[Mr. Dashbee]

Day One…Again

Chicago – On a dark & stormy night here in Chicago, Mr. Dashbee called a press event for a big announcement regarding the 2013 Wrestling Draft. Rumors were running wild, as no one knew exactly what was coming. Starting about 15 minutes late, Dashbee took to the podium, ready to make the announcement in front of wrestling and mainstream media members alike.

Dashbee: I want to thank all of you for attending today’s event. I’ve received numerous emails, text messages, Facebook messages, Twitter DMs—hell, I even got an email to tell me that I received a MySpace message. Honestly, I didn’t even check that last one.

The reason why I brought you all here today is to announce my official return to The Wrestling Draft. Anticlimactic, I know, since we’ve already made three picks to date.

Sexy Female Journalist: Wait, did you just say “We”?

Dashbee: Yeah, I did. Why?

Sexy Female Journalist: So you’re not working alone this time?

Dashbee: I’ve never worked alone in the Punshouse Wrestling Draft. I’ve worked with Ultimate Jobber, Dana White and some others that I won’t name, thanks to the infamous “NAMEDROP” reaction.

Sexy Female Journalist: Who are you partnered with this time?

Dashbee: Well, obviously not Paul Heyman!

Sexy Female Journalist: You’re not going to tell us, are you?

Dashbee: To quote a close personal friend of mine:



Dashbee: But I am going to answer a question I’ve already received from numerous outlets and contacts, the question of what promotion I’m running. Well, five years I started something, and it ended at its 100th show. It’s been on network television, pay-per-view, and it’s gone underground and it was left for dead. Well now it’s back, and once our marathon draft is over, the 101st edition of the Old School Revolution will surpass even the first.

With that, a black curtain drops to reveal the OSR logo...



Dashbee: That’s right, for the third time, the Revolution is back! No corporate sponsorship, no complicated marketing schemes…just great professional wrestling, compelling stories, and dare I say an engaging and exciting brand of entertainment.One known for revolutionizing old school wrestling with the action of today.

This draws some snickers from the media in attendance.

Dashbee: I know, I know, it’s hard for most of you to let go. It’s okay, I used to be there.

Now, I’ve answered as many questions as I can today about the business side of things, what do you say we talk about the wrestling side of things?

This draws a much more positive response.

Dashbee: If you’ve been paying attention—and you wouldn’t be there if you hadn’t, you already know who my #1 pick was. I was thrilled to bring this man back into the fold. He was my third pick in the first ever draft, and by the time we hit show #100, he was our OSR World Heavyweight Champion.

This man wow’d crowds during our first run, including a memorable feud with NAMEDROP. I always knew he could back up his “Best Wrestler In The World” claims, and I feel like he’s done just that. But he’s meant so much more, as I always knew I could build around him. I mean, he did invent the Dashbee name, afterall!

Please welcome the current, reigning, and soon to be defending Old School Revolution World Heavyweight Champion...Daniel Bryan Danielson!



Hefty applause and even some “Yes! Yes! Yes!” chants resonate from the oh so professional media in attendance.

Daniel Bryan Danielson: Wow, Dashbee was right—you guys are ultra-professional!

A female reporter yells out “I love you Daniel Bryan!”

Daniel Bryan Danielson: Well, thank you, I appreciate that. I really do. And don’t let my diet fool you—I may not eat meat, but I am fine if you do! In fact, I prefer it...

Anyway, I must say it’s been on hell of a past few years. I won the World Heavyweight Championship in the WWE, I became part of a now legendary tag team, I’m labeled a goat face, I like hugs...it’s been really eventful! Oh, and don’t forget dating that NAMDEDROP Twin, that’s been pretty sweet as well.

But now I’m back, and I can’t wait to headline OSR101, and I really can’t wait to see who my opponent is.

Dashbee: Well, that’s still under discu—

Before Dashbee could even finish, the familiar music of a certain British former world champion played in the conference area. Nigel McGuinness/Desmond Wolfe took the stage, sharing podium space with DBD.



Daniel Bryan Danielson: Look at that, my old rival Nigel McGuinness is here.

Nigel McGuinness: It has been a lon—

Daniel Bryan Danielson: Or is it Desmond Wolfe? The man who is but a distant memory from TNA after some memorable fights with Kurt Angle?

Nigel McGuinness: Very funny sunshine. You know better than anyone what I’m capable of, and I deserve the chance to wrestle for that world championship on the grandest stage!

Dashbee: Wait, wait, wait, no decision has been made about any matches—

Daniel Bryan Danielson: Shut-up Mr. Dashbee! [Gets in Nigel’s face] I don’t know who you think you are, but I’m the champion. I'm the Best Wrestler In The World. I’ve signed no match agreements, to bout contracts, and no one has been named #1 Contender. I do know what you’re capable of, which is why I know you’ll go out there and earn the shot you so desperately want.

Both men but heads as security rushes the stage to separate them, for the safety of everyone.

The press event cuts backstage, where Arn Anderson stands with another Sexy Female Journalist...

TO BE CONTINUED...

[Chris Eco]

Jun 11, 2013 9:20:48 GMT -5 Mr. Dashbee said:

A female reporter yells out “I love you Daniel Bryan!”

Daniel Bryan Danielson: Well, thank you, I appreciate that. I really do. And don’t let my diet fool you—I may not eat meat, but I am fine if you do! In fact, I prefer it...

Did you actually just land a Daniel Bryan blowjob joke?

[Mr. Dashbee]

Jun 11, 2013 11:21:49 GMT -5 Chris Eco said:

Jun 11, 2013 9:20:48 GMT -5 Mr. Dashbee said:

A female reporter yells out “I love you Daniel Bryan!”

Daniel Bryan Danielson: Well, thank you, I appreciate that. I really do. And don’t let my diet fool you—I may not eat meat, but I am fine if you do! In fact, I prefer it...

Did you actually just land a Daniel Bryan blowjob joke?

BINGO was his Name-O!

[Mr. Dashbee]

Continued from our last press event, we cut backstage to a Sexy Female Journalist, with Arn Anderson.



Sexy Female Journalist: We are backstage with the legendary Arn Anderson, Mr. Dashbee’s third selection in The 2013 Wrestling Draft. Arn, I think the question on everyone’s mind is whether or not you will reform the Four Horsemen.

Arn Anderson: Well, I guess that’s a fair question, but sometimes I feel like people never learn. When The Shield took the WWE by storm, they weren’t compared to the NWO, they weren’t compared to Evolution, and they weren’t compared to The Freebirds. They were compared to The Horsemen.

But there is no comparison. The Four Horsemen are often imitated, but never duplicated. With all due respect ma’am, it’d be asinine to attempt to build a new Four Horsemen.

Sexy Female Journalist: So what is your role going to be here in the Old School Revolution?

Arn Anderson: There’s some great opportunity for Arn Anderson in OSR. World Tag Team Champion? I can do that, I was one of the best ever. World Television Champion? I can do that, I was one of the best ever! But there’s one championship I didn’t get to wear, and that’s the World Heavyweight Championship. It’s that brass ring, the one I was never able to grab, which keeps me up at night. This draft represents a career reset for me—I got famous by protecting a world champion. Famous and rich.

Well now I’m going to add one more accolade to my career. In my display case, right next to my Hall of Fame ring, I am going to place the Old School Revolution World Heavyweight Championship.

So if you’re a champion, take note. As long as I’m walking around, that your belt is in jeopardy.

The scene fades away, and we rejoin the action as a sports car pulls up. Out walks the OSR’s 4th draft pick, former 6-time world champion Batista.



TO BE CONTINUED...

[Batman]

Fun, funny, true-to-character dialogue.... My only complaint-- I'd like to see feuds that are more personal, and not just about the gold.

But I'm sure you'll get to that....

[Mr. Dashbee]

Titles are so often overlooked in wrestling today. Blood feuds take time to build, but we'll get there.

[Batman]

I don't like the idea of a title if it's not built up as being important. That's why I tried a promotion with no traditional championships at all in Armageddon Wrestling. Whether Batman Wrestling will have championship belts or not.... remains to be seen.

[Mr. Dashbee]

True, that's why I'm calling back to my first fed from over 4 years back.

[The Canadian Content]

If you're not fighting for a title, why are you fighting? I like it, Dash.

[Mr. Dashbee]

We pick up where we left off, as Arn Anderson is headed to the parking garage and walks by Batista. Both men exchange looks, and Anderson continues to his car, a 2011 Toyota Camry.

Dave Batista: Hey, how much did that run you?

Arn Anderson: This? [Pointing to the Camry.]

Dave Batista: Yeah, that.

Arn Anderson: About 24k. Why?

Dave Batista: Huh. Cost me that much to replace the top on mine.

Anderson simply shakes his head and mumbles something about humility as he gets in his car. Batista joins our Sexy Female Journalist.



Sexy Female Journalist: Dave, let me be the first to welcome you to the Old School Revolution, Series Three.

Dave Batista: What in the hell did you call me?

Sexy Female Journalist: Um, Dave. Your name, Dave?

Dave Batista: [Batista laughs] You don’t call me that. No one around here can call me that.

Sexy Female Journalist: My apologies Dav—err, Mr. Batista. Um, welcome to the Old School Revolution!

Dave Batista: Yeah, quite the welcome this Dashbee guy gives me.

As if on cue, Dashbee approaches Batista and the Sexy Female Journalist.

Dashbee: Dave! I’m so glad we were able to draft you. I have some big plans, and I can’t—

Dave Batista: Okay, seriously, this “Dave” business needs to stop. Because what this is...is just that—business. Now, you talked about big plans, let me tell you about my plans.

You see Greg, I have been drafted in a terrible position for the past few years. I’m not a fourth round talent Mr. Dashbee, I’m a number one draft pick.

Dashbee: Listen, Batista, I completely agree with you! You’ve main evented multiple WrestleManias, and you’re a six-time world champ! You were a steal for me in the fourth round. That’s why I worked with your agent to build some first round money into your contract, through incentives.

Batista: See, now that’s what I’m talking about, first round money—wait, did you say incentives?

Dashbee: Yeah, see, the latest collective bargaining agreement with the PWA dictates we pay all draft picks on a sliding scale—it’s out of my hands. But I can load it with incentives, and that’s exactly what I did. I appreciate you, bro! I’ll make sure that, as long as you’re winning, you’re getting paid some serious money.

Batista: Alright, these incentives…what’s the fastest way for me to accelerate this contract?

Dashbee: That’s easy, win the world title.

Batista: I already have this.



Dashbee: Well, but that’s just a belt, not our championship.

Batista: Are you sure? Because it looks exactly like the one Daniel Bryan was holding when you drafted him.



Batista: I think that incentive just kicked in, bro. [Starts to leave.]

Dashbee: Wait...wait! Hang on, I’m sure we can work this out.

Batista: [Getting into his car.] My attorneys already did, their letter is on your desk!

Tires screech as Batista speeds off. Dashbee turns to walk away, frustrated. Unfortunately, he turns right into this guy:



John Bradshaw Layfield (JBL): You traded me? You traded away a wrestling…GOD! Do you know how serious of a mistake that is?

Dashbee: Am I gonna get a letter from your attorneys, too?

JBL: [Yelling.] No! [Calmer.] I already talked to them, they can’t do anything.

Dashbee: Fine. [Sarcastically.] Thank you for your dedicated service to my organization, and best of luck in your future endeavors.

Fade to black.

[Mr. Dashbee]

Fade in to a ninjacam style shoot, peering in as Cody Rhodes is meeting with Dashbee. We’re joined in progress.



Dashbee: ...so that basically sums up the reasons why I brought you here, and what I think we can do with you. But tell me, what excites you about being here?

Cody Rhodes: Well, when we last worked together two seasons ago, I was once again paired with second and third generation stars. That’s great and all, but I think I’ve proven that I can hold a storyline on my own.

Dashbee: I wholeheartedly agree. I actually had your father on my draft board, and I wanted you to feud with him. I can tell by the look on your face that you wouldn’t have liked that. And I get it—you’d be honored, but you want to stand on your own.

Cody Rhodes: Exactly. I know I can carry a division, and an entire company.

Dashbee: Well, I’m going to let you do what you do best. Whether it’s Dashing Cody Rhodes, The Beautiful Disaster Cody Rhodes, or even Mr. Moustache Cody Rhodes—you’ll get a chance to shine.

Cody Rhodes: I appreciate that. There is one guy that you’ve drafted that I really want to work with—I hope you’ll consider it a priority.

Dashbee: Let me know who and I’ll see what I can do.

Cody Rhodes: Well, ever since I got my start in wrestling...

At this point, we jump to static, and it soon becomes apparent that someone has taken over our feed. The static gives way to someone talking, and despite the lingering static we can make out who it is...



Roman Reigns: I’m Roman Reigns, and I am...The Shield.

Dean Ambrose...Seth Rollins...they carry on elsewhere, going to greater heights. But the hounds of justice...we live on.

OSR is already covered in favoritism, favors, and underhanded deeds. The Shield—we protect against that. We—FIGHT!—against that.

The Shield still brings the sword.

And I promise...I won’t come alone.

The camera is placed on the floor as we fade to black.

[Mr. Dashbee]

Fade in as we are observing Sid Vicious in his lockerroom.



Sid Vicious: [Apparently practicing in a mirror] I am the master! And the ruler! [Changing to a soft, calm demeanor] No, that’s not quite right.

Sid Vicious: [Definitely practicing in a mirror] I am the master! And the man! [Changing to a soft, calm demeanor] Nope.

Sid Vicious: [Again practicing in a mirror] I am the man! With the master plan! [Changing to a soft, calm demeanor] Nah, just doesn’t feel right.

Sid pulls out his cell phone, and apparently goes to YouTube to find an old Sid Vicious promo video.

Sid Vicious: [Practicing in a mirror, one last time] I am the master! And the ruler! Of the world!!!!!!!!

Right at the end of his mirror promo, Sid is attached by someone—we can’t immediately tell who—and falls to the floor.

Standing over him is the attacker...the camera pans, and we Terry Gordy staring straight into the lens, with a crazed look on his face.

[Batman]

This scene led me to go find actual Sid promos on youtube. Jesus, what a tool!

[Mr. Dashbee]

We pick things up in a small, but packed, unnamed arena, where Dashbee is in the ring to address the crowd. On his right, we see Daniel Bryan, wearing the World Heavyweight Championship belt around his waist. On his left, we see Batista, wearing the World Heavyweight Championship belt over his shoulder.

Dashbee: Ladies and gentlemen, I brought these two men here, before all of you, for a very important announcement. I actually have a lot of things that need to be announced, and a lot of developments to present to our great fans all across the Puns Wrestling Alliance. However, the circumstances surrounding our World Heavyweight Championship are the highest priority. As you know, I love a great angle—a great storyline. But the most important thing we have is the world championship. With the reboot of the Old School Revolution, Daniel Bryan—our most recent world champion—was named World Heavyweight Champion and would defend his championship at our first event.

However, Batista also arrived with his world heavyweight championship. While we were underground, Batista suffered what many believed to be a career ending injury, and his title was vacated. Mr. Batista’s attorney’s have presented a very compelling argument—their client lost his title in the doctor’s office, not the squared circle.

After speaking with both men, privately, I have made the following decision.

At the first ever Old School Revolution Series 3 event, titled From The Ashes, our main event will crowd an undisputed world heavyweight champion, as Daniel Bryan Danielson faces Batista! Each man will enter the ring with their world heavyweight championship—one fall, there must be a winner—and one man will leave with both belts, and will be the undisputed Old School Revolution World Heavyweight Champion!

Batista looks at Dashbee, in a near state of shock, and grabs the microphone out of his hand.

Batista: Wha…I…seriously, this is what you came up with? You’re going to make me face this paper champion just to be named world heavyweight champion—a title I never lost! This is insane!

Daniel Bryan: Woah, woah, woah, hang on a second Dave. Last I checked, I was the reigning and defending OSR World Heavyweight Champion. Do I like the champion vs. champion thing either? NO NO! NO! Am I going to deal with it? YES! Am I going to From The Ashes to become the undisputed champion? YES! YES! Am I going to make you tap out in the middle of this ring to do it? YES! YES! YES!

Daniel Bryan starts parading around the ring...

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

Dashbee: Ladies and gentlemen, my decision is final.

Batista and Daniel Bryan, each with their belt, come face to face in the center of the ring.

Best of luck to both of you at From The Ashes.

Batista leans over to the mic...

Dashbee: I don’t need luck, and I don’t need to wait!

Batista kicks Daniel Bryan in the gut and both belts fall to the mat. He immediately picks Bryan up for a Batista bomb. Bryan slides out and immediately unloads on Batista with kicks that bring him down to his knees. Bryan grabs the arm for the LeBell Lock, but Batista pulls his arm our and levels Bryan with a clothesline.

Batista then picks up Daniel Bryan and drills him to the mat with a Batista Bomb!

He grabs the mic, and both titles.

Batista: Be careful what you wish for, Dashbee. At From The Ashes, both of these belts will be mine, and your #1 draft pick will be out of action—permanently!

Batista drops Daniel Bryan’s belt over his chest, and leaves the ring.

Old School Revolution presents
From The Ashes

Main Event
Undisputed World Heavyweight Championship
1-Fall, There Must Be A Winner

Daniel Bryan   vs.   Batista
    

[Amazing Jos]

wow, great main event! can't wait!

[Mr. Dashbee]

OSR NEWS & NOTES

- Word is circulating about the Old School Revolution's upcoming "From The Ashes" event. Right now, the only announced match is the main event showdown between Daniel Bryan & Batista over the World Heavyweight Championship.Sources backstage indicate that the company is looking at booking Nigel McGuinness and Masahiro Chono in the semi main event.

- While Arn Anderson has been very vocal about not reforming or rebuilding a Four Horsemen, the company is very high on the idea and pitched it to Anderson more than once. Arn is still very resistant to the idea, and some of the talent backstage quietly worries that Anderson will be traded.

- The company intends to crown their inaugural Insane Openweight Champion as part of the "From The Ashes" card. This will reportedly be a six-man Tables Ladders & Chairs match, with the IOC hanging above the ring. La Parka, Human Tornado & Jimmy Rave. The company is still drafting additional participants.

- Deshbee is reportedly very high on tag team wrestlng, and is holding a tournament of some type, beginning with the first event.

Stay tuned to PWInsider.com for more details on the upcoming OSR event!

[Eric O'Mac]

I also love reading this. Keep up the great work.

[Mr. Dashbee]

We join the current scene as Dashbee is on the phone with…well we don’t actually know who he’s on with. But it sounds like a network or PPV provider or something dealing with marketing. Anyways, he gets interrupted—he has to, otherwise this wouldn’t get posted!

Dashbee: [Talking into the phone.] So yeah, both buys on the poster—Bryan and Batista. Yes, both holding a belt. It’s like title vs. title, but not title vs. title. They’re fighting over one title, but they both have the belt. [Pause.] I know it doesn’t make sense to you, but it will make sense to fans. [Pause.] Yes, the tagline should be “Two Belts, One Champion.”

[Pause, and we see that Nigel McGuinness has walked into the room.] Okay, thanks.



[To Nigel] So to what do I owe this privilege?

Nigel McGuinness: Privilege. Privilege? Cute, Greg, really cute.

Dashbee: Thanks?

Nigel McGuinness: I don’t want cute. I’m not here...for cute, Greg! I am here to prove to everyone that despite any medical conditions or stunted runs on national television, I am the best damned wrestler to ever step foot into a wrestling ring. Look at me—I am a physical specimen [NAMEDROP in the background nods in agreement.]. My work between those ropes speaks for itself. I defended the Ring of Honor World Championship 38 times!

Dashbee: So did Bryan Danielson.

Nigel McGuinness: I held it for 545 days! 83 days longer than Bryan Danielson. And had I not been injured, I likely would have held it longer.

Dashbee: Yes, you were a decorated champion—a man more than worthy of being my second round pick. What’s the issue here, Nigel?

Nigel McGuinness: The issue here is that I should be wrestling Bryan Danielson at From The Ashes, not some overhyped, steroid injected, pompous ass!

Dashbee: [Deadpan.] You mean Batista...

Nigel McGuinness: YES I mean Batista you idiot!

Dashbee: I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that, because if you did, I might rethink the semi-main event match I have booked—the one you’re booked in. Maybe the Insane Openweight Championship Tables, Ladders & Chairs match is more your speed? I have six guys in it—I can announce you first!

Nigel McGuinness: What in the hell are you talking about—what semi-main event match?

Dashbee: You see, the Ring of Honor World Championship isn’t what I’m interested in with you. It’s the belt in Ring of Honor that you put on the map. The Pure Championship—a belt that you did so much with they couldn’t crown another champion after you. After Bryan Danielson won it, the damn thing had to be retired because Bryan himself couldn’t hold it the way you did.

So I’m gonna give you a chance to win it back. Against this guy...

”This guy walks in, causing NAMEDROP to immediately jump in fear.



Nigel McGuinness: Mr. Dashbee, when I win this match...when I win that championship…when I beat Masahiro Chono...you’re gonna put me in the main event where I belong.

Dashbee: Nigel, you win this title, you’ll defend it—in the main event—of our second PPV.

Old School Revolution presents
From The Ashes

Semi-Main Event
Pure Wrestling Championship (Vacant)
Three Rope Breaks Per Wrestler, No Closed Fists, 20-count On The Floor, Title Also Changes Hands On a DQ Or Countout
If Nigel McGuinness wins he secures a main event match on the second PPV

Masahiro Chono   vs.   Nigel McGuinness
    

[Mr. Dashbee]

We cut to what appears to be the backroom of the unnamed arena, where Adam Pearce, Arn Anderson, Cody Rhodes and J.J. Dillon are talking.

Adam Pearce: Gentlemen, we’ve come here today to talk about a very serious matter. The Four Horsemen.



Arn Anderson: Wait, when are you guys gonna get it through your thick skulls? The Four Horsemen are no more. We can’t keep trying to revisit history—it’s time for everyone to move on!

Adam Pearce: Now, Arn, I think you’re not seeing the whole—

Arn Anderson: [Interrupting.] Adam, I have a tremendous appreciation for what you’ve done. You held that NWA Worlds Heavyweight Championship five-times. That’s a title that I helped protect for years. But I’ve also held tag team titles in the NWA, WCW and the WWF. I am a four-time holder of the NWA World Television Championship—and with all due respect Adam, that world TV title when I held it was far more prestigious than the NWA world title when you held it.

Adam Pearce: Arn, this isn’t about the NWA world title, or the NWA anything—

Arn Anderson: [Interrupting.] Adam— [Turning to J.J Dillon.] James, I can understand him being here. [Motions towards Cody Rhodes.] His daddy’s a legend. But why in the hell is this guy [Motions towards Adam Pearce.] even here, talking about this, right now? Haven’t I made myself clear?

J.J. Dillon: Arn, Adam is here at my request.

Arn Anderson: [Sighs.] Why? [Pause.] Why?

J.J. Dillon: Adam has a way with words, and I think he is on to something when talking about The Four Horsemen. That stable always draws a ton of money, and in this economy—

Arn Anderson: Thank you all for your time, but I’m not interested in reforming The Four Horsemen. [Talking directly to Cody Rhodes.] Cody?

Cody Rhodes: [Directed at J.J. & Adam.] Gentlemen, I really appreciate your desire to include me. But Arn’s one of the main reasons I wanted to come to this company. Whether it be teaming with him, wrestling against him, or both, I can’t help but look at him as family. You know how important family is to me—just like it is to both of you. I gotta stick with Arn on this one.

Arn Anderson and Cody Rhodes are walking out the lockerroom door when Cody can be overheard suggesting they go to talk to Dashbee.

J.J. Dillon: You did a great job convincing me that Plan A would work. You got a Plan B now?

Adam Pearce: No. No Plan B. [Gets up and starts to leave.] Plan A is going to work.



Fade out.

[Amazing Jos]

Chono vs. Nigel!? FTW!

Pearce, Cody, Arn and JJ is a really great idea. Wonder what else is next because it's been some quality stuff. Great job!

[Mr. Dashbee]

Jul 3, 2013 3:57:25 GMT -5 Amazing Jos said:

Chono vs. Nigel!? FTW!

Pearce, Cody, Arn and JJ is a really great idea. Wonder what else is next because it's been some quality stuff. Great job!

It's not exactly those four (or only four depending on how you view JJ) in the end, but they're part of what is likely my biggest story. I've got some other things to build, I'm feeling an Iron Sheik promo coming in the next day or two!

[Mr. Dashbee]

We’re back in the sold-out, unnamed arena, and they are literally booing the shit out of Mike Bennett and Maria Kanellis. Okay, not literally booing the shit out of them. Nobody needs to see 2 Girls 1 Cup again.



Maria Kanellis: What the hell is wrong with you people? You used to love me?!?!

Mike Bennett: Obviously, baby, it’s jealousy!

Maria Kanellis: Yeah, I think you’re right.

The happy couple proceeds to make out in front of everyone, because much like Mark Henry, that’s what they do!



Maria Kanellis: Okay, now I know you’re right!

Mike Bennett: Listen, it’s okay to be jealous. If there weren’t those of us to be jealous of, you people wouldn’t have anyone to aspire to be. And obviously, you’ve come to the realization that no amount of aspiration, nor perspiration, will allow you to be like me.

Maria Kanellis: And I know that all of you ladies are jealous of me, too. I see how you look at me...look at my man…then you look next to you to the slop who you drove here…because he doesn’t have a license to drive…and you think about the tickets you bought online…because he’s not allowed to have internet anymore…and you look at your stomach…because every “As Seen On TV” purchase you made failed at getting your abs to look like this!



Mike Bennett: And fellas, look all you want. Chant “sloppy seconds” all you want. Because I already did what no man was ever good enough to do, I put a ring on that finger, and Maria is mine—all mine—forever!



Maria Kanellis: Baby, I’m bored. Can you take me back to our 5-star hotel and make sweet love to me?

Mike Bennett: Yes…twice!

Kanellis & Bennett laugh as they start to climb through the ropes, when some unfamiliar music stops them in their tracks. It’s not until this man walks out onto the stage that we realize who it is.



The Iron Sheik: Do you know what is today? Today is Fourth of July, raisin dicks! Today is day where all of you fucks celebrate America. Well I am here to say Iran, #1! America…hock-pa-tewey!

The crowd surprisingly cheered The Iron Sheik, despite his treatment of their home country.

Mike Bennett: Listen buddy, you may not like it here, but I could care less. It’s thanks to this country that I have lots of money, and this...



The Iron Sheik: Mikey Bennett, you made a good point to Sheikie Baby. That’s one fine piece of ass you have there.

The Iron Sheik then reaches out and grabs him some Maria Kanellis ass, prompting Mike Bennett to go on the attack. Sheik is quick to hit the floor.

The Iron Sheik: Mikey Bennett, you don’t deserve beautiful ass like that girl. Maria should become one of my Sheikie Babies! But since you so pissed off, I have challenge for you—at From The Ashes, you go one-on-one with The Iron Sheik. Because these people all know what Sheik does to any man he sees across the ring form him.

Break his back…fuck his ass…

Crowd: MAKE HIM HUMBLE!

Everyone, including The Iron Sheik himself, seemed surprised that the crowd jumped in like that. The Iron Sheik simply smiled and headed towards the back, leaving Bennett fuming and Maria trying to calm him down.

[Batman]

I love the "surprised by the face reaction buy running with it" schtick. Good stuff.

[Mr. Dashbee]

We join “the action” in progress as Dashbee is in his office, on the phone. See why “the action” was in quotes?

Dashbee: …yes, I know that’s what you want. Yes, I already said I’d make the match! We’re just having the same conversation over and over and over again! [Pause.] Yes, it’ll be on the pay-per-view. [Pause.] Yes, it’ll be one-on-one. [Pause.] Yes, you can trust that I’ll announce it! [Pause.] No, I do not want your ten inch cock in my ass. [Pause.] Yes, yes I think it’s great that you shot fireworks out of your cock on the Fourth of July. [Pause.] Yes—listen, Sheik, listen! I have a camera man right here, I already motioned for him to turn the camera on. I’ll film it right now, and it’ll be on the web in no time. [Pause.] Of course you can retweet it! [Pause.] Yes, I’m aware that this Twitter thing is kinda big. [Pause.] Listen to me... you’re getting what you want, you and Mike Bennett one-on-one at From The Ashes. [Pause.] well, you kinda disrespected him, actually. [Pause.] I agree with you—she has an amazing ass. [Pause.] Yes, I’d love to make her humble—most men would. [Pause.] Sheik... [Pause.] Sheik! [Pause.] SHEIK! I have to go now, I have to announce your match.

Dashbee: [Speaking directly towards the camera.] Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to announce that, at From The Ashes, available via your local pay-per-view provider, legendary Hall of Famer and former world champion The Iron Sheik will step into the squared circle to face one of wrestling’s hottest prospects, Mike Bennett. Bennett will, of course, be accompanied by the always beautiful and stunning Maria Kanellis. You can check your local—what the hell?

The camera turns to see that Arn Anderson and Cody Rhodes have let themselves in.

Dashbee: Did my secretary just let you barge right in like this?

Arn Anderson: You don’t have a secretary.

Cody Rhodes: You haven’t drafted one yet.

Dashbee: Shit. Remind me to call the temp agency.

Arn Anderson: Listen, enough about your non-existent secretary. I want you to put a stop to all this Four Horsemen talk. I didn’t come here to build a new Horsemen—that ship has sailed Dashbee.

Dashbee: Arn, you have to admit, The Four Horsemen are basically a license to print money in this business. We’d be crazy to at least not explore it.

Arn Anderson: Well then let’s consider the exploration over—nothing was found. I’ve heard the rumors, go ahead and trade me if you want to.

Dashbee: I’m not trading you, you were my third round pick!

Cody Rhodes: Well good, since you’re not going to trade him, we have an idea—a proposal.

Dashbee: Okay...what’s your proposal, Cody?

Cody Rhodes: You plan to crown tag team champions, correct?

Dashbee: Yes, at this pace I’ll end up drafting eight tag teams.

Cody Rhodes: Good. However you decide to do it, make sure you include us.

Dashbee: You guys, as in Arn & Cody?

Cody Rhodes: Yes, we want to be involved.

Dashbee: Fine, it’s done. But tell me how this prevents Adam Pearce from trying to make you reform The Four Horsemen?

Arn Anderson: I’ll take care of Adam Pearce—

Cody Rhodes: [Interrupting] We! We will take care of Adam Pearce. [Pause.] Who will we be facing?

Dashbee: Don’t know yet—I still have to lay all that out.

Arn Anderson: Alright, we look forward to finding out. Thank you for hearing what we had to say.

Arn & Cody start to leave the room.

Cody Rhodes: This is gonna be great, you won’t regret it.

Old School Revolution presents
From The Ashes

Mike Bennett (w/Maria Kanellis) vs. The Iron Sheik

[Mr. Dashbee]

Back at the Allstate Arena in Chicago, Illinois, Dashbee appears on the screen to make a special announcement. Right before he begins, Sid Vicious and Terry Gordy appear from the back, and are battling on the stage.

Dashbee: Dammit!

Incompetent referees and crack pot security try to break them a part, but whatever prank Sid played on Gordy backstage caused quite the competitive rift, and neither man is backing down. Enter Prince Nana…

Prince Nana: Gentlemen, stop fighting! You fools! You are two beasts of men, being turned against one another by bad booking! Men, cease!

Yeah, they don’t cease. They continue fighting, and security is eventually able to get them backstage and out of camera view. Nana, obviously not caring about vicious & Gordy nearly as much as he made it seem, starts talking on the mic.

Prince Nana: Ladies and gentlemen, I come before you in the great city of Chicago to present my latest talent acquisition. This man is a world champion many times over, and you American idiots disrespect him by treating him like a mid-carder worker! A mid-card worker? That is no way to treat a present day, active legend in Japan—the crowned jewel of my Embassy…Hiroshi Tanahashi!

The “crowned jewel” walks on stage, stopping to pose next to Prince Nana.



Prince Nana: Ladies and gentlemen, The Embassy Forever, ah!

Dashbee is able to get a word in edge wise as Nana & Tanahashi start to leave, but he stops them.

Dashbee: Nana, Hiroshi, please, wait. Nana, I am a little disturbed that you didn’t wait until the scheduled press event to introduce Tanahashi as the Embassy’s acquisition, but I’ve always known you to follow your own directions over anyone else’s.

Prince Nana: Ah, you know me so well, Mister Dashbee!

Dashbee: That said, I will take this chance to announce Tanahashi’s match at From The Ashes. His opponent is a man who is out to prove that he isn’t only a porn star, but a legitimately talented in-ring talent. His opponent will be…Val Venis!

Val Venis makes his entrance, complete with towel, and has something to say to his PPV opponent.



Val Venis:Hello Ladies! [Smiles.] You know something ladies, the Big Valbowski is headed to From The Ashes and he’s on a mission. [Pause with a smile.] You’ll notice I said I was headed to From The Ashes, and not coming to From The Ashes. Heh, well ladies, you’ve always known the Big Valboswki to not go anywhere, but come everywhere! Well I’m a wrestler first, and a porn star second. So while everyone thinks they’re coming to From The Ashes, I am going there. And after I beat the legendary Hiroshi Tanahashi and prove once and for all that I am a supreme professional wrestler…the only people coming that night will be the Big Valbowski, and all those ladies on the set of my newest production, “From The Asses.”

Dashbee: Well that’s just great, I’m thrilled that you chose now to make that proclamation. Now then, since we had an impromptu match announcement of Val Venis vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi, and an obviously escalated situation between Sid Vicious and Terry Gordy that I need to worry about, let me address the real reason that I’m here. Arn Anderson and Cody Rhodes requested to know their first tag team opponents as soon as possible. Well, I decided to throw them right into the mix with some serious opponents. At our second event, we will crown new World Tag Team Champions in an Ultimate Endurance Match. Five teams will qualify for this match at From The Ashes. That first qualifying match will be Arn Anderson & Cody Rhodes versus “The Road Dogg” Jesse James & “The Bad Ass” Billy Gunn…The New Age Outlaws!

Old School Revolution presents
From The Ashes

Val Venis vs. Hiroshi Tanahashi (w/Prince Nana)



World Tag Team Championship Ultimate Endurance Qualifying Match

Arn Anderson & Cody Rhodes vs. The New Age Outlaws (“Road Dogg” Jesse James & Billy Gunn)

Before the match graphics can be fully shown, the feed on the screen becomes full of static, eventually revealing Roman Reigns in full Shield gear.



Roman Reigns: I told you...believe in The Shield. [Pause.] I told you…I wouldn’t come alone. [Pause.] Well now you know…I always make good on my promises.

The camera pans out to reveal two men standing on either side of Roman Reigns. As we pan out more we see Curt Hawkins on the left and Chris Masters on the right. All three men are wearing Shield gear. Masters reaches out and grabs the camera, prompting static and the end of the scene.