[Batman]

Because the final incredible super-card from our precursor Armageddon Wrestling--last summer's ragnaROCK!--has not yet completed airing on this side of the Atlantic, Phoenix Wrestling is not yet ready to announce much of anything. Except...

...check out our new logo!



(With thanks to the incredibly talented artist, John Bolton.)

[Batman]

What? Were you expecting someone else? I know... I wasn't drafted in the first round; I'm not CONSIDERED a first round talent.

But our President, in his wisdom, realizes that he needs someone with intelligence, someone articulate, to be the face of this promotion, to do the talking, so he has appointed THE Brian Kendrick, his third round pick, as the interim Commissioner.

So now, allow me to introduce the first AND second draft picks for Phoenix Wrestling--Ricky "the Dragon" Steamboat and Samoa Joe!



:
Oh, I'm sorry, were you expecting to get the mic now? No, no, I was chosen as Commissioner, for my intelligence and speaking ability. You, guys--you're fighters, not talkers. And that's OK. But I'll be holding onto this microphone, thank you.

Steamboat and Joe fume at this.

The reason you two were chosen in the first two rounds, the reason that the President traded up to make sure he could get Joe, is to put on a "dream match." Steamboat versus Joe, dream match main event! But SOMETIMES, when you really think about it, dreams aren't all they're cut out to be. ESPECIALLY, when this dream is a main event WITHOUT!... THE Brian Kendrick!

So, why don't I, as Commissioner, book a different match? I'm afraid that things are run here in Phoenix Wrestling much the same as they were in Armageddon Wrestling. Booking decisions are made by the President, the Commissioner is merely the public face of the promotion.

No, I can't plug myself into the main event by fiat. What I CAN do is be such a pain in BOTH of your asses, that you request--that you're both BEGGING for--the opportunity to kick my ass!

Or to try to at least...

And here to help me be a thorn in your two sides: my own personal MONSTER: the unstoppable KANE!



:
KANE!...

<sub>UNLEASH...

HELL!...</sub>

Kane attacks Joe from behind, while Kendrick leaps off the podium at Steamboat. A pier six brawl breaks out and we eventually fade to black.

[Batman]

KANE! Did you think you could jump me from behind without any repercussions? Did you think I wouldn't notice...?
...that you were only acting under orders from Brian Kendrick?

KENDRICK! You come out here and tell me TO MY FACE! that you're just out to distract me from Steamboat... and you think I don't have the patience... the self-control... to keep my focus? YES, I will get my revenge on you, and on your lackey Kane... But FIRST!

STEAMBOAT! We may be forced to be allies while Kendrick and Kane attack us and attempt to distract us, but I haven't forgotten that YOU are truly the man to beat around here, if I want to prove what I have always said:

I.

Am.

WRESTLING!

[Batman]

I think that it's very important for all of us to remember what Phoenix Wrestling IS. The Phoenix is the symbol of rebirth, and this promotion is an opportunity for rebirth and renewal for ALL of us. And I am not only talking about my defacto ally Samoa Joe, but my enemies, my attackers, Kendrick and especially Kane.

Kane, you don't need to be a lackey, a monster. We both know that you're capable of so much more.

Joe, Kendrick, you both want the opportunity to test your mettle and prove yourselves against me. I understand that, and I assure you that you WILL get your opportunities.

Because I want to prove myself too. I may be a legend, but there's a whole new generation of wrestlers I never had the opportunity to test myself against. Now I have that opportunity to redefine myself here in Phoenix Wrestling, and I intend to grasp it with both hands!

[Batman]

: All right, my own personal arm-candy--Ashley here--and I were called here, but we weren't told why. I think this is pretty obviously a set-up for some kind of payback, so come on! Bring it on!



Has anybody told you you're paranoid "THE"? There's no set-up, no payback! Just some announcements, some of them impacting you! First!... Because of what happened at the first Phoenix Wrestling press conference, you have been stripped of the commissionership!

: Hey!

: Zip it, kid, I'm not done! Next, with their fifth pick Phoenix Wrestling has drafted the legendary Tiger Mask, who will join us here later.

With their sixth pick, Phoenix Wrestling has picked ME, Mister T! The President WANTED to make me Commissioner. BUT, PWA rules don't allow me to do any other job if I'm going to be Phoenix Wrestling's all-new color commentator! So instead, the title of commissioner will just stay vacant, and decisions from the President's office will simply be announced, by the announcers. Which, right now, means me!

With their seventh pick, Phoenix Wrestling got you that arm candy you asked for, in the person of Ashley Massaro.

Ashley preens coquettishly for the camera.

: Sorry we weren't able to get you your first choice, Lita!

Ashley glares at Kendrick. Kendrick gives her the "Wait, no baby, I can explain" expression.

: Losing your commissionership isn't the only consequence for what happened at the press conference last week: officers, please bring out Kane!



Kane is rolled out in a mini-cell and shackles by two police officers.

: After the cameras stopped rolling last week, your UNSTOPPABLE, UNCONTROLLABLE monster, Kane, assaulted several fans and members of the press.

The President was able to talk our way out of a lawsuit that might have bankrupted us and cost all of us our jobs, and Kane will only be serving his time under house-arrest. The trade-off is Kane will only be able to wrestle as a work-release, under close guard, only to be released right before the beginning of a match.

The final announcement involves both Kane and Samoa Joe!



Enter Joe...

: Kane and Joe will be our two entrants in the Super P Cup Heavyweight Battle Royal! The plus to this is, they are our two best Heavyweights! The minus-- they have an ongoing issue with each other, so they might not be willing to work together!

Guys! Try to remember that you're both representing Phoenix Wrestling, and put that ahead of your personal issues, all right?

Joe and Kane just glare at each other through the bars of Kane's cell.

[Lucky]

Eco Sucks, Part 2
Starring...

: Ultramantis Black. Leader of the Order of the Neo Solar Temple hell bent on world domination.
: La Parka. He dances quite a bit.





: Finally, my monster! We have arrived at the headquarters of Onslaught Championship Wrestling! We have come to the threshold of those who have defiled our new home!

: ...?

: I understand your confusion, my demon! Yes, we are bound to take control and destroy Five Boroughs Wrestling! But it is OUR destiny! It is for the Order of the Neo Solar Temple to rot that core of that apple! It is MY destiny to punish those who would misuse me and reduce me to a lackey role on a subpar program! It is NOT for braggarts and jezebels! The honor is mine, all mine!

: ...?

: Have no fear, my minion. When I take control you shall have all your greatest desires rewarded for your loyalty!



: But halt, my beast. I expected mighty forces to attempt to impede or path of destruction. Where is everyone?

: Wait a second, Phoenix Wrestling? No, no, no! La Parka, you fool! You have led us to the wrong company!

: ...?

: Of course you did! I was clearly following you! I gave you the map!

: ...?

: The map! But if we were not following the map then what were we following that brought us here?!

: LA PARKA! YOU LECHEROUS MISCREANT! Must you always foil my plans with your carnal needs!?

: ...?

: What about that woman at the seance? You ruined my efforts to harness the power of the great lord Darquefyr because you could not keep your hands off that floozy fortune teller!



: Enough of your nonsense! We must return to Five Boroughs Wrestling and regroup! We must prepare for our Tag Team Tournament match and our revenge on Onslaught Championship Wrestling! And you must find the map! La Parka? La Parka!

: Did she change clothes?

My sincerest apologies to Serg if he feels I was wrong to post this in his thread without his permission and sorta "use" one of his talents.

[Batman]

OMFG. I was invaded.


awesome!

[Batman]

See? Look at that! See? Phoenix Wrestling is a joke! We've become a pathetic punchline before we even got started. THIS! This is what happens when the promoter gets overcommitted, isn't totally focused on the promotion. And don't give me that load about how the thing that's distracting him is "defending our nation". Defending us from what? The women of El Paso? Let me tell you, it isn't the soldiering that's made him lose his focus!

Yeah, we're a laughingstock with no leadership and all of the other promotions have gotten a jump start on us. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY! It's delayed MY INTRODUCTION! CLEARLY, the time has come for the inmates to take over the asylum!

So here I am--Art Barr, the Love Machine, El Gringo Loco! Fuckin' welcome. To. Me! Thank you. Thank you. Hold your applause. Oh, wait, you ARE holding your applause, aren't you? Figures. You still don't know who the hell I am, do you? Even though I BEAT Eddy Guerrero in the MAIN EVENT of ragnaROCK last year and won this Armageddon Key (which I'm sure our absentee El Presidente will EVENTUALLY get around to telling me what the HELL it unlocks!) to most of you I seem like a strange relic of the past. You don't REALIZE that you're looking at the main event, the biggest star in this promotion, and VERY SOON in the whole wrestling world!

But DON'T TAKE MY WORD for it! Ask Eddy! Ask Jericho! They're the two biggest stars of our generation of wrestlers, and they came up with me in Mexico City. ASK THEM, if Art Barr's career hadn't been cut tragically short, would he have become just as big a star as they did? They'll tell you: Hell, yes! But they'd be wrong 'cause I'd be bigger, and I WILL be bigger. Because I have all the talent and more, and TWICE the charisma.

AND! I've got this!

holds up the ornate and mysterious Phoenix Key

: (...whatever the hell it is...)

[Batman]

...(which I'm sure our absentee El Presidente will EVENTUALLY get around to telling me what the HELL it unlocks!) to most of you I seem like a strange relic of the past. You don't REALIZE that you're looking at the main event, the biggest star in this promotion, and VERY SOON in the whole wrestling world! But DON'T TAKE MY WORD for it! Ask Eddy! Ask Jericho! They're the two biggest stars of our generation of wrestlers, and they came up with me in Mexico City. ASK THEM, if Art Barr's career hadn't been cut tragically short, would he have become just as big a star as they did? They'll tell you: Hell, yes! But they'd be wrong 'cause I'd be bigger, and I WILL be bigger. Because I have all the talent and more, and TWICE the charisma. AND! I've got this!

[holds up the ornate and mysterious Phoenix Key]

(...whatever the hell it is...)

[Mr. Dashbee]

[Scene: Dashbee sits at his computer desk on his couch working on the contracts for the final matches for UWC 1: New Revolution. His phone rings, and he's quick to pick up, thinking this could be the call. We can't hear the voice on the other end.

Dashbee: Dashbee ..... Who? ..... Umm, no. ..... Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have Prez Alderman's number, why? ..... Wait, how did you get this number? ..... Really? ..... Yeah, well you can tell Google to suck it. I'm a wrestling guy who lives in Phoenix, not Phoenix Wrestling! ..... What? ..... Yes, that Dashbee. How many Dashbees do you know? ..... Yes, we're always looking for talent, but I'm very happy with out roster at this point. ..... Yes, including Chris Hero. ..... Yeah that's me too, why?. ..... NO, no I didn't get drafted, but thanks for the reminder!

[Dashbee hangs up.]

Dashbee: Jerk.

[Batman]

Hmmm. I have LOTS of empty roster slots. Maybe I should get a ring announcer. From Phoenix.

[Mr. Dashbee]

Jul 16, 2010 10:28:14 GMT -5 Batman said:

Hmmm. I have LOTS of empty roster slots. Maybe I should get a ring announcer. From Phoenix.

I wasn't getting at that, just having fun. Thought that would be a funny exchange for the end of the wrong number call.


Not that I would be upset...I think being drafted in 3 wrestling drafts is the highlight of my wrestling career. That and having some guy make a KyKy image of me once (even if I can't find it anymore).

[Batman]

Jul 16, 2010 10:31:36 GMT -5 Mr. Dashbee said:

I wasn't getting at that, just having fun.

Oh, I know. But it IS a thought....