OOWF MM Live! (9-10) From Steinbach, Canada
Sept 10, 2008 19:14:08 GMT -5
Post by Jack Quinn on Sept 10, 2008 19:14:08 GMT -5
OOWF MidWeek Mayhem
Live! From Steinbach, Manitoba Canada
We cut in to a scene backstage, just outside GMtheRick’s office, where Firewoman and Attitude Adjuster are arguing.
FW: I don’t know what more proof you need. I gave you all the reports from the doctor. I’m pregnant, it’s yours. End of story.
AA: Dammit woman, I’m tired of playing games.
FW: It’s not a game, it’s a living….uh….it’s….
Firewoman begins to lose her composure, as the hormone-induced tears begin to well up involuntarily in her eyes. At that point, GMtheRick, hearing the raised voices, flings his door open, startling them both.
GMtR: Dammit, both of you. I have a show to produce, can you hold it down?
AA: Don’t look at me, this is all her fault.
GMtheRick looks at Firewoman.
GMtR: Oh no, are you crying. Did you make her cry?
AA: No, I just—
GMtR: You know, I know you’re a heel and all, and a chickenshit to boot, but to make the mother of your own child cry? That’s really low.
AA: I’m….sorry? Wow, I really am….
FW: He doesn’t believe me, Rick. He wants more proof.
GMtR: Oh for Pete’s sakes.
Rick puts an arm around Firewoman to comfort her. Attitude Adjuster starts to roll his eyes, but instead….
AA: Look, I’m sorry, okay? But you have to understand my position. You’ve had a couple of months to adjust to this right? I’ve barely had two weeks. I just…. I need to be sure, okay?
Firewoman sniffs and nods.
GMtR: You know, Alan, even though you’re on the opposite side … well, there are just some things that are more important than this stupid war.
Rick appears to think for a moment.
GMtR: Fire, Alan, I had an idea. You wouldn’t believe how much mail this little story of yours has brought. Positive too! People are really interested in this. So, I have an idea that will boost ratings and maybe put Alan’s mind at rest. What about… live ultrasound in the ring.
AA: Yes. Perfect. That way, there are witnesses, and she can’t pull anything.
FW: No, not perfect. This should be a private moment, not one shared with—
GMtR: Now now. Think about it. You can prove to Alan you’re telling the truth, the technician can pinpoint the date of conception. The fans will love it, and you, Firewoman, for sharing that with them. C’mon…..
FW: I don't know...
GMtR: They might be able to see if everything's okay, after that... you know... tennis racket incident.
Attitude Adjuster looks down at his shoes. Firewoman looks from Rick, to Attitude Adjuster, and back again. She sighs.
FW: Fine. I can’t fight you both.
GMtR: Good, now you come in my office and sign some consent forms, since it’s your body after all.
FW: Gee, I’m glad someone noticed.
GMtR: Alan, you go on and we’ll see you in the ring.
AA: Great. Um, thanks Rick. I never thought I’d say that but…
GMtR: I still hate you and your side. Never forget that.
AA: Ditto. [To Firewoman, as he reaches out and gently takes her hand] See you in the ring.
Attitude adjuster leaves. The confused Firewoman follows Rick into his office to get ready for the exam.
DEAD & BLITZ vs. CAPE TOWN CANNIBALS
Ok Mikey is a bit late with this one, but who are we kidding really? Dead and Blitz kick the holy shit out of CTC in this one. Dead nails both with Close the Casket and Blitz does something insanely high risk and impressive off the top rope. One, two, three this one is over.
WINNERS in 3:13 – Dead & Blitz
TYSON KINCAID vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY vs. ZK DEBEERS – Elimination Match
All three men will start in the ring. The last man left standing will be declared the winner.
Kincaid, McNasty, and DeBeers circle each other to start things off. Suddenly, both Seamus and Tyson look over at DeBeers, and then at each other. Without speaking a single word, both men dive on DeBeers and pummel the living hell out of him. DeBeers is reeling and runs out of real estate as he backs into the turnbuckle. Seamus and Tyson take turns connecting with haymakers to the helpless, and hapless, DeBeers. It doesn't really look like they're working together so much as enjoying a good old-fashioned beat down. The crowd is certainly enjoying watch DeBeers suffer rights and lefts. The referee eventually gets the two men to back off, giving DeBeers a much needed breather. Kincaid and Seamus immediately go toe-to-toe with each other and start swinging wildly. Seamus throws a vicious right that connects squarely with Kincaid's jaw. Tyson's head snaps back but he doesn't go down. Instead, he fires a haymaker of his own that connects with equally devastating results. Seamus also refuses to go down, and the crowd is eating it up. Just at that moment, as both men are swinging wildly, ZK DeBeers pulls himself up with the aid of the ropes. He tries to steady himself on noticeably wobbly legs and attempts to charge at the other two combatants. Instead, he trips over his own feet and falls flat on his face. Kincaid picks him up and lays him right back down with an explosive clothesline. Seamus drags Kincaid back to his feet and slaps him around a little before picking him up and drilling him with the Celtic Cross. He goes for the academic cover. One...Two...Three. Eliminated: ZK DeBeers. Now it's down to two as they once again get in each others face's and begin to trade punches. Both men are stagger by heavy lefts and rights, but neither man will go down. Seamus gains the advantage for a moment and backs Kincaid into the corner. After a right hand that he is sure has stunned Kincaid, Seamus backs up and then charges. Kincaid was playing possum, however, and ducks out of the way just in time. Seamus crashes chest-first into the turnbuckle and stumbles backwards toward the center of the ring. Kincaid catches him with a swinging neck breaker and quickly goes for the cover. One..Tw..Seamus kicks out. Both men get back to their feet and trade blows once again. This time Kincaid gains the advantage and sends Seamus into the ropes. Kincaid attempts a clothesline but Seamus ducks it, bounces off the ropes, and connects with a clothesline of his own that sends Tyson over the top rope. Somehow Kincaid lands on his feet and immediately pulls Seamus to the outside with him. The two once again slug it out as the crowd screams for blood. The referee is desperately trying to get the men back into the ring, but these two can't hear a thing. Each man's only focus is to beat the hell out of the other one. Kincaid whips McNasty into the barricade and Seamus hits it hard. Kincaid charges in after him, but Seamus has the presence of mind to use Kincaid's momentum against him as he back-body drops Kincaid over the barricade and into the crowd. Seamus climbs over the barricade as well and now the two are brawling right in the middle of the fans. The referee gives up any hope of restoring order and calls for the bell.
WINNER - NO CONTEST in 11:04
TYTAN vs. APOCALYPTIC EXISTENCE
Tytan heads to ringside first, to a mixed response, Apocalyptic Existence comes down next, but instead of his usual second, Chad Patton, he is accompanied by the Mysterious Hooded Figure! Tytan stares holes through the duo as they head to ringside. AE enters the ring and prepares for this sure-to-be-mat classic. The HF stands outside the ring. Tytan tries talking to HF, but he gets zero response.
AE and Tytan lock up. Tytan pushes AE into a corner. They lock up again, and AE returns the push. Tytan glances back at the HF as he gets to his feet, and AE charges in, burying his knee in Tytan’s gut. AE takes control with a scoop slam, followed by an elbow drop. Butterfly Suplex. AE covers for 1…2…and Tytan gets the shoulder up. AE drags him to his feet. European uppercut from AE. Bounce off the ropes. Big clothesline. Tytan goes down hard. AE grabs Tytan’s legs and looks to lock in a sharpshooter. Tytan resists, and manages to push AE off. Both men to their feet. Tytan ducks a right hand, and hits a quick belly to back suplex. AE is up quickly and eats a big boot. Tytan hoists AE up in a Gorilla Press. Instead of the usual slam, he turns it into an elevated Michinoku Driver. Cover for 1…2… and AE is barely able to grab the nearby bottom rope to break the count. Tytan drags AE to his feet and blasts him with a forearm. Running power slam. Tytan sets AE on the turnbuckle and hits a Muscle Buster. AE rolls to the outside and The HF consoles him. Tytan shouts a string of obscenities at the HF, who looks up only momentarily. AE crawls back in, and Tytan pounces. He pummels AE with punches and elbows until AE is slumped in the corner.
The HF climbs to the apron and raises a hand. Tytan turns to face him and again begins verbally assaulting the HF. The HF turns his back on Tytan’s barrage. Tytan apparently doesn’t like being ignored, and drops down to the arena floor to continue his discussion with HF. The HF turns around quickly reaches under his cloak and reveals a baseball bat! A Bondsian swing lands on Tytan’s skull and levels the former Ultimo protégé. AE drops down the ringside and starts to kick away at Tytan. Suddenly the crowd begins to make some noise, and AE feels a tap on his shoulder. ANOTHER HOODED FIGURE! HF#2 decks AE and grabs the bat from HF#1. HF#1 backs away and trips over a cameraman crouched at ringside. His hood falls back and we see… IT’S CHAD PATTON! HF#2 cracks Patton over the head with the bat and tosses both AE and Tytan in the ring. AE is to his feet first, and he swings a big right hand, titan dicks and AE eats another big boot. Textbook hangman’s neck breaker by Tytan. He circles behind AE and once his foe is to his feet, Tytan locks in a Full Nelson! Patton starts to stir, and the REAL HF blasts him again with the bat. AE sees this and after several moments of struggle to escape, realizes the gig is up and he submits.
WINNER, in 9:49; Tytan
(Tytan then climbs the ropes and celebrates with the crowd as his music plays, and what has becomes his latest victim. After a bit of that he then asks for a mic. It gets handed to him and he then motions for the sound guy to cut his music, which he does.)
Tytan: All right…all right…now it seems people are beginning to wonder who is that guy that keeps showing up during my matches and then in some of my promos.
(The crowd responds with some cheers and “What?” and the normal things a wrestling crowd yells.)
Tytan: So we decided especially since tonight my opponent tried to pull off what he did. We should move our plan forward and reveal who he is. So at this time I want to call my Hooded Friend into the ring.
(The Hooded Friend appears at the entry ramp and begins to make his way down to the ring to a mixed reaction.)
Tytan: Thanks. Now for those that don’t remember my friend appeared to me shortly after the falling out with Ultimo Inc. and then we had a little discussion where he offered to treat me like an equal and not the freak show that Steel and Podvod were turning me out to be. It was an interesting offer and once I found out who it was myself I couldn’t say no and that was when Gods and Monsters was formed. Who’s that you say? Well at the Pay Per View we were the ones that jumped the Tag-Team Champs. You see we are not sided with any team in this war so we can do things like that. They call themselves Division Killers. Well guess what? There’s a new team in town and we are coming after you. We want your titles. So be ready Lucios and Phantos. The Gods and Monsters are coming for you! Now let’s get out of here.
(He drops the mic and gets and he and the Hooded Friend start to head out and the crowd reacts that they still haven’t told who he is. The two stop and come back and Tytan picks up the mic again.)
Tytan: That’s right I said we were going to see who’s under that hood tonight. (He starts to make his way over to his Friend and check under the hood.) Are you ready for this? (The Hooded Friend shakes his head yes. Tytan then steps back and the Hooded Friend gets ready to reveal.) All right the man that has been under the hood and soon will be one half of the Tag-Team Champions of the World, the other half of Gods and Monsters. Is none other then…(As Tytan says the name the Hooded friend pulls his hood down to reveal himself.)…POE!!
(The crowd reacts with a mixed reaction, unsure of how to react to this. Tytan and Poe work the crowd and Selena makes her way skipping and clapping down to the ring. The three work the crowd and then decide it’s time to leave.)
ERIC O’MAC & POE vs. OUTBACK JACK & SPIN HANSEN
Poe, accompanied by Selena, enters the arena first to a chorus of boos. Eric O’Mac is next, and the chorus turns into a symphony, complete with raining debris. The crowd holds its breath as the lights dim, then erupts to the first notes of "Alcohaulin' Ass" as Spin Hansen and Outback Jack enter the arena. OBJ and Spin briefly acknowledge the cheers, then storm down the aisle, and slide into the ring. Eric and Poe attack, and things immediately get out of control. The four men brawl around the ring, and referee Angelo Barros attempts to restore order, but after ducking the third punch, retreats to an unoccupied corner and calls for the bell. Eric gets the best of OBJ with a sucker punch, and beats him down to the mat. He continues the attack with stomps and kicks, rolling OBJ to the corner and choking him against the ropes. Eric swings himself up on the rope and comes down with a double stomp on OBJ's chest. He pulls the bigger man to his feet and throws him to the ropes. OBJ catches an attempted leg lariat, and muscles Eric into a T-bone suplex. Barros takes advantage of the separation and sends OBJ to one corner and orders Eric to another. Spin and Poe, meanwhile, are in center ring, exchanging haymakers. Poe gets the advantage and staggers Spin, then scoops him up and slams him. He comes off the ropes and drives an elbow into Spins throat, then rolls him over and stomps on the back of his neck. Poe squats over Spin and locks him into a Camel Clutch. Spin refuses to submit, and starts dragging himself to the ropes. OBJ steps into the ring, and Eric comes in as well, diving over Poe and Spin to take OBJ down with a flying forearm. They roll to the outside, exchanging punches. Before Spin reaches the ropes, Poe stands up and drives his weight into Spin's back. He tries to do it again, but Spin forces himself to his feet, lifting Poe up and driving him back to the mat. Spin immediately rolls over and starts driving punches into Poe's face. Eric, nose bloody from a collision with the ring steps, breaks away from OBJ and dives into the ring. He punts Spin in the head, drawing blood and knocking him off of Poe. As Poe gets to his feet, OBJ spears Eric from behind, driving him into the corner. OBJ drops Eric with a reverse DDT and turns to face Poe.
They forego the lock up and just start throwing punches. Poe has a size advantage, but OBJ is relentless, and he drives the big man back towards the ropes. Spin gets to his feet and they whip Poe to the ropes, elevating the big man out of the ring with a tandem backdrop. Eric is up and attempts a double clothesline, but OBJ and Spin duck. Spin sweeps Eric's legs as OBJ hits a brutal clothesline. Eric does a 360 in the air and hits the mat hard. OBJ sees Poe getting back in the ring and hits the ropes, while Spin goes to the opposite side. Call of the Wild! Poe may be dead. Spin covers, but Barros forces OBJ back to the D&D corner before making the count. One...Two...Thr- Poe just rolls a shoulder. Spin rolls to his feet, kicks Poe in the head, and makes the tag. OBJ and Spin shove Poe into the corner and beat on him with punches. They whip him into the opposite corner and do a double reverse Irish whip, sending OBJ flying into the corner with a clothesline. Poe stumbles out of the corner and OBJ muscles him up into a power bomb. He covers, but Eric dives in to break it up at two. Barros sends Eric back to his corner and OBJ turns back to Poe but gets surprised by a punch to the stomach. Poe drives an elbow into the back of OBJ's head, then plants him with a DDT. He drags OBJ to his corner, where Eric has just removed the turnbuckle pad, and slams his head onto the exposed steel, immediately drawing blood. Poe turns to block Barros' view, and Eric grabs OBJ. OBJ breaks the grip, however, and slams Eric's face into the metal with a sickening crunch. As Eric collapses, Poe grabs OBJ and snaps him over with a suplex, then grinds his forearm into OBJ's wounded face hooking his leg for a cover. Spin breaks it up at two. Poe rolls to his feet and blocks a punch from Spin, grabbing him by the throat for a choke slam. As he lifts him, OBJ chop blocks him and Poe topples backwards. Spin manages to shift position on the way down, and lands knee-first on Poe's windpipe. Spin rolls out of the ring toward Eric, grabbing him as he gets up and slamming him into the railing. Inside the ring, Poe gets to his knees, still choking, and OBJ comes off the ropes behind him, bulldogging him into the mat. OBJ rolls him over and covers, pressing the point of his elbow into Poe's windpipe. Barros counts One...Two...Three.
WINNERS in 21:36, Spin Hansen and Outback Jack.
DH MAGNUSSON vs. DAMON WRATH
This should be an interesting match. Both men prefer the “ground and pound” style of wrestling. Wrath was professionally trained, while Magnusson basically worked his way up and down the Jersey shore bars perfecting his craft. Both men make it to the ring and we get our introductions. Both men are the same height, but Magnusson has about a 50 lb weight advantage. The two men slowly circle and lock up. Magnusson uses his weight advantage to push Wrath toward the ropes, but before they get there, Wrath spins behind Magnusson and takes him to the mat with a waist lock. Wrath immediately tries to work the arm, but Magnusson spins out of it and flips Wrath to the mat and grabs a side head lock. Wrath immediately gets to his feet and spins out of it reversing it into a test of strength. Magnusson is winning the battle, bending Wrath backward to the mat when Wrath releases his grip and takes Magnusson to the mat with a drop toe hold, plants his knee right between Magnusson’s shoulders and pulls back on his arms locking him in a modified camel clutch. The referee asks Magnusson if he wants to quit, HA! Fat chance of THAT happening. Instead Magnusson grunts in pain and endures the pain. Magnusson struggles and eventually gets to his feet, Wrath keeps hold of Magnusson’s arms and keeps one knee planted in his back, precariously keeping his balance on one leg. Before Magnusson can break out if it, Wrath releases his arms, grabs the back of his head and drops him with a lung blower! Wrath covers, but Magnusson rolls his shoulder at two. Wrath pulls Magnusson to his feet and shoves him back into the corner and hits him with repeated shoulder blocks to the midsection. Wrath backs off a few steps while Magnusson gasps to regain his breath, and charges with his head down for one last big shoulder block, but Magnusson meets him with a knee lift that snaps Wrath’s head back and sends him to the mat. Wrath struggles to his feet, his eyes a little glassy from the impact. Magnusson explodes out of the corner and nearly takes Wrath’s head off with a clothesline. Magnusson covers, but Wrath rolls his shoulder at two. DH mounts Wrath and hammers him with shots to the head, Wrath does his best to cover up and deflects a few shots, but a few of them also find their mark and leave Wrath bloody. Wrath manages to find the ropes and force the break. Magnusson lets Wrath get to his feet, then pulls him to the center of the ring and catches him with several knees to the face before lifting him for a vertical suplex. Wrath kicks and slips out of the move, landing on his feet behind Magnusson. DH spins around and Wrath grabs his arm and wrings it, then hits the LIGHTS OUT! Magnusson staggers, but doesn’t go down, so Wrath grabs him on his shoulders for the F-5, but Magnusson slips off his shoulders, grabs Wrath in a waist lock and throws him backward with a release German suplex! Wrath lands on the back of his head, and both men are down. The referee starts the ten count, and it takes until seven before they begin to stir. Magnusson crawls to the corner and pulls himself to his feet. Wrath gets to his feet and staggers a bit, then sees Magnusson in the corner and charges. DH side steps and Wrath SLAMS chest first into the corner! As he staggers back a few steps, Magnusson grabs him and hits the DREAM STREET! Magnusson hooks the move hard, and Wrath struggles to get to the ropes, but they are tantalizingly close, but ultimately just out of reach. Wrath has no choice and he taps before he loses consciousness.
WINNER in 10:49 – DH Magnusson
STANK vs. CONCRETE TG vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK – No Rules
The strains of Joe Satriani usher in CGT, who gets a hero’s welcome as he drags the Big Box O Plunder down to the ring, as well as his trusted ally, CHAIR. Concrete TG soaks in the crowd's ovation, until his music rather abruptly is replaced by "Scarecrow" as Moosehead Jack slowly makes his way to the ringside area, barbed-wire baseball bat slung over his shoulder. Moose stops short of entering the ring however, content to exchange withering stares with the Superhero in the ring.
NonPoint's "Skin" Fires up, and here comes the leader of Drink and Destroy, Stank, charging with a purpose! He shoots past a smirking Moosehead Jack and slides into the ring tackling CTG and automatically fires off a flurry of rapid fire punches to the head! The bell rings almost as an afterthought, and we're underway!
Stank is in firm control already, having caught the hero off-guard with the barrage of right hands as he whips him into the ropes and nearly decapitates him with a stiff clothesline! Big-time knee drop by Stank, and he goes back to the mounted face punches, as Moosehead Jack watches from the outside. Does he even know he's IN this match?
Stank still in control in the ring as he picks up CTG, but gets peppered with a quick trifecta of knife edge chops from the hero that stagger him back a step! Attempt at a double leg Stank finds nothing as CTG rolls over his back...BIG TIME SUPERKICK BY CTG! That sounded like a rifle going off in the arena! Stank is down, and CTG turns his attention the outside of the ring where MJH looks on, and dares him to get in the ring. MHJ responds by hopping onto the apron, then hopping back to the floor, pointing behind the hero, where Stank has recovered and grabs a quick waist lock, looking for a German -
No! CTG flips out of the release and hits the far ropes. Stank lowers his head, looking the backdrop, but the hero once again shows his quickness and uses Stank's back as a launching pad as the clears the ring, landing on Moosehead Jack!
CTG quickly springs to his feet, soaking in the "Holy Shit" chant before reaching into the ring and scooping up CHAIR, as Stank looks to be busying himself with something in the Big Box. MHJ up to his feet, and CTG tosses chair at him, looking maybe for a Van Damninator, but Moose quickly hurls CHAIR back at CTG resulting into a sick Sabu chair shot! Moose is as quick always to seize an opportunity, and barbs up his bat, driving into the head of CTG, while Stank seems to be taping something to his chest in the ring...
Moose quickly pulls up CTG, and props him up against the ring post before taking a few check swings with the bat. Oh no.
He can't.
Moose swings for the fences, but CTG ducks under, saving his own life as the bat EXPLODES against the ring post! Standing enziguri by the hero takes the madman to a knee, and a shining wizard leaves him face down in the remnants of the bat!
Back in the ring, Stank has taped a stop sign to his chest...No, I don't know why either.
CTG is very visibly busted open and pouring blood from the jagged tears in his face left from the bat as he opens CHAIR and sets Moose on it, backing up the length of the ring and charging in with a dropkick! CHAIR folds over backwards as MHJ crashes to the ground, and the crowd erupts as CTG drags his long time foe to his feet, leaving a puddle of blood from the back of Moose's head on the floor. The crowd has whipped itself into a frenzy now, and maybe Concrete TG looks back in the ring in time to see STANK ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!
Stank launches himself like a big armor plated missile to the floor, crushing both men under him! BAH GOD!~ That must feel like having a tank dropped on top of you!
Stank is first to his feet, ripping off the stop sign as he gets up, and he WAFFLES to slowly rising MHJ with it! Jack hits the ground like a sack of wet oatmeal, and Stank grabs CTG whips him into the steel barricade and follows him over, looking for a side pickup but CTG is still just a little faster, as he counters with a side russian leg sweep into the rail! Both men are slumped against the rail, which gives the recovering Moosehead Jack the change to charge at both, burying knees into the sides of both men's heads! Quick pick up on CTG, and even quicker snap suplex onto the entrance ramp! CTG howls in pain, which garners a smile from the madman before he begins grinding CTG's face against the grating of the ramp. Both man are a bloody mess as MHJ pulls the hero to his feet, loading up for a DDT before Stank spears Jack out of his boots! Stanks's head slams hard into the incline of the ramp, and he comes up bloodied, but unphased as he begin hammering away with boots to Moose! Quick pickup and a body slam by Stank, but as he gets up, he's met by a flying lariat from CTG! CTG grabs Moose by the hair, dragging him to his feet for a jawbreaker. Stank's back up and he and CTG give each other a long hard look, before noticing that MHJ is trying to scoot away up the ramp. This draws the attention of both Stank and CTG who both grab a leg and make a wish! Stank and Crete back up, and Stank LEVELS CTG with a short arm clothesline with enough force to send him flipping backwards to the top of the ramp!
Stank looks glassy-eyed as he looks to the top of the ramp, grabbing Moosehead Jack in a fireman's carry and heading to the top of the ramp. Someone has got to stop this! Stank is at the edge of the platform, and he's looks like he's going to...
NO~! CTG grabs Jack's leg and pulls him out off of Stank's shoulders! Concrete TG has just saved Moosehead Jack from what could have easily been a career ending maneuver! What is this world coming to?
CTG begins to say something to Stank, jut gets a big right hook to the jaw for his efforts! The hero goes SPRAWLING~! As Stank turns his attention back to MHJ, nails Stank with a low blow! Stank crumbles as Moose crumbles to his knees, breathing heavily. Crete is to his feet, and he's eyeing the metal latticework of the OOWFTron to the roar of the crowd's collective approval. He begins climbing as Moose and Stank get to their feet, exchanging punches as they do. Stank begins to get the better of Moose, firing off 6 unanswered right hands and grabbing MHJ by the throat! He looks to the crowd, then looks over the edge of the stage...
Concrete TG flies from the top of the OOWFTRON~! He crashes into both men and...
Oh my God.
The impact of CTG's plancha carries all 3 men off the stage to the floor below! The crowd falls silent, and we have a real situation here. All three men lay on the floor, unmoving. The EMTs rush out, and obviously this one is over.
WINNER – in 15:59 – NO CONTEST
<We get a video recap of the Firewoman-Attitude Adjuster saga, complete with ominous music accompanied slow motion replays of AA hitting Fire in the abdomen with a tennis racket. When the segment finishes, we cut to the ring>
Scene cuts to the ring, where a lab technician stands next to a contraption that must be an ultrasound machine. “Right Here, Right Now” by Van Halen fires up, and Alan “Attitude Adjuster” Capps comes down to the ring, in street clothes, but he’s not his usual cocky self. He does however stop to read a fan’s sign that says “Firewoman Could Have Done Better.” He grabs it and takes it to the ring. He grabs a mic from a production assistant.
AA: You all think this is funny?? Do ya!!! Well, I got news for you. Sure Firewoman could have done better, but she didn’t. So HA!
And with that confusing statement, he rips up the sign and tosses it out of the ring. “Firewoman” by the Cult fires up, and Firewoman comes down the ramp to thunderous ovation, although she looks like she’d rather be anywhere else. She’s accompanied not by her trusty valet, but by the newly-named godfather of her child, Alexander Darling. He appears to be whispering words of encouragement and support. My, how the evil one has fallen! She climbs in the ring, after telling Alexander to just stay on the floor.
The technician gives Firewoman some instructions, and she hops reluctantly up onto the table, after getting an encouraging nod from Alexander. She lays back and the technician starts to prepare stuff.
AA: Wait…this is… like, safe right? It’s not going to hurt it, right?
FW: It’s certainly safer than a tennis racket.
At that, Attitude Adjuster shuts up. The technician begins to scan Firewoman’s abdomen. Attitude Adjuster stares intently at the screen, which is also being projected onto the OOWF-tron.
Tech: Right there That would be the head.
He clicks on something and draws a box around it.
AA: It… it is? It looks like just a bunch of white snow static to me.
Tech: Well, it’s really hard to see if you’re not used to it. And right there, that fluttering move? That’s it’s heart beat. Let me turn up the speaker so you can hear it.
A soft, fast fluttering noise fills the speakers in the Arena. Attitude Adjuster’s face goes pale.
AA: Can you tell if it’s a boy or a girl?
FW: Don’t be silly, it’s too soon.
AA: It is? But what about…I mean…the tennis racket.
Tech: I’m afraid it’s too soon to figure that out as well. We’ll just have to wait and see.
FW: There, is that real enough for you? What about date of conception, can you figure that out?
While the technician makes some other scans and measurements, Attitude Adjuster turns away from the ultrasound table, then it appears as if he’s made a decision. He turns back to Firewoman, who is getting up and falls down onto one knee.
FW: What the heck are you doing?
AA: Fire…Lisa… I’m so sorry…..
FW: For?
AA: For everything. For getting drunk and taking advantage of you –
FW: Uh, I think I took advantage of you
AA: -- for starting the rumor in the first place, for being such a jerk. Jesus, for hitting you and maybe harming or even …. Oh geez, can you please forgive me?
FW: Uh… sure. But there’s something—
AA: Oh thank you. Thank you.
he grabs her hand and starts kissing it. Firewoman starts to smile
FW: Okay, get up. It’s fine, really. We have to—
AA: No wait. I’ve been thinking. And seeing the -- hearing the—well, it’s just made me 100% sure. I wanna do the right thing.
FW: The right thing?
Firewoman smiles a little more
AA: I want to make an honest woman out of you, Lisa. I want to give my child a name. Firewoman…..[he takes a deep breath]…. And somehow we’ll make Jericho understand, but…. Firewoman….[he takes another deep breath]…. Lisa….will you marry me?
The crowd ERUPTS. Firewoman looks down shocked at Attitude Adjuster, who looks up at her with expectant eyes (no pun intended). Fire looks at the technician and tells him he can go, which he begins to do, clearly not wanting to spoil such a beautiful moment! The crowd begins to chant “Say Yes! Say Yes!” Alexander Darling is stunned and his shaking his head no. Fire looks around at the crowd, at Alex, and … are those tears in her eyes? Then down at Attitude Adjuster, who appears to say “C’mon, Lisa. Say yes.” Firewoman smiles. A little at first, then more, then… wait, is she laughing? Yes. Firewoman is laughing. Attitude Adjuster, still on one knee, holding her hand, starts to laugh too, but then he stops, as this isn’t the kind of laughter he was thinking it was. Firewoman grabs the mic from him.
FW: Alan, Alan, Alan….my goodness, that was a beautiful speech. Really. You almost had me at “I wanna do the right thing.”
Firewoman pulls the mic away, as she’s laughing harder. AA stays on his one knee, looking sort of confused now.
FW: Alan, you started the rumor that I was pregnant to get into my head and distract me from the Onslaught Championship. And it worked, for a while. But then, I had an idea. A way to get even with you for your part in costing me the championship in the first place. And really, really I have to thank you for it, because you really laid the ground work.
The smile has left AA’s face now, replaced by … well, the same stunned look as when he found out he was going to be a daddy.
AA: What do you mean…am I… am I not the father?
Firewoman busts out laughing at this.
FW: Not only are you not the father, you idiot. THERE IS NO BABY!! I was NEVER PREGNANT!!
The crowd is stunned. Some of them cheer, just on principle, but some start to boo.
AA: What…but…but…the paternity tests!!?
FW: Staged. I paid off the OOWF medical staff to falsely confirm my test, and then fix the paternity results.
AA: But you don’t have the money for that!
FW: No, but Alexander does.
Alexander Darling, at the side of the stage, is stunned as well.
AA: But…the ultrasound…the heart beat!!
FW: Paid off the technician. Thanks, partner.
She reaches into her pocket and gets the DEA Debit card, and tosses it to Alexander. Alexander is too stunned and it hits his chest and falls to the floor.
.
AA: But the pictures of that night?
FW: Photo shop, my dear. Really, the look on your face right now is PRICELESS!!
Attitude Adjuster gets up, but is still clearly in a state of shock, and staggers just a bit.
AA: But why? Why would you do this? Why would you get my hopes up, and … why?
FW: You seriously don’t know? Kidnapping my valet? The beat down in North Korea? And then, playing a vital role in losing my belt…. my Onslaught belt!![/b] I may not have found away to get even with Eric or Bennett yet for stealing my belt from me, but you gift wrapped an idea right into my lap. I had to keep it secret from everyone, including you, Alex,… Alex, and DH, I’m really sorry about that. I couldn’t risk Attitude Adjuster finding out the truth accidentally. It’s good to know that you two would stick by me, no matter what though. Really, the only other people who knew were Jericho, and Rick, of course.
Alan, you were so willing to believe. It was easier than I thought it would be. I mean seriously. What woman would keep WRESTLING when pregnant? And what medical team would CLEAR her to do that? It’s so obvious!! And you still didn’t get it! No wonder you suck at gambling.
Attitude Adjuster walks slowly around the ring, letting this all sink in.
FW: Then you hit me with that damned tennis racket, when you merely thought I was pregnant. And I knew I had my angle. And you fell for it. You let a WOMAN get the best of you.
Firewoman laughs
AA: I… you…you…
Before he can get the words out, Firewoman takes the monitor from the ultrasound screen and clobbers AA over the head with it. Glass and broken plastic are everywhere. Attitude Adjuster has a cut over his left eye, and the blood is starting to flow. She straddles the downed Attitude Adjuster, and pulls the mic up again.
FW: Gee, Alan. I guess you should have taken your own advice. Never trust anything that bleeds for 4 days and doesn’t die.
She straightens up, and kicks Attitude Adjuster a little in the side as she steps back.
Now ring the bell, because thanks to Rick? This here is going to be an Onslaught Championship match, bitch, so let’s get this shit started.
The technician has removed his jacket to reveal a striped shirt. He was an OOWF referee all along! He signals and the timekeeper rings the bell, and we are underway!
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. FIREWOMAN – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match
Attitude Adjuster is still reeling from the effects of an ultrasound monitor to the head. Firewoman does the international sign for “Come on! Get up and let’s go.” She quickly gets impatient with this and attacks Attitude Adjuster with forearms. She drives him into the corner, and all Attitude Adjuster can do is hold his arms up to block. She circles back to the center of the ring, arms outstretched, and then turns back to head full steam for the corner. Attitude Adjuster clears the cobwebs enough to get a foot up, so she gets hit right in the stomach. Firewoman stumbles back, as Attitude Adjuster staggers out of the corner. The referee tries to check on him to see if he’s okay, but Attitude Adjuster waves him off. He wanders around the ring, swinging wildly at Firewoman, who is keeping just out of reach, toying with him. Clearly he’s been concussed. Firewoman turns her back for just a moment, and Attitude Adjuster has her! He tries to set up the Attitude Adjustment, but he’s still reeling from the monitor bashed into his head. Firewoman works out of it, and pushes him over onto his back. She runs towards the ropes and hits Best Firesault Ever! She hooks the leg and covers! The ref counts 1-2-3!
WINNER in 2:21 and NEW OOWF Onslaught Champion - Firewoman
Firewoman grabs the belt from the referee and rolls out of the ring. Alexander Darling has recovered a bit from the shock of what has transpired in the ring (and picked up the debit card), and holds Firewoman’s arms up triumphantly, but still looks at Firewoman a bit confused and stunned as they walk backwards up the ramp.
LD WILLIAMS, CHRIS COLE, ATTITUDE ADJUSTER, F. FONZWORTH MACCAPPINGTON III, RYAN HARDCORE, THE AMNESIAC, SYB & SKURGE vs. DAVIN MORELAND, ALEXANDER DARLING, FIREWOMAN, PHANTOS, LUCIOS, BUNNY, CARL FROM FRESNO & JUSTIN SANE – Elimination Match
The crowd is super-hyped for this monster Elimination Match. “Master of Puppets” fires up, and, in accordance with the “Best Music Rule”; SYB, Skurge, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III, Ryan Hardcore, THE Amnesiac, Attitude Adjuster, “The Lower Midcard” “The Main Event” Chris Cole and OOWF World Heavyweight Champion L.D. Williams all come down the ramp to rampant boos. There are lots of birds being flipped and yelling going on, but they all make it to the ring, and pose and strut because they’re all so awesome. Chris Cole calls for a mic.
Cole: Run DEA is everything that’s wrong with the OOWF today. So tonight, we’re gonna teach them a lesson. DEA, get out here and get your asses kicked!
As soon as Cole drops the mic, the lights dim, and ridiculous, booming pyro goes off for a full 15 seconds. The Jumbotron is black, until in white letters “RUN” comes up, and the crowd gets to their feet. In rapid succession, the letters “D” “E” and “A” flash and then the lights come back on full to Saliva’s “Ladies and Gentlemen”. On the ramp, Emma, Bunny, Carl From Fresno, Justin Sane, OOWF Onslaught Champion Firewoman, OOWF Tag Team Champions Phantos and Lucios, OOWF Intercontinental Champion Alexander Darling, Samantha Darling and Davin Moreland appear, wearing black T-shirts with “Run DEA” in white block lettering on the front; on the back, they say “Team Rick, Team Unity”. The ovation is deafening as ALL of Run DEA (at least, those in town) makes their way down the ramp, slapping hands, signing autographs, even Davin. Finally they all make their way into the ring, and the trash talk starts with all 18 people in the ring, and there are all sorts of fun issues between just about everyone here. Nose to nose are Davin and Cole (shocking, I know), and there are just strings of expletives flying in that conversation. I guess they don’t like each other much. It almost comes to blows, but some of the saner members of each delegation get everyone separated. Poor Davis Hightower looks like he’s going to have a stroke as he calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Emma and Samantha Darling climb to the outside as each side tries to figure out who will start out first. Predictably, Run DEA sends out the one non-member of Run DEA (at least he still gets a T-Shirt) Bunny, and he’s going to face off against THE Amnesiac. There is LOTS of trash talk flying across the ring from both sides, but in the ring, Bunny and THE Amnesiac lock up, and THE Amnesiac easily shoves Bunny into the corner. THE Amnesiac smirks and poses, and slowly walks over to Bunny, who hits him with MOUNTAIN DEW MIST!! Davin Moreland jumps up on the turnbuckle and calls to Bunny. Bunny jumps up and climbs onto Davin’s shoulder. He leaps…1170 SPLASH ONTO THE AMNESIAC! Bunny covers..1, 2, 3!
THE Amnesiac is eliminated.
Bunny is barely back on his feet before F. Fonzworth MacCappington III charges him and DESTROYS Bunny with a Spear. That was easy.
Bunny is eliminated.
Justin Sane FLIES over the rope with some sort of Suicide Springboard Plancha thing (aren’t all his moves kind of suicidal?) But FFMIII catches in mid-air and KILLS him with a POWER SLAM. Instead of covering, FFM goes for the GREETINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS! He nails it, and hopefully Justin can leave the ring under his own power.
Justin Sane is eliminated.
Carl From Fresno calmly steps through the ropes and smirks at FFMIII, whose demeanor drastically changes as he sees this turn of events. These two clearly have SOME sort of history, but other than the fact they’re both from Fresno, not much else is known. Regardless, they lock up in the middle of the ring, and FFMIII works a headlock, which Carl works out to an arm-wringer. FFMIII quickly pulls his arm in and DRILLS Carl with a SHORT-ARM CLOTHESLINE. FFMIII runs the ropes and looks for a BIG SPLASH but EATS CANVAS as Carl rolls out of the way. STANDING MOONSAULT on FFMIII and Carl rolls him over for the cover…1, 2, NO! FFMIII kicks out. Carl starts STOMPING and hits a leg drop. He looks to cover again, but before he gets the chance…INSIDE CRADLE! That gets 2 as Carl does kick out. Both men are to their feet, and start throwing HAYMAKERS. They look to be throwing hands to a stalemate; but as if a switch went off. FFMIII just GRABS Carl and picks him up. He’s looking for the GREETINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS! CARL SLIDES OUT THE BACK DOOR! NOT REALLY GOOD BUT NOT TOO SHABBY DIAMOND CUTTER! Carl covers…1, 2, 3!
F. Fonzworth MacCappington III is eliminated.
As Carl is getting to his feet, he doesn’t see Ryan Hardcore getting to the top rope, and he doesn’t realize until he’s on the ground that he’s been DRILLED with a PEARL NECKLACE! No chance for Carl.
Carl From Fresno is eliminated.
Ryan sees Firewoman climb through the ropes and starts to smirk, mouthing something like “You sure that isn’t mine, whore?” Yeah, that went over about as well as you’d expect. Firewoman just LAUNCHES after Hardcore, quickly shoving him into the corner and chopping away. Hardcore slumps into the corner. Firewoman climbs the turnbuckle looking for the BFE, but there’s a BLIND TAG by Attitude Adjuster! Fire HITS THE BFE on Hardcore, and covers, but, of course, Hardcore isn’t legal, so AA RIPS~! Fire off of Hardcore, and KICKS HER IN THE STOMACH~! ADDITUDE ADJUSTMENT!
Firewoman is eliminated.
Lucios comes FLYING into the ring and starts HAMMERING away on AA, and AA is in trouble until he locks on THE CLAW (with his therapeutic black glove). Lucios immediately has to stop his momentum and quickly falls to his knees, as AA has THE CLAW LOCKED ON! Phantos comes into the ring and hits a low dropkick to AA’s knees, forcing him to break THE CLAW. This draws SYB into the ring, and he tries to SLAPFIGHT Phantos, who really starts laying the wood to him. Skurge gets into the act now, and HE starts whaling on Phantos. Skurge and SYB are in control, and they hit the INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT on Phantos. THIS draws Davin Moreland in, and he Clotheslines Skurge and SYB out to the floor, and flips off Cole and Williams before making his way back to his side. Meanwhile Lucios and AA have absolutely turned this into a straight-up brawl, just hammering each other, with AA getting the worst of it. A BIG DDT puts AA Down, and Phantos rolls back into the ring just in time to hit the DROPKICK DEVICE!
Attitude Adjuster is eliminated.
Skurge comes back in, and he tries to lock on a CLAW of his own. It’s still pretty effective, even without the therapeutic black glove, and Lucios was weakened from it before as it was. He motions to SYB and he flies in as they hit the RISE N’ SHINE on Lucios.
Lucios is eliminated.
Neither of them notices that Davin is on the top turnbuckle, or that Phantos is on his shoulders. Phantos leaps and hits a CORKSCREW CROSSBODY on SYB and Skurge. He covers Skurge…
Skurge is eliminated.
He covers SYB…
SYB is eliminated.
Chris Cole is immediately in and starts pounding away on Phantos, and we’re going to SUPLEX SCHOOL! German Suplex, Gutwrench Suplex, EXPLODER Suplex, finally finishing with a NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX w/ BRIDGE.
Phantos is eliminated.
Davin Moreland steps into the ring and grins. So does Cole. This looks familiar. Cole SHOVES Davin. Davin BITCHSLAPS Cole. Aaaaanddd…it’s a fight. Just an all-out brawl all around the ring. Eventually, Cole manages to hit a Low Dropkick that forces Davin on his face. Alexander Darling gets a BLIND TAG as Cole sets Davin up for a HEADLINER, but Darling hits a NECKBREAKER on Cole and forces him to let go. Darling gets Cole up on his shoulders (even the bad one) and Davin, seeing the situation, runs the ropes…DARLING DRIVER DIAMOND CUTTER! Davin IMMEDIATELY says, “Get him back up!” and yells to LD “Stay there, we’ll be with you in a second”. He runs the ropes again…DARLING DRIVER DIAMOND CUTTER X2!
Chris Cole is eliminated.
Davin steps back through the ropes, as LD comes into the ring. Darling and LD lock up and LD immediately goes to work on the bad shoulder. Davin is STOMPING on the mat trying to get the crowd into it, rooting for Darling. Williams has a strong hammerlock locked in, and Darling is on his knees. Somehow (through the power of the shaky arm) gets up and hits some elbows into the gut of LD, who finally has to break the hold. Darling IMMEDIATELY hits a SWINGING NECKBREAKER and covers, that gets 2. He quickly moves to LD’s legs, and he’s looking for the DARLING MONEY CLIP, but before he can turn LD, Williams kicks him DI-REC-A-LY in the bad shoulder, forcing Darling to let go. He whips Darling to the ropes. BLIND TAG by Moreland. KICK-WHAM-ROBERTS DDT from LD. REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER OUT OF NOWHERE FROM DAVIN!!!! COVER! 1, 2, 3!
LD Williams is eliminated
Your Winners in 36:41 by Pinfall, Run DEA (and Bunny)
Post match, all of Run DEA flood into the ring celebrating as LD powders out. Lots of pointing at other people and arm-raising going on to “Ladies and Gentlemen”. Davin grabs a mic.
Davin: You know, there’s been a lot said about me and a lot done to me over the last few weeks, and it’s possible that I may have brought some of that upon myself. Maybe I just lost sight as to what’s important. I am OOWF, I am Team Rick, but most importantly, I am Run DEA, and I will NEVER forget that again. RUN DEA 4 LIFE!
Davin gets his first steady cheers in a month as he drops the mic. Everyone’s hugging and shit and it’s pretty much just a sickeningly sweet scene. After the match, Drink & Destroy, Stank, DH Magnusson, Outback Jack and Spin Hansen make their way to the ring and take part in the celebration. Soon the rest of Team Rick join them in an impressive display of solidarity. While the entire group gathers together to pose for a picture, Attitude Adjuster slips back into the ring with his tennis racket. He spots Firewoman and takes aim, and is about to permanently part her hair, when Stank shoves her out of the way and the tennis racket crashes down on Stank’s head, sending him to one knee. Attitude Adjuster initially has a look of horror on his face, but that quickly turns to a self-satisfied smirk at the sight of an old enemy laid out on the mat. The rest of Team Rick quickly turns around and sees what has happened, and AA decides now is the time to go. He dives between the ropes and high tails it up the ramp before anyone can get to him.
Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Hell On Earth IV/4 Year Anniversary Show, Live September 28 from Dayton, Ohio! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem Live! September 17th, from St. Catherine’s, Ontario Canada!
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Live! From Steinbach, Manitoba Canada
We cut in to a scene backstage, just outside GMtheRick’s office, where Firewoman and Attitude Adjuster are arguing.
FW: I don’t know what more proof you need. I gave you all the reports from the doctor. I’m pregnant, it’s yours. End of story.
AA: Dammit woman, I’m tired of playing games.
FW: It’s not a game, it’s a living….uh….it’s….
Firewoman begins to lose her composure, as the hormone-induced tears begin to well up involuntarily in her eyes. At that point, GMtheRick, hearing the raised voices, flings his door open, startling them both.
GMtR: Dammit, both of you. I have a show to produce, can you hold it down?
AA: Don’t look at me, this is all her fault.
GMtheRick looks at Firewoman.
GMtR: Oh no, are you crying. Did you make her cry?
AA: No, I just—
GMtR: You know, I know you’re a heel and all, and a chickenshit to boot, but to make the mother of your own child cry? That’s really low.
AA: I’m….sorry? Wow, I really am….
FW: He doesn’t believe me, Rick. He wants more proof.
GMtR: Oh for Pete’s sakes.
Rick puts an arm around Firewoman to comfort her. Attitude Adjuster starts to roll his eyes, but instead….
AA: Look, I’m sorry, okay? But you have to understand my position. You’ve had a couple of months to adjust to this right? I’ve barely had two weeks. I just…. I need to be sure, okay?
Firewoman sniffs and nods.
GMtR: You know, Alan, even though you’re on the opposite side … well, there are just some things that are more important than this stupid war.
Rick appears to think for a moment.
GMtR: Fire, Alan, I had an idea. You wouldn’t believe how much mail this little story of yours has brought. Positive too! People are really interested in this. So, I have an idea that will boost ratings and maybe put Alan’s mind at rest. What about… live ultrasound in the ring.
AA: Yes. Perfect. That way, there are witnesses, and she can’t pull anything.
FW: No, not perfect. This should be a private moment, not one shared with—
GMtR: Now now. Think about it. You can prove to Alan you’re telling the truth, the technician can pinpoint the date of conception. The fans will love it, and you, Firewoman, for sharing that with them. C’mon…..
FW: I don't know...
GMtR: They might be able to see if everything's okay, after that... you know... tennis racket incident.
Attitude Adjuster looks down at his shoes. Firewoman looks from Rick, to Attitude Adjuster, and back again. She sighs.
FW: Fine. I can’t fight you both.
GMtR: Good, now you come in my office and sign some consent forms, since it’s your body after all.
FW: Gee, I’m glad someone noticed.
GMtR: Alan, you go on and we’ll see you in the ring.
AA: Great. Um, thanks Rick. I never thought I’d say that but…
GMtR: I still hate you and your side. Never forget that.
AA: Ditto. [To Firewoman, as he reaches out and gently takes her hand] See you in the ring.
Attitude adjuster leaves. The confused Firewoman follows Rick into his office to get ready for the exam.
DEAD & BLITZ vs. CAPE TOWN CANNIBALS
Ok Mikey is a bit late with this one, but who are we kidding really? Dead and Blitz kick the holy shit out of CTC in this one. Dead nails both with Close the Casket and Blitz does something insanely high risk and impressive off the top rope. One, two, three this one is over.
WINNERS in 3:13 – Dead & Blitz
TYSON KINCAID vs. SEAMUS MCNASTY vs. ZK DEBEERS – Elimination Match
All three men will start in the ring. The last man left standing will be declared the winner.
Kincaid, McNasty, and DeBeers circle each other to start things off. Suddenly, both Seamus and Tyson look over at DeBeers, and then at each other. Without speaking a single word, both men dive on DeBeers and pummel the living hell out of him. DeBeers is reeling and runs out of real estate as he backs into the turnbuckle. Seamus and Tyson take turns connecting with haymakers to the helpless, and hapless, DeBeers. It doesn't really look like they're working together so much as enjoying a good old-fashioned beat down. The crowd is certainly enjoying watch DeBeers suffer rights and lefts. The referee eventually gets the two men to back off, giving DeBeers a much needed breather. Kincaid and Seamus immediately go toe-to-toe with each other and start swinging wildly. Seamus throws a vicious right that connects squarely with Kincaid's jaw. Tyson's head snaps back but he doesn't go down. Instead, he fires a haymaker of his own that connects with equally devastating results. Seamus also refuses to go down, and the crowd is eating it up. Just at that moment, as both men are swinging wildly, ZK DeBeers pulls himself up with the aid of the ropes. He tries to steady himself on noticeably wobbly legs and attempts to charge at the other two combatants. Instead, he trips over his own feet and falls flat on his face. Kincaid picks him up and lays him right back down with an explosive clothesline. Seamus drags Kincaid back to his feet and slaps him around a little before picking him up and drilling him with the Celtic Cross. He goes for the academic cover. One...Two...Three. Eliminated: ZK DeBeers. Now it's down to two as they once again get in each others face's and begin to trade punches. Both men are stagger by heavy lefts and rights, but neither man will go down. Seamus gains the advantage for a moment and backs Kincaid into the corner. After a right hand that he is sure has stunned Kincaid, Seamus backs up and then charges. Kincaid was playing possum, however, and ducks out of the way just in time. Seamus crashes chest-first into the turnbuckle and stumbles backwards toward the center of the ring. Kincaid catches him with a swinging neck breaker and quickly goes for the cover. One..Tw..Seamus kicks out. Both men get back to their feet and trade blows once again. This time Kincaid gains the advantage and sends Seamus into the ropes. Kincaid attempts a clothesline but Seamus ducks it, bounces off the ropes, and connects with a clothesline of his own that sends Tyson over the top rope. Somehow Kincaid lands on his feet and immediately pulls Seamus to the outside with him. The two once again slug it out as the crowd screams for blood. The referee is desperately trying to get the men back into the ring, but these two can't hear a thing. Each man's only focus is to beat the hell out of the other one. Kincaid whips McNasty into the barricade and Seamus hits it hard. Kincaid charges in after him, but Seamus has the presence of mind to use Kincaid's momentum against him as he back-body drops Kincaid over the barricade and into the crowd. Seamus climbs over the barricade as well and now the two are brawling right in the middle of the fans. The referee gives up any hope of restoring order and calls for the bell.
WINNER - NO CONTEST in 11:04
TYTAN vs. APOCALYPTIC EXISTENCE
Tytan heads to ringside first, to a mixed response, Apocalyptic Existence comes down next, but instead of his usual second, Chad Patton, he is accompanied by the Mysterious Hooded Figure! Tytan stares holes through the duo as they head to ringside. AE enters the ring and prepares for this sure-to-be-mat classic. The HF stands outside the ring. Tytan tries talking to HF, but he gets zero response.
AE and Tytan lock up. Tytan pushes AE into a corner. They lock up again, and AE returns the push. Tytan glances back at the HF as he gets to his feet, and AE charges in, burying his knee in Tytan’s gut. AE takes control with a scoop slam, followed by an elbow drop. Butterfly Suplex. AE covers for 1…2…and Tytan gets the shoulder up. AE drags him to his feet. European uppercut from AE. Bounce off the ropes. Big clothesline. Tytan goes down hard. AE grabs Tytan’s legs and looks to lock in a sharpshooter. Tytan resists, and manages to push AE off. Both men to their feet. Tytan ducks a right hand, and hits a quick belly to back suplex. AE is up quickly and eats a big boot. Tytan hoists AE up in a Gorilla Press. Instead of the usual slam, he turns it into an elevated Michinoku Driver. Cover for 1…2… and AE is barely able to grab the nearby bottom rope to break the count. Tytan drags AE to his feet and blasts him with a forearm. Running power slam. Tytan sets AE on the turnbuckle and hits a Muscle Buster. AE rolls to the outside and The HF consoles him. Tytan shouts a string of obscenities at the HF, who looks up only momentarily. AE crawls back in, and Tytan pounces. He pummels AE with punches and elbows until AE is slumped in the corner.
The HF climbs to the apron and raises a hand. Tytan turns to face him and again begins verbally assaulting the HF. The HF turns his back on Tytan’s barrage. Tytan apparently doesn’t like being ignored, and drops down to the arena floor to continue his discussion with HF. The HF turns around quickly reaches under his cloak and reveals a baseball bat! A Bondsian swing lands on Tytan’s skull and levels the former Ultimo protégé. AE drops down the ringside and starts to kick away at Tytan. Suddenly the crowd begins to make some noise, and AE feels a tap on his shoulder. ANOTHER HOODED FIGURE! HF#2 decks AE and grabs the bat from HF#1. HF#1 backs away and trips over a cameraman crouched at ringside. His hood falls back and we see… IT’S CHAD PATTON! HF#2 cracks Patton over the head with the bat and tosses both AE and Tytan in the ring. AE is to his feet first, and he swings a big right hand, titan dicks and AE eats another big boot. Textbook hangman’s neck breaker by Tytan. He circles behind AE and once his foe is to his feet, Tytan locks in a Full Nelson! Patton starts to stir, and the REAL HF blasts him again with the bat. AE sees this and after several moments of struggle to escape, realizes the gig is up and he submits.
WINNER, in 9:49; Tytan
(Tytan then climbs the ropes and celebrates with the crowd as his music plays, and what has becomes his latest victim. After a bit of that he then asks for a mic. It gets handed to him and he then motions for the sound guy to cut his music, which he does.)
Tytan: All right…all right…now it seems people are beginning to wonder who is that guy that keeps showing up during my matches and then in some of my promos.
(The crowd responds with some cheers and “What?” and the normal things a wrestling crowd yells.)
Tytan: So we decided especially since tonight my opponent tried to pull off what he did. We should move our plan forward and reveal who he is. So at this time I want to call my Hooded Friend into the ring.
(The Hooded Friend appears at the entry ramp and begins to make his way down to the ring to a mixed reaction.)
Tytan: Thanks. Now for those that don’t remember my friend appeared to me shortly after the falling out with Ultimo Inc. and then we had a little discussion where he offered to treat me like an equal and not the freak show that Steel and Podvod were turning me out to be. It was an interesting offer and once I found out who it was myself I couldn’t say no and that was when Gods and Monsters was formed. Who’s that you say? Well at the Pay Per View we were the ones that jumped the Tag-Team Champs. You see we are not sided with any team in this war so we can do things like that. They call themselves Division Killers. Well guess what? There’s a new team in town and we are coming after you. We want your titles. So be ready Lucios and Phantos. The Gods and Monsters are coming for you! Now let’s get out of here.
(He drops the mic and gets and he and the Hooded Friend start to head out and the crowd reacts that they still haven’t told who he is. The two stop and come back and Tytan picks up the mic again.)
Tytan: That’s right I said we were going to see who’s under that hood tonight. (He starts to make his way over to his Friend and check under the hood.) Are you ready for this? (The Hooded Friend shakes his head yes. Tytan then steps back and the Hooded Friend gets ready to reveal.) All right the man that has been under the hood and soon will be one half of the Tag-Team Champions of the World, the other half of Gods and Monsters. Is none other then…(As Tytan says the name the Hooded friend pulls his hood down to reveal himself.)…POE!!
(The crowd reacts with a mixed reaction, unsure of how to react to this. Tytan and Poe work the crowd and Selena makes her way skipping and clapping down to the ring. The three work the crowd and then decide it’s time to leave.)
ERIC O’MAC & POE vs. OUTBACK JACK & SPIN HANSEN
Poe, accompanied by Selena, enters the arena first to a chorus of boos. Eric O’Mac is next, and the chorus turns into a symphony, complete with raining debris. The crowd holds its breath as the lights dim, then erupts to the first notes of "Alcohaulin' Ass" as Spin Hansen and Outback Jack enter the arena. OBJ and Spin briefly acknowledge the cheers, then storm down the aisle, and slide into the ring. Eric and Poe attack, and things immediately get out of control. The four men brawl around the ring, and referee Angelo Barros attempts to restore order, but after ducking the third punch, retreats to an unoccupied corner and calls for the bell. Eric gets the best of OBJ with a sucker punch, and beats him down to the mat. He continues the attack with stomps and kicks, rolling OBJ to the corner and choking him against the ropes. Eric swings himself up on the rope and comes down with a double stomp on OBJ's chest. He pulls the bigger man to his feet and throws him to the ropes. OBJ catches an attempted leg lariat, and muscles Eric into a T-bone suplex. Barros takes advantage of the separation and sends OBJ to one corner and orders Eric to another. Spin and Poe, meanwhile, are in center ring, exchanging haymakers. Poe gets the advantage and staggers Spin, then scoops him up and slams him. He comes off the ropes and drives an elbow into Spins throat, then rolls him over and stomps on the back of his neck. Poe squats over Spin and locks him into a Camel Clutch. Spin refuses to submit, and starts dragging himself to the ropes. OBJ steps into the ring, and Eric comes in as well, diving over Poe and Spin to take OBJ down with a flying forearm. They roll to the outside, exchanging punches. Before Spin reaches the ropes, Poe stands up and drives his weight into Spin's back. He tries to do it again, but Spin forces himself to his feet, lifting Poe up and driving him back to the mat. Spin immediately rolls over and starts driving punches into Poe's face. Eric, nose bloody from a collision with the ring steps, breaks away from OBJ and dives into the ring. He punts Spin in the head, drawing blood and knocking him off of Poe. As Poe gets to his feet, OBJ spears Eric from behind, driving him into the corner. OBJ drops Eric with a reverse DDT and turns to face Poe.
They forego the lock up and just start throwing punches. Poe has a size advantage, but OBJ is relentless, and he drives the big man back towards the ropes. Spin gets to his feet and they whip Poe to the ropes, elevating the big man out of the ring with a tandem backdrop. Eric is up and attempts a double clothesline, but OBJ and Spin duck. Spin sweeps Eric's legs as OBJ hits a brutal clothesline. Eric does a 360 in the air and hits the mat hard. OBJ sees Poe getting back in the ring and hits the ropes, while Spin goes to the opposite side. Call of the Wild! Poe may be dead. Spin covers, but Barros forces OBJ back to the D&D corner before making the count. One...Two...Thr- Poe just rolls a shoulder. Spin rolls to his feet, kicks Poe in the head, and makes the tag. OBJ and Spin shove Poe into the corner and beat on him with punches. They whip him into the opposite corner and do a double reverse Irish whip, sending OBJ flying into the corner with a clothesline. Poe stumbles out of the corner and OBJ muscles him up into a power bomb. He covers, but Eric dives in to break it up at two. Barros sends Eric back to his corner and OBJ turns back to Poe but gets surprised by a punch to the stomach. Poe drives an elbow into the back of OBJ's head, then plants him with a DDT. He drags OBJ to his corner, where Eric has just removed the turnbuckle pad, and slams his head onto the exposed steel, immediately drawing blood. Poe turns to block Barros' view, and Eric grabs OBJ. OBJ breaks the grip, however, and slams Eric's face into the metal with a sickening crunch. As Eric collapses, Poe grabs OBJ and snaps him over with a suplex, then grinds his forearm into OBJ's wounded face hooking his leg for a cover. Spin breaks it up at two. Poe rolls to his feet and blocks a punch from Spin, grabbing him by the throat for a choke slam. As he lifts him, OBJ chop blocks him and Poe topples backwards. Spin manages to shift position on the way down, and lands knee-first on Poe's windpipe. Spin rolls out of the ring toward Eric, grabbing him as he gets up and slamming him into the railing. Inside the ring, Poe gets to his knees, still choking, and OBJ comes off the ropes behind him, bulldogging him into the mat. OBJ rolls him over and covers, pressing the point of his elbow into Poe's windpipe. Barros counts One...Two...Three.
WINNERS in 21:36, Spin Hansen and Outback Jack.
DH MAGNUSSON vs. DAMON WRATH
This should be an interesting match. Both men prefer the “ground and pound” style of wrestling. Wrath was professionally trained, while Magnusson basically worked his way up and down the Jersey shore bars perfecting his craft. Both men make it to the ring and we get our introductions. Both men are the same height, but Magnusson has about a 50 lb weight advantage. The two men slowly circle and lock up. Magnusson uses his weight advantage to push Wrath toward the ropes, but before they get there, Wrath spins behind Magnusson and takes him to the mat with a waist lock. Wrath immediately tries to work the arm, but Magnusson spins out of it and flips Wrath to the mat and grabs a side head lock. Wrath immediately gets to his feet and spins out of it reversing it into a test of strength. Magnusson is winning the battle, bending Wrath backward to the mat when Wrath releases his grip and takes Magnusson to the mat with a drop toe hold, plants his knee right between Magnusson’s shoulders and pulls back on his arms locking him in a modified camel clutch. The referee asks Magnusson if he wants to quit, HA! Fat chance of THAT happening. Instead Magnusson grunts in pain and endures the pain. Magnusson struggles and eventually gets to his feet, Wrath keeps hold of Magnusson’s arms and keeps one knee planted in his back, precariously keeping his balance on one leg. Before Magnusson can break out if it, Wrath releases his arms, grabs the back of his head and drops him with a lung blower! Wrath covers, but Magnusson rolls his shoulder at two. Wrath pulls Magnusson to his feet and shoves him back into the corner and hits him with repeated shoulder blocks to the midsection. Wrath backs off a few steps while Magnusson gasps to regain his breath, and charges with his head down for one last big shoulder block, but Magnusson meets him with a knee lift that snaps Wrath’s head back and sends him to the mat. Wrath struggles to his feet, his eyes a little glassy from the impact. Magnusson explodes out of the corner and nearly takes Wrath’s head off with a clothesline. Magnusson covers, but Wrath rolls his shoulder at two. DH mounts Wrath and hammers him with shots to the head, Wrath does his best to cover up and deflects a few shots, but a few of them also find their mark and leave Wrath bloody. Wrath manages to find the ropes and force the break. Magnusson lets Wrath get to his feet, then pulls him to the center of the ring and catches him with several knees to the face before lifting him for a vertical suplex. Wrath kicks and slips out of the move, landing on his feet behind Magnusson. DH spins around and Wrath grabs his arm and wrings it, then hits the LIGHTS OUT! Magnusson staggers, but doesn’t go down, so Wrath grabs him on his shoulders for the F-5, but Magnusson slips off his shoulders, grabs Wrath in a waist lock and throws him backward with a release German suplex! Wrath lands on the back of his head, and both men are down. The referee starts the ten count, and it takes until seven before they begin to stir. Magnusson crawls to the corner and pulls himself to his feet. Wrath gets to his feet and staggers a bit, then sees Magnusson in the corner and charges. DH side steps and Wrath SLAMS chest first into the corner! As he staggers back a few steps, Magnusson grabs him and hits the DREAM STREET! Magnusson hooks the move hard, and Wrath struggles to get to the ropes, but they are tantalizingly close, but ultimately just out of reach. Wrath has no choice and he taps before he loses consciousness.
WINNER in 10:49 – DH Magnusson
STANK vs. CONCRETE TG vs. MOOSEHEAD JACK – No Rules
The strains of Joe Satriani usher in CGT, who gets a hero’s welcome as he drags the Big Box O Plunder down to the ring, as well as his trusted ally, CHAIR. Concrete TG soaks in the crowd's ovation, until his music rather abruptly is replaced by "Scarecrow" as Moosehead Jack slowly makes his way to the ringside area, barbed-wire baseball bat slung over his shoulder. Moose stops short of entering the ring however, content to exchange withering stares with the Superhero in the ring.
NonPoint's "Skin" Fires up, and here comes the leader of Drink and Destroy, Stank, charging with a purpose! He shoots past a smirking Moosehead Jack and slides into the ring tackling CTG and automatically fires off a flurry of rapid fire punches to the head! The bell rings almost as an afterthought, and we're underway!
Stank is in firm control already, having caught the hero off-guard with the barrage of right hands as he whips him into the ropes and nearly decapitates him with a stiff clothesline! Big-time knee drop by Stank, and he goes back to the mounted face punches, as Moosehead Jack watches from the outside. Does he even know he's IN this match?
Stank still in control in the ring as he picks up CTG, but gets peppered with a quick trifecta of knife edge chops from the hero that stagger him back a step! Attempt at a double leg Stank finds nothing as CTG rolls over his back...BIG TIME SUPERKICK BY CTG! That sounded like a rifle going off in the arena! Stank is down, and CTG turns his attention the outside of the ring where MJH looks on, and dares him to get in the ring. MHJ responds by hopping onto the apron, then hopping back to the floor, pointing behind the hero, where Stank has recovered and grabs a quick waist lock, looking for a German -
No! CTG flips out of the release and hits the far ropes. Stank lowers his head, looking the backdrop, but the hero once again shows his quickness and uses Stank's back as a launching pad as the clears the ring, landing on Moosehead Jack!
CTG quickly springs to his feet, soaking in the "Holy Shit" chant before reaching into the ring and scooping up CHAIR, as Stank looks to be busying himself with something in the Big Box. MHJ up to his feet, and CTG tosses chair at him, looking maybe for a Van Damninator, but Moose quickly hurls CHAIR back at CTG resulting into a sick Sabu chair shot! Moose is as quick always to seize an opportunity, and barbs up his bat, driving into the head of CTG, while Stank seems to be taping something to his chest in the ring...
Moose quickly pulls up CTG, and props him up against the ring post before taking a few check swings with the bat. Oh no.
He can't.
Moose swings for the fences, but CTG ducks under, saving his own life as the bat EXPLODES against the ring post! Standing enziguri by the hero takes the madman to a knee, and a shining wizard leaves him face down in the remnants of the bat!
Back in the ring, Stank has taped a stop sign to his chest...No, I don't know why either.
CTG is very visibly busted open and pouring blood from the jagged tears in his face left from the bat as he opens CHAIR and sets Moose on it, backing up the length of the ring and charging in with a dropkick! CHAIR folds over backwards as MHJ crashes to the ground, and the crowd erupts as CTG drags his long time foe to his feet, leaving a puddle of blood from the back of Moose's head on the floor. The crowd has whipped itself into a frenzy now, and maybe Concrete TG looks back in the ring in time to see STANK ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!
Stank launches himself like a big armor plated missile to the floor, crushing both men under him! BAH GOD!~ That must feel like having a tank dropped on top of you!
Stank is first to his feet, ripping off the stop sign as he gets up, and he WAFFLES to slowly rising MHJ with it! Jack hits the ground like a sack of wet oatmeal, and Stank grabs CTG whips him into the steel barricade and follows him over, looking for a side pickup but CTG is still just a little faster, as he counters with a side russian leg sweep into the rail! Both men are slumped against the rail, which gives the recovering Moosehead Jack the change to charge at both, burying knees into the sides of both men's heads! Quick pick up on CTG, and even quicker snap suplex onto the entrance ramp! CTG howls in pain, which garners a smile from the madman before he begins grinding CTG's face against the grating of the ramp. Both man are a bloody mess as MHJ pulls the hero to his feet, loading up for a DDT before Stank spears Jack out of his boots! Stanks's head slams hard into the incline of the ramp, and he comes up bloodied, but unphased as he begin hammering away with boots to Moose! Quick pickup and a body slam by Stank, but as he gets up, he's met by a flying lariat from CTG! CTG grabs Moose by the hair, dragging him to his feet for a jawbreaker. Stank's back up and he and CTG give each other a long hard look, before noticing that MHJ is trying to scoot away up the ramp. This draws the attention of both Stank and CTG who both grab a leg and make a wish! Stank and Crete back up, and Stank LEVELS CTG with a short arm clothesline with enough force to send him flipping backwards to the top of the ramp!
Stank looks glassy-eyed as he looks to the top of the ramp, grabbing Moosehead Jack in a fireman's carry and heading to the top of the ramp. Someone has got to stop this! Stank is at the edge of the platform, and he's looks like he's going to...
NO~! CTG grabs Jack's leg and pulls him out off of Stank's shoulders! Concrete TG has just saved Moosehead Jack from what could have easily been a career ending maneuver! What is this world coming to?
CTG begins to say something to Stank, jut gets a big right hook to the jaw for his efforts! The hero goes SPRAWLING~! As Stank turns his attention back to MHJ, nails Stank with a low blow! Stank crumbles as Moose crumbles to his knees, breathing heavily. Crete is to his feet, and he's eyeing the metal latticework of the OOWFTron to the roar of the crowd's collective approval. He begins climbing as Moose and Stank get to their feet, exchanging punches as they do. Stank begins to get the better of Moose, firing off 6 unanswered right hands and grabbing MHJ by the throat! He looks to the crowd, then looks over the edge of the stage...
Concrete TG flies from the top of the OOWFTRON~! He crashes into both men and...
Oh my God.
The impact of CTG's plancha carries all 3 men off the stage to the floor below! The crowd falls silent, and we have a real situation here. All three men lay on the floor, unmoving. The EMTs rush out, and obviously this one is over.
WINNER – in 15:59 – NO CONTEST
<We get a video recap of the Firewoman-Attitude Adjuster saga, complete with ominous music accompanied slow motion replays of AA hitting Fire in the abdomen with a tennis racket. When the segment finishes, we cut to the ring>
Scene cuts to the ring, where a lab technician stands next to a contraption that must be an ultrasound machine. “Right Here, Right Now” by Van Halen fires up, and Alan “Attitude Adjuster” Capps comes down to the ring, in street clothes, but he’s not his usual cocky self. He does however stop to read a fan’s sign that says “Firewoman Could Have Done Better.” He grabs it and takes it to the ring. He grabs a mic from a production assistant.
AA: You all think this is funny?? Do ya!!! Well, I got news for you. Sure Firewoman could have done better, but she didn’t. So HA!
And with that confusing statement, he rips up the sign and tosses it out of the ring. “Firewoman” by the Cult fires up, and Firewoman comes down the ramp to thunderous ovation, although she looks like she’d rather be anywhere else. She’s accompanied not by her trusty valet, but by the newly-named godfather of her child, Alexander Darling. He appears to be whispering words of encouragement and support. My, how the evil one has fallen! She climbs in the ring, after telling Alexander to just stay on the floor.
The technician gives Firewoman some instructions, and she hops reluctantly up onto the table, after getting an encouraging nod from Alexander. She lays back and the technician starts to prepare stuff.
AA: Wait…this is… like, safe right? It’s not going to hurt it, right?
FW: It’s certainly safer than a tennis racket.
At that, Attitude Adjuster shuts up. The technician begins to scan Firewoman’s abdomen. Attitude Adjuster stares intently at the screen, which is also being projected onto the OOWF-tron.
Tech: Right there That would be the head.
He clicks on something and draws a box around it.
AA: It… it is? It looks like just a bunch of white snow static to me.
Tech: Well, it’s really hard to see if you’re not used to it. And right there, that fluttering move? That’s it’s heart beat. Let me turn up the speaker so you can hear it.
A soft, fast fluttering noise fills the speakers in the Arena. Attitude Adjuster’s face goes pale.
AA: Can you tell if it’s a boy or a girl?
FW: Don’t be silly, it’s too soon.
AA: It is? But what about…I mean…the tennis racket.
Tech: I’m afraid it’s too soon to figure that out as well. We’ll just have to wait and see.
FW: There, is that real enough for you? What about date of conception, can you figure that out?
While the technician makes some other scans and measurements, Attitude Adjuster turns away from the ultrasound table, then it appears as if he’s made a decision. He turns back to Firewoman, who is getting up and falls down onto one knee.
FW: What the heck are you doing?
AA: Fire…Lisa… I’m so sorry…..
FW: For?
AA: For everything. For getting drunk and taking advantage of you –
FW: Uh, I think I took advantage of you
AA: -- for starting the rumor in the first place, for being such a jerk. Jesus, for hitting you and maybe harming or even …. Oh geez, can you please forgive me?
FW: Uh… sure. But there’s something—
AA: Oh thank you. Thank you.
he grabs her hand and starts kissing it. Firewoman starts to smile
FW: Okay, get up. It’s fine, really. We have to—
AA: No wait. I’ve been thinking. And seeing the -- hearing the—well, it’s just made me 100% sure. I wanna do the right thing.
FW: The right thing?
Firewoman smiles a little more
AA: I want to make an honest woman out of you, Lisa. I want to give my child a name. Firewoman…..[he takes a deep breath]…. And somehow we’ll make Jericho understand, but…. Firewoman….[he takes another deep breath]…. Lisa….will you marry me?
The crowd ERUPTS. Firewoman looks down shocked at Attitude Adjuster, who looks up at her with expectant eyes (no pun intended). Fire looks at the technician and tells him he can go, which he begins to do, clearly not wanting to spoil such a beautiful moment! The crowd begins to chant “Say Yes! Say Yes!” Alexander Darling is stunned and his shaking his head no. Fire looks around at the crowd, at Alex, and … are those tears in her eyes? Then down at Attitude Adjuster, who appears to say “C’mon, Lisa. Say yes.” Firewoman smiles. A little at first, then more, then… wait, is she laughing? Yes. Firewoman is laughing. Attitude Adjuster, still on one knee, holding her hand, starts to laugh too, but then he stops, as this isn’t the kind of laughter he was thinking it was. Firewoman grabs the mic from him.
FW: Alan, Alan, Alan….my goodness, that was a beautiful speech. Really. You almost had me at “I wanna do the right thing.”
Firewoman pulls the mic away, as she’s laughing harder. AA stays on his one knee, looking sort of confused now.
FW: Alan, you started the rumor that I was pregnant to get into my head and distract me from the Onslaught Championship. And it worked, for a while. But then, I had an idea. A way to get even with you for your part in costing me the championship in the first place. And really, really I have to thank you for it, because you really laid the ground work.
The smile has left AA’s face now, replaced by … well, the same stunned look as when he found out he was going to be a daddy.
AA: What do you mean…am I… am I not the father?
Firewoman busts out laughing at this.
FW: Not only are you not the father, you idiot. THERE IS NO BABY!! I was NEVER PREGNANT!!
The crowd is stunned. Some of them cheer, just on principle, but some start to boo.
AA: What…but…but…the paternity tests!!?
FW: Staged. I paid off the OOWF medical staff to falsely confirm my test, and then fix the paternity results.
AA: But you don’t have the money for that!
FW: No, but Alexander does.
Alexander Darling, at the side of the stage, is stunned as well.
AA: But…the ultrasound…the heart beat!!
FW: Paid off the technician. Thanks, partner.
She reaches into her pocket and gets the DEA Debit card, and tosses it to Alexander. Alexander is too stunned and it hits his chest and falls to the floor.
.
AA: But the pictures of that night?
FW: Photo shop, my dear. Really, the look on your face right now is PRICELESS!!
Attitude Adjuster gets up, but is still clearly in a state of shock, and staggers just a bit.
AA: But why? Why would you do this? Why would you get my hopes up, and … why?
FW: You seriously don’t know? Kidnapping my valet? The beat down in North Korea? And then, playing a vital role in losing my belt…. my Onslaught belt!![/b] I may not have found away to get even with Eric or Bennett yet for stealing my belt from me, but you gift wrapped an idea right into my lap. I had to keep it secret from everyone, including you, Alex,… Alex, and DH, I’m really sorry about that. I couldn’t risk Attitude Adjuster finding out the truth accidentally. It’s good to know that you two would stick by me, no matter what though. Really, the only other people who knew were Jericho, and Rick, of course.
Alan, you were so willing to believe. It was easier than I thought it would be. I mean seriously. What woman would keep WRESTLING when pregnant? And what medical team would CLEAR her to do that? It’s so obvious!! And you still didn’t get it! No wonder you suck at gambling.
Attitude Adjuster walks slowly around the ring, letting this all sink in.
FW: Then you hit me with that damned tennis racket, when you merely thought I was pregnant. And I knew I had my angle. And you fell for it. You let a WOMAN get the best of you.
Firewoman laughs
AA: I… you…you…
Before he can get the words out, Firewoman takes the monitor from the ultrasound screen and clobbers AA over the head with it. Glass and broken plastic are everywhere. Attitude Adjuster has a cut over his left eye, and the blood is starting to flow. She straddles the downed Attitude Adjuster, and pulls the mic up again.
FW: Gee, Alan. I guess you should have taken your own advice. Never trust anything that bleeds for 4 days and doesn’t die.
She straightens up, and kicks Attitude Adjuster a little in the side as she steps back.
Now ring the bell, because thanks to Rick? This here is going to be an Onslaught Championship match, bitch, so let’s get this shit started.
The technician has removed his jacket to reveal a striped shirt. He was an OOWF referee all along! He signals and the timekeeper rings the bell, and we are underway!
ATTITUDE ADJUSTER vs. FIREWOMAN – OOWF Onslaught Championship Match
Attitude Adjuster is still reeling from the effects of an ultrasound monitor to the head. Firewoman does the international sign for “Come on! Get up and let’s go.” She quickly gets impatient with this and attacks Attitude Adjuster with forearms. She drives him into the corner, and all Attitude Adjuster can do is hold his arms up to block. She circles back to the center of the ring, arms outstretched, and then turns back to head full steam for the corner. Attitude Adjuster clears the cobwebs enough to get a foot up, so she gets hit right in the stomach. Firewoman stumbles back, as Attitude Adjuster staggers out of the corner. The referee tries to check on him to see if he’s okay, but Attitude Adjuster waves him off. He wanders around the ring, swinging wildly at Firewoman, who is keeping just out of reach, toying with him. Clearly he’s been concussed. Firewoman turns her back for just a moment, and Attitude Adjuster has her! He tries to set up the Attitude Adjustment, but he’s still reeling from the monitor bashed into his head. Firewoman works out of it, and pushes him over onto his back. She runs towards the ropes and hits Best Firesault Ever! She hooks the leg and covers! The ref counts 1-2-3!
WINNER in 2:21 and NEW OOWF Onslaught Champion - Firewoman
Firewoman grabs the belt from the referee and rolls out of the ring. Alexander Darling has recovered a bit from the shock of what has transpired in the ring (and picked up the debit card), and holds Firewoman’s arms up triumphantly, but still looks at Firewoman a bit confused and stunned as they walk backwards up the ramp.
LD WILLIAMS, CHRIS COLE, ATTITUDE ADJUSTER, F. FONZWORTH MACCAPPINGTON III, RYAN HARDCORE, THE AMNESIAC, SYB & SKURGE vs. DAVIN MORELAND, ALEXANDER DARLING, FIREWOMAN, PHANTOS, LUCIOS, BUNNY, CARL FROM FRESNO & JUSTIN SANE – Elimination Match
The crowd is super-hyped for this monster Elimination Match. “Master of Puppets” fires up, and, in accordance with the “Best Music Rule”; SYB, Skurge, F. Fonzworth MacCappington III, Ryan Hardcore, THE Amnesiac, Attitude Adjuster, “The Lower Midcard” “The Main Event” Chris Cole and OOWF World Heavyweight Champion L.D. Williams all come down the ramp to rampant boos. There are lots of birds being flipped and yelling going on, but they all make it to the ring, and pose and strut because they’re all so awesome. Chris Cole calls for a mic.
Cole: Run DEA is everything that’s wrong with the OOWF today. So tonight, we’re gonna teach them a lesson. DEA, get out here and get your asses kicked!
As soon as Cole drops the mic, the lights dim, and ridiculous, booming pyro goes off for a full 15 seconds. The Jumbotron is black, until in white letters “RUN” comes up, and the crowd gets to their feet. In rapid succession, the letters “D” “E” and “A” flash and then the lights come back on full to Saliva’s “Ladies and Gentlemen”. On the ramp, Emma, Bunny, Carl From Fresno, Justin Sane, OOWF Onslaught Champion Firewoman, OOWF Tag Team Champions Phantos and Lucios, OOWF Intercontinental Champion Alexander Darling, Samantha Darling and Davin Moreland appear, wearing black T-shirts with “Run DEA” in white block lettering on the front; on the back, they say “Team Rick, Team Unity”. The ovation is deafening as ALL of Run DEA (at least, those in town) makes their way down the ramp, slapping hands, signing autographs, even Davin. Finally they all make their way into the ring, and the trash talk starts with all 18 people in the ring, and there are all sorts of fun issues between just about everyone here. Nose to nose are Davin and Cole (shocking, I know), and there are just strings of expletives flying in that conversation. I guess they don’t like each other much. It almost comes to blows, but some of the saner members of each delegation get everyone separated. Poor Davis Hightower looks like he’s going to have a stroke as he calls for the bell…WE’RE UNDERWAY!
Emma and Samantha Darling climb to the outside as each side tries to figure out who will start out first. Predictably, Run DEA sends out the one non-member of Run DEA (at least he still gets a T-Shirt) Bunny, and he’s going to face off against THE Amnesiac. There is LOTS of trash talk flying across the ring from both sides, but in the ring, Bunny and THE Amnesiac lock up, and THE Amnesiac easily shoves Bunny into the corner. THE Amnesiac smirks and poses, and slowly walks over to Bunny, who hits him with MOUNTAIN DEW MIST!! Davin Moreland jumps up on the turnbuckle and calls to Bunny. Bunny jumps up and climbs onto Davin’s shoulder. He leaps…1170 SPLASH ONTO THE AMNESIAC! Bunny covers..1, 2, 3!
THE Amnesiac is eliminated.
Bunny is barely back on his feet before F. Fonzworth MacCappington III charges him and DESTROYS Bunny with a Spear. That was easy.
Bunny is eliminated.
Justin Sane FLIES over the rope with some sort of Suicide Springboard Plancha thing (aren’t all his moves kind of suicidal?) But FFMIII catches in mid-air and KILLS him with a POWER SLAM. Instead of covering, FFM goes for the GREETINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS! He nails it, and hopefully Justin can leave the ring under his own power.
Justin Sane is eliminated.
Carl From Fresno calmly steps through the ropes and smirks at FFMIII, whose demeanor drastically changes as he sees this turn of events. These two clearly have SOME sort of history, but other than the fact they’re both from Fresno, not much else is known. Regardless, they lock up in the middle of the ring, and FFMIII works a headlock, which Carl works out to an arm-wringer. FFMIII quickly pulls his arm in and DRILLS Carl with a SHORT-ARM CLOTHESLINE. FFMIII runs the ropes and looks for a BIG SPLASH but EATS CANVAS as Carl rolls out of the way. STANDING MOONSAULT on FFMIII and Carl rolls him over for the cover…1, 2, NO! FFMIII kicks out. Carl starts STOMPING and hits a leg drop. He looks to cover again, but before he gets the chance…INSIDE CRADLE! That gets 2 as Carl does kick out. Both men are to their feet, and start throwing HAYMAKERS. They look to be throwing hands to a stalemate; but as if a switch went off. FFMIII just GRABS Carl and picks him up. He’s looking for the GREETINGS FROM PACIFIC HEIGHTS! CARL SLIDES OUT THE BACK DOOR! NOT REALLY GOOD BUT NOT TOO SHABBY DIAMOND CUTTER! Carl covers…1, 2, 3!
F. Fonzworth MacCappington III is eliminated.
As Carl is getting to his feet, he doesn’t see Ryan Hardcore getting to the top rope, and he doesn’t realize until he’s on the ground that he’s been DRILLED with a PEARL NECKLACE! No chance for Carl.
Carl From Fresno is eliminated.
Ryan sees Firewoman climb through the ropes and starts to smirk, mouthing something like “You sure that isn’t mine, whore?” Yeah, that went over about as well as you’d expect. Firewoman just LAUNCHES after Hardcore, quickly shoving him into the corner and chopping away. Hardcore slumps into the corner. Firewoman climbs the turnbuckle looking for the BFE, but there’s a BLIND TAG by Attitude Adjuster! Fire HITS THE BFE on Hardcore, and covers, but, of course, Hardcore isn’t legal, so AA RIPS~! Fire off of Hardcore, and KICKS HER IN THE STOMACH~! ADDITUDE ADJUSTMENT!
Firewoman is eliminated.
Lucios comes FLYING into the ring and starts HAMMERING away on AA, and AA is in trouble until he locks on THE CLAW (with his therapeutic black glove). Lucios immediately has to stop his momentum and quickly falls to his knees, as AA has THE CLAW LOCKED ON! Phantos comes into the ring and hits a low dropkick to AA’s knees, forcing him to break THE CLAW. This draws SYB into the ring, and he tries to SLAPFIGHT Phantos, who really starts laying the wood to him. Skurge gets into the act now, and HE starts whaling on Phantos. Skurge and SYB are in control, and they hit the INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT on Phantos. THIS draws Davin Moreland in, and he Clotheslines Skurge and SYB out to the floor, and flips off Cole and Williams before making his way back to his side. Meanwhile Lucios and AA have absolutely turned this into a straight-up brawl, just hammering each other, with AA getting the worst of it. A BIG DDT puts AA Down, and Phantos rolls back into the ring just in time to hit the DROPKICK DEVICE!
Attitude Adjuster is eliminated.
Skurge comes back in, and he tries to lock on a CLAW of his own. It’s still pretty effective, even without the therapeutic black glove, and Lucios was weakened from it before as it was. He motions to SYB and he flies in as they hit the RISE N’ SHINE on Lucios.
Lucios is eliminated.
Neither of them notices that Davin is on the top turnbuckle, or that Phantos is on his shoulders. Phantos leaps and hits a CORKSCREW CROSSBODY on SYB and Skurge. He covers Skurge…
Skurge is eliminated.
He covers SYB…
SYB is eliminated.
Chris Cole is immediately in and starts pounding away on Phantos, and we’re going to SUPLEX SCHOOL! German Suplex, Gutwrench Suplex, EXPLODER Suplex, finally finishing with a NORTHERN LIGHTS SUPLEX w/ BRIDGE.
Phantos is eliminated.
Davin Moreland steps into the ring and grins. So does Cole. This looks familiar. Cole SHOVES Davin. Davin BITCHSLAPS Cole. Aaaaanddd…it’s a fight. Just an all-out brawl all around the ring. Eventually, Cole manages to hit a Low Dropkick that forces Davin on his face. Alexander Darling gets a BLIND TAG as Cole sets Davin up for a HEADLINER, but Darling hits a NECKBREAKER on Cole and forces him to let go. Darling gets Cole up on his shoulders (even the bad one) and Davin, seeing the situation, runs the ropes…DARLING DRIVER DIAMOND CUTTER! Davin IMMEDIATELY says, “Get him back up!” and yells to LD “Stay there, we’ll be with you in a second”. He runs the ropes again…DARLING DRIVER DIAMOND CUTTER X2!
Chris Cole is eliminated.
Davin steps back through the ropes, as LD comes into the ring. Darling and LD lock up and LD immediately goes to work on the bad shoulder. Davin is STOMPING on the mat trying to get the crowd into it, rooting for Darling. Williams has a strong hammerlock locked in, and Darling is on his knees. Somehow (through the power of the shaky arm) gets up and hits some elbows into the gut of LD, who finally has to break the hold. Darling IMMEDIATELY hits a SWINGING NECKBREAKER and covers, that gets 2. He quickly moves to LD’s legs, and he’s looking for the DARLING MONEY CLIP, but before he can turn LD, Williams kicks him DI-REC-A-LY in the bad shoulder, forcing Darling to let go. He whips Darling to the ropes. BLIND TAG by Moreland. KICK-WHAM-ROBERTS DDT from LD. REALLY GOOD DIAMOND CUTTER OUT OF NOWHERE FROM DAVIN!!!! COVER! 1, 2, 3!
LD Williams is eliminated
Your Winners in 36:41 by Pinfall, Run DEA (and Bunny)
Post match, all of Run DEA flood into the ring celebrating as LD powders out. Lots of pointing at other people and arm-raising going on to “Ladies and Gentlemen”. Davin grabs a mic.
Davin: You know, there’s been a lot said about me and a lot done to me over the last few weeks, and it’s possible that I may have brought some of that upon myself. Maybe I just lost sight as to what’s important. I am OOWF, I am Team Rick, but most importantly, I am Run DEA, and I will NEVER forget that again. RUN DEA 4 LIFE!
Davin gets his first steady cheers in a month as he drops the mic. Everyone’s hugging and shit and it’s pretty much just a sickeningly sweet scene. After the match, Drink & Destroy, Stank, DH Magnusson, Outback Jack and Spin Hansen make their way to the ring and take part in the celebration. Soon the rest of Team Rick join them in an impressive display of solidarity. While the entire group gathers together to pose for a picture, Attitude Adjuster slips back into the ring with his tennis racket. He spots Firewoman and takes aim, and is about to permanently part her hair, when Stank shoves her out of the way and the tennis racket crashes down on Stank’s head, sending him to one knee. Attitude Adjuster initially has a look of horror on his face, but that quickly turns to a self-satisfied smirk at the sight of an old enemy laid out on the mat. The rest of Team Rick quickly turns around and sees what has happened, and AA decides now is the time to go. He dives between the ropes and high tails it up the ramp before anyone can get to him.
Thanks for coming out and watching LIVE OOWF action be sure to check out the OOWF Hell On Earth IV/4 Year Anniversary Show, Live September 28 from Dayton, Ohio! And don’t forget to catch next week’s OOWF Mid-Week Mayhem Live! September 17th, from St. Catherine’s, Ontario Canada!
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