OOWF MidWeek Mayhem (8/20) From Sabugal, Portugal
Aug 20, 2008 19:49:16 GMT -5
Post by Jack Quinn on Aug 20, 2008 19:49:16 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Sabugal, Portugal
TYTAN vs. THE DEAD vs. SPIN HANSEN – Tournament Royal Elimination Match
The three finalists in the Tournament Royal get their introductions and make their way to the ring. The first person pinned is eliminated and will get their title shot tonight. The referee calls for the bell and this one is underway. The Dead immediately attacks, hammering Spin with a forearm to the side of the head, then turning and catching Tytan with a spinning front kick to the face that sends him between the ropes to the floor. Dead will have to use his speed to his advantage to overcome the larger Spin and Tytan. Dead grabs Spin and sends him to the ropes and drops him with a spinning leg lariat and covers, but only gets a one count. Tytan slips back into the ring and drops an elbow across the back of Dead’s head driving him to the mat. Tytan pulls Dead to his feet and shoves him into the corner and charges in for a clothesline, but Dead slips out of the way and Tytan goes chest first into the corner. Dead slips behind Tytan and rolls him up for a quick two count, but Tytan powers out. Spin is back on his feet and grabs Dead from behind as he gets up and tries a release German suplex, but Dead flips through it and lands on his feet. At the same time Tytan gets to his feet in the corner and tries a clothesline on Spin, but Spin ducks and Tytan KILLS Dead with a clothesline. Spin and Tytan put the boots to Dead, then haul him to his feet and send him to the ropes and elevate him with a big back body drop. Dead powders out and Tytan and Spin turn on one another and start hammering away in the center of the ring. Spin gets the better of the exchange and shoves Tytan to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a thunderous spine buster. Spin covers, but Tytan gets his shoulder up at one. Dead slips back into the ring and climbs to the second rope, as Spin gets to his feet Dead leaps and catches him with a bulldog, and quickly rolls him over and covers, but Spin kicks out at two. Dead gets to his feet and climbs the corner, it looks like he is going to try a moonsault on Spin, but Spin gets to his feet and staggers around. Spin and Tytan are both up, and both notice a man in a mysterious black hood standing at the top of the ramp. Spin clears the cobwebs and catches Dead on the top rope. Spin walks under him and pulls Dead out of the corner for a power bomb, but before he can hit the move, Tytan charges across the ring and nearly spears Spin out of his boots! Dead falls off of Spin’s shoulders and guillotines himself on the top rope, Spin falls between the ropes to the floor. Tytan grabs a stunned Dead and pulls him up in a hauls him up for a suplex, once again never taking his eyes off the hooded figure. The mysterious man slowly reaches out and once again gives the thumbs down sign and Tytan drops Dead with a Steiner Screwdriver, hooks the leg, again never looking away from the hooded figure, and gets the one, two, three.
WINNERS in 14:08 – Tytan and Spin Hansen. The Dead is eliminated and will face LD Williams tonight
DAMON WRATH vs. VASCO DE GAMA XVII
Damon Wrath heads to the ring in his return to the OOWF. He faces a monster, a 7 foot, 380 pound Portuguese legend, Vasco de Gama XVII; a direct descendant of the famous 15th century explorer. Wrath is no small man himself, and this should be a real battle.
They lock up and Vasco hurls Damon into the corner. Wrath charges back in and tries a shoulder block. Vasco doesn’t budge and Damon staggers backwards. Damon locks up with de Gama again, and this time is quick to put a hammerlock on the giant. Damon rams his shoulder into the arm of de Gama repeatedly and turns it into an arm bar. Damon hits a quick jump kick to the back of Vasco’s head LIGHTS OUT! Damon covers for 1…2… and inexplicably, de Gama gets a shoulder up a nanosecond before the 3 count.
Damon hits a HUGE scoop slam, and follows up with a leg drop. Irish whip and Damon hits a diving shoulder block. Damon lifts Vasco onto his shoulders and attempts an F-5, but de Gama slides off. Damon turns and peppers de Gama with lefts, rights, and a huge bionic elbow that staggers the Portuguese giant. Damon hits the ropes and levels Vasco with a clothesline. De Gama rolls to the outside to clear the cobwebs, and Damon follows him in hot pursuit. Wrath catches him from behind and slams Vasco’s head into the ring apron. The giant tries to return the favor, but Damon blocks it and whips Vasco into the ring post. Damon rolls into the ring to break to referee’s count. Damon drags de Gama back in and begins to stomp away on Vasco’s back. Damon whips his man into the ropes and hits a thunderous Belly to Belly Suplex.
Russ: That’s Shades of Magnum T.A. Bah Gawd!
Wrath pounces on Vasco, locking in a MMA Arm bar. De Gama howls in pain and struggles mightily to reach the ropes. Wrath tightens his grip, and de Gama appears ready to tap, when he makes one last lunge toward to bottom rope. Vasco gets the tip of his finger to touch the rope, and that causes the referee to call for a break. Wrath makes the break, but is PISSED at the referee. He gets in his face and jaws away while de Gama gets back to his feet. Wrath turns around in time to catch de Gama with a HUGE spine buster! Wrath gives the crowd a Batista-esque ‘Thumbs Up- Thumbs Down’ and pulls Vasco to his feet. He loads Vasco on his shoulders and hits the F-5! The ring shifts about 3 inches as de Gama comes crashing to the mat. Wrath makes an academic cover and gets 1…2…3!
WINNER; in 6:23; Damon Wrath!
Damon celebrates for a few moments and heads for the back. de Gama struggles to his feet, when suddenly out of the crowd, Eric O'Mac charges into the ring, wielding a sledgehammer and a chair. He swings the sledgehammer and connects with a shot to Vasco's back that sends the giant to the floor. Eric stalks his prey, and brings down the chair across Vasco's head repeatedly. Blood begins to flow from the Portuguese giant's skull. Eric looks around, with a wild, vacant glare at the stunned silent crowd. de Gama falls to the concrete floor. Eric grabs the sledgehammer and stands with his foot on de Gama's head. he screams "Croquet anyone?" and swings the sledgehammer high above his head, and then crashing into de Gama's skull like a mallet and a ball. de Gama's skull is ripped open and blood spews out of a NASTY gash. We are talking full blown Muta here. A few people in the front row faint, and EMT’s race to the ring. Eric laughs maniacally and strolls to the back.
ERIC O’MAC vs. ZK DEBEERS
This should be an interesting match here as we have someone on a vicious warpath in Eric O’Mac set to face someone who seems to have lost his focus here and really needs to get back on track. And he will be coming out first to Kanye West’s “Diamonds from Sierra Leone.” He is the South African diamond trader Zales Kay DeBeers. He steps out slowly and takes his time as he looks around the arena and the fans are now completely indifferent to him. They don’t want to cheer him, but when he’s facing someone who’s become as hated as Eric O’Mac, they really don’t feel the need to boo him either. Zales starts to walk down the aisle and he only makes it about halfway before his music abruptly kicks off and a spotlight focuses on him. Seconds later “The Tower” booms over the speakers and Eric jumps out from the audience and drives DeBeers down onto the steel ramp.
Eric is already exhibiting his current path of rage and he is taking ZKD to task for his lack of focus recently. Just bashing his head against the steel ramp as he drags him closer to the ring. He rips ZK’s shirt off and starts choking him with it before snapmaring him over and then planting a vicious kick right to the Zales’ back. Mel Creech is in the ring trying to get Eric to calm down in order to get this match started and Eric is ignoring him as he continues to just lay a beating on DeBeers. Eric finally seems to have had enough of the out of the ring beating and he throws DeBeers into the ring with some force. EOM follows him into the ring and he finally takes off his jacket and we see he has the PHWF World Title around his waist. Eric drags ZK to his feet and puts him right back down to the mat with a scoop slam. He finally takes off the belt and gets into an argument with Creech about how he handles the belt as he hands it over.
Creech has had enough and he takes the belt from Eric before turning his back on him and this allows Eric to reach into his tights and pull out a pair of brass knuckles. With the ref’s back still turned, Eric goes back to his old playbook with a new wrinkle…BRASS KNUCKLE SHUFFLE right between ZKD’s eyes and just like Kurt Angle he must have hit a gusher as DeBeers just starts pouring blood. Eric takes off the brass knucks and tosses them out to the floor just before Creech turns around and notices that Zales is busted wide open. Mel looks around to see if any shenanigans have gone on and he doesn’t notice anything but he gives a look to Eric to imply he is keeping an eye on him.
Eric blows that off and continues his assault on ZKD. He whips him into the corner and follows him in with a dropkick that nearly takes DeBeers’ head clean off. He picks ZK up and places him on the top turnbuckle. EOM follows him up and throws in a few punches for good measure before hitting a beautiful SUPERPLEX on Zales, but in an amazing feat, Eric doesn’t let go of DeBeers and he rotates him into position and in one fluid motion picks Zales up and plants him with THE SMACKDOWN…thank god this one is mercifully over.
Eric makes the cover…
1…
2…
And Eric picks DeBeers up off the mat. I don’t know what change has come over Eric in the recent months, but this vicious streak is really taking its toll here on the OOWF roster. He has DeBeers beat and refuses to finish him off. He drags the bloody ZKD up to his feet and he picks him up onto his shoulders in a torture rack position. HOLY SHIT…Eric O’Mac just spun Zales all the way around and killed him dead with a SPINNING POWERBOMB. A squirt of blood actually flew up and hit Eric in the face from the impact of that move. Eric feels the blood and just wipes it off across his chest as he drags ZKD around to get him into position. Eric throws a few kicks for good measure before turning around and jumping up to the top rope…
MAC ATTACK…
Eric with the cover…
1…
2…
3…
Thank god this is over and for a change of pace Eric just sneers at Zales with a quiet “HA” to the semi-conscious Zales Kay DeBeers. The ref, Mel Creech, gets back into the ring with the PHWF World Title that Eric O’Mac snatches out his hands before putting it back around his waist without any true recognition of it. He pushes Creech out of the way when he tries to raise his hand for the victory and he just leaves the ring to the massive boos of this audience here. Eric O’Mac pays no attention to it at all as he just makes his way to the back. Looks like another victim on the path of rage.
Your winner as a result of pin fall in 6:03…ERIC O’MAC!
POE vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY vs. APOCALYPTIC EXISTENCE
All three men circle each other to start the match. Each is looking for an opening in one of the others defense before making the first move. Three sets of eyes dart back and forth at one another until finally Poe makes a move and dives at Apocalyptic Existence. Poe lands a few heavy shots before being jumped by Seamus. It quickly turns into an all-out brawl as all three men are swinging wildly at one-another. Soon Seamus and AE decide to focus their efforts on Poe and send him reeling into the corner. Seamus delivers a couple of hard right hands and then defers to AE who buries his knee into Poe's stomach. Poe doubles-over in pain and AE catches him with a DDT. AE goes for the cover. One...Seamus kicks AE off of Poe. AE stands up and gets in the face of Seamus. The two begin two argue. Soon it turns into a shoving match, and then, as it tends to happen, punches start being exchanged. Poe, meanwhile, is getting back to his feet as the other two wrestlers are slugging it out. Poe regains verticality and charges at Seamus and AE. They turn around a split-second too late and get dropped with a double clothesline from Poe. Poe begins to pick Seamus up, but he gets chop-blocked in the back of the knee by AE. Poe falls to one knee and AE gives him a nice stiff kick to the head. Poe looks rattled but doesn't go down. AE measures Poe for another kick, but Seamus catches him from behind with a swinging neck breaker. AE pops right back up to his feet but is caught by a running forearm from Seamus. Poe clears the cobwebs and gets to his feet. Now he and Seamus are going toe-to-toe. Both men are connecting with vicious haymakers. Each man's head snaps back with each blow landed, but neither man is willing to give an inch of ground. The crowd is roaring as these two deliver shot after painful shot. On the other side of the ring Apocalyptic Existence gets to his feet and sees the two men swinging wildly at each other. AE charges with a clothesline, but somehow Poe has the presence of mind to get out of the way and AE takes out an unsuspecting Seamus. AE turns around to go after Poe, but Poe catches him and drops him with The Pendulum! AE is about to go for the cover when he sees Seamus getting up from the corner of his eye. Seamus charges, thinking he's going to catch Poe off-guard, but Poe turns around and buries a boot directly into Seamus's midsection. He's got Seamus in the power bomb position! He hits the Crucifixion! One...Two...Three.
WINNER in 6:43 - Poe
THE AMNESIAC vs. CONCRETE TG
THE Amnesiac is out first to some awesome Alice in Chains music. He taunts the crowd and points to himself on the way to the ring. Sterling Glaw just kind of shakes his head and sighs. “With Jupiter in Mind” fires up and the crowd is on their feet for everyone’s favorite Super Hero (who hasn’t been very Superhero-ish lately), Concrete TG (apologies to Phantos). Crete makes his way in, but can’t even take off his cape or anything before THE Amnesiac immediately attacks. Sterling Glaw is caught off guard, but calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
THE Amnesiac is just whaling away with right hands to the temple of Crete. He’s got Crete backed into the corner, and then starts hitting Batista-esque shoulder blocks. Crete crumples in a heap, and THE Amnesiac screams “THE AMNESIAC!” The crowd is a little confused by this, but boos anyway, just ‘cause. THE Amnesiac is trying not to lose his advantage, and hits a HURRICARANA on Crete. The cover gets two. THE Amnesiac doesn’t let up, and locks Crete in a CROSSFACE CHICKENWING (oh yeah, the old-school one). Crete is in HUGE trouble already, and is doing everything he can to get to the ropes and after a good minute and a half, finally does. THE Amnesiac uses 4.9999999 of a 5-count before Glaw has to physically break the hold himself. THE Amnesiac is clearly not happy, and starts screaming at Glaw, who starts screaming back and pointing to his OOWF patch.
No one notices Concrete TG go to the outside, and run to the other side of the ring, behind THE Amnesiac. However, EVERYONE notices the SLINGSHOT DROPKICK to the back of THE Amnesiac’s dome-piece, and he goes flying and ends up draped on the second rope. Crete’s not waiting, and hits a C-T-G! THE Amnesiac stumbles backward. Crete’s got a full head of steam and hits a FLYING BURRITO! The cover gets two. As THE Amnesiac rolls to his stomach, Crete gives him the HEROES TAUNT! He goes to pull up THE Amnesiac, and is looking to put it away. He sets up for the CEMENT MIXER, but THE Amnesiac somehow is able to counter into a PURE AMNESIA attempt, but Crete reverses into a FINAL JUSTICE attempt, but THE Amnesiac counters THAT by back-flipping out of it. He tries for a GERMAN SUPLEX, but Crete escapes via Back Elbows and hits a BELLY TO BELLY ALL THE WAY OUT TO THE FLOOR AND THROUGH THE NANTUCKETIAN ANNOUNCE TABLE! THE Amnesiac is both hurt and shocked that just happened, and he is opened up. Crete poses for the crowd and gets a huge pop before running to the outside. He pulls THE Amnesiac up, and PILEDRIVES him through what’s left of the announce table. Crete then pulls THE Amnesiac up, and tries to get him into the ring, but he doesn’t notice that THE Amnesiac has gotten hold of a monitor. Right as Crete is about to roll THE Amnesiac into the ring, THE Amnesiac CRUSHES Crete’s skull with the monitor busting HIM open. Both men are down, and Glaw reaches 10.
WINNER in 16:22…NO CONTEST (via Double Countout)
DH MAGNUSSON & FIREWOMAN vs. ATTITUDE ADJUSTER & TYSON KINCAID
Magnusson and Firewoman are already in the ring, as AA enforced the “Champion Enters Last” credo even though the Onslaught belt isn’t on the line. Can he be any bigger of an ass? Even AA’s partner isn’t too thrilled at the situation. Kincaid walks to the ring ahead of AA, who’s busy showing off he Onslaught belt to the crowd and threatening to fight small children and women. One small child holds up an “AA Is My Hero” poster. AA stops next to the poster, grabs it from the child, grabs a pen from the announce table and signs the poster. Wow, what an unusual act of kindness from…nope, AA just tossed the sign on the ground and stomped on it, leaving the child in tears. The ref calls for the bell as he doesn’t want another five minutes to go by before AA decides to get in the ring. AA tells TK to get in the ring to start, but Kincaid isn’t budging. The ref starts a count to get someone in the ring, and AA jumps off the apron and threatens to leave. Kincaid finally realizes that if he doesn’t want to lose the match he better get in the ring, and finds Magnusson waiting for him. Lockup, and Magnusson bullies Kincaid into the corner, goes for the big punch but Kincaid slips away. Another lockup, and again Magnusson backs Kincaid into the corner and again misses as Kincaid gets out of the way. AA applauds and decides he wants into the ring. Magnusson happily locks up with AA, backs him into the corner and goes for the big right hand. AA’s looking for a way out but can’t escape like Kincaid, and takes the big punch flush in the face. AA stumbles around holding his face and eventually backs into a corner and slumps down. Unfortunately, it’s Firewoman’s corner. FW immediately leaps off the apron and grabs AA by the throat, choking him on the bottom rope. AA flails to get away, rolls out of the ring, but Firewoman chases him down and CLUBBERS him into the ground before the ref backs her off. Magnusson tosses AA back into the ring, but AA gets a bit of space and hits his classic 5-STAR Greco Roman Thumb to the Eye. AA staggers over to Kincaid and tags out. Kincaid shakes his head in disgust but gets in. Kincaid and Magnusson give us a couple good minutes of solid wrestling, but writing that isn’t my forte. So eventually Firewoman gets into the ring and Kincaid gets the advantage, and AA decides there’s enough of an upper hand for him to get in the ring. AA slaps Firewoman around for a bit, gives her a reverse atomic drop just to ensure that everyone knows he hates women along with small children, then puts an arm bar on Firewoman. Magnusson starts arguing with the ref for some reason, and that allows AA to do the classic “Clap your hands because it sounds like a tag” move. Except Kincaid doesn’t come into the ring. AA looks over at Kincaid and claps his hands again, and again Kincaid doesn’t move. But now FW is reviving and getting pissed off. AA turns to Kincaid an claps his hands together once, twice, three times, imploring Kincaid into the ring. Kincaid just points behind AA, so AA does the “Oh shit, what’s behind me” thing and finds Firewoman all a rage. I mean, she even does the Hulk Hogan “YOU!” point. Must be that time of the month. (Oh, I’m gonna burn in hell for that one.) Firewoman literally explodes with lefts and rights, literally pounding the stuffings out of AA. FW literally kills AA with a flying leg lariat off the ropes, then literally rips his head off with a series of clotheslines. (tm Gorilla Monsoon). AA rolls out of the ring, but FW chases after him. Magnusson sees AA coming and readies with a clothesline, but AA ducks and Magnusson heads right for Firewoman—but stops short! Magnusson wipes his brow at the near miss and points to Firewoman’s stomach, and FW threatens to clothesline Magnusson for the suggestion. AA, meanwhile, crawled under the ring and back out the other side, and is begging Kincaid for a tag. But Kincaid is debating the economic windfall of Michael Phelps’ eight gold medals with the crowd. AA finally gives up and charges at FW, who catches him in a power slam! One, two, AA barely kicks out. FW tags to DH, double whip to the ropes and a HUGE double back body drop. DH picks up AA by the hair…RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP. AA’s quivering like an epileptic without his meds. DH tags out to Firewoman, who climbs to the top rope. ROCKET LAUNCHER!!! AA’s flattened in the middle of the ring by Firewoman. One, two-- Kincaid makes a half-hearted attempt at getting in the ring—THREE!
WINNERS in 12:47, Firewoman and DH Magnusson.
WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM, MOOSEHEAD JACK & CHRIS COLE vs. PHANTOS & LUCIOS, ALEXANDER DARLING & STANK
Surprisingly, both sides of this match put egos aside and enter as teams, Moosehead Jack, Chris Cole and the World’s Greatest Fag Team (Seriously, we have TWO GMs, can’t somebody fix that?) enter first to a chorus of boos and a rain of debris. The crowd goes quiet with anticipation as the lights go out, then explodes as Stank, Alexander Darling and Phantos and Lucios storm the ring. After a lot of posturing and trash talk, referee Angelo Barros manages to get everyone but Moose and Alex out of the ring and calls for the bell. Moose and Alex circle and lock- no, Moose sidesteps and hits a punch to Alex’s injured shoulder. Alex stumbles and Moose grabs his arm, winding it up and dragging him to the corner. Moose reaches back and tags Cole, who comes in with an elbow to the shoulder. Cole winds Alex’s arm up further, then jumps up and puts his knee into Alex’s shoulder, driving him to the mat. Cole stands on Alex’s shoulder and tags in FFMC. FFMC pulls Alex to his feet, then gasps and points up the aisle. Barros follows his gaze, and FFMC delivers a swift kick to Alex’s privates. As Barros looks back, FFMC locks on an arm bar and drags Alex to the corner. Ryan Hardcore tags in, and comes off the top with an elbow to Alex’s shoulder. Ryan scoops him up and hits a shoulder breaker, then covers, but Stank breaks it up at two. Barros keeps Moose et al at bay, and Stank leaves the ring. Ryan pulls Alex to his feet, and Alex catches him with a punch to the stomach, followed by an elbow to the back of the head. Ryan falls to his hands and knees and Alex dives for his corner, tagging Stank, but further tweaking his shoulder in the process. Stank comes in and steamrolls over Ryan with a clothesline, then turns around and does it again. Stank body slams Ryan, then scrapes him up and whips him to the corner. Stank follows him in with an avalanche, but FFMC pulls his partner out of the way and Stank eats turnbuckle. Stank stumbles out of the corner and glares at his former partner who shrugs. With Stank distracted, Ryan staggers him with a sucker punch, then knocks him to his knees with an enzugiri. Ryan rolls to his corner and tags Cole. Cole sprints across the ring and kicks Stank in the head as he tries to get up. Cole continues the attack with kicks and stomps, then hits the ropes and drops Stank with a neck breaker. Cole mounts Stank and drives fists into his face until Barros threatens disqualification. Cole springs to his feet and goes to the corner, coming off the second turnbuckle with an elbow and covering for two. Cole moves in as Stank gets to his feet. He gets in a few shots until Stank slips one and hooks Cole, pulling him onto his shoulders. Cole slips off to avoid the Stank-U, and dropkicks Stank in the back. Stank stumbles forward, and Cole rolls to his corner and tags Moose. Moose storms across the ring and – grabs a headlock? Huh. Stank shoots him off into the ropes, drops under his first pass, and hits a spine buster on the return trip. Stank hooks the leg, but Moose kicks out at one. Stank pulls Moose to his feet and locks on a hammerlock. Moose reverses, and Stank reaches back, grabbing Moose’s head and flipping him to the mat. Moose rolls to his feet and they circle. Cole and Alex find brief common ground, as they hurl abuse at their opponents (and possibly their partners). As one, Stank and Moose turn – Stank punches Cole in the face and Moose punches Alex in the shoulder – sending both men to the floor. Moose and Stank continue circling and lock up. Stank gets the advantage and backs Jack into the corner, reaching out to tag Lucios. Lucios comes in and attacks Moose with punches and kicks. He plants Moose with a body slam, then comes off the ropes with a leg drop to the throat. He foregoes the cover and pulls Moose to his feet, backing him into the ropes and whipping him across the ring. Moose ducks a clothesline attempt, and comes back with one of his own, but Lucios sidesteps and reverses into a Black Hole Slam. He covers, but FFMC breaks it up at two. Barros sends FFMC to the corner, and Jack takes advantage with a low blow and a roll up, pulling the tights and getting two. Lucios rolls to his feet, ducks a clothesline from Moose, and hits a kick and a DDT. He pulls Moose to his feet and reaches out to tag his partner. Phantos explodes into the ring with a springboard dropkick. He lands on his feet, sprints to the ropes, and nails Moose with a second dropkick as he gets up. Phantos goes to the ropes again, but Ryan hooks his leg from the outside and he face plants. Moose drives an elbow into the back of Phantos’ neck and tags out to FFMC. FFMC stomps on Phantos, then comes off the ropes and hits a splash. He rolls Phantos over and hooks the leg, but Stank breaks it up at two. FFMC pulls Phantos up and slings him to the ropes, but Phantos hooks the ropes to stop his momentum. FFMC sees that and charges, and Phantos back body drops him over the ropes to the floor. While FFMC is still in the air, Ryan hooks Phantos from behind and drives his neck into the top rope. Barros starts to reprimand him, but is distracted by Moose and Cole storming across the ring, only to be met by Stank and Alex. Stank and Moose do a quick shuffle to avoid facing off, and the brawl begins. Meanwhile, Ryan drags Phantos out of the ring. He runs Phantos into the railing and beats him down, soon joined by his partner. The WGFT continue the beating until Lucios sprints around the ring and levels them with a double clothesline. Inside the ring, Stank batters Cole, backing him into the corner with punches and chops. He whips Cole across the ring and starts to follow him in, but hesitates when he sees Moose lock a cross-arm breaker on Alex’s injured arm. Stank drops an elbow on Moose, forcing him to release the hold, then rolls to his feet and barrels into the corner. The pause has given Cole time to recover, however, and he steps out of the way and Stank slams into the turnbuckles. Cole rolls him up from behind, but Stank kicks out before Barros can count. Both men roll to their feet and Cole ducks a punch and levers Stank through the ropes, following him to the outside. Moose continues the assault on Alex’s shoulder, and sends him to the ropes. Alex summersaults under a clothesline attempt, hits the opposite ropes, and hits Moose with a flying forearm. Moose falls back into the ropes, and Alex sends to the outside with a dropkick. Alex climbs onto the apron and hits a flying knee to Moose on the floor. P&L, meanwhile, have gained the advantage over the WGFT. They pick FFMC up and plant him with a tandem suplex, then stuff Ryan into the ring. Lucios follows him in, body slams him, and lifts Ryan onto his shoulders as Phantos climbs the turnbuckles. They attempt the Dropkick Device, but FFMC slides into the ring and chop blocks Lucios. Phantos misses, but lands on his feet, only to be leveled by a super kick from Ryan, who also managed to land on his feet. Phantos crumbles, and FFMC comes off the ropes with a splash. He covers, and Barros slides into place to count. Phantos attempts to break it up, but Ryan holds him at bay.
WINNERS in 26:58, The World’s Greatest Fag Team, Moosehead Jack, and Chris Cole.
DAVIN MORELAND vs. OUTBACK JACK - #1 Contenders Gauntlet Match
The awesome guitar lick starts, as “Thunderstruck” greets Outback Jack at the top of the ramp as the crowd gets to their feet. He’s swilling a Foster’s as usual, but he’s also carrying a nefarious looking kendo stick; which appears to be covered in barbed wire. You don’t see THAT every day. OBJ climbs into the ring and tosses the can out into the crowd. “Pull Me Under” fires up and the crowd goes batshit. The newer, slightly different, more focused Davin Moreland appears at the top of the ramp and just stalks his way down to the ring without paying attention to everything around him. He does his customary double jump into the ring, and Hightower has to cut him off from charging across the ring. Hightower gets them together to explain the rules of the match. Pretty simple, Outback Jack can use weapons or whatever he wants, and Davin cannot or he will be DQ’d. Davin simply claps his hands together a couple times and says “Let’s Go”. OBJ belches. That’s good enough for Davis Hightower, and he calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Davin and OBJ nod at each other and start to slowly circle. Both feign attacks a couple of times, but clearly Davin is a bit concerned about that kendo stick. Finally, OBJ takes a full swing with it. Davin ducks and SPEARS OBJ, although there wasn’t much behind it, it was enough to knock OBJ down. Davin starts pounding away on OBJ’s face, but OBJ still has the kendo stick, and manages to get a bit of force behind a swing, and clocks Davin upside the head. Davin sells it like he’s dead, and some blood starts to trickle from his head. Already. OBJ uses the time to get himself situated and to his feet. He sees Davin still down, so it’s whackity-whack time on Davin, who just gets PEPPERED by the Kendo Stick wrapped in Barbed Wire; and soon Davin looks like a pin cushion; and he is bleeding everywhere. OBJ thinks that might be good enough; so he rolls Davin and tries a cover, which gets two.
OBJ smirks, and pulls Davin to his feet, discarding the kendo stick for the time being, laying it on the mat. Uh oh. OBJ then lifts Davin up, impressively, and holds him for a Delayed Vertical Suplex. He finishes it, and drops Davin right on the kendo stick in the process. Davin rolls over and the stick is still in his back. Hightower looks concerned at the amount of blood. OBJ simply walks over, picks Davin up, and tosses him to the ropes. He goes for the BOOMERANG, but Davin ducks and hits the far ropes. OBJ tries for another BOOMERANG, which Davin ducks again, but this time Davin stops, and hits OBJ with a sweet INVERTED DDT. Davin drops to his knees and pulls the kendo stick finally out of his back. He pulls himself up by the ropes, and grabs the kendo stick, looking determined to get his revenge. He then realizes that’s probably not a great idea, and heaves it halfway up the ramp. He pulls OBJ up, but before Davin can do anything, he gets a swift kick to the balls. Davin falls to his knees, and the crowd does not approve, but it’s totally legal for OBJ.
OBJ has had enough, and pulls Davin up. He’s looking for the CHOMP! OBJ sets it but Davin counters into a MILITARY PRESS SLAM! Davin again goes to a knee as he gets a few seconds to recover. OBJ starts to stir, and Davin goes across the ring to meet him. He whips OBJ to the ropes and catches him, locking on a…is that a…MILLION DOLLAR DREAM?!? Davin starts screaming “GO TO SLEEP, JACK!” and Davin really does have it locked; to the point that Hightower has to check on him. OBJ falls to his knees, and Hightower does the lift the arm three times thing. On the third check though, Davin simply releases the hold. Hightower looks at him questioningly, but backs away. We continue. Davin drags the sleepy OBJ near the corner, and Davin climbs the turnbuckle. He’s gonna fly! SHOOTING STAR PRESS! The crowd loved that one. Davin is a bloody mess, but he lets out a scream; he’s clearly fired up. He picks OBJ up again and looks like he’s going for another Press Slam…but NO! He shoves OBJ up in the air and leaps…ELEVATED DIAMOND CUTTER! Davin is screaming into the camera, “YOU WATCHING LD?!?! ARE YOU???” Apparently NOT done, and probably taking this a bit too far, Davin goes old school and locks on his old REAR NAKED CHOKE. He hasn’t busted that one out for a minute. OBJ is completely out of it, so Hightower doesn’t even check on him; he just calls for the bell.
WINNER by SUBMISSION in 17:37…DAVIN MORELAND! Davin Moreland is STILL the #1 Contender to the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship.
Post-match, Davin gets his arm raised, and the slightly stunned crowd does come around and give him a huge ovation. Davin makes his way up the ramp, but he finds a camera following him; and he starts yapping. “YOU WANT TO BLOCK ME FROM THE BELT, BENNETT?? LD, I HOPE you’re watching; because EACH WEEK WE DON’T FIGHT, your FATE is SEALED more and more, and your beating gets WORSE and WORSE. You might want to ask your DADDY BENNETT to bump that match up a bit…IF You value your career that is.”
Davin growls into the camera and makes his way up the ramp. Huh.
INSANE HOMELESS BUNNY vs. IHOP & BLITZ – OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match
IHOP and Blitz make their way to ring first, accompanied as always by the lovely and talented St. Dorothy Mantooth. Skurge and SYB are making the universal belt sign across their waists, much to the disapproval of the crowd while Blitz just looks a little lost with The Dead.
PA: <Bzzt! Bzzt!> Check, check, check one...Ayo, this thing kickin'? Carl, break 'em off a beat, kid! People, it feels SO GOOD to be back!
The house lights drop, and The Insane Homeless Bunnies are on the ramp!
Bunny: Scrutinize every word, memorize every line
I spit it once, refuel, reenergize, and rewind
I give sight to the blind, mind sight through the mind
I exercise my right to express when I feel it's time
It's just all in your mind, what you interpret it as
I say to fight you take it as I’m gonna whip someone's ass
If you don't understand don't even bother to ask
A father who has grown up with a fatherless past
Who has blown up now to rap phenomenon that has
Or at least shows no difficulty multi task
And juggling both, perhaps mastered his craft slash
Entrepreneur who has held long too few more rap acts
Who has had a few obstacles thrown his way through the last half
Of his career typical manure moving past that
Mister kiss his ass crack, he's a class act
Rubber band man, yea he just snaps back
The IHB make their way to the ring to Bunny's rapping and Carl's beatboxing, thrilling the crowd, who respond by throwing their hands in the air and waving them around. Many look like they just don't care.
Justin Sane: MY NAME ISSSSSSSSSSSSS....
Clearly having heard enough, Blitz PEARL HARBORS Sane with a sudden and brutal dropkick to the back of head! Skurge gets in on the fun delivering a crushing body check to Carl, which sends him flying back into the corner, while SYB clubs Bunny in the back of the head, sending sprawling into another corner. Blitz scoops up Sane, shoves him the corner, and IHOP and Blitz whip the IHB towards each other in the center of the ring! Thinking quickly, Sane drops down, Carl steps over, and Bunny leapfrogs them both! TRIPLE THREAT OF DROPSKICKS! Bunny hits SYB, Carl hits Blitz, Sane hits Skurge, and all three members of IHOP (+1) hit the floor! The Portuguese crowds goes wild as the IHB hit the turnbuckles, threatening a leap as the trio on the floor regroup. After a moment the ref gets them on the apron, and finally order is restored. The bell rings and we're underway!
Looks to be Carl starting off the IHB squaring off against Skurge. Collar and elbow, quick go-behind by Carl, and front leg trip sends Skurge down to the mat face-first. Carl quickly stands on his back and poses, hopping away before Skurge gets up. Back to the collar and elbow, go-behind by Skurge this time who goes for the leg, only to have Carl perform a beautiful standing back flip! Skurge's momentum carries him face first to the mat again, and Carl once again jumps up to stand on his back and pose! The crowd eats it up, as Bunny laughs in to corner and Vander looks to be conversing with someone only he can see.
Meanwhile back in the center of the ring, Carl and a FURIOUS Skurge lock back up, and once again Carl with the go-behind, but Skurge counters this time with a HEAVY back elbow! Carl staggers backwards and Skurge stays on him throwing lefts and rights. He drives Carl back into the ropes, looks for an Irish whip, but cuts it off short with a knee lift that sends Carl flipping over his knee. Pickup by Skurge who whips Carl into ropes and lowers his head telegraphing a backdrop, and Carl makes him pay with Runnels uppercut. Skurge quickly scrambles back to his corner and tags in Blitz, while Carl makes his way across and tags in Bunny. Blitz looking for a running clothesline as Bunny hops over the top rope, but Bunny keeps rolling, ducking under Blitz's outstretched arm before popping up and staggering Blitz with a spin kick to the midsection. And a kick to the thigh! A second one! A third takes Blitz to a knee, and Bunny DRILLS him with a shining wizard! Blitz is dazed as Bunny hits the far side ropes and comes off with nasty basement dropkick! Kip up by Bunny, who looks around for a moment before running up the turnbuckles and spring backwards with a no-look corkscrew moonsault! He nails it!
1...
2...
Save made by SYB, who knocks the high-flyer in the side of head with a running boot! Glaw admonishes him, and SYB is denying doing anything while standing the middle of the ring. Glaw ushers him back, and SYB complies, dragging Blitz back into the corner with him and making a big production of tagging himself in with Blitz's limp hand. I guess that's legal.
Bunny back on his feet, and SYB charges at him, getting a deep arm drag for his efforts! And another! And a third, as somewhere Ricky Steamboat smiles. Bunny is fired up as he locks in the arm bar, but SYB goes to eyes! Glaw is really lying on as SYB begins laying the boots to Bunny, stomping him down before dragging him by his hair to the corner. Tag in to Skurge who takes the free opportunity to lay in a few shots to Bunny's exposed midsection as SYB holds him. SYB steps out, and Skurge automatically tags back in Blitz, who paintbrushes Bunny a few times as Skurge holds him. This wakes Bunny up a bit, as he elbows Skurge hard, and launches a front kick into Blitz. He's got a shot out getting out of the corner, but SYB reaches with the choke! This draws in Carl, who isn't helping as Glaw ushers him back into the corner as IHOP(+1) use the chance for some triple teaming with boots to the Bunny!
Blitz firmly in control now with a snap brain buster, rolling through and hitting the far ropes before driving down him a wicked baseball slide leg drop. Hook of the leg and a cover:
1...
2...
Bunny rolls a shoulder at two, and Blitz wasn't happy with the count. He argues with Glaw for a moment before launching a serious kick into back of Bunny, before going over him with a Hennig neck snap, followed up by basement dropkick of his own! Bunny looks to be serious trouble, as Blitz quickly makes his way to the top rope and signals...BLITZ FLIP!
NOBODY HOME! Blitz crashes and burns, and Bunny is struggling to make his way to his corner. He's almost gets there Skurge gets the tag for Blitz, and he quickly grabs Bunny's leg and drags him back! Skurge whips him into the ropes, and looks for a big boot, but Bunny slides under popping back up and launching a series of low kicks that stagger the big Canadian! Bunny bounds of the ropes, launches with a spinning heel, but Skurge catches him! MOUNTAIN DEW MIST FROM BUNNY! The Lovely and Talented St. Mantooth is on the apron at that, as lands on his feet as Skurge drops him, and tumbles past Skurge and makes the tag to Justin Sane!
JUSTIN SANE IS A HOUSE OF FIRE! Dropkick to Skurge! Dropkick to the incoming Blitz! Dropkick to the incoming SYB! Dropkick to the lovely and talented St. Mantooth! Dropkick to Sterling Glaw! Justin Sane has cleared the ring! Carl tries to make his way in, and narrowly avoids a dropkick from Sane! Sane is challenging IHOP (+1) to come back in as Sterling Glaw calls for the bell! Sane looks confused, as Bunny and Carl slowly make their into the ring and try to explain to him that you can't dropkick the referee.
WINNERS via DISQUALIFICATION at 8:43 IHOP AND BLITZ
LD WILLIAMS vs. THE DEAD – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match
The Dead makes his way to the ring ready for action. He steps between the ropes, then sits atop the turnbuckle and waits for the OOWF World Heavyweight champion to make his way to the ring. LD Williams is announced and comes to the ring, wiping his feet before he steps between the ropes, then handing the title to the referee. LD Williams eyes the challenger and waits for the referee to call for the bell. Even though these two are technically on the same side, neither is going to pull a punch. The ref calls for the bell and this one is underway. Dead springs off the top rope, but Williams doesn’t even flinch. The two lock up and Dead grabs a side head lock, and LD immediately shoots him to the ropes and follows him, as soon as Dead rebounds, Williams is right there and catches him with a knee to the gut that doubles Dead over and sends him between the ropes to the floor. LD Steps between the ropes and hops to the floor and pulls Dead to his feet and hits a snap suplex on the floor. Dead sits up and grabs his back, allowing LD to get to his feet and nail several stiff kicks to Dead’s lower back. LD pulls Dead to his feet and rolls him under the bottom rope and covers, but Dead kicks out at two. Williams pulls Dead to a sitting position and grabs a chin lock, but Dead quickly fights to his feet and elbows LD in the mid section forcing the break. Dead hits the ropes, and LD tries for a clothesline, but Dead catches his arm and drops LD backward back across his knee, covers and gets a one count. Dead pulls LD up and stands him up and nearly takes his head off with a spinning heel kick. Dead covers again, but once again only gets a one count. Dead waits for LD to get to his feet then whips him to the corner and follows him in with a running knee to the jaw. LD staggers out of the corner and Dead grabs him from behind and hits a Tiger suplex, bridges and gets a two count. LD rolls under the bottom rope to the floor, and Dead steps between the ropes and waits for LD to get up, then runs the apron and grabs LD bulldogging him to the floor! LD is in trouble now. Dead rolls him back into the ring and covers and gets a two and 99/100ths with Williams just BARELY rolling his shoulder before the three count. Dead pulls LD to the middle of the ring and drops a leg across his chest, then grabs his legs and tries a Deathlock, but Williams grabs him and rolls him into a small package in the middle of the ring for a two count. Both men spin to their feet after Dead kicks out at two, LD tries another clothesline and once again Dead avoids it and gets a crucifix roll up for a two count. Williams kicks out and now Dead tries a clothesline, but Williams snaps him over to the mat with an arm drag. Dead spins up to his feet and catches a charging LD with a code breaker that sends LD to the mat once again. Dead pulls LD to the corner and hits a Tornado DDT and covers, but LD shows his resolve and kicks out at two. LD Williams slips out of the ring once again and tries to catch his breath. Inside the ring Dead gets a running start and leaps over the top rope, but LD catches Dead in mid air and power bombs him to the floor. Dead hits the floor with a sickening thud. LD falls to the floor as well and the referee starts the obligatory ten count. LD gets to his feet first but has to hold himself up with the apron, Dead struggles to his feet and sees Williams staggered, Dead runs to the guard rail and leaps on top, then launches himself backward at Williams, but LD moves out of the way and Dead slams his back on the apron! LD rolls him into the ring and follows just before the ten count. LD repeatedly drives his knee into the small of Dead’s back, then pulls him up and drops him across his knee with a pendulum back breaker, keeping him there trying for the submission. After several torturous minutes, LD shoves Dead off his knee and covers, but Dead kicks out at two. Williams pulls Dead up and sends him HARD into the corner, Dead staggers out a few steps and LD finally hits that clothesline he has been trying for the whole match nearly separating Dead’s head from his shoulders. LD falls on top of Dead, hooking the leg and getting a two count, Dead saves himself by draping his foot across the bottom rope. Williams snaps Dead to his feet and sets him up and hits a CRADLE PILEDRIVER! This one is over. One, two, thre……NO! How the hell did Dead kick out of that? Williams doesn’t show an ounce of frustration, instead he just pulls Dead up once again and shoves him into the corner and blisters his chest with knife edge chops. LD grabs Dead and sends him to the opposite corner charging after him, but Dead scales the corner and flips over the charging Williams, LD stops short of the turnbuckles, and when he turns around and takes a step, Dead POPS him in the mouth with the CLOSE THE CASKET! Dead covers, one, two thre….NO! Williams reaches out and grabs the bottom rope! Dead pulls Williams to his feet and hits a Side Russian leg sweep for another two count, then gets up holding his back. Dead climbs to the top rope, but perhaps takes a bit too long because of his back. By the time he gets to the top, LD is on his feet. Dead leaps, but LD catches him with an inverted atomic drop, then kicks him in the midsection and DRILLS him with a DDT to the mat! LD rolls Dead over and hooks both legs and gets the one, two, three.
WINNER in 24:08 – LD Williams
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Live! From Sabugal, Portugal
TYTAN vs. THE DEAD vs. SPIN HANSEN – Tournament Royal Elimination Match
The three finalists in the Tournament Royal get their introductions and make their way to the ring. The first person pinned is eliminated and will get their title shot tonight. The referee calls for the bell and this one is underway. The Dead immediately attacks, hammering Spin with a forearm to the side of the head, then turning and catching Tytan with a spinning front kick to the face that sends him between the ropes to the floor. Dead will have to use his speed to his advantage to overcome the larger Spin and Tytan. Dead grabs Spin and sends him to the ropes and drops him with a spinning leg lariat and covers, but only gets a one count. Tytan slips back into the ring and drops an elbow across the back of Dead’s head driving him to the mat. Tytan pulls Dead to his feet and shoves him into the corner and charges in for a clothesline, but Dead slips out of the way and Tytan goes chest first into the corner. Dead slips behind Tytan and rolls him up for a quick two count, but Tytan powers out. Spin is back on his feet and grabs Dead from behind as he gets up and tries a release German suplex, but Dead flips through it and lands on his feet. At the same time Tytan gets to his feet in the corner and tries a clothesline on Spin, but Spin ducks and Tytan KILLS Dead with a clothesline. Spin and Tytan put the boots to Dead, then haul him to his feet and send him to the ropes and elevate him with a big back body drop. Dead powders out and Tytan and Spin turn on one another and start hammering away in the center of the ring. Spin gets the better of the exchange and shoves Tytan to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a thunderous spine buster. Spin covers, but Tytan gets his shoulder up at one. Dead slips back into the ring and climbs to the second rope, as Spin gets to his feet Dead leaps and catches him with a bulldog, and quickly rolls him over and covers, but Spin kicks out at two. Dead gets to his feet and climbs the corner, it looks like he is going to try a moonsault on Spin, but Spin gets to his feet and staggers around. Spin and Tytan are both up, and both notice a man in a mysterious black hood standing at the top of the ramp. Spin clears the cobwebs and catches Dead on the top rope. Spin walks under him and pulls Dead out of the corner for a power bomb, but before he can hit the move, Tytan charges across the ring and nearly spears Spin out of his boots! Dead falls off of Spin’s shoulders and guillotines himself on the top rope, Spin falls between the ropes to the floor. Tytan grabs a stunned Dead and pulls him up in a hauls him up for a suplex, once again never taking his eyes off the hooded figure. The mysterious man slowly reaches out and once again gives the thumbs down sign and Tytan drops Dead with a Steiner Screwdriver, hooks the leg, again never looking away from the hooded figure, and gets the one, two, three.
WINNERS in 14:08 – Tytan and Spin Hansen. The Dead is eliminated and will face LD Williams tonight
DAMON WRATH vs. VASCO DE GAMA XVII
Damon Wrath heads to the ring in his return to the OOWF. He faces a monster, a 7 foot, 380 pound Portuguese legend, Vasco de Gama XVII; a direct descendant of the famous 15th century explorer. Wrath is no small man himself, and this should be a real battle.
They lock up and Vasco hurls Damon into the corner. Wrath charges back in and tries a shoulder block. Vasco doesn’t budge and Damon staggers backwards. Damon locks up with de Gama again, and this time is quick to put a hammerlock on the giant. Damon rams his shoulder into the arm of de Gama repeatedly and turns it into an arm bar. Damon hits a quick jump kick to the back of Vasco’s head LIGHTS OUT! Damon covers for 1…2… and inexplicably, de Gama gets a shoulder up a nanosecond before the 3 count.
Damon hits a HUGE scoop slam, and follows up with a leg drop. Irish whip and Damon hits a diving shoulder block. Damon lifts Vasco onto his shoulders and attempts an F-5, but de Gama slides off. Damon turns and peppers de Gama with lefts, rights, and a huge bionic elbow that staggers the Portuguese giant. Damon hits the ropes and levels Vasco with a clothesline. De Gama rolls to the outside to clear the cobwebs, and Damon follows him in hot pursuit. Wrath catches him from behind and slams Vasco’s head into the ring apron. The giant tries to return the favor, but Damon blocks it and whips Vasco into the ring post. Damon rolls into the ring to break to referee’s count. Damon drags de Gama back in and begins to stomp away on Vasco’s back. Damon whips his man into the ropes and hits a thunderous Belly to Belly Suplex.
Russ: That’s Shades of Magnum T.A. Bah Gawd!
Wrath pounces on Vasco, locking in a MMA Arm bar. De Gama howls in pain and struggles mightily to reach the ropes. Wrath tightens his grip, and de Gama appears ready to tap, when he makes one last lunge toward to bottom rope. Vasco gets the tip of his finger to touch the rope, and that causes the referee to call for a break. Wrath makes the break, but is PISSED at the referee. He gets in his face and jaws away while de Gama gets back to his feet. Wrath turns around in time to catch de Gama with a HUGE spine buster! Wrath gives the crowd a Batista-esque ‘Thumbs Up- Thumbs Down’ and pulls Vasco to his feet. He loads Vasco on his shoulders and hits the F-5! The ring shifts about 3 inches as de Gama comes crashing to the mat. Wrath makes an academic cover and gets 1…2…3!
WINNER; in 6:23; Damon Wrath!
Damon celebrates for a few moments and heads for the back. de Gama struggles to his feet, when suddenly out of the crowd, Eric O'Mac charges into the ring, wielding a sledgehammer and a chair. He swings the sledgehammer and connects with a shot to Vasco's back that sends the giant to the floor. Eric stalks his prey, and brings down the chair across Vasco's head repeatedly. Blood begins to flow from the Portuguese giant's skull. Eric looks around, with a wild, vacant glare at the stunned silent crowd. de Gama falls to the concrete floor. Eric grabs the sledgehammer and stands with his foot on de Gama's head. he screams "Croquet anyone?" and swings the sledgehammer high above his head, and then crashing into de Gama's skull like a mallet and a ball. de Gama's skull is ripped open and blood spews out of a NASTY gash. We are talking full blown Muta here. A few people in the front row faint, and EMT’s race to the ring. Eric laughs maniacally and strolls to the back.
ERIC O’MAC vs. ZK DEBEERS
This should be an interesting match here as we have someone on a vicious warpath in Eric O’Mac set to face someone who seems to have lost his focus here and really needs to get back on track. And he will be coming out first to Kanye West’s “Diamonds from Sierra Leone.” He is the South African diamond trader Zales Kay DeBeers. He steps out slowly and takes his time as he looks around the arena and the fans are now completely indifferent to him. They don’t want to cheer him, but when he’s facing someone who’s become as hated as Eric O’Mac, they really don’t feel the need to boo him either. Zales starts to walk down the aisle and he only makes it about halfway before his music abruptly kicks off and a spotlight focuses on him. Seconds later “The Tower” booms over the speakers and Eric jumps out from the audience and drives DeBeers down onto the steel ramp.
Eric is already exhibiting his current path of rage and he is taking ZKD to task for his lack of focus recently. Just bashing his head against the steel ramp as he drags him closer to the ring. He rips ZK’s shirt off and starts choking him with it before snapmaring him over and then planting a vicious kick right to the Zales’ back. Mel Creech is in the ring trying to get Eric to calm down in order to get this match started and Eric is ignoring him as he continues to just lay a beating on DeBeers. Eric finally seems to have had enough of the out of the ring beating and he throws DeBeers into the ring with some force. EOM follows him into the ring and he finally takes off his jacket and we see he has the PHWF World Title around his waist. Eric drags ZK to his feet and puts him right back down to the mat with a scoop slam. He finally takes off the belt and gets into an argument with Creech about how he handles the belt as he hands it over.
Creech has had enough and he takes the belt from Eric before turning his back on him and this allows Eric to reach into his tights and pull out a pair of brass knuckles. With the ref’s back still turned, Eric goes back to his old playbook with a new wrinkle…BRASS KNUCKLE SHUFFLE right between ZKD’s eyes and just like Kurt Angle he must have hit a gusher as DeBeers just starts pouring blood. Eric takes off the brass knucks and tosses them out to the floor just before Creech turns around and notices that Zales is busted wide open. Mel looks around to see if any shenanigans have gone on and he doesn’t notice anything but he gives a look to Eric to imply he is keeping an eye on him.
Eric blows that off and continues his assault on ZKD. He whips him into the corner and follows him in with a dropkick that nearly takes DeBeers’ head clean off. He picks ZK up and places him on the top turnbuckle. EOM follows him up and throws in a few punches for good measure before hitting a beautiful SUPERPLEX on Zales, but in an amazing feat, Eric doesn’t let go of DeBeers and he rotates him into position and in one fluid motion picks Zales up and plants him with THE SMACKDOWN…thank god this one is mercifully over.
Eric makes the cover…
1…
2…
And Eric picks DeBeers up off the mat. I don’t know what change has come over Eric in the recent months, but this vicious streak is really taking its toll here on the OOWF roster. He has DeBeers beat and refuses to finish him off. He drags the bloody ZKD up to his feet and he picks him up onto his shoulders in a torture rack position. HOLY SHIT…Eric O’Mac just spun Zales all the way around and killed him dead with a SPINNING POWERBOMB. A squirt of blood actually flew up and hit Eric in the face from the impact of that move. Eric feels the blood and just wipes it off across his chest as he drags ZKD around to get him into position. Eric throws a few kicks for good measure before turning around and jumping up to the top rope…
MAC ATTACK…
Eric with the cover…
1…
2…
3…
Thank god this is over and for a change of pace Eric just sneers at Zales with a quiet “HA” to the semi-conscious Zales Kay DeBeers. The ref, Mel Creech, gets back into the ring with the PHWF World Title that Eric O’Mac snatches out his hands before putting it back around his waist without any true recognition of it. He pushes Creech out of the way when he tries to raise his hand for the victory and he just leaves the ring to the massive boos of this audience here. Eric O’Mac pays no attention to it at all as he just makes his way to the back. Looks like another victim on the path of rage.
Your winner as a result of pin fall in 6:03…ERIC O’MAC!
POE vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY vs. APOCALYPTIC EXISTENCE
All three men circle each other to start the match. Each is looking for an opening in one of the others defense before making the first move. Three sets of eyes dart back and forth at one another until finally Poe makes a move and dives at Apocalyptic Existence. Poe lands a few heavy shots before being jumped by Seamus. It quickly turns into an all-out brawl as all three men are swinging wildly at one-another. Soon Seamus and AE decide to focus their efforts on Poe and send him reeling into the corner. Seamus delivers a couple of hard right hands and then defers to AE who buries his knee into Poe's stomach. Poe doubles-over in pain and AE catches him with a DDT. AE goes for the cover. One...Seamus kicks AE off of Poe. AE stands up and gets in the face of Seamus. The two begin two argue. Soon it turns into a shoving match, and then, as it tends to happen, punches start being exchanged. Poe, meanwhile, is getting back to his feet as the other two wrestlers are slugging it out. Poe regains verticality and charges at Seamus and AE. They turn around a split-second too late and get dropped with a double clothesline from Poe. Poe begins to pick Seamus up, but he gets chop-blocked in the back of the knee by AE. Poe falls to one knee and AE gives him a nice stiff kick to the head. Poe looks rattled but doesn't go down. AE measures Poe for another kick, but Seamus catches him from behind with a swinging neck breaker. AE pops right back up to his feet but is caught by a running forearm from Seamus. Poe clears the cobwebs and gets to his feet. Now he and Seamus are going toe-to-toe. Both men are connecting with vicious haymakers. Each man's head snaps back with each blow landed, but neither man is willing to give an inch of ground. The crowd is roaring as these two deliver shot after painful shot. On the other side of the ring Apocalyptic Existence gets to his feet and sees the two men swinging wildly at each other. AE charges with a clothesline, but somehow Poe has the presence of mind to get out of the way and AE takes out an unsuspecting Seamus. AE turns around to go after Poe, but Poe catches him and drops him with The Pendulum! AE is about to go for the cover when he sees Seamus getting up from the corner of his eye. Seamus charges, thinking he's going to catch Poe off-guard, but Poe turns around and buries a boot directly into Seamus's midsection. He's got Seamus in the power bomb position! He hits the Crucifixion! One...Two...Three.
WINNER in 6:43 - Poe
THE AMNESIAC vs. CONCRETE TG
THE Amnesiac is out first to some awesome Alice in Chains music. He taunts the crowd and points to himself on the way to the ring. Sterling Glaw just kind of shakes his head and sighs. “With Jupiter in Mind” fires up and the crowd is on their feet for everyone’s favorite Super Hero (who hasn’t been very Superhero-ish lately), Concrete TG (apologies to Phantos). Crete makes his way in, but can’t even take off his cape or anything before THE Amnesiac immediately attacks. Sterling Glaw is caught off guard, but calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
THE Amnesiac is just whaling away with right hands to the temple of Crete. He’s got Crete backed into the corner, and then starts hitting Batista-esque shoulder blocks. Crete crumples in a heap, and THE Amnesiac screams “THE AMNESIAC!” The crowd is a little confused by this, but boos anyway, just ‘cause. THE Amnesiac is trying not to lose his advantage, and hits a HURRICARANA on Crete. The cover gets two. THE Amnesiac doesn’t let up, and locks Crete in a CROSSFACE CHICKENWING (oh yeah, the old-school one). Crete is in HUGE trouble already, and is doing everything he can to get to the ropes and after a good minute and a half, finally does. THE Amnesiac uses 4.9999999 of a 5-count before Glaw has to physically break the hold himself. THE Amnesiac is clearly not happy, and starts screaming at Glaw, who starts screaming back and pointing to his OOWF patch.
No one notices Concrete TG go to the outside, and run to the other side of the ring, behind THE Amnesiac. However, EVERYONE notices the SLINGSHOT DROPKICK to the back of THE Amnesiac’s dome-piece, and he goes flying and ends up draped on the second rope. Crete’s not waiting, and hits a C-T-G! THE Amnesiac stumbles backward. Crete’s got a full head of steam and hits a FLYING BURRITO! The cover gets two. As THE Amnesiac rolls to his stomach, Crete gives him the HEROES TAUNT! He goes to pull up THE Amnesiac, and is looking to put it away. He sets up for the CEMENT MIXER, but THE Amnesiac somehow is able to counter into a PURE AMNESIA attempt, but Crete reverses into a FINAL JUSTICE attempt, but THE Amnesiac counters THAT by back-flipping out of it. He tries for a GERMAN SUPLEX, but Crete escapes via Back Elbows and hits a BELLY TO BELLY ALL THE WAY OUT TO THE FLOOR AND THROUGH THE NANTUCKETIAN ANNOUNCE TABLE! THE Amnesiac is both hurt and shocked that just happened, and he is opened up. Crete poses for the crowd and gets a huge pop before running to the outside. He pulls THE Amnesiac up, and PILEDRIVES him through what’s left of the announce table. Crete then pulls THE Amnesiac up, and tries to get him into the ring, but he doesn’t notice that THE Amnesiac has gotten hold of a monitor. Right as Crete is about to roll THE Amnesiac into the ring, THE Amnesiac CRUSHES Crete’s skull with the monitor busting HIM open. Both men are down, and Glaw reaches 10.
WINNER in 16:22…NO CONTEST (via Double Countout)
DH MAGNUSSON & FIREWOMAN vs. ATTITUDE ADJUSTER & TYSON KINCAID
Magnusson and Firewoman are already in the ring, as AA enforced the “Champion Enters Last” credo even though the Onslaught belt isn’t on the line. Can he be any bigger of an ass? Even AA’s partner isn’t too thrilled at the situation. Kincaid walks to the ring ahead of AA, who’s busy showing off he Onslaught belt to the crowd and threatening to fight small children and women. One small child holds up an “AA Is My Hero” poster. AA stops next to the poster, grabs it from the child, grabs a pen from the announce table and signs the poster. Wow, what an unusual act of kindness from…nope, AA just tossed the sign on the ground and stomped on it, leaving the child in tears. The ref calls for the bell as he doesn’t want another five minutes to go by before AA decides to get in the ring. AA tells TK to get in the ring to start, but Kincaid isn’t budging. The ref starts a count to get someone in the ring, and AA jumps off the apron and threatens to leave. Kincaid finally realizes that if he doesn’t want to lose the match he better get in the ring, and finds Magnusson waiting for him. Lockup, and Magnusson bullies Kincaid into the corner, goes for the big punch but Kincaid slips away. Another lockup, and again Magnusson backs Kincaid into the corner and again misses as Kincaid gets out of the way. AA applauds and decides he wants into the ring. Magnusson happily locks up with AA, backs him into the corner and goes for the big right hand. AA’s looking for a way out but can’t escape like Kincaid, and takes the big punch flush in the face. AA stumbles around holding his face and eventually backs into a corner and slumps down. Unfortunately, it’s Firewoman’s corner. FW immediately leaps off the apron and grabs AA by the throat, choking him on the bottom rope. AA flails to get away, rolls out of the ring, but Firewoman chases him down and CLUBBERS him into the ground before the ref backs her off. Magnusson tosses AA back into the ring, but AA gets a bit of space and hits his classic 5-STAR Greco Roman Thumb to the Eye. AA staggers over to Kincaid and tags out. Kincaid shakes his head in disgust but gets in. Kincaid and Magnusson give us a couple good minutes of solid wrestling, but writing that isn’t my forte. So eventually Firewoman gets into the ring and Kincaid gets the advantage, and AA decides there’s enough of an upper hand for him to get in the ring. AA slaps Firewoman around for a bit, gives her a reverse atomic drop just to ensure that everyone knows he hates women along with small children, then puts an arm bar on Firewoman. Magnusson starts arguing with the ref for some reason, and that allows AA to do the classic “Clap your hands because it sounds like a tag” move. Except Kincaid doesn’t come into the ring. AA looks over at Kincaid and claps his hands again, and again Kincaid doesn’t move. But now FW is reviving and getting pissed off. AA turns to Kincaid an claps his hands together once, twice, three times, imploring Kincaid into the ring. Kincaid just points behind AA, so AA does the “Oh shit, what’s behind me” thing and finds Firewoman all a rage. I mean, she even does the Hulk Hogan “YOU!” point. Must be that time of the month. (Oh, I’m gonna burn in hell for that one.) Firewoman literally explodes with lefts and rights, literally pounding the stuffings out of AA. FW literally kills AA with a flying leg lariat off the ropes, then literally rips his head off with a series of clotheslines. (tm Gorilla Monsoon). AA rolls out of the ring, but FW chases after him. Magnusson sees AA coming and readies with a clothesline, but AA ducks and Magnusson heads right for Firewoman—but stops short! Magnusson wipes his brow at the near miss and points to Firewoman’s stomach, and FW threatens to clothesline Magnusson for the suggestion. AA, meanwhile, crawled under the ring and back out the other side, and is begging Kincaid for a tag. But Kincaid is debating the economic windfall of Michael Phelps’ eight gold medals with the crowd. AA finally gives up and charges at FW, who catches him in a power slam! One, two, AA barely kicks out. FW tags to DH, double whip to the ropes and a HUGE double back body drop. DH picks up AA by the hair…RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP. AA’s quivering like an epileptic without his meds. DH tags out to Firewoman, who climbs to the top rope. ROCKET LAUNCHER!!! AA’s flattened in the middle of the ring by Firewoman. One, two-- Kincaid makes a half-hearted attempt at getting in the ring—THREE!
WINNERS in 12:47, Firewoman and DH Magnusson.
WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM, MOOSEHEAD JACK & CHRIS COLE vs. PHANTOS & LUCIOS, ALEXANDER DARLING & STANK
Surprisingly, both sides of this match put egos aside and enter as teams, Moosehead Jack, Chris Cole and the World’s Greatest Fag Team (Seriously, we have TWO GMs, can’t somebody fix that?) enter first to a chorus of boos and a rain of debris. The crowd goes quiet with anticipation as the lights go out, then explodes as Stank, Alexander Darling and Phantos and Lucios storm the ring. After a lot of posturing and trash talk, referee Angelo Barros manages to get everyone but Moose and Alex out of the ring and calls for the bell. Moose and Alex circle and lock- no, Moose sidesteps and hits a punch to Alex’s injured shoulder. Alex stumbles and Moose grabs his arm, winding it up and dragging him to the corner. Moose reaches back and tags Cole, who comes in with an elbow to the shoulder. Cole winds Alex’s arm up further, then jumps up and puts his knee into Alex’s shoulder, driving him to the mat. Cole stands on Alex’s shoulder and tags in FFMC. FFMC pulls Alex to his feet, then gasps and points up the aisle. Barros follows his gaze, and FFMC delivers a swift kick to Alex’s privates. As Barros looks back, FFMC locks on an arm bar and drags Alex to the corner. Ryan Hardcore tags in, and comes off the top with an elbow to Alex’s shoulder. Ryan scoops him up and hits a shoulder breaker, then covers, but Stank breaks it up at two. Barros keeps Moose et al at bay, and Stank leaves the ring. Ryan pulls Alex to his feet, and Alex catches him with a punch to the stomach, followed by an elbow to the back of the head. Ryan falls to his hands and knees and Alex dives for his corner, tagging Stank, but further tweaking his shoulder in the process. Stank comes in and steamrolls over Ryan with a clothesline, then turns around and does it again. Stank body slams Ryan, then scrapes him up and whips him to the corner. Stank follows him in with an avalanche, but FFMC pulls his partner out of the way and Stank eats turnbuckle. Stank stumbles out of the corner and glares at his former partner who shrugs. With Stank distracted, Ryan staggers him with a sucker punch, then knocks him to his knees with an enzugiri. Ryan rolls to his corner and tags Cole. Cole sprints across the ring and kicks Stank in the head as he tries to get up. Cole continues the attack with kicks and stomps, then hits the ropes and drops Stank with a neck breaker. Cole mounts Stank and drives fists into his face until Barros threatens disqualification. Cole springs to his feet and goes to the corner, coming off the second turnbuckle with an elbow and covering for two. Cole moves in as Stank gets to his feet. He gets in a few shots until Stank slips one and hooks Cole, pulling him onto his shoulders. Cole slips off to avoid the Stank-U, and dropkicks Stank in the back. Stank stumbles forward, and Cole rolls to his corner and tags Moose. Moose storms across the ring and – grabs a headlock? Huh. Stank shoots him off into the ropes, drops under his first pass, and hits a spine buster on the return trip. Stank hooks the leg, but Moose kicks out at one. Stank pulls Moose to his feet and locks on a hammerlock. Moose reverses, and Stank reaches back, grabbing Moose’s head and flipping him to the mat. Moose rolls to his feet and they circle. Cole and Alex find brief common ground, as they hurl abuse at their opponents (and possibly their partners). As one, Stank and Moose turn – Stank punches Cole in the face and Moose punches Alex in the shoulder – sending both men to the floor. Moose and Stank continue circling and lock up. Stank gets the advantage and backs Jack into the corner, reaching out to tag Lucios. Lucios comes in and attacks Moose with punches and kicks. He plants Moose with a body slam, then comes off the ropes with a leg drop to the throat. He foregoes the cover and pulls Moose to his feet, backing him into the ropes and whipping him across the ring. Moose ducks a clothesline attempt, and comes back with one of his own, but Lucios sidesteps and reverses into a Black Hole Slam. He covers, but FFMC breaks it up at two. Barros sends FFMC to the corner, and Jack takes advantage with a low blow and a roll up, pulling the tights and getting two. Lucios rolls to his feet, ducks a clothesline from Moose, and hits a kick and a DDT. He pulls Moose to his feet and reaches out to tag his partner. Phantos explodes into the ring with a springboard dropkick. He lands on his feet, sprints to the ropes, and nails Moose with a second dropkick as he gets up. Phantos goes to the ropes again, but Ryan hooks his leg from the outside and he face plants. Moose drives an elbow into the back of Phantos’ neck and tags out to FFMC. FFMC stomps on Phantos, then comes off the ropes and hits a splash. He rolls Phantos over and hooks the leg, but Stank breaks it up at two. FFMC pulls Phantos up and slings him to the ropes, but Phantos hooks the ropes to stop his momentum. FFMC sees that and charges, and Phantos back body drops him over the ropes to the floor. While FFMC is still in the air, Ryan hooks Phantos from behind and drives his neck into the top rope. Barros starts to reprimand him, but is distracted by Moose and Cole storming across the ring, only to be met by Stank and Alex. Stank and Moose do a quick shuffle to avoid facing off, and the brawl begins. Meanwhile, Ryan drags Phantos out of the ring. He runs Phantos into the railing and beats him down, soon joined by his partner. The WGFT continue the beating until Lucios sprints around the ring and levels them with a double clothesline. Inside the ring, Stank batters Cole, backing him into the corner with punches and chops. He whips Cole across the ring and starts to follow him in, but hesitates when he sees Moose lock a cross-arm breaker on Alex’s injured arm. Stank drops an elbow on Moose, forcing him to release the hold, then rolls to his feet and barrels into the corner. The pause has given Cole time to recover, however, and he steps out of the way and Stank slams into the turnbuckles. Cole rolls him up from behind, but Stank kicks out before Barros can count. Both men roll to their feet and Cole ducks a punch and levers Stank through the ropes, following him to the outside. Moose continues the assault on Alex’s shoulder, and sends him to the ropes. Alex summersaults under a clothesline attempt, hits the opposite ropes, and hits Moose with a flying forearm. Moose falls back into the ropes, and Alex sends to the outside with a dropkick. Alex climbs onto the apron and hits a flying knee to Moose on the floor. P&L, meanwhile, have gained the advantage over the WGFT. They pick FFMC up and plant him with a tandem suplex, then stuff Ryan into the ring. Lucios follows him in, body slams him, and lifts Ryan onto his shoulders as Phantos climbs the turnbuckles. They attempt the Dropkick Device, but FFMC slides into the ring and chop blocks Lucios. Phantos misses, but lands on his feet, only to be leveled by a super kick from Ryan, who also managed to land on his feet. Phantos crumbles, and FFMC comes off the ropes with a splash. He covers, and Barros slides into place to count. Phantos attempts to break it up, but Ryan holds him at bay.
WINNERS in 26:58, The World’s Greatest Fag Team, Moosehead Jack, and Chris Cole.
DAVIN MORELAND vs. OUTBACK JACK - #1 Contenders Gauntlet Match
The awesome guitar lick starts, as “Thunderstruck” greets Outback Jack at the top of the ramp as the crowd gets to their feet. He’s swilling a Foster’s as usual, but he’s also carrying a nefarious looking kendo stick; which appears to be covered in barbed wire. You don’t see THAT every day. OBJ climbs into the ring and tosses the can out into the crowd. “Pull Me Under” fires up and the crowd goes batshit. The newer, slightly different, more focused Davin Moreland appears at the top of the ramp and just stalks his way down to the ring without paying attention to everything around him. He does his customary double jump into the ring, and Hightower has to cut him off from charging across the ring. Hightower gets them together to explain the rules of the match. Pretty simple, Outback Jack can use weapons or whatever he wants, and Davin cannot or he will be DQ’d. Davin simply claps his hands together a couple times and says “Let’s Go”. OBJ belches. That’s good enough for Davis Hightower, and he calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Davin and OBJ nod at each other and start to slowly circle. Both feign attacks a couple of times, but clearly Davin is a bit concerned about that kendo stick. Finally, OBJ takes a full swing with it. Davin ducks and SPEARS OBJ, although there wasn’t much behind it, it was enough to knock OBJ down. Davin starts pounding away on OBJ’s face, but OBJ still has the kendo stick, and manages to get a bit of force behind a swing, and clocks Davin upside the head. Davin sells it like he’s dead, and some blood starts to trickle from his head. Already. OBJ uses the time to get himself situated and to his feet. He sees Davin still down, so it’s whackity-whack time on Davin, who just gets PEPPERED by the Kendo Stick wrapped in Barbed Wire; and soon Davin looks like a pin cushion; and he is bleeding everywhere. OBJ thinks that might be good enough; so he rolls Davin and tries a cover, which gets two.
OBJ smirks, and pulls Davin to his feet, discarding the kendo stick for the time being, laying it on the mat. Uh oh. OBJ then lifts Davin up, impressively, and holds him for a Delayed Vertical Suplex. He finishes it, and drops Davin right on the kendo stick in the process. Davin rolls over and the stick is still in his back. Hightower looks concerned at the amount of blood. OBJ simply walks over, picks Davin up, and tosses him to the ropes. He goes for the BOOMERANG, but Davin ducks and hits the far ropes. OBJ tries for another BOOMERANG, which Davin ducks again, but this time Davin stops, and hits OBJ with a sweet INVERTED DDT. Davin drops to his knees and pulls the kendo stick finally out of his back. He pulls himself up by the ropes, and grabs the kendo stick, looking determined to get his revenge. He then realizes that’s probably not a great idea, and heaves it halfway up the ramp. He pulls OBJ up, but before Davin can do anything, he gets a swift kick to the balls. Davin falls to his knees, and the crowd does not approve, but it’s totally legal for OBJ.
OBJ has had enough, and pulls Davin up. He’s looking for the CHOMP! OBJ sets it but Davin counters into a MILITARY PRESS SLAM! Davin again goes to a knee as he gets a few seconds to recover. OBJ starts to stir, and Davin goes across the ring to meet him. He whips OBJ to the ropes and catches him, locking on a…is that a…MILLION DOLLAR DREAM?!? Davin starts screaming “GO TO SLEEP, JACK!” and Davin really does have it locked; to the point that Hightower has to check on him. OBJ falls to his knees, and Hightower does the lift the arm three times thing. On the third check though, Davin simply releases the hold. Hightower looks at him questioningly, but backs away. We continue. Davin drags the sleepy OBJ near the corner, and Davin climbs the turnbuckle. He’s gonna fly! SHOOTING STAR PRESS! The crowd loved that one. Davin is a bloody mess, but he lets out a scream; he’s clearly fired up. He picks OBJ up again and looks like he’s going for another Press Slam…but NO! He shoves OBJ up in the air and leaps…ELEVATED DIAMOND CUTTER! Davin is screaming into the camera, “YOU WATCHING LD?!?! ARE YOU???” Apparently NOT done, and probably taking this a bit too far, Davin goes old school and locks on his old REAR NAKED CHOKE. He hasn’t busted that one out for a minute. OBJ is completely out of it, so Hightower doesn’t even check on him; he just calls for the bell.
WINNER by SUBMISSION in 17:37…DAVIN MORELAND! Davin Moreland is STILL the #1 Contender to the OOWF World Heavyweight Championship.
Post-match, Davin gets his arm raised, and the slightly stunned crowd does come around and give him a huge ovation. Davin makes his way up the ramp, but he finds a camera following him; and he starts yapping. “YOU WANT TO BLOCK ME FROM THE BELT, BENNETT?? LD, I HOPE you’re watching; because EACH WEEK WE DON’T FIGHT, your FATE is SEALED more and more, and your beating gets WORSE and WORSE. You might want to ask your DADDY BENNETT to bump that match up a bit…IF You value your career that is.”
Davin growls into the camera and makes his way up the ramp. Huh.
INSANE HOMELESS BUNNY vs. IHOP & BLITZ – OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match
IHOP and Blitz make their way to ring first, accompanied as always by the lovely and talented St. Dorothy Mantooth. Skurge and SYB are making the universal belt sign across their waists, much to the disapproval of the crowd while Blitz just looks a little lost with The Dead.
PA: <Bzzt! Bzzt!> Check, check, check one...Ayo, this thing kickin'? Carl, break 'em off a beat, kid! People, it feels SO GOOD to be back!
The house lights drop, and The Insane Homeless Bunnies are on the ramp!
Bunny: Scrutinize every word, memorize every line
I spit it once, refuel, reenergize, and rewind
I give sight to the blind, mind sight through the mind
I exercise my right to express when I feel it's time
It's just all in your mind, what you interpret it as
I say to fight you take it as I’m gonna whip someone's ass
If you don't understand don't even bother to ask
A father who has grown up with a fatherless past
Who has blown up now to rap phenomenon that has
Or at least shows no difficulty multi task
And juggling both, perhaps mastered his craft slash
Entrepreneur who has held long too few more rap acts
Who has had a few obstacles thrown his way through the last half
Of his career typical manure moving past that
Mister kiss his ass crack, he's a class act
Rubber band man, yea he just snaps back
The IHB make their way to the ring to Bunny's rapping and Carl's beatboxing, thrilling the crowd, who respond by throwing their hands in the air and waving them around. Many look like they just don't care.
Justin Sane: MY NAME ISSSSSSSSSSSSS....
Clearly having heard enough, Blitz PEARL HARBORS Sane with a sudden and brutal dropkick to the back of head! Skurge gets in on the fun delivering a crushing body check to Carl, which sends him flying back into the corner, while SYB clubs Bunny in the back of the head, sending sprawling into another corner. Blitz scoops up Sane, shoves him the corner, and IHOP and Blitz whip the IHB towards each other in the center of the ring! Thinking quickly, Sane drops down, Carl steps over, and Bunny leapfrogs them both! TRIPLE THREAT OF DROPSKICKS! Bunny hits SYB, Carl hits Blitz, Sane hits Skurge, and all three members of IHOP (+1) hit the floor! The Portuguese crowds goes wild as the IHB hit the turnbuckles, threatening a leap as the trio on the floor regroup. After a moment the ref gets them on the apron, and finally order is restored. The bell rings and we're underway!
Looks to be Carl starting off the IHB squaring off against Skurge. Collar and elbow, quick go-behind by Carl, and front leg trip sends Skurge down to the mat face-first. Carl quickly stands on his back and poses, hopping away before Skurge gets up. Back to the collar and elbow, go-behind by Skurge this time who goes for the leg, only to have Carl perform a beautiful standing back flip! Skurge's momentum carries him face first to the mat again, and Carl once again jumps up to stand on his back and pose! The crowd eats it up, as Bunny laughs in to corner and Vander looks to be conversing with someone only he can see.
Meanwhile back in the center of the ring, Carl and a FURIOUS Skurge lock back up, and once again Carl with the go-behind, but Skurge counters this time with a HEAVY back elbow! Carl staggers backwards and Skurge stays on him throwing lefts and rights. He drives Carl back into the ropes, looks for an Irish whip, but cuts it off short with a knee lift that sends Carl flipping over his knee. Pickup by Skurge who whips Carl into ropes and lowers his head telegraphing a backdrop, and Carl makes him pay with Runnels uppercut. Skurge quickly scrambles back to his corner and tags in Blitz, while Carl makes his way across and tags in Bunny. Blitz looking for a running clothesline as Bunny hops over the top rope, but Bunny keeps rolling, ducking under Blitz's outstretched arm before popping up and staggering Blitz with a spin kick to the midsection. And a kick to the thigh! A second one! A third takes Blitz to a knee, and Bunny DRILLS him with a shining wizard! Blitz is dazed as Bunny hits the far side ropes and comes off with nasty basement dropkick! Kip up by Bunny, who looks around for a moment before running up the turnbuckles and spring backwards with a no-look corkscrew moonsault! He nails it!
1...
2...
Save made by SYB, who knocks the high-flyer in the side of head with a running boot! Glaw admonishes him, and SYB is denying doing anything while standing the middle of the ring. Glaw ushers him back, and SYB complies, dragging Blitz back into the corner with him and making a big production of tagging himself in with Blitz's limp hand. I guess that's legal.
Bunny back on his feet, and SYB charges at him, getting a deep arm drag for his efforts! And another! And a third, as somewhere Ricky Steamboat smiles. Bunny is fired up as he locks in the arm bar, but SYB goes to eyes! Glaw is really lying on as SYB begins laying the boots to Bunny, stomping him down before dragging him by his hair to the corner. Tag in to Skurge who takes the free opportunity to lay in a few shots to Bunny's exposed midsection as SYB holds him. SYB steps out, and Skurge automatically tags back in Blitz, who paintbrushes Bunny a few times as Skurge holds him. This wakes Bunny up a bit, as he elbows Skurge hard, and launches a front kick into Blitz. He's got a shot out getting out of the corner, but SYB reaches with the choke! This draws in Carl, who isn't helping as Glaw ushers him back into the corner as IHOP(+1) use the chance for some triple teaming with boots to the Bunny!
Blitz firmly in control now with a snap brain buster, rolling through and hitting the far ropes before driving down him a wicked baseball slide leg drop. Hook of the leg and a cover:
1...
2...
Bunny rolls a shoulder at two, and Blitz wasn't happy with the count. He argues with Glaw for a moment before launching a serious kick into back of Bunny, before going over him with a Hennig neck snap, followed up by basement dropkick of his own! Bunny looks to be serious trouble, as Blitz quickly makes his way to the top rope and signals...BLITZ FLIP!
NOBODY HOME! Blitz crashes and burns, and Bunny is struggling to make his way to his corner. He's almost gets there Skurge gets the tag for Blitz, and he quickly grabs Bunny's leg and drags him back! Skurge whips him into the ropes, and looks for a big boot, but Bunny slides under popping back up and launching a series of low kicks that stagger the big Canadian! Bunny bounds of the ropes, launches with a spinning heel, but Skurge catches him! MOUNTAIN DEW MIST FROM BUNNY! The Lovely and Talented St. Mantooth is on the apron at that, as lands on his feet as Skurge drops him, and tumbles past Skurge and makes the tag to Justin Sane!
JUSTIN SANE IS A HOUSE OF FIRE! Dropkick to Skurge! Dropkick to the incoming Blitz! Dropkick to the incoming SYB! Dropkick to the lovely and talented St. Mantooth! Dropkick to Sterling Glaw! Justin Sane has cleared the ring! Carl tries to make his way in, and narrowly avoids a dropkick from Sane! Sane is challenging IHOP (+1) to come back in as Sterling Glaw calls for the bell! Sane looks confused, as Bunny and Carl slowly make their into the ring and try to explain to him that you can't dropkick the referee.
WINNERS via DISQUALIFICATION at 8:43 IHOP AND BLITZ
LD WILLIAMS vs. THE DEAD – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match
The Dead makes his way to the ring ready for action. He steps between the ropes, then sits atop the turnbuckle and waits for the OOWF World Heavyweight champion to make his way to the ring. LD Williams is announced and comes to the ring, wiping his feet before he steps between the ropes, then handing the title to the referee. LD Williams eyes the challenger and waits for the referee to call for the bell. Even though these two are technically on the same side, neither is going to pull a punch. The ref calls for the bell and this one is underway. Dead springs off the top rope, but Williams doesn’t even flinch. The two lock up and Dead grabs a side head lock, and LD immediately shoots him to the ropes and follows him, as soon as Dead rebounds, Williams is right there and catches him with a knee to the gut that doubles Dead over and sends him between the ropes to the floor. LD Steps between the ropes and hops to the floor and pulls Dead to his feet and hits a snap suplex on the floor. Dead sits up and grabs his back, allowing LD to get to his feet and nail several stiff kicks to Dead’s lower back. LD pulls Dead to his feet and rolls him under the bottom rope and covers, but Dead kicks out at two. Williams pulls Dead to a sitting position and grabs a chin lock, but Dead quickly fights to his feet and elbows LD in the mid section forcing the break. Dead hits the ropes, and LD tries for a clothesline, but Dead catches his arm and drops LD backward back across his knee, covers and gets a one count. Dead pulls LD up and stands him up and nearly takes his head off with a spinning heel kick. Dead covers again, but once again only gets a one count. Dead waits for LD to get to his feet then whips him to the corner and follows him in with a running knee to the jaw. LD staggers out of the corner and Dead grabs him from behind and hits a Tiger suplex, bridges and gets a two count. LD rolls under the bottom rope to the floor, and Dead steps between the ropes and waits for LD to get up, then runs the apron and grabs LD bulldogging him to the floor! LD is in trouble now. Dead rolls him back into the ring and covers and gets a two and 99/100ths with Williams just BARELY rolling his shoulder before the three count. Dead pulls LD to the middle of the ring and drops a leg across his chest, then grabs his legs and tries a Deathlock, but Williams grabs him and rolls him into a small package in the middle of the ring for a two count. Both men spin to their feet after Dead kicks out at two, LD tries another clothesline and once again Dead avoids it and gets a crucifix roll up for a two count. Williams kicks out and now Dead tries a clothesline, but Williams snaps him over to the mat with an arm drag. Dead spins up to his feet and catches a charging LD with a code breaker that sends LD to the mat once again. Dead pulls LD to the corner and hits a Tornado DDT and covers, but LD shows his resolve and kicks out at two. LD Williams slips out of the ring once again and tries to catch his breath. Inside the ring Dead gets a running start and leaps over the top rope, but LD catches Dead in mid air and power bombs him to the floor. Dead hits the floor with a sickening thud. LD falls to the floor as well and the referee starts the obligatory ten count. LD gets to his feet first but has to hold himself up with the apron, Dead struggles to his feet and sees Williams staggered, Dead runs to the guard rail and leaps on top, then launches himself backward at Williams, but LD moves out of the way and Dead slams his back on the apron! LD rolls him into the ring and follows just before the ten count. LD repeatedly drives his knee into the small of Dead’s back, then pulls him up and drops him across his knee with a pendulum back breaker, keeping him there trying for the submission. After several torturous minutes, LD shoves Dead off his knee and covers, but Dead kicks out at two. Williams pulls Dead up and sends him HARD into the corner, Dead staggers out a few steps and LD finally hits that clothesline he has been trying for the whole match nearly separating Dead’s head from his shoulders. LD falls on top of Dead, hooking the leg and getting a two count, Dead saves himself by draping his foot across the bottom rope. Williams snaps Dead to his feet and sets him up and hits a CRADLE PILEDRIVER! This one is over. One, two, thre……NO! How the hell did Dead kick out of that? Williams doesn’t show an ounce of frustration, instead he just pulls Dead up once again and shoves him into the corner and blisters his chest with knife edge chops. LD grabs Dead and sends him to the opposite corner charging after him, but Dead scales the corner and flips over the charging Williams, LD stops short of the turnbuckles, and when he turns around and takes a step, Dead POPS him in the mouth with the CLOSE THE CASKET! Dead covers, one, two thre….NO! Williams reaches out and grabs the bottom rope! Dead pulls Williams to his feet and hits a Side Russian leg sweep for another two count, then gets up holding his back. Dead climbs to the top rope, but perhaps takes a bit too long because of his back. By the time he gets to the top, LD is on his feet. Dead leaps, but LD catches him with an inverted atomic drop, then kicks him in the midsection and DRILLS him with a DDT to the mat! LD rolls Dead over and hooks both legs and gets the one, two, three.
WINNER in 24:08 – LD Williams
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