[Matte]

As the Matte Wrestling Federation's first overall draft pick of 2010, we select... CM Punk!



Thank you, thank you. First of all, I would like to give credit to the figureheads here at the MWF for noticing that I am better than any other draft-eligible man or woman, bear or president, god or devil. I promise to make the MWF the best promotion of 2010. As such, this promotion will remain drug free, alcohol free, and tobacco free. Fans, if you're addicted, get out. We will be conducting drug tests and breathalyzer tests at the entrances of our shows, so if you're high or shitfaced, don't even bother trying to come see us perform. We only perform for the pure, the prestige, the ones who know that without substances, they can live to their full potential.

The MWF will keep you updated.

[Matte]

The Matte Wrestling Federation would like to welcome to its roster... Christian!



Finally, someone realized I was still a free agent. I thought I was going to have to namedrop myself before anyone noticed. Now, as many of you know, I'm Canadian. To those who didn't know, I'm sorry to disappoint you. But being Canadian, I'm still Christian. And I'm still a Christian. Being so, I would like to pledge my full support to Mr. CM Punk in his expedition to keep this promotion straightedge and build a reputation of purity. Punk, if there's anything I can do to help out, don't hesitate to let me know.

[Chris Eco]

This is my favorite Fed already.

[Matte]

Thanks, really. I'm doing this all as I go along since everyone I had in mind to draft was gone before I could get to them.

[Matte]

Ladies and gentlemen... Paul London!



I've got things to do, so I'm not gonna stay long. I just want all you guys out there with the potential to be drafted to this fed to know; there's no one doing any kinds of drug testing at the doors to this place. I'm here, aren't I? Punk is a liar.

[Matte]

The Greatest Man That Ever Lived... Austin Aries!



Ladies and gentlemen, I am Austin Aries. And today, a star is born. The MWF has opened their doors to me, and like Paul London, I walked right on in. I'm just gonna start with you, Punk, the number one draft pick for this fed. Everywhere I've been, you've been there too. You say you're better than everyone. I'm here to prove you wrong. I'm here to prove your straightedge theory as being nothing more than a bullshit excuse for being scared. Scared of living, scared of dying, scared to risk it all, and scared of me.

[Matte]

The MWF's fifth draft pick... The Big Show!



London, Aries; Sorry I got here a little late. I'm not very fast. But Punk, I caught one for ya, look. I searched everybody outside, all six hundred of them, and this guy was smoking a joint like it was legal.

Guy: It was a cigarette!

Shut up, kid. You're coming with me. Punk will know how to handle this.

[Road Warrior Shark]

Awesome

[Matte]

The MWF is the one company brave enough to sign him; here he is... Teddy Hart!



I'll be the first one to tell everybody here, there's a new guy in town. And his name is Ted Hart. Punk, Christian, Big Show; you guys have no fucking clue what you're talking about when it comes to the finer things in life. My boys Paul London and Austin Aries; now they know how to have a good time. And I'm positive, more than I ever have been before, that the MWF fans, that Teddy Hart's fans, want to have a good time when they come to our shows. So you straightedge faggots can go suck dick, while the rest of us suck in some smoke.

[Matte]

Coming to the MWF, from the heavens... Jack Evans!



I followed my bro Ted here, to the MWF. I asked to be signed to this company so I could keep an eye on him, as a concerned friend. Ted, your using has been getting worse and worse. I know we've rolled green together in the past, but what you're doing now is a whole different story. I'm not usually emotional and shit, but you're my bud and I can see that you're going down the wrong path; a very dangerous path. But now you're in a federation ruled by CM Punk, a straightedge icon, who could quite possibly be... your savior.

[Deadly]

Matte, I dig your fed. A lot.

[Matte]

Next to join the MWF... Billy Kidman!



I'm drafted into the MWF and I see who's already in the locker rooms. Show, he's cool. Christian's a good friend of mine. Then I see Paul London, my former tag partner. Memories of that time of my life flash through my mind. I'd like to tell everybody how my life was when myself and Paul were tagging. We were late to shows because Paul had to stop and buy green. We fucked up in matches because Paul had to smoke up before he wrestled. We got in brawls backstage because Paul lost his Ziploc and accused guys of stealing it. You see, the shit he's into is why he never became a household name. It fucks you up, it fucked him up, but I never gave into it. Even when Paul was pressuring me to light up and inhale, I didn't give in. I would personally like to make this chapter of Paul's career the worst chapter in his life. Think of it as revenge for all the shit you've caused for me in the past. Get ready.

[Matte]

From the jungle, apparently... Pac!



Why he's not in jungle attire but he's still billed from the jungle, that was his choice here in the MWF. I don't know, who cares?

Pac no speak good. Pac from jungle. Know animals. One with nature. Love flowers, trees.

Big Show: Trees? Punk, I got another one!

[Matte]

Shane McMahon!



As you all know, I left my father's business back in January to pursue outside endeavors. What you didn't know; this is it. I've been in talks with the Matte Wrestling Federation since the very beginning of the draft. I've been giving tips, pointers, and advice. I've since been listening to the performers and what they have to say, and while I am proud of a lot of them, I am also highly disappointed with several of them. I won't mention any names, but I will say this; we can not have rampant drug usage here in the MWF. Congress is watching closely, and we can not jeopardize our careers here simply to get high or trashed or whatever it may be. Listen to what I say, and take it into consideration. I am right, and I hope it gets through to you.

[Matte]

The MWF welcomes to its roster... Mike Knox!



I lied. The contract, the memorandum, the steroids; they were mine. But you understand, I would've been fired had I come clean. But now I'm in the MWF. I feel more welcome here than I have felt anywhere else. And I brought my 'roids with me.

[Matte]

One of the greatest commentators of all time... Jim Ross!



I'm not especially excited to be sent here, to the MWF. I've been hearing a lot between the boys in the back. I'm here to do my job, and I want to be fair and call things how I see them. My opinions, however, are similar to Shane's. This is a business, and it should be conducted like one; having rules and regulations one must follow to be a part of it. I've said what I have to say, I'm just here to call matches now.

[Matte]

The MWF is proud to welcome the most dominant force to ever be seen in the WCW: the New World Ord... Wait, who's this?



Big Stevie Cool: I'm Big Stevie Cool. This here, is Da Blue Guy. And with Hollywood Nova; we are the bWo: the Blue World Order!
And we've got just three words for ya... We're taking over!

[Matte]

Introducing, the quintessential muffstuffer... I mean studmuffin, the man whose wit is more tongue in cheek than a lesbian orgy, Joel "Bigger and better than the Titanic... because only 400 women went down on the Titanic" Gertner! Remember that name, you'll be screaming it later.

[Matte]

The newest member of the MWF locker room... Michael Shane!



No, no. We're not doing the Bentley Bounce. It's not Matt Bentley anymore. Actually, it's not even Michael Shane now. No, it's Shawn Michaels. The Heartbreak Kid is a legend, a future Hall of Famer, the go-to guy for making someone else look good. But I've always lived in his shadow. I'm his cousin; we come from the same gene pool. He taught me everything I know; we have the same moveset, the same ideas. One difference; I'm younger. I'm fresher. I'm Shawn Michaels in his prime! So don't announce me anymore as Michael Shane. That's not me, no. I am Shawn Michaels.

[Batman]

Hahahaha. OK, that's hilarious.

Especially considering that, per the premise of this game, Shawn IS in his prime.

[Matte]

Jun 19, 2010 21:50:30 GMT -5 Batman said:

Hahahaha. OK, that's hilarious.

Especially considering that, per the premise of this game, Shawn IS in his prime.

He may be in his prime in whichever federation he was drafted to. But I'n my federation, he was in his prime years and years ago.

Time is relative to who's in control.