Your finalized card for the first ever GHB: Deadageddon!!!
For the vacant GHB Underworld Heavyweight Championship, two of history's most prominent leaders in a 60-minute Iron Man Match!
Abraham Lincoln vs. Napoleon Bonaparte
In a match where the losing team will have to be the winning team's slaves until the next PPV!
Marilyn Monroe & Anna Nicole Smith vs. Harriet Tubman & Rosa Parks
Defending his Hard-To-The-Core Title in his signature Ring of Fire Inferno Match!
Johnny Cash vs. Nero
Next we have a Clippers-on-a-Pole Ladder Match where the winning team gets to shave the facial hair of the losing team!
"Los Mustachios Fantasticos" Charlie Chaplin & Groucho Marx vs. "The Rainbow Connection" Jerry Garcia & Jim Henson
In the first ever Laws of Physics Scaffold Match!
Albert Einstein vs. Isaac Newton vs. Evel Knievel vs. Harry Houdini
Our special attraction matchup features a recently deceased participant in a First Blood Match!
Kublai Khan & Ricardo Montalban vs. Patrick Swayze & Chris Farley
And last, but certainly not least, two of history's most colorful personalities square off in an I Quit Match! Teddy "The Bear" Roosevelt vs. Attila The Hun
For the vacant GHB Underworld Heavyweight Championship, two of history's most prominent leaders in a 60-minute Iron Man Match!
Abraham Lincoln vs. Napoleon Bonaparte
Things are tied up at 3-3 with under 2 minutes left. Napoleon has Big Abe on the ropes, literally, in the corner. He goes for a stinger splash, but Abe moves out of the way! Nappy falls back-first into the corner, allowing Abe to hit a Log Jam. Abe drags Nappy to his feet and hits one more Emancipation Slam and gets the 3-count for his Fourth Score just before time runs out!
In a match where the losing team will have to be the winning team's slaves until the next PPV!
Marilyn Monroe & Anna Nicole Smith vs. Harriet Tubman & Rosa Parks
Tubman & Parks go absolutely apeshit on Monroe & Smith who came out to the ring with blackface makeup on and a "Beautiful People" attitude. Complete squash in favor of Tubman & Parks. After the match, they immediately slap ball-gags and chains on the 2 blonde bombshells.
Defending his Hard-To-The-Core Title in his signature Ring of Fire Inferno Match!
Johnny Cash vs. Nero
Both competitors start wailing on each other from the get-go, Cash with his guitar and Nero with his fiddle. Cash closes things out after about 10 minutes by hitting the Folsom Prison Driver on Nero, dousing him in gasoline, lighting up a cigarette, then dropping the lit match on him.
Next we have a Clippers-on-a-Pole Ladder Match where the winning team gets to shave the facial hair of the losing team!
"Los Mustachios Fantasticos" Charlie Chaplin & Groucho Marx vs. "The Rainbow Connection" Jerry Garcia & Jim Henson
Los Mustachios Fantasticos score a quick win here with some diversionary slapstick tactics. Chaplin gets the schoolboy rollup on Henson while Marx was distracting Garcia with his "cigar". Just as Chaplin & Marx are about to shave the beards of The Rainbow Connection, the lights go out in the arena. When the lights come back on, Garcia & Henson are nowhere to be found, but Big Bird is in the ring and goes to town on the mustachioed ones.
In the first ever Laws of Physics Scaffold Match!
Albert Einstein vs. Isaac Newton vs. Evel Knievel vs. Harry Houdini
Einstein, Newton, & Houdini are throwing down on each other on one end of the scaffold. Knievel decides to make a bull-rush at them, but they all duck and he goes flying off the end of the scaffold and into the crowd. Houdini is next to go after he gets caught up in the scaffolding chains and Einstein & Newton double-superkick him off and into the ring below. Einstein finally scores the win when he seemingly "warps" space-time around himself (almost Matrix-style) as Newton tried to deliver a massive haymaker. Newton loses his balance and a simple kick to the nuts from the Austrian sends Newton down to the ring below.
Our special attraction matchup features a recently deceased participant in a First Blood Match!
Kublai Khan & Ricardo Montalban vs. Patrick Swayze & Chris Farley
Match ends fairly quickly as Farley goes to the top rope, slips, and busts his forehead open on the ring post. The Khans celebrate, but Swayze goes Roadhouse on the 2 of them after the match.
And last, but certainly not least, two of history's most colorful personalities square off in an I Quit Match! Teddy "The Bear" Roosevelt vs. Attila The Hun
In an epic back-and-forth that lasted longer than the Abe/Napoleon Iron Man match, Roosevelt gets the win when he finally locks in the Teddy Bear Hug on the near-lifeless Hun.
Play-By-Play: Walter Cronkite Color Commentary: George Carlin
Underworld Heavyweight Championship "Pimpin'" Abe Lincoln (champion) (with Harriet Tubman & Rosa Parks) vs. "Crazy" Patrick Swayze Special Referee: Ricardo Montalban
Whipped Cream Bikini Match Marilyn Monroe vs. Anna Nicole Smith
Hard-To-The-Core Championship in the old-school blue steel cage Johnny Cash (champion) vs. Evel Knievel vs. Harry Houdini
8-man Elimination Tag Match Napoleon Bonaparte, Attila The Hun, Kublai Khan, & Nero vs. Charlie Chaplin, Groucho Marx, Jim Henson, & Jerry Garcia
Ham-On-A-Pole Match Teddy Roosevelt vs. Chris Farley
Elevation X Match Albert Einstein vs. Isaac Newton
Last Edit: Sept 30, 2009 9:37:25 GMT -5 by Deleted