OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (07/16) Live From Bombay India
Jul 16, 2008 19:46:58 GMT -5
Post by Jack Quinn on Jul 16, 2008 19:46:58 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Bombay, India
OOWF Onslaught Championship Tournament Round 1[/u]
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. CARL FROM FRESNO
“Hunger Strike” starts playing over the PA and Carl From Fresno makes his way down the ramp slapping hands with the fans. He’s got a new addition to his wardrobe this week, a baseball cap turned sideways. Huh. He climbs into the ring and waits as “Right Now” by Van Halen fires up. Attitude Adjuster comes down the ramp, accompanied by Eric and The Dead. AA climbs into the ring, adjusts his therapeutic black glove and nods to the referee. Junior Hale gets the signal and calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Lock up to start, and Carl gets the leverage, but AA kicks him in the “lower abdominal region” and works into a headlock. Carl eventually shoves AA into the ropes, but AA connects on a shoulder block, sending Carl to the mat. AA stares at him for a second (I’ll never know why they do that) and then runs the opposite ropes. Carl rolls a bit and stays down. AA proceeds on to the far ropes, and Carl leaps over him on the way back. One last time through nets AA a one-way trip on the Belly-To-Belly Express; and it was well executed by Carl. Carl does a little arm-wiggle-dance-move thing. Huh. Carl bends down to pick up AA, but is greeted with a BLACK THERAPEUTIC GLOVE! IT’S THE CLAW!!!!
Carl is PARALYZED by the devastating CLAW, and AA makes his way to his feet. Blood is DRIPPING from Carl’s temples as THE CLAW is working its magic. Carl eventually falls to his knees and then his stomach. Hale moves closer to do the “drop the arm” spot. Once, twice…thr…NO! Carl kept his arm off the mat and THE CLAW seems to be turning into THE REVIVING CLAW! Carl finally makes his way to his feet, and looks to counter with a Fujiwara Arm bar, but AA counters. BACKSLIDE! One…Two…NO! Carl kicks out and rolls away, but AA presses on his attack. However, as he goes to pick up Carl, who is lying on his back, Carl DRILLS AA with a KICK RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES! AA stumbles backward, and now Carl presses his advantage, hitting a Springboard Dolphin Kick followed up by a Rock Bottom. A cover is good for two. Carl works quickly and climbs the turnbuckle, and looks for a MOONSAULT, but is met by AA’s THE CLAW again. Carl is DONE FOR! AA simply moves Carl into position and KICK-WHAM-ATTITUDE ADJUSTER. Ballgame.
WINNER in 6:21 by PINFALL…ATTITUDE ADJUSTER! AA Advances!
TYSON KINCAID vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY
The “Gaelic Storm” graphic appears on the Jumbotron, as Seamus McNasty makes his way to the ramp with a half-empty bottle of Bushmills in his hand, as he enters to Dropkick Murphys: Fields Of Athenry. The crowd roars as he polishes off what’s left of the bottle and tosses it into the crowd, likely knocking some poor 7-year-old unconscious. As McNasty gets settled, the “Revolution xXx” graphic appears, and "Idle Hands" by The Gutter Twins starts up. Tyson Kincaid appears at the top of the ramp and taunts the crowd on his way down to the ring. As he approaches, he starts screaming trash at Seamus, and Angelo Barros just shakes his head, says something in Portuguese and calls for the bell, WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Lockup to start, which is won easily by Seamus, and he shoves Kincaid into the corner. Kincaid says something and EXPLODES out of the corner with a Flying Burrito, knocking the tipsy Irishman to the ground. Kincaid stomps away at Seamus, gaining himself a clear advantage. He pulls Seamus to his feet and hits a NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX (with bridge) and looks to end this one early. Barros is late starting the count, and he only gets two before McNasty kicks out. Kincaid is NOT happy and starts yelling at Barros. He doesn’t see Seamus up and right behind him. FINNEGAN’S WAKE! He pulls Kincaid to his feet…KICK-WHAM-DDT! Enough for a cover, and Barros slides in…1, 2, NO! Kincaid kicks out, but Seamus presses his advantage…ROCKY ROAD TO DUBLIN! Seamus covers again, but that only gets 2. Seamus pulls Kincaid to his feet…BLACK AND TAN! That might do it…1, 2, thre…NO! Kincaid just does kick out.
McNasty decides enough is enough, and pulls Kincaid up one more time, and hooks Kincaid up for a Power bomb. McNasty screams “NO! NAY! NEVER!” and hoists Kincaid on his shoulder as the crowd fires back at McNasty with the familiar refrain. However, Kincaid manages to flip out the back door! As McNasty turns around, he’s met with a ROCK BOTTOM! Quick cover from Kincaid gets 2 on the stunned McNasty. He pulls McNasty up, but before he can follow up, McNasty COUNTERS! FOGGY DEW! BLACK VELVET BAND! They’re in the middle of the ring, and Kincaid is in some SERIOUS trouble. He tries to roll through on the cross face, but McNasty hangs on! Kincaid is just about to tap, but as Barros moves to the front to get Kincaid’s answer, he’s able to DRILL McNasty with a MULE KICK to the NUTSACK! This breaks the hold and has McNasty howling in pain. Kincaid is also in rough shape. Barros knows SOMETHING happened but has no idea as to what, so he can’t do any more than start a count.
Both men are up at 7 and they charge each other. McNasty, the wily veteran though, side steps Kincaid. Kincaid stops short, which allows McNasty to jump him with a DIAMOND CUTTER! (where’d he learn that?) McNasty pulls the lifeless Kincaid up and shouts “NO! NAY! NEVER!” to the crowd again…THE WILD ROVER! This one is ALL done.
WINNER in 12:47 by PINFALL…SEAMUS MCNASTY! Seamus McNasty ADVANCES!
THE AMNESIAC vs. BUNNY
Crazy strobe lights appear all over the arena, until a bass line kicks in, and you can hear
this:
Jimmy can crack corn, but I don't care
My enemies crack corn, but I don't care
You can be black, white or a albino yeah
You can have corn rows inside your hair
I give a fuck if I don't like your stare
This bottle of wine goes upside your head
A little bit psycho, but I know that
Think you just don't say it, then I won't say it
See if you don't brag, then I don't brag
I know I’m bad, as long as I know I’m bad
I don't need y'all to co-sign no shit
You can just keep makin them tired old threats
A little bit like the boy you cried wolf yeah
See me, but don't dare to try no shit
Cause you know that somewhere inside those layers
A rattlesnake's right there to bite your ass
We see Bunny with a head mic on, rapping his way down to the ring to the roars of the crowd. He flips into the ring and nods to Davis Hightower, soaking in the cheers. “I Can’t Remember” blasts through the PA, and the once loved THE Amnesiac gets booed unmercifully; the crowd still obviously unhappy with how THE Amnesiac made Concrete TG look like Sting. Anyway, THE Amnesiac takes it in stride and gestures to the crowd that they’re number one as he laughs his way into the ring. Hightower kind of shakes his head and takes a deep breath before calling for the bell…and WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Both men charge across the ring, apparently to lock up. Neither of them do and, having the same idea it looks like, they start kicking at each others legs. THE Amnesiac gets the best of this and eventually sends Bunny to the mat. THE Amnesiac attacks, and gets Bunny into a Press Slam position, but switches it up into a STANDING 360 SAMOAN DROP! A Springboard Moonsault connects and that’s followed up by THE Amnesiac climbing the turnbuckles and hitting a SWEET SHOOTING STAR PRESS! He covers, and gets a solid 2 count before Bunny out. THE Amnesiac is a little surprised but maintains his composure. He pulls Bunny up by his ears. He locks Bunny under his arm, presumably looking for some sort of DDT, but Bunny, in a great display of agility, does a front flip, locks his legs around THE Amnesiac’s head and snaps off a HURRICARANA! THE Amnesiac is down, and Bunny takes a second to collect himself.
He doesn’t waste too much time however, as he walks over to the writhing THE Amnesiac. BUNNY HOP! Bunny determines that wasn’t enough, so he hits another BUNNY HOP! Cover gets 2. He’s going to the top rope! BUNNY HOLE! Cover…1, 2…NO! Bunny slaps the mat and heads to the top again…BUNNY BITE! That’s GOT to be it…1, 2, thr…NO! THE Amnesiac just does kick out, and Bunny starts to look around the ring. He heads to the top again…MOUNTAIN DEW ON TAP! 1, 2, NO! Something seems to visibly click with Bunny. Maybe he remembers something his protector and bodyguard taught him? Bunny hooks in a SHARPSHOOTER! The crowd cheers boisterously as Bunny’s actually trying a mat move; any mat move, let alone a submission. THE Amnesiac is actually in some BIG TROUBLE, but he outweighs Bunny by like 150 lbs, so eventually is able to get to the ropes. However, the damage has been done and THE Amnesiac is in rough shape as Bunny is putting in his best performance in months.
THE Amnesiac pulls himself up by the ropes as Bunny argues with Hightower about something. THE Amnesiac is wobbly as he makes his way toward Bunny. Bunny smiles and double underhooks the arms of the nearly defenseless THE Amnesiac…BUNNY DRIVER! The crowd oohs and aahs at that one, and Bunny covers again…1, 2, NO! Bunny starts hopping around and he is PISSED he can’t get the cover. This allows THE Amnesiac to get to his feet. Bunny notices this and points out into the crowd, forcing Hightower to look. This lets Bunny unleash the MOUNTAIN DEW MIST! By the time Hightower turns around, Bunny hits The Throwback and ascends the ropes once again. BUNNYSAULT! That’s GOT to be it…1, 2, thre….NO! NO! THE Amnesiac KICKS OUT. Bunny sighs and looks up to the sky shaking his head. The crowd rises to its feet. Bunny takes off through the crowd…HE’S HEADED FOR THE BUNNYWALK! Right at this moment, the crowd cheers again; Concrete TG makes his way to the ring, and he’s brought CHAIR with him.
Finally, the camera cuts to the BUNNYWALK, and the spotlight shines on Bunny, making his way to the middle of it over the ring. In a split screen, we see Hightower looking straight skyward and heading to a corner, trying to take cover for Bunny’s impending death-defying plunge. He doesn’t see a stirring THE Amnesiac getting to his feet, and he doesn’t see Concrete TG smashing CHAIR over THE Amnesiac’s head, sending THE Amnesiac flat on his back in the middle of the ring. Concrete TG and CHAIR slide out of the ring. Bunny does his usual prayer and point up to the sky as he climbs to the railing of the BUNNYWALK. He takes off…IT’S A SEXTUPLE LOSER WITH A TWIST RIGHT ON THE AMNESIAC! THE Amnesiac is DEAD. The force of the landing sends Bunny all the way into the corner. Hightower, after he checks all his faculties to make sure he’s still alive, starts a count.
Hightower is at 8 when Bunny starts to stir, and at 9.99999 when Bunny gets to his feet. He’s got just enough to stumble his way over to THE Amnesiac. He flops on him, and Hightower does the slow, dramatic count…1, 2, 3! BUNNY WINS!
WINNER in 18:31 by PINFALL…BUNNY! Bunny advances!
All of a sudden, LJ Bennett’s music hits to resounding boos throughout the Arena. Bennett appears at the top of the ramp, and he’s got a mic!
Concrete Takaken Gryfon, due to your interference in this match, you created an unfair advantage for Bunny. Therefore, I have no choice but to throw out this decision and restart this match in the interest of sportsmanship and fair play. Concrete Takaken Gryfon, you should be ashamed of yourself for your behavior. Referee Hightower, restart this match immediately.
Bennett leaves as a shocked Concrete TG stares up the ramp with his mouth open. Hightower looks like he wants to protest, but realizes he has no choice and calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY…AGAIN!
Both Bunny and THE Amnesiac are out cold as Hightower calls for the bell, so he starts a slow 10-count. As that’s happening, Davin Moreland’s music hits, and he’s headed for the ring area. Uh-oh. Moreland makes a beeline for Crete and starts to tear him a new one as he gestures up the ramp. Moreland is visibly showing restraint by not rearing back and hitting Crete. Concrete TG and CHAIR head up the ramp with Davin Moreland screaming after them, with Davin noticeably limping up the ramp. Back in the ring, both men are up after a LONG 8 count, and Bunny summons whatever’s left in reserve to charge THE Amnesiac. THE Amnesiac simply catches Bunny in the middle of his charge and hooks him in for what appears to be a Power bomb. Uh-oh, wait…it’s PURE AMNESIA! Bunny is completely done for, and THE Amnesiac will advance.
WINNER in 20:16 by PINFALL…THE AMNESIAC! THE Amnesiac
ADVANCES!
THE DEAD vs. DH MAGNUSSON
Both wrestlers stare at each other, as Russ informs the viewers at home that Magnusson has the size advantage, out weighting Dead by over 100 pounds, while Razz points out that Magnusson has been a tag team wrestler for the better part of the past few months while Dead was more experienced in singles wrestling. Should be a good one!
The bell rings, and the two combatants circle each other. They lock up, and Magnusson powers Dead into a corner. Dead slips under Magnusson's grapple and throws a dropkick to Magnusson's knees! Magnusson goes down upon impact and Dead takes the bag man's head and rakes his face against the ropes! As Magnusson yells in agony, Dead turns to the crowd and yells something inaudible as the crowd reacts negatively. Dead turns around and delivers a dropkick to Magnusson's face, sending the big man out of the ring!
The referee for this contest, "Blind" Mel Creech, begins his count on Magnusson a bit fast. As Magnusson gets to his feet, Dead runs off the ropes and attempts a baseball slide! But Magnusson has him scouted and moves out of the way and grabs Dead's feet, dragging him out of the ring! As soon as Dead's feet his the floor, Magnusson whips Dead into the steel barricade! Steel does not feel good on anyone's back, as Dead grimaces. Magnusson rolls Dead into the ring, follows, and goes for the cover! Creech counts, one, two, and a kick out by Dead. Magnusson gets to his feet for a breather, and all of a sudden, Dead rolls Magnusson into a school boy! ONE....TWO....and a kick out! Both competitors get to their feet and instead of the traditional lockup, both men start brawl, throwing punches left and right. Being the bigger competitor, Magnusson eventually gets the advantage, throwing lefts and rights before Dead can react. While Dead is stunned, Magnusson grabs Dead, whips him into the corner, and follows him with a clubbing right arm...but Dead lifts himself over the ring ropes, and Magnusson hits the turnbuckle! Dead takes a confused Magnusson by the head and hits a neck breaker! He goes for the cover ONE.........TWO............and a kick out again by Magnusson!
The former Onslaught champion doesn't waste time, as he gets in Magnusson's face and starts throwing lefts and rights. Eventually, even Mel Creech becomes competent as he tells Dead to cut it out. Dead responds by running off the ropes and hitting a flipping leg drop! WOW! Dead covers and ONE...TWO................and THR-no a kick out by Magnusson! Dead is getting frustrated here, but Magnusson gets to his feet. Dead tries to land a high kick, but Magnusson grabs it and lands a HUGE clothesline! Both men are down and Creech begins his 10 count!
Both competitors are up at 7, and Magnusson grabs Dead and hits him with a snap suplex! Magnusson continues to work on the neck area by applying an elbow to the neck area, while holding his arm in an arm bar position. Dead puts his feet on the ropes, and Creech notifies Magnusson, who is always a stickler for obeying the rules. Dead uses the rope to get to his feet, and surprises Magnusson by springboarding off the ropes and hitting a B-E-A-UTIFUL TORNADO DDT! MY GOODNESS! Dead is still shaken by the elbow to the neck, so he takes more time than usual to get to Magnusson, and when he does, he goes for the cover! ONE............TWO.......AND ANOTHER KICKOUT! Dead moans - what will it take to put Magnusson away?
Both men are slow to get to their feet. They lock up, and Dead, again, gets in a reverse grapple, but Magnusson reverses that and gets him in a Death Drop hold, but Dead flips out of that and shoves Magnusson towards the ropes. Magnusson is able to stop, and he turns around and he DODGES at the very last second a CTC to the face!!! And as he dodges, he grabs Dead from behind, Dead elbows out, attempts a knee to the gut, but Magnusson grabs the knee, puts Dead in position and HITS A SIDE RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! What is this....Magnusson has the Dragon Sleeper locked on, and Dead is on Dream Street! Dead is screaming in pain, but he refuses to give up! Creech asks him, and Dead is screaming no! He wants the Onslaught Title back, but Magnusson isn't letting go of the hold! After a good minute, Dead, almost passed out from the submission, TAPS! Magnusson releases the hold as soon as the bell rings, as Dead, clutching his head, slaps the mat in frustration!
WINNER, BY SUBMISSON IN 9:32....D.H. MAGNUSSON!!
non-tournament matches
JUSTIN SANE vs. BLITZ vs. MARK VANDER
Blitz enters the arena first, followed by Mark Vander. They stand in their corners sizing each other up as Justin Sane makes his entrance. Justin makes it to ringside and slips, grabbing the ringside railing for support and ending up tangled in it and tapping out. The commotion grabs Vander’s attention, giving Blitz the opportunity to jump him from behind. Referee Junior Hale is busy accepting Justin’s submission to the railing, so the timekeeper decides to ring the bell and get this one officially underway. Blitz attacks Vander in the corner, staggering him with punches and chops. An Irish whip is followed by a Stinger Splash and a bulldog as Vander stumbles out of the corner. Vander rolls to his feet and Blitz steamrolls him with a clothesline, then comes off the opposite ropes as Vander gets to his knees and kills him with the Shiner. Blitz sees Junior back in the ring and makes a cover, but Justin trips through the ropes and falls on Blitz, driving an elbow into the back of his head to break the pin fall. Justin attacks Blitz as he gets up, and gets in a few shots before Blitz hooks him and takes him over with a T-bone suplex. Justin lands hard, bouncing off his back and into a seated position, and Blitz hits an echoing kick to the back. Before he can follow up. Vander hooks his head from behind and plants him with a reverse DDT. Vander pulls Blitz off the mat and backs him into the corner. He punches away, and Justin comes over to join the fun. They whip Blitz across the ring, and do a double reverse Irish whip windup, sending Vander hard into the corner after Blitz with a clothesline. Vander drops out of the way and Justin sprints in with a splash. Justin bounces off, turns, and gets turned inside out by a Clothesline from Hell from Vander. Vander pulls Justin off the mat and hits the Deal Breaker. He covers, but Blitz breaks it up at two. Blitz and Vander slug it out, bouncing around the ring as they trade blows. As they fight, Blitz backs over Justin as he’s getting up. Blitz falls back, hitting his head, and Justin rolls him up, almost getting the three count before Vander breaks it up. Blitz and Vander decide they need to thin things out, and turn their attention to Justin. They beat him down to the mat, then pull him up and plant him with a tandem suplex. They scrape him up and throw him to the ropes. Justin ducks a tandem clothesline attempt, and takes both Vander and Blitz down with a diving double clothesline. Justin slings Vander to the ropes and follows right behind him, clothes lining him over the ropes to the floor. He turns and sprints toward Blitz, who sidesteps and sends him into the ropes. Blitz tries a leg lariat as he comes back, but Justin ducks. As Justin hits the near ropes, Vander reaches in and grabs his leg. Justin does a face plant, and Vander tries to drag him out of the ring, but Blitz hits a baseball slide dropkick that sends Vander into the railing. Blitz drags Justin to the corner and plants him with a body slam, stomping on his face for good measure before climbing the ropes. Blitz Flip! Blitz covers and Junior makes the count. Vander dives into the ring and tries to break it up, but is a split-second to late.
WINNER, in 12:37, Blitz.
KNIFE vs. CHRIS COLE
Knife is already in the ring...Hey, remember when this guy used guy used to get an entrance? Anyway, Knife is in the ring, as the lights go down and "Master of Puppets" comes up - And out steps HARPER CAMBY?!? Camby isn't scheduled to be here tonight, and where is Chris Cole? Camby leaps from the floor to th apron, and the ref is there is to (hopefully) get some answers.
Hightower looks to be in heated discussion with Camby over...something...When Chris Cole hops the guardrail and slides into the ring, Barbed wire baseball bat in tow! Knife turns around just in time for Cole to SWING FOR THE FENCES! And by "Fences" I mean "Knife's head". Knife goes down in a heap, and Cole drives the bat into the skull of the Knife again! A third time, and Knife isn't moving. Hightower FINALLY turns around and sees the carnage. He begins laying into Cole verbally, as Knife lays in a blood of his own blood. Cole tosses the bat out of the ring, and takes a microphone offered from Camby.
Chris Cole: You want to waste my time with a sack of crap like this? You ant to waste the time of the MAIN EVENT with this curtain jerker? FINE! Ring the damned bell!
Cole tosses the mic out the ring and glares at Hightower who very reluctantly rings the bell to start the match, such as it is...And we're underway, I guess.
Cole picks up the limp body of Knife by the hair, and over Hightower's pleas loads up Knife...HEADLINER! Cole makes the cover, and mercifully for Knife, the count is academic, one, two, three.
WINNER in 4:12 – Chris Cole
SPIN HANSEN vs. ERIC O’MAC
Spin Hansen comes to the ring first accompanied by his tag team partner DH Magnusson, who advanced in the Onslaught tournament earlier tonight. Eric O’Mac comes out with fellow Revolution XXX members The Amnesiac and Tyson Kincaid. They all take their positions around the ring as Eric steps between the ropes. Kincaid and The Amnesiac approach Magnusson from either side of the ring, and quickly Justin Sane charges through the crowd and hops the railing, catching his foot and slamming onto the floor face first. Magnusson grabs him and jerks him to his feet, and despite having no clue where he is at the moment, Sane assumes a fighting position and The Amnesiac and Tyson back off….for now. With all the activity on the outside of the ring, Spin doesn’t see Eric trying to sneak in behind him, until the last minute. Spin spins around and Eric tries a kick to the mid section, but Spin catches his foot, so Eric tries an enzuguri, but Spin ducks and sends Eric to the mat. Spin drops and elbow on the back of his head and tries to hook Eric in the Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, but Eric slithers to the ropes and forces the break. Spin releases Eric and Eric rolls to the apron and is about to hop off and seek solace with his stablemates, when Spin grabs him by the hair and tries to pull him back into the ring. Eric guillotines Spin on the top rope sending him back into the ring and to one knee. When Spin gets back to his feet and stands up, Eric springs off the top rope and catches Spin with a forearm to the head that sends him across the ring. Eric kips up and puts the boots to Spin, standing on his throat and taunting Magnusson and Sane on the outside. The referee threatens disqualification and Eric breaks the choke and pulls Hansen up in the corner and blisters his chest with repeated knife edge chops, but that just serves to piss Spin off and he reverses Eric in the corner and hammers him with rights and lefts, then grabs Eric by the head and bounces his skull off the top, middle, then finally bottom rope for good measure. Spin pulls Eric up and whips him across the ring, but Eric reverses it and tries a flying splash into the corner, Spin catches him and swats him to the mat. Hansen covers, but Eric rolls his shoulder before the two count. Spin once again pulls Eric to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him up on his shoulders, but before he can do anything Eric hammers Spin with elbows to the face, then spins him around and connects with a spinning heel kick that sends Spin staggering back into the ropes where he gets tangled. Eric pulls the referee aside and complains about something, meanwhile on the outside, Tyson Kincaid produces a chain, wraps it around his fist, and BLASTS Spin on the back of the head! Spin slumps in the ropes, blood running from a nasty gash on the back of his head. The cheap shot causes Magnusson and Sane to charge around the ring and a brawl ensues on the outside. The referee finally frees Spin from the ropes and he slumps to the mat, dazed. Eric gets in a couple of kicks for good measure then heads to the top rope. Eric waits perched on the top rope, waiting for Spin to get to his feet so he can connect with a flying thrust kick to the mouth. Spin staggers to his feet and Eric leaps, but Spin was playing some possum and catches Eric in mid air and KILLS him with a spine buster! The back of Eric’s head SLAMS into the mat, and Eric’s eyes momentarily roll into the back of his head. Spin covers, and the referee hits the mat and makes the three count just before Eric can roll his shoulder!
WINNER in 9:48 – Spin Hansen
After the match Eric attacks Spin from behind dropping him to the mat. Eric slips out of the ring and grabs something from beneath the ring, it’s the SLEDGEHAMMER! Eric steps back into the ring and waits for Spin to stand, then BLASTS him in the face with it! Eric drives the sledge hammer down on Spins chest with a crazed look in his eyes! Eric is about to do it again when DH Magnusson makes it back to the ring and chases him off.
OOWF Onslaught Championship Tournament – Semi-Finals[/u]
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY
We start the second round of the Onslaught Championship tournament. Attitude Adjuster defeated Carl From Fresno in the opening round. AA makes his way to the ring flanked by his Campeonas de Trios teammates Ryan Hardcore and F. Fonzworth MacCappington. Seamus McNasty is announced next, he advanced in the tournament by defeating Tyson Kincaid. Seamus comes out alone. That can’t be the smartest move. Seamus storms to the ring and slides under the bottom rope and gives MacCappington and Hardcore the stare of death. FF and Hardcore back away from the ring slowly, which gives AA the chance to attack from behind and catch Seamus with a clubbing shot to the back of the head. Seamus staggers and AA tries to whip him to the ropes, but Seamus reverses it and catches him on the rebound with a knee to the gut that sends AA to the mat. Seamus bounds off the ropes and drops a knee across AA’s forehead and covers, but AA kicks out before there is even a one count. AA tried to escape under the bottom rope, but Seamus grabs him by the leg and pulls him back to the center of the ring and drops an elbow across the small of his back. Seamus grabs AA by the head and pulls back, digging his fingers into AA’s eyes and mouth until AA is howling in pain and the referee is threatening disqualification. Seamus pulls AA to his feet and grabs him from behind and takes him over with a belly to back suplex. AA tries to call time out, but Seamus kicks him in the head and sends him backward into the corner. Seamus gets a head of steam and charges into the corner, but AA gets a boot up that catches Seamus in the stomach. AA gets to his feet and climbs to the second rope, leaps, and catches Seamus with a double ax-handle to the back of the head. Seamus hits the mat and AA immediately pounces and hammers him with shots to the back of the head before rolling him over and making the casual cover. AA gets a two count before Seamus grabs him and rolls him over in a crucifix for a two count. AA springs to his feet and gets rocked with repeated European uppercuts, Seamus goes for one last shot, but AA pokes him in the eyes. AA falls into the corner and the referee checks on Seamus. AA turns to MacCappington and Cap tosses him a chain that AA wraps around his fist. Seamus gets his sight back and charges into the corner and AA catches him in the face with a right cross. Seamus staggers but does not go down. AA charges out of the corner and catches Seamus with a boot to the gut and tries a DDT, but Seamus backdrops out of it! AA gets to his feet and Seamus catches him with a clothesline that sends AA back to the corner. Seamus charges, but AA gets a knee up that catches Seamus on the jaw! Seamus hits the mat and AA grabs his legs and rolls him up, making sure to get both feet on the ropes. The referee never sees and AA gets the one, two, three!
WINNER in 12:41 Attitude Adjuster
THE AMNESIAC vs. DH MAGNUSSON
The Amnesiac comes to the ring with fellow Revolution XXX members Eric O’Mac and Tyson Kincaid. The Amnesiac advanced thanks to a BRUTAL win against Bunny, and he looks a little worse for the wear. DH Magnusson comes to the ring accompanied by Spin Hansen and Stank. Magnusson defeated The Dead in the opening round to advance. The two men meet in the center of the ring, while the other four jaw at ringside. The referee has had enough already and he orders all four men to the back, clear ringside! The four men reluctantly leave, and it is just THE Amnesiac and DH Magnusson left in the ring. The Amnesiac and Magnusson go nose to nose, well nose to chest as Magnusson has a significant height advantage over the smaller luchadore. They lock up and Magnusson easily pushes The Amnesiac to the mat. The Amnesiac kips up and goes right at Magnusson again. This time they lock up and The Amnesiac slips behind him and kicks the back of Magnusson’s knee sending him to one knee, The Amnesiac connects with a kick to the back of the head that sends him to the mat. The Amnesiac gets a running start and drops a leg across the back of Magnusson’s head, then rolls him over for a one count. The Amnesiac sits Magnusson up and locks him in a stump puller trying for the submission, but Magnusson is not worn down enough and he easily powers out of it. The Amnesiac pulls Magnusson to his feet and hits a belly to back suplex, then climbs to the top rope and sets up, but Magnusson gets to his feet and catches him on the top and throws him across the ring. The Amnesiac gets to his feet and gets clotheslined over the top rope to the floor. Magnusson follows him to the outside and grabs The Amnesiac by the head and is about to slam him into the table when Amnesiac stops him with an elbow to the midsection, followed by a Pele kick to the top of Magnusson’s head. Magnusson falls to the floor and is dazed, The Amnesiac waits for him to get to his feet and charges, but Magnusson catches him with a snap power slam on the floor! Magnusson rolls him back into the ring and follows, making the cover and getting a two count. Magnusson pulls The Amnesiac to his feet and sets him on the top rope and climbs up for a superplex, but The Amnesiac fights out of it and grabs Magnusson and hits a tornado DDT! The Amnesiac covers and hooks the leg, but can only get a two count. The Amnesiac waits for Magnusson to get to his feet, then pops him in the mouth with a super kick, then grabs him and sets him up for the Hangman’s neckbreaker, but Magnusson spins out of it and grabs The Amnesiac and hits the Dream Street! Magnusson wrenches on the pressure on the dragon sleeper part of it, and The Amnesiac cannot escape and is forced to tap.
WINNER in 15:28 – DH Magnusson
After the match, Magnusson struggles to his feet and turns around and gets POPPED in the mouth by matching superkicks from Eric O’Mac and Tyson Kincaid. They fall on him and hammer him mercilessly until Spin and Stank make the save.
STANK & OUTBACK JACK vs. ZK DEBEERS & TYTAN
Z.K. DeBeers makes an elaborate entrance, complete with “servants” to remove his robe and polish his boots. He is followed by Tytan, who marches to the ring accompanied by Mr. Steel and Dr. Podvod. ZK and Tytan discuss strategy, and ZK offers Tytan a boot polish. Tytan glares, and the “servant” scurries away. ZK and Tytan’s attention is drawn to the entrance when the crowd erupts as Stank and Outback Jack step onto the stage. Stank and OBJ walk about halfway down the aisle, then sprint forward and slide into the ring. ZK and Tytan move to attack, but D&D have momentum on their side. Stank drives Tytan into one corner, and OBJ backs ZK into the one next to it. They punch away until Stank suddenly yells “Switch”. They whip their opponents into the center of the ring and ZK and Tytan meet skull first. As they ricochet, D&D level them with clotheslines, OBJ on Tytan and Stank on ZK. Stank pitches ZK through the ropes and follows him out the floor, so referee Angelo Barros calls for the bell to start the match. OBJ pummels Tytan, driving the big man back, then whips him across the ring and hits a big back bodydrop. Tytan rolls to his feet and OBJ scoops him up for a body slam. OBJ grabs a headlock as Tytan gets up, and Tytan shoots him off. OBJ ducks a clothesline, but gets caught by a brutal power slam. Tytan covers and gets two. Tytan looks to his corner and sees ZK, having freed himself from Stank, standing on the apron, so he drags Jack over and makes the tag. ZK comes in and they stomp OBJ in the corner until Barros forces Tytan out of the ring. ZK continues the attack, stomping and kicking OBJ and choking him for a four count several times before picking him up and dropping him with a brain buster. ZK goes to the second turnbuckle and comes off with an elbow to OBJ’s throat. ZK covers, but OBJ kicks out at two. ZK gets to his feet and taunts Stank, who lunges into the ring but is cut off by Barros. While they argue, ZK and Tytan make an artificial “clapping” tag and whip OBJ to the ropes. Tytan buries his fist into OBJ’s midsection and, as he doubles over, ZK comes off the ropes with a running knee to the head. Barros turns around in time to see ZK on the apron and Tytan dropping a leg across OBJ’s throat. Tytan hooks the leg, and OBJ just manages to roll a shoulder before the three. Tytan stomps OBJ and drags him to his corner to tag ZK. ZK strides across the ring and slaps Stank across the face, baiting him into the ring, but Stank simply smiles and points over ZK’s shoulder. ZK turns, and is steamrolled by a roaring OBJ. OBJ drags ZK off the mat and cracks him with a head butt that’s loud enough to echo. ZK’s eyes roll back and he crumples to the mat. OBJ turns to his corner and is about to make the tag when Tytan spins him around and spikes him with a DDT. Stank tries to come in to help, but of course Barros is there to stop him. Stank roars and leapfrogs Barros to charge across the ring after Tytan. Unfortunately, this takes him past ZK, who has recovered enough to hook Stank’s leg and take him off his feet. ZK tries to roll up into the Emu-Tamer, but Stank kicks him off.
Tytan, meanwhile, drives OBJ into the corner and pounds away. OBJ drops to his knees and delivers a low blow, following through the movement and levering Tytan onto his shoulders. OBJ drives back into the corner, slamming Tytan repeatedly into the top turnbuckle, and then drops him with a TKO. Barros is on the other side of the ring, trying everything to separate Stank and ZK, and having no luck. He sees something out of the corner of his eye and darts to the side just in time to avoid being crushed by a flying Tytan, who collides with ZK. Barros immediately jumps back to narrowly miss a charging OBJ, who slams into both Tytan and ZK, taking all three men through the ropes to the floor. Barros stares at them for a moment and catches his breath, then turns around, only to drop desperately to the mat as Stank barrels across the ring and hits an incredible suicide dive over the ropes. Barros doesn’t even try to get up, but just waves frantically for the bell.
WINNERS - NO CONTEST in 17:36.
PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. THE WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM
MacCappington and Hardcore enter first to the standard chorus of boo's. Phantos and Lucios enter next, and they look a little banged-up from the OMG~! ATTACK that took place recently. Lucios is sporting a fully bandaged head, while Phantos just has two band-aids (in the shape of an X) on his forehead (over the mask, of course).
Hardcore starts the match off with Lucios, who uses his size to over-power Hardcore. Lucios whips Ryan into the corner and follows him, connecting with a nice clothesline. Hardcore staggers out of the corner and is immediately suplexed for his trouble. Lucios makes the tag to Phantos. The team captain uses his quickness to connect with a nice swinging neck breaker. He goes for the cover. One...Two...Hardcore kicks out. As Phantos begins to pick Hardcore up, Hardcore responds with a BLATANT thumb to the eye. Phantos stumbles back as Hardcore gets to his feet. Hardcore measures Phantos and the delivers a big right hand RIGHT ON THE BAND-AIDS! That's got to hurt! Hardcore herds Phantos into his own corner and tags in MacCappington. Hardcore holds Phantos' arms back while FF hammers away at the forehead of his opponent. Hardcore finally lets Phantos go, but then immediately delivers a shot to the lower back of Phantos before heading to the apron. FF whips Phantos off the ropes and catches him with a nice belly-to-belly suplex. He goes for the cover. One...Two...Phantos kicks out. FF picks up Phantos and whips him into the ropes again, but this time Phantos is too quick and slides through the legs of MacCappington. As FF turns around, Phantos delivers a beautiful dropkick that catches MacCappington right on the chin. FF stumbles backwards but somehow manages to keep himself on his feet his a little help from the ropes. Phantos sees an opportunity to make the tag and heads to his corner, but FF somehow is able to grab him a spilt-second before he can make the tag. MacCappington attempts a belly-to-back suplex but Phantos manages to land on his feet. FF turns around and is AGAIN hit with a dropkick, and this time it puts him to the mat. Phantos is finally able to get to his corner and make the tag.....except Ryan Hardcore is distracting the referee. Lucios comes in and is about to pounce on MacCappington when Hardcore lets the referee go. The ref sees Lucios and immediately tells him to get back to the apron. Lucios is furious and tries to explain what just happened, but in the meantime FF is able to grab Phantos and send him into his corner. Hardcore and MacCappington beat down Phantos in the corner as the referee eventually gets Lucios back to the apron. Of course, the moment the referee turns around, the two-on-one beat down stops. FF casually tags in Hardcore, who immediately goes for the cover. One...Two...Phantos kicks out! Hardcore picks him up and immediately plants him with a side-slam and goes for the cover again. One...Two...Thr--Phantos kicks out again! Hardcore clearly looks frustrated by this point and picks up Phantos one more time. Hardcore whips him into the ropes, but Phantos comes flying back with a spinning DDT! Hardcore's head hits the mat hard and now both men are down on the ground, trying to make it to their respective corners. Phantos struggles to his feet as Hardcore crawls to his corner. Phantos is able to make the tag a split-second before Hardcore can, and here come the big men! Lucios charges out of the corner with a full head of steam. Clothesline for MacCappington! Hip toss for Hardcore! Another clothesline for MacCappington! The Fag Team powders out to ringside to catch a breather as Lucios roars on the inside. The crowd is cheering wildly! The Fag team try to jump back in the ring and catch Lucios off-guard, but instead Hardcore gets dumped on his head. This, however, allows FF to catch Lucios in the back of the head with a clubbing forearm. Lucios staggers and MacCappington catches him with another forearm, this time to the small of the back. FF tags Hardcore back in, and Hardcore immediately dives at the back of Lucios' knees and connects with a chop-block. Lucios goes down to one knee. Hardcore bounces off the ropes and charges head-first at Lucios, but Lucios springs to his feet and connects with a massive SPEAR! Hardcore goes down in a heap! Lucios immediately lifts Hardcore up on his shoulders and Phantos comes flying off the top rope. Dropkick Device! Lucios makes the cover as MacCappington is charging to break it up. Phantos is able to slow FF just enough. One...Two...Three.
WINNERS in 12:37 - Phantos and Lucios
ALEXANDER DARLING & DAVIN MORELAND vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK & POE
OOWF is getting ready for what is sure to be a tag team war. Coming up next we have a rematch from what many consider the match-of-the-year that occurred just a few months ago in Japan. On that night it was a surprise for many when Poe made his debut in the OOWF to team with Moosehead Jack as they took on a thorn in both of their sides, Alexander Darling and his mystery partner who turned out to be Davin Moreland. While that night was the start of Run DEA it was also a night that ended in loss for the team of Moreland and Darling as Poe got his first taste of revenge by pinning Alexander Darling. Since that time, the situation between all four of these men has gotten a lot more personal and a lot more vicious. Davin and Poe seem to be competing in a game of one-upmanship when it comes to bone breaking. But even that doesn’t compare to what has recently gone down between Moose and Alexander Darling. A situation that involves drugging, kidnapping, and torture and it was actually orchestrated and carried out by Alexander instead of the obvious suspect in Moose. But the time for words and stories has past, and it is time for action.
“Ladies and Gentlemen” by Saliva starts and making their way out together for the first time is the team of Alexander Darling and Davin Moreland; Run DEA. It seems like it’s just the two of them coming out for the match and they start making their way down the ramp when their music suddenly shuts off and the heartbeat of Poe’s entrance begins leading right into Moosehead Jack’s anthem of “Scarecrow.” The two sadistic bastards quickly make their way out from the back and in the hands of both are weapons and they are quickly chasing Moreland and Darling down to the ringside area. Alexander and Davin separate at the ring and Darling quickly makes his way around to one side while DM does the same to the opposite and but quickly start searching under the ring. Moose gets to the ringside area and starts swinging his barbed-wire bat as he stalks Alexander. Poe is twirling a nightstick as he makes his way towards Davin. Suddenly Davin and AD come up from under the ring and they both have their own weapons in hand; a nice piece of rebar for DM and a Singapore cane for Darling.
The members of Run DEA slide into the ring with their weapons and are standing back-to-back waiting for their opponents to join them and Moose and Poe are more than happy to oblige. It’s an old-school Mexican stand-off as Moose is almost frothing at the mouth to get his hands on Darling while Poe and Davin are exchanging a lot more than pleasantries in their comments to one another. In the briefest of instants, we can see Alexander wink at Moosehead Jack and that sets off the combustible situation here as MHJ takes a swing with his bat that AD blocks with his cane, but the fight has started as Davin fakes Poe out with a slight of hand and while Poe is being careful of the rebar it gives Davin a chance to surprise Poe with a SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR.
But meanwhile after blocking the first bat swing from Moose and attempting a strike with the cane, Alexander has just gotten pasted with the barbed wire bat right in the face by Moose and he is busted open before the bell has even rung. Davin shoots to his feet and takes his trusty rebar right to the back of MHJ’s injured knee and he crumples to the mat. Davis Hightower looks around the ring and now he sees that Poe and Darling have gotten back to their feet and are swinging a nightstick and Singapore cane at each other while Moose is struggling to get back to his feet while refusing to let go of the bat. Davin is waiting for him with his piece of rebar and Hightower has had enough already. He makes his way down to the timekeeper and ring announcer. He says a few things to them and suddenly a voice is heard through the arena.
Your official decision is a NO CONTEST…
The four guys in the ring all just take a second to look at each other and they all shrug as Moose charges at Alexander once again and takes him down and those two are just completely slugging it out. Poe stares Moreland down and just as Moreland figures they will get into a punch, punch, punch exchange Poe changes the game and he goes low with a dropkick to DM’s knee. It looks like he isn’t done trying to break pieces of Moreland’s body and as soon as he gets DM down he picks up the nightstick and starts attacking the knee. Davin is twisting out of the way and he fights back to a vertical base and now DM and Poe are finally exchanging lefts and rights in the center of the ring.
Meanwhile, MHJ and Alexander have spilled to the outside and Moose has reversed a whip to the steel with one of his own and AD goes flying up and over into the audience. Moose doesn’t hesitate to follow him and the two rivals begin brawling through the audience. Inside the ring, Poe has gained the upper hand and he’s using one of the tag ropes to choke Davin down. Davin is trying to fight back, but Poe’s really got a hold on it and he’s got it pulled tight around DM’s throat. Moreland is fading and Poe senses opportunity as he backs into the opposite corner…full speed charge and he nails DM with the YAKUZA KICK that sends Davin’s head snapping back. Poe looks to stay on the offensive as he drags Davin to the center of the ring…he picks him straight up in the air and looks to be going for the BRAINBUSTAAAA…but out of no where his knee gets chopped from behind.
Darling is back in the ring and Moose is nowhere to be found at the moment as Alexander is totally going to down on Poe utilizing the best of the patented Flair-knee based offense. He’s got Poe reeling and he takes him up and over with a snap suplex. Darling rolls through it and looks to setting Poe up for the DARLING MONEY CLIP. Poe is struggling knowing this was the move that took him out of action for close to a year, but he can’t fight it anymore and AD gets him turned over. Bad move for AD as MHJ has made it back into the ring and absolutely plasters Alex with a brass knuckles assisted right hand to the temple. Darling is on dream street as he releases the hold…DOUBLE-ARM DDT by Moose. MHJ looks to pick Alexander up, but he can’t as Davin is back into the action and he picks Moose all the way up into a military press, he tosses him up even higher…
ELEVATED DIAMOND CUTTER…
My lord, look at the carnage in that ring right now. And it doesn’t look like it’s going to end anytime soon as all four men are struggling back to their feet and no one seems to be willing to give an inch. Without a second’s hesitation, Moose and Darling are back to trying to kill each other; Davin and Poe are trying to break bones once again and this is starting all over again. But it seems like someone from the back has had enough of these four men trying to end careers and lives as the job squad and security is rushing to the ring to try and break this up; ninja style.
The first security guard to rush in charges at Alexander Darling…BACK BODY DROP right into a Davin Moreland DIAMOND CUTTER and he might be dead. The second one goes after Moose and he’s stopped dead in his tracks with a brass-knuckled aided HEART PUNCH…MHJ tosses him to Poe who picks him up in the air…PENDULUM and another security guard dead. The security guards start charging a bit quicker, but they aren’t any match at all for the four stars in the ring.
HOLY SHIT…STEREO CRUCIFIX POWERBOMBS and STEREO PILEDRIVERS from Darling/Poe and Moreland/Moose…this is really not pretty for the security here at the OOWF. Finally everyone left around the ring charges in and seems to be able to separate the two teams and this war, while far from being over looks to be subsiding for the night. Moose and Poe have finally left the ring and are backing up the aisle while Davin and Alex hang back in the ring. Quickly a look is passed between the two Run DEA members and they put their hands up as if saying the fight is over for the night. The security guards are complete morons though…Davin and Darling race for the ropes…NO HANDED SUICIDE OVER THE TOP PLANCHA by Davin…TOPE CON HILO by Alexander and the fight is starting again.
The four men continue their brawl to the back and we wish we could continue to follow this battle, but it’s time for more action inside the ring tonight. If we can, we’ll try to follow the action between Run DEA and Moosehead Jack and Poe…but for now, the official word once again.
YOUR WINNERS…NO CONTEST in 0:45
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. DH MAGNUSSON – OOWF Onslaught Championship Tournament Finals
We finally arrive at the finals of the Onslaught Championship tournament. As ordered by the referees both men make their way to the ring alone for this one. Attitude Adjuster comes out first and steps between the ropes. DH Magnusson is announced and he comes out and pauses at the top of the ramp for a moment, then heads to the ring. The referee calls both men to the middle of the ring and goes through the instructions for the match, then orders them back to the corner to wait for the bell. The referee calls for the bell and this one is underway! The two slowly circle and lock up. Magnusson grabs an arm wringer then immediately grabs a side head lock and takes AA to the mat, getting in a few closed fist punches for good measure. AA fights to his feet and backs Magnusson into the ropes and forces the break. AA complains to the referee about a hair pull, but he is having none of it. Magnusson steps in and tries to grab AA again, but AA gets him with the scientific thumb to the eye. AA grabs Magnusson and hangs him on the top rope choking him out while he is arguing with the referee. AA releases the hold and Magnusson staggers back to the center of the ring. AA pursues him, but AA catches him with a spinning elbow to the face that sends AA out of the ring to the floor. When we see AA slowly getting up we see that he has been busted open Steve Williams style, with a NASTY gash under his eye. AA is bleeding buckets as he climbs onto the apron. Magnusson grabs him and suplexes him into the ring, floats over and gets a two count. Magnusson pulls AA to a sitting position and tries to twist his head off, occasionally dropping punishing elbows down onto the top of AA’s skull. Magnusson pulls AA to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a big boot to the face. Magnusson bounds off the ropes and drops a big knee across AA’s chest, covers, but only gets a two count. AA struggles to his feet and stumbles back into the corner and tries to call a time out, but Magnusson kicks him in the mouth. As Magnusson closes in, AA catches him with a shot to the jewels that doubles him over in pain. AA, for some reason, climbs to the top rope and tries a cross body block, but Magnusson has recovered enough to catch him and turn it into a power slam! Magnusson hooks the leg and gets the one, two, three! DH Magnusson is the new OOWF Onslaught Champion! He gets to his feet and celebrates when the referee notices that AA had his foot on the bottom rope! The referee immediately waves off the count and tries to explain to DH that AA had his foot on the ropes and thus it was not a legal pin. Magnusson is less than happy about this development and argues with the referee. This gives AA time to recover a bit, he grabs Magnusson from behind and rolls him up, grabbing the ropes, AND a healthy handful of tights, which of course the referee never sees, and AA gets the one, two, three!
WINNER in 16:11 and NEW OOWF ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION – Attitude Adjuster
AA immediately bails out of the ring, grabs the title and heads to the back before a clearly pissed off DH Magnusson can get to his feet and kill him
IHOP vs. CAPE TOWN CANNIBALS – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
The Cannibals wait on the alleged champions to make their entrance, and here they come. Brawl before the bell around ringside. WWE sends SYB into the crowd, and TNA whips Skurge to the stairs in an awkward bump. Skurge sells it over the steps and comes up holding his knee in pain, not able to put any weight on it at all. Skurge tries to pull himself up, but falls back down. While SYB gets beat on and tossed back over the rail, the referee checks on Skurge and gives the dreaded X sign. It's 2 on 1 on the floor, and SYB is getting his ass kicked as referee Hightower tries to gain some control. A couple of EMT's are out to check Skurge out, and he waves them off. They keep trying to check out his knee, but Skurge shoves them away. SYB manages to rake WWE's eyes and keep TNA at bay long enough to send him to the post, but WWE kicks him in the gut. They fight up to the apron and WWE snaps SYB's neck off the top rope. Suplex back in, but Skurge suddenly hops up, slides in and chop blocks WWE!! SYB lands on top and gets the three count!! Like his women of choice, the son of a bitch was faking it the whole time!!
WINNERS in 3:43 and STILL OOWF Tag Team Champions: IHOP
After the match IHOP are celebrating their sneaky win when Phantos and Lucios head down the ramp. The champs turn and head for the audience, but The Midnight Sons are already heading through the crowd to ring side. SYB and Skurge are trapped and assume the defensive pose in the center of the ring as their enemies climb onto the apron. As their enemies step between the ropes, SYB and Skurge dart out of the ring and escape up the ramp with their titles. Phantos, Lucios, Magnusson and Spin dare them to come back to the ring, but they will have nothing to do with that. SYB makes a lot of threats, and even starts back toward the ring, until Magnusson steps between the ropes, then IHOP beats a hasty retreat to the back, living to fight another day.
Live! From Bombay, India
OOWF Onslaught Championship Tournament Round 1[/u]
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. CARL FROM FRESNO
“Hunger Strike” starts playing over the PA and Carl From Fresno makes his way down the ramp slapping hands with the fans. He’s got a new addition to his wardrobe this week, a baseball cap turned sideways. Huh. He climbs into the ring and waits as “Right Now” by Van Halen fires up. Attitude Adjuster comes down the ramp, accompanied by Eric and The Dead. AA climbs into the ring, adjusts his therapeutic black glove and nods to the referee. Junior Hale gets the signal and calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Lock up to start, and Carl gets the leverage, but AA kicks him in the “lower abdominal region” and works into a headlock. Carl eventually shoves AA into the ropes, but AA connects on a shoulder block, sending Carl to the mat. AA stares at him for a second (I’ll never know why they do that) and then runs the opposite ropes. Carl rolls a bit and stays down. AA proceeds on to the far ropes, and Carl leaps over him on the way back. One last time through nets AA a one-way trip on the Belly-To-Belly Express; and it was well executed by Carl. Carl does a little arm-wiggle-dance-move thing. Huh. Carl bends down to pick up AA, but is greeted with a BLACK THERAPEUTIC GLOVE! IT’S THE CLAW!!!!
Carl is PARALYZED by the devastating CLAW, and AA makes his way to his feet. Blood is DRIPPING from Carl’s temples as THE CLAW is working its magic. Carl eventually falls to his knees and then his stomach. Hale moves closer to do the “drop the arm” spot. Once, twice…thr…NO! Carl kept his arm off the mat and THE CLAW seems to be turning into THE REVIVING CLAW! Carl finally makes his way to his feet, and looks to counter with a Fujiwara Arm bar, but AA counters. BACKSLIDE! One…Two…NO! Carl kicks out and rolls away, but AA presses on his attack. However, as he goes to pick up Carl, who is lying on his back, Carl DRILLS AA with a KICK RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES! AA stumbles backward, and now Carl presses his advantage, hitting a Springboard Dolphin Kick followed up by a Rock Bottom. A cover is good for two. Carl works quickly and climbs the turnbuckle, and looks for a MOONSAULT, but is met by AA’s THE CLAW again. Carl is DONE FOR! AA simply moves Carl into position and KICK-WHAM-ATTITUDE ADJUSTER. Ballgame.
WINNER in 6:21 by PINFALL…ATTITUDE ADJUSTER! AA Advances!
TYSON KINCAID vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY
The “Gaelic Storm” graphic appears on the Jumbotron, as Seamus McNasty makes his way to the ramp with a half-empty bottle of Bushmills in his hand, as he enters to Dropkick Murphys: Fields Of Athenry. The crowd roars as he polishes off what’s left of the bottle and tosses it into the crowd, likely knocking some poor 7-year-old unconscious. As McNasty gets settled, the “Revolution xXx” graphic appears, and "Idle Hands" by The Gutter Twins starts up. Tyson Kincaid appears at the top of the ramp and taunts the crowd on his way down to the ring. As he approaches, he starts screaming trash at Seamus, and Angelo Barros just shakes his head, says something in Portuguese and calls for the bell, WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Lockup to start, which is won easily by Seamus, and he shoves Kincaid into the corner. Kincaid says something and EXPLODES out of the corner with a Flying Burrito, knocking the tipsy Irishman to the ground. Kincaid stomps away at Seamus, gaining himself a clear advantage. He pulls Seamus to his feet and hits a NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX (with bridge) and looks to end this one early. Barros is late starting the count, and he only gets two before McNasty kicks out. Kincaid is NOT happy and starts yelling at Barros. He doesn’t see Seamus up and right behind him. FINNEGAN’S WAKE! He pulls Kincaid to his feet…KICK-WHAM-DDT! Enough for a cover, and Barros slides in…1, 2, NO! Kincaid kicks out, but Seamus presses his advantage…ROCKY ROAD TO DUBLIN! Seamus covers again, but that only gets 2. Seamus pulls Kincaid to his feet…BLACK AND TAN! That might do it…1, 2, thre…NO! Kincaid just does kick out.
McNasty decides enough is enough, and pulls Kincaid up one more time, and hooks Kincaid up for a Power bomb. McNasty screams “NO! NAY! NEVER!” and hoists Kincaid on his shoulder as the crowd fires back at McNasty with the familiar refrain. However, Kincaid manages to flip out the back door! As McNasty turns around, he’s met with a ROCK BOTTOM! Quick cover from Kincaid gets 2 on the stunned McNasty. He pulls McNasty up, but before he can follow up, McNasty COUNTERS! FOGGY DEW! BLACK VELVET BAND! They’re in the middle of the ring, and Kincaid is in some SERIOUS trouble. He tries to roll through on the cross face, but McNasty hangs on! Kincaid is just about to tap, but as Barros moves to the front to get Kincaid’s answer, he’s able to DRILL McNasty with a MULE KICK to the NUTSACK! This breaks the hold and has McNasty howling in pain. Kincaid is also in rough shape. Barros knows SOMETHING happened but has no idea as to what, so he can’t do any more than start a count.
Both men are up at 7 and they charge each other. McNasty, the wily veteran though, side steps Kincaid. Kincaid stops short, which allows McNasty to jump him with a DIAMOND CUTTER! (where’d he learn that?) McNasty pulls the lifeless Kincaid up and shouts “NO! NAY! NEVER!” to the crowd again…THE WILD ROVER! This one is ALL done.
WINNER in 12:47 by PINFALL…SEAMUS MCNASTY! Seamus McNasty ADVANCES!
THE AMNESIAC vs. BUNNY
Crazy strobe lights appear all over the arena, until a bass line kicks in, and you can hear
this:
Jimmy can crack corn, but I don't care
My enemies crack corn, but I don't care
You can be black, white or a albino yeah
You can have corn rows inside your hair
I give a fuck if I don't like your stare
This bottle of wine goes upside your head
A little bit psycho, but I know that
Think you just don't say it, then I won't say it
See if you don't brag, then I don't brag
I know I’m bad, as long as I know I’m bad
I don't need y'all to co-sign no shit
You can just keep makin them tired old threats
A little bit like the boy you cried wolf yeah
See me, but don't dare to try no shit
Cause you know that somewhere inside those layers
A rattlesnake's right there to bite your ass
We see Bunny with a head mic on, rapping his way down to the ring to the roars of the crowd. He flips into the ring and nods to Davis Hightower, soaking in the cheers. “I Can’t Remember” blasts through the PA, and the once loved THE Amnesiac gets booed unmercifully; the crowd still obviously unhappy with how THE Amnesiac made Concrete TG look like Sting. Anyway, THE Amnesiac takes it in stride and gestures to the crowd that they’re number one as he laughs his way into the ring. Hightower kind of shakes his head and takes a deep breath before calling for the bell…and WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Both men charge across the ring, apparently to lock up. Neither of them do and, having the same idea it looks like, they start kicking at each others legs. THE Amnesiac gets the best of this and eventually sends Bunny to the mat. THE Amnesiac attacks, and gets Bunny into a Press Slam position, but switches it up into a STANDING 360 SAMOAN DROP! A Springboard Moonsault connects and that’s followed up by THE Amnesiac climbing the turnbuckles and hitting a SWEET SHOOTING STAR PRESS! He covers, and gets a solid 2 count before Bunny out. THE Amnesiac is a little surprised but maintains his composure. He pulls Bunny up by his ears. He locks Bunny under his arm, presumably looking for some sort of DDT, but Bunny, in a great display of agility, does a front flip, locks his legs around THE Amnesiac’s head and snaps off a HURRICARANA! THE Amnesiac is down, and Bunny takes a second to collect himself.
He doesn’t waste too much time however, as he walks over to the writhing THE Amnesiac. BUNNY HOP! Bunny determines that wasn’t enough, so he hits another BUNNY HOP! Cover gets 2. He’s going to the top rope! BUNNY HOLE! Cover…1, 2…NO! Bunny slaps the mat and heads to the top again…BUNNY BITE! That’s GOT to be it…1, 2, thr…NO! THE Amnesiac just does kick out, and Bunny starts to look around the ring. He heads to the top again…MOUNTAIN DEW ON TAP! 1, 2, NO! Something seems to visibly click with Bunny. Maybe he remembers something his protector and bodyguard taught him? Bunny hooks in a SHARPSHOOTER! The crowd cheers boisterously as Bunny’s actually trying a mat move; any mat move, let alone a submission. THE Amnesiac is actually in some BIG TROUBLE, but he outweighs Bunny by like 150 lbs, so eventually is able to get to the ropes. However, the damage has been done and THE Amnesiac is in rough shape as Bunny is putting in his best performance in months.
THE Amnesiac pulls himself up by the ropes as Bunny argues with Hightower about something. THE Amnesiac is wobbly as he makes his way toward Bunny. Bunny smiles and double underhooks the arms of the nearly defenseless THE Amnesiac…BUNNY DRIVER! The crowd oohs and aahs at that one, and Bunny covers again…1, 2, NO! Bunny starts hopping around and he is PISSED he can’t get the cover. This allows THE Amnesiac to get to his feet. Bunny notices this and points out into the crowd, forcing Hightower to look. This lets Bunny unleash the MOUNTAIN DEW MIST! By the time Hightower turns around, Bunny hits The Throwback and ascends the ropes once again. BUNNYSAULT! That’s GOT to be it…1, 2, thre….NO! NO! THE Amnesiac KICKS OUT. Bunny sighs and looks up to the sky shaking his head. The crowd rises to its feet. Bunny takes off through the crowd…HE’S HEADED FOR THE BUNNYWALK! Right at this moment, the crowd cheers again; Concrete TG makes his way to the ring, and he’s brought CHAIR with him.
Finally, the camera cuts to the BUNNYWALK, and the spotlight shines on Bunny, making his way to the middle of it over the ring. In a split screen, we see Hightower looking straight skyward and heading to a corner, trying to take cover for Bunny’s impending death-defying plunge. He doesn’t see a stirring THE Amnesiac getting to his feet, and he doesn’t see Concrete TG smashing CHAIR over THE Amnesiac’s head, sending THE Amnesiac flat on his back in the middle of the ring. Concrete TG and CHAIR slide out of the ring. Bunny does his usual prayer and point up to the sky as he climbs to the railing of the BUNNYWALK. He takes off…IT’S A SEXTUPLE LOSER WITH A TWIST RIGHT ON THE AMNESIAC! THE Amnesiac is DEAD. The force of the landing sends Bunny all the way into the corner. Hightower, after he checks all his faculties to make sure he’s still alive, starts a count.
Hightower is at 8 when Bunny starts to stir, and at 9.99999 when Bunny gets to his feet. He’s got just enough to stumble his way over to THE Amnesiac. He flops on him, and Hightower does the slow, dramatic count…1, 2, 3! BUNNY WINS!
WINNER in 18:31 by PINFALL…BUNNY! Bunny advances!
All of a sudden, LJ Bennett’s music hits to resounding boos throughout the Arena. Bennett appears at the top of the ramp, and he’s got a mic!
Concrete Takaken Gryfon, due to your interference in this match, you created an unfair advantage for Bunny. Therefore, I have no choice but to throw out this decision and restart this match in the interest of sportsmanship and fair play. Concrete Takaken Gryfon, you should be ashamed of yourself for your behavior. Referee Hightower, restart this match immediately.
Bennett leaves as a shocked Concrete TG stares up the ramp with his mouth open. Hightower looks like he wants to protest, but realizes he has no choice and calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY…AGAIN!
Both Bunny and THE Amnesiac are out cold as Hightower calls for the bell, so he starts a slow 10-count. As that’s happening, Davin Moreland’s music hits, and he’s headed for the ring area. Uh-oh. Moreland makes a beeline for Crete and starts to tear him a new one as he gestures up the ramp. Moreland is visibly showing restraint by not rearing back and hitting Crete. Concrete TG and CHAIR head up the ramp with Davin Moreland screaming after them, with Davin noticeably limping up the ramp. Back in the ring, both men are up after a LONG 8 count, and Bunny summons whatever’s left in reserve to charge THE Amnesiac. THE Amnesiac simply catches Bunny in the middle of his charge and hooks him in for what appears to be a Power bomb. Uh-oh, wait…it’s PURE AMNESIA! Bunny is completely done for, and THE Amnesiac will advance.
WINNER in 20:16 by PINFALL…THE AMNESIAC! THE Amnesiac
ADVANCES!
THE DEAD vs. DH MAGNUSSON
Both wrestlers stare at each other, as Russ informs the viewers at home that Magnusson has the size advantage, out weighting Dead by over 100 pounds, while Razz points out that Magnusson has been a tag team wrestler for the better part of the past few months while Dead was more experienced in singles wrestling. Should be a good one!
The bell rings, and the two combatants circle each other. They lock up, and Magnusson powers Dead into a corner. Dead slips under Magnusson's grapple and throws a dropkick to Magnusson's knees! Magnusson goes down upon impact and Dead takes the bag man's head and rakes his face against the ropes! As Magnusson yells in agony, Dead turns to the crowd and yells something inaudible as the crowd reacts negatively. Dead turns around and delivers a dropkick to Magnusson's face, sending the big man out of the ring!
The referee for this contest, "Blind" Mel Creech, begins his count on Magnusson a bit fast. As Magnusson gets to his feet, Dead runs off the ropes and attempts a baseball slide! But Magnusson has him scouted and moves out of the way and grabs Dead's feet, dragging him out of the ring! As soon as Dead's feet his the floor, Magnusson whips Dead into the steel barricade! Steel does not feel good on anyone's back, as Dead grimaces. Magnusson rolls Dead into the ring, follows, and goes for the cover! Creech counts, one, two, and a kick out by Dead. Magnusson gets to his feet for a breather, and all of a sudden, Dead rolls Magnusson into a school boy! ONE....TWO....and a kick out! Both competitors get to their feet and instead of the traditional lockup, both men start brawl, throwing punches left and right. Being the bigger competitor, Magnusson eventually gets the advantage, throwing lefts and rights before Dead can react. While Dead is stunned, Magnusson grabs Dead, whips him into the corner, and follows him with a clubbing right arm...but Dead lifts himself over the ring ropes, and Magnusson hits the turnbuckle! Dead takes a confused Magnusson by the head and hits a neck breaker! He goes for the cover ONE.........TWO............and a kick out again by Magnusson!
The former Onslaught champion doesn't waste time, as he gets in Magnusson's face and starts throwing lefts and rights. Eventually, even Mel Creech becomes competent as he tells Dead to cut it out. Dead responds by running off the ropes and hitting a flipping leg drop! WOW! Dead covers and ONE...TWO................and THR-no a kick out by Magnusson! Dead is getting frustrated here, but Magnusson gets to his feet. Dead tries to land a high kick, but Magnusson grabs it and lands a HUGE clothesline! Both men are down and Creech begins his 10 count!
Both competitors are up at 7, and Magnusson grabs Dead and hits him with a snap suplex! Magnusson continues to work on the neck area by applying an elbow to the neck area, while holding his arm in an arm bar position. Dead puts his feet on the ropes, and Creech notifies Magnusson, who is always a stickler for obeying the rules. Dead uses the rope to get to his feet, and surprises Magnusson by springboarding off the ropes and hitting a B-E-A-UTIFUL TORNADO DDT! MY GOODNESS! Dead is still shaken by the elbow to the neck, so he takes more time than usual to get to Magnusson, and when he does, he goes for the cover! ONE............TWO.......AND ANOTHER KICKOUT! Dead moans - what will it take to put Magnusson away?
Both men are slow to get to their feet. They lock up, and Dead, again, gets in a reverse grapple, but Magnusson reverses that and gets him in a Death Drop hold, but Dead flips out of that and shoves Magnusson towards the ropes. Magnusson is able to stop, and he turns around and he DODGES at the very last second a CTC to the face!!! And as he dodges, he grabs Dead from behind, Dead elbows out, attempts a knee to the gut, but Magnusson grabs the knee, puts Dead in position and HITS A SIDE RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! What is this....Magnusson has the Dragon Sleeper locked on, and Dead is on Dream Street! Dead is screaming in pain, but he refuses to give up! Creech asks him, and Dead is screaming no! He wants the Onslaught Title back, but Magnusson isn't letting go of the hold! After a good minute, Dead, almost passed out from the submission, TAPS! Magnusson releases the hold as soon as the bell rings, as Dead, clutching his head, slaps the mat in frustration!
WINNER, BY SUBMISSON IN 9:32....D.H. MAGNUSSON!!
non-tournament matches
JUSTIN SANE vs. BLITZ vs. MARK VANDER
Blitz enters the arena first, followed by Mark Vander. They stand in their corners sizing each other up as Justin Sane makes his entrance. Justin makes it to ringside and slips, grabbing the ringside railing for support and ending up tangled in it and tapping out. The commotion grabs Vander’s attention, giving Blitz the opportunity to jump him from behind. Referee Junior Hale is busy accepting Justin’s submission to the railing, so the timekeeper decides to ring the bell and get this one officially underway. Blitz attacks Vander in the corner, staggering him with punches and chops. An Irish whip is followed by a Stinger Splash and a bulldog as Vander stumbles out of the corner. Vander rolls to his feet and Blitz steamrolls him with a clothesline, then comes off the opposite ropes as Vander gets to his knees and kills him with the Shiner. Blitz sees Junior back in the ring and makes a cover, but Justin trips through the ropes and falls on Blitz, driving an elbow into the back of his head to break the pin fall. Justin attacks Blitz as he gets up, and gets in a few shots before Blitz hooks him and takes him over with a T-bone suplex. Justin lands hard, bouncing off his back and into a seated position, and Blitz hits an echoing kick to the back. Before he can follow up. Vander hooks his head from behind and plants him with a reverse DDT. Vander pulls Blitz off the mat and backs him into the corner. He punches away, and Justin comes over to join the fun. They whip Blitz across the ring, and do a double reverse Irish whip windup, sending Vander hard into the corner after Blitz with a clothesline. Vander drops out of the way and Justin sprints in with a splash. Justin bounces off, turns, and gets turned inside out by a Clothesline from Hell from Vander. Vander pulls Justin off the mat and hits the Deal Breaker. He covers, but Blitz breaks it up at two. Blitz and Vander slug it out, bouncing around the ring as they trade blows. As they fight, Blitz backs over Justin as he’s getting up. Blitz falls back, hitting his head, and Justin rolls him up, almost getting the three count before Vander breaks it up. Blitz and Vander decide they need to thin things out, and turn their attention to Justin. They beat him down to the mat, then pull him up and plant him with a tandem suplex. They scrape him up and throw him to the ropes. Justin ducks a tandem clothesline attempt, and takes both Vander and Blitz down with a diving double clothesline. Justin slings Vander to the ropes and follows right behind him, clothes lining him over the ropes to the floor. He turns and sprints toward Blitz, who sidesteps and sends him into the ropes. Blitz tries a leg lariat as he comes back, but Justin ducks. As Justin hits the near ropes, Vander reaches in and grabs his leg. Justin does a face plant, and Vander tries to drag him out of the ring, but Blitz hits a baseball slide dropkick that sends Vander into the railing. Blitz drags Justin to the corner and plants him with a body slam, stomping on his face for good measure before climbing the ropes. Blitz Flip! Blitz covers and Junior makes the count. Vander dives into the ring and tries to break it up, but is a split-second to late.
WINNER, in 12:37, Blitz.
KNIFE vs. CHRIS COLE
Knife is already in the ring...Hey, remember when this guy used guy used to get an entrance? Anyway, Knife is in the ring, as the lights go down and "Master of Puppets" comes up - And out steps HARPER CAMBY?!? Camby isn't scheduled to be here tonight, and where is Chris Cole? Camby leaps from the floor to th apron, and the ref is there is to (hopefully) get some answers.
Hightower looks to be in heated discussion with Camby over...something...When Chris Cole hops the guardrail and slides into the ring, Barbed wire baseball bat in tow! Knife turns around just in time for Cole to SWING FOR THE FENCES! And by "Fences" I mean "Knife's head". Knife goes down in a heap, and Cole drives the bat into the skull of the Knife again! A third time, and Knife isn't moving. Hightower FINALLY turns around and sees the carnage. He begins laying into Cole verbally, as Knife lays in a blood of his own blood. Cole tosses the bat out of the ring, and takes a microphone offered from Camby.
Chris Cole: You want to waste my time with a sack of crap like this? You ant to waste the time of the MAIN EVENT with this curtain jerker? FINE! Ring the damned bell!
Cole tosses the mic out the ring and glares at Hightower who very reluctantly rings the bell to start the match, such as it is...And we're underway, I guess.
Cole picks up the limp body of Knife by the hair, and over Hightower's pleas loads up Knife...HEADLINER! Cole makes the cover, and mercifully for Knife, the count is academic, one, two, three.
WINNER in 4:12 – Chris Cole
SPIN HANSEN vs. ERIC O’MAC
Spin Hansen comes to the ring first accompanied by his tag team partner DH Magnusson, who advanced in the Onslaught tournament earlier tonight. Eric O’Mac comes out with fellow Revolution XXX members The Amnesiac and Tyson Kincaid. They all take their positions around the ring as Eric steps between the ropes. Kincaid and The Amnesiac approach Magnusson from either side of the ring, and quickly Justin Sane charges through the crowd and hops the railing, catching his foot and slamming onto the floor face first. Magnusson grabs him and jerks him to his feet, and despite having no clue where he is at the moment, Sane assumes a fighting position and The Amnesiac and Tyson back off….for now. With all the activity on the outside of the ring, Spin doesn’t see Eric trying to sneak in behind him, until the last minute. Spin spins around and Eric tries a kick to the mid section, but Spin catches his foot, so Eric tries an enzuguri, but Spin ducks and sends Eric to the mat. Spin drops and elbow on the back of his head and tries to hook Eric in the Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, but Eric slithers to the ropes and forces the break. Spin releases Eric and Eric rolls to the apron and is about to hop off and seek solace with his stablemates, when Spin grabs him by the hair and tries to pull him back into the ring. Eric guillotines Spin on the top rope sending him back into the ring and to one knee. When Spin gets back to his feet and stands up, Eric springs off the top rope and catches Spin with a forearm to the head that sends him across the ring. Eric kips up and puts the boots to Spin, standing on his throat and taunting Magnusson and Sane on the outside. The referee threatens disqualification and Eric breaks the choke and pulls Hansen up in the corner and blisters his chest with repeated knife edge chops, but that just serves to piss Spin off and he reverses Eric in the corner and hammers him with rights and lefts, then grabs Eric by the head and bounces his skull off the top, middle, then finally bottom rope for good measure. Spin pulls Eric up and whips him across the ring, but Eric reverses it and tries a flying splash into the corner, Spin catches him and swats him to the mat. Hansen covers, but Eric rolls his shoulder before the two count. Spin once again pulls Eric to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him up on his shoulders, but before he can do anything Eric hammers Spin with elbows to the face, then spins him around and connects with a spinning heel kick that sends Spin staggering back into the ropes where he gets tangled. Eric pulls the referee aside and complains about something, meanwhile on the outside, Tyson Kincaid produces a chain, wraps it around his fist, and BLASTS Spin on the back of the head! Spin slumps in the ropes, blood running from a nasty gash on the back of his head. The cheap shot causes Magnusson and Sane to charge around the ring and a brawl ensues on the outside. The referee finally frees Spin from the ropes and he slumps to the mat, dazed. Eric gets in a couple of kicks for good measure then heads to the top rope. Eric waits perched on the top rope, waiting for Spin to get to his feet so he can connect with a flying thrust kick to the mouth. Spin staggers to his feet and Eric leaps, but Spin was playing some possum and catches Eric in mid air and KILLS him with a spine buster! The back of Eric’s head SLAMS into the mat, and Eric’s eyes momentarily roll into the back of his head. Spin covers, and the referee hits the mat and makes the three count just before Eric can roll his shoulder!
WINNER in 9:48 – Spin Hansen
After the match Eric attacks Spin from behind dropping him to the mat. Eric slips out of the ring and grabs something from beneath the ring, it’s the SLEDGEHAMMER! Eric steps back into the ring and waits for Spin to stand, then BLASTS him in the face with it! Eric drives the sledge hammer down on Spins chest with a crazed look in his eyes! Eric is about to do it again when DH Magnusson makes it back to the ring and chases him off.
OOWF Onslaught Championship Tournament – Semi-Finals[/u]
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY
We start the second round of the Onslaught Championship tournament. Attitude Adjuster defeated Carl From Fresno in the opening round. AA makes his way to the ring flanked by his Campeonas de Trios teammates Ryan Hardcore and F. Fonzworth MacCappington. Seamus McNasty is announced next, he advanced in the tournament by defeating Tyson Kincaid. Seamus comes out alone. That can’t be the smartest move. Seamus storms to the ring and slides under the bottom rope and gives MacCappington and Hardcore the stare of death. FF and Hardcore back away from the ring slowly, which gives AA the chance to attack from behind and catch Seamus with a clubbing shot to the back of the head. Seamus staggers and AA tries to whip him to the ropes, but Seamus reverses it and catches him on the rebound with a knee to the gut that sends AA to the mat. Seamus bounds off the ropes and drops a knee across AA’s forehead and covers, but AA kicks out before there is even a one count. AA tried to escape under the bottom rope, but Seamus grabs him by the leg and pulls him back to the center of the ring and drops an elbow across the small of his back. Seamus grabs AA by the head and pulls back, digging his fingers into AA’s eyes and mouth until AA is howling in pain and the referee is threatening disqualification. Seamus pulls AA to his feet and grabs him from behind and takes him over with a belly to back suplex. AA tries to call time out, but Seamus kicks him in the head and sends him backward into the corner. Seamus gets a head of steam and charges into the corner, but AA gets a boot up that catches Seamus in the stomach. AA gets to his feet and climbs to the second rope, leaps, and catches Seamus with a double ax-handle to the back of the head. Seamus hits the mat and AA immediately pounces and hammers him with shots to the back of the head before rolling him over and making the casual cover. AA gets a two count before Seamus grabs him and rolls him over in a crucifix for a two count. AA springs to his feet and gets rocked with repeated European uppercuts, Seamus goes for one last shot, but AA pokes him in the eyes. AA falls into the corner and the referee checks on Seamus. AA turns to MacCappington and Cap tosses him a chain that AA wraps around his fist. Seamus gets his sight back and charges into the corner and AA catches him in the face with a right cross. Seamus staggers but does not go down. AA charges out of the corner and catches Seamus with a boot to the gut and tries a DDT, but Seamus backdrops out of it! AA gets to his feet and Seamus catches him with a clothesline that sends AA back to the corner. Seamus charges, but AA gets a knee up that catches Seamus on the jaw! Seamus hits the mat and AA grabs his legs and rolls him up, making sure to get both feet on the ropes. The referee never sees and AA gets the one, two, three!
WINNER in 12:41 Attitude Adjuster
THE AMNESIAC vs. DH MAGNUSSON
The Amnesiac comes to the ring with fellow Revolution XXX members Eric O’Mac and Tyson Kincaid. The Amnesiac advanced thanks to a BRUTAL win against Bunny, and he looks a little worse for the wear. DH Magnusson comes to the ring accompanied by Spin Hansen and Stank. Magnusson defeated The Dead in the opening round to advance. The two men meet in the center of the ring, while the other four jaw at ringside. The referee has had enough already and he orders all four men to the back, clear ringside! The four men reluctantly leave, and it is just THE Amnesiac and DH Magnusson left in the ring. The Amnesiac and Magnusson go nose to nose, well nose to chest as Magnusson has a significant height advantage over the smaller luchadore. They lock up and Magnusson easily pushes The Amnesiac to the mat. The Amnesiac kips up and goes right at Magnusson again. This time they lock up and The Amnesiac slips behind him and kicks the back of Magnusson’s knee sending him to one knee, The Amnesiac connects with a kick to the back of the head that sends him to the mat. The Amnesiac gets a running start and drops a leg across the back of Magnusson’s head, then rolls him over for a one count. The Amnesiac sits Magnusson up and locks him in a stump puller trying for the submission, but Magnusson is not worn down enough and he easily powers out of it. The Amnesiac pulls Magnusson to his feet and hits a belly to back suplex, then climbs to the top rope and sets up, but Magnusson gets to his feet and catches him on the top and throws him across the ring. The Amnesiac gets to his feet and gets clotheslined over the top rope to the floor. Magnusson follows him to the outside and grabs The Amnesiac by the head and is about to slam him into the table when Amnesiac stops him with an elbow to the midsection, followed by a Pele kick to the top of Magnusson’s head. Magnusson falls to the floor and is dazed, The Amnesiac waits for him to get to his feet and charges, but Magnusson catches him with a snap power slam on the floor! Magnusson rolls him back into the ring and follows, making the cover and getting a two count. Magnusson pulls The Amnesiac to his feet and sets him on the top rope and climbs up for a superplex, but The Amnesiac fights out of it and grabs Magnusson and hits a tornado DDT! The Amnesiac covers and hooks the leg, but can only get a two count. The Amnesiac waits for Magnusson to get to his feet, then pops him in the mouth with a super kick, then grabs him and sets him up for the Hangman’s neckbreaker, but Magnusson spins out of it and grabs The Amnesiac and hits the Dream Street! Magnusson wrenches on the pressure on the dragon sleeper part of it, and The Amnesiac cannot escape and is forced to tap.
WINNER in 15:28 – DH Magnusson
After the match, Magnusson struggles to his feet and turns around and gets POPPED in the mouth by matching superkicks from Eric O’Mac and Tyson Kincaid. They fall on him and hammer him mercilessly until Spin and Stank make the save.
STANK & OUTBACK JACK vs. ZK DEBEERS & TYTAN
Z.K. DeBeers makes an elaborate entrance, complete with “servants” to remove his robe and polish his boots. He is followed by Tytan, who marches to the ring accompanied by Mr. Steel and Dr. Podvod. ZK and Tytan discuss strategy, and ZK offers Tytan a boot polish. Tytan glares, and the “servant” scurries away. ZK and Tytan’s attention is drawn to the entrance when the crowd erupts as Stank and Outback Jack step onto the stage. Stank and OBJ walk about halfway down the aisle, then sprint forward and slide into the ring. ZK and Tytan move to attack, but D&D have momentum on their side. Stank drives Tytan into one corner, and OBJ backs ZK into the one next to it. They punch away until Stank suddenly yells “Switch”. They whip their opponents into the center of the ring and ZK and Tytan meet skull first. As they ricochet, D&D level them with clotheslines, OBJ on Tytan and Stank on ZK. Stank pitches ZK through the ropes and follows him out the floor, so referee Angelo Barros calls for the bell to start the match. OBJ pummels Tytan, driving the big man back, then whips him across the ring and hits a big back bodydrop. Tytan rolls to his feet and OBJ scoops him up for a body slam. OBJ grabs a headlock as Tytan gets up, and Tytan shoots him off. OBJ ducks a clothesline, but gets caught by a brutal power slam. Tytan covers and gets two. Tytan looks to his corner and sees ZK, having freed himself from Stank, standing on the apron, so he drags Jack over and makes the tag. ZK comes in and they stomp OBJ in the corner until Barros forces Tytan out of the ring. ZK continues the attack, stomping and kicking OBJ and choking him for a four count several times before picking him up and dropping him with a brain buster. ZK goes to the second turnbuckle and comes off with an elbow to OBJ’s throat. ZK covers, but OBJ kicks out at two. ZK gets to his feet and taunts Stank, who lunges into the ring but is cut off by Barros. While they argue, ZK and Tytan make an artificial “clapping” tag and whip OBJ to the ropes. Tytan buries his fist into OBJ’s midsection and, as he doubles over, ZK comes off the ropes with a running knee to the head. Barros turns around in time to see ZK on the apron and Tytan dropping a leg across OBJ’s throat. Tytan hooks the leg, and OBJ just manages to roll a shoulder before the three. Tytan stomps OBJ and drags him to his corner to tag ZK. ZK strides across the ring and slaps Stank across the face, baiting him into the ring, but Stank simply smiles and points over ZK’s shoulder. ZK turns, and is steamrolled by a roaring OBJ. OBJ drags ZK off the mat and cracks him with a head butt that’s loud enough to echo. ZK’s eyes roll back and he crumples to the mat. OBJ turns to his corner and is about to make the tag when Tytan spins him around and spikes him with a DDT. Stank tries to come in to help, but of course Barros is there to stop him. Stank roars and leapfrogs Barros to charge across the ring after Tytan. Unfortunately, this takes him past ZK, who has recovered enough to hook Stank’s leg and take him off his feet. ZK tries to roll up into the Emu-Tamer, but Stank kicks him off.
Tytan, meanwhile, drives OBJ into the corner and pounds away. OBJ drops to his knees and delivers a low blow, following through the movement and levering Tytan onto his shoulders. OBJ drives back into the corner, slamming Tytan repeatedly into the top turnbuckle, and then drops him with a TKO. Barros is on the other side of the ring, trying everything to separate Stank and ZK, and having no luck. He sees something out of the corner of his eye and darts to the side just in time to avoid being crushed by a flying Tytan, who collides with ZK. Barros immediately jumps back to narrowly miss a charging OBJ, who slams into both Tytan and ZK, taking all three men through the ropes to the floor. Barros stares at them for a moment and catches his breath, then turns around, only to drop desperately to the mat as Stank barrels across the ring and hits an incredible suicide dive over the ropes. Barros doesn’t even try to get up, but just waves frantically for the bell.
WINNERS - NO CONTEST in 17:36.
PHANTOS & LUCIOS vs. THE WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM
MacCappington and Hardcore enter first to the standard chorus of boo's. Phantos and Lucios enter next, and they look a little banged-up from the OMG~! ATTACK that took place recently. Lucios is sporting a fully bandaged head, while Phantos just has two band-aids (in the shape of an X) on his forehead (over the mask, of course).
Hardcore starts the match off with Lucios, who uses his size to over-power Hardcore. Lucios whips Ryan into the corner and follows him, connecting with a nice clothesline. Hardcore staggers out of the corner and is immediately suplexed for his trouble. Lucios makes the tag to Phantos. The team captain uses his quickness to connect with a nice swinging neck breaker. He goes for the cover. One...Two...Hardcore kicks out. As Phantos begins to pick Hardcore up, Hardcore responds with a BLATANT thumb to the eye. Phantos stumbles back as Hardcore gets to his feet. Hardcore measures Phantos and the delivers a big right hand RIGHT ON THE BAND-AIDS! That's got to hurt! Hardcore herds Phantos into his own corner and tags in MacCappington. Hardcore holds Phantos' arms back while FF hammers away at the forehead of his opponent. Hardcore finally lets Phantos go, but then immediately delivers a shot to the lower back of Phantos before heading to the apron. FF whips Phantos off the ropes and catches him with a nice belly-to-belly suplex. He goes for the cover. One...Two...Phantos kicks out. FF picks up Phantos and whips him into the ropes again, but this time Phantos is too quick and slides through the legs of MacCappington. As FF turns around, Phantos delivers a beautiful dropkick that catches MacCappington right on the chin. FF stumbles backwards but somehow manages to keep himself on his feet his a little help from the ropes. Phantos sees an opportunity to make the tag and heads to his corner, but FF somehow is able to grab him a spilt-second before he can make the tag. MacCappington attempts a belly-to-back suplex but Phantos manages to land on his feet. FF turns around and is AGAIN hit with a dropkick, and this time it puts him to the mat. Phantos is finally able to get to his corner and make the tag.....except Ryan Hardcore is distracting the referee. Lucios comes in and is about to pounce on MacCappington when Hardcore lets the referee go. The ref sees Lucios and immediately tells him to get back to the apron. Lucios is furious and tries to explain what just happened, but in the meantime FF is able to grab Phantos and send him into his corner. Hardcore and MacCappington beat down Phantos in the corner as the referee eventually gets Lucios back to the apron. Of course, the moment the referee turns around, the two-on-one beat down stops. FF casually tags in Hardcore, who immediately goes for the cover. One...Two...Phantos kicks out! Hardcore picks him up and immediately plants him with a side-slam and goes for the cover again. One...Two...Thr--Phantos kicks out again! Hardcore clearly looks frustrated by this point and picks up Phantos one more time. Hardcore whips him into the ropes, but Phantos comes flying back with a spinning DDT! Hardcore's head hits the mat hard and now both men are down on the ground, trying to make it to their respective corners. Phantos struggles to his feet as Hardcore crawls to his corner. Phantos is able to make the tag a split-second before Hardcore can, and here come the big men! Lucios charges out of the corner with a full head of steam. Clothesline for MacCappington! Hip toss for Hardcore! Another clothesline for MacCappington! The Fag Team powders out to ringside to catch a breather as Lucios roars on the inside. The crowd is cheering wildly! The Fag team try to jump back in the ring and catch Lucios off-guard, but instead Hardcore gets dumped on his head. This, however, allows FF to catch Lucios in the back of the head with a clubbing forearm. Lucios staggers and MacCappington catches him with another forearm, this time to the small of the back. FF tags Hardcore back in, and Hardcore immediately dives at the back of Lucios' knees and connects with a chop-block. Lucios goes down to one knee. Hardcore bounces off the ropes and charges head-first at Lucios, but Lucios springs to his feet and connects with a massive SPEAR! Hardcore goes down in a heap! Lucios immediately lifts Hardcore up on his shoulders and Phantos comes flying off the top rope. Dropkick Device! Lucios makes the cover as MacCappington is charging to break it up. Phantos is able to slow FF just enough. One...Two...Three.
WINNERS in 12:37 - Phantos and Lucios
ALEXANDER DARLING & DAVIN MORELAND vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK & POE
OOWF is getting ready for what is sure to be a tag team war. Coming up next we have a rematch from what many consider the match-of-the-year that occurred just a few months ago in Japan. On that night it was a surprise for many when Poe made his debut in the OOWF to team with Moosehead Jack as they took on a thorn in both of their sides, Alexander Darling and his mystery partner who turned out to be Davin Moreland. While that night was the start of Run DEA it was also a night that ended in loss for the team of Moreland and Darling as Poe got his first taste of revenge by pinning Alexander Darling. Since that time, the situation between all four of these men has gotten a lot more personal and a lot more vicious. Davin and Poe seem to be competing in a game of one-upmanship when it comes to bone breaking. But even that doesn’t compare to what has recently gone down between Moose and Alexander Darling. A situation that involves drugging, kidnapping, and torture and it was actually orchestrated and carried out by Alexander instead of the obvious suspect in Moose. But the time for words and stories has past, and it is time for action.
“Ladies and Gentlemen” by Saliva starts and making their way out together for the first time is the team of Alexander Darling and Davin Moreland; Run DEA. It seems like it’s just the two of them coming out for the match and they start making their way down the ramp when their music suddenly shuts off and the heartbeat of Poe’s entrance begins leading right into Moosehead Jack’s anthem of “Scarecrow.” The two sadistic bastards quickly make their way out from the back and in the hands of both are weapons and they are quickly chasing Moreland and Darling down to the ringside area. Alexander and Davin separate at the ring and Darling quickly makes his way around to one side while DM does the same to the opposite and but quickly start searching under the ring. Moose gets to the ringside area and starts swinging his barbed-wire bat as he stalks Alexander. Poe is twirling a nightstick as he makes his way towards Davin. Suddenly Davin and AD come up from under the ring and they both have their own weapons in hand; a nice piece of rebar for DM and a Singapore cane for Darling.
The members of Run DEA slide into the ring with their weapons and are standing back-to-back waiting for their opponents to join them and Moose and Poe are more than happy to oblige. It’s an old-school Mexican stand-off as Moose is almost frothing at the mouth to get his hands on Darling while Poe and Davin are exchanging a lot more than pleasantries in their comments to one another. In the briefest of instants, we can see Alexander wink at Moosehead Jack and that sets off the combustible situation here as MHJ takes a swing with his bat that AD blocks with his cane, but the fight has started as Davin fakes Poe out with a slight of hand and while Poe is being careful of the rebar it gives Davin a chance to surprise Poe with a SPEAR SPEAR SPEAR.
But meanwhile after blocking the first bat swing from Moose and attempting a strike with the cane, Alexander has just gotten pasted with the barbed wire bat right in the face by Moose and he is busted open before the bell has even rung. Davin shoots to his feet and takes his trusty rebar right to the back of MHJ’s injured knee and he crumples to the mat. Davis Hightower looks around the ring and now he sees that Poe and Darling have gotten back to their feet and are swinging a nightstick and Singapore cane at each other while Moose is struggling to get back to his feet while refusing to let go of the bat. Davin is waiting for him with his piece of rebar and Hightower has had enough already. He makes his way down to the timekeeper and ring announcer. He says a few things to them and suddenly a voice is heard through the arena.
Your official decision is a NO CONTEST…
The four guys in the ring all just take a second to look at each other and they all shrug as Moose charges at Alexander once again and takes him down and those two are just completely slugging it out. Poe stares Moreland down and just as Moreland figures they will get into a punch, punch, punch exchange Poe changes the game and he goes low with a dropkick to DM’s knee. It looks like he isn’t done trying to break pieces of Moreland’s body and as soon as he gets DM down he picks up the nightstick and starts attacking the knee. Davin is twisting out of the way and he fights back to a vertical base and now DM and Poe are finally exchanging lefts and rights in the center of the ring.
Meanwhile, MHJ and Alexander have spilled to the outside and Moose has reversed a whip to the steel with one of his own and AD goes flying up and over into the audience. Moose doesn’t hesitate to follow him and the two rivals begin brawling through the audience. Inside the ring, Poe has gained the upper hand and he’s using one of the tag ropes to choke Davin down. Davin is trying to fight back, but Poe’s really got a hold on it and he’s got it pulled tight around DM’s throat. Moreland is fading and Poe senses opportunity as he backs into the opposite corner…full speed charge and he nails DM with the YAKUZA KICK that sends Davin’s head snapping back. Poe looks to stay on the offensive as he drags Davin to the center of the ring…he picks him straight up in the air and looks to be going for the BRAINBUSTAAAA…but out of no where his knee gets chopped from behind.
Darling is back in the ring and Moose is nowhere to be found at the moment as Alexander is totally going to down on Poe utilizing the best of the patented Flair-knee based offense. He’s got Poe reeling and he takes him up and over with a snap suplex. Darling rolls through it and looks to setting Poe up for the DARLING MONEY CLIP. Poe is struggling knowing this was the move that took him out of action for close to a year, but he can’t fight it anymore and AD gets him turned over. Bad move for AD as MHJ has made it back into the ring and absolutely plasters Alex with a brass knuckles assisted right hand to the temple. Darling is on dream street as he releases the hold…DOUBLE-ARM DDT by Moose. MHJ looks to pick Alexander up, but he can’t as Davin is back into the action and he picks Moose all the way up into a military press, he tosses him up even higher…
ELEVATED DIAMOND CUTTER…
My lord, look at the carnage in that ring right now. And it doesn’t look like it’s going to end anytime soon as all four men are struggling back to their feet and no one seems to be willing to give an inch. Without a second’s hesitation, Moose and Darling are back to trying to kill each other; Davin and Poe are trying to break bones once again and this is starting all over again. But it seems like someone from the back has had enough of these four men trying to end careers and lives as the job squad and security is rushing to the ring to try and break this up; ninja style.
The first security guard to rush in charges at Alexander Darling…BACK BODY DROP right into a Davin Moreland DIAMOND CUTTER and he might be dead. The second one goes after Moose and he’s stopped dead in his tracks with a brass-knuckled aided HEART PUNCH…MHJ tosses him to Poe who picks him up in the air…PENDULUM and another security guard dead. The security guards start charging a bit quicker, but they aren’t any match at all for the four stars in the ring.
HOLY SHIT…STEREO CRUCIFIX POWERBOMBS and STEREO PILEDRIVERS from Darling/Poe and Moreland/Moose…this is really not pretty for the security here at the OOWF. Finally everyone left around the ring charges in and seems to be able to separate the two teams and this war, while far from being over looks to be subsiding for the night. Moose and Poe have finally left the ring and are backing up the aisle while Davin and Alex hang back in the ring. Quickly a look is passed between the two Run DEA members and they put their hands up as if saying the fight is over for the night. The security guards are complete morons though…Davin and Darling race for the ropes…NO HANDED SUICIDE OVER THE TOP PLANCHA by Davin…TOPE CON HILO by Alexander and the fight is starting again.
The four men continue their brawl to the back and we wish we could continue to follow this battle, but it’s time for more action inside the ring tonight. If we can, we’ll try to follow the action between Run DEA and Moosehead Jack and Poe…but for now, the official word once again.
YOUR WINNERS…NO CONTEST in 0:45
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. DH MAGNUSSON – OOWF Onslaught Championship Tournament Finals
We finally arrive at the finals of the Onslaught Championship tournament. As ordered by the referees both men make their way to the ring alone for this one. Attitude Adjuster comes out first and steps between the ropes. DH Magnusson is announced and he comes out and pauses at the top of the ramp for a moment, then heads to the ring. The referee calls both men to the middle of the ring and goes through the instructions for the match, then orders them back to the corner to wait for the bell. The referee calls for the bell and this one is underway! The two slowly circle and lock up. Magnusson grabs an arm wringer then immediately grabs a side head lock and takes AA to the mat, getting in a few closed fist punches for good measure. AA fights to his feet and backs Magnusson into the ropes and forces the break. AA complains to the referee about a hair pull, but he is having none of it. Magnusson steps in and tries to grab AA again, but AA gets him with the scientific thumb to the eye. AA grabs Magnusson and hangs him on the top rope choking him out while he is arguing with the referee. AA releases the hold and Magnusson staggers back to the center of the ring. AA pursues him, but AA catches him with a spinning elbow to the face that sends AA out of the ring to the floor. When we see AA slowly getting up we see that he has been busted open Steve Williams style, with a NASTY gash under his eye. AA is bleeding buckets as he climbs onto the apron. Magnusson grabs him and suplexes him into the ring, floats over and gets a two count. Magnusson pulls AA to a sitting position and tries to twist his head off, occasionally dropping punishing elbows down onto the top of AA’s skull. Magnusson pulls AA to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a big boot to the face. Magnusson bounds off the ropes and drops a big knee across AA’s chest, covers, but only gets a two count. AA struggles to his feet and stumbles back into the corner and tries to call a time out, but Magnusson kicks him in the mouth. As Magnusson closes in, AA catches him with a shot to the jewels that doubles him over in pain. AA, for some reason, climbs to the top rope and tries a cross body block, but Magnusson has recovered enough to catch him and turn it into a power slam! Magnusson hooks the leg and gets the one, two, three! DH Magnusson is the new OOWF Onslaught Champion! He gets to his feet and celebrates when the referee notices that AA had his foot on the bottom rope! The referee immediately waves off the count and tries to explain to DH that AA had his foot on the ropes and thus it was not a legal pin. Magnusson is less than happy about this development and argues with the referee. This gives AA time to recover a bit, he grabs Magnusson from behind and rolls him up, grabbing the ropes, AND a healthy handful of tights, which of course the referee never sees, and AA gets the one, two, three!
WINNER in 16:11 and NEW OOWF ONSLAUGHT CHAMPION – Attitude Adjuster
AA immediately bails out of the ring, grabs the title and heads to the back before a clearly pissed off DH Magnusson can get to his feet and kill him
IHOP vs. CAPE TOWN CANNIBALS – OOWF World Tag Team Title Match
The Cannibals wait on the alleged champions to make their entrance, and here they come. Brawl before the bell around ringside. WWE sends SYB into the crowd, and TNA whips Skurge to the stairs in an awkward bump. Skurge sells it over the steps and comes up holding his knee in pain, not able to put any weight on it at all. Skurge tries to pull himself up, but falls back down. While SYB gets beat on and tossed back over the rail, the referee checks on Skurge and gives the dreaded X sign. It's 2 on 1 on the floor, and SYB is getting his ass kicked as referee Hightower tries to gain some control. A couple of EMT's are out to check Skurge out, and he waves them off. They keep trying to check out his knee, but Skurge shoves them away. SYB manages to rake WWE's eyes and keep TNA at bay long enough to send him to the post, but WWE kicks him in the gut. They fight up to the apron and WWE snaps SYB's neck off the top rope. Suplex back in, but Skurge suddenly hops up, slides in and chop blocks WWE!! SYB lands on top and gets the three count!! Like his women of choice, the son of a bitch was faking it the whole time!!
WINNERS in 3:43 and STILL OOWF Tag Team Champions: IHOP
After the match IHOP are celebrating their sneaky win when Phantos and Lucios head down the ramp. The champs turn and head for the audience, but The Midnight Sons are already heading through the crowd to ring side. SYB and Skurge are trapped and assume the defensive pose in the center of the ring as their enemies climb onto the apron. As their enemies step between the ropes, SYB and Skurge dart out of the ring and escape up the ramp with their titles. Phantos, Lucios, Magnusson and Spin dare them to come back to the ring, but they will have nothing to do with that. SYB makes a lot of threats, and even starts back toward the ring, until Magnusson steps between the ropes, then IHOP beats a hasty retreat to the back, living to fight another day.