OOWF Blood on the Great Wall PPV
Apr 27, 2008 18:47:29 GMT -5
Post by Jack Quinn on Apr 27, 2008 18:47:29 GMT -5
OOWF Blood on the Great Wall PPV
Live! From Beijing, China
Russ: Ladies and Gentlemen WELCOME to the OOWF Blood on the Great Wall pay per view, LIVE from Beijing, China! As always joining me are Razz and Nash
Razz: Wow, what an honor to be coming to you live from China! Whoda ever thunk it Russ! CHINA!
Nash: It must be something for you Razz, how often is it you are in a country where you are taller than nine billion other people?
Razz: Hey, Nash, I heard they got you doing a run in for the main event; you might want to get started toward the ring now.
Russ: If we can get back on track, folks we have a great show for you tonight, three title matches, and the OOWF World Heavyweight title will be defended inside a steel cage!
Razz: That one will be rocketbusters no question about it. Stank and LD Williams have been at each other for months, and this should be the last match between them for a bit.
Nash: That one will be a great match, but the match I am looking forward to is Chris Cole and Davin Moreland. They have this best of seven series going on, and right now it is all Davin, I would say if someone can get in another person’s head, Davin has certainly done that to Cole.
Russ: It will be a great night of action. We start with the first ever OOWF Chicken Suit Match! The loser will be forced to wear a chicken suit in the middle of the ring!
Nash: Why a chicken suit?
Russ: Well, my sources tell me that the match was originally supposed to be the loser getting fired, but at the last minute someone promoed and saved their job.
<kayfabe walks into the picture and stares at Russ>
Russ: What? That’s what happened.
Razz: So we have a nice mix of guys in this match, you have Carl From Fresno, the man who won a contract with the OOWF last month at the MADNESS pay per view, Ryan Hardcore and Mark Vander
Russ: So who is your pick to “win” or I guess, more appropriately, lose this match?
Razz: I am going with Nerve he is the smallest guy in the match, I am not so sure he will be able to keep up with the rest of them
Nash: Are you kidding me? Look, I question the vanilla midgets as much as anyone else, but Carl From Fresno……is he even a wrestler? I mean the guy was homeless as of a month ago. Norman the Lunatic laughs at his wrestling skills! This one is a no brainer; Carl wears the chicken suit, then probably tries to eat himself.
Russ: Well Carl HAS been training with Run DLP, so I can only assume his skills have improved, and with all his endorsement deals he is not as hungry as he once was. My pick is Ryan Hardcore. The man is as physically gifted as anyone on the roster, but seems to be perpetually………distracted
Nash: Can you blame him?
Russ: Nash, I am a happily married man
Razz: Let’s head to the ring!
THE NERVE AGENT vs. MARK VANDER vs. RYAN HARDCORE vs. CARL FROM FRESNO – Elimination Match, Last Eliminated Wears a Chicken Suit
The wrestlers all go through their various entrances and everyone assembles in the ring. This match is very simple, you score a pin or a submission and you are eliminated from the match and you are safe. The last person pinned, however, is no longer employed by the OOWF. Nerve and Hardcore immediately attack Carl and Vander. Nerve rakes Vander’s eyes and throws him over the top rope to the floor and follows him out of the ring. Inside the ring Hardcore sends Carl to the ropes and catches him with a kick to the mid section and plants him with a DDT. Ryan rolls Carl over and mounts him and hammers him with shots to the head. On the outside Nerve bounces Vander’s head off the guard rail, then scoops him up and plants him on the floor with a slam. Nerve climbs to the apron and tries a senton, but Vander moves out of the way and Nerve slams back first onto the floor. Vander gets to his feet and waits for Nerve to get up, and nearly kicks his head off with a big boot. Inside the ring, Hardcore pulls Carl to his feet and tries a whip to the ropes but Carl reverses it, Hardcore tries a cross body block but Carl catches him and hefts him up to his shoulders and falls back with a Samoan drop. Hardcore rolls out of the ring to the floor and Vander slides under the ropes and he and Carl face off the two men trade hay makers in the middle of the ring, Vander gets the advantage with a knee to the mid section and sends Carl to the ropes, from the outside Hardcore low bridges him sending him over the top rope to the floor. Hardcore jumps onto the apron and challenges Vander, as Vander stares at him, the Nerve Agent slips into the ring behind him and grabs Vander around the waist and hits a bridging German suplex for a two count. Nerve spins to his feet and grabs Vander and sends him to the corner, Hardcore charges in and catches him with a high knee to the side of the head, then tries to take him out of the corner with a bulldog but Vander shoves him off right into a clothesline from Carl. Nerves attacks Vander from behind and hits a lung blower and covers, but only gets a two count. Carl pulls Hardcore to his feet, but Hardcore hits him with a scientific thumb to the eye blinding him momentarily, then Hardcore turns and waits for Nerve to get to his feet, and pops him in the mouth with a super kick! Nerve falls between the ropes to the floor. Hardcore grabs Vander and shoots him between the ropes to the floor, then climbs to the top rope and waits for Carl to stop staggering around. Carl straightens up and Hardcore leaps for a cross body block, but Carl catches him and hits a DIAMOND CUTTER NOT QUITE AS GOOD AS DAVIN MORELAND’S BUT STILL PRETTY DARN GOOD IN ITS OWN RIGHT! Carl covers Hardcore and gets the one, two three! Carl From Fresno is eliminated and thus does not have to wear the suit! Hardcore gets to his feet and argues with the referee for a moment, but to no avail. He turns around and gets a missile dropkick from Nerve that sends him out of the ring. As Nerve gets to his feet Mark Vander charges at him, but Nerve takes him to the mat with a drop toe hold. Vander looks up and Hardcore catches him with a stiff kick right to the face. It appears that Hardcore and Nerve are working together here, that can’t be good for Vander. They pull him up and whip him into the corner and Hardcore sets him on the top rope and sets him up for a superplex, but at the last second Nerve runs under Hardcore and we get the always fun superplex/powerbomb combo! Nerve covers Hardcore but he kicks out at two. The Nerve Agent and Ryan Hardcore both get to their feet and they start arguing over which insurance company is more likely to save them the most money. Nerve has had enough and he catches Hardcore with a spinning fist to the side of the head that sends Hardcore out of the ring. The Nerve Agent turns around and clearly has not been paying attention because Vander charges across the ring and nearly separates his head from his body with a clothesline from hell! Vander covers and hooks the leg and gets the one, two, three! Vander is eliminated and thus does not have to wear the chicken suit! We are down to just two men, The Nerve Agent and Ryan Hardcore! One of these men will be wrestling their last match in an OOWF ring. Nerve and Hardcore go nose to nose in the center of the ring and start a criss cross, Hardcore drops to the mat and Nerve puts on the breaks and drops a knee across the small of his back. Hardcore writhes in pain and Nerve gets back to his feet and hits a senton right to the small of Hardcore’s back. Nerve rolls him over and covers, but Hardcore kicks out at two. Both men get to their feet and Nerve whips Hardcore into the corner and charges in after him, but Hardcore side steps and Nerve slams chest first into the corner, Hardcore hits a spinning front kick that nails Nerve right in the jaw, Hardcore springs off the bottom rope with a moonsault and covers, but can only get a two count. Hardcore shows a little frustration and argues with the referee instead of paying attention to Nerve. Hardcore finally turns back to The Nerve Agent and pulls him off the mat and tries a whip to the ropes, but Nerve reverses it and catches Hardcore with a kick to the mid-section, hooks him in a fisherman’s suplex, and hits a FISHERMAN BUSTER!!! Hardcore is dead! Nerve keeps he leg hooked, bridges and gets the one, two, THREE! The Nerve Agent is safe, Ryan Hardcore has to wear a chicken suit!
WINNERS in 14:51 – Mark Vander, Carl From Fresno & The Nerve Agent
Hardcore slowly gets to his feet and when he realizes what is about to happen he throws a fit, but the other wrestlers hold him down and force him into the suit. When they get done he looks like the chicken from Family Guy. The crowd has a good time mocking him, and he throws a fit and threatens bodily harm on most of the front row. Lauren Phoenix makes her way into the ring and she eyes Hardcore up and down, then puts on her sexiest smile and sashays over to Hardcore and whispers something into his ear, then leaves the ring, pausing only to beckon Hardcore. Ryan’s demeanor immediately changes from temper tantrum to Cheshire cat grin as he leaves the ring and the two have their hands all over each other as they head to the back. We can only imagine what is going to go on back there.
Russ: Well, Ryan Hardcore did indeed end up wearing the chicken suit, but I am not sure it is going to turn out as humiliating as we had all thought, what could Lauren Phoenix have POSSIBLY said to him?
Razz: Well, there is a certain subset of people that belong to the Furry culture
Russ: What?
Razz: Well some of them like to dress like animals and have sexual encounters as their animal personas
Nash: And you know about this HOW?
Razz: Taz wasn’t just my wrestling name Nash
<silence fills the booth>
Russ: Ok, moving on to something else
Nash: Please do. Freak
Russ: Moving on, we have the Midnight Sons facing Blitz and Voltage in their “off week” from the OOWF World Tag Team Round Robin Tournament. The Sons are done with the tourney having finished 2-2. They could still win it, but they would need some help, and then there would have to be some sort of tie breaker that I can’t even quite figure out. Is there any reason The Sons shouldn’t win this match?
Razz: No
Nash: No
Russ: Ok, well in the interest of remaining unbiased, is there any way Blitz and Voltage can win this match?
Razz: Well sure they CAN win this match. Voltage is a former tag team champion, and Blitz is an accomplished wrestler in his own right, but the Sons are on top of their game right now. They can give them a run, but I just can’t see them beating the Sons
Nash: I remember another team that was not given a chance to win. A little team called The Outsiders. No one gave us a chance against Harlem Heat, but we overcame the odds and won the match. It was one of the greatest upsets in wrestling history!
Razz: No it wasn’t. And no one thought you couldn’t win. In fact, the exact opposite was true, no one thought Harlem Heat would keep the titles. You were there weren’t you?
Russ: Before this gets out of hand, let’s go to the ring.
THE MIDNIGHT SONS vs. BLITZ & VOLTAGE
Blitz and Voltage come to the ring and fire up the crowd by mocking the Sons, probably not the smartest idea they could come up with. Immigrant Song fires up and Magnusson and Hansen storm the ring and attack. Blitz and Voltage try to defend themselves but they are simply overwhelmed. Magnusson whips Voltage to the ropes and catches him with a thunderous power slam. Spin reverses a Blitz whip attempt and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a spine cracking spine buster. Blitz and Voltage powder out under the bottom rope and Magnusson and Spin climb to the corner turnbuckles and pose for the crowd as they roar their approval. Blitz and Voltage slide back into the ring and try to attack pulling Spin and DH off the corners and trapping them in the corner with shots to the chest. Blitz and Voltage try a double whip but it is reversed. Blitz and Voltage pull up short before they can collide and point to their heads. They turn back to the corners and Spin and DH both charge out of their corners and catch them with clotheslines that sandwiches the two of them together. Blitz and Voltage slump to the mat in a heap, Spin grabs Blitz and throws him over the top rope to the floor, then waits on the apron. Looks like they have decided that it will be Magnusson and Voltage starting things off properly. Magnusson pulls Voltage off the mat and hauls hum to his shoulders and hits a forward roll into his corner and tags in Spin. Hansen comes in and measures Voltage, waiting for him to get to his feet, as he does, Hansen hammers him with shots to the body, using Voltage for a punching bag before finishing him off with a spinning elbow to the temple. Voltage goes down like a sack of potatoes, and Spin covers and gets two before Blitz breaks it up at two. Magnusson charges into the ring and drills Blitz with a spear that nearly cuts him in half. Blitz rolls under the ropes to the floor, no doubt to make sure his innards are not soup. Spin pulls Voltage to his feet and lifts him like he is going to give him an atomic drop, then tags in Magnusson who climbs to the second rope and drops a forearm down across Voltage’s chest flipping him off of Spin’s shoulder to the mat. Magnusson immediately pounces on Voltage, who tries to cover up and give Magnusson nothing to work with Magnusson hammers Voltage in the back of the head with forearms until Voltage relents and tries to cover up the back of his head, as soon as he does, Magnusson grabs him in the cross face and pulls back on Voltage’s head. Volt works his way to the ropes forcing the break, but not before Magnusson tried to break his neck. Magnusson breaks the hold and pulls Voltage to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a big boot to the face. Magnusson drags Voltage over to the Sons corner and tags in Hansen, Spin comes in and drops a series of knees across Voltage’s chest, then sits Volt up and connects with several stiff kicks to his back. Voltage desperately needs a tag here otherwise he is done. Spin pulls him to his feet and hauls him up for a suplex and leaves him there for a bit to think about it before slamming backward to the mat. Spin starts to cover, then sees that Blitz is already on his way into the ring, so he gets to his feet and blocks a wild swing from Blitz, and catches him with a half nelson slam that plants him on the mat. Magnusson and Spin grab Voltage and lift him for a suplex, leave him hanging there, then plant him face first on the mat. Spin covers but Voltage manages to kick out at two. Spin pulls Voltage to his feet and shoves him to the ropes and lowers his head a moment too soon, Voltage hits a desperation kick to the jaw that stands Spin up, then clotheslines him to the mat before turning and diving toward his corner and tagging in Blitz. Blitz waits on the apron for Spin to get up, still doubled over in pain, Blitz leaps over the top rope and plants Spin on the mat with a DDT, then kips up to his feet and charges across the ring and tries to nail Magnusson, but DH blocks the punch, grabs Blitz and slams him face first into the top turnbuckle. Blitz staggers across the ring Spin kicks him in the gut and DESTROYS him with a package pile driver! Spin gets to his feet and drags Blitz’s carcass across the ring and tags in DH Magnusson. Magnusson pulls Blitz to his feet and stands him up against the ropes and charges and gives Blitz a boot to the face that sends him o the floor. Magnusson steps out of the ring to the apron and gets a running start and drops an elbow down across Blitz’s chest, driving all the wind out of him. The fans cheer wildly and call for an end to this one. Magnusson peels Blitz off of the floor and rolls him under the ropes back into the ring. He follows and pulls Blitz to his feet, hits an inverted atomic drop, then a wicked clothesline that sends him right back to the mat. Magnusson tags in Spin, then hauls Blitz up for a power bomb, at the same time Spin climbs to the top rope and leaps, they hit the 100 PROOF Power bomb/Elbow combo that PLANTS Blitz on the mat driving the air, and possibly the life, from his body. Spin covers and completely unnecessarily hooks the leg while Magnusson runs across the ring and keeps Voltage at bay, the referee falls to the mat and we get the one, two , three.
WINNERS in 8:02 – The Midnight Sons
Russ: Well not surprise there, Blitz and Voltage put up a good enough fight, but in the end, the Sons proved they were the better team there.
Razz: When this team is focused, they are among the elite teams in the OOWF, and no matter what happens in the round robin tournament, I would put money on the Sons coming out of this with another run with the belts.
Nash: They remind me of another great team from the past, a team that doesn’t get the recognition they deserve among wrestling historians. I am of course talking about, The Conquistadors
Razz: What?
Russ: Nash, are you serious?
Nash: Hey, they made it to the finals of the Survivor Series tag team match, they were a dangerous team that never got their due.
Razz: THEY WERE JOBBERS!!!
<Kayfabe appears again>
Razz: What? They WERE!
Nash: I stand by my statement
Russ: I think Nash has finally slipped free of his senses, maybe our next match will help snap him back to reality.
Razz: I am really looking forward to this match. One of the hardest things to do is win multiple matches in one night, but that is the chance that six OOWF wrestlers will get tonight. The winner will face Bunny for the OOWF Onslaught championship later tonight!
Russ: This is an excellent chance for two OOWF newcomers, Tyson Kincaid and The Amnesiac to make their mark on the OOWF, Nash what kind of a chance do you think they have?
Nash: Well, clearly they are in the ring with four people that have more OOWF experience than they do, but in this type of match, where there will be bodies flying everywhere and it is essentially chaos, anything can happen. All it takes it three seconds and you can walk out of the ring with a shot at gold
Russ: Do you think Firewoman’s recent actions will prove to be too much of a distraction for her?
Razz: That woman right there is one spitfire I would not want to cross
Nash: Unless she was wearing a beaver suit
Razz: ANYway, I think her recent actions will only motivate her. I am looking for her to go into this match with a clear head and take the whole thing.
Russ: Well, there is only one way to find out, let’s head to the ring
FIREWOMAN vs. BEAST vs. THE DEAD vs. AMNESIAC vs. OUTBACK JACK vs. TYSON KINCAID – Winner Gets an OOWF Onslaught Championship Title Match Tonight
The winner of this match gets an Onslaught title shot against Bunny later tonight. This is another chance for Firewoman, Beast, Dead and Jack to make their mark in the OOWF, they have had some chances before, but even more impressively, this is a real opportunity for two OOWF newcomers to prove their worth. Amnesiac and “The Riot Act” Tyson Kincaid have been added to this match and they will get a shot at making one hell of a splash in their pay per view debuts. All six participants make it to the ring and after all the intros are finally done the bell rings and ITS ON! Firewoman immediately charges across the ring and catches Beast with a kick upside the head that staggers him against the ropes. The new guys look at each other and shrug and go after Dead and Jack and hammer them with punches and chops to the chest. They try a double whip to the ropes, but Jack and Dead reverse it, Dead sets up for a Close the Casket but Amnesiac holds on to the ropes. Dead charges at him and Amnesiac back drops him over the top rope, then springs over the top and takes Dead out as soon as he gets to his feet. Kincaid rebounds off the ropes and Jack catches him with a power slam, then doesn’t even go for a cover, instead the two men roll around the ring hammering each other into oblivion. Meanwhile Beast has Fire trapped in the corner and grabs her by the head and head buts her in the face, bloodying her nose. Fire falls to her knees in the corner and grabs her face. Beast looks out at the crowd and laughs a bit, not a smart move. Fire nails Beast with a low blow, then gets to her feet and spits a mouth full of blood into his face temporarily blinding him. Fire climbs to the second rope and grabs Beast and hits a tornado DDT out of the corner. On the outside of the ring, Dead and Amnesiac are both on their feet, Amnesiac charges, but Dead sides steps and shoves him into the guardrail. Amnesiac slumps to the floor and Dead charges in and gives him a face wash with the laces on his boots. Meanwhile Kincaid has Jack on his feet and lifts him and drops him with an inverted atomic drop, then tries a diamond cutter but Jack shoves him to the ropes and tries catching him with a knee to the mid section, but Kincaid leaps over Jack’s knee and rolls him up from behind with a two count that is broken up by Fire. Firewoman pulls Kincaid to his feet and hauls him up in a vertical suplex, then slingshots him off the top rope and slams him to the mat, she floats over and gets a two count. Meanwhile Jack pulls Beast to his feet, but Beast explodes and nails Jack with a spinning fist that sends him out of the ring. Beast stands in the center of the ring and bellows like a wounded animal. Fire gets to her feet and the two of them go nose to nose. Meanwhile on the outside, Dead and Amnesiac both climb to the top rope and hit Beast with missile drop kicks that send him staggering toward Fire, she catches him with a boot to the gut then hits a pile driver! Fire covers, but it is broken up by everyone. Kincaid grabs Fire and whips her into the corner and follows her in and catches her with a high knee to the side of the face. Amnesiac runs to the ropes, but Jack low bridges him from the outside sending him over the top rope to the floor. The Dead drags Beast to the ropes and hangs him in the bottom rope throat first and stands on the back of his head. Kincaid sets Fire on the top rope and climbs up for a superplex, but Fire fights out of it with shots to the gut, then bites him in the face sending him back into the ring. Fire steadies herself on the top rope and leaps, connecting with a hurracarana that sends Kincaid out of the ring to the floor. Dead pulls Beast off the ropes and tries to whip him to the ropes, but Beast reverses it and catches him with a big boot to the face. Dead staggers back against the ropes and Beast charges at a stunned Beast, but Fire grabs Dead and pulls him out of the way and Beast sails over the top rope and takes out Jack, Amnesiac and Kincaid on the floor. Fire and Dead turn to each other, the only two left in the ring, they lock up and Dead sends Fire to the ropes, she springs off the bottom rope and tries a back elbow, but Dead catches her and turns it into a German suplex with a bridge for a two count. Dead gets to his feet and waits for Fire to get to hers, he sets her up for the Close the Casket, but she moves out of the way just as he throws the kick and slips behind him and rolls Dead up for a two count. Both spin to their feet and Fire hits the ropes and tries a cross body block, but Dead catches her and spins her to the mat with a side winder choke slam, and gets another two count. On the outside, bodies are finally starting to get untangled on the floor. Beast and Outback Jack climb onto the apron and they brawl, Dead grabs Fire and tries a whip, but she reverses it, Dead puts on the breaks and connects with a Close the Casket to Beast sending him back to the floor, but Jack catches Dead with a clothesline to the back of the head that staggers him. Amnesiac and Tyson Kincaid pull Jack off the apron and attack him again. Dead staggers toward the middle of the ring and Fire grabs Dead and hits the Firebomb (pump handle slam) hooks the leg and gets the one, two THREE just as Dead kicks out.
WINNER in 13:12 – Firewoman
After the match, Fire raises her arms in victory while Dead sits on the mat dejected over his loss. He gets to his feet and grabs Fire and spins her around. They share a moment of tense stare down of mutual animosity before Dead puts out his fist. Fire hesitates for a moment then bumps knuckles with Dead. Dead leaves the ring and joins the fight on the outside while Fire soaks in her victory in the middle of the ring.
Russ: Nice show of respect there from The Dead, but I cannot imagine that would extend to a one on one match between the two of them. From what I have been able to piece together, they are friendly rivals
Razz: Great win by Firewoman, she had to deal with a lot of distractions this week and she managed to put all that behind her and focus on the match, a lesser person would not have been able to do that.
Nash: but……she’s a WOMAN……..and the OOWF doesn’t have a women’s title!
Razz: What’s it like back there Nash?
Nash: Back where?
Razz: The 1950’s. Tell Ward and June Cleaver I said hello.
Nash: Wait, she gets a shot at the Onslaught title?
Russ: Yes Nash, have you not been paying attention?
Nash: And that’s the title that is all pure and stuff? No cheating?
Razz: Well it used to be yeah, but they changed that a bit, though Bunny never said what his stips were
Nash: Well that makes…..wait, did you say Bunny?
Russ: Yeah Bunny won the Onslaught Championship from Eric O’Mac
Nash: a BUNNY holds a title?
Razz: Not A Bunny, THE Bunny
Russ: Do you even WATCH the OOWF when we are not announcing?
Nash: This all makes no sense to me, your language is foreign, I will have to ask Joe about all this pure stuff, he gets off on that. A Bunny?
Razz: Is that any worse than a guy who thinks he is a super-hero?
Nash: John Cena is in the WWE
Razz: Touché
Russ: If you two are done, can we move on to the next match?
Razz: Of course
Nash: The next match, easy, F. Fonzworth MacCappington takes on former LOADED member and total Judas Ecosystem
Russ: Well, I am not sure I would call him Judas…..
Nash: Did he not turn his back on Bennett and LOADED to join Rick’s side? Hell not just JOIN Rick’s side but help RUN Rick’s side! That’s a Judas where I come from!
Razz: Yeah Russ, I have to agree with Nash on this one, they say there is no honor among thieves, but man, what Eco did cut MacCappington to the bone
Russ: And after what MacCappington and Donovan Viper did to Firechild last week, am I REALLY supposed to have any sympathy for them?
Razz: Eh, yeah that was a little extreme perhaps
Nash: EXTREME? Was it extreme when I tossed Rey Mysterio into the side of a trailer like a lawn dart?
Razz: Well, yeah sort of
Nash: Was it EXTREME when we ran the Steiner’s off the road and left them for dead?
Razz: Well, yeah it was….
Russ: Forget it, he’s rolling, just let him finish
Nash: WRESTING is EXTREME!!!! You have to be EXTREME to make your point around here! When I wrestled in Tibet, I swerved the Dali Llama and kicked his head into the tenth row!!
Razz: That never….
Russ: Shhh
Nash: It’s all about making a POINT! MacCappington and Viper DREW the BATTLE LINES!!! THEY ARE TAKING OVER!! TOO SWEET FOR LIFE!!!!
Russ: You done?
Nash: I think I hurt myself
Razz: Quad?
Nash: Yeah
Russ: Let’s go to the ring
F. FONZWORTH MACCAPPINGTON III vs. ECOSYSTEM
MacCappington is out first, and he is accompanied as always by Lance, but this time, Moosehead Jack also comes to the ring with him. Well that is certainly an interesting turn of events. They come to the ring and MacCappington looks ready for action. Ecosystem’s music hits and he comes to the top of the ramp, then pauses for a moment. After a few seconds he is flanked on either side by Davin Moreland and Concrete TG? What the hell? Crete and Davin remain at the top of the ramp, they are not exactly chatting it up, but the fact that they are out there together at all speaks volumes. They remain at the top because they clearly don’t have a managerial license, but before Eco leaves for the ring, Wally B. King comes out and heads to the ring with Eco, he DOES have a valid manager’s license! Eco and Wally make his way to the ring and Eco steps between the ropes, and it looks like we are ready to start. The two men meet in the center of the ring and MacCappington just smirks at Eco, Eco glances at Wally, which gives FFM the opening he wants. FFM nails Eco on the side of the head with a forearm, then grabs him and tries to whip him across the ring, but Eco reverses the whip and pulls FFM back to him and hits him with a clothesline that rocks the big man back on his heels. Eco keeps hold of FFM’s arm and lands some stiff chops to his chest, then finishes it up with a leaping enzuguri that sends FFM down to one knee. Eco hits the ropes and connects with a knee to the back of FFM’s head that sends him to the mat face first. Moosehead Jack immediately jumps up on the apron, and at the top of the ramp Crete and Davin both get to their feet ready to run to Eco’s aid should things get out of hand. Eco charges at Moose and Moose jumps off the apron. MacCappington is back to his feet and he tries to attack from behind, but Eco sidesteps and shoves FFM to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a knee to the mid section that doubles him over in pain, then bounds off the ropes and sends FFM through the ropes with a knee lift. FFM storms around on the outside and has a meeting of the minds with Lance and Moose. Inside the ring, Eco gets a running start, scales the corner, pauses for a second to get his balance and leaps intending to take out all three men, but at the last second Moose looks up and all three move out of the way and Eco crashes into the first row. MacCappington reaches over the guard rail and grabs Eco by the head and slams him face first into the guard rail several times, then hip tosses him back over the railing. Eco struggles to get his bearings and spits out a mouth full of blood, right onto FFM’s boots. This only serves to enrage FFM, and he catches him with several stiff kicks to the mouth before pulling him to his feet and throwing him under the bottom rope. MacCappington steps between the ropes and steps right on Eco’s throat and keeps his boot there while he argues with the referee cutting off Eco’s air supply. The referee finally notices and starts the five count, FFM breaks it just before he would be disqualified. MacCappington pulls Eco to his feet and sends him into the corner and follows him in with a thunderous clothesline, then hefts him up on his shoulders and drives him to the mat with a Silicon Valley Driver! Eco is out! FFM covers one, two, thre….NO! Wally reaches into the ring and puts Eco’s foot on the bottom rope! Moose jumps onto the apron and yells at the referee, meanwhile Wally slips something to Eco. Lance runs around the ring and confronts Wally, but he gets a pimp cane upside the head and that ends THAT real fast. Inside the ring, FFM pulls Eco to his feet and we see that Wally has slipped Eco brass knuckles! Eco swings and NAILS FFM right in the temple, he falls to the mat, apparently out cold. Lance recovers enough to get the referee’s attention, while he is distracted Moose runs around the ring and CLOCKS Wally with a chair to the back of the head. Eco gets to his feet in the middle of the ring and staggers against the ropes, Moose jumps on the apron and locks him in the ji-endo from outside the ring! Eco struggles but starts to fade. At the top of the ramp Crete and Davin get to their feet, but before they can go far they are ambushed from behind by The Heels, Eric O’Mac and Chris Cole! They get drilled with chair shots and end up laid out at the top of the ramp before anyone can come out for the save. Meanwhile in the ring, Wally pulls Lance off the apron and the two fight at ring side. Eco is nearly out on his feet from the standing ji-endo, Moose releases the hold and shoves Eco toward MacCappington, who has recovered nicely by now, he grabs Eco and hits the GREETINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS! But MacCappington is not done yet, he pulls Eco to his feet and lifts him in the air for a vertical suplex, then drives him to the mat with a Steiner screwdriver, twisting his neck awkwardly. Moose distracts the referee and Donovan Viper runs through the crowd with his chain. MacCappington pulls Eco to his feet and Viper BLASTS him with his chain! The two take turns hammering Eco in the face with the chain until he is a bloody mess. Meanwhile at the top of the ramp officials are trying to keep the two factions separate and preventing them from killing each other, so no one from Rick’s side sees Eco being mauled. Finally Viper takes his chain and hops out of the ring escaping through the crowd. The referee turns around and sees MacCappington covering a barely conscious Ecosystem and makes the merciful one, two, three.
WINNER in 11:52 – F. Fonzworth MacCappington
Russ: DAMMIT THAT IS JUST NOT RIGHT!!!
Nash: I told you Russ….
Russ: YOU TOLD ME NOTHING!! Is it not enough that these two animals nearly killed Firechild last week? Now they have to do the same to Ecosystem?
Razz: Well, thankfully it wasn’t as bad
Russ: That’s not the point, the point is, this is supposed to be an athletic competition between two great athletes and now you have someone running in with a damn chain! A CHAIN!!! This is not what wrestling is all about! This is not what the OOWF is all about!
Razz: Have you been watching Russ?
Nash: Yeah who is the one living in the 1950’s? Russ, face facts, Carl Gotch and Lou Thesz are not walking through the door. I have seen a lot in my years in wrestling, I have dined with kings and queens; and I have slept in allies and dined on pork and beans. And the OOWF is the most violent place around.
Russ: Well it’s just not right! F. Fonzworth MacCappington, you used to be someone we could be proud of. You used to fight the good fight against Adrenaline and AA, you were one of the guys in the OOWF that I knew we could count on to make a difference. But now? Now you are nothing more than a thug. A thug and a coward, and mark my words, one of these days, you sir, are going to get what’s coming to you.
Nash: Wow, way to stay impartial there Russ
Russ: BOOMER SOONER
Nash: what does that even mean?
Russ: BOOMER FUCKING SOONER!!!!
Razz: Uh, I think that means we should probably move on to the next match before Russ is moved to, uh, move
Nash: But I……yeah ok ok, fine, next match is, uh, Eric O’Mac facing Concrete TG
Russ: <completely calm as though nothing had happened> What an intriguing match this is. Everyone assumes that it was Moosehead Jack and Chris Cole that engineered the coup against GM the Rick, which included costing Concrete TG his shot at the WWE world title, but in reality Eric O’Mac was the driving force behind the whole thing
Nash: Is he…..
Razz: KEEP UP NASH….Yeah I can’t remember Eric and Crete facing each other too often, but this really has the potential to be a powder keg of a match. Crete is LIVID that he was tricked into coming back to the OOWF, and what is worse, he has not exactly been given the heroes welcome back
Nash: Well he IS a traitor! I mean, I understand where he is coming from. It’s all about the money. The WWE could buy the OOWF ten times over, Crete was smart in making the move, but incredibly dumb for coming back. So what if you promised something? Promises are made to be broken. Crete did the dumb thing in giving up his future for this. You know how much money in endorsements he lost?
Razz: Not that much, he wasn’t living in New York
Nash: Well the WWE is in Stamford, that is close
Razz: Yeah but that really doesn’t matter, you have to live IN either New York or Los Angeles if you hope to make ANY money, that’s pretty much a fact, but if you don’t live in New York, you will never get it.
Russ: Where the hell are you getting these facts?
Razz: I have my sources
Russ: Uh, ok then. Eric and Crete have similar styles, if the rest of the locker room can stay out of the match, this should be an excellent display of athletic prowess between both men
Nash: Good luck there, I think they are STILL fighting
Russ: Let’s head to the ring
ERIC O’MAC vs. CONCRETE TG
Crete heads to the ring from the melee at the top of the ramp holding the back of his head. He slides beneath the ropes and heads to the corner trying to clear the cobwebs. From the fight at the top of the ramp, Eric O’Mac sees Crete in the ring and sprints down the ramp and slides under the bottom rope and tries to attack Crete from behind, but Crete catches him with a kick to the mid section that stops Eric cold. Crete turns Eric in the corner and hammers him with shots to the face, then whips him across the ring. Crete follows Eric across the ring, but Eric leaps over the charging Crete, Crete stops himself before he slams into the turnbuckle and turns and gets ready to super kick Eric in the mouth, but from the outside Moose reaches in and sweeps Crete’s leg, causing just enough of a distraction to allow Eric to nail Crete in the back of the head with an enzuguri! Crete slowly slumps to his knees in the corner and Eric and Moose share a nice laugh. Eric pulls Crete from the corner and plants him on the mat with a belly to belly suplex, then hits a spinning springboard leg drop off the bottom rope. Eric grabs Crete’s arm and works the arm bar, pulling back and trying for the submission. Crete refuses to give up, and works to a sitting base. Eric keeps Crete off balance by repeatedly hammering him with forearms to the back of the head. Crete finally works to a vertical base and backs Eric into the corner where the referee wants a clean break. Eric releases the hold, then lunges at Crete, but Crete avoids Eric and sweeps his legs sending him to the mat. Crete immediately pounces and grinds Eric on the mat with a clothesline, the whole time trading words with Moose on the outside. Eric fights to a vertical base and lifts Crete for a belly to back suplex, but Crete snaps him over and takes Eric back to the mat, releases the hold and both men spring to their feet, Eric tries a spinning heel kick, but Crete ducks and catches Eric with one of his own sending him to the corner. Crete waits for Eric to pull himself to his feet then charges into the corner with a perfect Stinger splash that pancakes Eric. Eric staggers out of the corner and falls face first to the mat. Crete grabs his legs and locks Eric in a Boston crab trying for the submission, and positioning himself so he can keep an eye on Moose. Eric yells in pain but refuses to give up, he fights his way to the ropes and grabs the bottom rope forcing the break. Once Crete releases the hold, Eric slips under the bottom rope to the floor where he is immediately consoled by Moose. Crete waits in the middle of the ring, not taking their bait on the outside. Finally Eric climbs onto the apron and Crete charges over and grabs Eric, blocks a punch thrown, and suplexes Eric back into the ring. Crete waits for Eric to get to his feet, then whips him to the ropes and connects with that super kick he wanted to do earlier. Eric falls to the mat grabbing his jaw in pain as Crete climbs the top rope. Before Crete can do anything, and behind the referee’s back, Moose runs over and shoves Crete off the top rope to the floor. Crete crashes into the steel guard rail. Davin Moreland tears himself away from the fight at the top of the ramp and heads to the ring, as Eric gets to his feet in the middle of the ring, and while the referee is checking on Crete, Davin slips into the ring and hits Eric with A REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! Davin slides out of the ring before he is spotted and heads back up the ramp to help Phantos and Lucios fight off The Heels. Eric is out in the center of the ring, and Crete is out on the outside of the ring. Crete recovers first, pulling himself under the bottom rope and draping an arm across Eric, but he can only get a two count as Eric dramatically rolls his shoulder at two. Crete pulls Eric to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a hurracarana, keeps hold of his legs and gets a two count, Eric reverses it into a sunset flip and gets a two count of his own. Both men spin to their feet and Crete whips Eric to the ropes and tries a clothesline, but Eric ducks it and drops Crete with a hang man’s neck breaker, then heads to the top rope and tries a frog splash, but Crete moves out of the way and Eric gets a face full of canvas. Crete pounces and tries a mahistrol cradle, but Eric kicks out at two. Crete gets to his feet and tries to pull Eric to his feet, but Eric hits a low blow that doubles him over in pain. Eric throws him between the ropes to the floor, but before Moose can get around the ring, Crete jumps back on the apron. Eric tries to stop him but Crete nails Eric with a shoulder block to the gut doubling him over in pain, then tries a sunset flip. Eric struggles to fight the hold, and Moose reaches in from outside and grabs Eric’s arms. Eric drops down on Crete and with the leverage from Moose, gets the one, two, NO! The referee looks up at the last second and sees Moose and kicks Eric’s arms sending Eric over in the sunset flip, one, two, NO! Eric kicks out. Both men get to their feet and Crete leaps on Eric and tries another hurracarana but Eric catches him and PLANTS him on the mat with a power bomb, rolls him up and grabs a handful of tights and gets the one, two, THREE!
WINNER in 13:28 – Eric O’Mac
After the decision, the fight at the top of the ramp finally spills all the way down into the ring. Somewhere in the melee Crete gets to his feet and gets CLOCKED in the face with a chair! Crete goes down like a sack of bricks, and we see that he has been split wide open. The camera looks around and we see Eric O’Mac scurrying out of the ring holding a chair and grinning like the cat that ate the canary. It takes several minutes and numerous officials and Beijing police to clear the ring so the matches can continue. Several men from both sides are left bloody and battered from the fight. Both sides are ordered to remain in the back unless they are specifically involved in the match, I have a feeling no on is going to listen to that.
Russ: Another cheap shot! This is unbelievable!
Razz: Russ, where was this indignation when Stank led Rick’s men in an attack of Bennett and his men?
Russ: That was justified!
Nash: Two wrongs don’t make a right
Russ: What would you know about rights?
Nash: I faced Alex Wright
Razz: Das Wunderkind?
Nash: The same
Russ: What does that have to do with anything?
Nash: Its war, all is fair in love and war, and the OOWF. And that brings me to my guest for the evening “Last Call” Scott Hall!
Russ: What the hell is Scott Hall doing in China
Razz: Shots?
Hall: Hey Yo! Is everybody here to see the OOWF?! (cheers from the crowd) Or is everybody here to see the nWo? Survey Says: one more for the Bad Guys!
Razz: Uh, Scott, no one is here to see the nWo anymore, no one cares
Hall: HOLY SHIT! A LEPRECHAUN! GIMME YOUR GOLD WEE ONE!!!
Razz: Get the fuck off of me! Nash keep your boy under control
Nash: Scotty, Scotty calm down, it’s not a Leprechaun, its Razz. He must have hit the saki bar or something
Razz: Shocking
Nash: So, now for some hard hitting journalism, Scotty what do you think of this little OOWF War going on between Bennett and Rick?
Hall: I think, here’s what I think, I think the West Texas Rednecks are FUCKING AWESOME!!
Nash: Uhh Scott, most of them are dead
Hall: DEAD SEXY!! KEVIN NASH!! BIG KEV!! When did you get here?
Russ: For the love of god can we move on to the next match
Hall: LEMME DO IT!! Our next match is Kevin Cold facing David Moreground, did I get that right?
Nash: Close enough Scotty, why don’t you head back to the hotel and I will catch up with you then
Hall: BIG SEXY!! KEVIN NASH!! BIG KEV!! When did you get here? Where is Samoan Jim? I liked him! Do you like my ICP shirt? WHAT IS A JUGGALO!!!
Nash: Yeah Scott, that’s great SECURITY!! I’ll catch you later tonight
Hall: TOO SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!
Russ: Well that was interesting
Razz: How the hell did he get into China?
Nash: Moving right along, Cole versus Moreland, surely you guys have something to say about that!
Russ: Well it appears that Moreland is had got into Cole’s head, he has beat him seven straight times, that has to weigh on your mind!
Razz: Yeah it does. When you are in this business you have to think you are the best at all times. When you come across a guy that you cannot beat, a guy that just seems to have your number, it gets damn frustrating, and sometimes doubts start to creep into your mind.
Nash: Well, I have never had a losing streak against anyone, so I wouldn’t know what Cole is going through, but I do know Cole, and I know that he is one of the mentally toughest men in wrestling
Razz: Didn’t he snap last summer and run off naked with Seraph?
Nash: Uh, hey look at the time! Its time to go to the ring!
CHRIS COLE vs. DAVIN MORELAND – Best Of Seven Series, Match 3 Davin Moreland Leads 2-0
The Beijing crowd starts to chant something before the next match. If I knew Chinese, I’d tell you what they were saying. Alas, we’re not that lucky. Referee Davis Hightower waits in the ring as the houselights start to change. “Master of Puppets” blows up the PA, as a focused and smirking Chris “The Main Event” Cole makes his way into the ring. The crowd boos for everything they’re worth, and Cole signals to them all that they’re number 1, drawing more boos. A potential riot looks like it will break out until “Pull Me Under” comes over the PA to the darkened houselights and silly, stupid ridiculous pyro from the home of fireworks. Davin Moreland starts talking trash from the ramp, and constantly talks all the way down. Cole starts to yap back, and after Davin’s double jump into the ring – Hightower immediately gets in between them and tells them both something that looks like “cut the shit and wrestle”. This match is the 3rd match in the Best of Seven series for the #1 Contender to the OOWF World Heavyweight title between Davin Moreland and Chris “The Main Event” Cole. Davin Moreland leads 2-0. Hightower senses he can’t hold these two off each other any longer, and he calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Moreland and Cole charge right after each other and start trading some HEAVY haymakers and this looks like a hockey game. Cole ducks one shot, his eye already swelling, and is able to counter with a kick directly to Moreland’s knee, and Davin stops swinging. SWINGING NECKBREAKER from Cole and he starts to fire up. Cole runs the ropes and DESTROYS Moreland with a RUNNING CLOTHESLINE. Cole gets to the near turnbuckle and hits a BIG Double Leg drop off the 2nd rope. Cole grabs Moreland’s legs and looks to end this one early. Cover: 1, t…no. Cole is not wasting time and goes right back to Davin’s legs, and locks in the ELEVATED TEXAS CLOVERLEAF! Davin is in HUGE trouble! Hightower slides in looking for the tap and it really doesn’t look too good for Moreland. 30 seconds pass and Davin can get nowhere from the center of the ring. A full minute passes and the crowd starts to chant “More-rand…More-rand…” This fires up Moreland a bit and he tries to power out of the hold, but gets nowhere. 90 seconds and FINALLY Moreland inches toward the ropes. Finally a full two minutes have gone by before Davin can reach the ropes. Hightower calls for the break and Cole uses the whole 5-count.
Cole finally relents and breaks the hold, but a stunned Moreland is still holding the bottom rope and hasn’t gotten up yet, still trying to literally shake the cobwebs out. Finally, he uses the ropes for assistance and is able to get up to a vertical base. Cole can’t wait a second longer and charges…you guessed it…LOW BRIDGE! Cole falls all the way out to the barrier, and Moreland, playing a bit of possum apparently, already looks 100% better and DRILLS Cole with a SLINGSHOT 360 PLANCHA, forcing Cole down, and it’s time for some BARRIER RELATED OFFENSE! Cole takes the ride into the STEEL STEPS! Moreland goes over to the Jost Van Dyckian Announce Table, and starts to do some housecleaning! Monitors and the top of the table are carefully placed on the ground. Moreland goes over to cool, but eats a LOW BLOW for his trouble. Cole limps to his feet, and grabs the still-doubled-over Moreland by his hair and lands a Shitty Jericho Bulldog on the Jost Van Dyckian Announce Table! Cole gets to the top and pulls Moreland up with him…sets him up…and hits a…wait for it…HEADLINER THROUGH THE JOST VAN DYCKIAN ANNOUCNE TABLE! Here lies Davin Moreland…we hardly knew ye. Cole limps back into the ring and Hightower starts a count. Moreland is stirring by the count of 7 and makes his way back to the ring. Wait. What is that? Something’s moving under the ring, and it’s The Dead, Viper and The E! They’ve got CLANGY POLES! It just so happens that when the three make their appearance, Cole starts complaining about something (equipment malfunction, maybe?) and distracts Hightower as Moreland gets his bones broken by CLANGY POLES. Finally, the three have had enough and toss their CLANGY POLES under the ring, the signal for Cole to stop bitching and tell Hightower to count again. Hightower resumes his count at 8, but the result is academic.
WINNER by COUNTOUT (via nefarious means and cheating) in 12:17, CHRIS COLE!
The Heels, IHOP, MacCappington, Hardcore, and LD all come charging down to the ring, while Bennett and Moose assume their normal positions around the ring directing traffic as an 11 on 1 beat down ensues on the already dead Moreland…continues to be dead. Aerosmith starts to pump from the PA and Phantos, Lucios and Carl from Fresno all fly down to ringside, with Carl focusing on MacCappington, but the numbers start to turn again. Bunny charges down and does something flippy which momentarily takes out 4 people from the fight. Concrete TG comes down and goes right after Moose, and after taking him out, looks to brawl with Eric. DRINK AND DESTROY are out, Stank, the Sons and OBJ join in the fray, as the tide starts to turn. BAD and Capellan come flying down, and Team OOWF has the numbers! GM the Rick appears at the top of the ramp as Team OOWF clears the ring and flattens Team Bennett, reclaiming the ring.
Live! From Beijing, China
Russ: Ladies and Gentlemen WELCOME to the OOWF Blood on the Great Wall pay per view, LIVE from Beijing, China! As always joining me are Razz and Nash
Razz: Wow, what an honor to be coming to you live from China! Whoda ever thunk it Russ! CHINA!
Nash: It must be something for you Razz, how often is it you are in a country where you are taller than nine billion other people?
Razz: Hey, Nash, I heard they got you doing a run in for the main event; you might want to get started toward the ring now.
Russ: If we can get back on track, folks we have a great show for you tonight, three title matches, and the OOWF World Heavyweight title will be defended inside a steel cage!
Razz: That one will be rocketbusters no question about it. Stank and LD Williams have been at each other for months, and this should be the last match between them for a bit.
Nash: That one will be a great match, but the match I am looking forward to is Chris Cole and Davin Moreland. They have this best of seven series going on, and right now it is all Davin, I would say if someone can get in another person’s head, Davin has certainly done that to Cole.
Russ: It will be a great night of action. We start with the first ever OOWF Chicken Suit Match! The loser will be forced to wear a chicken suit in the middle of the ring!
Nash: Why a chicken suit?
Russ: Well, my sources tell me that the match was originally supposed to be the loser getting fired, but at the last minute someone promoed and saved their job.
<kayfabe walks into the picture and stares at Russ>
Russ: What? That’s what happened.
Razz: So we have a nice mix of guys in this match, you have Carl From Fresno, the man who won a contract with the OOWF last month at the MADNESS pay per view, Ryan Hardcore and Mark Vander
Russ: So who is your pick to “win” or I guess, more appropriately, lose this match?
Razz: I am going with Nerve he is the smallest guy in the match, I am not so sure he will be able to keep up with the rest of them
Nash: Are you kidding me? Look, I question the vanilla midgets as much as anyone else, but Carl From Fresno……is he even a wrestler? I mean the guy was homeless as of a month ago. Norman the Lunatic laughs at his wrestling skills! This one is a no brainer; Carl wears the chicken suit, then probably tries to eat himself.
Russ: Well Carl HAS been training with Run DLP, so I can only assume his skills have improved, and with all his endorsement deals he is not as hungry as he once was. My pick is Ryan Hardcore. The man is as physically gifted as anyone on the roster, but seems to be perpetually………distracted
Nash: Can you blame him?
Russ: Nash, I am a happily married man
Razz: Let’s head to the ring!
THE NERVE AGENT vs. MARK VANDER vs. RYAN HARDCORE vs. CARL FROM FRESNO – Elimination Match, Last Eliminated Wears a Chicken Suit
The wrestlers all go through their various entrances and everyone assembles in the ring. This match is very simple, you score a pin or a submission and you are eliminated from the match and you are safe. The last person pinned, however, is no longer employed by the OOWF. Nerve and Hardcore immediately attack Carl and Vander. Nerve rakes Vander’s eyes and throws him over the top rope to the floor and follows him out of the ring. Inside the ring Hardcore sends Carl to the ropes and catches him with a kick to the mid section and plants him with a DDT. Ryan rolls Carl over and mounts him and hammers him with shots to the head. On the outside Nerve bounces Vander’s head off the guard rail, then scoops him up and plants him on the floor with a slam. Nerve climbs to the apron and tries a senton, but Vander moves out of the way and Nerve slams back first onto the floor. Vander gets to his feet and waits for Nerve to get up, and nearly kicks his head off with a big boot. Inside the ring, Hardcore pulls Carl to his feet and tries a whip to the ropes but Carl reverses it, Hardcore tries a cross body block but Carl catches him and hefts him up to his shoulders and falls back with a Samoan drop. Hardcore rolls out of the ring to the floor and Vander slides under the ropes and he and Carl face off the two men trade hay makers in the middle of the ring, Vander gets the advantage with a knee to the mid section and sends Carl to the ropes, from the outside Hardcore low bridges him sending him over the top rope to the floor. Hardcore jumps onto the apron and challenges Vander, as Vander stares at him, the Nerve Agent slips into the ring behind him and grabs Vander around the waist and hits a bridging German suplex for a two count. Nerve spins to his feet and grabs Vander and sends him to the corner, Hardcore charges in and catches him with a high knee to the side of the head, then tries to take him out of the corner with a bulldog but Vander shoves him off right into a clothesline from Carl. Nerves attacks Vander from behind and hits a lung blower and covers, but only gets a two count. Carl pulls Hardcore to his feet, but Hardcore hits him with a scientific thumb to the eye blinding him momentarily, then Hardcore turns and waits for Nerve to get to his feet, and pops him in the mouth with a super kick! Nerve falls between the ropes to the floor. Hardcore grabs Vander and shoots him between the ropes to the floor, then climbs to the top rope and waits for Carl to stop staggering around. Carl straightens up and Hardcore leaps for a cross body block, but Carl catches him and hits a DIAMOND CUTTER NOT QUITE AS GOOD AS DAVIN MORELAND’S BUT STILL PRETTY DARN GOOD IN ITS OWN RIGHT! Carl covers Hardcore and gets the one, two three! Carl From Fresno is eliminated and thus does not have to wear the suit! Hardcore gets to his feet and argues with the referee for a moment, but to no avail. He turns around and gets a missile dropkick from Nerve that sends him out of the ring. As Nerve gets to his feet Mark Vander charges at him, but Nerve takes him to the mat with a drop toe hold. Vander looks up and Hardcore catches him with a stiff kick right to the face. It appears that Hardcore and Nerve are working together here, that can’t be good for Vander. They pull him up and whip him into the corner and Hardcore sets him on the top rope and sets him up for a superplex, but at the last second Nerve runs under Hardcore and we get the always fun superplex/powerbomb combo! Nerve covers Hardcore but he kicks out at two. The Nerve Agent and Ryan Hardcore both get to their feet and they start arguing over which insurance company is more likely to save them the most money. Nerve has had enough and he catches Hardcore with a spinning fist to the side of the head that sends Hardcore out of the ring. The Nerve Agent turns around and clearly has not been paying attention because Vander charges across the ring and nearly separates his head from his body with a clothesline from hell! Vander covers and hooks the leg and gets the one, two, three! Vander is eliminated and thus does not have to wear the chicken suit! We are down to just two men, The Nerve Agent and Ryan Hardcore! One of these men will be wrestling their last match in an OOWF ring. Nerve and Hardcore go nose to nose in the center of the ring and start a criss cross, Hardcore drops to the mat and Nerve puts on the breaks and drops a knee across the small of his back. Hardcore writhes in pain and Nerve gets back to his feet and hits a senton right to the small of Hardcore’s back. Nerve rolls him over and covers, but Hardcore kicks out at two. Both men get to their feet and Nerve whips Hardcore into the corner and charges in after him, but Hardcore side steps and Nerve slams chest first into the corner, Hardcore hits a spinning front kick that nails Nerve right in the jaw, Hardcore springs off the bottom rope with a moonsault and covers, but can only get a two count. Hardcore shows a little frustration and argues with the referee instead of paying attention to Nerve. Hardcore finally turns back to The Nerve Agent and pulls him off the mat and tries a whip to the ropes, but Nerve reverses it and catches Hardcore with a kick to the mid-section, hooks him in a fisherman’s suplex, and hits a FISHERMAN BUSTER!!! Hardcore is dead! Nerve keeps he leg hooked, bridges and gets the one, two, THREE! The Nerve Agent is safe, Ryan Hardcore has to wear a chicken suit!
WINNERS in 14:51 – Mark Vander, Carl From Fresno & The Nerve Agent
Hardcore slowly gets to his feet and when he realizes what is about to happen he throws a fit, but the other wrestlers hold him down and force him into the suit. When they get done he looks like the chicken from Family Guy. The crowd has a good time mocking him, and he throws a fit and threatens bodily harm on most of the front row. Lauren Phoenix makes her way into the ring and she eyes Hardcore up and down, then puts on her sexiest smile and sashays over to Hardcore and whispers something into his ear, then leaves the ring, pausing only to beckon Hardcore. Ryan’s demeanor immediately changes from temper tantrum to Cheshire cat grin as he leaves the ring and the two have their hands all over each other as they head to the back. We can only imagine what is going to go on back there.
Russ: Well, Ryan Hardcore did indeed end up wearing the chicken suit, but I am not sure it is going to turn out as humiliating as we had all thought, what could Lauren Phoenix have POSSIBLY said to him?
Razz: Well, there is a certain subset of people that belong to the Furry culture
Russ: What?
Razz: Well some of them like to dress like animals and have sexual encounters as their animal personas
Nash: And you know about this HOW?
Razz: Taz wasn’t just my wrestling name Nash
<silence fills the booth>
Russ: Ok, moving on to something else
Nash: Please do. Freak
Russ: Moving on, we have the Midnight Sons facing Blitz and Voltage in their “off week” from the OOWF World Tag Team Round Robin Tournament. The Sons are done with the tourney having finished 2-2. They could still win it, but they would need some help, and then there would have to be some sort of tie breaker that I can’t even quite figure out. Is there any reason The Sons shouldn’t win this match?
Razz: No
Nash: No
Russ: Ok, well in the interest of remaining unbiased, is there any way Blitz and Voltage can win this match?
Razz: Well sure they CAN win this match. Voltage is a former tag team champion, and Blitz is an accomplished wrestler in his own right, but the Sons are on top of their game right now. They can give them a run, but I just can’t see them beating the Sons
Nash: I remember another team that was not given a chance to win. A little team called The Outsiders. No one gave us a chance against Harlem Heat, but we overcame the odds and won the match. It was one of the greatest upsets in wrestling history!
Razz: No it wasn’t. And no one thought you couldn’t win. In fact, the exact opposite was true, no one thought Harlem Heat would keep the titles. You were there weren’t you?
Russ: Before this gets out of hand, let’s go to the ring.
THE MIDNIGHT SONS vs. BLITZ & VOLTAGE
Blitz and Voltage come to the ring and fire up the crowd by mocking the Sons, probably not the smartest idea they could come up with. Immigrant Song fires up and Magnusson and Hansen storm the ring and attack. Blitz and Voltage try to defend themselves but they are simply overwhelmed. Magnusson whips Voltage to the ropes and catches him with a thunderous power slam. Spin reverses a Blitz whip attempt and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a spine cracking spine buster. Blitz and Voltage powder out under the bottom rope and Magnusson and Spin climb to the corner turnbuckles and pose for the crowd as they roar their approval. Blitz and Voltage slide back into the ring and try to attack pulling Spin and DH off the corners and trapping them in the corner with shots to the chest. Blitz and Voltage try a double whip but it is reversed. Blitz and Voltage pull up short before they can collide and point to their heads. They turn back to the corners and Spin and DH both charge out of their corners and catch them with clotheslines that sandwiches the two of them together. Blitz and Voltage slump to the mat in a heap, Spin grabs Blitz and throws him over the top rope to the floor, then waits on the apron. Looks like they have decided that it will be Magnusson and Voltage starting things off properly. Magnusson pulls Voltage off the mat and hauls hum to his shoulders and hits a forward roll into his corner and tags in Spin. Hansen comes in and measures Voltage, waiting for him to get to his feet, as he does, Hansen hammers him with shots to the body, using Voltage for a punching bag before finishing him off with a spinning elbow to the temple. Voltage goes down like a sack of potatoes, and Spin covers and gets two before Blitz breaks it up at two. Magnusson charges into the ring and drills Blitz with a spear that nearly cuts him in half. Blitz rolls under the ropes to the floor, no doubt to make sure his innards are not soup. Spin pulls Voltage to his feet and lifts him like he is going to give him an atomic drop, then tags in Magnusson who climbs to the second rope and drops a forearm down across Voltage’s chest flipping him off of Spin’s shoulder to the mat. Magnusson immediately pounces on Voltage, who tries to cover up and give Magnusson nothing to work with Magnusson hammers Voltage in the back of the head with forearms until Voltage relents and tries to cover up the back of his head, as soon as he does, Magnusson grabs him in the cross face and pulls back on Voltage’s head. Volt works his way to the ropes forcing the break, but not before Magnusson tried to break his neck. Magnusson breaks the hold and pulls Voltage to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a big boot to the face. Magnusson drags Voltage over to the Sons corner and tags in Hansen, Spin comes in and drops a series of knees across Voltage’s chest, then sits Volt up and connects with several stiff kicks to his back. Voltage desperately needs a tag here otherwise he is done. Spin pulls him to his feet and hauls him up for a suplex and leaves him there for a bit to think about it before slamming backward to the mat. Spin starts to cover, then sees that Blitz is already on his way into the ring, so he gets to his feet and blocks a wild swing from Blitz, and catches him with a half nelson slam that plants him on the mat. Magnusson and Spin grab Voltage and lift him for a suplex, leave him hanging there, then plant him face first on the mat. Spin covers but Voltage manages to kick out at two. Spin pulls Voltage to his feet and shoves him to the ropes and lowers his head a moment too soon, Voltage hits a desperation kick to the jaw that stands Spin up, then clotheslines him to the mat before turning and diving toward his corner and tagging in Blitz. Blitz waits on the apron for Spin to get up, still doubled over in pain, Blitz leaps over the top rope and plants Spin on the mat with a DDT, then kips up to his feet and charges across the ring and tries to nail Magnusson, but DH blocks the punch, grabs Blitz and slams him face first into the top turnbuckle. Blitz staggers across the ring Spin kicks him in the gut and DESTROYS him with a package pile driver! Spin gets to his feet and drags Blitz’s carcass across the ring and tags in DH Magnusson. Magnusson pulls Blitz to his feet and stands him up against the ropes and charges and gives Blitz a boot to the face that sends him o the floor. Magnusson steps out of the ring to the apron and gets a running start and drops an elbow down across Blitz’s chest, driving all the wind out of him. The fans cheer wildly and call for an end to this one. Magnusson peels Blitz off of the floor and rolls him under the ropes back into the ring. He follows and pulls Blitz to his feet, hits an inverted atomic drop, then a wicked clothesline that sends him right back to the mat. Magnusson tags in Spin, then hauls Blitz up for a power bomb, at the same time Spin climbs to the top rope and leaps, they hit the 100 PROOF Power bomb/Elbow combo that PLANTS Blitz on the mat driving the air, and possibly the life, from his body. Spin covers and completely unnecessarily hooks the leg while Magnusson runs across the ring and keeps Voltage at bay, the referee falls to the mat and we get the one, two , three.
WINNERS in 8:02 – The Midnight Sons
Russ: Well not surprise there, Blitz and Voltage put up a good enough fight, but in the end, the Sons proved they were the better team there.
Razz: When this team is focused, they are among the elite teams in the OOWF, and no matter what happens in the round robin tournament, I would put money on the Sons coming out of this with another run with the belts.
Nash: They remind me of another great team from the past, a team that doesn’t get the recognition they deserve among wrestling historians. I am of course talking about, The Conquistadors
Razz: What?
Russ: Nash, are you serious?
Nash: Hey, they made it to the finals of the Survivor Series tag team match, they were a dangerous team that never got their due.
Razz: THEY WERE JOBBERS!!!
<Kayfabe appears again>
Razz: What? They WERE!
Nash: I stand by my statement
Russ: I think Nash has finally slipped free of his senses, maybe our next match will help snap him back to reality.
Razz: I am really looking forward to this match. One of the hardest things to do is win multiple matches in one night, but that is the chance that six OOWF wrestlers will get tonight. The winner will face Bunny for the OOWF Onslaught championship later tonight!
Russ: This is an excellent chance for two OOWF newcomers, Tyson Kincaid and The Amnesiac to make their mark on the OOWF, Nash what kind of a chance do you think they have?
Nash: Well, clearly they are in the ring with four people that have more OOWF experience than they do, but in this type of match, where there will be bodies flying everywhere and it is essentially chaos, anything can happen. All it takes it three seconds and you can walk out of the ring with a shot at gold
Russ: Do you think Firewoman’s recent actions will prove to be too much of a distraction for her?
Razz: That woman right there is one spitfire I would not want to cross
Nash: Unless she was wearing a beaver suit
Razz: ANYway, I think her recent actions will only motivate her. I am looking for her to go into this match with a clear head and take the whole thing.
Russ: Well, there is only one way to find out, let’s head to the ring
FIREWOMAN vs. BEAST vs. THE DEAD vs. AMNESIAC vs. OUTBACK JACK vs. TYSON KINCAID – Winner Gets an OOWF Onslaught Championship Title Match Tonight
The winner of this match gets an Onslaught title shot against Bunny later tonight. This is another chance for Firewoman, Beast, Dead and Jack to make their mark in the OOWF, they have had some chances before, but even more impressively, this is a real opportunity for two OOWF newcomers to prove their worth. Amnesiac and “The Riot Act” Tyson Kincaid have been added to this match and they will get a shot at making one hell of a splash in their pay per view debuts. All six participants make it to the ring and after all the intros are finally done the bell rings and ITS ON! Firewoman immediately charges across the ring and catches Beast with a kick upside the head that staggers him against the ropes. The new guys look at each other and shrug and go after Dead and Jack and hammer them with punches and chops to the chest. They try a double whip to the ropes, but Jack and Dead reverse it, Dead sets up for a Close the Casket but Amnesiac holds on to the ropes. Dead charges at him and Amnesiac back drops him over the top rope, then springs over the top and takes Dead out as soon as he gets to his feet. Kincaid rebounds off the ropes and Jack catches him with a power slam, then doesn’t even go for a cover, instead the two men roll around the ring hammering each other into oblivion. Meanwhile Beast has Fire trapped in the corner and grabs her by the head and head buts her in the face, bloodying her nose. Fire falls to her knees in the corner and grabs her face. Beast looks out at the crowd and laughs a bit, not a smart move. Fire nails Beast with a low blow, then gets to her feet and spits a mouth full of blood into his face temporarily blinding him. Fire climbs to the second rope and grabs Beast and hits a tornado DDT out of the corner. On the outside of the ring, Dead and Amnesiac are both on their feet, Amnesiac charges, but Dead sides steps and shoves him into the guardrail. Amnesiac slumps to the floor and Dead charges in and gives him a face wash with the laces on his boots. Meanwhile Kincaid has Jack on his feet and lifts him and drops him with an inverted atomic drop, then tries a diamond cutter but Jack shoves him to the ropes and tries catching him with a knee to the mid section, but Kincaid leaps over Jack’s knee and rolls him up from behind with a two count that is broken up by Fire. Firewoman pulls Kincaid to his feet and hauls him up in a vertical suplex, then slingshots him off the top rope and slams him to the mat, she floats over and gets a two count. Meanwhile Jack pulls Beast to his feet, but Beast explodes and nails Jack with a spinning fist that sends him out of the ring. Beast stands in the center of the ring and bellows like a wounded animal. Fire gets to her feet and the two of them go nose to nose. Meanwhile on the outside, Dead and Amnesiac both climb to the top rope and hit Beast with missile drop kicks that send him staggering toward Fire, she catches him with a boot to the gut then hits a pile driver! Fire covers, but it is broken up by everyone. Kincaid grabs Fire and whips her into the corner and follows her in and catches her with a high knee to the side of the face. Amnesiac runs to the ropes, but Jack low bridges him from the outside sending him over the top rope to the floor. The Dead drags Beast to the ropes and hangs him in the bottom rope throat first and stands on the back of his head. Kincaid sets Fire on the top rope and climbs up for a superplex, but Fire fights out of it with shots to the gut, then bites him in the face sending him back into the ring. Fire steadies herself on the top rope and leaps, connecting with a hurracarana that sends Kincaid out of the ring to the floor. Dead pulls Beast off the ropes and tries to whip him to the ropes, but Beast reverses it and catches him with a big boot to the face. Dead staggers back against the ropes and Beast charges at a stunned Beast, but Fire grabs Dead and pulls him out of the way and Beast sails over the top rope and takes out Jack, Amnesiac and Kincaid on the floor. Fire and Dead turn to each other, the only two left in the ring, they lock up and Dead sends Fire to the ropes, she springs off the bottom rope and tries a back elbow, but Dead catches her and turns it into a German suplex with a bridge for a two count. Dead gets to his feet and waits for Fire to get to hers, he sets her up for the Close the Casket, but she moves out of the way just as he throws the kick and slips behind him and rolls Dead up for a two count. Both spin to their feet and Fire hits the ropes and tries a cross body block, but Dead catches her and spins her to the mat with a side winder choke slam, and gets another two count. On the outside, bodies are finally starting to get untangled on the floor. Beast and Outback Jack climb onto the apron and they brawl, Dead grabs Fire and tries a whip, but she reverses it, Dead puts on the breaks and connects with a Close the Casket to Beast sending him back to the floor, but Jack catches Dead with a clothesline to the back of the head that staggers him. Amnesiac and Tyson Kincaid pull Jack off the apron and attack him again. Dead staggers toward the middle of the ring and Fire grabs Dead and hits the Firebomb (pump handle slam) hooks the leg and gets the one, two THREE just as Dead kicks out.
WINNER in 13:12 – Firewoman
After the match, Fire raises her arms in victory while Dead sits on the mat dejected over his loss. He gets to his feet and grabs Fire and spins her around. They share a moment of tense stare down of mutual animosity before Dead puts out his fist. Fire hesitates for a moment then bumps knuckles with Dead. Dead leaves the ring and joins the fight on the outside while Fire soaks in her victory in the middle of the ring.
Russ: Nice show of respect there from The Dead, but I cannot imagine that would extend to a one on one match between the two of them. From what I have been able to piece together, they are friendly rivals
Razz: Great win by Firewoman, she had to deal with a lot of distractions this week and she managed to put all that behind her and focus on the match, a lesser person would not have been able to do that.
Nash: but……she’s a WOMAN……..and the OOWF doesn’t have a women’s title!
Razz: What’s it like back there Nash?
Nash: Back where?
Razz: The 1950’s. Tell Ward and June Cleaver I said hello.
Nash: Wait, she gets a shot at the Onslaught title?
Russ: Yes Nash, have you not been paying attention?
Nash: And that’s the title that is all pure and stuff? No cheating?
Razz: Well it used to be yeah, but they changed that a bit, though Bunny never said what his stips were
Nash: Well that makes…..wait, did you say Bunny?
Russ: Yeah Bunny won the Onslaught Championship from Eric O’Mac
Nash: a BUNNY holds a title?
Razz: Not A Bunny, THE Bunny
Russ: Do you even WATCH the OOWF when we are not announcing?
Nash: This all makes no sense to me, your language is foreign, I will have to ask Joe about all this pure stuff, he gets off on that. A Bunny?
Razz: Is that any worse than a guy who thinks he is a super-hero?
Nash: John Cena is in the WWE
Razz: Touché
Russ: If you two are done, can we move on to the next match?
Razz: Of course
Nash: The next match, easy, F. Fonzworth MacCappington takes on former LOADED member and total Judas Ecosystem
Russ: Well, I am not sure I would call him Judas…..
Nash: Did he not turn his back on Bennett and LOADED to join Rick’s side? Hell not just JOIN Rick’s side but help RUN Rick’s side! That’s a Judas where I come from!
Razz: Yeah Russ, I have to agree with Nash on this one, they say there is no honor among thieves, but man, what Eco did cut MacCappington to the bone
Russ: And after what MacCappington and Donovan Viper did to Firechild last week, am I REALLY supposed to have any sympathy for them?
Razz: Eh, yeah that was a little extreme perhaps
Nash: EXTREME? Was it extreme when I tossed Rey Mysterio into the side of a trailer like a lawn dart?
Razz: Well, yeah sort of
Nash: Was it EXTREME when we ran the Steiner’s off the road and left them for dead?
Razz: Well, yeah it was….
Russ: Forget it, he’s rolling, just let him finish
Nash: WRESTING is EXTREME!!!! You have to be EXTREME to make your point around here! When I wrestled in Tibet, I swerved the Dali Llama and kicked his head into the tenth row!!
Razz: That never….
Russ: Shhh
Nash: It’s all about making a POINT! MacCappington and Viper DREW the BATTLE LINES!!! THEY ARE TAKING OVER!! TOO SWEET FOR LIFE!!!!
Russ: You done?
Nash: I think I hurt myself
Razz: Quad?
Nash: Yeah
Russ: Let’s go to the ring
F. FONZWORTH MACCAPPINGTON III vs. ECOSYSTEM
MacCappington is out first, and he is accompanied as always by Lance, but this time, Moosehead Jack also comes to the ring with him. Well that is certainly an interesting turn of events. They come to the ring and MacCappington looks ready for action. Ecosystem’s music hits and he comes to the top of the ramp, then pauses for a moment. After a few seconds he is flanked on either side by Davin Moreland and Concrete TG? What the hell? Crete and Davin remain at the top of the ramp, they are not exactly chatting it up, but the fact that they are out there together at all speaks volumes. They remain at the top because they clearly don’t have a managerial license, but before Eco leaves for the ring, Wally B. King comes out and heads to the ring with Eco, he DOES have a valid manager’s license! Eco and Wally make his way to the ring and Eco steps between the ropes, and it looks like we are ready to start. The two men meet in the center of the ring and MacCappington just smirks at Eco, Eco glances at Wally, which gives FFM the opening he wants. FFM nails Eco on the side of the head with a forearm, then grabs him and tries to whip him across the ring, but Eco reverses the whip and pulls FFM back to him and hits him with a clothesline that rocks the big man back on his heels. Eco keeps hold of FFM’s arm and lands some stiff chops to his chest, then finishes it up with a leaping enzuguri that sends FFM down to one knee. Eco hits the ropes and connects with a knee to the back of FFM’s head that sends him to the mat face first. Moosehead Jack immediately jumps up on the apron, and at the top of the ramp Crete and Davin both get to their feet ready to run to Eco’s aid should things get out of hand. Eco charges at Moose and Moose jumps off the apron. MacCappington is back to his feet and he tries to attack from behind, but Eco sidesteps and shoves FFM to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a knee to the mid section that doubles him over in pain, then bounds off the ropes and sends FFM through the ropes with a knee lift. FFM storms around on the outside and has a meeting of the minds with Lance and Moose. Inside the ring, Eco gets a running start, scales the corner, pauses for a second to get his balance and leaps intending to take out all three men, but at the last second Moose looks up and all three move out of the way and Eco crashes into the first row. MacCappington reaches over the guard rail and grabs Eco by the head and slams him face first into the guard rail several times, then hip tosses him back over the railing. Eco struggles to get his bearings and spits out a mouth full of blood, right onto FFM’s boots. This only serves to enrage FFM, and he catches him with several stiff kicks to the mouth before pulling him to his feet and throwing him under the bottom rope. MacCappington steps between the ropes and steps right on Eco’s throat and keeps his boot there while he argues with the referee cutting off Eco’s air supply. The referee finally notices and starts the five count, FFM breaks it just before he would be disqualified. MacCappington pulls Eco to his feet and sends him into the corner and follows him in with a thunderous clothesline, then hefts him up on his shoulders and drives him to the mat with a Silicon Valley Driver! Eco is out! FFM covers one, two, thre….NO! Wally reaches into the ring and puts Eco’s foot on the bottom rope! Moose jumps onto the apron and yells at the referee, meanwhile Wally slips something to Eco. Lance runs around the ring and confronts Wally, but he gets a pimp cane upside the head and that ends THAT real fast. Inside the ring, FFM pulls Eco to his feet and we see that Wally has slipped Eco brass knuckles! Eco swings and NAILS FFM right in the temple, he falls to the mat, apparently out cold. Lance recovers enough to get the referee’s attention, while he is distracted Moose runs around the ring and CLOCKS Wally with a chair to the back of the head. Eco gets to his feet in the middle of the ring and staggers against the ropes, Moose jumps on the apron and locks him in the ji-endo from outside the ring! Eco struggles but starts to fade. At the top of the ramp Crete and Davin get to their feet, but before they can go far they are ambushed from behind by The Heels, Eric O’Mac and Chris Cole! They get drilled with chair shots and end up laid out at the top of the ramp before anyone can come out for the save. Meanwhile in the ring, Wally pulls Lance off the apron and the two fight at ring side. Eco is nearly out on his feet from the standing ji-endo, Moose releases the hold and shoves Eco toward MacCappington, who has recovered nicely by now, he grabs Eco and hits the GREETINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS! But MacCappington is not done yet, he pulls Eco to his feet and lifts him in the air for a vertical suplex, then drives him to the mat with a Steiner screwdriver, twisting his neck awkwardly. Moose distracts the referee and Donovan Viper runs through the crowd with his chain. MacCappington pulls Eco to his feet and Viper BLASTS him with his chain! The two take turns hammering Eco in the face with the chain until he is a bloody mess. Meanwhile at the top of the ramp officials are trying to keep the two factions separate and preventing them from killing each other, so no one from Rick’s side sees Eco being mauled. Finally Viper takes his chain and hops out of the ring escaping through the crowd. The referee turns around and sees MacCappington covering a barely conscious Ecosystem and makes the merciful one, two, three.
WINNER in 11:52 – F. Fonzworth MacCappington
Russ: DAMMIT THAT IS JUST NOT RIGHT!!!
Nash: I told you Russ….
Russ: YOU TOLD ME NOTHING!! Is it not enough that these two animals nearly killed Firechild last week? Now they have to do the same to Ecosystem?
Razz: Well, thankfully it wasn’t as bad
Russ: That’s not the point, the point is, this is supposed to be an athletic competition between two great athletes and now you have someone running in with a damn chain! A CHAIN!!! This is not what wrestling is all about! This is not what the OOWF is all about!
Razz: Have you been watching Russ?
Nash: Yeah who is the one living in the 1950’s? Russ, face facts, Carl Gotch and Lou Thesz are not walking through the door. I have seen a lot in my years in wrestling, I have dined with kings and queens; and I have slept in allies and dined on pork and beans. And the OOWF is the most violent place around.
Russ: Well it’s just not right! F. Fonzworth MacCappington, you used to be someone we could be proud of. You used to fight the good fight against Adrenaline and AA, you were one of the guys in the OOWF that I knew we could count on to make a difference. But now? Now you are nothing more than a thug. A thug and a coward, and mark my words, one of these days, you sir, are going to get what’s coming to you.
Nash: Wow, way to stay impartial there Russ
Russ: BOOMER SOONER
Nash: what does that even mean?
Russ: BOOMER FUCKING SOONER!!!!
Razz: Uh, I think that means we should probably move on to the next match before Russ is moved to, uh, move
Nash: But I……yeah ok ok, fine, next match is, uh, Eric O’Mac facing Concrete TG
Russ: <completely calm as though nothing had happened> What an intriguing match this is. Everyone assumes that it was Moosehead Jack and Chris Cole that engineered the coup against GM the Rick, which included costing Concrete TG his shot at the WWE world title, but in reality Eric O’Mac was the driving force behind the whole thing
Nash: Is he…..
Razz: KEEP UP NASH….Yeah I can’t remember Eric and Crete facing each other too often, but this really has the potential to be a powder keg of a match. Crete is LIVID that he was tricked into coming back to the OOWF, and what is worse, he has not exactly been given the heroes welcome back
Nash: Well he IS a traitor! I mean, I understand where he is coming from. It’s all about the money. The WWE could buy the OOWF ten times over, Crete was smart in making the move, but incredibly dumb for coming back. So what if you promised something? Promises are made to be broken. Crete did the dumb thing in giving up his future for this. You know how much money in endorsements he lost?
Razz: Not that much, he wasn’t living in New York
Nash: Well the WWE is in Stamford, that is close
Razz: Yeah but that really doesn’t matter, you have to live IN either New York or Los Angeles if you hope to make ANY money, that’s pretty much a fact, but if you don’t live in New York, you will never get it.
Russ: Where the hell are you getting these facts?
Razz: I have my sources
Russ: Uh, ok then. Eric and Crete have similar styles, if the rest of the locker room can stay out of the match, this should be an excellent display of athletic prowess between both men
Nash: Good luck there, I think they are STILL fighting
Russ: Let’s head to the ring
ERIC O’MAC vs. CONCRETE TG
Crete heads to the ring from the melee at the top of the ramp holding the back of his head. He slides beneath the ropes and heads to the corner trying to clear the cobwebs. From the fight at the top of the ramp, Eric O’Mac sees Crete in the ring and sprints down the ramp and slides under the bottom rope and tries to attack Crete from behind, but Crete catches him with a kick to the mid section that stops Eric cold. Crete turns Eric in the corner and hammers him with shots to the face, then whips him across the ring. Crete follows Eric across the ring, but Eric leaps over the charging Crete, Crete stops himself before he slams into the turnbuckle and turns and gets ready to super kick Eric in the mouth, but from the outside Moose reaches in and sweeps Crete’s leg, causing just enough of a distraction to allow Eric to nail Crete in the back of the head with an enzuguri! Crete slowly slumps to his knees in the corner and Eric and Moose share a nice laugh. Eric pulls Crete from the corner and plants him on the mat with a belly to belly suplex, then hits a spinning springboard leg drop off the bottom rope. Eric grabs Crete’s arm and works the arm bar, pulling back and trying for the submission. Crete refuses to give up, and works to a sitting base. Eric keeps Crete off balance by repeatedly hammering him with forearms to the back of the head. Crete finally works to a vertical base and backs Eric into the corner where the referee wants a clean break. Eric releases the hold, then lunges at Crete, but Crete avoids Eric and sweeps his legs sending him to the mat. Crete immediately pounces and grinds Eric on the mat with a clothesline, the whole time trading words with Moose on the outside. Eric fights to a vertical base and lifts Crete for a belly to back suplex, but Crete snaps him over and takes Eric back to the mat, releases the hold and both men spring to their feet, Eric tries a spinning heel kick, but Crete ducks and catches Eric with one of his own sending him to the corner. Crete waits for Eric to pull himself to his feet then charges into the corner with a perfect Stinger splash that pancakes Eric. Eric staggers out of the corner and falls face first to the mat. Crete grabs his legs and locks Eric in a Boston crab trying for the submission, and positioning himself so he can keep an eye on Moose. Eric yells in pain but refuses to give up, he fights his way to the ropes and grabs the bottom rope forcing the break. Once Crete releases the hold, Eric slips under the bottom rope to the floor where he is immediately consoled by Moose. Crete waits in the middle of the ring, not taking their bait on the outside. Finally Eric climbs onto the apron and Crete charges over and grabs Eric, blocks a punch thrown, and suplexes Eric back into the ring. Crete waits for Eric to get to his feet, then whips him to the ropes and connects with that super kick he wanted to do earlier. Eric falls to the mat grabbing his jaw in pain as Crete climbs the top rope. Before Crete can do anything, and behind the referee’s back, Moose runs over and shoves Crete off the top rope to the floor. Crete crashes into the steel guard rail. Davin Moreland tears himself away from the fight at the top of the ramp and heads to the ring, as Eric gets to his feet in the middle of the ring, and while the referee is checking on Crete, Davin slips into the ring and hits Eric with A REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! Davin slides out of the ring before he is spotted and heads back up the ramp to help Phantos and Lucios fight off The Heels. Eric is out in the center of the ring, and Crete is out on the outside of the ring. Crete recovers first, pulling himself under the bottom rope and draping an arm across Eric, but he can only get a two count as Eric dramatically rolls his shoulder at two. Crete pulls Eric to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a hurracarana, keeps hold of his legs and gets a two count, Eric reverses it into a sunset flip and gets a two count of his own. Both men spin to their feet and Crete whips Eric to the ropes and tries a clothesline, but Eric ducks it and drops Crete with a hang man’s neck breaker, then heads to the top rope and tries a frog splash, but Crete moves out of the way and Eric gets a face full of canvas. Crete pounces and tries a mahistrol cradle, but Eric kicks out at two. Crete gets to his feet and tries to pull Eric to his feet, but Eric hits a low blow that doubles him over in pain. Eric throws him between the ropes to the floor, but before Moose can get around the ring, Crete jumps back on the apron. Eric tries to stop him but Crete nails Eric with a shoulder block to the gut doubling him over in pain, then tries a sunset flip. Eric struggles to fight the hold, and Moose reaches in from outside and grabs Eric’s arms. Eric drops down on Crete and with the leverage from Moose, gets the one, two, NO! The referee looks up at the last second and sees Moose and kicks Eric’s arms sending Eric over in the sunset flip, one, two, NO! Eric kicks out. Both men get to their feet and Crete leaps on Eric and tries another hurracarana but Eric catches him and PLANTS him on the mat with a power bomb, rolls him up and grabs a handful of tights and gets the one, two, THREE!
WINNER in 13:28 – Eric O’Mac
After the decision, the fight at the top of the ramp finally spills all the way down into the ring. Somewhere in the melee Crete gets to his feet and gets CLOCKED in the face with a chair! Crete goes down like a sack of bricks, and we see that he has been split wide open. The camera looks around and we see Eric O’Mac scurrying out of the ring holding a chair and grinning like the cat that ate the canary. It takes several minutes and numerous officials and Beijing police to clear the ring so the matches can continue. Several men from both sides are left bloody and battered from the fight. Both sides are ordered to remain in the back unless they are specifically involved in the match, I have a feeling no on is going to listen to that.
Russ: Another cheap shot! This is unbelievable!
Razz: Russ, where was this indignation when Stank led Rick’s men in an attack of Bennett and his men?
Russ: That was justified!
Nash: Two wrongs don’t make a right
Russ: What would you know about rights?
Nash: I faced Alex Wright
Razz: Das Wunderkind?
Nash: The same
Russ: What does that have to do with anything?
Nash: Its war, all is fair in love and war, and the OOWF. And that brings me to my guest for the evening “Last Call” Scott Hall!
Russ: What the hell is Scott Hall doing in China
Razz: Shots?
Hall: Hey Yo! Is everybody here to see the OOWF?! (cheers from the crowd) Or is everybody here to see the nWo? Survey Says: one more for the Bad Guys!
Razz: Uh, Scott, no one is here to see the nWo anymore, no one cares
Hall: HOLY SHIT! A LEPRECHAUN! GIMME YOUR GOLD WEE ONE!!!
Razz: Get the fuck off of me! Nash keep your boy under control
Nash: Scotty, Scotty calm down, it’s not a Leprechaun, its Razz. He must have hit the saki bar or something
Razz: Shocking
Nash: So, now for some hard hitting journalism, Scotty what do you think of this little OOWF War going on between Bennett and Rick?
Hall: I think, here’s what I think, I think the West Texas Rednecks are FUCKING AWESOME!!
Nash: Uhh Scott, most of them are dead
Hall: DEAD SEXY!! KEVIN NASH!! BIG KEV!! When did you get here?
Russ: For the love of god can we move on to the next match
Hall: LEMME DO IT!! Our next match is Kevin Cold facing David Moreground, did I get that right?
Nash: Close enough Scotty, why don’t you head back to the hotel and I will catch up with you then
Hall: BIG SEXY!! KEVIN NASH!! BIG KEV!! When did you get here? Where is Samoan Jim? I liked him! Do you like my ICP shirt? WHAT IS A JUGGALO!!!
Nash: Yeah Scott, that’s great SECURITY!! I’ll catch you later tonight
Hall: TOO SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!
Russ: Well that was interesting
Razz: How the hell did he get into China?
Nash: Moving right along, Cole versus Moreland, surely you guys have something to say about that!
Russ: Well it appears that Moreland is had got into Cole’s head, he has beat him seven straight times, that has to weigh on your mind!
Razz: Yeah it does. When you are in this business you have to think you are the best at all times. When you come across a guy that you cannot beat, a guy that just seems to have your number, it gets damn frustrating, and sometimes doubts start to creep into your mind.
Nash: Well, I have never had a losing streak against anyone, so I wouldn’t know what Cole is going through, but I do know Cole, and I know that he is one of the mentally toughest men in wrestling
Razz: Didn’t he snap last summer and run off naked with Seraph?
Nash: Uh, hey look at the time! Its time to go to the ring!
CHRIS COLE vs. DAVIN MORELAND – Best Of Seven Series, Match 3 Davin Moreland Leads 2-0
The Beijing crowd starts to chant something before the next match. If I knew Chinese, I’d tell you what they were saying. Alas, we’re not that lucky. Referee Davis Hightower waits in the ring as the houselights start to change. “Master of Puppets” blows up the PA, as a focused and smirking Chris “The Main Event” Cole makes his way into the ring. The crowd boos for everything they’re worth, and Cole signals to them all that they’re number 1, drawing more boos. A potential riot looks like it will break out until “Pull Me Under” comes over the PA to the darkened houselights and silly, stupid ridiculous pyro from the home of fireworks. Davin Moreland starts talking trash from the ramp, and constantly talks all the way down. Cole starts to yap back, and after Davin’s double jump into the ring – Hightower immediately gets in between them and tells them both something that looks like “cut the shit and wrestle”. This match is the 3rd match in the Best of Seven series for the #1 Contender to the OOWF World Heavyweight title between Davin Moreland and Chris “The Main Event” Cole. Davin Moreland leads 2-0. Hightower senses he can’t hold these two off each other any longer, and he calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Moreland and Cole charge right after each other and start trading some HEAVY haymakers and this looks like a hockey game. Cole ducks one shot, his eye already swelling, and is able to counter with a kick directly to Moreland’s knee, and Davin stops swinging. SWINGING NECKBREAKER from Cole and he starts to fire up. Cole runs the ropes and DESTROYS Moreland with a RUNNING CLOTHESLINE. Cole gets to the near turnbuckle and hits a BIG Double Leg drop off the 2nd rope. Cole grabs Moreland’s legs and looks to end this one early. Cover: 1, t…no. Cole is not wasting time and goes right back to Davin’s legs, and locks in the ELEVATED TEXAS CLOVERLEAF! Davin is in HUGE trouble! Hightower slides in looking for the tap and it really doesn’t look too good for Moreland. 30 seconds pass and Davin can get nowhere from the center of the ring. A full minute passes and the crowd starts to chant “More-rand…More-rand…” This fires up Moreland a bit and he tries to power out of the hold, but gets nowhere. 90 seconds and FINALLY Moreland inches toward the ropes. Finally a full two minutes have gone by before Davin can reach the ropes. Hightower calls for the break and Cole uses the whole 5-count.
Cole finally relents and breaks the hold, but a stunned Moreland is still holding the bottom rope and hasn’t gotten up yet, still trying to literally shake the cobwebs out. Finally, he uses the ropes for assistance and is able to get up to a vertical base. Cole can’t wait a second longer and charges…you guessed it…LOW BRIDGE! Cole falls all the way out to the barrier, and Moreland, playing a bit of possum apparently, already looks 100% better and DRILLS Cole with a SLINGSHOT 360 PLANCHA, forcing Cole down, and it’s time for some BARRIER RELATED OFFENSE! Cole takes the ride into the STEEL STEPS! Moreland goes over to the Jost Van Dyckian Announce Table, and starts to do some housecleaning! Monitors and the top of the table are carefully placed on the ground. Moreland goes over to cool, but eats a LOW BLOW for his trouble. Cole limps to his feet, and grabs the still-doubled-over Moreland by his hair and lands a Shitty Jericho Bulldog on the Jost Van Dyckian Announce Table! Cole gets to the top and pulls Moreland up with him…sets him up…and hits a…wait for it…HEADLINER THROUGH THE JOST VAN DYCKIAN ANNOUCNE TABLE! Here lies Davin Moreland…we hardly knew ye. Cole limps back into the ring and Hightower starts a count. Moreland is stirring by the count of 7 and makes his way back to the ring. Wait. What is that? Something’s moving under the ring, and it’s The Dead, Viper and The E! They’ve got CLANGY POLES! It just so happens that when the three make their appearance, Cole starts complaining about something (equipment malfunction, maybe?) and distracts Hightower as Moreland gets his bones broken by CLANGY POLES. Finally, the three have had enough and toss their CLANGY POLES under the ring, the signal for Cole to stop bitching and tell Hightower to count again. Hightower resumes his count at 8, but the result is academic.
WINNER by COUNTOUT (via nefarious means and cheating) in 12:17, CHRIS COLE!
The Heels, IHOP, MacCappington, Hardcore, and LD all come charging down to the ring, while Bennett and Moose assume their normal positions around the ring directing traffic as an 11 on 1 beat down ensues on the already dead Moreland…continues to be dead. Aerosmith starts to pump from the PA and Phantos, Lucios and Carl from Fresno all fly down to ringside, with Carl focusing on MacCappington, but the numbers start to turn again. Bunny charges down and does something flippy which momentarily takes out 4 people from the fight. Concrete TG comes down and goes right after Moose, and after taking him out, looks to brawl with Eric. DRINK AND DESTROY are out, Stank, the Sons and OBJ join in the fray, as the tide starts to turn. BAD and Capellan come flying down, and Team OOWF has the numbers! GM the Rick appears at the top of the ramp as Team OOWF clears the ring and flattens Team Bennett, reclaiming the ring.