[Andy]

Adam Dan
There Can Be Only On​e​

Revered Sir Bellfield,



I have drawn your substandard being as my next casualty on the journey to
secure my rightful crown as the inaugural Monday Night Flaw “King of the
Ring”. I would generally refrain from exerting too much energy on
simpletons such as yourself, but because the masses insist, I shall grace
you with an iterative categorization of my superiority in hopes of
eliciting some cachinnation from our abderian friend, Sir Alt.



1) I was a 3-time regional spelling champion. You pride yourself on
your adoxography, but your word formation is more difficult to navigate
than AJ Lee’s pubic region. #ItsAVeritableForestDownThere



2) I have a Bachelor’s Degree in Economics from an esteemed American
university. You have a degree in eternal bachelorhood, you revolting
troglodyte. If Earth was ever visited by an alien race, I would commit
Seppuku (or “harakiri”) out of my dishonor of sharing species
categorization with you.



3) I have a Master’s Degree in Industrial Engineering from that same
prestigious university. You have mastered making the entirety of the
civilized world question the American education system, you illiterate
dullard. Your life narrative could only be truthfully portrayed by that
retarded fellow who played Corky on “Life Goes On.”



4) My phallus is a glorious and immaculately crafted instrument of
orgasmic generosity. Your phallus is as miniscule as Sir Corbitt’s little
finger and as misshapen as Sir Enright’s smile. #ZigzagPinkyDick



5) I had the intestinal fortitude to defeat cancer. You repeatedly
succumb to canker sores from the herpes-laden penises you take pleasure in
fellating. Please kill yourself.



6) I have traveled the world and engaged in witty banter and repartee
with the native citizens of myriad territories. You have traveled to
various wharfs and engaged in bestial acts with myriad canines and
marsupials. It transpired… and no effort on your part can alter its
existence.



7) I frequently partake in the fine liquors and spirits this world has
to offer. You frequently partake in the semen of the ginger bear, Cameron
Gullet. Your daily thirst for testosterone can only be placated by his dewy
essence.



I feel I need continue no more on this path of detailing my unambiguous
superiority to you, Sir Bellfield. I wash my hands of you, and I wish you
well in your future endeavors in your more attainable aspirations of
becoming “King of the Twinks”.



Good Day, Sir.

-Master Gator



Postscript

Sir Enright,

I remain in contention for the King of the Ring, while you remain in
contention for the King of the Golden Corral.

NEENER NEENER NEENER! YOU CAN'T SEE YOUR WEINER!

Good Day, Sir.
-Master Gator



JB King
JB KING and the"Make​ a Wish' Foundation ​visit Adam Dan​

Ladies and Gentlemen

Please welcome

The only living

Breathing

Romping Stomping

CUNT-A-SAURAS

In captivity

Here is JB King!!!

…

Cuntateers, puts your clams together for the lovely Andy and Chrissy

The Cuntadactyls!


Thanks bitches now let’s get it started, or retarded whichever. Summer Slam
has come and gone and I can’t wait to go next year. I’m sorry if you didn’t
see my signs this year but they got confiscated. Apparently having a sign
that says “AJ Lee has a massive bush” and “Way to knock it out of the park
there Jackson Andrews” didn’t fly with customs. Probably because I’m black
or something. Anyway that didn’t stop me from starting a “Kobe Bryant”
chant during the Prime Time Players match. You’re welcome.

Afterwards I decided to go to the zoo the next day. I was listening to our
recent male bag when I was walking through the monkey exhibit. Sure enough
I was on the ‘pink eye’ joke from last week and decided to put my phone on
speaker for the monkeys to listen to. The next 3 minutes I could not
believe. The monkeys became agitated. They were soon gnashing their own
teeth and slamming their fists on the cages. And I think one of them was
aggressively masturbating in front of a bush. So I’ve come to the
conclusion of Chris Alt’s famous monkey howls. For monkeys it’s like
listening to the Creep Show.

With this amazing achievement, surely this was the week I won right? No?
James won? Well shit. I guess it’s hard not to vote for a guy who is using
MNF’s favorite go to joke Nate Corbitt (Sorry Cam). You’ve bested Nate. And
as you can tell he really tried last week. I’m sure Nate’s excuse for his
pathetic email is like his excuse for not exercising; his heart couldn’t
handle the pressure. And good job on winning the second “Rack’em” Award
from Chris. Or as he likes to put it, the ‘first’. Way to remember Aaron
Gaston there Jerry Lawler. But what can I say good job and congratulations
to James. And thank you again for enjoying my work. However, I’m sad to say
that I did not do the Troy/AJ 69 joke. That was the other Jon you asshole.
I don’t ask for much but how the hell did you get me mixed up with “new”
guy you creepy Jack Black looking stunt double. I mean I don’t get you
mixed up with a guy with your same first name on here do I? You fat Staff
Sgt. Piece of shit! Anyway I’m glad we cleared that up.

Dear Andy, please don’t let that Canadian ‘Ray Ramano’ sounding douchebag
Scott Taylor read his own impact recaps again. It was like watching a
Special Olympics 4x400 relay. I was laughing at first but then I just felt
bad after the first 3 minutes. Yeah, you heard me fuck you Kermit. By the
way I had no idea BINGO games were making you racist. That could explain
why Nana Alt is so strange around coloreds. She must be a league Bingo
champ or something.

Austin Sanders, I hope to hear from you again soon because I miss the
non-sensible horseshit that flies out of your sperm dumpster you call a
mouth. And congrats on being Monday Night Flaw’s favorite new meme. It
happened, and there’s nothing you can do about it. See you next week brah.

Cam Gullet

(Car Crash sound effect)

…and punchline.

Stu Little. So I guess you won your first intercontinental title eh? I’m
not sure if it’s because Andy forgot what an insult was or because he just
wanted a fresh target this week. In any case welcome to midcard bitch! I
could go on a rant and bury you miserably, but I’m not. You see, I already
know there is no fucking way James Enright is NOT going to win the
intercontinental title this week. He won’t even have to mention you to get
it. He’s that good…and fat.

Speaking of Jaba the Hut…James Enright. What’s wrong? In case you haven’t
noticed we make fun of EVERYONE here on male bag. I’d ask what’s your
‘beef’ but I don’t want to give you a hunger hard on. I’m sure you have
enough stress in your life worrying about losing your foot to diabetes but
don’t let this show get to you. If people mock you or make fun of you for
being 400 pounds…who cares! People still think I’m legitimately retarded
and they still vote for me…sometimes. And just remember fat means flavor,
and anyone with THAT much fat has to be able to bring A LOT of flavor to
the Flawedcast network. I’d tell you to ‘suck it up’ but instead I’ll say
‘suck it in’. Just remember, while you struggle with your belt extender
just remember you brought this upon yourself you fat piece of shit. Every
time I see you smile I remind myself to go fix my fence. Hey Look! A bad
teeth reference instead of fat joke! Yay!

P.S. Andy, James has been training with Petey Williams and can now do a
piledriver called the “Canadian Bacon Destoryer” So add that to the list.

Well I think we’ve chewed the fat long enough so let’s get to the questions
shall we?

Questions One: You tapped out! You tapped out! Wow, listen to the standing
ovation from the WWE Universe! Fuck you Jerry Lawler. In case you didn’t
notice from Summerslam the crowd decided to shit on Triple H for the slow
match. But in Jerry’s world, it’s a different story. Where will this end? I
made a small list of things that are happening hypothetically and you tell
me how Jerry Lawler would respond.

1. Sheamus stabs a heel

2. John Cena does a low blow

3. Vickie Guerrero dies

4. Kharma has a miscarriage

5. Kofi drunk drives over an infant

6. Chris Benoit murders his family

Question Two: A question for Chris since this is a wrestling videogame
question and you are the resident gaming expert of the Flawedcast Network
(fuck you John Merideth) . No Andy, it’s not about Portal 2 but let me just
say double fuck you to Chris for not playing and finishing that game yet.
It’s phenomenal. Stop playing Lego Batman and play that shit. Anyway, the
one thing I’ve always noticed on WWE games recently is the superstar’s
stats. I understand they are under ‘kayfabe’ circumstances and they are not
THAT accurate but I always found it fascinating on how some superstars rise
or fall in stats tremendously over the years. The Miz went from a 78
overall to a 90 in one year. Randy Orton went from 70 to 88 in 2005 and so
on. Who do you expect to have the biggest push and drops in stats? Also,
just kidding Andy go ahead and answer.

And now onto my King of Ring opponent. I didn’t want to deal with him at
first and that’s not just because he is probably contagious, but because I
just wanted to earn a win on the merit of writing a good email regardless.
But Andy said the ‘Make a Wish’ Foundation wanted me to go see him. So if I
can make one mutant’s day better than why not. I had no idea you wanted me
that bad. Andy said you asked for me specifically. Well, that or Andy was
just yanking me to make fun of you. Fuck it.

Adam Dan, it looks like we have crossed paths yet again. I remember our
first dispute. You helped me win my first Intercontinental Title. I have
gone on to more accolades and you have gone on to your very own podcast.
Well except this week. Andy did a nice job though. I would say we have
both grown as individuals but I know the Chemo has whittled your bones to
tooth picks. But despite God’s plan you beat cancer. And all it cost you
was your immune system, sarcasm, your taste in football teams and most of
your sperm. Thankfully you were smart enough to shove a Game Genie up your
ass and use the infinite sperm code in order to make a child. And now, you
have a child soon to care for (calm down Bryan). I wish the best for you
and your Milano colored miracle.

But this is where your path ends my friend. Because the only way to get
through me is like the only way your wife lets you use the computer, and
that’s with our permission. Permission Denied sir. I am not here to grant
wishes. I am here to win the king of the ring. Now smile for the camera so
I can let you jerk off to your Tebow poster. It will be our little secret.

Simple and clean, I hope you are happy Andy.

Love, Peace and Penis Grease.

Johnny