[Batman]

CYNDI: Oh, Bruizah! I wish you'd leave town. That beast'll tear yuh t'pieces!

STRIKER: It's true, Bruiser! I've seen the way he runs ragged those two giants Corddrey employs-- and that's while chained to a wall! He should never be loosed in a wrestling ring!

If you won't listen to reason and flee the jurisdiction, we must discuss strategy to combat "the Animal"s savagery!

BRUISER: Stragedy, my eye! Lemme be, shrimp. I gots sumpin' else on me mind jes' now...

Hey, Cyn, le's you an' me set over on the sofa a while...

CYNDI: Oh, Bruizah! I ain't in da mood f'fendin off yer passes right now!

They sit, anyway...

BRUISER: I ain't poison, can'tchya put yer arm around me?

CYNDI: NO.

BRUISER: Y'may not get no more chances after the fight, on account of I might get killed...

CYNDI: Oh, don't say that! Do you REALLY think y'might get killed?

[Batman]

BRUISER: He may knock me head clean off'n me neck, y'can't never tell!

CYNDI: Bruizah, I can't bear to think of him doing all that to you!

BRUISER: They ain't much hope... Kiss me, while I gots a face!

CYNDI: Oh, Bruizah, you'd bettah go get yer rest-- I been sittin' here, crying my eyes out for hours!

LATER, OUTSIDE....

STRIKER: I heard... SOME of what you said to Lauper, Bruiser... If you're so sure that "the Animal" is gonna tear you apart, why won't you leave town?

BRUISER: Y'can't pay no 'tention to what I says t'Cyndi, half pint! I'm jest workin' on 'er sympthities!

STRIKER: Aw, for crying out loud!

BRUISER: ...never had so much fun in me whole life!

[Batman]

BRUISER is sitting on a park-bench. A dozen children are gathered around to hear his stories. Apparently this is a regular thing with BRUISER?

CHILD 1: Bruiser, we heard you signed up tah fight a g'rilla...

CHILD 2: NOBODY ever licked a g'rilla!

BRUISER: Yeah, he's supposibly half-gorilla... Ol' man Corddrey tricked me into it. But that's all right-- I ain't scared a nothin' ceptin' evil spiricks.

CHILD 3: Please be careful, bruiser!

CHILD 4: Hit 'im good!

CHILD 5 to CHILD 6: There's a MAN!

The children wander off...

CHILD 1: Sure... Bruiser got tricked... That g'rilla might kill im! Ol' Corddrey can't treat our pal like that!

CHILD 5: I'll say he can't! Let's all get ripe tomatoes!

[Batman]

Marty JANNETTY is climbing a ladder: My old partner, Shawn Michaels... he stepped on a lot of toes while he was climbing his ladder to success. Stepping on toes has never been my style...

But tomorrow, I have a ladder match with two of the most agile, acrobatic wrestlers that the world has ever seen. Hanging high above the ring is-- not a championship, but a literal brass ring. The one who grasps it gets a shot next month at whoever survives the Batman World Championship double-elimination match in tomorrow night's main event.

And for the opportunity to face Hulk Hogan...? Or perhaps El Canek...? Or maybe Brock Lesnar...? for the World Championship? Trust me-- I'm willing to step on a few toes....

[Batman]

FOLEY: I admit it... It's all my fault. Buys are down, and why? Stiffer competition?-- sure! I wanted to see Sting versus Umaga, too!

But mostly people looked at the card and said "needs more Foley"! Now that you've seen it-- most of you in replay-- I think you'll agree: even though I didn't have a match, there was plenty of Foley! Maybe more than you could handle!

But it was my job to promote it that way-- to help you see it the way that I see it! But that was the trouble-- I couldn't quite see it! Not till I was in the midst of it... I wanted SO BADLY to be the nice guy-- I didn't want to see... That's not my role this time 'round! I want to be Henry the Fourth, but I need to deal with the fact that this is Richard the Third. On the bright side, my name's still on the marquee!

Not only was this show all about Foley-- it was all about the Three Faces of Foley! Let me explain...

Whenever I talk about the Three Faces of Foley, people ask: is he really crazy? Or is it all an act? The answer, of course, is "yes!"

No, I do not have multiple personality disorder. I have... layers. There's Dude Love: the side of me that's glib and glad-handing and says "tweak"! The side that wants to be everybody's friend... to their face! There's Cactus Jack: the hard-nosed battler. And then there's Mankind: the side that's genuinely a little... off. The little boy who got a thrill when he saw his own blood. The little boy who got labeled a "WEIRDO" WHEN HE TRIED TO SHARE his deepest feelings to the other kids-- the people that he THOUGHT were HIS FRIENDS!

Sorry.

People looked at that card and-- besides "needs more Foley"-- they said "what's with all the three-ways?" And I said "yeah.... what is with all the three-ways?" Did you know I lost out on the opportunity to main-event Wrestlemania '97 cause Shawn Michaels doesn't like three-ways?

I just couldn't see it...

...I couldn't see that it was all about me! All about the Three Faces of Foley... symbolically.

Team "For Mankind"... Kendrick is the Dude, Sandman is Jack, Jacobs Mankind. I tried to be a just and fair arbiter... may the best layer win!... but I couldn't! I couldn't let one side of me win out over the others!

And the main event! Dudester was Hogan, of course-- the glad-handing bastard! Lesnar was Cactus... And Mankind was supposed to be... Mankind!

When I gave up my spot to Canek, that was just me-- symbolically-- trying to give my good side (my super-ego, if you will) a shot!

And when I tried to hand the match to Canek...that was me-- symbolically-- trying to FORCE my good side to the fore!

That didn't work out, and I apologize. But I'm not sorry. Because it wasn't meant to be. Now isn't the time for the devoted husband and father. The noted philanthropist. The best-selling author...



...now is the era of mankind!

[Batman]

KENDRICK: Jimmy... I can call you Jimmy, can't I? Course I can... Jimmy... You've changed... You used to be so much fun! Why so serious, Jimmy?

JACOBS: It's all a big joke to you Brian, I get that.... But Mankind's message really meant something to me!

KENDRICK: You still don't get it, do you, Jimmy? Mankind didn't just turn on you... he didn't just betray me.... He betrayed ALL OF US!

JACOBS: We had already betrayed ourselves by not sticking together! And then we placed him in the impossible position of choosing between us!

KENDRICK: You're a real true believer, aren't you? Even after everything, you'll still make excuses, you can NEVER believe anything bad about that lunatic!

JACOBS: No... I'm not saying he's perfect... I'm not even saying he's NOT crazy! I'm saying that his message struck home with me.... That you can't accomplish anything without sacrifice, that you can't reach your dreams without paying the price....

KENDRICK: ...IN BLOOD!

Blood, blood, BLOOD... It's always blood with you these days! Which leads me back to my point-- whatever happened to the fun Jimmy? Why don't you go make a music video about unrequited love, or something?

JACOBS: You know what, f-- JACOBS rears back, KENDRICK puts up his hands in supplication... KENDRICK: BUT! But! If it's got to be all about blood, let's settle it with blood! You and me, in a first blood match!

JACOBS: First blood? FIRST BLOOD?!?! FIRST BLOOD IS NOT ENOUGH!! FIRST BLOOD IS A GOD DAMN TEASE! I WANT SECOND BLOOD, THIRD BLOOD, LAST BLOOD, ALL BLOOD!!

While shouting, JACOBS busts himself open punching his eyebrow. KENDRICK cowers.

[Batman]

VAN DAM: All right, Barr... I did a little research, found out where you got that goofy key... It's the Phoenix Key and you won it in a ladder match against Eddie Guerrero in the main event of RagnaROCK! a couple years back. But the last time you said anything about it, dude, you said you didn't know what the heck it's good for!

I guess you must know, now! So how 'bout fillin' the rest of us in, man?!

LOVE MACHINE: That's right, Rob! I do know what the Phoenix Key is good for... But I'm not QUITE ready to tell the world my secret just YET!

But I hear that Brock Lesnar wants a warm-up match at the show.... I know that the HONORABLE Rob Van Dam wouldn't want an unfair advantage! Why don't you and ME have a warm-up match?

You can try to beat the secret out of me! Or... I can tell you as I stand over you in victory!

[Batman]

SANDMAN: Jack! Jack, I just want you to know... all of those WORDS? That crazy act you're puttin' on? That don't cut no ice with ME! Y'hear me, Jack?

FOLEY: Oh, I hear you, Jack! ...I mean...

...Sandman....

...I hear that you're not HAPPY with the job I did as referee last week!

If you're not happy with my officiating, then I CHALLENGE YOU! I CHALLENGE YOU to referee MY next match!

Let's see how YOU like it!

[Batman]

GEORGE: Lawler, I'll have you know-- Jeffries! is a NON! COMBATANT!

He is my valet! Pronounced "val" "LET"! A "val-lay" parks your car!

Whereas Jeffries assisted me with my robes and the like... And that is all! He never tripped up my opponents, slipped me foreign objects, NONE of that!

I should hope that you feel some SHAME for this base and cowardly attack on a non-combatant. I should hope so... but I don't EXPECT so!

I, contrariwise, am ashamed. Ashamed that I led my friend into harms way... Ashamed that I failed to foresee your perfidy... Ashamed that I failed to protect him.

Protect him from a cowardly attack that saw my friend hurled through a table and seriously injured.

They say that your sins will be revisited you threefold. Lawler. Abdullah. I promise you that. Because we're going to be in a Triple Table match! You, me, him... and... don't worry, I won't stand alone!

...You will feel your vertebrae disalign as you crash through a table... But that won't be the end! NO! You will crash through THREE tables before I'm done with you!

The first team to put their opponents through three tables wins... But just because you've made this personal, Lawler, don't think I've forgotten about MY Crown that you stole from me! The captain of the winning team gets the Armageddon Crown... Captain of the losing team? May never challenge for the Crown again!

I'd wish you luck, Lawler-- you'll NEED it!...

...But I wouldn't want to be insincere!

[Batman]

Hidden-camera footage of Mickie KNUCKLES on her cell phone...

KNUCKLES: Hey, Jack. Yeah, I figgered you'd need me now! You burned a lot of bridges, Jack! No, you could never burn this bridge.... I don't care how crazy you are. I owe you... And you never cared how crazy I was!

Reservations? Just one... I'm already booked. No... it's not that I mind working twice in a night... All the big names seem to do it, here! But I don't wanna let down my other partner. Jeffries deserves some revenge after what they did to that poor man! Besides, Lawler is a misogynistic JACKASS!

Yeah, but I don't want to hold back in your match, either!

Yeah, that would help... Even the playing field, hell yeah!

Wait! NOT by making Abdullah our other partner!

...Yes, that's exactly the sort of dumbass thing you'd do!

...Yeah... Spike's a tough little shit. YES, he'd be a better fit than Abby!...

Yeah, we'll find a different way to even the playing field....

[Batman]

KENDRICK: The GAME of DEATH! That's the name of our next super-show.... If you ask Mankind, he'll tell you that the big story of this show is the main event of Night One-- his final confrontation with his nemesis, Hulk Hogan, locked inside the unforgiving steel cage!

If you ask EVAN BOURNE, he'll tell you that the big match is his match-- the main event of Night Two! Evan Bourne finally gets his shot at the Batman World Championship, one-on-one, after his triumphant return from career-threatening injury!

BUT! Why is the show called "Game of Death!" anyhow?

I'll tell you why! Because of the match the Game of Death... And the match is called that because of the movie the Game of Death-- the one with Bruce Lee in a yellow track-suit climbing a tower... with a different challenge to fight past at each level... and some incredible prize at the top.

The Game of Death is a structure we've only seen once before in professional wrestling-- years ago, at RagnaROCK!

...There is no other structure like it-- triple-stacked cages... The bottom cage is the Danger Room: a double-ring filled with platforms, springboards, hanging ropes, et cetera-- all with the intent of giving the advantage to a competitor with agility... and ingenuity. (Such as myself!)

The cage above that is the Ladder Room: a single-ring cage stocked with ladders, obviously-- but ALSO with the winners of last night's ladder match, the High Fliers, there to attempt to prevent any competitor from advancing to the top cage!

Atop them all is the Treasure Room: a half-size cage containing only your prize-- AND the Giants guarding it...

And what is your prize? What is worth fighting through so much to reach? The new Phoenix Key, risen from the ashes of the key that was used by Art Barr to insert himself into last night's main event TLC match-- to no avail!

I assure you, when I have the Phoenix Key, I won't let its powers go to waste!

Eight men will enter the Game of Death tower, but only one can gain the prize! Only the very best (like me!) even get a shot at it! The losers of last night's main event will have to fight at Night One to even get a shot! (And you better believe that the "Love Machine" is whining about that! "But I was the FIRST winner of the Phoenix Key, blah blazy blah.")

With this Phoenix Key, I will be able to demand a Championship match anytime I like-- not in a ladder match like last time, but...

...ah, but I think I'll let that be my secret!

I told you ALL from the start...

I'm the man with the plan... and I'm gonna run this place!