[Batman]

Ernie "Big Cat" LADD:

What do I think? I think it's all a big distraction, that's what I think!

All these guys, fightin' their wars... or fightin' over a crown. I used to go around with a crown sometimes... do you see me getting into a silly fight over it? No you do not, and I'll tell you why not.... Because I'm not taking my eyes off of the prize. While everybody else is allowing themselves to be distracted, I'M reaching for the brass ring!

I've got my ear to the ground-- I hear tell there's going to be a World Champion crowned around here REAL soon! That man should be ME! I've been the un-crowned, unrecognized Champion LONG ENOUGH! If that Vanilla Gorilla, Brock Lesnar, thinks he's a shoo-in, why doesn't he act like a man and prove it! I'll tell you why not-- because he's only HALF a man! The other half is APE! You can see that in his protuberant brow ridge!

You may not believe it... but who cares what you think?! What do you know?! Nothing! You're looking at the next World Champion, right here!

[Batman]

BATMAN: Earlier today, Batman Wrestling's latest acquisition-- gridiron great Ernie Ladd-- said a few words about "reaching for the brass ring"... You may wonder-- "what is 'the brass ring,' anyway?"

I'll show you-- this is a brass ring.



BATMAN: On old-fashioned carousels, as you passed by you could reach for a ring hanging above. Most of the rings were iron, but one would be brass-- if you grabbed the brass one, you could exchange it for a prize. This has inspired a brand new type of match--exclusive to Batman Wrestling-- which will be the opening match of the Sudden Death Supershow: a Brass-Ring Strap match.

As in any strap match, the two competitors will be tied together with a long leather strap. To win, one must touch all four ring-posts in succession, while dragging your opponent behind you. In this version, you must first retrieve the Brass Ring from above one turnbuckle, and you must have it in your possession in order for touching a ring-post to count. Naturally, the Brass Ring will also make a pretty handy weapon....

The winner of the match keeps the Brass Ring... which may, indeed, be redeemed for a prize...!

[Batman]

BATMAN: Mister Ladd, I understand you have a question about this "Brass Ring" match, and I'm here to answer it. Your opponent in this match will be none other than your fellow football legend, Lawrence Taylor!


TAYLOR: Thank you. I intend to take advantage of this opportunity and really prove myself in this match.


LADD: Well, I gotta give you credit for trying, you masked varmint! You answered a question about the Brass Ring match. But that wasn't the question.... I don't need to know who I'm facing. I'll go through as many over-rated child-molesters as you put in front of me....

TAYLOR: Now, wait just a doggone minute....

LADD: The question isn't "who?"... The question is "what's it all worth?" You tell me there's a prize at the bottom of the box, but I don't like surprises! So tell me now, varmint, what's a "bronze ring" worth to me?

BATMAN: I'm glad you asked.... The Brass Ring match will be the opening contest of Sudden Death and there's a very good reason for that! It gives the winner time to recover and ready himself to fight BROCK LESNAR in the main event. The winner of that match will win this prize...



...and be the inaugural Batman World Champion!

[Batman]

LESNAR: I've got a few people to address....

First, Ladd: Look, I realize that you were one of the greats in two different sports. Of all people, I know what a big deal that is. And, yeah, you were able to lead the Chargers to an AFL championship-- after a few tries. But in wrestling? You were a just a perennial contender. Now, that's better than 99% of anybody can say.... But still-- you were never able to win the big one. Whereas I've been World Champ in both of the sports I was in. You're one of the greats, sure-- but you're just not in my league, "Big Cat"....

Now, LT: I don't even need to address you-- Ladd isn't going to let you reach me. As much as I'm out of his league, he's out of yours. You may be undefeated at Wrestlemania, but you've only had one match. And Bam-Bam was going easy on the celebrity. Ladd won't. And if by some miracle it comes to that-- neither will I!

Guys, I'm a Vikings wash-out. (But who needs those losers anyway.) Boooos from the hometown crowd.... If I had to face you on the football field, I'd be worried. But this is a wrestling ring, and you're in MY world, and I will destroy you.

Finally, Batman: So this is my reward for bringing the Super P Cup home? This is what I get? YOU THINK THIS IS WHAT I WANT, BATMAN?

Well, you're half-right.

I do deserve a bye. I don't need to prove myself in a qualifying match....

But you know what I don't deserve? EXCUSES!

I can hear them already: "But Brock Lesnar was fresh! I had just defeated a gridiron giant in a brutal Brass Ring match!"

Don't let that happen, Batman! If my opponent gets a warm-up match, I want a warm-up match, TOO!

As violent and brutal as you've GOT....

[Batman]

LESNAR: I've given a lot of thought to this warm-up match, and the truth is? I don't trust you, Batman. I don't trust you to give me the level of carnage and brutality that I need to really get warmed up....

So I'll just tell you what I need. Let's make this an open-challenge Last Man Standing match. But this won't be a regular "Last Man to Stagger to his Feet" match... in MY Last Man Standing match the ref won't begin to count to ten till ONE man is on his feet, and everyone else is down.

I don't know if anybody here (or, better yet, any two or three or four of you!) has got what it takes to give me a REAL warm up. But if you've got the guts to face me, then I've got to give you credit for guts, at least.

[Batman]

Here's an updated card for...

BEYOND WARGAMES

HULKAMANIA FOREVER!	vs.	FOR MANKIND...
Hulk Hogan		Mankind

Evan Bourne	Abdullah the Butcher		THE Brian Kendricks	Jimmy Jacobs
???	???		The Sandman	???

Batman World Championship Match

Brock Lesnar vs ? ? ?

Brock Lesnar will face the winner of the...

Brass Ring Strap Match

Ernie Ladd	vs.	Lawrence Taylor

Best Two-out-of-Three Falls Match
for

Gorgeous George	vs.	"Super King" Lawler

A High-Flying Tag-Team Match!

Silent & Violent!	vs.	Los Rockers del Terror!

Lesnar's Open-Challenge Last Man Standing Match

Brock Lesnar	vs.	The Sheik	vs.	"Whoever has the guts to show up!..."

Also appearing...

Spike	"Jumpin" Jim	Lenny Lane	The Bruiser	Tom Zenk

DON'T MISS IT!

[Amazing Jos]

Awww shit! This card is already looking stacked! Really liking Ernie Ladd vs. LT being booked

[Batman]

A natural babyface and a natural heel and they're football legends of different eras. They're perfect adversaries....

...and thanks! Exalt!

More feedback, please! Exalts all around for anyone who posts some!

[Batman]

FOLEY:

Hi, kids! Last time you saw me, I think I might have scared you guys a little bit. I can be... pretty intense sometimes.

But I'm not a bad guy! I'm not saying I'm a "good guy"-- those aren't real-- but I'm a good guy, you know? ...Kind to children and small animals.

So, I've decided to take off the scary leather mask and let your old buddy, Uncle Mick say a few words. Cause I think my words have been... twisted a little.

I mean, sure... it's a tough, competitive world, and sometimes you have to make tough choices. For your dreams. For your family. To be the kind of guy your children can be proud of. But that's not a license to stomp on everyone around you, cause "sacrifices have to be made..." Then we'd be no better than them... And nobody to look up to, or be proud of, or emulate.

It's ironic, really... that this promotion has this licensing deal to use the Batman character... he's the perfect example. Children love Batman. And children love Santa Claus. But in completely different ways. Batman is a child's fantasy of what it will be like to be a grown-up. Tough. Independent. The best at what he does. The smartest guy in the room-- always a step ahead of everyone else. Santa Claus is a child's fantasy of what a grown-up should be like-- towards them! Jolly. Generous. Patient. Full of unconditional love.

A child wants you to be like Santa Claus. But they want to grow up to be Batman.

But life isn't like that. Almost nobody gets to grow up to be like Batman. Almost everybody can grow up to be a little like Santa Claus-- to their own kids at the very least. And if you have any surplus income at all, you can be like Santa Claus to the less fortunate, too.

Hulk Hogan's like Batman. Cool, tough, larger than life. Kids may admire him, but they can't really follow in his footsteps. His boots are too big for them to fill.

I'm obviously a little more like Santa-- chubby, lovable, not really very COOL, though. BUT... I'm a role model kids can realistically emulate.

Every villain-of-the-month Hogan's ever faced (and defeated) has said "I'm going to destroy Hulkamania once and for all!" But how would one go about that? Destroy his mystique, expose him as an empty bandanna? Prove to the world that he's not as great as he says he is... and he never was? It's been done! Regal has stretched you, Hogan...  Lesnar beat you down and wore your blood like war-paint. But Hulkamania lives on.

I know that I can't kill Hulkamania. The best I can do is try to offer a better option....

[Amazing Jos]

Great promo that showed another face of Foley!

[Batman]

HOGAN: Y'know, people have always told me... "Mick Foley? He's crazy. He has multiple personalities. He's a homicidal maniac." But I've said, nah-- that's just an act. It's just mind games. But this? One minute you're Hannibal Lecter, the next you're Santa Claus? I dunno. Maybe you really have finally snapped....


BOURNE: Mister Hogan? Hey, Hulk... Let me take this one... Please.

HOGAN: Evan?! Are you sure that's what you want, kid? It might not be such a good idea to get that maniac focused on you!

BOURNE: Yeah. I think maybe I can get through to him....

HOGAN: All right, then! Knock yourself out.

BOURNE: Mister Foley-- I've been listening to everything you have to say... I'm not just dismissing it-- you make a lot of sense. But... I think you're taking the idea of a role-model... WAY too literally.

Once in a while, it happens like that-- like with you. You saw Jimmy Snuka jump off of a cage at Madison Square Garden, and you knew what you wanted to do with your life. But most wrestling fans-- for example, most Hulkamaniacs, they see Hulk Hogan and they know they could never be just like him... But that doesn't mean that he's not an inspiration! I mean, I can't train to be six foot seven, and no matter how hard I work out, I'll never have twenty-four inch pythons! Hogan inspires me-- not to try to be just like him.... But to always work hard to achieve my own potential-- to excel at being ME!

It's true-- not everybody can be a Hulk Hogan. But everybody has some seed of greatness inside... And if they train hard, say their prayers, and take their vitamins, they can achieve that potential!

[Batman]

MANKKIND: evan bourne.... you claim that you've listened to what I've had to say. But you've COMPLETELY twisted my words.

but before I get ANGRY and accuse you of anything, I need to consider the possibility that it's an honest misunderstanding-- that you had no intention of misrepresenting me. after all, it's not like my own followers seem to really understand my message half the time....

i never meant to imply that to be a role-model-- to be an inspiration-- you have to lead anyone to follow you into the exact same line. my message never had anything to do with exactly what your goals and dreams ARE... it's about how you can reach them-- WHATEVER they happen to be.

a guy like hogan says "work hard every day, and you can reach the pinnacle of whatever your calling may be-- it worked for me!"

it may very well work for a few-- but for most of us, that advice would only encourage us to spin our wheels and never accomplish anything significant in this life! for most of us, incremental progress will never be enough if we want to make our mark in this world. we have to make sacrifices, take risks. fall down three times and get up four. otherwise we'd always be trapped by stasis and mediocrity.

i've watched you. i've seen you wrestle. YOU know this.

the great activist maggie kuhn said, "leave safety behind. put your body on the line. stand before those you fear and speak your mind-- even if your voice shakes.... well-aimed slingshots can topple giants."

you LIVE those words in every match, and you KNOW it. you know all about being a david in a world of goliaths....

the risks that a hardcore wrestler takes and the risks that a high flier takes may be different... but you KNOW about risk... and about sacrifice.

you and i... we shouldn't be enemies.

unlike hogan, i RESPECT you, evan bourne. hogan just sees you as a "little buddy"... someone he can safely keep by his side without worry of being outshined or threatened. but I don't see any glass ceilings over your head. you belong at the top of this little world of ours, and you WILL reach it. by taking risks. and by making sacrifices.

but-- for now-- we ARE enemies.

i'll see you at wargames, kid.

i'm looking forward to it.

[Batman]

LESNAR: COWARDS! Every damn one of you! (Sorry, except for you, Sheik.) You're a bunch of cowards! Only ONE of you has the guts to accept my challenge? Where's the Sandman? Where's the Butcher? And especially-- where's Rob Van Dam?! You've never been able to beat me-- I KNOW that sticks in your craw! And in a brutal, ECW-style match that also features the man who trained you as one of the competitors? I KNOW that's got to be tempting for you! I know you've got your excuses: "I'm already booked in another match that night..." Yeah? Well, so am I! No offense to the Sheik-- he's just the kind of guy I wanted to accept my challenge. Tough, brutal, merciless! But I never pictured this match as a one-on-one affair. Face it, people! It's gonna take more than one guy to slow ME down!

...At just that moment, Spike goes flying off a turnbuckle from behind, surprising Lesnar with a chair-shot to the back of the head. Lesnar goes down to the canvas and Spike follows up with a top-turnbuckle "spike" (diving double footstomp) to Lesnar's kidney. The combo has Lesnar stunned and-- at least momentarily-- out of commission...


SPIKE: FOLEY! "Leave safety behind," you say? "Put your body on the line"? "Well-aimed slingshots can topple giants"?
You SAY those words... with an ARMY behind you! But I LIVE them!

(Lesnar starts to stir-- he looks CRAZED with fury!)


SPIKE: LESNAR! Do you think that was a ten count? I think it WAS!

I know I'm NOT the "kind of guy" you wanted to accept your challenge. I'm not big enough to seem like a legitimate threat. So I knew that I'd need to PROVE that I can hang with you-- that I'm a worthy opponent.... But I will take ANY risk to prove that my size is irrelevant!

(Spike ducks a grab by Lesnar and rolls out of the ring.)

SPIKE: I know you want to destroy me now, but let that anger simmer, Brockster! And think how sweet it'll be to get your hands on me at Sudden Death!

I'll see you there, big man!

[Batman]

FOLEY: Hey, Spike! You know... you made it sound kind of like you think I'm a hypocrite... Just because I'm not taking on the whole world all by myself. That hurts me.

But I'll get over it! I'm gonna overlook that! And I'll tell you why! You really showed me something last night! You showed me everything I want to see! That you've got heart! And courage! And you're willing to take a stand! And take a risk! And-- if necessary-- make a sacrifice!

I have a special surprise entrant in mind for the last slot on my Wargames team. But what I saw last night makes me think that maybe I should... tweak that plan a little bit!

The slot is yours if you want it... You've taken on a BIG fight... Are you SURE you don't want an army behind you?


SPIKE: Mick, I appreciate the thought... But a guy like me... if I talk big, I HAVE to back it up... alone. Unless I prove myself without any backup, people will always whisper behind my back-- "that runt never would have made it this far without his big brothers watching his back."

I know that there's gonna be a price to pay for my stubbornness. I'm prepared to pay it!

FOLEY: Well, I can appreciate that! Good luck in your match at Sudden Death...

SPIKE: Good luck in your match, Mick!

[Batman]

VAN DAM: Hey, Brock! Haha! How's it going?

Y'know, I hear what you're saying... I'd love another opportunity to finally pin you-- one two three! And I'd love to get a chance to go at it with my mentor, the Sheik! But it wouldn't be fair to my tag-team partner, Hakushi, to take the chance of not being a hundred percent in our very first match as a team. Right, man?


HAKUSHI: ...

VAN DAM: See? He agrees! There WILL be another time and another place... For you AND for the Sheik!

Besides... It looks to ME like you've already got your hands full....

[Amazing Jos]

Great promo from Bourne, Spike coming up and making a name for himself is a pleasant surprise and RVD is scared of Brock!

[Batman]

I don't know if I'd say THAT... But he's not gonna let Brock shame him into a match where he's got nothing to gain....

[Mr. Dashbee]

Jun 30, 2013 23:05:10 GMT -5 Batman said:

I don't know if I'd say THAT... But he's not gonna let Brock shame him into a match where he's got nothing to gain....

RVD's that smart?

[Batman]

Hehe. I'd even say that he doesn't really think that he can translate Hakushi's non-verbal cues....

But he's not calculating, no. To put it a different way, Rob's a laid-back dude, and can't be stampeded into doing something by the usual sort of stimuli-- "you're a coward!" "uh oh, better prove I'm not!"-- that makes most wrestlers react as predictably as one of Pavlov's dogs....

Oh, and.... Glad to see that you're still reading, Greg.... An exalt to you, as well!

Here, have a couple more installments this morning.....

[Batman]

BATMAN: I'm very happy to introduce Batman Wrestling's very own announce team!

On color we have someone who has a history with us. Back when this company was called Armageddon Wrestling, we gave him his first shot at commentating... He went on to work the desk at ECW and Smackdown! Now he's back behind our commentary table-- let's warmly welcome the ever-cerebral... Matt Striker!


STRIKER: Why, thank you Batman. I promise that I will continue to give the fans of Armagedd... I mean... of Batman Wrestling a different perspective, a unique point of view, to help them think for themselves and not follow the party line like a herd of sheep....

BATMAN: OK, then... And on play-by-play, it's that Memphis legend.... Lance Russell!


RUSSELL: Why, thank you for the kind introduction, Batman. It's good to see you again-- it's been a while since you stopped by my usual stomping grounds in Memphis....


LAWLER: So! It's my old nemesis, Lance Russell! I should have known! You're the one pulling the strings, behind the scenes, aren't you!

RUSSELL: Lawler, you dirty scoundrel! There's no secret skulduggery going on! Nobody's conspiring against you! When the PWA Commissioner handed down the ruling that Batman was ineligible for the position of Commissioner of Batman Wrestling, I accepted the appointment as President. I'm technically the final authority, but I intend to take a hands-off approach... and let Batman continue doing the same great job he's been doing so far... as "Host" of Batman Wrestling! I'm just here to call the plays, as I see 'em.

LAWLER: A likely story, Russell! I know you're just here to make my life miserable, as usual!

RUSSELL: Why should I? You haven't done anything cowardly or reprehensible... yet! But I'll be keeping an EYE on you!

[Batman]

LESNAR: "I've got nothin' to prove-- but you all had better not try and prove something at MY expense!" That was the FIRST thing I warned you all about, at the very beginning of this draft!

You should have listened, Spike! I know that you THINK you're ready to "pay the price"... But you don't really know just how high that price is gonna be!

I see that your new look is based on an old movie from the 70s-- but you picked the WRONG ONE!

Instead of Taxi Driver...

...you oughta be Death Wish!!

[Eric O'Mac]

I love your promos. You really do a good job capturing each wrestlers character almost perfectly.

The only criticism I have is that I don't necessarily like the pictures indicating who is talking. I had no idea that was a picture of Evan Bourne until the end of the promo, so I had no idea who was involved. I know you've done this with all of your companies, and it's a unique way to present your product, but personally, there are times when I'm not a fan.

The Batman logo already on the microphones? Brilliant. Awesome job thus far.

[Batman]

Thanks, man!

Jul 1, 2013 10:48:05 GMT -5 Eric O'Mac said:

I had no idea that was a picture of Evan Bourne until the end of the promo, so I had no idea who was involved.

It's easy to forget that not everybody is as instantly identifiable as, say, Hogan. I'll make a point to make sure someone says a guy's name in the dialogue to avoid that problem....

Take a look at Bourne's segment now, see if it reads without confusion as I've edited it?

[Mr. Dashbee]

What's the aversion to using their name, as in...

Batman: I think this event is going to be so huge the Bat Cave won't hold it!

Maybe include both the name & pic?

[Batman]

Words that aren't actually spoken take me out of the flow. I avoid exposition as much as I can, too, for the same reason.

Besides which, a wrestler who isn't a household name really should be making a point to say their own name, for the sake of new viewers who might not know....