04/07 RAW Preview/Recap/Discussion
Apr 7, 2008 18:15:32 GMT -5
Post by derfsucks on Apr 7, 2008 18:15:32 GMT -5
First off, Mike Knox is a tool.
... and we have recap!
SEGMENT ONE: We’re straight to the ring from the RAW theme, and Lillian passes the mic off to GM William Regal. Seems like it’s Backlash main announcement time. Here comes Orton. Regal talks up "the most deserving #1 contender in WWE history" – John Bradshaw Layfield. I’m all for JBL treating Orton like a two dollar steak and all, but is there any potential buyrate for this match? Oh, nevermind – three seconds into Regal’s gloating, HHH is out. Heh – Helmsley to Regal, “What the hell are you thinking?” Helmsley makes some points to his own favor - Who did you beat, Orton? What move did you hit John Cena with at Wrestlemania? Oh wait, that's right, you took a cheap shot to win. He adresses JBL next: for two years you were retired as a Smackdown announcer, and your biggest claim to fame since then has been slapping around a midget? Regal’s got a solution – Orton and JBL will team against HHH tonight. If HHH wins, they’ll go the Triple Threat route at Backlash. If he loses, no soup for him. Well, HHH in with JBL and Orton doesn’t make things any worse – but would it really make the match any better, either?
SEGMENT TWO: Umanga hits the ring. For a crazy savage, those sure are some swank tights with his image (in purple) on them. His opponent is Val Venis, so this won’t last long. Val tries stuff and fails miserably as Umanga says, 'Uh, no.' Venis eats post with the shoulder, and now it’s all for Samoa. Shoulder grip nerve hold by Umanga. REAL SAMOAN DROP. Running butt launch on Venis (called the Samoan Freight Train by JR, heh). Venis actually totally frontsells the Samoan Spike with terror, and as Umanga drops him with it, I can’t help but realize how much good ol’ Val resembles Bob Mould these days. 1,2,3. Ring the bell.
SEGMENT THREE: Here come the ladies. Melina and Jillian ‘Screechy’ Hall hit the ring and I can’t help but think Melina missed a profitable calling as a stripper with all of those pre-match gyrations. Ashley and Mickey James are the opponents. Melina goes all bad-ass on both girls, including draping Mickey across the second ropes in the corner and dropping a vicious set of knees after bouncing straight up off the ropes; unfortunately, she goes back up for a second similar move with Mickey on the mat, and instead gets two feet in the tweeter. I don't even have those parts, but I still felt that. It doesn’t take long after that for Mickey to hit the whirling DDT for three.
JR and The King talk about Flair’s living funeral last week to plug this week’s edition of The Highlight Reel.
SEGMENT FOUR: Yet another airing of the 'Ric Flair is Awesome' tribute video with the Fuel song in it.
SEGMENT FIVE: Rednex vs. Londrick. Hell yes. London goes from en fuego to Ricky Morton in about 35 seconds as Cade and Murdoch slug him and he bumps like a pinball with Parkinson's. Spanky finally gets in and he's all over the place. London accidentally draws the ref's attention, and Kendrick goes after the apron man and eats a pair of Dominators from Cade (they fudged it royally the first time). Tsk tsk for just re-upping the spot on live TV. Despite this, Murdoch still manages to get rolled up for the pin ten seconds later. Kendrick rules.
Here's a JBL/Orton locker room ‘discussion’ where JBL talks about being on the same page and Orton pretty much blows him off.
SEGMENT SIX: Orton/JBL vs. HHH. HHH off to a hot start against Orton, but Randy works him back into the JBL corner. Helmsley fights his way out, and Bradshaw tags in. Bradshaw locks up with HHH, backs him into the corner and talks loudly. HHH smirks and locks back up, taking a headlock into a shoulderblock and then on the mat with a second headlock. JBL’s up and pushes Helmsley into the corner, making the tag for Orton to get punch drunk on HHH’s head. The ref backs Orton away, and JBL comes in and pummels HHH again. Lather, rinse, repeat, and with JBL back on the apron, Orton hits a swank standing dropkick and lays down the Garvin Stomp, following with a knee to the throat and a cover for two. JBL in with a ‘flurry’ of methodical elbowdrops, only getting a two-count for his troubles. Crowd chants ‘Tri-ple-H’ as JBL takes Helmsley to the corner and tags Orton. HHH gains momentum with a round of fists, but is met off the ropes with a mighty powerslam for two. Bradshaw steps back in with some forearms to the back, but Helmsley punches and punches and punches some more. JBL latches on a desperation sleeperhold. Helmsley breaks the sleeper and throws MOAR PUNCHES. Bradshaw sneaks away and goes for the Clothesline from Hell, only to have Orton blind tag himself in. While the partners stare at each other, Orton goes for an RKO and HHH tosses him into Bradshaw. On the rebound, Helmsley spins Orton around, hits the Pedigree and that’s it. As Regal begins the Triple Threat announcement, Cena comes out, makes some ‘beating’ jokes about Orton and tries to plug himself into the Triple Threat. Regal tells Cena he’ll think Fatal Four Way if Cena can beat the team of JBL and HHH later tonight. Ugh.
SEGMENT SEVEN: Tag Champs vs. Santino and Carlito. Cody and Carlito start off with some mat wrestling. Carlito fights up from a headlock and works the arm. Cody tags off to Holly, Carlito to Santino. Holly goes for the whirling Alabama Slam, but Carlito sneaks in, kicks Holly and DDTs him. There’s a clusterfuck over who the legal man is, and once Santino's back in with Holly we head into some extended generic heel offense. Carlito cinches in a chinlock for a while, throws some kicks and a legdrop and still only gets two. Cody gets a hot tag, generic Cody hot tag offense happens and Santino ends up laying him out and actually HITTING that goofy ass headbutt from the top rope to pick up the duke. I mark HUGE for Santino getting a pinfall.
SEGMENT EIGHT: Cryme Tyme's here with some Wrestlemania swag. Shad scraped some off for ya, a Shaker of Soul straight from 'Soul Man' Rocky Johnson ("Great for you white boys at weddings," heh). An autographed copy of Maria's Playboy gets pulled from auction and popped in Shad’s back pocket after the boys take a look through it. JTG’s white 'Kim Kardashian thong' from the Hall of Fame night turns out to be Mae Young’s, and JTG gets a dissapointed look on his face and wipes his hands off on his leather. Money, money, yeah, yeah.
A recap of the Big Show/Great Khali events of last week effectively makes Khali look like a wuss, and that takes us to JBL approaching HHH in the locker room with the same speech he gave Orton earlier. HHH turns a deaf ear as well (with headphones in). JBL storms off muttering about why no one listens to him – HHH: “It’s because you’re kind of an ass.”
SEGMENT NINE: Maria is a zebra tonight. She faces the Glamazon. JR calls Beth Phoenix the “portrait of power,” which disturbs me for some reason. Maria on the offense quick and goes for a headstand ‘rana, while the Glamazon calmly stands her upside down and knees her in the lower back. Ouch, and hell yes. Standing upright walls of Jericho from Phoenix, who then just drops straight back and brings Maria snapping down over her knees. Ouch, and hell yes again. Maria gets back on offense and unwisely goes for that handstand rana again (instead putting a calf against the Glamazon’s forehead this time). Maria to the corner for a cross body block from the top, but Phoenix rolls through, pulls Maria up and pops her into a fireman’s carry. The bunny slides out and winds up hitting a reverse DDT for two … and then the Glamazon says 'STOP' and KILLS Maria with a Fisherman Buster for three.
SEGMENT TEN: Jericho’s out with the Jeritron 6000 for this week's Highlight Reel. He calls out DAVE Batista, and runs through a ton of Michaels’ nicknames before leading HBK out. Dave’s once again looking incredibly metrosexual. I’m starting to pick up this major vibe on Dave similar to when The Rock tried to go ‘Hollywood’ back in the day. WWE’s poll says that 65% of participating fans feel HBK did the right thing at Wrestlemania. HBK gets indignant and asks Y2J if he’s gonna jump on the anti-Michaels bandwagon as well, and says that Flair wanted Mr. Wrestlemania, so that’s what he got. Video of HBK’s suicidal moonsault through the announce table. Y2J plays up that Michaels tried to break himself in half to retire Flair, but also gives off that vibe that shows he supports HBK to keep the vibe from getting too heelish against Michaels. Dave calls HBK on his ‘crap’ and gets in his face. Y2J gets smarmy and gets back in Dave’s face about whether he’d do the same thing. HBK fires back with a “Where was your friendship, DAVE?” and totally gets in Dave’s shit with a basically bulletted checklist of things pointing to the fact that no one, including Dave, did anything to even attempt to keep Flair from going through with WM. “Look at these hands, Dave – LOOK AT ‘EM!” HBK goes off about all of the blood on his hands - some he's proud of, some he's not. WM was the hardest night of his career. Well, Dave trusted HBK to do the right thing because of that very blood on his hands, but he’ll never make that mistake again. Shawn gets righteous and says he’s tired of everybody’s crap. He tells Dave to go ahead and do something about it and gears up to fight, but can’t get the blazer off because the ribs hurt too bad. Dave gives him a condescending, “Oh, look how cute” smirk before telling HBK he’s already done something about it. With that, he stares HBK down and leaves. This was INTENSE.
SEGMENT ELEVEN: Regal is in the back with Orton and announces Dave vs. HBK for Backlash to no one in particular. Orton says Regal is a jerk for threatening to make the Backlash main a Fatal Four Way, and tells him that he needs to show some respect to the champ. Regal's pissed, so he books **himself** a match against Orton next week. I hope he gets rough Orton up a bit in London, at least. Cena’s time is now, as he hits the ring where JBL and HHH await. JBL’s does some clubberin’ on Cena, with some boots to the head and all. By this point, Orton’s circling the ring like a shark. Cena fights back with punches, but telegraphs a back body drop and gets a forearm in the back for his troubles. JBL back to pounding on Cena. HHH offers the tag hand, but JBL won’t tag. Ever eloquent Helmsley can be lip read as stating, “Motherfucker.” Cena throws another round of punches to JBL in the corner, but eats turnbuckle as JBL measures Cena and shoulderblocks him for a two-count. Cena blocks a punch and throws MOAR PUNCHES, but JBL flings him over the second rope to the floor. Orton heads over to talk smack, but JBL rolls out and hammers Cena with a short arm clothesline before rolling him back in for another two count. Lots of boos for every Cena punch and kick out, and that’s a contrast from the happy squeals the adorned his entrance. We have our second neck/shoulder nervehold of the evening - from JBL this time, though Cena fights to his feet slowly. Cena powers out, kicks JBL in the ample gut, then hits JBL with a few clotheslines and sholderblocks. JBL for the tag, and Helmsley drops down the steps to leave Bradshaw hanging. Cena gives Orton a ‘you can’t see me’ on the floor and hits the five-knuckle shuffle on JBL. JBL goes for the tag twice more, and HHH stiffs him again both times. JBL gets out of an FU attempt and boots Cena in the chin. JBL turns and looks at HHH incredulously, as Helmsley gives JBL a little, “go ahead, go beat him” hand motion. JBL gets in HHH’s face, and – you guessed it – they brawl and spill onto the floor. Orton tries to break it up, but JBL clocks him and lays him out. JBL throws HHH in and follows, only to have Orton sneak in and hit an RKO. Of course, Cena chucks Orton and takes the easy three-count while HHH watches somewhat amused. Orton’s limping up the ramp – uh-oh. HHH and Cena have a little stare down as HHH holds up four fingers. Backlash Fatal Four Way, here we come!
... and we have recap!
SEGMENT ONE: We’re straight to the ring from the RAW theme, and Lillian passes the mic off to GM William Regal. Seems like it’s Backlash main announcement time. Here comes Orton. Regal talks up "the most deserving #1 contender in WWE history" – John Bradshaw Layfield. I’m all for JBL treating Orton like a two dollar steak and all, but is there any potential buyrate for this match? Oh, nevermind – three seconds into Regal’s gloating, HHH is out. Heh – Helmsley to Regal, “What the hell are you thinking?” Helmsley makes some points to his own favor - Who did you beat, Orton? What move did you hit John Cena with at Wrestlemania? Oh wait, that's right, you took a cheap shot to win. He adresses JBL next: for two years you were retired as a Smackdown announcer, and your biggest claim to fame since then has been slapping around a midget? Regal’s got a solution – Orton and JBL will team against HHH tonight. If HHH wins, they’ll go the Triple Threat route at Backlash. If he loses, no soup for him. Well, HHH in with JBL and Orton doesn’t make things any worse – but would it really make the match any better, either?
SEGMENT TWO: Umanga hits the ring. For a crazy savage, those sure are some swank tights with his image (in purple) on them. His opponent is Val Venis, so this won’t last long. Val tries stuff and fails miserably as Umanga says, 'Uh, no.' Venis eats post with the shoulder, and now it’s all for Samoa. Shoulder grip nerve hold by Umanga. REAL SAMOAN DROP. Running butt launch on Venis (called the Samoan Freight Train by JR, heh). Venis actually totally frontsells the Samoan Spike with terror, and as Umanga drops him with it, I can’t help but realize how much good ol’ Val resembles Bob Mould these days. 1,2,3. Ring the bell.
SEGMENT THREE: Here come the ladies. Melina and Jillian ‘Screechy’ Hall hit the ring and I can’t help but think Melina missed a profitable calling as a stripper with all of those pre-match gyrations. Ashley and Mickey James are the opponents. Melina goes all bad-ass on both girls, including draping Mickey across the second ropes in the corner and dropping a vicious set of knees after bouncing straight up off the ropes; unfortunately, she goes back up for a second similar move with Mickey on the mat, and instead gets two feet in the tweeter. I don't even have those parts, but I still felt that. It doesn’t take long after that for Mickey to hit the whirling DDT for three.
JR and The King talk about Flair’s living funeral last week to plug this week’s edition of The Highlight Reel.
SEGMENT FOUR: Yet another airing of the 'Ric Flair is Awesome' tribute video with the Fuel song in it.
SEGMENT FIVE: Rednex vs. Londrick. Hell yes. London goes from en fuego to Ricky Morton in about 35 seconds as Cade and Murdoch slug him and he bumps like a pinball with Parkinson's. Spanky finally gets in and he's all over the place. London accidentally draws the ref's attention, and Kendrick goes after the apron man and eats a pair of Dominators from Cade (they fudged it royally the first time). Tsk tsk for just re-upping the spot on live TV. Despite this, Murdoch still manages to get rolled up for the pin ten seconds later. Kendrick rules.
Here's a JBL/Orton locker room ‘discussion’ where JBL talks about being on the same page and Orton pretty much blows him off.
SEGMENT SIX: Orton/JBL vs. HHH. HHH off to a hot start against Orton, but Randy works him back into the JBL corner. Helmsley fights his way out, and Bradshaw tags in. Bradshaw locks up with HHH, backs him into the corner and talks loudly. HHH smirks and locks back up, taking a headlock into a shoulderblock and then on the mat with a second headlock. JBL’s up and pushes Helmsley into the corner, making the tag for Orton to get punch drunk on HHH’s head. The ref backs Orton away, and JBL comes in and pummels HHH again. Lather, rinse, repeat, and with JBL back on the apron, Orton hits a swank standing dropkick and lays down the Garvin Stomp, following with a knee to the throat and a cover for two. JBL in with a ‘flurry’ of methodical elbowdrops, only getting a two-count for his troubles. Crowd chants ‘Tri-ple-H’ as JBL takes Helmsley to the corner and tags Orton. HHH gains momentum with a round of fists, but is met off the ropes with a mighty powerslam for two. Bradshaw steps back in with some forearms to the back, but Helmsley punches and punches and punches some more. JBL latches on a desperation sleeperhold. Helmsley breaks the sleeper and throws MOAR PUNCHES. Bradshaw sneaks away and goes for the Clothesline from Hell, only to have Orton blind tag himself in. While the partners stare at each other, Orton goes for an RKO and HHH tosses him into Bradshaw. On the rebound, Helmsley spins Orton around, hits the Pedigree and that’s it. As Regal begins the Triple Threat announcement, Cena comes out, makes some ‘beating’ jokes about Orton and tries to plug himself into the Triple Threat. Regal tells Cena he’ll think Fatal Four Way if Cena can beat the team of JBL and HHH later tonight. Ugh.
SEGMENT SEVEN: Tag Champs vs. Santino and Carlito. Cody and Carlito start off with some mat wrestling. Carlito fights up from a headlock and works the arm. Cody tags off to Holly, Carlito to Santino. Holly goes for the whirling Alabama Slam, but Carlito sneaks in, kicks Holly and DDTs him. There’s a clusterfuck over who the legal man is, and once Santino's back in with Holly we head into some extended generic heel offense. Carlito cinches in a chinlock for a while, throws some kicks and a legdrop and still only gets two. Cody gets a hot tag, generic Cody hot tag offense happens and Santino ends up laying him out and actually HITTING that goofy ass headbutt from the top rope to pick up the duke. I mark HUGE for Santino getting a pinfall.
SEGMENT EIGHT: Cryme Tyme's here with some Wrestlemania swag. Shad scraped some off for ya, a Shaker of Soul straight from 'Soul Man' Rocky Johnson ("Great for you white boys at weddings," heh). An autographed copy of Maria's Playboy gets pulled from auction and popped in Shad’s back pocket after the boys take a look through it. JTG’s white 'Kim Kardashian thong' from the Hall of Fame night turns out to be Mae Young’s, and JTG gets a dissapointed look on his face and wipes his hands off on his leather. Money, money, yeah, yeah.
A recap of the Big Show/Great Khali events of last week effectively makes Khali look like a wuss, and that takes us to JBL approaching HHH in the locker room with the same speech he gave Orton earlier. HHH turns a deaf ear as well (with headphones in). JBL storms off muttering about why no one listens to him – HHH: “It’s because you’re kind of an ass.”
SEGMENT NINE: Maria is a zebra tonight. She faces the Glamazon. JR calls Beth Phoenix the “portrait of power,” which disturbs me for some reason. Maria on the offense quick and goes for a headstand ‘rana, while the Glamazon calmly stands her upside down and knees her in the lower back. Ouch, and hell yes. Standing upright walls of Jericho from Phoenix, who then just drops straight back and brings Maria snapping down over her knees. Ouch, and hell yes again. Maria gets back on offense and unwisely goes for that handstand rana again (instead putting a calf against the Glamazon’s forehead this time). Maria to the corner for a cross body block from the top, but Phoenix rolls through, pulls Maria up and pops her into a fireman’s carry. The bunny slides out and winds up hitting a reverse DDT for two … and then the Glamazon says 'STOP' and KILLS Maria with a Fisherman Buster for three.
SEGMENT TEN: Jericho’s out with the Jeritron 6000 for this week's Highlight Reel. He calls out DAVE Batista, and runs through a ton of Michaels’ nicknames before leading HBK out. Dave’s once again looking incredibly metrosexual. I’m starting to pick up this major vibe on Dave similar to when The Rock tried to go ‘Hollywood’ back in the day. WWE’s poll says that 65% of participating fans feel HBK did the right thing at Wrestlemania. HBK gets indignant and asks Y2J if he’s gonna jump on the anti-Michaels bandwagon as well, and says that Flair wanted Mr. Wrestlemania, so that’s what he got. Video of HBK’s suicidal moonsault through the announce table. Y2J plays up that Michaels tried to break himself in half to retire Flair, but also gives off that vibe that shows he supports HBK to keep the vibe from getting too heelish against Michaels. Dave calls HBK on his ‘crap’ and gets in his face. Y2J gets smarmy and gets back in Dave’s face about whether he’d do the same thing. HBK fires back with a “Where was your friendship, DAVE?” and totally gets in Dave’s shit with a basically bulletted checklist of things pointing to the fact that no one, including Dave, did anything to even attempt to keep Flair from going through with WM. “Look at these hands, Dave – LOOK AT ‘EM!” HBK goes off about all of the blood on his hands - some he's proud of, some he's not. WM was the hardest night of his career. Well, Dave trusted HBK to do the right thing because of that very blood on his hands, but he’ll never make that mistake again. Shawn gets righteous and says he’s tired of everybody’s crap. He tells Dave to go ahead and do something about it and gears up to fight, but can’t get the blazer off because the ribs hurt too bad. Dave gives him a condescending, “Oh, look how cute” smirk before telling HBK he’s already done something about it. With that, he stares HBK down and leaves. This was INTENSE.
SEGMENT ELEVEN: Regal is in the back with Orton and announces Dave vs. HBK for Backlash to no one in particular. Orton says Regal is a jerk for threatening to make the Backlash main a Fatal Four Way, and tells him that he needs to show some respect to the champ. Regal's pissed, so he books **himself** a match against Orton next week. I hope he gets rough Orton up a bit in London, at least. Cena’s time is now, as he hits the ring where JBL and HHH await. JBL’s does some clubberin’ on Cena, with some boots to the head and all. By this point, Orton’s circling the ring like a shark. Cena fights back with punches, but telegraphs a back body drop and gets a forearm in the back for his troubles. JBL back to pounding on Cena. HHH offers the tag hand, but JBL won’t tag. Ever eloquent Helmsley can be lip read as stating, “Motherfucker.” Cena throws another round of punches to JBL in the corner, but eats turnbuckle as JBL measures Cena and shoulderblocks him for a two-count. Cena blocks a punch and throws MOAR PUNCHES, but JBL flings him over the second rope to the floor. Orton heads over to talk smack, but JBL rolls out and hammers Cena with a short arm clothesline before rolling him back in for another two count. Lots of boos for every Cena punch and kick out, and that’s a contrast from the happy squeals the adorned his entrance. We have our second neck/shoulder nervehold of the evening - from JBL this time, though Cena fights to his feet slowly. Cena powers out, kicks JBL in the ample gut, then hits JBL with a few clotheslines and sholderblocks. JBL for the tag, and Helmsley drops down the steps to leave Bradshaw hanging. Cena gives Orton a ‘you can’t see me’ on the floor and hits the five-knuckle shuffle on JBL. JBL goes for the tag twice more, and HHH stiffs him again both times. JBL gets out of an FU attempt and boots Cena in the chin. JBL turns and looks at HHH incredulously, as Helmsley gives JBL a little, “go ahead, go beat him” hand motion. JBL gets in HHH’s face, and – you guessed it – they brawl and spill onto the floor. Orton tries to break it up, but JBL clocks him and lays him out. JBL throws HHH in and follows, only to have Orton sneak in and hit an RKO. Of course, Cena chucks Orton and takes the easy three-count while HHH watches somewhat amused. Orton’s limping up the ramp – uh-oh. HHH and Cena have a little stare down as HHH holds up four fingers. Backlash Fatal Four Way, here we come!