MNF 62/Male Bag 45
Mar 15, 2013 17:46:57 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Mar 15, 2013 17:46:57 GMT -5
Dustin Faber
I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!
HELLO MNF!
I took some time away to recharge my batteries. I realized that I don't
have to live up to some made-up gimmick. So instead of some crazy heel turn
(you people suck!), I'm just going to be me, your friendly neighborhood
straight-edger. And what do I do best? Random questions and random topics.
I really liked the male bag from a few weeks ago. You guys beat a dead
horse like Cam Gullett's penis beats a vagina.
Here's a theoretical scenario for you. WWE has to be prepared for all
possibilities. So what is the WWE's contingency plan if Cena dies three
weeks before Wrestlemania? (I hope and pray that doesn't happen, but it
makes for an interesting talking point). Does WWE postpone Mania? Seems
like a financial disaster if they did that. Do they sub in someone to face
the Rock, or leave that match out entirely out of respect to the dead? If
Cena died, who would you put to face Rock? I'd take Punk, drop the heel
gimmick, and have him wrestle the Rock in honor of Cena, a guy he always
speaks highly of in interviews (and always has great matches with).
March is about tournaments. So I bring to you, THE TRI-ANNUAL DUSTIN FABER
RANDOM THINGS I JUST THOUGHT OF! And this time, in honor of March Madness,
there are 64 THINGS VYING FOR THE TOP SPOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE IS A LINK
TO THE BRACKET.
www.bracketmaker.com/tlist.cfm?tid=441673
You could do this several ways. Just do the whole bracket in one show. Do
one round for each show starting tonight. OR, you could have listeners fill
out their bracket this week, and next week you and Chris start advancing
the tournament. Whoever picks the most winners gets a special prize on the
male bag! Just like a March Madness pick-em tournament!
It should be a fun tournament!
And finally, Andy, I'm sure you are aware that in 2012, we got two movies
about Abraham Lincoln. One even got nominated for best picture! In honor of
this cinematic greatness, I present to you the Gettysburg Address. I humbly
ask that you recite this text in the voice of Gallagher or Tracy Morgan,
whichever of the two you feel like channeling. Your impressions are
amazing, and I humbly ask for you to brighten my day.
Love,
Dustin Faber
P.S.
Spence Hopkins
Dear Chris and Andy,
This is not a normal Male Bag gimmick email or a shoot. This is a concerned emailer sending a concerned email. I recently returned from a trip to Scotland to visit the grave of Scottish ultimate warrior and while in a public restroom i noticed an empty bottle of pills next to a toilet with several dissolved pills inside it. The prescription was Haloperidol, an anti psychotic used to treat schizophrenia. Next to the bottle was a back pack with a book entitled "Chop Chop..... The Lorena Bobbitt Story." I dug deeper into the backpack to find an issue off Scotland Human. However, inside the magazine were a few receipts. One was for a plane ticket to Arkansas and one was for a knife. There also was a copy of a map with locations marked off and the words "Game Stop" scribbled in next to them. Also on the top of said map it stated..... "20 titles in 2012" and the word "liar" etched along the side of the page very frantically. I looked back at the name on the bottle with my stomach turning a bit to make out the letter S and the word Little.
Now, i don't know for sure what any of this means but.......this could be trouble to the Flawedcast network. I wouldn't want a Bobbitt loving knife flailing altar boy hating schizo Scot coming to where i work any time soon......just saying.
Spence out
Stu Little
*BONG*
'Sup.
Hm? Oh, you want to know how I'm here this week, after being killed in a limo explosion? Chuck Haggis. I helped him move into his new place, so he owed me one, and brought me back from the dead. It's a power that only works on Scottish people, so calm down, Paul Bearer! What, too soon? The man made a living off of death puns! Consider it a tribute. No, seriously, Rest In Peace.
...GODDAMMIT!
Anyway, examination of the wreckage revealed it wasn't a bomb that was the cause of the explosion, but someone clogging the exhaust and combustion system with various Scottish delicacies, such as shortbread, square sausage and deep fried Mars bar. That's not even a joke, that last one.
So either the culprit was sending a message, or they're Scottish too(like my Rap rival, Cal E. Donia). I don't think Cliff had anything to do with it though. He doesn't have any sort of skills in sabotage, be they mechanical or computerised. He must be talking about something else, but fuck if I know what. Well he can have his fun for all I care. I'm off on vacation. But before I do, I have yet another publication to bring to your attention. After the likes of Scotland Rolling Stone and Scotland People, I thought maybe I should so something a bit more serious and mature, addressing important issues and news. And given the cover story, this one seems the most appropriate
Enjoy. Now I'm off, leaving the keyboard behind, so don't expect me to send in any more e-mails to the network this week. Later,
Stu
P.S. Really? I'm jerking the curtain at WresE-Mailnia with Jon Huggins? Sorry to break it to you, Jon, but I'm not Mama Boo-boo. She's hasn't eaten HALF as much fried food as I have in my much shorter(and no doubt shortened) life, so I don't think you have a gun big enough for me, you crumpet eating, bowler hat wearing, cricket playing, Royal Wedding watching son of a banker!
Stu Little
PLEASE SEE ATTACHMENT
WELCOME! TO! FLAW! IS! STUART LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLITLLE
Andy and Chris,
It’s me, Stu! I’m back again!
After barely surviving that sudden limo explosion last week, I had an epiphany. I’ve been living life the wrong way. So I’m going to make some immediate changes.
There are things I need to admit to, things I need to take responsibility for, confessions that need to be made, wrongs that need to be righted, and things that just need to be said to certain people, or said about those people. And all of this will be done ON THE RECORD, via my emails.
To start with, I need to share with you North Americans the truth about Europe. We here in Europe really want what’s best for our good friends in the USA. But unfortunately, your president Obama is really driving your country downhill into a boggy moat. From the outside, we see that Obama’s economic and Fiscal policies are going to destroy the greatness of your country, leading to a rift between the USA and the rest of the world. So, please, I beg every listener to this podcast, please do your best to support the politicians that want to change the Obama policies. You need to support policies that reduce the tax burden and the national debt, reduce government and bureaucracy, end Obamacare, end the printing of money and inflationary fiscal policies, increase choice in schools and the work place, and fix your social security and medicare systems by reducing their demands on your tax structure and your entitlement society. You need a more prudent free market economy that limits the pull of socialism and welfare handouts. Please, before you fall into the trap of Socialism and high spending that we saw ruin the economy in Greece, please wake up guys! I’d hate to see America lose it’s place as the rightful leader of the free world and become another Greek Tragedy! #Ryan/Bush2016
Hey Chris – it’s great to hear that Gamer and Proud is going to an every other week recording schedule. Combined with your weekly recording schedule for Kate Upton’s boobs, this is great news – and I know what’s coming next! Andy is going to fire Chris Alt! YES! Finally! Andy must have finally figured out that if you rearrange the letters in “Christopher Alt”, you get “Pro Hitler Chats”.
Finally Andy is relegating Chris to the bench. So who’s the new host? Bartow? James Ryan? Wait – maybe you can split them up. Bartow as the new MNF co-host, and The Golden Voice as the Male Bag co-host. James can read, right?
By the way, I also have to be honest about something else. Over here on this side of the pond, Dr. Who is just an inside joke. We don’t really like it. The show is garbage. We just wanted to see how many stupid Americans we could convince to watch this steaming pile of feces. It’s good to see that Andy was front and center with his Dr. Who fandom.
A couple of final admissions:
In addition to collecting Scottish magazines, I also have a tremendous booger collection. You guys should see some of these monsters I’ve collected from my nostrils.
I’m not really a virgin. It’s just that, the sheep ain’t talking.
BVA’s voice gets me hard.
James Enright is one delicious sexy beast.
Cam is my hero.
I am feeling so relieved from these admissions.
I am free.
I am Stuart Little
Stu Little
Ocean Trip
Hey, lads.
I was growing tired of the dull, bland lochs inland here, so I decided to take a drive to the ocean for a bit.
I really loved hearing the rolling waves splashing on the shore as gulls sang overhead. The crisp cool breeze on my face was more refreshing than a warm haggis on a chilly day. But what I really enjoyed most were the songs of the visiting humpback whales. I could listen to them all day. For some reason, though, their sounds gave me an unceasing desire to listen to dubstep.
I hope I never get cancer.
Peace The Fuck Out,
-Stu
Stu Little
For Andy and Chris
Hey guys,
Just good ole Stu here to let you guys know that I smell like haggis farts and am not a virgin due to my myriad dalliances with a certain homosexual dinosaur from the future who has a certain acquaintance with music of a certain urban nature.
I hereby officially bequeef my Malebag Titles to Bart Florida, as his basketball podcast The NBA Hole is so funny that I just shat a bagpipe. Follow @thenbahole or you will face the wrath of the Loch Ness Monster!
Sincerely,
Stu
Stu Little
Apologies to the Pussymaster
Lately I have been going back and listening to my two favorite podcast,
Army of Dorkness and Kate Upton's Boobs: the Podcast and it has occured to me that the real reason I have been so rough on Cam and making him out to so gay is out of pure jealousy. I, Stuart Little, am just jealous of all the crazy pussy that Cam keeps pounding. You know how hard it is to be the cover boy to Virgin Monthly in a country where being drunk at 10am is getting a late start? I have asked Cam numerous times to teach me his lothario ways, but he has yet to feel inclined to help a nigga out with my desire to be given a label of labia-master.
I am publicly acknowledging the superior puss-hound qualities of Cam, and want everyone to know that from this forward I will forego any more rap battles until Cam decides to allow me to be his pupil of pussy, and to earn his badge of vag.
Stu Little
P.S. Superman is boring and usually lame. That is my opinion to be placed
on public record.
Stu Little
Hold on, Hold on, one more thing...
Hey Guys,
One more thing, I really need to get this off my chest aka fat man tits.
I just lost my “backdoor” virginity card to an ear of corn. It’s not much, but hey, baby steps guys, baby steps.
I have a confession to make. Andy I never got into this group because of Male Bag, MNF or even way back in the day with the OO and Pun boards. I’ve always enjoyed your work back in your “Metal” days. As a matter of fact, I just so happen to have one of your albums.
I hope Adam Dan plays this on his next Dandora Mobile-Home Radio show before his wife kills him in his sleep.
And for the love of Allah- er I mean God Andy, call me up and let me co-host MNF with you again. I am not that much of a step down from Chris, or James the glorified secretary, or Barto who has the same job accolades of a 40 year old Mexican maid named Gloria. CALL ME! It’s not like I have a busy schedule, HELL I DON’T EVEN HAVE ANY FRIENDS! Make the call you fucko! I will not be bumped for Thasher!
I am a fucking douche nozzle that deserves AIDs. I am living proof that God does have a sick sense of humor. I am a shit stain on Scotland’s trousers. I deserve a European uppercut from Cam’s elbow cock.
That should just about do it. Goodnight fuckos.
Love, Peace and Penis Grease,
Stu
Stu Little
Fixing Things
Hi Andy! Hi Chris!
It’s me! Stu!
I really like your show. It’s been my favorite podcast for quite a while, and it’s still a show that I can’t wait to hear every week, but I need to let you know that I have a new favorite podcast. It’s nothing you guys did, really. You have a super funny show. It’s just that there’s this great new podcast about Soccer on your network. It’s called Stick 20, and it’s hosted by Jon Drouin and Steve Kopera, and they do an AWESOME job discussing the US Men’s National Team as the US navigates the final round of World Cup qualifying! We here in Scotland love soccer! Although, here in Scotland, we call it “football” – isn’t that weird?
Jon and Steve are very intelligent and entertaining. And very handsome, too. Stick 20 is only 20 minutes long, so they give you a lot of great information and discussion but they don’t let it drag out to six-and-a-half hours! It’s great. I would listen to a 20 minute Stick 20 episode every day if I could. As the multi-time champion of the Male Bag, I encourage everyone listening to Male Bag to also fall in love with football (“Soccer”) again, and listen to Stick 20, which is on iTunes under “Flawedcast Presents”. And leave a comment on iTunes, too!
Speaking of Jon Drouin, he really is a super guy. But I was mean to him once, and I bet it would mean a lot to Jon if I apologized to him. You see, we were once in a tag team. And even though Jon is a very good writer, I decided to drop Jon as my tag team partner so I could form a super-power team with JB King, even though JB says many naughty words. I now see that this was wrong of me, so I want to say something to Jon Drouin:
I am sorry Jon, and I ask for your forgiveness.
And to prove my remorse for my actions, there’s something else. You see, during that tag team tournament a few months ago, Jon and I were partners one week when I, Stuart Little, actually won the World Heavyweight title. But I didn’t share it with Jon. Even though I wrote pretty much the entire thing, this was selfish of me. So I would like to OFFICIALLY acknowledge to the world that Jon Drouin helped me write that Championship email. And further, I would like to relinquish one-half of that title. Andy, please officially change the record so that Jon Drouin owns one-half of a World Title. I can only hope that this will show my sorrow and gratitude and that Jon will forgive me.
One more thing - Chris! You get to be related to Jon Drouin! Wow! You're so lucky!
Moving on, I also want to mention that I really miss Dustin Faber. Dustin is a great guy, and a great role model, and I think he should come back to the Male Bag. I hope you’re listening Dustin. Please come back!
Finally, Andy, I think that you should start paying some of your hosts more money. Specifically, Jon Drouin, but also Chris Alt and Cam Gullett. They are the best.
Thanks! And have a great week!
Stu Little.
PS… Don’t you guys love bagpipes!
Stu Little
I'm actually Stu
Guy's. This isn't funny.
*Swag*
This hacking needs to stop.
Swag
You're all just super jelly that you're all not on top.
*WOOP*
I've been a multiple champion.
*Swag*
And everyone will hate.
*Swag*
This gold is super heavy, and I'm totally super straight.
*What?*
Wait, did I say that out loud?
*Swag*
That was really queer.
*Cam*
I'm totes not trying to hide something
*Swag^
I'm telling you, it's this beer.
*Kilt lifter scottish style ale*
Iv'e been drunk since this March
*Typical*
Drunk like errr-day
*Swag*
It's cause I'm so lean and so green
*Swag*
My liver will surely pay.
*This rap isn't funny anymore*
I don't know what to say.
*Swag*
This rhyme is getting tacky'z.
*Swag*
I think I'm just so tired.
*Swag*
FROM FUCKING ALL YA LASSIES!
*OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH snap*
XOXOXOXOXO
Scott-land
Stu Little
"Changes" - a song by Tupac Shakur
Salutations esteemed members of the board...... As well as the lonely
bunch of droll characters that can be found on the Monday Night Flaw Malebag. It may be very apparent to some of you that this is a pivotal time in my life. Change is coming folks. I'm not talking about Barack Obama change either. I'm talking REAL change. "Change you can feel. Change you can trust."
For instance, i will no longer partake in rice crispies. From this moment on, i will be eating Rice Chex. I will be making the switch from Pepsi to Coke. I will not be indulging in vaginal intercourse for the time being. I have switched entirely to anal......so DON'T calm down Cam. #OldSchoolFlaw My coffee will now be sweetened by agave instead of stevia. I will begin to watch CSI Miami instead of CSI. I will be visiting a judge in the coming weeks to have my name changed from Stuart Little to The Mouse On The Motorcycle. I will, from now on, be cancelling my subscription to Scotland People magazine and sign on for Scotland Human. I have decided to throw my nations source of monster folk lore pride out the window and dump the Loch Ness monster for the Bear Lake monster. (It's a thing.....i promise.....look it up)
I plan to start playing table tennis rather than ping pong. I vow to quit trying to be cool uncle and focus on being cool dad. Most importantly, i plan on changing the intercontinental title to the very European title next time i receive the honor. It's for the good of the Flawedcast community.
I am hoping that my new outlook on life will somehow ease the sexual tension between me and the altar boy. I swear........one more dick pic and i will buy a plane ticket to Little Rock and make a point to personally Lorena Bobbitt the shit out of that thing and turn it into some haggis. Fuck you Chris.
Scottish Hardly out
Hardly Scottish since 2013
Stu Little
I have something to say
Greetings, dudes! It's "The Plaid Voice of the Flawedcast Network" Stu
Little! I'm actually somewhat confused with all these pipes that be a
playin'! Are they on a constant loop? Did Creepy fall asleep on the
soundboard again while fermenting his special alcohol out of dirt and
bugs? Questions I need answered! Greetings Andy! And thank Goodness
you found time for us all, Chris.
Has Cam's gimmick as "PBK: The Pussy Breakin' Kid" come to an end?
"Too soon, bro, too soon." That's what his ladies say when he pulls
out before an army of Lil Cam's are running wild on the midwestern
states. Sadly, I think that The PBK ship has left port (calm down
oversleeping sailors) and Cam is trying to turn over a new leaf. He's
already moved onto a gimmick of being Eeyore's retarded younger
brother.
And Mazzy Star called, she wants her gimmick back too.
I heard a rumor that Austin Sanders was a child model. Congrats dude!
Amazing bit of luck on my side, I was in the grocery store yesterday
and I happened to find your first work as a baby endorsing a product.
It must run in the family, because little known fact, Austin's brother
was the Red Ranger...
Hey Chris, I know you like video games, here's the screen shot from
the latest offering from RockStar games:
Meanwhile in Cena's fantasies:
Speaking of Cena, wouldn't the logical main event at Wrestlemania be
The Rock vs John Cena vs CM Punk. Obviously last week, CM Punk would
have had to have defeated Superman. But no, the "Universe" gets CM
Punk wins the 4 Corners match on RAW for the right to lose to the
Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Thoughts?
I also get how 4 main eventers would be chomping at the bit to take
down the Undertaker's Undefeated Streak, but wouldn't a realistic
wrestler voice his thoughts as "Taker just beat HBK 2 times in a row
and HHH 2 times in a row. I'm not on their level (yet), so what makes
me think I could knock off the Dead Man? I just wish once someone
would have said that over the past couple years. I don't even see CM
Punk with a decimal point of a percentage's chance at winning at this
year's WM. I would have slid Sheamus to fight Taker. Sheamus is all
"Fella Strong" thinking he's going to win, he loses, and that not only
adds some depth to his character, but could be a potential heel
turning moment for Sheamus. Or at least add some shades of grey.
Well, that's all I got. I'm off to go have sex with sheep and not
drink Scotch,
"The Plaid Voice of the Flawedcast Network" Stu "Stuart" "Stew"
"Stewart" "Stuey Lewis and the News" Little
Stu Little
A Confession
Gentlemen,
I cannot live this lie any longer. I must admit to the fraud that I have perpetrated on this show and this Network.
I am not, in fact, Stuart Little. I am Justin Drew.
And you like me. You LOVE me!
I knew I could never achieve that feat under my real name, so I went to Scotland, murdered Stu in his sleep, and stole his identity. That picture of Stu with the kitana and the fuzzy hat? I propped him up Weekend at Bernie's style.
I've written 20 award-winning e-mails to this point. I feel that it is now time to reveal my true identity and start writing under my own name to see if people vote on content or just pick the fan favorite.
Also, I'm bringing back the Creepshow. The next episode will feature me talking to Stu's corpse. I've got three hours recorded so far. I'm almost halfway through my questions. It should be available in Flawedcast Presents by the end of the summer.
That's all for me this week. Remember: I'm watching you. I'm always watching you.
Regards,
Justin "Creepy" Drew
Stu Little
Spice up your life with a new romance!
Hello,
The exotic woman of your dreams is just a click away at AmoLatina . Explore a radiant culture where thousands of sizzling hot Latin women want to hear from you!
AmoLatina will roll your taco when you go 1 on 1 with your favorite Latina in a private Live Chat session!
FIND YOUR LATIN LOVE NOW!
I'll hang up now and listen...
Stu Little
Co-Host of TV For Vendetta (this week)
Future Guest of Demko's Dungeon
You can unsubscribe from these notifications here or send mail to: Unsubscribe40 High St Suite #1 Bangor, Maine 04401
Stu Little
The Chicken Wing Curse
(a cloud of smoke rises from the ground)
The Dark Lord of Voodoo has returned to your Bag Male! It is I, Papa Stugo!! I am here to curse your beloved chicken wings, Chris Alt!!!!
Three Wings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-Nates in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Cam's doomed to die,
One for the Dark JB King on his Dark throne
In the Land of Flawedcast where the Shadows lie.
One Wing to rule them all, One Wing to find them,
One Wing to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Flawedcast where the Shadows lie.
This One Wing I speak of is of exceptional power! It is the Wing which keeps on Winging! The Mythical Never-Ending Wing! But the jokes on you, Alt, you are forever cursed with a Wing with a bone!!! And now you have OCD where you will spend every moment trying to get that last little tiny piece of meat off the bone!! Thus wasting your time and almost ensuring that The Golden Voice and The Bartow Voice will put their butts on your broadcasting seat! Though not at the same time, cause 2 Butts, 1 Seat is a little gay for 2 bros.
YOU ARE CURSED!!!!
I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!!
HELLO MNF!
I took some time away to recharge my batteries. I realized that I don't
have to live up to some made-up gimmick. So instead of some crazy heel turn
(you people suck!), I'm just going to be me, your friendly neighborhood
straight-edger. And what do I do best? Random questions and random topics.
I really liked the male bag from a few weeks ago. You guys beat a dead
horse like Cam Gullett's penis beats a vagina.
Here's a theoretical scenario for you. WWE has to be prepared for all
possibilities. So what is the WWE's contingency plan if Cena dies three
weeks before Wrestlemania? (I hope and pray that doesn't happen, but it
makes for an interesting talking point). Does WWE postpone Mania? Seems
like a financial disaster if they did that. Do they sub in someone to face
the Rock, or leave that match out entirely out of respect to the dead? If
Cena died, who would you put to face Rock? I'd take Punk, drop the heel
gimmick, and have him wrestle the Rock in honor of Cena, a guy he always
speaks highly of in interviews (and always has great matches with).
March is about tournaments. So I bring to you, THE TRI-ANNUAL DUSTIN FABER
RANDOM THINGS I JUST THOUGHT OF! And this time, in honor of March Madness,
there are 64 THINGS VYING FOR THE TOP SPOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HERE IS A LINK
TO THE BRACKET.
www.bracketmaker.com/tlist.cfm?tid=441673
You could do this several ways. Just do the whole bracket in one show. Do
one round for each show starting tonight. OR, you could have listeners fill
out their bracket this week, and next week you and Chris start advancing
the tournament. Whoever picks the most winners gets a special prize on the
male bag! Just like a March Madness pick-em tournament!
It should be a fun tournament!
And finally, Andy, I'm sure you are aware that in 2012, we got two movies
about Abraham Lincoln. One even got nominated for best picture! In honor of
this cinematic greatness, I present to you the Gettysburg Address. I humbly
ask that you recite this text in the voice of Gallagher or Tracy Morgan,
whichever of the two you feel like channeling. Your impressions are
amazing, and I humbly ask for you to brighten my day.
Love,
Dustin Faber
P.S.
Spence Hopkins
Dear Chris and Andy,
This is not a normal Male Bag gimmick email or a shoot. This is a concerned emailer sending a concerned email. I recently returned from a trip to Scotland to visit the grave of Scottish ultimate warrior and while in a public restroom i noticed an empty bottle of pills next to a toilet with several dissolved pills inside it. The prescription was Haloperidol, an anti psychotic used to treat schizophrenia. Next to the bottle was a back pack with a book entitled "Chop Chop..... The Lorena Bobbitt Story." I dug deeper into the backpack to find an issue off Scotland Human. However, inside the magazine were a few receipts. One was for a plane ticket to Arkansas and one was for a knife. There also was a copy of a map with locations marked off and the words "Game Stop" scribbled in next to them. Also on the top of said map it stated..... "20 titles in 2012" and the word "liar" etched along the side of the page very frantically. I looked back at the name on the bottle with my stomach turning a bit to make out the letter S and the word Little.
Now, i don't know for sure what any of this means but.......this could be trouble to the Flawedcast network. I wouldn't want a Bobbitt loving knife flailing altar boy hating schizo Scot coming to where i work any time soon......just saying.
Spence out
Stu Little
*BONG*
'Sup.
Hm? Oh, you want to know how I'm here this week, after being killed in a limo explosion? Chuck Haggis. I helped him move into his new place, so he owed me one, and brought me back from the dead. It's a power that only works on Scottish people, so calm down, Paul Bearer! What, too soon? The man made a living off of death puns! Consider it a tribute. No, seriously, Rest In Peace.
...GODDAMMIT!
Anyway, examination of the wreckage revealed it wasn't a bomb that was the cause of the explosion, but someone clogging the exhaust and combustion system with various Scottish delicacies, such as shortbread, square sausage and deep fried Mars bar. That's not even a joke, that last one.
So either the culprit was sending a message, or they're Scottish too(like my Rap rival, Cal E. Donia). I don't think Cliff had anything to do with it though. He doesn't have any sort of skills in sabotage, be they mechanical or computerised. He must be talking about something else, but fuck if I know what. Well he can have his fun for all I care. I'm off on vacation. But before I do, I have yet another publication to bring to your attention. After the likes of Scotland Rolling Stone and Scotland People, I thought maybe I should so something a bit more serious and mature, addressing important issues and news. And given the cover story, this one seems the most appropriate
Enjoy. Now I'm off, leaving the keyboard behind, so don't expect me to send in any more e-mails to the network this week. Later,
Stu
P.S. Really? I'm jerking the curtain at WresE-Mailnia with Jon Huggins? Sorry to break it to you, Jon, but I'm not Mama Boo-boo. She's hasn't eaten HALF as much fried food as I have in my much shorter(and no doubt shortened) life, so I don't think you have a gun big enough for me, you crumpet eating, bowler hat wearing, cricket playing, Royal Wedding watching son of a banker!
Stu Little
PLEASE SEE ATTACHMENT
WELCOME! TO! FLAW! IS! STUART LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLITLLE
Andy and Chris,
It’s me, Stu! I’m back again!
After barely surviving that sudden limo explosion last week, I had an epiphany. I’ve been living life the wrong way. So I’m going to make some immediate changes.
There are things I need to admit to, things I need to take responsibility for, confessions that need to be made, wrongs that need to be righted, and things that just need to be said to certain people, or said about those people. And all of this will be done ON THE RECORD, via my emails.
To start with, I need to share with you North Americans the truth about Europe. We here in Europe really want what’s best for our good friends in the USA. But unfortunately, your president Obama is really driving your country downhill into a boggy moat. From the outside, we see that Obama’s economic and Fiscal policies are going to destroy the greatness of your country, leading to a rift between the USA and the rest of the world. So, please, I beg every listener to this podcast, please do your best to support the politicians that want to change the Obama policies. You need to support policies that reduce the tax burden and the national debt, reduce government and bureaucracy, end Obamacare, end the printing of money and inflationary fiscal policies, increase choice in schools and the work place, and fix your social security and medicare systems by reducing their demands on your tax structure and your entitlement society. You need a more prudent free market economy that limits the pull of socialism and welfare handouts. Please, before you fall into the trap of Socialism and high spending that we saw ruin the economy in Greece, please wake up guys! I’d hate to see America lose it’s place as the rightful leader of the free world and become another Greek Tragedy! #Ryan/Bush2016
Hey Chris – it’s great to hear that Gamer and Proud is going to an every other week recording schedule. Combined with your weekly recording schedule for Kate Upton’s boobs, this is great news – and I know what’s coming next! Andy is going to fire Chris Alt! YES! Finally! Andy must have finally figured out that if you rearrange the letters in “Christopher Alt”, you get “Pro Hitler Chats”.
Finally Andy is relegating Chris to the bench. So who’s the new host? Bartow? James Ryan? Wait – maybe you can split them up. Bartow as the new MNF co-host, and The Golden Voice as the Male Bag co-host. James can read, right?
By the way, I also have to be honest about something else. Over here on this side of the pond, Dr. Who is just an inside joke. We don’t really like it. The show is garbage. We just wanted to see how many stupid Americans we could convince to watch this steaming pile of feces. It’s good to see that Andy was front and center with his Dr. Who fandom.
A couple of final admissions:
In addition to collecting Scottish magazines, I also have a tremendous booger collection. You guys should see some of these monsters I’ve collected from my nostrils.
I’m not really a virgin. It’s just that, the sheep ain’t talking.
BVA’s voice gets me hard.
James Enright is one delicious sexy beast.
Cam is my hero.
I am feeling so relieved from these admissions.
I am free.
I am Stuart Little
Stu Little
Ocean Trip
Hey, lads.
I was growing tired of the dull, bland lochs inland here, so I decided to take a drive to the ocean for a bit.
I really loved hearing the rolling waves splashing on the shore as gulls sang overhead. The crisp cool breeze on my face was more refreshing than a warm haggis on a chilly day. But what I really enjoyed most were the songs of the visiting humpback whales. I could listen to them all day. For some reason, though, their sounds gave me an unceasing desire to listen to dubstep.
I hope I never get cancer.
Peace The Fuck Out,
-Stu
Stu Little
For Andy and Chris
Hey guys,
Just good ole Stu here to let you guys know that I smell like haggis farts and am not a virgin due to my myriad dalliances with a certain homosexual dinosaur from the future who has a certain acquaintance with music of a certain urban nature.
I hereby officially bequeef my Malebag Titles to Bart Florida, as his basketball podcast The NBA Hole is so funny that I just shat a bagpipe. Follow @thenbahole or you will face the wrath of the Loch Ness Monster!
Sincerely,
Stu
Stu Little
Apologies to the Pussymaster
Lately I have been going back and listening to my two favorite podcast,
Army of Dorkness and Kate Upton's Boobs: the Podcast and it has occured to me that the real reason I have been so rough on Cam and making him out to so gay is out of pure jealousy. I, Stuart Little, am just jealous of all the crazy pussy that Cam keeps pounding. You know how hard it is to be the cover boy to Virgin Monthly in a country where being drunk at 10am is getting a late start? I have asked Cam numerous times to teach me his lothario ways, but he has yet to feel inclined to help a nigga out with my desire to be given a label of labia-master.
I am publicly acknowledging the superior puss-hound qualities of Cam, and want everyone to know that from this forward I will forego any more rap battles until Cam decides to allow me to be his pupil of pussy, and to earn his badge of vag.
Stu Little
P.S. Superman is boring and usually lame. That is my opinion to be placed
on public record.
Stu Little
Hold on, Hold on, one more thing...
Hey Guys,
One more thing, I really need to get this off my chest aka fat man tits.
I just lost my “backdoor” virginity card to an ear of corn. It’s not much, but hey, baby steps guys, baby steps.
I have a confession to make. Andy I never got into this group because of Male Bag, MNF or even way back in the day with the OO and Pun boards. I’ve always enjoyed your work back in your “Metal” days. As a matter of fact, I just so happen to have one of your albums.
I hope Adam Dan plays this on his next Dandora Mobile-Home Radio show before his wife kills him in his sleep.
And for the love of Allah- er I mean God Andy, call me up and let me co-host MNF with you again. I am not that much of a step down from Chris, or James the glorified secretary, or Barto who has the same job accolades of a 40 year old Mexican maid named Gloria. CALL ME! It’s not like I have a busy schedule, HELL I DON’T EVEN HAVE ANY FRIENDS! Make the call you fucko! I will not be bumped for Thasher!
I am a fucking douche nozzle that deserves AIDs. I am living proof that God does have a sick sense of humor. I am a shit stain on Scotland’s trousers. I deserve a European uppercut from Cam’s elbow cock.
That should just about do it. Goodnight fuckos.
Love, Peace and Penis Grease,
Stu
Stu Little
Fixing Things
Hi Andy! Hi Chris!
It’s me! Stu!
I really like your show. It’s been my favorite podcast for quite a while, and it’s still a show that I can’t wait to hear every week, but I need to let you know that I have a new favorite podcast. It’s nothing you guys did, really. You have a super funny show. It’s just that there’s this great new podcast about Soccer on your network. It’s called Stick 20, and it’s hosted by Jon Drouin and Steve Kopera, and they do an AWESOME job discussing the US Men’s National Team as the US navigates the final round of World Cup qualifying! We here in Scotland love soccer! Although, here in Scotland, we call it “football” – isn’t that weird?
Jon and Steve are very intelligent and entertaining. And very handsome, too. Stick 20 is only 20 minutes long, so they give you a lot of great information and discussion but they don’t let it drag out to six-and-a-half hours! It’s great. I would listen to a 20 minute Stick 20 episode every day if I could. As the multi-time champion of the Male Bag, I encourage everyone listening to Male Bag to also fall in love with football (“Soccer”) again, and listen to Stick 20, which is on iTunes under “Flawedcast Presents”. And leave a comment on iTunes, too!
Speaking of Jon Drouin, he really is a super guy. But I was mean to him once, and I bet it would mean a lot to Jon if I apologized to him. You see, we were once in a tag team. And even though Jon is a very good writer, I decided to drop Jon as my tag team partner so I could form a super-power team with JB King, even though JB says many naughty words. I now see that this was wrong of me, so I want to say something to Jon Drouin:
I am sorry Jon, and I ask for your forgiveness.
And to prove my remorse for my actions, there’s something else. You see, during that tag team tournament a few months ago, Jon and I were partners one week when I, Stuart Little, actually won the World Heavyweight title. But I didn’t share it with Jon. Even though I wrote pretty much the entire thing, this was selfish of me. So I would like to OFFICIALLY acknowledge to the world that Jon Drouin helped me write that Championship email. And further, I would like to relinquish one-half of that title. Andy, please officially change the record so that Jon Drouin owns one-half of a World Title. I can only hope that this will show my sorrow and gratitude and that Jon will forgive me.
One more thing - Chris! You get to be related to Jon Drouin! Wow! You're so lucky!
Moving on, I also want to mention that I really miss Dustin Faber. Dustin is a great guy, and a great role model, and I think he should come back to the Male Bag. I hope you’re listening Dustin. Please come back!
Finally, Andy, I think that you should start paying some of your hosts more money. Specifically, Jon Drouin, but also Chris Alt and Cam Gullett. They are the best.
Thanks! And have a great week!
Stu Little.
PS… Don’t you guys love bagpipes!
Stu Little
I'm actually Stu
Guy's. This isn't funny.
*Swag*
This hacking needs to stop.
Swag
You're all just super jelly that you're all not on top.
*WOOP*
I've been a multiple champion.
*Swag*
And everyone will hate.
*Swag*
This gold is super heavy, and I'm totally super straight.
*What?*
Wait, did I say that out loud?
*Swag*
That was really queer.
*Cam*
I'm totes not trying to hide something
*Swag^
I'm telling you, it's this beer.
*Kilt lifter scottish style ale*
Iv'e been drunk since this March
*Typical*
Drunk like errr-day
*Swag*
It's cause I'm so lean and so green
*Swag*
My liver will surely pay.
*This rap isn't funny anymore*
I don't know what to say.
*Swag*
This rhyme is getting tacky'z.
*Swag*
I think I'm just so tired.
*Swag*
FROM FUCKING ALL YA LASSIES!
*OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH snap*
XOXOXOXOXO
Scott-land
Stu Little
"Changes" - a song by Tupac Shakur
Salutations esteemed members of the board...... As well as the lonely
bunch of droll characters that can be found on the Monday Night Flaw Malebag. It may be very apparent to some of you that this is a pivotal time in my life. Change is coming folks. I'm not talking about Barack Obama change either. I'm talking REAL change. "Change you can feel. Change you can trust."
For instance, i will no longer partake in rice crispies. From this moment on, i will be eating Rice Chex. I will be making the switch from Pepsi to Coke. I will not be indulging in vaginal intercourse for the time being. I have switched entirely to anal......so DON'T calm down Cam. #OldSchoolFlaw My coffee will now be sweetened by agave instead of stevia. I will begin to watch CSI Miami instead of CSI. I will be visiting a judge in the coming weeks to have my name changed from Stuart Little to The Mouse On The Motorcycle. I will, from now on, be cancelling my subscription to Scotland People magazine and sign on for Scotland Human. I have decided to throw my nations source of monster folk lore pride out the window and dump the Loch Ness monster for the Bear Lake monster. (It's a thing.....i promise.....look it up)
I plan to start playing table tennis rather than ping pong. I vow to quit trying to be cool uncle and focus on being cool dad. Most importantly, i plan on changing the intercontinental title to the very European title next time i receive the honor. It's for the good of the Flawedcast community.
I am hoping that my new outlook on life will somehow ease the sexual tension between me and the altar boy. I swear........one more dick pic and i will buy a plane ticket to Little Rock and make a point to personally Lorena Bobbitt the shit out of that thing and turn it into some haggis. Fuck you Chris.
Scottish Hardly out
Hardly Scottish since 2013
Stu Little
I have something to say
Greetings, dudes! It's "The Plaid Voice of the Flawedcast Network" Stu
Little! I'm actually somewhat confused with all these pipes that be a
playin'! Are they on a constant loop? Did Creepy fall asleep on the
soundboard again while fermenting his special alcohol out of dirt and
bugs? Questions I need answered! Greetings Andy! And thank Goodness
you found time for us all, Chris.
Has Cam's gimmick as "PBK: The Pussy Breakin' Kid" come to an end?
"Too soon, bro, too soon." That's what his ladies say when he pulls
out before an army of Lil Cam's are running wild on the midwestern
states. Sadly, I think that The PBK ship has left port (calm down
oversleeping sailors) and Cam is trying to turn over a new leaf. He's
already moved onto a gimmick of being Eeyore's retarded younger
brother.
And Mazzy Star called, she wants her gimmick back too.
I heard a rumor that Austin Sanders was a child model. Congrats dude!
Amazing bit of luck on my side, I was in the grocery store yesterday
and I happened to find your first work as a baby endorsing a product.
It must run in the family, because little known fact, Austin's brother
was the Red Ranger...
Hey Chris, I know you like video games, here's the screen shot from
the latest offering from RockStar games:
Meanwhile in Cena's fantasies:
Speaking of Cena, wouldn't the logical main event at Wrestlemania be
The Rock vs John Cena vs CM Punk. Obviously last week, CM Punk would
have had to have defeated Superman. But no, the "Universe" gets CM
Punk wins the 4 Corners match on RAW for the right to lose to the
Undertaker at Wrestlemania. Thoughts?
I also get how 4 main eventers would be chomping at the bit to take
down the Undertaker's Undefeated Streak, but wouldn't a realistic
wrestler voice his thoughts as "Taker just beat HBK 2 times in a row
and HHH 2 times in a row. I'm not on their level (yet), so what makes
me think I could knock off the Dead Man? I just wish once someone
would have said that over the past couple years. I don't even see CM
Punk with a decimal point of a percentage's chance at winning at this
year's WM. I would have slid Sheamus to fight Taker. Sheamus is all
"Fella Strong" thinking he's going to win, he loses, and that not only
adds some depth to his character, but could be a potential heel
turning moment for Sheamus. Or at least add some shades of grey.
Well, that's all I got. I'm off to go have sex with sheep and not
drink Scotch,
"The Plaid Voice of the Flawedcast Network" Stu "Stuart" "Stew"
"Stewart" "Stuey Lewis and the News" Little
Stu Little
A Confession
Gentlemen,
I cannot live this lie any longer. I must admit to the fraud that I have perpetrated on this show and this Network.
I am not, in fact, Stuart Little. I am Justin Drew.
And you like me. You LOVE me!
I knew I could never achieve that feat under my real name, so I went to Scotland, murdered Stu in his sleep, and stole his identity. That picture of Stu with the kitana and the fuzzy hat? I propped him up Weekend at Bernie's style.
I've written 20 award-winning e-mails to this point. I feel that it is now time to reveal my true identity and start writing under my own name to see if people vote on content or just pick the fan favorite.
Also, I'm bringing back the Creepshow. The next episode will feature me talking to Stu's corpse. I've got three hours recorded so far. I'm almost halfway through my questions. It should be available in Flawedcast Presents by the end of the summer.
That's all for me this week. Remember: I'm watching you. I'm always watching you.
Regards,
Justin "Creepy" Drew
Stu Little
Spice up your life with a new romance!
Hello,
The exotic woman of your dreams is just a click away at AmoLatina . Explore a radiant culture where thousands of sizzling hot Latin women want to hear from you!
AmoLatina will roll your taco when you go 1 on 1 with your favorite Latina in a private Live Chat session!
FIND YOUR LATIN LOVE NOW!
I'll hang up now and listen...
Stu Little
Co-Host of TV For Vendetta (this week)
Future Guest of Demko's Dungeon
You can unsubscribe from these notifications here or send mail to: Unsubscribe40 High St Suite #1 Bangor, Maine 04401
Stu Little
The Chicken Wing Curse
(a cloud of smoke rises from the ground)
The Dark Lord of Voodoo has returned to your Bag Male! It is I, Papa Stugo!! I am here to curse your beloved chicken wings, Chris Alt!!!!
Three Wings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-Nates in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Cam's doomed to die,
One for the Dark JB King on his Dark throne
In the Land of Flawedcast where the Shadows lie.
One Wing to rule them all, One Wing to find them,
One Wing to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Flawedcast where the Shadows lie.
This One Wing I speak of is of exceptional power! It is the Wing which keeps on Winging! The Mythical Never-Ending Wing! But the jokes on you, Alt, you are forever cursed with a Wing with a bone!!! And now you have OCD where you will spend every moment trying to get that last little tiny piece of meat off the bone!! Thus wasting your time and almost ensuring that The Golden Voice and The Bartow Voice will put their butts on your broadcasting seat! Though not at the same time, cause 2 Butts, 1 Seat is a little gay for 2 bros.
YOU ARE CURSED!!!!
