[Batman]

****Oh, I didn't mean I was going to run them as heels. I meant that I was going to let their heelishness (and especially Barr's) inform their interactions in ways I hadn't thought of before....

[Batman]

Big Show:

You know, I specifically asked to come out here to introduce the latest draft pick today. And I'll tell you why: because this is a guy that I specifically requested be drafted, and I'm really happy that President Alderman came through for me on this.

The reason that I specifically asked for this wrestler, is that he represents the solution to a problem I have--how to do what I've said I would do from the moment I set foot in Armageddon wrestling! To prove that I am the best. To prove that I am the greatest in the world and the greatest of all time. Not the greatest giant, not the best "big man." The best and the BADDEST! Ever.

But to prove this, I face an unfair Catch-22 that no other wrestler has to deal with. I could beat somebody who is acknowledged as one of the greatest of all time--a Kurt Angle, or a Lou Thesz--and I have beaten lots of guys like that, but when I do that people just say, "oh, he just overpowered him. He never could have beaten such a grappling genius if it weren't for his massive size advantage." And I could beat another giant--a guy like Andre or the NAME-DROP REDACTED--and I've knocked down every giant they've ever thrown at me. But people will only say, "well, we already acknowledged that he's the best giant. That other guy was big but he wasn't actually all that good." And what does that prove?

So what I need is a guy who can match me in strength and power, but who also has unparalleled wrestling skill. A great athlete with unquestioned credentials and multiple championships both as an amateur and as a professional. I think by now, you probably all know who I'm talking about....

I'm talking about the ONLY man who can face me on a level playing field, the ONE wrestler whose utter and abject DEFEAT will FINALLY prove just who is really the very best ever. I'm talking about the one and only...

BROCK LESNAR!!!










...but we couldn't get him, so I'm just going to have to make do with you, Bobby Lashley. Come on out, "Black Lesnar"....




Big Show:

So, Bobby, I'm sure you have some things to say to the people, and I bet you've got some things to say to me, so let's not keep everyone waiting, have your say...


Big Show fakes out Lashley by pretending he's handing him the microphone, then pulling it back...

Big Show:


Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second, on second thought, maybe that's not such a great idea. I mean I hope you didn't take any of that stuff I said before to heart. I didn't mean any of that, I just said that to PISS YOU OFF! ...to start getting into your head a little. We great wrestlers? That's what we do. Honestly, I'd say you're an even better choice than Lesnar in terms of power, and at least even in terms of grappling skill. But there's one thing Lesnar really does have over you: people find him just as intimidating after they hear him speak as before.

But if I were to give you this mic right now, all you'd be doing is reminding everyone that you somehow have the voice of an eight-year-old girl. Or maybe... Maybe you and Rick Astley had your voice-boxes switched at birth. (That would actually explain a lot!)

So why don't we just let everybody imagine you have a booming, monstrous voice to match your physique. If you accept my challenge for a match at the Big Bang, just give me a really angry look.




Big Show:

Perfect! Exactly! And if you want to decline the challenge, just... let's say you run away screaming in fear....

No? Fine, then, I'll see you at the Big Bang, where I will prove my point to the whole WORLD!

In the meantime, maybe you should go find yourself somebody to do your talking for you....

[Batman]

Eddie:

Orale! Orale, mi vatos!

I've been invited back already to introduce new draft picks once again. And it's not just because I did such a great job last time. No, it's because I've been assured that two of today's picks are guys that I've been pushing for--who I've been heading the cheering section for--to get them drafted here to Armageddon Wrestling.

Hopefully, this time I won't get hit from behind with a chair....

All right. The *New* AWA's next draft pick is...

Not just a wrestler. Not just a luchador. A genuine Mexican folk hero. A movie star! A super-hero! And most importantly, the man more responsible than any other for the spread of the Lucha style around the world.

I give to you:

MIL!! MÁSCARAS!!



Mil Máscaras:

Buena tarde! Soy Mil Máscaras. Soy muy orgulloso y honrado estar aquí hoy. No creo que mi presencia aquí es un accidente o una coincidencia. Pero algo, una muestra de cambios de venir. Creo que podría ser la curación a una enfermedad que ha infectado la lucha libre. Creo que la lucha libre será siempre una batalla entre el el bien y el mal, blanco y negro. Entre rudos y técnicos. Pero nos dicen hoy para creer en "tonalidades de gris." "Usted debe aplaudir a veces el rudo. Usted debe burlarse a veces del técnico." Pero digo el No.

Un rudo es un rudo. El propósito de la lucha libre es enseñar. Hay una lección, una moraleja, que imparte. Sin esto, no es nada. Gracias.




Eddie:

I don't think I agree with a single thing you just said. But that's all right! If anybody has earned the right to his own opinion it is certainly you, Señor. I'm very happy and proud to have you on the roster!

Eddie offers his hand. Mil Máscaras looks at it with suspicion as though he expects a trap. After a moment of hesitation he decides to take the chance, and shakes Eddie's hand. Eddie grins and pumps the Mexican folk hero's hand in an enthusiastic handshake.

I've been told that our next pick is another that I will be very happy about....


Before Eddie has the chance to open the next envelope, Van Halen's "Jump" starts up on the PA system. Strangely, this makles Eddie start to tear up...?

Gracias, gracias, Presidente Sergio.

I've missed this guy so much, mi hermano verdadero, my brother in all truth, my partner, my mentor, one of the biggest influences on my life, please would everyone give a big welcome to the incredible...

GRINGO...

LOVE MACHIIIIIIIIINE!

ART! BARR!!!



Art Barr: Eddy!! Eddy, Eddy, Eddy, it's so great to see you again! You've done so well for yourself since I've been gone.... WITH... my frog splash. But don't worry about that.... Eddy! You're looking great, Eddy! Or... wait... Is it "Black Tiger" now? Domo Arigato, "Black Tiger."[/sarcasm] But if you were going to bring back a mask, why not "Máscara Mágica"?

Eddie: Aw, come on Art, don't give me such a hard time. I'm just so happy to see you again. Es un milagro!

Art Barr: No, no, I'm serious, give it a chance! You could bring back Máscara Mágica, and I could bring back "the Juicer!" It could be a ton of fun! The kids would LOVE us!

Eddie: All right, man, all right. I know you think it's weird that I'd bring back the Black Tiger mask. It's not like I'm going to wrestle under the mask from now on, it's just a... thing between me and Sasuke. Think of it as a psychological advantage.

Art Barr: Well, that's another thing. You and Sasuke have got a... thing. How do I fit in? Is he supposed to find a partner so we can fight them together? The Juicer and Black Tiger against the dastardly Japanese villains? I don't think so. But I hear that you pushed to get me drafted here. What was the point if we're not gonna put the band back together?

Eddie: Yeah, we're gonna put the band back together! Of course we are! I have special approval to pursue double bookings on the cards, so that we can bring back La Pareja del Terror, while I pursue singles matches at the same time. It'll be like old times, man.

Art Barr: All right! That sounds great! Except... there's one thing I'm still a little confused about. "I keep the other nine-hundred-ninety-nine masks up my ass" over there still seems to think you're a rudo, but everybody seems to be cheering for you? So which is it? ¿Rudo o técnico? We're not going to have to stop breaking the rules and being disrespectful... Are we?

Eddie: No! No, mi vato! I'm rudo for life, esse! I could never wrestle técnico--I wouldn't even know where to begin. "Oh no, I wasn't supposed to whack him in the cojones... I'm técnico now! Oops!"

Art laughs, Mil Máscaras gives them both a deeply disapproving look.

I haven't changed, the audience changed. My catchphrase is "Lie, Cheat, and Steal" and yet everybody cheers me! And they'll cheer you, too. All I've got to do is tell them you're my best friend, mi vato, mi hermano verdadero, and they'll cheer us both on. They'll cheer for La Pareja del Terror doing every single thing they used to boo us out of the buildings for....

Art Barr: "Lie, cheat, and steal"? I've known you to lie and cheat--A LOT!--but I've never known you to steal anything.... Have you been holding out on me, Eddy?

Eddie: Naw, that means stealing wins, and titles--which is what we'll be doing, esse!

Well, it's also a racial stereotype joke....

Art Barr: Oh! HAHAHA! Yeah, y'gotta watch you dirty wetbacks... [Art is doing "the swim"] You'll steal anything that isn't nailed down!

Eddie: HAHAHA! Hey, don't try to pin that "wetback" shit on me, esse. I was born on the right side of the river, and you know it!

Art Barr: Me? I don't know nothin'! With your lyin', cheatin' ways, how do I know your birth certificate isn't a forgery? Hahaha! sigh I don't know man, getting cheers without having to act like a schmuck is gonna be weird.... But I'm willing to give it a shot!

Eddie: ¿Viva la Pareja del Terror?

Art Barr: La Pareja del Terror, siempre!!

Eddie and Art clasp hands and then embrace.




Eddie:

All right, we just have a couple more items of business to take care of, and then ME AND ART we're gonna go CELEBRATE!!

The next draft pick is still up in the air--literally--on board his flight here as we speak. Besides which, Inoki wants to introduce him, so we'll skip him till next time.

And finally, we have our most recent draft pick. Nobody has specially requested to introduce him or anything, so I may as well do it now and get it taken care of.

The *New* AWA's latest draft pick IIIIIIIIIS....


****OOC: Damn this one is long! (That's what she said!!) I'm going to post what I have so far and finish this press conference later....

[Batman]

****A couple of things. First, I used babelfish to write Mil Mascaras's promo. If anyone speaks Spanish, please let me know if there are any translation errors.

Also, Art Barr's picture looks way too pissed off and intense, when he should be smiling and lauging in most of this. If anybody can find a decent picture of Art Barr smiling, a link would be greatly appreciated....

[Mr. Dashbee]

I liked the promo as usual. I was looking forward to my *New* AWA fix.

I'm interested to see how Eddie pulling double duty plays out. Barr seems skeptical already...

[Batman]

Jul 5, 2008 16:01:46 GMT -5 Mr. Dashbee said:

I liked the promo as usual. I was looking forward to my *New* AWA fix.

Awesome! A fan!

****I never did get any feedback on the Show / Lashley promo. Not that it was my best stuff--it didn't have the intensity of some of them. But I enjoyed Show's dickishness: Calling Lashley "Black Lesnar," making fun of his voice....

I'm interested to see how Eddie pulling double duty plays out. Barr seems skeptical already...

****I don't think it's a matter of will they fall apart or not, but can I keep them together long enough to get a few great matches out of them first....

[Lucky]

****I'm not digging Show's voice. I don't know. He's never struck me as that big a dick when he was a heel. Much more of a casual and cool one because he knew he could kick ass and was fine. He's so big he doesn't really have to intimidate people, so something like "Black Lesnar" just feels childish to me. I think you'd done well with Eddie and I think you did well with Bischoff and Foley. Show hasn't "sounded" right to me during this.

The Eddie/Barr/Black Tiger thing still sits weird with me, especially if my bad Spanish is correct and Mil was speaking out against "cool heels" and Eddie's ways as a face. Of course it doesn't help that I kind of agree with Mil and its why I never really cared for Eddie as a face. I have no problem with the fans cheering the guy but just like I thought it was BS when WCW forgave the Wolfpack when they turned face it always sat wrong with me that Eddie's stuff went from wrong to "oh, its just Eddie."

But I'm "watching."

[Batman]

****Re Big Show: I didn't love the Show promo, mostly because it lacked the intensity of his other ones. I need to find a way to get him angry again....

**** I know that my take on Show is a little different, and it's because he does usually act like he doesn't have anything to prove. The whole point here is that he does feel that he has something to prove because "greatest big man" is awfully faint praise, really....

****Re Mascaras: I am surprised, but very pleased, that someone agrees with Mascaras view-point. I thought he came across as censorious and prudish. That's why I didn't translate his promo. Or--within story--why Eddie didn't. We didn't want him to get booed.... I'm not trying to run him as a back-in-my-day Backlund-style heel. I think he is censorious and old-fashioned, but once he's set up with his antagonist who will show him up in nice contrast, people will be able to over-look it. (Just putting the finishing touches on that antagonist's introductory promo now....)

***But my whole plan is to have two different sorts of babyfaces and two different sorts of heels and have them not trust or like each other. So if you only like to root for the one kind, well then it's good that I have both kinds going, right? So at least you've got somebody to root for....

[Batman]

Continued....


Eddie:

...And finally, we have our most recent draft pick. Nobody has specially requested to introduce him or anything, so I may as well do it now and get it taken care of.

The *New* AWA's latest draft pick IIIIIIIIIS....


Matt Striker? Really? Huh.

Well, let's all give a warm welcome to the wrestling teacher, Matt Striker.




Striker:

There was a time when I would have been offended by the lack of enthusiasm in that introduction. But I would have been wrong. Señor Guerrero is one-hundred percent justified in being non-plussed by my having been drafted. Are there not world-champions who have yet to be drafted? Are there not true legends of this business who have yet to be drafted? What have I ever done to rate being taken off the board this early in the draft?

Nothing. President Alderman is taking a big chance on me, taking a chance that I will have a lot bigger impact here... than I have anywhere before in my career. And there's a good reason for him to take that chance, but not really an easy one to explain. So I really have to beg your indulgence, because I need to tell you a little bit about how I've changed and how my beliefs have changed since the last time you saw me, and I think that will help to explain why I'm here and what I'm setting out to accomplish here... in Armageddon Wrestling.

You all know me as "Matt Striker, the wrestling teacher." Previously in my career, I saw professional wrestling as a means of teaching--much as Señor Mascara does. I saw my television time as a soapbox from which I could disseminate information to everyone watching that they ought to all find very useful. And I was deeply disappointed by the fact that hardly anyone actually learned anything from me, and embittered by the lack of gratitude that greeted my efforts. I realize now that gratitude is far too much to expect from anyone.

BOOOOOO!

No, wait, wait, I'm sorry. I'm not being clear. I did not in any way mean that as a put-down. What I meant was that nobody... nobody should be expected to feel the fake, MADE-UP, non-existent emotion people call "gratitude." We've all been told, from a very young age, that when someone does something to help you, you should feel warmly towards that person because of it. And that warm feeling is called... "gratitude." THIS is one of the biggest and most destructive LIES in the world....

I'm sure that everyone here has felt the... TERRIBLE guilt... that comes from not feeling the gratitude... that you know you're supposed to... towards someone who has done you a good turn. And I'm sure that most of you have also felt the bitterness that comes from realizing that someone you have helped is--at the most--pretending out of common courtesy... to feel any gratitude towards you.

"Gratitude" is a crock. Allow me to explain....

I'm sorry, I know it seems like I'm rambling. I did warn you it would be roundabout. I'm coming to my point, I promise.

There are two situations in which one person might help another. Either the help was asked for... or it wasn't. If the help was unasked for... well, naturally, that leads to resentment. "I didn't ask for help. I could have handled it." But when someone is in a situation where they are forced to ASK for help, the resentment is even stronger. Because asking for help leads to losing face to the person you ask. If you ever help anyone, rather than expecting gratitude, you should apologize. "I'm sorry. I saw that you needed help, I responded to that need because of the intangible benefit I get from helping those in need, so you needn't feel any obligation towards me. I apologize."

Why the change? I've been trying to figure out for a while now the reasons for my failure and my bitterness. In the last few weeks, as I've been waiting in the draft pool, I've been doing a lot of reading, and talking with colleagues who I have come to deeply respect, and this has helped me to reach these conclusions, and lose the guilt and bitterness, and change the direction of my life... and career.

One of those colleagues I mentioned was President Alderman's first choice for this draft pick. He was chosen because President Alderman recognizes that in wrestling... there must be CONFLICT. NOT... just physical conflict, but also philosophical conflict. And the man that President Alderman wanted to draft has a philosophy... in diametrical conflict... with that of Señor Mascara. Unfortunately for him... but fortunately for me... another promotion drafted the man President Alderman had in mind. When he wasn't able to trade for him, or think of an alternate on his own, he made a very wise decision. He asked the man that he had just missed drafting who he would recommend in his place. And my friend and colleague recommended me.

Naturally, President Alderman was a little non-plussed. Matt Striker? The wrestling teacher? How could he provide the opposition and contrast to the so-called "purity" and "goodness" of Mr. Mascara? But we talked... I told him about my new philosophy... my new world-view... and my passion for it, and in the end, President Alderman decided that I was in fact the perfect man for this job.

I haven't really explained very well yet what I intend to accomplish here in Armageddon Wrestling. (Yes, I'm sorry, I know I'm running long, just a couple more minutes...)

WHO... can we blame for the guilt and bitterness that arises from the LIE... of gratitude? Of course, we learned it from our parents, and from society, but we can't blame our parents, they just learned it from their parents... and so on. And society... is just an amorphous... concept. But there is someone that deserves to be blamed! SELF-appointed, SELF-righteous, hypocritical, so-called "heroes" deserve a BIG helping of blame... for the big LIE of gratitude. And my goal in Armageddon Wrestling is not JUST to destroy the so-called "heroes".... Destruction is never good enough--martyrdom is one of the few things heroes are really good at. No, my goal is to EXPOSE the ineffectuality, the counter-productiveness, and most of all... the HYPOCRICY of "heroism" and "self-sacrifice."

BOOOOOOOO!

BELIEVE me, I'll be doing you a favor.... For THAT!... I apologize.

Please allow me to introduce myself! You all know me as "Matt Striker, the wrestling teacher." But I've been reborn since then. Not literally, like Eddie and Art here... but figuratively. I have a new perspective, a new worldview, a new... weltaunschaung, if you will. And I am no longer a teacher. I am a crusader. I will FIGHT for what I believe. I will FIGHT to make the world a better place, a place with less unwarranted guilt and more self-reliance. And I'm not going to do this for you, in some insipid attempt to win your gratitude or affection. I'm going to do it solely for the intangible benefit of personal satisfaction it will provide me.

Since I am a different man than I was when I used the professional name "Matt Striker" and since I am no longer the "wrestling teacher" that is inextricably linked with that name, it is only appropriate that I choose a new professional name....

You can call me... JOHN... RAND!



Mil Máscaras is enraged, and stomps over to the podium to confront Rand


Mil Máscaras:

¡Usted es un cáncer! ¡Usted es un diablo elocuente que hace que el mal parece como sensatez y la virtud suena como insentatez! ¡Le conduciré de aquí!


Rand: For the benefit of those who don't speak seven languages fluently, like I do, Mr. Mascara here has just called me a cancer. In other words, one who aggressively expands to the detriment of his enemies--I certainly take that as a compliment, Gracias, sir.

He has also called me a "silver-tongued devil"--another compliment, thank you!--and says that I make evil seem sensible and virtue seem foolish. Absolutely! Your values are upside-down, but from your perspective, you're absolutely right.

Most importantly, he goes on to vow to drive me out of this promotion. And once again, you are exactly right, Señor. I'm so glad that we see eye-to-eye on this.

Our conflict is inevitable--pre-ordained--and only one of us can emerge victorious.

Máscaras: ¡Coloquemos nuestras diferencias a la derecha aquí y ahora! ¡Mano a mano!

Rand: You want to settle it right here? Man to man? A sort of "trial by combat" to sort out who is in the right?

Máscaras: ¡Sí! ¡Ahora!

Rand takes a pen out of his jacket pocket and points it at Máscaras's face.

Rand: Screw you!

Rand pushes a button and ink (presumably) squirts right into Máscaras's eyes. Máscaras hands go to his eyes and he cries out in pain. Rand walks calmly away.


Eddie: Come on, Art, let's help him to the back, help him wash his eyes out.

Art: Why? He's a dick. I think I'm on that "Rand" guy's side....

Eddie: This isn't about taking sides. I'm not interested in taking sides between these two locos! But we can't just let him go blind! Come on! Give me a hand!

Art: Shrug. All right. Fine....

One on each side of him, they help him to the back....

[Batman]

****OOC: Wow. Rand's introductory promo is... really long.

I hope people have the patience for it. I think it's worth it. It's good stuff, and Rand needed more time than normal as he was establishing a brand-new character.

I think he's going to make a very good antagonist for Mil. I'm now glad Demko snaked me....



(Note: When Rand calls Mil "Mr. Mascara," he pronounces it like eye-makeup, instead of with the accent correctly on the first syllable. He speaks fluent Spanish, he is just doing this to be a dick....)

[Lucky]

****I lost patience midway through and skimmed the rest. But I'll give it another read when I'm awake.

Its not that I can't root for Eddie. I can root for the Horsemen and in their natural form they're evil. Its that I think the AWA should treat Eddie the same as the Horsemen. I'm watching some WCW '99 and Sting just won the title from Hogan by questionable antics when Bret Hart (who was an official referee in an earlier match) took out Nick Patrick and counted the pin himself. Despite the objections of WCW wrestlers and announcers who have wanted to see Hogan lose the belt for so long WCW has stripped Sting and ordered a rematch. Ignoring how much WCW fucked up this story I like the logic of WCW's officials in this regard. It doesn't matter that Sting is a face and Hogan is a heel. Fair is fair, and that pin was iffy at best. On the flip side (and showing how screwy WCW can be) Kevin Nash injured the Giant/Big Show with a botched powerbomb dropping him on his neck. WCW is playing it as a potential career ending and paralyzing injury (obviously its not) and have banned the powerbomb. Nash of course continues to do it and gets arrested and fined. So Nash comes out and correctly points out that Kidman just hit a powerbomb and nothing happened to him. That the


Its not a cheating face that bothers me. Its that the announcers flip a switch on their morals when he turns face. The Dudleyz powerbomb people through tables and its the most heinous act in the world. Then they turn face and powerbomb defenseless non-wrestling heels and its justice. Eddie cheats to steal a title and its a theft and the champ was screwed. Then he turns face and its just good ole' Eddie carrying on the family tradition. Announcers don't mind, faces don't mind, the former champ is given no justice, the company makes no effort to stop him or rectify this.

So Mil telling Eddie that what he does is wrong and he IS a heel sits right with me. Because he is. He said EXACTLY that to Art. "We're heels. We're just going to get cheered anyway." Eddie shouldn't necessarily feel the need to be a role model, but rule abiding faces shouldn't condone his actions just because he's charismatic and likable. And AWA's officials and announcers should treat him exactly the same as they would any heel doing the things he does.

Obviously foils have something to do with this. Eddie's rival may just be a bigger heel than him thus making what he did a bit easier to swallow. But not "right." I'm with Mil on that.

I do think he's coming off a bit overbearing and preachy there though. It definitely would have sat better with me if you had kicked off the feud by STriker/Rand acting against Mil, not Mil bursting from the back and calling him a devil. Makes Mil look "censorious and prudish" as you put it, and bordering on Backlund heel status.

[Batman]

****Re announcers: It's tough because babyface announcers are supposed to talk up the fan favorites, and sometimes it's tough for them to do that and seem consistent. So they have to make a choice, do they treat someone as a heel who the audience is rooting for, or do they come across as a hypocrite?

****Re Mil: Let me know if you still think Mil comes across as overbearing by confronting Rand without being attacked first after you've read the whole promo. Or if it's still tldr in the morning, just read the one paragraph where he starts shouting. (Starts out "WHO... can we blame...") He blatantly threatens to destroy and discredit Mil and any other heroes. Mil responds by condeming him as a silver-tongued devil, but he also challenges him to fight over it right there and then, but he doesn't actually attack him without being attacked first. Which Rand responds to with a COWARDLY BLINDING SNEAK ATTACK! So I think it's pretty well established--even for those like me who don't completely agree with Mil's perspective--just who one should be rooting for between the two.

re Eddie's Rival: Remember Eddie is in opposition to Bischoff's forces, and I don't think that there's any more perfect dick-head in wrestling than Bischoff. He's also going after a tag-team partner who turned on him, which is one of the classic wrestling plotlines....

[Lucky]

****I actually went back and read it and did see Rand make the "threat." But its still not really a direct threat and its Mil acting himself. Which is fine for the "hero" to try and stop a crime before it happens. I intellectually GET that Mil is the good guy and Rand is the bad guy. I think its clear - presuming you have a rudimentary knowledge of Spanish - who we're supposed to be rooting for and why Mil came out. But he still FEELS like the old pushy prude behaving abruptly because his values are challenged. And that's coming from someone who agrees with his values.

Speaking of which, I get why Mil is speaking Spanish, but Inoki had a translator. Rand's promo being lengthy might be a problem for readers but I doubt Mil's Spanish will make it any easier. If I had to guess you're not going to get too many views of this one. Huge soliloquies and foreign languages (without subtitles) do not a mainstream audience make.

I have absolutely no problem with Eddie as the face and I do agree that Bischoff is a fine foil. As I said I enjoyed that promo very much. I'm simply saying that the first time Eddie cheats to win an important match the AWA should treat it the same as if Sasuke did it. And while the announcers can rationalize how there's some justice involved in Bischoff getting screwed they shouldn't pretend Eddie did anything but exactly what they condemn heels for. But its wrestling where JR celebrates Stone Cold stunning Stephanie McMahon and Vickie Guerrero gets attacked multiple times by men and they remain faces. So I don't expect much and me and Mil will just be sad at the lack of moral fiber in the business.

Its basically Chris Jericho speaking the absolute truth to us about what a dishonest liar and political player and backstabber and all around rotten human being HBK is... but HBK just continuing to be loved while Jericho is booed for attacking him. Jericho is right. HBK IS a bad dude and if Randy Orton or Edge did these things we'd hate them. We are fucked up. Eddie and HBK are "rudos", by the true definition of the term. They just happen to be fan favorites.

[Mr. Dashbee]

****I thought you nailed the Stryker persona in writing, then totally changed it to Rand. Why John Rand? Any connection to the Oregon conservative or the college professor? Or you just liked the name?

I also like that you're taking characters from the past and changing them to fit your promotion, but aren't altering history. Characters turn all the time in wrestling, so it's plausible for someone like Eddie, Barr, Stryker or even Mil to change over time.

Good stuff.

[Batman]

****Lucky: Re lack of translation: You've given me an idea. Eddie didn't translate what Mil had to say because he thought that it would put him in a bad light with the fans and he didn't want that to happen.

Rand, on the other hand, would agree with Eddie about that, but specifically does want that to happen. Getting Mil booed is one of his primary objectives. So he should translate Mil for everyone. I'm going to add that.

mta: I have now added that. Would you say that section seems more accessible now?

I think it should be kept in mind though that Mil does not attack Rand, because he really doesn't have sufficient cause to go that far. All he does is throw down the gauntlet. "You want to destroy me? Fine. Let's go, here and now."

Jul 6, 2008 2:20:56 GMT -5 Mr. Dashbee said:

I thought you nailed the Stryker persona in writing, then totally changed it to Rand.

I think (hope) what you mean is that I nailed Striker's voice. His voice is the main thing (non-kayfabe) that got him this role. When I missed Mitchell, both Lucky and Dev were nice enough to recommend a guy who would have been great for the spot in most ways. He has the wit, intelligence, pretension, and arrogance. But he's really kind of a marble-mouth, I think. I chose Striker because I felt that he could take the battle to the heroes verbally, point by point, in a way that I didn't think NAME DROP could do.

But while his voice is the same, his persona has changed enough that it makes sense that he would take on a different professional name. Matt Striker earned heel heat by arrogantly presuming he had something to teach us all. John Rand earns his by earnestly setting out to destroy and discredit the most pure, unsullied heroes around. And he can tell you exactly why he thinks that's a good thing.

Also it gave me an excuse to use the "please allow me to introduce myself" line....

Why John Rand? Any connection to the Oregon conservative or the college professor? Or you just liked the name?

When I was originally going to use James Mitchell in this role in the story, his philosophical under-pinning was going to be Satanist. I decided that Striker didn't have the sinister spookiness to pull off a Satanist gimmick (and Lucky already has Sullivan) so I decided to make his philosophy Objectivist instead. The two philosophies aren't really all that different if you look at them side by side. So I decided that as a recent convert, he'd want to pay tribute to his new heroes in his new work name. "Rand" is from the founder of Objectivism--Ayn Rand--and "John" is for the hero of her novel, Atlas Shrugged--John Galt.

[Batman]

The first part of the following press conference was unfortunately poorly translated by the electronic translator we attempted to use. So there has been a slight delay in getting the video released until we could get it subtitled. We apologize for the delay.

****OOC: Previous speeches of Inoki are just whatever random kanji I could find on the web to cut and paste--mostly PS3 press releases. But this time I decided to try using babelfish. I suspect that this didn't work out nearly as well as the Spanish translation did. Because when I translated back to English, the result didn't make much sense. So I decided to use this as the basis for a gag. Words in brackets are the professionally-translated subtitles (ie what I originally meant) and the words in asterisks are the bad attempts of the translation-machine (ie what I got from babelfish when I tried to translate back from Japanese to English.) Enjoy!


Inoki:

よい日。 私はとりわけこのドラフト入団を今日導入する機会を要求した。
[Good day. I specifically requested the opportunity to introduce this draft pick today.]
*Good day. I required the opportunity which especially this draft joining an organization today is introduced.*

私の訳者は見つけられることをどこも残念ながらある。 私は機械を翻訳するこのソニーが首尾よく理解された私の意味をすることを望む。 私はそれが最新式であること言われる。
[Unfortunately my translator is nowhere to be found. I hope that this Sony translating machine will successfully make my meaning understood. I am told that it is state of the art.]
*As for my translator where being found regrettable it is. I desire the fact that my meaning this SONY which translates the machine understanding successfully is done. I say that being state of the art.*

この構成を今日結合している人は彼の生成のすばらしいヘビー級選手間にある。 彼は米国とずっと日本の世界のヘビー級のチャンピオンである。
[The man who is joining this organization today is among the greatest heavyweights of his generation. He has been World Heavyweight Champion both in the United States and in Japan.]
*As for the person who this constitution today has been connected it is between the heavyweight players where that formation is splendid. He the United States directly is the champion of heavyweight of the Japanese world.*

彼はすばらしいルーTheszおよび彼の一番最後のマッチの敗北させたルーTheszの最後の学生だった。 彼は日本に苦闘することのアイコンである。
[He was the last student of the great Lou Thesz and defeated Lou Thesz in his very last match. He is an icon of Japanese wrestling.]
*He was the last student of splendid ru Thesz and ru Thesz which that last match is defeated. He is the idea contest of the thing which struggles in Japan.*

彼は日本の最も憎まれた人間にあって不思議に自慢している人である。
[He is a man who is unaccountably proud to be among the most hated men in Japan.]
*He there being a human where Japan is most hated, is the person whom you brag strangely.*

私はあなたに無類の蝶野正洋を導入して非常に自慢している。
[I am very proud to introduce to you the inimitable Chōno Masahiro!]
*I brag introducing the inimitable butterfly field correct ocean into you, very.*

(No, machine. "Chōno Masahiro" is name, not words. Please not to be translating the kanji of name.)


nWo B&W theme plays.

Enter...



Inoki:

Bischoff! なぜ蝶野正洋とここにいるか。 私の訳者はなぜあなたとここにあるか。 何が起こっているか。
[Bischoff! Why are you here with Chōno Masahiro? Why is my translator here with you? What is going on?]
*Bischoff! Why the butterfly field correct ocean...*******
Inoki unplugs translation machine in frustration.

This machine... it is full of babble... You will translate still? In hope?

: 今ではそれは立派な長官のためにBischoff翻訳する私の仕事である。 彼に話しているので私は確かに私の義務を達成し、翻訳する。
[It is now my job to translate for the honorable Commissioner Bischoff. Since you are speaking to him I will certainly fulfill my duties and translate.]
Honorable Commissioner Bischoff, the honorable Mr. Inoki expresses his surprise at seeing you at this place and time, and asks what reason there is for you to be accompanying the honorable Mr. Chōno. (He also asked why I was with you, but I already took it upon myself to explain that I had been reassigned to you as your translator, as the question was addressed directly to me.)

: Damn, honey, I could have guessed that much! What else is there to say?

: ののしり、蜂蜜、私はことを多く推測したかもしれない! 他に何を言う彼は行っているか。

: But instead of asking me why I'm here with Chōno, he should be asking why Chōno's here with me!

: しかし私に尋ねるかわりに私が蝶野正洋となぜここにいるか、彼は蝶野正洋が私となぜここにあるか尋ねるべきである!


Chōno: 私はの首謀者であるnWo日本の本当の元のnWo! エリックBischoffはアメリカのの後ろの本当の首謀者であるnWo! 協力していて私達二人新しいnWo今までに一度も見られた高さに達する。 私達はすべての反対を押しつぶし、すべての力を握る!

: The honorable Mr. Chōno says: "I am the mastermind of nWo Japan, the true original nWo! Eric Bischoff is the true mastermind behind the American nWo! With the two of us working together, the new nWo will reach heights never before seen. We will crush all opposition and seize all power!"

: In other words, Former Commissioner Inoki, you should know the drill by now! We're taking over! Bitch!

: すなわち、猪木の前の長官ドリルを今ごろはもう知るべきである! 私達は引き継いでいる! 雌犬!

Chōno and Sasuke advance on Inoki. Inoki holds his ground. They attack, but he seems to be holding his own against both of them. Bischoff makes the "come on out" gesture.




It's Excessive Force! With them on the scene, it is four-on-one, and Inoki is sure to receive a vicious beating. BUT!


What's that I hear? It's Van Halen's "Jump"! The theme music of La Pareja del Terror!



With the odds almost evened up, the nWo backs off. Inoki gets on the mic.

:
エリックBischoff! 私は私が競いたいと思ったので長官のオフィスをあきらめた。 しかし私は急いで行動した。 抑えられない続けることを許可することができない!

: The honorable Mr. Inoki says: "Eric Bischoff! I gave up the office of Commissioner because I wanted to compete. But I acted hastily. You can not be allowed to continue unchecked!"

: Taekwondoのあなたの黒帯の非常に自慢している。 私は黒帯、またである。 私は長官の肩書のための私と小競合するために挑戦する!

: "You are very proud of your black belt in taekwondo. I am a black belt, too. I challenge you to spar with me for the title of Commissioner!"

The nWo back out of the building, with Bischoff shaking his head and making broad "no way! forget it!" gestures with his hands...

[Batman]

****All right! Every character I've drafted so far has been introduced, and almost everybody has a feud! Time to take a few days off from this, I think....

[Batman]

****
Hey!

Feedback?

[Mr. Dashbee]

****Sorry, I didn't have the computer until tonight, so I just got my first read of the latest report.

[By the way, yes, I meant you nailed the Stryker voice, then changed the character. It was very well done, and I think Lucky and Dev made great suggestion. I actually think Matt Stryker, non-kayfabe, could pull off this role.]

The last report was great, as usual. I would love to see Inoki and Bschoff spar. And I borrowed your translator, by the way.

And I'll be laughing about "ru Thesz" for a while...

[Batman]

****Thank you.

That is honestly what babelfish gave me--try it. Plug "Lou Thesz" in and ask for English to Japanese and you get "ルーThesz". Ask it to translate that back to English and you get "[ru] Thesz".

No lie.

[Batman]

****And remember, it's not just "ru Thesz," it's the "splendid ru Thesz"....

[Mr. Dashbee]

****sprendid ru Thesz?

[Batman]

****No, no, it's a translating machine. It pronounces "splendid" just fine. But it didn't know what "ru" was so it just repeated it....

[Batman]

Two young men emerge from backstage, roll out a red carpet, then return backstage....

This man emerges from backstage:



Except, instead of a comb, he is carrying an old-fashioned perfume atomizer on a silver platter. He hunts around the stage, sniffing. He appears to be searching for unpleasant odors. When he finds them, he blasts them with the atomizer.

The two young men come out again, this time holding silver goblets filled with flower petals. They sprinkle the path from backstage with them as they go.

"Pomp and Circumstance" begins to play.

Finally, emerges:



Gorgeous George approaches the edge of the stage, careful not to stray from the paths of petals. His face expresses offense at the smell of the audience. He gestures at his valet toward them and the valet puffs at them with the atomizer. Finally, George tosses a few gold-plated bobby pins out to the audience.

The crowd is non-plussed by this cheesy old schtick, at first. But George continues to rinse-and-repeats at different spots along the edge of the stage, until the crowd is finally worked up to a fever pitch of annoyance at his stalling and his arrogance.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Only then does he approach the podium.


Gorgeous George:

When I was first drafted by this... organization, I made it perfectly clear that I had no intention of subjecting myself to the farcically unwarranted opprobrium of the crowd. Yet, here I stand before you, suffering the slings and arrows of your outrageously poor taste... and foul odors.

Why? Because I can not pass up the opportunity to introduce to you, the ONE MAN in the history of professional wrestling to ever live up to the sterling standard of excellence which I have set. Ever since I blazed across the firmament of the world of professional wrestling, imitators have attempted to snatch for themselves some little crumb of my glory. Boxers, from Muhammed Ali to Floyd Mayweather, have attempted to recreate my sublime bragadoccio. Entertainers, from Liberace to Elton John, have imitated my unerringly glamorous sense of fashion and savoir-faire. And--most crassly of all--professional wrestlers in every era--from Buddy Rogers, to Billy Graham, to Ric Flair--they have bleached their hair, and they have thrown on a bejeweled robe, and they have FOOLED THE WORLD into believing that that... is enough to follow in the footsteps of the brilliant and inimitable Human Orchid.

They have mimicked the SIZZLE... because they could not recreate the steak. My hair is amazing, and my robes are dazzling, but those things are NOT what makes a man... Gorgeous George! Taking a brutish scroundrel and putting peroxide in his hair, and throwing a glittering robe on him, is EXACTLY like putting a tiara on a PIG! But the man I'm here to introduce to you today follows in my footsteps in the ways that actually matter--in erudition... and class! He is an Ivy League quarterback in a sport filled with SEC linebackers, a Harvard graduate in a milieu of eighth-grade dropouts! A man who was FORCED from his chosen career of professional wrestling by injury... FAR too young, because of the unremitting and pointless brutality which have destroyed my SPORT and my LEGACY!

I am honored to give to you both a gentleman and a scholar:

Christopher Nowinski.



Nowinski:

Thank you so much for that kind and flattering introduction, Mr. Wagner. I've had a lot of time to think about the state of the King of Sports in the years since I was forced from it by repeated concussions. You are absolutely right when you say that brutality and savagery have taken over and ruined the greatest sport in the world. But now that I have a second chance, I intend to use that chance to roll BACK the oppressive curtain of brutality hanging over this once-respected sport.

And if you say... that--in some small way--I lived up to your example... WITHOUT the benefit of your guidance or advice, I blush to imagine the heights to which I could aspire... as your... protege.

If you will have me, sir.




Proud to! Proud and honored!




And one MORE thing! There is only one person on this roster both willing and able to put on the sort of scientific exhibition of wrestling skill with Mr. Wagner that he deserves--and that's ME! If any of you bullies and roughnecks disagree... and feel you rate a match with the best wrestler in the world... You'll have to go through ME first!

[Batman]

Bischoff:

Hey, kids! We're the *New* nWo and we're taking over. But not today. Today we have announcements. There are some boring official announcements from el Presidente's office. Bischoff gestures with envelopes in hand. Whoopee. But there's also an exciting announcement directly from the *New* nWo. But we'll save the best for last. Let's get this over with....

Oh! This one is good news! The Commissioner is positively barred from any type of "double dipping" and may not be booked into any type of a match, including a tournament-style martial-arts spar. However...

"However?" Aw, damn it!

"However, the *New* nWo will be required to respond to Mr. Inoki's challenge to their control of the office of the Commissioner. Since Commissioner Bischoff is prohibited from responding to this challenge directly, proxies may be chosen...."

Fine! You want a fight so bad, Inoki? Well, you've got one... with the baddest man in Japan, Masahiro Chōno! Here, say your piece Chōno!



Chōno Masahiro:

愚かなアメリカ人私の名前を発音できない。 それを見、私がある種のあなたの愚かでフルーツのような飲み物の上に置くべき甘くされたチェリーであることを考える。

: The honorable Mr. Chono says: "You stupid Americans can not pronounce my name. You look at it and think I am some kind of sweetened cherry to put on top of your stupid fruity drinks."

: 従って私はそれをあなたのために容易にさせる。 今後は、 Mister Barakku Jakku 私をダビングすることができる。

: The honorable Mr. Chono says: "So I will make it easy for you. From now on, you may call me Mister Black Jack."

: そして、 Barakku Jakku のように、私は部分の猪木に切る!

: The honorable Mr. Black Jack says: "And, like Black Jack, I will cut you to pieces Inoki!"

: All right, I think something got lost in the translation there, what does "Black Jack" have to do with cutting someone to pieces?

The other three look at Bischoff like he is crazy...

: You have never heard of Black Jack, the infamous mercenary surgeon? He is famous--like your "Batman."

Chono--I mean, Black Jack--gestures at the picture on his new merch shirt:



: Mister Barakku Jakku!

: Yeah, he might be famous like Batman where you're from, but here in the USA there's no way anybody except total geeks have ever heard of him. Which is no good for the "cool" image of the nWo. So... don't try to make popular culture references, all right?

: 陰茎 Bischoff は Barakku Jakku 述べないと言う。

Everyone nods.


: All right, moving right along. [Rips into an envelope.] HAHAHA! Oh this is rich. It's bad news, but not for me, therefore it's hilarious!

Christopher Nowinski, your request for a match with "Gorgeous" George Wagner at The Big Bang! has been approved, but with one... little... condition. The Prez has taken your words to heart. If anyone else wants a match with the Gorgeous One, they have to go "through you"! Anyone on the roster may challenge you for the right to face George at the Pay Per View instead, and a special challenge match--or, if necessary, a series of special challenge matches--will be scheduled before The Big Bang. Anyone who beats you will take your place on the card and face Gorgeous George instead of you.

For once, the Prez and I see eye-to-eye on something. Conflict Creates Cash! Or, "Controversy Creates Conflict which Creates Cash!" Something like that....

All right, NEXT!!

It looks like Armageddon Wrestling has picked up a couple of tag teams in trading, but they aren't here yet to introduce them, and they're just tag teams, so who cares?

What the hell? We traded away Low-ki for a couple of old Mexicans? DAMN it, I had plans for that boy! These are the kinds of STUPID decisions that won't be happening anymore once the *New* nWo... TAKES OVER!

All right, that's it for the stupid announcements. "El Presidente" isn't the only one who has things to announce!

So! Eddie Guerrero! You think you can scare the Great Sasuke by putting a Halloween mask on? Masks don't scare the Great Sasuke! You know, they don't call him "the Great" Sasuke for nothing! He moves like lightning crossed with quicksilver, and you KNOW it, Eddie... as his former partner. But you want to be a hypocrite, and pretend you never turned on a tag-team partner? FINE! The Great Sasuke will be ready for you--with the mask or without it--at The Big Bang!

What do you have to say Sasuke?

: ....



Okay, then!

And that's not the only match I have to make with you Eddie! "Approved for double bookings," eh? You want to relive the old days with your old buddy Art, eh? Put on the old red-white-and-blue, crank up the hair metal, and stick your noses where they don't belong, eh? Well the *New* nWo knows just how to handle guys who don't know how to mind their own business, "Terror Pair!" We handle them with... EXCESSIVE FORCE!!



OMG, IT'S EXCESSIVE FORCE!!

They run onto stage and just start breaking stuff for no reason. They toss the lectern off the stage and do big splashes onto tables, and start hitting each other with chairs, just for the hell of it.

They're just crazy.