[Jack Quinn]

OOWF New Years Evil IV
Live! From Springfield, New Jersey

OOWF World Heavyweight Title Hell in the Cell Match[/u]
Davin Moreland vs. Stank

OOWF Intercontinental Title Triple Threat Match[/u]
Firewoman vs. Tytan vs. Spin Hansen

OOWF World Tag Team Title Triple Threat Match[/u]
Phantos & Lucios vs. Bryce Larson & Nayr vs. Fear Us

OOWF Onslaught Championship Match[/u]
Alexander Darling vs. Chris Cole

OOWF Campeonas de Trios Championship Triple Threat Match[/u]
IHOP vs. The Chickenshit Heels & Damon Wrath vs. Moosehead Jack, Seamus McNasty & Poe

Concrete TG vs. Tyson Kincaid

card subject to top Santa checking his list. Has anyone in the OOWF been nice?

[Road Warrior Shark]

“God Blessed Texas” Blares out as the World Tag Team Champions head to ringside. They wear their championships around their waists (as all good champions should) and are accompanied by a rather ragged looking man with a black hood over his head. Several of the women along the ramp cringe when the other man walks past, giving the impression that the man smells very bad.

Phantos gets in the ring first as Lucios helps the 3rd man into the ring, who then just stands there.

Phantos: Ladies and Gentlemen, you are about to witness another piece of wrestling history. Tonight is the 4th installment of “Top5 tag teams of all time” Now, It has been a while since our last installment, so lets enjoy a little trip down memory lane.

He points to the OOWFTRON and we see the following scenes.

(Phantos grabs the cloth pulls it off, and we see a large framed photo of Johnny and Alan; bloody and bruised; backing up the ramp clutching the OOWF Tag Team Championships. Lucios opens the box and produces a bottle of lighter fluid. He soaks the photo & frame with the entire contents of the bottle.)

Lucios: Firewoman, will you do us the honors?

(Firewoman produces her Zippo and lights the frame. The entire fixture is engulfed in flames in less than a second.

(Lucios grabs the cloth and pulls it away, revealing two life-sized statues of Moosehead jack and LD Williams.)

Lucios: 80 Days as Champions. Very impressive kz. But not quite impressive enough. As of Today, Phantos & Lucios have been World Tag Team Champions for 81 days. And Still Counting! Gentlemen…

(Phantos opens the canvas bag and produces three barbed-wire covered baseball bats. Each man in the ring takes one and They begin taking turns smashing the porcelain statues to pieces. Davin has a look of pure rage in his eyes as he levels the LD Williams statue with his first shot. The destruction continues for several minutes, until the ring, arena floor, and several rows of wildly cheering fans are covered in porcelain dust. “Walk this Way” strikes up and the 3 men head to the back

(As they begin to leave the ring "Stankonia" fires up again. Phantos & Lucios have a temporary look of shock on their faces as they watch the entrance ramp. Pyro. Smoke. Lights go dim. As the lights come back up and the smoke clears, we see Midgets dressed as Stank and Capslock rushing the ring. Phantos & Lucios again enjoy a good laugh as the midgets hit the ring. Phantos & Lucios attack immediately, and lay a severe beating on the miniature D&D’ers. Mini Stank gets Border Tossed Over the tope rope into the Micronesian Announce Table. Mini Capslock gets set up and Dropkick Deviced. “God Blessed Texas” fires up again as the World Tag Team Champions head for the back, soaking in the boos of the fans

Phantos: Good Times. We are here to put yet another tag team behind us, just like we have done with Drink & Destroy, KZ & The Heels.

Lucios: The current record for longest championship reign in OOWF history currently stands at 152 days by…. Weapon X. Sunday, at NEw Year's Evil, we will walk in that door as World Tag Team Champions for the ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY FIFTH DAY IN A ROW! We have established ourselves as the Measuring Stick in this business, and now it will be there in black & white in the history books. NO team in OOWF history can claim to Measure Up to The Division Killers.

Phantos: But don’t take our word for it. Ask our special guest. Ladies and Gentlemen, former tag team champion… CANADIAN DRAGON!

Lucios removes the hood and we see the Canadian Dragon, but the only thing recognizable about him is his mask. He is a shell of his former self. He appears to have lost a lot of weight and has fallen on some hard times.

The screen splits and we see Fear Us in the back watching on a monitor.

LD Williams: I’m going out there. This ends now.

OBJ: How about some company?

LDW: I can handle this. Stay here. Finish your beer. Enjoy the show.

Back in the ring, CD has a microphone in one hand and paper in another. He is reading off a script. We hear him speak, and realize, yes, this is THE Canadian Dragon.

CD: I am here to testify today. Phantos & Lucios are the greatest tag team I have ever seen wrestle. LD and myself were once great champions, but there is now way Weapon X could EVER have defeated them.

LD Williams appears on the ramp with a Mic of his own. He walks slowly to the ring as he speaks.

LD: Why? Why? You left this business. Last I heard, you were going into the ladder business. You dream was to manufacture ladders. Why come back now and risk severing the only ties you had left in this company? Look at you man. What happened? (LD is in the ring now)

CD: I… I…I’m desolate. The ladder factory went out of business. I lost everything. The hardcore wrestling business went south. Promoters stopped ordering new ladders and began to just reuse and repair their old ones. I lost the factory, the house, my car, EVERYTHING!

Lucios: LD, whether or not this man is broke changes NOTHING! We are the greatest tag team of all time. Weapon X is a JOKE!

All four men drop their mics and Weapon X backs up and prepares to square off with Phantos & Lucios! CD taps LD on the shoulder and is heard to say. “I’m Sorry.” PEARL HARBOR! HE ATTACKED LD! Phantos & Lucios scramble out and quickly produce a ladder from under the ring and toss it inside. CD drags LD over to it. CANADIAN DESTROYER ONTO THE LADDER!!! LD is out COLD.

The Champions escape through the crowd as OBJ hits the ring, followed closely by the rest of Drink & Destroy. They begin to pound away on CD, but Williams regains consciousness and stops the attack. He tries to talk to Dragon, who shrugs him off and walks slowly up the ramp, head hung low, to a chorus of boos. LD grabs a mic.

LD: Phantos, Lucios, shine those belts up real nice. You WILL lose them Sunday. YOU WILL FEAR US!

[Riot Act]

*OOC* Half the card is the same as Mayhem. Lazy holiday booking, Moose?

[Tommy]

*Davin Moreland is LYING~! in a hospital room. Similar to last week, he's in partial traction with all sorts of bags and tubes; but this week there are even more of them. He's in in a hard neck brace; and there's a "just in case" ventilator nearby. They've also got him on the heart monitor, which is new this week. Samantha Darling is holding his hand and looks legitimately concerned. Ninja Cams zoom in on Davin's face*

DM: *weakly* Merry fucking Christmas from Davin Moreland. Especially to Stank...because Stank? Stank should tell Stank's Family Stank loves them. Because this will be Stank's last Christmas. Davin Moreland hopes Stank makes it a good one. Because at New Year's Evil IV? It's not hyperbole. Davin Moreland will end Stank's career, and most likely Stank's life in the process. Just remember, it's Stank's fault that this is the way it has to be. Stank is too proud to share credit. Stank needed the war to be all about Stank. This is why Davin Moreland is in Run DEA. This is why Davin Moreland turned on Stank at Hell on Earth. This is why Davin Moreland has tried to end Stank's career...

*Davin pauses, clearly in pain and suddenly unable to breathe. He grabs the morphine drip and gives himself a shot*

DM: Has tried to end Stank's career; from before that night until this past Wednesday. But Davin Moreland has found that the only way to end Stank's career is to kill Stank in the ring. Davin Moreland is not a murderer, but Davin Moreland is a man of Davin Moreland's word. Kiss Stank's kids goodnight, Stank. Davin Moreland will not be held responsible for what happens at New Year's Evil. The honorable thing for Stank to do would be to retire. Stank gets pension. Stank gets his family fed. Stank leads a happy life. But, Stank is simply a stupid son-of-a-bitch, and doesn't think of others; only about Stank's Self. So when Stank ends up tragically killed in the ring; even after warning upon warning, it's no one's fault but Stank's and Stank's alone. Davin Moreland will be there Sunday. Davin Moreland just needs to heal up a bit. Stank should too. Stank will need every ounce of Stank's being just to stay alive. However, Stank will be too late. Davin will win the match, and in the process, end Stank's career and likely kill Stank.

DM: Merry Christmas.

*fade*

[Mr. Dashbee]

<Bryce Larson and Nayr stand outside of GM The Rick's office, talking.>

N: Did you make the call to Atlanta?

BL: Yeah, but she didn't answer. And she hasn't called me back. I'm not totally sure she wants to get involved with anything that has to do with the guy.

N: Shit. Well, I guess we go to plan B.

BL: Plan B?

N: We bitch like little girls.

BL: Plan B...got it.

N: Get your game face on, we're going in!

<Bryce Larson and Nayr enter GM The Rick's office, looking seriously pissed.>

GMTR: Can I help you gentlem--

N: Yes you can!

BL: Seriously, what in the blue fuck was that?

GMTR: You mean the match where you earned a World Tag Team Title shot?

N: No, the match that WAS a title shot, which we won.

BL: The way we see it, we ARE the rightful World Tag Team Champions--the tenth title of my prestigious career, by the way--

N: Yeah, this is the biggest thing to happen to me since beating evey Zelda game ever made!

GMTR: Listen, last time I checked, the title "General Manager" applied to me, not either of you. Furthermore, when you signed your contracts, you acknowledged that every decision made by the General Manager--again, that's me--was final. I changed the match, and tt's within my power to do so. I promised you that, if you won, you'd get a title match. You won, and I made good on that promise right away.

BL: But now we have to face two teams, and we might not even factor into the fall.

N: Yeah, and we already beat the champs! They're making history, and shouldn't even hold the titles.

GMTR: My decision is final.

BL: Your decision is bullshit!

<Nayr backs away, giving that "you just took it a little too far" look towards Bryce.>

GMTR: One more word from you, and Nayr goes it alone on the PPV. My decision is final. Bryce, I'll grant you that you're a fierce competitor, and your emotions got the better of you. But you've been warned, so you won't get off so easy next time. You want to prove me wrong, don't bitch at me, do it with your actions!

N: C'mon Bryce, let's go.

BL: <Glaring at GMTR.> We'll prove it to you...sir. We'll prove it to you real soon.

<Nayr and Bryce leave GMTR's office, but the camera stays on them in the hallway.>

N: What the fuck was that? You almost signed my death certificate in there.

BL: No, I didn't. You don't survive eight years on the indies working for scumbags a hundred times worse than The Rick without knowing exactly how far to push it.

N: Wait, you did all that on purpose? Your emotions didn't get the better of you?

BL: Nope. But I did make that man a promise. So we have work to do.

N: What are you talking about?

BL: We have to prove it to him.

N: We will, on PPV.

BL: Nope, sooner. Follow me...

[BC]

Poe and Selena arrive at a nice house on Cobb’s Island in Maryland on Christmas morning. Selena is visibly groggy from traveling all night.

SG: Why does your mom live on this crappy little island?

Poe: She likes it here. Most cell phones don’t work here.

They go to the door and knock. Soon a fairly young looking middle-aged Egyptian woman answers the door and speaks with a semi-thick accent.


PM: Omar! My beloved son!

She reaches up and takes his face in her hands.

SG: Dude, she called you Omar.

Poe’s mother’s attention is then drawn to Selena.

PM: You must be Selena. It is a pleasure to finally meet you.

SG: You too Mama Poe!

Another glare is aimed at Selena from Poe.

SG: …Mrs. Al-Takriti…

PM: Please, call me Soohad.

Soohad leads them into her house where Neil Patrick Harris soon comes into the hallway wearing a Japanese style robe.

NPH: Big Guy! You made it!

Poe: What the hell are you doing here?

Poe then looks to Soohad.

Poe: That was a present and you’re letting him wear it?

Soohad shrugs.

S: He’s a charming boy.

SG: Yeah, okay, I’m gonna be in the kitchen.

Selena scurries away from the scene.

Poe: Harris, I thought you were homosexual.

NPH: Nah, bro, I’m tri-sexual. I’ll try anything once and now I can cross Arab woman off my list.

Harris holds his palm up in the air.

NPH: High five bro!

Poe grabs Harris by the throat with both hands and lifts him into the air. As Harris struggles for air, Poe throws him through the wall into the living room. Soohad rubs her forehead and sighs.

S: This’ll be the third time I have to repair that wall because of you.

Poe glares at his mother and turns away. Soohad grabs his arm and turns him towards her and hits him with a hard slap across the face.

S: You do not look at me like that!

Poe begins to speak…

S: Silence!

Their attention is then grabbed by Selena as she comes back into the hallway holding a cookie near her mouth.


Poe: Selena, what are you doing?

SG: They were on the counter and they looked really good.

S: They’re for you dear, help yourself.

SG: All of ‘em?

S: Yes dear, take as many as you like.

SG: Master, do you want some of my cookies?

Poe just looks at her before turning his attention back to Soohad. Selena runs back into the kitchen. Before he can speak Soohad interrupts him.

S: When are you going to make an honest woman of her?

Poe: Excuse me? She’s a little young…

S: Oh, please. I was not much younger than her when I was already married to that bastard father of yours and had you. How long will you live in sin with that whore in Hawaii?

Poe: Change the subject mother.

S: It is good to have you home for this holiest of days. But I am disappointed in you.

Poe: Oh really? Why now?

S: Yes. You are a monster. You have been World Champion everywhere you have gone. Japan, Mexico, but now here in this OOWF you form a tag team with a meat head who probably can not tie his own shoes and this weekend you challenge for belts with monkies on them. Where is your fire? Where is the monster I know you are?

Poe is letting what Soohad said sink in. She then slaps him again. They glare at each other. After a few moments, Soohad smiles.

S: There he is. That’s my boy. I hope this Davin Moreland knows what’s coming for him. You will take his championship. And you will take his pride. You will take his testicles and crush them like grapes.

SG: Eww!

From the living room, Harris is starting to stir.

NPH: Guys…I think I broke som…

S: Silence! Now…who wants ham?

[fasteddie]

(We head to Ultimo HQ after this past Mayhem. Tytan, Steele, and Mr. Biggs are present.)

Steele: Damn it Tytan you had her beat! This time I will becoming down to ringside with you. And Biggs you will be watching my back.

Biggs: Understood sir.

Tytan: I won't let you down boss. The hatred I have for her got the better of you.

Steele: What you mean to tell me that wack job Poe couldn't even fix that on you. What did you accomplish with that waste, he was to busy watching the jail bait to watch your back.

Tytan: True. After Fire maybe it's going to be time to teach him some respect.

Biggs: And maybe call the cops on him. Did you see some of the old videos that they have on him and her.

Steele: That whole diaper thing was just sick!

(They all laugh)

Steele: But now back to Mayhem. You have the chance at Firewoman again. Now you have the welcome addition of Spin Hansen.

Tytan: That will make it real interesting.

Steele: Now shut up and go get some training done. You better be ready for this one.

(Tytan leaves)

Steele: Found anything on the Fire and Poe connection?

Biggs: Whatever it is the two of them don't want it to be found out.

(Biggs hands him the info he found.)

Steele: Then dig harder. I am paying you for results not this.

(He throws papers at Biggs.)

Biggs leaves.

Steele: At New Year's Evil Firewoman. You will be extinguished!

[The Jewish Cunthead]

*IHOP is watching A Very Merry Poe Christmas on OOWF-TV*

Monkh: I’d love a piece of that.

DM: The ham, sweetie?

Monkh: Not the ham.

SYB: Poe? He’s kinda big for you, chief. Plus he’s a dude. And his name is Omar.

Monkh: Not him, you jerk.

Skurge: Soohad? She’s a bit old, eh?

Monkh: <to The Amnesiac> Why are you with these guys again?

The Amn: Relax little buddy. They’re just messing around.

Skurge: So you like Selena, eh?

Monkh: She’s very pretty.

SYB: I know, I have a Jailbait Wait countdown on my MySpace page.

Skurge: …

The Amn: …

DM: …

SYB: 1 year, 29 weeks, 5 days, 18 hours, 13 minutes, and 18 more seconds!

Skurge: Dude.

The Amn: Not cool.

SYB: Hey don’t blame me – I copied it from Poe’s page. Also, 13 minutes and 15 more seconds.

Monkh: I don’t know. She seems a bit young.

SYB: Well it’s like Uncle Seymour told me – if there’s grass on the field, play ball.

The Amn: We don’t even know if she’s into boys yet.

SYB: Yeah but her Master and Uncle Moose are. Maybe that’s our way in.

*FADE*

[DevSop]

*OOWF Arena*

It's days before the OOWF end of the year PPV event New Year's Evil and the fans are getting really amped up in the arena. They've some awesome preliminary action in the dark matches and heard some words from some of the people who will be competing in only a few short days. Suddenly though, the arena goes completely dark and a medley of songs begin to play and then the OOWF-Tron comes to life as a montage of Eric O'Mac highlights begins to play. The montage ends with the words "Coming For Ya" on the OOWF-Tr and LL Cool J beginning "Don't Call It A Comeback." And the crowd erupts thinking that Eric O'Mac is returning right here and right now. Suddenly a familiar voice is heard from the back,

Alexander: Cut that fucking music right now.

Alexander Darling steps out from the back with his newly won OOWF Onslaught Title fastened around his waist and the PHWF World Heavyweight Title over his shoulder to complete the image of a sharp-dressed man in a dark black Armani suit. He's got a microphone in hand as he begins to walk down the aisle.

Alexander: Brain-dead sheep. Every single person in this shitfuck state is brain dead. And believe me, I've spent enough of my life here to know that for a fact. I don't know how many times I will need to explain it to you people and everyone in the back who continues to give false hope, but Eric O'Mac is dead and fucking buried.

The crowd boos with wild abandon as Alexander makes his way into the ring. He slowly walks from corner to corner and looks out into the audience and he is hearing it from every part of the crowd. He just shakes his head as he slowly climbs up one turnbuckle and takes a seat on it.

You people truly are a joke. Let me show you something.

Alexander points to the OOWF-Tron once again and it flickers to life and shows a new montage of images. The first is Eric O'Mac losing the Onslaught Title to Bunny and the consequences of that action when the Darlings handcuffed him to the ropes.

That moment right there was Strike One for Mr. O'Mac. He knew what being in DEA meant and he knew what price would be paid if he couldn't live up to his bargain. But I actually showed restraint because I felt that Eric and I, well I thought we had the same goals in mind. Then I went to him when I needed someone to watch my back but he refused. He refused ME. That should have been the end of it, but no. I let his entire war slide by without letting it get personal.

The montage continues showing the entire summer of Eric and Bennett vs. Rick and his supporters. It shows how only Davin Moreland was willing to stand by Alexander Darling when the trip to Japan happened. And then it shows Eric being awarded the PHWF World Heavyweight Championship. It ends with some highlights of WarGames and it shows how Eric and Darling never actually locked up in the match.

That war divided this company and it forced people to reconsider their place. Refocus on their goals. And in the end, it made Run DEA the most powerful stable to ever step foot in this company. As of today, we hold every important belt in this company and when we feel like it, IHOP will be next. But even through all of that, Eric and I...well, we never opposed one another. We fought for different goals but we never got in one another's way. That all changed here...

The montage finishes up with highlights of the Imperial Onslaught match where Eric started the match and finished it with a classic encounter against Alexander Darling. One where Eric got the best of it and was able to pin Darling. Then the montage begins to show an Eric just drifting along without a real purpose. Tagging with Cole or tagging with Gods & Monsters, but no true highlights in the montage. Until it ends with the attack from behind by Alexander.

Throughout that summer, there was no animosity between us. But then the fall comes and Eric pins me. Clean. I won't deny that. I just showed you the video footage of that event and when I lose, I can sit here in this ring and tell you I lost a match. But I wasn't the loser of that match. Eric was truly the loser and we saw it in the weeks after. Eric gets handed the opportunity of a lifetime. He becomes the automatic #1 contender to the World Heavyweight Title and what's he do with it? Not a god damn thing. That was Strike Two.

Alexander hops off the turnbuckle and walks to the ropes and faces the hard-camera. He just looks for a long while.

It took me some time to understand why he was wasting time tagging with a has-been, a Drago clone, and a pedophile. He was afraid and he should have been. He was the number one contender to a belt he never could have won. He was number one contender to face a man in the most powerful group this company has ever seen. And he was number one contender for a championship I never would have let him win. So he waited for someone, anyone else to try and pick off Davin so he could swoop in and win a belt he doesn't deserve.

Alexander takes a moment and rubs his hand through his hair.

So I did what had to be done. I ended any chance Eric could have had to try and be a vulture. I wasn't going to allow him to continue to be a thorn in my side. I wasn't going to allow a chance for there to be a strike three, so when the opportunity arose. I took it. That's what Eric never got. The opportunity was there and he never took it. Now, he wants to send messages from his death bed or someone wants to play games. I've been through this before and I'll go through it again. Everyone in this arena thinks Eric O'Mac is going to come back and be their shining knight. I got some advice for ya then, it ain't gonna fucking happen. I'm willing to guarantee it. In fact, once I get done with Chris Cole this Sunday...I'm begging for Eric to show up and tell me I'm wrong. Tell me he's not a fucking waste of talent. Show me that he's not just a scared little boy.

The crowd cheers because they all want Eric to show up and kick the shit out of Alexander. Darling, meanwhile just shakes his head in disbelief. He heads back up to his turnbuckle and motions to the outside where a couple of stagehands are waiting.

Set it up.

The stagehands quickly set up the ring for a 15 Minutes of Fame segment. Darling is looking quite bored as everything gets set up. Finally the OOWF workers finish setting everything up and quickly exit the ring. Alexander just rolls his eyes.

So this is 15 Minutes of Fame with Erictron 6000. To be honest it looks like fucking shit, but you fans were promised one of these segments tonight and since we all know Austin Cage isn't walking through that door ever again; Carl Coolname isn't walking through that door; and we sure as fuck know Eric O'Mac isn't walking through that I get to be the lucky host. But it does give me the chance to give you people something truly special and remarkable. Let me introduce you to my guests tonight, the greatest stable to ever step foot into an OOWF ring...This is Run DEA.

The opening to Queen's "We Are the Champions" plays for a quick moment before Saliva's "Ladies and Gentlemen" kicks in. And then from the back steps Olympic Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson with gold medals clearly visible around her neck, the Darling sisters of Alexis and Samantha in sparking gold dresses with gold jewelry, then the OOWF Intercontinental Champion Firewoman steps out in a truly magnificent black and red dress with IC Championship Gold clearly secure around her waist. On each of her arms in black suits with silver masks and the OOWF Tag Team Championships around their waist are the "Measuring Stick" of Phantos & Lucios. And coming out last, clearly still in extraordinary pain, but able to make an appearance thanks to a Samantha Darling special cocktail is the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion in another black suit with green trim and the Heavyweight Gold around his waist. Samantha and Alexis quickly head over to Davin to help him down the ramp.

Once all of Run DEA is in the ring, Alexander hugs his two sisters, gives a simple nod to Firewoman, winks at OGM SJ, and fist bumps the tag team champions, before looking Davin dead in the eye and shaking his hand. The audience is growing sick at the spectacle in the ring as Run DEA is way too full of themselves and truly gloating in front of these fans. Davin heads over to one corner to lean while the rest of Run DEA stands in various places. Alexander is back on his turnbuckle perch with his sister Alexis directly in front of him and OGM SJ a few paces off to the side.

You people truly do make me sick. Here you are, in the presence of greatness and all you can do is boo and hiss and shout vulgarities at us.

Crowd: ASSHOLE!!! ASSHOLE!!!

Alexander: Exactly. Keep chanting because it doesn't fucking matter. What you see before you has never been done in this company. Standing in one ring together for the very first time with the very same goal is your OOWF Onslaught Champion, your OOWF Intercontinental Champion, your OOWF Tag Team Champions, and your OOWF World Heavyweight Champion.

As each title is mentioned, the holder takes a step forward and does a mock bow. Except for Davin Moreland because Davin Moreland is truly happy standing in the corner. Davin Moreland does not think the fans deserve even a mock bow. Davin Moreland may not truly realize where he is either. Davin Moreland is on some serious painkillers. Anyways, back to business...

Run DEA stands tall in this ring and for as much as people in the back like to talk, no one has been able to stop us. Stank talks about how he was wronged and how we'll face retribution but Davin Moreland still stands (barely) in this ring as the World Champion. Team after team can talk about how they'll be the ones to knock off the champs, but everyone who steps up gets knocked right back down. This weekend a team no one fears and a team no one knows will try, but the world knows they aren't going to measure up. And then a brain-dead moron and a multiple personality freak will try and take the Intercontinental Championship from someone who has more fight in her pinky then both of those incompetent fucks have combined. And then I get to show once again why Chris Cole doesn't deserve to lace my boots. It may have taken longer than I wanted it to, but once I got focused on the goal on hand, "The Dark Match" didn't stand a chance. So we will all walk into New Year's Evil as champions and as god as my witness, we will walk out of New Year's Evil as Champions.

Alexander hops off the turnbuckle once again and motions towards each of the champions to join him in the center of the ring. He mouths a quick "next time" to his sister Alexis who joins Sam and Shawn in the opposite corner of the ring. Davin is standing in the center of the ring while leaning on Phantos and Lucios. Alexander and Fire take up kneeling positions in front of the three. Darling still has the mic and my god does he ever shut up???

We've said in the past that "We are Run DEA and to try and fucking stop us." If you look at us now, you can see that you have failed and that no one in the back can stop us. Deal with it.

Suddenly the arena goes pitch black and no one knows what is going on.

This is real fucking cute. Cut the god damn games. We all know Eric isn't here...

...

...

...what the fuck is going on?

[BC]

You can hear the crowd stirring in the darkness, wondering what’s going on.

AD: Eric! If it is you, this isn’t funny you piece of shit!

Suddenly we hear a few screams from the women the ring. Then Miseria Cantare begins to play.


The drums start and the bell tolls. The lights come back up and Davin Moreland, Alexander Darling, FireWoman, Phantos, and Lucios are all covered in what appears to be blood.

FireWoman looks at her hands, arms and body covered in blood. She looks around, stunned and quickly dives out of the ring to the floor. A clean Alexis Darling looks at Alexander, who doesn’t notice. Alexis then follows FireWoman to the floor, as does a clean Samantha Darling. A clean and stunned Olympic Gold Medalist Shawn Johnson looks on as the four men left in the ring look at each other and their hands as the blood drips from them as the music continues to play. Alexander Darling in particular seems to have a look of dread on his face. Phantos and Lucios slip in the blood.

As the chanting stops and the lyrics begin, we see the figure of Poe come upon the stage and make his way to the beginning of the aisle. He is holding a large lead pipe over his shoulder and his trademarked bloody towel is covering his head and part of his face. Despite this, his hateful glare towards the ring is unmistakable.

The chanting in the song begins again and the fans join in chanting Poe’s name, creating a deafening buzz in the arena. Poe takes the lead pipe off his shoulder and points it towards Davin Moreland and Alexander Darling.

Davin Moreland looks at his hands and begins to laugh. Alexander Darling does nothing but stare back at Poe in a state of stunned motionlessness. Poe then backs towards the entrance with his gaze never leaving the ring. As he leaves, he passes Moosehead Jack who has come out to watch the spectacle. Alexander Darling looks at Davin Moreland with what can only be described as a look of dread as Davin Moreland continues to seem amused by the events. As Poe passes the entrance ramp, Moosehead Jack slowly claps and laughs.

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

*The blood-soaked members of Run-DEA have left the arena floor, and stagehands have come out to clean up the remains of the blood bath. The fans are looking a bit restless, until Bad to the Bone blasts over the sound system. LD and OBJ walk to the ring. Both men look serious, until they get to the ring. OBJ looks at the blood spattered on the mat and smiles. LD gestures and the music stops*

LD: Ladies and gentlemen, we're here to make a public service announcement. Fear Us has announced a winter violence warning for the Springfield area this weekend.

OBJ: Bryce, Nayr, for your own safety, stay home.

LD: As for the "division killers", that little stunt you pulled is going to cost you. Sunday night your debt WILL be collected, and you...will...fear...us!

*Bad to the Bone fires up again and Fear Us slide under the ropes and out of the ring. LD stops to sign some autographs. Meanwhile, OBJ reaches under the ring and pulls out a cooler, opens it, and starts tossing cans of Fosters to the fans*

[Fire-Babe]

Firewoman and Lucky are sitting at Ric's Sandwich shop, going over some sort of incredibly detailed and logical analysis that Lucky has done on Tytan.

FW: Lucky, none of this makes any sense.

L: It's simple....you just--

FW: You just go get me some more coffee, okay? Give me a minute to think about this stuff.

L: Oh, sure thing.

Lucky wanders away to get coffee as Firewoman holds her head up with both hands looking down at the papers. A shadow falls over her and sits a red paper cup, covered in snowflakes in front of her, containing a grande Cinnamon Dolce Latte. She grabs it as if it's the first cup of coffee she's ever had and takes a huge drink with her eyes closed.

FW: Oh my god, Lucky, whatever I'm paying you, it isn't enough. If I had to drink that swill one more ti--

She stops short because she has opened her eyes, and sees Moosehead Jack standing in front of her, holding his own cup of coffee, grinning.

FW: Great. I suppose this is the part where you explain the effects of the poison?

MHJ: No poison. Just looking for a chat with a friend. And before you ask, Lucky is fine.

FW: We are not friends.

MHJ: Yet.... *wink*

FW: [Sighing with exasperation] What do you want, Moose? I have a lot of things to deal with right now.

MHJ: I'll say. [he pulls up a chair and sits down] Let's go through the list, shall we? We can start off with Poe and his tribute to "Carrie" from last night. Did you get all the blood out?

Firewoman attempts to ignore him by crossing her legs and leaning back in her chair, arms folded, staring off into space, getting more pissed by the second.

MHJ: I'll take that as a yes. So, we have Poe. Then we've got Tyson Kincaid, who you treat more like an irritant than the threat he truly is--

FW: Isn't he your new pet project?

MHJ: Oh, and let's not forget Spin, who'd really like his title back. And to complete the line up for the pay-per-view, we have Tytan and his assorted hangers-on. You're suddenly quite popular.

FW: It comes with the championship, Moose. I've often wondered why we don't get matching bullseye t-shirts.

MHJ: Partly, yes, but I think any one of them would be more than willing to kick your ass, belt or no belt. You are talented that way.

FW: Your point?

MHJ: My point....my point....damn, this is good coffee....you all really should switch your sponsorship deal....

FW: I'm leaving.

She goes to stand up, and Moose stands up and blocks her way. They glare at each other for a bit, and then Firewoman...sits back down? Huh. Moose sits back down, too.

MHJ: My point is that you've got a lot of people gunning for you, and not all of them are going to keep it in the ring. You and Tytan are perfectly capable of taking care of each other, but he's got Steele--

FW: Who is a spineless pussy windbag

MHJ: True, but now they've added this Mr. Biggs person. He's an unknown entity. It might be nice if someone could, you know, take care of him.

FW: I suppose that someone would be you?

MHJ: Never know what can happen in the crazy world of professional wrestling. Besides, what else do I have to do?

FW: You got your Campeonas team thing with Poe and Seamus....heheheheheheh [she starts giggling, which at first amuses then annoys Moose]

MHJ: What? I think we're a great team.

FW: You are but....[i]trying to catch her breath]....Poe...Moose...Seamus.....PMS!!!!

MHJ: Very funny. The three of us are very compatible.

FW: Yes yes, I've heard Alex's rants about you and Poe being two peas in a pod...but you know there is a huge difference. Poe takes NO for an answer. You just won't leave it alone. I have no interest in ANYTHING with you. Besides RunDEA has my back, so I don't need you.

MHJ: Amazing. You know, I have no idea what you see in ANY of them. You've never had this much loyalty to anyone else--

FW: And how exactly would you know that? It's not like you were around, eh?

Moose gets a strange look on his face, that turns really clearly to anger. Firewoman appears pleased with herself, to see that she has hit a nerve or something.

MHJ: You're right. I guess I'll just go to plan B....gunning towards a certain Intercontinental Championship myself.

Now it's Moose's turn to look smug, and Fire's turn to be pissed. The tension rises between the two. They glare at each other for what seems like a lifetime, before Moose smiles.

MHJ: Fine. Handle Biggs yourself. Handle it all yourself.

FW: I don't have to... I have--

MHJ: Yeah, yeah, whatever Fire. We're done here.

Moose stands, and starts to go, but he stops when he hears-

FW: You know...if Mr. Biggs met with an unfortunate accident, I might be in a better mood for these little chats.

Moose turns, and smiles, and then turns back and walks out the door. Firewoman goes back to her papers.

[Jack Quinn]

<Moose walks down the hall lost in thought. As he rounds the corner a clearly irritated Alexander Darling steps out in front of him>

MHJ: <clearly mocking him> Well well, Little Alex. How the hell are ya champ

AD: I warned you

MHJ: And now as punishment, you are going to tell me how great you are right?

AD: <Stepping closer> You leave Fire the fuck alone......or else

MHJ: Or else what? You going to start a feud with me too? You know, Run DEA might have all the talent in the world, but you all have shit for brains. I get that you all seem to think you are uber-wrestlers, and hey at the moment you have all the gold to prove it, but you have also managed to piss of everyone in the OOWF

AD: So? We are Run DEA, try and fucking st.....

MHJ: yeah yeah, try and fucking stop you. No one else will have to, you will do that to yourself. See, while the rest of you sit around and talk about how big your dicks are, and how rock solid your balls are, Fire has had the sense to.......keep some options open. Something you should really think about Little Alex

<before Darling can say anything else, Moose turns and walks away. Darling snarls and then turns and heads toward Ric's>

[fasteddie]

(In the Ultimo Inc. War Room Tytan, Steel and Mr. Biggs are discussing strategy which includes the previous promos that were cut.)

Steele: Well it seems that Fire has formed a partnership with Moose. It also seems that he is looking to take you out Biggs.

Biggs: (Suprised) It's nice to see that I can make friends that easily. I thought it was going to be hard to do that, but if Moose wants to play I will tell him to bring it. He doesn't know what I can do to him.

Tytan: That leaves Firewoman all to me.

Steele: Do not forget that you have Spin Hansen to contend with.

Tytan: I understand but he is also another one of those people that Firewoman has managed to piss of in the pass so I thin him and I have a common bond.

Steele: Maybe we can use that to our advantage? Maybe we need to talk to him.

Biggs: It is true. Ultimo Inc. needs to get stronger, and start to form some alliances.

Steele: Maybe we have to think like the Yankees. If it means we have to purchase some "Free-Agents" then maybe we will. Otherwise, for right now you two are my main guns. Anything new on the Poe/Firewoman front.

Biggs: It seems what I have been able to dig up on them is that he did try to recruit her to join the "Family" at one point but she turned him down.

Steele: I see. The lady has brains. I do like that about her. Which will make it that much more fun to destroy her.

(He laughs)

Fade

[Jack Quinn]

<Moose is walking down the hallway after his encounter with Alexander Darling when SFJ13 catches up with him?>

SFJ13: Moose, so the scuttlebutt around the back is that you are going to take out Mr. Biggs, how do you plan on doing that?

MHJ: Scuttlebutt?

SFJ13: Just answer the damn question

MHJ: So, Ultimo is already circling the wagons waiting for me to attack?

SFJ13: Seems that way

MHJ: Man, those Ultimo guys are a high strung bunch. Look, Fire has an offer out there, she wants Biggs taken out. It will cost her. Now, on the other hand, I am sure Ultimo would like to see something unpleasant befall Ms. Fire. Perhaps they would be willing to make a counter offer.

SFJ13: So.......you are saying your services go to the highest bidder?

MHJ: My services go to the smartest deal. Its about more than money. I know what Fire is offering. It remains to be seen what Ultimo may offer

SFJ13: So, there is a chance that you would be working with DEA?

MHJ: No, there is a chance that I could be working with Firewoman

SFJ13: But Fire is DEA

MHJ: There is more to DEA than Fire. She is the only one who has approached me. I suspect it will stay that way

SFJ13: What about you coming out when Poe interrupted Run DEA's celebration?

MHJ: I like a good show. Seeing Darling covered with blood was priceless. The only way it will be better is when it is his own

SFJ13: When?

MHJ: Oh, THAT is inevitable. Whether it is me, Poe, or someone else. The boy will suffer.

Trust me

<Moose walks away>

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

*Scheme Gene is inside the Destroyitarium*

SG: I'm here to ask for some opinions about Run-DEA. I'm expecting we will get some very heated comments, so stay tuned, fans!

Stank: This insinuation of the interests of the self into even the most ideal enterprises and most universal objectives, envisaged in moments of highest rationality, makes hypocrisy an inevitable by product of all virtuous endeavor.

Spin: Man is endowed by nature with organic relations to his fellow men; and natural impulse prompts him to consider the needs of others even when they compete with his own.

LD Williams: Reason tends to check selfish impulses and to grant the satisfaction of legitimate impulses in others.

Outback Jack(drinks beer, belches): Australian for the measure of our rationality determines the degree of vividness with which we appreciate the needs of other life, the extent to which we become conscious of the real character of our own motives and impulses, the ability to harmonize conflicting impulses in our own life and in society, and the capacity to choose adequate means for approved ends.

Wally B King: While it is possible for intelligence to increase the range of benevolent impulse, and thus prompt a human being to consider the needs and rights of other than those to whom he is bound by organic and physical relationship, there are definite limits in the capacity of ordinary mortals which makes it impossible for them to grant to others what they claim for themselves.

Stank: Reason is not the sole basis of moral virtue in man. His social impulses are more deeply rooted than his rational life.

Spin: The will-to-live becomes the will-to-power.

LD: The individual or the group which organizes any society, however social its intentions or pretensions, arrogates an inordinate portion of social privilege to itself.

OBJ: The society in which each man lives is at once the basis for, and the nemesis of, that fulness of life which each man seeks.

Bartender: Human beings are endowed by nature with both selfish and unselfish impulses.

LD's Momma: All social cooperation on a larger scale than the most intimate social group requires a measure of coercion.

Stank: The inevitable hypocrisy, which is associated with the all the collective activities of the human race, springs chiefly from this source: that individuals have a moral code with make the actions of collective man an outrage to their conscious. They therefore invent romantic and moral interpretations of the real facts, preferring to obscure rather than reveal the true character of their collective behavior. Sometimes they are as anxious to offer moral justifications for the brutalities from which they suffer as for those which they commit. The fact that the hypocrisy of man's group behavior... expresses itself not only in terms of self-justification but in terms of moral justification of human behavior in general, symbolizes one of the tragedies of the human spirit: its inability to conform its collective life to its individual ideals. As individuals, men believe they ought to love and serve each other and establish justice between each other. As racial, economic and national groups they take for themselves, whatever their power can command.

SG: This is so not going to get anyone to call the hotline.

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

*Shortly after the above interview in the Destroyitarium, we see the ghost of Reinhold Niebuhr in the Rick's office*

GMTR: So what if they didn't cite their source? It's not like it really matters. I don't care if it sandified your vagina, Potsy.

TGORN: What did you say, young man?

GMTR: I'll make it simple. As an institution, OOWF is inherently selfish. As an individual I might have sympathized with your position, but as an official of OOWF, I don't care. Now get out of my office or I'll have you thrown out.

TGORN: But I'm a ghost. You can't have me thrown out! And you just ripped me off again!

GMTR: Oh, really?

*The ghost of Jesus H. Kidneypuncher walks in and drags the ghost of Reinhold Niebuhr away*

GMTR: About time he made himself useful.

[Tommy]

*Davin Moreland is WHEELING~! himself out to the loading dock, back in his hard neck brace and clearly Samantha's Special Cocktail has worn off. He's now sporting one of his seemingly endless supplies of "Crete and Moosey" T-shirts, and some Wal-Mart Special sweatpants. Alexander would probably shit himself at this display of momentary non-DEA-ness. Or not, because Davin probably can't wear anything else comfortably. He rolls out to the loading dock, where a shadowed figure is smoking a cigarrette.

DM: Gimme one.

SF: No, go fuck yourself.

DM: I am REALLY not in the...

SF: Cameras.

DM: Davin Moreland demands Firewoman give Davin Moreland a cigarette. Davin Moreland has given Firewoman multiple cartons of cigarettes over the course of Firewoman's OOWF career. Davin Moreland is a generous man. Davin Moreland gives and gives and catches nothing but shit for Davin Moreland's kindness...

FW: Geez, ok, here. You REALLY shouldn't be smoking you know.

*Davin Fires it up and inhales*

DM: Davin Moreland shouldn't be jumping off of Jumbotrons either.

FW: No, Davin Moreland shouldn't be doing that. In fact, Dav- aw fuck, how do you always make me do that?

DM: Davin Moreland doesn't know. Davin Moreland has found that speaking without pronouns is relatively catchy. Davin Moreland is a trendsetter. Davin Moreland sets the curve.

FW: Uh-huh. So, what can I do for you, other than be your smoke supplier?

DM: Nothing. Intercontinental Champion Firewoman, Davin Moreland doesn't require anything of Firewoman. Other than cigarettes, of course right now.

*They say nothing for a few minutes, and the ninja-cams are about to leave*

DM: *quietly* Davin Moreland would like to thank Intercontinental Champion Firewoman.

FW: Uh...why?

DM: Intercontinental Champion Firewoman nearly beat Davin Moreland and Beautiful Samantha Darling to the hospital. Intercontinental Champion Firewoman sat with Davin Moreland so that Beautiful Samantha Darling could get a coffee. Intercontinental Champion Firewoman didn't have to do that. *pause* The rest of Run DEA didn't do that.

FW: We're a team, D.

DM: Intercontinental Champion Firewoman should rephrase. Here Run DEA is at the height of Run DEA's ability and popularity. Yet, the assumption is that Davin Moreland will be fine. Run DEA let Davin Moreland run off the reservation too long; and now Davin Moreland has to do what Davin Moreland does because too much time has passed. Does this make sense to Intercontinental Champion Firewoman?

FW: I think so, D, but you don't have to literally kill yourself in the proccess.

DM: This is how Davin Moreland rolls. After all, when it boils down to it, Davin Moreland is still crazy.

FW: You're not suicidal though.

DM: Davin Moreland cleans up Davin Moreland's messes. That is what Davin Moreland is doing. Davin Moreland created the mess with Stank, and Davin Moreland WILL take care of it.

FW: So your promo before...you were serious?

DM: Davin Moreland is usually serious. In this case, Davin Moreland is very serious. Stank should make sure to call Stank's family and loved ones before New Year's Evil. Davin Moreland and Stank will both leave on stretchers, and this time, it's not going to be a speedy recovery.

FW: Clearly, it's not a speedy recovery this time either. Beg off the match, Davin. You don't need to do this.

DM: Of course Davin Moreland needs to do this. Davin Moreland must attempt to end this for good. Davin Moreland needs to do this for the betterment of Run DEA. Davin Moreland is the architect. Onslaught Champion Alexander Darling might be the mouthpiece, but Davin Moreland has always been the brains of the operation.

FW: And Lexie.

DM: Intercontinental Champion Firewoman is right. Managing Partner Alexis Darling and Davin Moreland have made quite a team, don't you think?

FW: Considering you can't stand each other.

DM: Davin Moreland can stand Managing Partner Alexis Darling. Davin Moreland and Managing Partner Alexis Darling just frequently have differing opinions. This and Managing Partner Alexis Darling still doesn't get along with Managing Partner Alexis Darling's sister very well all the time. Clearly, Beautiful Samantha Darling gets along with Dabvin Moreland very well. This is the cause for much friction occassionally.

FW: You are the master of understatement.

DM: *batistalaughs* Davin Moreland is the master of a lot of things.

FW: Ew.

DM: Get Intercontinental Champion Firewoman's mind out of the gutter.

FW: Well fine. You're welcome by the way.

DM: Davin Moreland did want to talk about one other thing though.

FW: Here we go. What about?

DM: Grand Slam Champion Moosehead Jack.

FW: I REALLY don't want to discuss this with YOU.

DM: Lean down to Davin Moreland. Davin Moreland can express Davin Moreland's opinions out of the range of the ninja-cam mics.

*Skeptical, Firewoman does eventually lean down; but after about a minute, Firewoman's eyes widen and eventually she gets an incredulous look on her face*

FW: You're serious.

DM: Davin Moreland is rarely not serious. In this case, Davin Moreland is indeed serious.

FW: That's...interesting.

DM: Intercontinental Champion Firewoman is Run DEA. However, Intercontinental Champion Firewoman is also Firewoman. Thank you for the cigarette, Intercontinental Champion Firewoman.

*Davin rolls away down the hallway, and the camera pans back to Firewoman, who is clearly thinking to herself and grinning*

*fade*

[fasteddie]

(Mr. Biggs is seen wandering the halls looking for on Moosehead Jack's Locker Room. Biggs is carrying the Metal Case that has been seen earlier when the bounty was placed on Firewoman's Head. He stops when he finally finds it knocks on the door and waits.)

Moose: (Not opening the door.) Who the hell is it and it better be good.

Biggs: I represent Mr. Steele and Ultimo Inc. It's time we met and discussed some business. Mr. Steele has an offer for you that you would find very pleasing. So would it be okay if I stepped inside and discussed the business arangement?

(Moose opens the door.)

Moose: I figured it wouldn't take you long to get down here. Come on in.

(Biggs walks in and Moose closes the door.)

Fade

[Attitude Adjuster]

Damon Wrath is on the phone, talking to someone. It doesn’t really matter who. Seriously, it doesn’t. You really need to know? Serious? OK, fine. He’s talking to his Mom. Are you happy now?

DW: And I have a title shot this week for the Campeonas de Trios Championship. Yeah, I know my partners are The Chickenshit Heels and that last week we didn’t jell that well together. But there must be a reason The Rick put us in this championship match together. It can’t possibly be just to advance another angle that I’m not part of.

Suddenly, The Chickenshit Heels appear on the camera. The appear threatening. Or at least as threatening as AA can be with a face full of leftover Christmas ham sandwich.

AA: Swo whaf doo ve half where? Damoff Raff an hif whiffle self phone.

DW: What?

JA: I think he said “So what do we have here? Damon Wrath and his little cell phone.” But I’m only guessing since I can’t understand him either. How many times have I told you to finish eating before we do promos?

AA: BURRRRRAAAAAPPPP!!!!! Oops, sorry.

OBJ: That Australian for “You’re disgusting, dude.”

AA: This is our promo! Back off!

OBJ: Sorry. Couldn’t resist. By the way, Merry Christmas. How’s the family?

AA: Pretty good. The wife and I got a new Blue Ray player from Santa. And you?

DW: ENOUGH OF THIS! Jack! AA! You guys are feuding, not exchanging pleasantries! Damn it, this place is going to hell. Can’t a guy just wrestle once a week around here?

JA: Apparently not. After all, look where it go you.

DW: True.

AA: Can we get on with this?

NARRATOR: AA and JA look menacingly at Damon Wrath. Johnny has a golf club. AA has a wad of cash. It looks to me like Damon may be in trouble.

DW: Trouble? Who are you kidding? Johnny probably going to play 18 holes, and you know AA’s going to find a bookie around the corner. Plus, they’re my partners. They LIKE me.

AA: Yeah, about that. See, we didn’t really feel the love last week. Monkeys in the truck, roll the footage!

DW: What am I supposed to be looking at?

From the ceiling, a large screen appears.

DW: How do you guys do that?

Capps pats Damon on the shoulder as if to say, "that's how you do it," and Wrath shoves him out of the way to stay on the attack.

JA: And then there was this.

…it's the CALL OF THE WILD on Johnny!! AA sees this, yells at Damon for help, but when he sees none on the way, AA bails to the floor. That leaves Johnny unconscious in the ring with three guys... so Williams just pins him!

AA: Yeah, so what about that? Where were you?

JA: Actually, that’s what I was going to ask you, AA. Where were you?

AA: Me? Me? Are you questioning me? My tag team strategy? You can’t question my tag team strategy! Question me! I’m already questioned! Question me! I’m already questioned!

DW: That just made no sense at all. Look, are you guys done here? I have an appearance to do at the Wal-Mart in Springfield, New Jersey (cheap pop from nowhere!).

AA: Yeah, I guess so. Johnny, how come we never do these appearances?

JA (under his breath): Maybe because your fat ass can’t fit through the door?

AA: What?

JA: Nothing. I’m going to go play some golf. See you at New Year’s Evil IV in Springfield, New Jersey (cheap pop!).

AA: Yeah, yeah. I’ll be there at New Year’s Evil IV in Springfield, New Jersey.

AA: I said I’ll be there at New Year’s Evil IV in Springfield, New Jersey!

AA: I SAID I’ll be there at NEW YEAR’S EVIL IV IN SPRINGFIELD, NEW JERSEY! Where’s my cheap pop, dammit!

[Deleted]

Dec 24, 2008 20:32:13 GMT -5 Riot Act said:

*OOC* Half the card is the same as Mayhem. Lazy holiday booking, Moose?

well it works for the WWE - how many times do we see the same freakin matchs...oh look JBL and Ray Ray...or MVP against (insert Hardy) ....

[blownspot]

LDW - By the way, Ma says thanks for letting us spend Christmas with you and your family.

Stank - Yeah I was kind of worried our moms wouldn't get along.

LDW - It was embarrassing how well they actually did get along. I don't know why Ma insists on talking about my childhood whenever we're in mixed company.

Stank - Yeah... about that...

LDW - Don't!

Stank - No... I just... damn... seriously?

LDW - I came out of it relatively unscathed.

Stank - I guess... it's just... no child should have to go throu-

LDW - Let's just PRETEND you never heard any of that story okay?

Stank - Believe me. I wish I hadn't. No wonder you and Moose are friends.

LDW - Well... you know. Birds of a feather...

Stank - ...

LDW - ...

Stank - ... I liked your mom's eggnog.

LDW - So did Outback Jack.

Stank - Did your mom really breast feed you until you were-

LDW - Shut IT!

Stank - It was all Spin, and I could talk about on the trip back.

LDW - SHUT it UP!

Stank - You should read the text Mags sent.

LDW - grrrrrrrrrrrr!

Stank - Okay, okay... I'm not here to judge.

LDW - How's the knee?

Stank - Cute.

LDW - No seriously, you're looking better today than you have since Mayhem.

Stank - Well Moreland's attempt at a barely adequate Diamond Cutter didn't catch me flush enough to inflict the damage it normally could have.

LDW - It did do a good job of yanking you off of that scaffold, though.

Stank - This is true. That was a pretty long fall.

LDW - Your brother seemed impressed.

Stank - Jared is easily impressed.

LDW - I sensed tension between you two.

Stank - We've had an... abrasive relationship since... well that's a long story. One I don't care to share.

LDW - C'mon, you and your lot know a lot more about me than I'd care for you to know.

Stank - Not my fault your mom enjoys antagonizing you.

LDW - Antagonizing? You call what she did at Christmas dinner antagonizing? Wait til you hear about Ottawa.

Stank - Ottawa? What happened in Ottawa?

LDW - No... I'm not talking about Ottawa, Canada...

<Jenna Fischer walks onto the scene.>

LDW - Catch you later, Lucas.

Stank - Wait... what... LD you didn't finish... shit. Hey Pam.

JF - It's Jenna. What were you guys talking about?

Stank - I... I don't know.

JF - So... um... I guess I'm going to do this celebrity interviewer thing.

Stank - Oh. OH! You're actually... going to do this?

JF - Yeah... I mean I kind of had fun hanging with you guys last time.

Stank - Yeah that was... fun... hanging out in... Chili's.

JF - Wasn't it though?

Stank - It was okay.

JF - Yeah... it was okay.

Stank -

JF -

Stank - You have something you want to ask me?

JF - Yep. Davin Moreland--

Stank - What about him?

JF - He's threatening to kill you.

Stank - Yep. Mmm hmm.

JF - To murder you.

Stank - I understand the concept.

JF - At the Pay per view.

Stank - Yeah.

JF - What... the Hell?

Stank - Uhhh... Is that your question?

JF - Basically.

Stank - *sighs* Davin Moreland likes to talk a lot of shit. Now, once again, I'm not one to judge. I've been known to talk shit my damn self. But the difference between me and him is that the shit I talk... I back up. Everything I've set out to do in the OOWF I've accomplished. This is no secret. Right now I want to be the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion for the second time and I will be the OOWF World Heavyweight Champion again. I will, once again, claim the top prize in this company and it may very well happen at New Years Evil IV.

JF -

Stank -

JF - That's your answer? This man has threatened your life and your response is that you will be World Champion again?

Stank - Were you expecting some other answer?

JF - Jesus wept, DAVIN MORELAND WANT'S TO KILL YOU!

Stank - Better men than Davin have tried.

JF - So you're not afraid?

Stank - Fuck no. Let him try. Bring that shit... and WHEN he's lying in a pool of his own blood, broken, and useless, I don't want to hear any more of his BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I'm going to fuck him up so bad, KILLING him would be MERCIFUL. There will be NO mercy, however... not from me. I want the deluded shit to remember December 28th 2008 as the night he LOST the World Championship in the most bloody, violent, vicious, and outright SICK way a competitor can in this Fed. Moreland, you fuckwad son of a bitch, you want to murder me? Shit like that is going to get you the beating Samantha's bastard children will still feel when they're fully grown. Not that Sam will want anything to do with your barely functional carcass after I'm done punishing you. I'm going to skin you alive, you prick. I'm going to inflict the kind of pain that will have you BEGGING me to kill you. You will BEG me to end your life.

But I won't.

You will suffer. You will suffer each and every second of it.

I am long past caring why you chose to start this shit with me, Moreland. The fact is you have fucked with the wrong man. And at New Years Evil IV... you WILL know just like everybody else... why.

Happy Holidays.

My condolences to your sponsors.

<Fade>

[Mr. Dashbee]

<Nayr & Bryce Larson position themselves outside of the Phantos & Lucios locker-room...>

N: Are you sure about this? Fear Us already warned us--

BL: You're right, we should just make up our own team name, "A Bunch of Pussies."

N: That's not what I--

BL: Listen, we talked about this. You know what to do?

N: Yeah. I got it. And I thought of something cool to say at the end, too!

BL: Seriously? That's...dorky.

N: So! You mean you don't have anything to say at the end?

BL: Okay, I thought of something, too. Now, anyway, let's do this. I'll be right behind you, just like we planned.

N: Alright, I'm going in.

<Nayr enters the locker-room, where Phantos and Lucios are immediately amused by his presence.>

P: Look, it's the midget.

L: You came alone? Aww, isn't he cute.

P: Yeah, maybe we should dismantle him first on Sunday, then do the others.

N: You won't be dismantling anyone. I'm here with a purpose!

P: Really? Do tell, little man.

N: I don't know how you convinced Rick to change the match, but I know we're the rightful champs.

L: Really, where are your belts? Because I have mine right here, and Phantos has his over there.

N: Those will be ours on Sunday.

P: Well don't you sound confident. Why don't you try to take it now?

<Phantos and Lucios get up, walking towards Nayr, who is backed in the rear of the room. Nayr refuses to back down.>

N: I just might do that!

P: I'd like that. Go ahead, take your best sh-- <WHACK!>

<Phantos is pasted with a chair from behind. Lucios immediately turns around, and sees Bryce Larson standing over Phantos with the chair in hand. Before Lucios can react, Nayr dropkicks him from behind, right into a chair swing by Bryce.

With both tag champs down, Bryce and Nayr lay a beating on the champs. Both are bloodied, beat with the chairs and their belts. Bryce chokes Phantos out with a Dragon Clutch as Nayr sets up a table.

With Phantos out cold, Bryce and Nayr set Lucios up on a table. Bryce climbs up on another table wit Nayr. Bryce suplexes Nayr over, who continues the rotation into a 450 splash onto Lucios, through the table.

Nayr and Bryce finally get their dorky lines out as they pose with the titles... >

N: We'll see you girls on Sunday!

BL: The Bryce is Right, bitches!

<Bryce and Nayr leave, immediately making fun of each other.>

BL: Girls?

N: Bryce is Right?

BL: At least I'm not a midget.

N: Shut up, asshole.

[Fire-Babe]

Firewoman is still SITTING~! drinking her coffee. Alexander Darling storms in after his 'discussion' with Moose.

AD: Do we have to go through this every other week?

FW: This what?

AD: Coffee with Moose? AGAIN??

FW: You act like I seek him out. He just....shows up. I want nothing to do with him.

AD: Is that why you sent him after Biggs? HIM? Not one of your partners.

Firewoman is by now VERY angry at having her peace and quiet disturbed again.

FW: And which one of my partners should that be? It would appear that you all have your hands more than full, and I'm pretty damn good at taking care of myself, so--

AD: So you just strike out on your own, as usual--

FW: Maybe....

AD: I'm telling you, Moose is just like--

FW: Yeah, and I handled HIM too, right?

AD: I don't know that I would call that 'handling.' Avoiding is more accurate, and I can't for the life of me understand why you won't listen to me on this, because you know I am right.

FW: I can handle it, Alex....

AD: Oh yeah? How?

FW: Right about now, Moose is considering an offer I didn't actually make. Right about now, Ultimo Inc, is scrambling around trying to counter an offer I didn't actually make, and right about now, they are BOTH leaving RunDEA, and more importantly, ME, alone.

AD: .......

FW: ......

AD: Oh.

FW: Yeah. "Oh."

AD: So you're not...

FW: No.

AD: Oh. I underestimated you.

FW: As usual. Although....

AD: What?

FW: Well.....for whatever reason....Moose is just about the only person who is NOT overtly gunning for us.

AD: So?

FW: Just something to think about...

AD: Think about HOW? Dammit, Fire, I can't tell if your playing ME, now, or --

At that moment, Lucky reappears from wherever he has been, and runs up to the table, out of breath.

AD: What is it, Lassie? Did Timmy fall down the well?

Firewoman kicks Alexander HARD in the shin under the table. Alexander reacts appropriately.

L: Phantos....Lucios.....Nayr......Bryce.....

Firewoman and Alexander forget everything else, and race off towards their locker rooms. They split off down two different corridors so they can come at it from opposite directions. Bryce and Nayr are still high fiving and congratulating themselves on their cute little tag lines, when they see Alexander barreling towards them.

N: Yeah, just bring it!

B: Two on one, not smart, Alex.

FW: [From behind them] That's why it's not two on one, genius.

Nayr turns, his eyes wide in that "Oh Shit" way towards Firewoman as Darling SPEARS Bryce backwards into a conveniently placed set of also conveniently empty molded rubber trashcans. Firewoman stiff-kicks Nayr in the gut, and takes advantage of the fact that she can actually pick Nayr up, and hits him with...a Paroxysm at the same time Darling hits the Darling Driver on Bryce.

AD: Where'd you learn that?

FW: Tyler.

AD: [raising an eyebrow] Oh really? Nice.

Firewoman smiles sweetly at Alexander, then undergoes a complete mood change as she leans down to Nayr as he moans on the ground.

FW: You mess with one member of RunDEA, you mess with them all, boys. There endith the lesson.

AD: BOOYAH! bitches!!

They kick them both a couple of more times for emphasis, and then walk into the locker room to tend to Phantos and Lucios.

[Jack Quinn]

<We see a clip from earlier, Mr. Biggs leaves Moosehead Jack's locker room with the metal briefcase still cuffed to his wrist. He pauses, then turns back to Moose, who is now standing in the door way>

MB: You are sure about this?

MHJ: I have told you what it would take

MB: The money would be easier.....

MHJ: Hitting you with a barbed wire bat right now, and just taking the money would be easiest. Thats not what this is about.

MB: When did Moose start caring about principles?

MHJ: Just go tell Tytan and Steele what I said before I change my mind

<The camera fades and we join Moose standing with Sexy Female Journalist 13>

SFJ13: Moose, you seemed to reach some sort of deal with Mr. Biggs regarding Ultimo Inc and Tytan, would you care to elaborate?

MHJ: Well, first of all, there is no deal at the moment. I told them what I wanted, and I am waiting to hear from them.

SFJ13: Isn't there a similar situation with Run DEA?

MHJ: No

SFJ13: But you and Firewoman.....

MHJ: Firewoman and I have discussed some things. That's the extent of it.

SFJ13: Any hint as to which side you are leaning toward?

MHJ: There is only one side, my side.

SFJ13: How cliche. Fine, I suppose you should talk about your Trios three way match this week at MidWeek Mayhem

MHJ: Fine. The Unholy Trio of Moose, Poe and Seamus are going to walk out there, kick the living crap out of The Heels and Wrath and IHOP and walk away with the titles. Pretty simple.

SFJ13: Is it really going to be that simple?

MHJ: Look, let's break it down so even you can understand. The Chickenshit Heels, once the most feared team in the OOWF, the <mockingly> greatest promo team in OOWF history.....where have they been? Adrenaline made his grand return at Hell On Earth, and then, nothing. Attitude Adjuster went from feuding with Firewoman to.....nothing. Right now, I wouldn't take them in a match against the Bay Bridge Boyz. Its obvious their heart is no longer in it. And Damon Wrath? Hey I like his new outlook on life, but thats not going to mean anything when your partners have their heads up their asses

SFJ13: And IHOP?

MHJ: IHOP have proven to be more resilient than anyone would have thought. Skurge and The Amnesiac are both pretty tough in that ring. Beating them will not be easy, but thats exactly what is going to happen.

SFJ13: You forgot someone

MHJ: No, I remembered The Amnesiac

SFJ13: I am talking about SYB

MHJ: That boy is about as useful as tits on a bull. SYB likes to run his mouth, and that is about all he does well. Most of the time, he is pretty easy to ignore, but lately he has made some comments about Poe that the big man does not exactly appreciate. It would be a real shame if something bad were to happen to him in the match. A damn shame.

Trust me

<Moose turns and heads back to his locker room>