[Jack Quinn]

OOWF Brawl of Saigon PPV
Live! From Saigon, Vietnam

Russ: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the OOWF Brawl of Saigon pay per view! I am you host Russ, and as always I am joined by Razz
Razz: Good ta be here Russ
Russ: Joining us once again in the booth is the living legend…..you really want to be called that?
Nash: Just read the prompt!
Russ: Fine…..The living legend, too sweet to be sour, the man who makes bones break and hearts ache…..Big Sexy Kevin Nash!
Nash: How’s it goin Russ.
Russ: That’s the last time I EVER read that, just so you know
Nash: I sense a little jealousy. I mean look at this hair, you two would kill for this hair
Razz: You look like Sam Elliot in Roadhouse
Nash: Is that a bad thing?
Russ: Can we get focused on the card ahead of us?
Razz: What a great card too, some fantastic matches tonight!
Russ: It’s always a special event when we can come overseas and bring the OOWF to a foreign crowd, have either of you ever wrestled in Vietnam?
Razz: Not me, the closest I have been to Vietnam was Japan, I had some great shows there, but never here, so this is a treat for me
Russ: Nash
Nash: <silence>
Russ: NASH!!
Nash: We were in this bar in Saigon and this kid comes up, this kid carrying a shoe-shine box. And he says "Shine, please, shine!" I said no. He kept askin', yeah, and Scotty said "Yeah." And I went to get a couple of beers, and the box was wired, and he opened up the box, fucking blew his body all over the place. And he's laying there, he's fucking screaming. There's pieces of him all over me, just... like this, and I'm tryin' to pull him off, you know, my friend that's all over me! I've got blood and everything and I'm tryin' to hold him together! I'm puttin'... the guy's fuckin' insides keep coming out! And nobody would help! Nobody would help! He's saying, sayin' "I wanna go home! I wanna go home!" He keeps calling my name! "I wanna go home, Kevin! I wanna wrestle Chavo!" I said "Why? I can't find your fuckin' legs! I can't find your legs!"
<silence>
Russ: Did you really just break out the First Blood quote?
Razz: Did that really happen?
Russ: OF COURSE IT DIDN’T HAPPEN! SCOTT HALL IS HERE TONIGHT!!!
Nash: He got better
Russ: Let’s talk about out first match, please. I hate you sometimes
Nash: Ah yes, the opening match, curtain jerking, something I know NOTHING about
Razz: And yet, not the only thing you know nothing about.
Russ: THE MATCH
Razz: Well, what is there to say? This is Team Bennett taking on a collection of guys who have never worked together. Bunny and Carl are good on their own, but they have never teamed, and Vander has underperformed. This really shouldn’t be much of an issue.
Nash: Yeah I can’t see Bunny, Carl and Vander winning.
Russ: That’s all you have?
Nash: Sometimes less is more
Russ: Let’s go to the ring

BLITZ, TYSON KINCAID & ERIC O’MAC vs. CARL FROM FRESNO, BUNNY & MARK VANDER

Carl, Bunny and Vander make their way to the ring, Carl and Bunny seen to be having a deep conversation over new school versus old school rap, while Vander trails behind them slapping hands with the fans absentmindedly. They climb into the ring and it appears that Carl will start things for their team. Eric, Tyson and Blitz are announced and they come out and sneer at the crowd, then head to the ring. Eric and Tyson step between the ropes and taunt Bunny and Vander, distracting Carl long enough for Blitz to spring off the top rope and catch Carl with a flying forearm to the side of the head that sends Carl to one knee. Blitz goes to work, catching Carl on the side of the head with numerous kicks sending him to the mat, then bounding off the ropes and catching him on the side of the head with a drop kick. Blitz gets to his feet and tags in Kincaid, Kincaid steps between the ropes and waits for Carl to get to his feet, then pops him in the mouth with a closed fist punch. Kincaid whips Carl to the ropes, but lowers his head a moment too soon and Carl drops a knee across the back of his head. Carl reaches back to his corner and tags in Bunny, Bunny hops to the top rope and waits, Carl grabs him and throws him at Kincaid, flattening Kincaid with a cross body block. Bunny rolls through the move and springs right to his feet and nails Eric and Blitz, knocking them off the apron to the floor. Bunny gets to his feet and waits for Kincaid to get to his feet, when he does, Bunny springs off the bottom rope and leaps at Kincaid catching him with a flying DDT. Bunny covers, but Kincaid kicks out at two. Bunny reaches out and tags in Vander. Vander comes in and climbs to the second rope and leaps, catching Kincaid with a double ax-handle to the face. Vander covers, but Eric runs in and catches him with a drop kick to the face that breaks up the pin attempt. Vander pulls Kincaid to his feet and tries a whip to the ropes, but Kincaid reverses it, then pulls Vander back and nearly takes his head off with a short arm clothesline. Kincaid drags Vander to the Bennett corner, then steps on his throat while he tags in Eric O’Mac. Eric steps between the ropes and gets a running start, he catches Vander with a kick to the face, at the same time Kincaid catches him with a kick to the back of the head. Eric pulls Vander to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a roll through half Boston crab. Carl tries to come in, but the referee stops him, which allows Bunny to slip in behind the ref and catch Eric with a kick to the chest breaking up the crab. Eric pulls Vander to his feet and unceremoniously dumps him over the top rope, then turns to argue with the referee. While Eric has the ref distracted, Kincaid grabs Vander and slams him face first into the ring post, opening a nasty gash on his forehead. Bunny and Carl try to alert the referee, but Kincaid rolls Vander under the bottom rope before the ref can catch him doing anything. Eric keeps Vander on the mat and gets in a couple of stiff shots to the face, then tags in Blitz, who springs over the top rope and drops a knee across Vander’s forehead. Blitz pulls Vander to his feet and sends him to the ropes and connects with a stiff kick to the midsection that doubles him over in pain. Blitz drives Vander to the mat with a DDT, then locks him in a cross face. As soon as Vander is in the cross face, Eric and Tyson jump off the apron and run around the ring and grab Carl and Bunny, and they brawl around ring side. Inside, Vander slowly fights to his feet and finally breaks the hold by taking Blitz over in a belly to back suplex. Both men stagger to their feet, and Blitz springs off the bottom rope and tries a back elbow, but Vander catches him and slams him to the mat. With the crowd behind him Vander calls for the clothesline from hell. On the outside, Carl has Eric and whips him toward the guard rail, but Eric shows his superior athleticism and hops to the top then springs back at Carl with a cross body block, but Carl caches him! Carl slams Eric on the floor, then climbs to the apron and tries a running elbow drop, but Eric moves out of the way and Carl slams to the floor. On the other side of the ring, Bunny catches Tyson with a spinning heel kick that flattens him on the Bolivian Announce Table. Bunny climbs onto the table with Kincaid and waits for Kincaid to struggle to his feet, then sweeps his legs from beneath him, sending Kincaid to the table and smacking his head on one of the monitors. Bunny slips into the ring and climbs to the top rope, and tries a 360 inverted SSP, but Kincaid moves out of the way and Bunny SLAMS through the table! The crowd gives Bunny a nice HOLY SHIT! Nice of them, considering he is dead. Eric gets to his feet and sees Blitz down on the inside and Vander lining him up for the Clothesline From Hell, Eric digs into his tights and pulls out some brass knuckles and hands them to Blitz. Blitz struggles to get to his feet, as he does, Vander charges. Blitz catches him with a right cross to the face, dropping Vander where he stood and knocking him cold. Blitz tosses the knucks back to Eric, and falls across the unconscious Vander. The referee never saw any of it and makes the one, two, three.
WINNERS in 8:15 – Eric O’Mac, Tyson Kincaid & Blitz

Russ: IT TOOK BRASS KNUCKLES, They had to cheat to beat them!
Nash: Russ, you are looking at this all wrong, its not cheating. Its getting away with what you want to because you are the superior team
Razz: What?
Nash: When the nWo was dominating wrestling, we didn’t cheat. We just did what we wanted to, and we got away with it because no one could stop us.
Russ: You threw Rey Mysterio like a lawn dart!
Nash: And what happened because of that? Nothing. Why?
Razz: Because go fuck yourself, that’s why?
Nash: Close. No one could stop us
Russ: There are rules in wrestling for a reason, and Bennett’s Army has been flaunting those rules now, and I don’t like it. Bunny, Vander and Carl had a legit shot at winning that match, but Team Bennett had to steal it away to get the win! That’s just not right!
Razz: Well, there is nothing we can do about it up here. So why don’t we head to our next match of the evening? Knife takes on the very impressive Tytan
Russ: Tytan is a specimen if I have ever seen one. Knife is going to have to be on the very top of his game if he wants to win this match
Nash: classic David and Goliath here. Did you see what I did there Russ? Knife is all into religion so I used a bible quote.
Russ: Yes Nash, I got it. Knife is an accomplished wrestler who took LD Williams to the limit on numerous occasions including last week. If Tytan overlooks him, he will be in trouble
Razz: You gotta understand something though Russ, there is a huge difference between LD Williams and Tytan. LD is a phenomenal wrestler, and tough as hell, but he is not a huge guy. Tytan has muscles in places that most people don’t have places! I am not sure I have ever seen someone with the raw power this guy has.
Russ: There is no question that Tytan is one of the strongest human beings I have ever seen, but it appears that Knife operates from a source that is unknown to most of us.
Nash: So you could say that he abides by a……….higher power , then, right?
Russ: Something like that
Nash: Wasn’t the Higher Power Vince McMahon?
Russ: That is better left forgotten. Lets head to the ring

TYTAN vs. KNIFE

“Cuts Like a Knife” starts up, and The Knife makes his way down to the ring with a smattering of boos, but nothing too loud. He takes off his robe and waits. The sounds of a computer keyboard typing can be heard. Then a voice comes over the speakers: “Perfection can be created…Ultimo Inc. presents Tytan, The Wrestling Prototype for the 21st Century.” Steve Vai’s “For the Love of God” begins and Tytan rises from underneath the entranceway to the awaiting handler. A pose or two by Tytan and then Diana leads him down to the ring also to a smattering of boos. Referee Junior Hale looks disinterested and calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!

Knife steps up to Tytan and says something like “I will save your soul whether you like it or not.” Tytan responds by punching Knife in the face. A couple more blows to the face pushes Knife into the turnbuckle. Tytan, however, is to slow to follow up, and eats THE HAND OF GOD, and staggers backward. Knife runs and hits THE SLASH! Quickly, knife ascends the top rope and comes down hitting FROM THE HEAVENS! He then goes back to the corner and crouches, signaling for Tytan to get up. Tytan obliges, and when he gets to his feet, Knife tries for THE STAB, but Tytan grabs his leg and hits a sickening DRAGON SCREW. Knife cries out in pain.

Tytan pulls Knife up by his head, hoists him over his own head and hits a MILITARY PRESS SLAM! He scoops Knife up again, and hits a DOMINATOR! He slings an unconscious Knife over his shoulder and heads to the top rope…ULTIMO ENDING! Hale’s count is academic.
WINNER by PINFALL in 3:47…TYTAN

Russ – The raw strength of Tytan is frightening. And the fact that he has no interest in putting that strength to any good use makes him even more frightening.
Nash: He is a mercenary, plain and simple. But this is why Bennett and his men will win the war, they had the foresight to approach Tytan first and take advantage of his nature.
Razz: But if he is a mercenary as you say he is, then wouldn’t he be more likely to go to the highest bidder? There is nothing stopping Team Rick from doing the very same thing.
Russ: Well, other than the fact that it is WRONG!
Nash: You really are comfortable in the 1950’s aren’t you Russ?
Razz: Ya know Russ, I usually don’t agree with Nash here, but in this case he is right, and our next match perfectly proves that point. The Amnesiac sided with Rick and his men, but then realized they were a sinking ship, so he jumped to the other side.
Russ: What The Amnesiac did was reprehensible, there is simply no other way to put it. Concrete TG has been a pillar of the OOWF community, there is NOTHING that The Amnesiac can say to justify what he did, NOTHING!
Razz: Well I hear he has requested some time to explain his position, at least you could do him the courtesy of hearing him out before you pass judgment on him
Russ: NOTHING
Nash: Let’s head to the ring

AMNESIAC vs. CONCRETE TG

The Amnesiac comes out first, and he is greeted by a roar of boos. As the fallen hero heads to the ring he is pelted with garbage from fans furious that he would walk out on Concrete TG and cast his lot with Bennett. Concrete TG comes out next and doesn’t even pause at the top of the ramp for dramatic effect. Instead Crete storms to the ring, grabs a mic and rolls under the bottom rope. After several seconds trying to compose himself, Crete speaks:

You know, I would expect this kind of thing from Moose, or some of the other lowlifes on Bennett’s side, but YOU? You were different, you saw a common cause. You were the one person I thought I could trust. How could you do this? Why would you do this?

<Amnesiac gets a mic>

AMN: Why? Go fuck yourself, that’s why. <Amnesiac looks amused while the crowd boos him even more> Seriously, you want a reason? Well, tell you what, I have lots of reasons, but I will give you two. One, look at these fucking people. Just take a look around you Crete. The world is a shit hole. Every single person in this audience would GLADLY stab someone in the back to get ahead. Each one of the guys out there would walk away from his family to hook up with someone younger. These people are beyond saving. And you are a fool if you think otherwise. You want to play superhero? Well that’s fine. All good superheroes need a villain. You have crossed the WRONG person Crete

My second reason is very simple Crete, and it is a lesson you should have learned a long time ago. When I was in the asylum I looked into the eyes of a maniac and I learned something very important. You may be able to beat them, but you can never destroy them. They will keep coming back, over and over and over. All that can happen is that you get dragged down with them. I sat and pondered this for a bit, and I realized, that is exactly what you are doing. You have been at war with Moose for almost four years, FOUR YEARS Crete, and you are no closer to ridding the OOWF of him now than you ever were. And not just that, look at the people around you. The As Yet Unnamed Face Faction, they are all gone Crete. Your war, your desire to be a hero drove them away. And some……like Semaj B

<Crete stares at The Amnesiac in horror>

CTG: Don’t you dare

TA: I don’t have to. You already know. Look at The Heroes Guild. They are all gone. You drove them away Crete. I am not siding with YOUR madness. I look at men like Moose, Cole and Eric, and they are fighting something real. They are fighting for the OOWF, not for some vague ideal. Until you get that through your head, you will never amount to anything.

As if to emphasize that last point, Amnesiac charges across the ring and catches a stunned Crete right between the eyes with the mic, sending him to the mat. The Amnesiac pulls Crete to his feet and shoves him into the corner and peppers him with rights and lefts, but Crete starts to fight back, catching TA with shots of his own, then taking him to the mat with a double leg take down. Crete hammers Amnesiac with a look of fury in his eyes normally reserved for Moose. The Amnesiac shoves Crete off and rolls under the bottom rope for a breather. Crete follows The Amnesiac out of the ring and grabs him by the back of the head and bounces his noggin off the Welsh Announce Table. The Amnesiac staggers away, then turns and catches a Crete clothesline to the chest. Crete fires The Amnesiac back into the ring and stands over him. The Amnesiac begs off, but Crete is relentless, catching him in the mouth with a stiff kick. Crete pulls The Amnesiac to his feet and sends him to the ropes and elevates him with a high back body drop. Amnesiac gets to his feet and Crete immediately catches him with a drop kick that sends him over the top rope to the floor. The Amnesiac climbs to the apron and Crete charges over and grabs him, but Amnesiac grabs Crete by the head and guillotines him on the top rope! Crete’s head snaps back and he falls into the ring. The Amnesiac waits on the apron, and once Crete stands, he launches himself into the ring and catches Crete with a leg lariat across the chest. Amnesiac pulls Crete to his feet and hits an inverted atomic drop, then as Crete staggers, pops him in the mouth with a super kick. Crete falls back into the corner and Amnesiac gets a running start and boot washes him across the face. Amnesiac pulls Crete to his feet and blisters him with several knife edge chops, then sets him on the top rope, climbs up and superplexes him into the middle of the ring. The Amnesiac floats over and covers, looking pretty confident, but Crete rolls his shoulder at two. The Amnesiac pulls Crete to his feet and slaps him across the face, then throws him out of the ring to the floor. The Amnesiac soaks in the boos for a moment, then leaves the ring to go after Crete. Amnesiac slowly pulls Crete to his knees and points at him and yells some threats then hammers Crete in the face with closed fist punches. The referee is up to four. Crete fires back catching The Amnesiac in the mid section, then springing to his feet, he nails The Amnesiac with a knee lift that sends him to the floor. The referee is at seven. Now Crete grabs Amnesiac by the head and gets ready to throw a punch when the Amnesiac lets loose with a low blow. Crete doubles over in pain and falls to the floor. The Amnesiac gets to his feet and dives into the ring just before the referee reaches ten!
WINNER via Count out in 10:15 – The Amnesiac

Russ: What a sneaking, conniving…….you know he fits in with Team Bennett PERFECTLY
Razz: You have to admit Russ, The Amnesiac made some good points before the match….
Russ: The very notion that Concrete TG is responsible for the demise of those wrestlers, those factions is an outright lie! What’s next, are we going to blame Concrete TG for the fall of the nWo?
Nash: Well you know, now that you mention it…..nah, that was all Hogan’s doing.
Razz: But Russ, there is some truth to that. Crete is obsessed with the notion of good and evil, and Crete is obsessed with Moosehead Jack. Think about it, since the OOWF started, damn near everything that either one has done has revolved around trying to get rid of the other. Building a good feud is one thing, but getting obsessed with it, that’s something else. For more on that, I would like to bring in my good friend Tommy Dreamer
<Dreamer joins them on the set>
TD: Thanks Razz, good to see you again. Russ, Nash.
Nash: Shouldn’t you be at ECW or something? Don’t you have to put over Mike Knox?
Razz: Doesn’t it get frustrating being the jobber for everyone?
TD: Hey, it’s a payday. I mean sure, there are times I would like to pop that bitch John Cena in the mouth, but at the end of the day, I get to go home to Beulah.
Nash: Clearly you are the winner. Jerk
Razz: Tommy, this feud between Crete and Moose has reached Dreamer-Raven levels of intensity. You have people turning on Crete BECAUSE of that hatred, would you care to comment on that?
TD: Well the feud with me and Raven started as a good story. It built and built, until something weird started to happen, you get so caught up in the story that distinguishing between the story and life becomes difficult. From what I have seen of Crete and Moose, that is what has happened there. What started as a story of good versus evil, has somehow become a personal war between the two.
Russ: That is very insightful Tommy
TD: I can do more than eat hair and drink tobacco juice you know
Russ: Indeed, would you like to stick around?
TD: It would be a pleasure.
Nash: Ok hotshot, what do you think of the next match?
TD: Well, looks like stable mates Phantos and Lucios take on the Midnight Sons. This should be one helluva match
Russ: Earlier today, we added the stip that the winner of the match would receive a title match tonight, how does that change things?
Nash: Are you serious? That was a brilliant move by IHOP
Russ: How do you figure?
Nash: Simple, this would have been a routine match for these two if nothing were on the line. They would have gone at each other, but not balls out. You know, live to fight another day and all that. But now, with something on the line, these two are going to try and kill each other for that shot at gold.
Razz: That was pretty slick.
Russ: Let’s go to the ring and see what happens

PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. THE MIDNIGHT SONS – Winner Gets a World Tag Team Title Shot Tonight

Phantos and Lucios come to the ring first and wait respectfully in their corner. The Midnight Sons are announced next and head to the ring. The four members of Rick’s Army meet in the center of the ring and shake hands. It looks like Lucios will start things off against DH Magnusson. The two slowly circle and lock up. Lucios pushes Magnusson back to the corner, and the referee calls for a clean break and gets it. The two move back to the center of the ring and lock up again this time Lucios snaps Magnusson over with an arm drag and keeps hold of his arm. Magnusson works back to his feet and scoops Lucios up and slams him, but Lucios keeps hold of the arm and takes Magnusson over. Lucios gets to his feet and tags I Phantos. Phantos springs over the top rope and drops an elbow on Magnusson’s outstretched arm. Phantos grabs Magnusson’s arm and wrings it, then connects with a crescent kick to Magnusson’s chest that sends him to the mat. Phantos pounces on Magnusson and locks him in a hammer lock and keeps him on the mat. Magnusson pulls himself to his feet and backs Phantos into the corner forcing he break. The two men meet in the middle of the ring again, and Phantos tries another arm wringer, but Magnusson catches him on the jaw with an elbow sending him to the mat. Magnusson pulls Phantos up and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a big boot to the face on the rebound. Magnusson tags in Spin Hansen, and he comes in and grabs Phantos in a bear hug and plants him on the mat with a belly to belly suplex. Spin covers, but Phantos kicks out at two. Spin pulls Phantos to a sitting position and lands several stiff kicks to the back and back of the head, then bounds off the ropes and catches him with a falling clothesline to the back of the head that folds Phantos in half. Spin covers again, and once again Phantos kicks out at two. Spin barks at the referee, then pulls Phantos to his feet and hauls him up in a long delayed vertical suplex. Spin leaves him up there to think about it for several seconds, then drives him to the mat, floats over and gets a two count, this time Lucios comes in and breaks up the pin. Hansen backs Phantos into the Sons corner and tags in DH Magnusson. Magnusson snap mares Phantos out of the corner and connects with a kick to Phantos back. Magnusson keeps Phantos on the mat and repeatedly drives knees into the small of his back. Magnusson pulls Phantos up and scoops him up for a side slam, then drops him across he knee with a pendulum back breaker and keeps him there trying for the submission but Phantos refuses to quit. Magnusson drops Phantos to the mat, then tags in Spin Hansen, then locks Phantos in a bow and arrow. Phantos grunts in pain but does not quit. Hansen bounces off the ropes and catches Phantos with a running knee to the face. Phantos falls to the mat. Spin grabs Phantos legs and turns him over into a Boston crab in the center of the ring. Phantos appears to be in some trouble, so Lucios charges into the ring and catches Spin with a boot to the face that breaks the hold. Both men are down on the mat and the referee starts the ten count. At five, Spin is on his feet, he pulls Phantos to his feet and pulls him up for a suplex, but Phantos slips behind Spin landing on his feet, he spins Spin around and catches him with a European uppercut that rocks him back on his heels. Phantos bounds off the ropes and Spin grabs him and DESTROYS him with a spine buster. Spin covers, but Phantos SOMEHOW kicks out at two once again. Spin shows a little bit of frustration this time, and pulls Phantos up and whips him to the corner, Phantos scales the ropes and turns and leaps and snaps Spin off with perfect hurracarana. Phantos is down and drags himself toward his corner being cheered on by the fans. Spin gets to his feet and charges at Phantos trying to keep him from making the tag, but with his last bit of strength, Phantos leaps and makes the tag to Lucios. Lucios comes into the ring and catches Spin with a forearm to the side of the head that sends him to the mat. DH Magnusson comes into the ring and tries a clothesline, but Lucios ducks and spins Magnusson around and scoops him up and slams him on the mat. Spin Hansen charges and gets a big body drop for his efforts. Lucios and Phantos wait, and when Spin gets back to his feet, they drill him with a double drop kick that sends Spin down into the corner. Magnusson gets to his feet and charges, and they catch him with a flap jack. While this is going on, IHOP and Muerte make their way to the top of the ramp and takes a seat and watches the match. Inside the ring, Lucios pulls Spin to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a power slam and covers, but only gets a two count. Lucios drags Spin to their corner and drops several knees across the inside of Spins knee, then locks him in a figure four leg lock. Spin is as far away from his corner as he can possibly be Spin works to reverse the hold, and when he does, Lucios immediately reaches out and grabs the ropes forcing the break. Lucios pulls Spin to his feet and tags in Phantos, then hauls Spin onto his shoulders setting him up for the DROPKICK DEVICE!! Phantos leaps, but Spin wiggles free and rolls forward in a victory roll, Phantos crashes onto the mat, and of course there is no count on Lucios since he is not the legal man. Spin releases the hold and grabs Phantos and whips him hard into the corner, where he slams into the turnbuckle chest first and falls to the mat. Spin tags in Magnusson and they call for the 100 Proof! They have him set up when we hear the irritating voice of SYB:

Skurge I don’t know about you, but I think I have seen enough of these four fairy boys in the ring <Skurge just nods> The fact is, neither of you measure up to us, the greatest tag team to ever lace up a pair of boots. So, I am throwing this match out, you four are done. Maybe you can head down to OVOOWF and work on your skills some, THEN just maybe you can get a title shot

Spin looks more than a little bit pissed off, and grabs a mic of his own

Listen you two worthless fuckbags. You two are the luckiest bastards on the face of the planet, either of the teams in the ring could mop the canvas with your sorry carcasses, but you don’t have the balls to face us in the ring.

Just then the bell rings, and all four men inside the ring look a little confused. They look at the referee and he explains it to them, when the realization sinks in, none of them look happy.

Ref: Ladies and Gentlemen, the result of this match is a thirty minute time limit DRAW!
WINNERS – 30:00 Draw

SYB grabs the mic once again, laughing hysterically

you four really are the biggest morons on the planet! HAHAHAHA! You were so busy yappin at me, that you didn’t even realize you were in the middle of a match. You know, I expect that from borderline retards like Spin and Magnusson, but really, Phantos and Lucios, for being the “measuring stick” in the OOWF, you two are idiots. Oh, boys, we want you to rest up in the back, cause we are still defending the tag titles tonight, and we want you to watch two REAL teams. Tonight we are defending the titles against a DESERVING team. Tonight, we defend these titles against the Cape Town Cannibals!

SYB, Skurge and Muerte hold their titles above their heads and soak in the boos of the crowd for a moment and then head to the back. Inside the ring you can see the four members of Rick’s Army are furious.

Russ: Cowards. Nothing but cowards
TD: Russ, you gotta give IHOP some credit, they just managed to avoid two of the toughest teams in the OOWF. That’s smart thinking on their part
Razz: You may not like the methods, but they are getting into the heads of both the Sons and Phantos and Lucios. That is a good thing
Nash: Its like when me and Scotty screwed the Steiner’s out of the tag team titles. Yeah sure, we could have beat them in the ring, but where’s the fun in that? We knew that the Steiner’s would keep coming at us, and they were tough as hell. By doing things the way we did, we got into their heads. They were never the same after that
Russ: Does that include attempted murder by running them off the road?
Nash: By any means necessary, right boys?
TD: Yep
Razz: You said it
Russ: Unbelievable. Fine, can we move on to our next match? Stank faces ZK DeBeers, what clever comments do you have on THAT one?
TD: Is he related to Col. DeBeers?
Russ: Not that I am aware of, no
Nash: I think Stank is going to beat the ever loving hell out of DeBeers
Russ: What? You mean that what DeBeers is saying is not just some clever mind game?
Nash: No Russ, come on now. I mean it IS a mind game, but it only works on so many people. What DeBeers is doing is getting cheap heat.
Razz: What they call X-Pac heat
Nash: Why do people bag on him so much?
TD: He kinda sucked
: Someone mention me? Do I get paid for this? Is Chyna here?
Razz: No, no one is mentioning you, you are not getting paid, and no Chyna is not here
TD: Thank god
Nash: Pac what do you think of DeBeers?
: Seems like a pretty upstanding dude. You sure Chyna isn’t here? I need to get some
TD: Man. That is sicker than any of the shit I have done!
: Shut it Dreamer, all you could get was those ECW ring rats, Chyna was FINE
Razz: Dude, Beulah. Tommy wins that one by a mile
Nash: ‘fraid I am going to have to agree with them there Pac. Hey, why don’t you go find Scott, make sure he isn’t getting into trouble.
: Fine, maybe he knows where Chyna is
Razz: I am gonna bet he couldn’t find it on a map
Russ: Why am I even here?
TD: Good question, let’s head to the ring! You like how I did that?
Russ: That was MY line!
TD: I know

STANK vs. ZK DEBEERS

ZK DeBeers comes out to the top of the ramp to “Diamonds from Sierra Leone” to the boos of the crowd. However, a few seconds in, the music goes silent, and then



starts up, and the camera cuts to Davin Moreland at the sound console with a headset on, laughing his ass off. DeBeers is in the ring, clearly not amused, and the crowd laughs at him accordingly. “Skin” by Nonpoint starts to blast and Stank appears at the top of the ramp, but makes a beeline for DeBeers, pointing and talking trash. Once he gets in the ring he doesn’t stop and just rains closed fists to the grill of DeBeers. Referee Barros is caught off-guard, but manages to call for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!

Stank just continues to rain down right hands on DeBeers, and has already broken his nose. He pulls DeBeers to the turnbuckle and smashes his face over and over, and this one is getting ugly. DeBeers does a Flair Flop onto the mat, and Stank gets to his knees and smashes DeBeers’ face into it. Repeatedly. Finally, Barros has seen enough and tries to break it up, at least momentarily. Stank shoves him away. Barros again goes in to call for a break, and gets shoved away again by Stank. Barros is pissed. One last time, Barros goes in to get a break, and gets hit in the face by Stank for his troubles. Barros has no choice but to call for the bell.
WINNER by DISQUALIFICATION in 4:16…ZK DEBEERS!

Post match, Stank just continues his attack, finally concluding with a STANK-U, leaving DeBeers lifeless on the mat. Stank just grins and raises his arms, and “Dirty Water” plays again as Stank makes his way to the back.

Russ: Had Stank not lost his cool he would have KILLED DeBeers
TD: Does he always make excuses for the faces?
Razz: ALWAYS
<Kayfabe comes out and glares at Dreamer, Dreamer gets a blank stare on his face, strikes the crucifix pose, then grabs a stop sign from someone in the crowd and jumps on Kayfabe. The two of them brawl to the back>
Nash: wow. That was unexpected. Hey, you know, watching Stank, you know who he should hook up with?
Russ: Why can’t we just talk about wrestling?
Razz: Who?
Nash: Awesome Kong
Razz: I think I just threw up a little
Nash: Man, that would be some FREAKY sex! I’ll bet she likes it when…..
SILENCE!
<Raesha Saed appears at the announce booth reading from a piece of paper>
RS: You Americans have befouled my boss Kong with your perverted thoughts for the last time. Kong will come out here and destroy you the next time you mention her as anything less than the most awesome force in wrestling today.
Nash: Weren’t you a cheerleader?
Russ: Can we PLEASE get back to the action?
Razz: Hey, we have a submission match next!
Russ: How kind of you to notice
Nash: I remember when I was in a submission match. It was Tuktoyaktuk in northern Canada. Me and Killer Tim Brooks….
Russ: NO! NO YOU WERE NOT! THAT NEVER HAPPENED! THE ONLY REASON YOU EVEN KNOW WHERE TUKTOYAKTUK IS IS BECAUSE YOU WATCH ICE ROAD TRUCKERS!!!
Razz: Hugh is the man!
Nash: Hell yeah he is
Russ: I fucking hate you both
Razz: This should be a pretty good match though
Nash: I have to give the edge to Davin Moreland here though, after all, when he was the Onslaught champion, all his matches were I Quit matches
Razz: I hear the booker was pissed about that
Nash: When is he not pissed?
Razz: Good point. Though with Poe, the man is a beast, he is damn near inhuman, you would almost have to break a bone to get him to quit, or to have his second toss in the towel
Nash: Despite that, Davin Moreland is a freak, can you really see him quitting?
Razz: This could be a WAR!
Russ: I …..I don’t know what to say
Nash: Just say, lets go to the ring

DAVIN MORELAND vs. POE – Submission Match

“For Whom the Bell Tolls” starts up and Poe (w/Selena) start to march down from the top of the ramp; to a lusty chorus of boos. Poe still seems confused as to why these folks would boo him, but he’s taking it more and more in stride each time. He hands his accoutrements to Selena, and bounces off the ropes a couple times. “Pull Me Under” starts up, and the roof blows off the arena as Davin Moreland poses at the top of the ramp. He slaps hands with the crowds on the way to the ring, and slides in; posing once more; with Sterling Glaw holding Poe back. This match will be a Submission Match. Glaw glances at the particulars and everything seems to be in order, so he calls for the bell. WE’RE UNDERWAY!

Poe is the one initiating the trash talk this time; but Davin ends up giving as good as he’s getting. Finally Poe can stand no more, and rears back with a right hand. Davin catches it, and IMMEDIATELY locks in a Fujiwara Arm bar. Poe is more shocked than anything, and manages to drag himself across the ring for the rope break. Glaw asks for and gets the clean break. The two lock up in the middle of the ring; and Poe sneaks in a knee to the “lower abdomen”, and hits the keeled-over Moreland with a DDT. Poe looks like he wants to cover, but then remembers the stips, and moves to Davin’s legs, and looks to lock on a DESERT SCORPION, and he’s GOT IT! They’re in the middle of the ring, and Davin is in some BIG TROUBLE.

Somehow, someway, after two agonizing minutes, Davin gets to the ropes for a break, to the cheers of the crowd. Before he can get up however, Poe goes to the stompy offense; and mushes Davin into the mat. Glaw forces Poe to back up, so Davin can get up, making Poe very unhappy. Moreland gets to one knee before Poe drills him with a running knee to the temple, and that may have knocked him out. Poe taunts the crowd briefly before locking on the ASP DEATHLOCK! Haven’t seen that before in the OOWF from Poe. Davin is fading (seemingly) in and out of consciousness. Poe is SCREAMING for Davin to tap; but Davin seems to be firing up from the crowd’s urging…and SOMEHOW GETS TO HIS FEET! With Poe hanging on him, Davin just falls backward as if it were a Samoan Drop, and Poe breaks the hold, allowing Davin to recover.

Glaw starts a count, and Poe is up at 6 before Davin can even get to his knees. Poe looks to pounce, but takes 3 or 4 good shots to the gut for his trouble. Finally Davin is able to stand and grabs the keeled over Poe…DDT! Davin takes three steps forward before flopping onto the ropes, still trying to recover. Glaw starts another count, and seems to be paying a little extra attention to Davin, who looks in rough shape. Davin is moving first, and walks over to a still motionless Poe. He pulls him to his feet, and then snaps him up for a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG DELAYED VERTICAL SUPLEX! Clearly exhausted and limping, Davin runs the near ropes…SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT! Davin seems to be on complete adrenaline at this point. He picks up Poe and whips him to the ropes, as Davin criss-crosses the other ropes…REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! Davin takes another moment to catch his breath before deciding his next move, and he locks on an ANKLE LOCK TO POE’S SURGICALLY REPAIRED ANKLE! THIS wakes Poe up, and he starts SCREAMING in pain, and probably a little fear. Davin drops to the mat GRAPEVINING THE LEG! This one won’t last much longer! Selena jumps up on the apron and starts yelling at Glaw. As Glaw walks over to find out what Selena is whining about, she kicks a piece of lead pipe over to the fading Poe, right under Glaw’s nose! Poe snatches the pipe and turns over, blasting Davin in the back with shot after shot making Davin break the hold. Poe tosses the pipe into the crowd and nods to Selena, who hops off the mat. Poe limps over to Glaw and starts complaining about something, keeping Glaw turned away from a recovering Davin, who is slumped against the ropes.

Selena, fresh from her distraction exercise, take the towel Poe came out with and starts to mercilessly strangle Davin with it through the ropes. Davin’s completely out of position to do anything about it! All of a sudden, someone comes charging down the ramp…IT’S CONCRETE TG! He comes down to ringside and forces Selena to let go of the towel. She does momentarily, but is able to re-grip it, and they start a tug-of war with it on the outside. Meanwhile, Poe notices the development and decides to strike now, and locks on the DESERT SCORPION AGAIN! Glaw is checking on Davin, but he’s aware enough and crawling closer and closer to the ropes...all of a sudden a white towel comes flying into the ring! Selena let go of it, and Crete was pulling so hard that he lost his grip on it and it flew into the ring! Glaw calls for the bell!
WINNER by SUBMISSION in 18:21…POE!

Poe quickly releases the hold and shuttles Selena back up the ramp, not looking to stick around. Davin is BULLSHIT and starts SCREAMING at Glaw, saying he didn’t tap, etc. Glaw picks up the towel and shows it to Davin, who for the first time looks outside the ring; where he sees a sheepish and genuinely upset Concrete TG, as this good deed went horribly wrong. Crete rolls into the ring saying “I’m sorry, it was an accident”. Davin just stares DAGGERS into Crete. He contemplates hitting the superhero, balling his fists; but decides on the side of team unity? Davin just rolls out of the ring without saying a word and heads to the back, FUMING.

Russ: I have to ask right now, is Bennett’s Team capable of winning a match clean? I believe every match they have won has been due to some sort of interference or shenanigans!
Nash: It’s not HOW you win that gets you the payday Russ, its just whether you win or lose. That’s all that matters.
Razz: What I have to wonder is what is this going to do for Team Unity, I know Crete was only doing what he thought was right, but he DID cost Davin the match, Moreland is not going to be happy about that.
Russ: You cannot seriously blame Crete for what happened, it was an accident, I am sure Moreland will understand
Nash: Have you met Moreland?
Razz: The guy is psychotic. No way will he just let this go
Nash: What I want to know, is how did this become Davin’s feud? One minute Poe and Darling are trying to kill one another, the next Poe is feuding with Moreland and Darling is chasing the intercontinental title. Something doesn’t smell right to me
Razz: That was me, sorry. Don’t ever get a chalupa in Vietnam
Russ: Are you suggesting there is some sort of deal in place? I highly doubt that
Nash: I am telling you Russ, something doesn’t seem right about all this, and Darling is a sneaky little shit.
Russ: Well, be that as it may, we have no proof of it, so for now it is just speculation. What we DO have proof of, is Justin Sane challenging Moosehead Jack to a Taipei Death Match for the OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title. This CAN NOT be a good idea.
Razz: Sane didn’t even know what the match was!
Nash: I like Justin Sane, I think he is a tough kid, but this, man, I hope they have an ambulance on standby. Moose is psychotic, and he thrives in these kinds of matches.
Russ: Suffice it to say, I don’t like Justin’s chances, but that said, I think the kid may just not have the sense to know he is overmatched, that makes him dangerous
Razz: Yeah that makes him dangerous to a degree, but you can only overcome so much through sheer balls
Nash: Yeah courage, or lack of knowing you are completely overwhelmed, can only take you so far. Moose has the clear advantage in what should be a massacre here
Russ: Only one way to find out, lets head to the ring

MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. JUSTIN SANE – DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Title Taipei Death Match

Justin Sane wanders out to the ring with his fists taped up and dipped into buckets of glass. Sane doesn’t look quite sure of what he has gotten himself into tonight. Sane pauses halfway down the ramp and sees that the ring is surrounded by barbed wire and various weapons. He wipes the sweat from his brow, and leaves a long gash across his forehead that sends blood down his face, he looks like he is going to pass out. Sane heads to the ring and carefully steps between the ropes. Moose is announced and comes to the top of the ramp and glares at Sane in the ring. Moose storms to the ring and steps between the ropes, tossing the title aside and immediately goes after Sane. Sane yells in terror and tries to dive between the ropes to the floor but he gets hopelessly tangled on the barbed wire. Moose catches up with him and grabs him by the head and hammers him with several stiff shots to the face that just open more gashes on his face. The blood flows from Sane’s face. Moose gets a running start and connects with a kick to the side of Sane’s head that sends him out of the wire to the floor. Moose steps between the ropes and lands on the floor next to Sane. Justin grabs Moose’s foot and sweeps it from beneath him sending Moose to the cement. Sane mounts Moose and hammers away on Moose, connecting with a couple of shots that actually draw blood. Moose shoves him off and Sand grabs a chair and swings it at Moose, but Moose gets his arm up and that takes the brunt of the shot. Sane charges at Moose, but Moose sidesteps and sends Sane into the guardrail ribs first. Sane falls to the floor gasping for breath. Moose rummages around and pulls out a leather strap, which he whips repeatedly across Sane’s back, then wraps it around his throat and throws him back into the ring. Sane crawls across the ring trying to escape again, but Moose catches him and pulls him up and throws him into the corner and peppers him with shots to the face leaving Sane with a crimson mask. Moose takes a few steps back and charges in and catches Sane with a knee to the face. Moose backs off again and Sane staggers forward a few steps and then falls face first onto the mat. Moose grabs the back of Sane’s head and pulls it back, Sane’s eyes roll back into this head and the blood drips off his face. Jack slams his face into the mat, then leaves the ring and grabs a barbed wire wrapped chair and slides back into the ring. Moose yells for Sane to get to his feet and he slowly does. Moose winds up and CRACKS the chair across Sane’s skull sending him back to the mat. Jack covers, but Sane somehow kicks out. Moose waits for him to get to his feet again, the crowd is cheering Sane on. He gets to his feet, and Moose swings the chair again, this time Sane ducks the chair and connects with a spinning heel kick that sends the chair back into Moose’s face, and sends Moose staggering backward and falling into the barbed wire that wraps the ropes. Moose yells in pain as he is trapped in the wire, each move he makes tearing his flesh. Sane gets to his feet and sees that Moose is trapped. He grins and leaves the ring and grabs a bat, then comes back and lands some stiff shots to Moose’s chest! Moose could have some broken ribs after this. The shots knock Moose out of the ring to the floor. Justin Sane wipes the blood from his face and gets a running start and leaps over the top rope and crashes down on top of Moose! Moose is actually in trouble. Sane pulls Moose to his feet and slams his head into the guard rail, then grabs a garbage can and smashes it down on Moose’s head. Jack falls to his knees and Sane gets a running start and connects with a shining wizard to the back of the head that sends Moose face first down onto a board of razor wire! With Moose Face down on the wire, Sane climbs to the apron and tries to hit a flipping senton but Moose moves out of the way and Sane crashes onto the board getting his whole body tangled in the wire. Sane screams in pain and tries to free himself. Moose gets a running start and hits a leaping elbow to the back of Sane’s head. Moose grabs Sane and locks him in the ji-endo while Sane is still tangled in the wire! The referee is right there checking on Sane, but he does not tap! Its probably because his arms are tangled in the wire, but still. After nearly a minute trapped in the ji-endo, Sane is on the verge of unconsciousness. Moose breaks the hold and pulls Sane off the board, leaving numerous gashes all over his body. Jack rolls him under the bottom rope and follows him into the ring. Moose is in complete control now and he knows it. He toys with Sane for a few minutes, letting Sane get off the mat, only to hammer him with stiff punches to the face sending him back to the mat. Sane is weak from blood loss and can barely see with all the blood in his eyes. Moose grabs the barbed wire chair and SLAMS Sane in the face with it sending him to the mat again. The referee finally steps in and yells at Moose to end the match or he is going to disqualify him. Can you do that? So Moose snarls at the referee and pulls a barely conscious Sane to his feet, pins the arm and HAMMERS him with a heart punch! Sane staggers backward and bounds off the ropes, Moose catches him with a kick to the midsection and sets him up and hits a PILEDRIVER on the barbed wire wrapped chair! Moose sits there for a moment, then lies across Sane and makes the cover; the referee hits the mat and makes a rather quick three count, mercifully ending the slaughter.
WINNER in 16:41 and STILL OOWF DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – Moosehead Jack

The paramedics come into the ring and check on Justin Sane, but Moose decides he is not done yet. He grabs Sane and tries to pull him off the mat, but a rather large EMT yells at Moose and shoves him back so they can check on Sane. Moose is persistent and the EMT finally shoves Moose to the mat so they can get to Sane. This just enrages Moose now, and he grabs the EMT and throws him across the ring and goes after Sane, hammering him with shots to the face. The EMT grabs a lead pipe that was left in the ring and SLAMS it across the back of Moose’s head! Moose collapses to the mat, and the EMT grabs Sane’s arm and lays it across his chest and stares at the referee. It suddenly dawns on the referee that it is a pin attempt and he falls to the mat and makes the ONE, TWO, THREE!

WINNER AND NEW DDT IRON MAN HEAVY METAL CHAMPION – JUSTIN SANE

The EMT and referee grabs Sane and get him out of the ring and up the ramp before Moose can murder them all. Moose comes to and gets to his feet and realizes what has just happened. He stares daggers at Sane as he is being dragged to the back, not even aware that he has won anything. They pause at the top of the ramp for a moment, and the EMT stands at the top of the ramp and starts pulling off a mask that had been applied to his face……IT’S ALEXANDER DARLING!! Darling stares at Moose, Moose returns the glare and Darling steps behind the curtain.

Russ: SCORE ONE FOR TEAM RICK!
Razz: Way to stay unbiased there Russ
Nash: Someone explain to me why Darling would do what he did? I mean, doesn’t he have enough on his plate without annoying Moose……..again?
Russ: Darling is a fighting champion, I am sure he will take on ALL comers and defend his title against anyone
Razz: Alexander Darling? The same guy who robbed MacCappington of the title?
Nash: The same guy who helped screw Davin Moreland out of a title?
Razz: The same guy who does nothing but attack jobbers back stage?
Nash: THAT Alexander Darling?
Russ: Yes, THAT Alexander Darling. He is with Team Rick now, he is doing the right thing. His past is irrelevant right now.
Nash: Wow. Hey Russ, you are friends with Sting, aren’t you?
Russ: Why, yes, Sting and I are good friends, why?
Nash: Never mind.
Razz: Moving things along! Next up is a Campeonas de Trios title match, the champions the Worlds Greatest Fag Team and Attitude Adjuster take on Gaelic Storm and Outback Jack
Nash: They REALLY need to get that fixed
Russ: This SHOULD be a great match, and in an honest and upstanding world, Gaelic Storm and Outback Jack would triumph, but I am sure the Worlds Greatest Fag Team and Attitude Adjuster will manage to cheat their way to a tainted victory
Nash: You really do hate life don’t you Russ
Russ: I WAS DRAFTED TO SMACK DOWN!! I MISS JERRY, OK?
Razz: What?
Nash: Uhh, did Russ just break kayfabe?
Razz: Well, she isn’t here
Nash: Her and Dreamer are still fighting I think
Razz: Is Russ crying?
Nash: Yes, and he is drawing a BFF picture for Jerry
Razz: Oh…….this is a little awkward isn’t it?
Nash: He’s singing kumbaya
Razz: Let’s just go to the ring

[Jack Quinn]

WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM & ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. GAEILIC STORM & OUTBACK JACK – OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match

The Challengers are out first, settling on “Tessie” by the Dropkick Murphys as their entrance music. Gaelic Storm and OBJ slap hands with the fans and drink some adult beverages on their way to the ring, as the crowd sings along…which is pretty damned funny. They finish up and toss their bottles/cans into the crowd awaiting the champs. “Laid to Rest” by Lamb Of God starts up, and the World’s Gayest Fag Team along with Attitude Adjuster makes their way down to the ring to a lusty chorus of boos. The Champs leave no doubt that the feeling is mutual, letting the crowd know that they think they’re number one. Once in the ring, and neither team has any issue jawing with one another, Senior Referee takes about 2.1 seconds to take control, before he visibly gives up and calls for the bell. This match is for the OOWF Campeonas de Trios Championship…and WE’RE UNDERWAY!

And predictably, we’ve got PIER SIX ACTION to start with. Eventually, Gaelic Storm and OBJ get the upper hand and clear the ring to the roar of the crowd, which starts trying to sing “Tessie” again. How cute. Were this any other wrestling federation, we would have gone to commercial…but NOT THE OOWF! Eventually, Damon Wrath is left in the ring and while the champs collect themselves, Ryan Hardcore is designated to go first. The two lock up to a draw, before Damon Wrath slips it into a headlock. Hardcore pushes him off into the ropes, and gets DROPPED with a shoulder block. Then, Wrath just stands there for like 5 seconds. (Why do they do that?) Wrath rejoins the living and runs the ropes. His first pass by Hardcore he just runs over top of him, the next pass by, Hardcore jumps OVER him. The next pass by, Hardcore tries a hip toss. It’s blocked. Wrath tries to reverse into a hip toss of his own. THAT’S blocked. Hardcore wins the battle of the hip tosses, and flips one off, complete with a kick to the back of the head, dazing Wrath. Hardcore tags in AA.

Attitude Adjuster makes his way in and wastes no time…he locks in THE CLAW! AA, with his trademark “therapeutic black glove” has it locked on well, and Wrath looks to be bleeding from the temples. Wrath tries to punch his way out, and manages to get to his feet. Wrath kicks AA in the arm, forcing him to break the hold. Wrath dives across the ring and tags in OBJ. OBJ comes in hot and goes right after AA. AA tries for THE CLAW again, but OBJ reverses it into an arm-wringer and a Short-Arm BOOMERANG, felling the fat guy (well, AA). OBJ runs the ropes and hits a Double Axe-Handle to the sternum, and goes for the cover, which gets a weak two count. OBJ hauls AA up and starts drilling him with European Uppercuts and eventually, HEADBUTTS. OBJ looks to finish AA off with another Headbutt, but AA saves himself with THE CLAW! OBJ, for whatever reason, can’t get away, and is pushed to the enemy corner. AA tags in FFMIII.

FFMIII comes in and BLASTS OBJ in the face over and over as AA retreats to the apron. A couple of face smashes to the turnbuckle later, and FFMIII takes OBJ to the top, looking for a GREETINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS, but OBJ fights his way out of it, reversing into a DOMINATOR FROM THE TOP ROPE! OBJ is spent however and can’t go for the cover. Creech realizes he should probably start counting. Finally OBJ is up at 4, and dives across the ring, tagging in Seamus McNasty. McNasty flies across the ring and starts destroying FFMIII with his fists and knees. He drags FFMIII up and whips him to the ropes, hitting an IRISH CAR BOMB! Quick cover is good for a long 2. McNasty launches into a ROCKY ROAD TO DUBLIN, and FFMIII is in HUGE trouble. He pulls FFMIII to his feet and shouts “NO NAY NEVER NO MORE!” and sets FFMIII for THE WILD ROVER. Just then, AA runs (well, jogs) into the ring and locks McNasty in THE CLAW. Wrath doesn’t like this much and looks to break it up, but is cut off by Ryan Hardcore, and they slug it out. AA, while holding McNasty in THE CLAW, directs Creech to the melee on the other side of the ring. Once Creech turns his back, AA hits the GRECO ROMAN BOOT TO THE BALLS! McNasty took that direct shot badly and crumples to the mat. AA drags FFMIII’s arm over McNasty and goes over to Creech, directing him to the pin on the other side of the ring while AA helps Hardcore hold Wrath and OBJ off. Creech slides in and makes a relatively quick 3 count just as McNasty gets his shoulder up.
WINNERS by PINFALL in 16:43 and STILL CAMPEONAS DE TRIOS CHAMPIONS…THE WORLD’S GAYEST FAG TEAM and ATTITUDE ADJUSTER!

As soon as the bell rings, Hardcore and AA rouse FFMIII from his state of unconsciousness and take off through the crowd before any of the other three can react. Needless to say they’re not happy.. Meanwhile back in the ring, Gaelic Storm is continuing to have problems as Seamus McNasty and Damon Wrath have gotten in to each others face arguing about whose fault it is that they lost the match.

Outback Jack who just loves a good fight anxiously watches on as the two men from Gaelic Storm begin to shove each other. Finally, Seamus McNasty can’t take it anymore and levels Wrath with a vicious hook dropping him to the mat. Jack tries to move in for a better look when all of a sudden through the crowd Tytan appears and sneaks into the ring with a baseball bat. The crowd starts to yell and Outback Jack can’t tell if they are cheering for the fight or for something else. Damon gets up and throws a haymaker back and the two begin to start swinging wildly at each other, as Seamus lets out some frustration from over the last couple of weeks. Outback Jack thinking he has seen enough turns and is met with a baseball swing to the gut bending Jack over. The crowd begins to boo as Tytan swings down onto Jacks back dropping him to the mat. Tytan swings and hits him again across the back and tosses the bat down to the mat just missing Seamus who has just tossed Damon Wrath over the ropes and down to the floor. Seamus looks and sees Tytan standing over a fallen Jack and heads over and gets in his face. These two have been taking shots at each other since Tytan has entered the OOWF. The crowd sees that Johnathan Steel and Dr. Podvod have made their way down to ringside. They also see that Steel is carrying a briefcase.

Tytan and McNasty are staring each other down in the middle of the ring when all of a sudden the two laugh and shake hands with each other. Mr. Steel slides into the ring hands Seamus McNasty a brief case which he opens and the camera pushes in to see it filled with money. Dr. Podvod walks over to Jack and kicks him in the groin and laughs before joining the others. Seamus smiles and Ultimo Inc leave the ring as Outback Jack begins to stir.

As Ultimo Inc heads up the ramp, Tytan grabs the mic and yells to Jack, “Maybe this will be enough to convince you and that split personality of yours. This week Mayhem…you and me…LAST MAN STANDING match! Simply put Outback Jack I want you dead!” Ultimo Inc then heads to the top of the ramp and celebrates before heading out of the arena.

Nash: …….uh Russ, don’t you usually have the first word after the matches? You gonna say something?
Russ: Nope
Nash: Not even something about Tytan challenging Outback Jack to a Last Man Standing match next week?
Russ: Nope
Nash: Not even Seamus taking out his frustrations on his own partner Damon Wrath, possibly breaking up the former tag team champions?
Russ: Nope
Nash: Can I ask why?
Russ: I am not saying anything until Team Bennett proves to me that they can win a match on their own without some sort of cheating.
Razz: Ok then. You just keep coloring.
Nash: Joining us on commentary is “Last Call” Scott Hall!
Razz: Oh god
<Hall staggers onto the set>
SH: HEYA KEV! How the hell are ya? Didja know we got drafted?
Razz: By the army? Please let it be the army
SH: NO! HELL NO you silly little man. We got drafted by ECW
Nash: VINCE FINALLY CALLED?
SH: <laughing hysterically> naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh not THAT ECW, something called Eric’s Championship Wrestling, I think, yeah that’s right, maybe
Nash: Eric’s Championship Wrestling?
Razz: Now who will be running bingo halls big shot
Nash: I am going to have to talk to Barry about this, I don’t recall agreeing to this kind of draft
Razz: Did I get drafted?
SH: Yeah, you got picked by the MWF
Razz: MWF?
SH: Midget Wrestling Federation, BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH
Razz: Fuck you Hall
Nash: I just got a fax that says you were drafted by DXB
Razz: We have a fax machine?
Nash: We do now
Razz: Moving up in the world. What the hell is DXB?
Nash: Beats the hell out of me
SH: He does?
Nash: Scotty, what do you think of the next match, The Dead faces Firewoman in a Hell in the Cell match
SH: w-w-w-w-w-wait, a dead guy faces a woman on fire in a cage? Who books this stuff?
Razz: No you souse. THE Dead faces Firewoman in a match. He is not dead and she is not on Fire.
SH: Oh, well, then, sure what the hell!
Razz: Who is going to win?
SH: Whoever gets the three count
Razz: I fucking hate you
Nash: Lets go to the ring

THE DEAD vs. FIREWOMAN – OOWF Onslaught Championship Hell In A Cell Match

The cage is assembled and Fire and Lucky make their way to the ring. Lucky still looks a little rough from the fireball two weeks ago. Firewoman looks less than thrilled about not having her title. Fire tells Lucky to stay put and watch his back, then steps into the cage and slides into the ring ready to go. The Dead is announced and he comes out to the top of the ramp and soaks in the boos that have come for all the members of Bennett’s Army tonight. He slowly takes the title off, knowing damn well that Fire is staring right at the title. Dead grins and slings the title over his shoulder and makes his way to the ring. Dead stops in front of Lucky and flinches him, then laughs and steps into the cage. Dead is barely inside the cage when Fire charges across the ring and dives between the ropes and slams Dead in to the cage. Fire is like a wild animal, hammering Dead with rights and lefts to the face. Fire pulls Dead to this feet and sends him face first into the steel cage, then when he rebounds off the cage she catches him with a high knee that sends the back of his head into the cage again. Fire grabs Dead and sends him into the ring and follows him. Fire backs Dead into the corner and climbs the ropes and gives the ten punches of doom, but at five, Dead seems to regain his bearings and he flips Fire off of him, sending her over the top rope, crashing to the apron, then to the floor. Fire hit the apron hard, and is on the floor grabbing her ribs. Dead slides out of the ring and grabs a chair and waits for Fire to get to her feet, then slams the chair across her lower back, sending her staggering and falling to her knees, holding onto the cage with one hand and her back with the other. Dead keeps the chair and swings and connects with a shot to the back of Fire’s head that sends her face first into the steel, opening a gash on her head. Dead grabs her head and repeatedly slams it into the steel until Fire lies, barely moving, on the floor. Dead rolls Fire into the ring and covers, but she kicks out at two. Dead pulls Fire to her feet and whips her hard into the corner where Fire slams into the turnbuckle chest first, staggers backward and gets driven to the mat with a bulldog from Dead. Dead rolls Fire over and covers again and once again only gets a two count. Dead slips out of the ring and rummages around under the ring and comes back with a table. Dead sets it up in the corner and slowly pulls Fire to her feet Dead whips Fire into the corner, but in a sweet display of athletic ability, Fire runs up the table and back flips out of the corner, landing behind Dead. Fire grabs Dead and hits an atomic drop, sending Dead toward the table, but he stops short, and turns back toward Fire, who charges across the ring and SPEARS Dead into the table! The crowd erupts into a HOLY SHIT! chant! Dead may well be dead, and Fire is not a whole lot better for the wear. She pulls herself out of the ring and falls to the floor, reaches under the ring and grabs a ladder and slides it back into the ring between the ropes. Fire gets to her feet and starts to slide the ladder in, but Dead gets his bearings and stomps the end of the ladder, sending Fire’s end rocketing up, catching her in the jaw, and sending her to the floor. Dead pulls the ladder into the ring and sets it up, then leaves the ring and pulls Fire up by her hair but Fire has wrapped a chain around her fist. She gives Dead an uppernut for his trouble, doubling him over in pain. Fire gets to her feet and plants Dead on the floor with a DDT, then pulls a couple of glass tubes from underneath the ring and gives Dead the FIRESTOMP on the glass tubes! Dead’s face is sliced to ribbons. As he lays there bleeding, Fire pulls a table from beneath the ring and sets it up on the outside, then decides that one isn’t enough, so she sets up a second one right on top of that. Fire pulls Dead up, rolls him onto the apron and hefts him onto the second table. Fire climbs the side of the cage then looks at Dead and leaps off the cage with an elbow drop! But Dead rolls off the table and Fire crashes through the first table, but the second table doesn’t break! Fire lies on the table gasping for breath, Dead get to his feet, slips back into the ring and tips the ladder over, folding it up and resting it on the top rope. Dead gets a running start, runs up the latter and hits a flipping senton on Fire that sends her through the table to the floor! Both Fire and Dead are out of it on the floor. Fire could have a punctured lung as she is coughing up blood. The referee gets to seven before Dead gets to his feet, grabs Fire and rolls her into the ring. Fire can barely stand as Dead pulls her to her feet. Dead scoops Fire up and slams her to the mat, then stands the ladder up and puts a chair down on the mat. Dead pulls Fire to her feet and grabs her for a reverse Side Russian Leg Sweep, only he falls forward first, slamming the back of Fire’s head into the ladder, then falls backward driving her face into the chair. Dead rolls Fire over and covers, one, two, thre….NO! Fire rolls her shoulder! How the hell? Dead shows some frustration and lands a few stiff kicks to Fire’s face, then starts climbing the ladder. Fire somehow summons the strength to pull herself to her feet and start climbing the ladder as well. They meet at the top of the ladder and Dead connects with several shots to the face, avoids a wild swing from Fire and then slams Fire’s face onto the top of the ladder. Dead grabs Fire and turns her around and bends her backward across the top of the ladder. Dead steadies himself on the rung of the ladder and leaps in the air trying to drop a leg across Fire’s throat, but Fire moves and Dead hits the side of the ladder, then crashes to the mat, landing awkwardly on the mat. Fire tries to compose her self on the top of the ladder and waits for Dead to get to his feet below. He struggles, but finally stands, Fire leaps off the top of the ladder and gets caught with a CLOSE THE CASKET right to the jaw! Fire’s head snaps back and she slams into the mat out cold. Dead falls across her and the referee hits the mat and makes the one, two, three.
WINNER in 21:12 and STILL OOWF Onslaught Champion – The Dead

Nash: Does THAT sit well enough with you?
Russ: I cannot approve of The Dead’s tactics, or the company he keeps, but I will give him credit, that was a grueling match and he came out on top.
SH: Wait, no one was dead OR on fire…..I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!
Nash: You didn’t pay to get in here Scotty
SH: Can I borrow some money then?
Razz: If I give you ten bucks will you go away?
SH: DEAL!
<Scott Hall staggers away>
Russ: I have a feeling things are not over between Dead and Fire though, there is a lot of bitterness in this feud. One time partners splitting up and feuding over gold….
Nash: Not terribly original is it?
Russ: What?
Nash: Just sayin, that angle has been done to death in wrestling before. I mean look at OOOF <the camera pans back and we see a bloody kayfabe standing there with a chair after cracking Nash on the back of the head. Nash is face down at the announce table. Russ and Razz stare at kayfabe for a moment before Tommy Dreamer charges into the picture and spears kayfabe out of her shoes>
Razz: Huh, how bout that.
Russ: Let’s move on. Our next match features IHOP defending their titles against…..of all teams…..the Cape Town Cannibals. Now Razz, you can not tell me that the Cape Town Cannibals deserve a title shot over ANYONE else in the OOWF
Razz: Well, probably not, but in the OOWF we are not about weight limits, we are about NO limits!
Russ: That doesn’t make sense!
Razz: Uhh, look Russ, I got nothing here. IHOP was smart in offering CTC the title shot over all the teams that want to kill them, that is a smart move, right?
Russ: Smart? Perhaps. Cowardly? Certainly
Razz: Look, you gotta use what you got. IHOP are not physical specimens in that ring, they are not great wrestlers, though Skurge can hold his own, and SYB has improved a lot. They have to use smarts to survive, they are doing a great job so far.
Russ: But if they keep annoying those other teams, eventually they WILL get what is coming to them
Razz: Yeah, but until then, they are the OOWF world tag team champions
Russ: Let’s head to the ring and see what IHOP comes up with next
Razz: You got a marker? I wanna draw on Nash while he is out….

IHOP vs. CAPE TOWN CANNIBALS – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match

The Cape Town Cannibals make their way to the ring accompanied by ZK DeBeers and step between the ropes. They appear to be wondering what the hell they are doing here. IHOP, accompanied by Muerte and The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth come to the ring wearing the tag titles. They step between the ropes and appear to be in deep strategy session. After a quick game of rock, scissor, paper it looks like it will be Skurge starting things off for them. WWE will start things off for the Cape Town Cannibals. They circle and lock up, Skurge slips behind WWE and takes him to the mat, springs to his feet and drops an elbow on the back of his head, then hits a helicopter leg drop. Skurge pulls WWE to his feet and sends him to the ropes and elevates him with a high back body drop, then waits for him to get to his feet and catches him with a drop kick to the mouth that sends him stumbling back to the CTC corner. WWE tags in TNA. TNA comes in and charges at Skurge, but Skurge side steps and shoves him to the ropes and catches him with a power slam on the rebound. Skurge tags in SYB, who steps between the ropes and immediately catches TNA with a falling head but to the groin. As TNA writhes in pain on the mat, SYB gets to his feet and taunts the crowd. TNA gets to one knee and SYB bounds off the ropes and connects with a knee to TNA’s temple that sends him to the mat. SYB immediately pounces on TNA and works the side head lock, laughing at the crowd as they begin to get restless, wanting some action in the ring. TNA fights to his feet, but SYB snaps him back over to the mat and keeps the side head lock on. The fans really start to boo now, and appear ready to rush the ring to get to SYB, he DOES have that kind of effect on people. SYB laughs and reaches out and tags in Skurge. Skurge hops over the top rope and drops a knee into the small of TNA’s back. Skurge scoops TNA up and slams him on the mat, then heads to the corner and climbs to the top rope and waits. As TNA gets up, Skurge attempts a missile drop kick, but TNA falls out of the way and Skurge slams to the mat. TNA crawls to his corner and tags in WWE. WWE steps through the ropes and bellows like a good Samoan would. He grabs Skurge and slams him on the mat, then when SYB runs in, WWE blocks a punch attempt and slams SYB in the face with a head but. SYB falls to the mat, but WWE falls to one knee as well. TNA comes in and they double whip Skurge to the ropes and send him to the mat with a double chop. WWE points to the sky and heads to the top rope. He bellows like a wounded animal on the top rope and leaps for a splash, but Skurge easily moves out of the way and WWE gets nothing but mat. Skurge gets to his feet and tags in SYB, then grabs WWE by the legs and catapults him up, as he does, SYB bounds off the ropes and catches WWE right in the chest with a HEBREW HAMMER! WWE falls to the mat, SYB falls on top of him and the referee counts, one, two, three! SYB jumps to his feet and he and Skurge share a manly embrace in the center of the ring and act as if they had just defeated the greatest tag team in wrestling history. They are joined by The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth and Muerte as they celebrate in the middle of the ring
WINNERS in 6:11 – and STILL OOWF World Tag Team Champions – IHOP

After the match DeBeers gets his men to their feet and gives them a disappointed look, but then turns them around and tells them to shake the champions hands. The Cape Town Cannibals shake hands with IHOP, but The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth, yells something and IHOP shove WWE and TNA away…..right into the hands of The Midnight Sons who stormed the ring. Magnusson LEVELS WWE with a clothesline and Spin catches TNA with a release overhead belly to belly suplex. They storm across the ring and try to get IHOP, but IHOP escape up the ramp with the titles, the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth and Muerte. To vent their frustration, The Midnight Sons turn back to the Cape Town Cannibals, who DeBeers is trying to pull out of the ring. Magnusson grabs TNA and Spin grabs WWE and they pull them to their feet and DESTROY them with choke slams! They set WWE up for the 100 Proof and nail it perfectly, then TNA gets more of the same. Not content with that, Magnusson locks TNA into the gogolplotta (which would be an automatic DQ if this were a match) and Hansen locks WWE into the Whisky Tango Foxtrot. Both men keep the holds on ramping up the pressure. DeBeers slides into the ring with a chair, but before he can do anything Stank storms the ring and chases him off. Magnusson and Hansen release the holds and stand in the ring glaring at IHOP who are watching the carnage from the top of the ramp.

Russ: And once again IHOP escapes with their titles and their lives
Nash: Huh, owwww my head…..what did I miss?
Razz: IHOP was facing The Cape Town Cannibals and the Hart Foundation made a run in and kicked some ass
Nash: Really?
Razz: No, not really
Nash: Jerk
Russ: IHOP defeated the Cannibals, then beat a hasty retreat and left the Cannibals for the wolves as The Midnight Sons stormed the ring
Nash: hmmmm, yeah that sounds about right for IHOP, way to stick to form guys
Russ: So you condone this?
Nash: Did they defend their titles?
Russ: Yes
Nash: Were they scheduled to get their asses handed to them by the Midnight Sons?
Russ: well……no
Nash: Then they DAMN SURE did the right thing
Russ: But they could have helped the Cape Town Cannibals
Nash: Why would they do that?
Razz: Yean, I have to agree with Nash again on this one, IHOP did the right thing getting the hell out of dodge, the only thing that could have happened had they stayed was them getting their asses kicked. Live to fight another day
Russ: The cowardice is just reprehensible, I will say that. One man who most certainly is NOT a coward is Alexander Darling, and he gets his shot at the OOWF intercontinental title TONIGHT!
Razz: This again?
Russ: Tell me this, has Darling been an upstanding citizen since joining Rick’s side?
Nash: He just helped Davin beat DeBeers nearly to death!
Russ: DeBeers had that coming
Razz: What?
Russ: Look, this is WAR, remember? There are bound to be some casualties
Nash: So……when Rick’s men attack, it is justified, when Bennett’s men attack….
Razz: It is cowardly. Russ I know you are upset about being separated from Jerry but…..
RUSS: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT JERRY!
Nash: How DO you guys get around Vince? He actually lets you guys call the OOWF?
Razz: Simple, we just tell Vince that he owns the OOWF, he’s so batshit insane anymore he really has no idea
Nash: Isn’t he reading this now?
Razz: I doubt it, but if he is, Vince, love the product! You are doing a good job my man!
Russ: What about you Nash, how do you get around TNA?
Nash: I don’t. What they don’t know won’t hurt them
Russ: Aren’t they reading this?
Nash: Look, me and Dixie, you know, we are tight
Razz: She’s not
Nash: What?
Russ: Let’s head to the ring!

DONOVAN VIPER vs. ALEXANDER DARLING – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match

As the music starts a white strobe light begins to bounce through the arena and the first thing we hear is ”There Can Be Only One.” That leads directly into ”Prelude 12/21.” The drum beat of Prelude hits and Alexander Darling takes a step onto the ramp, where he’s joined by Phantos, Lucios and Carl From Fresno. He doesn’t move until it finishes and a blue spotlight focuses on him and ”Princes of the Universe.” Begins. The 4 make their way down the ramp, and Darling is getting almost exclusively cheers; clearly surprising him. He gets into the ring while his three stablemates bail to the outside. “Angry Chair” fires up and Donovan Viper is greeted with boos and “You’re a Ho-Mo” chants. Viper marches down to the ring with The World’s Gayest Fag Team and AA. Viper climbs into the ring and hands his belt to referee Davis Hightower, who raises it into the air before handing it to the timekeeper. This match will be for the OOWF Intercontinental Championship. Viper and Darling have already start the trash talk, so Hightower simply calls for the bell. WE’RE UNDERWAY!

The trash talk intensifies and finally Viper winds up with a big right hand. It’s blocked by Darling, and HE fires a right hand directly to Viper’s grill. This eventually degenerates into trading haymakers. Finally Darling gets a couple shots in a row to land, and Viper is staggered. Edge-o-cution on Viper, and Darling heads for the ropes. Leg drop on Viper and Darling tries the quick cover, getting a long one count. Darling pulls Viper up and looks for a short-arm clothesline. Viper ducks and hits a Lung blower, giving him time to recover. Viper is up first and gets over to Darling near the corner. He opts for the Greco-Roman Face Smashes on the Turnbuckle (thank God Darling has that mask). Darling keels over backward and Viper ascends the turnbuckle looking to end this one quickly. He looks for the DEATH ELBOW…but NOBODY’S HOME! Reacting quickly, Darling locks on the DARLING MONEY CLIP!

AA notices Viper is in trouble and distracts Hightower by hopping on the apron, allowing FFMIII and Hardcore to break up the hold. They start to beat on Darling a bit, and that brings in Phantos, Lucios and Carl. Viper joins in the fray and everyone eventually powders out, with AA joining in. Hightower is back to the action and sees Viper standing over a woozy Darling. He pulls him to his feet. BIG DDT! Cover by Viper is a long 2 count. Viper slaps the mat and goes back to work, hitting some Orton Stomps, followed by a big fist drop. Eric O’Mac appears at the top of the ramp and makes his way down the ramp. Viper picks Darling up and whips him into the ropes. Darling ducks a clothesline, but Viper catches him on the way back and hits a Lesnar-esque Belly-to-Belly Suplex. Eric O’Mac joins in the melee on the side and gives Bennett’s Boys the upper hand. Viper whips Darling into the ropes again and hits a sweet LEG LARIAT. AA hops up on the apron again. Eric O’Mac hands Viper his chain as Hightower is distracted. Viper heads up the turnbuckle and wraps the chain around his elbow.

Suddenly Davin Moreland FLIES down the ramp and slides into the ring. Just as Viper takes off for a CHAIN-ASSISTED DEATH ELBOW, Davin, just in time, GOOZLES Viper, catching him on the way down. Viper’s eyes are wide, clearly not expecting this. O’Mac tries to interfere, but Phantos manages to keep him from getting into the ring. HUGE CHOKESLAM from Davin on Viper, and Moreland powders out to the floor. He heads over to AA and yanks him off the apron. Hightower turns around to see Darling getting to his feet. He pulls up Viper to his feet…DARLING DRIVER! Run DLP managers to keep Bennett’s Crew out of the ring! Hightower slides in for the cover: 1, 2, 3! NEW CHAMP!
WINNER in 13:28 and NEW OOWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION…ALEXANDER DARLING!

After the match, Alexander Darling grabs his title and slides out of the ring and heads to the top or the ramp, where he is mobbed by Team Rick and especially his sister Alexis. Donovan Viper remains in the ring, slowly getting to his feet, realizing what has just happened to him. As he gets to his feet and stares at the top of the ramp where the celebration is taking place, a man in a dark hoodie jumps the railing and slides into the ring, spins Viper around and catches him with a combination of kicks to the body, then grabs his head drives a knee to the head, slams him with anr elbow down to the back of the head which leaves Viper on his knees, dazed. The hooded man steps back and finishes with Viper Buzzsaw Kick to the head! Viper slumps to the mat, but the man is not done yet! He pulls him to his feet and hits him with a SIDEWINDER! The man gets to his feet and pulls the hood back…….it’s VIET CONG VIPER! He smirks to the crowd, then notices OOWF Security charging the ring. VC Viper hops out of the ring, jumps the rail and escapes through the crowd.

Russ: OF ALL THE BRAVE PERFORMANCES IN WRESTLING HISTORY THIS HAS TO RANK AMONG THE VERY BEST! ALEXANDER DARLING IS YOUR NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION, BREAKING BENNETT’S STRANGLE HOLD ON THE TITLES IN THE OOWF!
Nash: Wow where to start with that one?
Razz: Well, first of all, it wasn’t really THAT gutsy or brave
Nash: And is it really a strangle hold if it lasted four days?
Razz: and didn’t Sane win the DDT Title from Moose earlier tonight?
Nash: And isn’t Alexander Darling still basically a conniving fuckbag?
Russ: GREATEST. PERFORMANCE. EVER!
Razz: Uh huh
Nash: Greater than when HHH finished the match with a torn muscle?
Razz: Greater than when Sabu damn near eviscerated himself on barbed wire?
Nash: Greater than when Batista nearly knocked himself out cold in a Battle Royal?
Razz: Greater than when Terry Funk was helplessly trapped in barbed wire?
Nash: I mean really, was Darling even in any kind of grave danger?
Razz: And the match was only, what, about 15 minutes? So its not like he went an hour like Flair has
Russ: I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS!! GREATEST EVER!! THERE IS NO MORE DEBATE!!
Nash: Damn Russ, you need to get laid
Razz: He should call Lexie, I heard she puts out
Nash: Oh man, DOES she, wildest night ever! You should see what she can do with a cantaloupe, a candle, and some dish soap. She takes the soap and….
Russ: ENOUGH! We have a main event to talk about!
Nash: Oh NOW you want to talk about wrestling! Fine. Shouldn’t we talk about Donovan Viper being attacked by VC Viper?
Russ: He probably had it coming, knowing the way Viper likes to boast
Razz: I thought they were the same person?
Nash: Well, clearly they are not the same person
Razz: Clearly. I guess Viper was telling the truth. Interesting
Nash: Well, Russ is giving us the evil eye, I guess we should talk about the Maine Event.
Razz: LD Williams and Chris Cole, what is there to say? Two of the best the OOWF has ever seen. Cole was the longest reigning champion until Stank came along, and Williams is the man who ended Stank’s run. They are both members of Bennett’s Army, which means you won’t be happy no matter who wins
Razz: On the contrary, I have a great deal of respect for LD Williams
Nash: Moose?
Russ: What?
Nash: Never mind.
Razz: This is gonna be a great match. The last time they faced off in Japan, it went to a sixty minute draw. Both men know each other very well and have similar styles. This should be a fight
Nash: I give the edge to the champion, he has the edge you need right now to be the champ, each match as the champ could be your last, and Williams knows that. He will not take Cole lightly.
Russ: I agree, but I think Cole knows what it takes to get the title, and that makes him exceptionally dangerous. This should be a great match, and I suspect the first person to make a mistake, is the one who will lose.
Nash: Only one way to find out
Russ: Let’s head to the ring.

LD WILLIAMS vs. CHRIS COLE – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match

“Master of Puppets” fires up through the PA to a LOUD chorus of boos, and Chris Cole feels pretty much the same; flipping off the crowd as he makes his way into the ring. “Jekyll and Hyde” by Petra starts and the World Champion LD Williams heads down the ramp with a legitimate mix of cheers and boos. I guess they just don’t like Cole very much. LD rolls into the ring without fanfare and quietly hands his belt to Senior Referee Mel Creech. He holds it high in the air. This match will be for the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship. Creech hands the belt to the timekeeper and calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!

LD holds his fist out to Cole. Cole kinda looks at him funny, then shrugs and completes the fistbump. The two lock up and Cole gains the advantage, shoving LD into the ropes and catching him with a Back Elbow off the rebound. LD holds his jaw and stumbles back a step, allowing Cole to charge and hit a RUNNING CLOTHESLINE, felling the Champ. Cole wastes no time, and tries to lock in an Elevated Texas Cloverleaf, but LD’s all over the ropes, and eventually Creech calls for the break. Cole backs off momentarily, and then charges…right into a Short Spear from LD. Cole bounces back a bit, then starts eating BIG KNIFE EDGE CHOPS from LD, all the way into the turnbuckle. SPLASH from LD. He runs to the far turnbuckle and back…BIG SPLASH from LD. Two, no three Shoulderblocks, and then a Snap-Mare Take over for LD. He hops the 2nd rope and hits a DOUBLE AXE-HANDLE! Kick to the back of the head! Cover: 1, 2, no.

LD kind of looks at Creech, and goes back to work on Cole. He pulls Cole up and sets him up for a DDT, but just as LD lifts up to hit it…COLE REVERSES INTO A SPINEBUSTER! Cole poses to the boos of the crowd. He pulls LD up, and stands in behind him, locking his hands…ONE GERMAN…TWO GERMANS…THREE GERMANS and a release on the last. LD is in a bad way. Cole is a bit slow to make it across the ring, and when he finally covers can only get a cheap 2 count. Cole takes no chances, and looks for the Elevated Texas Cloverleaf again, but is kicked away. Cole, undeterred, goes back to a still recovering LD, and pulls him up LOOKING FOR THE HEADLINER! Somehow, LD is able to kick his legs free! Cole ends up on his stomach! His face hit hard. LD tries to take advantage, and tries for an STF, but HE’S kicked off into the ropes. Cole gets to a standing position and things look to be pretty even.

The two lock up, with Cole winning again, working a Headlock, before just viciously punching LD in the face from the Headlock. LD covers his face in pain. Cole moves behind again and locks in for a GERMAN SUPLEX, but at the apex of it, LD flips out of it, spins a shocked Cole around, and hits a VICIOUS DDT! LD is taking no chances and drags Cole to the middle of the ring. Stepover. Toehold. Facelock. LD has it locked in as only he can, and an already woozy Cole now has to deal with this. He keeps fighting to get to the ropes, but he’s got nowhere to go. He tries to bridge out of it, to no avail. He tries to pull LD’s hands apart, but they are locked and going nowhere. He tries to move his legs, but LD’s got that part covered too. Cole hands on for a full 3 or 4 minutes trying everything the veteran can think of to escape the hold; but has an equally veteran wrestler executing the hold. Finally, the pain is too great, and Cole decides to fight again another day, his shot at another World Title having disappeared.
WINNER in 23:46 by SUBMISSION and STILL OOWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION…LD WILLIAMS

Russ: What a win for LD Williams
Nash: That’s the kind of win that can make a mans career right there, the defeated the former champion, and one of the longest reigning champions of all time, you HAVE to be impressed with that
Razz: I think tonight LD Williams took a step toward cementing his legacy in the OOWF
Russ: With all due respect, in my eyes, LD Williams is an OOWF Hall of Famer, no question about it. Ladies and Gentlemen, that is all the time we have tonight. For Nash and Razz, I am Russ. Have a great evening and be sure to tune in Wednesday for more OOWF Action, live from Hat Dokeo, Laos!

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF As Yet Unnamed July PPV, Live July 27th from Camp Anaconda. Iraq! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem Live! July 2, from Hat Dokeo, Laos!

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***Big Thanks to Tommy, who helped write half this ppv. You had me at "hell yeah I'll write matches" big guy.***