[BC]

...or...Thank God It's Foreign!

I previously posted this in the draft thread, but I figured I'd make my own thread since everyone else seems to be doing so. I hope to add another promo before the showdowns begin, but I'm a busy man

Freeport, Bahamas –

The ring is set up along a beach ala Bash at the Beach in the now defunct WCW. The ring has a hammock and palm trees in it. Suddenly:



Carlito makes his way to the ring, grinning and briefly chatting up the Dominican honnies with cinnamon tans in bikinis along the aisle. He saunters around the ring and grabs a microphone.

C: Hello everyone, hola, welcome to the very first edition of Carlito’s Cabana here in TGIF. I’m not sure what that means honestly…it’s not even Friday, but who cares? I was looking at the roster yesterday after I signed my ridiculously large contract. Carlito is all about the money.

Carlito winks to the fans.

C: I had a thought…usually it passes quickly, but I kept this one. Hang on, it’s a good one. I am from Puerto Rico. That makes me an American citizen. Sort of. I can’t vote or anything…but who’d want to? Anyway…I’m the only one. There’s a bunch of Canadians. I think Andre the Giant is from France or something. Never thought of him as a foo foo. There’s a dude from one of those backward islands in the Pacific. He doesn’t even wear shoes.

Carlito looks to the audience.

C: You know I’ve never liked Canada. Carlito does not like the snow. Sing it with me! Blame Canada….blame Canada…

The crowd sings along until…



Christian Cage makes his way to the ring. He stares at Carlito before being handed a microphone. (By another woman in a bikini).

CC: Carlito…you goofy haired wanna be that’s already a has been…

Carlito is about to hit Christian, but Christian holds out his hand to stop him.

CC: You’re right. Canada kinda sucks. Why do you think I moved to Florida? Christian holds his arms out. Who wouldn’t wanna be near all of this?

The crowd cheers. Then…



JRtM: I AM THE MOUNTIE. You sir are…

Christian kicks him in the stomach, grabs his arms and hits the Unprettier. Before Christian can say anything, Gail Kim’s music hits.



Gail Kim makes her way to the ring. She grabs a microphone and gets in Christian’s face.

GK: How dare you insult Canada. It’s our home!

CC: Don’t you live in Tampa too?

Gail thinks for a second.

GK: Oh yeah.

Gail lays a few kicks into the unconscious Mountie. Christian wraps his arm around Gail.

CC: Welcome aboard hot stuff. Now, about the rest of these morons in TGIF. Obviously I’m the best here…no offense Carlito.

Carlito shrugs as he’s been making gestures to a particular girl in the audience.

CC: The one guy that might be able to beat me is Andre. Now, I have an extreme amount of talent. But even I couldn’t defeat…a five hundred pound boulder. Does a boulder have any particular skills in any way? No, it’s a fucking boulder! That’s all you are Andre, a big worthless, skill less boulder that sits on people and you think that makes you a bad ass. It doesn’t! It makes you a fat, thyroid induced freak! And the boulder’s probably smarter than you, you goofy smiling freak!

Carlito has stopped flirting and interrupts Christian.

C: You know; he’s not the only loser. The others…they’re losers too. You and me? We’re going to dominate this Fed.



Christian and Carlito watch as Finlay makes his way to the ring. Carlito chomps into his apple. Finlay stands in front of both of them until handed a microphone by another bikini girl.

F: So you boys think you’re bad asses huh? Well until you step into the ring with me, I think you’re both pussies.

Carlito spits apple in Finlay’s face. Finlay tackles Carlito and begins to pound away on his face. Christian hits an axe handle on Finlay’s back as security rushes the ring.

Crowd: T-G-I-F!


Roster[/u]

Adminstrators
Antonio Inoki
Sonny Onoo

Announcers
Hector Guerrero
Moody Jack Melendez

Cruiserweights
Jushin "Thunder" Liger
Superfly Jimmy Snuka
Carlito
Kofi Kingston
Sonjay Dutt
Primo
Johnny Devine
El Gato Eveready
Super Fly
Billy Boy

Heavyweights
Christian Cage
Fit Finlay
Jacques Rougeau
Meng/Haku
Cibernetico
Renee Dupree
Kenzo Suzuki
Kensuke Sasaki
Ivan Koloff
El Zorro
Carl Oullette/Pierre LaFitte
El Gran Apache
Berzerker
Ludvig Borga

Super Heavyweights
Andre the Giant
El Gigante/Giant Gonzalez

Females
Gail Kim
Maryse
Madusa
Faby Apache
Akira Hokuto
Rhaka Khan
Bull Nakano
Sexy Star

Managers
Tiger Ali Singh

Valets
Hiroku Suzuki

[Road Warrior Shark]

Please PLEASE not Andre v Giant Gonzalez!

[BC]

Killer-Uaha from Honolulu, Hawaii, brought to you by Hawaiian Punch!

World Heavyweight Title Elimination Match
Rules: After the first fall, the winner gets to 'rest' while the loser is eliminated. The remaining two men will continue in a one-on-one match until a winner is decided. The previous winner then rejoins for a one-on-one match for the title.

Christian Cage (CAN) vs. Fit Finlay (GBR) vs. Cibernetico (MEX) vs. Kensuke Sasaki (JPN) w/ Sonny Onoo


Cruiserweight Title Ladder Match

Jushin "Thunder" Liger(JPN) w/ Sonny Onoo vs. Carlito (PUR) vs. Kofi Kingston (JAM) vs. "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka (FIJ)


Women's Championship Elimination Match (same rules as heavyweight Title)

Gail Kim (CAN) vs. Madusa (ITA) vs. Akira Hokuto (JPN) w/ Sonny Onoo vs. Maryse (CAN)


She Stole My Man! Mix Tag Grudge Match
Faby Apache & El Gran Apache (MEX) vs. Sexy Star & Billy Boy (MEX)


Cruiserweight Challenge Match
Winner gets a title shot at next event

Sonjay Dutt (IND) vs. Super Fly (MEX)


Feast or Famine Match
Rules: If you win a fall, you leave the match and will "spin the wheel" at next event to determine your reward...could be money, could be a title shot of your choosing. If you lose a fall, you will also "spin the wheel" at the next event ant your punishment will be anywhere from humiliation to being fired. Match continues until all six are either the three Feasters or Three Famines.

Meng (TNG) vs. Kenzo Suzuki (JPN) w/ Sonny Onoo and Hiroku vs. Ivan Koloff (RUS) vs. El Zorro (MEX) vs. Carl Oullette (CAN) vs. Ludvig Borga (FIN) w/ Tiger Ali Singh


Special Attraction Battle Royal presented by Lawn-Dart
Andre the Giant (FRA) vs. Giant Gonzalez (ARG) w/ Tiger Ali Singh vs. Primo (PUR) vs. Johnny Devine (CAN) vs. The Mountie (CAN) vs. Renee Dupree (CAN) vs. The Berzerker (ISL) w/ Tiger Ali Singh

card subject to volcanic eruption; being nuked by North Korea; or wrestlers getting the Clap from Hula Girls.

[BC]

Andrés Quintana Roo Stadium, Cancun, Mexico[/i]

Carlito’s Cabana is already set up in the ring. Carlito is pacing the ring, eating his apple while winking at a few Mexican honnies. Christian is sitting n a beach chair drinking some drink out of a pineapple, while Gail Kim is seated opposite him. Conspicuous by their ringside presence are Kensuke Sasaki, his wife, Akira Hokuto, Kenzo Suzuki, and his wife Hiroku.

Car: Welcome again everyone…to Carlito’s Cabana. Once again, I’m thrilled to have as my guests the beautiful and talented Gail Kim.

Gail waves to the crowd.

Car: And the Champ, the Man, Christian Cage.

Christian gets to his feet, sits his drink down and grabs a microphone.

CC: Last week, I said some pretty harsh things.

Christian and Carlito exchange looks.

CC: …and I meant every damn one of ‘em!

The crowd boos.

Christian takes a list from Gail and flips through it.

CC: This so-called draft of talent from around the world and through the ages is over. Looking at this thing, I’m not sure if someone drafted them all or if it was a monkey with a poking stick. I’ve never seen a list of more overrated washed up morons than this list right here.

Car: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Chrstian…das not cool. My bruther is on that list. He’s no loser.

CC: You know, you’re right. Primo! Get out here!



Primo makes his way to the ring. He hugs Carlito and Gail (with a wink to Carlito).

CC: There’s another name on this list that intrigues me. Johnny Devine! Get your suck up ass down here!

Johnny Devine comes down with no music or fanfare. He gets in the ring and is immediately confronted by Christian.

CC: Let’s get something straight right now. You can hang with us, if you keep your place and your mouth shut, you got it boy!

Johnny Devine seems to be angered by this, but then he thinks about it and smiles and nods. Christian extends his hand and Devine takes it. Christian then looks at his list again.

CC: Wow, I’m not sure who else I can talk to. I don’t speak Spanish. Carlito maybe you could…Oh, you know what? I see another name on this list that has potential. Maryse! Get your pretty little ass down here.

Gail looks at Christian funny as Maryse’s music hits.


CC: Well hello there beautiful.

M: Bonjour Christian.

CC: What do you say? You wanna join up with the Champ? You wanna be in with the group that’s gonna dominate this joke of a Fed? You wanna go hit the beach babycakes?

Maryse seems amused. She looks at Christian as if sizing him up.

M: I do not see any Championship Belt on you…Champ.

CC: Ah, you wanna play it that way huh, Barbie? Well fine, take your boney ass back down those steps and out of my ring!

Maryse grins and is about to step out of the ring when Gail says something to her out of range of the microphone. Maryse stops and they get closer. Gail takes a swipe at Maryse’s hair to taunt her. Maryse then grabs Gail by the hair and gives her a split legged face plant. Maryse quickly then rolls out of the ring before Christian, Carlito, or Primo can do anything.

Gail rolls to the outside to gather herself and her senses. She is immediately grabbed by Akira Hokuto. Hokuto slams her head into the rail and leaps over it to continue the assault. Kenuske Sasaki and Kenzo Suzuki qukcly jump over the rail too and slide into the ring.

Sasaski grabs Devine and power slams him. Kenzo DDT’s Primo. Carlito grabs Kenzo and gives him the Backstabber. As soon as Carlito is up with a laugh, he eats a boot from Kenzo. Christian slides out of the ring and backs towards the entrance, but he’s stopped by the sound of someone talking. It’s Sonny Onoo at the entrance with the microphone.

SO: You stupid fool! Did you really think I would come here and invest in this company and not bring my own people? You are even dumber than you look! I am Sonny Onoo. Me and the great Antonio Inoki are calling the shots here in TGIF! You will do as I say! I say dance monkey dance!

Christian looks back to the ring and sees Sasaki and Kenzo standing over Carlito, Primo, and Johnny Devine. Christian turns back to Onoo and flips him off. Sasaki and Kenzo slide out of the ring and attack Christian from behind. Security rushes in to break up the assault.

We fade to the sounds of Sonny Onoo laughing into the microphone and the crowd chanting “T-G-I-F!!”

fade to black…

[DevSop]

I think it's been clear that I'm a big fan of quality stables that have range and can compete across the fed. Especially heel stables that can talk. Cage, Carlito, Gail, Primo, and Devine clearly fit into that category and I like what you've done with them so far.

The matches all look really good too. All the title matches could be awesome. The only slight criticism I might make is that it the two battle royal matches at the bottom of the card may be too much, but since it's the bottom of the card, I think its easy to move past that to get to the heart of the card.

Cage, Ciber, Finlay and Sasaki would be really really really good.

[Batman]

This is a very strange card, (with Andre at the bottom of the card and all) but I really enjoy Cage and Carlito's promos.

I also like the elimination rules. A clever new match concept.

[BC]

Thanks Serg. I'm using Andre the way the early WWF did with him as a special attraction. As far as I know Andre never held a title and rarely faced the "Champion" He was a special appearance guy who was often in showcase events like this battle royal I planned.

[Batman]

Oh absolutely, he was a special attraction, but he was also a big selling point of the shows, not an afterthought. And he's a good talker, in his weird way. Maybe he should get a chance to counter what Christian had to say about him?

[BC]

Results!!![/u][/size]

World Championship Elimination Match[/u]
In the first fall, Cibernetico got the pin on Fit Finlay, leaving Christian and Kensuke Sasaki. As Cibernetico watched, Christian got the pin (using the tights) on Sasaki. Cibernetico rejoined and Christian defeated Cibernetico to win the TGIF World Heavyweight Title.

Cruiserweight Championship Ladder Match[/u]
Jushin “Thunder” Liger dominated the contest, outclassing everyone. However, he did not walk away with the title. At the urging of Sonny Onoo, Liger hit a plancha onto Carlito from atop a 20 ft. ladder through the announce table. This left “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka and Kofi Kingston. Kingston was still feeling the affects of a splash from Snuka from the very same 20 ft. ladder Liger used on Carlito. This allowed Snuka to climb the ladder and win the TGIF Cruiserweight Title.

Women’s Championship Elimination Match[/u]
Tensions were high in this match, particularly between Gail Kim and Akira Hokuto after Hokuto’s attack on Kim during Carlito’s Cabana. As they put on a wrestling clinic, Madusa and Maryse paired off. Maryse avoided several pin attempts. After a powerbomb, Hokuto secured a pinfall on Gail. As Hokuto took her seat to watch Madusa and Maryse, Gail attacked Hokuto and they began to brawl throughout the arena. As the referee was distracted by this, Rhaka Khan came from the crowd and attacked Madusa from behind, allowing Maryse to get a quick pinfall. The ‘title match’ began with Hokuto no where in sight s she continued to brawl with Gail throughout the arena, resulting in her getting counted out. Maryse is your TGIF Women’s Champion, under the most dubious of circumstances.

Number One Contender for the Cruiserweight Title[/u]
Sonjay Dutt scored an impressive victory over Superfly, giving Dutt a title match against “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka at the next show.

She Stole My Man! Grudge Mix tag-Team Match[/u]
After eliminating El Gran Apache with a steel chair shot, Billy Boy and Sexy Star continued to double team Billy Boy’s estranged wife, Faby Apache, eventually getting the win…and Faby being taken out on a stretcher.

Feast or Famine Match[/u]
Ludvig Borga earned a reward by pinning Meng. El Zorro earned a reward for pinning Carl Oulette. Kenzo Suzuki earned a reward by pinning Ivan Koloff. What will the rewards be? What punishments await the losers? Find out next week.

Special Attraction Battle Royal[/u] brought to you by Lawn-Dart
Andre the Giant dominated the battle royal as expected. The highlight, however, was Giant Gonzalez throwing El Gato Eveready over the top rope and into the crowd like a…lawn-dart. The Berzerker actuallty threw more people over the top than anybody, while the Mountie stood in the ring continually shouting “I am the Mountie!!” until Andre brained him.

[BC]

Christian Cage is strutting backstage with the TGIF World Heavyweight Championship Belt over his shoulder. As he turns a corner, he sees Maryse (flanked by Rhaka Khan) walking towards him, also having her Women's Championship Belt over her shoulder. They meet up in the hallway.

CC: Hey blondie...did you have any doubts?

Christian points to the belt.

CC: Told you I was the Champ.

M: Yes monsieur (sp?) congratulations.

CC: So how 'bout you and me hittin' the beach?

Rhaka Khan steps forward.

CC: Listen Sasquatch, I'm talkin' to the lady.

Before Maryse can answer, Antonio Inoki comes up behind them and clears his throat. Maryse smiles at him.

M: Bonjour

AI: Congratulations to you both. I hope you will both represent this brand new company well.

CC: You can't do any better than the Champ right here. My peeps are worldwide and they should all be well enough off to pay for these ridiculously expensive tickets in the paradises of the world.

AI: Yes, I'm sure. You know Christian...I can call you Christian right?

Christian shrugs.

CC: Whatever floats your boat.

AI: You may be the champion, but I'm not sure you're what I want representing our federation.

Christian looks taken aback, but before he can chime in, Inoki continues.

AI: You're very good, but you're also brash, arrogant, cocky, and in general...how do you North Americans put it? A jackass.

Maryse is laughing.

AI: I want to see what you're made of; if you truly have what it takes to be a world renowned superstar our champion should be. In addition to your rematch with Cibernetico at Bali Blast, the World Championship match will now be a Triple Threat Match. Your other opponent? Andre...the Giant.

CC: That's bullshit! I'm calling my lawyer! You can't do that!

AI: I can, and I will.

Maryse and Rhaka continue to laugh; this draws Inoki's attention.

AI: As for you, missie, your title win was basically a disgrace. You will be defending your title at Bali Blast against Madusa.

Maryse has stopped laughing and looks at Inoki in shock.

AI: Good luck to you both. I think you're gonna need it.

[BC]

Sonny Onoo is in the middle of the ring with Kensuki Sasaki, Akira Hokuto, Kenzo Suzuki, Hiroku, and Jushin "Thunder" Liger, in front of a surprisingly partial Japanese audience somewhere in the South Pacific.

SO: So...Christian's Coalition, if that is what you're indeed calling yourselves...you think you can compete with the very best Nippon has to offer. You are an embarassment to this great sport. I should kill you with Kitana in your sleep...but I will not. That is illegal. I will do the next best thing. Kenzo...Kensuki Sasaki...Jushin Liger...you three will face Carlito, Primo, and whoever this Johnny Devine is.

All three clap at the idea.

SO: That leads me to you...Gail...Kim.

Onoo spits.

SO: You cost the greatest female wrestler in the world her title. You will not get away with this. At Bali Blast, you will face Miss Hokuto in a match. But she will have partner. Her partner will be Bull Nakano! HAHAHAHAHA. If yu somehow manage to find a partner of your own, so be it. But I look forward to watching them tear you apart limb from limg. Then, these three...

Onoo points to Kenzo, Sasaki, and Liger.

SO: They will dismantle your so-called friends Christian Cage. Then we will all sit back and watch Andre the Giant squash you like bug. HAHAHAHAHA. Kanishiwa! (sp?)