[Sportsguy]

First, good luck going into basic training man, my brother did that for the guard. After what he described, I know I wouldn't have made it a day.

1. You can be any movie character in history, who do you chose and why?
2. You can sleep with any movie character in history (Character, not actress) Who and why?
3. Top Ten DVD's you'd LEAST like to be stuck with on a desert island.
4. Top 10 books you'd MOST like to take to a desert island.

[Batman]

Jul 24, 2009 2:11:10 GMT -5 Sportsguy said:

First, good luck going into basic training man, my brother did that for the guard. After what he described, I know I wouldn't have made it a day.

Thank you. The thought is highly appreciated.

1. You can be any movie character in history, who do you chose and why?

I said just a little while ago that I wouldn't trade lives with anybody, and I wouldn't. But if I have to pick somebody, why not Han Solo? Travels among the stars, has adventures, is witty and roguish, and finds true love in the end. Sounds pretty good.

2. You can sleep with any movie character in history (Character, not actress) Who and why?

Tough question, I can't pick just one. Angelina Jolie's character in Foxfire, Thora Birch's character in American Beauty, Christina Ricci in Buffalo 66, Jamie Lee Curtis in True Lies or Fish Called Wanda, Drew Barrymore in Poison Ivy, uh... yeah, I could just go on like that.

3. Top Ten DVD's you'd LEAST like to be stuck with on a desert island.

Yeah, I don't know, I haven't seen that many movies that I've hated. Usually if a movie looks like something I wouldn't like I skip it. There are a few exceptions, movies that surprised me with their suckiness. Fled! Oh my god what an awful piece of crap that was. The trailers looked funny. But I think I'd be pretty hard pressed to rank ten of them.

4. Top 10 books you'd MOST like to take to a desert island.

Favorite books I do tend to re-read pretty often. I'm not going to rank them, but here are ten that I'd grab on my way to the desert island.

Lois McMaster Bujold:
Cordelia's Honor
Mirror Dance
Memory
The Borders of Infinity

Robert Heinlein:
Beyond this Horizon
The Unpleasant Profession of Mr. Hoag
Revolt in 2100

Algis Budrys:
Rogue Moon

Robert Asprin:
A Phule's Company

Dorothy Sayers:
Strong Poison

[Byrntrigan]

36. Do you have/tried any sexual festishes?
37. What's the weidest place you have had sex?
38. Has there been anything sexual that a partner has asked you to do, and you refused? Why?


40. How old were you when you lost your virginity?
41. Any funny story associated with it?

RedDog. What is the most surprising thing you've learned from the 11 months of PH's Q&A with James Lipton?
4. Favorite swear word?
R. I'm paying for a tattoo of any size anywhere on your body from my artist. What do you get and where?


You said you find alternative women hot. List your top 5 women that you find hot like that...

[Byrntrigan]

44. Do you judge a "book" by it's cover?
45. Is it something if you do, that you try not to do?
46. What is your favorite condiment? What do you use it on?


A. Do you cook?
B. If so, what are your favorites to cook? To eat?
186a. Do you like sushi?
187. What's the weirdest thing you have ever eaten on sushi? Did you like it?
188. Weirdest thing you ever ate period? Did you like it?
138. What is one food that you would evangelize that most people haven't tried but should?

1. What questions did you think you were going to be asked?
2. What is the funniest incident you have been involved with? Scariest incident?
3. If you were convicted of treason, how would you want to be killed? It can be ANY way...
4. What one grammatical / spelling thing I do bothers you the MOST?

39. What do you think of the questions you have been asked as you are almost done?
Yella. What questions would you have asked you if you were asking questions?
40. What's the most surprising thing you've learned from these Q&A dealies thus far?
478. What's the most surprising thing you learned about me from my award winning showcase ?

.1. I'm coming to visit. What is the best place to eat that is special to your area (that is a area specialty, or shit I ain't getting in Chicago)?
.2. What are we gonna do?

Did you ever watch Let's Bowl (TV Show out of Minneapolis. Awesome show!)

[Batman]

Jul 24, 2009 10:33:18 GMT -5 Byrntrigan said:

36. Do you have/tried any sexual festishes?

My tastes are pretty vanilla. The most fetish-y thing I do is mild restraint (mild meaning I've never actually tied a girl up, or been tied up by one) and roughness: ie pulling her head back by her hair (not too hard), holding her down by her wrists or by her, ahem, er... neck. Not real hard, honest. I enjoy the same things done to me, but really not too hard. Lots of girls (ie, strippers) have realized that I like my hair tugged and then start to try to yank it the hell out of my head. It's so awkward to try to explain "honey I really DO like that, but NOT SO DAMN HARD!"

37. What's the weidest place you have had sex?

Surreptitiously, in water up to our necks, at a crowded beach.

38. Has there been anything sexual that a partner has asked you to do, and you refused? Why?

There are things I'm not too interested in (anal) but I've never had a girl seriously request any of those things. On the other hand, my wife frequently pretends to want to do stuff, just to try to freak me out. ("Hey, maybe I should peg you!")

40. How old were you when you lost your virginity?

Unfortunately old. 22 or 23, I think.

41. Any funny story associated with it?

I suppose it's pretty funny in retrospect. At the time I thought it sucked a whole lot.

I was in Duluth working as a temp at a nursing home, and I crossed the bridge over to Superior one night (because that's where they keep the strip clubs and seedy joints) and I finally got very, very lucky. This cute chick decided she wanted to pick ME up. So we stopped by a convenience store and I picked up protection and then we went to her place. We made out for a while and then it came time for the great de-virginizing!

So I go to put on the condom. Naturally enough, I had never done this before. It didn't help that I hadn't mentioned to the girl that I had never had sex. What twenty-something guy wants to admit to that? So I finally manage to struggle the damn thing on, and... it feels like an anaconda is trying to squeeze all life out of my cock. In spite of the pain, I want to complete this act, so I go for it. Then I pull out and try to adjust the condom to be less of a death-grip and... it rips. Aaaaaand... that was the end of that. I was no longer a virgin, if you count penetration, but I hadn't had sex if you only count completion.

(If you have this problem with condoms, I strongly recommend TheyFit. Well worth checking out.)

I remained in this half-virginal state for a couple more years--until the girlfriend who I later made my wife, in fact.

RedDog. What is the most surprising thing you've learned from the 11 months of PH's Q&A with James Lipton?

Sportsguy's virginity, I guess.

4. Favorite swear word?

Does anybody say anything besides "fuck" to this question? It's the perfect curse--strong, but also versatile. It can be a noun or a verb or an adjective (with "-ing"). It can express hate or lust. It's awesome. On the other hand, "motherfucker" is a good one if you've got a whole lot vitriol to blow off.

R. I'm paying for a tattoo of any size anywhere on your body from my artist. What do you get and where?

Sorry man, I'd turn you down.

You said you find alternative women hot. List your top 5 women that you find hot like that...

1) Jennifer, my wife.
2) Rachel. this chick I've been flirting with this summer. (She doesn't really dress punk or do her hair punk, but she does have a lot of tattoos... Mmm, and freckles...)
3) Andrea, my girlfriend in college.
4) This one girl I used to flirt with at my old job, her name slips my mind.
5) Umm, the most recent hot punk chick I saw walking down the sidewalk on any given day.

Or do you mean famous ones? I'm more of a "Punk Girl Next Door" guy, I guess.

[Byrntrigan]

So what piercings and tattoos does your wife have?

[Sportsguy]

You can change ONE movie ending, from any flick in history, what and why?
Other than Pun's, what other sites do you have bookmarked and/or visit every day?
Whats the one wrestling match in history you would have loved to seen live?

[Batman]

Jul 24, 2009 12:44:36 GMT -5 Byrntrigan said:

44. Do you judge a "book" by it's cover?
45. Is it something if you do, that you try not to do?

Yes I do, and no I don't try not to.

I'm willing to change my mind, but it's important to trust your instincts, and a first impression is a powerful thing.

46. What is your favorite condiment? What do you use it on?

I love salt, but that's not a condiment. Mustard, I suppose. I eat it on hot dogs with relish, brats with kraut, or burgers with ketchup.

A. Do you cook?

I cook to subsist, but I'm no chef.

B. If so, what are your favorites to cook? To eat?

I usually make spaghetti, tacos, chili, sloppy joes, stroganoff--simple, kid-friendly recipes like that. My favorite things to fix for myself, when I don't need to worry about whether the boys will like it or not--Mexican- instead of American-style tacos, with diced onions and cilantro, and maybe a dash of lemon juice instead of the American staples of sour cream, cheese, and taco sauce. Or I might fry up some sliced tofu and chop up some celery and throw it in some ramen with a lot of soy sauce. Or "that awful salty soup" as my older son calls it.

186a. Do you like sushi?

I've liked what I've tried of it, but I've mostly tried the most accessible and tasty-sounding things on the menu: shrimp, scallops, salmon--stuff I already know that I like, except cold and stuck on a little loaf of sticky rice.

187. What's the weirdest thing you have ever eaten on sushi? Did you like it?

Never had any "weird" sushi, but personally I think that crazy green horseradish is pretty weird. And wonderfully sinus-cleansing.

188. Weirdest thing you ever ate period? Did you like it?

I've never eaten much by way of weird foods, but I eat a lot of weird food combinations. Every once in a while I won't have a certain ingredient for something, so I'll say--"I wonder if that would be good with X instead."

Examples: I like sundaes with vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup and Spanish peanuts. One time I ran out of peanuts before the other ingredients, so I thought, "What do the peanuts add that I like? Saltiness!" So I put salt on my sundae. Since then, I always put salt on vanilla ice cream.

Other weird combinations I like: Peanut butter and applesauce sandwiches, peanut butter in my cheerios, leftover turkey and jelly sandwich.

138. What is one food that you would evangelize that most people haven't tried but should?

I avoid evangelizing things unless someone already seems to have reasonably similar tastes to mine (ie, bad taste) and simply hasn't tried something yet.

1. What questions did you think you were going to be asked?

These ones. Maybe some more about the military or how gay I am for Batman or my open marriage, but mainly I was expecting the Byrnie questions.

I've been meaning to say, some of your questions are kind of weird and we make fun of you for it, but now that I've done this, I really appreciate that safety net of questions I know that I'll be asked even if nobody else thinks of anything they want to ask me. Thanks, Byrne.

2. What is the funniest incident you have been involved with?

It's hard to point to just one funny anecdote, and judge it the funniest, especially living with my wife all these years. So I'll just relate the first one that comes to mind. One day my wife and I were walking down the sidewalk (all of my stories seem to begin this way) and we saw this truck with a custom paint job that said SNA-FU. I decided to pick a nit and say that "SNAFU" stands for "Situation Normal, All Fucked Up" so if you HAD to put a hyphen somewhere, it should be after the "N" not the "A". My wife replies that therefore it must clearly stand for something else--"Sergei Nolan Alderman--Fuck You."

She is one witty motherfucker.

Scariest incident?

The scariest time in my life was definitely when my wife got sick after her C-Section and had to be re-admitted to the hospital. Nothing scares me more than the thought of living the rest of my life without her.

3. If you were convicted of treason, how would you want to be killed? It can be ANY way...

Am I guilty? If I really committed treason, I should go before a firing squad. If I'm actually innocent? Hm.

Old age.

Well, RL calls--I'll get to the rest of these questions later.

[Batman]

Jul 24, 2009 12:44:36 GMT -5 Byrntrigan said:

4. What one grammatical / spelling thing I do bothers you the MOST?

Sometimes it seems like you're just careless, which can be kind of annoying. But then you say you really tried to proof-read something and, you know, "Somoa" slips through. Which just sounds to me like someone who simply doesn't have the "proofreading gene" or something. You can't help that, so... live and let live.

39. What do you think of the questions you have been asked as you are almost done?

As I said, I really appreciate these standard questions, so I don't feel like nobody-really-cares-what-you-think guy. A few more specific-to-me questions might be nice, but I'll take what I can get.

Yella. What questions would you have asked you if you were asking questions?

Nothing. I already know all about me.

478. What's the most surprising thing you learned about me from my award winning showcase ?

Nothing you say can surprise me, Byrne.

.1. I'm coming to visit. What is the best place to eat that is special to your area (that is a area specialty, or shit I ain't getting in Chicago)?

There are a lot of restaurants that I love in Mpls, but none of them are all that unique to the area. Good ribs, good tacos, good pizza, good Vietnamese, but nothing unique.

One idea would be the State Fair. The Minnesota State Fair is pretty legendary for going all out on fair fare. They'll deep fry anything and they'll put anything on a stick. And they have the best deep-fried cheese curds anywhere. Well worth checking out.

.2. What are we gonna do?

Strip club, I hope. Preferably Choice.

Did you ever watch Let's Bowl (TV Show out of Minneapolis. Awesome show!)

I've seen it. It's a fun show, but I never watched it religiously or anything.

[Ultimatejobber]

Are you cool with porn, and if so who is your favorite star/starlet?

What do you feel is the worst comic book/series of all time? Why?

What is one movie you love that everyone around you seems to hate?

What is one movie you hate that everyone around you seems to love?

[Batman]

Jul 24, 2009 16:25:30 GMT -5 Byrntrigan said:

So what piercings and tattoos does your wife have?

She has one tattoo on the inside of her wrist--a tribal circle. She's always wanted more, but we were always broke.

She had seven ear-piercings, a tongue piercing, a nose piercing, and a lip piercing. Unfortunately she's decided that she's too old for that look and let them all close up. (I'm hoping she'll return to the punk look someday.)

[Batman]

Jul 24, 2009 17:00:02 GMT -5 Sportsguy said:

You can change ONE movie ending, from any flick in history, what and why?

This is a great freaking question. Bravo.

Damn. One movie... that was awesome, but then the ending ruined it. Damn, I need to think about this some more and come back to it.

Other than Pun's, what other sites do you have bookmarked and/or visit every day?

I don't really use bookmarks... just rely on autocomplete. There's my Gmail account. And the webcomics I mentioned earlier. Youporn, pornhub, mcstories. I use google regularly--who doesn't? Youtube.

Whats the one wrestling match in history you would have loved to seen live?

Tough choice. If I have to pick one--Angle v Shane.

[Batman]

Jul 24, 2009 23:35:59 GMT -5 Ultimatejobber said:

Are you cool with porn, and if so who is your favorite star/starlet?

I am so very, VERY cool with porn. And for the second question, I don't really follow "starlets". I go for anonymous amateur--or practically amateur--chicks. I'm a "girl next door" guy, as I've mentioned before.

What do you feel is the worst comic book/series of all time? Why?

There have been so very, very many terrible, awful comic books over the years, singling out one seems kind of futile. Instead I'll mention a book that I despise that everyone else seems to love: Strangers in Paradise.

Gah. The art is lovely--Terry Moore is a fine cheesecake artist. One who wants to somehow also be a strident feminist. And--it has always seemed to me--an "if I shout loudly enough about female empowerment it might get me laid" feminist. He just makes me want to grab his acoustic guitar and smash it against the wall, y'know?

What is one movie you love that everyone around you seems to hate?

ONE? Hahaha. You are talking to the KING of movies nobody else likes. But the one I love the most that everybody else hates the most has got to be Showgirls. I have honestly never had the slightest clue what everyone hates so much about that movie.

What is one movie you hate that everyone around you seems to love?

Goodfellas.

[Sportsguy]

GOODFELLAS???????!!!!!!!!! Seriously? Please explain why you hate this movie.

[Batman]

The movie doesn't give me anyone or anything to cheer or root for--other than the speedy and violent demise of every single character. If Spider had pulled out a pistol and shot Pesci in the face, I might like the movie better. Slightly.

[Ultimatejobber]

What is your all-time favorite comic story arc/series? The one you can pick up and read at any time and the story never gets old. Explain the greatness of said series/arc.

And I am interested in the Goodfellas story as well.

MTA: Never mind that second request.

[Lou]

I know why you're joining the army, and I can certainly understand. But are you looking forward to it, or dreading it? I ask, because you're my age, and I am way too old for that shit.

[Batman]

Jul 25, 2009 0:37:08 GMT -5 Ultimatejobber said:

What is your all-time favorite comic story arc/series? The one you can pick up and read at any time and the story never gets old. Explain the greatness of said series/arc.

Argh. Tough, tough, tough. You don't mind if I do a top-ten instead? I knew you wouldn't...

Batman, the Robbins/Adams and O'Neill/Adams stories from the late 70s.
The awesome premieres of Man-Bat and Ra's al Ghul. The amazing art of Neal Adams. The return of a gritty Batman long before Frank Miller. Batman's all-time peak.

Thor, the Lee/Kirby run.
The absolute peak of Kirby's form. Colletta's gorgeous inking. Challenges to Thor's might and heart that escalated every month. And the mind-bogglingly awesome "Tales of Asgard" back-up.

Batman: Year One, by Miller and Mazzuchelli.
Possibly the most perfect match of words, art, colors, and letters ever achieved. As brilliant as Miller and Mazzuchelli are here, the work of Todd Klein and Richmond Lewis here should not be overlooked. Klein's use of different handwriting styles for each man's internal dialogue is a big part of what makes this book great. And Richmond Lewis found the colors to perfectly complement Mazzuchelli's drawings not once, but twice: both for four-color newsprint, and for full-process glossy paper.

Fantastic Four, John Byrne's run.
For introducing me to the sense of wonder.

Legion of Super-Heroes, the Shooter/Swan run.
Swan's beautiful delineation enlivened by Shooter's dynamic layouts is a treat to the eye. Shooter introduces tough concepts like true self-sacrifice to kids without patronizing (likely because he was still a kid himself at the time.) And Karate Kid fighting Superboy and escaping from a prison of pure diamond just kicks ass.

Batman Adventures, the Puckett/Parobeck run.
Three-chapter, 22-page stories as simple and perfect as a haiku.

Spider-Man: Kraven's Last Hunt, DeMatteis/Zeck/McLeod
A beautiful book that surpasses even Batman: Year One in the use of multiple-perspective internal dialogue.

The New Mutants, Claremont/Sienkiewicz and Claremont/Leialoha
Sienkiewicz utterly changed what a super-hero comic could look like. And Heinlein is Sam Guthry's favorite writer.

Watchmen
Honestly? Mostly for Rorschach. And the Tales of the Black Freighter.

Uncanny X-Men, Claremont/Byrne
There are images--flashes--from this comic that will be burned in my mind's eye forever. The X-Men in chains at the Hellfire Club. Wolverine in the sewers. Jean Grey's suicide. The Watcher explaining the significance of Jean's sacrifice. Future Logan being fried by a sentinel.

[Batman]

Jul 25, 2009 1:15:48 GMT -5 Lou said:

I know why you're joining the army, and I can certainly understand. But are you looking forward to it, or dreading it? I ask, because you're my age, and I am way too old for that shit.

Good question.

I would say that I am not looking forward to it OR dreading it. I anticipate there being parts that I hate and parts that I genuinely enjoy, and I expect to be able to manage the parts that aren't much fun--just do what I need to do.

[Byrntrigan]

I see you've snuck some bits o' detail in some of my questions that people might not have picked up on.

So, Open marriage huh? How open is it? Is it just open for your wife, or do you take advantage as well?

How did this come about? I ask only because it's not exactly too common place in long lasting relationships.

[The Jewish Cunthead]

Empire questions -

Would you call it a perfect movie? What would you add/take out of it to make it so?

Did you like any of the tweaks from the Special Edition?

[Byrntrigan]

Where did you meet the Mrs. Alderman?

What would you say is the Pro- of open marriages? Con?

You also snuck in that you date almost exclusively bi chicks? As someone who has the same record so to speak, how did this come about? For me, it's just the type of women I am attracted to and goes with "the look" - and since I fit into "the look" they just keep coming.

[Batman]

Jul 25, 2009 11:35:11 GMT -5 Byrntrigan said:

So, Open marriage huh? How open is it?

As they say in GTAIII "We're not SWINGERS!" (I always loved that bit.) We're not out there wife-swapping and stuff. We just know that if something comes up where either of us is attracted to somebody else and if anything comes of that, that it won't threaten our marriage. Neither of us would ever leave over an affair. Or... over much of anything, really.

How did this come about?

Basically, I've been against sexual jealousy and possessiveness and exclusivity going way back, to long before I met my wife. At first, she thought that my views on this were kind of weird and couldn't understand how a relationship like that could work. But we decided that we could live with agreeing to disagree about this, and to use a "don't ask, don't tell" policy so that she wouldn't need to know about anything that might upset her.

But then she developed a crush on some guy, and it occurred to her that in any other kind of relationship this would be a major problem, but with us it didn't need to be. That she could pursue this as far as she wanted to and it wouldn't harm her marriage. And that that was really pretty cool. So the "agree to disagree" "don't ask don't tell" stuff went out the window.

I ask only because it's not exactly too common place in long lasting relationships.

I don't know about that. I think that of all of the people with open relationships there's a significant proportion that go into it with no intention of lasting forever, and when that sort amicably drift on to new partners, that lumping that in with broken marriages sort of skews the stats. I wouldn't be surprised if specifically committed open marriages do about as well as traditional ones. Mind you, that's not very good anymore.

Not that I would consider it an ominous harbinger if it were true that "most open marriages don't last." We're exceptional people and don't expect whatever the "average" thing is to happen to us, anyhow. Relevant to this, we're exceptionally clingy people.

We both had a parent abandon the family, and I know that some kids take from that, "well, marriages don't last, why should I expect mine to" but we are both the sort who take from it "I would never abandon my family like my one parent did, I'll never let my marriage fall apart."

I know that my wife would never leave me and that she knows that I would never leave her--that either of us could sooner rip off our own arm. That's what gives us the confidence to deal with flings or separation or economic difficulty--we know that even though those are the kinds of things that tear apart some marriages, ours will survive them and will still be there after any and everything.

[Batman]

Jul 25, 2009 11:35:25 GMT -5 The Jewish Cunthead said:

Empire questions -

Would you call it a perfect movie? What would you add/take out of it to make it so?

For me it is perfect. There is no line in the movies that resonates more for me than "I am your father, Luke." I would change nothing.

Did you like any of the tweaks from the Special Edition?

Specific to Empire, Special Edition changed little, not enough to like or hate. The other two don't fare as well. To me, the Special Edition changes would make fine DVD extras. I don't mind in the least that they exist. The fact that they have done their utmost to make sure that the OG Star Wars is completely unavailable? That may be the biggest asshole move of all time. George Lucas murdered my childhood.

[Batman]

Jul 25, 2009 11:37:23 GMT -5 Byrntrigan said:

Where did you meet the Mrs. Alderman?

Ah, good times... We were both working as night stockers at Target. After a shift one night, she asked if anyone wanted to catch breakfast with her. I raised my hand. Luckily enough, everybody else just wanted to go straight home to bed, so it was just the two of us. We talked for hours over Ember's breakfast. Then I suggested that we continue hanging out at her place, and I made a pass at her and we made out. The rest is history. Although I wouldn't mind more Jennifer questions--I love talking about her. For example, the story of our proposal is awesome.

What would you say is the Pro- of open marriages? Con?

For me it's not a matter of weighing pros and cons, it's a matter of doing what I believe is right. I believe that it's wrong to demand absolute fidelity as a prerequisite of love, and I believe that it's wrong to deny yourself a worthwhile human connection because of an ancient and valueless taboo. So I don't.

It probably wouldn't work for everybody, but it works for us. The biggest con for me is that for right now it would be against the law for me to cheat. The UCMJ on infidelity.

Noteworthy excerpts:

e. Maximum punishment. Dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for 1 year.

While adulterous conduct that is private and discreet in nature may not be service discrediting by this standard, under the circumstances, it may be determined to be conduct prejudicial to good order and discipline.

So (making special note of the parts I bolded) I will definitely NOT be cheating on my wife for the next three years or more. Go Army!

You also snuck in that you date almost exclusively bi chicks? As someone who has the same record so to speak, how did this come about? For me, it's just the type of women I am attracted to and goes with "the look" - and since I fit into "the look" they just keep coming.

Well, all I really said is that I don't know that I know any chicks who aren't bi. I almost said "Aren't all chicks really bi?" but decided not to risk the wrath of the Punshouse females.

Both of my most serious girlfriends were bi. Actually the first of these may very well have decided that guys were just a phase. I mean, I don't know that for sure, but I do know that she is married to another girl now.

Yeah, a big part of that is probably the look. Punk chicks are more likely to be adventurous about stuff like that.