[Demko]

I've been trying to weather this storm without saying anything, because I knew it would probably paint me as more of a target... but I think I need some support from someone right now, as I'm having to deal with something that I haven't had to deal with during my adult life thus far.

A few weeks ago, my grandmother started complaining of stomach pains, and wasn't eating. She went from 125lbs to just over 110 in about 3 weeks. This wasn't good, and we knew it. Unfortunately, when she attempted to get admitted to the hospital, her fucking asshat of a doctor was consulted, and decided that she didn't need to be admitted, saying that there was nothing wrong with her, and that she just needed to eat. This was just after Christmas.

About two weeks later, the pain seemed to have gotten worse. My grandmother was not sleeping OR eating at this point. She started calling her doctor and a specialist to get her admitted to the hospital, or at least have some tests scheduled for her to find out what was wrong. Dr. Asshat decided that he would leave it up to the specialist to admit her to the hospital, and the specialist advised us that he couldn't admit her on his own, without a recommendation from her primary care physician, Dr. Asshat. So it was a big circle of finger pointing. So my dad took it upon himself to take her to the ER, getting her admitted that way. They scheduled a few tests on her, a CAT scan, an ultrasound, a laryngoscope, a proctoscope.

So Dr. Asshat showed up at the hospital the next day, tried to cancel the remainder of her tests, and asked her, very smugly, what she was doing here at the hospital. She told him how much pain she was in, and he basically told her to go home, stop complaining, and eat something. She told the doctor he was fired, but the hospital pretty much stated that until she was able to acquire a new PCP, she was stuck with him and his recommendations. Fortunately for us, the hospital doctor decided to take this case on himself, and recommended against Dr. Asshat sending her home. He re-ordered the tests as originally requested... but nothing was revealing anything to lead them to a diagnosis. This was last week.

They scheduled my grandmother for a biopsy of her pancreas last Monday. It got cancelled because apparently the people scheduling the test forgot it was MLK day, and the testing facility was closed (WTF?!) So they rescheduled the biopsy for today. Now, I know that biopsy doesn't NECESSARILY mean cancer, but it's usually an indicator that they're at least searching for cancer. So my family believes it's either pancreatitis or pancreatic cancer at this point. My mom is trying to prepare my dad for the worst (it's his mother), and I have to agree.

I have seen my grandmother a few times over the past couple of weeks, and she doesn't look good at all. I hate that she's having to go through this, and it pisses me off so much that Dr. Asshat has pretty much fucked her six ways from Sunday during this whole thing. It doesn't make any sense. I guess if the diagnosis winds up being cancer or even pancreatitis, then Dr. Asshat's delays didn't really hinder any treatment, because my grandmother's decided that she's not going to get any long term treatment, especially if it's cancer... but if it was something simple like an ulcer or something that's easily treatable, do we have a malpractice case on our hands?

I dunno... I guess I'm not really looking for legal advice here... just some good thoughts, and from those of you inclined towards prayer, a few of those for my grandmother, and even moreso for my dad. He's been through a ton of shit in these past few years, since my mom fell and broke her hip about 2 years ago. So he's be taking care of her, helping her rehab, and now all of a sudden, he's got this to deal with too. All this, plus a bone spur in his ankle, and he's about to lose it. I was able to get my dad out of the house for a little while last night to catch the Rumble (he's a huge wrestling fan), so that seemed to get his mind off of all of this, at least for a few hours.

I'm my grandmother's living will executor, so if something does happen, it'll be me that has to make those decisions... I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. So we're all preparing for things in our own way. Plus the fact that if, gods forbid, something does happen right now, we're going to have to brave the Ohio winter, as she wants to be buried next to her son in Toledo.

This is just a tough time for my family all around.

MTA: My mom just called me, sobbing. She got a call from the doctor, who advised that they're going through with the biopsy test today or tomorrow, but he wanted to prepare us, because he's about 90% sure that it's pancreatic cancer.

[The Canadian Content]

Sorry to hear it, Demko. I hope it turns out to be nothing too serious.

[Pun]

My grandmother had the same thing several years ago. It's a rough thing. Try not to dwell on it, and just realize that she lived a full life. I know that sounds morbid, but if you can accept it, it gets a lot easier.

[Byrntrigan]

Yeah man. Sorry to hear that. I'll say a little something for you and yours.

[Courtney]

Dude, I'm so sorry. I'm with Pun. Try not to get down too hard. This will be difficult but focus on making everything as good as it can be.

[Jack Quinn]

I would try to keep your spirits up for now, and later, I would OWN everything that Dr. Asshat has now, or ever will have

[Ryan]

Yeah, keep your spirits up now and go totally vigilante later. "This is for my grandmother, you sick son of a bitch."

[Fire-Babe]

I'm sorry Demko. You and your family are in my thoughts.

[Habs]

Although Asshat sound like a real fucking ass hole, I do hope he's right and nothing is really wrong... My thoughts are with you and your family Demko.

[BC]

My thoughts are with ya Demko.

As for Dr Asshat, my first look into this would involve was it he causing the delays or insurance. Once all the facts are known there are plenty of attornies out there that give free consultations, so gather all the info you can.

[Evil Scotty]

Demko, that really sucks. You're family is in my prayers.

[Batman]

My thoughts and hopes are with you, man.

[Demko]

Jan 26, 2009 19:29:19 GMT -5 BC said:

My thoughts are with ya Demko.

As for Dr Asshat, my first look into this would involve was it he causing the delays or insurance. Once all the facts are known there are plenty of attornies out there that give free consultations, so gather all the info you can.

My grandmother has full medicare coverage, and there should have been no insurance-related delays, since the gastro-entrologist (sp?) was giving the go-ahead to admit her to the hospital, but since he's not a PCP, he didn't have any say-so in the matter. As far as we could see, everything was a go for her to be admitted and have the tests run... this doctor just wanted to be difficult for some unknown reason.

I'd love to sit down with him and have him explain it to me, because it seriously pisses me off.

MTA: Thanks everyone for the well-wishes. Apparently, my mom wasn't completely clear with me this morning. The news she got from the doctor was that it IS, in fact, pancreatic cancer, and that they're holding on the test to confirm for 3 weeks. Who knows what'll happen between then and now. I honestly don't understand this whole mess.

[Stu]

Really sorry to hear that Demko. My own grandmother's been dealing with cancer for the past two years(she got the all clear for the second time last month), and it definitely put a strain on things for my family, especially after my grandfather passed away a few years ago due to a condition his doctor didn't diagnose at first. My aunt also passed away from sever different tumours last year. Like others are saying, try not to get too down about it, and try to keep your grandmother and family's spirits up through this.

[Angle]

I'm not much of a praying man, but I'll make an exception and say a prayer for her. I hope everything works out for you man.

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

Sorry to hear about this. She should at least keep an open mind about treatment until after she talks to an oncologist or 2, and not just the PCP or GI doc.

[Deleted]

*This is probably not going to be the same "here's some support" post that everybody else has presented, but please realize that I'm not trying to make light of the situation in any way, just offer a different perspective.



I lost a younger sister to cancer (Hodgkin's disease, to be specific) when I was 17. She was 13 at the time. Cancer is a fucking bitch. Early on it's always easy to point the finger at the doctor for having screwed something up (I sure as hell did), because it comforts us to be able to place blame somewhere. But looking back on things, there really isn't anybody to realistically blame.

The actual causes of most cancers are still very much unknown, and most are assumed to be hereditary. Yes, if you spend 8 hours a day outside you'll be more likely to get skin cancer, and if you smoke 2 packs a day you'll be more likely to get lung cancer. But for most cancers, they just really don't know. And so many of them manifest similar symptoms as other possible "causes" of the current illness that the doctors want to eliminate all other possibilities before jumping to the conclusion it's the big C.

Unless you've got concrete proof of negligence on the doctor's part, I would recommend not going through with the trouble of a lawsuit. It sounds to me like your grandmother led a very full life and is ready to accept the outcome of the cancer. My mom and her family decided to file a lawsuit against the doctor when my grandmother (a 2-pack-a-day smoker for 30 years) died from lung cancer. I was already halfway through college, so the inheritance she left me was relatively irrelevant (I got her car, though... still had it until about 2 months ago), but my sister and all my little cousins completely lost the money she had willed to them for college.

In a completely unrelated note, my other sister was diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease as well last summer. She is now in full remission having had her final chemo on Christmas Eve. I've been wondering every single day why my 2 younger sisters have gotten it but I haven't. Scares the shit out of me some days.



*Demko: I was born in Toledo, and most of my extended family is still there. When you're there, make sure you stop by Tony Paco's for a Hungarian hot dog and some paprikas noodles on the side. And if you can convince her to hold out until at least April, definitely plan a trip to Cedar Point in her honor. Less than an hour away

[Demko]

Jan 27, 2009 14:47:12 GMT -5 @gatorbait said:

*Demko: I was born in Toledo, and most of my extended family is still there. When you're there, make sure you stop by Tony Paco's for a Hungarian hot dog and some paprikas noodles on the side. And if you can convince her to hold out until at least April, definitely plan a trip to Cedar Point in her honor. Less than an hour away

Most of my extended family is still up there too. I've been to Tony Packo's several times over my lifetime (and have a M*A*S*H t-shirt with Klinger and Tony Packos on it), when I was up there for a visit. But my favorite of all Toledo places is Red Wells Roast Beef. FANTASTIC French dip sandwiches. And I'd love to go back to Cedar Point, since the last time I was there, I was probably 6.

Thanks for the advice... we've been coming to grips with everything over the past few days, and we're more understanding of what happened. It's just a shame that her doctor has absolutely no bedside manner, or the capability of actually EXPLAINING what the fuck is going on, but would rather ignore and avoid confrontations. It's kinda sad for a doctor to have those characteristics. I appreciate what you had to say, and we're not really considering any legal action at this point, since the extra diagnostic time probably wouldn't have made much of a difference in the long run.

[Deleted]

Mrs. Gator absolutely loves French Dip, so we'll definitely give that a go next time we're up there. Thanks for the tip!

[creepy]

Sorry to hear this, Demks. My grandfather had prostate cancer in late 2007 and beat it. Then it came back and that motherfucker beat it again. Tough Navy Bastard that he is, I'm not sure what another round will do to him physically and psychologically.


I guess that doesn't really help you. I'll give Jesus a shout out and point a finger in your direction.





I went to Cedar Point in the mid eighties. I thought I recognized you.

[Outback Frito Pendejo]

Gator was born in Ohio? That explains a lot!

A quick internet search confirmed my fuzzy recollection that for people who aren't candidates for surgery there are chemo regimens that improve quality of life somewhat, although increasing life expectancy only modestly (unless one is in the lucky 5% with less severe forms of pancreatic CA). Demko, I assume your grandmother's internet skills aren't as good as yours, so do your own homework and get her to at least 1 and preferably 2 oncologists - they will take over from Dr. A. if given the opportunity. Also, see if the hospital has a palliative care program - they make having cancer a bit less shitty.

[wld]

Sorry to hear it Demko. You and your family are in my prayers.

[eliasvict]

Sorry to hear this Demko.

Somethings you might ask the doctor. 1.) Is it neuroendocrine or adenocarcinoma? The former is the less deadly form of the cancer that Steve Jobs has, though it is still serious. The latter is the scary stuff Patrick Swayze has. Also, ask the doctor if she is a candidate for the Whipple Procedure, one of the first steps in prolonging the life of a pancreatic cancer patient.

www.mayoclinic.org/pancreatic-cancer/whippleprocedure.html

[Demko]

For those of you who've asked, not much has changed on the status of my grandmother. Currently, she's back at home, resting as much as she can, doped up on Darvocet for the moment. Her tolerance is rising, so we'll probably have to switch her to Oxy sooner than later. She does, however, seem to have adopted a really healthy attitude about all of this. She has pretty much said that if it's her time, then she's ready. If there's anything that can be done to help heal her, she won't turn it down (of course, unless it's chemo or radiation... she's pretty clear on not wanting regular cancer treatments). We've talked about her wishes for funeral services, her will, her healthcare surrogate (me), and what she'd like to see done with her remains. All of this talk initiated by her, not by us... so she knows the reality of everything, and she's perfectly willing and capable of discussing it, which I think is good, because it tells me that when she does go, she's at least prepared for it.

She was scheduled by her GI Specialist for a biopsy today. She was told not to eat or drink anything after midnight, except to take her pain meds. When she arrived today, however, my mom says that they were told that today was just a consultation, and that she will have three appointments over the next two weeks to evaluate. One of the appointments will be with a pain specialist. One with an anaesthesiologist (because of her age), and the third appointment (scheduled for the 20th) will be her actual biopsy. So, while we were told definitively that we would have the test today, we're getting more bureaucratic bullshit to deal with. I've told my mom to get a lawyer involved at this point, so that if nothing else, we start getting all this shit documented. Plus, it may have the added bonus of scaring these people into doing the right thing. I mean, for Christ's sake, my grandmother has been waiting for this biopsy for 6 weeks now. How much longer does she have to wait? Couldn't they have done these consultations with the pain and anaesthesiologist specialists between 3 weeks ago (when they first made this appointment) and today?

This is getting WAY out of hand, and my grandmother could die tomorrow. I wish I could be more involved in this, because I don't think my parents are capable of being asshole enough to get anything done. I'd like to know what options we have (if any), and at least have some closure on this, with some sort of diagnosis. I just can't understand why we keep getting put on the back burner.

I feel so helpless in all of this.

[Demko]

One more quick update, as I may be disappearing at any moment to deal with the aftermath and fly up to Ohio to bury her.

My grandmother is pretty much on deathwatch right now. I got to see her tonight, and it was the first time that she was completely unresponsive to my presence. She apparently can't open her eyes anymore, and has either willingly (or unwillingly) given up the ability of speech. She moves around in fits and starts, but mostly just sleeps in a dark room. It's so hard to see her this way. I guess I'm writing this out more for me than for any of you, so that I can just get it out of my system and be able to sleep tonight.

I don't know if I've mentioned this, but in addition to my never having had to deal with death this closely before, she's also the only grandparent I've ever known. All three of my other grandparents were dead and gone quite a few years before I was born. So seeing her in the bed like that tonight... I just don't want to remember her that way. My mom keeps telling me how important it is that I be there at this point, because her hearing our voices helps her to let go. I'm not so sure about that... I know if people kept coming in and telling me they loved me, and I couldn't respond? I'd probably be more likely to hang on for a little while longer to see who else might show up. Maybe that's just me. I'm almost scared to go in and see her now. Does this even make sense?

I'd even rather remember her the way I saw her yesterday, when he eyes lit up when I came into view. She couldn't talk much, but I could tell she was happy I was there. Today, nothing. Not happy, not sad... just seemingly almost tense. Very agitated, it seems. I dunno...

I think I'll leave this be, before I start rambling on too far...