For the first ever Pun Board Post Hall of Fame....
Jan 5, 2007 14:12:42 GMT -5
Post by Pun on Jan 5, 2007 14:12:42 GMT -5
Loki's New Year's Resolution Post!
Serg – You have 680 posts here. 680. You’re the top poster. And you don’t even have the excuse of running the showdown. You’re a message board version of an Everquest geek. Repeat after me: In 2007 I firmly resolve to break myself of my online addiction and get a job at a place like McDonalds where I won’t be tempted by the intrawebs.
Solly – 1) Convert already, will you? It’s a catholic world. Get with the times! Otherwise you’ll burn in hell because you’re an infidel. When you’re being tortured by demons for all eternity by being made to watch Division III College pottery making don’t ask for a break to come crying to me. I’ll be sipping ice cold spring water and laughing at you.
2) Resolve to boink the wife a bit more. Less computer time = More sex. Really! Give it a shot!
Optard – Hmmm. This is a tough one. Where to begin?
Ah – I got it. For 2007, resolve to kill yourself for the greater good of humanity. And then Cory can turn your death into a comic book and start the Face AIDS fund before he dies of it.
Psychofish – In 2007 you should resolve to stop wearing your Thor underoos. You’re an adult. At this point it’s a bit creepy, especially when you ask the local preschool kids if they want to compare underwear with you. Sooner or later that kind of thing will get you arrested.
Gator – Find Cort and bang her already. She’s just playing hard to get. The college chicks love scoring with the older men, usually cause the older guys know a trick or two and are more than 30 second wonders.
Sal – 1) Vow to never ever ever ever pose in a Robin costume again. You looked a little…uhm, what’s the word I’m looking for… a little… hmmm… gay. Yeah, that’s it. Gay. Fruit Loop. Bent Arrow. Fudge packer. “Silly faggot, dicks are for chicks” homo.
2) Like Solly, you also need to convert. But in your case, you need to become an American, damn it! You’ve lived in this country long enough. You’re in California, world renowned for plastic surgery. For a couple thousand dollars you can go from shoe making Charlie to Joe Average Guy, aka: Honky McWhiteyson. It will cost you some start up money, but the benefits, like no longer being served dog when you go into a restaurant, will be worth it.
Pun – Continue to be an upstanding citizen and idol of millions!
(What was that, Tex? This is his board. He’s, like, a minor deity. You really think I’m going to crack back on him?
….
What?
….
I am not a pussy!
….
Allright, fine!)
Pun (Take 2) – We know you’re a proud papa and enjoy showing of pictures of your little girl. So far you have managed to resist the temptation of showing us pictures (or heaven forbid, video) of “My daughter’s first bowel movement” or other such notables. We applaud the restraint, and your daughter will extremely appreciate it as she gets older.
(Happy, Tex?)
Cort – Vow to get some of your college chick friends to start posting here. The exchanges between you Gator and Solly were pretty funny, but limited because you’re the only chick. If you got some of your friends on here (especially the freaky ones) this place could become THE message board on the net*. Pun’s dream (even though he won’t cop to it) is to make this place bigger than the OO boards. I’m thinking college chicks talking about sex and posting pictures would do the trick. Do it for Pun!
*among wrestling geeks and losers
Krydor – Abandon all hopes of coming to America. We have enough weird neocons who think Bush is a miracle from on high around here. If you mustcontaminate bless a land with your presence, please go to Nunavet. Or, better yet, the Middle East. I am positive that countries such as Iraq, Iran, Syria and Saudi Arabia are starving for proponents of the Bush doctrine, and you could be a big help to the Republican Revolution in those places.
Moose – Spend some more time with your wife. Please. She is in danger of becoming a web widow. What would you rather have – a real live woman to cuddle with and hold you when you cry after a Philadelphia team has been beaten again - and maybe even give you pity sex! - or the cold cold reality of Solly IMing you with a “Ha Ha! Sucker!” and sending you a link to meatspin.com?
Ryan – DARE to stay off drugs. And stay in school!
OBJ – This year you should vow to accept that the Patriots Super Bowl run is done. It was good while it lasted, but all good things come to an end.
Plus, you need to accept that – in the eyes of everyone who does not live in Boston or New York – there is little difference between the Red Sox and Yankees. You’re both insufferable big spending teams. The Yankees are the Evil Empire. You’re the Evil Empire, Darth Vader Junior edition.
FF – In this new year you should vow to keep on truckin’ baby! And to hook up with one of those sleazy diner chicks so we can read the following letter from you in one of the nation’s top periodicals: Dear Hustler, I can’t believe it happened to me! I was driving my truck and…
Let’s see – is there anyone I forgot?
Oh yeah!
Texas – Repeat after me.
“George Bush is not a real conservative”
“The national Republican party is composed of fake conservatives”
“The national GOP leaders are liars, frauds, and cheats”
“Democrats are now more fiscally responsible that Republicans”
“Dick Cheney is a dick”
“If Ann Coulter were a Democrat, I’d think of her as nothing more than a skanky horse faced whore”
and finally:
“Nancy Pelosi just might be a good House Speaker! I need to give her a chance!”
loki said:
New Year's Resolutions for my fellow board members:Serg – You have 680 posts here. 680. You’re the top poster. And you don’t even have the excuse of running the showdown. You’re a message board version of an Everquest geek. Repeat after me: In 2007 I firmly resolve to break myself of my online addiction and get a job at a place like McDonalds where I won’t be tempted by the intrawebs.
Solly – 1) Convert already, will you? It’s a catholic world. Get with the times! Otherwise you’ll burn in hell because you’re an infidel. When you’re being tortured by demons for all eternity by being made to watch Division III College pottery making don’t ask for a break to come crying to me. I’ll be sipping ice cold spring water and laughing at you.
2) Resolve to boink the wife a bit more. Less computer time = More sex. Really! Give it a shot!
Optard – Hmmm. This is a tough one. Where to begin?
Ah – I got it. For 2007, resolve to kill yourself for the greater good of humanity. And then Cory can turn your death into a comic book and start the Face AIDS fund before he dies of it.
Psychofish – In 2007 you should resolve to stop wearing your Thor underoos. You’re an adult. At this point it’s a bit creepy, especially when you ask the local preschool kids if they want to compare underwear with you. Sooner or later that kind of thing will get you arrested.
Gator – Find Cort and bang her already. She’s just playing hard to get. The college chicks love scoring with the older men, usually cause the older guys know a trick or two and are more than 30 second wonders.
Sal – 1) Vow to never ever ever ever pose in a Robin costume again. You looked a little…uhm, what’s the word I’m looking for… a little… hmmm… gay. Yeah, that’s it. Gay. Fruit Loop. Bent Arrow. Fudge packer. “Silly faggot, dicks are for chicks” homo.
2) Like Solly, you also need to convert. But in your case, you need to become an American, damn it! You’ve lived in this country long enough. You’re in California, world renowned for plastic surgery. For a couple thousand dollars you can go from shoe making Charlie to Joe Average Guy, aka: Honky McWhiteyson. It will cost you some start up money, but the benefits, like no longer being served dog when you go into a restaurant, will be worth it.
Pun – Continue to be an upstanding citizen and idol of millions!
(What was that, Tex? This is his board. He’s, like, a minor deity. You really think I’m going to crack back on him?
….
What?
….
I am not a pussy!
….
Allright, fine!)
Pun (Take 2) – We know you’re a proud papa and enjoy showing of pictures of your little girl. So far you have managed to resist the temptation of showing us pictures (or heaven forbid, video) of “My daughter’s first bowel movement” or other such notables. We applaud the restraint, and your daughter will extremely appreciate it as she gets older.
(Happy, Tex?)
Cort – Vow to get some of your college chick friends to start posting here. The exchanges between you Gator and Solly were pretty funny, but limited because you’re the only chick. If you got some of your friends on here (especially the freaky ones) this place could become THE message board on the net*. Pun’s dream (even though he won’t cop to it) is to make this place bigger than the OO boards. I’m thinking college chicks talking about sex and posting pictures would do the trick. Do it for Pun!
*among wrestling geeks and losers
Krydor – Abandon all hopes of coming to America. We have enough weird neocons who think Bush is a miracle from on high around here. If you must
Moose – Spend some more time with your wife. Please. She is in danger of becoming a web widow. What would you rather have – a real live woman to cuddle with and hold you when you cry after a Philadelphia team has been beaten again - and maybe even give you pity sex! - or the cold cold reality of Solly IMing you with a “Ha Ha! Sucker!” and sending you a link to meatspin.com?
Ryan – DARE to stay off drugs. And stay in school!
OBJ – This year you should vow to accept that the Patriots Super Bowl run is done. It was good while it lasted, but all good things come to an end.
Plus, you need to accept that – in the eyes of everyone who does not live in Boston or New York – there is little difference between the Red Sox and Yankees. You’re both insufferable big spending teams. The Yankees are the Evil Empire. You’re the Evil Empire, Darth Vader Junior edition.
FF – In this new year you should vow to keep on truckin’ baby! And to hook up with one of those sleazy diner chicks so we can read the following letter from you in one of the nation’s top periodicals: Dear Hustler, I can’t believe it happened to me! I was driving my truck and…
Let’s see – is there anyone I forgot?
Oh yeah!
Texas – Repeat after me.
“George Bush is not a real conservative”
“The national Republican party is composed of fake conservatives”
“The national GOP leaders are liars, frauds, and cheats”
“Democrats are now more fiscally responsible that Republicans”
“Dick Cheney is a dick”
“If Ann Coulter were a Democrat, I’d think of her as nothing more than a skanky horse faced whore”
and finally:
“Nancy Pelosi just might be a good House Speaker! I need to give her a chance!”
[My5:]