2 Truths/1 Lie 2-3
Feb 3, 2009 3:56:43 GMT -5
Post by creepy on Feb 3, 2009 3:56:43 GMT -5
So, this half retarded mexican kid named Andy was a kid I grew up with from my neighborhood. We used to hang out his brother Bobby and he had to watch over the kid so we would usually get stuck hanging out with him. But the little goofy eyed bastard could be a hoot. Plus, their sister gave me my first blowjob on their driveway at 2 am one night. That has nothing to do with the 2Truths and 1 Lie, but I thought I'd throw it out there.
Andy usually kept to himself but certain things would set him off. His hair was always a mess and his bulging eyes would usually throw you off of whatever you were doing even if you'd seen them a hundred times. I didn't usually smell the guy, but when I did, he didn't have the best hygiene. So, one of the following stories is a straight up lie. And two of the following stories are 100% truthfull. YOU DECIDE!
1. I ain't no punk beeeech!
You could call Andy any number of names and he would just play it off like you were fucking with him like 12 years fuck with each other, but there was one name you couldn't say to the kid or he'd freak out. You could not call him a "Punk Bitch". This set him off royally. Fag, asshole, cocksucker, cuntard.........You get the point. They were all acceptable to the kid. But punk bitch? His eyes would get even wider than normal and he'd get in your face and look legitimently pissed off and scream "I ain't no punk beeeech! Take it back! Take it back! I ain't no punk beeeech!" The last "I ain't no punk beeeech" was usually more of a plea instead of a demand. He wouldn't let you do anything else until you assured him that not only was he not a punk bitch, but that you didn't think he was a punk bitch. He'd cool off and everybody would just kind of hold in the laughter. Just for doing that, the guy was pretty much a punk bitch.
My momma not a prostitute!
You guessed it. You could call Andy's mother anything. Anything at all. Except you could not refer to the woman as a prostitute. Either he didn't know what slut, whore, or even bitch was, or maybe he just thought that those names were of a more joking manner. Bobby didn't care and like most of us, it would only be offensive if our moms really were sluts/bitches/prostitutes. But man, Andy would get all wild eyed and in your face and demand you take back the "prostitute" remark. I think I even said one time "OK, Andy, that ho's no prostitute. Sorry." He accepted that as an apology.
His name not Bob!
Bobby preferred to be called Bobby. Or Robert. Or Rob or even Bob. He didn't care. And Andy didn't care, either, as long as it wasn't Bob. Holy Christ that retard would go ape shit if you ever called Bobby "Bob". Wild eyed, wild haired, wild breath (The breath! I forgot about his roadkill breath!) wild look Andy would return and not take anything for anything until you apologized and told him that "No, his name isn't Bob. It's Bobby. How could I have made that mistake?" Or something to that effect.
These two things, and I'm sure the third one if we ever tried it, were funnier than anything the first couple of times they occurred, but then quickly started to get real old. We'd only throw Andy one if we wanted to break the tension or boredom (We fought a lot and were bored a lot). So there you have it! Which is the Lie? You got a week!
Andy usually kept to himself but certain things would set him off. His hair was always a mess and his bulging eyes would usually throw you off of whatever you were doing even if you'd seen them a hundred times. I didn't usually smell the guy, but when I did, he didn't have the best hygiene. So, one of the following stories is a straight up lie. And two of the following stories are 100% truthfull. YOU DECIDE!
1. I ain't no punk beeeech!
You could call Andy any number of names and he would just play it off like you were fucking with him like 12 years fuck with each other, but there was one name you couldn't say to the kid or he'd freak out. You could not call him a "Punk Bitch". This set him off royally. Fag, asshole, cocksucker, cuntard.........You get the point. They were all acceptable to the kid. But punk bitch? His eyes would get even wider than normal and he'd get in your face and look legitimently pissed off and scream "I ain't no punk beeeech! Take it back! Take it back! I ain't no punk beeeech!" The last "I ain't no punk beeeech" was usually more of a plea instead of a demand. He wouldn't let you do anything else until you assured him that not only was he not a punk bitch, but that you didn't think he was a punk bitch. He'd cool off and everybody would just kind of hold in the laughter. Just for doing that, the guy was pretty much a punk bitch.
My momma not a prostitute!
You guessed it. You could call Andy's mother anything. Anything at all. Except you could not refer to the woman as a prostitute. Either he didn't know what slut, whore, or even bitch was, or maybe he just thought that those names were of a more joking manner. Bobby didn't care and like most of us, it would only be offensive if our moms really were sluts/bitches/prostitutes. But man, Andy would get all wild eyed and in your face and demand you take back the "prostitute" remark. I think I even said one time "OK, Andy, that ho's no prostitute. Sorry." He accepted that as an apology.
His name not Bob!
Bobby preferred to be called Bobby. Or Robert. Or Rob or even Bob. He didn't care. And Andy didn't care, either, as long as it wasn't Bob. Holy Christ that retard would go ape shit if you ever called Bobby "Bob". Wild eyed, wild haired, wild breath (The breath! I forgot about his roadkill breath!) wild look Andy would return and not take anything for anything until you apologized and told him that "No, his name isn't Bob. It's Bobby. How could I have made that mistake?" Or something to that effect.
These two things, and I'm sure the third one if we ever tried it, were funnier than anything the first couple of times they occurred, but then quickly started to get real old. We'd only throw Andy one if we wanted to break the tension or boredom (We fought a lot and were bored a lot). So there you have it! Which is the Lie? You got a week!
