[Jack Quinn]

OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/Tag Team Invitational 2008 - Round 2
Live! From Springfield, Tennessee

OOWF Intercontinental Title Match[/u]
DH Magnusson vs. Spin Hansen

OOWF World Tag Team Title Match[/u]
Phantos & Lucios vs. Eric O'Mac & Chris Cole

Tag Team Invitational 2008 - Midnight Express Bracket Finals[/u]
Gods & Monsters vs. Alexander Darling & Davin Moreland

Tag Team Invitational 2008 - Four Horsemen Bracket Finals[/u]
IHOP vs. Gaelic Storm

Tag Team Invitational 2008 - Legion of Doom Bracket Finals[/u]
The Chickenshit Heels vs. kz

Tag Team Invitational 2008 - The Steiner Brothers Bracket Finals[/u]
Drink & Destroy vs. Tyson Kincaid & Outback Jack

Firewoman vs. Concrete TG
The Dead vs. The Amnesiac

card subject to political assbackwardness

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

*Harper Camby is standing outside a door holding a baseball bat. Outback Jack strolls up to him and holds his left thumb up in the air.*

OBJ: Hey, Harper, look at my thumb!

*Camby looks at the thumb, and OBJ nails him with a right cross, then opens the door behind him. Eric and Chris jump up.*

OBJ: Relax, mates, I just came to wish you luck.

CC: You've got a lot of nerve barging in here!

EOM: Yeah, what the hell are you doing here?

OBJ: We've been enemies for years, and I don't expect that to change, but we all know the rules. Not the kayfabe rules, but the rules that the guys in the locker room always agreed to. Those assholes in RunDOA or whatever they're called don't follow those rules, so for one week only I'm wishing you good luck.

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

*Harper Camby is standing outside a door holding a baseball bat. Outback Jack strolls up to him and holds his left thumb up in the air.*

OBJ: Hey, Harper, look at my thumb!

*Camby looks at the thumb, and OBJ nails him with a right cross, then opens the door behind him. Eric and Chris jump up.*

OBJ: Relax, mates, I just came to wish you luck.

CC: You've got a lot of nerve barging in here!

EOM: Yeah, what the hell are you doing here?

OBJ: We've been enemies for years, and I don't expect that to change, but we all know the rules. Not the kayfabe rules, but the rules that the guys in the locker room always agreed to. Those assholes in RunDOA or whatever they're called don't follow those rules, so for one week only I'm wishing you good luck.

*OBJ Storms off*

[karmic]

***OOC***

Wow...Camby fell for that old trick TWICE? The guy really is an idiot.

***OOC***

[The Canadian Content]

*Fade in to the palatial IHOP locker room. SYB and The Amnesiac are discussing their respective win and loss in the OOWF Invitational Tag Team Tournament at OOWF MidWeek Mayhem/OOWF Invitational Tag Team Tournament 2008 Live! From Springfield, Kentucky. The Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth is engaged in a lively game of Scrabble with Fezzik, the latter having just played QWIJIBO, claiming that it’s a word in Greenland. Since Skurge isn’t in the palatial IHOP locker room, and since he’s the subject of this promo, let’s *FADE* out of the palatial IHOP locker room and…

*Fade in to the deserted office of GMtheRick. The door opens, and Skurge enters. He closes the door behind him before turning on the lights. He makes his way over to GMtheRick’s desk and begins rummaging through it. Just then, the closet opens, and GMtheRick steps out…

GMtR: Well well. What have we here?
Skurge: Mr. theRick! Shit. Um, this isn’t what it looks like. I was just, uh–wait, did you just come oot of the closet? Solly’s gonna love this one.
GMtR: Shut it. You were just going through my desk. Again.
Skurge: Again?
GMtR: *sigh* Just because it never really went anywhere doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Look at this please.

*GMtheRick points a remote at a TV, and the following video plays as the two men watch:

Originally posted by Psychofish
*Skurge is walking around the arena, just as he has been all day. He wears a puzzled expression…
Skurge: Where the sweet fuck is everyone? I haven’t seen a single person all day. This is fucking creepy. I don’t even know where SYB and the Lovely and Talented Dorothy Mantooth are. My own fucking team. Man, if this is some kind of rookie hazing, they really went all oot. There’s no way that can be it, though. Not on gameday.

*Skurge passes by GMtheRick’s office for about the 12th time today. He pauses to think for a minute, then turns toward the door…

Skurge: Fuck it. There’s no one around. I’m going through his desk. Who knows what useful shit he might have in there?

*Skurge starts rifling through GMtR’s desk. It’s not long before he comes across a folder labeled “PHWF”…

Skurge: I believe this is exactly what I’m looking for. I never figured it’d be this easy to get my hands on it. I didn’t even have to use any of my plans to get Rick oot of his office. This is great, eh?

*Skurge leaves GMtR’s office and heads for the palatial IHOP locker room to read through the folder while he waits for the rest of the roster to show up.
*FADE*

GMtR: Care to explain what that was all about before explaining what you’re doing in here now?
Skurge: Not particularly, no.
GMtR: That envelope was mine. It contained private…documents. Sensitive documents. My documents. I want it back.
Skurge: I’m afraid I can’t do that, eh? I gave the envelope to Dorothy.
GMtR: Fine then. I’ll take it up with her. Now, what are you doing going through my desk this time?
Skurge: I was looking for…um…the OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship belt. Yeah, that’s it. I wanted to give it back to Solly.
GMtR: Huh. You don’t say. So first you took my documents, and now you want to take my OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship belt? You have an unhealthy interest in my possessions, Skurge. I’ll decide on a punishment for this later. For now, just leave my office before I make you leave it.

*GMtheRick begins to advance on Skurge, who backs away, not wanting to hurt GMtheRick and get in more trouble than he’s already in. As he backs up, Skurge steps on a loose floorboard, the other end of which flies up and catches GMtheRick under the chin, knocking him out cold. Skurge rushes over and places his hand on GMtheRick’s chest, checking for a heartbeat. A referee appears out of nowhere and makes the three count before Skurge can protest, then the referee announces “Your winner and new OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal champion, Skurge!” The referee then hands the OOWF DDT Iron Man Heavy Metal Championship belt to a stunned Skurge, who quickly and quietly begins making his way back to the palatial IHOP locker room, wary of attacks from the shadows. *FADE*

[Concrete TG]

(CTG is STORMING! angrily through the arena hallways. He spots Firewoman talking to someone just inside her locker room)

CTG: CITIZEN FIRE! (marches up)

FW: (wheels, keeping one hand inside the door)

CTG: What exactly was the meaning of your departure from our match during the tournament? Hardly heroic of you

FW: (playfully shrugs) I told Rick I wasn't teaming with you, and I meant it. You were going to tough it out?

CTG: Victory means more to me than petty differences of ideologies. Ask Moose about that sometime.

FW: I would have rather tagged with him than you.

CTG: (Wishes Moose was nearby, for once in his life.....)

FW: Regardless, I stood my ground. That still puts me ahead of you.

CTG: but your mission is not accomplished - Now you deal with me directly. You will NOT walk away from this match.

FW: of course not. Kicking your ass sounds like fun.

CTG: I can almost forgive your leaving me in Oregon I can almost forgive you walking out of your match, but you show no such remorse. I suggest you prepare.... thoroughly. (storms off)

FW: (smiles to herself as she finally pulls her hand out from insde the locker room, holding a sledgehammer stained with some purple paint) I was off to a good start.... Chris has much better ideas these days.

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

Oct 8, 2008 23:48:17 GMT -5 karmic said:

***OOC***

Wow...Camby fell for that old trick TWICE? The guy really is an idiot.

***OOC***

It was actually deja vu

[Jack Quinn]

<The Dead storms into GM the Rick's office>

Dead: You wanted to see me?

GMtR: Yeah. You're suspended.

Dead: WHAT? FOR WHAT?

GMtR: For what you did to Blitz.

Dead: ARE YOU SERIOUS? Rick, I WARNED him! I told him if we lost because of HIM, this would happen!

GMtR: It's done. You are out for a few weeks. Look, I just got control of this fed back, I am not ABOUT to lose it again because SOME people can't follow the rules around here! You went too far, and now you take your punishment

<Dead, clearly beyond annoyed, jumps out of his seat and grabs Rick>

Dead: YOU LISTEN TO ME!

GMtR: NO! YOU LISTEN TO ME! I HAVE THE FINAL SAY AROUND HERE NOW AND THIS IS HOW ITS GOING TO FUCKING BE! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, THERE'S THE DOOR!

<Dead lets got of Rick and smooths out his shirt and clearly calms himself down>

Dead: Sure thing Rick, you're the boss

<Dead takes a few steps toward the door under Rick's wilting stare. Finally Rick looks down and shakes his head slowly, and when he does, Dead turns back around and hits the CLOSE THE CASKET ON GM THE RICK! Rick tumbles over his desk and falls to the floor out cold. Dead walks up to Rick and surveys the damage, then looks at the camera>

Dead: If I am going to get suspended, might as well make it worth my time

<Dead laughs and walks out of Rick's office, grabs his bags and heads into the Springfield night>

[fasteddie]

(Tytan is leaving his training facility with Dr. Podvod when Lola heads toward them.)

Lola: Any word for your coming match against Darling and Moreland?

Tytan: (Stops and thinks for a moment) It's about time I am finally able to start to get my hands on Run DEA and who better then to take on then the Psyco and his Shadow. Davin I believed in you once I thought you were doing what you did for the right reasons. I know your saying I did do it for the right reasons. I did it for me. But was that worth turning your back on those people that were once your friends. Turning your back on the Fans that suported you?
And Darling. I thought you were starting to enjoy being cheered for. And now look at you...you are left being Davin's lackey. You picking up his laundry for him too? Hell you pimped out your sister too him. What's next? Yeah but Firewoman's too damn easy anyway.
Just listen now to this. Gods and Monsters aren't afraid of you. We are going to come at you two prima donnas like Davin's mother looking to whip him. And Alex...Poe enjoys any chance he has to get his hands on your punk ass.
You want to fight...well we are the ones that will have no problem bringing it too you.

(Just then Tytan's iphone rings with a text message. Tytan looks down and sees that it is a message from Poe.)

Diana: What is it?

Tytan: It's Poe. I need to meet him it seems we are going on a little trip.

Diana: What does that mean?

Tytan: I have learned with Poe that could be anything.

Fade

[Attitude Adjuster]

Attitude Adjuster walks up to Moosehead Jack and LD Williams. And if any of y’all remember your OOWF history, this isn’t the brightest thing AA’s done. But at last it’s not as dumb as getting drunk and sleeping with Firewoman.

AA: Hey, LD, Moose, good buddies! How you doing?

LD: Have you been drinking and sleeping with other wrestlers again?

AA: Hell no! I’ve given up on that. But I sure gave her the rub, huh?

Moose: I think she tried to give you the rub, but it didn’t do anything.

AA: Ha Ha Ha. Real funny there. Look, I’ve come to discuss a deal with you guys.

LD: A deal? What? Are you going to ask us to lay down so you and Johnny can advance in the Tag Team Invitational 2008, win the Legion of Doom bracket because you’re such good friends with The Road Warriors and have a match against Drink & Destroy so you can revive the greatest tag team feud ever in the OOWF? No way!

Moose: TCH and D&D again? Hmmm, the rating are starting to go down a bit…

LD: Moose! Kayfabe! Snap back into it!

Moose: Oh, yeah! No way in hell! Trust me!

AA: Yeah, that’s what I thought. Gotcha, Moose, but I’ll keep it on the downlow.

*** Two minutes later, around the corner from where AA was before. ***

AA: Johnny! Kz is laying down for us so we can face D&D again! It’s like old times!

(Five random wrestlers turn around from what they are doing to listen to the conversation.)

JA: Really? Moose and LD agreed?

AA: Well, they didn’t exactly say that, but…

JA: But what?

AA: Well, I think Moose is cool with it. See, we understand each other. Let’s go find Stank and Capslock and start planning. Now should we revive the Old West saga or the Best Buddies Angle or the Magic Bus Tour promo or the pregnancy angle…no, wait, that’s not so funny anymore.

[wld]

**L.D. Williams, choosing to be a rebel and maintain kayfabe, continues his conversation with Moose.**

LD: “So, feel any different today?”

MHJ: “Should I?”

LD: “Probably, considering that last night was the greatest night of our careers. I mean, we beat the division killers – the measuring stick. Do you realize what that means?”

MHJ: “Hadn’t thought about it.”

LD: “The way I see it, this makes us, like, the greatest team in the history of the universe. We’re legends! Everything else we’ve ever accomplished will pale in comparison to that one achievement. We can retire from the ring right now and make our living traveling the world and telling the story of our brush with greatness!”

MHJ: “-“

LD: “-“

MHJ: “You about done?”

LD: “I think so. I can save the uncrowned champions bit for later.”

MHJ: “Good. You’re buying me a drink.”

[Riot Act]

We fade into the locker room area immediately following Mayhem. Tyson Kincaid sits on a folding chair while Outback Jack stands next to him drinking a celebratory beer.

OBJ: G’job out there, mate! We’re off to the second round now and I hear we’re taking on Drink & Destroy.

Kincaid responds with a non-committal grunt.

OBJ: Listen, mate. I know you’ve spit the dummy about all this yabber about Firewoman. But don’t bother yourself with that shiela, or those drongo clackers like Eric O’Mac and Attitude Adjuster. I’m yer mate and I’m tellin’ ya that yer fair-dinkum.

TK: Even if I knew what you were saying, I’d probably still disagree.

Kincaid reaches into his gym bag on the floor and pulls out a small container. It rattles as he pops it open and takes two small objects from inside, places them inside his mouth and swallows.

OBJ: Gimme one of them, would ya, mate? I’ve got breath that smells like the bottom of a dunny.

TK: These aren’t Tic-Tacs, Jack.

With that, Kincaid lets out a deep sigh, closes his eyes and slumps downwards in his chair, his head reclined and facing the ceiling. Jack simply shakes his head as the scene fades.

[National Champion Chris Cole]

Inside the locker room of "The Main Event" Chris Cole & Eric O'Mac: Eric is talking on his cell while Cole is pacing the room.

EOM: I know. I'm totally going to beat Davin and become OOWF World Heavyweight Champion. Isn't it awesome?..........uh huh............well you know I was the greatest Onslaught Champ so you know I'-

(Chris Cole grabs the cell from Eric and hangs up then tosses it away)

EOM: What the hell are you thinking?

CC: I'm thinking that you didn't hear a god damn word I said last week. You weren't focused and it cost us.

EOM: They got lucky.

CC: No you got lazy. Now luck is on our side and we are getting a shot at the World Tag Team Title anyway. Focus Mac. Remember that we could rule the company. You and me. Both OOWF Tag Champs and battling for the World Heavyweight Championship.

EOM: I remember the plan. Now leave me alone. I have people to entertain.

CC: Last warning Mac. Show up next week.

EOM: Or else what?

CC: Just do it.

Cole walks out and Eric smirks and goes to retrieve his cell phone.

[BC]

Tytan steps off of the plane and looks around him. He breathes in the intoxicating Hawaiian air. Selena then scoots past him and down the steps to the tarmac. Tytan, brought back to reality by Selena’s elbow to the ribs, follows her down the steps. He hears Poe’s footsteps following his.

The three of them are greeted by two beautiful Hawaiian girls.


HG: Aloha, welcome to the island of Hawaii.

The two girls place leis around the necks of Poe, Tytan, and Selena. Selena seems unimpressed due to the large breasts of the girl placing the lei on her. Tytan smiles as checks out one of the girls, and then looks to Poe.

T: A guy could get used to this. I just got lei’ed again.

Poe: Come Tytan, there will be much time for revelry, but now we must get to the compound. You don’t have any pork in your bag do you?

Tytan looks at Poe strangely as Poe and Selena walk away, leading the way to the terminal. After one more look at the Hawaiian girls, Tytan follows.

T: I’ll be seeing you girls later.


30 minutes later

A van carrying Poe, Tytan, and Selena drives along the Big Island’s coast.

The van pulls up to a large wooden gate attached to a long brick wall.

Tytan is awed by the place.Poe had told him his compound in Hawaii was huge, but he had no idea.

The three get out of the van as the gate opens. Two Hawaiian boys assist the driver in gathering the bags from the van. Tytan continues to survey the compound from the outside.

T: Dude, how can you afford all this?

Poe: I’ve been a headliner in Japan for nearly a decade. Plus, I have…friends who have helped me along.

T: Dude, is this Yakuza land?

Poe: You have much to learn my friend. To automatically assume Yakuza is a foolish endeavor.

The conversation is broken by a shrieking “ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIBA!!!”

Charo comes running towards them as fast as she can in stiletto heels.


C: OmarPoeMyDarlingWelcomeHome!

Charo grabs Poe’s face and plants kisses on both cheeks.

C: LittleSelenaYouHaveComeBackYes?WelcomeHome!

Charo does the same to Selena as Selena grimaces, trying to pull away. Charo then looks and Tytan and fans herself.

C: YouMustBeTheTytanMoiCalienteYou’llDoNicely.

T: Huh?

C: YouHoochieChoochie?

Tytan looks confused.

T: Do I what?

Charo grabs Tytan’s hands, placing them on her breasts. She removes her hands and shakes her breasts in his hands.

C: HoochieChoochie!

Charo then grabs his hands and leads him into the compound.

C: ComeWeHoochieChoochieYouFeelBetterInNoTime!

Tytan looks back to Poe, almost if asking for help. Poe and Selena watch Charo lead Tytan into the compound amused, and miss Lenore approach them.

Poe sees her just as she places her hands to his chest.

L: Welcome home my love.

Poe leans down and kisses Lenore as Selena tries to hold back a grimace. Lenore then eyes Selena, seeing the grimace before a fake smile.

L: Selena I got you a toy.

Lenore snaps her fingers and a Hawaiian teenage boy comes out of the gate and stands at attention before them. Selena’s eyes grow wide.

L: Whattaya think? Will he do?

Selena circles the boy like a ravenous wolf, looking him up and down. The boy stays stone-faced and does not move or react.

Poe: My moon goddess?

SG: He’s so hot I wanna bake cookies on him!

L: You can do that if you wish. His name is Quan Ping. He will do as you ask. He’s being paid very well.

Selena snuggles up to Quan Ping’s arm.

SG: Do you like candle wax?

Quan Ping shows expression for the first time, and it’s an uneasy expression. Selena looks to Poe and Lenore.

SG: Peace dudes!


Selena takes Quan Ping’s hand and leads him running into the compound. Poe smirks as he watches them leave.

Poe: Poor boy has no idea what he’s in for.

L: Does she still have that silly chastity vow?

Poe: Yes she does.

L: Yes…poor boy. She scares me and not in a good way. She enjoys pain and suffering too much, and not the good kind. She’s a little unbalanced, even for your tastes.

Poe: She’s exploring her dark side. Nothing wrong with enjoying that. And, speaking of the good kind of pain…

Poe leans down and kisses Lenore again. He then takes her hand and leads his long time love into the compound as the gates close behind them…

to be continued…

[Road Warrior Shark]

Phantos & Lucios are seen traveling to Springfield Phantos is watching OOWF-TV.

Phantos: Man, did you hear that crap?

Lucios: You mean this?

Oct 9, 2008 23:59:30 GMT -5 wld said:

We can retire from the ring right now and make our living traveling the world and telling the story of our brush with greatness!

I say, Great Plan LD. You don't want to be remebered as the the modern day Iron Sheik, the man who was champion Before Losing to The greatest Wrestler of all time. It's better to be remembered for a win than a loss. So hitching your wagon to having actually beat the Greatest Tag Team in history makes perfect sense.

Wait, you expect us to be upest about one loss? Better teams than Kz have beaten us. Even the Patriots lost a game last season. What matters is out record of sustained greatness.

Phantos: And that is a record Kz will never be able to Measure Up To

[karmic]

Inside the DESTROYITARIUM:

SFJ7: Stank, we're looking for an update on the condition of D.H. Magnusson. Is he alright? Will he able to compete this week after the heinous fireball from Johnny Adrenaline during last week's opening round of the tag-team invitational?

Stank: He's not here, Brenda.

SFJ7: Well, can you comment on his condition?

Stank: His condition is that he isn't here.

SFJ7: But can you tell us if -

Stank: Brenda. Listen to me. He. Isn't. Here. He's still meeting with the doctors, and that's all I'm saying. Anything else you want to ask, I'll refer you to Spin.

*Across the room, Spin Hansen paces back and forth, a half-drained bottle of Jaegermeister in his left hand. Occasionally his right hand shoots out to break a table*

SFJ7: I think I'll pass.

Stank: Bright girl. I'll tell you this though. Maggs is a tough guy, and he's proud of that belt. It would take a LOT for him NOT to wrestle Spin this week.

SFJ7: So, with Magnusson and Hansen facing off, and you and FF facing off with Jack and Tyson Kincaid, how do we look at a card where all of Drink and Destroy are facing off with each other?

Stank: We look at it as gold, Brenda. Pure gold.

[Jack Quinn]

<Moose is in the back when he is stopped by SFJ13>

SFJ13: Moose, Phantos and Lucios had some pretty strong comments concerning their loss to you, do you have anything to say?

MHJ: You know, the tag champs have become masters of double talk. One minute they are saying they are the measuring stick, they are saying how no team can measure up to them in that ring, how they are the gold standard for tag teams in wrestling today. Well, then the gold standard loses to kz, and now the story has changed. Suddenly its not about individual matches anymore, its about sustained greatness. See boys, it makes me wonder about your legacy when a team that hasn't teamed in almost two years can suddenly come back together and beat you. Something you might want to think about before you run your mouths again.

But that doesn't matter right now. Phantos and Lucios are old news, we beat them, and we moved on. Now, its the Chickenshit Heels in front of us. Adrenaline and AA, we have been down this road before, and the results are always the same. This week will be no different, when all is said and done, kz will be left standing, and you two will be left lying in a pool of your own blood.

Trust me

[Fire-Babe]

A Kawasaki Vulcan with custom flame painting comes screaming up to the OOWF Arena. Two figures get off, wearing their Arai Helmets, with matching custom paint. Lucios is waiting outside.

L: Where the heck have you two been?

Phantos: [Taking off his helmet] That was freakin’ awesome.

L: “Freakin?”

FW: Whoa, big guy. [taking off her helmet too] Watch the language, Captain, or Luscious here won't let you hang out with me anymore.

P: Oh….sorry….But really, Lucios you should—

L: I should be watching tapes of Eric and Cole instead of waiting for you to get done goofing off.

FW: It’s okay Luscious, he was in good hands. I was gentle with him.

P: …

L: …

FW: I mean I didn’t go over the speed limit once. Stayed at 25 the whole time around the building.

P: We need to go faster next time, that was fun.

FW: We’ll see. Come on, Luscious, wanna go for a spin? [She pats the seat behind her.]

L: No, we have tape to watch, and you have a Sexy Female Journalist looking for you.

FW: Great. Let me go park this.

Through the magic of television, we cut to an interior shot a few moments later, where Firewoman is standing in front of the standard OOWF Interview Room banner, with SFJ420.

FW: So, are you our permanent interviewer now?

SFJ420: Like…I think.

FW: Okay, hit it.

SFJ420: So like, your last match with Crete. You walked out!

FW: Very observant of you. I told Cape-boy, I wouldn’t tag with him. I told Rick I wouldn’t tag with him. I know it’s going to take some getting used to, but Run-DEA isn’t doing anything Run-DEA doesn’t want to do, either collectively or individually.

SFJ420: Collectively or….?

FW: Never mind, Mensa. So now, “Citizen Gryfon” wants to step in the ring? He didn’t get his hands on me enough when he imposed himself on me at the Arnold Fitness Expo back in February? Some hero!

The camera pans back as Firewoman swings the official Run-DEA Sledgehammer over her shoulder.

FW: Well, bring it on, Captain Courage. That totally sparkles with me.

[fasteddie]

(Tytan has spent the majority of the morning trying to get a breather from Charo. He finds away to get to an OOWF webcam to cut a quick promo.)

Tytan: First off this place is amazing. I am still trying to understand the full reason why Poe has brought me here. Poe tells me in time I will understand and I will take his word for it. But all I know is I will tell you this much; when The Gods and Monsters will return for Mayhem we will be ready for Davin and Darling and we will take the Psycho and his Shadow and give them a trip into hell that they would never...ever forget.

(Just then Charo comes knocking on the door.)

Charo: Papi...Charo es looking for you. Charo es muy hombre for you.

Tytan: Now...I have to run time to see where else I can hide from this cougar.

(Blackout)

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

OOC: Exalt to BC for dredging up Charo!

[Tommy]

*Davin Moreland is STORMING~! toward the Dunkin' Donuts Hospitality Tent, manned by Curt "The Golden God" Schilling. Samantha is chasing after him and yelling.*

SD: DAVIN! DON'T!

*But her words fall on deaf ears as Davin takes about 3.7 seconds to completely demolish and trash the tent. He then pins Schilling up against the wall.*

DM: WHERE WERE YOU?!??!?!

C'TGG'S: Uh...here?

DM: YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN ON THE MOUND INSTEAD OF BECKETT YOU SON OF A BITCH~!!!!

C'TGG'S: I'm injured, Davin. You can read about it on my blog www.38.pitches.com

*Davin cocks his right hand back and is about to smash poor Curt in the face, but he hears Moosehead Jack charging around the corner, so Davin gets a hold of himself and puts Schilling down. Moose slows down, glances at Davin, and PINS CURT 'THE GOLDEN GOD' SCHILLING AGAINST THE WALL!*

MHJ: WHERE WERE YOU?!?!?!?

C'TGG'S: Wait...what?

MHJ: JAMIE MOYER~! JAMIE FUCKING MOYER! HE'S OLDER THAN YOU! WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU???

C'TGG'S: Wow, I haven't played in Philadelphia in like 7 years. You can read about it in the archives of my blog, www.38pitches.com

*Moose cocks his right hand back and is about to smash Schilling in the face, but Davin taps Moose on the shoulder*

DM: At least the Eagles won.

*Moose puts Schilling down*

MHJ: You're right.

*Davin PINS CURT SCHILLING AGAINST THE WALL AGAIN*

DM: WHERE WERE YOU?!?!?!?

C'TGG'S: When?

DM: MATT CASSEL! MATT FUCKING CASSEL!

*Moose taps Davin on the shoulder*

MHJ: He doesn't play quarterback.

C'TGG'S: That's true. I'm a baseball pitcher. You can read about it on my blog, www.38pitches.com

*Davin puts Schilling down and kind of looks at the ground. Moose turns and walks away.*

MHJ: *over his shoulder* Nice work there, by the way.

DM: Yeah. Thanks.

C'TGG'S: Um, excuse me Davin? What am I going to do for a tent now?

DM: Call corporate. They'll take care of it. Sorry Curt.

C'TGG': I understand. Take care champ.

DM: You too, champ.

*Samantha grabs Davin's arm and starts to pull him away*

SD: What the fuck is wrong with you?

DM: You're a girl. You wouldn't understand.

SD: Oh? I wouldn't?

*They walk back into the Run DEA Suites, presented by Aquafina and Starwood Hotels*

SD: Alexander? Where are you?

*Alexander pokes his head out of his door*

AD: Um, here?

SD: Game 6, 1986 World Series. Where was I?

AD: You and Daddy were 1st Base side, 1st Row.

SD: Super Bowl 25 in Tampa, where was I?

AD: Wellington Mara's box, with Daddy.

SD: Where were you?

AD: 86 I was 4. The Super Bowl, Lexie and I were at home. Only you got to go. I hate you.

*Alexander slams the door. Samantha has a smug look on her face*

DM: Fine.

SD: Drink something.

DM: What?

SD: Anything.

*Davin walks out to the bar and finds a sixer of Red Dog*

DM: Nice babe. High class stuff.

SD: Only the best for you. You should take a pill too.

DM: Actually *drains a good portion of the beer* I probably shouldn't. Gah, what is this? Rot-gut? Were they out of Golden Anniversary?

SD: Drink it and shut up. And one pill won't kill you. It will calm you down.

DM: Hope it calms my tastebuds down.

SD: It tastes better after the third or fourth one.

DM: Let's test that theory.

*Davin pops open and kills a second beer and is halfway through a third when Samantha returns with a pill vial, she takes out a white pill and hands it to Davin*

SD: Here.

DM: I told you. This could really interact with my medication.

SD: One? Besides, you've got until Wednesday to get over it.

*Davin kills beer 3 in short order*

DM: You're right.

SD: I know.

*Davin pops the pill and his 4th beer. We fade to commercial*



(Apparently Starwood bought like 5 minutes of time)

*We come back, and Davin (as well as Samantha now) is about 50 kinds of fucked up on the couch by the bar.*

DM: *slurring and spilling the beer in his hand* What wath I mad about befurr?

SD: Dunno.

*Firewoman and Phantos come into the Run DEA Suites presented by Aquafina and Starwood hotels*

FW: Are you fucking serious?

P: I shucks you n...Oh hey Davin...Samanth...hey, what's up with you two?

FW: *grabs Phantos' elbow* We should probably leave them alone for now.

DM: HEY GUITH!

P: Davin?

DM: What UP P-DAWG? How's it HANGIN' lil brah?

P: Um...Fine. You're right, Fire. Let's go...watch some film or something.

FW: Well, I'd rath...sure. Let's go watch some film.

*they leave*

SD: We should probably get outta here.

DM: I know a plath...

SD: Where?

*Davin foggily points in the direction of his room*

SD: Cute. You're going to pretty much pass out, aren't you?

DM: I warned you, dithin't I?

SD: You did. I'll listen next time. *Grabs his arm and pulls him up* Let's go.

DM: Hellz yeeeeah...Oh, and Poe? Drago? I'll be ready Wedsthday...and you mothafuckizz iz gonna be sorry you fucked with us. Belieeeedat.

SD: That was seriously the worst promo ever.

DM: No way. Ortonth are way worse.

SD: You've got a point.

*They go in the room and fade*

[Concrete TG]

(Firewoman and Phantos are WALKING~! through the halls when they see Chris Jericho walking in the other direction... with an escort of black shirt security guards)

FW: Hey! No, this isn't-

P: I don't think I understand here

Y2J: apparently I'm suddenly not allowed back here. Something about "leaking out information".

FW: What??? We have better ideas out here, and you've got some that have helped ME out (wickedgrin)

Y2J: these guys are saying that it's a mandate from your GM. Maybe this'll turn into some sort of cross-promotiona--

Kayfabe: (storms down the hall) OUT!! OUT!!!!!

Blackshirt security: (escort Jericho out)

FW: (fuming)

Phantos: That rule's never been enforced before.

FW: And since it's a rule I'm sure someone thinks it's "Justice"......

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

*OBJ is sitting in the Destroyitarium with Stank and FFC. In the background Spin is still busting up furniture*

FFC: Shouldn't you be hanging out with your partner?

OBJ: I tried, but it gets depressing even for me. All that ability and this great opportunity and he doesn't seem to appreciate it. Rookies weren't like this when I was breaking into the business.

Stank: True, but times change.

OBJ: I suppose so, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

FFC: Speaking of not liking things... *looks over at Spin*

Stank: Probably best to let him let off a little steam.

OBJ: Yeah, I think we'll postpone our training session. The furniture can be replaced but boilers are expensive.

[BC]

…the next morning…

Tytan wades through the surf, wrapped in a beach towel. The two Hawaiian lei girls from the airport follow him to the shore where Poe and Selena are waiting for him.

T: Not sure what that was for, but having two hot chicks bathe me in the ocean naked is something you won’t hear me complaining about.

Poe: It is the first of two cleansing rituals I have planned for you. We must purge those chemicals from your body if you are to truly accept the beast within you.

Tytan grins.

T: That didn’t seem clean to me. I’m not sure you could get that perfume Charo was wearing off of me.

SG: Ew! TMI! And you weren’t supposed to grope the girls.

T: Sorry couldn’t help it. And speaking of wasn’t that Quan Ping I heard screaming all night? Hey, Poe, thanks for getting those two from the airport by the way.

Poe: Times are tough, they needed the money.

SG: Not my fault the boy couldn’t handle a little candle wax.

Tytan cringes at the thought.

T: So what’s next?

Poe: Next I’m taking you up there.

Poe points to the top of Kilauea.

T: I’m not bathing in a volcano!

SG: Ohmygod don’t be stupid!

Poe places his hand on Selena’s head to calm her.

Poe: We will go to the top of Kilauea for a cleansing ritual in which we will call upon Pele.

T: Pele? We’re praying to a soccer player? Dude, I knew you loved the beautiful game but isn’t that a little bit ridiculous?

Poe: Not PAY-LAY, Pele, the Hawaiian goddess of the volcano. She loves in Kilauea.

T: If you say so…

The three of them begin the ascent up to the top of Kilauea.

T: So how many people have you brought here anyway?

Poe: I’ve brought those I consider strong allies to this place. It worked for some, but not for others.

T: Anyone I’d know?

Poe: I brought my tag team partner in Japan here. Tiburon loved this place and it helped him regain his focus. He is now doing very well over there and I am very proud. He is perhaps my best friend in this business.

SG: Hey…

Poe puts his arm around Selena.

Poe: Do not feel bad my goddess, you are more than a friend to me.

Poe gives Selena a kiss on the top of the head.

T: So, anyone else?

Poe: Curry Man had the complete opposite reaction. In fact, I could not pry him away from Charo.

T: That had to be a sight. But isn’t Curry Man…

Suddenly Kayfabe drops from a tree wielding a machete. Selena can’t help but laugh. Poe ignores Kayfabe’s presence and continues on with the conversation.

Poe: Especially when they were dancing together…

T: What about the Darlings?

Poe is quiet for a few moments.

Poe: Yes I brought them here.

T: How’d that go?

Poe: Uneventful and unmemorable.

The rest of the trip is taken is silence except for a few random rantings from Selena as she skips up the trail ahead of them and then comes back to join them. The three finally reach the mouth of Kilauea.


T: Holy…

Selena leads Tytan to a spot that has been prepared for the ritual. She turns Tytan away from the mouth of the volcano.

SG: On your knees.

T: Are you serious?

Selena kicks Tytan in the back of the knee, dropping him to his knees.

SG: I don’t ask twice.

T: Girl, I’m gonna…

Poe: Selena, do not harm our friend. Tytan…

T: Yeah, yeah I know.

Poe pulls a stick out of the bag he was carrying. He breaks the stick in half.

Poe: E Pele, eia ka 'ohelo 'au e taumaha aku wau 'ia 'oe e 'ai ho'i au tetahi.

Tytan is about to turn his head to look at Poe while he is chanting, but Selena’s hands on both sides of his head prevents it. Poe tosses one half of the stick into the mouth of the volcano. He is quiet for a few moments and then breathes deeply.

Poe: Ah, Pele has answered my call and accepted my offering. It is time. Once we are finished, Tytan, you will unleash the true power within with all the force Pele provides you. Davin Moreland and the Boy won’t know what hit them.

T: Amen.

Poe: Selena, my darling…you may begin.

Selena smiles at Poe mischeouvously.

[fasteddie]

***OOC*** I will just say I am digging this trip. Exalt my friend!