[Evil Scotty]

Real Name?

Where do you live?

What do you do for a living?

What's your favorite video game?

How many Comics do you read in a month?

Which titles?

[Batman]

Jul 19, 2009 22:56:56 GMT -5 Evil Scotty said:

Real Name?

Sergei Nolan Alderman. First name incorrectly pronounced like "Sergio" without the "o."

Where do you live?

At the moment, with my parents four miles north of Pine River, Minnesota. AKA the ass-end of nowhere.

What do you do for a living?

Not a damn thing right now. Thus the living with parents (briefly.)

What's your favorite video game?

Missile Command.

How many Comics do you read in a month? Which titles?

I follow a few webcomics pretty regularly: Girl Genius, Faans, Penny & Aggie, El Goonish Shive, Flipside, Templar AZ, Questionable Content...
But I haven't read any print comics for months. I got real busy and dropped it for a while a couple of months ago, and haven't gotten around to catching back up with what I've missed. At that time I had been following Trinity, Legion of 3 Worlds, Fables, Batman, Invincible, and Walking Dead. Not long before that, I was also reading Army@Love, LSH, and Action, but Army@Love finished up, Legion got cancelled, and I lost interest in Action when the Kandor storyline started up.
I think that the last time I read any Marvel was when Bendis was writing Daredevil. That was a great run.

[Lou]

Jul 19, 2009 23:58:28 GMT -5 Batman said:

Jul 19, 2009 22:56:56 GMT -5 Evil Scotty said:

Real Name?

Sergei Nolan Alderman. First name incorrectly pronounced like "Sergio" without the "o."

Ever beat up Robin Ventura?

[Batman]

No. Also don't get the joke.

MTA:

OK, I googled it. A Nolan Ryan joke, huh? Fine-- could be worse.

[DevSop]

You mentioned it somewhere, why are you disappearing for months?

[Batman]

I'm reporting to Army Basic Combat Training on 8/19. So I'll be incommunicado for a while.

[Lou]

Jul 20, 2009 0:32:27 GMT -5 Batman said:

I'm reporting to Army Basic Combat Training on 8/19. So I'll be incommunicado for a while.

That's a pretty big life decision. What made you decide to do that?

What does your family think of your decision?

Why that particular branch?

[Batman]

Jul 20, 2009 0:36:56 GMT -5 Lou said:

That's a pretty big life decision. What made you decide to do that?

That it is. I like eating.

What does your family think of your decision?

They also like eating.

Why that particular branch?

I'm old.

Slightly less flip versions of the same answers:

My family has been barely scraping by for some time, while I "focused on my education." Recently completed my degree, but still wasn't having any success finding suitable employment. My wife encouraged me to consider the Army option. (At 38, I am over the age cutoff for other branches.) I explored other options without success, weighed the risks and benefits and finally decided to go for it.

The reaction of my relatives for the most part falls somewhere within the umbella of "concerned about the risk, but proud." With a little bit of "looking forward to not being poor" among the nuclear family, and "looking forward to getting paid" among those I owe money to.

[Byrntrigan]

So what is your higher education in?

What will you be pursuing in the Army? What will be your billet after Basic?

[Batman]

I just completed a BS in Statistics. Sadly people who need a statistics guy usually want a Masters or a lot of relevant experience.

The Army may very well be the most acronym-mad organization in the world. My MOS is 09S for OCS. In regular American you'd say that my job code is 09S for officer school.

So I won't know my branch till the last week or so of OCS. My understanding is that we will get a list of which branches have openings that week and will pick from that list in order of our class standing. So it's a combination of luck of the draw and performance.

I'll be doing Basic in Fort Jackson SC (in August! That will suck.) and OCS in Fort Benning GA. After that depends on branch.

[The Jewish Cunthead]

Good luck with Basic.

I know Empire makes the list - what are the other 9 DVDs that you've given desert island status? Also, CDs.

[Byrntrigan]

Jul 20, 2009 14:36:03 GMT -5 Batman said:

I'll be doing Basic in Fort Jackson SC (in August! That will suck.) and OCS in Fort Benning GA. After that depends on branch.

Here's some word to encourage you from The Simpsons.

Colonel: I have chosen your assignments. (whacks soldiers on the head with his horsewhip as he says their assignments) Frontline infantry. Frontline infantry. Frontline infantry. Frontline infantry. Frontline infantry.
Rainier Wolfcastle: I just joined to make recruitment films.
Colonel: Well, you know where you're gonna get some great footage?
Rainier: Oh. Tell me.
Colonel: Frontline infantry!

watch-films-online.com/2009/05/simpsons-season-18-episode-5-gi-annoyed-grunt/

[Batman]

Jul 20, 2009 14:52:29 GMT -5 The Jewish Cunthead said:

Good luck with Basic.

I know Empire makes the list - what are the other 9 DVDs that you've given desert island status? Also, CDs.

Taken at face value, that's a tough question. There really aren't any movies I just couldn't live without watching again. I can't think of the last timed I re-watched an old favorite. It's been years, I think. I'd probably get more out of taking ten movies I think I'd like but haven't yet gotten around to watching. Or some wilderness survival how-to films. But I'll just try to rank ten favorite films, anyway, that's what people usually do, right?


2) The Wizard of Oz
3) Philadelphia Story
4) Blazing Saddles
5) Terminator
6) American Beauty
7) Snow White
Metropolis (the anime)
9) Broken Arrow
10) Housesitter

...Maybe. Ask me again next week and I'd probably come up with a different list.

CDs--does this mean top-10 individual discs? Or does a box-set count as one? I'm going to assume the former.

1) Elvis Presley - The Sun Sessions
2) George Jones - Super Hits
3) The Otis Redding Story, disc 2
4) Four Tops Greatest Hits
5) The Sam Cooke Story
6) Best of Doo-Wop Uptempo
7) James Brown - Star Time, disc 2
The Otis Redding Story, disc 1
9) Buddy Holly - Memorial Collection, disc 3
10) Johnny Cash - American IV

Damn that was hard. I still wouldn't have any Aretha or Marvin, or any Rock music at all, for that matter. Tough decisions.

[Byrntrigan]

1. Boobies, Milkbags, SweaterKittens, Tits. What's your favority euphamism for boobies? Doesn't have to be in this list
2. Do you like large, small or are you indifferent to size?
3. On the corallary of nipples: Describe the type you like please.

A. Do you like game shows?
135. What is your favorite?
12.5. What 1 PH'er could/should be a game show host? What game?
12.75. What game show would you host?

What game show would I host?

[Batman]

Jul 21, 2009 0:09:27 GMT -5 Byrntrigan said:

1. Boobies, Milkbags, SweaterKittens, Tits. What's your favority euphamism for boobies? Doesn't have to be in this list

Uh, "favorite" in the sense of it gives me a happy glow inside just to say it? None. Or "favorite" in the sense that it's the term I use most? Then, "tits."

2. Do you like large, small or are you indifferent to size?

I like big tits. A lot. But I've been strongly attracted to flat-chested women often enough.

3. On the corallary of nipples: Describe the type you like please.

Has anybody told you that this is sort of a weird question? Hard ones, I suppose. With prominent glands of Montgomery.

A. Do you like game shows?
135. What is your favorite?

Not particularly. "Jeopardy."

12.5. What 1 PH'er could/should be a game show host? What game?

Solly, "Name That Movie."

12.75. What game show would you host?

"Jeopardy," I guess. Or "Win Sergei's Money."

What game show would I host?

"Fear Factor"?

[Demko]

With a name like Sergei, I'd think you had Russian heritage (or at least one of the -stans), but Alderman doesn't appear to have Russian roots.

What is your heritage?

[Byrntrigan]

Why statistics?

What is the allure for you? Also, you can take that knowledge and be an actuary. Have you thought of that? Perhaps using that stats insight in data modeling or other types of IT related functions would be helpful.

I work with a couple guys like that at Allstate.

[Batman]

Jul 21, 2009 10:48:54 GMT -5 Demko said:

With a name like Sergei, I'd think you had Russian heritage (or at least one of the -stans), but Alderman doesn't appear to have Russian roots.

I could have sworn I did the weird-name-explanation thing recently. I can do it again, though. My dad had a friend named Sergio who he wanted to name me after, but my mom hated that name. She saw the name "Sergei" in an article about the Olympics, and assumed it was pronounced like "Sergio" but without the "o". But it's not. Except for us. Having a unique combination of first and last name can be useful for getting usernames and such. I never have to add numbers after my name. I think I'm very likely the only "Sergei Alderman" in the world.

What is your heritage?

Sometimes I tell that whole story and someone will then say "So are you Russian, then?" It's like, "But, if my mom was Russian she would have known the correct pronunciation of 'Sergei.' Were you listening at all?"

I don't know much about my heritage, I've been pretty estranged from my father for a long time, so that's half of it that I don't know much of anything about--presumably partly English or German just based on the name "Alderman."

My mom's side is mostly Scottish and Irish.

[Batman]

Jul 21, 2009 10:56:49 GMT -5 Byrntrigan said:

Why statistics?

What is the allure for you?

My wife knows me well and is very astute. When I lost a job a few years ago, and was having a quarter-life crisis (Thanks, Lucky!) trying to figure out if I should go back to school and if so what I should study, she observed that with any hobby or whatever I would always be very numbers-oriented. (Remember the charts and graphs I used to make for the 12 pack? Like that.) So she suggested that I consider statistics. I did a little research and decided that it seemed fascinating and that she was right that it would suit me.

Also, you can take that knowledge and be an actuary. Have you thought of that?

Yes and no. They are very related fields, but being an actuary is a lot like being in a calculus class that never ends.

Perhaps using that stats insight in data modeling or other types of IT related functions would be helpful.

I work with a couple guys like that at Allstate.

Yeah, stat has a lot of applications.

[Byrntrigan]

4. What other sports do you like?
5. Do you participate in any sports?
6. What is your stance / feeling on tattoos and piercings?
7. Do you have any tattoos and/or piercings / let's see a picture (s)
8. What is your all time favorite wrestling move?
9. Do you have any siblings?
10. Did you ever attempt to do said wresting move on said sibling (barring sibling,friend)?
11. What's the worst thing you've ever done (that discussing now won't violate the statute of limitations) ?
12. Favorite video game.
13. Arcade game you were best at as a kid?
14. Have you ever uttered a quote from the Simpsons in real life and someone got the joke?
15. Do you watch cartoons?
16. What's your favorite cartoon?

15. If left with the choice between death by slow starvation or eating a human being, what would you do?
16. If you eat the person, how would you cook them? Also, what type of wine/liquor?
17. Have you ever killed an animal ie not vermin (not an insect or mouse)?
18. What's your stance on the death penalty?
19. Have you ever seriously considered seriously hurting someone? Not like punching them, but like breaking a leg, wrapping a golf club around their dome, shiving etc. Describe.

[Byrntrigan]

Do you look forward to learning not only defend yourself but kill a man?

[Batman]

Jul 21, 2009 23:22:15 GMT -5 Byrntrigan said:

4. What other sports do you like?

What was the first sport? Pro wrestling? I think most people would not count that as a sport. I am a lifelong dweeby geek nerd and have never enjoyed spectator sports or avoidable physical exertion. (Actually one odd exception to that--I've always loved to dance. Not real dance with steps or anything, just hopping and bopping around to uptempo music. Still, not a sport.)

5. Do you participate in any sports?

Not unless you want to count air hockey.

6. What is your stance / feeling on tattoos and piercings?
7. Do you have any tattoos and/or piercings / let's see a picture (s)

Hmm, this is really two questions. Or maybe three. On me, never. I don't know if it's narcissism, or just a lingering Christian "the body is a temple" mindset, or what. But I never would.
On chicks? I fucking love tattoos and piercings, I think that look is hot as hell. Tattoos, punk clothes, short spiked hair, hair colors not intended by nature, all that stuff plumpens my wang. Sadly, those girls usually want a guy who will complement their look, and I could never do that. I'd feel like I was walking around in a Halloween costume.
On dudes, I have a live and let live attitude. I think a lot of ink looks kind of ridiculous if you don't have a whole look to go with it--whether that be punk or biker or whatever. But, you know, do what you want to do.
I'd make an exception for neoprimitive piercings, though. They bug me, and tend to give me a negative first impression of a person. I strongly disagree with the underlying philosophy of rejecting the modern and romanticizing the primitive. And they're ugly.
Then again, tribal tattoos are likely intended to reflect the same philosophy, but they actually look cool.

8. What is your all time favorite wrestling move?

Probably the Hangover.

9. Do you have any siblings?
10. Did you ever attempt to do said wresting move on said sibling (barring sibling,friend)?

No and no.

11. What's the worst thing you've ever done (that discussing now won't violate the statute of limitations) ?

I've hardly ever done anything much illegal. I've done lots of things that most people would think are awful (infidelity and such) but "most people" have very different values than mine. But if we're talking about something that I actually feel ashamed of, probably the thing in my life that weighs heaviest on my conscience is yelling at my kids and not always feeling like I'm doing the best job as a father. But I suppose most parents have those kind of doubts from time to time.

13. Arcade game you were best at as a kid?

Yie-ar-Kung Fu, maybe?

14. Have you ever uttered a quote from the Simpsons in real life and someone got the joke?

This question seems to be based on the bizarre premise that the Simpsons is somehow a cult show that just the cool kids watch. You are aware that it's one of the most popular TV shows of all time?
Quotes I use pretty regularly:
"I bought the LARGEST car I could afford."
"Bleugh. I'll have the clam juice." (I hate Mt Dew)
"Sleep! That's where I'm a Viking!"

15. Do you watch cartoons?

Uh. Yeah.

16. What's your favorite cartoon?

TV Series? Batman.

15. If left with the choice between death by slow starvation or eating a human being, what would you do?

Yes, I would eat human flesh in order to survive. No, I would NOT murder to get human flesh to eat to survive.

16. If you eat the person, how would you cook them? Also, what type of wine/liquor?

Liquor has calories. I wouldn't be resorting to human-flesh eating while there's anything else with food value available.

17. Have you ever killed an animal ie not vermin (not an insect or mouse)?

Indirectly, yeah. I eat meat, I took my cat to the humane society when he was very sick, I caught some fish when I was a little kid, but was too squeamish to clean them. But I didn't kill any of those directly, with my own hands. I suppose that the worms and minnows I put on my hooks aren't vermin. So yeah. But not much.

18. What's your stance on the death penalty?

I don't really have one. It's the kind of question that I'm glad is not up to me.

19. Have you ever seriously considered seriously hurting someone? Not like punching them, but like breaking a leg, wrapping a golf club around their dome, shiving etc. Describe.

Seriously? Like I imagined my revenge in great detail and got a lot of vicious pleasure out of fantasizing someone's disability, pain, and disfigurement? Sure. Like I actually had the intent to act on that, and then changed my mind or had to be talked down or something? No, never.

[Batman]

Jul 21, 2009 23:22:40 GMT -5 Byrntrigan said:

Do you look forward to learning not only defend yourself but kill a man?

No.

[Byrntrigan]

19. As a youngster, did you ever think you were gay?
20. Ever had a threesome?
21. Ever try to get a girl (not bi) to screw another girl while you watched / participated?
22. Ever screw a drunk chick? Were you drunk as well?

23. Have you ever gotten into a fight?
24. Who won?
25. Did you cry afterwards?
26. Have you studied martial arts? If so, what disciplines?
29. If you could get into a fist fight with anyone in history who would it be?
30. Why?


27. What was the first thing you told your first child after they were born?
28. Did you cut the umbillical cords of your kids?

32. What's the one defining moment in your life when you look back thus far?
33. Why?
34. Do you regret anything in your life thus far?
35. Would you change your action looking back?

[Batman]

Jul 23, 2009 8:00:13 GMT -5 Byrntrigan said:

19. As a youngster, did you ever think you were gay?

Everyone else seemed to think I was, but no--I was always pretty confident that a gay guy wouldn't have so many or such vivid fantasies about sex with women.

20. Ever had a threesome?

Depends what you count. By "Clinton" standards, no.

21. Ever try to get a girl (not bi) to screw another girl while you watched / participated?

I don't know that I know any girls who aren't bi.

22. Ever screw a drunk chick? Were you drunk as well?

Yes. Don't get me wrong, I've occasionally turned down advances because a girl was too drunk and might regret it the next day and I didn't want to take advantage. But that scruple doesn't apply when it's someone you already have a sexual relationship with. There was a time in her life when my wife considered copious amounts of drink one of the primary aspects of foreplay. I was generally not more than slightly buzzed, myself. I'm not much of a drinker.

26. Have you studied martial arts? If so, what disciplines?

I am a past master of the honorable art of, "let's not fuck with the big guy."

One of my favorite stories--my wife and I were walking down the sidewalk one day, and there was this scary-looking, muscular, ANGRY black guy going the opposite way on the sidewalk towards us. Man, he was PISSED about something, muttering under his breath and clearly ready to take it out in some way on the next person he saw. Which... would be us. So our paths finally meet, he looks up at me and says, "Hey, bigger-than-me" and continues on his way.

I haven't been in a fight since grade school.

23. Have you ever gotten into a fight?
24. Who won?
25. Did you cry afterwards?

I got into lots of fights in grade school. I never won, and I don't really remember them that well, but I know I was a giant pussy at that age, so I'm sure I probably cried

29. If you could get into a fist fight with anyone in history who would it be?
30. Why?

Fist fights are retarded. Now, if it were an anything-goes knock-down drag-out? Hitler, I guess. What could be more fun than kicking Hitler in the balls?

27. What was the first thing you told your first child after they were born?

I don't think I made any kind of dramatic "I will always be there for you" type of statement. So probably some kind of baby-talk nonsense--"WHO's a pretty little bububaby?" or something.

28. Did you cut the umbillical cords of your kids?

Ew. No.

32. What's the one defining moment in your life when you look back thus far?
33. Why?

I have no idea.

34. Do you regret anything in your life thus far?
35. Would you change your action looking back?

Sometimes I feel like I regret just about every other conversation I have with my older son.
But that's not "I wish I had handled that differently" so much as "I wish I knew how to handle that better."
But I don't really have regrets--regrets imply that you wish something had happened significantly differently, implying that you wish your life were different. I like my life and wouldn't trade it for anybody's.