Round 2: Dan vs Hodge
Sept 21, 2012 12:39:33 GMT -5
Post by Andy on Sept 21, 2012 12:39:33 GMT -5
Adam Dan
Hodge Kin Lymphoma
Revered Sir Hodge,
We have both been grossly underestimated to this point, and while I take no
real malicious umbrage with you, you stand in the way of my rightful ascent
to King of the Ring status. As such, I will pull no punches in proclaiming
my superiority over a plebian such as yourself. My dominance is made
clearly evident by the fact I single-handedly decimated your family's sole
claim to power. The Hodge Kin Lymphoma proved to be no match for my
intestinal fortitude, so it is logically and abundantly clear that you
stand less a chance at defeating me than James Enright has at controlling
the urge to scarf down his third vat of Chili Con Waffles.
For beginners, I have it on good authority that you are a moose fellator.
And not just any moose fellator... a Hat Trick Moose Fellator. I can
appreciate the first kind of moose you enjoy parking in your pouty Canadian
mouth and sucking on: Moosehead Lager. Perfectly acceptable. Any human male
of remotely reputable status understands the deliciousness of that fine
brew.
The other two moose are where you go overboard though, kind sir. Your taste
for the phallus of the large-antlered, cranially-massive quadrupeds of the
Great White North is borderline criminal. I'm sure you woo them with the
dulcet tones of your sneakily-disguised Canadian accent as you soothe their
anxiety with proclamations of "Come here, fella", and "Good boy" before
turning the tides and bellowing "IT'S TIME FOR ME TO RELEASE ROCKET RICHARD
(*ree-SHARD*) AND GO ALL GORDIE HOWE ON THAT SWEET MOOSE ASS! HODGEY
SHOOTS... HE SCORES!!!"
The Moose Fellatio Hat Trick is completed by your enjoyment of blowing one
John Roberts of Bryson City, North Carolina. I feel I need expound no
further on the utter disgust this mental image brings to the populace of
the human race. It transpired... and no effort on your part can alter its
existence.
I shall now focus of my initiative on that hirsute caterpillar you are
culturing on your upper lip and anterior cheek region. It appears as though
you have been enjoying your fine Canadian delicacy of Molson & Sloppy Joe's
a bit too much. Or perhaps you have been playing scat games with Gargamel
from The Smurfs. The most likely excuse, however, is your interminable joy
of Rimming James Ryan™. That's right, my plebes, the Hollywood Faggot has
the ass-cavity of a Wookie.
In conclusion, neither you nor your family belong in the same contention
with me. Enjoy your parting gifts, and I wish you well in your future
endeavours.
Good Day, Sir.
-Master Gator
P.S. Austin Sanders is still a stupid fart face.
P.P.S. Dustin Faber enjoys sniffing Austin's face.
Michael Hodge
Pee Pee Vee Semifinals
Hey, Chrandy.
That "Kingslayer" nickname's not working out so well for you, is it Chris? And after you tried so hard to live the gimmick by fathering several children on your hot sister. I heard she likes a little Lannister in the canister.
Game of Thrones? More like
Game of Damaged Chromosomes, am I right, Adam Dan?
I was going to make some kind of joke about Adam Dan's astrological sign being Cancer, but it's not. It's Taurus, because it's bullshit that he got to keep living. Also because his Taurus is the only place he's allowed to have Internet access.
Speaking of which, the "porn" Adam Dan's wife caught him watching online? Tim Tebow game tape. He's not allowed to watch Jets games anymore either.
What's the difference between Adam Dan and Santino Marella? Santino's character still seems fresh by comparison.
What's the difference between Adam Dan and Jay Leno? Leno's jokes seem funny by comparison.
What's the difference between Adam Dan and Jim Duggan? People were happy when Duggan beat cancer.
But that's just mean. I don't actually wish Adam Dan had died a slow and excruciating death. Quick and painless would have been fine by me. But as we've all seen from his e-mails, the only
thing Adam Dan knows how to be is slow and excruciating.
He is the Atomic One. His atomic number? 5 (Boron)
Have fun. Play safe.
Your pal,
~Hodgey
Hodge Kin Lymphoma
Revered Sir Hodge,
We have both been grossly underestimated to this point, and while I take no
real malicious umbrage with you, you stand in the way of my rightful ascent
to King of the Ring status. As such, I will pull no punches in proclaiming
my superiority over a plebian such as yourself. My dominance is made
clearly evident by the fact I single-handedly decimated your family's sole
claim to power. The Hodge Kin Lymphoma proved to be no match for my
intestinal fortitude, so it is logically and abundantly clear that you
stand less a chance at defeating me than James Enright has at controlling
the urge to scarf down his third vat of Chili Con Waffles.
For beginners, I have it on good authority that you are a moose fellator.
And not just any moose fellator... a Hat Trick Moose Fellator. I can
appreciate the first kind of moose you enjoy parking in your pouty Canadian
mouth and sucking on: Moosehead Lager. Perfectly acceptable. Any human male
of remotely reputable status understands the deliciousness of that fine
brew.
The other two moose are where you go overboard though, kind sir. Your taste
for the phallus of the large-antlered, cranially-massive quadrupeds of the
Great White North is borderline criminal. I'm sure you woo them with the
dulcet tones of your sneakily-disguised Canadian accent as you soothe their
anxiety with proclamations of "Come here, fella", and "Good boy" before
turning the tides and bellowing "IT'S TIME FOR ME TO RELEASE ROCKET RICHARD
(*ree-SHARD*) AND GO ALL GORDIE HOWE ON THAT SWEET MOOSE ASS! HODGEY
SHOOTS... HE SCORES!!!"
The Moose Fellatio Hat Trick is completed by your enjoyment of blowing one
John Roberts of Bryson City, North Carolina. I feel I need expound no
further on the utter disgust this mental image brings to the populace of
the human race. It transpired... and no effort on your part can alter its
existence.
I shall now focus of my initiative on that hirsute caterpillar you are
culturing on your upper lip and anterior cheek region. It appears as though
you have been enjoying your fine Canadian delicacy of Molson & Sloppy Joe's
a bit too much. Or perhaps you have been playing scat games with Gargamel
from The Smurfs. The most likely excuse, however, is your interminable joy
of Rimming James Ryan™. That's right, my plebes, the Hollywood Faggot has
the ass-cavity of a Wookie.
In conclusion, neither you nor your family belong in the same contention
with me. Enjoy your parting gifts, and I wish you well in your future
endeavours.
Good Day, Sir.
-Master Gator
P.S. Austin Sanders is still a stupid fart face.
P.P.S. Dustin Faber enjoys sniffing Austin's face.
Michael Hodge
Pee Pee Vee Semifinals
Hey, Chrandy.
That "Kingslayer" nickname's not working out so well for you, is it Chris? And after you tried so hard to live the gimmick by fathering several children on your hot sister. I heard she likes a little Lannister in the canister.
Game of Thrones? More like
Game of Damaged Chromosomes, am I right, Adam Dan?
I was going to make some kind of joke about Adam Dan's astrological sign being Cancer, but it's not. It's Taurus, because it's bullshit that he got to keep living. Also because his Taurus is the only place he's allowed to have Internet access.
Speaking of which, the "porn" Adam Dan's wife caught him watching online? Tim Tebow game tape. He's not allowed to watch Jets games anymore either.
What's the difference between Adam Dan and Santino Marella? Santino's character still seems fresh by comparison.
What's the difference between Adam Dan and Jay Leno? Leno's jokes seem funny by comparison.
What's the difference between Adam Dan and Jim Duggan? People were happy when Duggan beat cancer.
But that's just mean. I don't actually wish Adam Dan had died a slow and excruciating death. Quick and painless would have been fine by me. But as we've all seen from his e-mails, the only
thing Adam Dan knows how to be is slow and excruciating.
He is the Atomic One. His atomic number? 5 (Boron)
Have fun. Play safe.
Your pal,
~Hodgey