[Byrntrigan]

****
I really like Strikers promo. It has his voice down, but I think I would have had him just use his real name.

Also, his worldview is amazingly alot like many philiosophies about personal growth, and dealing with big change. I'm not sure you're aware of people like Anthony DeMello, but it's creepy similar.

I quite like it. Keep going. I can't wait for Rand's next promo...

I'd almost have him be like a councelor or confidant to wrestlers, it would fit his personality now...

[Lucky]

****
Not for nothing, Serg, by why all the name changes? Ok, Striker changed his name because he has a new gimmick and persona. The Samoans change their name because Bischoff wants a silly catchphrase. But Masahiro Chono is now Black Jack? Why? And I know you addressed it with Bischoff's commentary and how Americans won't get the weird Japanese reference he's making... but it just makes him look like a goof and takes away a lot of the aura of him, IMO. And I'm not sure if it was part of the joke but when I first read that promo I inverted "Black Jack" every time I read it. It wasn't until I went back and reread it that I realized it was Black Jack and not Jack Black. Which just made him look like an even bigger goof.

I'm just not sure changing the name of a somewhat legendary bad ass to something that is an intentionally obscure reference that Americans are most likely to confuse with an idiot fat comic is really a good idea. Jobbers like Striker? Ok. But Chono?

[Batman]

****

Mr. Black Jack is actually an old gimmick name of Chono's. He's reviving it for several reasons.

1) I in fact think it's a bad ass name.
2) I liked the gag about the obscure manga reference. (Not so obscure in Japan, believe me.)
3) I am a giant geek and think the reference to the manga character is cool, and that the character is bad-ass, regardless of what "Bischoff" thinks.
4) I liked the gag about thorfag doing the "who? Maraschino?" when I picked him.
5) Masahiro Chono really is a mouthful for an American audience. If he were really getting a big near-main-event push in the US, I can easily see the promoter saying "so, you used to wrestle as Mr. Black Jack. That's good, let's bring that back!"

Like you've said before, it's a fair criticism, as you'd make the same sort of criticism if a real promotion was changing the gimmick of a wrestler you like. "What are they doing that for? Maybe they don't get that guy, and what made him so great to begin with...."

But in all fairness, you'd probably also be thinking "I guess they want a name they think is more marketable in the US. I suppose they wouldn't bother unless they had big plans for him...."


Byrne: Thanks, the Rand / Striker promo was a lot of fun to write. He genuinely believes that he's right and everyone else is wrong, and knows how to make a good case for it, which makes him a lot creepier than a bad guy who just twirls his mustachio and goes "Mwuhahahaha!"

I'm not specifically aware of DeMello, but radical self-centeredness is a common feature of self-help philosophies. EST is a great example, and of course Ayn Rand's Objectivism, which is what Rand is specifically making reference to with his new gimmick and name.

As far as him being a confidant to other wrestlers, I definitely see some future in an angle where he lures and blandishes Love Machine over to the dark side.

[Batman]

****Oh, and an exalt to Commish Byrne, as he is a new commenter I believe, and I promised an exalt to any such....

[Lucky]

****
You're right that its a criticism I'd wage against WWE or whoever. Because I do think its stupid when they change the name of a guy like Matt Sydal, but understand they want to own it. And I do think its really stupid that they change the name of a guy like Chris Harris, but I get that they'd never acknowledge his success in TNA anyway. But changing the name of a legend who has had a fair amount of exposure in America and whose name really isn't as foreign to Americans as, say, The Great Sasuke or La Pareja Atomica? I'd just yell up and down like a stupid wank. And Booker T was once GI Bro and it didn't change how silly it was (not to compare the two situations as that wouldn't really be fair for a number of reasons).

I just think you're booking to yourself and not an audience. Which of course is your prerogative and plenty of us will do. But manga references that only a very small minority of an American audience would get when manga and anime is largely looked down upon in America?

Not to mention that referencing a manga character and character from Chono's past seems kind of counter productive to the idea of changing his name because it would be hard for an American audience to get. If they're familiar enough with the guy's past or culture to get the Black Jack references they have to be familiar with Chono. Feels like you're (a) making it hard to link to the guy's real past and aura, (b) abandoning the guys who DO know his name in an effort to make him ore appealing in theory to new folks, and (c) intentionally booking to an obscure reference likely to (IMO) turn off more people than attract.

"Who is this dude Senshi who just showed up in TNA?"
"Senshi?"
"Yeah, small guy. Kicks a bunch. I've never heard the name."
"Oh, that might be Low Ki. He's a huge indy star and has had a number of big runs in TNA. He was one of the first guys to establish the X division as champ and was part of XXX in an awesome team and run that established their tag titles and division. He's was also the first ROH champ and helped establish them and then did some awesome stuff turning heel."
"Oh, LOW KI. I've heard of Low Ki."

Besides my personal objection to it you just make it tough for fans to connect the guy to who he was unless you give them help. Seems unnecessary just to give him a name that they're more likely to associate with School of Rock than manga. Because I don't think I will ever be able to read a Chono promo from you without thinking of this guy.



Am I even supposed to be making criticisms like this? Its not as if I expect you to no sell the name change in your next promo or change it because of my argument. I'm just doing what I'd do to a real company I was watching. But there we're not talking TO the promoter we're just talking with each other as audience members. And you ARE booking what you want to see. So if my posts are just disruptive and nonconstructive let me know and I'll cool it. It so happens that changing the names of known or legendary guys is a pet peeve.

[Batman]

****Lucky--re Jack Black, all that proves is that you're not just a crabby piece of shit, but also a dyslexic one.

I don't think the comparisons to guys like Chris Harris are all that apt though. An even better example would be Monty Brown, a genuinely already-famous name that they refuse to acknowledge.

This isn't that. This is Chono saying "I want to be cool and badass" and trying too hard to seem cool to the Americans, changing his name to a "cool"-sounding Americanized one and going with a badass rock song (Livin' After Midnight) as his theme instead of some generic Japanese music, and always wearing black and sunglasses, and getting booed for it, 'cause he's just trying too hard.

On the one hand, I rely too much on dialogue and I haven't really gotten that across yet. On the other hand, that seems to be sort of the reaction he's getting from you, ("You're changing your name? Lame! Boo!") so it is kind of working....

[Batman]

Hey, everybody! I'm back! Since I gave up the commissioner-ship, I haven't had any good excuses to talk to you fans and press RIGHT HERE in the beautiful city of Minneapolis. But today, it's my turn to introduce Armageddon Wrestling's latest draft pick. I'm proud to welcome to our roster a wrestler who has really followed in my footsteps, who has taken serious risks and accepted serious sacrifices to put on a great show. A wrestler who recently fell victim to one of those risks and made one of those sacrifices, who would be on the disabled list for a long time if not for the miraculous rejuvenation that comes with being called up in the draft.

I'm talking about the best young prospect I've seen in hardcore wrestling in a LONG time, her name IS!...

MICKIE KNUCKLES!!






Thanks a lot Jack, I appreciate that awesome introduction, but I notice that you didn't mention one particular thing. I have a QUESTION for everybody, AND especially for the President of Armageddon Wrestling and especially for YOU, JACK!

WHY THE HELL AM I HERE? WHAT THE HELL AM I HERE TO DO? I don't see any bimbos around here for me to hurt! Or if THAT'S not what I'm here for, I also don't see any hardcore wrestlers here for me to have bloody brawls with. All I see is a FAT MUPPET in a FLANNEL SHIRT! JACK!!

: Oh, ha ha, very nice, I appreciate what you're trying to do, Mickie, and--honestly--it's flattering. You want to make me angry, so that I'll accept a match with you, and then--wow!--you've got a big high-profile match with the hardcore legend. I appreciate what you're trying to do; I'm not offended or anything--like I said, flattered, really--but, still, it's not a good idea. In fact, it's a bad idea. After what happened to you, maybe you should be thinking about your health. If you have another career-ending injury, you're not going to get drafted a second time. And, without the draft, you know how long the waitlists are....

: Oh, whatever. "I promise I won't jump off of any more balconies, Mister Foley...." Come on, think about it, Jack! Who else is here for you to fight? MHJ Wrestling has all of the other brawlers. All of them! A lot of matches are on the card already, but your name isn't on there yet! I suppose you could have a match where you MAKE some pretty boy, so he can prove how brave he is to even get in the ring with big, bad, violent mean ol' Jack! Aren't you tired of that? I know I'm sick and tired of doing the same for the bimbos!

: Look, first off, I'm not here to make anybody. You're not talking to old semi-retired Mick, here. I'm in the best shape of my life! That may not say much for physical fitness, but it does mean that I don't have to work around bad knees hobbling me or a few too many ho-hos slowing me down. Me at my physical peak of my younger days, combined with my mental peak now, adds up to a very dangerous and scary individual. I know you're looking around you and you don't see a division for you to fight in, but trust me, a division will be built around you. Big things are in the offing for you, believe me. Be satisfied with being the big fish for a while, and have some patience, work your way up to me. You don't need to tackle Everest on your first climb, Mickie. I'm not going anywhere....

: PATIENCE? Patience for WHAT? A DIVISION? A division built out of what? Scraps and left-overs? You said I was the best hardcore wrestler to come along in a long time. Admit it, you're DUCKING me! The only question is WHY? Is it because I'm a woman? Or have you turned into a COWARD!

: You can't goad me into accepting this match, Mickie. What I said was, you're the best prospect in hardcore wrestling. I believe you could be a hardcore legend. SOMEDAY! But you're not ready to jump into the deep side of the pool yet, Mickie!

: COWARD!!

: I told you already, I'm not going to be goaded into this match, Mickie. And I know your next move is to attack me physically, to see if that gets you what you want, so I'm getting the hell out of here. Good luck to you!

Mickie grabs a steel chair, but in the time it takes her to reach down for it and fold it up, Foley has booked it the hell out of there. With nobody to vent her anger on, she smashes the chair against furniture, video equipment, pillars, etc. until nothing is left of the chair but a twisted wreck.

: YAAAH! YAAAAH!!

Mickie is very angry. Fade.

[Batman]

Love Machine:

Hey, everybody! I've asked for this time today... because I think I really need to... re-introduce myself to all of you people. You see, I never really made it big in the US. I was cut off just before I got the chance at that spotlight--by my own mistakes.

Since I've been back I've been trying to figure out this whole new... internet thing. And I saw somebody on the Armageddon Wrestling website asked, "This new guy Art Barr, what's he like? What's he sound like? I've seen a couple of his matches, but I've never heard him on the mic, what are his promos like?"

So some jackass replied by posting the lamest and most embarrassing video of me... ever! At least, I thought the guy was just being a jackass--posting a video of me as a green rookie, trying to work the goofiest gimmick you can imagine. I mean, don't get me wrong, Roddy Piper's my hero, my mentor, he was like a father to me in this business. But the day he came to me and said, "Hey, KI-ud! I just saw this MOOO-vie! I think we could get you OVER if we rip off this MOO-vie I SAW, BEEEtlejuice!"...that wasn't exactly my finest hour.

So I looked around on this Youtubes thingy, and it turns out this guy wasn't just being a dick, that's the only promo of mine I could find! I mean a couple of my matches were there, but the only promos were "Beetlejuice" or "the Juicer." Nothing from "the Love Machine"! Lame.

That's when I realized that I really have been forgotten. TOSSED on the DUSTBIN of professional wrestling history. I should have called it the "Barr" Splash, then people would at least remember my name....

Well, now I'm BACK! And I'm here to REMIND you of exactly how great I WAS, and exactly how great I still AM!

So, since the damn Youtubes didn't have anything, here's a classic promo from Eddy and Love Machine back in the day, right out of my own personal video collection. Here you go, the infamous RUBBER CHICKEN promo!



So... that's me... now ya know! Woo!


Now as for that pissant Eric Bischoff.... You think you have a team that's going to just walk all over Eddy and the Love Machine, but you have another think coming. The Wild Samoans may be legends, but you were the one who thought they needed a new name, Bishcoff, you thought they needed to be updated for the times. But La Pareja del Terror don't NEED any updating! The Terror Twins are an evergreen, BITCH! Your team might have the power, but we're the fastest thing you've ever seen! They won't even touch us! Nosotros es listo! WOOOOOOO! We're ready!

Are you?




Mexican organ music plays. Love Machine looks around in surprise and confusion.


IT'S....



Santo, el Enmascarado de Plata, y "Gory" Guerrero de la Pareja Atómica!!


Gory:

Arrrrt! It's good to SEE you again! The whole familia missed you!

: Gory? Santo? You're not supposed to be here, one of the other promotions drafted you!

: They traded us here! Isn't it great?

: Sure! Sure! God, you're so young! You look just like Eddy!

: Yeah, he takes after his old man. Except for the nose! That he takes from fighting in the streets of El Paso too much, back when he was just a kid. I warned him...

: Wow! Wow, I wasn't expecting to see you! But you must be a lot more excited to be reuniting with Eddy than with me. Come on, let's go find him!

: But, first! There was a reason I wanted to talk to you alone. We need to clear the air, the two of us, make sure there are no problems down the road.

: What kind of problems?

: First of all, I saw that video you played. That was a good promo. But I noticed one thing... My back? It is not aching. It is not tired or sore. I think I haven't been carrying anybody! In fact I think that Santo has at least been carrying his fair share of the load....

: ....

: Hey, now! That was a long time ago and...

: I know! I'm not trying to make any heat between us, I'm just trying to clear the air! I have concerns about this tag team reunion of yours! I know how you tricked Eddy into tagging with you in the first place. Eddy thought that his partner El Hijo Del Santo had betrayed him, so he looked to you to help him get his revenge. But it was YOU in a Santo mask all along!

: I did Eddy and Santo Junior both a favor! They were spinning their wheels together, trying to recapture your past glories. I gave them the kick in the ass they needed to reach out for new glories, all their own! When Eddy found out what had really happened he thanked me.

: All right, I'm not really all that concerned about tag-team betrayals in the past. I'm more worried about betrayals in the future....

: What? I would never turn on Eddy, he's my brother! Why would you say that?

: A couple of things. Eddy is distracted by other issues and not focused totally on the team. This often leads to friction between partners.

Eddy had a lot of success while you were gone that you didn't have the opportunity to share. Some of that may have had to do with him using your finisher, the Frog Splash. Envy is another thing that causes tag teams to fall apart.

Turning on Eddy could lead to a program with him as your opponent, which could take you straight to the main event a lot faster than tagging could. Ambition also can pull tag teams apart.

: No, no, Eddy and me--we communicate! He's sure that after we tag together for a while, it'll get me over in my own right, and then we'll be like DX, two main-event level singles guys who tag together once in a while for old times sake. No Barbershop Windows need apply! I couldn't do that to Eddy!

But if you don't believe in our solidarity, maybe we can prove it in the ring AGAINST THE TWO OF YOU!

: No, no, I don't want any heat between us! Like I said, I just wanted to clear the air. You two have a match scheduled already with the Samoans, and we'll find something to keep us busy I'm sure. La Pareja Atómica y la Pareja del Terror SHOULD meet in the ring sometime, but in a match of repect, not a grudge match. You say I don't need to worry, I'm done worrying!

: ....

: Yeah.... You're right, I'm glad we cleared the air. Let's go find Eddy and give him the good news! We can celebrate your reunion!

: .....

[Mr. Dashbee]

****
I love the insecurities in Art Barr's character. Look at what the became, and look what Eddie became. It's great. Plus, most of my exposure to him wa as The Juicer, and a little bit as Beetlejuice. To see and hear his character from back in the day is great for me as I follow their story.

I'm pretty sure I know where it's headed...and I hope for a slow burn and some kick ass promos along the way.

[Batman]

****Thanks. I'm really enjoying the character. Mickie's a ton of fun, too.

As to where it's headed--you may know, but I sure don't. There's three different ways I could go. Each of them would rock in their own way, but I'm pretty sure they're mutually exclusive. So, we'll see.

Has anybody checked out the changes to the top post yet? The youtubes of everybody's theme music rocks. Check it out!

[Mr. Dashbee]

****
I guess in my head, I'm sending Barr in a specific direction...down the road. It'll be fun to see it play out.

I haven't checked that first post in a while...headed there now.

[Batman]

Rand:

Good afternoon. There are a couple of announcements out of the President's office that need to be handled, and they're both relevant to me, so I was sent out to make them.

The first announcement is that I have been chosen as color commentator for the *New* AWA. I'm really happy and excited about this position, as it will afford me the opportunity to offer a different perspective--an antidote to the BIAS and HYPOCRICY that we can expect from the other side of the booth!

Speaking of which, that's my other announcement. Armageddon Wrestling's latest draft pick will also be my broadcast partner. Please welcome... the voice of pro wrestling's so-called good guys... the play-by-play announcer for the *New* AWA... It's...

Mean! Gene! Okerlund!





: So! What do you think? You and me, working together. It'll be great! Huh?

: You're revolting.

: Hey, it's true you are "mean." If we're going to be working together, I need a good nickname, too! My "announce-booth handle."

Let me think... "Mean," "mean," "Mean Gene" and "something John." Oh! I've got it! "Mean" Gene Okerlund and "Callous" John Rand! It's got ring to it! What do you think?

: You're despicable. You nauseate me, with all of your glib justifications for tearing down everything that's good and worthwhile.

: Likewise, I'm sure. But really, I'm not saying anything all that different from anything Jesse Ventura ever said. "Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat!" (By the by, we've got the guy Ventura stole that line from, right here on our roster.)

And you always managed to work with Ventura just fine. We're both professionals. I imagine we'll manage to work around the fact that we find each other morally loathsome... so we can "call the action!" Right, Gene?

: I suppose we will.

Gene offers Rand the handshake of "we're both professionals." Rand ignores it and walks off.

: See you at the show, Gene!

: ....

[Demko]

****
Hey! There's only one Callous in the PWA, and I've got him! :-)

And y'know? I have no idea why, but I *NEVER* realized that Samoa Joe's theme is actually just a slightly remixed version of Gojira's theme. How did I never make that connection?!

[Batman]

****

Yeah, it is. It doesn't really fit Black Tiger, though, does it?

Officially accepting suggestions for a Black Tiger theme. Something ominous, but not in an "Oh, god, here comes a giant" way like Gojira's theme.

[Batman]

****
OK, I found a spooky song from the Matrix that will probably work a little better for Black Tiger.

Still, let me know if you think you have an idea for a theme that you think will work better for any of them.

Or are just curious why I picked the theme I did for somebody.

[Batman]

: Hello, again, everybody! I'm back to introduce yet another women's wrestler to the fold here at Armageddon Wrestling.

And "introduce" is precisely the word, as we all know this lady, but--except for those of you older than my parents--we don't know her like this.

I'm talking about the Queen of Wrestling! The GREAT!...

MAE!...

YOUNG!!!

[The David Rose Orchestra's "The Stripper" plays...]



Mae Young:

Michael, sweety, how nice to see you again, you big ol' teddy bear! And let me tell you, it's good to be ME again! My goodness, this is going to be all kinds of fun! I am so grateful to Armageddon Rasslin' for givin' me this wonderful opportunity. Believe you me, I'm not one to be late to the door when opportunity comes knockin'! And I don't know that I've seen an opportunity like this since that first night I went to go see a pro wrestlin' match, beat NAMEDROP in just a few seconds, caught the eye of NAMEDROP, and broke into the business.

Now, I've been here before, and I know that there's more to taking advantage of a great opportunity than getting up and answerin' the knock. There's a lot of hard work, too, and I'm READY! I'm so fired up just to be capable of hard work again--to be an athlete again. I missed that more than anything. Well... almost anything.

: Now, unless I'm mistaken, that was a little bit of innuendo I detect. It reminds me a little bit of the octogenarian... ah, heartbreaker that I once knew. And it makes me wonder, if it's not too personal a question, will you be, uh, breaking hearts all over town like you once did?

: You mean am I going to be as easy as I was? (My goodness, Michael, I'd forgotten just how much I enjoyed making you blush!) Now, honey, you've got to understand, that back then "easy" was all I had to offer a man. Now, I've got plenty to offer now, and I do suspect that I might turn out to be downright difficult.





Knuckles:

SO! THIS is the BIMBO they're sending me?! THIS is "building a division around me"? I can't say I'm IMPRESSED! but you DO look like a lot of fun to take the FRUSTRATION OUT ON!


: Now, who in the hell do you think you're calling a bimbo?

: YOU! BIMBO!!! It's always cutesy little blondes like YOU who think they can come into this business and just shake their little cans instead of doing the real WORK of professional wrestling. And the business usually teaches them that they're absolutely right about that. Just roll around in your little cat-fights and look cute and *BEEEEEEEP* off the promoter, and that's all that's expected! Well, I'M here to teach you and all of your ilk a DIFFERENT lesson. If you think you can coast on a pretty face, I'm here to make it a LOT LESS PRETTY!

Knuckles is menacing Young with a kendo stick.

: My goodness, child, I do believe you have me confused with someone else! Maybe today pro wrestling is a stepping stone to a Hollywood career for bubble-headed would-be glamour models, but when I started out, having any profession was freakish and bizarre for a woman, much less fighting for a living. If you think I haven't paid my dues, you really don't know who you're talking to. And just because I like men and men like me (and, boy, ain't it nice to be able to say that again) does NOT mean that I'm oppressing you, "SISTER"!

: YEAH? WELL, IF YOU'RE SO GREAT, WHY DON'T YOU PROVE IT!

: Yeah, we could do that. I'd like to meet you in the ring sometime. I'm not afraid of you. I've never been in a hardcore match, but I've been in plenty of matches with girls that wrestled dirty enough and referees that were blind enough that it may as well have been! We could do that. But....

: WHAT? ARE YOU GONNA DUCK ME TOO, NOW!

: But would a match with me get you any closer to what you really want?

: What do you mean?

Young whispers in Knuckles ear. They both look over at Foley. He gives them the "what the hell?" look.

: Damn, you're right that is a really good idea.

Thank you.... But don't stop lookin' over your shoulder... "bimbo."

Knuckles walks off.

: Now, what the hell was that all about? Did you encourage her to keep chasing after a match with me?

: Quit your worryin' Michael, I gave her an idea that should keep her out of both our hair... for a while at least.

: But she was the only other woman in the promotion.... If she's occupied with something else... what will you do?

: Now, Michael, I've been wrestlin' against fellows since I got onto my brother's wrestlin' team back when I was fifteen, so I can find an opponent if that's what I want to do. But I don't know that I'm all that interested in that kind of wrestlin' right now.

: Then what will you do?

: Oh, I've got plans, Michael. BIG plans....

[Mr. Dashbee]

****
I can picture Mae acting the way she does. All her worldly experience of many many years, and she actually appreciates the chance to feel & look younger again. And I love how Moose (even if you don't call her that, I will, just 'cause it cracks me up) just yells and wants to beat people up. It'll be interesting to see what happens with these two. Making them opponents was obvious. Sometimes obvious is good in wrestling, but I'm glad you're going with something different. And I'm glad that Mae isn't just a side-show freak anymore.

[Batman]

****
Oh, yeah, I was originally going to feud the two of them. But then I got an opportunity that cost me Low-Ki and--I saw a different direction for both of them.

Nobody has any theories as to what Young whispered in Knuckles's ear?

[Lucky]

****

George/Nowinski. True bimbos.

[Batman]

****

Haha! I hadn't looked at it quite that way! I'm totally going to have her call Nowinski a "him-bo," now.

[Batman]

SIMULCAST!!



"Mean" Gene Okerlund here, with a special announcement, simulcast both to all of our fans at the official Armageddon Wrestling site and to all of the promoters at the official PWA draft site.

Sorry to break in to your draft talk gentlemen--and lady--but I think you'll find this interesting.

Just in case you haven't been following the situation with Christopher Nowinski's match at the Big Bang, I'll recap.

Nowinski was recently drafted by Armageddon wrestling, and warmly greeted as a protege by "Gorgeous" George Wagner. Soon after, Nowinski and Wagner submitted a formal request to the President's office to face each other at Armageddon Wrestling's first super-show, the upcoming Big Bang.

The usual policy of Armageddon Wrestling is that such "Respect" matches be staged as special free exhibitions--such as the one held a couple of weeks ago between Eddie Guerrero and the departed Low-Ki--not booked onto a super-show. But, as a special consideration to Mr. Wagner, the President made an exception in this case, but with one caveat.

Mr. Nowinski must defend his place in that match in a special "Challenge" match--or series of matches--against anyone eligible to accept a singles match booking at the Big Bang who wishes to try to take Nowinski's place and face Mr. Wagner at the super-show instead.

And now, a challenge has been made! A mystery challenger will face Nowinski later today in a one-fall match! If the challenger wins, he will face "Gorgeous" George at the Big Bang!

The President of Armageddon Wrestling has a commitment to maintaining a hands-off, off-screen presence in this promotion, unlike... ahem, excuse me "unlike that maniac, Demko"...I'm sorry those aren't my words, that's a direct quote. To keep that commitment, but also ensure that today's match goes off without a hitch, I have been given this list with answers to every conceivable excuse or justification that Mr. Nowinski might use to get out of or delay this special "Challenge" match.

So I can assure all of you that there will be NO bait-and-switch! This special challenge WILL happen today. Nowinski and a mystery challenger will face off, with a prominent booking at the upcoming super-show on the line!

Stay tuned to the Armageddon Wrestling site, and we will bring you that match absolutely as soon as possible!

Thank you!

[Demko]

Well, now that this 'mystery opponent' has been announced, I'm gonna guess that the mystery is Mickie Knuckles trying to worm her way into the challenge match.

[Batman]

: Thank you for joining us here at Armageddon Wrestling for a special "Challenge" match between Christopher Nowinski and a mystery opponent. If this opponent beats Nowinski, he will go on to face "Gorgeous" George at Armageddon Wrestling's very first super-show, The Big Bang!

: That's right, Gene! And I have to admit, as much as I admire the legendary "Gorgeous" George, and I certainly agree with him about the enormous potential in young Nowinski, I'll be rooting against them today.

: Really? And why is that, Rand?

: It's one of the few things our estimable President and I agree on. The heart and soul of wrestling is hate. A scientific bout between two opponents with deep respect for each other might be a technical masterpiece, but it will never have the passion that the people pay to see. BUT, if Nowinski can dispatch not just this mystery challenger, but every challenger between now and the super-show--and that's a big if!--he will have earned the right to have an exception made, and to have a match with his hero and mentor put on the card.

: Well, I can't really disagree with that, as much as I hate to agree with anything you might say.

: That's how you earned your reputation as possibly the most biased broadcaster of all time!

: Be that as it may... We're seeing an awfully impressive turnout here at the legendary Minneapolis venue, First Avenue, considering the impromptu nature of this match-up and the fact that there has been no promotion of it other than the announcement on the *New* AWA's official site and word of mouth!

: True, but let's not forget that the admission was free today. Filling the much larger Metrodome with paying customers will be a much more daunting task!

: Obviously. That is why we're rooting for the mystery opponent today, is it not?

: Good point, Gene. So, are we almost ready to start here?

: Oh! Look there, I think your timing was perfect.


Two young men are rolling out a red carpet. A much longer one is required today--to extend all the way from backstage to a wrestling ring, rather than just out to a podium on a stage. Then they go backstage and come out with the goblets of flower petals and stand one at each side of the entrance. Jeffries emerges and does his schtick with the atomizer.





The young men advance toward the ring scattering petals behind them. George strolls the path of petals to ringside. He does his usual bit of examining the air for offensive smells, and directing Jeffries to "atomize" them. He goes an extra step and declares a small group of young people to be too offensive for his perfume to cover, and attempts to have them ejected. He has a mini-tantrum--kicking the guardrail--when security refuses to acknowledge his authority to order this. None of this is mic'ed, by the way, just played out in broad silent-movie pantomime.

Finally, George grabs a mic and enters the ring through the ropes held open by his valet. His valet also then takes his entrance robe and exits the ring with it.

: I am very proud... to take this opportunity to introduce a young man to you, a young man who is both a scholar and an athlete, and whom I believe represents the future of professional wrestling. I give to you...

CHRISTOPHER NOWINSKI!




: I'm deeply honored, sir.

: Not at all, my dear boy. This is your day in the sun. I'm only here to be in your corner.

: All right, let's get on with it! Who is this "Mystery opponent"? I know it can't be anyone with a tag-team contract, and it can't be anyone already booked at the Super-show! So who is it? Is it you, Mil Máscaras?


Wreck!


George and Nowinski are doing very broad gestures of "No! Not him. Anybody but him!"

Foley comes out of the entrance and already has a mic in hand....

: Oh, hey there, guys! It looks like I've thrown you into a ... panic! Don't worry, I'm not here to accept your challenge, Nowinski! I'm not here as a wrestler, just as a wrestling fan. I wanted a front row seat for this, so I arranged to be a guest commentator! Go back to what you were doing!

Foley heads on down to commentary and takes a seat and gets on the headset.

: Mr. Foley, it's such an honor to have you here on commentary today.

: Thank you! Thank you, Gene!

: Absolutely an honor, Mick, but I've got to ask: is there a particular reason you've chosen to join us today?

: Oh, absolutely, John! Mr. Wagner has a prospect that he thinks is the future of his kind of wrestling? Well, so do I, and I've got ringside seats today to do a little scouting.


: All right, if it's not Foley, I think that only leaves Mil eligible for this. Am I forgetting anybody? Come on out, Mil, and face me!

Shoot to Thrill!




Mickie comes out the entrance, looking enraged as usual (but mixed with a little smug) and pushing a cart full of plunder.


: No! No way! There is absolutely no way this match is happening! No way!

"Mean" Gene takes off his headset, and picks up a microphone.

: Mr. Nowinski! As you know! I have here a ream of papers filled with every possible objection you might have to this match, and the office of the President's official response to each one. And I'll tell you right now, ninety-nine percent of them simply say that nobody is forcing you to wrestle tonight. If you have a problem with this match-up, you are free to decline the match, in effect forfeiting it, in which case the challenger would go on to face Mr. Wagner at the Big Bang!

Nowinski stomps around the ring and kicks the bottom rope.

: Are you people blind? She's a woman! (Of sorts...)

Mean Gene shuffles through his papers

: If you have some moral objection to wrestling a woman you are free to forfeit the match!

: What's wrong, "Him-bo"? Yuh skeered of a GURRRRL? Huh? What's wrong, "Haah-vad"?

: This isn't scheduled as a hardcore match! She can't use those weapons!

: Yes, this match has standard disqualification rules, if Ms. Knuckles uses a weapon, you will be declared the winner by disqualification, and will remain booked in the "Gorgeous" George match at the super-show.

: What the hell good does that do me if I suffer a career-ending concussion? Again!

: Ah-HA!

shuffle, shuffle

Now, that is one of the few points where the President is willing to make some concessions. Let's see here... if you choose, the disqualification rules may be modified to outlaw any strikes to the head.

: What? What good does that do? I'm not worried that she's going to give me a concussion legally!

: All right, in that case you may--in consideration of your prior health issues, and to avoid the possibility of a career-ending injury--you may instead be allowed... a helmet.

: A helmet? (Seriously?)

Mean Gene pulls a skateboard-style helmet out from under the announce table and tosses it up to Nowinski. Nowinski looks at the helmet....

: Obviously, the helmet may not be used as a weapon, Mr. Nowinski. Headbutts--on your part--would be considered a disqualification. For Ms. Knuckles--removing the helmet from you would count as a DQ.

Some whispered consultation between Nowinski and Wagner...

: FINE! Fine, let's get this farce over with!

Nowinski throws the mic to the floor outside the ring and starts to put on the helmet.


Mean Gene puts his headset back on.

: So! An interesting decision from the President's office, to allow Nowinski a helmet. So, Mick, do you think the helmet affords Nowinski an unfair advantage?

: Well, Rand, I think it's important for Nowinski to protect his health and protect his career, so... no, I don't have a problem with this stipulation. I am a little worried about Mickie, but it's not because of Nowinski's helmet....

: So, are you saying that Ms. Knuckles has bitten off more than she can chew?

: No, not in Nowinski she hasn't. If Mickie just had Nowinski to contend with, I wouldn't be the least bit worried. Win or lose the match, I'd be perfectly confident that she'd come out ahead in the fight. But...

: Uh! It looks like we're about to get underway. Knuckles is in the ring and Nowinski seems to have finished... adjusting his helmet. And the ref is calling for the bell!

: But I'm really afraid that Mickie is probably seriously underestimating--even discounting--the man in Nowinski's corner.

: They're locking up... Nowinski has Knuckles in a side headlock.

: What about all of those weapons at ring-side? Doesn't that give Knuckles an unfair advantage to use her accustomed implements of destruction to cheat to get the win if the ref should be distracted?

: Not at all, Rand, she doesn't have that cart out there because she has any desire to win that way. It's a psychological thing, a little reminder that he may have an ally in his corner, but her weapons are ally enough for her. I'm happy to see her employing mind games like that, because it gives me reason to hope that she's taking Gorgeous George as seriously as she should be....

People, by nature, have a really difficult time giving much credit to an effeminate man, and Mickie is certainly no exception....


Nowinski and Knuckles are doing some pretty standard "feeling out" counter-wrestling. Neither side is able to get much advantage in this.

: It looks to me like Nowinski was expecting to have a big advantage over Knuckles in a non-hardcore environment. It looks like he's getting pretty frustrated!

: Oh, absolutely, absolutely, I've said it before, Mickie is probably the finest prospect around in hardcore, deathmatch-style wrestling... But she's no slouch when it comes to traditional wrestling! If Nowinski expected her not to be able to counter any of his holds... well, he knows better now!

To get back to my point, "Gorgeous George" doesn't do that schtick that he does just because he loves to hear the fans boo. (Although he does!) It's also because it's an incredibly effective tool to get his opponents to forget just who it is they're facing. Forget about perfume and flower petals, that man has one of the best win-loss records in professional wrestling. Hell, in any sport!

: It looks like Knuckles has now started to take control of this match, and that knee-lift she used to do so looks awfully familiar, Mick!

: Oh, definitely. Other than her competence with counter-wrestling, I've definitely been seeing a lot of myself in her move-set in this match. Now, I'm not sure if Micky expects me to feel flattered or angered by this, but I am sure she intends it to get my attention. Her whole goal in all of this is to prove herself and convince me to grant her a match sometime down the road. Which is why I worry that she's looking past the challenge right in front of her....

: She's really taking it to him with those stiff forearm shots to the face. Oh! He tipped his head down, her forearm cracked right into the HELMET! Is that a disqualification?

: No way, Gene! He used the helmet defensively, not offensively!

Now that Nowinski has control he looks like he's been taking notes from American Dragon, working Knuckles's head with elbows and knees.

:
There's nothing illegal about what Nowinski is doing now, but the hypocrisy is just galling. I'd expect nothing else considering who his mentor is. No matter what he may say, that incredible win-loss record I mentioned was not because he's the greatest wrestler in the world. Far from it.

With apologies to... I take it back, to hell with that guy... "Gorgeous" George is without a doubt THE dirtiest player in the game. And unlike that other guy, he doesn't tell you so every ten seconds. He actively tries to make you forget just how dangerous he is, and--with all of his prancing around the ring--he usually succeeds.


Knuckles has taken control back and is running the ropes to go for a clothesline or knee-lift or something, but George trips her up. The referee sees and goes to reprimand him. But while the ref is distracted by this, Nowinski does a falling headbutt to her shin.

: That's a disqualification!

: If the ref didn't see it, it didn't happen!

While Knuckles is rolling around in pain and grabbing her leg, Nowinski goes to the top turnbuckle. George is arguing with the referee, George is facing the action and the ref is facing away. George grabs him by the shirt, apparently in anger, but actually to keep him from turning back to the action at just the wrong moment. Knuckles's attention is still all on the pain in her shin and she isn't even looking at Nowinski. He goes for the flying headbutt and the helmet connects with the back of her head with a sickening CRACK!

: NO!!!

: Ha ha ha!

: My God!


The back of Knuckles's head is busted open, blood is gushing everywhere. George lets go of the referee. The ref starts yelling at Nowinski and gesturing at the helmet. Nowinski and George are shaking their heads. Foley rips off his headphones and runs to ringside. All four men argue for a minute, but in the end the ref does the gesture pointing at his eyes to signify "I can't call what I don't see."

: Well, you can't blame the ref. It was one man's word against another's and Mr. Wagner certainly had the better view.

: Certainly! "The better view!" And we ignore the fact that he's a notorious liar!

: Well, it certainly wouldn't be in his interest to tell the truth now!

: You're disgusting!


And Knuckles has regained her feet! She is limping and wobbling and covered in blood, but she has her fists up in front of her face. Nowinski does a DDT.

: Well, that's the end of it. One, two, MY GOD! KICK OUT!

: That was... some sort of... spinal reflex. She MUST be unconscious!


Nowinski tries to get Knuckles to her feet to perform another offensive move, but she's dead weight and he can't get her up. So he just goes for another cover instead. One, two, three. Nowinski wins.

: God, I'm just glad it's OVER. PARAMEDICS! COME ON, LET'S GET THE PARAMEDICS OUT HERE ALREADY!

: You know, I may not be the most popular guy around here, but I know which side of my bread is buttered, and I just have to point out... this is the kind of action you get at Armageddon Wrestling for FREE! Just imagine what our super-show is going to be like. Right?

: Shut the hell up, you *******!


Fade on the chaotic scene of paramedics rushing to the ring and Foley and George giving each other the glare of death.

[Demko]

****I knew it! And I also knew that was why you didn't respond to my guess yesterday. :-)

[Batman]

****Yeah, well, it was more supposed to be a mystery to Nowinski than anything. I foreshadowed it pretty strongly.

Any comments on the match itself? Pretty good heat-builder I thought....