[Jobber Blitz]

*The camera picks up Joseph Stalin and Leon Trotsky backstage. They’re engaged in a shouting match, getting into each other’s faces.*

LT: Âû èäèîòñêèå, øêóðíàÿ òûêâà! Âû ïðåäàëè âèòîê, è âñå êîòîðîå áûëî õîðîøî. Âàøè çëîäåÿíèÿ ïðîòèâ ðóññêèõ ëþäåé áûëè ãðîòåñêîâû.

JS: ß èìåþ âåùü äëÿ ïîðíîãðàôèè êîçî÷êè. Íå äåðæèòå åãî ïðîòèâ ìåíÿ.

LT: Ëåíèí äîëæíî çíàòü âû áûëî íè÷åãî íî ãàäîñòíûì âûñàñûâàòåëåì èøàêà îò ìîìåíòà îí âñòðå÷àë âàñ. ß áîðþñü äëÿ òîãî ÷òîáû äóìàòü îñêîðáëåíèé çäåñü.

JS: Ïî÷åìó íå ìîæåì ìû êàê ðàç âñïîìíèòü ïîëåçíîãî âðåìÿ ðàáîòû? Êàê êîãäà ìû ñëîìàëè âåòåð äëÿ ïàðòèè. Òå ÿïîíöû íèêîãäà íå çíàëè ÷òî óäàðèëî èõ.

*Stalin bitchslaps Trotsky. Trotsky punches Stalin, and they roll around on the floor, striking each other. Chico and Harpo Marx enter the picture.*

CM: At FOMF: Pork Ass, we’ll have Stalin vs. Trotsky in the main-event. I can speak broken Russian, and whilst for the most part they were arguing about the finer points of Edward Cullen’s abs, they did indeed set up a match for the next event.

Voice over of Franklin Roosevelt: It seems we won’t have any original matchups in this fed, and only the predictable. Should be a mild one.

*Screen cuts to black*



MTA: Seems Pun's can't take Russian text. Which is a pity, since putting the original into Babelfish made it quite funny.

[BTR]

I had a banner ad in Russian yesterday and couldn't figure out why.

[Jobber Blitz]

From FOMFWrestling.com.

The rest of the card to Fat Old Men Fighting: Pork Ass has been announced. Due to technical difficulties, all promos could not be aired on FOMFTV. However, here is a rundown of what has happened backstage.

Joseph McCarthy completely lost his mind when he found out that there were so many commies in this federation. He issued an open challenge, which was accepted by Che Guevara. Guevara has recently signed a sponsorship deal with McDonald’s, which probably explained his luxury clothing, which included a fur coat and hip hop bling. Guevara had this to say:

Che Guevara: Some say I mighta sold my homeboys out. That I have become a capitalist icon. But that just ain’t true. With the help of Coca-Cola, I’ma rise up for the people. Take it to the capitalist pigs, yo. Do it for the people. But I gotta send a shoutout out to my peeps, who have been kind enough to fund the people’s war; McDonald’s, Coca-Cola, the Bush administration, Baby Seal Poachers Inc., and Concerned Mothers Against the Raising of Sweatshop Workers’ Wages. McCarthy, it’s totally on, dawg.

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Stalin apparently wanted to add the stipulation that the winner of his bout against Leon Trotsky be made leader of the free world. Trotsky raised no objection, and Barack Obama, the only man with the power to veto a wrestling match by two others for his job, was not able to be reached for comment. A masked federation official (who sounded suspiciously like Eddie Guerrero) therefore confirmed the stipulation.

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An interesting development was that Charles Darwin, who was picked up as a free agent, immediately made an impact. Here is a transcript of his first promo:

Charles Darwin: You might know me. I developed the theory of evolution. The called it theory. But it has been proved, time and time again, that some people… are just better than others. I am one of the former. We have the genes. Yet we are still forced to be associated with the types of brutes who are in this arena right now, or watching on their televisions from their sofas, slurping down junk food, wasting away. Called humans. To be considered to be one of the same specie as degenerates such as those is the greatest insult that one could fling at me. I thought that there was no missing link between ape and human. Yet what I failed to realise, was that the missing link was staring me right in the face. They were the humans, and I was the next step. I am the next step. At FOMF: Pork Ass, I will prove myself to be one step ahead on the evolutionary scale.

A few hours later, he was found over the bloodied body of Eric Kulas, saying that he had found the perfect specimen to use at the PPV.

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Other write-ups to be added later.