[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Kokopo, Papua New Guinea

JUSTIN SANE vs. MOSSI OXLADE

Mossi Oxlade is the Papua New Guinea Wrestling Federation world champion, and he is a monster of a man, standing 6’10 and weighing close to 500lbs. Rumor is that Justin Sane requested him as an opponent tonight. It’s his funeral. Oxlade makes his way to the ring and steps over the top rope and waits stoically in the center of the ring. Justin Sane is announced and he comes to the top of the ramp and poses for the crowd, and pulls an Eric Young and almost wets himself when his pyro goes off. Sane falls to the floor and taps repeatedly as the pyro continues to go off. Once it stops he slowly gets to his feet and looks around, realizes he is not dead, and strikes a proud pose and heads to the ring. Sane climbs between the ropes and walks up to the referee and we hear him speak “Who’s this? <pointing to Oxlade>” “This is your opponent tonight.” “No, seriously, is he here to fix the ring or something?” “No, you are wrestling him, starting NOW, RING THE BELL!” Sane slowly turns around and comes face to chest with the towering Oxlade. Sane gathers up some courage and bounds off the ropes and tries to take the big man off his feet with a shoulder block, but Oxlade doesn’t move. Sane bounds off one rope, then the other, then the first again and hits a shoulder block, Oxlade doesn’t move, but Sane falls to the mat, dazed. Oxlade pulls him to his feet and hits a hip toss that sends Sane HIGH in the air, crashing down painfully on the mat. Sane slips out of the ring and debates his next move. He jumps onto the apron and climbs to the top rope and leaps, Oxlade swats him out of the air with ease, driving him to the mat. Sane is in trouble now. Oxlade pulls Sane to his feet and whips him into the corner, then charges in and catches him with splash that shifts the ring. Sane staggers out of the corner and throws a couple of comical punches, then falls face first to the mat. Oxlade slashes his throat and calls for the end of this match. Oxlade pulls Sane to his feet and military presses him in the air, and leaves him up there forever to think about it, then drops him across his shoulders and slams him down onto the mat, squashing Sane underneath 500lbs of humanity. Oxlade makes the cover, hooks the leg, and the referee makes the three count.
WINNER in 2:11 – Mossi Oxlade

DAVIN MORELAND & CARL FROM FRESNO vs. THE NERVE AGENT & VOLTAGE vs. THE WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM

Pier sixer at the bell, and WGFT gets dumped. Then Davin and Carl dispose of TNA and Volt and rule the ring. WGFT charges back in and they go at it, but TNA and Volt sneak back in and jump both teams. TNA sends Carl back to a corner, but Carl fights out and tosses him to the floor. Volt ends up on the wrong end of a WGFT double team, and gets catapulted over the top and to the floor. Davin drills FFM from behind, and Ryan and Carl go at it. Rights and lefts, and Carl gets the better deal. He pounds Ryan down and Davin comes over for the double team. Double suplex, but Volt slides in and clips Davin's knee, and Ryan lands on Carl for two. TNA back in and he and volt put the boots to Davin. FFM rolls back in and clears everyone out, and he and Carl have it out. MacCappington gets the upper hand and press slams him. Ryan kicks away at Davin, but TNA comes over with a German suplex. Volt flies in with a HIGH IMPACT MOVE on FFM. And now they team up against WGFT. But Davin and Carl turn on Volt and TNA. Carl crotches Volt on the top rope, and Davin sets up for a REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER~! But Nerve Agent holds the ropes to block, and Davin eats mat. Carl goes up for a superplex, but FFM comes underneath him to stop that. FFM carries him out, but when Volt comes off for a missile dropkick, MacCappinton falls back before he can hit the move - Carl hits the mat, and then Volt lands awkwardly on top of him. TNA rolls up Davin, but Ryan breaks that up. Ryan grabs TNA for a DDT, but Davin shoves them both thru the ropes. Davin turns around however, and eats a big boot from FFM. TNA hotshots Ryan on the guardrail and rolls back in. MacCappington slaps Volt on the back of the head and drags him up. But he's cut off by Carl who picks him up for the BURNING HAMMER~! At the same time, FFM kills Volt with the GREETINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS~! FFM and Carl each cover their guys at the same time. Referee Davis Hightower looks at both pins, shrugs his shoulders and counts BOTH of them. 1...2...3. And the winner is......? Hightower raises BOTH guys hands.
WINNER in 10:21: Um... WORLD'S GREATEST FAG TEAM & DAVIN MORELAND & CARL FROM FRESNO!!

Carl and FFM both punch Hightower at the same time and they throw down. Big slugout, and Davin evens the odds and they drop FFM with a double power bomb! But Hardcore slips back in unnoticed and NAILS both of them with a steel chair, and Ryan's the last man standing in the ring.

TYTAN vs. FIRECHILD vs. TYSON KINCAID

Posing from Tytan to start. Kincaid and Firechild share a look. Stereo dropkicks! Tytan staggers back into the ropes, then rights himself. He bellows, and rushes FC, looking for a lariat, but FC ducks, and Kincaid yanks down the tope rope on the opposite side of the ring. Tytan's momentum carries him over, and he goes crashing to the outside. Inside the ring, Kincaid and 'child lock up, with Kincaid pushing FC into the corner. Will we see a clean break? Yes, more or less. Kincaid smugly pats FC on the chest, then backs away with his hands held clear. Firechild isn't going to take that, and he fires back with forearms, then whips Kincaid into the ropes and hits a belly to belly release suplex! Cover gets 2. Both men to their feet, just in time for Tytan to re-enter the ring and clothesline them both down. Scoop and a slam on Firechild. Scoop and a slam on Kincaid. Cover on Kincaid, but Firechild hits a baseball dropkick to Tytan's head to break up the pin attempt. Kincaid rolls out as Tytan comes to his feet and lunges for Firechild. FC dodges, and starts playing rope-a-dope, using his speed and quick striking ability to stay one step ahead of the bigger man. Which works really well until he strays too near the ropes, and Kincaid reaches in and yanks his ankle. FC lands flat on his face, and rolls over, stunned, just in time to wear a thunderous elbow drop from Tytan. The big man covers, but 'child's in the ropes, so the ref won't count it: which is exactly what Kincaid expected: he slides into the ring and hits a surprised moonsault on BOTH men! FC's turn to roll out, and Kincaid presses his advantage, locking a Boston Crab on Tytan in an effort to take away the bigger man's base. Tytan powers out and looks for a bear hug, but Kincaid breaks free with a vicious head butt, then lands a MASSIVE running boot on the stunned Tytan. The big man collapses like a felled tree, but a cover only gets 2 before FC breaks it up. Kincaid and 'child with a dazzling display of holds and reversals, as each looks to land a big move. Eventually, FC has Kincaid hooked for the Devildriver, but Tytan clotheslines him out of his boots! Kincaid looks for a Thesz Press, but the bigger competitor snatches him out of the air! Tytan military presses Kincaid to the floor, then pauses to pose a moment, flexing his biceps for the crowd. He turns, stalking Firechild as the smaller man struggles back to his feet. Tytan looks to hook in the full nelson, but FC slips out and goes behind ... Devildriver! Tytan lands right on his head! This one is over! A still woozy Firechild crawls to make the cover ... but Kincaid suddenly slides back into the ring! Schoolboy on 'child! 1! 2! 3! Tyson Kincaid steals the win!
WINNER BY PINFALL IN 12:50 – TYSON KINCAID!

ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. BUNNY vs. KNIFE

Bunny's out onto the stage first. The crowd might be cheering, or they might not be. No one can tell because no one knows whether this giant ball of fluff is a good guy or a bad guy. He does some flips, flops himself into the ring, then waits for his opponents. Knife walks down the ramp with his eyes set on Bunny. He slides into the ring and is immediately on top of Bunny, in a non-sexual way, pounding his face into the mat. Blood can already be seen coming from Bunny's mouth. Knife grabs Bunny and tosses him over the top rope. Bunny splats on the floor and lays there, while Knife steps through the ropes and starts bashing Bunny's face in with his fists. He gets Bunny to the point where he is so out of it, PCP could save his life. He rolls Bunny into the ring and goes to slide in after him, but AA grabs him by the ankle and pulls him back to the outside. They trade punches back and forth before AA gets the upper hand and backs Knife up against a turnbuckle post. He swings, Knife ducks, and his arm wraps around the post. Knife slides into the ring and goes back to attacking Bunny. He runs at him, but Bunny ducks the arm and hits a Pele kick on the turnaround. He leaps to the top rope for the first time tonight and goes for a dive. Right at take off, AA pulls him down by his leg and Bunny straddles the ropes before flopping to the outside of the ring. AA steps through the ropes and waits for Knife to get to his feet. He hits a few stiff elbows, backing Knife into a corner. AA whips Knife into the opposite corner, then runs at him with a lariat. Knife ducks the move and AA hits the turnbuckles. Stumbling backwards, Knife trips AA and he falls to the mat. Bunny is up top and hits a 450 splash on AA. He hooks the leg, but Knife breaks it up early. He pulls Bunny to his feet and sets him on the top rope. He climbs up with him and turns around. AA rolled himself out of the ring after the pin break up, and Knife is calling for the end of Bunny. He jumps with a pile driver from the Heavens, bending Bunny in half on impact. Knife does some weird praying or taunting, whatever you want to call it, before attempting the pin for the win. At the count of two, AA is able to drop an elbow on the cover. Knife gets up and is knocked right back down with a stiff kick to the gut. He rolls to the outside, while AA changes targets and pulls Bunny up to his feet. He gets ready for a DDT, but Bunny runs him into the ropes and spears him through the middle. The two tumble to the outside and brawl on the floor. AA turns it over and pounds on Bunny with lefts and rights. He hits a few elbows to the side of the head before tossing Bunny back into the ring, where a pin fall can take place if need be. He slides into the ring and whips Bunny into the ropes, hitting a hard clothesline on the rebound. Bunny back flips and lands on his stomach, then moves himself into a corner, sitting. AA runs at him, but Knife trips him up from the outside of the ring, reaching under the bottom rope. He slides into the ring and pulls AA to his feet. He whips him into the same corner that Bunny is sitting in, forcing Bunny to take an ass bump from AA, before AA falls down in front of Bunny. Knife runs at both men and hits a knee on AA, forcing a head to head collision between AA and Bunny. Knife grabs AA and whips him into the opposite corner, leaving himself with Bunny. He grabs Bunny and picks him up for a powerbomb. Before putting him down, he walks over to the side of the ring and drops Bunny over the ropes. Bunny slams on the floor and lays there, lifeless. Knife turns around and is met with a boot to the face by AA, which sends him wobbling backwards, into the corner. AA hits him with some shoulders thrusts before pushing him down to his knees and crunching his face in with a brutal knee strike. AA grabs Knife and pulls him to his feet once again. Knife swats him away and gets some punches in. He swings, AA ducks, and Knife turns around into a super kick from Bunny! Knife is stunned, then he falls to the mat. As AA looks on, Bunny steps over Knife's body and exits the ring through the ropes. He walks up the ramp with no remorse, as AA's cover is counted. 1, 2, 3. After AA is declared the winner, Bunny stops at the top of the ramp and turns around to see Knife, lying in the middle of the ring, unconscious. Bunny continues walking through the curtain, as AA's arm is raised.
WINNER in 13:27 - Attitude Adjuster


CHRIS COLE vs. MARK VANDER

Mel Creech is YOUR referee!

Slow circle to start. Lockup, struggle, Vander manages to get Cole to the corner. Mel calls for a break and they two slowly back up. Vander kicks Cole back into the corner, and Mel doesn't stop him! Cole gets beaten down in the corner and Mel watches with a huge smile on his face. Vander steps aside and poses for the crowd, but the cheers are long in coming as Cole gets back to his feet. He shoves Mel aside (slipping him $50) and grabs Vander by the back of the head. Vander flails wildly as Cole gives Vander a 10-count of head smashes off the corner turnbuckles, to the delight of the crowd. Vander staggers away and Cole points menacingly at him. Vander turns and nearly gets DECAPITATED by a clothesline! Vander almost falls out of the ring and Cole just kicks him out because he can. He waves to Mel, who is sitting at ringside eating a hot dog. Cole smirks as Vander tries to climb back in the ring. Cole ignores him and asks Mel about the food (and if he can get Cole some food after the match was over). Cole turns around and gets pummeled by Vander. Cole is not pleased as he's beaten back to another corner. Vander backs up and splashes Cole in the corner. Vander pounds his chest, trying to rally the crowd, but Cole is not amused. Cole grabs Vander and slings him across the ring. He catches Cole and hoists him up for all the crowd to see, then just drops him. A casual cover only gets a two count (Mel needed a moment to get into the ring) and Vander KICKS OUT! Cole glares at Mel, who shrugs. Cole stands up, gathers Vander and looks around to the crowd. He splatters Vander on the mat, stomps him twice, then ties him up in a Texas Cloverleaf. Vander flails, but Cole brings the knee down on the back of Vander's head- hard. Vander is out cold and Mel calls for the bell.
WINNER in 7:52 - Chris Cole

PHANTOS, LUCIOS & ALEXANDER DARLING vs. IHOP & POE

The unlikely trio of Phantos, Lucios and Alexander Darling make their way to the ring. Just a few months ago, this team would have been impossible. Their opponents are announced, and we get another, equally as unlikely team. IHOP and Poe come to the top of the ramp, and it appears that SYB is running his mouth about something and Skurge is doing his best to stay between Poe and SYB to keep SYB from getting killed. The three come to the ring, with Poe limping considerably and relying on Selena to make it the whole way. It looks like SYB and Darling will start things off. They lock up and Darling immediately catches SYB with a knee to the midsection, then sends him to the ropes, but lowers his head a moment too soon and SYB stands him up with a kick to the jaw, then tries a spinning back fist, but Darling catches him and lifts him with an atomic drop that sends him to the ropes. On the rebound Darling catches SYB by the throat for a choke slam, but SYB rakes his eyes and plants Darling on the mat with a DDT. SYB walks over to his corner and slaps Poe on the chest and yells “THAT’S HOW YOU DO IT! I TAUGHT YOU LIKE I TAUGHT THE HO LAST NIGHT” <SYB emphasizes that point with a little pelvic thrust in Selena’s direction> Skurge lowers his head and shakes it slowly, Poe steps into the ring and initially moves toward Darling, then grabs SYB and lifts him by the throat and nearly drives him through the mat with a choke slam! Alexander Darling gets to his feet and charges at Poe and both men tumble over the top rope and brawl around ringside. While they are fighting on the outside, Skurge attacks Lucios, nailing him with a forearm to the side of the head that sends him to the floor, then flips Phantos into the ring. Poe and Darling fight through the crowd to the back, folks it doesn’t look like they are coming back anytime soon. The referee looks like he is about to throw this one out when Muerte runs to the ring and offers to be in IHOP’s corner. The referee is considering this, but it would essentially make it a handicap match, that is, until Alexis Darling runs out and hops on the apron in Phantos and Lucios’s corner. Ok then, looks like we are set. SYB staggers to his feet and Alexis decides she needs to be the legal person in the match, so she charges in and snaps SYB over with a head scissors sending him to his corner. SYB reaches out and tags Muerte into the match, he and Alexis meet in the middle of the ring and trade chops to the chest until Muerte rakes Alexis’ eyes and sends her to the ropes and catches her with a power slam. Muerte covers, but Lucios steps into the ring and breaks it up with a kick to the back. While all this is going on, Attitude Adjuster slowly makes his way to ringside and just stands watching the action. Alexis side steps a Muerte charge and tags Lucios into the match. Lucios whips Muerte to the ropes and catches him with a big boot to the face, He pulls him up and lifts him for a vertical suplex, then holds him there with one arm while he points at AA on the outside before crashing to the mat. Lucios tags in Phantos, and he comes into the ring a house of fire! He drops Muerte with a spinning elbow, then runs across the ring and catches SYB in the mouth with a drop kick, and takes Skurge off the apron with a shot to the head. Phantos waits for Muerte to get to his feet then sends him between the ropes with the others. Phantos gets a running start and leaps over the top rope and takes all three men out! Lucios and Alexis run around the ring and a brawl ensues at ringside. With all the bodies flying, Phantos doesn’t notice Attitude Adjuster sneaking up behind him, AA grabs Phantos, spins him around and BLASTS him with a shot from the loaded glove, then PLANTS him on the floor with a DDT! AA rolls a barely conscious Phantos into the ring, then grabs Muerte and points to Phantos. Muerte rolls in and pulls Phantos up and hits a tombstone piledriver, covers, and gets the one, two, three before his partners can make the save.
WINNERS in 10:49 – IHOP & Muerte

MOOSEHEAD JACK & THE DEAD vs. CAPELLAN & AMNESIAC

'Doomsday Clock' blasts through the sound system and The Dead is the first man to enter. The crowd boo's heavily, but The Dead acts like he doesn't hear any of it. He slowly makes his way down the ramp and onto the ring apron. He turns and bows toward the crowd, pissing them off even more. Dead steps in to the ring and poses on a turnbuckle as he awaits the arrival of his partner.

The arena goes dark and, after a moment, the opening notes to 'Scarecrow' echo through the arena. Moosehead Jack appears from the curtain and the boo's continue to roll in. Taking a page from his partner, Moose no-sells the crowd as he makes his way down the ramp. He steps into the ring and nods at The Dead. These two seem ready for a good old-fashioned fight.

The melodic sounds of 'I Can't Remember' slowly reverberate through the arena. The Amnesiac makes his way out from the back to a roar of approval from the crowd. The Dead and Moosehead Jack seem to be stalking him as he makes his way down the ramp, high-fiving fans on both sides along the way. The Amnesiac gets to the bottom of the ramp and looks like he's going to get into the ring, but he notices Moose and Dead and decides to wait for his partner. The Dead and Moosehead Jack both look up toward the entrance in anticipation when suddenly Capellan jumps them from behind! He must have snuck through the crowd! Amnesiac jumps in and we have a Pier 6 brawl! This is chaos! Capellan is laying into Moosehead Jack and The Amnesiac is going after The Dead. This match hasn't even officially started yet. Everyone is throwing haymakers, attempting to get the upper hand. The referee is eventually able to step between the two teams and bring some semblance of order to the ring. The ref calls for the bell and this match is officially on.

The Dead starts things off against Capellan. Although Cap's most recent history is with Moosehead Jack, these two are no strangers to one another. The two tie-up and Dead immediately plants a knee in Capellan's stomach. Cap doubles-over and Dead connects with a straight right hand to the head. Capellan staggers backwards, and Dead charges in after him. Cap spots him out of the corner of his eye and his able to drop him with a hip toss. The Dead pops right back up to his feet and gets right in Capellan's face. Cap doesn't back down and now the two are screaming at one another. The Dead slaps the taste out of Capellan's mouth and the crowd goes nuts. Dead tries for another slap, but Capellan catches him and gets in a slap of his own. The two begin swinging wildly at one another and Capellan gets the upper hand. He backs Dead into his corner and tags in Amnesiac. Amnesiac whips Dead into the ropes and tries a back-body drop, but Dead is able to land on his feet and tags in Moosehead Jack. Moose uses his size to his advantage and takes control of the match. Punch after punch rocks The Amnesiac and it seems Moose wants to turn this into a bar fight. Amnesiac is able to duck one of the punches and connects with a basement dropkick that takes Moose down to one knee. Amnesiac launches himself off the ropes and connects with a swinging neckbreaker that sends Moose to the mat. Amnesiac is clearly trying to use his speed advantage to counter the power of Moosehead Jack. Amnesiac goes to the top rope, looking to take Moose out early. Being the crafty veteran that he is, Moose grabs the ref which allows Dead to knock Amnesiac off the top rope. Amnesiac crashes hard into the mat as Moosehead Jack gets to his feet and lays a few boots into Amnesiac. Moose picks him up and attempts a vertical suplex, but The Amnesiac is able to escape and hits a jawbreaker that staggers Moose. Amnesiac goes for the tag, but now it's The Dead's turn to distract the ref. Capellan jumps into the ring and The Dead lets go of the referee. Not seeing the tag being made, the referee tries to force Capellan back to his corner. The Dead uses this time to jump in the ring and he and Moose proceed to double-team Amnesiac. After a few moments of the beatdown, Moose steps out to the apron and claps his hands. The referee turns back just then and of course believes a tag was made, making Dead the legal man. The Dead whips Amnesiac into the corner and charges in after him. He connects with a jumping knee directly to the face. Amnesiac's head snaps back and The Dead whips him into the opposite corner. Dead charges in again, but this time The Amnesiac is able to avoid the attack and leaps to tag in Capellan. Cap comes in like a freight train and goes right after The Dead. Dead eats a suplex and gets back to his feet only to eat another one. Moose tries to come in for the save but Capellan is able to get behind him and drops him with a Codebreaker. The crowd cheers wildly as Capellan is the only one in the ring still standing. The referee escorts Moosehead Jack back to his corner as Capellan picks up The Dead. Cap whips Dead into the ropes and catches him with a back elbow. The Dead staggers backwards and Capellan tags The Amnesiac back in. The two of them whip Dead into the ropes once again and connect with stereo dropkicks! Cap heads to his corner as The Amnesiac makes the cover. One...Two...Moosehead Jack breaks up the pin! The Dead tries to catch his breath but Amnesiac won't let up. Amnesiac puts Dead in a wrist-lock, flips around him, and connects with a heel kick. The Dead stumbles backwards and catches himself on the ropes. Amnesiac attempts to whip The Dead into the opposite ropes, but Dead reverses it and sends Amnesiac on his way. Just as Amnesiac hits the far ropes, Moosehead Jack hits him in the back of the head. Amnesiac turns around and connects with a right hand to Moose's jaw, but the distraction gives The Dead enough time to sneak up behind Amnesiac and roll him up. The Dead uses the ropes for leverage. One...Two...the ref sees Dead's feet on the ropes and stops the count. This pisses The Dead off to no end and he doesn't think twice about giving the referee a piece of his mind. Amnesiac uses this opportunity to tag in Capellan. Seeing this, Moose tags himself in. Here we go. The two throw rights and lefts with evil intentions behind them. Moose gains a momentary advantage and catches Cap with a vicious elbow to the face. Capellan grabs at his face as Moose levels him with a short-arm clothesline. Capellan immediately jumps back up to his feet. Moose tries for another clothesline but this time Cap ducks it and goes running off the ropes. Moose turns around just in time to catch a flying forearm right to the face. Cap catches a staggering Moosehead Jack with a facebuster and then looks to make the tag. The Amnesiac reaches out for the tag, but he doesn't see The Dead behind him. Dead pulls Amnesiac off the apron a split-second before the tag can be made. The Dead and The Amnesiac start trading punches on the outside as Capellan turns around and gets caught with a belly-to-belly suplex. Cover. One...Two...Cap kicks out! Moose looks more than a little angry as he yells for Capellan to get up. On the outside, The Dead tries to whip Amnesiac into the steel steps, but Amnesiac reverses it and Dead goes shoulder-first into the unforgiving steel. Back on the inside, Cap gets to his feet just as Moose is running at him. Cap is able to side-step him and Moose goes flying through the ropes to the outside. The Amnesiac turns his attention to the fallen Moosehead Jack and begins to stomp him. Moose manages to connect with a low-blow that stops Amnesiac's assault. The Dead picks himself up from the ground joins Moosehead Jack in beating the hell out of Amnesiac. All three men are brawling on the outside as Capellan launches himself of the far rope and then suicide dives over the top and into all three of them. Holy shit! All four men are now down on the ground and the referee reluctantly starts his ten-count. Capellan is the first to get to his feet and gets back into the ring at 7. Moose pulls himself up and just barely makes it back into the ring in time. The two begin to go at it again as The Dead and Amnesiac head back to their corners. Neither man seems to be gaining any kind of advantage, so they both tag in their partners. Dead charges at Amnesiac, but Amnesiac side-steps, grabs one of Dead's arms, and floats through for a crucifix pin attempt. One...Two...Dead kicks out. The Dead gets back to his feet and the two tie-up once more. Dead whips Amnesiac into the ropes, but telegraphs his move and Amnesiac is able to flip over him and continue toward the far ropes. Just then Moose tags himself in and as Amnesiac comes bouncing back Moose levels him with a wicked spine buster. Cover. One...Two...Capellan makes the save! The Dead jumps back into the ring, and again we have an all out brawl. The ref thinks about restoring order, but realizes it's the "end game" portion of the match, so he lets it go. Cap and Amnesiac whip Moose into the ropes and Capellan catches him with a dropkick. Cap turns around a moment too late and The Dead connects with a springboard DDT. Dead turns around and right into a hurricanrana from The Amnesiac. Amnesiac holds onto The Dead's legs and has him in a pinning situation. Just then Moose gets to his feet and hits Amnesiac with a sadistic clothesline. Capellan gets to his feet just in time to be whipped into the corner by Moose. Moose charges in after him, but Cap runs up the turnbuckle and does a back flip over Moose. Moose slams chest-first into the corner. Cap turns around and BOOM! The Dead Closes the Casket on Capellan! Cap slumps against the ropes, but before The Dead can capitalize, Amnesiac jumps him from behind. The two struggle and The Dead attempts to toss Amnesiac over the top rope. Amnesiac holds on, however, and both of them go crashing to the outside. Moose clears his head just as Capellan is pulling himself to his feet with the help of the ropes. Cap staggers forward and Moosehead Jack plants a boot into his stomach and then drops him with a DDT. Moose goes for the cover as The Amnesiac tries to get back in the ring. Dead is able to grab his leg and hold him off. One...Two...Three.
WINNERS in 15:26 - Moosehead Jack and The Dead

After the match The Amnesiac attends to his fallen partner as Moose and Dead make their way up the ramp, smiling.[

ERIC O’MAC vs. STANK

Eric O’Mac enters the arena first, and he’s not alone. Tyson Kincaid, Chris Cole, and Attitude Adjuster all accompany him to the ring. Stank, for his part, comes out alone, and does not hesitate before heading to the ring. By the time he gets halfway down the aisle, however, the Rest of D&D are out behind him. Referee Mel Creech sees the inevitable and tries to prevent it, ejecting everyone from ringside before calling for the bell.
Stank and Eric circle and lock up. Stank takes the immediate advantage with his size, backing Eric into the corner and lighting him up with chops. Stank hits an Irish whip and follows him in, but Eric runs up the turnbuckles and comes off with a flying clothesline that takes him down. Eric rolls to his feet and attacks with stomps before Stank can get up. Stank manages to roll to his knees, so Eric backs up and delivers a field goal kick to the temple, then comes off the ropes and drives a knee into his head. He covers, but Stank kicks out at two. Eric is up first, and attacks with punches, trying to keep the big man down. Surprisingly, he’s successful for a time as Stank busies himself tying to cover up. Eric goes to the ropes for some extra momentum, and it’s a mistake as Stank meets him with a spear. Unfortunately it knocks the wind out of both men and Stank can’t follow it up. Creech starts counting both men down. Eric is again the first to get up and hits the ropes. He tries for a low dropkick as Stank gets up, but Stank gets out of the way and Eric ends up tangled in the ropes. Stank drops an elbow across his throat, then pulls Eric to his feet and plants him with a body slam. Stank pulls Eric to a sitting position, locks on a reverse chinlock, and crossfaces the hell out of him until Eric manages to slip away. Eric staggers to his feet and Stank grabs him for a suplex, but Eric lands on his feet and rebounds off the ropes. Stank ducks a clothesline and sets up one of his own, but Eric grabs the ropes as he hits them and pulls himself to the outside. Eric stumbles around ringside, trying to clear his head. Stank pauses a moment, and then goes to the ropes, steamrolling across the ring and making a suicide dive through the ropes and into Eric, who is driven into the railing. Stank is the first one up this time, and pulls Eric to his feet. He runs the smaller man hard into the ringpost, then pulls him onto his shoulders for the Stank-U, but Eric manages to shift his weight and reverse into a dragon sleeper. Rather than counting them out, Creech goes out to the floor to try to urge them back into the ring, and narrowly avoids being leveled by Stank’s wildly swinging arms. Stank somehow manages to grab Eric’s legs and pull him off balance, driving him to the floor and breaking the hold. The two men get slowly to their feet and start throwing punches, completely ignoring Mel’s protests. Mel decides he’s had enough and calls for the bell, throwing out the match.
WINNER: No Contest in 14:48.

After the match: The slugfest continues, and Stank gets the advantage. He ducks a punch and pulls Eric onto his shoulders. Before he can hit the Stank-U, hands reach out of the crowd and grab Eric’s feet, pulling him free. Stank turns around in fury, but is blasted by a Chain Assisted Death Elbow as Viper comes over the railing. The World’s greatest Fag Team are right behind him and the three men commence the beat-down on Stank. The rest of Drink and Destroy are out to help, but they’re met at the top of the ramp by Chris Cole, Tyson Kincaid, and Attitude Adjuster. As the six men brawl down the aisle, Eric, Viper and TWGFT drag Stank back into the ring. TWGFT hit a tandem suplex, and Eric comes off the top with The Mac Attack. Suddenly the crowd erupts, and Run DEA comes through the crowd and storms the ring. This brings out Dead, Blitz, IHOP, Moosehead Jack and L.D. Williams, who skirt the brawl in the aisle. Dead and IHOP go after Run DEA, but Moose doesn’t even make it to the ring as Concrete TG springs over the railing with a flying clothesline. Amnesiac is right behind him and brawls with Williams. The rest of the OOWF referees appear at the top of the ramp, but after a brief conversation they leave again, and the brawl continues until police flood ringside and manage to get everyone separated.

FIREWOMAN vs. BLITZ – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match

Slayer’s “Raining Blood” starts to play and the crowd begins to boo the newest member of LJ Bennett’s army as Blitz makes his way out from the back. He ignores the fans taunts as he makes his way down to the ring and he stops for a second when he sees none other than Chris Jericho sitting front row right behind Razz and Nash. Jericho and Blitz have some words for each other before Blitz gives him a two-finger salute. He gets on the apron and flips into the ring waiting for his opponent, the Onslaught Champion: Firewoman.

“Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme that which I desire,” from Metallica’s Fuel plays and out comes the reigning title-holder; Firewoman. The crowd here in Papua New Guinea is really behind the champion as she’s hearing a lot of cheers tonight. With her is the always knowledgeable valet Lucky. They make their way down to the ring and before getting into the ring, Firewoman notices her companion Y2J sitting ringside and the look between the two is not pleasant to say the least but he is cheering for her. She shakes off the distraction and gets into the ring making sure Blitz takes a good look at it since he’ll never get to wear it. She hands off the belt to Sterling Glaw and as soon as the ref turns his back to hand the belt off, Firewoman is attacked from behind by Blitz. Glaw calls for the bell and we’re underway here in this title match.

Blitz is on the early offense as he takes Fire down with a scoop slam. He uses his speed to keep up the momentum. An arm drag here, a hip toss here, a tilt-a-whirl flying head scissors and Blitz is trying to end this match quickly. Firewoman keeps kicking out early in the count and is getting frustrated as she keeps trying to counter Blitz’s speed with her own, but he’s just a step faster than she is and it’s really pissing her off. Blitz hits yet an outstanding standing hurricanrana that takes Firewoman down to the mat. She decides discretion is the better course of action here and rolls to the outside to try and get her faculties back in order. She starts pacing the outside and notices Jericho sitting ringside again and he is trying to encourage her and she just shakes her head and heads back into the ring.

Firewoman rolls back into the ring as Glaw keeps Blitz back, but the second that Fire is completely in the ring Blitz attempts to pounce on her again, but this time she’s able to sidestep him and instead of trying to match him with speed she takes her right hand and clocks Blitz with a nasty right cross. She starts peppering away on Blitz with jabs to the face and body even as the ref tries to get her to stop using a closed fist. She doesn’t relent as she pushes Blitz back into the corner and as he starts to fall she starts stomping him with kicks until he’s all the way down on the mat. Fire doesn’t relent though as she heads to the corner to the left and takes a running start and absolutely kills Blitz with a face-wash kick. She backs away from Blitz and the crowd erupts in cheers as the display of strikes Firewoman just exhibited, but not everyone is cheering as Jericho looks on quite silent. FW ignores him and goes to pick up Blitz and she whips him into the ropes and catches him with CIAO BABY (scoop slam). Fire makes the cover…
1…
2…

No, Blitz gets his shoulder up. Firewoman doesn’t let up as she picks Blitz up by the hair and tosses him to the outside and goes to follow. She runs along the apron and goes for a running shooting star press but Blitz notices at the last second and blasts Firewoman with a leg lariat as she rotates in the air. Glaw jumps to the outside and is trying to get both back in the ring, but Blitz ignores him as she whips Firewoman into the guardrail. He charges, but Fire’s able to get her head down and back body drops Blitz into the 2nd or 3rd row. She heads towards the ring and rolls in and back out to break the count as she heads back to Blitz. She reaches into the audience to grab him and attempts to suplex him back in, but Blitz blocks two attempts before getting Firewoman up himself and dropping her throat first over the guardrail. Blitz hops over the rail and in one motion grabs FW by the hair and slams her down on her back. He notices Glaw is up to 7 before he rolls in and breaks the count himself. He heads right back out and we can see the ref getting frustrated. Firewoman shakes the cobwebs clear and sees Blitz coming at her and the two start trading blows as they fight up the ramp.

Sterling Glaw has followed them out this time and is trying to get them back in the ring to get this match finished in the ring. Both competitors are ignoring him as they continue to go move for move on the outside. Blitz with a beautiful Dynamite Kid-esque snap suplex onto the ramp, followed by Firewoman hitting a Davey Boy Smith-caliber delayed vertical suplex. These two are beating the living hell out of each other and Glaw is close to the breaking point it seems. He starts to head back to the ring as Blitz and Firewoman continue to brawl. Firewoman with a nice standing dropkick as she and Blitz are down just as Glaw gets into the ring and starts another count. He’s at 4 before Firewoman gets back to her feet and starts to head back to the ring. She makes it only a few steps before Blitz is up and spins her around. He kicks her right in the stomach and goes for a drop suplex. He tosses Fire up over his shoulder and heads right for the ring. He slides into the ring at the count of 7.

Meanwhile Fire uses her awesome flexibility and spins in mid-air to land on her feet but as she does, she comes face to face with The Dead. She looks like she wants to hit him, but then she hears Glaw yell out 9. She turns around to head back to the ring, but there’s no chance she makes it to the ring and Glaw hits 10 and signals for the bell to be rung. Your winner is going to be Blitz here tonight, but the title can not change hands on a count-out so Firewoman will still be the OOWF Onslaught Champion. But the bigger picture here is that as soon as the final bell was rung, Dead didn’t waste time in his attack of Firewoman.

He starts clubbing away on Firewoman and we can the bitch in her come out as she starts firing back with her own blows. They fight back towards the ring and unfortunately for Firewoman, Blitz is laying in wait and goes for a low-leg sweep just as The Dead hits a Thesz Press on her on the outside. That’s an innovative method of Total Elimination between Blitz and The Dead. They pick up Firewoman and toss her in the ring and just as they’re about to attack, the crowd cheers as The Amnesiac comes running out from the back. He gets in the ring and helps Firewoman up to her feet, but she pushes him away before she realizes who it was. She shakes her head clear and holds out her hand in apology to Amnesiac as the two stare down Blitz and Dead on the outside. Glaw gets back in the ring and hands Firewoman her Onslaught Championship Belt. She holds it and points at both Dead and Blitz calling them out for not being able to beat her for the belt no matter what they try. Behind her Amnesiac is also pointing at the two men on the floor, but out of the corner of his eye, we can notice him taking quick glances at the title belt. Firewoman seems to notice and moves the belt to her other hand as she slides out of the ring and hops over the guardrail and grabs Jericho as they walk out through the arena. Everyone else heads off to their own respective areas as this match is over.
WINNER in 8:17 is Blitz as a result of a count-out. Still your Onslaught Champion though, Firewoman.

GAELIC STORM vs. THE MIDNIGHT SONS – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match

The crowd readies themselves with Sneeze Guard Shields and Clear Tarp; anticipating that there might be a little blood involved with this next match. A strong crowd pop for the former champs, as the Midnight Sons make their way down the ramp, as DH Magnusson and Spin “Freakin’” Hansen appear VERY focused making their way to the ring; essentially ignoring the crowd on their way down. The Dropkick Murphys start to blast through the PA, as the crowd also pops pretty strong for the new OOWF Tag Team Champions, Gaelic Storm make their way down to the ramp focused, but with big grins on their faces as they wear the belts to the ring. They hand over their belts to Referee Junior Hale, who looks a little nervous before holding them high in the air. This match will be for the OOWF World Tag Team Championship. He hands the belt to the timekeeper, who then calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!

It will be Hansen and McNasty to start and they get into an epic lockup. McNasty forces Hansen into the corner, but Magnusson blind-tags himself in, and clubbers McNasty about the neck and shoulders. He whips McNasty around and hits him with a THUNDERCRACK which starts McNasty’s nose bleeding. Magnusson goes for the early cover: 1,2, no. Magnusson locks in a Cross-Arm Breaker; and McNasty’s got some work to do. He finally manages to roll over and starts landing HUGE RIGHT HANDS to Magnusson’s face. Screaming in pain with each punch, McNasty manages to bust Magnusson’s nose as well it appears, and he starts to bleed too. Eventually, the blasts to the face are too much as Magnusson is forced to break the hold. McNasty crawls to his corner, dragging his left arm with him, and tags in Damon Wrath just as Magnusson manages to roll over and tag in Hansen.

Hansen and Wrath charge each other in the middle of the ring and just start throwing HAYMAKER RIGHT HANDS at each other. After 6 or 7 blasts to the nose, Wrath joins everyone else in the match with his very own broken nose. Hansen hits a couple of sickening head butts before hitting a BIG rabbit punch to the back Wrath’s head. He whips Wrath into the ropes and Catches him with a WICKED POWER SLAM right into a cover: 1, 2, no. Hansen pulls up Wrath again and whips him, catching him with a BIG SAMOAN DROP! Cover: 1, 2, NO! Hansen slaps the mat just as the bloodied Wrath kicks out. Hansen flips Wrath onto his stomach, and looks like he wants to set up with a Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, but Seamus McNasty charges across the ring and ORTON PUNTS him, forcing him off Wrath, but, since we live in reality, the Punt isn’t life altering, and Hansen clears the cobwebs while Hale forces McNasty into the corner. Hansen’s in rougher shape than he’s letting on, so he crawls to tag in Magnusson.

DH is in and tries to pull up Wrath, but is met with a couple punches to the stomach, a Snap Mare Takeover and a Kick to the Back of the Head, stunning Magnusson enough to be able to tag in McNasty. McNasty and Magnusson lock up, and McNasty is able to smoothly pull DH up for a Fireman’s Carry into a Neck breaker. Quick cover gets 2. McNasty pulls Magnusson up for an Irish Whip into the ropes. McNasty tries to set something up, but Magnusson ducks and is able to go around and him a RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! Magnusson charges to follow up, but McNasty hits him with a LOWLANDS OF HOLLAND ALL THE WAY TO THE FLOOR OUTSIDE! Crowd starts up an unexpected “Holy Shit” chant. McNasty got the better of that exchange and jumps up to the table and starts to pull out monitors and whatnot. Hale is BEGGING McNasty to stop from the ring before he starts a count. Hansen charges across the ring to help his partner, but Hale cuts him off. Wrath is recovered enough to help McNasty out, and grabs a STEEL CHAIR and starts to blast Magnusson in the face. McNasty is satisfied with the cleaning job, and Hale turns around just as Wrath drops the chair, and he admonishes Wrath back to the corner. McNasty pulls Magnusson onto the announce table, and Magnusson might be No, Nay, Never, No More; because he just got ANNIHILATED WITH THE WILD ROVER THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! The crowd might have lost it with that one. Hansen sneaks around behind the back of Hale and snags a Steel Chair and ATTACKS McNasty with it. Wrath grabs his chair from before and ATTACKS Hansen with it Hale goes out to the floor imploring everyone to stop. They don’t, and Hale’s seen enough.
WINNERS in 19:43 – NO CONTEST – Gaelic Storm are STILL OOWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!

The 4 continue to beat on each other until they all collapse from exhaustion and probably blood loss. After a few minutes, McNasty exclaims, “Beer’s On Me” and they all of a sudden act like long lost buddies and head off, presumably to an establishment that sells cold adult beverages.





DONOVAN VIPER vs. CONCRETE TG – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match

The crowd erupts in a chorus of boos as “Angry Chair” fires up over the loudspeakers. Donovan Viper heads to the ring swinging his trademark chain. The crowd only hears the opening notes of “With Jupiter in Mind” as the roar of the fans totally drowns out the entrance music of Concrete TG. Crete marches to the ring and up the steps, when Viper attacks knocking Crete to the floor. Viper pounds away on Crete with the chain, then backs up and goes for a Running Death Elbow. Crete ducks and flips Viper onto the Micronesian Announce Table, which somehow doesn’t break. Crete lands a couple of forearm shots before dragging Donnie to the ring. The Bell sounds and we’re underway! Crete chops Viper into a corner, the crowd Whooooo’ing along with every blow. Viper fights back, and gets short-arm clotheslined to the mat. Crete hits a jumping leg drop and starts to lock Viper in the Haas of Pain. Viper scurries to the ropes and forces a break. Viper slithers out of the ring to recuperate, but Crete has other ideas. HEADFIRST PLANCHA! Sends Viper crashing into the guardrail. Crete slams Viper into the ring post and crawls back in the ring to stop the count. Viper makes it to the apron, and Crete suplexes him back into the ring. Crete again goes for the Haas of pain, and Viper again makes it to the ropes. Viper reverses an Irish whip and catches CTG with a big powerslam for a 2 count. Viper drags Crete up and sends him into the ropes, catching him with a belly to belly suplex. Viper goes straight for the Anaconda Vice, but struggles to lock it in. Crete battles his way out of it, but immediately gets a Tajiri kick to the head. Viper slams Crete to the mat and drops a vicious knee to Crete’s head. Crete sweeps Vipers leg and hits the ropes. Viper gets to his feet in time to catch CTG with a fireman’s carry. Viper tries for the GTS on CTG, but Crete slides behind Viper and rolls him up for a 2 count. Viper pops up and gets KICK WHAM DDT’d Crete hits a springboard moonsault for a 2.9898989 count. Viper low blows CTG and bulldogs him into the corner. Donnie hits the Sidewinder for what appears to be a 3 count, but the referee sees Crete’s leg on the bottom rope and calls off the pin. Viper gets to his feet and is PISSED, getting in the referee’s face and pushing him into the corner. Crete spins Viper around and hits an overhead release belly to belly suplex. CTG pulls Viper to his feet for a short-arm clothesline. FINAL JUSTICE! Crete covers Viper and the referee slides in 1…2…AND VIPER KICKS OUT! CTG is momentarily stunned and HE turns to the referee to question his call. Viper hits a back cracker on CTG and covers for a 2.9898989 count. Viper screams at the referee who quickly scurries away from Donnie. CTG arm drags Viper, who bounces out to the floor, grabs the chain, and rushes into the ring. The referee attempts to stop him, and gets clobbered with the chain. CTG ducks a wild chain swing and tackles Viper to the mat. The two men proceed to pound away on each other until TWGFT rush to ringside. FFMac and Hardcore hold CTG down for Viper, who BLASTS him with a Chain Elbow. Firechild and Amnesiac run to the ring to save their comrade from further damage. Attitude Adjuster and The Dead come down the ramp to join the fray, but are caught from behind by Firewoman and Phantos. They exchange blows until stage hands and OOWF officials come from all corners to restore order.
WINNER Via Disqualification; in 12:43; Concrete TG!

LD WILLIAMS vs. OUTBACK JACK – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match

The crowd is buzzing anticipating quite the slobberknocker tonight. The lights start to flicker and AC/DC starts up, followed shortly by the beer-swilling Outback Jack; who gets an awesome pop from the crowd. He apparently has a whole 6-pack with him and manages to finish off 4 before getting into the ring and pounding the 5th. He smiles at Senior Referee Mel Creech who just kind of sighs and looks away. Pyro goes off and the Heavyweight Champion LD Williams comes down to “Jekyll and Hyde” by Petra. It’s a mixed reaction for the crowd, surprisingly; and the Champ seems a little surprised by the lack of boos as well. LD, in typical no-nonsense fashion just climbs into the ring, and hands the belt to Creech who holds the belt high in the air. This match is for the OOWF World Heavyweight Title. LD is bouncing back and forth on his feet, and OBJ finishes Beer 6 and heaves the can into the crowd. Creech takes that as the “ready to wrestle” signal and calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!

It’s a lockup to start, resulting in a stalemate; neither man able to budge the other. Eventually, OBJ finds some strength reserve and forces LD into the turnbuckle. Creech calls for the break, and OBJ backs off cleanly, but not before LD drills him with a big kick into the “lower abdomen”. OBJ doubles over, and LD easily hops to the 2nd turnbuckle and nails OBJ with a double axehandle, felling the big man to the mat. Knee drop to the back of the head is followed by a solid hammerlock. LD has it cinched in very tightly, and really seems to be working the shoulder. After a minute or so, OBJ is able to roll to the nearby ropes, and LD uses the full 5-count before breaking. OBJ takes this opportunity to roll out to the floor and gather his thoughts. With his back turned, LD quickly rolls out of the ring, only to eat a HUGE BOOMERANG! LD is laid out, and OBJ rolls into the ring to break the count. He rolls back out to the apron and hits a BIG LEGDROP from the apron to the floor on LD. OBJ hefts LD up, and WHIPS HIM INTO THE STEEL POST! LD hit it forehead first, and he’s split open. As LD stumbles back, OBJ catches him and hits an INVERTED DDT! OBJ again rolls back into the ring to break the count as the World Champ tries to figure out where he is.

OBJ rolls back out to the floor, and goes over to beat on LD again, but OBJ, with his back facing a semi-interested Mel Creech eats an ELBOW to the, let’s say “lower abdomen” but this one was probably low. OBJ doubles over, and LD recovers enough to hit him with his Signature DDT, and OBJ is in rough shape. LD drags the big man to his feet, and LD WHIPS~! Him the length of the ring all the way into the STEEL STEPS! LD rolls in to break the count, and the camera cuts to OBJ, sprawled out on the floor, and Steel Steps strewn across the floor. LD rolls out and smirks, picks up half of the Steel Steps and just SLAMS them down on OBJ’s head; 2, 3, 4 times. OBJ is in REALLY big trouble as the Champ rolls into the ring, before rolling out to do some housecleaning on the announce table. OBJ is motionless as the bloody LD drags the even bloodier OBJ to the St. Crucian Announce Table, and sets OBJ up for the Signature DDT, but OBJ COUNTERS, and has LD set up for a BIG PILEDRIVER…AND CONNECTS COLLAPSING THE TABLE!!!

Both men appear to be in rough shape, but Creech only appears to care about LD, and checks on him to make sure he’s alive. The Champ does appear to be alive, albeit barely, and Creech retreats to the ring to start the count. The count is at 5 when there appears to be movement in the pile of rubble. It’s 7 when OBJ manages to drag his carcass across the floor and to the ring apron. Creech completes the 10 count just as OBJ rolls into the ring…and he calls for the bell, and gives his official decision.
WINNER by COUNTOUT in 12:16 – OUTBACK JACK! LD Williams is STILL your OOWF World Heavyweight Champion!

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