TNA Impact! Recap for week of 4/3/2008
Apr 3, 2008 22:02:22 GMT -5
Post by Byrntrigan on Apr 3, 2008 22:02:22 GMT -5
We are greeted by a cold open on last week's shenanigans.
We're live to tape bitches! in sunny, muggy, Orlando FL, where TNA tapes right next to Spider-Man's Wild Ride. Just look for Shark Boy handing out leaflets about Jews for Jesus or whatnot. Onto Schiavone 2008 and Knife Salesman Extraordinaire!
JB is shown eavesdropping on Jim Cornett’s office, dressed in some ridiculous jacket. He's a damn peeping tom I tells ya. Cornett comes out and announces due to Matt Morgan overstepping his "bounds" he has to allow a fifth man on Team Tomko, none other than Cowboy James Storm. American Gladiator Zap comes out of Cornett’s office (I guess he was done reading the back of the Prell bottle in there or something) and apparently decided to turn heel after last week’s show and tonight’s show (does this count by the Fed?) and explains himself, how he’s in charge when Jimmy is out…
Show Opening
Team Tomko is in the ring and Tomko talks about how Christian never let him think. Now, ALL of Team Tomko thinks. OOOkay. Good for them I suppose. Spidey-sense tells me their “thinking” will come back to haunt them. They send shout outs to Matt Morgan, Cowboy James Storm and I believe he also talks up Krispy Kremes as well.
This brings out Team Cage and calls Storm semi-retarded (HA!). American Gladiator Zap comes out and really is a heel, and we know this to be due to him high-fiving 3D. Calls Brother Ray Bubba, D’oh! Hello TNA lawyers, Vince McMahon on line 2 . Zap apparently doesn’t care if Christian Cage gets / can get a 5th member for Team Cage… This makes Cage pull a “Sting” and says he’s cool with a handicap match at Lockdown, he doesn’t care. He could possibly be semi-retarded himself, but we’ll wait to call the Looney Bin on him as of yet. He has an “Ace up his sleeve”. Ohh My God! Is Johnny Ace debuting at Lockdown? Count on IT!
Interview segment with Kurt Angle where he talks about Karen (“There is No Karen!”), AJ and Samoa Joe. EY says he has a “feeling” that Super Eric is around, possibly in the building. I wonder how he knows Super Eric? Basket weaving classes at the Y, or College perhaps?
Commercial Break #1:
• Iron Man movie spot: This movie looks badass and Robert Downey Jr. looks to have nailed the role perfectly. I wonder if Iron man is a skrull?
• Final Fantasy Crisis Core for the PSP
• Coors Light: They know have perfected a way to pour their shit beer down your throat even faster!
• Burger King: Damn, in the future the King is an ugly bastard.
• BF Goodrich: Shit, they make something other than condoms now?
• Liberty Mutual: I can’t possible say anything more than this YouTube -
• Promo for Lockdown, wait, wtf? Is all of TNA’s roster Vulcan? Why are they all bleeding green? I’m confused now.
A car is shown to be screaming down coming up conveniently next to JB with a guy looking to be hanging onto the hood. Shit, that was Little Petey Pump, and that actually looked dangerous. He could have been injured or something.
Monsters of Rock (cute) talk. Black Reign talks about something. I’m too busy looking at shit in my belly button hole. By the way, I have an innie, just so you know. Rellik (killer spelled backwards) talks. I feel the need to shove the pen I’m using to take notes into my urethra, ahh, sweet lady pain, make Johnny the Bull please shut the Hell up. For the love of Jeebus someone needs to teach Rellik (killer spelled backwards) how to talk, I nominate The Great Muta. The other choads talk, but Rave hits a nice line about that they love Transylvania. I’m know officially creeped out Word 2007 knows how to spell Transylvania, cause I sure as hell don’t. I wonder if Christy knows what it means when you wiggle your tongue through the ‘horns. Or maybe she’s sending us signals about the snapper. You decide sports fans.
Schivonne 2008 now feels the need to explain in painstaking excruciating detail about why this pseudo team is called what they are called. Jesus man, some of us live above the Mason Dixon line. Zing~! They also feel the need to show EY in the crowd watching the next match as well. I wonder why he’s there and why they draw attention to it?
Match #1 (finally) Monsters of Rock vs. Motor City Machine Guns / LAX
Match time: 4:37
Apparently MCMG are happy again as they are both doing the gay handsign. I guess perhaps they are out of the dog house, which is good. They are one of the reasons TNA is the shit right now (lest we forget they are teamed up with one of the other BIG reasons.
Move o’ the match: MCMG has Rave in a double surfboard lock while Homicide (Blat blat lat!) does a back senton on him.
Commercial Break #2:
• 88 Minutes movie spot
• Rainbow Six Vegas 2
• Dunkin Donuts: That pixie Rachael Ray was in that one, she’s a cutie.
• Energizer batteries: This commercial just keeps going and going and going…
• Geico Insurance: This commercial had so many gay overtones (not that there’s anything wrong with that) I didn’t notice that they said PWC like 5 times in 20 seconds while the guy is waxing his personal water craft. What the hell is a PWC?
• Lions for Lambs DVD
• DirecTV
The announcers keep calling Hernandez “Mexican Superman”. Is Hernandez changing his gimmick to be the lower priced Mexican equivalent Cena?
Finish: Border Toss on Jimmy Rave
The Monsters start after match hi-jinks on the faces which brings Kaz down to the ring. Once he starts getting beat down Super Eric’s music starts and he bolts down to the ring to clear the ring of all evil doers. I wonder where EY is? Why does he always miss all the action when Super Eric is around?
JB interviews Sting. Sting announces he’s glad to be back, his fire burns (wait, is he straight edge for Jesus now?) and states that he’ll make James Storm a star.
Commercial Break #3:
• The Ruins movie spot
• Final Fantasy Crisis Core for the PSP
• www.autotraders.com – Damn, Christian Slater must be hard up for those mad ducketts as the kids say.
• Yamaha ATV
• Quiznos Prime Rib Ranchero: Now I’m hungry.
• Sam Adam’s beer – Now I’m thirsty.
• Sketchers
• TNA Crosses the Line. I don’t care, I love TNA but these stupid sayings they do every 3 months or more are so stupid. Stupid like me ranting about it in a recap stupid
Here comes this week’s Rough Cut with Brian and Monty. Monty talks about hurting Bullet Bob and then nonsensical gibberish about knocking out Brian over and over. The only way this can end that I’ll like is if Brian and Monty enter a murder / suicide pact for the next PPV. I’d like that very much so.
Road Dogg threatens that the Armstrong Curse will be let loose on Monty. Ugh. I can hardly wait for this abortion of a match.
Tenay interviews Durka Burka and Awesome Kong. Wow Professor, those were hard hitting questions, someone alert the Pulitzer committee!
Commercial Break #4:
• Prom Night movie spot: Apparently having this movie made once as a shitty B horror movie wasn’t enough.
• Burger King
• Dark Sector video game
• Liberty Medical
• Consequences Creed promo video – hey – we’ve got sound this week, and he premiers next week as well.
Crystal (she’s pretty) interviews Storm with Jackie in the background. Uh oh, he’s admitted the wanks in the Impact zone used to call him Brokeback and says that even he thought the stuff with Cage and Rhino making up was gay. I wonder what the wankers will start calling him now? He says that he’ll slap the paint off Stings’ face and then he’ll be an icon, apparently through the Transitive Property of Mathematics.
Match #2 Tomko / Prince AJ vs. Cage / Rhino
Match time: 8:25
The ref this week was especially blind and stupid as his missed 2 tags to Rhino, so of course this makes Rhino do what any normal adult would do in this situation, gore gore GORE the crap out of the Ref.
Move o’ the match: AJ hitting a flying head scissors from lying on his back. I’d love to know how the hell he jumped from THAT position.
Commercial Break #5:
• Spike Star Wars Marathon this weekend
• Coors
• The Forbidden Kingdom trailer (http://natecorbitt.proboards81.com/v45index.cgi?board=entertainment&action=display&thread=653)
• Final Fantasy Crisis Core for the PSP
• Toyo Tires
• Dunkin Donuts
• Lions for Lambs DVD
• The US Marines – They don’t want an application, they want a commitment. What, they’re run by broads now?
Finish: NO Contest
3D comes out and put the boots to Cage / Rhino. Big Poochie comes out with a chair, and then proceeds to do nothing with it. Maybe you should sit down there big fella.
Commercial Break #6:
• Leatherheads movie spot
• Captain Morgan Spiced Rum: Ok, this commercial was amusing.
• Rainbow Six Vegas 2 video game
• Lock Tite Power Grip
• Visa Check card: Shit, We don’t see this commercial enough in the movies so know we have to not pay to see it?
• Cece’s Pizza & Pasta
• www.freecreditreport.com
• Yamaha ATV
• Random Spike promo
• Another Vulcan Lockdown promo
Cornett & Zap talk and Zap says he got Jimmy into this mess and he’ll get him out. He’ll be a special referee for the Main Event and will not allow any shenanigans of ANY kind. Cornett goes off to find a ref shirt, after he leaves, Zap shows us he already has planned for this eventuality and already has a zebra shirt. See, he’s sneaky now because he’s a heel! See?
Another scene of So Cal Val and Black Machismo dating. They are in a hotel Jacuzzi because Jay doesn’t have a Jacuzzi, and the hotel one is free since they haven’t check in either. HA! They go for a kiss but the Guru breaks up the PDA by snorkeling betwixt these crazy kids. He compliments Val and her bikini but we don’t see anything. This segment is worthless without pictures!
Match #3 Prime Time Elix Skipper vs. Stone Cold Shark Boy
Match time: 4:59
We all know who will win this match and it ain’t Elix. I just hope they have a confrontation with Curry Man after this match is over. It’ll surely test the bonds of their Tag Team no doubt!
Move o’ the match: Coast to Coast Guillotine Leg Drop on SCSB. Super Impressive.
Finish: Stone Cold Stunner to Elix
Crystal (she’s pretty) interviews Traci Brooks and while Traci is talking The Mean Girls show up. Oooh, they’re addressing rumors on the Interweb that barely anyone has heard of. I smell a swoork. It’s Russorific!
Commercial Break #7:
• 21 movie spot
• Final Fantasy Crisis Core for the PSP
• Burger King
• DirecTV
• Geico (non homoerotic commercial)
• Icy Hot
• Gold Bond Medicated Ultimate Restoring Crème
• Dunkin Donuts
Crystal (she’s pretty) talks to SCSB but thankfully he gets interrupted by Curry Man who talking in Japanese wrestlers. Do we have any speakers fluent in Japanese? I wonder what he said? Plus, he sounds familiar.
Match #4 Payton Banks vs. Traci Brooks
Match time: 2:08
Move o’ the match: Uhhh, none? Me taking a piss?
Finish: Traci slaps a devastating Middle rope hair slam on Ms. Banks.
This match is the pretzels!
Post match, The Mean Girls attack Traci, then Salinas comes out to make the save. But then Ms. Tennessee comes in, then Roxxi, then Christy Hemme, then Sharmell. Sharmell amusingly whips every heel outta the ring. Booker comes down and glares at his wife as to why she’s getting involved at all. He doesn’t want any harm to befall his Paisley!
Commercial Break #8:
• Old Spice
• Lions for Lambs DVD
• Black Magic car cleaner
• Schick Razor
• www.autotrader.com
• Coors Light
• Dairy Queen
• The Ruins movie spot
• Spike Star Wars Marathon
Crystal (she’s pretty) is backstage with Booker and Sharmell. Book wants her to be safe and not get involved in stuff like that, Sharmell stops him and says he married a wildcat and he should be welcomed to the jungle. I wonder if Chris Harris is as shocked by this turn of events realizing on TV that he’s married to Booker T as I am.
Samoa Joe Traing Montage. This montage needed a peppy song to go with it. Line of the night: “That gold medal don’t mean SHIT!”
Kurt Angle comes out and talks about retiring Samoa Joe or run him to the WWE – damn you Triple Angle – holding down homegrown talent like Joe! He wants a contract signing next week with Joe to make his retirement stip official – uh oh, Wrestling Rule #5427.95b is about to get used. natecorbitt.proboards81.com/v45index.cgi?board=current&action=display&thread=748&page=2
Angle gets interrupted by Big Poppa Pump to announce that he’ll wrestle for the Championship belt after Lockdown. Scratch that, as neither of them could “beat me on your best day” – he’s magnanimous and gives the Champ till Sacrifice. Which he says after the Training he’s seen Joe and Triple Angle do, won’t be Angle. Angle then extends his hand in friendship and BPP must have read Wrestling Rule #141. Good for him.
Gladiator Zap pitches a boffo idea for a Reverse Cage match for Lockdown with all of the Women’s division called wait for it, wait, The Queens of the Cage Match. Jesus, didn’t Canadian Bulldog pitch this idea first to Alex Shelly last year or so? Oh My God, is Matt Morgan Canadian Bulldog? Has anyone seen both of them together at the SAME time? Zap leaves after Cornett says creative ideas are his forte and to let him do his job. He then pitches the EXACT same idea to JB, and JB acts like he has never heard it.
Commercial Break #9:
• Leatherheads movie spot
• eSurrance
• AT&T Celluar
• Rainbow Six Vegas 2
• Dunkin Donuts
• Diet Mountain Dew
• Toyo Tires
Match #5 Main Event: Cowboy James Storm vs. Sting with American Gladiator Zap as Special Guest Ref
I can’t believe I just heard this. The Knife Salesman says after Stings spits water in Storms’ eyes “ My God! It’s blurred his vision!” I’m not sure where to start, and it’s late so I’ll let that one pass
Match time: 5:15
Move o’ the match: Nothing special in this department as this match was really for a storyline advancement. More on this in a couple of minutes.
Finish: Morgan stops Ms. Jackie from interfering, and then grabs Sting’s bat when Storm tries to use it. While he has Stinger’s bat in his hand and Storm is distracted, he tosses the bat to Sting so he can whallop Storm with it. All this while Morgan is distracted by something happening outside the ring ;D
Commercial Break #10:
• 21 movie spot
• Final Fantasy Crisis Core for the PSP
• Axe shower gel
• Coors Light
• Optimum Online: Sorry ‘bout your damn lawn!
• Bob’s Furniture
• Ultimate Fighter on Spike
Team Tomko doesn’t seem happy about Morgan turning face. Bubba gets in his face and pushes him. Morgan kicks Devon in the head then does this weird vertical Black Hole Slam type maneuver that looked super cool while Team cage runs down to finish the rest of Team Tomko.
When the heels are run off Morgan ripps off his ref’s shirt to show his Team Cage t-Shirt. Morgan has swerved everyone. And by everyone, I of course mean Team Tomko. Even the retard towel spinning guy saw this one from a mile away.
All in all an enjoyable Impact! Even if match time for all wrestling only ran 25:40 or so. Rather light in wrestling but had fun enjoyable moments. Hopefully Lockdown this weekend will gives us our fix of TNA wrestling.
And by god, I don’t have my TiVo for one showing and there’s 10 commercial breaks? My god almighty. See you for the Lockdown Preview. Till next time, we’ll keep the lights on for you.
We're live to tape bitches! in sunny, muggy, Orlando FL, where TNA tapes right next to Spider-Man's Wild Ride. Just look for Shark Boy handing out leaflets about Jews for Jesus or whatnot. Onto Schiavone 2008 and Knife Salesman Extraordinaire!
JB is shown eavesdropping on Jim Cornett’s office, dressed in some ridiculous jacket. He's a damn peeping tom I tells ya. Cornett comes out and announces due to Matt Morgan overstepping his "bounds" he has to allow a fifth man on Team Tomko, none other than Cowboy James Storm. American Gladiator Zap comes out of Cornett’s office (I guess he was done reading the back of the Prell bottle in there or something) and apparently decided to turn heel after last week’s show and tonight’s show (does this count by the Fed?) and explains himself, how he’s in charge when Jimmy is out…
Show Opening
Team Tomko is in the ring and Tomko talks about how Christian never let him think. Now, ALL of Team Tomko thinks. OOOkay. Good for them I suppose. Spidey-sense tells me their “thinking” will come back to haunt them. They send shout outs to Matt Morgan, Cowboy James Storm and I believe he also talks up Krispy Kremes as well.
This brings out Team Cage and calls Storm semi-retarded (HA!). American Gladiator Zap comes out and really is a heel, and we know this to be due to him high-fiving 3D. Calls Brother Ray Bubba, D’oh! Hello TNA lawyers, Vince McMahon on line 2 . Zap apparently doesn’t care if Christian Cage gets / can get a 5th member for Team Cage… This makes Cage pull a “Sting” and says he’s cool with a handicap match at Lockdown, he doesn’t care. He could possibly be semi-retarded himself, but we’ll wait to call the Looney Bin on him as of yet. He has an “Ace up his sleeve”. Ohh My God! Is Johnny Ace debuting at Lockdown? Count on IT!
Interview segment with Kurt Angle where he talks about Karen (“There is No Karen!”), AJ and Samoa Joe. EY says he has a “feeling” that Super Eric is around, possibly in the building. I wonder how he knows Super Eric? Basket weaving classes at the Y, or College perhaps?
Commercial Break #1:
• Iron Man movie spot: This movie looks badass and Robert Downey Jr. looks to have nailed the role perfectly. I wonder if Iron man is a skrull?
• Final Fantasy Crisis Core for the PSP
• Coors Light: They know have perfected a way to pour their shit beer down your throat even faster!
• Burger King: Damn, in the future the King is an ugly bastard.
• BF Goodrich: Shit, they make something other than condoms now?
• Liberty Mutual: I can’t possible say anything more than this YouTube -
• Promo for Lockdown, wait, wtf? Is all of TNA’s roster Vulcan? Why are they all bleeding green? I’m confused now.
A car is shown to be screaming down coming up conveniently next to JB with a guy looking to be hanging onto the hood. Shit, that was Little Petey Pump, and that actually looked dangerous. He could have been injured or something.
Monsters of Rock (cute) talk. Black Reign talks about something. I’m too busy looking at shit in my belly button hole. By the way, I have an innie, just so you know. Rellik (killer spelled backwards) talks. I feel the need to shove the pen I’m using to take notes into my urethra, ahh, sweet lady pain, make Johnny the Bull please shut the Hell up. For the love of Jeebus someone needs to teach Rellik (killer spelled backwards) how to talk, I nominate The Great Muta. The other choads talk, but Rave hits a nice line about that they love Transylvania. I’m know officially creeped out Word 2007 knows how to spell Transylvania, cause I sure as hell don’t. I wonder if Christy knows what it means when you wiggle your tongue through the ‘horns. Or maybe she’s sending us signals about the snapper. You decide sports fans.
Schivonne 2008 now feels the need to explain in painstaking excruciating detail about why this pseudo team is called what they are called. Jesus man, some of us live above the Mason Dixon line. Zing~! They also feel the need to show EY in the crowd watching the next match as well. I wonder why he’s there and why they draw attention to it?
Match #1 (finally) Monsters of Rock vs. Motor City Machine Guns / LAX
Match time: 4:37
Apparently MCMG are happy again as they are both doing the gay handsign. I guess perhaps they are out of the dog house, which is good. They are one of the reasons TNA is the shit right now (lest we forget they are teamed up with one of the other BIG reasons.
Move o’ the match: MCMG has Rave in a double surfboard lock while Homicide (Blat blat lat!) does a back senton on him.
Commercial Break #2:
• 88 Minutes movie spot
• Rainbow Six Vegas 2
• Dunkin Donuts: That pixie Rachael Ray was in that one, she’s a cutie.
• Energizer batteries: This commercial just keeps going and going and going…
• Geico Insurance: This commercial had so many gay overtones (not that there’s anything wrong with that) I didn’t notice that they said PWC like 5 times in 20 seconds while the guy is waxing his personal water craft. What the hell is a PWC?
• Lions for Lambs DVD
• DirecTV
The announcers keep calling Hernandez “Mexican Superman”. Is Hernandez changing his gimmick to be the lower priced Mexican equivalent Cena?
Finish: Border Toss on Jimmy Rave
The Monsters start after match hi-jinks on the faces which brings Kaz down to the ring. Once he starts getting beat down Super Eric’s music starts and he bolts down to the ring to clear the ring of all evil doers. I wonder where EY is? Why does he always miss all the action when Super Eric is around?
JB interviews Sting. Sting announces he’s glad to be back, his fire burns (wait, is he straight edge for Jesus now?) and states that he’ll make James Storm a star.
Commercial Break #3:
• The Ruins movie spot
• Final Fantasy Crisis Core for the PSP
• www.autotraders.com – Damn, Christian Slater must be hard up for those mad ducketts as the kids say.
• Yamaha ATV
• Quiznos Prime Rib Ranchero: Now I’m hungry.
• Sam Adam’s beer – Now I’m thirsty.
• Sketchers
• TNA Crosses the Line. I don’t care, I love TNA but these stupid sayings they do every 3 months or more are so stupid. Stupid like me ranting about it in a recap stupid
Here comes this week’s Rough Cut with Brian and Monty. Monty talks about hurting Bullet Bob and then nonsensical gibberish about knocking out Brian over and over. The only way this can end that I’ll like is if Brian and Monty enter a murder / suicide pact for the next PPV. I’d like that very much so.
Road Dogg threatens that the Armstrong Curse will be let loose on Monty. Ugh. I can hardly wait for this abortion of a match.
Tenay interviews Durka Burka and Awesome Kong. Wow Professor, those were hard hitting questions, someone alert the Pulitzer committee!
Commercial Break #4:
• Prom Night movie spot: Apparently having this movie made once as a shitty B horror movie wasn’t enough.
• Burger King
• Dark Sector video game
• Liberty Medical
• Consequences Creed promo video – hey – we’ve got sound this week, and he premiers next week as well.
Crystal (she’s pretty) interviews Storm with Jackie in the background. Uh oh, he’s admitted the wanks in the Impact zone used to call him Brokeback and says that even he thought the stuff with Cage and Rhino making up was gay. I wonder what the wankers will start calling him now? He says that he’ll slap the paint off Stings’ face and then he’ll be an icon, apparently through the Transitive Property of Mathematics.
Match #2 Tomko / Prince AJ vs. Cage / Rhino
Match time: 8:25
The ref this week was especially blind and stupid as his missed 2 tags to Rhino, so of course this makes Rhino do what any normal adult would do in this situation, gore gore GORE the crap out of the Ref.
Move o’ the match: AJ hitting a flying head scissors from lying on his back. I’d love to know how the hell he jumped from THAT position.
Commercial Break #5:
• Spike Star Wars Marathon this weekend
• Coors
• The Forbidden Kingdom trailer (http://natecorbitt.proboards81.com/v45index.cgi?board=entertainment&action=display&thread=653)
• Final Fantasy Crisis Core for the PSP
• Toyo Tires
• Dunkin Donuts
• Lions for Lambs DVD
• The US Marines – They don’t want an application, they want a commitment. What, they’re run by broads now?
Finish: NO Contest
3D comes out and put the boots to Cage / Rhino. Big Poochie comes out with a chair, and then proceeds to do nothing with it. Maybe you should sit down there big fella.
Commercial Break #6:
• Leatherheads movie spot
• Captain Morgan Spiced Rum: Ok, this commercial was amusing.
• Rainbow Six Vegas 2 video game
• Lock Tite Power Grip
• Visa Check card: Shit, We don’t see this commercial enough in the movies so know we have to not pay to see it?
• Cece’s Pizza & Pasta
• www.freecreditreport.com
• Yamaha ATV
• Random Spike promo
• Another Vulcan Lockdown promo
Cornett & Zap talk and Zap says he got Jimmy into this mess and he’ll get him out. He’ll be a special referee for the Main Event and will not allow any shenanigans of ANY kind. Cornett goes off to find a ref shirt, after he leaves, Zap shows us he already has planned for this eventuality and already has a zebra shirt. See, he’s sneaky now because he’s a heel! See?
Another scene of So Cal Val and Black Machismo dating. They are in a hotel Jacuzzi because Jay doesn’t have a Jacuzzi, and the hotel one is free since they haven’t check in either. HA! They go for a kiss but the Guru breaks up the PDA by snorkeling betwixt these crazy kids. He compliments Val and her bikini but we don’t see anything. This segment is worthless without pictures!
Match #3 Prime Time Elix Skipper vs. Stone Cold Shark Boy
Match time: 4:59
We all know who will win this match and it ain’t Elix. I just hope they have a confrontation with Curry Man after this match is over. It’ll surely test the bonds of their Tag Team no doubt!
Move o’ the match: Coast to Coast Guillotine Leg Drop on SCSB. Super Impressive.
Finish: Stone Cold Stunner to Elix
Crystal (she’s pretty) interviews Traci Brooks and while Traci is talking The Mean Girls show up. Oooh, they’re addressing rumors on the Interweb that barely anyone has heard of. I smell a swoork. It’s Russorific!
Commercial Break #7:
• 21 movie spot
• Final Fantasy Crisis Core for the PSP
• Burger King
• DirecTV
• Geico (non homoerotic commercial)
• Icy Hot
• Gold Bond Medicated Ultimate Restoring Crème
• Dunkin Donuts
Crystal (she’s pretty) talks to SCSB but thankfully he gets interrupted by Curry Man who talking in Japanese wrestlers. Do we have any speakers fluent in Japanese? I wonder what he said? Plus, he sounds familiar.
Match #4 Payton Banks vs. Traci Brooks
Match time: 2:08
Move o’ the match: Uhhh, none? Me taking a piss?
Finish: Traci slaps a devastating Middle rope hair slam on Ms. Banks.
This match is the pretzels!
Post match, The Mean Girls attack Traci, then Salinas comes out to make the save. But then Ms. Tennessee comes in, then Roxxi, then Christy Hemme, then Sharmell. Sharmell amusingly whips every heel outta the ring. Booker comes down and glares at his wife as to why she’s getting involved at all. He doesn’t want any harm to befall his Paisley!
Commercial Break #8:
• Old Spice
• Lions for Lambs DVD
• Black Magic car cleaner
• Schick Razor
• www.autotrader.com
• Coors Light
• Dairy Queen
• The Ruins movie spot
• Spike Star Wars Marathon
Crystal (she’s pretty) is backstage with Booker and Sharmell. Book wants her to be safe and not get involved in stuff like that, Sharmell stops him and says he married a wildcat and he should be welcomed to the jungle. I wonder if Chris Harris is as shocked by this turn of events realizing on TV that he’s married to Booker T as I am.
Samoa Joe Traing Montage. This montage needed a peppy song to go with it. Line of the night: “That gold medal don’t mean SHIT!”
Kurt Angle comes out and talks about retiring Samoa Joe or run him to the WWE – damn you Triple Angle – holding down homegrown talent like Joe! He wants a contract signing next week with Joe to make his retirement stip official – uh oh, Wrestling Rule #5427.95b is about to get used. natecorbitt.proboards81.com/v45index.cgi?board=current&action=display&thread=748&page=2
Angle gets interrupted by Big Poppa Pump to announce that he’ll wrestle for the Championship belt after Lockdown. Scratch that, as neither of them could “beat me on your best day” – he’s magnanimous and gives the Champ till Sacrifice. Which he says after the Training he’s seen Joe and Triple Angle do, won’t be Angle. Angle then extends his hand in friendship and BPP must have read Wrestling Rule #141. Good for him.
Gladiator Zap pitches a boffo idea for a Reverse Cage match for Lockdown with all of the Women’s division called wait for it, wait, The Queens of the Cage Match. Jesus, didn’t Canadian Bulldog pitch this idea first to Alex Shelly last year or so? Oh My God, is Matt Morgan Canadian Bulldog? Has anyone seen both of them together at the SAME time? Zap leaves after Cornett says creative ideas are his forte and to let him do his job. He then pitches the EXACT same idea to JB, and JB acts like he has never heard it.
Commercial Break #9:
• Leatherheads movie spot
• eSurrance
• AT&T Celluar
• Rainbow Six Vegas 2
• Dunkin Donuts
• Diet Mountain Dew
• Toyo Tires
Match #5 Main Event: Cowboy James Storm vs. Sting with American Gladiator Zap as Special Guest Ref
I can’t believe I just heard this. The Knife Salesman says after Stings spits water in Storms’ eyes “ My God! It’s blurred his vision!” I’m not sure where to start, and it’s late so I’ll let that one pass
Match time: 5:15
Move o’ the match: Nothing special in this department as this match was really for a storyline advancement. More on this in a couple of minutes.
Finish: Morgan stops Ms. Jackie from interfering, and then grabs Sting’s bat when Storm tries to use it. While he has Stinger’s bat in his hand and Storm is distracted, he tosses the bat to Sting so he can whallop Storm with it. All this while Morgan is distracted by something happening outside the ring ;D
Commercial Break #10:
• 21 movie spot
• Final Fantasy Crisis Core for the PSP
• Axe shower gel
• Coors Light
• Optimum Online: Sorry ‘bout your damn lawn!
• Bob’s Furniture
• Ultimate Fighter on Spike
Team Tomko doesn’t seem happy about Morgan turning face. Bubba gets in his face and pushes him. Morgan kicks Devon in the head then does this weird vertical Black Hole Slam type maneuver that looked super cool while Team cage runs down to finish the rest of Team Tomko.
When the heels are run off Morgan ripps off his ref’s shirt to show his Team Cage t-Shirt. Morgan has swerved everyone. And by everyone, I of course mean Team Tomko. Even the retard towel spinning guy saw this one from a mile away.
All in all an enjoyable Impact! Even if match time for all wrestling only ran 25:40 or so. Rather light in wrestling but had fun enjoyable moments. Hopefully Lockdown this weekend will gives us our fix of TNA wrestling.
And by god, I don’t have my TiVo for one showing and there’s 10 commercial breaks? My god almighty. See you for the Lockdown Preview. Till next time, we’ll keep the lights on for you.
[My5:]
