[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Hammerfest, Norway

<we cut immediately to the back of the arena where an OOWF courier approaches Firewoman and sees her stretching and preparing for her Onslaught Championship match tonight>

C: Uh, Ms. Firewoman?

FW: <not even looking up> Not now, I’m busy

C: Uhhhh, but this is really rather urgent

FW: It can wait

C: I…..I’m afraid it can’t, both of them want to see you immediately

FW:<finally stopping and looking at the trembling courier> both of WHO want to see me?

C: Uhh GM the Rick, and LJ Bennett, they both asked for me to come get you

FW:<slowly standing up> That’s right. Great timing by those two. Fine. Where are we going first?

C: Ummm, well, they are both in GM the Rick’s office

FW: WHAT? Wait, they are together? And both want to see me? What the hell is this about? I have a match to get ready for!

C: P-p-please, I just deliver the messages

<Fire smiles slightly and digs in her pocket and pulls out a wad of bills and stuffs them in the courier’s hand and almost gives a smile as she walks past. An Invisible Ninja Cameraman follows Fire down the hall to GM the Rick’s office where Fire enters without knocking>

FW: Ok what the hell is going on? I have a title match to get ready for, and I don’t need these kind of distractions. And what the hell are you two doing together?

GMtR: Fire, please, have a seat, we can get to all of that.

LJB: To answer one of your questions, Rick and I have been instructed to take care of a certain………matter as soon as possible

<Fire sits in the chair, clearly not comfortable>

GMtR: Fire, we appreciate the delicateness of your…….situation, and we respect your desire as an athlete and your skill as a wrestler….

LJB: But you have to understand the position you are putting US in by insisting on continuing with your career

GMtR: The Board of Directors feels it would be in your best interests if you took a paid leave of absences until…..err…..until your situation is taken care of

LJB: The OOWF will take care of any medical bills incurred, and when you are ready, your spot on the roster will be waiting

<Fire appears to be considering this for a moment>

FW: No

GMtR: Excellent, we can get you a flight, wait? No?

LJB: Ms. Fire, I hope you know what your refusal to cooperate could mean….

FW: Termination? No. Come on boys, you know damn well you cannot fire me because of my…….predicament. That would entail one hell of a lawsuit don’t you think?

GMtR: Well, we really have no other choice, we are responsible should something happen….

LJB: There IS one other alternative I suppose

<Bennett produces a piece of paper from his coat pocket and presents it to Firewoman>

LJB: This is a complete waiver. If you sign this, you waive all responsibility by the OOWF and those employed by the OOWF should something happen. Really Fire, this is the only way we can do things.

FW: I am not signing that……….

GMtR: DAMMIT

FW: ………I am not signing that UNLESS

LJB: Unless what?

FW: Unless you reinstate Lucky

LJB: Reinstate him?!?!?! Forget it

FW: Fine, then whatever happens is on your hands

<Fire gets up and heads to toward the door>

GMtR: BENNETT!

LJB: WAIT! Wait just a second…….look, couldn’t we offer you something else? A bonus, vacation time, something like that?

FW: No, I think I need Lucky’s around, he is a very sensitive person. Yeah, I want Lucky back, he will be a very comforting help during these……difficult times.

<The three engage in a stare down, no one saying a word, finally Fire starts toward the door once again, finally Bennett breaks the silence>

LJB: FINE! Ok, if you sign this, I will reinstate Lucky.

FW: That sparkles with me <Fire walks over and signs the waiver on Rick’s desk and hands it to Bennett who gives it the quick once over>

GMtR: Now, at some point soon, you will have to see the OOWF Medical Staff so they can, uhhh, confirm your condition

FW: Fine, I will. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a title match to prepare for

GMtR: Uh, yeah, about that

FW: WHAT about that?

GMtR: Well, given your…….condition, Attitude Adjuster refused to defend the title against you for fear of being responsible for possible injuries incurred during the match

FW: Well, ok fine, you have the waiver, now just change it to a title match

LJB: I am afraid we can’t do that either. The champion has a clause in his contract saying that in one instance per 90 days as champion he can invoke a clause that states he cannot be forced to defend his title with less than 24 hours notice. He knew we were trying to get you to sign the waiver which would absolve him of any responsibility, however, he also knew that we wouldn’t be able to get it until the beginning of the show.

FW: So, because he doesn’t have 24 hour notice, that weasel gets out of defending the title against me?

LJB: I am afraid so

FW: That DOES NOT sparkle with me

GMtR: We can, however, give you a non-title match.

<Fire stews for a moment, then looks at Rick and Bennett>

FW: I’ll take it

<Fire storms out of the room>

TYTAN vs. SPIN HANSEN – Tournament Royal Finals

Tytan and Spin both make their way to the ring, testing the ropes and loosening up while the official announcements are made. Just before the referee is about to start the match, however, a figure in a black hood makes his way to the top of the ramp and just stands there. Both Tytan and Spin notice him, then give each other an odd look when they see each other nod to the mysterious man. The referee calls for the bell and this one is underway. The two big men slowly circle then lock up. It’s like two bulls in the center of the ring, both men push with everything they have, but neither budges an inch. Finally they break the lock up, and Spin hits the ropes and tries a shoulder block, but Tytan doesn’t move. Tytan then hits the ropes and tries a shoulder block of his own, but Spin drops to the mat and Tytan steps over him and rebounds off the opposite ropes. On the rebound Spin connects with a DROPKICK to Tytan’s face! Who knew the big man could fly? Tytan hits the mat, clearly more stunned than hurt, and Spin quickly gets to his feet and catches Tytan with a kick to the face that sends him to the mat. Spin pulls Tytan to a sitting position and gives him the Curt Hennig neck snap, then covers, but Tytan kicks out at one. Spin pulls Tytan up and shoves him into the corner and blisters him with chops, but Tytan fights back with forearms to the side of the head, it quickly breaks down into a slug fest and both men tumble between the ropes to the floor. On the outside, Spin gets to his feet first and waits for Tytan to get up, when he does, Spin charges for a spear, but Tytan side steps and Spin slams into the stairs shoulder and head first. Tytan pulls Spin up and we see Spin has a gash above his ear that is gushing blood down the side of his head. Tytan hammers Spin on the side of the head, messing up his equilibrium. Spin staggers a few steps and falls to one knee. Tytan grabs him and fires him back into the ring, climbs in afterward and drops an elbow across his chest and covers for a two count. Tytan pulls Spin up to his feet, and Spin is still a little woozy, overcompensating for his lack of balance with a couple of wild swings. Tytan grabs Spin and hauls him onto his shoulders and gives him an airplane spin, spinning for several seconds before drilling Spin with an F5! Spin is in trouble and grabs his head, he kind of looks like he might be sick. Tytan tries to get to his feet and cover, but the airplane spin has thrown his balance off as well. Tytan finally gets orientates and falls across Spin and gets the one, two, thre….NO! Spin rolls his shoulder just before the three count! Tytan looks a little frustrated, but quickly puts that aside and pulls Spin to his feet and scoops him up and slams him to the mat, then drops a fist between his eyes. Another cover gets another two count. Tytan pulls Spin to his feet and tries a whip to the ropes, but Spin reverses it and catches Tytan with a short clothesline that sends him staggering into the corner. Spin clears his head enough to charge, but Tytan was playing possum a bit and moves out of the way. Spin crashes into the corner and Tytan lifts him and sets him on the top rope and climbs up behind him and hits the CRASH AND BURN!! Spin is folded in half! Tytan lands awkwardly on his shoulder and neck as well, so it takes him a moment to crawl across the ring and hook the leg and cover, one, two, NO! Once again Spin kicks out! How the hell is he doing it? Both men remain down on the canvas, Spin uses the ropes to pull himself up, and he falls into the corner. Tytan gets up and charges into the corner, but Spin gets a boot up catching Tytan right in the jaw. Tytan staggers but does not go down. Spin grabs him and takes a few steps out of the corner, then falls backward, SNAKE EYES! Tytan’s head snaps off the top turnbuckle and he falls to the mat dazed. Spin covers, and gets a two count before Tytan reaches out and grabs the ropes. While Spin is getting to his feet, Tytan rolls out of the ring onto the apron. Spin bounds off the ropes and catches Tytan with a clothesline to the back of the head that sends him face first into the ring post, then to the floor. By the time the camera catches up with Tytan, we see that he has been split wide open. Spin climbs out of the ring and leaps off the apron landing right on Tytan and smashing him in the face with a double sledge! Tytan is stunned as Spin pulls him to his feet and rolls him under the bottom rope. Spin climbs to the top rope and waits for Tytan to struggle to his feet and leaps nearly decapitating Tytan with a clothesline. Spin covers, one, two, thre…NO! Now it is Spin’s turn to show some frustration. He pulls Tytan to his feet and sends him to the ropes and tries a belly to belly suplex on the rebound, but Tytan blocks it and repeatedly head butts Spin in the face forcing the break. Tytan staggers back a few steps and hits a SUPERKICK on Spin that sends him to the ropes. On the rebound, Tytan catches Spin and military presses him, but Spin wiggles free and lands behind Tytan and spins him around and scoops him up for the Hellevator, but Tytan slips over his shoulder, spins Spin around and buries a knee into his gut, then quickly hauls him up and hits the STEINER SCREWDRIVER! Tytan covers, hooking Spin’s leg HARD and just BARELY gets the three count!
WINNER in 24:28 – Tytan – Spin Hansen gets a World Title shot tonight

After the match, both men struggle to their feet and go nose to nose. The mysterious man in the black hood slowly makes his way to ring side. Both Spin and Tytan notice him and repeatedly look from him to one another. Then Tytan extends his hand and Spin gives it a shake, never taking his eyes off the man in the black hood. The man in the hood slowly walks to the back, and it is not until he disappears that Spin and Tytan leave the ring

DEAD & BLITZ vs. CAPE TOWN CANNIBALS

The Cape Town Cannibals enter the ring first. The warm up briefly and discuss strategy as Dead and Blitz make their way down the aisle. Dead and Blitz slide into the ring and the CTC attack. WWE stomps away at Blitz, while TNA goes after Dead. The CTC back their opponents into opposite corners and hit stereo Irish whips, but Blitz goes high with a flying forearm on TNA while Dead somersaults under him and rolls through into a clothesline on WWE. Dead pitches WWE out through the ropes and goes to his corner, allowing referee Angelo Barros to call for the bell. Blitz pulls TNA to his feet and pounds on him with punches and kicks, finishing with a Shining Wizard. TNA stumbles out of the corner and, before he can fall, Blitz grabs him and runs him face-first into his corner. Blitz tags Dead, then pins TNA’s arms back as Dead comes off the second turnbuckle with a chop to the head. TNA collapses, and Dead grabs his arms and hits the Curb stomp. He rolls TNA over and hooks the leg, but WWE breaks it up at two. Before WWE can retreat, Blitz levels him with a springboard dropkick. Blitz and dead sling WWE into the ropes and elevate him out to the floor with a tandem backdrop, then give TNA the same treatment and hit a Flapjack. Blitz sees WWE getting up and hits the ropes, diving to the outside and slamming WWE into the railing. Inside the ring, Dead lines TNA up as he gets to his feet. Dead Closes the Casket, and TNA slams back into the turnbuckles. Dead whips him across the ring, follows him in with a clothesline, and hits a second CTC as TNA stumbles out of the corner. TNA is out cold and Dead makes the cover. One…Two…Thr – WWE, having reversed a Blitz whip into the ring apron, dives into the ring and falls on Dead to break it up. WWE tries to mount some offence, but Dead brushes it off and takes WWE over with a snap suplex. Dead hits the ropes and drives an elbow into WWE’s throat, then rolls to his feet and sees Blitz in the corner. Dead tags Blitz and points to the unmoving TNA, then tosses WWE to the outside. Blitz climbs the turnbuckles nearest TNA and hits the Blitz Flip, hooking the leg for the three.
WINNERS, in 7:43, Dead and Blitz.


ERIC O’MAC vs. DAMON WRATH

Time for more action here in the OOWF as we are set to see if Eric O’Mac’s path of rage will continue here in Norway. He’s got a tough test tonight though as he faces the returning Damon Wrath. Wrath is an accomplished guy on his own here in the OOWF as he is a former tag team champion with Seamus McNasty and now he’s looking to strike out on his own with this big match against Bennett’s own PHWF Heavyweight Champion, Eric O’Mac. A reflective light starts bouncing around the arena as “The Mirror” by Dream Theatre start and Damon Wrath comes barreling out from the back and storm down to the ring. He’s seen the pre-match attacks that Eric has been instigating so he knew how to avoid and he gets in the ring as Ice-T’s “The Tower” kicks in and the now ultraviolent Eric O’Mac makes his way to the ring. The fans are giving Eric the business, but he is pointedly ignoring them as he steps up onto the apron. Eric starts to step into the ring and knowing the recent history, but Damon Wrath and Angelo Barros are on the ball as Barros rings the bell starting the match and Damon kicks the middle rope and crotches Eric coming in.

Damon takes Eric and pushes him out of the ring and down to the floor. He steps out onto the apron and dives off and hits Eric with a shoulder block taking em both down to the floor. Damon stays in the mount and starts tossing elbows at Eric who is trying to cover up and struggle free. Eric writhes until he gets into a guard position and uses his lower body strength to flip Wrath over his head and he scrambles back to his feet. He gets back in the ring and awaits Wrath and once Damon gets back in the ring we have a back-and-forth encounter going on. Hip toss here, arm drag there, flying head scissors over there, and tilt-a-whirl backbreaker over here and Eric is having a much tougher time here than he has in recent weeks.

Eric looks to go for the kill though and tries to get Wrath up for The Smackdown, but DW still has too much fight left and he reverses into a nice downward spiral type move and he has EOM down. He gets down on the mat and makes the cover…

1…
2…
Kick out!

Damon almost had him there but he shouldn’t let up now and he doesn’t. DW picks Eric up, and fall away slam. Another cover and another 2 count for Wrath. Eric is getting much more of a fight then he expected here and he’s surviving on instinct here. Damon thinks he has Eric reeling and looks to be setting up for the finish. He drags Eric to his feet and short-arm clothesline, but he doesn’t let go and he drags Eric up again, another short-arm clothesline and again he doesn’t let go. DW drags Eric to his feet for the third time and this time it’s a full-fledged LARIATOOOO. Another cover…

1…
2…
No, Eric gets his foot on the bottom rope at the very last second. Damon is getting frustrated and starts calling out to the crowd that he’s going to go for the F5. He waits for Eric to get to his feet and that might just be a little too much time, but Wrath gets him up on his shoulders. He goes for the move but he was too close to the ropes and EOM wraps his legs around them causing Damon to stumble and Eric is able to wriggle off the shoulders and he floats over DW and his an IMPLANT DDT. Eric stays on top of it and he picks DW up right near the corner and suplexes Damon Wrath right into the turnbuckles. That did not look good for DW.

Eric capitalizes in this chance and drags Damon to the center of the ring and looks to try and distract the ref to go for the Brass Knuckle Shuffle but Barros is having none of it and it gives Damon enough time to reach up and grab Eric around the throat. EOM wasted too much time there and Damon has him where he wants him, but Eric is fighting back with two kicks to the stomach and then out of nowhere he changes position and gets Damon in the air…

SMACKDOWN by Eric O’Mac and it looks like he’s had enough of this and he gets down and locks Damon Wrath into the CRIPPLER CROSSFACE and holy shit is he pulling back on it. Damon is fighting back as hard as he can and is trying to make his way to the ropes. Inch by inch and he’s getting closer and closer…almost there…just another inch…he’s just about got there…. NO, Eric rolls back and he flips Wrath back to the center of the ring.

Eric has it locked in and Damon is still struggling. Eric pulls back harder…and DW just can’t do it anymore and he taps out to the CROSSFACE. Barros calls for the bell as the path of rage continues on here in the OOWF. Eric O’Mac picks up the win with the cross face, but he hasn’t let go yet. This match is over and Eric refuses to release the hold. We can hear him yelling…

“You think you can fight me. You think you can take me. Fuck you Wrath, this is just a warning to you and the rest of the back. DO NOT FUCK WITH ME.”

Eric still has the cross face locked in and Barros is trying to pull him off but Eric’s locked in like a clamp right now and refuses to let go. Angelo is trying harder and harder to pry Eric off and finally he’s had enough and starts counting…

1…
2…
3…
4…
5…

Barros looks down and sees that Eric still refuses to let go and he calls for help from the back as he tells the bell to be rung again. He makes his way over to the ring announcer and seems to be saying something…

As a result of a reverse decision…
WINNER in 11:43 is Damon Wrath…

But the bigger story is still that Eric refuses to let go…Finally enough security gets into the ring and they are able to pull Eric O’Mac off Damon Wrath. Eric just shrugs as he steps out onto the apron and he looks back to the ring to see Angelo Barros pointing to Damon Wrath and indicating he is the winner of the match and the last thing we see before we fade away for our next match is Eric’s last words on this…

“Ask me if I give a fuck.”

LUCIOS vs. TYSON KINCAID

Kincaid and Lucios circle and Kincaid takes Lucios by surprise by hitting a double leg takedown! Kincaid rolls on top of Lucios (not THAT way) and starts punching Lucios in the head. Lucios, wise to cover up, rolls to his side and the referee stops Kincaid from doing anymore damage. Lucios gets to his feet while Kincaid is arguing with the referee and when the ref moves out of the way, Kincaid is met with a huge CLOTHESLINE! The crowd pops loud and Lucios grabs Kincaid by the hair, pulls him to his feet, and lifts him up in a bench press position! Kincaid, having scouted the move, slips out, lands on his feet behind Lucios, and chop blocks Lucios, taking him back down to the mat! Lucios howls as he grabs his knee and Kincaid, smelling blood, quickly locks Lucios into a Boston Crab! Lucios, though, still having strength in his leg, is able to use his leg strength to throw Kincaid off of him. Kincaid quickly goes back and throws some elbows at the back of Lucios' knees. Kincaid runs off the ropes and drops a big knee onto the back of Lucios' leg! Lucios is in trouble here as Kincaid completely takes Lucios out of his element and brings him down to ground! Kincaid attempts a second Boston Crab on Lucios, and Lucios is fighting it...but Kincaid has it locked in and they are in the middle of the ring! The referee is in Lucios' face, asking him if he's ready to give up, if he wants to give up the match, and Lucios shakes his head furiously and he tries to crawl to the ropes. He crawls and Kincaid tries to lock the Crab in more tightly....and Lucios, he is so close to the ropes...AND HE GRABS THEM! HE HAS THE ROPES LUCIOS HAS THE ROPES...WHY ISNT KINCAID LETTING GO??? The camera zooms out to show Blitz, distracting the ref and Kincaid keeps the Crab locked on! However, Phantos comes down and chases Blitz around the ring and backstage! However, the damage has been done, and Lucios is hurting...and Kincaid, who lets go of the hold when the ref tells him, goes for a quick cover.....1....................2.............and LUCIOS KICKS OUT!

Kincaid gets up and immediately locks in a Figure Four Leg Lock! Lucios is fighting for his life! He lies down and the ref counts, 1........2....and Lucios sits back up, screaming in pain! Obviously, working in a singles match is taking its toll on the big man, as he has no one to turn to! After a good minute in the hold, Lucios starts to turn Kincaid over. Kincaid is fighting it....but Lucios reverses the Figure Four! Kincaid lets go of the hold and Lucios, with a noticeable limp, delivers a big right hand as Kincaid gets to his feet! And another big right hand! Kincaid goes down, get sup, and Lucios hammers Kincaid in the gut, picks him up, and delivers a power bomb! That's gotta be it! 1.......................2..............and Kincaid has his foot on the ropes! Lucios looks at the ref, waiting for the 3, and when none comes, Lucios lets go, gets to his feet, and picks Kincaid up, but Kincaid hooks Lucios by the leg and performs a dragon screw! Kincaid follows with a single leg crab lock! Lucios, very weak in the legs, tries to fight it, but it's locked in quickly....however Lucios is near the ropes and he is able to grab them after a few struggling moments. Kincaid REFUSES to let go of the hold, and the referee starts his 5 count. 1..........2.........3............4.....and Kincaid releases and starts fussing at the referee! When Kincaid turns around after a few choice words, Lucios rolls him up and the ref counts 1............2..........3!!!! LUCIOS STEALS ONE!

Winner in 9:03.....LUCIOS!!!!

DH MAGNUSSON vs. APOCALYPTIC EXISTENCE

The two combatants lock up in the middle of the ring, both trying to figure each other out. Magnusson muscles AE into the corner but AE ducks behind Magnusson and locks his arms around Magnusson's waist. D.H. tries to break the hold but can't. So instead he backs AE into the opposite corner, slamming AE into the turnbuckle and forcing him to let go. D.H. grabs AE and whips him into the ropes. AE bounces off and Magnusson arm drags him to the mat. Both men quickly get back to their feet and lock up again. AE gets Magnusson in a side headlock but D.H. pushes AE off sending him bouncing into the ropes. AE bounces back as D.H. ducks trying to back body drop him but he's telegraphed it and AE stops and hits him with a neck breaker. Cover. One...Two...Magnusson kicks out. AE raises D.H. to his feet and throws a huge side elbow to Magnusson's face and then whips him into the ropes. AE goes for a clothesline but D.H. ducks it and delivers a clothesline of his own! D.H. pulls AE to his feet but AE catches him with an elbow to the gut. With D.H. doubled-over, AE grabs Magnusson by the head and starts to deliver a series of knees to his face. Magnusson stumbles back in pain as AE grabs him and whips him into the corner. AE charges in and at D.H. and connects with a big splash. Magnusson staggers out of the corner and AE grabs him for a belly-to-belly suplex, but D.H. fights his way out of it and somehow connects with a DDT! Cover. One...Two...Apocalyptic Existence kicks out. Both men get back to their feet and D.H. sends AE into the ropes one more time. Magnusson propels himself off of the opposite ropes and delivers a diving shoulder block to AE sending both men to the ground. D.H. gets up a second before AE and begins to hammer him with heavy right hands. AE begins to fight back and soon the two are brawling in the middle of the ring. Magnusson appears to have the upper hand and has AE reeling. Magnusson goes for one more big haymaker, but somehow AE ducks it. D.H. misses badly and AE locks his arms up for the Vertebreaker! This could be it! Magnusson refuses to gone down quietly, however, and wrestles his way free. He grabs AE for a Russian leg sweep! There it is! Dream Street! He's got the Dragon Sleeper locked in tight! Apocalyptic Existence has no choice but to tap out!
WINNER in 7:34 - D.H. Magnusson

POE & THE WORLDS GREATEST FAG TEAM vs. OUTBACK JACK, CONCRETE TG & SEAMUS MCNASTY

Six man stare down at the bell and the crowd gets to buzzing. Who's gonna make the first move? ... And it's Hardcore! But OBJ blocks his right and and decks him! And we have a scrum that culminates with the good guys taking WGFT and Poe to the floor. The heels regroup and things settle down. Crete and Poe start things off proper, and Poe overpowers him. CTG slips away however and peppers Poe with lefts and rights in the corner, before bringing him back to the corner for a tag to Seamus. Some legal double teaming, and Poe scurries to his corner and tags in FFM. MacCappington tries to reason with Seamus, and that doesn't go well for FFM. Seamus pounds away, but FFM won't fall. Seamus charges, and MacCappington tries a flapjack, but Seamus plants him with a big DDT instead. OBJ in and they stomp the hell out of him, and Jack works FFM on the mat. Ryan flies in to break up an arm bar, but OBJ moves, and Hardcore takes out his partner instead. Back to the corner, and Crete tags back in. More legal double teaming, and we get a sequence of quick tags to keep FFM isolated. Seamus winds up tagging Crete back in, and when CTG goes to the ropes for a Hart Attack, Poe low bridges him, and Crete falls to the floor. Poe and Ryan kick the shit out of Crete while the ref gets Seamus, the illegal man, out of the ring. To the post goes Concrete, and Ryan sends him back in. FFM shakes the dust off and tags in Poe. Snake eyes and a hotshot put Crete down, and a guillotine catapult with the bottom rope sets up a tag to Ryan. Hardcore comes in with a somersault leg drop and wildly pounds away before tagging back to Poe. Poe works the shit out of CTG, then suckers OBJ in, and the diversion allows him to toss Crete over the top, where WGFT pound him on the floor. Seamus is around to break that up, and they toss CTG back in. Tag to FFM, and a second rope leg drop flattens Crete. OBJ breaks up the pin. Belly to back bomb, then a gorilla press... but Crete counters the gorilla press with a modified victory roll, but Hardcore is in with a well placed kick to Crete's nose, and CTG's busted open hardway. Tag to Ryan, and Ryan works on the nose, rubbing him into the mat Ricky Morton style. To the turnbuckle, and Poe tags in and crushes Crete face first into the corner with an avalanche. Poe with some words for Seamus, and that draws him in... and Poe sucker punches Crete with a stiff right hand right to the face. Concrete is bleeding everywhere by this point. CTG tries to wipe the blood away from his mouth, but Poe pops him again. A third try however is countered with a judo throw, but Poe grabs his leg when he dives for the tag, and Poe uses his size to reach his foot back and get a tag from MacCappington. FFM comes in with an elbow drop to stop any rally, but his German suplex try is unsuccessful, as Crete lands on his feet, but FFM clobbers him with a stiff clothesline to the face to take him down. Tag to Ryan, and Hardcore sends Crete to the corner. Ryan charges, but CTG gets a Jack Brisco rollup for two. Ryan grabs the leg to keep him from crawling away, but eats a mule kick instead... and HOT TAG OUTBACK JACK! OBJ hits everything that's tall, greasy, or gay - having to make a couple of trips to cover some of the bases. Cactus clothesline takes Poe to the floor, and Ryan takes an insanely high backdrop bump, going over the top and landing on Poe. BOOMERANG takes down FFM, but Poe breaks up the count. Seamus and OBJ try a spike piledriver, Poe slides back in to break that one up. Poe and Seamus have it out, and OBJ blindly whips FFM into them, knocking them both to the floor. Jack misses a charge and MacCappington gets a desperation big boot to take OBJ down and out to the floor. FFM is the last one standing... but forgets about Crete, who's covered in blood but has FFM lined up for the CEMENT MIXER~! One... two... but Ryan jumps in and nails the ref from behind to break up the count. Hardcore kicks Crete in the face and tosses him to the floor. Ryan to the top and lines up Seamus, but Seamus bails out and Hardcore goes thru the announce table. Seamus and Poe have it out again and everyone gets to their feet as MACCAPPINGTON COMES OFF THE TOP ROPE ONTO EVERYBODY! Holy shit. Crowd agrees. The ref begins a count, but says fuck it and just throws the match out instead.
WINNER in 17:29: NO CONTEST


MOOSEHEAD JACK vs. STANK – Hardcore Match

We see the ring scattered with assorted weapons; barbed wire bats, stop signs, cookie sheets (COOKIE SHEETS!) trash cans (w/lids), tables, ladders, chairs, Bunny (no, not Bunny, but a stuffed bunny). Davis Hightower just chuckles to himself as he won’t have a whole lot to do in this one, most likely. Boos rain down from every corner of the arena as “Scarecrow” by Ministry fires up, and Moose Headjack…I mean, Moosehead Jack tells the crowd they’re number one on both hands as he makes his way into the ring; snickers at all the weapons, and slumps down in the corner. Stank’s music fires up and all those raucous boos turn to cheers. Stank doesn’t take his eyes off the ring for a second as he slides in. The two competitors glare at each other, and Hightower calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!

The two talk a little smack before they lock up. Stalemate on the lockup; and finally Moose is able work out of it into an ARMBAR~! Stank reverses into an Armbar of his own. Moose is able to reverse that into a hammerlock. Stank slaps his shoulder twice (as required by the Professional Wrestler’s Code of Conduct) and reverses into his OWN hammerlock. Before Moose slaps HIS shoulder twice, the crowd starts to boo. Moose manages to whip Stank off the ropes, avoiding any and all weapons, and catches him on the way back. Stank slips out and goes around for a waistlock. Moose thinks for a second and works a STANDING SWITCH into a waistlock of his own. The crowd’s booing becomes more apparent. Stank manages to get a step of leverage to his left, and locks on a HEADLOCK. Moose manages to slip his head out and hooks Stank’s other arm: BACKSLIDE~! 1, 2, NO! Stank manages to kick out. Stank mock claps Moose as the crowd continues to boo.

They lock up again, and again it’s a stalemate, but Stank scoots around for a waistlock…SCHOOLBOY ROLLUP! 1, 2, NO! Moose just does kick out and the boos are deafening now. This ring is full of weapons, and none of them have been touched. Moose is FURIOUS that he almost got pinned and charges. Stank falls flat on his back…SUNSET FLIP! 1, 2, NO! Moose pops up furious but Stank hits an ARM DRAG into an ARMBAR into a SHORT ARM SCISSORS! The crowd has started to pelt the ring with garbage now, as they’re unhappy there’s no blood. Somehow Moose manages to reverse the Short Arm Scissors into a SINGLE LEG BOSTON CRAB! Stank grabs the ropes, and a shocked Hightower calls for the break. Moose simply pops up and takes a couple of steps backwards. This time, however, he at least LOOKS at the weapons around him.

This crowd is absolutely livid at this magnificent display of chain-wresting. Lockup again, and Stank quickly works a side headlock. Moose shoves Stank off…VICTORY ROLL!! 1, 2, NO~! Stank wastes no time…MAJISTRAL CRADLE~! 1, 2, NO~! Moose tries a CRUCIFIX~! 1, 2, NO~! OKLAHOMA ROLL BY STANK~! 1, 2, NO~! The ring is now littered with trash along with the weapons. Stank works another ARMBAR, but Moose REVERSES into an ARMBAR of his own. He torques back into a hammerlock, and eventually Stank goes to his stomach. Moose then extends the hammerlock into a FIGURE 4 ARMBAR. Stank’s in trouble, but he rolls over and Moose’s shoulders are PINNED! He rolls over at 2. Stank is trying to get the crowd into it, but they only reason they’ve stopped throwing trash is because they’ve run out. Stank manages to get to a Vertical Base as Moose is forced to switch to an ARMBAR. Stank goes behind and locks in an ABDOMINAL STRETCH! The crowd continues to shit all over this; but suddenly stands and cheers! Concrete TG comes out on the ramp and appears to be making his way down to the ring! Stank and Moose are facing the wrong direction, so they apparently just think the crowd has a change of heart, so Moose starts to sell the Abdominal Stretch more. Meanwhile, Crete has grabbed a Barbed Wire Baseball Bat! Dramatically, he approaches the two from the side, and SWINGS~!

Moose saw Crete out of the corner of his eye, and goes limp. Stank drops him, and simultaneously, while bending over, gets CRUSHED in the head with the BARBED WIRE BASEBALL BAT~! Stank dies (poor Stank). Moose can’t help but laugh uncontrollably as he knocks Crete SILLY~! With a Chair (Not CHAIR, just a Chair). Crete is dead (Poor Crete). Moose puts his feet on the ropes for shits and giggles as he pins Stank for the academic three count.
WINNER in 14:56 by PINFALL…MOOSEHEAD JACK!


DAVIN MORELAND vs. PHANTOS - #1 Contenders Match

The lights in the arena go out, and HUGE White Pyro goes off. The sounds of a turntable scratching are heard, and the fans mark the fuck out for the Run DLP graphics on the Jumbotron. At the top of the ramp, Davin Moreland, Samantha Darling and Phantos (sans cape) all appear, raising each others’ arms. The three make their way (slowly) down the ramp as they talk to and slap hands with the fans. Phantos and Davin each start signing autographs for crissakes. Samantha is forced to be the party pooper and tell them both they’ve got a match. Both give her the “Aw Ma, do we have to?” look, which doesn’t really go over well; so they both roll into the ring, and raise each others’ arms, pointing at each other. Now it’s referee Angelo Barros who has to break up the love-fest; and this time, it doesn’t really go over well with the crowd. They settle down a bit, and Barros kind of looks at the two competitors, feeling a search is pretty unnecessary, and calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!

Both competitors hear the bell and walk slowly to the middle of the ring. They shake hands and hug (this is getting a little disgusting now with all the sweetness). Davin whispers something into Phantos’ ear hole, and Phantos nods, apparently indicating that he understands. They back off again, and Barros says something like “Can we get on with this already?” Both wrestlers look sheepish, and slowly go in for a lockup. Davin’s got a ridiculous power advantage here, and pretty quickly gets Phantos into the corner. Barros comes in for the break and gets a clean one without a count, as Davin just walks back to the middle of the ring. Phantos grins and walks over to the middle of the ring as well. As Davin goes in to lock up again, Phantos hits a SWEET Standing Dropkick right in Davin’s grill. Davin stumbles backward a couple of steps and rubs his jaw smiling. Phantos kinda shrugs at him, and Davin applauds and tries to get the crowd to join in. They do, and Phantos starts laughing. He’s not laughing much longer however as Davin hits a SWEET Standing Dropkick of his own, and that sends Phantos all the way to the ropes. Davin charges looking to clothesline Phantos out of the ring, but Phantos puts up the LOW BRIDGE. Davin looks like he‘s going to spill to the outside, but manages to Skin the Cat. With Phantos turned away from him; Davin grabs him under the arms, and hits a DOUBLE UNDERHOOK SPINNING POWERBOMB that finishes out on the floor; and THAT looked like it hurt. Phantos is hurting, and Davin is actually slow to get back on the attack, appearing to give Phantos a second to recover; as if he didn’t mean for that to hit so hard.

Eventually, Davin does pull up Phantos, and hits a couple of European Uppercuts. Phantos looks glassy-eyed. Davin looks concerned, and rolls Phantos into the ring; and takes a second to gather his thoughts. Phantos, playing some SERIOUS possum, SPRINTS to his feet, and hits a SPRINGBOARD HURRICARANA, and Davin’s neck ends up on the barrier. Crowd goes batshit after that one. Phantos seems determined not to let up, and just starts to repeatedly kick Davin in the face. After 3 or 4 kicks, Davin grabs Phantos’ ankle, and DRAGON SCREWS him to the ground. Barros has started a count. Phantos is up first at 5, and seems to be favoring that knee. He rolls into the ring, and Barros continues the count (maybe he slows it a bit?) Barros’ count gets to 8, and Davin rolls in. Phantos greets him with STOMPS. Stompity-stomp stomp. And in case you didn’t get the point, more stomping. Phantos finishes up with a SWEET SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK, and rolls Davin over for a cover, which gets two; and Davin throws him off HARD; halfway across the ring. Phantos is a little shaken, but undeterred, and runs over, hitting a STANDING 360 LEGDROP, and covers again; that gets two. Phantos runs to the top turnbuckle, and hits a 450 SPLASH off the top. The cover gets 2. Phantos bounces off the near ropes, then the far ropes generating speed, and as he approaches the near ropes again, hits a SPRINGBOARD DOUBLE MOONSAULT, which is good enough for a “HO-LY SHIT!” chant from the crowd. It takes a second for Phantos to recover from that before he goes to cover, and as he bends down…INSIDE CRADLE! 1, 2, Thr…NO! Phantos just did get out of that. Davin still doesn’t get up though, so Phantos goes on the attack again and hits a SPRINGBOARD DOUBLE-KNEE DROP to Davin’s back, and dear God does that have to hurt. STANDING MOONSAULT from Phantos and he goes for the cover and gets a loooooooooooong 2. Phantos sits on Davin’s back and looks like he’s going for a Camel Clutch; but it’s actually a MILLION DOLLAR DREAM! I guess P-Dawg was paying attention last week. Davin is in BIG-TIME trouble, and is fading quickly, dealing with the Combo Submission. Phantos will have to name that for us in the future.

It’s looking bleak for Davin, as a trickle of blood can now be seen running down his face, and he is fading quickly. So much so, that Barros has to check on Davin, and do the three-time-arm-lift thing. The first two times predictably get no response, and for a change, the crowd really thinks there’s a chance the third won’t either, and they’re on their feet in anticipation. The third time down though (obviously) Davin manages to get control of his arm, but doesn’t do the shaky arm thing because it’s so dumb. Davin tries to break Phantos’ grip; no dice. He tries to flip Phantos over by pulling on the back of his head; but he’s sitting too far back. Davin finally gets to a knee, and, having wedged his hand in Phantos’ arm, seems to be getting a little oxygen. Davin manages to get on both feet, and the crowd starts to go batshit. Phantos is holding the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM for all he’s worth, and Davin is still shaky and fading occasionally, but he finally solidifies himself on both feet, and goes RUNNING WITH PHANTOS ON HIS BACK! He bounces off the ropes!

Russ: BAH GAWD!

That’s a SPRINGBOARD SAMOAN DROP folks, and it damn near killed Phantos. Phantos is out! However, Davin, for all intents and purposes is out too; and he rolls out to the floor, where he’s met by Samantha Darling; who is saying…something to him. We can’t tell because the camera is blocked. Barros starts another count, and Davin finally rolls his way into the ring at 9. Davin is back in, and Phantos is back up. They look at each other a little differently than they did to start the match, and they both run at each other. Phantos hits the ol’ DROP TOE HOLD, and Davin bounces his head off the top rope. On the snapback, Phantos hits a HUGE NECKBREAKER. Phantos heads to the top rope…he’s signaling for the SUICIDE LEGDROP! He takes off, and DAVIN ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! Crash and Burn from Phantos, but he’s not too shaken. He charges after Davin, but Davin SPEARS him out of his boots! Well, one boot, anyway, the other one is still on. Davin is really laboring to get to his feet as the winded Phantos puts his boot back on. They’re both up at the same time, and run at each other, but it’s Phantos first (as it’s been the whole match) with the HEADSCISSORS. Phantos tries to complete the Takeover part, but Davin just grabs Phantos and he’s got no leverage. What’s he gonna do? He goes for a CANADIAN DESTROYER and HITS but Phantos somehow ROLLS THROUGH! 1, 2, Thre….NO! NO! NO! Davin just did get his hand on the ropes!

Both men are shaken, but get back to their feet. Phantos walks in, but gets a THUMB TO THE EYE for his troubles! The fuck? Why would Davin do that? Especially to Phantos? KICK-WHAM-REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER! That’s going to do it. 1, 2…PHANTOS GETS HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES! SAMANTHA KNOCKS IT OFF BEFORE THE REF SEES IT! 3!
WINNER in 18:22 by Pinfall…DAVIN MORELAND


INSANE HOMELESS BUNNY vs. IHOP & THE AMNESIAC – OOWF Campeonas de Trios Title Match

Kid Rock blares through the arena as IHOP makes their entrance. SYB and Skurge head to ringside with Miss Mantooth. Alice in Chains strikes up, and the Big Screen shows THE Amnesiac’s graphics package. No Amnesiac. SYB grabs the ring mic and yells for the “Monkey’s in the trick to start that song over again.” Again The Music strikes up. Again, no Amnesiac. Skurge yells at the ring announcer to do it again. He complies, and a third opening chorus blares out. No Amnesiac. The ring announcer shrugs and begins to introduce the Champions. Eminem blares out and Carl, Bunny, and Justin stand at the top of the ramp, belts held high overhead. Bunny has a mic and begins to break us off a little something something.

One again Yo, it’s time to fight
One side Bennett, The other side Rick
The Battle goes on, night after night.
One of these days…(THUD)

From behind, THE Amnesiac appears, and wallops Bunny on the back of his skull with a baseball bat. Carl and Justin turn around and begin to chase Amnesiac, who dropped the bat and made a beeline for the ring. Carl and Justin slide in just behind him, and are met with a fury of stomps from IHOP before they can even get to their feet. Referee Mel Creech works to separate the men, and shortly order is restored. Bunny comes staggering to ringside, and Creech points at him to start the match. Justin screams at Mel “ARE YOU INSANE?” But the official’s decision has been made. Skurge greedily enters the ring and upon the bell sounding, charges in and spears Bunny off his feet. The former Rabbxt does a 360 flip and ends up in a corner half draped on the middle turnbuckle. Skurge grabs Bunny and whips him hard into the opposite corner. A sickening thud resonates over the stunned crowd as Bunny’s corpse flails to the mat. Skurge hoists Bunny up for a running power slam. A jumping leg drop nets him a near fall. How Bunny was able to move is incredulous.

Razz: That kid’s got guts, I’ll give him that!

Skurge reaches out and tags in SYB. SYB pulls Bunny to his feet and delivers a belly to back suplex. SYB locks in a devastating chin lock. He drags Bunny over into enemy territory. Amnesiac and Skurge both prop their boots on the turnbuckle. SYB grabs Bunny by the head and prepares to send him headfirst into the boots. As SYB rares back, Bunny ducks, and SYB ends up ripping the head off of the Bunny suit! SYB staggers into the corner and turns around, only to be met with a dropkick that bumps him into Skurge. Bunny crawls over and makes to hot tag to Justin Sane. San comes in and floors all three challengers, who attack dumb ninja style. SYB gets up first and gets a leg lariat. Skurge and Amnesiac take a powder and regroup on the arena floor. Carl runs around, does the Jeff hardy running leap off the barrier onto the two men. Carl pops up and gives the crowd a “YEAH BABY” that draws SYB’s attention. Justin from behind grabs SYB by the hair and tights and hurls him over the tope rope into Carl’s awaiting arms. Fall Away Slam into the Micronesian Announce Table! SYB moans and writhes in the debris.
Creech corrals the Champions in the ring and begins a slow, drawn out 10 count. Skurge and Amnesiac recover and drag SYB back to the ring apron and roll him inside at 8. Justin awaits, and hits SYB with a leg drop. Carl gets the tag in and drops an elbow on SYB. Mr. from Fresno tries for another, and SYB is able to roll out of the way and tag in Amnesiac. The masked man charges in and catches Carl with a flying forearm. Back drop. Deep arm drag. Carl powers up from the arm bar and Amnesiac hits a leg sweep and Carl hits the mat. Majistral Cradle for a 2 count. Carl pops up and catches a right hand from Amnesiac. Tag to Skurge. Skurge hits a Russian Leg Sweep and nails an elbow. Carl gets yanked to his feet and promptly judo-chopped to his knees. Skurge hits a face-first pile driver. He covers and Justin races in to break up the fall. SYB races across the ring and nails Bunny (who has since recovered his head and put it on straight). SYB and Bunny tumble to the outside and begins to pound away on each other. Skurge hoists Carl up in a Double-Chicken Wing and Carl seems ready to submit. Justin climbs the turnbuckles and poises, ready to leap onto Skurge. Skurge sees him and tosses Carl to the mat, and motions to Justin to “BRING IT ON” Justin points at him, stands tall on the turnbuckle, and suddenly moonasults onto SYB and Bunny on the floor.

Russ: THAT’S INSANE!!!

Bunny hops onto the ring apron and motions for a tag in. Carl crawls between Skurge’s legs and Bunny gets the hot tag. Dropkick. Springboard moonsault. Amnesiac runs in and eats flying burrito. Bunny fires up, pausing to adjust his loose costume mask. All 3 challengers have gathered on the floor to regroup. Carl is on his feet, Justin joins them in the ring and it’s TRIPLE PLANCHAS OVER THE ROPES! All six men hit the arena floor. Bunny is up and drags Amnesiac into the ring. He nails a bulldog and goes to the top. Skurge pushes him to the mat, causing Justin and Carl to rush in the ring together, drawing the wrath of Mel Creech. Amnesiac dropkicks Bunny, who lands in 619 position. Amnesiac grabs the bunny mask and jerks it quickly, turning the mask 90 degrees on Bunny’s head and obscuring his vision. Carl and Justin continue to argue violently with Creech. Amnesiac whips Bunny into the ropes, where Dorothy Mantooth cracks him in the head a second time with the baseball bat (how did that get there?) Amnesiac hits PURE AMNESIA! Skurge grabs Creech and drags him to the mat to count his cover, while Amnesiac and SYB cross up Carl and Justin. 1…2….3!
WINNERS; in 14:27; and NEW CAMPEONAS DE TRIOS, IHOP & The Amnesiac!

ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. FIREWOMAN – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match

AA comes to the ring with a smirk on his face, pointing to the Onslaught title belt around his waist and waving his finger at Firewoman. You have to give it to AA, he may not be the best in the ring but he sure knows how to defend a title outside the squared circle. Firewoman charges at AA immediately, but AA makes sure the ref is between them. AA takes his time getting into the ring, berates the ref for his choice of attire and then hands the ref the belt. AA then motions Firewoman to bring it, but Firewoman decides she wants AA checked for foreign objects. AA goes ballistic at the suggestion that he’d be hiding anything and cites the Second Amendment as reason that he should not be searched. The ref isn’t buying into it, however, but does agree to check Firewoman first. She’s clean. But while the ref is checking Firewoman, it appears AA is removing things from his body. The ref catches him in middle of pulling a taped fork from his right boot. Now the ref gets serious about checking AA and finds, in no particular order, a lead pipe, brass knuckles, a chain, chloroform, a giant vibrator, hair removal cream, a tag team rope, a two-pack of Cinnabon rolls, a McCulloch chainsaw, a Las Vegas wedding, a Mexican divorce, a solid gold Kama Sutra coffee pot and a baby’s arm holding an apple. OK, now I think we’re ready to wrestle. They lock up in the middle of the ring, no one gets the advantage and they break. Lockup again, no advantage and a break. AA flexes his biceps; Firewoman returns the favor and it’s clear who’s got the bigger guns. And AA isn’t happy. AA motions for Firewoman to stand in the middle of the ring, and AA’s going for the Old School Shoulder Block Challenge (as seen on AWA Classic JUST LAST NIGHT!). As expected, AA can’t move Firewoman. AA tries again to no avail. AA motions for Firewoman to try, and AA bulks up in the middle of the ring. FW goes to the ropes, comes off and clobbers AA with a shoulder block that staggers him to the ropes, over the top rope and out to the floor. AA complains to anyone who would listen that he was off balance, and gets in an argument with a 10-year-old girl in the front row. That gives Firewoman the chance to attack from behind, and she tosses AA into the crowd. The 10-year-old girl starts punching AA, and gets some good shots in before security pulls her away. AA Flair Flops for the girl’s punches. FW climbs the ring barrier and gives AA some adult haymakers, each one sending AA staggering into a different set of fans. Eventually, AA falls into a guy with a beer. AA grabs the beer cup and tosses the beer into Firewoman’s eyes. That slows her down. So AA hit the—wait for it—the 5-Star Greco Roman Phalangeal to the Eye, then knees her in the gut and DDTs her to the floor. AA sits down in a nearby chair and rests for a second, only to be attacked from behind by the same 10-year-old girl. I think she’s got a sleeper on AA! Meanwhile, don’t we have a count from the ref? Oh, there he is. The ref’s in the ring, and he’s at TWO! Well, that’s good to know. AA snap mares the 10-year-old girl and kicks her in the ribs, which prompts another fan to throw beer at AA. AA finds some pretzels and throws those at the fan, and this things really getting out of control. Firewoman comes back from selling the DDT and forearms AA in the back, sending him staggering further into the crowd. AA gets back up against a barrier, and FW spears him right into the wall!! FW drags AA up by the hair—FIREDRIVER!! Hey, isn’t the 10-count close? Let’s see! The ref says…FOUR! Meanwhile, Firewoman drags AA back through the crowd, but AA’s smart enough not just to walk with her like other wrestlers do. He grabs a chair and waffles Firewoman with a chair swing to the face. Why hasn’t anyone thought of that before? AA falls to the ground to catch his breath--where he is again attacked by the 10-year-old girl! She’s got a tag team rope, and she’s choking AA! Does the OOWF sell those at the concession stand now? Yes? $1.50? That’s a pretty good deal. Can you get me two? I can tie them to the bed posts and … oh yeah, the wrestling match. Damn that Attention Deficit Disorder. By the way, the ref’s count is at FIVE! Firewoman back on the attack again, leaping off a chair and hitting the AJ Styles Flying Forearm. She drags AA back to the ring area, smashes his head into the Chinese Announce Table (where all announcers are certified to be at least 16 years old, even those they look 12). AA somehow flops onto the table on his back, so Firewoman grabs a ladder from underneath the ring. Firewoman sets up the ladder, climbs the ladder, appeals to the crowd from on top of the ladder. (BTW, the ref is at EIGHT!) FIRESPLASH! (Does she even do a Firesplash? Whatever. You get the idea. She pretty much pancaked AA on the announce table.) AA’s dead; FW’s doing her best Rob Van Dam fish floppy impression, and the Chinese Announce Table is toast. FW crawls toward the ring, and the ref just reached NINE! FW uses the “Best of OOWF, Volume 23: The Edge of Felonies” ring banner to pull herself up, and rolls into the ring just moments before the ref calls TEN! Ring the bell!!!

YOUR WINNER in 12:57, by count out, Firewoman!

Firewoman celebrates in the ring, and does the “I want the belt” motion to AA. AA’s revived now that the bell is rung, grabs his belt and backs his way up the entry ramp, clutching his belt as if it’s his last possession. AA then regains his senses and motions that the belt’s still his and that Firewoman will never get it. For good measure, AA points to the 10-year-old girl and calls for security to escort her from the arena.

ALEXANDER DARLING vs. CHRIS COLE – OOWF Intercontinental Title Match

Keeping with REAL wrestling etiquette, the challenger is announced first. "Master Of Puppets" blasts across the arena, and out on the ramp we find...

Nothing.

Cole’s introduction is made a second time, "Master of Puppets" comes alive a second time, and on the ramp...

Still nothing.

The ringside team is confused, the fans are looking around, and a few seem to have started a fight in one of the mid-level sections.

Wait, those aren't fans, it's CHRIS COLE AND ALEXANDER DARLING! The champion and the challenger are brawling their way through the crowd! They're peppering each other with punches as OOWF staffers try to pull them apart and get them to the ring! Cole LEVELS 2 staffers with a pair of wild overhand rights! Darling launches first an elbow at a staffer that sends him sprawling, and then launches HIMSELF at Cole, sending both them tumbling over the guardrail to the floor seating below! Both men land in a pile, and Cole isn't moving! Darling rolls off, clutching at his already injured shoulder and SCREAMING~! Even from just this camera angle, it's very obvious that Darling has dislocated his shoulder. EMTs as well as Assistant commissioner Moreland are on the scene as Cole begins to finally stir, drawing a relieved collective exhale from the crowd. Darling is writhing on the ground, SCREAMING something at Moreland, who doesn't like whatever it is he is hearing. Cole shrugs off the EMTs, who are trying to tend to a very large and bloody gash on the back of his head, and begins to stumble to the ring!

Moreland seems to be telling Darling "no" to something, which causes the champion to scream even more, before settling down and clutching at Moreland, whispering something to him. I have no idea what he told him, but Moreland apparently bought into it, as he waves off the EMTs who have shifted to tending to Darling and sits down beside him, grabbing his arm.

Oh no, this makes me cringe just thinking about it...

Darling lets out a bloodcurdling shriek that fills the arena as Moreland pops the shoulder back into place! Moreland, for his part, is showing more than a bit of concern as the EMTs are instructed to tape Darlings arm to his chest, and with tears of pain in his eyes, Darling is headed for the ring!~

Referee Davis Hightower looks to Moreland uncertainly as Darling struggles to get the belt off, and Moreland simply gives him a nod before heading to the back. Hightower shows the title to Cole, who may or may not see it, the bell rings, and we're underway!

The two circle each other warily, with Darling landing a few low leg kicks before Cole slips in and buries a knee into Darling's midsection, doubling him over. Cole's follow-up forearm misses as Darling spins away, protecting the shoulder. The bloodied Cole smiles like a shark and backs the wounded Darling into a corner, but can't capitalize as Darling slips out when Cole launches a kick, and delivers a quick basement dropkick to the back of Cole's knees! Cole's head lands hard on the second turnbuckle, and Darling is already back on his feet, leaping up for a sickening second dropkick that buries Cole face first into the middle turnbuckle!

Cole is slumped in a heap in the corner, but Darling landing on the injured shoulder! Hightower starts his count, but Darling uses the ropes to get to his feet and grabs Cole by the hair, pulling him up...

Mule kick by Cole! Hightower didn't see it, but Darling crumples to the mat as Cole snaps to, delivering a falling fist drop to Darling's shoulder! Darling screeches in pain as Cole gets back to his feet, tearing at the medical tape and wrapping it around Darling's throat. Hightower starts a count, and at 4 Cole is on feet yelling at him, while digging a heel into Darling's shoulder.

Cole draws Darling up and grabs the injured shoulder, looking for a fujiwara as Darling quickly grabs the ropes. Instead of a break Coles fires him off, following him into the ropes and burying another knee into Darling's midsection. Arm wringer by Cole, and even a simple move like that could spell bad news for Darling. A second twist takes Darling down to a knee, and Cole grinds a shin against the upper arm, earning a few more screams from Darling as Hightower slides in to check on him. Darling shakes him off and struggles to his feet as Cole wrenches down on the arm again. Darling pulls a drop toe hold out of nowhere and rolls through, burying an axe kick into the back of Cole's head! Darling scoots back into the corner and pulls himself up, as the fans start to rally behind him. Cole back to his feet and charging hard into the corner, NOBODY HOME as Darling kicks up and floats over rolling into a sunset flip!

1...
2...

Kick out by Cole, who leaves a puddle of blood behind as he hauls himself to his feet as charges Darling, who hits him with a high angle hip toss! Cole springs to his feet, only to be met by a bicycle kick for Darling! Darling is getting fired up as he drills Cole with a standing side kick that sends him flying into the turnbuckles! Darling takes a run, leaps at Cole, monkey flip out of...NO! Cole hooks the ropes and Darling crashes to mat! Cole back on the offensive, and there's nothing pretty about it as he begins kicking away at Darling's shoulder and head! Pickup by Cole, hard whip into the turnbuckle, and a thundering German suplex on the rebound! Cole's got the bridge:

1...
2...


Darling rolls a shoulder and 2 and a half, before getting shot back into the ropes by Cole, who drills him with a high knee to the back before picking him up and signaling to the crowd...Cole with the pickup, HEADLI-

No! Darling with a twisting float over, he's got Cole's head hooked, and he let's out an agonizing scream as he wrenches up...LIFTING INVERTED DDT! Cole may be dead as Darling slumps across him:

1...
2...
3!

Darling defies the odds and gets the win! As the bell sounds, the ring floods with medical personnel who begin looking to both men.
WINNER via PINFALL at 14:28 and STILL OOWF INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION: ALEXANDER DARLING!

[Jack Quinn]

LD WILLIAMS vs. SPIN HANSEN – OOWF World Heavyweight Title Match

Spin Hansen makes his way to the ring first, he has the gash above his ear sewn up and appears to have the equilibrium problems from his earlier match taken care of, but do you think that might possibly be a target for LD? The OOWF World Heavyweight Champion LD Williams is announced, and he makes his way to the ring. As LD steps between the ropes, Spin charges across the ring and attacks. Spin catches LD with a knee lift that sends the champ back out of the ring to the floor. Spin follows and slams LD back first into the guard rail. Williams staggers a bit and Spin scoops him up and plants him on the floor with a slam. Spin pulls LD to his feet and rolls him under the ropes, follows and immediately covers, but LD kicks out after just one. Spin pulls LD to his feet and sends him to the ropes but lowers his head a moment too soon and LD catches him with a kick to the chops that stands Spin up, then takes him down to the mat with a clothesline. LD remains on the mat for a moment, grabbing his back in pain. Both men get to their feet, and LD tries a punch but Spin blocks it and grabs LD and head buts him right between the eyes. LD staggers around the ring and Spin hits an enzuguri that sends LD to the mat. Hansen drives a knee into LD’s back then pulls him back into a bow and arrow trying for the submission, but LD refuses to submit. After several seconds Spin releases the hold and LD crawls to the corner and sits against the turnbuckles holding his back in pain. Spin gets to his feet and charges into the corner, driving his knee into LD’s skull. Williams crumbles to the mat and Spin pulls him to the middle of the ring and covers, but LD rolls his shoulder at two. Spin pulls LD to his feet and sends him to the ropes and catches him with a double sledge to the face. LD drops to one knee and Spin bounds off the ropes and takes the champ to the mat with a combination clothesline bulldog, shoots the half nelson and rolls LD over for another two count. Spin shows a bit of frustration at not being able to keep LD down, and pulls him up once again and sets him on the top rope. Spin climbs onto the bottom rope and he and LD exchange punches and chops. LD rocks Spin with several shots to the head, and it looks like Spin is about to fall off the ropes when he grabs the back of Williams’ head and SLAMS him in the face with a head but! Williams rocks back on the ropes and Spin grabs him and hits a fall away muscle buster! The champ is out! Spin crawls across the ring and hooks the leg, one, two, thre….NO! Williams reaches out and grabs the bottom rope. The fans celebrate a bit prematurely, and Spin cannot hide his disappointment. He hauls Williams to his feet and tries a vertical suplex, but Williams slips out of his grip and lands behind Spin and shoves him to the ropes. On the rebound, it appears LD tried a shoulder block, but he and Spin end up colliding head first. Both men fall to the mat dazed and the referee starts the ten count of doom. Williams crawls to the ropes and pulls himself up, Spin slowly gets first to one knee, then to his feet. He staggers around and finally sees Williams against the ropes and charges, but LD backdrops Spin over the top rope! Spin lands on his feet on the apron, and immediately charges with a clothesline, but LD ducks. Spin stops short of crashing into the ring post, but LD turns in the ring and catches Spin with a dropkick into the back of the head that sends him face first into the steel, then to the floor. The camera catches up with Spin and we see he has been busted wide open. Williams leaves the ring and leaps off the apron and drives an elbow into Spin’s chest, then hammers him with shots to the face. LD pulls Spin to his feet and starts to whip him toward the guard rail, then reverses it and sends him shoulder first into the stairs. Spin falls to the floor grabbing his shoulder, but LD doesn’t give him a second to recover, instead pulling him up and slamming him shoulder first into the steel before rolling him under the ropes into the ring. Williams is quick to follow and he traps Spin in a chicken wing and tries for the submission that way, but Spin refuses to give up. Williams keeps the pressure on, but Spin finally makes it to the ropes, forcing the break. LD pulls Spin to his feet and sends him to the ropes, and stops him cold with a kick to the mid section, then takes to Spin to the mat and traps him in a Fujiwara arm bar, but once again Spin makes it to the ropes forcing the break. Williams is to his feet first, he waits for Spin to get to his feet then charges, but Spin side steps and pushes Williams to the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a thunderous spinebuster! Spin grabs his shoulder in pain giving Williams a precious few seconds to recover. By the time Spin covers, LD is able to roll his shoulder just before the three count. Both men are very slow to their feet, Spin has to be exhausted from his earlier match, and Williams has taken a pretty good beating in this one. Spin grabs Williams and buries a knee into his midsection, then tries a whip to the corner, but Williams reverses it and sends Spin crashing chest first into the corner, as Spin staggers backward, LD grabs him and hits a DRAGON SUPLEX with a bridge! One, Two, THREE! Williams gets the three count just before Spin kicks out!
WINNER in 28:41 and STILL OOWF World Heavyweight Champion – LD Williams

Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Judgment Eve III, Live August 31 from Qeqetarsauq, Greenland! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem Live! September 3rd, from Burnside Harbor, Nunavut Canada!

For all your OOWF shopping needs, check out www.cafepress.com/oowfshirts

Join us for OOWF Chat on Wednesday nights!