E! True Wrestling Action
Jun 13, 2011 0:15:35 GMT -5
Post by Chris Eco on Jun 13, 2011 0:15:35 GMT -5
Chris and Eric are at dual podiums in the TNA Impact Zone, a cheering crowd surrounding.
Chris: Welcome, paying Universal customers, to the debut press conference of E! True Wrestling Action!
Eric: I’m still undecided on that name…
Chris: For those of you unfamiliar with the PWA/OO Drafts, it’s a very simple concept. The greatest wrestlers of all time, all eligible for reorganization and ring returns, for a month-long competition between upstart promoters looking to make a name for themselves. And for those of you unfamiliar with Eco and Eric…we’re Microsoft. We’re the Yankees. We’re the Miami Heat…well, okay maybe not. Point is, of the four competitions we’ve both entered, we have four finals and three gold medals between us—and the exception was stolen away from us by fake voting.
Eric: We intend to continue our tradition of snatching up the best wrestlers in the world, and to begin our quest, we’re starting right here in the Impact Zone. Ladies and gentlemen, let us introduce to you men who need no introduction, men who built this company….AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels!
”Get Ready to Fly” plays over the PA system as AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels come out, slapping the audiences’ hands. They enter into the ring to a big pop.
AJ Styles takes the microphone.
Styles: Thank you, Eric, and let me just say how grateful I am to get the opportunity to start anew…right where it all began. You know, when Chris and I got started with this company, we had a dream for its suc—
PA: So…you think you’re untouchable?
”Word Life” plays over the PA System as John Cena comes out to a highly negative reaction.
John Cena: Yo, yo, yo, cut the music, cut the music. I’m sorry, but I can’t let it go down like this. All pattin’ yourselves on the back, about to start jerkin’ each other off—hell, I can see why they call it the Wanker Zone.
Daniels: Cena, you don’t belong here. You heard Eric. This isn’t a place for your brand of “entertainment,” this is a place for the best wrestlers in the world. “Wrestling,” John—it’s what we’re trying to save from guys like you. Now, if you want to join your good friend Randy Orton over at Dead’s company—
Chris: Actually, Chris…I specifically made an offer to Mr. Cena here.
Daniels: …Are you serious?
Cena: Let me give you the respect, and then the hustle.
See, when I look at you two men in the ring, I see two of the greatest wrestlers in the world today. Hell, with the way this game has changed and improved from the days of Sammartino and Backlund, maybe two of the greatest ever. I have spent my whole career talking to management about guys who can bring it in the ring like you can; just ask Bryan Danielson. I respect your craft, and I respect you both.
But here’s the hustle. That company you built? That skyscraper didn’t get past the third story. In the arena, you can make them cheer, you can make them chant all you want. But outside it…no one is buying an AJ Styles t-shirt. No one wants to pay the pay-per-view rate to watch Christopher Daniels do a Best Moonsault Ever off the cage. The talent is there, but the money isn’t coming.
And it’s not just you two, it’s this whole industry. Sheamus, Big Show, Christian—big stars for WWE, but no one knows their name. Even Randy Orton can’t get anywhere near Snooki in terms of prominence. No one knows an Edge who doesn’t work with Bono. The only name they know, the only one whose t-shirt is worn across this state, this nation, this globe…is the name of the Commander of the Cenation (boos), John Cena.
See, all the Bryan Danielsons and the AJ Styles’s and the Christopher Daniels’s of the world can do their best to impress…but you will NEVER electrify like I do. So you may claim you’re working to save professional wrestling, Chris, AJ…but I am the only one who can save this industry—and this company—from you.
AJ: Listen just a minute here—
Cena: (mocking voice) Listen just a minute! Listen just a minute! With that slow-ass Southern accent, it’ll take five! But you know what, I got a little rhyme for you both.
Chris and AJ, I get it. You think you’ve got what you need.
You have your special bond…just like Roy and Siegfried.
But John Cena sells, that’s why they call me the franchise,
That’s why Wrestlemania gets a hundred times as many buys,
I’m the Chain Gang Commander, so successful that it’s scary,
You’re Phenomenally Awful and the Fallen Bald Fairy.
So go on whining, complaining, saying that I suck,
But without me here, the E? Would be nothing but FUCKED!
You have your special bond…just like Roy and Siegfried.
But John Cena sells, that’s why they call me the franchise,
That’s why Wrestlemania gets a hundred times as many buys,
I’m the Chain Gang Commander, so successful that it’s scary,
You’re Phenomenally Awful and the Fallen Bald Fairy.
So go on whining, complaining, saying that I suck,
But without me here, the E? Would be nothing but FUCKED!
Cena drops the mic and exits.
FADE