, by “general direction”, we mean “other side of the ring”. Tex slides in and this match is ON! Tex lets fly with some lariats, and Redneck Whips SYB into the corner. Redneck Whips are like Irish Whips, except they don’t get reversed and fell out of fashion after the Civil War. Texas goes for the splash, but SYB ROLLS OUT OF THE RING! That’s his finisher! Maybe!
Kemp: Texas! Stop!
Texas listens to Jack Kemp and does NOT run into the turnbuckles. There goes SYB’s strategy! Texas rolls out of the ring to give pursuit, but SYB rolls BACK IN THE RING! Clever! This continues for approximately 5 minutes.
Crowd: BOR-ING! BOR-ING!
Goldwater: Don’t listen, Tex! Stay the course!
Texas is taken aback by this sudden drop in his approval ratings, when SYB flies in with a DROPKICK OF DOOM! He kind of just bounces off. SYB then just punches Tex in the face.
Tex: OW!
Tex punches SYB in the face. They continue punching each other, and then stop to rub their faces. They go into the indie pose of mutual respect, but it doesn’t go over well.
Crowd: WE WANT REAGAN! (Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap)
Reagan: They’re calling my name!
Reagan’s head slams against the side of his jar, and he rolls off the cart and under the ring.
Tex: REAGAN!!!
Texas hops out of the ring and pulls Reagan out from under the apron. SYB takes the opportunity to baseball slide Texas in the face. Texas falls back and Reagan’s head goes flying into the arms of two doctors standing by the ring.
Reagan: I hope you’re both Republicans…
The referee thinks that was too ham-handed. In the meantime, SYB rolls Tex into the ring and goes to the top rope. CANNONBALL!!!
Nixon: Wait…Cannonball?
SYB just curls up into a ball and dives onto Tex. He then rolls him up with both legs, an arm, and a third buttcheek on the rope. Luckily for him, the referee is Stevie Wonder.
Winner in 10:49--SYB
JF- S-Y-B won a match!? Oh my God!
DE- Yeah, he did. Weren't you watching?
JF- That's amazing!
DE- People win all the time. We've seen five other winners already, why is that amazing?
JF- I don't have the time. So the Ultimate N is set! Now let's see who will advance in the PHWF Championship Tournament. First up is MGB vs. LD Williams.
MGB vs. LD Williams
Both men are announced and wait for the bell to ring, when it does, both men come to the center of the ring and slowly circle. MGB decides to boast and yells to everyone who will listen, I AM THE WRESTLING MESSIAH!! LD Williams responds with a right to the chops that drops MGB to the mat. MGB doesn’t take long to recover and takes Williams to the mat with a double leg take down. Both men roll around on the mat trading punches. Eventually the action spills out of the ring. Williams gets to his feet first and whips MGB into the ring post opening a gash over his eye. With MGB on the floor, Williams tilts his head back and drops several elbows down on the cut, making it worse. Williams pulls MGB to his feet and walks him over to the guard rail and slams his face into the steel, but MGB blocks the shot and elbows Williams into the steel. MGB spins around and catches Williams with a discus clothesline that sends him over the rail into the fist row. MGB follows him into the crowd and the brawl continues through the seats, sending people scattering. MGB picks up a chair and slams it across Williams back. The two men continue to fight and MGB picks up a wooden chair and breaks it over Williams head, opening a gash on Williams head as well. MGB picks up a shard of the broken chair and goes shades of Tully Blanchard and Magnum TA and tries to gouge out Williams eye. LWD looks for an escape and sees a little old lady sitting there knitting amid the mayhem. He grabs her knitting needle and jabs it into MGB’s leg. MGB howls in pain and limps toward the ring while LDW recovers and picks up a steel chair and throws it at the retreating MGB bouncing it off his head and sending him over the railing to the floor around the ring. Despite the fact that they have been brawling for several minutes around the ring, the referee has decided to show some leeway and not count them out. Williams follows MGB over the railing and wraps the microphone cord around his throat and chokes him out with it. MGB responds by grabbing someone’s drink and slamming it into Williams face. Williams turns and charges at MGB ahd gets hit with the Stock Market Crash on the floor! Williams may be dead! MGB pulls him up and rolls him into the ring, then takes his time climbing into the ring himself, favoring the leg he had been stabbed in. MGB drops an elbow across Williams chest and goes for the casual cover, but Williams slips out of it at two and reverses it into a STF! MGB quickly gets to the ropes and forces the break, but Williams is pissed now. He stomps away at MGB’s leg and locks on the figure four. Once again MGB gets to the ropes to force the break. As MGB is getting to his feet he reaches into his tights and pulls out a small chain that he wraps around his hand, as Williams pulls him to his feet, MGB blasts Williams between the eyes with the chain. It didn’t quite have the desired effect. Williams snarls at MGB through the blood on his face and backs him into the corner with a barrage of kicks and chops. Williams has MGB trapped in the corner stomping a mud hole in him, LDW pulls MGB out of the corner and drops him with a DDT in the middle of the ring. Williams pulls the chain off of MGB’s hand and hammers him in the face with it, opening more cuts and drawing more blood. Williams stops pounding on MGB and pulls him to his feet, slips behind him and hits a series of German suplexes. Williams they climbs to the second rope, keeps the chain on his hand and drops a fist right between MGB’s eyes with the chain wrapped fist. Williams covers, but MGB rolls his shoulder at two. Williams pulls MGB up and tries a whip to the ropes, but MGB reverses it and catches Williams with a belly to belly suplex. MGB covers, but only gets two as Williams rolls his shoulder just in time. Now it is MGB’s turn, he hauls Williams to his feet and lifts him for a vertical suplex and holds him there forever, then falls back, floats over and gets another two count. MGB looks a little frustrated now, he pulls Williams up and whips him to the ropes and hits a fallaway Samoan slam, another cover only gets two once again. This time MGB gets in the referee’s face and argues with him, when he turns his attention back to Williams, Williams drops him with a clothesline, then pulls the big man to his feet and DESTROYS him with a t-bone suplex. Williams covers and appears to get three, but MGB had his foot on the bottom ropes. Williams tries to pull MGB up, but MGB hits a low blow that doubles Williams over in pain. MGB gets to his feet and bounces off the ropes and connects with a Clothesline From Hell! MGB covers and puts his feet on the ropes and just barely gets a tainted three count.
WINNER in 21:01 - MGB
JF- That low down dirty cheater!
DE- LD Williams?
JF- No, weren't you watching?
DE- I fell asleep.
JF- Well, let's go to the ring again. Moosehead Jack, who 10 days ago was shot in the leg, seems to have gotten some measure of revenge on FF Capslock, but now he has to get past current tag team expert Johnny Adrenaline, who is proving to be quite a singles superstar as well. Perhaps a bullet wound is just what Johnny needs to get past Jack. Let's see what happens.
Johnny Adrenaline vs. Moosehead Jack
Johnny Adrenaline comes down to the ring dressed in cowboy attire wielding a rifle. OMG CONTINUITY~! The ref makes him leave the weapon outside of the ring. Moosehead Jack limps down to the ring and starts the match. "You'll never take me down! I'm a champ-een steer rassler!" Johnny exclaims, but Moose really isn't amused. He starts attacking the delusional Adrenaline with punches and knees. Johnny rolls him over and tries to ride him. He slaps Jack's leg, trying to get him to gallop but inadvertantly hits Jack's bullet-wound. Jack is pissed. He does a suplex, a snap suplex and a brainbuster in succession. He stands triumphantly, ready to finish this already when a loud CRACK rings out through the parking lot. Moose falls down cluthing his other leg. Capslock has Johnny's rifle! He shot Jack AGAIN! Moosehead Jack wins!
Winner in 2:56- Moosehead Jack
JF- How many goddammed matches are gonna end in disqualification today?
DE- MANY!
JF- Its getting ridiculous. What is this, WCW?
DE- No, its PHWF!
JF- I know, I was just saying...nevermind. Attitude Adjuster vs. Chris Cole, RIGHT NOW!
Chris Cole vs. Attitude Adjuster
Cole grabs AA immediately and knees him in the face. AA falls back, hits the rope and comes back with a forearm. AA hits the back rope again and drives Cole down with a HARD lariet. Cole looks surprised as hell. He gets up and AA is waiting on the toperope!? He comes off with a flying knee to the face! Who knew he could even do that? Cole is down. AA attempts a pin. 1. 2. Kickout. Cole gets up and AA grabs him for the Attitude Adjustment! But Cole back body drops him as a counter. Cole shakes off the grogginess and thows AA into the ropes and catches AA with a big spinebuster. He pulls AA up and does a gutwrench suplex. He tries to pin AA, but only gets two. Cole waits for AA to get up and clothelines him back down. He goes to the corner and does a elbow off the second rope. Cole wants to end this as quickly as possible. He pulls AA up and tries to lift him for the Headliner, but he's just too heavy! Cole has to drop him. AA hits the Attitude Adjustment! He tries to pin Cole, but he kicks out at the last minute! He almost had him! He slaps on THE CLAW! This could be it! Cole is struggling! He's pulling himself towards the ropes, AA clamps down harder! Cole is writhing in pain! He reaches as hard as he can, and he gets to rope! AA looks frustrated. He drags Cole back to put on another Claw, but Cole does a low blow! The ref didn't see it! Cole tries another Headliner and he gets it this time! Pin. 1! 2! 3!
Winner in 7:00- Chris Cole
JF- I almost thought Attitude Adjuster was gonna win that one!
DE- But he didn't!
JF- No he sure didn't. Its time for our main event. The big, yet surprisingly agile Spin Hansen will face master technician Chris Alt. Neither of these men has won a world title so they both have a drive in this tournament! But only one can advance. Let's check it out!
Chris Alt vs. Spin Hansen
Spin and Chris Alt both go through their entrances and make their way to the ring. The referee calls them both to the center of the ring and goes over the rules and such, then Alt and Spin shake hands and wait for the bell. The ref calls for the bell and this one is underway. Alt darts out of the corner and immediately takes the larger Spin to the mat with a double leg take down, then grabs an arm and tries a fujiwara arm bar trying for the quick submission win. Spin blocks the armbar and works his way to his feet and backs Alt into the corner, the ref wants a clean break and gets it. The two men slowly circle back in the middle of the ring, Alt shoots in again and tries for another double leg take down, but this time Spin is ready for it, he catches Alt and lifts him up on his shoulders for a powerbomb, but Alt slithers out of the move and lands behind Spin and hits the ropes and tries a cross body block, but Spin catches him and hefts him up and into a falling chokeslam. Spin covers, but Alt is able to kick out at one. Spin pulls Alt to his feet and sends him into the corner and follows him with a big clothesline. Spin lets Alt stagger out a few steps, and then blasts him with an enzuguri. Alt falls face frist to the mat, Spin hits the ropes and drops a leg across the back of Alt’s head and rolls him over but still only gets a one count. Hansen pulls Alt up and sets him on the top rope and climbs to the second rope setting him up for a superplex. Alt blocks the move and hammers away on Spin’s head, but the big man will not fall, So Alt grabs Spin’s head and he leaps off the top rope to the floor, guillotining Spin’s throat on the top rope on the way down. Spin falls to one knee in the middle of the ring trying to get his breath back, Alt leaps to the apron and waits for Spin to get back to his feet, as soon as he does, Alt spring boards into the ring and catches Spin with a clothesline. Alt covers, but Spin is out at one. Alt pulls Spin to his feet and hits an enzuguri that staggers the big man, Alt tries to go for a piledriver, but Spin reverses it into an Alabama Slam! Alt’s head bounces off the mat and his eyes roll into his head. Spin pounces and goes for the cover, but somehow Alt kicks out at two. Spin keeps Alt grounded and works on the lower back trying for the submission win. Spin locks Alt in the bow and arrow driving his knees into the small of Alt’s back trying for the submission win, but Alt refuses to give up. Spin finals breaks the hold and pulls Alt to his knees and bends his head back and locks on a sleeper hold, then falls back into a full body scissors! Alt is in trouble now! There is no way he can make it to the ropes and Spin is squeezing him like a python. Alt is fading fast. The referee checks his arm, it drops once, twice, thr….NO! Alt fights to his feet, expending a tremendous amount of energy no doubt, he finally breaks free with several elbows to the midsection, then hits the ropes and….gets caught in a thunderous spinebuster by Spin. This is it. Spin covers and hooks the leg, one, two, ALT KICKS OUT! Spin remains in control. Hansen pulls Alt to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a power slam, another cover gets a two count. Spin once again pulls him up and picks Alt up and they head to the ropes. Spin climbs to the second rope and sits on the top rope and pulls Alt up on the ropes with him. Spin goozles Alt and lifts him for a chokeslam! As they are falling though, Alt shifts his weight and slips behind Spin, landing on his back as they hit the mat! Alt quickly hooks Spin’s arms and locks on a full nelson/camel clutch combo and sits back hard on Spin! Hansen has no escape, he fights through the pain for several minutes, but finally he can’t take anymore, risking permanent injury, Hansen instead decides to tap out.
WINNER in 18:41 – Chris Alt
JF- Oh my God! What a match! I don't think Spin has EVER tapped out!
DE- Yeah he has, he did right there.
JF- I mean before this.
DE- He hasn't been here all day.
JF- FUCK YOU! JUST FUCK YOU! I'M LEAVING! THIS SHOW IS OVER!
