[Mr. Dashbee]

Taken directly from my Facebook:

(PART 1) Captain's Log, Stardate 63826.6, taking out the trash and discovered that our (very pregnant) next door neighbor likes to walk around her house naked...LIGHTS ON, BLINDS OPEN. Now, I noticed this on the way BACK from bringing trash bin #1 to the street.

(PART 2) So what do you do? Do you wait until she finally closes the blinds? Well, she's not likely to walk to the window knowing I'm out there (and she had to know, you can easily hear the trash can being pulled through the rocks). Do you peek in to see if she's there and go for it if the coast is clear? Do you keep your head down and go? Do you go obvious and walk by looking for her? Conundrum indeed...

(PART 3) by the way, this is the neighbor who a) has a Virgin Mary at the end of the driveway to welcome you, b) has a car in the garage with "HLY MARY" on the plate, and c) shoo's her kids away when we pull in our driveway. It's been like this since the day we moved in.

(PART 4) By the way, we have TWO trash cans, so there had to be a return trip. So finally, if I see her tomorrow, do I say "thanks!"?

I got a few interesting responses on FB, but I have a feeling you all will offer a much better discussion...

[Pun]

[creepy]

What, exactly, is this about? Do you want to figure out a way to take out the trash and not look at her? Do you want to look at her? Do you want to tell her that what she's doing is noticable and makes you feel weird? Do you not want your kids to see? What's the deal with the Virgin Mary and HLY MARY thing? Is she over protective of her kids?


Not trying to be a dick or anything, but seriously, what's the point of all of this? I'm confused.

ETA: I'm guessing you want to not look. So just put your head down and don't look. Next time you see her, tell her that if you saw her, anybody could, including kids. Or just stay out of it and don't look and keep your mouth shut about it.

[Mr. Dashbee]

Sorry to throw you for a loop there, Creepy. It was more of a "hey, check this shit out" kind of a post, not a "hey, I could use a little help here" kind of a post.

I didn't expect help handling the situation. I expected reactions like Pun's, or "did the carpet match the drapes" or shit like that. I'll just continue to laugh about it on the inside.

[creepy]

My bad. I thought you needed help with a problem.

So, like, how pregnant is she? She about to pop or is it not too noticeable? Did she do this before or do you think it's more of a pregnant lady routine? She sounds like a bitch.


And, uhh, does the carpet match the drapes?

[Mr. Dashbee]

No problem.

Even though my wife has popped two great kids, I'm bad at estimating. My wife has a great body, so pregnancy was fine for her. I'm thinking that the Virgin Mary (that's what I've been calling her for a few months now) probably kept a few pounds on after each of her first 3 kids, so she started a little bigger. But she sure looks like she's at 8 months or more.

To her credit, they seem to take daily walks and are pretty active. Not stalking--it's Arizona, so everyone spends a decent amount of time outside, so you see these things. In fact, as much the kids play outside, you'd think we'd be friendly. Nope. Everyone else is cool with interacting (to a point), but she keeps the kids away from everyone else (not just us). I've tried to say Hi to her, her husband & their kids, but we get nothing.

But anyway. I've never seen it before. Thursday is trash/recycling day, so you roll it out to the street Wednesday night. Without fail, I'll walk by and the side blinds are open...then BAM, they slam closed. I've never noticed any nakedness until last night.

No news on the carpet/drapes. First glance was frontal, but it took a second to register and I was already past the window. Second glance on the way back from the street? Well, let's say if she were a guy the pose would be referred to as "the goat." I think that's when she realized I was taking out the trash, because the blinds closed right after the second pass.

Honestly, she didn't seem bad for a pregnant naked lady from what I saw. Everyone packs on a few pounds during pregnancy, so her ass & hips are a little bigger, but so are the jugs. But she's been so antisocial since we moved into this house in January that she'd need to be smokin' for me to see if she does this regularly. First impressions are crucial, and we've gotten off on such a bad foot that I assume she's a total bitch and that her husband is never around because he works 3 jobs to stay away from her. In fact, we often joke that she literally is the modern day Virgin Mary, and they haven't actually ever had sex.

I'm probably wrong. She's probably a cool person and a freak in the bedroom. Who knows.

[Deleted]

This reminds me of Home Alone.

[Habs]

You should have snapped a picture and use it on your Christmas cards and of course, send her one!

[Mr. Dashbee]

May 17, 2010 8:59:25 GMT -5 Habs said:

You should have snapped a picture and use it on your Christmas cards and of course, send her one!

If only.

Did see her a couple of days ago. We pulled into the driveway as she & the kids were heading for a walk. She was at th eend of her driveway, headed towards my house to start the walk. Once we started getting out of the truck, she pulled a U-turn and went the other way. A week ago I'd have said she was just a bitch. Now she obviously has a real reason to turn around.

[Habs]

Hey neighbor, didn't recognized you at first, having your clothes on and all!